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Tuesday’s TPS Report: Director dress in pinstripe Super 120s

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Director dress in pinstripe Super 120sI always like a dress with sleeves — and yet they can be so difficult to find! This one, in J.Crew's four-season Super 120s merino wool (in pinstripe) looks great. Note the darts both in front and in the back, and the slight puckering on the cap sleeves… love it all. I'd perhaps leave the flat loafers at home, but hey… the dress is $198 (regulars and petites, navy and charcoal) at J.Crew. Director dress in pinstripe Super 120s Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2)

Sales of note for 12.5

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304 Comments

  1. I have this dress in Navy and I love it! its a great fit and easy to look put together.

    1. Do you happen to have the matching suit jacket? Does it go well with the dress? I have the whole suit in navy pinstripe and I’d been hoping to add a dress…

      1. I just bought the pinstripe pant suit, but my dress is solid navy. The color is the same, but im not wild about the look of sold bottom with the pinstripe jacket. im guessing yours would look fine.

      4. I have the Emmaleigh dress in the pinstripe (to mastch my super 120’s pinstripe jacket) and I prefer it to this dress. I can wear the dress and jacket plain, or or I can wear it with a print or bright colored collared shirt underneath it.

    2. I really like this, been eyeing it for a while. Now for a 30% off promo on all suiting…

        1. I just got the super 120’s navy pinstripe jacket and slacks last week — $75 for the slacks, $117 for the jacket. They were both on sale, and then had an extra 30% off.

          As an FYI, I also got the Dolores dress in peacock paisley for like $65 bucks. It is very cute. I was hoping to wear it to work, but its much to short (and Im only 5’4). However, it will be lovely for weekend summer stuff — maybe a graduation party or something. Extremely comfortable and flatering

  2. Very cute though I’m a bit wary of the v-neck as it looks like it may be a bit low for the large of b*st.

    1. It was far too low for me, and I’m not large of b*st. I think it probably depends more on your personal level of comfort w/r/t work-appropriate necklines than it does the size of the girls.

    2. Actually, if I had to guess, lowness of neckline on this might be influenced more by size of shoulders, as it would sort of pull up the neckline (and she looks quite slight of shoulder). I’ve ordered things that look quite low on models but is quite a bit higher on my linebackerish shouldered self.

    3. I’m average busted. I originally thought i needed a cami — which looks fine with it. BUt i wore it last week without, and it was fine.

    4. I also wonder about the neckline, though I think other commenters are right that it might depend on your comfort level and/or shoulder size. But I have pretty average-to-slight, shoulders, but a 30E chest, and find that almost all Jcrew v-neck items look vampy on me, despite looking modest on the smaller chested models. So I am also wary.

      Great looking dress though. It also looks really cute in the hot pink (http://www.jcrew.com/womens_category/dresses/weartowork/PRDOVR~67443/67443.jsp).

    5. So– do you all think it looks OK on the model here? That is about what it looks like on me– not showing any cleavage (since I don’t really have any) but definitely on the low side.

      1. I think it looks fine on the model, though I probably wouldn’t wear anything lower.

      2. No, I think it’s waaaaay too low for work on the model. The v just draws the eye down, and even if (like me) you don’t have anything that would show, I don’t think I’d want my clients’ eyes, or opposing counsel’s eyes, being drawn down to the middle of my chest.

        1. Ditto. I keep seeing such deep V-necklines on women at my workplace so I guess it’s OK, and yet, it just looks inappropriate to me. On the other hand, maybe the wearers want to draw people’s eyes to the middle of their chest.

          There used to be a young woman who worked here who wore head-to-toe Bebe. Everything looked 1-2 sizes too tight. Then, she lost weight. And replaced her wardrobe with new Bebe items, again 1-2 sizes too tight for her current weight. After that, I had to conclude that (1) she’s not blind (2)she has mirrors in her apartment (3) she likes her clothes that way, so I decided to not say anything to her. (Plus, I didn’t really know her, aside from saying hello occasionally in the women’s bathroom on our floor.)

  3. TJ – I feel a little silly asking this but in the last couple of threads about proofreading some of you mentioned you will read the document backwards. Does this mean you read it sentence by sentence starting at the last sentence or you actually go backwards word by word starting at the last word? I’m curious to try this but want to make sure I haven’t misunderstood. Thanks ladies!

    1. Starting at the last sentence. As you proofread, you will find yourself getting less and less careful as the document drags on. Inevitably, the end doesn’t get the same level of attention/detail that the beginning received. This helps combat that problem.

      1. Thanks! That’s what I thought, although I’m sure reading each sentence backwards would pick up certain kinds of mistakes, too.

    2. also, if you wrote the document or know what it should contain, when reading it front to back your mind will “input” words or fixes where grammar needs to be edited. Basically, you will overlook errors b/c you know what should be there. By reading it backwards, your mind loses the flow and focuses on the language, typos, and grammar. An easier way to do longer documents is to just start by reading the last paragraph, then second to last, and so on.

  4. I also love dresses with sleeves and I actually need help for a sort of similar dress. Link posted below or you can google Spense Plus Size Dress Cap Sleeve Ruffled Waist at Macy’s.

    I’ll be wearing this to a daytime grad with nude pumps, but have no clue what kind of jewelry to wear. I was hoping to add some color or pop to the outfit but not too much since there’s that front ruffle already. Any suggestions? My skin tone is similar to the girl in the picture. Thanks!

      1. Any necklace that doesn’t hit the ruffles will be fine. If it’s a long pendant it will compete with the ruffle. You could go simple with a small pendant on a short chain with matching earrings (http://www.target.com/p/Silver-Silver-Plated-Teardrop-Cz-Necklace-18/-/A-13788458) or go wild with a large statement necklace that sits on the collar bones (http://www.target.com/p/Gold-Caste-and-Stone-Necklace/-/A-14021591). Or if you’re more the large earrings type, go with a big pretty pair and a matching bangle. I love a black dress like this for accessorizing, there are so many options!!

    2. Metallic bangles/bracelets in the metal color of your preference. Lipstick, blush, light/nude eyeshadow, colorful nail polish. Extra points if you can work in coral/orange/yellow jewels/jewelry in the form of a hair pin, earrings or pendant. Or you could do white – white jewelry, headband with a flower (graduations are probably the perfect place for flowery headbands/pins) and white nails.

      1. I thought you were going as a guest – nix the headgear, obviously, if that’s the case. Unless you’re one of those supercool people that decorate their caps.

    3. You could do pretty much anything you want as far as jewelry. The only thing I would avoid would be longer necklaces as they would conflict with the ruffle. I would probably go with colors in the pink or purple families. Coral would look really good too and is pretty on trend right now as well.
      Though be mindful that anything other than a necklace will likely show when you’re wearing your cap. If that’s a concern of yours, shorter necklace with a largish, colorful pendant may work.

    4. Have this dress in black and love it! It’s super easy to wear. I don’t wear necklaces with it, though … as you mentioned, it is way too much with the ruffle. I think the ruffle looks slightly more prominent in person than it does on the model, and I’ve found that necklaces just make me look way too done up (even for more formal occasions).

      Nude pumps are definitely the way to go, and I agree with Ru that a good way to work in a fun color would be through nail polish. I actually think it would be great to do a bracelet or cuff also in the cream/nude family, but that might not be enough of the color you’re looking for.

      I personally normally wear stud earrings of some type with this dress because of the ruffle, also, and that may be the way to go for day.

      So… sorry to not be much help on the color front, but just wanted to say yay this dress!

    6. How about a neon bracelet (or two)? Or some other color if you’re not into neon.

    7. i wouldnt wear a neckless with that neckline. I would wear some pretty earings and some stackable bracelets.

  5. Wow, lovely dress! For some reason, I think that the neckline gives it a more casual look than necessary! I usually love v-necks, but this one seems odd?

    How about that bag? I know that this might be just irrational of me, but even though I like a bag, I feel like it would look odd on me. Some bags just shout out to be carried by more mature and successful ladies than me.

  6. Also have it in navy and LOVE it. There’s a matching jacket, and I wear the two together for interviews.

    1. HA! I asked about the blazer above. Thanks! I’ll probably wait for a sale/coupon and then will pick this up :)

    1. I think it depends on whether you plan to use a stroller or ‘wear’ the baby most of the time. It looks like it would be fine to hang off the back of a stroller, but those straps look like they would dig into your shoulders and be uncomfortable if you tried to wear it on one shoulder. Might work if you’re willing to wear it as a backpack – but I would order it and check the canvas straps.

  8. TJ: Maurice Sendak, author of “Where the Wild Things Are,” passed away :( That was one of my favorite books. Please share: what are your favorite books from childhood?

    1. Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day. I LOVED THAT BOOK.

      1. Heh. That’s mine, too. Every time I go to a baby shower I bring it as a gift.

        “I went to sleep with gum in my mouth and now there’s gum in my hair…. My mom says some days are like that. Even in Australia.”

    2. Oh, sad!

      I loved “Where the Wild Things Are”. Such a great story, and amazing illustrations. I also loved Leo Lionni’s books (Frederick, Alexander and the Wind Up Mouse, Swimmy), and “The Little Engine that Could”.

    4. I liked (in addition to the whole trilogy by Maurice Sendak):

      Miss. Nelson is Missing by James Marshall
      Stone Soup (forget which version)
      The Selfish Giant by OScar Wilde
      THe Barenstein Bears
      Cloudy with a chance of Meatballs
      The If you give a Mouse a Cookie books
      and +1million to the Terrible Horrible Very Bad Day.

      And so many more I’m forgetting

      1. Are we the same person? Those were all my favorite picture books.. in addition to Make Way for Ducklings, One Morning in Maine and Blueberries for Sal

        It baffles me how many people I know who haven’t read and/or heard of Terrible Horrible No Good Very Bad Day- I still say I’m moving to Australia when I’m having a particularly bad day and end up having to explain it…

        1. I would assume its a New England thing — but I also had the McCloskey books as well. My parents liked Caldecott winners. :-P

          1. You’re probably right on the New England thing- My parents were big on Caldecott as well and I have an ungodly collection of chapter books that had a “point” and were “literature” not nonsense according to my father :)

          2. Not just a New England thing. My parents , who were Asian immigrants, got me that book (Terrible Horrible…) and I grew up in southeastern NJ.

          3. Yup, I grew up in Texas and was OBSESSED with that book. Still quote it frequently, and most people know the book.

          4. OH sorry, I meant all the McCloskey books were New England things. I knew Alexander had a national presence. :-)

          5. I read all the McCloskey books as a child growing up in the midwest. My mother was also big on the Caldecott (and the other prizes as I increased in age).

            I loved:
            Roxaboxen
            The Magic Schoolbus books
            The Berenstein Bears
            Stone Soup (the version with Scrooge McDuck)
            Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile
            Madeline
            Obadiah the Bold

        2. Ahhh I loved One Morning in Maine and Blueberries for Sal!

          Also Goodnight Moon, Pat the Bunny, The Velveteen Rabbit, and all of the others people have mentioned!

          1. The Velveteen Rabbit made me cry buckets, and I suspect, it’d have the same effect even now.

            Did anyone here ever read _The Phantom Tollbooth_ by Norton Juster? With some good philosophical ideas hidden in the fun. No tears there.

            Another one that I remember was Vera Cleaver’s _Where The Lillies Bloom_? This one was excellent. I wanted to live out in the mountains gathering herbs like Mary Call after reading that.

          2. I’ve read the Phantom Tollbooth many many times. It was awesome. It would have been on my list of chapter books (and I think it was when we played this game previously for chapter books.)

        3. There was also a musical movie version of that book. My sisters and I preformed one of the songs at a talent show!

        4. I’m a Midwesterner and loved that book (although I’m not sure I read it as a small child, I remember someone doing it as a performance piece in 7th-grade theater class). When I was 17, I met Judith Viorst at a book-signing where she was promoting a novel for adults, but all I could do was quote from Terrible Horrible. When I can’t find anything good to wear I sometimes think, damn, all I’ve got is my railroad pajamas.

      2. I was so sad to hear that Jan Berenstain died. I loved those books, especially “Trick or Treat.”

      3. I loved Miss Nelson is Missing.

        Also grew up in New England and loved the Blueberries for Sal / Make Way for Ducklings.

        I also loved Only One Woof, the Witch of Blackbird Pond, all the Little House on the Prarie Books and a Wrinke in Time.

        When I was really young, I loved the Flick, Ricka and Dicka series. I took them out from the library on repeat.

          1. This IS one of the major joys of being a parent — and now a grandparent, experiencing wonderful books with yet another generation. Both of my grandchildren love to read and think books are the best gifts ever!

    5. Ameila Bedilia, Mrs. Piggle-Wiggle, Little House on the Prairie, The Boxcar Children, The Mixed Up Files of Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler. I could go on and on (books were my friends as a kid).

        1. I was such an introverted child that all I did was read. So these were what I read around five and six. And Roll of Thunder, Hear My Cry.

          I’m such a dork.

          1. At around that age, my father and I read aloud to each other from a series of chapter books. My favorite being the Avi books (The True Adventures of Charlotte Doyle are the best). Not to mention all the Roald Dahl books. Don’t worry, you are SO SO not alone.

          3. If you were a dork,, I’m right there with you! I’m another one who thinks of BEF in museums. I haven’t seen the Anne books mentioned—my mom gave me my set in 1st grade and they are so well-loved. Also, Wrinkle in Time. Charlotte’s Web. Little Women. Little House on the Prairie. Berenstein Bears. The Little Engine That Could–I still think to myself somedays “I think I can, I think I can”! I could go on and on and on :)

          4. So not a dork. After I read everything that interested me from the library in the young adult section, I started back alphabetically and read the rest of the section.

            I loved anything by Madeline L’Engle, Judy Blume, RL Stine, Narnia, Babysitters Club, Sweet Valley, Nancy Drew, Hardy Boys, pretty much all the classics, and everything random in betweeen.

            Oh, and as a child, I adored ‘The Day the Goose Got Loose’.

      2. Ms. BEF, you are my book twin (if you add in Harriet the Spy, The Secret Garden and a few others). I have always loved your handle; to this day, I cannot go into a museum without imagining what it would be like to secretly live there.

        And you might be a dork but TCFKAG is right, you’re not alone. We moved the summer after 6th grade, and I knewno one in our new neighborhood, but it had two libraries in biking distance. I read one book a day for the whole summer. (Indoors, mostly; I didn’t even get a tan.)

        1. Oh, how could I forget Harriet the Spy?! And that’s one of the movies I felt was accurately translated. Loved Michelle Trachtenberg and Rosie O’ Donnell.

        3. I loved all these books, too — and obviously I have to add The Westing Game because I adored that book. I totally wanted to be Turtle.

          For baby books, I was always a fan of the Bernstain Bears and the Little Miss/Mr. books. Does anyone else remember the Kids From the Polk Street School? Also, long shot but did anyone else use the Mortimer Frog readers in about first grade?

          1. Oh, and how could I have forgotten the Madeline books??

            In an old house in Paris
            That was covered in vines
            Lived twelve little girls
            In two straight lines
            The smallest one was Madeline.

      3. I was in the restroom in the big central city library the other day and all I could think was “these doors are so small, I don’t think you could hide in the bathrooms the way they did in the BEF.” This of course then required a tour around the library to figure out where, if I were Claudia Kincaid, I would hide during closing.

      4. I was getting worried I was the oh person out there who read Amelia Bedilia :)
        Also the munch bunch: professor Peabody…
        The mister men series
        Noddy

      5. Loved all of these…Little House, Roald Dahl, Babysitter’s Club, Nancy Drew, Sweet Valley (Twins, High, University!), RL Stine (although they were banned from my middle school), Anne of Green Gables, Little Women…I could go on and on! I have loved books since I was little. Naturally introverted only child here.

      1. The interview was so funny my jaw hurt from laughing.

        Another fave is “Little Women” by Louisa May Alcott. I so wanted to be Jo March!

    7. The Piggie in the Puddle; Where the Wild Things Are; 5 Chinese Brothers; Tiki Tiki Tembo; Alexander and the Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Day; Nancy Drew and later the Babysitters Club.

    8. My all time favorite when I was little was Peter Pan. The actual J.M Barrie book, not the abbreviated Disney version. I think I can still recite many parts by heart.

    9. The Stinky Cheese Man and Other Fairly Stupid Tales. I laughed and laughed and laughed.

    10. What a fun thread! Love reading everyone’s list :)

      Here’s mine: Goodnight Moon, The Biggest Pumpkin Ever, Love You Forever (even though I read it recently and it sounds kind of creeper toward the end), Stone Soup, and Berenstein Bears
      And a little bit older: Boxcar Children, Babysitter’s Club, Nancy Drew, Sweet Valley Twins, and Goosebumps

      1. Whoops, I forgot Secret Garden! One of my favorites because it was a gift from my grandmother :)

        1. I second the Secret Garden, and all Madeline L’Engle books. I may have also worn out my copy of the Phantom Tollbooth.

    12. I did not grow up in the U.S. so missed out on all these books. Maybe I should read them now just so I can relate!

    13. Where the Sidewalk Ends and A Light in the Attic by Shel Silverstein were my two favorites in elementary school. 

      “I cannot go to school today,” said little Peggy Ann McKay…

      Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout would not take the garbage out…

      I still know those poems by heart.

      1. My second grade teacher had us copy a Shel Silverstein poem from the blackboard every morning. I still know many of them by heart. And I still love Alexander and the No Good . . . Day. I also periodically announce that I’m moving to Australia.

      2. “I have the measles, and the mumps —
        a gash, a rash and purple bumps!”

        I memorized that one to recite in third or fourth grade. I don’t think I could do it today, though. Kudos to you both!

    14. If someone doesn’t mention me soon, I’m going to get very mad.

      You cannot beat Horton hears a Who.

      You cannot beat it with a mouse.

      You cannot beat it in a house.

      You cannot beat it here nor there.

      You cannot beat it anywhere.

      1. I love you, Dr. Seuss!

        And (shopping-related factoid) did you know that Horton Plaza in San Diego and the Horton who heard the Who were both named after Alonzo Horton, a nineteenth century real estate developer who helped build the “new” city of San Diego? (Theodor Giesel was a longtime San Diego-area resident.)

    15. The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe and Where the Sidewalk Ends. Great books as a kid, adult, and everywhere in between.

    16. Mine have mostly been covered (Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible…). But, I don’t think anyone has mentioned Mike Mulligan and His Steam Shovel! Loved, loved, loved that book. I mean (*spoiler alert*) the steam shovel becomes the building’s boiler? Love.

      1. And! Moose, Goose, and Little Nobody. Please tell me I’m not the only one who loved that one!

      2. And to bring in another favorite, I was just like Ramona Quimby and wondered where Mike went to the bathroom.

        2. I was flipping through one of those in a bookstore the other day, and saw the bit in one of the books where she completely misinterprets the words to the national anthem and is singing instead “Can you see by the dawnzer’s lee light?” I completely forgot about this part — laughed so hard I cried. Also… the part where she takes the first bite out of about 60 apples because the first bite is the best. Still cannot eat an apple without remembering that.

    17. Anything by Dr. Suess (Green Eggs and Ham!)
      When I was a little older, Nancy Drew and The Hardy Boys.

    18. He gave an amazingly moving interview on NPR several months ago. I think it was on Fresh Air. If you have time to listen to it, I recommend it. Warning–it may bring tears.

    19. only tangentially related, but awesome line on New Girl recently, that this thread made me think of:

      I might as well call you Bridge to Terabithia…. Because you make children cry!

      it. killed. me.

  9. Advice please! The first day of my SA is tomorrow. I want to verify
    my outfit:
    – my interview suit: black J.Crew skirt suit in super 120s
    – burgundy shell underneath (Calvin Klein kind from Macy’s)
    – sheer black pantyhose
    – basic black leather pumps

    This is conservative enough right? I have only been at the firm on their casual Fridays, so I can’t “know the office” yet. I want to be conservative on my first day, then adjust based on the office culture.

    1. I struggle to imagine how you could be any more conservative. You’re fine. Don’t worry. :-)

        1. Tee hee. I was in trial last week with a young government attorney who has very long hair; she spent most of the second day with a black hair elastic on her wrist. I couldn’t bring myself to say anything; she was already nervous and we were before an ALJ, not a jury (and also were the only women in the room except for the court reporter for the entire trial) so I figured no one else would notice. But thanks to [this site] I did.

          1. I am a young government attorney who always wears a hair elastic on my wrist during trial if I have my hair down. I might need it out of my face at some point.

          2. Lucy, the hair-elastic-on-wrist thing was part of A Great Debate on this site a few months ago after a commenter complained that a job candidate came in for an interview with one blue fingernail and an elastic on her wrist. Lots of response, both comical and judge-y (of both the candidate and the person who noticed and dinged her for something so dumb). So now nail polish and hair elastics are secret code for What Not to Wear, seriously or not. I don’t really care — and I can see the conveninence and would keep a hair elastic on me if I didn’t look horrible in a ponytail — but I can’t not notice it. The price of becoming a [this-site]-er.

          3. Jules, I definitely read your post in a more judgemental way than inside joke-ish, and I have been here for the hair tie/blue nail polish/etc. When you said “I couldn’t bring myself to say anything,” did you mean call her out on it or ask her if she is in on the joke? I read it as the former.

          5. I did meant it jokey; I might have told her about this site and the thread but I knew she was self-conscious and nervous in one of her first trials and I didn’t want to make her more so. However, if we had been in a jury trial, or maybe a federal appellate argument, I probably would have said something to her — kindly — suggesting that she take it off. This would be only because I would consider those to be more formal situations and because, as we know from the long-ago OP about the hair elastic, it’s the kind of thing that some people DO judge. In a situation like a jury trial, the lawyers — unfortunately, women lawyers especially — are subject to close scrutiny on everything they do, say and wear, and a little thing like this can be a distraction or worse.

        2. Conservative nails: check! One of them chipped actually, but it’s hard to see.

          I’ll avoid the hair tie, which I admit that I love having around my wrist. So convenient! Easy access! I’ll abstain though; my hair will be pulled back so I won’t need another hair tie.

          1. I put my hair tie in the pocket of my coat jacket (or at least I did, before I chopped of all my hair). I cut open one of them basically just for this purpose and to carry my phone.

    2. This outfit sounds about as conservative as you can get; the only thing that would make it more conservative might be nude-for-you hose instead of black. That doesn’t seem necessary but if it’s going to be hot where you are, you might consider nude instead of black. Maybe it’s just me, but black stockings on a hot day look wrong. I think you’re smart to go in the first day conservative and formal; you can tone things down fast if you get a sense that that’s what the office culuture calls for.

      Congrats on getting the SA, and have a great summer.

      3. Okay, I’ll wear the nude hose. I hate them though! I’m African American, so finding nude-for-me hose is an irritating endeavor. The only brand that I’ve found that matches me relatively well is super cheap and runs easily. During OCI and callbacks, I would keep five pairs in my bag just in case.

        I’ll wear them tomorrow. Cross your fingers that women don’t actually wear them at my firm!

        1. If you would feel much more confident in black hose (which is sounds like), then wear those. On my toiletbowl-white skin, black hose usually looks very “evening,” but I doubt it will have the same effect on you. And good luck!

        2. If you can find a store with a good selection of Hanes
          hosiery, you may be able to find a good nude for you color. I’m a Caspar the Ghost caucasian who had trouble finding nude for me in the Hanes selections whilst noticing that pretty much all the other bases were covered, skin tone wise.

          1. Not necessarily for tomorrow though, black stockings ought to be fine for that. Just a suggestion for the next time you’re hosiery shopping.

      4. Ehh, I don’t think nude over black sheer pantyhose is a big deal. I was raised to wear black sheer pantyhose with black actually. Plus if commercial “nude” is not your “nude,” I think it’s fine. Honestly, your outfit is perfect, and everyone will think “wow, what a professional looking SA.” Or they will think nothing at all which is just as good.

  10. TJ: (with a veering on TMI warning!) I’d like to get a bikini wax for my upcoming beach vacation. I’ve never had any sort of wax before and I’m a fair skinned redhead (so, someone for who hairiness isn’t as big a deal most of the time). Bunch of questions:

    I’ve heard that you should let the hair grow out some, so the wax has something to grab – how long? Also, what should I ask for, when I think I’d prefer not to be completely bald, but would like something more interesting than my usual neatly trimmed back sides? I don’t know the terminology (I don’t want, like, shapes or initials or anything *too* interesting)! Also, how soon before vacation would be OK, and will it last the entire week? Finally, any tips for finding a good place? All I see are the slightly sleezy looking strip mall places around here.

    1. I’ll let others handle your beauty question, but are you done with your trial? How’d it go?

      1. Thanks for asking, but, actually, I think that you have me mixed up with someone else. I’m still a trial virgin, alas!

    2. I think you want at least 1/4″ of hair. Ask for a landing strip, maybe? I’d go about a week before your trip, or at least a few days before; you don’t want any redness or irritation to be showing when you’re there. It should last the whole week.
      I’d go to a nice spa/salon, and look for good Yelp or other reviews. Bad down there waxes are pretty much the worst experience ever, but a good one can take under 3 minutes and barely hurt. Maybe if you post where you are someone will have a tip. Also, it’s worth shelling out for– the best one I got was $65 but oh so so worth it.

    3. I’ve done waxing a few times. I would recommend going to a salon or med spa vs. a place that advertises waxing as an additional service to manicures and pedicures. I’ve always done brazilian, which is completely bald, but most places will let you specify how much hair to leave or take off. You might be better of scheduling it as a brazilian, and then discussing the desired amount of hair removal once you reach the actual session. Some of the sites will have a description of the different services, with a diagram (think pencil drawing of shapes vs. anatomically correct or real-life pictures of someone) of the hair removal. I normally try to go for at least 2 weeks of growth prior to a wax, but since you’re fair-skinned with less hair, you might want to give it ~3 weeks. I normally try to get waxed 2-5 days before my event or vacation so that the redness and sensitivity is gone. My wax usually lasts up to 6 weeks with minimal shaving or tweezing.

    4. Depending on where you go (maybe try Yelp or something similar?), they may use different terminology. I would just describe what kind of shape you want and how much you want left on. I usually hold a couple fingers together over the area in question and everything else comes off. Also, from my understanding, only Brazilians include the back. If that is what you end up going for, be prepared to hold some interesting yoga-like positions, but don’t be embarrassed as your waxer will have truly seen it all before!

      Since this is your first time and you are fair, I would take some Advil beforehand and go at least 2-3 days before your vacation in case your skin gets particularly red after the wax. (It took a day or two for my skin to go back to normal the first time, and now it only takes a few hours.)

    5. Is there an Elizabeth Arden Red Door salon near you? I always just go to the closest one of those to me. Not cheap but I know exactly what to expect in terms of cleanliness, etc.

    6. Second the recs to make sure you have 1/4 inch of hair and to go a few days before your vacation especially if it the first time. Shower before but try not to take a hot / warm shower afterwards because your pores will already be sensitive and the steam will just open them more. I also agree with the above poster that if possible, you want to try a place that does bikini waxing as their main thing. Where are you located – maybe you could get some recs here?

    7. My hair grows pretty fast so take this with a grain of salt:

      I’d go 2 days before your trip. If you go a week before, by the end of your trip you’ll start to have some regrowth (I go back every 3-4 weeks).

      You need probably 1/4 of an inch of hair to really get a good wax. If your skin is sensitive, pick up some Bliss Spa Ingrown Eliminating Pads and follow the instructions re: using them before/after your wax. They work like magic.

      For your first one, go to a nicer salon. Ask on the phone if they use hard wax. Hard wax (as opposed to strip wax, which they use on your legs) adheres to hair, not to skin, so it hurts a lot less than strip wax (don’t kid yourself, it still hurts). Some salons will offer you numbing spray. USE IT. The pain is, surprisingly, not very bad on the “undercarriage” (ha) part of you and the most pain you’ll experience will probably be on the top in front. Depending on what hair you leave, maybe you won’t even have to experience this! For brazilians or extensive bikinis, they usually do the “back”, ie, the hair around your b*tt hole. If you don’t want them to, let them know.

      Take some Advil about an hour beforehand. Ask for someone who works quickly – the faster the better, IMO, because you barely have time to process the pain before it’s over.

      Definitely recommend Yelp to find a good place or asking around to friends. Some of my fair skinned friends have experienced some minor bleeding at the follicle site, because the hair was so deeply rooted. If this happens don’t worry – your aesthetician has probably seen it before and will know how to handle it. Good luck!

      1. Agree. when I went for my 1st wax, I had no clue what to expect. The one thing I wish I had done differently was to bring my swimsuit bottoms-I wanted a conservative wax because I was afraid how much it would hurt.

    8. Do you have sensitive skin? I’ve tried for a bwax twice and had horrible horrible results (at red door salon too, so a really nice place)

      TMI- but it was like I had a bunch of white heads in that area. So painful, so gross. If you have sensitive skin I would not do your first try before a vaca. If it is months away I would try a trial run first.

      1. I was a hairstylist & esthetician for 15 years before going to law school, so just to chime in, this problem is caused by the waxer not pulling the skin taut enough, which causes more damage to the follicle and leads to breakouts, and can be because the hair actually broke off (instead of pulling out by the root) and then you have massive ingrown hair type situations. Happens on lips and eyebrows a lot too. Can also be an allergic type reaction to a specific type of wax.

        1. I had different waxers so I wonder if it was the type of wax. it appeared the next day

    9. I’ve been waxing since 1985. I agree with everything people have said:

      * go to someone who does nothing but waxing. She will do it quickly, painlessly and without any bruising (I’ve only bruised once in 25+ years, and that was from someone who wasn’t experienced).
      * your hair should be at least 1/3 inch long. 1/2 inch is better if you can stand it.
      * i try to go the day before I leave for vacation so I get as many pre-growth days on my vacation as possible.
      * you will have little red bumps for a few hours after the wax. this is totally normal.
      * if you want, you can take a couple tylenol before the wax. not necessary at all. I usually sleep through it.
      * i would bring the bathing suit you are planning to wear and have her wax about an inch further in than the suit. landing strips are nice and all, but the regrowth is very itchy. you want your first time to be pleasant.
      * she may put you in some interesting positions to get all your hair. don’t be afraid; it’s normal.
      * ditto re her waxing pretty far “back” toward your “tush.” perfectly normal.

    10. I would go for something akin to what they call an “extended” at my salon — it’s not bald, but it’s more adventurous than a basic bikini wax. Also, starting a day or two after your wax, be sure to exfoliate! I have sensitive skin, and if I do not exfoliate, I get ingrown hairs. If I do exfoliate, I don’t. I learned that lesson the hard way!

    1. I say no. It just looks… odd. But I think there may not be a complete agreement among the hive about that.

      1. No there is complete agreement it was asked the other day. And it got like, 15 No!s in 2 minutes. Its a huge no

    3. nope. if you’re somewhere formal enough that bare legs are unacceptable, you shouldn’t wear peep toe shoes. if peep toes are appropriate, so are bare legs.

      1. This is a great rule.

        Although as someone with second toe longer than big toe, I hate peep-toed shoes and sandals and always struggle with shoe selection during the summer!

        1. My mom always told me that my second toe longer than my big toe meant I was descended from royalty.

          1. Funny! I have a much longer second toe but so does my husband. I’d say we’re pretty balanced in our marriage. Is his toe like kryptonite?

          2. HA – I immediately checked out my feet after reading this and said “good!” out loud. I’m terrible!

        3. I also joke about my royalty via my second toe as “thumb toe”. I believe Uma Thurman has the longer second toe issue also and it comes up in one of the Kill Bill movies.

          I am worried this will someday lead to hammertoe foot surgery…

        4. Because you have trouble finding shoes that fit or because you don’t like the look? I have a longer second toe, too, and am now worried that I’m supposed to be ashamed of it.

          1. OMG, nooooo, don’t be ashamed of it! It’s what your feet look like, that’s all.

          2. Definitely don’t be ashamed of it!

            Also – I’ve been told that a longer 2nd toe is a sign of high intelligence. Confirmed by the anecdotal data that 80% of the people in the inorganic chem lab I summered in had longer 2nd toes.

        5. I also hate the peep toe – I feel like I’m flipping people off with my second toe.

          Although, I have found that it’s the smaller peeptoes that I have problems with – if the peeptoe part shows more toe, then the effect isn’t as bad. That being said, I have a mostly-no peeptoe rule. But love sandals.

          1. See, now I *wish* my second toes were longer bc I would laugh every time I wore peeptoes, thinking I’m flipping everybody off.

      2. I always wear hose though, even when its appropriate not to. But still no pantyhose and peep toe. never the twain shall meet

    4. I wear them together, but it depends on the situation and the outfit. I’ve asked others and they always have said I look fine with it and it isn’t noticeable. I wore them to a black tie optional event recently and had no issue – there were others there doing the same.

    5. I think there’s a difference between wearing peeptoes and hose on the one hand and peeptoes and tights on the other – the latter has become a “look” (love it or hate it) and the former… well, I don’t think it’s as accepted.

    7. Toeless hose with peeptoes. I refuse to give up my perfectly conservative-looking peeptoes simply because people in my office wear hose.

      1. Yes, I discovered toeless hose last year, and they’re great for those times when you feel the need to wear hose (conservative environment, coldish weather, your legs just aren’t looking great) but want to wear peep-toes. Best of both worlds.

  12. I like the dress overall— but unless the only purpose of a “sleeve” is to cover the shoulder,”with sleeves” doesn’t seem like a feature of this dress. The sleeve is so short that for either coverage or warmth I’d wear the same cardigan or blazer that I’d wear over a sleeveless sheath.

    1. Agree. I find this sleeve length tends to look pretty awful on me because it cuts me at the widest point of my arm. I can’t be the only one for whom cap sleeves are more trouble than they’re worth – make my arms look fat, are bulkier and more awkward than sleeveless when I inevitably need to put something over them (because my arms inevitably cold), and make my shoulders look broader.

      1. Preach it! Cap sleeves are awful on my disproportionately um, ample, upper arms. And they have a broadening effect on almost everyone, because they cut off at the widest point. But I suppose some ladies can “afford” to look broader there, unlike me:)

    2. Totally agree. I wish there were more dresses with elbow-length sleeves!

  13. I recently found myself in an interesting situation and I wanted to get some feedback/advice about it.

    Just like 90% of all other law students, I have been looking for a job. I want to practice in the areas of estate planning and elder law and since those are such small firm dominated areas, I haven’t been able to find open positions, yet. So, to get my name into people’s minds, I’ve been doing a lot of informational interviews. I had one last week and with Attorney X. When I arrived at X’s office, he was still busy, so his assistant grabbed my resume and began to talk to me about it. Not wanting to be too uptight, I just went with it and answered her questions about why I wanted to practice in these areas and what I had done so far.

    When X was free, he came in. I expected the assistant to leave, but she didn’t. So while we’re talking, X asked me if I wanted to know more about how their office operates. I had a list of questions for him, but not any like this because I thought it was an actual interview question.

    Later, we began discussing a forensic accountant who works right down the hall. The assistant went to grab her card and brought it back. Five minutes later, the forensic accountant walks in with a report she had for the court and was asking X to review it. Then she turned to me and said she wouldn’t mind if I reviewed it since I was there. Next thing I know, I am down in her office looking over a 17 page report about a matter she was handling. Before she left for lunch, she mentioned that she would like to meet me for lunch this week because she may have some work for me. This would be great, but it’s not what I really want to do.

    So these are my questions.
    (1) Based on the one questions, did Attorney X change it from an informational to an interview?
    (2) Did I make a mistake in agreeing to review the report?
    (3) If the forensic accountant offers me some work should I take it even though it’s (1) not what I want to do and (2) not legal?

    Sorry for the length and thanks for any insight you ladies can offer.

    1. Ack! As a fellow law student I would’ve found this so stressful. I have no good advice. I’m sorry this happened to you.

      Maybe if the forensic accountant offers you work, you could follow up with the person you informational/regularly interviewed with? You could ask him how that experience would be evaluated by potential employers on the resume, or how much legal work he thought it would entail since he’s at the firm.

      1. Your last point about how much legal work the position would entail is exactly what I am worried about.

        The forensic accountant is not employed with/by the attorney, so it is my fear that she will expect some sort of legal advice which I can’t do yet. Don’t want to be disbarred before I take the test I paid $600 for.

        1. Yeah, that’s what just sprang into my head, too. Unauthorized practice of law! And you have no malpratice insurance right now either – yikes!

    2. I say take the work from the accountant as an independent contractor w/ the understanding that you are still looking for a full-time legal position.

      Not sure about the atty.

    3. Did the accountant think that you were joining Attorney X’s firm and expect that she would start giving you work once you joined? I don’t know what kind of work she routinely does, but it seems like some areas of forensic accounting could be useful background for estate planning.

      As for Attorney X, how did you leave things? Did he suggest other people that may have leads for you? Did he talk about wanting to bring someone new into the office?

      1. No, the accountant and Attorney X don’t work together, so even if I started working for him, unless she hired me separately, I would have no reason to do work for her.

        As far as Attorney X, he recently downsized to a solo practice and his office isn’t really large enough for him and his assistant, so I know he does not have room for me. I asked about other leads and have to follow up.

        1. Well, if she just wanders over and asks him to review documents for her, it seems like they have some kind of working relationship, KWIM?

          I think it would be worth meeting with her again to see what she has in mind if you are at all interested, and I’m guessing it would be nice to have a little income from it, but definitely make sure she understands that you would not be performing legal work for her.

          1. Thanks. That’s where I was heading decision-wise, but I wanted to make sure the visions of (possible) income weren’t clouding my judgment.

  14. TJ- I’m looking for some more personal style or interior design/home blogs to read. Any suggestions? I love young house love and also cupcakes and cashmere (mostly for the eye candy, I don’t necessarily share her style). I also read pioneer woman cooks (her writing cracks me up) and, to a lesser extent, 9to5chic and extrapetite. Any additional suggestions??

      1. See, I hate AT. I’ve found that it tends to feature the same stuff over and over (mid-C modern, small apartments, ikea love, flea market furnishings), and the commenters can be unpleasant. I also really do not understand the ikea love, at all.

        I’ve found that the blogs by professional interior designers to be much more informative an useful — for me, I want lessons from the pros, not from someone on the same skill level as me who happens to blog about it. I like

        Pure Style Home
        Little Green Notebook
        Habitually Chic
        LonnyMag and other similar online design mags
        All The Best Blog (Ronda Carman)

        All of these have blogrolls to the side, so you can surf around and find designers that resonate with you. Houzz is also very good.

    4. My faves are House of Turquoise dot com and Belle Maison 23 dot com. Super duper eye candy!

    6. Thanks for all the suggestions! I can’t wait to waste the entire afternoon checking them all out.

  15. Street harassment threadjack — because it seems the warmer weather is now starting to bring out the creeps in my city. A man started trying to talk me up last night while I was walking down the street (doing a little post work shopping). I told him once politely and several more times not so politely that I wasn’t interested in talking, but disturbingly he kept following and trying to engage me for almost three blocks (once crossing the street with me). I eventually went into a store to get rid of him. I’m a bit shaken by this (even though I probably wasn’t in any real danger) and angry and saddened that apparently I can’t even walk down the street without being harassed. It seems like every spring I have the lovely idea that maybe I’ll work outside for a few hours at a cafe or a park, and then every spring I remember that sitting alone outside seems to be a sure way to invite harassment.

    So what should I do? What strategies work for you? Should I have turned him and faced him more directly, and told him to stop following me? Raised my voice? Just continued to walk away? FWIW, I was in work clothes (nothing even vaguely s3xy), wearing my wedding ring, I’m very average looking, and I have no qualms about being rude to guys who approach me. I have no idea why I’m apparently giving off a “harass me” vibe.

    1. This is the worst, I am so sorry. I try to get near other people, then turn around, make eye contact and say Stop. Following. Me. quite calmly, no shouting. Stare them in the eye. If they don’t back down at that point, I take out my phone and say that I am calling 911 (and I actually do it). If you feel like there’s a danger that they might touch you or try to grab your phone, tell a passerby calmly ‘I am being harassed and I feel that I am in danger. I need you to call 911 for me.’ Try not to be embarrassed – it is NOT YOUR FAULT that this is happening to you. If you want to be off the street, go into a store and tell the person at the counter that. Bigger stores may have security as well.
      The hardest part for most women is ‘making a scene.’ Remember to trust your instincts that you are being harassed, trust yourself that you are not giving off approving signals and that any normal guy would quit trying to interact, and don’t be afraid to ask for help from anyone around you. Resist the impulse to smile or laugh nervously, and to raise your voice.

      1. addendum – I don’t mean to suggest that this is the best or only way to handle this. I have also taken a very non-confrontational approach, where I lose them in a store and wait until they get bored and leave, or keep my blank face until they get bored and wander off. YMMV. But this tends to make me feel anxious for a while after, while the first approach makes me feel more empowered. But each situation is different and there is no wrong way to deal with it.

        1. Thanks for this suggestion — I think you’re right that there are multiple ways of shutting down such situations, but only some of them actually make me feel less anxious/more empowered. I’ll think about that in the future.

      2. This. I’ve taken a few self defense workshops and they all recommend this. Take a few steps back from him, place your hands out in front of you in a “stop” motion, and calmly but forcefully say “stop following me.”

        It’s not escalating the situation – it’s setting your boundaries. 95% of of creeps/potential attackers will be so startled that you asserted yourself they will leave you alone.

        Also, the behavior you described would have really bothered me. It’s completely reasonable to take a forceful tone after he follow you or speaks to you for any longer than you feel comfortable with. If your gut is telling you something’s wrong with the situation, something’s wrong.

      3. Second this advice! Only caveat is if the person is pretty clearly mentally ill, you’re probably better off going into a store as they won’t react logically. See, e.g., man following me down the street muttering about how I was in the FBI and an alien.

    2. Don’t talk to him, seriously. It may feel rude not to respond to him, but he’s taking it as encouragement. If possible, don’t let your glance linger on him either. You’re not obliged to engage with every person who approaches you in public.

    3. I get this a lot, too, and I don’t understand it. I feel so frumpy and unattractive when I’m dressed in work clothes, plus I’m usually tired and bedraggled during the week, so I can’t believe it’s because these guys actually think I’m cute. Maybe I just need to work on my b!tchface.

    4. First, it’s not you, it’s them. No “vibe” makes it okay to harass women. I dealt with this a lot when I lived in DC, sometimes in dicey areas, and walked everywhere. I was much younger — first an early-college-age intern and then a law student in my mid to late 20s — and much thinner than my middle-age self. I was cute enough but not a super-model; I constantly got offensive remarks in multiple languages, wolf whistles and the like. One guy in a business suit actually stopped me on the street and asked me out, a total stranger. I was dressed in student bohemian style, also not particularly s*xy.

      You should not have qualms about being rude, and you should call out the behavior for what it is. In college I took a self-defense course that included responding to this kind of thing by saying something like, “this is harassment and I don’t appreciate it” or “stop harassing women.” This is better than just saying you’re not interested or even that you’re married, which somehow implies that this vile behavior would be okay if the woman were interested or available. We are socialized to be polite and have to learn to put that aside sometimes.

      And the guy who followed you for blocks and crossed the street with you went beyond simple street harassment. This sounds to me at least potentially dangerous, depending on the other circumstances, like the physical surroundings and the number of people around. I think it would have been entirely reasonable to say “stop following me or I will call the police.” This is an area to trust your instincts.

      1. “This is better than just saying you’re not interested or even that you’re married, which somehow implies that this vile behavior would be okay if the woman were interested or available.”

        THANK YOU! This has been my *biggest* pet peeve since forever, but I never really heard people talking about alternatives before. I especially hate it when a guy’s first response to a ‘no’ is ‘why? do you have a boyfriend?’ No, it’s not me, it’s YOU! ugh.

    5. I never even politely say no. I just completely ignore. i’ve never been followed and live in DC. (though I have heard comments)

    6. Repeat after me “This is not about ME, its about THEM.” You are doing nothing to bring this on yourself. And remember that its not really about s*xual attraction in the traditional sense, so dressing like a hermit and being taken isn’t going to prevent it — its about power and control.

      I’ve faced street harassment twice in my life, once while living abroad and once domestically. Luckily here in the US, it was usually passer-by type (i.e. they didn’t follow me.) If they follow you, I would stop, look at them, deepen your voice and raise it slightly and say “Leave me alone NOW or I will call the police and have you arrested.” Also, you might consider taking a self-defense class. At least than you’d feel a little more secure in your person and more confident in these situations.

    8. Not sure where you are, but there’s a critical mass of men in NYC who behave kind of like this, although the following for blocks is way beyond anything I’ve experienced. And please do not blame yourself, the reasons why these creeps harass you are:
      (1) They’re creeps who view women as objects, and they just behave in a very predatory fashion.
      (2) You’re a woman.

      It’s really excessive in NYC, and I have done what Magnolia has suggested and it’s always worked for me. (I’m small and skinny, so it has nothing to do with physical size and everything to do with attitude and throwing these creeps off balance.)

    9. Thanks for the suggestions and commiseration, ladies. I certainly don’t think that harassment is my “fault” in any way, but I do seem to experience it more often than other women I know — maybe this is just situational since I am often alone in public spaces (especially when I’m traveling for work and eating dinner alone, etc).

      I used to have a zero tolerance policy for strangers who approached me in public, but something about that felt too cynical, especially when I blasted the occasional person who was just trying to ask for directions. Now I usually reply with a polite “I’m not interested in talking, thanks” for relatively benign approaches (“what are you reading?”) and then bust out the rudeness only if they persist. I’m not sure if that’s a great solution either, though.

      This incident last night was upsetting because I didn’t even notice that the guy was following me or talking to me at first (it was on a busy shopping street and he initially started talking to me in another language), so I was really caught off guard. I think if this happens again I’ll try making eye contact and telling the person directly to stop following me.

    10. I have dealt with street harassment all my life – I grew up in a place where this is the norm. I live in NYC now and face this all the time. It has nothing to do with whether you are cute or not – it simply a power thing. Here are some tips:
      – If someone makes a comment, I stop, take out my phone and start to take their picture. I also say “I am taking your photo so I can call the cops and let them know you are stalking me.” Most of them are scared and run away immediately.
      – If someone is more aggressive and in my face, I yell “back off” as loudly as I can. That usually does the trick but if not, I have no qualms screaming at the top of my voice and embarrassing the heck out of them
      – Often times, on my walk to work and back, men who work at shops or warehouses on the way, will try to harass me. The comments themselves are not lewd, often it’s a “hello, how do you do today?” but I know from prior experience that this is anything but a friendly greeting. In those cases, not only do I do the photo trick, but stop and tell them that if I ever hear one more peep on my walk to work, I will call the cops as many times as needed and harass them back until it’s impossible for them to work there anymore. I just don’t want to dread walking to work everyday.
      Excessive? Perhaps. Effective? Absolutely

      1. I live in NYC now, but was not raised here. I have had to work hard to stop looking friendly on the street. My default is to smile and look approachable, and unfortunately, people see that as a vulnerability here. I’m not hot, but I do look approachable — and I think that creates problems.

        So now, I ruthlessly ignore people and comments. I also assertively march into stores as needed. But I have a lot of respect for the women who have more assertive strategies. That wouldn’t work for me, but if you can pull it off, do it.

    11. Going into a store was the right thing to do. But if there weren’t a store, I would be extreme with the man in your case. Tell him you are going to call 911, your big husband, or scream fire if he doesn’t pound the pave. At first you were right to ignore it but if he’s following you, you want to make sure he doesn’t have a mental disorder or something that would turn it into an actual threat. Maybe he just saw “The Notebook”…

      I get honked at by truckers on the interstate anytime I have any part of my shoulders or legs showing. I do not have low self -esteem or anything but I am not really honking material… I’ve decided it is because I drive an older car and there is a secret prostitution old car ring I do not know about on that stretch of highway. But when they speed up and don’t back off it is a little unnerving. So you must have been really uncomfortable in a person to person situation. I’m so sorry this jerk made you feel that way.

      I was just talking about this whole societal hooting/hollering with another female attorney while we were waiting for our case to be called. It seems like the more women become politicians, the less sex scandals there would be. Because we get hooted and hollered at for wearing a skirt from the time we mature, power and attention isn’t going to distract most women for the most part. With many male politicians that has been the case – with power comes new attention and new temptations. We decided that the husbands of the politicians might stray or cause the new age sex scandals.

      1. I have always wanted to call their bluff. For ex – if a guy is whistling from his car at a red light as I walk by I would love to stop, turn and say “oh, thank you for noticing you big hunk of beef. Let’s hook up Friday. What’s your number?” Just to see what he says. I know it would be so unsafe but I think Johnny six pack might just have a heart attack.

        I’d also like to sit somewhere public and cat-call all the hot men that run by just to see their reaction. Problem is, they would probably stop, turn around, and come back to talk flattered instead of running away embarrassed.

        1. I was walking home one night many summers ago as an intern in DC. I was tipsy but was with a sober friend. We were not dressed s3xy, but got catcalls etc as often happened in my neighborhood. I’d had enough by that point in the summer so I turned around and yelled, “NO I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE S3X WITH YOU!!!” at the absolute top of my lungs. My friend was embarassed-laughing but it was one of the high points of the summer. Dude STFU immediately.

    12. This seems like a good time to plug “The Gift of Fear” by Gavin de Becker.

      1. Exactly my thoughts. Many many times I have had a weird feeling about a dude walking ahead of me or near me and changed my route in response. I also have a pretty good line in b!tchface and looking straight through people. If some tries to engage me, good luck. I am not interested in being polite. I have been told that I am not very approachable, I tend to not smile and am very “closed” in my body language. Open, friendly smiley people are probably the preferred target of these men, who rely on women feeling obliged to be polite in response.

  16. Hello all, I am going to Seattle for an extended weekend. This will be my first time and haven’t made many plans yet so was hoping I could get recommendations. Was thinking of staying at a hotel in downtown and renting a car to take day trips to the various parks for a day or two. Anyone have any other recommendations on where to stay and what to do? Thanks!!!!

    1. I’m sure you’ll get lots of suggestions, but one of my favorite things I did in Seattle (it was raining…big surprise) was the Sci-Fi museum/Experience Music Project. The building itself is cool enough that its worth going to in its own right, but then the museums in side are really freaking cool. Its right near the needle, so you’ll probably see it.

      Also, if you rent a car to drive around, the area north is really beautiful.

    2. I recommend staying downtown, that’s a good call, but there are not a whole lot of hotels, so sooner is better. The 4 seasons is lovely (and good restaurant) as is the Fairmont Olympic. I’d recommend walking around the Seattle Center (where the space needle and the EMP museum referenced by TCFKAG is). If it’s nice out, Gasworks Park is a great place for a picnic with a view. Take the ferry to Bainbridge, even if you don’t walk around the island, it’s a lovely view and on a nice day it’s fun to sit outside. It’s something like $7 for a round trip. Go to the Smith Tower (first “skyscraper”) for a nice 1900s view deck, and the Columbia Center nearby has a view deck on floor 73 with a nice view of, well, everything. For restaurants I recommend any Tom Douglas restaurants (all near/in downtown – he’s a local celebrity chef, google him), or Ray’s Boathouse and Cafe (nice view on open cafe deck, by “the locks” which I also recommend). There are other good ones too, of course. Zig Zag Cafe for cocktails. I’d better stop now.

    3. Definitely check out the parks, they are incredible. Really, you can’t go wrong doing anything outdoorsy in that area, whether it’s just a quick trip to one of the city parks (Discovery or Golden Gardens are my favorite) or driving out into the mountains to go hiking. You can rent kayaks on South Lake Union at Agua Verde, which also has great margaritas and food for post-kayaking. :)

      If you’re in the mood for shopping, Ballard has some really cute boutiques along Ballard Ave. There’s also a wonderful farmer’s market on that exact stretch on Sunday mornings (10AM-1PM, I think), so you can double up shopping with food sampling.

      In terms of things to do downtown, the public library is a really cool — a great place to hang out and relax for an afternoon if it’s rainy. And of course, the Pike Place Market is a classic. The ferry to Bainbridge Island leaves from downtown and is a very pretty ride with mountain views if it’s clear out, and Bainbridge itself is quite cute with an old-fashioned “downtown” along one main street that’s within easy walking distance of the ferry.

      Have fun! I miss Seattle.

      1. Tom Douglas restaurants are a good call, but I also like Ethan Stowell’s. Staple and Fancy in Ballard is great, I highly recommend the “fancy” tasting menu (which I think is quite affordable as those things go). Or if you like oysters, The Walrus and Carpenter is in the same building and is fantastic but be prepared for a long wait.

        I agree with most everything the others have mentioned. If its a nice day, the short hike down to the beach at Discovery Park is well worth it, and the views of Mt Ranier are terrific there (as long as it’s not clouded over). Volunteer Park in Capitol Hill is another great option — there is a gorgeous greenhouse there, and you can walk up the old water tower for some panoramic views, and the Museum of Asian Art is also there.

        Snoqualmie Falls is a short drive away and is really beautiful, but the hiking trails there are closed until next year so there’s not a lot to do other than look at the falls and get something to eat at Salish Lodge or in the town. But it’s a nice little getaway from the city.

    4. How many days do you have? If the weather is nice, I’d recommend the following:

      1) Afternoon trip to Ballard. Explore the old downtown (I recommend the interesting cakes and tea at Miro, gelato at the gelato place on Ballard Avenue, regional Mexican at Sr. Moose, and interesting gifts at Lucca). Then head west on Market St. to the Ballard locks. Make sure you walk across the locks and the dam to the fish ladder on the south side. On summer weekends, there’s music in the botanical gardens. You can then continue out to Golden Gardens, a beach park with a gorgeous view of the Olympics for a picnic dinner (there’s a grocery store right off Market on 24th Avenue if you need to pick up supplies).

      2) Downtown day (esp. if rainy): breakfast at Cafe Fonte (trying the interesting lattes), visit to the Seattle Art Museum (don’t forget the museum shop for interesting souvenirs!), lunch at one of the many food shops in Pike Place Market. In the afternoon, try the underground tour and stick your head into the atrium at the public library. Happy hour at the Four Seasons is lovely (floor to ceiling windows) and can serve as a light dinner.

      3) Bainbridge Island: walk on to the ferry and visit Winslow, the island’s downtown. Try Blackbird Bakery for breakfast, light lunches, or sweets. On nice days, you might rent a kayak and paddle around Eagle Harbor. For dinner try the Eagle Harbor Pub, or the Four Swallows if you want fancy. If you choose to drive on, you can head up to the north end of the island and visit the Bloedel Reserve (a botanical garden) or Fay Bainbridge Park, a lovely beach park.

      4) Day trips to parks: the Seattle-area national parks are really hiking parks, so I only recommend visiting if you are going to get out of your car. Research hikes around Snoqualmie Pass (can also combine this with a visit to Snoqualmie Falls). It’s a LONG drive (2.5-3 hours each way), but Mount Saint Helens is stunning and well worth a visit. Rainier is a bit closer but still a long drive.

      Also, there are actually a lot of hotels downtown, but they’re on the expensive end. The Hyatt and the Westin have probably the most rooms and will be therefore the more affordable. Possibly the W if you get a deal. If you feel like splurging, the Four Seasons has fantastic views and the Fairmont is a gorgeous old fancy hotel.

      1. The Westin is pretty nice — I’ve stayed there for work events sometimes. Their staff are incredibly nice and they have some rooms with pretty views of the Olympics if you think the weather will be clear while you’re there. The only thing is that it’s a little further toward the edge of downtown, so it’s not right in the middle of the action with the market, the art museum, etc. Still a short walk, but not quite the same ambience as being near 1st.

        If you’re looking for a splurge and like boutique hotels, Hotel 1000 has gorgeous rooms and is in an unbeatable location downtown.

      2. If you go to Pike Place Market, hit up Beecher’s cheese shop for the best grilled cheese sandwiches ever.

        My favorite Seattle Park is actually three parks laid end to end: Olympic Sculpture Park, Myrtle Edwards Park, and Centennial Park. They run along the waterfront at the north end of Belltown, which is the urban residential area just north of downtown. There’s a walking/running/bike path, a fair number of benches and tables, and the view of the harbor is spectactular. It’s like a little oasis amidst the hubbub.

    5. Fun! i grew up in Seattle and you are getting a lot of good recommendations here.

      I would do:

      Downtown day: Start at pike place market and browse the market, have breakfast at one of the shops or one of the bakeries across the street. Walk down the harbor steps and along first avenue to the ferry terminal. Take the ferry to bainbridge (make sure you don’t accidentally get on the bremerton ferry!) and stand outside to enjoy the views of the mountains. Get off the ferry and have lunch in winslow- cute little town. In the afternoon, take the ferry back and check out historic pioneer square- cool area with lots of art galleries and other fun things. Stop by Elliot Bay Bookstore. Afterwards, walk over to the public library – awesome building. Get a coffee from the coffee cart in the library and relax. If you have time, go up in Columbia Tower and check out their observation deck on the 73rd floor.

      Other ideas:

      If you’re at all inclined and the weather’s nice, renting kayaks at the montlake cut is really fun. Lunch or dinner at Agua Verde. You can also check out the UW campus if you like- it’s beautiful.

      Fremont is a fun neighborhood to walk around in and if you go you should definitely find the Troll under the bridge and take a picture!

      I would skip the Seattle Art Museum and the EMP- totally overrated and not worth it, IMO. BUt it depends how much you like museums..I don’t think the SAM is great. Golden Gardens (you’ll want to drive) is a beautiful beach. Discovery park is nice. Have fun!!

      1. ML, Elliott Bay Bookstore is on Capitol Hill now! 10th Ave between Pike and Pine. Definitely still worth a visit, though — I LOVE their bargain books section and they have the best selection of books by local authors/books about the PNW.

    6. Thank you all for your advice/tips!!! I’m going to be there for 5 days and am super excited to visit, especially now that I have such great recommendations. You guys are even way better than the NYTimes 36 Hours in Seattle. You ladies never fail me. :)

      1. When are you going to Seattle? The music scene is having a renaissance and there are some amazing bands to go see live. I suggest you find out who is playing at: Neumos, Tractor Tavern, the Crocodile, etc.

        Also, the Sunday night open mic at Conor Byrne (in Ballard) has been responsible for launching several music careers. You never know what you’re going to get, but could be fun to check out.

  17. TJ – pregnancy stuff

    So I had a miscarriage. Suckage. For those who remember me posting about being pregnant.

    7. I’m so sorry to hear this. I have no advice but I’m sending you nice thoughts and virtual hugs!

    8. Hugs to you. I just went through that recently and will repeat what the commenters here told me. Be kind to yourself. It’s perfectly ok to not be strong and just fall apart. I went from shock to numbness to unbelievable grief and am just now seeing the sun behind the clouds. It takes time to recover both physically and mentally.

      1. This. I had a miscarriage a year ago, and it took a long time to stop being really sad. I’m so sorry. Take all the time you need to grieve, and be gentle with yourself.

    9. *extrabighugs*

      I’m so sorry, my dear. Take good care of yourself and don’t put any deadline on yourself to “feel normal again.” I hope you have dear ones near you who can take care of you a bit!

    10. I’m so sorry. That sucks. I hope you don’t have to go through an extended period of getting rid of the hormones. That adds insult to injury Be good to yourself.

    11. sending condolences and well wishes like the rest, but I also wanted to send some backup for the stupid cr*p people always say when they mean well, stuff people are often too nice to admit just s*cks… like “it wasn’t meant to be” or whatever. I hope you not only feel supported as you grieve and heal but that you also feel supported if/when you want to kick stupid-but-well-intentioned folks.

    17. I am so very sorry to hear this. Big hugs for you. Grieve now, in whatever manner meets your needs. Do not hold it in and soldier on. Take care of yourself and ask others for help in taking care of yourself. Be kind to yourself, and know that we are thinking of you.

  18. I’m looking for a green blouse to wear with a black pencil skirt. I don’t like button downs (generally) and have a small bust/ wider shoulders. Any suggestions?

    Thx

    3. Belle over at Capitol Hill Style suggested a green printed blouse which she then pulled for her 10th commandment post this week. It was from ModCloth and was fun! If you work in a less conservative office, I would check it out.

    4. This is a little broad for me to be of much help, but Ann taylor has a crepe shell in a pretty bright emerald this season.

      But generally, I agree Boden is best for colors.

  19. Anyone have any advice for work pants that are: 1) mid-rise, and 2) have a bit of stretch in the waist without looking ridiculous. I’ve carry most of my weight in the tummy area, but am generally pretty slim and have thin legs (think…chicken :)).

    1. Limited Casady cut worked for me – wide waistband, mid-rise, and did not have a waist-hip gap. I think the Julie cut at Loft also has a decent rise and is good for curvy types. Of all things, I happened to try on a pair of pants at Target, their “Style 4” or something like that (I know the number was 4). Nice rise, wide waistband, and again, no gap. I was shocked.

      Obviously, I am Cheaporette so if you work some place with a dressier dress code, these might not work. The Limited pants are pretty nice, though.

      On reading through your comment, I don’t know if these will work for you as it sounds like I have an opposite shape – a bit more weight below the belt than above. But they are nice pants and have a mid-rise, so maybe it will help you. I was actually pretty impressed by the offerings at the Limited last time I went there, they have several different styles of pants and the quality seemed decent for what they were (living in DC, I have little need for wool pants and prefer cotton/synthetic mix, which is what I think most of these are).

    2. I like the Ann Taylor modern fit pants. I have hips, too, but all my fat is in my belly. You can get them on sale for under $60, and I like the quality.

  20. This dress is great! I have an in-person interview next week at a consulting firm and will be wearing one of the J Crew Super 120s suits. I will be flying to the interview location the morning of the interview.

    Is it a total faux pas to carry my red Longchamp tote to this interview? It will fit everything I need for the day (extra pair of shoes, laptop, etc). Or should I spend the money on a black leather tote? If so, do you have any recommendations for one that’s under $300?

    1. If its a law firm or similar interview, they frequently have a place you can leave a purse (like a coat closet) and then just carry a pad folio or equivalent with you between offices. Prevents the need to worry about it. But if you are worried, having a simple black tote never hurt anyone.

      I love my Jacque Georges tote to pieces (not that its going to pieces, its quite sturdy.)

    2. Don’t spend money on a bag just for the occasion. I don’t think a red tote is a faux pas myself and probably wouldn’t even register if a candidate came in with one. But if you are self-conscious about it, perhaps you can ask a friendly receptionist or assistant if you may leave it with them and retrieve on departure ?

      3. I generally agree with this. I can’t imagine an interviewer thinking that — overall — a candidate was the best candidate, has an excellent resume, was appropriately presented, etc. etc. but deciding not to hire them because their purse was red.

        I mean, seriously, would you want to work for that employer?

    3. Thanks ladies – I tend to obsess over every detail pre-, during and post-interview. I’m glad I checked with you guys!

  21. So… I have a religious wedding to attend where I must wear a hat (not all hair needs to be covered, but I need something on my head). I’m thinking a beige fascinator will go nicely with my outfit, but I’m looking for a headband-mounted one that looks more like a hat than a puff/decoration/feather clump. Has anyone run into one of those recently? Ideally it would be $50 or below, but I don’t know how realistic that is (I’m not imagining I’ll get a lot of wear out of it).

        1. Ooh, both great contenders for day-to-day wear! Unfortunately, I think I’m going to have to go dressier.

    3. If you can’t find a fascinator, you can always wear a scarf on top of your head. I’m Catholic and went to a Latin mass growing up and women always needed to cover their hair.

      1. I pressed submit before I was finished. While you do need to cover your hair, hats/fascinators aren’t your only option. A pretty scarf, or even a pashmina depending on the weather, will be appropriate and do the trick.

      2. Not to start a holy war, but can someone explain to me (am not particularly religious and my birth religion isn’t any of the Christian sects) why at the Latin Mass it is considered offensive for women to *not* cover their hair with something, but it is considered offensive if men wear hats inside the church?

        1. Because catholics are crAAAZY. (Note, I’m a born and raised catholic…but have never been to a latin mass.) I’m going to assume it has something to do with women’s hair being unclean or something, probably the same reason nuns had to wear a habit but priests heads didn’t have to be covered.

          But who the h*ck knows.

          1. This is really late but I needed to comment on this. Saying Catholics as a group are crazy is very offensive to someone coming from a traditional Catholic, Latin mass upbringing. That’s not to say there aren’t some radical Catholics (I’m looking at you Santorum), but every religion has that fringe to deal with – Christianity, Islam, Judaism. It also has nothing to do with women’s hair being unclean, it is about modesty. Traditionally, women’s hair isa symbol of their attractiveness and to cover it is church is out of respect. As a feminist, I’ve never taken offense to this practice, btw.

        2. No answer for you. I have a conservative Catholic friend who is really into the whole Latin mass and “cover your hair during mass”-trend. When I told an older friend (mid-50s) about this, she laughed. Apparently, the reason women used to cover their hair during mass in Europe was so their hair wouldn’t be messed up when the birds and bats living in the church sent a “gift” down from the rafters.

        3. The veil represents modesty in many (ancient and modern) religions and cultures, especially in Judaism which was the cradle of the early Christian Church. The Catholic origin of women’s head covering is based in scripture (1 Corinthians 11: 2-16). It is first and foremost symbolic of humility, submissiveness and obedience.

          As someone who has attended both the Ordinary and Extraordinary Forms of the Latin Rite Mass at various parishes across the United States, I would like to point out that veiling is controversial even within communities where many women do wear veils. I have found that it is generally not considered offensive for a woman not to veil, but rather it is viewed viewed favorably for a woman to choose to wear a veil.

          Thanks for asking Susan. I hope this helps you better understand this aspect of Catholic tradition.
          karenpadi I like your older friend’s explanation. ;P

          2. Thanks all for responding! I hadn’t known about the option of veiling here in the U.S., and admit that I tended to only think of those pictures of Spanish grand dames from the Franco era when I thought of veils at a Latin Mass.

            I love this site– I learn something new every time I visit!

  22. I have this dress in navy pinstripe. Love it. I think it runs a little big, so if you are between sizes, I’d suggest ordering the smaller (and when is that ever a bad thing?)

  23. To follow up on Lyssa’s above question about waxing, do you ladies have any suggestions on how to deal with/avoid in-grown hairs? I’ve waxed a few times, but mostly shave when I need to remove hair down there and I always get really bad ingrowns (the worst ones were from the few times I waxed). Thanks!

    1. Bliss Ingrown Eliminator Pads! Expensive but really work, for me anyway. I get really deep ingrowns that take 2-3 weeks to work their way to the surface (during which time I inevitably convince myself that I have a horrible STD and am going to die).

      I have also tried – Bikini Zone, No Bump, and Stride X. The only thing that really worked were the Bliss pads. I get them at Sephora and use them basically every day.

      1. Agreed. I get really terrible ingrown hair bumps too, and those Bliss pads are the only thing I’ve found that make any difference. Expensive though!

    2. The product “tend skin” and regular exfoliation post wax. The ingrowns are worst the first couple of times. It get’s better.

    3. I exfoliate the day of a wax and then the day after in the shower (gently, of course). For me, there’s a noticeable difference in pain between if I don’t exfoliate and if I do. And then exfoliating also clears the dead stuff that can help clog the pores and start an ingrown.

    4. My waxer recommends Clearasil pads, works wonders and 90 pads for $4, use it after I get out of the shower and my pores are open.

  24. Am I the only one who (i) watched The Avengers this weekend (YAY) and (ii) was struck by intense lust for the cream dress that Pepper is wearing on the airplane towards the end?

    1. loved the avengers but didn’t notice the dress. Did notice Pots was in really casual wear at home which was different from the iron man movies

      1. It was an interesting change! I kind of liked it, though. Suggested evolution in their relationship, without laying it on heavily.

    2. I haven’t seen The Avengers yet, but I adored (ADORED) all her clothes in the Iron Man movies. Those shoes she wore when she copied computer files to a thumb drive right under Obadiah’s nose? That blue backless dress she wore when she tried to kiss Tony? The black dress she wore when she took out Tony’s chest-thingy? (Just watched a bunch of the first Iron Man the other night and it’s still fresh in my brain.) Not the most workplace-appropriate, but I loved it all.

      1. I loved all her Iron Man outfits. She’s sort of my style icon, although I can’t handle those high, spike-heel Louboutins (too many years of running; my feet and lower back are beat up).

    3. Ugh – haven’t seen it yet (have plans for Saturday – am very excited). Did do my own mini-Marvel movie marathon and re-watched Iron Man/Hulk/Thor/Captain America….

      1. I watched it with friends who, unbeknownst to me, hadn’t seen any of the Iron Man movies. I may have to rewatch alone so that I don’t have to explain who “that guy with the eyepatch” is…

      2. Definitely a good idea. I saw The Avengers this weekend, and while I enjoyed it, I had no idea what was going on most of the time because I haven’t seen any of the other Marvel movies.

        1. So do you recommend seeing the other movies first? I have seen the Iron Man movies and Captain America, but none of the others. We had talked about going to see it this weekend but maybe need to do a Marvel weekend first….

          1. Thor is the most useful. You don’t need to see the Hulk, I think, provided you generally know who the Hulk is (mild-mannered scientist occasionally turns large, green and violent; feels conflicted about this). But if you haven’t seen Thor, I think you’ll be confused about what’s going on.

  25. Shopping Habits Threadjack (Reposted here, because I’m interested to see if others have these types of patterns.)

    What sort of shopping habits do you have? Is there a discernible pattern to what you buy?

    While on this shopping ban, I’ve been analyzing my purchasing patterns. My best friend, G. is a “grazer” and she’ll shop for this and that. She’s not bound by item category or by seasons or by trends.

    I think I do something akin to farmers’ crop rotation. (1 season wheat, next season turnips, third season barley, last season leaving the field fallow to replenish the earth, and repeat.) So, I get fixated on an item, like: jackets, or casual shirts, or nice jeans, or shoes for 3-5 weeks where I want to buy intensely in that item category. It’s dangerous, because sometimes, I end up with too many items that fit a certain trend, but I’m getting better about that now.

    The problem is, unlike the farmers, I never have a fallow period….except for this shopping ban right now. *le sigh* Must replenish discretionary spending “fund” just as farmers need to give the land a break to replenish the soil.

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