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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
Nordstrom Rack is one of my favorite sources for building a work wardrobe on a budget. If you’re in the market for some well-priced basics, look no further than the fantastic selection of Maggy London dresses.
This tie-neck, short-sleeved sheath is machine washable and comes in six colors, all appropriate for even the most formal of offices. The black is definitely the most versatile, but I would probably opt for the magenta version — perfect for layering under a black or navy blazer.
The dress is $44.99 at Nordstrom Rack and comes in sizes 0–16.
This dress from Calvin Klein is available in sizes 14W–22W and is on sale for $59.98.
Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – 11/5 only – 60% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Up to 30% off on new arrivals
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Buy one, get one – 50% off everything!
- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
Suits
Promotion means I need 1-2 suits for board meetings, but I’m in the process of losing weight so don’t want to invest in Boss level at this point. Any recent finds for simple suits, or dress-jacket combos, that look more expensive than they are to tide me over? Would prefer to stay $300 or under, ideally less, for each. (Late 30’s, short pear with a short neck, vastly prefer c-ll-rless styles like the Going Out Blazer).
AIMS
I would look at Talbots or Ann Taylor when they have 30-40% off promos.
Anon
J crew on sale? i think their suits are pretty good actually.
Anon
Ann Taylor on sale should definitely be in your range. Also try H&M—it should be way under your max, and their suits don’t last super long but look good enough while they’re in good condition.
Ellen
I love Ann Taylor, but my tuchus in it’s current form is to big for many of their most fashonable cuts. So, I now wear alot of A line skirts, which are not tight at the waist to ensure that my tuchus is not called out in court when the Judge asks me to spin around a few times whenever I get up to present my case and examine witnesses.
Vicky Austin
J. Crew has had some very fun c0llarless jackets recently – they call them lady jackets. Some had matching skirts or dresses.
Anon
Tahari ASL at Nordstrom has been a recent good find for me – they’ve got some cute skirt suit options that are old-school boardroom formal but still cute. The one I got is sold out, but there’s other options.
Anon
For reference here’s the one I bought that’s sold out now
https://www.nordstrom.com/s/two-piece-jacket-skirt-set/7128688
pugsnbourbon
No advice on suits but congrats on your promotion!
Anonymous
Banana Republic Factory – decent suit for under $200 with sales
Suits
Thanks all- I have some browsing to do :)
Anon
congrats.
real real or high end cosignment
Anonymous
I’m a lawyer. About a month ago, I found out that A client is getting sued over a decision they made. I advised them about the decision, and against my advice, I became a witness (no privilege) in some conversations. I am now a witness and maybe will be personally named in the lawsuit. I am so nervous. I have barely slept in a month and did not enjoy holidays. This case might take 2-5 years depending on their insurance company defense, etc. I don’t typically litigate cases, although I understand most of the process, I’m way more concerned than I thought. Any advice on how to keep my head together and actually get some sleep?
Anon
Can you hire an attorney or contact your malpractice carrier? Not saying you did anything wrong but I’d lawyer up for peace of mind.
Anon
I work in professional liability insurance. I would put my pl carrier on notice right away just out of an abundance of caution.
Anon
I work in insurance. Do this right now, OP.
anon
I don’t work in insurance, but totally agree with telling your professional liability insurance and/or your firm’s counsel ASAP from an emotional point of view. It’s a big relief to put something in the hands of the experts.
In my jurisdiction, employers are required to indemnify employees for liability incurred in the course and scope of their employment with limited exception, so kicking it over to my employer to handle would also be a relief.
Anonymous
Get professional help. From a therapist and a legal mentor. It’s just a lawsuit this level of anxiety is really out of proportion to reality. Have you spoken to the partner at your firm who handles malpractice?
Anonymous
Are you solo or part of a firm? If you’re solo, I’d spend some time looking at your state bar to see what resources they have available to talk to someone either for a consult on legal ethics/privilege or for mental health support.
If you’re in a firm, you need to talk to whoever is in charge of your malpractice policy/resolving conflicts/etc. At larger firms, this would be a formalized office of general counsel. Having served as in house firm counsel, believe me that they’ve heard it all!
Probably goes without saying, but if you’re an associate you need to inform the partner in charge of the matter asap.
Nora
I think talking to general counsel if you’re at a firm would be really helpful, they have seen it all and would not be phased by something like this.
Anon
Fazed
Anon
I would also contact Bar Counsel in your state, who should be able to give you confidential advice and hopefully reassurance that you didn’t violate any rules of professional ethics, and about how to handle the process in compliance with rules of professional ethics as a witness. If you are with a firm, I’d think the firm would retain an attorney to represent you (and the firm) in the matter.
Anonymous
In my state this would be incorrect to do — bar counsel only advised on what you MAY do, not what already has been done. Agree with above to contact your malpractice carrier immediately.
Anon
Are you at a firm? This is usually covered by their malpractice insurance. And it happens. Most cases settle, this happens to execs in private companies all the time. There’s usually minimal leverage to be gained by naming you individually and your firm should have your back. It’s stressful but not worth losing sleep over.
Anonymous
I am so sorry you’re going through this. I work at a giant firm with a general counsel who has a team of people. We get emails one a month at least about “best practices” and have yearly required presentations with our malpractice insurance carrier. It all comes down to “tell us early, tell us everything” and “we are here to help you think through the best way to approach this.”
It does not sound like there is malpractice involved, but if you have a GC at your firm, talk to them today and give your malpractice carrier a call as well (if the GC won’t be doing that). At a minimum, they can help you develop a plan. These people at the insurance company have seen more litigation that you have, and will know the best way to approach it, even if it’s not a malpractice claim. It’s a yucky call to make, but please just “do the thing” and call them.
Anon
I was in the same boat. I did not get named as a defendant but my former law firm was sued for malpractice and since I was an associate working on the deal, I was named in the list of people who the plaintiff intends to depose. My firm assigned a litigation partner to prepare me for the depo and that partner was great and reassuring. I kept waiting for the other shoe to drop and it didn’t. After a couple of years, I found out that the case had been settled. So I worried for nothing. I hope you have the same result!
Anonymous
This would have really bothered me when I was junior. Now I’m more senior and it rolls off my back much better. People sue all the time and most of the time it amounts to not much. It’s very unlikely (not impossible but unlikely) that you would be liable to a third party for advice given to your client. It’s less unlikely that the client might sue you if you gave obviously bad and wrong advice and they followed the obviously bad and wrong advice to their detriment. It is very very common for deal lawyers to become witnesses in the deals they work on when the deal goes south. Like 99% of discovery material never sees a court filing so unless you’re sending really stupid emails you have nothing to worry about. Sometimes law firms get named in these suits but it’s usually just a play to bring more deep pockets to the settlement table.
I would let my professional liability carrier know about this though. They’ll get counsel for you if needed. I know it’s easier said than done but let the process take its course and try not to worry about it.
Anonymous
I know comparison is the thief of joy and run your own race but I can’t help but be a bit (a lot) jealous of a friend. Different circumstances but along the lines of we are both part of a very engaged online running group and she’s going to run the Boston marathon with the group. Or your work bestie is going to a conference overseas and will meet a lot of important mutual connections in person. I’m super happy for her but sometimes I find she acts like she’s ‘better’ than me with the shared interest (she thinks for me it’s a side line/interest where as she thinks she’s more serious). It’s all jealousy on my part but it’s hard! I’m limited by other plans this year as to why I can’t go, it would be a big expenditure for me of money and time where as for various reasons it’s much more workable for her to go. I think it’s just the price of admission in the friendship I guess but I know I’m jealous now and will feel more so hearing all about it after. I will of course continue to be excited for her and cheer her on with it.
Anonymous
For me this jealousy is always about me and where I am. If I’m jealous of a friend going to Ohio for the big ballroom competition it’s really about me feeling out of synch with my priorities. There are reasons why I’m not doing that and I need to focus on myself in those moments.
anon
This is me, too. Either my priorities are out of sync, or I’m a bit sad about some tradeoffs I’ve had to make in how I spend my time. It’s OK. Jealousy happens. As long as you realize it’s a you-thing, and not a friend thing (unless she’s been an ass about it), it’s all good.
AIMS
Life is always about trade offs. Whenever I feel like this, I think would I want to trade places with this other person? The answer is always no because I wouldn’t want to give X or Y in my life or take in A or B in theirs.
anon
And similar to what AIMS says, you don’t know what might be in that person’s past or future, which is how I console myself. I’ve had a lot of tragedy and loss, but I’ve also escaped a lot (so far!) that I don’t want. If you could magically change places with this person, you might also inherit their losses.
Not saying you are thinking this way, but I am guilty of magical thinking along these lines.
Anon
You have two issues here: your feelings of jealousy and her acting like she’s better than you. Maybe the latter causes the former? (I know that I grit my teeth at people who act like they are better than me.)
Is there a reason why you can’t go that is related to her acting like this is a side project for you? I’m a runner so I’ll go with your Boston Marathon example. Some people simply will never qualify for Boston no matter how hard they train. Some people get to go because they raise substantial sums for charity, which in itself is a rather privileged thing (you need a lot of wealthy friends who have spare cash for a good cause. Some people just cut the check themselves.) Some grind our mile after mile, do their speed work and tempo runs and marathon pace runs and progression runs, lift weights, run doubles, do tune up races, and finally make it in after several years. Other people have enough talent, could go through all that, but don’t because it eats up their lives. (I have a toddler and healing from pregnancy has been a process. Now is not the time to make a Boston attempt.)
Which camp are each of you in, adjusting for whatever this opportunity is? I would be irritated AF if someone who simply had more resources acted like that made her more serious about something. OTOH, I can roll with people who actually give up all semblance of an outside life to drive for something. Is this a situation in which you need to do a slow fade for now, or wherein jealousy can be a motivator?
Anon
I feel this way as well sometimes. For me, it helps to feel my feelings on the whole issue without judgment for a while. It’s okay to be jealous! It’s human nature. It doesn’t mean you’re a bad friend or that you’re unhappy with your life or anything.
After I feel my feeling for a while, I try to look at it with curiosity instead of judgment. Is my jealousy trying to tell me something about my own life that I have the power to change? Maybe so, maybe not. Maybe it’s telling me I need to give attention to an area of healing, or that I really would be happier devoting more energy to a side interest or whatever.
Then the biggest thing that has helped in the long run has been to listen to what my curiosity finds. I’ve been working diligently on a hobby that brings me a lot of joy and that brings meaning to my life outside work and other obligations. Feeling secure in that has helped me feel secure in other areas. Sometimes I get jealous of friends within that hobby, so I light a candle I love and feel sad for myself for a bit and then it passes and I’m okay again.
For me it doesn’t work to remind myself that other people’s lives aren’t perfect or things like that. For me, that makes me feel like I’m invalidating myself or saying that I “shouldn’t” feel a certain way. Which just makes my feeling more pronounced.
Anonymous
I tend to look at good things happening to others as proof that good things happen. An old friend seems to have have had major, major financial success recently and she living my literal dream life and I just want to eat up every single detail. Yes I’m happy for her, but selfishly, I just love that this life is real and possible. I’m not sure this is a way of thinking you can adopt but perhaps another perspective is helpful?
That said, if a friend makes me feel bad in the way you’d described,I’d keep my distance.
Anonymous
This must be tough but as long as you realize this is a you issue and don’t take it out on your friend it’s fine. I have had 2 similar situations in my life, the first my friend was jealous of my job and she ghosted me and came back a few months later to basically say she was jealous and needed space and she was sorry, this was a good way to deal with it IMO. The second situation was when I was getting married, a slightly older single friend of mine got absolutely trashed at a friend’s birthday and proceeded to shout at me that I ‘didnt deserve to get married’, please dont do that. That friend is now an ex-friend.
Anon
If she acts like she is better than you, that would get to my competitive side. But if it’s a close friendship, can you just tell her, omg I am so so jealous? I wish I could do that. Tell me everything about it? Then you might be able to share in her joy rather than feel like she’s rubbing it into your face.
Anon
Try to imagine Team USA at the gymnastics portion of the Olympics. They compete as a team and have a lot of esprit de corps not only while they’re doing that, but during individual completions as well, where they are competing against each other. Only one of them is potentially going to win a gold medal, but they cheer each other on like crazy. And they’re young girls! They handle it so well. Take your inspiration from 13-18 year olds.
Anon
One thing to understand is that jealousy is part of the human condition. Everybody feels it at some point. So give yourself some grace, think through why you are feeling that why (spoiler alert: it’s probably not about the other person), and find healthy ways to work through those emotions. Adn remember, somebody out there was jealous of you at some point for all the fun, amazing things you have accomplished.
Seventh Sister
Even with friends, you get their highlight reel and you don’t know what bad/not-so-great stuff is happening in the rest of their life. Not that it evens out over time, exactly, but some of my dearest friends have done things that are 100% drool-worthy AND had personal setbacks that I’d never wish on my worst enemy.
Anon
Any Raleigh area people have a preference for a ground cover for a sunny spot? Neighbors say Creeping Jenny or Lamb’s ears and others say they work better in slight shade (and this is for an area of full sun that faces west, so brutal. My garden center locally is a Home Depot, so sometimes you can get a hood person but I haven’t had luck on trips. I do have a landscaper who can get what I tell him to use but wants to take direction vs make suggestions. No irrigation system, if that matters.
Anon
GOOD person, not hood person.
Anon
If you don’t have a local nursery or arboretum, online stores like Prairie Moon often can show you some good options for your area. For example, https://www.prairiemoon.com/ground-covers#/filter:sun_exposure:Full/filter:ss_south:NC .
You can also check with local master gardeners. My state’s are very friendly and even have a hotline. This looks like it might be the right link for NC: https://emgv.ces.ncsu.edu/need-gardening-help/
Anon
You can contact a Master Garderner volunteer in your area and pick their brain. Link in replies.
Anon
https://sites.google.com/ncsu.edu/garden-questions/home?pli=1
Elle
The master gardens volunteers are at the farmer’s market in Raleigh pretty often!
Anonymous
Not sure about NC specifically But here in Boston I put creeping phlox and sedum in my brutal weather facing super dry areas with no irrigation. The sedum will grow anywhere. The phlox needs low key water when it gets really dry- I have it on top of a giant rock wall so I spray it maybe once every week if there hasn’t been much rain.
anon
Sedum is bulletproof, and there are many different varieties. I planted some in a hell strip area near a sidewalk, and it’s filled in nicely over a couple of years.
Also, if you don’t mind having an annual variety, portulaca and moss rose can take heat, drought, and unpleasant conditions, no problem. And the flowers are bright and pretty.
Minnie Beebe
Sedum or other stone crop should work. Some varieties of sedum spread *QUICKLY* and can take over other varieties, so you may want to consult with a local garden supply shop about which are recommended.
Gail the Goldfish
Creeping phlox (Phlox stolonifera) does well in sun and is also native, so that’s a bonus. There are multiple types of phlox, so just make sure you get the right one. Ask the Triangle Gardeners facebook group, or maybe try one of the local nurserys instead of Home Depot (Homewood is my favorite, Atlantic Gardening is also good, if you’re more on the south side of town try Logan’s or Campbell Road). Also, the NCSU find a plant tool is very useful–you can put in sun type, plant type, etc and it will show you options: https://plants.ces.ncsu.edu/find_a_plant/
Gail the Goldfish
I’ve got a another reply in mod, but another suggestion for nurseries–Sorrell’s is located in I think Dunn, but does deliveries and meetups all over the Triangle and could probably help you with options. Mostly she sells native plants.
Anom
Think about finding native plants! Your local agricultural extension should have suggestions.
I just moved into a new house in NY environs last summer and our sellers planted almost entirely Asian invasive species. Except for the English ivy that they apparently loved? Which makes a great home for poison ivy to flourish…
Gail the Goldfish
I have been ripping the English ivy out of my yard for the past few years and replacing it with native plants and it’s so satisfying. Can’t decide if the English ivy or the Chinese privet is my least favorite invasive (probably the privet, which Will. Not. Die.)
Smokey
Not Raleigh specific, but I would look into vinca minor vine (periwinkle). The only drawback is that it is considered “somewhat” invasive but I have never had a problem with that.
Anon
My yard is infested with it and it’s impossible to get rid of.
Anon
I live not far from Raleigh and would advise against vinca; it’s totally invasive and kind of a nightmare to manage.
Anonymous
Anyone want to share cutesy “arguments” with your spouse that make you think, oh I see this is what marriage is.
DH and I moved recently. In the old house, the cat had a habit of making a bed in the back of the closet with clothes he would take off the hangers. He also dislikes closed doors. If he knows a door opens but it’s closed at the moment, he will alternate between trying to open it himself (so the door goes BANG BANG BANG in the frame) and screaming until someone opens it. Usually at 3 am. I would really like to not repeat this in the new house so I’ve been careful to keep the master closet door closed so the cat doesn’t know anything is there. DH is not as fastidious. Yesterday the cat realized the door opens and last night he screamed at it. Harumph.
Anonymous
I’m lol because I thought that your husband disliked closed doors and was banging them and screaming at them in the middle of the night. And I was thinking “oh that’s not cutesy, he needs help…”
I’ve shared this before but my husband has never, ever seen a Chico’s clothing store without suggesting we go there for tacos. I will spend the rest of my life explaining that this is not a restaurant nor does it serve tacos.
anon
LOL, that’s amazing.
AIMS
So glad it wasn’t just me that misread this post!
Reminds me of when I was a kid and we had a neighbor who had a parrot and a teenager. Her 16 year old started dating someone with the same name as the parrot and the neighbor started complaining that “Polly” wouldn’t stop eating her plants, and saying how maybe she had a vitamin deficiency but it was still unacceptable, and why oh why would they do this. My mom and I completely forgot about the parrot’s name and were just *so* confused about why this teenager would be eating the neighbor’s plants …. I still laugh whenever I think about it.
OP
Isn’t it funny to think how we would react to our pets’ behavior if people did them? It’s a good thing the furry little psychopaths are so cute.
Anon
HAHA the tacos are probably better than the fashion, just sayin’
anon
My spouse and I have never settled the “pop vs. soda” debate. Now our kids are involved. One kid sides with me (the correct person, who uses the word “pop” like an actual Midwesterner), and one sides with my DH (who wrongly uses the term “soda” despite living in a “pop” region of the country).
Also, his laundry sorting game is whack. Like what made you make that decision? Now half the laundry is un-done because you didn’t combine things that can definitely be combined.
Anon
“Corn syrup laden Carbonated beverage”
Vicky Austin
Laundry is DH’s job in our house. But for some reason he still abides by college rules and throws it all in the washer at once, no sorting.
Anon
I still do this, with no plans to change!
Anonymous
It’s ok as long as you wash it on cold right? Right???
blueberries
Absolutely! I’ve washed everything on cold all together for over a decade (and then tumble dry low for items that can go in the dryer) and my clothes are fine. I view it as environmentally beneficial since 1) no heating the water; 2) loads are always full; 3) clothes tend to last longer.
Limited exception: linens/towels will generally all go in together on hot.
Vicky Austin
Yes, but I feel better having washed underwear and undershirts on hot! But this is the price of admission for someone else doing the laundry, so I bite my tongue. Except when he throws the “dog towels” in with the regular towels and then complains that we have dog hair everywhere…
Anon
Laundry is my husband’s job too, but only because he doesn’t think anyone else does it right. He’s fastidious about sorting!!
Anon
I am an east coaster and say soda, and I do know that “pop” is a midwestern thing, but every time I hear someone say that it sounds so juvenile to me. Not sure why. I just picture some 4 year old saying “Gwampa can I have a pop?”
Bean74
Midwesterner living in the Mid-Atlantic now and my six-year-old has started saying “soda” instead of “pop.” Drives me bonkers and now he knows it drives me bonkers so he does it purposefully. 🙄
Anon
#TheCatIsAlwaysRight
Anonymous
People always look at me weird when I say I cohabitate with my cat, but let’s be real, the cat does what it wants so it’s truly a cohabitation situation. There is no forcing a cat to do what you want, and I love their stubborn little personalities.
Deedee
Cats are their own little people, with their own culture, personality, and interests. They are not too interested in cultural exchange.
Anon
My cat is still interested in sardines today, and he absolutely knows he’s right.
(Yesterday’s post)
Anon
Yeeess! Please let 2023 on here be the year of The Cat Who Wants Sardines and The Cat Who Screams at Closets!!
Anon
My cats insist they have an “All Areas Access” pass around their neck so we are not allowed to close doors.
anon
Same. Including the toilet.
MagicUnicorn
I swear when sorting dirty laundry that he must turn into a drunk octopus when undressing. The way he manages to get every single item half inside out and half the right way around in some sort of modern dance interpretation of intussusception is an art form at its highest level.
busybee
This is my husband with bedsheets. Every single morning his sheets are tangled in an actual ball, the comforter is off, and usually his pillow is on the floor. I somehow sleep through his wrestling matches with the bedsheets.
Anon
Truly LOL’d at this!
Cat
Mine never seems to absorb that all dresses have skirts, but not all skirts are part of dresses.
nuqotw
+1. And worse, my kids have decided that DH knows more about skirts vs. dresses than I do so they are following his lead.
AIMS
We must be living with the same person. But now whenever he asks me if that “dress” (read: skirt) is new, I just say “nope” and leave him to wonder if he is imagining things.
Vicky Austin
that is hilarious!
Anonymous
We have now lived together (dating and married) for 10 years. We have never been able to settle the lights debate. I turn off lights when I leave a room. My husband does not. It could be the sunniest day of the year, all the blinds open and our house full of sunshine and light and he would STILL turn on every light in the house. He also insisted that we add dimmers to all light switches when we moved into our current house, but does not use the dimmers. So he wants to watch TV/a movie at 9:30 at night but has every light on in the room and doesn’t use the dimmers. I’m convinced he is trying to have our house seen from space. Meanwhile, he would say that I have an allergy to closing cabinet doors/drawers in the kitchen (which I keep open when I’m still gathering ingredients/pans/pots/gadgets for cooking). So I will pull a pot out of the cabinet, then realize I need to grab the lid, and my husband has snuck in behind me and closed the cabinet and put the child lock back on it in the interceding 7 second period.
pugsnbourbon
My sister confessed that she found herself stomping through the house, muttering “why doesn’t anyone turn off any g-d-mn lights around here” and realized, to her horror, that she’d become our Dad.
Anonymous
Hahaha. I’m the poster at 11:01. This is 1000000000% a thing I get from my mom. She lived in Europe in the 60s and 70s and was constantly told by her dad/my grandfather how darn expensive electricity was (I have no idea if this was true or my grandfather was just annoyed at paying the electricity bill), so he constantly was on her and her siblings about turning off the lights, and I have inherited this quality as well.
Anon
Ahh this is my husband too! Every single light in the house is on at all times. He also doesn’t understand that lighting affects the atmosphere and feel of a room and wants all the overhead lights on all the time, while I basically never want them on.
Senior Attorney
At our wedding, the minister asked us each to secretly write down one thing that challenged us about the other, and she shared them at the ceremony. Mine was “he likes to keep the house as dark as a tomb,” and his was “I have to follow her around the house turning off all the lights!” It brought down the house!
Anon
Ugh I have this issue too, and it drives me crazyyyyyyy
Anonymous
I’m the lights-on person in my marriage (and am probably slowly killing spouse with it). I feel medically justified though! A few years ago I had a very thorough eye exam (employment reasons) after which I was told that I have very poor night vision. I think I’ve been turning on the lights all these years because I can not see well without them!
Anonymous
My spouse cooks well, but can never find all the ingredients for a meal in the kitchen. I have to pull them out in advance or spend a lot of time running to the alphabetically organized spice collection and the single lazy Susan rounder of sauce ingredients during meal prep.
Anon
Yesterday when I was WFH my husband was replacing the front porch light, which is on the ‘ceiling.’ Lots of cursing and will you hold this damn thing later, he finished. Then he came into my office and said “have you ever noticed the porch light is not centered over the front door?”
We have lived in this house since 2003.
I went outside to look, and sure enough, it’s not centered. He didn’t move the light, just replaced it, so it has always been not centered.
I turned to him and said, “WHY DID YOU SHOW ME THAT?” Now I’m always going to notice it.
Clementine
I have always put most condiments in the refrigerator once they’re open. Soy Sauce? Mustard? Ketchup? Most say refrigerate after opening. Natural peanut butter that says ‘refrigerate after opening’? Welp. That’s in the fridge. Maple syrup is not.
Husband firmly believes that I’m excessive in my refrigeration. Soy sauce, mustard, natural peanut butter? He keeps them all in then cabinet. Maple syrup though? Our maple syrup is cold if not frozen.
Anonymous
It will out me but the 15 year long debate is : turquoise- is it green or blue?
Trish
My husband insists that the only way to ask for directions is to give the address, even when its a major landmark. Early in our relationship, he flew me to NYC while he was contracting in Jersey. Where we were going on any day was a suprise. (So sweet! As I was flying in from Florida, he greeted me with a hat, gloves and scarf!) He asked several New Yorkers how to get to 1000 Fifth Avenue. No one knew, nor did they care to assist, because New York. Exasperated, I begged him to tell me where we were going. It was The freaking MET! As in the Metropolitan Museum of Art. And once we asked someone how to get to the Met, we were directed forwith. We still argue about it 20 years later. He still thinks he was right.
Scuba?
What is scuba material? Is it that thick, squishy material that feels like a wetsuit?
Anonymous
Neoprene fabric, yes.
Anon
Nope.
Anon at 10:04
Agreed, after I read the post itself and realised the question was about the dress, not fabric in general.
Anon
I think it’s like thicker ponte. not actual scuba suit material but some level of stretchy
anon
Kinda. It’s soft, but I really don’t like it. After several hours, I feel clammy and gross because it does not breathe. It can look really sleek and accommodates my curves, though.
anon
Kinda. It’s soft, but I really don’t like it. After several hours, I feel clammy and gross because it does not breathe. It can look really sleek and accommodates my curves, though.
Cat
sort of, it’s a little spongy. good for travel because it doesn’t wrinkle, but agree it is sometimes clammy feeling.
MagicUnicorn
It’s like a cross between ponte knit and actual neoprene. Except when the item description lies and it is really just thin polyester jersey knit fabric.
Anon
It’s thick. It’s supposed to smooth things out; I dislike it because it looks cheap, doesn’t breathe, and doesn’t flow.
Anon
It’s confusing because lululemon scuba hoodies and pants are apparently mostly cotton. Never having bought a lulu item, I’m nevertheless down the lulu subr3eddit rabbit hole.
Anon
In the garment industry it means a thicker double knit.
Anonymous
Any tips for enjoying a day away at something you’re not interested and/or spending the night at a kind of rough air B and B? I’m spending the and day and night kid free with my husband and his friends and some of their wives at a casino where they’re going to hang out and gamble for the day then go to an air B and B that I would not have chosen. Typically I get pretty uncomfortable in air B and Bs unless they’re upscale. I’m not a germaphobe but just like being in a more hotel-like environment and hate the feeling that ive snuck into some stranger’s home. Also football bores me to death. There was a promise of shopping and a spa and I figure I could duck out for a few hours but that’s actually not the case. I felt like it was a bad idea to turn down a kid free night but now I’m nervous that I’m in for a really miserable day and night and it’s too late to back out. The other wives are awesome but typical cool girls who share their husband’s interests. Can you give me a mantra for a positive attitude so that I’m not a drag?
Anonymous
Bring a book
Senior Attorney
Also take a long walk while listening to a good podcast.
Anon
I feel like I would armor myself with a good book or two for this trip. I wouldn’t be completely anti-social. But when you need a break or you want to call it a day early, you can say your in a good part of your book and just want to read for a little while.
Anon
A good book and several bottles of wine to split with the wives or research the town and see if there’s a luxury spa or restaurant in the area. While the men gamble I’d go to the spa.
Anon
I would gamble for a bit, then take myself shopping and to a spa. Casinos often have bowling lanes or similar activities – you don’t have to gamble the entire time.
Op
The spa has no availability and the “shopping”is yankee candle and sharper image. I wasn’t expecting Monte Carlo but I’m starting to wonder if anyone ever one anything in this place.
Anonymous
*won haha
Anon
Oh wow that’s bad. I was picturing something like Foxwoods, which at least has some outlets, a bowling alley, Mohegan Sun nearby.
With that info, I would just skip it. Gambling for hours and hours is depressing, and I like casinos.
Seventh Sister
I try to find (but not purchase) the absolute worst, tackiest, most ridiculous souvenir just to amuse myself. Also this kind of trip is the time I buy all the fashion magazines (W, Elle) I rarely bother reading and potboiler books. I’m not much of a gambler, so people-watching at a casino is my favorite (preferably from a bar).
Anon
So I try to just get into it. If I go into things like that with the attitude of “I hate this,” well, then, I’m going to hate it. If I go into it with “let’s see what all the fuss is about, maybe I’ll have a good time,” then I usually enjoy myself. So much of enjoying life is just the attitude you bring to things. For the Airbnb, I’d just pack some great PJs and a robe so you’ve got something luxurious to hang out in.
Anon
This. I have less than zero interest in casinos and probably wouldn’t have agreed to go in the first place, but since you’re there, you might as well try to get into it. And if you’ve really had enough after giving it a go for a few hours, find somewhere you can go off and do something different. I wouldn’t be surprised if some of the others want to join you in an alternate activity- all day in a casino is a long time!
PolyD
And you can treat this trip as if you are a sociologist observing a new culture and then report back to us here.
But yeah, just keep an open mind, maybe there will be enjoyable parts. Maybe the wives will be more fun than you anticipate.
anon
This. Have a positive attitude vs. a negative one. What solo things can you do? Go out for a walk or run? I love people watching at the casino if you’re not an outdoor type….
Even Though You’re Not
A germaphobe, why not make sure you are comfortable no matter what the accommodations end up being:
* your own pillowcase
* flip flops for the room and shower
* alcohol/bleach wipes
Plus of course the books and wine.
Anonymous
Honestly I would just be sure to keep a good buzz going. And bring snacks.
theguvnah
Get drunk and have fun
Anonymous
I’m one of those ‘give it a shot’ people, because life is just too short.
Go in with an open mind and look for ways to enjoy yourself. Pretend it’s a hotel (because why not), and pretend for one day that football doesn’t bore you to death.
Anonymous
Speaking of shots… this is a situation that absolutely calls for Shots.Shots.Shots. Is she still around?
Anon
I’m someone who would never choose to visit a casino if given the choice, but is not opposed to gambling. There’s been a few times where I’ve ended up in a casino because that’s what the group is doing and it’s been fine. So, if I were you I’d lean into it, get a nice buzz going and try a few different casino games. After I’m done with the casino, I’d hit up the restaurant (assuming there’s one?), hopefully with the other wives?
If you don’t want to do the casino at all, is there a town nearby? Could you go shopping or find a spa there? I feel like most casinos are in more rural areas, is there a nice hike or nature walk you could find? Do that for a few hours and then come back to the casino or Airbnb with a drink and a book?
I saw that the spa is fully booked while you’re there, I’d stop by right when you get in and ask if there were any cancellations that you could hop on?
Anon
Why is it too late to back out? If you’re not going to be spending much time with your husband would he mind if you didn’t go?
Senior Attorney
Yeah, I was gonna suggest this, too. And if you have child care arranged, maybe go visit your mom or a girlfriend?
anon
I’d skip it too. A trip is either about the company or the location and accommodations. You’re not a fan of the casino and airbnb, you’re going to spend most of the day away from the group…so what’s the upside? Pay your portion of the airbnb bill and no one can complain.
Op
Apparently it’s a problem with the ferry we need to get there. Or rather, the ferry we absolutely do not need to get there because this is just not that far. I guess it’s apparently fun and you need a reservation and pay per person so my husband would have to drive solo if I back out, which he’d be pretty bummed about because before I said yes he’d have gone with his buddy and buddy’s wife.
Can’t visit my mom because I stuck her with my kids, which they’re all excited about.
The place is Mohegan Sun if it matters. We’re looking at a yankee candle and a coach store plus a Sephora and wait for it…Chico’s. Are people winning big and splurging on cupcake-scented sandals and sturdy work totes and smart slacks that their husbands think are tacos?
Senior Attorney
At this point, then, I think you just take one for the team, put on a happy face, and make an ironclad promise to yourself that this is the last time you say “yes” when you’re not enthusiastic. Good luck!! (I wish I were going — I have a couple of Coach gift cards burning a hole in my pocket!)
Anon
You could use a work excuse – something unexpected came up – or plan to go for a few hours and then leave if that is an option. Agree that it sounds great to do something on your own – your own night at a hotel! – since you have childcare lined up. I wouldn’t go at all because that does not sound fun to me. Good luck!
Anon
I think backing out is a terrible idea. Choose the options in life that bring you closer to people. This is an opportunity to make some new friends, be there for your husband and have a good old tacky time. Go have some fun.
Anon
Does this job exist? I am an appellate attorney and would like to take a step back from this line of work temporarily* and look for contractual work as an attorney. I don’t even know what this is called. Are there websites where I can list my profile and pick up random jobs?
*I’m in a season where I need/want to prioritize time with my small kids. Have already tried going on reduced workload and it is no longer working.
EB
There are attorneys who assist with research and briefing, especially for appellate work, on a contract basis. They advertise in all of our bar magazines, websites, etc.
AIMS
Yes – plenty of people would love to outsource writing appellate briefs to someone, if not the actual argument too.
Anon
could you do overflow/contract work at your current co or by affiliating with smaller practitioners who may not have appellate expertise? I think the inconsistency of work would be the big challenge..
Anon
I know govt people who like appeals vs trials because everything is so scheduled and certain (vs trials and investigations). And I know one person who became a bank examiner for a regulatory agency (fdic?). Sorry. It is a slog. I’m where you are except with an imploding teen.
I also know someone who is a .5 FTE for a federal magistrate and someone with a JD who is a magistrate for state courts. It is a lot of search warrants but he can also marry people IIRC.
Anonymous
Yes – look at outside GC or legality or axiom
Anon
+ 1 to hooking up with Axiom.
Anonymous
I don’t know but I just once worked at a successful personal injury firm that outsourced all of this to a solo appellate attorney. Funny story, one day I was walking to court in the Bronx and saw a crowed gather around a man who was hurling these funny insults at an officer issuing parking tickets. The crowed would cheer him on every time and he was yelling and pretty hysterical; itwas so intense it was like a street performance. I look over and of course it’s our appellate attorney doing this. Wild.
Also I’m now in house at an insurance company. We have someone who just does this and I swear it’s a very mom friendly gig all around. I’m technically full time but with tons of flexibility, job security and decent benefits. It’s worth looking into. Also a friend is a part time state court attorney which seems great too.
Anon
There are legal temp agencies, and my employer uses these from time to time to address peak workloads or cover when an attorney has left the office or is on extended leave.
Anon
^^ This. Latitude is one I know that is in a lot of cities. My understanding is that typically you are an employee for Latitude, and then you get work from various companies. A lot of women with small children do this in my city, and honestly, I think pretty much all women with children used to do this 10-15 years ago before firms started offering part-time work. The work they provide is anything from project work to longer term engagements. So, like a firm or company will have a 6 month engagement because they aren’t sure if the work is going to be needed long-term, etc.
Cat
Axiom is a popular one too, similar model
No Face
Freelance attorney is the term you are looking for. I know services exist, but you may be better off starting a solo firm and marketing yourself aggressively to the small/solo bar in your area. There are excellent trial attorneys at small firms that cannot do appellate work well.
An of counsel arrangement with a larger firm is an option too.
The public defenders office is grossly underfunded and understaffed in my area, so they are always looking for contract attorneys. Obviously not a ton of money, but if your goal is to continue practicing while you get through this chapter of life, that’s an option.
anon
Have you looked at Axiom?
Anon
There’s a lawmamas Facebook group that often posts opportunities like this. I’d join that and see what’s there.
Anonymous
My state uses contract appellate attorneys for cases where the appellate public defender has a conflict and the office cannot keep both defendants (or that particular defendant for whatever reason.) They also contract some overload work to the contract attorneys. My state also uses only contract attorneys to represent parents in abuse and neglect cases that are on appeal. These are managed through the court. There are also small firms in my state that contract with solo attorneys to do research and writing. None of this pays well, but if the goal is more to stay current and not have a resume gap then it may be worth it.
Anon
Not what you asked. But if the appellate courts in your state have career law clerks or staff attorneys, consider applying for one of those jobs. I know several women who made that move with small children and love the job and the flexibility.
Senior Attorney
I had this job when my daughter was in high school and it was fantastic. Good pay, good benefits, completely 9 to 5 and I’m certain these days you can work from home most or all of the time.
Coach Laura
SA- you only have a son, right? If this is someone using SA as a handle, you should know that Senior Attorney has been posting here for over 10 years.
Senior Attorney
Oops, in mod. Trying again:
Big news in Senior Attorney land over the holidays: My son came out as a t r a n s woman not long ago, and although I hadn’t planned to talk about it here, somebody asked for heartwarming holiday stories a week or so ago and I had one related to the transition, and… here we are. But thanks for noticing!!
Senior Attorney
Can’t get out of mod but TL;DR my son is now my daughter.
Anon
I think we learned recently that SA’s son is now a daughter (and an amazing Christmas gift giver, no?)
Anon
SA’s child tr-nsitioned. She told us all shortly after the holiday.
Jules
Her child recently came out as transgender.
Senior Attorney
An AMAZING Christmas gift giver!!
Coach Laura
Senior attorney – that is great. Did not mean to offend at all. I was absent over the holidays and didn’t realize. (My husband died.)
Senior Attorney
Oh, Coach Laura! I’m so sorry to hear this! Sending much love and condolences to you!! And I appreciate you noticing and looking out for me!
ArenKay
Coach Laura, I’m so sorry about your husband.
anon.
I somewhat disagree with the Axiom/Latitude advice. How connected are you in your community? Do you know other lawyers? I know several solo practitioners who are literally always looking for help. If you just pay whatever the malpractice insurance fee in your state is and incorporate yourself properly, you don’t need to go through these agencies and you can work directly for friends and acquaintances, build your resume, and potentially make more money. I know so many people who have done this (mid-size SEUS city).
yes, it exists
Montage Legal Dot c o m
MJ
Chiming in with Priori Legal and Special Counsel and also Major Lindsey Africa (they all have decent temp jobs).
Anon
Wardrobe help. My LBDs are all getting old at this point, and I am on the hunt for another one. Think date night, cocktails, evening parties, events where my husband would be wearing a suit. Early 40s, size 6/8, budget up to $200, hourglass, tall.
The problem I’m having is that everything is either super trendy, meant for twenty-somethings, ruffle puff, or is sold out in my size. (I rather like the Sundry Draped Cutout Dress, but it appears sold out everywhere in my size.)
anon
Maybe check Calvin Klein or Maggy London? Also, WHBM sometimes surprises me and has some good options for this kind of thing. Also early 40s.
Senior Attorney
Cosign WHBM and also Macy’s often has a very good selection to try on in person.
DeepSouth
Nordstrom Rack tends to shine in this category. I would also look at tuckernuck if you lean preppy, and Ever Eve if you want slightly more modern shapes.
Consider a jumpsuit in the mix. I love the idea of one, but am never tall enough. You sound like that is just what you need!!
Anon
Tuckernuck is not for tall people. They cut for very petite people–I keep trying and failing to get a dress to cover the goods, and I am a short-waisted tall!
NotInstaFamous
I’m your measurements and have gotten a couple from LilySilk and I’m very pleased with them so far, especially given the price point. The white/light coloured ones are a little sheer, so I’d stick with darker colours. Maybe look at the Vintage Round Neck Silk Little Black Dress, the Wide Leg Jumpsuit, the Aster Dress, or Armeria Dress?
anon a mouse
Check Boden – they have several that could work and many come in tall sizes. I quite like the look of the Beaded Mini Shift Dress, the Plisse Mini Dress and the Column Jersey Midi Dress.
Anonymous
Brooks Brothers often have LBDs that can be taken in at the waist for an hourglass.
Anon
This is my go-to dress for this category, available in a small right now but I’ve had success emailing them for different sizes
https://emersonfry.com/products/40s-dress-black-combo-wip
anon
that is beautiful
Senior Attorney
OMG what a great dress. I wouldn’t work for me but… what a great dress!
Anon
That is beautiful!
Smokey
The dress you like appears to be available in your size on Zappos.
Anon
M.M.LaFleur Rachel
Anon
Thank you all for the suggestions! :) I’ll have some fun this weekend finding a new one!
Anonymous
I’m having a fashion existential crisis! Clothes have always been fun for me and kind of a personal statement. I used to live in southern CA and have a corporate job – I mostly wore pretty dresses. I was also plus size and knew where to shop because I was limited to certain brands. I was much girlier than I am now and the weather was warm.
Everything has changed. I don’t have a corporate job anymore. I’m an artist and have gone back to trading stocks (it was my first job, yes it is extremely hard in this market wahhh). I live in WA and it’s cold. I’ve lost around 45 lbs on a 5 ft frame and am either cusp size or straight size, plus sizes don’t fit. I’m still pretty curvy and can’t wear tops that aren’t made for a bust (size 38F). I want clothes that reflect who I am now. I would love to wear clothes that are not okay for an office and reflect my new life. I love tops with structure, jewel tones and kind of an edgier/creative look. I’m not as girly anymore.
Since the pandemic, I’ve only worked remote. I have nothing but workout clothes and a few second hand items that don’t fit. I got rid of my whole wardrobe. I don’t want to wear dresses or skirts on a daily basis because of the cold. I would love to wear jeans/tops/blazers that make me feel like who I am. The tops have been the hard part. I don’t like tucking tops in and high necks make me claustrophobic. I’m a deep winter and want to stay with the colors that look good on me.
Where do I shop? Please help me. I am so lost and it’s weird. I remember when I was good at this!
Anon
I like the wool button down at Naomi Nomi and Freda Salvador boots. Both are edgier and good in your climate. Gap does great jeans, fwiw.
Anonymous
Try a half tuck / French tuck for your tops.
Anonymous
Friend, you need a day in a department store.
Do you have a Nordstrom or Bloomingdale’s? you call their personal stylist section and explain that you need a bra fitting (if you haven’t had one since your weight loss) and that you’re looking to purchase several everyday tops and/or blazers in whatever your colors are. You tell them you have a casual lifestyle and like structure in your tops.
You tell them your height and weight and what size you are in whatever brand fits now. You bring your best jeans and work with them on the current silhouettes. They’ll pull things for you to try on and fetch new sizes and it’s 100% less exhausting than running around the store yourself. If you build relationships with these people they’ll help you hone your personal style going forward. The great news is you’re an artist and clothes person so this should all be really fun. Congratulations on your big life changes and good luck.
Anon
You live in the state where Nordstrom was born! Take advantage of their styling services. You sound like the kind of client a personal stylist would kill for.
Anon
I’m sort of cusp sized, though I lean more into plus lately. I like the brands that offer all sizes in every item, because that way the 16 is not a completely different cut from the 18. Have you looked at Universal Standard? I also like to browse Nordstrom because it’s easy to sort by size and see what’s there (if I choose size 1X from the filter it’s showing me “straight size” brands that offer an XXL as well as plus size 1X). Madewell shows up a lot in this search as well. I think you may like that brand too.
pugsnbourbon
I was thinking Universal Standard, too. Everlane might work – not necessarily edgy but not girly either. Left-field suggestion but don’t rule out Levis. And accessories! I’m an earring person and love big, simple shapes.
Anon
I’m the person you’re replying to and I buy all my jeans from Levi! I like the stretchy straight leg ones.
Missourian
lovely (and formal) dress, but you could not wear it in the Missouri state house without a JACKET, because they’ve just decided regulating women’s clothing is their top house priority…
(ok, you could also wear a cardigan, I think, because there was an amendment to define cardigans as jackets…what is this place)
Anon
I’m not from Missouri. But I was a “page” in a neighboring state in high school. I served in the senate. I was confused what you meant at first because in my home state’s legislature, everyone was required to a wear a jacket on the senate floor. For what ever reason, no one was required in the state house.
That requirement was actually a problem on a regular basis if a house rep forgot and was trying to meet a senator at their desk. Our doormen kept extra jackets at the front door, just in case.
But looking at the articles and seeing the back and forth debating between female representatives on this is just sad. This looked like a great way to pit female legislators against each other on public display. Super disappointing. Also this early in their session, you are absolutely right they have more important things to work on.
Missourian
sorry, my rant was a little incoherent… yes, it’s the fact that THIS is what they decided was their first priority. Plus the fact that MO state politics are just a gross mess at this point.
Anonymous
I have no issue with this whatsoever. Women have taken the bait from the fashion industry to wear less and less over time and have gone way past professional in what we wear. A state legislative building is a formal environment and the men are not walking around it in sleeveless shirts or shorts. We shouldn’t be wearing the equivalent and screaming “but but fashion.” It is the fashion houses that are sexist, encouraging us to go bare, not the reasonable dress codes.
Anonymouse
Save this rant for Kyrsten Sinema. The rest of us don’t need it.
MO has bigger issues to deal with and far better things to do with their time than listing out what women can and can’t wear to work.
Anon
Oh, MTG obviously thinks her arms are pretty great bsed on the amount of display they receive.
Anonymous
Yeah I’m a lawyer and tend to feel uncomfortable without a jacket in Court. It’s not a crazy dress code. It’s just crazy that they care this much. I’m not sure I buy that fashion houses are “sexist” but I do think decent woman’s suiting is hard to come by. That said, clothes are mind bogglingly cheap these days and I mean that in every sense of the word. So much is either stretchy or oversized. One podcast I listen to said we spend a fraction of what we used to on clothing a generation ago and have so much more.
My guy friends at work used to use a company called my suit that would take their measurements and have custom suits made and shipped to them and it looked awesome. That’s probably something I’d seek out in a public facing role.
Anon
Men are not walking around in mascara and eyeliner and lip gloss either. Should we ban those?
Anon
One of the prosecutors in my jurisdiction wear his hoop earrings and nail polish in court. And, I do know men who wear mascara. That said, I don’t wearing dangly earrings or bright blue nail polish for trial because it is not professional. It is sad that people don’t have commen sense on professional wear.
Anon
In 1996 my boss, who I greatly liked and admired, stated that business formal was essential for the motivation to get work done. In the interim years, I have found that I disagree with him. Casually (but neatly and appropriately) dressed people, in my experience, are just as efficient, dedicated and hardworking as those wearing suits, ties and uncomfortable shoes. The unnecessary battle for formal and semiformal business dress is already lost, imo.
Anon
I agree that formal dress does not increase productivity. But it can set the stage for more formal and professional interactions in court and in legislative bodies. A suit is a kind of uniform that reminds everyone that they are conducting serious business. I, personally, am tired of the general lack of decorum in our government institutions.
theguvnah
Putting aside the actual clothing/dress/bare arms issue: you don’t have a problem with a largely male legislature spending important time – the start of the session! – working on regulating the specifics of what women can wear? That really doesn’t bother you? In a state with horrible policies for women’s health and children’s health, you think THIS is important?
serious question.
Anonymous
I do have a problem with that aspect, which is only clear after the updates to the original posting
Trish
Are you saying the men are walking around in short sleeve jackets and ties, looking like a drug store manager in the 80s? I have never seen a man in court or at the capital in my state not wearing a jacket. Are they regulating women, or people? A jacket is standard professional wear.
Senior Attorney
Gym Jordan never wears a coat in the U.S. House of Representatives. It drives me nuts.
Coworkers with SO
I’m about to start a job in an office where my husband works. We will have the same job title, but completely different job responsibilities with only some overlap on rare occasions. There are only about 20-30 people in this particular office, but it’s part of a larger organization. I really don’t foresee this being a problem, but I also want to make sure we handle this situation appropriately. Having spouses work together in offices in our organization is typically not done (in fact they’ve moved spouses to other offices before). My instinct is to make sure we don’t spend too much time in each other’s offices, don’t sit beside in staff meetings, etc. Any advice?
Vicky Austin
Your ideas sound good to me! I used to work with my husband and sometimes I really miss it.
Anon
I wouldn’t ever do this. One of you should get a job elsewhere. The conflict potential with upward mobility internally is very real. I wouldn’t want all my eggs in one basket or to worry about internal politics with my spouse. 20-30 people is very small. There’s not much you can do to mitigate other than not do this.
Anon
I think we can assume OP has though through these issues and is comfortable with her decision. She didn’t ask whether she should do this, rather the best approach to a decision that’s already been made.
OP
Correct, I’ve already decided to do this. This office is essentially the top place to work in my field so it would have hurt my career to not take the job. It’s not as easy as “find another job” because I’m not going to be the top of the pyramid.
Away Game
I was in a meeting yesterday with two people I’ve worked with – not closely – for the last year, and it wasn’t until halfway through the meeting that I figured out they were married. (One of them made a joking reference to it.) There are several other spouse sets who work together in my org, too. They have different jobs, don’t hang out in each other’s offices much or for long, occasionally have lunch together, and never ever show any PDA. They treat each other like friendly colleagues when their work brushes up against each other, like attending the same meeting. No talk of grocery lists in the office kitchen or other couple-y things, that I can tell, when others are around, but no one is hiding anything either. Just…general respect for keeping work things at work and home things at home. Need to coordinate who is picking up milk on the way home? Send a text rather than bring it up when I’m talking to your spouse in the workplace.
Anonymous
+1. Anecdotally, my parents were in this situation and it was fine. My dad worked at a company for many years as a SME, mom was hired to management in the same department when they were both late 40s. She was never his direct manager, but eventually managed the entire department he was a part of. Everyone knew they were married as they had the same last name and didn’t hide it, but they didn’t hang out much at work and kept a separation.
Anon
This is something that is oddly common in my field. In two work places, it was never an issue. In another workplace there was rampant nepotism. Make sure there are plenty of controls built in to avoid the nepotism. Without official controls or policies, people will assume that one of you has an unfair advantage even if you’re being extremely scrupulous.
If you have different last names or a shared but common last name, I would tell people right off the bat that you’re married. Make sure your marital status is out in the open with coworkers, new hires or interns, and external partners.
On the flip side, make sure when you’re in the office you treat each other like normal coworkers and don’t make the relationship glaringly obvious. No need to act like robots, you can still eat lunch together or swing by his office to chat about something non-work related, but just be professional.
Anon
Agree with the comment above. Do you have to do this? I’m not a fan at all – I like having the autonomy of doing my own thing during the day and sharing (or not sharing) what is going on at my work at DH at night. I also think being diversified is good for a household. Just so you know, people will automatically associate you as a pair and his success will reflect on you and vice versa, and some people may not like that at all. But in my case, I would exhaust all other options before going to work on the same floor even as my DH.
Anon
I work in a (large) law firm and we currently have three sets of married attorneys just in my specific office (and two attorneys married to legal assistants/paralegals). I have to say I think people are blowing this way out of proportion. Don’t make out in the break room or spend an hour in each other’s offices with the door closed. Otherwise, there is no need to make a production out of avoiding each other or trying to hide that you are married.
For your sanity/marriage, you will probably want boundaries and to spend time with other people – but that is for your own sake rather than your co-workers.
Anon
Anyone come across any casual but cute dresses that would be appropriate for first dates? And how would you style them for cold weather? I’m trying to improve my dating wardrobe as I get back onto the apps but I struggle with dressing cute in the winter. (Ps – thank you all for the suggestions last week on where to find cute date night sweaters! I found a couple that I think will work so now I’m trying to also find one or two dresses.)
Anon
My go to was always sweater dresses, tights and knee high boots. You can make it more…enticing by wearing lace tights or a sweater dress that’s low cut or tight.
Anonymous
Ooo please post your sweater successes! I’m also experiencing this struggle.
ALT
I do dark wash jeans, a deep v-neck long sleeve fitted bodysuit or top, and booties. Occasionally I’ll wear faux leather leggings and a slouchy sweater with either flat booties or sneakers if they fit the date vibe. I think a long sleeved midi dress and tall boots is a chic look too—I’m picturing a long sleeved midi black slinky dress with a high slit and a black tall boot, high sleek pony and dangly earrings (like Kardashian-inspired but not OTT)
Sweater dresses always make me feel either frumpy or self-conscious about my tummy so I avoid them.
Anon
I agree about sweater dresses. I think most drape the stomach area in a very unflattering way, even if that is not normally one’s problem area.
Anon
I have three different Cozy Karma Athleta sweatshirt material dresses that I pair with Spanx faux leather leggings for dates all the time!
Anon
I’m not a cook but I’m trying to eat more vegetables and fewer processed foods. What vegetables can I add to pasta and tomato sauce and what’s the easiest way to cook/add those vegetables? I know this is a super basic question, but I keep getting stuck trying to figure it out. I’m not looking for a recipe, just the absolute easiest way to get the vegetables in. I could happily eat wheat thins for dinner every night but that’s clearly not good for me.
Anon
Bell peppers: cook and add to sauce. Or just add to sauce while it simmers.
Throw some spinach on your plate under the pasta.
Can you tell I’m lazy? :)
I know you didn’t ask for recipes but it’s so great I have to suggest it: Cookie and Kate pumpkin marinara. Made with pumpkin, bell peppers, tomatoes – lots of veggies in one go.
Vicky Austin
When making pasta, you can add almost any frozen veggie you want to the pot for the last couple minutes of cook time (depending on the veggie) and drain it all together. I do this with peas or broccoli all the time (although not sure if those really Go with tomato sauce, but you could experiment with others!).
Curious
+1. I also tear up and add fresh kale. As long as your water is salted, it turns out well.
Vicky Austin
Ooh, good shout!
Anon
Roast with olive oil and a little salt. I’ll eat huge amounts of roasted vegetables plain and rarely find anything besides some herbs or a basic sauce to be an improvement. They last pretty well in the fridge too.
Anon
As for which veggies, broccoli, cauliflower, onions, potatoes, sweet potatoes, and eggplant are all cheap and easily available so I eat them frequently.
Anon Elder Millennial
Different poster but this is it! In a little more detail (I remember needing this when I was a newbie)
Drizzle a little olive oil on a rimmed cookie sheet. Toss on the veggies — you want some space in between them so they roast, not steam, and adding sliced onions is nice too. Do not overcrowd the pan! You should be able to see a little cookie sheet in between the veggies. Sprinkle some salt and pepper. Toss. I use a spatula for this. You could also toss them with oil and salt and pepper in a bowl and then put on the cookie sheet but then you have a bowl to wash.
Put in oven at 400. Check after 10 minutes, stir, continue until desired doneness. Most veggies take 20-30 minutes, but asparagus is faster. If you are doing two veggies and aren’t sure they will cook at the same rate, put them on separate sides of the pan so you can scoop out one first if it becomes an emergency. If you like veggies extra charred, 425 is a good temp to try. Squeeze a little lemon juice on top if you would like.
This is very easy, you just need to practice and experiment! For pasta, broccoli, broccoli rabe, or eggplant are my favorites. Eggplant roasted with onions and tomatoes tossed with pasta is a great meal and doesn’t need additional sauce. I also love cauliflower with red onion, and sprinkle coarsely grated Parmesan on top in the last 10 minutes.
Senior Attorney
And fun fact: You can roast frozen vegetables, too. Just cook a little longer. I do this with frozen broccoli florets all the time.
Anon
I love roasted tomatoes, broccoli, Brussels sprouts, mushrooms, zucchini or onion in pasta.
Lily
Sautee the veggies until almost done in your oil of choice, then add your marinara (or pesto or alfredo) sauce to skillet and cook for a few more mins (if using pesto you can also add some of the water from the cooked pasta to make it saucier, or even something creamier like actual cream or mascarpone or goat cheese). Turn off heat and add in pasta, stir to coat.
Best veggies for this in my opinion: kale, butternut squash, broccoli, cherry tomatoes, mushrooms (but make sure you cook the water out of them before adding the sauce so it’s not runny). Some denser/crunchier veggies may need to be blanched before sautéing.
New Here
We add shredded carrots, shredded zucchini and onions to ours. You could also easily chop up mushrooms and spinach as well.
More Sleep Would Be Nice
Saute whatever veggies you have on hand – literally any veg can work – with garlic/onion (or not). Dump in jarred pasta sauce – tomato works well, but there are also great alternatives, like pumpkin or butternut squash. Add seasonings (or not). Let it cook and then simmer for a bit. Use an immersion blender to blend it all into a smooth, delicious sauce, and season to taste. For extra richness, finish with a little butter or olive oil!
I like a smoother sauce for pasta so this has been great!
nuqotw
I am a big fan of mushrooms. I like to fry them a little first but you could put them straight into the sauce. I would slice them so they cook faster. I like to add green olives straight from the jar.
Anon
Baby spinach (will wilt right in the tomato sauce). You could also just serve your pasta on a bed of spinach if it isn’t important to you that it be fully wilted.
Yellow summer squash works well in tomato sauce too, but takes longer to cook. Eggplant is great but takes even longer to cook.
Frozen spinach and frozen summer squash or zucchini are also options.
Anonymous
Check out Smitten Kitchen’s green pasta sauce, it’s basically spinach, garlic and butter and it’s fantastic.
Anon
I was lucky enough to study abroad in Italy, and a main takeaway was that an awful lot of vegetables can be made into pasta sauce! Red bell peppers, beets, spinach… I am not generally a fan of beets, but blended with enough olive oil and parmesan, and apparently I like them just fine!
Anon
Same on the beets but I just need to throw this in – if you roast them and peel them (wear gloves!) and chunk them up into some risotto, it is not only delicious (yes, with lots of olive oil and cheese!) but it is also the most beautiful color you’ve ever seen.
Anonymous
I do a lot of steamed broccoli. Boil an inch of water in saucepan. Put broccoli florets in a basket on top and cover so that the steam stays in rather than escapes. Cook for about five to seven minutes. I like to chop up the broccoli further from there and blend it into a sauce rather than keeping it in big chunks. I don’t even really taste the broccoli – it just adds texture, nutrients, and fiber. Great in soups too like clam chowder.
BB
If you want to use more longer-cooking vegetables like summer squash/zucchini/eggplant, the easiest way to do this is roast them before throwing in the sauce. You can do a giant batch and use them up during the week. Cut up the veggies, toss in a bit of oil and salt, put them on a baking sheet at 400F. Check after 15 minutes and poke to see if they’re soft. Once they’re soft, chuck them into the pasta sauce near the end.
Anon
Add spaghetti squash and reduce the amount of pasta. I also do this with Thai or Indian take-out and reduce the rice. If you have a Costco membership, there is a huge bag of frozen roasted mixed veggies that you could add to your pasta or, again, Thai or Indian takeout. We are trying to do the same thing you are, and spagetti squash and frozen roasted veggies have been the easiest ways to add without feeling loss; we are super lazy in the kitchen.
anon
I use Budget Bytes Spaghetti with Hidden Vegetable Pasta Sauce recipe, which has meat. But if you are going vegetarian, I would saute the veggies (shredded zucchini, carrots, onion) and then add the sauce and simmer.
Anon
I like to throw a bag of any greens labeled “baby” into my pasta sauce at the last minute. Spinach is great, baby kale (not grown up kale) and even the salad mix called Super Greens. It’s Super Easy. Warm up your marinara or whatever sauce you’re using, throw in enough baby greens to cover the surface and stir them in. When they’re wilted, add more until you’ve added the amount you want. There are no rules.
I find adding some crushed red pepper flakes to a sauce that contains wilted greens really tastes good.
Ribena
I buy the pre chopped ‘Mediterranean roasting veg’ at the supermarket and chuck it in the oven when I’m asking something else that requires oven time (this would also be a great use for an air fryer). Then I have a box of roast veg in the fridge for putting in wraps, pasta, whatever.
Anon
I don’t think they sell that here, but what veggies are usually in the bag?
Anon
I’d chop them up and roast them and then dump them in your pasta.
Anonymous
Here are the absolute two best tricks for vegetables
1) soy sauce on broccoli. It is AMAZING
2) mix olive oil + parmesan cheese + cauliflower in a zip the roast the cauliflower at 400F for 20 minutes. I use thawed frozen cauliflower but thawing may not be necessary
Anon
I could use a couple statement blazers in my rotation but am short and not sure where to look other than Ann Taylor and WHBM, which don’t have anything I like right now. Are there non petite brands that work okay for us short ladies? Budget up to $300.
Anon
Shop One Third is a small, independent line with cute blazers in your price range.
CMS
I’ve liked some of the Nic & Zoe blazers on Nordstrom’s website lately.
Anonymous
I am long waisted and find Lands End and Boden too short, so you might try there!
CT Spa Reccs
Looking to book for a spa day with my bestie who has been going through a tough time. Anyone have any recommendations in Connecticut, preferably in the greater Hartford area? Thank you!
luluaj
Norwich inn spa is very nice.
Anon
When you’re in a busy, stressful point in life and you’re short on both time and money what is one or two things you prioritize to still do for yourself that don’t feel like work*? I’m a FT employee/PT grad student and looking at my syllabus for the upcoming semester, it is going to be a doozy. Classes start on Tuesday and I’d like to go into the semester with a “game plan” on how to keep my sanity.
* I try to prioritize eating well, getting sleep, and staying active but sometimes those things feel like work. I’m looking for something purely relaxing, fun, or refreshing! Sometimes, during a tough week, even doing my hobbies or seeing friends feels like a chore, but I still try to do it because I know it’s good for me long term.
Anon
Honestly? I’ve never made it through a semester without at least one or two full fledged meltdowns.
I do try to get a monthly massage with my Massage Envy membership, and on months when I can’t do that I get a fancy pedicure.
Anon
I feel you on the meltdowns! I actually have a Hand and Stone membership! I had wanted to cancel it because it’s a strain on my budget, but my therapist recommended keeping it and cutting back elsewhere. I don’t make the time for an appointment every month, but I should prioritize it. Or, cut back on the membership and get a nice pedicure (with the massage) for half the price.
anon
You should 100% cut the membership you aren’t using. The decision to have it when you are not using it will continue to create some low level stress and guilt in your life that negates whatever benefits you do get from massage(s) you do fit in.
Anon
I’d say I use it 75% of the months, and then when I don’t use it the credits roll over so I splurge on a nicer treatment. All of the credits are getting used though!
I had wanted to cut it just because it’s my highest non-rent/utilities monthly cost so the $70 could likely be put to good use elsewhere, but I do also hold all of my stress in my shoulders so a monthly-ish deep tissue is helpful. I’m not really sure what’s more helpful?
Cora
I don’t know if this is fun, but at times like that I prioritize sitting down and having a nice breakfast or coffee while reading a book. You can demand whatever you want of me later in the day, just let me have that 15-20 minutes.
Anon
I do think this is fun! I try to build in similar time before work on my non-gym mornings. My job is pretty reading intensive and this class has hundreds of pages of reading a week, so I think for the time being reading will not be fun for me. But, I could definitely have a quiet cup of coffee and spend time on a hobby or just enjoying the break a few mornings a week!
Anon
I think running or at home yoga classes would be good for you since they don’t require a ton of equipment and no travel time to a gym. Also, I would let things go! If your apartment is messy or your laundry is piling up, let it go! Try to meal prep and freeze meals especially around finals time. And try to invite friends over or go to their apartments to split a bottle of wine and watch something mindless like the bachelor. It’s cheap, fun and keeps you sane.
Anon
This is my 4th semester in the program, so I’ve gotten pretty good at making sure my workout, cleaning, meal prep, and socializing schedules work for me!
The previous 3 semesters have not been easy, but this one looks like it will be my hardest yet. The last time I had a really hard class I developed some really rough anxiety which led to be starting therapy and medication. While I”m still in therapy and on medication, I would like to develop some good strategies for dealing with the stress so I don’t have another semester with weekly breakdowns. In just reading the syllabus, this class looks even harder than the last one!
Anon
Once a week coffee shop run makes me happy. I also like watching a reality tv show while on an elliptical machine or walking on a treadmill. Do you have access to the student gym? That would be a great place to go in my opinion.
Anon
I technically have access to the university’s gym, but I don’t go (I live 45 mins from campus, but my program is 95% online). But, I do use the very cheap gym at my office. I mostly run outside though, since I run 2-3 half marathons a year.
Anonymous
I have what may be the world’s smallest bathtub, but on Sunday evenings I try to set aside an hour for a bath and facemask. Obviously, if you don’t have a bathtub, this is less helpful.
I make a bath with some fun supplies (epsom salts, bubble bath, bath bomb) and watch a show or read a fun magazine while I’m in the bath. I light a candle and have a glass of wine and just try to chill out a little. After my bath, I wrap myself up in my bathrobe and throw on a facemask or under eye mask, lotion up my body, and paint my nails for the week.
It’s an hour (or way less!) of my time and isn’t very expensive. Plus, you can use FSA money on the epsom salt!
If you don’t have a tub, you can still take a nice, long luxurious shower and then do the same facemask routine.
Sundays are my get sh!t done day (all errands and chores, meal prep, and hours of homework) so I like ending the day with the bath as a way to chill out before the week.
Anon
No tub, but I like the idea of a nice long shower and facemask!
pugsnbourbon
I was thinking along these lines but even simpler – get the best-smelling body wash or shampoo you can find. Brings me a little joy every morning.
Anon
Oh I love the idea of adding a little luxury to every shower! Likewise, I always buy fresh flowers when I do my weekly grocery shopping for a little fun.
Anonymous
I like Sunday mornings at a coffee shop (I buy a fancy drink and a fun pastry or sandwich) and then a nice walk before settling in to do HW.
Anon
I love to do a home face mask, take a bubble bath, and paint my nails on a weeknight.
Anonymous
I like building little treats into my week. For example, on Fridays I am WFH and so I make myself Mac and cheese for lunch on Fridays. I meal prep all 3 meals Monday- Thursday and then the Mac and cheese is my treat for Fridays. It is silly and not all that exciting, but something to look forward to.
Anonymous
Interview outfit suggestions for museum management position? Their vibe is California cool. Is a blazer necessary? If yes, what cut? Etc.
Anon
No advice but this is my dream. I love museums. Do share with us how you ended up in this position – do you have a background in art history?
Anon
My SIL is in the art world in California and she dresses professionally with flair. So I would think yes, blazer for sure and maybe even a suit, but with interesting accents.
Anon
I would do a boxier/drapier blazer – maybe something from Cos, Tibi, or Nili Lotan?
Or big wide leg trousers and a great blouse or sweater.
In-house at Ford Motor Co./Blue Oval Follow up
Shout out to the person who responded to my post yesterday. The position I’m interested in is at BlueOval Stanton. So, I’m assuming your position is the same but maybe with Kentucky. If you have any details you would like to share, including salary range, I’d love to know. My application is still under consideration so I may not even get an interview. If you have any tips, suggestions, etc., please let me know.
Anonymous
Has anyone tried Yitty shapewear? I’m a size 16 apple with a bra size in the F-H range. True Love rolls up but just got a ton of wonderful Evelyn Bobbie bras on sale (go go if you’re my size, I got 3 bras for the price of one) … and yet I got sucked into a Yitty ad and the 2 for $24 bras. Eyeing the Headliner midi bralette.
Sybil
Ha, I got the same Instagram ad today and also curious.
Anonymous
What’s your favorite magazine to read just for fun? I used to love Glamour for a fun beach, bath, or flight read. I prefer to read magazines in the bath, as I’m less worried about getting them wet and it’s nice to just have a few shorter things to read rather than delve into a novel. I get subscriptions to more serious magazines (the Atlantic and TIME) but would love something that’s the magazine version of mind candy, but still smart for the bath.
Not interested in Cosmo. Something “smarter” than Cosmo but fluffier than TIME?
Away Game
I like Shape, Southern Living (Sunset when I was on the west coast), and People.
Anon
I love my Sunset subscription, but agreed, only applicable if you are in the Western part of the US I think.
Senior Attorney
Vanity Fair!
Anon
Another vote for Vanity Fair.
Anon
Garden &Gun for me (and I am very liberal politics-wise). It’s beautiful, well-written, and luxurious.
Gail the Goldfish
I was going to suggest this as well, with the same caveat.
Liza
I like Real Simple. Definitely brain candy, but focused more on topics like having a nice home, general productivity, and organization, rather than fashion and dieting.
Anon
Country Life (UK) and Garden and Gun. I LOVE the real estate ads in the first 30 or so pages of CL, and I went to college with one of the main contributors at G&G, so I enjoy reading up on the Southern life.
Anon
Real Simple, Dwell, Falstaff travel, McSweeneys
Seventh Sister
Town & Country or Vanity Fair.
Anon
Anyone been to Texas Wine Country recently (Fredericksburg area)? Are Uber/Lyft readily available? Any other recs? Thanks in advance!
Anon
I went a few years ago, just before the pandemic. We rented a car.