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Updated: Jul 7, 2022 207 Comments · by

Workwear Hall of Fame: Rumpled Satin Blouse

The Personal Shopper (TPS)· Workwear Hall of Fame | · ·

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July 2022 Update: This rumpled satin blouse is in the Nordstrom Anniversary Sale, marked down to $38 in five colors.

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

This Vince Camuto blouse has been such a classic for so long that I can’t believe it hasn’t made it into my recommendations yet.

While the company describes it as a “rumpled” satin fabric, I think that does it a disservice by implying that it looks sloppy somehow. In real life, it looks super polished, with a perfect V-neck that doesn’t dip too low.

This Santorini Blue color is my favorite at the moment, but it comes in 12 (!) other colorways. Do note that it runs a bit large, so if you’re in between sizes, I would size down.

The top is $59 at Nordstrom and comes in sizes XXS–XXL.

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

collage of 5 sleeveless blouses for work outfits, all with sufficient coverage for bra straps: 1) black, silky, notchneck V; 2) floaty pink v-neck with transparent/chiffon details at the edges; 3) a white V-neck with a triple-pleat around the V, 4) a blue crew neck blouse with pleat details at the neck, and 5) a floaty white V-neck in a

Some of our favorite sleeveless tops as of 2022: one / two / three / four / five (not pictured but also) 

Sales of note for 10.10.24

  • Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

Sales of note for 10.10.24

  • Nordstrom – Extra 25% off clearance (through 10/14); there's a lot from reader favorites like Boss, FARM Rio, Marc Fisher LTD, AGL, and more. Plus: free 2-day shipping, and cardmembers earn 6x points per dollar (3X the points on beauty).
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 50% off sale (ends 10/12)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything plus extra 25% off your $125+ purchase
  • Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off a lot of sale items, with code
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site, plus extra 25% off orders $150+
  • Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Sale on sale, up to 85% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 50% off 2+ markdowns
  • Target – Circle week, deals on 1000s of items
  • White House Black Market – Buy one, get one – 50% off full price styles

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Elizabeth

Elizabeth is a 30-something lawyer living on the East Coast. She spent seven years as a Biglaw associate in NYC, three years as a partner at a medium-sized firm, and is now in-house counsel for a large company. She loves Diet Coke, '90s sitcoms, and dresses with pockets.

Comments

  1. Anon for this

    Update: Stitch Fix has redeemed itself.

    I had complained that they kept trying to dress me like a Mommy Blogger circa 2018… and I actually wrote that in the comments when I sent everything back… I got some kind of a reset with (I think) a different stylist who was like, ‘Oh, okay. You don’t like cap sleeves or blousy synthetic tops.’ And… I got this fantastic set of clothes. I got this very cool jumpsuit that makes me look somehow effortlessly chic but feels like pajamas and kept a couple tops as well.

    So. I take back my prior complaint… but I do suggest being super direct in the comments!

        • Anon for this

          Hi! Sorry, I think the stylist name (I just have a first name) was Lilli or Lilly or Lili or something.

          The jumpsuit brand is Kaileigh. It’s a wrap top but with drapey pants that are wide legged but not cropped – so they’re enough on trend while still being flattering.

          • AnonATL

            Is it the green one with white stripes? I got that one last month and love it. so lightweight and comfortable

  2. Anonymous

    I have an unexpected (outdoor) funeral to go to next week and need to get a black dress (prefer with short sleeves) probably tomorrow. I am probably an 8 or 10 now, but I tried to look at the typical mall stores and a lot of what seemed appropriate is an “online exclusive”. I need something stocked in an actual store — AT, BR, and even Old Navy might have options. I’m OK to buy something new — this is the workhorse I’d wear regularly in the office and will be back in my office next month anyway.

    If you’ve been out and about lately, if anything might work, please send a link and I will see if I can find it locally. Chain stores usually have a “pick up in store” option so I don’t waste a trip and time looking.

  3. Anonymous

    So my primary care doctor told me yesterday I need to do the following:
    – drink 6-8 cups of water a day (I might get 3)
    – sleep 8-9 hours a night (I vary between 5-8)
    – stand every hour, preferably stretch or go for a short walk every few hours (I have a bad habit of ignoring timers/reminders to do this and just – don’t)
    These are all so simple, but I don’t know how to work them in. This is for general and long term wellness, not to solve an immediate pain. I know people discussed the book Atomic Habits here recently and wondered if anyone has success stories to share about these or other simple tasks.

    • Anonymous

      For water, I use a tracker on my phone and have a 24 insulated cup with a straw. I fill it first thing in the morning and again at lunch every day and that gets me to 6 cups baseline.

      For sleep, I have a bedtime, and for a long time set an alarm for it. At 10pm, I turn the TV off, put my phone down, get ready for bed, and go.

      It helps me to change the story I tell myself. I am not bad at habits and I bet you aren’t either! I never skip brushing my teeth. I never skip brushing my hair. I remember deodorant every day. I tell myself with a new habit “I am a person who drinks her water everyday.”

      • NY CPA

        I also have a very large insulated cup (32 oz maybe?) that I always keep on my desk. I usually drink at least 2-3 per day. I find when I’m somewhere without it, I rarely drink anywhere near that amount. I guess I’m just too lazy to get up and refill? ha

      • Anonymous

        Funny story — I was agreeing with this post as I read it, that I always remember these things, until I realized I forgot to put on deodorant this AM. Thankfully I was still at home!!

    • Panda Bear

      For the water – can you keep a big clear 8 cup bottle on your desk, and get yourself to drink it down by the end of the day? That will help give you a visual reminder as the water level falls.

    • Cat

      I also struggle with drinking enough water but have had the most success with literally having a pitcher of water next to me. Then I can see exactly how much I have (or haven’t) consumed, as opposed to the more nebulous “oh let me top off my glass while I run to the kitchen” approach.

      Bonus – if you are steadily drinking water, you will be prompted to get up relatively often :)

      Sleep – what is the issue on nights you’re getting 5 hours?

      • Cb

        I have a pitcher and aim to have it finished by the end of my work day. I also make cold-brew non-caf tea, without sweetener, to break it up a little bit.

      • Anon

        This is what I do, and it works. I also love the glotrition collagen water, so I count that towards my water intake.

        • Anone

          Do you think glotrition works? Have you noticed improvements in your skin or hair?

    • Formerly Lilly

      My Apple Watch reminds me to stand every hour and then alerts me to when I’ve stood long enough to make it happy. I do a set of toe touches or whatever. In other words, just standing up and sitting back down is insufficient, thus the calisthenics. If I stand at least a little while for 12 hours straight, it gives me a little light show on the display. Dorky but useful.

    • Bonnie Kate

      For water, the best thing for me is a 40oz Hydroflask with a straw. I fill it in the morning with ice and water, and the ice lasts all day. My goal is to have to empty it (the ice is usually still there) and refill it with water once throughout the day. The water being cold all the time helps me drink it. The straw is pivotal. Only having to refill it once means I actually remember how many times I’ve refilled. I have it with me at all times – like if I leave the house without water, even if it’s a 15 minute drive, I feel like I’m missing something. I’m a little neurotic on having water to drink AT ALL TIMES.

      Another water thing I do is that I always drink a mug of warm water (just from the faucet warm), sea salt, and lemon juice first thing in the morning. Rule is that I have to drink it before coffee. It’s a nice low-stakes ritual, and very hydrating.

      Sleep – I bet that’s going to be a hard jump. Is it your schedule that means you get 5-8 hours, or is it that you can’t fall asleep or wake up during the night? If you’re doing things and not in bed, then I’d make a point of being in bed for at least the 8-9 hours. This is probably horrible sleep hygiene and bad advice, but I love my Kindle Paperwhite for nights when I can’t fall asleep – I always read in bed with the lights out until I fall asleep. If I wake up in the middle of the night, then I’ll read. My kindle lives under my pillow.

      Random sleep thing; both my husband and I find that we sometimes sleep better on the couch. We do have a very nice sectional, but there is nothing uncomfortable about our bed. Something about being able to lean into the back is very comforting.

      Standing every hour – once you up your water intake to 8 cups of water a day, you’ll have to go to the bathroom about that often. :) In general I ignore timers/reminders too, so looking forward to advice.

      I haven’t read Atomic Habits, but it is on my shelf and I’ve followed James Clear for a long time and read other habit books. Key habit tricks: starting super, ridiculously easy (like only a half glass more per day of water for a few days, then add another half glass, etc.), pairing new habits with existing habits (so every time you go to the bathroom, you do 5 seconds of stretching), and making sure you are implementing the entire habit sequence (Trigger, Action, Reward).

      • Cora

        Honestly, taking 1mg of melatonin around the time that I should go to sleep prevents lying in bed thinking or just not being able to fall asleep, and ensures that I actually get my full 8 hrs

    • Anonymous

      For water, it is remarkable how much more water I drink when I have a filled cup of cold water with a straw in front of me. I got a 64oz jug when pregnant that had a big fat straw and I could actually watch the line of water go down throughout the day. That thing eventually wore out so now I just use a straw cup meant for iced coffee. It’s maybe 30oz? I fill it on the way out the door to drop the kids at camp and aim to drink it during the 30 minute “commute” to and from camp dropoff. I refill it once I’m home and sip during the morning (replacing coffee), refill at lunch.

      I can’t help you on sleep since I physically cannot sleep more than 7 hours unless I drink wine before going to bed. My body needs 6-7 hours. Maybe if I exercised more that would change?

    • anon

      I have an Apple Watch and use it for stand reminders throughout the day. I also use it to set timers/reminders throughout the day to do things (like, get ready for bed, take a stretch break, you could use it to remind you to finish your glass of water/get another one).

    • Anon

      Water – depends on why your doctor told you that you aren’t getting enough. There is no medical evidence for the 8 glasses of water a day for most adults, you can search for it and check the Mayo Clinic, university sites, research oriented sites to see that number has been debunked over and over again. You get water from food, especially fruits and vegetables — watermelon, apples, lots of vegetables are very high volumes of water by weight. Drink when you are thirsty and add more if you are a sweaty exerciser or if there is a specific condition your doctor is addressing.

      Sleep – why aren’t you getting enough? Failure to keep to a schedule, waking up in the night, getting up too early? If the latter two, check that you have the right kind of mattress for your sleep style. I realized that I wasn’t falling back to sleep because I’m a side sleeper with tendinitis and over time I need a softer mattress than I was used to keep me asleep or let me go back to sleep. I was waking up with a sore shoulder/elbow and couldn’t get back to sleep, adding a mattress topper has been a game changer. Blackout curtains, white noise machines and apps; are there ways to manipulate your physical environment to allow you to get to or stay asleep?

      Standing – my Apple Watch reminds me every hour, and i pay attention to it. Put an annoying alarm far enough away that you have to get up to turn it off :)

      • Anon

        I can’t imagine 3 cups of water a day is enough to keep an average adult hydrated.

    • anon

      For water, I have a medication I need to take before I can eat in the morning, and I down a pint glass of water with it so that’s 2 cups out of the way first thing. I drink another pint glass after I finish my morning coffee, and I drink a small glass of water with meals. The general pattern for me is to tie the water consumption to another activity that I will definitely be doing anyway.

    • Anonymous

      following for sleep tips. best i’ve done is turn off screentime (disable it via Circle) at 10:15 pm.

    • anon

      To add to the tips you have already gotten re: water – other beverages count too. Coffee, tea, juice, etc. (non-alcoholic fluids count assuming you stay under 400 mg of liquid caffiene a day). I can’t stand distilled water and while I do drink seltzers and sparkling water, I also drink coffee and tea, so I don’t stress about getting it all in (gross) plain water.

    • anon

      Doing the first thing, naturally solves the third item. If you truly drink 8 glasses of water a day, that guarantees a short walk at least every couple hours, at which time you can refill your glass and continue the cycle.

    • Anon

      I just wanted to comment that I love it when my PCP gives me a short list of achievable items. I spent 4 years doing almost weekly cross-country flights for work. My doctor told me to wear compression knee highs and to get up to pee and stretch my legs a minimum of twice each flight. So I did that. I really appreciated the concrete instructions.

    • Anonymous

      If you add more water, you will be getting up more often to pee, taking care of the standing goal!

  4. Cb

    Cute kid stories? Picked up T from nursery yesterday and he informed me “I had a very productive day – I collected moon rocks!” Yep, dude, I know…I can see your trousers falling down b/c your pockets are so full of stones. Then he realised there were chocolate buttons in the trail mix I brought him for a car snack “Ooh, mummy, you even managed to sneak in some chocolate for me!”

      • BeenThatGuy

        Thank you for sharing this here by mistake! You son is sounds adorable. I hope you are writing down or keeping record of these silly stories. They will bring you so much joy later in life; especially when those teenage years get tough!

        • Anon

          Yeah, I like this too, why I’m. It a big fan that there’s a separate moms page – I don’t have kids so o don’t go there and I still enjoy hearing about things.

  5. A.

    After a looooong stint of not traveling (thanks COVID), I’m dreaming of a spring break trip in March to Hawaii with my husband and three kids (ages 6-12). I spent several weeks in Kauai in college, but our family has otherwise never been. We’ll be flying from the Midwest, so it’s a hike, and I want to get the best bang for our buck/time.

    – Island recommendations? I’d rather “park” and explore one spot, although I’d be open to island hopping. Just don’t want to feel rushed. I’m leaning towards Maui but would gladly be talked into a different plan. We’re explorers, but we also like downtime to hang by the beach/pool.
    – Places to stay? With three kids, I’d like some sort of condo situation with a kitchen setup and laundry if it’s doable. Ritz Carlton isn’t in our budget, but $$$ are somewhat flexible. I’m looking at 3-4 star ratings.

    Beyond that, I’d love any tips y’all can share. I’m an experienced traveler but there are so many choices for Hawaii that I’m paralyzed by indecision!

    • Anon

      Not to burst your bubble, but I’ve gone to Hawaii almost annually for my whole life (Maui’s Kanaapali beach is perfect for your needs, and the Westin there has cool pool stuff for kids), and right now it is ungodly expensive. I’m itching to go somewhere and the aforementioned Westin is usually anywhere from $300-$600/night depending on the season (give or take), and I just looked for later this year and it was $1200/night and rental cars (if you could find one) were $200+/day (I think you need a car). There’s so much demand right now that I’m just waiting. Maybe by March it will be better, and maybe if you look now it will be too. But just cautioning as it took all the wind out of my sails. I’m not paying Four Seasons pricing for a Westin.

      • Anonymous

        Not the OP, but I’m curious what dates you were looking at? I was considering Hawaii over New Year’s.

        • Anon

          I was looking for August, then September, then October. Gave up! This was a few weeks ago, so I might have been too close in time.

    • Anonymous

      When we went to Maui we rented a house on VRBO across the street from the Westin villas (I think it was in the Plantation complex?). It was great! We didn’t find that there was a ton to do on Maui, but beaching, hiking, and driving around to various cute spots was enough for us.

    • Anon

      We just did Hawaii (Oahu) from Chicago and I thought it was worth it, even though it is pricey and far. Hawaii has very high vax rates and currently requires a negative test to go, so I was a lot more comfortable going there vs the Caribbean. Everyone has the same attitude though and it’s super crowded right now. Not sure what the situation will be in March.

    • NYNY

      The big island would be great for a family trip. You can go to Volcano National Park, visit a green sand beach, and still do regular beach hangs. I like Hilo as a place to stay, but if you want to spend time on the Kailua-Kona side, you might want to get a hotel for a few days.

    • NYCer

      I prefer the Big Island, but if you’re looking for a place to stay in Maui, lots of my friends have stayed at Honua Kai with kids. It is kind of like a condo hotel if that makes any sense (rooms are condos, but there are resort style pools and a beach, onsite dining, etc.) I have never stayed there myself, but it is worth checking out with 3 kids!

    • Anonymous

      Related- how old do you think it makes sense for kids to do a HI trip? Mine are 3/5/8 and we are in Rhode Island so I guess we’d fly out of Boston or NY. We are going to be fairly tied to school vacation weeks. Maybe when they are 5/7/10? Or better to wait until more like 8/10/13?

      • Cat

        I went at 5, and have only super vague memories at this point. So if this is meant to be a super memorable bucket list type family trip, I’d wait until the slightly older ages.

      • Anonymous

        Not HI specific but I think it depends on how well your kids travel. It’s a loooooong flight. If your kids are very rambunctious then you might need to wait a few years. Or maybe you could break up the flight? LA and Denver would make for good stopovers.

  6. Leatty

    How do you keep track of emails to which you haven’t received a response? I’m working on a big project that requires sending many many emails to many different people requesting certain information. People often don’t respond, so I have to follow up with them once (or more). I need an efficient way to keep track of emails that haven’t been responded to. Gmail has a great nudge feature, but I use Outlook at work. Ideas?

    • Cora

      My company uses Gmail so I get those reminders, but for a big project I keep track of it in the overall tracker. Like literally:

      Task: Get information X from team Y
      Action Taken: Emailed person Z on July 7th

      And if no one has gotten a response or no next steps have been taken, its right up there. It looks tedious the way I’ve written it above, but it really isnt in a google sheet or something.

    • Anonymous Grouch

      Make sure your Outlook shows both From and To columns, and then BCC yourself on the emails. Make sure the subject lines make identification easy. You don’t want 40 emails in a row titled “Meeting”. Then you can easily see the ones where you sent it to someone but don’t see a response.

    • Anonymous

      For a while I had a folder called “follow-up” that I would drag sent emails into if I was waiting to hear back from somebody. It worked okay for a while but ultimately became a big dumping ground because I had a hard time remembering to then clear things out of there once I had heard back. Very interested in other ideas!

    • techgirl

      You can flag emails for follow up in Outlook, which will deliver the task into your to do. I’ve also used the plug-in Boomerang.

    • Sybil

      Bcc yourself and leave it in your inbox until you get a response. This probably only works if you’re someone (like me) who only leaves things in my inbox until they’re done.

    • Anonymous

      One cross-organizational project I’m working on uses Asana for this. Everyone hates it because it’s another platform to log in to and check. On other projects, we’ve found tracking spreadsheets in Excel and contact logs in Word or OneNote to be effective and easy to use.

    • ATL

      Flag or designate a color for “follow up” then add to emails as needed. Potentially imperfect (I’m not amazing at removing the flag once complete) but better than nothing…

      Maybe set a calendar reminder if you need to follow up in a set number of days? I believe you can attach an email to the calendar notification

    • NYNY

      When I send out the email, I go to my sent folder and schedule a reminder for a later date. So if I’ve requested something that I need by next Friday, I set a reminder for Thursday noon. When the calendar reminder goes off, I click it which opens the email I sent and I can dismiss it if the other party responded or resend it with an escalation if needed. Bonus feature is that if I don’t remember I can just start a reply all, and Outlook pops up a notice that I’m not responding to the last email on the thread, which will give me all the emails on the thread to review.

    • anonymous

      I have a “Waiting for Response” folder in Outlook. After I send an email where I need feedback from the recipient, I immediately move it from Sent items into the other folder. I review the folder in a daily basis to see what I need to follow up on.

      • Anony

        This is what I do also. But instead of having to remember to go into my Sent folder, I CC/BCC myself on the actual email so that it pings in my inbox (then I don’t forget to drag it into my Waiting for Response folder). When I get the response that I need, I immediately delete the email from my Waiting folder. It’s just habit at this point.

    • Anon

      If your company allows plugins, Boomerang plugin is fantastic. You can set reminders to pop your sent email to the top of your inbox if you don’t receive a response in your preferred time frame (2 hours, 2 days, 2 weeks etc).

    • Anonymous

      I flag the email as a task in Outlook and set a reminder. The reminder comes up, I check to see if I’ve gotten a response. If so, mark complete. If not, follow up.

      Also you could check out Superhuman if that’s allowed in your workplace – some of my coworkers swear by it

      • Anonymous

        +1 this is what I do too. After sending and email, I go to my sent box, flag that sent email with a timeline (right click, red flag icon and choose today, tomorrow, the week, next week, or a specific day, etc) and file that email in a project folder. I usually give people a week or so to respond.

        Turn on your Tasks Reading Pane on your main outlook screen so you can see what’s all due back when. Each day, I go through the emails whose responses should be back that day and send reminders (double click on that email and reply).

        When someone responds, you can mark your original flagged email as completed. I group my emails by conversation so my original email is nestled under the response it comes in and it’s super easy to mark the flag as complete.

        Like someone said above, make sure your subject is distinctive for the different recipients.

    • anon

      I don’t use Outlook for this. I usually have an Excel project tracking sheet that I use to keep track of everything that is going on and I update that with comments such as 07JUL ES to Sam Smith. Then when I am in the Excel sheet (regularly) updating my project tasks, I see that I don’t have a response and go out and chase the person I need it from. I have 30k emails in my inbox from the last year (not including emails I am cc’d on) and bcc’ing myself is never going to be a solution that works for me.

    • Anone

      I use Sandbox. It creates a folder called No Replies, which houses all the emails I’ve sent but to which I did not receive a reply. It does this automatically. You can also forward items to be returned to your inbox at a date and time you choose, and all your nonessential work email gets put into a separate inbox called Later. It’s a wonderful tool.

  7. all-inclusive

    For our 20th anniversary next spring, my husband and I would like to take a no-kids trip. An all-inclusive resort would be ideal because my husband is much more fun when everything is already paid for and he isn’t obsessing about how much everything costs. We are looking for good food, a super clean room and a well-maintained resort, air conditioning, 100% non-smoking, and the easy availability of activities like paddleboarding, kayaking, and hiking. Coming from the mid-Atlantic. We are in our mid-40s and don’t want to be surrounded exclusively by young honeymooners. We are interested in the Caribbean but not Mexico or the Dominican Republic. Open to destinations outside the Caribbean, but I like the idea of the Caribbean because we’ve already taken the kids there and I wouldn’t feel so guilty about depriving them of the chance to see a new place. I saw Excellence, which has a property in Jamaica, mentioned yesterday. Would this be a good choice? Or do all-inclusives cater exclusively to the honeymoon set?

    • Cat

      Trying again…

      I know you said “not Mexico” but a very tasteful couple (late 40’s) who normally avoid all inclusive resorts went to the Blue Diamond Riviera Maya and adored it — smaller than many properties, excellent food.

      • Anon

        I have to also recommend the Hyatt Ziva resort in Puerto Vallerta. I have been to a lot of resorts, all-inclusive and not, in many regions. This one was far and away the best I’ve been to.

    • Formerly Lilly

      This is where a travel agent can be very useful. Ex-H and I worked with Tana Vaynshteyn at Grand Turizmo Travel. She is very knowledgeable about all inclusive resorts and based on the information you give her, she will give you honest guidance as to what resorts might suit you and what won’t. She is accustomed to working with her clients via email, phone, text, and fb messenger, so your location isn’t really an issue. I don’t know her personally but exH and I ran into her and her husband at a resort once and went for drinks. She is a delightful person. Even as we sat there with drinks she was responding to clients, and that level of responsiveness is consistent with my experiences with her. When we had an air conditioning issue at a resort that we had been trying to sort out for a couple of days, once we contacted her she had it solved in a matter of hours.

    • Elle

      We loved Sugar Beach in St. Lucia! There were some honeymooners but we met several people doing 10th anniversary trips or groups of friend. I believe they had an all inclusive package. The spa was my favorite part! It was in the (rain?)forest and each treatment room was its own treehouse. I promise it’s a lot more lux than it sounds.

    • Marie

      Agree that a travel agent could be helpful in pointing you toward specific resorts that meet your criteria, but Aruba is a beautiful island and good destination for adults.

  8. anon trying to help

    I feel like I’m about to generate a nesting fail, but I’m trying to start a new topic. Or to bring up a topic that’s been discussed before: ideas for pastimes. I could–and have–done a search on “hobbies” here, but please be tolerant; I’m not asking for myself and I’m specifically asking for non-solitary, non-yarn-involving-type ideas for someone who needs to get out of their head and not sit around, yet who is not super fit or all that young. Yes, it’s a bit of an ask. That’s why I’m reaching out.

      • Anonymous Grouch

        Yes this. My pandemic accomplishment has been learning to golf. I am not young, super fit, or at all competitive but I took affordable lessons at a convenient public course, bought an affordable beginner club set, and am on my way. I am getting exercise and have toned arms for the first time in my life, am meeting a lot of interesting and fun people (including lots of women!) and have something to do other than sit around and watch netflix. It’s 2.5 hours (I play 9 holes) where I have to concentrate a bit on something, get to chat with other people and not look at my phone

    • Anonymous

      junior league or other volunteer type stuff – my aunt donates time at the goodwill i think sorting through donations
      if you’ll go with him/her – kayaking? getting in/out might be hard for an older/larger person though.

    • Carla

      Photography – walk around your neighborhood and take note of what is important to you specifically. I used to take a lot of pictures like this in grad school and its really precious to have them.

      Volunteer in a mutual aid group. Or a church.

    • Velma

      Local politics or boards, clubs (so many options, from book clubs to birding), musical or theater groups, volunteering (library, SPCA, museum docent), classes (art, dance, local history) …

      • roxie

        yes! find a local candidate you like and volunteer for them (in their office if they’re already elected or on their campaign!)

    • Anon

      I don’t think you can hobby for other people – it’s such a personal thing and not everyone is into them.

    • Digby

      Pickleball, walking/hiking club, chess, backgammon, bingo, line dancing, gardening/community gardening, card games?

    • Anonymous

      (actual) gardening, but for a more social component perhaps join an (actual) gardening club, perhaps even a part time job at a local garden store. I’m more of a backyard/solo gardener but also dabble with the local gardening club. It’s fun and social and does not have to be physically taxing. You don’t have to shovel and pull weeds- there’s a fundraising component, design, admin stuff, etc. It’s mostly middle age/older ladies in my area (I’m 37 and on the younger side but there are plenty of people in their late 30s/early 40s) but we interact a lot with the community which is people of all ages and genders.

      Similarly, what about getting involved with a local community group like the library or local theatre? To me, a hobby isn’t necessarily “doing” a thing, but “being involved with” a thing.

    • Anon

      Masters swimming with the right group (some are quite competitive, most are more focused on being social).

    • Ribena

      Chilled out cycling? The distinction between ‘getting on my bike for a long day in the saddle’ and ‘getting on my bike to cycle to the beach with friends, having a coffee or pizza there, and cycling home’

    • A Nonny Mouse

      Birdwatching! You can do it most places, there are lots of local groups (often older people), and you can do it at many levels – from looking at feeders out your window to group tours.

      • Anonymous

        +1 also if they hate it the first time they should try again. Birding is one of those activities that can be horribly boring or fascinating depending on who you’re with and their levels of skill.

    • Anonymous

      If the person is a dog person, but doesn’t have one, see if there is a rescue or shelter to volunteer and walk dogs — gets the person outside and moving and focusing on another being. Win win!

    • roxie

      Volunteer at your local boys and girls club, or abortion fund, or be a clinic escort at an abortion clinic, help at a food bank…depending on where you live does your city have participatory budgeting? that’s a huge thing needing substantive volunteers. Local democratic party, city council- all might have more resonant local ideas.

    • Anonymous

      I saw someone else mention backgammon and chess – I’d add bridge and other board games to that. My mother has made a lot of friends through bridge, and my local board game store hosts board game nights that would be great for meeting other people. Oh, and some of my friends have really gotten into mahjong and pickleball lately – we’re in our 50s if that helps you figure out who’s doing these things. My 80-something mother also knows people who are into pickleball. Book club also an option! Meetup.com may have some good ideas.

  9. Anonymous

    I think my hair is thinning and I’m (only?) 35. Whom do I go talk to about this? PCP? Dermatologist? I want to at least have an evaluation soon.

    • Anon

      Since this can be a symptom, your PCP want to make sure you don’t have anemia or some endocrinological condition that requires treatment.

      If nothing else is wrong, dermatologist.

      • Elle

        My thinning hair was caused by my anemia. It’s amazing how quickly it has come back in the last 6 months since I started taking iron.

    • Anon

      Hi, hair loss has been a major stressor for me in the last year so I thought I’d share this info, in case it’s helpful.

      I just turned 44 and last year realized I had lost a significant amount of hair from the front and crown of my head (standing under a bright light, I could see straight through to my scalp). I went to a dermatologist and also to my primary care provider. The derm did an examination of my scalp and a hair-pull test but didn’t biopsy, because when I explained that all the men on my dad’s side of the family went bald in their 20s, she said “I’m pretty confident this is androgenetic alopecia.” She thought there might also be some telogen effluvium involved (stress-related hair loss) but said that many times, the AA has already started when the TE kicks in and the combination of loss is what triggers people to visit the doctor. My PCP told me exactly the same thing when I talked to him about it. When all my bloodwork came back normal, the answer both gave me as far as medication for the loss was minoxidil. Both doctors told me it’s the only thing that works to regrow hair, or at least prevent more loss. I also got back on spironolactone, which I had been on for several years when I was younger due to PCOS.

      It took me until a month ago to finally accept the minoxidil suggestion, and what triggered me finally buying some was another loss cycle where I would come away with strands all over my hands when I touched my hair. Apparently this is how androgenetic alopecia works – there will be cycles where loss is worse or better, but ultimately, hair doesn’t grow back without chemical help. I read an article that said that by the time most women notice their hair loss, up to 30% of their hair can be gone; I would say in my case, it’s more like 50% is gone from my front scalp (at least). I started the minoxidil and am also considering doing platelet-rich plasma injections if the minox doesn’t work.

      The other thing I did was stop parting my hair down the middle (the loss/thinning is really, really obvious if you can see my center part) and cut bangs that I sweep to one side. With my hair styled like this, no one notices the thinning but me.

      • Panda Bear

        Thanks for sharing. As a person genetically cursed with very thin hair, I would add that colored dry shampoo is a big help. It boosts the volume and minimizes the bare scalp appearance. I like the bumble and bumble ones.

  11. Threadjack on RSUs?

    Hoping to start a conversation around RSUs. I know the standard advice is to sell your RSUs when they vest and invest in more diversified assets. I have mostly ignored that advice, in large part from sheer overwhelm and laziness/trepidation about investigating my options. It was easier to pretend those bonuses didn’t happen and just let them accrue.

    That strategy has played out REALLY well for me. About 60% of my net worth is from vested RSUs and I’d be retired if I had not cashed out what I did to buy a home, etc.

    My income will be a lot lower this year, and I wonder if now is the time to sell a bunch of RSUs and bank/invest the proceeds. But my employer stock (FAANG) has done incredibly well and is considered a solid long term investment, so….maybe I should do nothing? Keep holding and hope the value continues to rise at/above inflation?

    It is hard to start following the standard advice to sell/diversify when I’d be worth so much less had I listened sooner!

    • Anonymous

      You should consider splitting the difference. Keep some in RSU’s, sell some.

    • Anon

      It depends on what company you work for. If you have google RSUs, for example, then the advice doesn’t hold. It’s for riskier companies generally and is basically “diversify” so you’re not stuck with all your eggs in a bad basket. That said, there are some very stable blue chip type companies that grant RSUs where that advice may not hold up. Impossible to advise without specific information.

      • NY CPA

        It really doesn’t depend on what company you work for. “Very stable blue chips” can also end up failing or having collapses in stock price (sometimes out of pretty much nowhere). See Enron, GE, Lehman, Kodak, AIG etc. Diversity is important. Sure, if you work for a company with a booming business, keep more stock than the average person would, but make sure that if they went bust, you wouldn’t completely lose out on your future (retirement, downpayment you’re saving for, etc.)–how much that is depends on how much money you have and your risk tolerance.

    • Anonymous

      Talk to a financial planner. And remember that Enron was also considered a solid long term investment until it wasn’t. Do you get RSUs each year as part of your compensation? The idea is that you sell the vested ones and they keep replenishing, so you are always staying invested, just at a level that isn’t going to tank your retirement if Something Bad happens.

      I get it — I bought NFLX stock 15 years ago and would also be retired if I hadn’t sold half of it after the first 5 years, but it was 60% of my portfolio at the beginning of this year, and that just isn’t smart, even if it’s a good stock. I worked with a financial planner to plan how to divest and diversify in a tax-smart way.

      Also, with all the anti-trust and regulatory talk flying around about FAANG, I don’t know that you can count on their stock to continue meteoric rise. If you’ve been there for a while, you got an early seat on a rocket ship. Those companies are mature now, and while they got a big pandemic bump, they’re probably not going to keep posting 100%+ growth every year anymore like they did in earlier days.

    • Anon

      Hi. I worked for AIG in 2008 and had also not sold many of my RSUs. Don’t be me. Diversify.

    • Curious

      Amazon employee here with anecdata and our rationale, which may not be right for you. Partner and I both work at Amazon, both with 6+ years tenure. We keep vested Amazon shares at <=15% of net worth. Yes, we'd be much richer if we hadn't sold, but we are so leveraged on Amazon as a household already (because it's also the source of our salaries) that we consider the downside risk of holding on to our stock to be too high. We are still very well off, have a ridiculous amount of capital gains tax to pay if we ever sell what we do have, and have much greater peace of mind than we would otherwise. Lots of people do this differently, but we are fairly conservative on money management and it works for us.

    • JD

      The stock market is very high right now. I know we can’t time the market, but it certainly feels like a dip is likely within the next few years. If you need that money at all in a 5 year timeline, I would definitely start to sell off. Instead of thinking of how much money you could make by holding onto it, I’d focus on the amount of money you already made (you got 1000% returns or whatever)!. I have a lot of RSUs and ESPP myself from my company which is a similar unicorn type stock. I’ve routinely been selling off the ESPP (my own moneyI’m putting). I held onto all of the RSUs for over five years, but I’m going to start routinely selling a portion off. I like the other suggestions to start by selling half and keeping half to get yourself used to it and plan for the stock implications.

  12. TheElms

    Do any lawyers use a remarkable2 tablet? Or anyone more generally? Can anyone share thoughts or pros/cons? As I think about returning to the office and that I expect to work from the office 3 days a week and from home 2 days a week, I can see the benefit of having all my notes in one easily portable place. Typically, I take notes on paper and I have one notebook/notepad per matter. But with the hybrid schedule that could involve a lot of toting many notepads back and forth because I can’t always anticipate what will come up on a given day. I have 7-9 active matters at a time I’d say. The other alternatives are to take all my notes on my computer, which I’ve tried previously and doesn’t really work for me or to use one notebook for everything, but then I find it hard to find things. I’ve also had colleagues who scan handwritten notes but that seems time consuming to do on a daily or weekly basis. Is there another solution I haven’t considered?

    • j

      Following with interest! Not a lawyer but a lobbyist, but same – I much prefer hand-written notes and it seems like it could be excellent for having all notes for clients together and easier to find and reference. But, it’s pretty expensive and I hate to buy another gadget if it’s not awesome. Hope that some ‘rettes can share their experience!

    • allieoops

      I use a Rocketbook, which is a re-usable notebook that lets you scan your pages to an app and deliver them to OneNote or Google Drive or a variety of other locations. However, that doesn’t solve the “one notebook for everything is to large for easy review” issue, unless you get multiple Rocketbooks!

    • Anon

      I use Microsoft OneNote. Looked at a bunch of notetaking apps/devices and this works the best for me. I use my iPad and Apple Pencil to take handwritten notes. Since it syncs I can type in notes when that works better. I like that it is easy to attach files, emails, etc.

      • TheElms

        What is writing on an iPad with an Apple Pencil like? How long did it take for you to get used to it? I have an outdated iPad that is due to be replaced/upgraded so this would be a less single function solution than the remarkable2 tablet, but I’d need it to be a nice experience to write on it.

        • Anone

          I love mine. Use it every day – for digital planner and just regular notes. I have a special screen protector that has a texture to it, so it feels like writing on paper.

        • Anon

          It’s okay. It’s not as easy/quick as writing on paper, but it gets better the more you do it. Honestly, I use note typing more often since I am work-from-home for now, but it took me a couple of days to get the hang of writing with the pencil. I also have horrific handwriting (I tried various apps that converted handwriting to text, but none could read my scrawl). I do try to make an effort to write semi-neat and for the most part, what I write has been searchable. It also seems to help if you take actual notes in outline form. Usually, I’ll go back in and type in details if needed. I also had an old iPad and considered the remarkable2 tablet but a new iPad seemed more useful.

        • Anon

          I love it. I attend regular meetings with a book of exhibits that is sometimes 300 pages long. They went paperless which was great, but I am used to making notes directly on the exhibits for future reference. I switched to doing it on my iPad with a pencil (also had to upgrade to a newer iPad to get this capability) and it has been great.

    • Anon

      I just have one notebook that I write everything in. I write a heading and a date at the top of the page so it’s fairly easy to look back through, plus I usually have a pretty good memory about what notes are where.

    • Anonymous

      I use a rocketbook. One of my paralegals desperately wanted a remarkable2 but ultimately decided it wasn’t worth the cost and is sticking with her rocketbook. Also, a lot of regular tablets have a note feature if you buy a pen, if you already have one or want something with more functionality than just taking notes.

    • Anonymous

      I am an academic, not a lawyer, and bought a remarkable2 last year for wfh when all my research notebooks were locked away in my office. I love it for (1) note taking in meetings, (2) thinking work where writing ideas out long form is hugely beneficial, and (3) editing papers / grading / similar. It is excellent for that kind of work, but does best at “inputs” rather than “outputs” (as in, you can’t quickly flip through notes easily because turning pages is slow). It syncs to the computer so I usually read my notes on the computer in pdf form.

      My husband has a less hand writing – based workflow and bought a knockoff e-ink tablet (noox? Boox? Something like that) which is an android device so it has a web browser and similar things. It works for his use case, mostly hobby stuff, but is not nearly as nice as the remarkable.

  13. Anonymous

    WWYD – DH and I would like to plan a trip to somewhere in Western Europe next summer, but we’re having trouble picking a location we’re both excited about. He hasn’t been anywhere other than London, but I’ve been a handful of times. His top ~5 choices are all places I’ve already been (Scotland, Ireland, Rome, Paris, Sorrento). I’d happily go anywhere with him, traveling with someone is totally different than by yourself! Unfortunately, because of DH’s work, whether he can actually come on the trip is up in the air basically until he’s on the plane (or not), so I might have to go alone. We’re struggling to plan a vacation that he is excited about but that I would want/be able to do on my own if he had to cancel at the last minute. For example, I don’t want to do a whiskey-focused trip in Scotland by myself because 1) drinking alone for a week or so doesn’t sound that fun, and 2) I’ve already been to Scotland solo and did a pretty deep dive of the things I was excited to do alone, if I’m going to be alone then I’d like to do something new. DH is fine doing something I haven’t done but I feel guilty that I’m shooting down all of his ideas. I don’t want to bulldoze him. Advice for how to approach our discussions? Or for things to do? He’s not interested in Iceland, Spain, or Portugal for some reason (all places I’ve been solo but they’re big enough that I could easily pivot to find new things to do alone). Maybe Germany or Belgium?

    • Anon

      You can’t have possibly done ALL THE THINGS in each of those five places. Why don’t you affirmatively choose a location, but leave the details of what you’ll do there less firm – even separate itinerary plans for traveling together versus you alone.

      • OP

        You’d be surprised how much you can do when you’re on your own! I feel like there’s SO MUCH of the world I want to see, particularly without kids, I don’t want to waste an entire year (we really only get one fun vacation a year) going somewhere I’ve already been. I’ve only got like 40 good travel years left! There’s way more than 40 places I want to go!

    • Anon

      Paris is a great place to go alone. I’ve done it many times! Probably the same for any city – museums, shopping, good food, just walking around – these are all great things to do solo.

      • OP

        Yes it is! I’ve been to Paris solo twice. I’d happily go again with him, but I don’t really want to waste a vacation going to the same city by myself for a third time, y’know?

    • Cb

      Belgium is boring, don’t go to Belgium. I’d do Paris, I actually prefer it on my own (loafing around museums, eating croissants, people watching in cafes) but it could be lovely and romantic with a partner.

      • NYCer

        Agreed. Nothing against Belgium, but a week long trip there would not be that exciting IMO. I also agree re Paris, but since OP sounds like she doesn’t want to risk going there alone again, here are a few other ideas:

        – South of France (Saint Paul de Vence, Antibes, Eze)
        – Barcelona and Mallorca (it is an easy flight)
        – Venice + another city in Italy

    • Anon

      Paris. Fun solo, fun with friends, fun with a spouse. So much to do that it’s hard to get it all done. Possible to do side trips to the Alps or Normandy if you’re in the mood, or you can probably make it to Spain or Portugal from there.

    • Anon

      He gets to plan the trip he wants when he is able to 100% go on the trip. Until then, your wants matter more.

    • Of Counsel

      I am going to make a pitch for Rome because (1) it is impossible to run out of things to do; (2) it is an easy train ride to other cities if you end up there alone; and (3) I just really love Rome and want to live vicariously through someone else!

    • TheElms

      I would do Rome + Florence (or another Italian city that would interest you that is accessible by train). Plan to spend 2-3 days in Rome and then the balance of the time in the second city. If DH doesn’t come I’m sure there will still be things in Rome to do that you haven’t done previously for 2-3 days and then you will move onto the next city. You might even be able to leave a day early if wanted and move onto the second city a day early.

      • Anonymous

        I agree with this plan. Of course, I think I could happily spend two months in Rome and still not run out of things to do.

    • NY CPA

      Spain/Portugual are conspicuously absent from your list, which I’m dying to visit.

      For Italy, you could plan a trip that includes 2-3 days in Rome for DH and other places for you (thinking here of Florence, Venice, Tuscany, etc. as options). Similarly, you could do France and do Paris for 2-3 days and then add things outside Paris like Versailles or other areas like Provence/Cote d’Azur, a favorite wine region (Bordeaux, Burgundy, Champagne), Normandy, etc. If DH can’t come, 2-3 days in Rome or Paris are never wasted!

    • Anonymous

      What about Croatia? You could link it in with going to Italy or Greece.

    • Anonymous

      I’d do Munich/Innsbruck/Vienna and maybe Prague? Great scenic train connections if you don’t want to drive on your own. Quite safe and lots to see/do.

      • Curious

        I was coming here to recommend Prague and surroundings by train! I’ve been to Prague three times and am still not bored of it.

        Also, have you considered the Netherlands? Lots of towns within 1 hour train rides or slightly longer bike rides of each other. You could do Amsterdam (canal tour, Heineken tour, Rijksmuseum, Anne Frank museum, Van Gogh museum, walk around a non-touristy bit like Muiderpoort), Den Haag (embassys!f food!), Delft (museums), Leiden (beach), and Rotterdam (cool architecture, definitely do a port tour). And eat stroopwaffels and drop and hagelslag.

        • pugsnbourbon

          The Netherlands, Denmark, or Scandinavia would have lots of options for single travelers and couples.

    • Anon100

      Spain (been there before but I’d go back again bc there’s so much to see – Madrid and Barcelona are obviously the big ones but plenty of other slightly smaller places too); Prague (has been on my travel list forever); Croatia? Greece? Austria? Budapest?

      Ask him why he chose the places he chose – is it because of some special historical interest? food? ancestry? it’s on everyone’s “oh you need to go there once” list thing? his favorite soccer/football teams?

    • anon

      What about Scandinavia? It wasn’t even on my radar until I went, and I wandered around Bergen and Oslo solo and both felt really safe, but would’ve been fun with a partner.

    • Anon

      What do you like about travel? If it is nature, I’d say Norway (fjords) or Slovenia (my fav trip whole-country road trip- mountains and beach 2 hours from each other! Lakes Bled/Bohinj are beautiful, Ljubljana is so cute). If you want a city break, and are interested in history too, have you thought about Berlin or Prague (or both – 6 hr train ride apart)? You could do the romantic road in southern Germany. Amsterdam, and a side trip to Utrecht?

  14. Anonymous

    I have this top. I like that it’s forgiving through the middle and bust (no pulling), drapes nicely, and the V neck isn’t too low (and I’m a D), but I go back and forth about whether it looks sloppy. I disagree that it looks “super polished” at least for workwear, but it’s a great option for Zoom appearances where you need a bright solid color shell under your suit jacket. I just wish the fabric didn’t make me look like I was too lazy to iron (which, ahem, isn’t untrue).

  15. Anon

    Law firm litigators please advise. When a lawyer laterals in, how long is the adjustment period/after how long can you tell if they are sinking or swimming? And does # of years of experience impact your answer? I changed firms about 2 months ago, and feel that I am not swimming. I was told the transition takes 3-6 months before you’re fully up to speed, but I feel like my superiors are constantly displeased that I’m not adjusting fast enough. I’m terrified I’m going to be fired. A group of associates all started on the same date, and we check in with each other a lot and seem to be in the same boat in terms of workload. However, I feel like I’m getting more negative feedback and being expected to transition quicker. I feel like I’m expected to be perfect ASAP. I am more of a midlevel and the other associates are more junior, which may be a factor.

    • Anonymous

      I could’ve written this the last time I lateraled. I made partner last year, if that makes you feel better! I do think there’s an expectation that more senior lawyers will hit the ground running. The positive side of that is – people trust you. The presumption of competence is a good thing, run with it. When I lateraled to my current firm, my confidence had taken a huge blow from my last firm. It took a while not only to get the lay of the land but also to feel confident in myself again. The partners definitely picked up on the lack of confidence. My first review was like 8 months after I started and I got a comment “you’re doing much better than when you first started” – yikes. Once I was up front about where I was struggling, they were able to give me feedback that put me on the right path. I would ask things like, how much do you want me to check in with you or should I just get the job done and report back? If you sense they’re getting annoyed with you, don’t hide from it, it’s much better to address it head on.

    • Anon4this

      Is it a quality of work or quantity issue?Being a mid level lateral is honestly rough (been there), but I’m not sure why it would affect your work product quality.

      • Anon

        I’m getting mixed feedbcak on work quality. I changed practice areas with this move, in an area I have some experience in but less than a year. There are a few practice area-specific things that I’m still learning and getting a hang of. I think I was upfront about all this during my interviews, but I have the feeling their expectations were higher than appropriate with respect to my competency in this specific practice area. There’s also a factor of I’m still learning these files, all of which were transferred to me from a departing lawyer when I started.

  16. Anon

    I’m not really sure what I’m looking for here – advice, commiseration, opinions, permission? I am a litigator (senior associate level) and I just feel like I can’t do this job anymore. I’m at a mid-large firm for my city, but not big law by any means. I graduated at the top of my class in law school and did multiple clerkships, and I’m good at what I do. But… I just hate it? Every day I feel like I can’t do this even one more day and sometimes I wish I would get fired just so that it wouldn’t be my decision to leave. I’ve identified some other fields/roles I would be interested in, but the main deterrents are (1) it would likely be a big pay cut and I do still have loans, though they aren’t astronomical ($60k) and (2) I feel like a failure because I’ve invested over a decade in getting to this point since starting law school and I feel like quitting is bad/giving up. Compared to most law jobs, this one is probably not as bad as some or even most, but litigation is litigation and I think I’ve just come to hate the nature and substance of the whole thing. I’m looking at non-profit work and development because I do a lot of volunteering and love that, and am looking at some in house jobs that are legal-adjacent like compliance, etc. but I do not live in a big city, so in house jobs of any kind are few and far between.

    I am in therapy and for now am compartmentalizing work just to make it bearable, but I have 30 years until retirement and I don’t think I can sustain this for that long. I have also spent time this year working with a career coach and identifying the areas outside of the law that match with my skills and interests. So I have thought about this a lot. But I think I’m having an emotionally hard time giving up on this career even though I know it’s probably the right thing for me. Has anyone else been through this? Am I crazy for potentially taking a 1/3 or more pay cut? Any advice or insights appreciated.

    • Anon

      ugh, no advice, but same. I can’t do this for 30 more years. I can do it for maybe 5 more years. Maybe I could keep litigating, but I’m so burned out re: billable hours. I’m considering a move to government or maybe an insurance company or maybe even plaintiff’s work, removing the billable hour aspect. It would cut my salary in half, but I think it would be worth it…

    • Anon

      Hi, are you me? Really the only difference is you’ve done the work with a career coach etc while I just spend a lot of time staring into the abyss and panicking about hours.

    • Anon

      Have you budgeted out how long it will take you to pay off your loans? Let’s say it’s two years right now. Set that as your final date as a litigator. The loans will have enabled you to live the life you’ve experienced, and you’re putting that chapter of your life behind you. You’re one of the lucky ones who has done something she’s great at, and now get the chance to also do something you enjoy.

      Then in the meantime, work on forging your next path. Volunteer with organizations where you might do non-profit work, network with people who work in your potential in-house companies, etc. Do some introspection to make sure that you’re jumping to the parts you like and are good at, and truly leaving behind the parts that are making you miserable. Develop a checklist of things to watch for in your next few roles, and commit to yourself that it might take a few more jumps to land in your perfect spot.

      Most importantly, practice living on your new estimated salary (other than loan payments) so it’s not such a shock when you take the new role. Worst case, you’ll build up a bit of savings to help even more with the adjustment. Best case, you’ll figure out whether that salary is doable and what exactly you require in a job to make that budget “worth” it for you.

    • Anon

      Lots of advice! Please disregard what doesn’t work for you.

      Do a search for permanently remote in-house jobs. After COVID, a lot of employers are doing this; it allows them to do a nationwide candidate search and have people in for consistent hours (no more “wreck on 95 so I’m going to be 45 minutes late” or “daycare closes at 5:30” issues that impact scheduling). Please do not limit yourself to your geographical area.

      You did not mention family. Why are you in this town? Is this a good time to make a switch to a different city while changing fields?

      It’s hard for people who have always been good to accept “failure.” The quotes are deliberate. This isn’t failure, plain and simple. You aren’t tied to litigation because that’s what you picked straight out of law school at the age of 25; that’s crazy talk.

      Identify what you do like. It will be very difficult for you to land in a good place without doing so. Litigation to compliance will likely drive you up the wall.

    • Anon

      You don’t need to do this for 30 years. You don’t need to do anything for 30 years. This isn’t the 1950s – you don’t do one thing your entire life and retire with a gold watch. Take some time to examine why “success” is exclusively defined in your head as “law firm litigator.” Is it family pressure? Is it insecurity and wanting to look like you’ve “made it?” Is it some silly idea you picked up from watching too many tv dramas as a teen?

      If you live frugally, how much longer would it take you to pay off your loans? Can you stick around that long and make an exit plan? Depending on your salary, you could pay that off this year.

    • Anonymous

      You need to stop dithering and start applying to jobs. Any job that interests you! Getting a new job isn’t quitting on life.

    • anon

      You are not a failure because you have decided a certain career doesn’t work for you. People change jobs all the time! Do we look at a former lawyer who decided to open a bakery/pet sitting business/whatever as a failure? I certainly do not. I look at that as #goals. They are doing what they presumably enjoy, while I am toiling away in an office doing work that is only really helping shareholders. Do what you want to do! I don’t really like to use the word failure at all, but I would think not pursuing something you like vs. staying with something you hate is more a failure than the path you are proposing taking.

    • Anonymous

      The decade wasn’t wasted – you got your degree and paid off a lot of your loans. I’d cut back on lifestyle as much as possible so you can make even faster progress on your loans and focus on your exit plan.

      I’ve been a govt lawyer for 20 years and I love it. I would HATE to be a litigator in private practice! But legislative drafting is the best! There are so many legal jobs that are not litigation.

    • Anon

      35 years ago, I was in your shoes. I even considered several job options that would have required high school education only, with enormous earnings limitations. I did not go that route, but switched to a government job as an attorney, still with significant cuts in earnings and earnings potential. I have remained in government law since that time, always in jobs with a broad range of duties across a far broader spectrum of issues than in private practice. Often, my jobs have evolved with me. I work hard, much harder than the stereotype of a 40 hour government job. Some think that if you work hard you need to make big bucks; I find satisfaction all day, while still having some work life balance. It was a hard decision — and many did not understand my pivot, but it has served me well. Don’t rule out government. Some of the jobs are deadly dull, but I have found many to be great jobs. And second all the advice about getting the loans paid off ASAP to give yourself more options.

    • Anon

      Thanks to everyone who responded. I am going to be thinking about all of this and appreciate the advice here. I am working toward paying off the debt and saving a chunk of money and I have been applying to jobs. I think it’s just hard to let go of something I feel like I put so much into. I appreciate everyone’s comments.

  17. unicorn shorts

    any recs for the perfect white shorts ? hopefully not paper bag or too long (bermuda shorts).

    ive tried old navy/gap but they seem to stretch out a full size by the end of the day. looking for a pair that would retain shape and hopefully veer on the dressy side

  18. Anonymous

    Wildfire escape? Now that we can travel more safely, where in the US would be a good temporary escape from the fires?

    • Anon

      According to an article in the NY Times a couple days ago, even Hawaii is having more wildfires than normal recently, so pretty much everywhere is affected. But obviously the answer to this question depends on where you are and what’s burning at any given time. East coast is much less likely to have fires, but more likely to have hurricanes as we move into late summer and fall and the smoke can actually move surprisingly long distances. Climate change affects everyone.

    • SMC-San Diego

      Right now? San Diego.

      Later this summer or fall when San Diego will probably be on fire, anyplace on the east coast with pretty foliage. I am particularly fond of the mountains of western North Carolina.

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