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Workwear sales of note for 5.26.23:
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale just started! See our thoughts here.
- Amazon – Memorial Day Sales! Lots of discounts on Amazon Essentials and more.
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off lots of sale styles (prices as marked).
- Anthropologie – Extra 40% off sale.
- Banana Republic Factory – 50%-70% off everything + extra 25% off purchase (ends 5/31).
- Boden – Sale, up to 50% off.
- Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off sale; already up to 70% off (ends 5/31) – also mix & match sale with men’s shirts, 4 for $249.
- Cole Haan – Up to 50% off sale styles (ends 5/31).
- Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19; up to 50% off everything.
- Express – Summer kickoff sale, 30-50% off everything (plus $35+ steals) (ends 6/1).
- H&M – Up to 60% off online and in-store.
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off “dressed up” styles (lots of cute dresses!).
- J.Crew Factory – 50% off everything, no exclusions.
- J.McLaughlin – The Sale Event, extra 30% off.
- Loft – 40% off full-price styles
- M.M.LaFleur – Short but sweet sale (ends 6/1).
- Madewell – Get 30% off your purchase.
- Ministry of Supply – 25% off sitewide (ends 6/1).
- Sephora – Up to 50% off select beauty.
- Shopbop – Up to 50% off designer sale!
- Sue Sartor – Lots of cute dresses on sale!
- Talbots – Extra 40% off all markdowns (ends 6/1)!
- Theory – Up to 60% off + an extra 20% off.
- Universal Standard – 25% off sitewide (ends 6/1).
Other noteworthy sales:
- CB2.com – Up to 50% off everything!
- Joss & Main – Up to 60% off, plus an extra 20% off with code.
- Tuft & Needle – Save up to $775 on mattresses. (Reader favorite bed brand; Kat really likes hers!)
- West Elm – Memorialy Day Sale, up to 60% off.
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I saw this and was tempted but I have so many blazers, including a red one. Boo.
I feel like this looks more like a blouse than a blazer. Would have to see it in person but you need a really low-profile top underneath.
And I’d probably always want it closed unless I was alone in my office with the door shut. Pretty but probably not the most functional.
Or with a very sleek sheath. This could be the one voluminous piece over a slender column of color, and would work beautifully on a lot of different body types, I bet.
Never too many shoes...
I agree, Pompom. I so wish it came in plus sizes – it would work well on my hourglass shape.
WORD. I would buy this in plus sizes in every color.
Agreed. This would NEVER work for me with Frank, as he is always lookeing to stare at me and my boobies if I give him the chance, and I learn to stay away from fashionable clotheing like this which gives him an angle to see them. FOOEY on him! For now, even with a nice bra, he would still peer in and comment, which is NOT professional, but he is adamant that he wants to see what he wants to see, even tho he is married and sees alot on his own. DOUBEL FOOEY!
Very Agent Carter. I like it, but agree it’s not a jacket/blazer.
So it’s a blouse, you wear on top of a blouse? No.
It is a very chic blazer. Love it.
Ooh I love Agent Carter!
Hi all! We just got a new bed and for the first time, we have both a king, and a deep mattress. The salesperson told us to look for deep pocket sheets, and I’m a little overwhelmed looking online. My usual go-to’s for sheets don’t come in this size….anyone have recs that you live? TIA!
I have a deep memory foam mattress, and I have Land’s End sheets and I looooove them. I’m not even sure that they are technically deep pocket, but they are plenty (if not overly) deep. I tumble dry low to make sure they do not shrink though.
I think you need to measure the height of the mattress. Sheets come in different depths, so you might be able to use the regular sheet from one brand, but need a deep pocket sheet from another brand. You pretty much need to check the recommended mattress height on every set of sheets you buy.
For example, I checked The Company Store. Their regular fitted sheet fits mattresses up to 14 inches. Their deep pocket fitted sheet fits up to 18 inches. Macy’s Charter Club brand regular sheets say they fit up to a 17 inch mattress; their deep pocket sheets fit up to a 22 inch mattress.
Most major retailers that sell sheets will have some deep pocket sheets. They might not be available in the store; only to order. The issue will be finding the kind of sheets you like (high thread count, pima/Egyptian cotton, type of weave) in the color you want and also with a deep pocket.
jc penny’s royal velvet line. they fit our pillow top, are super soft and have held up thru many washes.
Go to TJ Maxx or Home Goods. They have great prices for name-brand sheets. I got some cotton sheets from Ralph Lauren there for a low price and they are super soft and seem to be high quality.
I also put in a vote for Land’s End. I got my bedspread from Land’s End. They produce bedding with really nice quality cotton that’s super soft. It’s more expensive than TJ Maxx though.
Can anyone comment on Tuft and Needle mattresses? I have read on this site before that they run a little firm, but are otherwise good. Would they be an okay choice for a stomach sleeper? I would appreciate any other recs as well; my only criteria are that it’s reasonably affordable and free of flame retardants.
We have them in our vacation place. I find them a little soft, but I like a firm mattress. They are a good affordable option. For my all the time mattress, I went with a traditional one from Macy’s that was part of their hotel collection. It’s a firm base with a pillow top (allegedly the Westin heavenly bed) and I put a feather topper on that. I like this set up a lot more than the out of the box stuff.
We have four of them in our house. Ours are definitely on the firm side, but I am a stomach sleeper and they are fine for me. We bought them all about 4 years ago, though – not sure if they’ve reformulated since?
I got one a few years ago and like Sarabeth, find it fairly firm – probably a medium level, which I love. The firm mattress with a luxuriously soft mattress pad has made for the perfect combination of comfort and support. I love that bed.
We’ve had our king Tuft & Needle for nearly a year. We love it and their customer service was really great. They reached out to us after about a week and asked how we liked it. We told them we were concerned that it was a little too firm for us, and they sent us a soft topper that really improved the comfort for us.
We are moving from a one-bedroom to a two-bedroom apartment with our shy, somewhat anxious cat. I am not sure whether we should enclose her in the guest bedroom and/or bathroom to help her adjust in a quiet location or whether we should enclose her in the master bedroom/bathroom with us where there will be more noise and hustle and bustle. She loves to be around us, but it might not be very calming when we’re constructing our bed frame in there, etc. I am also not sure if it’s a good idea to introduce her to the litterbox in the master bathroom when we will probably end up putting it in the guest bathroom. Any tips on handing the move?
I would probably put her in a quiet place with her litter box and food while you are doing the big noisy moving things. Then when the movers leave, I would open the door and let her come out at her leisure (and move her litter box to its normal place). Unless she’s had problems before, I think cats are pretty good at finding the litter box when it moves. And this way, you can let her choose whether she wants to be with you or hide for a bit in the quiet room.
I’d set her up in the guest room/bathroom and spend time with her in there while she gets acclimated.
We’ve always put our cat in a safe space while the moving/constructing was going on. Like a bathroom or master closet if it is a walk-in. After the safety issues were taken care of, we usually kept her in our bedroom for a little while (anywhere from hours to days and let her come out at her own pace when we did open things up). I wouldn’t worry about litter box issues – she’ll find it. Especially in an apartment.
The best tips I have are to move the cat last, keep everything as similar as possible, and adjust them to the new space gradually. So, the cat only goes to the new place after everything else is moved in (doesn’t have to be unpacked/set up, just there). That way, the new place has stuff with their scent on it already and will feel more like home. If the cat is used to a certain litterbox or food setup, try to mimic that setup in the new apartment as closely as possible and avoid changes for a while. This mght be a little gross, but I’d scoop out the chunks in the litterbox and carry it to the new place with the remaining old litter still in it so it’s familiar. The last thing you want in a new apartment is a cat with litterbox problems. I would start with the litterbox in the guest bathroom and enclose her in the guest bedroom. Make sure you’re going in and playing with her so periodically so she doesn’t feel isolated and make sure some familiar stuff is in the guest bedroom so it smells like home. Don’t just shut her in an empty room in a new place. Once the rest of the apartment is set up and she seems comfortable, introduce her to the rest of it by just leaving the guest bedroom door open and letting her explore on her own. Cats need safe spaces to retreat to in new environments, so make sure she still has access to the guest bedroom. My cat tends to sleep more and eat less than usual after undergoing something stressful like a move, so I try to make extra sure not to move her while she’s sleeping and pay close attention to her food. Hope you and your kitty enjoy the new apartment!
I agree with others that while the move is going on, kitty should be in a quiet place getting the least amount of traffic (probably an extra bathroom). After that, I always keep my cats in the master bedroom for a couple days to let them start to get acclimated. One of my two cats is anxious, and he absolutely does better when he’s surrounded by familiar smells in our bedroom rather than in a guest bedroom where we spend less time at first.
While the movers are there, keep her in the guest bathroom with the litterbox, food, water, and a blanket or something that smells like you. When they leave, put out familiar-smelling things – don’t wash your sheets before you move and put the same sheets back on the bed, a throw on the couch, pillows, clothes, etc.
My cat was always a terrible mover. On the advice of people here, I stopped washing everything before I moved and just moved my dirty sheets/towels/throws. It made the process so. much. easier. on my cat. Last time, he settled in right away.
My cats prefer to be able to hide during scary situations like a move, so I’d keep her in a safe place in the old apartment until you have at least one bedroom’s worth of furniture set up in the new place. Once the bed was set up, they were content to mostly hide under the bed for a few days. That mattered far more than the amount of general chaos going on around them, though you obviously want to make sure there’s no chance of her getting loose as people go in and out.
I’ve done it two ways.
If I’m moving a short distance, I’ll leave my cat in the bathroom at my old apartment with food and her litter box when the movers move everything in to the new apartment and put together my bed. Once the movers leave (but before I do any unpacking), I’ll go pick up my cat. Since all the furniture is in its final place and the bed is together, I’ll let her explore when I work on unpacking the boxes.
If I’m moving a longer distance/can’t drive back to pick her up, I’ll still leave my cat in the bathroom at my old apartment with food and her litter box when the movers move everything out. Then, before I leave, I’ll get her and take her to the new apartment and put her in the new apartment’s bathroom with food and her litter box when the movers bring everything in. Then once they leave (with the furniture in it final place and the bed together), I’ll open the door and let her explore when I work on unpacking the boxes.
I think there are multiple ways you can make it work. But make sure that you are putting the cat in a space that does not have to be entered. So, I wouldn’t use the master bedroom because furniture and boxes will have to be moved to that room. And, if you have furniture or boxes for the guest bedroom, that also doesn’t work. That is why a bathroom works well, since the boxes can be left outside the door.
If it’s anm option, have your cat stay at a familiar friend’s house while you unpack the old place and set up the new place.
When I did a similar move, my cat went to a friend’s house, who watches him when I travel, and then he only moved in after my furniture ands his stuff was all set up.
If you cannot do that, do not put the cat in the bathroom. That’s small and cramped and will be stressful.
Also, get stress diffuser pheromone sprays.
I can see this going wrong (cat is nervous at friend’s place, finds hiding place, spend hours trying to find a scared, hidden cat). I think there’s nothing wrong with locking the cat in the bathroom, but I would stick a cat carrier or hooded bed in there, or clear out the under-sink cabinet, so if the cat is nervous s/he has a place to hide. I think it’s the exposure more than the crampedness that makes some cats uncomfortable when locked in bathrooms.
In my situation, my cat already was used to the friend’s house – that’s where he went when I was out of town.
Best-case scenario is to put her with the litterbox in the room where the box will stay.
Prepare ahead of time by getting her used to a crate/box/bed that is lined with something soft and is just hers. Have that in the bathroom with her so she has something comfortable, warm, and that smells familiar. The weird odors are going to be one of the most stressful aspects.
Trouser cut jeans for pear
Any advice for finding trouser-cut jeans for a pear shape?
I have decided that I look crazy in skinny jeans and now that we can wear jeans at work, I need to define a denim look that I can tolerate.
Also: are Beta Brand pants pear-friendly? That might be a good option since it seems like management is OK with anything short of pajamas. BigLaw branch office, if it matters.
I haven’t looked for awhile, but in the past, I have found work-appropriate trouser jeans at BR. Also a pear.
The 712 and 714 at Levis.
Or 314 and 315
Pear here…I typically fall between regular and curvy sizes depending on the brand, with a 10″ difference in my waist (mom pooch) and hips. My go-to is BR Factory Logan or Loft Julie.
I have these: https://bananarepublicfactory.gapfactory.com/browse/product.do?cid=1063409&pcid=1045229&vid=1&pid=245576001
They are a standard/medium weight. I will say that mine, in the legs, tend to look a bit more casual since I wash and dry them. I am thinking I need to iron them for the smooth/sleek appearance on the model.
I came across these randomly, but I’m a big fan of Lee’s “PLATINUM LABEL NO-GAP MADELYN TROUSER.” The “no gap” waistband it very curve-friendly. I wear them in non-jean colors to my business casual office.
Banana Republic and J. Jill look like they have pairs of trouser jeans. In general, it’s virtually impossible to find non-skinny jeans these days. I cannot wait for boot-leg, flare, and trouser jeans to come back!
Late post yesterday
Just now realizing how much a friend’s negativity brings me down. We haven’t spoken or texted in nearly a month between my work travel, vacation and then her vacation. It felt so calm. I feel bad even saying that about my closest friend in recent years. So she returns from an international vacation, texts me and instead of anything about how great it was — it’s “omg I’m so dreading go back to work. I realized my boss is this this and that and I’m drained.” Uh can’t there ever be 1 non negative message?? And FWIW I’ve been telling her she needs a new job for a long time — there’s nothing more to say here. Would you pull back? I feel bad since it’s a close friend but I’m very satisfied with how calm I’ve felt for weeks now.
All you can do is take time to yourself and not spend too much time with her. I’ve been in this situation before and while I did address it directly with my friend, it didn’t make much difference. It also depends on how you respond to negativity – does it make you more negative? It did for me, so I really needed to pull back and not give in to my own negative tendencies. If you’re able to stay more positive for the most part, then you might be okay continuing to offer some limited support.
I’m almost positive I’ve said something like that to a friend when I’ve just come back from vacation. During vacation I’m great but as soon as I set foot back in the country I’m like, noooo reality is coming for me! I hope my friends weren’t bugged by it, and if they were I hope they would tell me. Have you tried to talk to her about it?
And idk if you’ve suggested this to her, but if she has that much anxiety about work, she needs therapy. The job might suck but she needs better tools to cope. Therapy can do that.
+1 Therapy all around, honestly. There are tools for coping with having stressed-out friends as well.
+1 Consider speaking with a therapist about this to whom you could divulge more information that you can/will here and whom could ask follow up questions and take the pulse on what’s going on in this friendship. Close friendships are not so easy to come by as an adult that you should throw one away lightly.
My mom is like this exactly. Zero positive comments, everything is negative. It’s so exhausting. I have been trying to soothe her since I was a child and nothing takes. I will be following this thread for suggestions, but I have pulled back from her a lot (which hurts her and the cycle of terribleness continues) and only see her in small doses and gently push back when she starts up. If I didn’t ~have~ to have her in my life I would not but she’s my mom and I am trying to be a good daughter.
This is me. It’s so hard and sad. I don’t have any useful advice on how to deal with it, but sending internet hugs your way.
hugs back to you!! We are good daughters and we are doing our best!
I hear that you don’t want to be a fair-weather friend, but your friend’s job is becoming a burden for you as well, and that’s not okay. It sounds like you need to set some boundaries with your friend and for yourself: it’s not just that she is “being negative”; you are taking on way too much of her stress.
Linda from HR
It would be fair of you to pull back, but if she’s the closest friend you’ve had in recent years, it might be worth saying something to her first. “Friend, you may not realize this, but a lot of what you say is super negative, and while I get that friends vent to each other, it’s gotten a bit excessive and I’m come to realize that it puts a strain on my own mental health. I want to stay friends with you, but I need you to dial it way back. I want to hear about the good stuff in your life too!” and you can cite the fact that she skipped over telling you how awesome her vacation was and went straight to groaning about going back to work. And you can be explicit in telling her that if she doesn’t dial back the negativity, you will need to pull away from her for your own mental health needs.
My life is pretty great right now, but I can totally see myself falling into the habit of groaning at my friends way too much without realizing it, and it would suck to lose all those friends without being given the chance to fix things.
I honestly don’t know what to tell you, because I feel this way about certain of my friends, and I have other friends who would probably tell you that I’m the negative one, and my solution to the second group is to not tell them much about my life anymore. As expected, those friendships are no longer particularly close.
I suppose you could ask her what she wants you to do – just listen? You can point out that you’ve told her several times she needs a new job and what else does she want you to say.
You might also find the “Tigger” or “Eeyore” distinction useful. Gretchen Rubin has written about it.
I’m older than most people on this board at 49 which means I have the experience to understand how powerful the influence of others can be. I mean, at some level, no matter how strong willed we may be, we are the people we hang out with. It sounds like you have a lot invested in this, so maybe you can talk to her about it.
I’m 45, and I agree. For me seeing the 2016 propaganda effort exposed was quite the eye-opener that we are very vulnerable to emotional manipulation no matter how smart and savvy we are. We need to be careful with ourselves.
Why don’t you tell her? Sometimes I feel like I’m too negative, but no one has ever commented or spoke to me about it so I’m not sure whether I’m crossing the line. Let her know she’s become more and more negative so she can have an outside perspective. I would appreciate it if someone was straight with me about this. It would also allow her to focus on self improvement!
Or just firmly turn the conversation, like “so, on a more positive note, what was the best part of your trip?”
And I would say from experience that if your friend had nothing positive to say after time off, that’s probably someone who isn’t going to be a positive force in your life in the long term, unfortunately.
Help! I am an associate at a big law firm. A partner asked me to do OCI interviews with him at his alma mater in a couple of weeks. Do I need to wear a suit, or can I get away with a dress and jacket? Our firm is business casual (leaning toward casual, especially for this partner), if that makes a difference.
I would wear a suit, especially since everyone else at OCI will be wearing a suit. I think you can get away with a more casual color, but it should be a suit. If you want to wear a dress, you could get a new suit that has a matching dress and jacket.
This is a question to ask your recruiting coordinator for your firm. Either outfit would probably be fine, but pick something that is comfortable. I wouldn’t wear your most traditional, conservative suit.
I agree. It depends on what type of image your firm is trying to project. If your firm wants to look casueal, then wear light clotheing. On the other hand, if you want to look corporate, it’s strictley charcoal and navy with a white blouse. I perfer the latter as I get more street cred being dressed to the nine’s! YAY!!!
That’s the beauty of being on the other side of the table: you can wear whatever the F you want (ok, obviously within reason). Dress and jacket would be perfect.
I have run OCI at 2 law schools: I’ve seen… a lot.
Can any NYU law people comment if early interview week interviews are done in empty apartment bedrooms (with the bed in the room with you)? That used to creep me out and was very weird being on the other side also (my firm would only have same-gender same-stage attorneys on interview teams b/c of the closed-door-in-bedroom ick factor aspect).
No, they are no longer done in the dorm. They’re in suites in the DoubleTree Times Square now, and the interview is held in the living room of the suite.
I switched from doing it on campus to a hotel with suite rooms about 10 years ago. I guess it’s possible they moved it back on campus, but at least for the few years I know, it was like all other OCIs
Pretty much everyone I interviewed with wore what they would wear to work. Suits for business dress and business casual for a business casual environment (think sheath with blazer, separates, skirt with blouse and a more structured cardigan or casual blazer)
I always wear what I would wear for a regular (not hide-in-my-office-and-write but also not a formal client meeting) day at the office when I conduct interviews. In my case, that’s usually something like a formalish fit-and-flare dress (like the MM LaFleur Ellis, Toi, or Ruth) or a skirt and a printed blouse. I figure one of the things that law students are interested in is getting a sense for how formal the firm culture is and I like signaling to them that we are pretty laid back to attract the candidates that are likely to happily fit in long term.
I agree. I usually wear trousers and a fun jacket kind of thing, or a dress.
A few weeks ago I posted asking about experiences with Latisse. I went to my dermatologist and started using it 3 weeks ago and thought I’d provide a quick update. Like others had said, the applicators that come with it are garbage, really stiff. I think I’ll switch to something else after I’m out. My dermatologist recommended using one drop for BOTH eyes (as opposed to one drop per eye), but I’m already noticing a difference, my lashes are much fuller. I have hazel eyes and my dermatologist did tell me about the risk of purely cosmetic eye discoloration, which would go away after I stop using Latisse. I’m not really concerned about it, but I haven’t noticed any discoloration, yet. Overall, I’m pleased!
Awesome, I’m glad it’s working for you.
Here are the brushes I use
KINGMAS 100 Pack Disposable Eyeliner Brushes Applicator Makeup Eye Liner Wands https://www.amazon.com/dp/B00DW2Z9JK/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_O0kuBbPP929NY
I put one drop in the lid of the Latisse bottle and then dip the brush in. I use that for both eyes.
I reuse these brushes for a long time before i throw them away.
Ohh these look so much better. Thank you!!!
Wait, so they’re fuller, not just longer? I’ve been curious about Latisse, but my lashes are already plenty long (but thin) and I didn’t think it would do anything for me.
I’m not op but I’m a Latisse user. It generally won’t make you grow new lashes but the lashes you do have will stick around longer before falling out. So if you have long but sparse lashes it could make your lashes thicker by allowing you to have more in place at one time. Hope that helps.
Granted, I have only been using it for 2 weeks, but yes, I’d say my lashes definitely look fuller rather than longer.
Total first world problem, but anyone a Starbucks junky who can help me figure out what I want?
(Context: In a super rough period at work and home, there’s a Starbucks across the street from my office, and my brought-from-home-mug isn’t enough caffeine to get through this period. I don’t love Starbucks coffee and rarely go but it’s the most convenient option for a 9am pickup and I just need to make it through the end of this summer. And this is one part of my messed up life that I can maybe control right now, so here I am.)
It’s hot out so I want an iced drink, and I’d prefer not to drink all my calories although I’m willing to drink some if it improves the taste. I’ve tried a plain iced coffee and it’s bitter and watered down at the same time. I’ve tried a cold brew and it’s alright but doesn’t taste like coffee, it’s bland. I accidentally got the salted cream cold foam cold brew two days ago and it was good but too sweet, so I tried just a cold foam cold brew today and it doesn’t have any sweet at all so it’s just a milky bland drink.
Alright now that I sound like a total basic B, anyone have an idea of what kind of iced drink will give me tons of caffeine and be just medium sweet? Can I ask them to leave out something from the salted cream one? Or can I add something to the regular cold brew? I hear people talking about pumps but have no idea what that is. Help?
Cold brew, add splenda. Cold brew should give you more caffeine than iced coffee. Ask for less ice if it doesn’t feel like enough caffeine.
Try a cold brew with coconut milk. If you want it just a hair sweeter, hand it back and ask them to add ‘one pump of classic’ which means one pump of simple syrup. That’s my husband’s go-to – I just drink regular cold brew.
I also love me an iced soy latte with an extra shot. It’s my reward for making it through especially rough mornings and doubles as a ‘not that bad’ afternoon snack.
+1 to cold brew with coconut milk, it’s very tasty.
My typical order is an iced coffee with sugar-free vanilla syrup and half and half. I like my coffee pretty sweet and creamy, though.
Try an iced Americano–it should have better flavor and be less bitter than the iced coffee. For the sweetness, you can pick your favorite syrup (or sugar free syrup) of choice and experiment with the number of pumps.
Second what Veronica Mars recommends. I only drink Americanos (hot or cold) at Starbucks – much less bitter, less oily, and generally consistent. For iced I like it with extra ice (otherwise it ends up watery and not very cold), and only half the sweetener. My favorite order is Iced Grande No Water Half Hazelnut Americano. This should have 3 shots of espresso and 2 pumps of sweetener. You might even just want one pump. Then, top with a little half and half if you want it creamy.
THANK YOU! I’m going to try this!
I can’t help with most of your questions as I’m not a coffee drinker, but pumps refers to the amount of syrup that is put in to your drink. Literally the syrup is pumped into the drink and if you want more sweet/more flavour, you would ask for two or three (or more) pumps.
Yes, ask for half the normal pumps. See if you like it better that way. Adjust up or down as needed.
A pump refers to flavored syrup, so if there’s something you like but isn’t quite sweet enough, add a pump or two to make it sweeter. If you want an existing drink less sweet, ask for fewer pumps that it comes with.
My current thing is to add almond milk to drinks when I want them a little sweeter but don’t want as much sweetness/calories that comes from syrup. In your situation, I’d get an iced caffe latte and request it be made with light ice, almond milk, and an extra shot of espresso.
Iced Caramel or Hazelnut Machiatto – with skim or almond milk
Ask for an espresso spot over ice. Add a bit of cream, almond milk, sugar if needed.
I like these but they can be really sweet. Not sure how many pumps of caramel are usually in it, but you might ask them to keep it at 1 and then add a second if it’s not sweet enough.
I get what I call a “sweetened iced coffee with milk” which I’m not sure is an official title (but I swear there was an sbux that called it that.) It’s iced coffee with milk and a few pumps of vanilla/sugar. Not too sweet (and like others have mentioned, you can tweak the amount) and the milk improves that acidic, watery taste that iced coffee can sometimes have. And it’s not super expensive.
Thanks everyone for the comments! I’m writing down each suggestion and I’m actually excited to spend a week or two trying each one until I find the winner. I have something to look forward to! Thanks!
Does it have to be coffee? My summer drink from Starbucks is a venti iced black tea (no lemonade) with one or two pumps of sugar. The normal is four pumps and that’s way too sweet for me. I don’t drink coffee but I love Starbucks for their non-coffee options.
Iced chai is so good
+1 and you can add espresso if you need more caffeine.
I get the salted foam with fewer pumps of caramel.
If you don’t like sweet things, 1 pump is probably enough for you.
The Vanilla Sweet Creme cold brew has relatively few calories compared to the other sweet options. I
Also, you can order it with fewer pumps of vanilla, which I prefer anyway.
Iced blonde latte with sugar or syrup. The blonde espresso is much smoother, less bitter, and less burnt-tasting than any of the other coffee options.
Yes! Blonde roast is much smoother. I particularly like it with a pour over preparation.
Try the new blonde roast espresso in an iced latte – the blonde is really good I think.
I have some new ideas from this thread, but my go-to drink, which checks your boxes, is iced coffee with either hazelnut or peppermint flavor, and cream.
You guys make me feel like the lowest maintenance Starbucks order-er ever!
Venti black iced tea unsweetened, please! (I had to teach myself to say venti rather than large)
My new favourite thing is, in my travel mug: two ice cubes, cold brew and cream. It’s not super watered down because there’s hardly any ice but stays cold all afternoon.
Does anybody have tips on how to improve clumsiness? I’m not talking about the kind of thing that would be helped by dance or yoga classes; I’m not tripping or falling. It’s more like being bad at estimating the size and placement of my body parts. I’m constantly jamming fingers, scraping knuckles, stubbing toes, slamming a hip into a doorjamb, stuff like that.
My contacts prescription is up-to-date, so it isn’t poor vision.
I am CONSTANTLY slamming a hip or shoulder into a doorjam. When I’m thinking about something as I’m walking I am just not paying attention. I don’t think this will ever go away. It’s weird because I’m super observant walking out in the world looking out for cars, biks, other pedestrians, but something about walking around the office my brain totally shuts off the function that would protect me from the hazard that is doorjams.
I am like this sometimes, and I find that any activity that gets me to slooooowwww doooowwwnnn helps a lot. Yoga may help, as would (I guess?) Tai Chi. You’ll gain an awareness of your body and how it all fits together, I think. Meditation may help?
Saying to myself, outloud “Pompom, slow! down!” followed by a huge yoga breath helps.
That is exactly the type of thing that yoga helps with. Body awareness.
::shrug:: It is and it isn’t. I’ve been doing yoga several times a week for 10 years, and I would say my body awareness and balance have both improved quite a bit. Balance does have a lot to do with clumsiness for some people, and that has been helpful for me. But when I’m lost in thought while walking around, I still smack my wrist into door frames and the like. The face of my watch is deeply scratched from it.
OP does this really bother you? I just view it as a normal thing for my and it really doesn’t bother me. I don’t really think about it. If other people look down on me for it I don’t know about it, but I can’t imagine why they would.
I’m mostly just tired of the injuries and wound care, especially as I age and my skin gets more frail. The perception isn’t that important to me.
Eh not necessarily. I’ve been practicing for 10 years, constistently for the last 5 years (5-7 hours a week) and I’m super aware of my body and alignment, but it does not help me with doorjambs/depth perception errors.
Do yoga in a crowded NYC studio and you will quickly become super aware as a necessity. :)
I wouldn’t describe myself as a yogi by any means, but I certainly do yoga. And I am just clumsy as heck. I drop things, walk into corner, have a constant bruise on my hip where I bump into tables. It’s not vision or reflexes – I have very good reflexes and often catch the thing I’ve just bumped from the table before it hits the ground. I’m just clumsy. Probably it just means I’m not paying enough attention.
I have been like this my entire life, and like Triangle Pose said, some of it is just simply not paying attention. My hips are pretty much always bruised from hitting the corner of a table or a countertop.
I’ve heard about yoga and mindfulness helping others with clumsiness but I haven’t tried it myself. I usually just try to slow myself down.
A) Move more slowly; troubleshoot your shoes.
However, I’m a lifelong klutz and those only help a little. The only thing I truly believe improves it significantly is:
B) Check in with the important psychological boundaries in your life. Symbolically, or whatever, if my priorities are out of balance, I start tripping; if someone is crashing across my needs, I get bruises from the corners of furniture.
Walls attack me. They’re conspiring with doors, rugs, and table corners. It’s not me, it’s them.
You know, I actually grew out of this. I use to be like this. In high school I would trip on the stairs at my house (that I lived in my entire life) at least once a week. My mom stopped checking on me because it was so frequent. In college I was constantly tripping on curbs and stairs and whatever else happened to me in my way.
I’m not really sure what changed, but my life is definitely slower paced now. I don’t have a million and one things running through my brain like I did in school and I’m typically not rushing off to be places. I do still occasionally bump into things and sometimes it leaves a nasty bruise that takes forever to heel because I’m older now, but it’s not as frequent.
Um, this is totally me. I am just, sadly, really klutzy and clumsy. I joke that my parents put me in ballet as a kid to get me to *somewhat* normal levels of clumsiness.
Yoga and Pilates both helped quite a bit, as does slowing down. I’ve also had to swear off high heels, or heeled shoes without ankle straps as I either walk out of them, fall off of them, or somehow injure myself. Graceful I am not. Oh – and arnica cream is your friend for the inevitable bruises.
Slowing down and deliberately paying more attention to your surroundings will help, but it IS completely possible that you also just have poor depth perception. Having the correct prescription for distance vision doesn’t mean that your binocular vision functions correctly and most eye doctors won’t catch this. If you’re otherwise observant and coordinated, it probably is your vision and there’s not all that much you can do about it, so don’t blame yourself!
My brother had issues with lack of depth perception as a kid and underwent vision therapy to correct it. So if some of the other mindfulness/body awareness methods don’t work, it might be worth it for OP to talk with a doctor to see if it is vision related.
I should elaborate and say that there is the potential for improvement through vision therapy, though as an adult results tend to be mixed. I found that it helped with some other symptoms (motion sickness), but not much with depth perception. I expect that it would have worked much better if I’d done it as a child. I would be suspicious about vision issues if you also have issues with depth perception with driving (especially parking) and sports. If not, it’s more likely to be typical clumsiness or just not paying attention.
Interesting! I have motion sickness, dizziness, migraines and am also a terrible parker (lets not talk about sports, my coordination is zero). What was your diagnosis/treatment like as an adult if you don’t mind sharing?
I actually have a very mild form of strabismus (intermittent, so it’s not noticeable unless you’re really looking for it). But I never developed the ability to use my eyes together properly, so I can’t see 3D movies or magic eye images or anything like that and my depth perception is terrible. I have a lot of trouble with motion sickness and visually induced nausea, as well as chronic headaches. My eye doctor finally diagnosed it after many years of complaining and sent me to a developmental vision specialist who does vision therapy. The problem is that vision therapy is really expensive, since it’s not covered by most insurance plans, requires taking a lot of time out of the work day, requires a lot of practice on your own, and I wasn’t sure it was really paying off for me. If I had more time, money, and energy, I probably would have been a better patient! If you want to know more about it, google “Stereo Sue” for an example of a vision therapy success story.
The difference between losing depth perception and never having it is so funny and one of the reasons I distinguish between general klutziness and poor depth perception. I actually don’t have problems with some of the things you mention because I’ve compensated for the poor vision by developing excellent proprioception, the sense of where different parts of my body are relative to each other. I know where the knife is without looking, because I know where my two hands are, and the same for the mascara wand. If I were cutting plants, I’d hold with one hand and cut with the other and be okay. But I constantly run into doorframes, struggle to park, and can’t catch a ball because I don’t know where they are relative to me. Prisms might make my eyes line up, but wouldn’t help with depth perception because my brain never learned how to do that.
Ouch! That hurts
I actually have acquired strabismus in my late 50s. I have a paralyzed eye muscle nerve. At first I thought it was needing a new glasses rx … but the double vision ends up making things blurry. Then I realized I had lost my depth perception. I was trimming bushes and plants and gosh darn it, the things I were cutting were not being cut … yeah, no depth perception.
I have prisms in one lens of my glasses now. It helps a great deal.
I still struggle with lots of things. Like getting the mascara wand back in the tube. Can’t deal with escalators as I can’t see the edge of each step. I wear no-cut gloves when using kitchen knives as once I felt the blade on a fingernail. It’s a constant issue. I fell as though I turned 80. I have to do so many things more slowly. Funny, but going slowly has reduced some of my bumping into things or my wrist on door frames … but going slow is no bueno IRL.
While I’ve always been clumsy and a klutz who couldnot/cannot catch anything …. the loss of my depth perception was recent and the docs all say it is not the reason for my life-long clumsiness.
That said, for strabismus, I find the prisms really do help. It’s really a funny thing to be the adult in the children’s waiting area and the exam rooms with a specialist for strabismus. They talk to me like a child in their tone and say stuff like “we’re going to the elephant room.” Charming though.
This is my life. I didn’t even consider there might be a solution. I’m just a constant mess. I’ve injured myself so many times!
I have a clumsy 15 year old son who can knock over anything within arms reach – example from 2 day’s ago: he was standing next to me at a tall table where I had a drink. I said, move over across the table. If you stand next to me you’re going to knock over my drink. He didn’t move, an about 2 minutes later he knocked over my drink. It’s frustrating that it’s so predictable.
In his case, some of it is youth and inexperience and essentially having the puberty-addled brain of a 10 year old in the body of a 6’2” man, but a lot of it is just mindfulness. He is not thinking about his movements. He is not moving slowly. He is not focusing. He was taking about I can’t even remember what, maybe the Deadpool 2 movie, and moving his arms and not thinking at all about the fact that I had just said, you’re going to knock over my drink. I think for him, and for a lot of people, we are clumsy when we are completely engrossed in whatever we are thinking or talking about when we are also walking or reaching or any other physical task, and we are not devoting a large enough fraction of our brain energy to the physical task.
I’m obviously old enough to have a 15 year old son, so older than many of you. I also have a history of falling down. It was kind of my thing. But I broke my leg at the office falling down when I was walking and reading the thing i just picked up from the printer and I missed a step. The cast slowed me down quite a bit. And since then I’ve tried to stay slower. It doesn’t always work, and I’ve fallen a couple of times since, but I would say I’m more careful now and I do go slower.
Can you try to spend a couple of days doing more intentional movements and mindfully slowing down?
This has been a big issue for me ever since I got pregnant. I didn’t worry too much about it when I was pregnant (I figured my body had changed a lot and I wasn’t familiar with its new proportions) but I’ve been back to my normal size for some time now and it hasn’t gone away.
Pilates! It really, really helped me with awareness of my body. That and PT that I was doing following shoulder surgery, but that’s probably overkill for you.
Pilates is a huge help to my klutzy tendencies. I’m more aware of my body and how the muscles all work together to help me move, which in turn helps me judge my movements through different spaces.
Check your shoes too, I was constantly tripping and running into things and finally realized I’d been wearing the wrong size shoes for half my life! I was an 8, now I wear a size 7 and look for shoes that accommodate a slightly wide foot.
This can be a symptom of a medical issue, but usually there would be a lot of other symptoms along with it. Gluten ataxia is sometimes an exception (Celiac seems to be weird that way: some people can get all the symptoms and others can get just one or a few).
I am another lifelong klutz and wall/doorjamb slammer. I have noticed that this is WAY worse when I’m wearing my glasses than my contacts. I actually won’t drive with glasses on now because wearing them so disadvantages my vision. No depth perception, no peripheral vision means that I’m constantly injuring myself in them, and only wear right before bed or first thing in the AM.
So if you wear glasses, that might help? This observation has reduced my injuries but definitely not solved the issue.
If anyone finds the secret, I’d like to know, too. I’ve taught dance lessons for 20+ years, but follow me around for a day and you’d never know it. My mom said to me once “Belle, for somebody who dances as gracefully as you do, you are the biggest klutz I know!” My knees, shins, and elbows are constantly black and blue!
PS – Sunless tanner works wonders on disguising those bruises! :)
Attorney Resume Question
Thanks to this site, I’ve been reading the Ask A Manager site. According to folks there, it is normal for older experienced professionals to omit when they obtained degrees and to omit job experience more than 10 year old. Is this norm true for attorney resumes? It would be convenient for my job history if I did this as I could omit 2 one year jobs when I was a new lawyer. I’ve always been sensitive about these short stints as giving me the appearance of a job hopper. However, from my limited experience reviewing other attorneys’ resumes, I don’t think this is done for lawyer resumes. In addition, it would be very easy to figure out my year of bar admission, and I don’t want people to assume I don’t have experience from the two years after bar admission.
For lawyers with well over 10 years experience, do you list all jobs?
Generally no, you don’t drop experience off as you get more senior in law but you don’t elaborate on it either. You can go to just listing the firms and years, perhaps practice area, and that’s it. Mine is one page, but I’ve culled off all the irrelevant and redundant information. It’s a snapshot of a career, but experience is valued and your early background often matters. I’m also presuming you’re staying in law.
Law is a very prestige driven field, and I’ve never seen a legal resume without education at the very top. I’m sure they exist, but they are rare. And I would think it was very odd to get a resume for a legal position that didn’t list education. Even Ask A Manager acknowledges that this practice doesn’t apply to some fields, like law.
With regards to the 2 positions, if you have been out for 15/20 years, I think omitting the 2 one year jobs would be fine. At 10 years, that 20% of your experience, so I wouldn’t do it.
I’m in-house and my education is at the bottom of my resume. I work for a Fortune 50 energy company and my resume worked perfectly. After practicing 15 years, I felt it was more about what I’ve done than where I went to school. So I highlighted my accomplishments and the places I’ve worked. Then I listed my education. Even if I went to HLS, I think it’d put that at the bottom too. I would feel so pretentious to lead with HLS on my resume after 15 years of practice. Who really cares? Only those who went to HLS, I suspect.
Agreed, I’ve rarely seen education first once people practice- that’s a law student set up. That said, I don’t think it matters as long as your overall formatting is clean, all your experience is there including school, and it’s crisp.
I think all expereince is relvant, and should be listed as we get older. One thing I have been advised to drop is where I went to High School. Dad wanted it on there b/c I went to a VERY prestigeous high school on LI, but I have now left it off my CV. The manageing partner told the judge where I went, and the judge was VERY impressed. YAY!!!
Same – I’m in-house and my education is at the bottom of my resume. I work for a Fortune 50 company. Agreed. Experience comes first. I’m only 5 years out of school and it’s still at the bottom.
+1 Also in-house but at a major hospital system. I was only 5 years out, but I felt like my healthcare law experience was more relevant to the role than my generic law degree from T30 school.
I wonder if this is something that is different for in-house jobs. Do you have business people involved in hiring? Maybe that is the difference?
Agreeing with everyone; my education is at the bottom. I’m involved with hiring in our in-house legal department (all-lawyer decisionmaking), and haven’t seen any resumes that listed school first.
Biglaw to biglaw lateral (Counsel level now – the change was a few years ago) and my education is under my work experience. I see a fair number of lateral candidate resumes and most, if not all, have work experience first.
I haven’t put education at the top of my resume since I was about 4 years out of school (I graduated in 2006). However, if I went to a T14 or was editor of the law reveiw or the like, I probably would still put education at the top. Otherwise, my experience is more relevant and compelling that education having been practicing for so long.
If my post comes out of mod ever, I think I said “no” as a start, I meant I do list all jobs as a senior lawyer. Also, I wouldn’t worry about a couple of short stints early if you have longer ones after that to counter the issue. It’s also pretty common after law school.
As a lawyer, I would keep education up top until about year 10 for a mid tier school and keep it at the top past that if a particularly prestigious undergrad or law school (like top 10). It’s dumb, yes, but people color you with first impressions and if someone pushes me up a tier in perceived intelligence before they meet me, whether true or not, because of the school I went to so be it – get all the advantages you can.
Being an attorney I think also changes the advice with respect to when to drop off experience from a resume. Clerkships/legal internships should drop off first (again, unless something prestigious like a Supreme Court clerkship), then list earlier jobs without elaboration. Unlike a lot of other fields, being perceived as having more experience with age is a plus – unless you look 65+, there is no “too old” for the position, people want the experience. And you don’t want it to look like you had gaps in your resume.
I disagree about where you keep school info. People still see where you went to school if it’s at the bottom of your resume. I have an very prestigious undergrad degree and a top law degree, and I’ve had more than one person make a pointed comment in an interview about experience being “what really matters.” In fact,when I was interviewing for a paralegal position at a top NY firm right after undergrad, the law firm partner folded down the top part of my resume to hide the education and waved it in my face to make his point. People have strange baggage about degrees – don’t play into their hands by giving the impression you think it means more than what you’ve accomplished in the workplace.
I do agree that lawyers are expected to keep every job listed for their entire career. I think this stems from a model where lawyers pretty much just worked at one place — or two if they clerked for a judge– but I think lawyers also want to know in advance if ethics rules re conflicts are likely to come into play before getting too far into a process.
For Patent Law Advice
I was catching up on yesterday’s morning post and wanted to respond to the poster seeking Patent Law Advice.
If the law student at interest just has a BA/BS in the sciences, he may not be well pedigreed for patent prosecution in the sciences (presumably something related to pharmaceuticals or life sciences). It may vary from firm to firm, but generally speaking if your tech area is in chemistry or biology, firms are looking for people with more experience (Masters with work, PhD) for patent prosecution. Some of this is because both these areas do require more education/experience to really understand, but a lot of that is because the clients expect it and there are enough people with the extra education/experience that firms can be somewhat picky.
This probably isn’t true for litigators, there a general comfort with science is really helpful, or with those in the more high tech/engineering areas.
Of course, my experience is limited.
I do think the better route would be to try to get a patent agent/tech spec position and see if the firm would pay for law school, but that may be difficult to do with just a BA/BS
Agree with all of this and wish I had known earlier that patent would be such a touch sell with only my engineering bachelor’s.
This is exactly the reason I suggested looking at the credentials of people who have been recently hired for the types of jobs he wants at the types of firms he is looking for.
OP for patent advice
Thanks for reaching out! This is very helpful because sometimes engineers – in particular my husband – believe that when in doubt, people should just major in engineering. He also believes that (most) engineering degrees are superior to almost all “life” science degrees for securing employment. He actually started the conversation by saying, “Well, ideally you would have majored in electrical engineering or already have a PhD in biomedical sciences (the student’s undergraduate major) but…” It is nice to know the advice was accurate. Not sure when I will finally learn to not doubt my husband. He is almost always right, a terribly attractive and completing annoying trait.
He told him that sometimes patent litigators are not required to be as technically proficient which may be true since he is called in to consult on technical matters in litigations. I’m with you, though. Clients can afford to be picky since there are far more patent lawyers than there were 20 years ago.
The law student always planned to go to medical school, had perfect undergraduate grades and has a full scholarship to a decent law school. His mother works in the medical industry and strongly believes that medicine is no longer a great option.
JD then BSN
I might be biased here…but…I was a patent prosecutor with a BS in Engineering. I had a great first career doing that.
In the Bay Area at least, the pipeline for new patent attorneys is pretty dry. Because engineers make so much money, very few are going into patent law right now. With a BS in any kind of engineering or solid scientific writing skills with his science degree, he’d be able to get 2-3 job offers at the non-biglaw boutiques. Granted, they won’t be at $180k (more like at $105-110k) because patent prep&pros is super commoditized at the high volumes necessary to keep a practice profitable. In many ways, it’s very similar to what MDs are facing.
But what about an RN? My class was mostly pre-med students who decided not to go to med school. It’s a good career with advancement opportunities (NP, PhD, teaching, administration, etc.) and, if you decide to not advance, hospital nursing is shift work with union benefits. There are nurses who make lawyer-level wages with overtime and less student loan debt.
How do you get to “you should be a nurse” from a question about somebody who wants to be a patent attorney?
OP for patent advice
Thanks. Your opinions are in line with the advice he gave, which is good to know, although he may be biased about the engineering part, too. :) Patent law has been good to my husband but he is/was stoic and self-reliant enough to deliver what was needed for years before quitting cold-turkey to go out on his own. They are not really asking us for advice on his career choice, just how he should approach becoming a patent lawyer. (I have privately been very honest with my friend, the mother of his girlfriend re how many lawyers feel about their careers.) He just struck my husband as being more naive than many 22 year olds (“Well, Sunday is devoted to church.” kind of comments). Since he is seriously dating a dear friend’s daughter, I wanted to be sure the advice my husband gave was reasonable. Which was, among other things, plan to work a lot to get the experience you need to be proficient. Thank you, again.
It depends what kind of science. Chem/bio it’s true that they generally like to see a master’s. However, people who only have a bachelor’s in physics or CS are generally pretty in demand.
Engineering is for the birds
Yeah, tell that to all of the biology and biochemistry PhDs I know who have made millions up millions in biotech. There are no electrical engineers in those companies.
Biology PhDs making millions and millions in biotech?!?! Exaggerate much…? Not typical at all.
Definitely engineering is more stable and more profitable.
Anyone want to help me shop for casual evening clothing, not for date nights? I’ve realized that I have work clothing and very causal clothing and date night clothing , but nothing in between. So, when I go out with friends on a Saturday night or to a party, I’m either over or under dressed.
In particular, I’m looking for a dress or top I can wear with skinny jeans to a friend’s party Friday night. I’m an hourglass and a size 16. I like things with a v neck.
What about a cute wrap mini dress? Something like this: http://a.co/8jOnf8u
I love the dress, but think it’s too much for this setting. In my experience, most other women will be in skinny jeans in a top
Oh someone posted this top here awhile ago! https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/free-people-western-romance-tank/5000811
Or if the measurements don’t work on that – this one is similar! https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/caslon-lace-applique-top-regular-petite/4627483
A statement top like this? https://www.eloquii.com/twist-front-top/1026798.html?dwvar_1026798_colorCode=1
Any suggestions for a great rental house is Greece?
Looking for something big enough for ten people directly on or super close to the beach. In-laws have small kids and don’t want a pool. Feels like mission impossible! Air BnB is so overwhelming.
I swear I don’t work for them, but look at One Fine Stay – Ive used them a handful of times and find them much easier than Airbnb and not risky (no homes that aren’t actually rentals etc). Just checked and they do Greece. They manage a bunch of nice to luxury vacation rentals, make them like hotels (good linens, toiletries, etc.) and offer other concierge services. Places are reasonable too.
gorgeous stuff but looks like everything has a pool :(
Can someone plan a trip for me to Spain/Morocco that includes glamping in Morocco? 10 days, hopefully September.
No help on Spain but can you be more specific about where you want to go in Morocco?
Anywhere, I really just want to sleep in a tent and hang out under the stars and do a camel ride in the desert.
In that case head to the extreme south (as in much further down than the ubiquitous Marrakesh). They are used to tourists wanting to live an Arabian fantasy but in a safe place so the infrastructure there is aimed at that. If you look up Zagora sand dunes that should be perfect for you: Jeep rides, camels, folkloric dressing, tea ceremonies inside massive tents and not a cloud in the sky
Yes! This is exactly what I am looking for! What is the best way to get to that part of the country?
Fair warning: if you plan to travel this September, start your immunizations now.
Fair warning if you are travelling with any guys: Camel riding and male anatomy do not mix well. The Hubs still complains about the discomfort years later.
I hope you’re still checking. I cannot recommend Desert Luxury Camp in Erg Chebbi in the Sahara enough. Utterly spectacular, in the dunes, in the middle of nowhere. Delicious food, beautiful accommodations. One of the most incredible experiences of my life. They will drive you from major cities and put you up in luxury hotels along the way, it’s a long drive but worth it and amazing to see the country. And surprisingly reasonably priced considering how fancy it is.
Also incredibly romantic..I have to add, we conceived our baby there!!! Do it!
I can vouch for this too. Highly recommended. It is a long drive from both Fez and Marrakesh, but it really was a highlight of our Morocco trip.
My husband ended up with a $100 credit on Frontier airlines. Is there some charity we can give it to? It expires in 90 days and we don’t need to go anywhere they fly in the next couple months.
Check if it’s transferable to another passenger. Credits I’ve received in the past have not been.
Lawyer Moms of America is collecting miles/credits/etc. to assist the separated families. The group is on facebook.
Thank you from a fellow Lawyer Mom!!
Here’s a new one: posted a comment, saw it here, returned later, it was gone. Totally innocuous question about vacation planning. What on earth is happening?
Your question is still above. Or is that a new one?
It’s back! (I think, or my “find on this page” abilities are messed up and it was there the whole time. Thanks!
Do I tip?
I’m getting eyelash extensions today from a woman who does it on her own (ie she doesn’t work for a big salon). Do I tip her?
Yes, of course.
I wouldn’t in this setting.
Her own business, she should charge what she wants to be paid.
Stylist/beautician working in a business place owned by another – tip her.
My hair stylist for a long time was self employed and worked out of her house. I always tipped.
My facialist and hairdresser both work for themselves, and I never tip. I figure they charge me what they want to be paid. I pay either in cash or Venmo.
Any recommendations for business casual workwear blogs? I’ve just moved from a very conservative environment to a nonprofit. I look completely out of place, and I’m struggling to dress for days when I may be meeting major donors then visiting a shelter or food pantry. My personal style is kind of modern shapes plus trendy accessories. My coworkers wear khakis and logo gear with flip flops, and jeans on Friday. I want to look polished for the external nature of the job but also fit the culture. Help!
Hmmm, maybe check out Putting Me Together. I also like Franish – she doesn’t blog much anymore but her archives might be helpful.
I work in a nonprofit with similar circumstances, I may need to meet a major donor and then truck through mud in the heat immediately after. I focus first on my shoes, high heels are completely out of place so I actively search for nice looking flats that are made out of material that can be cleaned. I work in a hot environment so I also focus on skirts, dresses and sleeveless cardigans to look somewhat pulled together. I tend to gravitate toward darker colors or patterns so that any dirt or sweat doesn’t show up as easily (royal blue, navy, black patterned, floral).
Thanks to both! Yes, the shoe part is so key. My pumps aren’t working in the office. My plan is to stick with pretty slingback flats and short stacked heels until boot season. Once it’s cooler, this won’t be as much of a problem. Haven’t trucked through mud yet, but that day will come I’m sure.
Starting my period, for the seventh month in a row after starting our TTC journey. This sucks. I’m 38 so we’ve started our fertility workup and have our appt in 2 weeks for results and game plan. I am just so bummed.
I’m sorry– I know how that feels. Took me about 13 months to get pregnant, but ended up happening without fertility treatments. I was about to start fertility work up when I got my +. Hope is not lost, sometimes it just takes longer. Hugs!
I’m sorry to hear that. I’ve heard folks on this s1te recommend making your favorite alcoholic drink over the weekend to indulge yourself a little!
I’m right there with you this morning, and I’m in such a bad mood about it. Hugs.
It took 8 months to conceive my first, and I was 28 when I got pregnant (DH was 30). I got pregnant in 7 months with my second and my third…first try. So 2 and 3 are 22 months apart.
Probably a silly question but how do you hang something you need to regularly remove? I have a scratch off map of the US for my daughter’s bedroom (you scratch a new state every time you visit it). I want to hang it but will need to frequently take it down so we can mark new states. I normally hang stuff with command strips, which doesn’t work for this. It’s framed (without glass) but the frame didn’t come with any hanging stuff on the back.
Can you tape it to a door?
For things like this, I like to tape them to the backs of doors. It works well if it fits since the paint on trim and doors makes it easy to peel off tape.
If the frame is wood or at least relatively sturdy, it’s pretty easy to get some small screw eyes and attach them to the back of the frame, then string a wire between them and hang it on a command hook (or 2, depending on size and weight).
Command strips-they have Velcro picture hangers-one side of the Velcro goes on the frame and the other side on the wall. You can take the frame on and off the wall by pulling it away or attaching it to the Velcro. Different sizes available, one of which will probably hold an unframed picture weight.
You can use a kit like this: https://www.lowes.com/pd/Hillman-Heavy-Duty-Picture-Hanging-Set/3036778
They come in a few different formats. You want a wire because it’s easy to remove and put back onto the wall.
Would either of these work?
I use the first one for all my canvas prints and it’s so easy
Under the Roof Decorating 5-100200 20 Lb Place&Push Canvas Hangers https://www.amazon.com/dp/B074XP7H4Y/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_rxmuBbCFD120F
Looking for great sangria recipes- will. E making for about 25 people at a family function in a few weeks. Thanks!
Equity & Inclusion
As the person leading the equity, diversity, and inclusion efforts at my nonprofit, I’ve been pretty discouraged lately by what I consider to be very poor choices by our leadership (both staff and board). I’m curious if any of you work in this field (in a role that includes leading EDI initiatives) and what you do when you feel like nothing changes no matter how hard you work at it.
Relatedly, is there a point at which I just abandon this ship because I don’t think this particular leadership will make any real progress? I love it here, and I know people’s hearts are in the right places, but man am I burned out on constantly losing the argument for being actively anti-racist in our organizational choices.
Advice would be great, or you can view this as a morning (on the west coast) rant. :) Thanks all!
If they don’t care, leave. But it’s kinda your job and your Challenge to get them to care!
Are you familiar with SEED? I will link in a separate comment. It is a program that started in schools but that is now available for use in other types of orgs. I did it for a few years at my school and found it breathtakingly transformational. It has definitely changed our workplace for the better!
That said, I think your effectiveness in a role like this comes from the support you have at the top. What do your boss and the Big Boss (whoever that is) say and do to support your EDI work?
Just posted a longer comment that is in mod. Check this out: https://www.nationalseedproject.org/
Equity & Inclusion
Thanks so much for your reply! Unfortunately, big boss says all the right things–as do most board members–but their actions show that their stronger interests are in maintaining the status quo (e.g. continuing to hire only white people for high-level positions, despite the existence of qualified POC).
I have lots of support for doing internal equity work/training with employees and mid-level managers, but big decisions are made by giving lip service to equity and then continuing to support the dominance of whiteness in the org. It’s just really disappointing.
Thanks again for your reply; I will look into the resource you shared!
Would you say anything? I don’t want to be That Person, but one of our summer associates is consistently under-dressed.
Our small, business-casual-when-you-don’t-have-anything-going-on, suits-when-you-do firm has two associates: a young man and a young lady. Just because of availability, I’ve only ever worked with the young man, so I can’t speak to the young woman’s legal skills. But every time I see her, she’s under-dressed: baby doll dresses, lime green linen palazzo pants, espadrilles. Today for a client meeting, she’s wearing granny khakis (high waisted and pleated – the kind my 75 year old mother wears for yard work) with a cotton sleeveless top; everyone else, including the young man, is wearing a suit. This young woman also decorated her office with throw pillows and chunky blankets.
I really don’t want to be a pill, but I really want this young lady to dress appropriately. I know we always need to give students latitude regarding the costs of building a professional wardrobe, but she seems to have a vast supply of quirky casual clothes, so I don’t think it’s a financial question.
It’s close to the end of their tenure, so I’ll need to turn in final reviews for the young man and the work he’s done for me. Do I mention the young lady’s attire?
I think it would be kind of you to take her to lunch and have an actual conversation with her, while there’s time for her to make adjustments. In particular, I think it’s appropriate to tell her she was inappropriately dressed for a client meeting. (Also, maybe speak to the partner involved and see what he thought about it?)
I’d agree with you if OP were this woman’s manager. But she’s not. She hasn’t even worked with this woman. I mean how is this conversation going to go down – Hey Summer, I know you barely know my name and the only thing I’ve ever said to you was hi in the hallway but I want to have this very touchy conversation with you about how I perceive your (lack of) professionalism based solely on your attire/how you carry yourself/the fact that you’re a woman.
This is an odd comment. How do you know OP isn’t a partner? And why is the partner necessarily a man?
palazzo pants and espadrilles would fall into summer business casual at my office as long as it was pair with a work appropriate top.
High waisted pants are very on trend at the moment so her meeting outfit sounds fine to me for business casual but it wasn’t made clear to here that client meetings require a suit.
I’d mention that firm practice is business casual around the office but suits for client meetings and leave it at that.
+1 It definitely sounds like she’s on the more casual side of business casual but not overly so. Also, what’s wrong with throw pillows and chunky blankets? Was she told to decorate her office how she wants?
Agree with this.
A sleeveless top isn’t appropriate for a client meeting at your firm, I get that. But if the rule is suits for clients, not sure why she can’t wear on-trend pants for casual non-client days. You don’t say they had holes or were inappropriately tight, so the fact that they’re trendy seems like a non-issue to me.
Definitely do not mention it in a review if no one has ever mentioned it to her otherwise.
This, for sure.
I wouldn’t mention her attire in the review; have you said something to her directly? Ask A Manager has a lot of great scripts for this kind of thing, along the lines of “I don’t think you realize X; there’s no reason you should since you are new to the legal world and this firm. You need to wear a suit to meet with clients, you need to wear longer skirts, whatever it is she needs to change.” I might add that while it may seem unfair, people will judge based on clothes and it’s important that she be known for her work blah blah.
If you’ve already talked with her and she hasn’t changed anything, maybe show her Corporette?
The thing I like about the AAM scripts is that you’re saying “here’s what you should wear” rather than “here’s what’s wrong with what you’ve been wearing.” That’s often enough to solve the problem.
If she’s an intern and still in school, she may really have no idea. Don’t mention it in a review; it would be kind of you to chat with her individually about it.
Someone had to clue me in when I was first starting and I really appreciated it.
Do you mean interns? Or summer associates?
If you really don’t want to be a pill, stop referring to them as “young man” and “young lady”, to start with.
I would talk with her (or have HR talk with her) about her clothes if they aren’t appropriate for work. Don’t put it in her review without talking with her first!!!
If you haven’t worked with the woman then you can’t review her. Do not ask to review her solely based on her attire. That’s just cruel.
I’m also not very clear how this is any of your business? Was it your client she was inappropriately dressed to meet? No? Then make a mental note that if she ever meets your clients, let her know in advance that she is to wear a suit. And presume best intentions – that the partner she’s working with either didn’t care what she wore or has spoken with her about it.
If you wanted an opportunity to mentor this woman then you should come up with some actual work for her to do. Don’t just be a busybody shaming a woman for her attire.
Do her a solid and explain the suit expectation to her, and follow up with a link to something that explains business casual dos and don’ts as well. Like maybe something from this site…