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Sales of note for 9.16.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 30% off wear-now styles
- J.Crew Factory – (ends 9/16 PM): 40% off everything + extra 70% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Extra 25% off all tops + markdowns
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
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lawsuited
Can any plus sized readers comment on how J Crew plus sizes fit? I need to buy new suiting and options are so limited so J Crew is in the running now that they have extended their sizes.
Also, any options for suiting I’m missing? I’m looking to build a 3 or 4 piece (blazer, dress, pants, skirt) suit for maximum flexibility. In the past I’ve defaulted to Talbots.
Suits
This is going to be long and rambling, but I’ve been on the same journey.
J.Crew’s plus sizes are decent, but it depends on your body. I’m a 22/24 normally, and their jackets fit me well (jackets are usually hard for me because my arms seem to be a bit disproportionate to my body–I usually end up with too tight in the arms and too big in the body). I’ve had issues with the pants, but my calves are also disproportionately large–if you have slimmer legs, you should be fine. Their pants rule them out for me–maybe if they made a wider leg, but with everything being pretty slim fit now, I look like I’m wearing leggings and a suit jacket. I could easily do the skirt, but I really prefer pants for suits. Overall, I like J.Crew’s plus size fit–it tends to fit me in the shoulders and body while still having sleeves that fit. I’d definitely recommend trying it and seeing how it works on your body.
I just ordered a couple suits from Talbots–both the jackets are huge in the body (but fit in the arms). I look like I put on a linebacker’s jacket. One pair of pants (a wide leg–how I miss wide leg!) fits well, but the other (a barely bootcut) are fairly tight like the J.Crew.
For other options, I’ve been looking at MM Lafleur, but it’s hard to put together a full suit. Eloquii has some nice options, but sometimes you just really want a nice seasonless wool suit! If money isn’t an issue Lafayette 148 has beautiful options. I’ve also had some decent luck with Nordstrom, but it’s like one option a season, and none of them are really the basics.
All of this is why I ended up with Talbots, because I’m running out of suits that fit well and don’t look old and tired.
Never too many shoes...
This is so helpful – I have been considering trying JCrew for a while as well.
I also have some classic, long-lasting suits from Le Suit, Kasper and (my personal favourite) Tahari. I have a tweed suit I love from Eloquii but it is a bit extra and not for everyone.
Suits
I also have a great one from Tahari. I have had Le Suit and Kasper in the past, but I haven’t checked them out recently. This is where I used to love Dillards, which actually (at least used to) have a really robust plus suiting section.
I was thinking the other day how much I miss August Max. It probably closed before a lot of you were shopping, but it was the plus branch of Casual Corner/Petite Sophisticate. There were suits everywhere. In store. I still own a couple (although I don’t wear them anymore after almost 20 years–it’s more nostalgia at this point).
Anonymous
Oh man, I had so many suits from August Max Woman! They fit me right off the rack, which never happens, and they had great colors. I had a gorgeous teal suit and a tiny houndstooth check (I still have that one in my closet for nostalgia purposes; I interviewed in it frequently and it was my lucky suit!). Sigh, RIP.
Suits
Same. Old Talbots used to be the same for me–perfect right off the rack. But, everything has fit weird for the past decade or so after they made changes to their fits.
westernisland
man, I’m glad it’s not just me. Talbots is just not cut for my body, which is so frustrating for a plus petite who needs professional clothes.
Anon
Me too. Talbots used to fit me so well that when I needed 4 days of smart casual for a work conference, and had gained weight so that my existing wardrobe just wouldn’t do, I packed toiletries, makeup, shoes and accessories and headed to the conference with a stop at a Talbots store on the way. It was that certain that the clothing would fit. Now it doesn’t. Boo.
Anon
I think they they run true to size/maybe a bit small. In Talbots I’m usually a 16W or 16WP and in J Crew I’m usually an 18 (but sometimes will get a 20 and get it tailored, such as with a tweed skirt that didn’t have any stretch, or sometimes a 16 depending on the material of the dress). So I would take your Talbots size as a starting point. You may have to order a few sizes, but it’s worth it. I also got the J Crew card because the points add up quickly and there are often specials only available to J Crew card holders. All in all, I feel classic and put together, and the pieces mix and match well. Any time I see people on this board or others saying J Crew needs to die I cry a bit inside – J Crew and Talbots are really the only good stores that I can buy my work clothes at and actually feel stylish, professional, modern, and not like I’m just wearing a plus-sized polyester sack.
Maureen OBrien
Consider MM LaFleur for suiting. They are size inclusive and have great fabrics. I bought a black sheath, blazer and pants as a capsule and travel with it on every business trip.
mystery
Big upper arms are a problem for me as well, I am a 20. I was living in SF, and had good luck at the plus-size dept of the flagship macys. I have jackets from Ann Klein, and some house brands (Tahari?). I have taken some softer, unlined sweater blazers into the tailor, who slimmed the body for me, b/c I had to go up a size for arms. It’s probably more expensive to do that to a lined garment, but I don’t usually do full suits, but jackets on dresses. I see their stuff online and have purchased another color/2nd piece before when the store was missing items.
Suits
I definitely need to make more use of a tailor.
mystery
Tailoring was $30 a piece for an unlined jacket. It is painful to pay twice, but they you have a workable option, I have had them for 3 years now so the price per wear is v. low at this point.
Anon in midtown
I just ordered 2 jcrew blazers in 16 (the going out and something else collarless that was on sale and was swimming in the second one).
I’ve been around a 14P for a while and love a good BR suit (though the last one i bought was 4-5 years ago), and Talbots for the 3-4 piece suiting lately.
Unwanted advance
Recently, at a (non-work) party, a married colleague I considered to be a friend told me that he is very attracted to me and made it clear that he was available to hook up, if I wanted; nothing physical happened. I immediately told him that I am not interested, would never be interested in a married man, and left shortly thereafter. I think I was so taken aback that I did not yet feel the anger that I have developed since then – framed as fight, flight, or freeze, in the moment, I froze and then took flight. Since then, at work, he has been acting like nothing happened. I am furious at and disgusted with him, and want to tell him that I don’t want to engage with him socially at all – no chatting in the halls, in offices, etc. I am very conflict-averse and have never been in exactly this situation. I am relatively sure of what I want to say, but the idea of saying it makes me extremely anxious, but when I’ve seen him, I start to feel shakey, in anticipation of the confrontation I need to have with him. How do I keep myself calm enough to have this conversation? How do I convince myself to be more confident in this decision (which I believe is the right thing for me), and that this is not an overreaction?
Anon
Practice what you want to say in advance so you’re not tripped up and extra nervous the day of. Say it out loud to the mirror and practice facial expressions too.
Anonymous
So sorry that he did this to you. So inappropriate of him. Please don’t feel like you have to have a confrontational conversation with him. It’s perfectly fine to just avoid him totally.
“I’m not interested in socializing.”, “I’m not interested in discussing.” etc and walking away – or just a long stare and walking away are acceptable responses if he tries to talk to you about it.
Beyond that, it’s not clear how much you work with him. If you are on the same files, or travel together, others may have better advice on how to handle it.
Irish Midori
I think I’m on this side–there’s no reason you have to bring this up ever, ever again, unless maybe you work closely with him a lot. If HE ever mentions it again, after you clearly said no, it might be take it to HR time.
Ellen
Yes, I would tell HR or your manageing partner NOW, before he changes the story and somehow makes it seems that you were interested in him, and he had to fend you off. Men are known to protect themselves by making themself the victim, and us the pursuer’s. You do not want to be victimized twice by him. Men will do anything to get what they want, and if they don’t get you, they then want to get rid of you. Do not sit back. If we could have taped his comments, it would be inesceapable, but we can’t. FOOEY on him, and shame on him as a married man. Who knows how many others he has victimized like you. For all you know, he has tried to have $ex with many others at work, and will continue to do so until he finds someone who will do so. DOUBEL FOOEY!
Anon
Agree with just avoiding him and not having a confrontational conversation. Especially don’t have a confrontational conversation at work. As stupid and outdated is it as, that is significantly more likely to make you look bad than him.
Anonymous
Yeah I agree with both of these comments. In fact even being cold to him at work might make OP look bad. I might say something like, “I’m really angry and disappointed with you right now and you know why. I expect that you’ll keep your distance for a while.”
But I would also not be shocked if he got all bro-y and gaslight-y on you if you say something like that. “Whoa what do you mean?? It’s all harmless fun, lol, you need to chill.”
In general, be very clear with yourself about what you want to get out of the confrontation before you decide to do it. If you just want to say your piece and be done, great. If you’re expecting an apology, or any kind of change in behavior on his part, just know that you can’t count on that.
Anonymous
Why do you need to confront him? He asked you once, you said no, seems like he respected that.
Junie
…? Because the “ask” is incredibly insulting and gross? I liken it to someone calling you a slur or derogatory name in a meeting and you’re too shocked in the moment to call them out on it. It would be perfectly reasonable to go to them afterward and say, “Hey, I was too upset in the moment to articulate this, but what you said was incredibly inappropriate and made me very uncomfortable and angry. I expect that you’ll never say anything like that to me again.”
Monday
No, confrontation is not necessary and may bring risks. However, OP says she “believes it is the right thing for her.” That’s that.
I am of the position that people who are made uncomfortable for entirely valid reasons are allowed to respond in the way they want to. OP did not ask to be put this situation, and so she should at least be able to decide her own exit.
Monday
I see below that she just updated her thoughts. Great! Icing him out is probably what I would be doing too.
Junie
Oh, I totally agree that it’s up to her and not “necessary” in some objective sense. I was more responding to the tone of the poster above me who seemed to be implying that the reason confrontation wasn’t needed was because he didn’t do anything wrong, with which I strongly disagree.
Monday
Yes, I was supporting your take! :)
In-House in Houston
This. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with the way you handled it. He seems to have dropped it, so I think you should too. I think if you bring it up now, you’ll be the one to come off poorly.
Anon
I understand why you are disappointed in your friend, and feel that you don’t know him if he is looking to cheat on his spouse. But, unless there is additional information you didn’t provide, nothing he did seems to warrant a big confrontation. He let you know that he was interested in you (and you didn’t indicate he did this in an inappropriate way), you said no, and he has since left it alone. People are allowed to express their interest in others in appropriate ways, so long as they act appropriately and let it go when turned down.
Junie
…. No, married “people” aren’t “allowed” to hit on their coworkers (or anyone). What is wrong with this place?!
Anon
The coworker thing is …ick. But some married people are “allowed”.
Junie
I mean, ok. Sure. You win the hair-splitting contest. Probably this guy is in an open marriage and just failed to mention that during the conversation, so the only gross thing about it is him using the workplace as a pickup bar.
Anon
Not everyone has the exact same thoughts about marriage that you do. I know that is hard to believe.
Anonymous
It is.not.okay. to hit on people at work.
I am surprised and dismayed you need that explained to you.
Whatever you think or feel about marriage and fidelity, those beliefs do not need to be expressed in the workplace. If you are hitting on coworkers at work, regardless of your gender, marital status or open marriage status, you deserve to be disciplined, fired, sued, have EEOC complaints filed against you, etc. Your workplace is not a LARP version of Tinder. Unbelievable that anyone who thinks otherwise would even be on this board.
Anonymous
They weren’t at work.
Anon
Anonymous at 10:27 – the OP makes very, very clear that this did not happen at work. I agree, hitting on a co-worker at work is not ok. This happened at a private, non-work associated event that happened between friends. Hitting on a friend, who may or may not be a co-worker, is ok so long as you accept their answer. (unless you are one of those people who don’t believe that co-workers can be friends, in which case the OP shouldn’t have been hanging out with him at a friend event)
Anon
@Anon at 10:38, co-workers can be friends, but you can’t pretend it’s the same as any other friend. It’s not ok to sexually proposition a co-worker, regardless of how friendly you are or where the proposition happens (though I agree it’s better outside of work than at work).
Anon at 9:48
@Anon at 10:27 – thanks for the super condescending response, but I never said it is ok for coworkers to hit on each other. In fact, I use the very intellectual term “ick” to describe my thoughts about that. I think that people have different views about marriage and monogamy. That was my point.
Anon
In addition to the fact that some married people are allowed to enter other relationships, this didn’t happen in a co-worker situation. They were actual friends and this happened at a non-work event. I would have a different response if it happened at a work event.
Monday
Yeah, but things that happen outside of the work context involving coworkers absolutely have effects in the office. It isn’t isolated from their collegial relationship just because they’re friendly and were at a social event. It sounds to me like he just didn’t think or care about the impact on her *at work,* and I don’t blame her for being annoyed by that.
Anon
Agreed. It’s insulting to the person being propositioned, too. WTF us wrong with people here.
Lana Del Raygun
There is nothing about propositioning a coworker for extramarital sex.
Lana Del Raygun
(this should say “nothing appropriate”)
Ellen
I fully agree. Dad says it is always completely inappropriate, especially when the guy or the woman is MARRIED. He says there enough single people out there who are looking for a spouse. He already has one. So Dad is again right on point where he cautions men to “NEVER dip their pens into the company inkwell”. He says work is not for this and to stay away from women if you or her are NOT available. FOOEY on men like him.
Anon
I think there’s a big difference between saying to your coworker “hey, would you like to get dinner sometime?” and propositioning them for s3x. Presumably, since he’s married, he didn’t ask her on a date or tell her he’d like to get to know her better one-on-one outside the office, he just asked her for s3x. I don’t think the latter is ever ok in a work context, regardless of the martial status of the parties involved. If you’re both single and you’re interested in a coworker, you ask them to hang out, not for physical intimacy.
Anonymous
Really good explanation. Even if he were single, it’s really sleazy, rude, and inappropriate to “make it clear that he was available to hook up” to a coworker. Yes, people are allowed to ask out other people. No, people are not entitled to make gross overtures. Frankly I don’t tolerate this sort of thing from guys on dating apps, I’m certainly not going to tolerate it from a friend or coworker.
Anonymous
What the OP’s friend did is not okay in any way, shape or form. For those not following: 1. Don’t hit on your coworkers. 2. Don’t hit on people period if you are married. The rules are honestly not that hard for most reasonably intelligent people.
Unfortunately, the way this works in most workplaces is that unless he does it again, there’s no action the company will take. If he asks once and she declines and it never comes up again, it’s not “pervasive.” But, OP, if he even hints at anything again, do not pass go, go straight to HR. This guy is a sleaze and deserves to get his butt nailed to the wall if he can’t get the message that he’s acting inappropriately.
The other way this would be handled in my workplace is that the OP would not confront her coworker (or even speak to him again – and I am in favor of the freeze-out over the confrontation) but would tell her boss and her work friends about it and word would get around pretty fast. There are positives and definite negatives to this approach and it can totally backfire, so OP, know your workplace and your coworkers and be careful who you tell if you decide to talk about it. In some workplaces, the OP would be seen as the wronged party and in others she’d be victim-blamed. I’ve seen both things happen. In one case the harasser basically got drummed out of the company and in another it was the harassee. OP, don’t let this one jerkface derail your career. Don’t give him more power than he deserves (which is none). I am very sorry this happened to you.
Lana Del Raygun
You are not overreacting but I think you’d be better served by just cutting him with no explanation. He’ll know what’s going on, but he won’t have a chance to try and justify himself without having to bring up his impropriety himself.
Anon
+1. I was in a similar situation once and did my best to avoid the person as much as possible. I don’t think a confrontation would do much good. But I don’t think you’re overreacting at all, and what he did is incredibly inappropriate.
Lyssa
If it makes you feel better, I would say that you did confront him at the time – you immediately told him that you were not interested and that you would never be interested in a married man. Good on you! This wasn’t a freeze and flight – you responded completely appropriately. It’s not your fault he has no shame.
Unwanted Advance
Thank you for the advice. I like the approach that this shouldn’t be a big confrontation. We work on the same hallway, though not on any of the same files. Because of our proximity, we often run into each other getting coffee, etc. (like today) and chat on the way back to our offices and I want not to do that anymore. I largely ignored him today; perhaps a couple more instances like that will send the message. And if it doesn’t, I’ll simply tell him I’m uncomfortable with what he has said, and don’t wish to socialize with him.
January
I think this is the right way to handle it. I’m not a big confrontation person myself, and if you’re also conflict-averse, I think you can send the message as effectively by silence.
Anonome
Avoiding him is also what I would do, but if he somehow forces the issue, I’d express disappointment and sadness rather than anger and iciness. The latter would only get his back up and close his ears. So, less “You’re a cheating sh*tbag” and more “I’m mourning the person I thought you were”. Taking that angle is less of a powder keg, and more likely to register with him.
Anon
Ewww he’s a loser and your anger is justified, but you don’t have to confront him and you shouldn’t even expect that he would get it…big ignore
Anonymous
OMG. You are so over reacting. This happens all the time. Maybe he had a little too much to drink. Maybe he hits on everyone remotely attractive hoping one will say yes once in a while. I always say something like – No thank you. I am flattered but I am ____: (fill in in blank) not interested/happy with my husband/ do not date married men. Then never mention it again. He’s probably forgotten and on to the next prospect by now.
Anonymous
You must work with some really gross guys if this is happening all the time. Ick.
Anon
No this does not happen all the time. This has happened to me once in a 15 year career and it was horrifying. The OP is not overreacting.
Monday
Lots of things “happen all the time” that are not acceptable or fair. In fact, people calling them out in the first place is the only way change ever happens. She doesn’t have to be the Cool Girl.
Anon
It’s not “flattering” and you don’t have to lie and say it is to protect fragile male egos. It’s offensive and gross.
Senior Attorney
Ick, ick, ick. SO not flattering.
pugsnbourbon
Dear god I hope this is a troll.
What
WTF. WTAF.
ElisaR
+1 Couldn’t have said it better myself!
Vicky Austin
+2. Seriously?
Long time fan
Ellen, I’ve missed you. How’s the tush?
Anon
“This happens all the time. You’re overreacting” is a DIRECT QUOTE from a “friend” in my freshmen year of college after I was s e x u a l l y assaulted while very drunk and squarely unable to consent.
You are an absolutely awful person if you think the frequency by which something occurs (and I don’t care if that something is hitting on someone, s e x u a l assault, kicking a puppy or slapping someone across the face) equates to it not being a big deal. Frequency does not make it right.
anon
F’ing seriously? Common = okay? “Maybe he had a little too much to drink. Maybe he hits on everyone remotely attractive hoping one will say yes once in a while.” <– neither of these possibilities improve the situation,
But don't worry hun, your shipment of male approval is on its way.
Mineallmine
+10000
Unwanted Advance
I appreciate the (other) sound, thoughtful advice given here.
FWIW – I did tell him immediately that I wasn’t interested. I did so without making up a fake bf, and I didn’t tell him I was flattered, because I wasn’t. I felt like he saw me like an easy lay, and not much more than a collection of relevant body parts.
I’m not angry that a married friend hit on me; I’m angry because a married co-worker hit on me in the absence of any indication that I’d be interested, and brought his personal marital situation, whatever it is, into my work day. While it may have been worse had he done it at work, I don’t think making his pitch at a party made it significantly more okay. And I agree that he’s likely off to his next target; that doesn’t change what happened between us.
Anon
Hug?
Sutemi
I would be on the lookout for how he treats other women at your workplace, particularly those with little leverage against him. It is extremely unlikely this is the first time he propositioned a colleague.
Abby
Well this is gorgeous
A2
Agreed
Anon
I do Trunk Club and this was sent to me in my last trunk. I didn’t keep it but I totally regret sending it back. They sent the blue but I love the oxblood one that’s featured here. I’m a curvy 12/14, 5’8″… I totally recommend and probably purchasing for myself!
Anon
Where was the length on you? We’re about the same body type and size, and I’m right at the cusp of the height for petite, so sometimes it’s hard to decide.
AnonMom
If you don’t mind sharing, what size did they send you and how did it fit?
Anon
Size 14. I’m all tummy and rear (small natural waist). Fit well and if I recall correctly it fell right above the knee. Super work appropriate.
AnonMom
Thanks!
Vicky Austin
I’d never heard of this brand, but that color. Swoon.
Housecounsel
The dress looks gorgeous, but I wonder if the fabric is cheap-looking in person. The white looked a little sheer on the model and there was a comment re: the fabric. I think I shall pop into Nordstrom and see for myself.
Anonymous
Agree. Love this. Do we agree it would look okay with a blazer over it? Imagining wearing this a lot during the fall or even winter.
Abby
I would – color is a little dark for summer wear, I imagine grey, black, or even a tweed blazer would look great.
busybee
I bought this dress this morning and am now on the hunt for a white blazer to wear over it (and with other things). I’m thinking something of a heavier nature- maybe tweed?- and hip length. I think no lapels would be best to avoid competing with the tie neck. If anyone has any recs, let me know!
Anonymous
J Crew going out blazer?
lsw
I have gotten a ton of wear out of a collarless white blazer from AT Factory, of all places. I bought one in white and one in rose and I wear them a ton. They fit me beautifully and are machine washable.
Anonymous
I think a simple, fitted blazer would look great over it. The neckline reminds me of, um, a “kitty bow” blouse.
Maudie Atkinson
I think it would also look nice with a long sleeve black knit underneath–like a jumper.
Maudie Atkinson
I too bought it. It’s gorgeous.
Shopaholic
Love this (the blue is so striking) and love most of the dresses in the collection. Does anyone have reviews of the brand/fit more generally?
Anon
Can we talk about Sharpiegate and how the Secretary of Commerce is now threatening to fire NOAA employees who contradicted Trump’s false claim that Alabama was in the path of Hurricane Dorian? I can’t even believe this – apparently they were supposed to sit there and be silent as Trump spread false information and whipped the public into a panic? Moreover, the Sharpie incident itself is so bizarre and unsettling (and illegal). Trump’s cognitive decline and delusional thoughts have never been more evident than in this incident – and that’s saying something. I realize that’s a strong statement and I stand by it.
Anon
It’s so embarrassing to have that POS as POTUS.
anon
May or may not be related to sharpie-gate, but my coworker who voted for Ttump before insulted him for weather-related policies in the west. I think he’s finally lost her vote :).
Anon
I used to work closely with NOAA for hurricane preparedness. I texted my old boss (who has also left our old agency) that I hope our friebds from NOAA haven’t given themselves concussions from banging their heads against the wall repeatedly the past week.
I feel terrible for them, honestly what a horrible and morale killing situation.
Anon
…and then we get the inevitable person who will castigate us for not being nicer to Trump voters.
WELP! This is the kind of stupid stuff that makes us look down on you. Own it.
What
What are you talking about? Anon at 10:10… no one said anything about being nicer to Trump voters. Are you confused?
Anon
That person didn’t say anything about Trump voters. They said they felt sorry for their old friends at NOAA.
Anon
Anon 10:06 here – I didn’t say anothing about trump or his supporters.
I just feel terrible for the professionals who are being put in a terrible situation. Everyone I worked with at NOAA was very competent and extremely professional and it sucks to get dragged through the mud and have your science questioned
PolyD
I think Anon at 10:10 is referring to how, when egregious Trump crimes are discussed, someone always pops up imploring us to understand the plight of Trump voters and how they are driven to vote for someone who lies about the weather and can’t ever admit to making a mistake. Which gets… tedious.
Anon
But Anon at 10:06 was in no way imploring people to understand the plight of Trump voters.
Anon
I don’t think the Trump voter comment was directly related to Anon at 10:06, just a side note.
Anon at 10:10
It was a side note. This administration is doing terrible things like demoralizing dedicated public servants at the NOAA, and yet we get chastised for not being nicer to the president.
NOLA
My first year seminar’s topic last week was political bias in the news. We looked at articles on Sharpiegate and talked about how to take the facts and make them into an inflammatory and biased article. My students were absolutely scathing and hilarious on the topic. Love them. I feel terrible for the folks at NOAA and the National Hurricane Center. My friends in government agencies are going through he11 right now, being asked to essentially find research proving theories that aren’t true, having their presentations redacted. It’s awful.
Anon
I have an entire day alone in Vegas in a few weeks (finishing up a hiking trip, my friend has a 6am flight home and I have a red eye).
What would you recommend doing? I’m not much a gambler and I’m not into partying alone. I’ve never been to Vegas before and while I’ve heard it’s very safe, I am a little wary of being a young female traveling totally solo.
Cb
Honestly, I’d have a fancy brunch and find somewhere (pool? terrace?) and read a novel I’ve been dying to read.
BeenThatGuy
Sounds like after a hiking trip you might be in need of some spa time (at least I would). Many of the hotels have beautiful facilities that you can use all day, along with treatments. That would be my vote.
And if you want someone to hang out with, I’ll be there on the 28th :P
Anon
Go check out the Red Rocks recreation area (exact name?)
Lana Del Raygun
Red Rock Canyon National Conservation Area! I was there last month and it was amazing. They close at 8, which is after the sun goes down, and I highly recommend hiking across the seabed at dusk. But if you’re hiked out, then I would just wander around the strip and see the bizarre attractions in the hotels. The Venetian has an indoor “lagoon” with gondolas; Bellagio has elaborate floral displays; there’s also a zipline (actually there’s two so make sure you get the really long one).
Anon
This….shopping at Venetian or Shops at Caesar is great!
Anonymous
You don’t need to be wary of being along during the day time for one day. At all.
anon
+1, Vegas during the day is extremely safe for a single woman.
Anon
Thanks for the reminder!
Coming from Philly, when I think casinos, etc I think Atlantic City. Always good to remember that other casino environments aren’t as seedy as AC!
Lyssa
I would probably take a long walk down the strip and explore the different hotels, and pick a few interesting places to eat/get a drink. You can do that all before dark (though Vegas doesn’t really have nighttime, in my experience). I love the overwhelming absurdity of the hotels.
Davis
Head to Caesar’s and spend the day at their spa relaxing! You can get treatments, but also hang out in the hot tubs, steam room, and such.
Worry about yourself
I’d check out the shows. I hear Absinthe is pretty good if it’s still around, there’s a fair amount of comedy and magic shows, maybe Cirque? If you’re unsure what to see or don’t want to spend too much, there’s a discount ticket booth. Or just walk around in the fancier casinos and enjoy the atmosphere. OH, or go to the Mandalay Bay aquarium and see the sharks, or I think I remember seeing something about dolphins at the Mirage. Oh, definitely go to the volcano show outside the Mirage if you’re there at night! Everyone talks about the water show, which you should see too (and each one is a little different) but the volcano is so cool!
There’s also a lot of great food. I recommend the tasting menu at the Gordon Ramsey pub in Caesar’s Palace!
Saguaro
Spa day!
Ms B
Vegas is one of the safer cities I know. I feel secure walking alone in Vegas at night, so long as I am on the Strip and not impaired.
If I had a free day, I would get a light snack at Bouchon Bakery in the Venetian, go shopping at the north outlet mall (take an Uber), get a nice lunch at Spago at the Bellagio, have a treatment or two at the Canyon Ranch Spa at the Venetian and then have a pleasant wander through the shops at the Venetian before getting a banh mi on Spring Mountain Road and catching a plane.
Anon
Will you have a hotel? I’m guessing no, if you’re not staying overnight. Vegas has great shows and restaurants but I’m not sure you’ll be in a state to take advantage of these after a hiking trip with no place to get cleaned up or changed. I’d probably do the spa day thing.
Anon
I’ll have a hotel for Saturday night, I fly out on a Sunday red eye. I think check out is at 11am, and I plan on asking the hotel to keep my bags while I check out Vegas on Sunday day
Anonymous
Love Vegas for a day. I’d say pick 1-2 hotels and go see what’s going on. They all have different “themes.” Bellagio has a conservatory and a museum in it. Venetian has the gondolas. I like the Wynn — quieter, good shopping even if you aren’t buying. If you like city/mountain views, go on the High Roller — kind of the like the London Eye. I even like being outdoors on the strip though I was there in Feb, so YMMV based on weather. I kind of just like seeing the people and whatever is going on — as something is always going on.
Housecounsel
I would spend the day in a spa!
ElisaR
1. people watching! Vegas is the best for that.
2. eating! Vegas is the best for that.
3. spa! Vegas is pretty good for that too.
Anon
I guess I’ll have to do some spa research, as I’ve never been to one before!
I’d love to check out the strip, are there any specific things to do?
Wanderlust
I looooooved the spa at Aria. So many different rooms to chill out in, and it has its own little outdoor private pool too.
Texas Vegas Junkie
Vegas is very, very safe. I’ve never once been worried, even walking by myself from casino to casino at 2:00 am. There are always so many people around. One of my favorite spots is Mon Ami Gabi at Paris. It’s a french bistro with a really nice outdoor patio. My favorite time to go is in the morning. It’s right across from the fountains at the Bellagio and is a great place to people watch. If it’s not super busy, I’m sure the wait-staff will be fine if you want to stay there for a little while. Walk around and look at all of the beautiful casinos. If you stay close to Bellagio you can see a lot (Ceasar’s, Paris, Bellagio, Mirage, Wynn, and the Venetian) which are all right there. Have fun!
Anon
Moderation is killing me. More than half of my posts get stuck in moderation. I’ve done the spamtest123 post that is recommended in the help section, and still nothing. It’s incredibly annoying.
Anon
It does seem super slow lately. All the comments will come in at once, suggesting that most people are getting trapped. It’s been brought up 1738390101 times without success/a real response though so idk if anything will ever be truly done about it .
Anonymous
Yup she doesn’t care. The moms site works much better
Anon
Agreed that she clearly doesn’t care.
Anon
To be fair, m0d on the moms s*te is much rarer, but it’s never checked. If you ask a question at 9 am and it gets caught in m0d, it won’t be released until after 5 pm and literally no one will answer you. She checks the m0d queue here a lot more.
Ribena
PSA for anyone else after reasonably priced suiting – Marks & Spencer’s have released a ‘workwear seven’ collection of items that go with each other, and there’s also a flared skirt in the same fabric. I now finally own a suit I feel like myself in – flared skirt with two front pleats, and a cropped blazer to go with it.
no
Can anyone in the US speak to their return policy? I don’t see anything on their page about international return fees. Thanks!
Webby
Good return policy. I returned some stuff a while ago but it got lost and didn’t make it to M&S. I did the chat and send them a picture of my UPS drop-off receipts and refunded all my money.
Anon
+1
Meeting Wardrobe Help Please
These questions get asked all the time, but it’s always a little different, so here goes . . . wardrobe help please!
I have an upcoming meeting with a high-level legal executive at an F500 tech company. It is not a formal interview through HR/application process, but it is a meeting set up through networking connections to discuss some job openings. We are meeting at the company building but in the employee cafeteria, essentially.
I’m pretty sure a full formal suit is the wrong choice for this thing, plus I don’t currently have a suit and would have to panic-buy, plus my current workplace is business casual.
Here are my options:
1. Patterned sheath dress (white base, black/red/turquoise floral) with black jersey blazer or black knit jardigan
2. Black pants with black blouse and red tweedy blazer
3. Brown pants with narrow coral pinstripe and coral blazer (several blouse options)
4. Robin-egg blue sheath dress with coral blazer.
September, so fall, but mid-Atlantic, so still hot. I am definitely partial to one of the choices listed above, but need a gut check. All advice welcome!
Z
I know some tech companies tell interviewees to wear “smart casual” for interviews. I think a sheath dress or dress pants with blazer is fine.
Anonymous
Blue dress black blazer. These options are all
A Lot.
Anonymous
This or 2.
Anon
This is exactly what I was thinking. Blue dress, black blazer. The other options are a little much for an informational interview and first impression.
Anon
Agree– I like the dress from 4 but with a black blazer or jardigan… not the coral. I think the blue/coral is too springy for Sept. regardless of what part of the country. I am in the south and would wear this combo but would not wear it in September, and it’s 100 degrees here. Blue dress with black blazer!
ElisaR
agree. a lot.
Anonanonanon
^this. Blue dress black blazer.
AnonMom
I like your option 2, particularly if the pants are skinny ankle cut and your blouse has an interesting architectural detail.
Never too many shoes...
Also a fan of #2.
Anon in midtown
+1 for 2.
Panda Bear
They all sound fine – more color than I personally would wear, but that’s more a matter of taste. I think I’d wear #2 or #4 (but maybe with a black rather than coral blazer). Ultimately, go for the option you feel best in.
Wardrobe OP
Sigh. I desperately wanted to wear #4 as I feel like a rockstar in that outfit. I’m definitely a “color” person in all aspects of my life, and I thought it might be early enough in September. I can’t bear to wear a black blazer with the robin’s egg blue dress (royal blue, yes, but i don’t have that) because it just seems wrong to me. And the coral blazer is by far my most well-fitting blazer.
That said, clearly it’s the wrong choice, and clearly I had reservations about it which is why I asked! So probably #2.
I’m a bit bummed, and so relieved to have input, and this is also why this site is so great!
Still taking votes or suggestions from anyone willing.
ElisaR
can you do the coral blazer with a white top and black pants?
The original Scarlett
Wear 4 if you feel great in it. I have trouble giving advice off a description only, I’m presuming the list is professional and for a tech company, you have a lot of room. Also? I just honestly do not think it matters what you wear to interview. We spend a lot of time thinking about it, but unless you’re in a costume or something radically ridiculous, it just doesn’t matter. I’ve never once come close to making a hiring decision based on an outfit.
Never too many shoes...
Why not the coral blazer with the black blouse and pants?
westernisland
Or similarly, do you navy or camel options that you could pair with the coral blazer?
Wardrobe OP
Thanks all, really. I am going to try some different combinations with the coral blazer to see if I can make it work, and use outfit #2 as a backup.
My job search has been long and fruitless up to this point so this is a big deal for me and I feel like picking the “right” clothes beforehand will make me less nervous and more confident–just one detail I can actually control, but one less to worry about. Your input is tremendously helpful.
Trixie
Hi ‘rettes–last week, a person posted about her 17 year old niece and the middle aged with children employer she baby sat for; this had evolved into a s3xual relationship. Any updates? That bothered me so much.
Worry about yourself
Yikes Hard Lemonade, I missed an interesting thread while I was away!
ElisaR
haha me too!
Vicky Austin
Stealing the phrase “Yikes Hard Lemonade,” thanks for the laugh WAY!
Another anonymous judge
I have been thinking about this auntie myself also. Hope everyone involved is doing okay. It was a pretty dreadful situation.
Triangle Pose
Can someone link this? HOW did I miss it?
OTF
Thanks for everyone who chimed in about OTF yesterday afternoon! I went this morning and loved it. I was hoping not to like it because it is really expensive. But I suppose a workout I will actually go to that is expensive is a better plan than a gym that I never go to, even if it’s cheaper. Also, thanks for the idea to take measurements. I’m totally doing that this weekend.
Anonymous
When an employer downsizes a position, is it a common courtesy, or even required, that the employer give the employee unvested 401k match benefits?
Anonymous
no. it’s not vested.
Anon
When my old contractor got acquired, we were all automatically fully vested for our former 401k and were given full vesting by the new contractor.
Both contractors had terrible benefits and generally botched the transition, with the exception of the vesting.
nona
Sounds like the new contractor had a different plan and had to bring the new employees into equity with the new plan. Which is probably covered in the plan or IRS rules.
nona
Like, if you get laid off, do you get to keep unvested retirement money?
I doubt it – 401k plans have to follow the plan, otherwise it puts the whole plan in jeopardy for everyone else. So unless there is a clause in the plan that allows early vesting in the case of lay off (vs quit), I don’t think the employer has the ability (or requirement) to alter the vesting schedule.
tamegroute
Agreed that the employer has to follow the plan document and can’t alter terms for individual employees.
If the downsizing is large enough (affecting 20 percent of the plan participants in a given year), then there’s what’s called a “partial plan termination” and all the affected employees will become vested. But that’s an IRS rule, not an employer decision.
Anon
No.
Lana Del Raygun
You could try to negotiate for the unvested amount to be added to any severance, although it wouldn’t have the same tax breaks.
Anon
Looking for some foundation advice/recommendations. I have a tinted moisturizer and a concealer for under my eyes but I’m looking for something with a little more coverage for some weddings and big work meetings coming up. I have normal skin, sweat a little on my commute, and am generally pretty clear (except right before that time of the month). Are people doing a primer? Liquid foundation? A compact with a sponge? A setting powder? A corrector? A concealer setting powder? I know this Board has talked about the conspiracy that we’re all being forced to buy primers + foundations but I’m actually pretty confused as to what’s needed to get a polished look that lasts at least half a day (though preferably more). If it helps, I’m usually the palest color in a brand and I have a moderate budget.
Panda Bear
Ugh, my hunt for really good foundation/concealer (plus primer, powder, application tools) is never ending. In my experience, good setting powder (I use one from Tarte) applied with a fluffy brush helps more than primer to keep things stable, but everyone’s skin is so different. Go to Sephora and/or a makeup brand counter you like and try some stuff out.
Worry about yourself
I typically use BB cream, but when I’m getting extra dressed up, I do Clinique Superbalanced makeup, applied with a sponge, over Hourglass primer.
Anonymous
I would go to Sephora and ask for foundation matching. They’ve never steered me wrong on foundation. I find that their recommended primers don’t really make a difference, but they once recommended a setting spray that did seem to help with staying power. Definitely ask about a setting powder. If there will be photography, avoid mineral and SPF formulations.
I find that makeup goes on better if I apply moisturizer immediately before foundation.
Anon
I think a fuller coverage complete put together look involves:
1) Basic primer – it really helps to even out the skin. I use, now here me out, Monistat Chafing Relief Poweder Gel. It is chemically the same as Smashbox Photo Finish Primer, a well known dupe, and much cheaper. It works super well.
2) Liquid foundation, applied with brush or beauty blender + concealer as needed. My favorite budget one is Maybelline My Fit in the matte formulation (helps with shininess and sweating) and they have a color for nearly everyone.
3) A barely there eyeshadow (one color is enough – I usually go with nude for me + a little shimmer)
4) Mascara and/or eyeliner
5) Lipstick or gloss of your choosing
Anon
Face primer + liquid foundation + concealer as needed + sheer setting powder (Laura Mercier is my favorite and an oft recommended pic) + very light blush to give your face the color the foundation took away.
Throw in some mascara and you’re good.
Anonymous
Re. blush: I am pale like OP, and find that the popular Nars blush shade with the name that will go to mod is way too much. I like Benefit Dandelion.
juliaBOS
Personally, I think you can skip the primer. Something pore-filling is helpful if you’re concerned about big pores – it will even your skin texture out. But I don’t find it necessary. (Monistat does work well, but can also be irritating/clogging to the skin, so definitely use in moderation.) I love the L’Oreal Infallible 24 Hour Fresh Wear foundation. Lasts all day for me. I always apply it with some version of a dampened Beauty Blender (I like the Real Techniques Miracle Complexion Sponge) so that it looks even and not cakey. Maybelline Fit Me also has a great line of foundations and powders. I’ll use concealer under my eyes and on any spots that need more coverage. Maybelline Instant Age Rewind is a good one, but there are a lot of good drug store concealers on the market! I always turn to EmilyNoel83 on youtube for tips on work-day makeup (you can search her channel, she has a ton of great videos) and you might find TheTaylaa on youtube helpful for matching light foundation shades and for her extremely thorough foundation reviews.
It sounds like you have great skin, and like you won’t be using these products on most days, so I think you can get everything you need at the drugstore with absolute confidence. Good luck!
Anon
Face Atelier Ultra Skin is excellent. It’s silicone based so you don’t need primer or anything- maybe set it with powder. Significantly better than drugstore products.
Anonymous
It sounds like the Dior Backstage foundation would be a good fit for you. It’s sheer to medium coverage but sweatproof and lasts all day.
anonymous
Any recommendations for a career coach in the Boston area for a mid-level attorney considering leaving the law (2011 grad)? Any recommendations about how to locate a coach experienced in law transition are appreciated!
anon
Betsy Munnell– disclaimer: I’ve met her through bar association events, but haven’t worked with her directly.
Anonymous
Evie Scoville – though I’ve only talked to her in the context of staying within the law, she’s great.
juliaBOS
So glad you asked this! Thanks to both anons below. I’m much more junior, but already know I’ll want to transition in the not-too-distant future away from litigation and maybe law generally. Wish you all the best!
Anonymous
+1 Thanks for the information, from a 2013 graduate in Boston also thinking about my future!
grateful original question asker
Thanks to both of your for the names!
Simsi
Does anyone have recommendations for a well-connected legal recruiter in Denver? Extra great if the recruiter has in-house connections. TIA
Denverite
Melinda Delmonico at Gibson Arnold.
Anon
The Advocates (specifically Susanne Rhodes)
Thank you!
wanted to say thank you to the person who recommended Marcie Evans Schulman last week as mtg with her yesterday was super helpful!
Anon
this board always has the best travel recs. DH and I are planning our first kids free trip next July. We live in TX but will be dropping the kiddos off with my parents in NY. Any travel recs for July for places that are closer to the east coast than they are to TX and ideally not as hot as TX in the summer? I know July is often the most expensive and crowded time of year to travel, but due to all the logistics involved this is the only time of year that works. We’ve done a Safari in Africa, Greece trip, Portugal, and Hawaii. Where did people go this summer that was fun?
Anon
How long do you have to travel? Given the time of year, I’d be inclined to do Canada, Iceland or northern Europe (UK, Scandinavia, etc.) or the Southern Hemisphere (probably South America, because Australia/New Zealand is such a long flight and not as good in winter). A lot of my friends have raved about Patagonia and Argentina wine country and I would imagine those things are harder than Europe to do with young kids. If you live in Texas you probably have more tolerance for heat than I do though.
Anonymous
If you’re outdoorsy, I would do Canada or Sweden. If you’re more into wine/cultural stuff I would do Spain/Morocco.
ANon
isn’t spain/morocco very hot in july?
Anonymous
Yes but that’s when they have time to go. Spain is a short direct flight from NYC, you can cool off at the beach and Morocco isn’t exactly a top young children destination so better for a couples trip.
Alanna of Trebond
Spain is OK, but do NOT go to Morocco in July. It is 110 degrees.
Rainbow Hair
LOL it’s so this s1te to say, with all caps, “do NOT go to [country] in [month].” Like… you know people live there all year round, right? And Morocco is pretty big and geographically diverse. Essaouira should have pleasant weather in July, as should Tangier and Casablanca — they’re beach cities. I wouldn’t do the camel-ride-into-the-desert thing in July, but that doesn’t eliminate the whole country.
Anon
Not sure how adventurous you are looking to be, but July is beautiful in the Maritimes and is a really fun, relaxing vacation. PEI is my fav, but most of Nova Scotia and Cape Breton are also amazing. This would probably be more a of a “fly there and rent a car” vacation which may not appeal to you.
Anonymous
I also love the maritimes but to me that’s a perfect trip to do with kids.
Cat
How long do you want to be away? Europe is very accessible from NY — maybe Paris + the south of France? Staying closer to home, places like Nantucket or MV would be very different without kids. If you really want cooler weather, Montreal or Quebec City?
Anonymous
London Paris Rome Tuscany literally all of Western Europe.
Anon
Paris and Rome are unpleasantly hot in July.
Anonymous
She’s from Texas. Paris will be fine.
anon
I’d do Maine (including Acadia Natl Park) and Nova Scotia.
Or Iceland.
Anon
I was gonna say, does it have to be international? One of the best summer vacations I’ve ever had was a 10 day road trip through New England – Maine, NH, VT, Mass, and RI.
Anon
Acadia (New England in general really) is super kid-friendly and road trips in general aren’t hard with kids. I’d do something that would be difficult to impossible with kids.
Leatty
We went to the Azores this summer (direct flight from JFK), and it was awesome! Beautiful scenery, great food, reasonably priced, lots of outdoor options, and everyone was really nice. Highly recommend.
Abby
I’m headed there this Saturday, and can. not. wait!
Anonymous
Newport, RI or Martha’s Vineyard
Senior Attorney
We went to Northern Italy and it was fabulous. Food, scenery, and the places we went were largely off the beaten path, which we loved. We flew into Munich and rode our bikes a few hundred miles and ended up in Verona, then took the train over to a little town called Treviso, then to Venice. (Here’s the route: https://www.mondobiketours.com/tours/view/innsbruck-to-verona-bike.) It was fantastic! If I had it to do over again I’d also spent time in Salzburg and/or Innsbruck, Austria.
OP
was Italy very hot and crowded in July? That would be my ideal. I’ve been to Salzburg…I highly recommend a visit especially during the holidays
Anonymous
I just did two weeks in Italy in August. I’ve done late June – early July which was better but August wasn’t as crowded as expected, but we also weren’t lining up in cities to see musuems as we were mostly at the beach and in smaller towns. The Maremma area isn’t quite as busy compared to the rest of Tuscany. Early July would be fine as European schools usually don’t get out before the end of the first week of July. Ultra-high season is last week of July and first two weeks of August.
Senior Attorney
It was hot but not unbearably so. Not crowded in most of the places we were — up in the Alps and, as I said, off the beaten path. Far more German tourists than Americans. Venice was a zoo but at night after the tourists were gone it was divine. If you decide to go, email me at seniorattorney1 at gmail and I will give you some recs of things to see and do.
Senior Attorney
D’oh — meant to say “at night after the people from the cruise ships were gone…”
Anon
Just got back from the same area (Lake Garda/Verona) and agree with all of this. It was wonderful! There is a lot of wonderful wine and great hiking (in terms of things difficult to do with kids).