Thursday’s TPS Report: Dot Print Blouse with Tie Detail

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

K-DASH by Kardashian Dot Print Blouse with Tie DetailReader N suggests this blouse as a great “under a suit” blouse, and I have to say I think it would be cute.  (Check out our more conservative suggestions for tops to wear under suits.) Yes, the print is a bit busy, but I’m reminded of some DVF patterns — and it’s the kind of blouse that would look really cute under a sweater vest, black in winter and white in summer.  It’s $59 at QVC. K-DASH by Kardashian Dot Print Blouse with Tie Detail

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  1. I agree it looks cute, but it is probabley poleyester, and I HATE poleyester stuff. My father wore th0se suits in the 1980’s and they did not properely breathe, so they were not fresh.

    I will ONLY wear cotton or wool or other NATUREL ingredenients in my clothes. Also, I will NOT buy fake leather for ANYTHING, and I do NOT care about PETA and those others. I want the REAL thing.

    I am going to ask the manageing partner for a raise this week. I am unsure how to go about it, but think I should ask for $20,000 more. Is that fair, corporetes?

    • Ellen, you are worth MOAR than $20,000. I THINK you should START by asking the manageing partner for a $40,000 raise. After all, he is ALWAYS stareing at you.

    • Go on, Ellen, ask for what you’re worth. Go for it! Good luck, and let us know how it goes!

  2. AnonInfinity :

    I love the idea of this under a sweater vest!

    I do think I would wear it under something (sweater vest or just a suit jacket or blazer) seeing that much of the print without breaking it up somehow would make me feel like I was looking at a Magic Eye poster.

  3. Now, that’s a bright shirt! I would those polka dots on Navy.

  4. will not buy k-dash on principle… but I never know what to do with bows anyway

    • THIS! I just don’t think I can get past that, no matter how cute…

    • Was going to post the same thing. I was almost swayed until I saw the “Kardashian” name on it. Blerg.

      • Baby weight :

        Yes. I also feel the same way about Jessica Simpson clothing. I will not do it.

        • SAlit-a-gator :


        • I’d be more likely to buy Jessica Simpson. At least she got famous for singing, not showering..

          • I have a weird hierarchy here – no to Kardashian “klothes” on principle, no to JS clothes just because, but def. maybe to JS shoes, as I have seen some cute & comfy pairs and I don’t have the same aversion to her.

            I also cannot do celeb perfumes for this reason. I don’t care how nice it may smell (and luckily it’s usually too sweet for me anyway) but I just could never, ever ever, wear the new Bieber scent or JLo whatever.

          • I agree. And she’s run her name/business pretty well, as far as I can tell. The Backstreet Boy divorce was a little bit trashy (though not really by Hollywood standards), but she’s generally seemed alright since. When I think of Kim Kardashian, though, all I think of is tabloid-y sex.

          • @AIMS – I was in Macy’s near the Bieber perfume display, and two tween girls came up and took pictures of each other standing next to the cardboard cutout of Bieber that was next to the display.

            Out of curiosity, I sniffed the tester – oh dear. IMO, smelled like a peach wine cooler.

          • Little Lurker :

            @Lyssa — this is a nitpick, but JS married/divorced Nick Lachey, who who was in 98 Degrees, not the Backstreet Boys. #IKnowMyBoyBands

            If the JS shoe fits, I would definitely buy it.

            Also, +10 LL points to Cat for giving me the mental smell of “peach wine cooler perfume”.

          • Little Lurker, I stand entirely corrected and bow reverently to your superior knowledge of boy bands. :)

          • I’m the same about celeb perfumes, except for Tilda Swinton because both she and her perfume are fabulous.

      • Diana Barry :

        Ditto! I did try on some Jessica Simpson shoes once – they were cute – but won’t buy the Kardashian stuff. And also ditto to no celeb perfumes.

        • haha, years ago there was a paris hilton perfume one of my friends had that i loved, but i WILL NOT buy any celeb perfumes either!

        • Seattleite :

          I feel the same way about celeb perfumes, but can’t mentally pin down when a celebrity becomes an icon a la Coco Chanel…

    • I would buy it but I’d be afraid that I’d get divorced w/in next 72 days.

    • Yes, she made $18M off her wedding. I’m not adding to her bank.

    • SF Bay Associate :

      Yep. I’m not giving the Kardashian empire a cent.

  5. Thank you to all Corporettes who gave me advice for my phone interview. It went great, and I have a second in-person interview scheduled next week!

  6. I cannot in good faith give my money to Kim Kardashian.

    I do love tie neck blouses, though. I found some very cute ones at Nordstrom Rack last weekend.

    • Dammit, now I am browsing This will not end well for my credit card.

  7. @Kat, it sounds like you’re judging this blouse as too “much” for the office from your description! Maybe not for an interview, but for meetings and such… I think the bold print is exactly why it’s great for under a suit – only a slice of that brightness will show, which makes it wonderful for feeling feminine and lively / not a stepford lawyer (TM AIMS) under an otherwise boring gray suit.

    Joining the chorus of refusing to funnel any more money to the Kardashians, though.

    • Also love the blouse. If I wasn’t on self-imposed austerity measures, I’d buy it.

      I wouldn’t go out of my way to buy Kardashian stuff, but if it’s good, I don’t care if her name is on the label.

  8. Always a NYer :

    I just wanted to say thank you to Bunkster for starting that very fun thread on guilty pleasure television! I especially loved the spin-off on Chuck Bass and will totally be jacking next week’s Tuesday morning thread to discuss the Chair kiss in this coming Monday’s episode!!! Another reason I love this community, we’re all grown, career women with a secret love of trashy tv <3

    • Was the thread in yesterday’s comments? Must read. I have gotten hooked on both Drop Dead Diva and The Ringer based on suggestions here, and I don’t even watch tv very often.

      • Always a NYer :

        It was towards the bottom of yesterday’s thread on the DVF suit. You should definitely check it out ;)

        • Or just search “I’m Chuck Bass” on the YouTubes. Hilarity ensues.

          • Always a NYer :

            OMFGG!!! “I’m Chuck Bass” never gets old. Swoon… I think my favorite though has to be “Chuck Blair piano.” You know what I’m talking about (wink, wink, nudge, nudge)

      • Ha! Trashy tv is such a stress indicator for me! I have a million things to do and I’ve been watching old gossip girl episodes as my study break.

    • Awesome. I’m looking forward to Tuesday already.

      Also, I loved the minion-off from this past week.

    • I missed that thread, but glad to know I’m not the only one who watches Gossip Girl. I can’t make myself stop. Revenge and Once Upon a Time are new guilty pleasures this season, love both of them.

      • I love Revenge. I originally posted because I was disappointed that it wasn’t on last night.

      • SF Bay Associate :

        I love Once Upon a Time. I want more people to watch it so it will be better protected from cancellation. All the shows I like seem to get cancelled.

        • I love Once Upon a Time too! It’s kind of a shame when it’s put on Sunday night though. It also makes me sad that the Good Wife has also been demoted to Sunday nigh too…

        • Seattleite :

          Me too. I’m STILL bitter about “Cop Rock.”

    • Ugggh thanks a lot both of you (NYer & Bunkster).
      I’ve had GG on my queue for DVDs for a while, and just now went to bump it to number one, and IT’S ON VIEW INSTANT. Really bad news for my cover letters & outlining.

    • Don’t give stuff away quite yet, I’ve been too busy to catch up on all my “trashy” TV!
      Someone mentioned Covert Affairs in the last thread, and I really like that show. I always kind of wish I’d been a spy, particularly such a stylish and corporately appropriate spy as Annie :) It’d combine all my non-business passions: acting, language, and travel! Man, I picked the wrong career :)
      I also enjoy Body of Proof, as someone mentioned yesterday, and Castle is amazing. The Office, Modern Family, and Parks and Rec are also GREAT shows to de-stress from the day :) Anyways, I missed yesterday’s thread but now you’ve got me thinking about it!

      • Always a NYer :

        I forgot to add Covert Affairs, White Collar, and Burn Notice to my list of favorites. I missed the newest episode of Covert Affairs this Tuesday but heard that Oded Fehr (aka the sexy Mossad agent Annie has worked with) is making an appearance this season. Even more reason to love that show. And her wardrobe is amazing!

        I totally agree, Ashley, why didn’t I become a spy? LOL

        • I’ve been watching Brothers and Sisters reruns, if I get home early enough. I never watched the show when it was in primetime, but now I watch it everyday.

        • I’m so glad to hear other people like Castle! No one I know watches it, so I’m always afraid it’s going to get cut. It’s pretty much the only show I watch religiously (besides the ones I watch on Netflix). Monday at 9:00 – you know where I’ll be.

          • Love Castle! I also Love Nathan Fillion and will watch anything he is in. And I love the Firefly references they weave in occasionally :)

            Bones is also on my list (more Whedon alumni)

          • My husband and I have a standing date to watch Castle together (although I watched it without him a couple of weeks ago and I’m still in the doghouse about that one).

            I’m also trying out “Prime Suspects.” I think Maria Bello is awesome.

          • Ditto watching anything Nathan Fillion is in. He’s high on my freebie list.

        • I shamefully watch Covert Affairs as well, but it’s so low budget it’s like they couldn’t even afford acting.

        • I forgot. I like “White Collar” too.

      • Seattleite :

        Also, Leverage. Yummy Timothy Hutton eye candy. And Lie to Me – I love how they show real (famous) people’s photos as examples.

        • Always a NYer :

          How could I forget about Leverage? I watch for Christian Kane, aka Eliot Spencer. Something about his voice and hair really does it for me.

    • Woods-comma-Elle :

      Yes, I loved this, too, but only read it today so too late to comment.

      Complete GG addiction here, but also so so in love with Hart of Dixie! I know that George is supposed to be the love interest, but I’m all about Team Wade.

      My other favourites – PanAm and the Good Wife. Just LOVE PanAm (sorry about the Ellen impersonation, it was required)

      • a nonny miss :

        I love Pan Am too! I hope it doesn’t get cancelled despite sinking ratings. I think it just needs to find it’s audience!

        I’m also a big fan of Modern Family, Grey’s Anatomy and (shamefully) Jersey Shore. Sometimes.

      • Totally Team Wade as well! George is just so boring and Wade is adorable!

      • Woods-comma-Elle, your name just made me laugh out loud – thank you. One of my favorite movies of all time – it never fails to cheer me up, and I pull it out whenever I need a little pick-me-up. I watched it last week, as a matter of fact!

      • Team George! C’mon ladies, it’s JASON STREET. You can’t not love him.

    • MeliaraofTlanth :

      Aw, missed that thread. Ah, trashy tv. I could never get into Gossip Girl, but I’m a huge fan of Vampire Diaries, which is another CW show that I’m sure was not designed with my age demographic in mind. Others: Big Bang Theory, True Blood, Game of Thrones (basically, HBO really is better television)

      • Oh, I loooooooooooooooove The Vampire Diaries. Although a large percentage of that love is doubtless attributable to my envy of Nina Dobrev’s amazingly perfect hair.

    • TV Obsessed :

      I can’t belive I missed this thread. Stupid depos! I watch way too much TV and my favorite magazine is US Weekly. I love every show mentioned, and about 20 more. Anything even tangentally associated with the Whedonverse rocks. I too should have been a spy or crook. Would be much more fun.

      Anyone else watch Supernatural? Those boys are hot.

      • TV Obsessed :

        I meant to say Entertainment Weekly but the discussion of the Kardashians obviously sapped some of my brain power!

      • Yes on Supernatural – they also had back to back weeks with Whedon alums – and a Doctor Who reference. My mind was kind of blown. I’ve been a little blah about this season – the last couple have been so intense that I’m not really sure what they can do with this season. But that sentiment kind of reminds me of Season 6ish of Buffy – and that kind of turned out okay.

    • I watch: Prime Suspect (which I am pleasantly surprised that I like, given how great the original was), Dexter, Weeds, Boardwalk Empire, all the Real Housewives, The Sing Off (can’t help it) and on Sunday, when I clean house and do laundry, it’s Snapped all day long!

    • I missed that thread. Must say while I’m a “Law and Order” re-run junky, I try to never miss “Criminal Minds” or “Burn Notice”. I blush to say, this summer I really got into “Suits”, which is so unrealistic it’s ridiculous.

  9. Last week I was busy, busy, busy, and I loved it. This week, nothing. And when I have almost nothing to do, I can’t make myself do the tiny amount that I could do. Sigh.

    • This!!! I feel like it’s the result of bad management, how my work flow can never remain steady.

    • Same here, I just love when I am under much pressure with too many things.
      the minute my workload is bearable, I just sit staring at my to do list…

    • Salit-a-gator :

      Same here. Last week was crazy and now I’m twiddling my thumbs. And because of that I have almost no will power to get the work that I do have done. Long sigh.

    • Completely with you. To me, it’s much more difficult to do 30 minutes worth of work than 5 hours worth of work. Bonus points if I have 5 hours of work but only 3 hours of time! 30 minutes of work and 8 hours of time? Yeah, I’ll never finish that project :(

    • Maddie Ross :

      Ugh, this is me, too. I seriously am just pushing paper this week and not accomplishing anything. Double sigh.

    • Woods-comma-Elle :

      I am super quiet this week. Now have some stuff to do when I’m trying to get out of the office early. No work means no work gets done, I just try to stretch out the available work!

    • Me too. I love being under pressure. It’s business development all week this week, and I *despise* business development.

    • Yes! This happened to me at the beginning of this week, and I hate it. Fortunately, things have picked up, so I’m practically getting more done in a morning than I got done during all of Tuesday and Monday.

    • I am having the same problem! I have to write an email that will take only about 30 minutes, but since it’s the only thing I need to do all day, I cannot make myself do it.

    • Consulting :

      Yup I can be this way too, and the things that suffer are always those “important but not urgent” long-term projects….

    • Research, Not Law :

      Add me to the list. I was swamped the last couple of weeks, but deadlines were met and now I’m doing nothing.

  10. Threadjack here. …I wear pants almost exclusively to work. So, I tend not to go for tights or longer hosiery. However, I’m in desperate need of a decent trouser sock.

    My socks are constantly sliding down, and it’s maddening. Walking from one end of the building to the other means I have to hike them up at the end of my trek or risk having them settle around my ankles before I make the return trip to my desk.

    I have a fairly developed calf muscle (trust me, it’s the only part of me that is). But, I don’t think my calf is particularly large. I measured at 17″ circ for boots the other day.

    I have tried, hue (boring colors), lands end, and a couple of others, I don’t know if it’s my muscle flexing as I walk that makes them slide down or just that they don’t go high enough on my leg, they band usually hits at the widest point my calf.

    I wind up just going barefoot, but that tends to shorten the life of my shoes. I want to try finding good socks again since I just bought some new shoes. Can anyone help?

    Another issue I have with trouser socks that may or may not be related, is that my feet tend to slide around in my shoes more in socks than bare feet. Is this something that just takes getting used to? Or are some people just “like that”? or is there some trick I’m missing?

    A day miserable in shoes is a lousy day, so any guidance would be appreciated

    • MlleCroissant :

      I usually wear “trouser stockings” – not sure if that’s what they are called, but anyway. They are the weight of pantyhose but go right up to under the knee and end in elastic. They never fall down. I usually wear sheer ones (nude or black, depending on my pants) but occasionally find cute ones with a small pattern.

      As far as shoes go, I’ve found that mine really stretch out with wear, even if they start out kind of tight and uncomfortable. I buy packs of heel gips (foamy pads with adhesive on the back that you stick in the heel cup area of your shoe) and using those usually helps. Sometimes I have two layers of heel grips in my shoes, depending on how long I’ve had them.

    • What about light compression trouser socks? Trust me, those babies stay put!

    • Brooks Brothers has good socks. Your feet slide around more in socks because there’s less traction than with bare feet.

    • I almost always wear those little gel inserts that fit into the toe part of the shoe to prevent my foot from sliding forward.

    • This might be an odd solution, but you may want to try men’s socks. I accidently wore a pair of my husband’s socks on Sunday. I thought they were mine when I put them on, as I had done some of his laundry along with mine. I ended up wearing them all day under boots. They came up to my knees, were warmer and thicker than all the women’s trouser socks I have worn. They were full of elastic, and didn’t budge.

    • Sock Dreams Military boot socks. You could march all day and they won’t slip. But it’s Sock Dreams so they’re cute. Wear with loafer type shoes, healed boots and maybe even mary jane styles. (Probably not pumps, though.)

    • Try the house brand (merona?) at target. You can get a six pack for cheap, and I find those work better than others. Also, I think spanx makes trouser socks, but can’t speak to quality.

      • This!

        I had some from a couple of years ago, and they were terrible. But those that I purchased in the last year to year and a half have held up well and I don’t have the falling socks issue I used to.

    • Are you talking about socks or knee-highs? Knee-highs would usually end above the thickest part of the calf, unless you are very tall.
      I buy knee-highs at Marshalls, Loehmanns and similar discount stores. They are thinner than socks but thicker and more durable than cheapie knee-highs from the drugstore. They usually look nice, too.

    • I have exactly the same issue, and exactly the same calf muscles, but only my left sock falls down, not the right one. I would say if there is anything more annoying than both socks falling down, it would be just one sock falling down, especially since to visual inspection my legs appear to be the same. I end up wearing short socks with trousers, but it doesn’t help at all in the winter when I need the warmth. I am open to suggestions.

      • Hah Nonny, with me it’s the right first, but I wind up hitching them both up at the same time….good suggestions above though, never though to try mens socks, I’ll have to look into that.

    • Nordstroms house brand trouser socks:

      I am generous of calves (measure about the same) and LOVE them. They have light compression so not only do they stay up they make my calves feel great all day. They come in at least black and brown (maybe navy) and several demure patterns. They are the best. I bought a pair at the anniversary sale last summer to test them, then bought four more pairs the next time I made it to a Nordstroms. Highly recommend.

    • Ann Taylor Loft’s boot socks are my favorite socks ever. For a lightweight sock, I actually prefer knee highs to trouser socks. My current favorites are Calvin Klein.

    • Thanks for all the suggestions everyone, I’m printing this out and going to work my way through these suggestions until I find something that works for me.

    • Bursting out :

      I just got some trouser socks at Nordstrom (I forget the brand) that have no elastic at top (as that tends to dig into my calf) but stay up very well. If you can get to a Nordie’s, the consultant can advise you….

      In general though, I’m with you: I HATE wearing socks, and avoid it as long as the weather will allow. Seems necessary with boots, though.

    • I have about 17″ calves too (and nearly always wear trousers for work). For several years I’ve sworn by the DKNY trouser socks — sold at Nordstrom. I love them.

  11. Anyone else have major guilt issues about calling in sick? It’s stupid because today I’m even working from home, and there’s no reason to risk infecting anyone at work, but unless I’m completely incapacitated, I can never shake the feeling that I’m making too much of it and being melodramatic, and should just be soldiering through at the office.

    • Nope, because I hate it when coworkers come in sick.
      Feel better!

      • Research, Not Law :


        If it relieves the guilt: You’ll recover sooner if you take the sick day and relax. Taking one or two days off is better for productivity than dragging your sick self into work for a week.

    • Me! I hate calling in sick, and tend to drag myself to the office even if I know it’s unlikely I will get anything done. Unless I’m running a fever, I figure I’m not contagious, as long as I don’t go around sneezing on people. But it’s silly, because if I would just stay home, I’d probably get well much faster, and be more productive overall.

      • And you are actually probably very contagious, even if you’re not running a fever.

        Please, stay home, and sleep. Like, aim for 12 hours per day or more. You will get healthy quicker and keep it from circulating.

        Don’t spend the day watching tv. Actual sleep (use Nyquil mid-day if you need help) gets you much healthier than just “rest”, i.e. “watching tv on the couch.”

    • I never called in sick (because somehow, I always get sick on weekends .. ) but if I were to have a flu or something I would not want to show up at work and have half my office infected.

    • another anon :

      I get why you feel guilty, but please don’t come in when you are sick! If you have the ability to work from home, please do so, but don’t come around infecting all of the rest of us with your germs.

    • I completely do. Last time I called in was YEARS ago (to a job I left in 2006), and it was a low pressure job, I was completely caught up, had plenty of PTO, and still came in at noon anyway. I don’t know, maybe it’s payback from all the times that I faked sick to do something more fun when I had teen jobs?

    • I used to until recently. I woke up feeling like crap but was still going to soldier on. Then it suddenly dawned on me that I was being foolish. I earned that sick leave and by staying home for a day, I’d get better faster and be more productive.

    • Zero guilt.

      I get 6 sick days a year (unused sick days roll over). I probably take 2 sick days a year, and a year’s worth of doctor’s visits probably adds up to approximately another half day to full day per year. I have zero guilt about staying home in bed, in blankets, watching Netflix on those couple of days a year when I feel like cr*p. That’s what it is for!

    • Nope! Because if I feel a cold coming on, I’ll be 10x better the next day if I just spend one day at home as opposed to trying to tough it out at work. It reduces my recovery time substantially. Plus, I don’t want to make others sick.

    • I don’t have guilt issues, I just know that any day I take off for illness is either a sacrificed vacation day, or a day that I’ll have to bill 15 hours to make up for the absence. Also, the partners aren’t very tolerant of illness as a reason for not working. I can’t remember the last time in my office that an attorney was out due to illness. The last time I was sick, I did stay home, but I was taking conference calls with an 103 degree fever.

      The exception for me being migraines, during which I lose my sight, and so can’t work at all.

    • I always feel majorly guilty for calling in sick. Even if I know there is nothing pressing that can’t wait for a day or two.

  12. Oh I miss Ru's Style Ideas :

    Well, now I have these two lovely skirts from Boden’s sale…

    For the life of me, I am stuck as to colors to wear with them, even the stand-by black/grey fails me …

    Adore this red/purple print and wish they did more of it, but now that it’s here? OF course, I bought it at first fall offering and now it’s on sale, prompting me to wonder if everyone else avoided it for the same reasons. Anyone have this?

    This unique, almost buble like hem (anyone have one?) is really more cornflower blue and I wear deep, bright, gem hues…even though one of their “exclusives,” maybe these are reasons why it was in the sale…Help!

    • Oh I miss Ru's Style Ideas :

      OP here, posting without links (See above post) to avoid moderation.

      Well, now I have these two lovely skirts from Boden’s sale…

      For the life of me, I am stuck as to colors to wear with them, even the stand-by black/grey fails me …

      Adore this red/purple print and wish they did more of it, but now that it’s here? OF course, I bought it at first fall offering and now it’s on sale, prompting me to wonder if everyone else avoided it for the same reasons. Anyone have this?

      This unique, almost buble like hem (anyone have one?) is really more cornflower blue and I wear deep, bright, gem hues…even though one of their “exclusives,” maybe these are reasons why it was in the sale…Help!

    • Rose in Bloom :

      With the first one, I think a cream or ivory would look beautiful, if a bit safe. White might be a bit too stark next to the bright colors. You could pick up the red and purple in your accessories, or if that feels too matchy-matchy, maybe find an accessory that has a third color in it as well as red and purple (like a patterned scarf).

      As for the second skirt, I love it. Navy would a gorgeous complement to the cornflower blue. You said you wear “gem hues,” and certain bright blues might be able to work if they are on the darker side. If you are feeling daring, I liked the yellow that they paired it with.

  13. If anyone is looking for an inexpensive suit, this one on sale from Nordie’s is only about $100 and looks much more expensive than that. Available in size 8.

  14. Question for the hive, because you have been so helpful in the past. I have a very good friend who is trying to get pregnant — unsuccessfully so far. I’m trying to be supportive and listen, but I’d like to do something for her to get her mind off things and show her that I care. I don’t know what would be appropriate or helpful. Any suggestions?

    I’ve taken her to lunch, to the movies, and listened (a lot) about doctors’ visits, implantation bleeding, negative pregnancy tests, chemical pregnancies, etc. I know it’s hard on her because she hasn’t told anyone besides me that she and her husband are trying to conceive. I’d just like to do something to help her feel better — it is breaking my heart to see her so sad all the time.

    • Baby weight :

      Believe it or not, it sounds like you’re doing the right thing. Preganancy and lack thereof can be hard on a couple and it is wonderful that she has a friend she can overshare with. Way to be a good friend! Keep it up!

    • Oh my. You sound like a wonderful friend, Marketeer. I think that you can continue doing what you are doing and maybe let her know you hate seeing her so sad all of the time – what can y’all do together that would take her mind off of things, at least for a couple of hours? I think you sound very kind and I wish her the best of luck.

    • Blonde Lawyer :

      I just left a well thought out post and it got eaten by “posting too fast!” Argh. In sum, it might help to be empathetic too. I have a friend who miscarried. She was surrounded by female friends who worked and weren’t in that point in their life where they wanted kids. Their efforts to “take her mind off of it” were interpreted as not understanding and not caring why this was such a big deal and so painful to her. You sound like a great friend. Keep doing what you are doing. But make it clear that you “get” why having a baby is so important to her and you don’t fault her for being so “hung up” on all of this.

  15. Okay, weight loss question: I’m trying to make a few little tweaks to my diet to lose a few pounds (literally just a few–3-5). I’m also trying to save some money on lunches/dinners. My strategy is to have a healthy breakfast (toast w peanut butter and a greek yogurt later in the morning) followed by a substantial lunch and a smaller dinner.

    Anyone have any good suggestions for healthy yet substantialish lunches I can prepare for the week? The idea is that I want to be satisfied with lunch so I don’t snack in the afternoon and then have a reasonable dinner.


    • I’m a big fan of Gardein products – packed with nutrients including protein and iron, and low in calories and carbs. And they’re vegan (as am I), and quick and easy to prepare. I especially recommend the chick’n scallopini (I think that’s how it’s spelled). You can make it for dinner with quinoa and broccoli, and make enough to have leftovers for lunch the next day.

    • Salit-a-gator :

      I would make a big batch of roasted veggies at home and bring them to work. I usually do zucchini, red bell peppper, mushroom, butternut squash – just cut them in slices or cubes, sprinkle some herbs, salt and pepper and throw them in the over for 30 mintures to 350. Delicisous and per Weight Watchers this is 0 points.

      I think the best way to lose 3-5 pounds is to actively incorporate more fruits and veggies in your diet. For example, bananas are just as filling as a granola bar for me, but bananas are fruits and also 0 points. (Sorry for all the WW stuff, it’s the only thing that works for me).

    • soup or low fat chili with beans and an apple

    • Quinoa salad is my go to. I put in whatever I’ve got at the house, typically some variation on these ingredients: quinoa, lime juice, black beans, cilantro, green onions, goat cheese, avocado, tomato, almonds.

      • This sounds DELICIOUS. I’m going to go get those ingredients this weekend and make lunch out of it, great suggestion :)

        Since it’s getting colder, I’m a big fan of soup. Chili, and vegetable-beef, chicken-rice are my go-to choices, since they’ve got protein and veggies in one easy meal.

        • Yup, soup is the best for me. I just made a huge batch of tortilla soup minus the tortillas in my slow cooker and have been eating it all week. It is delicious. Without the tortillas, and no cheese, it is really healthy and filling.

          You just cook the following on low for 5 – 7 hours, or less if you use chicken tenders. It’s really delicious, filling, and healthy.
          * 6 boneless skinless chicken thighs (11/4 lbs.)
          * 1 medium onion chopped (1/2cup)
          * 1 1/2 cups corn
          * 1 can (15oz.) chick peas, drained and rinsed
          * 1 can (4.5oz.) chopped green chiles
          * 3/4 cup salsa verde
          * 2 cans (14oz. each) chicken broth
          * 1 teaspoon dried oregano leaves
          * 1 teaspoon ground cumin
          * 1/2 teaspoon ground red pepper(cayenne)
          * 2 tomatoes, seeded and chopped
          * Chopped fresh cilantro leaves, if desired

          • B23, I’ve been looking for a great tortilla soup recipe, and my usual network of foodies is coming up blank. I’ll have to give this recipe a try, thanks for posting! Got a potato soup recipe in your wheelhouse by any chance? :)

            (on another note, I should really stop checking in on this thread, as I’m being completely unproductive. Not saying I’m done commenting, but just recognizing that me and this thread are great friends, apparently!)

          • @Ashley – Not B23 and I couldn’t get this to post to a reply to you, but here you go!

            Dill Potato Soup

            3 large potatoes – peeled and chopped
            3 carrots – peeled and chopped
            3 stalks celery – sliced thickly
            1 onion – chopped
            1/2c butter

            Cook veggies in the butter (the only truly unhealthy thing in this receipe) until they start to soften and stick to the bottom of the pan, about 10 minutes. Add 3 cups water, bring to a boil, and then simmer until veggies are tender. Add one cup of the soup and one cup milk to a blender and blend until smooth. Return to rest of soup, add fresh or dried dill (about 2 tbs fresh, 1-2 tsp dried) and salt and pepper to taste.

          • Here’s another potato soup recipe!

            Potato Leek Soup:
            2-3 russet potatoes, peeled & chopped
            6-8 leeks, washed and chopped
            chicken broth (or veggie)

            Saute the leeks in oil or butter, until softened. Add in the potatoes and broth. Simmer until the potatoes are cooked through. Blend. Add salt/pepper to taste.

          • Argh, it’s not letting me reply to Emily I and CW? Thanks for the potato soup recipes, I’ll give them a try :)

          • For delicious Baked Potato Soup, try this Cooking Light recipe – it’s like eating a decadent loaded baked potato – and it’s healthy!

    • Salad in a jar! Just make sure one of your layers is a whole grain like quinoa and you’ve got a layer of beans for protein. Make on Sunday and they last for a few days in the fridge.

      Personally, I’d schedule in an afternoon snack of fruit or carrots and hummus. If it’s there your much less likely to hit the vending machine. Also, if I don’t eat enough for dinner I’m dying for dessert. YMMV, but I’d go substantial breakfast, healthy veggie heavy lunch, healthy simple snack, and dinner based on veggies, whole grains with meat as a “side”. Good luck!

      • Ha. We’re totally on the same lunch page.

      • Mmmm. Hummus. I think I just decided what I’m having for lunch! :)

      • Anonymous Poser :

        2 layers of protein if quinoa is your whole grain! :-)

        Yum….I’m checking that link out. I have *zero* meal ideas, lately.

    • Diana Barry :

      Salads with chicken or some other substantial protein. Protein (and a little fat, eg in avocado or nuts) will fill you up for longer.

      If you have a big salad with a huge volume of greens (a cup of spinach is 5 calories!), you can also eat half at lunchtime and half at 3pm, to avoid getting too full and then too hungry later.


      • THis is what I do. I’m a vegetarian, so I’ll add a veggie burger, or some nuts on top of a big salad. I have a southwestern one I like– spring mix, black beans from a can, corn, cilantro leaves, chopped red pepper, some tomatoes.

        Usually I take a sandwich bag and put in a frozen veggie burger (black bean chipotle?) and frozen corn and let them thaw in the fridge. Nuke the veggie burger, add corn, and it’s actually a pretty filling, healthy lunch. Also easily made the night before.

        • AlsoVeggie :

          I love you for this! I am a vegetarian and hate eating salads because I never feel full. But adding a veggie patty to them is genius. Thank you

    • For lunch I usually try to eat the equivalent of ~1/2 cup of a whole grain (brown rice, quinoa, farro, etc.) or some other healthy carb (ezekiel bread), and some protein (usually leftovers from dinner). I agree with the suggestion of roasted veggies – with veggies, volume is your friend!

      This past Sunday, I made a quiche with a whole wheat pie crust (store bought), 4 whole eggs, the equivalent of 4 egg whites, 2 strips of bacon, 1 lb. of mushrooms, ~2.5-3 cups of kale, and about a cup of cheddar cheese (for 8 servings). One serving is about 215 calories, and I pair it with a huge serving of lettuce with a simple red wine vinaigrette.

    • These are all great suggestions, thanks! You guys all hit the nail on the head–I don’t want to go to extremes, just eat a bit healthier, work out a bit more, and control the bloat/pudge a little bit. I hate dieting…I hate the IDEA of dieting…but I’m also realizing I hate not having my clothes fit comfortably.

      I love the salad in a jar idea–does the dressing really stay put? Any tips on where to find good jars that don’t weigh a ton (for my commute).

      Thanks all!

      • Don’t think of it as dieting… think of it as changing your eating habits to a healthier lifestyle.

      • My diet is an “initiative.” It’s like that one book, “Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.” If you aim to fill up over half your plate with produce, and skip the processed foods, then you’ll be eating healthier.

        Because it’s an “intiative” instead of a diet, if I fall off the wagon, it’s not all over. I just try and eat healthier in the future. I know I can’t stick to a strict rule. But I can stick to an initiative to just do better in general.

        (I also put myself on “austerity measures.” Apparently I like government policy analogies…)

        • Haha, I totally use “austerity measures”! I’m going to use “initiative” too!

      • Anonymous :

        Target or Container Store should have plastic jars with screw on lids. I’ve seen them at both places before. Container Store (if you’re near one) has an AMAZING lunch box section!

    • Veggie soups! Pureed or broth-based ones are great (Science! says people eat fewer calories if they eat a broth-based soup before their meal). I make a big pot of something like carror-ginger soup then bring soup and either half or a full sandwich or a substantial salad.

      • I’ve been on a veggie soup kick lately. I roast veggies in the oven, stick ’em in the blender with chicken broth, transfer to pot, add more broth, and get after it with an immersion blender. I’ll add a little (and I mean little–like maybe a tablespoon or two to a 7-quart pot) cream to fill it out and then some shredded chicken that I’ve rotisseried. With the chicken, quite filling.

    • I’d actually suggest a little snacking to get you from lunch to dinner… just be careful about what and how much. Good snacks include: a few almonds, a string cheese stick, a piece of fruit. I’d be interested to know whether others can make it from lunch to dinner without snacking. I can’t, unless my lunch consists of like a cheeseburger and fries. And then I can make it because I’m probably face down on my desk in a food coma all afternoon.

      For my lunches, I always do a little protein (rotisserie chicken, a piece of baked salmon, half a hamburger patty, etc.) and then dump in a ton of veggies. My go-tos are asparagus, brussel sprouts, or broccoli, although occasionally I’ll do a medley of roasted stuff that I normally wouldn’t otherwise eat (I’m looking at you, potatoes). If I eat around 11:30, this will get me through to about 4 or 4:30. Combined with a late-afternoon snack of the non-Dorito variety, I can make it to dinner.

      • We eat lunch super-early at work (usually at 11 AM) so snacking around 3AM has become a necessity to avoid getting tempted by unhealthy options.

        I’m trying to pick better options for the snack, too – last couple of days have been either an apple or a pear.

      • I should clarify: I strongly believe in snacking. I’m really trying to do the “eat all day long but eat healthy” kind of thing. I just don’t want to be so ravenous at 4pm or 5pm that I can’t make it to dinner without a second lunch. I love snacking!

      • I believe in 4-6 small meals throughout the day. I tend to have a late-afternoon protein snack, usually hummus and veggies or multigrain Wheat Thins.

    • Consulting :

      I apologize that this isn’t what you are looking for, but when I’m trying to lose a few pounds I look for ways to walk more. In the town where I used to live, I just started walking everywhere. I take the stairs instead of the elevator, if I drive I take the furthest parking spot, I walk around when I need a break, etc. It’s pretty much the only thing that works for me.

      One of my favorite lunches are the tamales from Trader Joes with raw veggies. Or pretty much anything with raw veggies – hummus is great. Good luck!

      • Thanks! I live in NYC so I am constantly walking and climbing stairs. I can’t really imagine adding much more to my regular daily activities (excluding working out, which I could do more of for sure).


    • It’s not how often you eat but how much, so if you feel the need to snack, account for it by having a smaller meal. I’m trying to lose a few pounds and using the myfitnesspal calorie counter. Some people end up consuming less when they fill up at meal time, others prefer to eat smaller meals to allow for snacks.

      and btw, i find it soooo hard to stay in my calorie allowance on days I don’t exercies.

      I also recommend the book French Women Don’t Get Fat, it has a really good eating philosphy, from what I remember, french women don’t snack, except for fruit and natural yogurt.

    • YOU GUISE. Kale chips. Seriously. Kale. Chips.

      Make them.

      • Every time I make kale chips they end up shrinking like little Shrinky-Dinks and then burning. Seriously. Either they are not cooked enough or they are cooked too much. And it’s not like I don’t know how to cook. Generally other stuff turns out pretty good. But those *#%@ kale chips get me every time.

        • Seattleite :

          Tear them into pieces about 1/2 the size of a playing card. Bake at 350 for 8 minutes then check every minute. I’ve never gone past 10 minutes.

    • I always cook off a whole pack of chicken breasts on Sunday night and take one for lunch along with some green veggie every day that week. It’s super easy:

      -marinate overnight in equal parts mustard and balsamic vinegar.
      -sear in a cast iron skillet (cook until each side is brown).
      -add a half cup of white wine
      -place the whole skillet, with the chicken in it, in a 350 degree oven, covered.
      -cook about 35 minutes or until internal temperature is 165.

      Searing and adding the wine keeps the moisture in (I hate dry chicken), and if you cook off a bunch, your lunches are already made all week long!

  16. a nonny miss :


    I’m getting an iPad for myself for my birthday and ordered the smart cover to come along with it, but do any ‘rettes have a suggestion for a nicer cover or even a decent case to carry it in? I’ve looked on Etsy and found a couple I like but I’m always impressed with the taste of everyone here!

  17. Seriously, you’re advocating a shirt by the Kardashian;s who do nothing but rip off other designers.

    This is shameful.

  18. Apologies, a threadjack: Could some of you ladies working in more conservative offices (think the buttoned-up side of Biglaw) advise on whether this skirt could be work-appropriate?

    I just bought it on sale ($60 in my brick-and-mortar) in this wonderful shade of dark green, but am now having second thoughts. The swingy A-line, the buttons up the front–these are details which appeal deeply to the fussy/romantic librarian within me, but don’t seem very lawyerly. Is that true? (For context, I’m petite and extremely young for my position, and I’ve just started–so I’d rather not channel Munchkin Lawyer (or Student with a capital S) more than I absolutely have to.) I’m also a bit sad about the price–even on sale, this on my high end for non-basics–and about the lack of pockets.

    • IMO, it’s very pretty and very sweet, which is probably not the look you are going for in the office. sorry!

    • I think wait a little bit until you have more of a sense of what people wear in the office. This would work in my buttoned-up office with a blazer (and maybe a turtleneck under it?), but I think it depends on how it looks on you.

    • I think you can make it work by wearing it with conservative pieces, e.g. a crisp white button-down and pumps.

      • I agree with this.

      • Agree. I want this skirt now.

      • I think it would be okay with a nice, fitted jacket, with a blouse underneath and nice shoes (pumps). I agree that with a sweater and flats, it’ll look a little librarian/twee.

        I also think it would look lovely on a casual Friday or a day you don’t have to meet with client or be in court with a pair of cognac or brown boots.

    • I like it. I think you can make it work if paired with the right items. I also totally want it. Going to go to a JCrew store ASAP to see if I can also get it on sale!

    • I saw someone on the T wearing v. similar skirt today, assume she was going to work. Skirt in green/teal w/ a ivory print blouse (print was in similar green/teal), topped w/ beige cardigan. She looked a-mah-zing, very professional. (I did the fakey drop back so I could check out her outfit.)

    • Rural Juror :

      I have this skirt (not in pink) and I like it a lot. I think it is just fine for a conservative office, if you style it right. The fabric is very heavy and substantial, and that minimizes the risk of it looking too swingy/flowy.

      I also have another JCrew skirt (pencil) in this pink colour that I regularly wear with a navy or grey blazer and I love it.

      Just a note to the sizing of this skirt – it is a bit small. I normally get a 2 or 4 in JCrew skirts, I ordered a 4 in this one and it is pretty tight fitting (obviously it flares out, so it is only tight in the waist). It is meant to be worn at your natural waist (high). Keep that in mind when ordering.

    • I think you could make it look older and conservative with a lot of effort… but I’m not sure I would risk it.

      I’d avoid trends if I’m trying to look older.

      It’s not a “take me seriously, don’t ask me about my inexperience” piece.

    • I like it in dark green and blue but would not feel the same about the tan or pink because the dark buttons on the light skirts read very casual to me.

  19. Just scored a Botkier bag for $89.90 on Rue La La. Can I take a moment to curse the Rue 30? It’s so much easier to succumb when I know I’m not paying shipping. $500 bag for $89.90? Yes, thank you. I’m consoling myself that I was actually in the market for a new non-boring work bag. But I may just be excited about the deal. Damn you Rue La La!!

    • Ha! I almost bought one of those Botkier bags. But better judgment took hold when I realized what my husband would say when I bought my third “classic, I can use it every day for years!” purse in 6 months…

  20. To those of you who gave me some advice last night when I was very frazzled, thank you! (and I don’t remember who recommended the cleaning service, but thank you for this reminder! This was the best thing I did for myself when I was working full time and going to law school part time!)

    On a related note, I really admire all of you who can change your towels once a week, only eat healthy, homemade meals, get into work by 7am, diligently clean your makeup brushes , never miss a trip to the gym, and still work 10 hour days. I am not one of those women. Am I alone here?

    • I do my laundry when it’s overflowing the basket, my fridge is usually empty or near to it, I work in 2 different locations and choose whichever seems most efficient hour to hour, I keep my makeup brushes in their original cases so they don’t gather dust, I have never been to the gym, and I don’t know how many hours I work per day.

    • You’re emphatically not alone, and I don’t even have your excuse of a crazy job, although I’ve had them in the past.

      Whenever possible, simplify. Example: use cotton puffs and Q-tips and the disposable brow groomers you can buy at Sephora instead of makeup brushes. End of guilt. Concerned about sustainability? Make it up some other way. Use mass transit, bike to work.

      Besides, you have to sustain yourself before you can sustain the World.

      • This is definitely me! I was thinking about the idea after reading the makeup brush thing (which never works for me… so I use my fingers/cotton balls). I have a sister who acts very “stepford lawyer-ish” and has been judging me for having clothes strewn all over my bedroom/closet, and not working out 4-5 times a week (for 90 minutes at a time! 90!), much less keeping any kind of regular schedule, etc. Good to hear its not just me!

        • Makeup Junkie :

          I wash my makeup brushes regularly and change my towels twice a week because I’m acne-prone. But I seldom get into work before 9am and I’m pretty sure walking to the subway station counts as exercise. Right??

          • Also acne prone here. I ended up buying a big stack of washcloths and keeping them next to the sink so I always have a clean towel to dry my face. I recommend it!

          • to L, whenever I stay at someone’s house I bring my own face towel!

    • My husband and I both work full time as physicians and have an almost 3 year old. We have a nanny/housemanager who takes care of so many details of our lives. Cooking twice a week (healthy meals), cleaning, laundry, caring for child, etc. We pay her a good living wage to do this. This allows me to work a 10 hour day as necessary as well as get some work outs in, as well as spend quality time with my son when I get home from work. I would much rather read a book with my son then vacuum.

      Trust me. No one is doing what you described. It just can’t happen. They are either paying for help or not getting it done. And there is no shame in either of those choices. The only shame is beating yourself up because you’re not perfect. Life is too short.

    • Yes, this is me, too! We expect so much of ourselves these days–it’s hard to do it all.

    • The only thing on your list that I actually do accomplish is going to the gym. I go everyday at lunch. It’s a great excuse to get away from my desk. And since the gym is in my building, I don’t have weather as an excuse.

      My fridge is always empty, too. I buy prepared meals at the market. My apartment is a disaster area. Good thing I live alone!

      At least, I don’t wear makeup so I don’t have to worry about the makeup brush thing…

      • How do you deal with the shower at lunch? It takes me 30 mins to “put myself back together” after the gym (shower, dry hair, apply make-up). I can’t figure out how to make a workout work at lunch, unless I’m gone for 90 mins.

        • I don’t. If I did, my hair would still be wet at the end of the day. But I shower at night anyway so…

          Also, I’m in IT. I’m not going to see customers or clients. And I wear layers. So, after the gym, I don’t put my sweater back on until I cool down.

        • I can manage a workout at lunch if I swim for 20 minutes. Then I don’t have to wait around to stop sweating before I get in the shower. Usually I can shower, dress, get my hair mostly dry and get makeup on in about 20 minutes. If I have a little more time (like an hour and 15 minutes), I can run a couple of miles, then walk another mile to cool off. Or I go to the first half of spinning class. Once I decided I was OK with leaving spinning after 30 minutes, that helped a lot. (Yes, there are empty bikes, so I’m not depriving anyone who would stay for the entire class.)

          All that said, I don’t go to the gym if I have meetings in the first part of the afternoon because I’m likely to be a little red faced still.

          • Anastasia :

            Oh you made me nostalgic– I used to work walking distance from an outdoor pool, and every day in the summer I would take an hour lunch break and walk over to swim for 20-25 minutes (including 10 minutes of backstroke so I would tan evenly!). Loved it.

            As for doing it all… I prioritize healthy lunches during the week and TRY to make dinner often enough that I always have leftovers, but I don’t always stick to my workout schedule and cleaning, laundry, and tidying only get done on weekends or as absolutely needed (and even then it’s hit or miss).

            Husband is between jobs at the moment and he’s doing a much better job than I ever did-or we managed to do jointly both with full time careers-at running the household. And that’s just for the two of us! If we have kids, I’m using it as a justification to get a nanny/housekeeper like ECMD’s and never looking back.

    • I make my dinners and take leftovers for lunch, I do laundry every two weeks, and I wash my brushes weekly.

      I also leave work at 5pm ON THE DOT, I haven’t been to the gym in… yeah, that long, and the biggest perk of eating at home is that I can afford dessert every night. Cherry pie and haagen daz vanilla bean? YUP.

      *struggles to button pants*

    • I will chime in to say that you are not alone, my friend. My house is a disaster almost every day of the week except for the day I clean it and the day after. I grocery shop over my lunch break and about half the time have the energy to cook the meal I originally bought the groceries for. My laundry (which doesn’t include my husband’s laundry) is in a state of spill-over-the-hamper-where-is-my-friggin’-navy-blazer?! at pretty much all times. I never pack my lunch and I haven’t worked out in a year and a half except for the one time I worked out for a week on the Wii, which told me my BMI and weight were fine, so I figured it was right and went to the fridge for a glass of wine. (Which I always have time to stop and buy, strangely enough.) There are times when I pull in my garage at the end of a work day and decide I will do nothing but watch TV and take the dogs outside to throw the ball for them. Because everything else is just too much. And that’s okay!

    • Bursting out :

      Ha! Joining your club, L! I was stunned to learn a) that people clean their makeup brushes all the time, and b) that many, many (most?) people get to work well before 9:30, while cranking out long office days and maintaining their workout routines.

      I’ve been blaming some lack of energy/ motivation on the pregnancy, but I may have to admit that I’m just not as efficient as some…

      • Well I’m the outlier then.

        I workout either once or twice daily from M-F, plus Saturdays. I cook enough food on Sundays to last until Wednesday/Thursday for SO and my lunches/dinners, although one night inevitably ends up as an “I’m craving X takeaway” night so we’ll get that instead. Laundry is either daily or every other day (see – twice daily workouts for 2 people, plus work clothes). I’m an attorney, but I jumped the big firm ship a few years back so I am no longer drowning in big firm hours.

        We don’t have kids, though, so I anticipate some changes when we do!

    • Research, Not Law :

      Hahahaha… no you are not alone.

      My first assumption is that they are giving up something else that I do, like time with loved ones or a hobby.

      Secondly, I wonder why I’d do it. I may not be living up to someone else’s standard, but I’m pretty darn happy with my life the way it is.

    • Those women don’t exist.

      I think we are all parts of the woman you describe.

      I have a hard time getting to work before 9 (but usually work till 6 or 6:30), don’t have a clean house, and spend time at home watching tv. I’ve lived in my town for 5 years and never set foot inside a gym here. Haven’t worked out since law school. But I do have produce at home that gets cooked. (It helps that it’s delivered by the CSA.)

      Changing towels? That and my bedding get laundered on the same schedule as my jeans: they are washed when they smell. There are usually an entire week’s worth of outfits strewn about my bedroom. I clean my bathroom maybe twice a year. (What? My kitchen is clean.)

      Oh, and makeup brushes? Yeah, I don’t own any.

    • Don’t feel bad. The only reason our house looks fairly decent and our sheets and towels get changed, is that we have a cleaning person come in every other week. It always motivates us to tidy up. As for the gym, does it count if I pay for a gym membership? ;-)

    • I’m only at work at 8 because I have to beat my boss in. My house is only clean because my dog will chew up crap that I leave around. It’s also just me and said destructive dog, so that whole “tending to other humans” thing is way beyond me.

      The only reason I cook: I just moved to a new town and know barely anyone. I have to fill up my evenings somehow until the social invitations start pouring in (any day now damnit!).

      That sounds pathetic but it was meant to be joking/uplifting? Sigh.

    • I get to work at 8:15 and leave around 5:30 or 6, which should leave me tons of time for other stuff but somehow doesn’t because I have a pretty busy volunteer position as well, which I work on from home several nights a week. I only clean the house when someone is coming over. I have papers spread out all over my dining room table. I shop and do laundry religiously once a week, on a schedule, because otherwise it wouldn’t happen. However, I have a pile of ironing that would take me days to get through. I try to work out/go for a run three times a week but since the weather has changed I am losing motivation. And I was shocked to find that people actually clean their makeup brushes on a regular basis.

    • You guys, this post made me feel so much better about myself. I saw that thread on make up brushes and was too ashamed to say I never clean mine (I only have one, for blush, and I just buy a new $5 one every once in awhile. Also, I use the “travel” ones, with the cap, so I figure that keeps out bacteria).
      I do get to work by 8:30 every day and stay until around 8:30 (on “early” nights). I work out once a week, on Saturdays. I call my mom once a week, on Sundays. I get my dry cleaning done at work. My husband does the laundry. I eat almost all my meals at work. When I have down time I lie on the couch with a book or 30rock reruns. I have been feeling like I really need to get my act together and 1) join a gym 2) learn a foreign language 3) start journaling again 4) make more effort to get to gether with friends and family. But…You all made me feel like it’s okay that I don’t do all those things! Thanks. :)

  21. Reposting from last night in hopes more people see it:

    Public employee and my position has been floated as one to eliminate during budget season. Anyone have tips on presenting why your job should remain funded?

    • Research, Not Law :

      I’m sorry. I can only offer sympathy and commiseration. Our department has looming layoffs unless the super-committee pulls a win for us (unlikely).

  22. Too busy. Too Seventies Secretary. And at that price, it’s synthetic.

  23. I’m in need to advice. My younger sister told me last night that she had a miscarriage a few months ago. It was an unplanned pregnancy, but she and her boyfriend had adjusted/gotten used to the idea by the time it happened. She’s feeling sad and lonely, and I want to be there for her but not sure of the best way. I hugged her, told her how sorry I was, and just tried to listen and not ask too many questions. I don’t know if that was the right way to handle it, but I was completely shocked. I feel like my big sister radar was turned off and I don’t know how I could’ve missed that something so important had happened in her life. :( How do I offer her support when it’s several months after the fact? She hasn’t told many people — just me and our other sister — and doesn’t feel comfortable bringing this up with our mom.

    • I wouldn’t necessarily blame myself; it may have been something she took great pains to conceal and only now was willing to share it with someone.

      I would call a couple of times a week to say hello, if that’s not too awkward, send emails frequently, say, forwarding articles on topics of general interest (no touchy-feely amateur psych crap, not that you would) and invite her out for tea/drinks/dinner once a week. If she wants to discuss it further, she will. She’ll probably appreciate the attention.

    • As a younger sister who has been in a similar-but-not-quite-the-same position, I would say the best thing to do is do things that would cheer her up, without being maternal. In my case, one of my older sisters lectured a lot and sent me articles about how I am supposed to deal with things. I did not take it very well. The other sister never brought it up, but made herself available. She let me talk when I needed to, and did things like take me out for dinner and shopping. Good luck!

    • Blonde Lawyer :

      Just posted above about my friend who miscarried. She felt that her friends that were working and not interested in babies didn’t understand how painful her miscarriage was. This would probably be extra true with an “oops” pregnancy. I’d make it clear that you totally understand why she is sad and that it is a big deal and you understand that she has to grieve and that you are there to listen if she wants to talk.

    • Also anon :

      I was on the other side of this, but it was my little sister I didn’t tell. She felt awful for not picking up on it when she later found out. I didn’t want her to feel awful, I just didn’t want to talk about it when it happened. I told very few people and accepted that it just happens. (A number of my close friends/relatives had miscarried in the past several years.)

      It was hard not to tell her – I knew she would be saddened by the news and I didn’t want to make her sad or increase the sadness in my life, so I just decided to hide it and then when she called or saw me, it was like nothing had changed (because in her eyes, nothing had changed). That’s what I needed. Don’t feel bad that you didn’t figure it out – she was purposely trying to hide it from you. I think what you’re doing is right – tell her you’ll listen, but don’t ask a lot of questions. Chances are, she is trying to move on, and having a normal supportive big sister who acknowledges it but doesn’t dwell on it, will help her do that.

    • Bursting out :

      Something similar happened with my BFF. I was living in another city, super busy with work & my own life, and totally missed this huge event, until about a year later, when she told me about it. Like you, I felt awful… this is one of the people I’m closest to in the world. On the other hand, she didn’t directly tell me until much later. There’s only so far our psychic powers can go…

      So I’d check in with how she’s doing with it now, encourage her to mourn and/ or have a ritual to let go of that particular vision of the future (if she’s into that kind of thing), be very supportive with the fact that this is a huge loss for which we don’t have much support/ recognition in our lives, and generally try to help her process it to the extent that you can.

  24. Quick update since this is the first time I’ve been able to access the site since the server switch (argh) since I’m now on a new network.

    Back in August I posted about trying to find the perfect interview outfit. I used a Nordstrom’s personal shopper, but didn’t have any luck, and then I stopped by Ann Taylor and found the perfect suit. Well, I can finally report that after lots of waiting and several interviews, I GOT THE JOB.

    I was in a very, very bad place at my previous employer because of a new executive that came on board in a department I transferred into. And when I tried to apply for open positions in the company, they wouldn’t even let me apply for one even though I had awesome recommendations. So I was done there.

    Now, I’m in a new company with what appears to be an amazing culture and leadership, and they literally wrote the job description for me and let me decide the title. It is my dream job, exactly reflecting the vision I wrote down for my next career move earlier this year, right down to 6 specific requirements! I am so freaking happy.

    And while the suit doesn’t make the woman, in my experience, wardrobe is part of one’s personal brand. In my industry, it does matter. That morning my husband looked at me in shock and said I looked like I’d lost 30 pounds. (I’ve since lost about 10 since switching jobs, just because I’m happier!) When I tried it on at the store with some accessories I’d brought, a woman tried to buy my statement necklace for hundreds of dollars. I felt like a million bucks. And I feel like a trillion now that I landed the job!

  25. “all that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men
    do nothing.”

    Between the lu lu lemon murder, where apple employees heard a woman’s screams for help and did nothing, and this Penn state thing, I am starting to feel almost depressed. It is bad enough that there are truly evil and/or sick people out there. When normal people can’t even lift up the phone to dial 3 numbers, it is shockingly depressing.

    • I’m so upset, angry, and sad over the PSU thing. Makes me want to yell and cry at the same time.

      I’m going to try to put that anger and emotion towards something productive, so I’m looking into doing pro bono work as a GAL or something similar for children.

    • I did my college thesis on what’s called “bystander apathy.” No one knows why, but it’s a really common phenomenon and always has been. (I’m not saying that to excuse it, I just find it facinating.) I think that I had hoped to try to find some sort of why in my research, but I never really could – the best explanations involved the tendency to look for others’ reactions before reacting yourself, so no one reacts first (which obviously doesn’t make sense in the Penn State thing). It’s strange. They’ve done numerous experiments where people are in a room with smoke pouring in, and no one leaves, or hear screams and no one reacts.

      • girl in the stix :

        It’s called diffusion of responsibility. If you thought you were the only person to call for help, you probably would. In a crowd, you figure someone else has already done it. An unfortunate human trait.

      • Isn’t Kitty Genoveses (sp?) the famous story. She was murdered and like, 10 different people heard her scream and did nothing.

        Then Phil Ochs wrote a song about it. I learned about the story when I was in high school, but it always haunts me.

        • Yup. Every article every about bystander apathy includes the Kitty Genovese story. (She was stabbed to death, over the course of a half hour or so, screaming, with about 100 people in apartments nearby who could hear her. No one called the police. This was sometime in the 60’s.)

    • The Lululemon murder really got to me because I live in the area. It made me wonder, what if those Apple store people are my neighbors? Would they call the police if I needed help?

      And Penn State hits really close to home for me. I was raped as a teenager, and there were people around who knew what was happening and did nothing. The world is a scary place, and I often feel very alone in it.

      • I’m so sorry you had to go through that ordeal. Whenever I get down about how many terrible people there are in the world, I think of how many wonderful people there are. They don’t always make up for the magnitude of others’ actions/inaction but they do provide a bit of reassurance.

      • I live in the area too, and honestly, I cut them a little slack here. If I worked at that Apple Store, murder would be the LAST thing on my radar. It’s Bethesda. And that downtown area is full of cupcakes and specialty stationary and other cute happy things.

        Obviously violence can happen anywhere, and the whole thing was just terrible, and I don’t envy them having to live with the knowledge that they did nothing. But let’s be honest, your reaction to noises changes based on where you are. If I heard screams in Southeast DC, I might reasonably come to the conclusion that someone was being hurt. If I heard screams in downtown Bethesda, I might reasonably come to the conclusion that it was “drama.” So sad.

        • If you heard someone scream, and I quote “oh god help me, please no, somebody help oh god oh god don’t do this” that sounds like drama to you?

        • They specifically heard her scream for help! I’m not so much judging them, as afraid that other people might hear me scream for help and not come to my aid.

      • J, I’m sorry for what you went through. And so, so sorry that no one stepped in to help you.

    • “You are either part of the problem, or part of the solution.”

      A mentor said this to me once, and I try to apply it to everything in life. Not coming to the aid of someone screaming or intervening to the highest level possible when you hear of a crime? Then you are just part of the problem, even if you think you’re an uninvolved bystander.

  26. to me, this screams “church lady”