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Thursday’s TPS Report: Ultimate Double Weave Wide Welt Columnist Pant

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. ULTIMATE DOUBLE WEAVE WIDE WELT COLUMNIST PANT These pants come in 27 different colors. 27! Admittedly, eight of those are beige/brown (is “nude for you” pants the new thing? Does it bother anyone that you can more easily match your skin tone with a pair of pants than you can with most bras or shoes?) Anyway: if you're looking for a fun way to try a new color with your working wardrobe, you might want to give these pants from Express a try. While they may not seem super versatile, I can think of at least three different outfits off the top of my head, just involving basics (although I think they'd also look fabulous with other colors):  1) Worn with a white button-front and a contrasting color statement necklace. 2) Worn with a gray cardigan, perhaps with a gray belt on top of it. 3) Worn with a black tee and a black blazer. Right now they are full price at $79.90, but if you buy one pair you get the second pair 50% off. ULTIMATE DOUBLE WEAVE WIDE WELT COLUMNIST PANT Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2)  

Sales of note for 5/14/25:

  • Nordstrom Rack – Looking for a deal on a Dyson hairdryer? The Rack has several refurbished ones for $199-$240 (instead of $400+) — but they're final sale only.
  • Ann Taylor – Suit Yourself! 30% off suiting (ends 5/16) + 25% off your full price purchase (ends 5/18) + extra 60% off sale (ends 5/14)
  • Talbots – 40% off all markdowns (ends 5/18) + 30% off dresses, skirts, accessories, and shoes
  • Nordstrom – Beauty Deals up to 25% off (ends 5/17)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 25% off
  • Boden – 10% off new women's styles with code + sale up to 50% off
  • Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything + extra 60% off sale + $1 shipping on all orders
  • J.Crew – Up to 50% off long-weekend styles + 50% off select swim and coverups
  • J.Crew Factory – Extra 50% off clearance + extra 15% off $100+ + extra 20% off $125+
  • M.M.LaFleur – Lots of twill suiting on sale! Try code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off.
  • Rothy's – Up to 50% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

291 Comments

  2. Nude for you pants look pretty bad. I have also seen nude for you leggings, which is even worse. I figured the colored jean thing was a one season trend – MAYBE two – but it seems to be sticking around longer than I expected.

    1. Dude. I’ve been seeing nude-for-you leggings the past little bit, and it’s disturbing every time. It’s generally not a flattering look when onlookers have to do a double take to determine if they’re actually seeing your bits.

      1. I used to complain that I didn’t want to see someone’s cameltoe highlighted in BRIGHT CORAL! or cobalt, but, the nude-for-you leggings/jeggings are so bad that they make the bright coral or cobalt supertight jeans seem favorable in comparison.

        Remember, things can always get worse!

    2. Not a fan of the concept of “nude for you” pants, especially if they’re close-fitted.

      Maybe the range of “nude” pants is so that you can select one that complements, but doesn’t match, your skin tone instead?

      1. I think you’re right. If you look at the colors, they’re all more stony/grey than a nude-for-you would be. I’m thinking it might actually be like a khaki-for-you situation.

    3. Colored jeans were ‘in’ way back when I was in high school (early 90s) and I’ve never stopped loving the trend! I love colored jeans with neutral tops and am so happy to see it back in style.

  3. My long-distance SO had to be on the road early this morning at the same time a big snow storm was hitting. When we talked last night, he said he would text me when he arrived home, but I haven’t heard from him. It’s been over four hours since he should have been home safely. I texted him two hours ago with no reply. I called about half an hour ago, but it went straight to voicemail.

    The rational part of my brain believes that he just forgot to text and his phone is off because he’s sound asleep. I don’t want to come off as the crazy girlfriend, and I’m trying to curb my worry-wart tendencies. The irrational part of my brain is picturing him unconscious in a ditch or hospital bed. Ugh!

    1. I’m a worrier like this too (I have been known to look online at local newspapers, to make sure there wasn’t some big fatal car crash in someone’s town, when I don’t hear from someone when I’m supposed to). I’m sure he’s fine though – no advice, just commiseration in your worry! It’s possible that because of the big snow storm, getting home took/is taking much longer than he anticipated.

    2. This is the worst. I am the queen of nightmare scenarios. I once convinced myself that something had happened to my parents and was going through the steps on how I would get back home in my head when they called.

    3. ugh, I hate that. For future scenarios, if you guys have smartphones you can usually set up an app to track each other on GPS. You can limit it to certain times of the day or just a window for a few hours during a snowstorm if either of you are uncomfortable with 24/7 surveillance :) DH is a cyclist who goes on long rides up mountains and can’t hear his phone, so I use “Find My Friends” on our iPhones to check in periodically during the day when my “rational part of my brain” turns off and I’m sure he got hit by a car. If he’s still moving at a bike rate of speed, I rest assured.

      1. DH had difficulty adjusting to my late work hours and on 2 occassions worried so much that I hadn’t returned home by 11pm that he called emergency rooms, etc. to find out if something had happened to me! I’ve gotten better about phoning to let him know I’ll be late/making sure my phone is charged, and he’s gotten better about not assuming I’m dead :P

    4. Richard Blanco read this poem about that on Fresh Air recently
      His plane went down over Los Angeles last week, again. Or was it Long Island? Boxer shorts, hair gel, his toothbrush washed up on the shore of New Haven, but his body never recovered, I feared. Monday he cut off his leg chain-sawing. Bleed to death slowly while I was shopping for a new lamp. Never heard my messages on his cell phone. Where are you? Call me. I told him to be careful. He never listens. Tonight, 15 minutes late. I’m sure he sits a moose on Route 26. But maybe he survived. Someone from the hospital will call me, give me his room number. I’ll bring his pajamas and some magazines. 5:25, still no phone call. Voicemail full. I turn on the news, wait for the report. Flashes of moose blood, his car mangled, as I buzz around the bedroom dusting the furniture, sorting the sock drawer.

      By 7:30, I’m taking mental notes for his eulogy, suddenly adoring all I’ve hated, 10 years worth of nose hairs in the sink, of lost car keys, of chewing too loud and hogging the bed sheets, when joy yowls. Ears to the sound of footsteps up the drive and darts to the doorway, I follow with a scowl: Where the hell were you? Couldn’t you call? Translation. I die each time I kill you.

      1. This is genius and oh so true about the scenarios my worry-frenzied brain cooks up, as well as the tumultuous grief/acceptance feelings as the “bad nightmare scenario” starts to feel like it happened. Thanks for posting Richard Blanco poems. I’ll go look for his other stuff. :-)

        1. I heard him read this on NPR and i teared up so much i had to pull my car over. This is so exactly what i go through every time my husband is late or doesn’t call. The poet said 50% of people can relate to exactly this feeling, and they’re all in relationships with the other 50% who don’t understand what the heck they’re getting so worked up about.

          Definitely true in my case.

          OP, hope everything is OK in your case (and chances are they are and you’re just involved with the other 50% type.)

          1. Haha, that is really funny about the 50/50 thing. My husband is a worrier like this and I am not and do not get it. :)

      2. Thanks for the commiseration, ladies. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who does this! And that poem says it exactly.

      3. I’m the worst at this. And also grieving for people before I’ve actually lost them.

  4. So not to immediately be a downer but… I’m officially single (again).

    I posted anonymously yesterday about my long-distance boyfriend who wasn’t sure how we were going to get through the next few months because the distance was becoming really difficult. And I took all the responses to heart, especially the one about listening to what other people are telling you.

    And then that poster yesterday confronted her boyfriend with the inter-faith relationship and ended up they broke up and I realized I needed to do the same.

    So I did. I told him if he was just freaking out, we’d get through this. But if he really thought it wouldn’t work, I’d listen. So I’m listening and we broke up. It was surprisingly anti-climatic.

    I’m sad and disappointed because I really thought we were going to make it. But I guess it’s better that I know now than after I had already made plans to move…

    So if anyone knows any cute single guys in Toronto, please send them my way

      1. I agree, but welcome to our CLUB. Men tend to be non-comital these day’s. My dad say’s why buy the cow when you can get FREE milk? I therefore do NOT give out any free milk any more after Alan drained me DRY. FOOEY on HIM, and men that have sex, then burpe and walk away!

        I am lookeing for a guy that wants me for ME, not just as a place to have sex with me. Yesterday, Myrna and I walked up to the MORGAN library, but by the time we got there we were not abel to go in. She said we have to PLAN better, and mabye go to an ART museum over the weekend b/c men who like art are more SENSITIVE. I agreed but hope sensitive does NOT mean effemenite. I want a MAN who knows he’s a man, but treat’s me right as a professional WOMAN, b/c I am an attorney, licensed and in good standing with the State of New York. If I can find this man in a museum, YAY!!!!!! I did not call Henry back yet. I am worried about geting involved with a guy who was a dork, but dad keeps needeling me to do so b/c he promised Henry’s dad. Why do I have to put up with all this pressure from him to?

        The manageing partner got mad at Frank this morning for leaveing the toilet seat up and makeing a mess in there. FOOEY on Frank. I think I am goeing to have to use the ladie’s room in the hallway b/c of the odour and the mess he make’s in there. I do NOT know HOW his wife and children put up with his filthey bathroom habits. DOUBEL FOOEY!

    2. Sorry things didn’t turn out as you hoped. It takes a lot of strength to confront a situation like that head on – good for you for figuring out it wasn’t making you happy. Be sure to take some time for yourself :)

    3. I’ve read that one of the hardest things in life is knowing when to stick it out and knowing when to throw in the towel. I’m sorry yours ended with the latter. But I’m also sort of excited for you because at some point after the pain and the questioning and the lamenting, you’ll find someone who makes your heart sing. Really. Hang in there. :)

    4. I’m so sorry — but just like the poster yesterday, I think it takes real strength of character to break it off when you know the other person would be comfortable plodding along without making decisions, even though the relationship has problems.

      Good for you for doing it – get yourself a treat at lunch today or do something nice for yourself in general this week. This is the one time I think a LD relationship is preferable – you don’t have to run into him/see him on a regular basis, so you can take what time you need to move on in your own way, without worrying someone is judging you.

      At the end of the day, you deserve someone who will move mountains to be with you even if the sky is falling. Here’s hoping you find that guy =)

    5. I’m sorry! And I’m sorry people can disappoint you in these ways.

      But I so respect and admire you courage and the way you handled this. May the relationship gods smile on you going forward.

    7. I’m so sorry to hear that TO Lawyer! But really, it is definitely better that it happened now than after you’d made plans to move.

      I don’t know any cute single guys in Toronto…if I did, I’m sure my mom would be pushing me to dat him in hopes of luring me back to the city AND having kids (which would, of course, be perfect for her).

      If you want to chat or complain, I believe you have my email address? And I think I’ll be back to visit sometime in May, probably the long weekend, we will go for drinks!

    8. I’m sorry you’re feeling down, TO Lawyer. It’s difficult (and very mature) to end a relationship in the absence of a Huge Relationship-ending Showdown, but you are completely right that it’s better to know now than later.

      I don’t know if you’re interested in online dating, but OkCupid apparently has a good dating pool in TO. I have 2 professional friends who have had success.

    9. Hi TO,
      Poster from yesterday. I totally feel your pain and I’m glad we both had the courage to move on. The way my situation ended felt realllllly anti-climactic as well. Like, this is it? Still feeling anxious/nauseous/sad while simultaneously questioning my decision (what have I done?!) but I am gathering strength to move on from friends, family and this site. Hugs to you and hopefully this too shall pass!

      Also, please send cute, single guys in Chicago my way! :)

    11. Thank you all for your kind words and support! I’ve spent most of day going back and forth between feeling numb and crying but I have faith that things will get better. I already miss him and want to talk to him/see him but I’m going to try to hold out and not call him for as long as I possibly can.

      I feel like this was a long time coming but also that it really isn’t real (but yet I can’t stop the tears…)

    12. I’m also at that “should I stay or should I go” point with my boyfriend. We’ve been together for about a year, and I love him, but I’m not sure that I love being with him. We’ve talked marriage, and have compatible values, goals, etc. However, our personalities aren’t very compatible, to the point where we have frequent arguments about stupid stuff. I know that opposites attract, but we’re just not making it work. I think I’ve mostly decided that I need to break it off because a. I don’t want to hurt him and I feel that he needs me (I know that’s irrational and counterproductive…) and b. deep down, I don’t want to deal with untangling our lives from each other. Every time I think I’ve decided, things go well and we seem to click all over again and I wonder if I’m making the right decision…

      1. So maybe I’m not the best person to be giving relationship advice right now but, I was basically you in my last relationship (I guess not my last relationship but the one before). I tried to break up with him multiple times and he would tell me we could make it work and I would agree.

        And then my most current ex was probably in that role and I realized that he was saying exactly what he felt but I wasn’t listening and since he loved me and didn’t want to hurt me, maybe he let himself believe that we could make it work but he didn’t really believe it.

        So I basically forced his hand and while I’m currently really upset, I’m quite sure that knowing now is better than knowing later, when it’s even harder to entangle things. I’m sure he didn’t want to hurt me either but if things were going to end up like this, I was going to be hurt regardless.

        I believe when you know, you know and it’s the right decision but if you keep feeling this way, maybe the merciful thing to do would be to cut him loose and let him find someone who will love him the way he deserves to be loved (and you also deserve to find someone who you love being with!)

  5. I know we’ve talked about custom dresses here before, but has anyone ever had a coat custom-made? How does the process work? What’s the cost like compared to buying a nice ready-made coat?

    1. I think this would depend on the materials you want for the outer part of the coat, how elaborate are the functional details (pockets, buttons), and how elaborate are the merely stylistic details (trim, frills, piping?). Also, depending on what you want for the lining of the coat, that can drive costs up. Hard to tell without more info from you about what you exactly have in mind.

      1. I’m thinking a classic wool and/or cashmere wrap coat, with a belt (instead of buttons), two plain pockets, and a hood. Obviously this would need to be lined, but not with anything special. Does that help?

        I guess my questions are even more basic than that. If I get a piece of clothing custom-made, do I supply the fabric, or do I tell the dressmaker (or coatmaker!) what I want and have them source it?

        1. Depending on the dressmaker/coatmaker, some will source it themselves. It might be helpful to do some googling to see how much various types of fabric cost so you’ll be able to sanity-check whatever estimates you end up getting from the dressmakers that you discuss this with. And as for the lining, when you say, “nothing special,” that’s very vague.

          What might be a more useful distinction is: do you want your coat lining to be 100% natural fabric (of some sort: silk is expensive, cotton less so) or 100% artificial (polyester, acetate, etc.) or some combo? The artificial fabrics are generally significantly cheaper per yard than the natural ones, but keep in mind, it’d suck to have a coat that was insufficiently warm for your area, while making you sticky because the lining didn’t breathe.

  6. The 2 inch fly on the current rendition of the editor pants seems weird to me. I’ve got an pair from a few years ago, and the fly was normal length. Now that I’ve noticed it, I just can’t see anything else on the pant.

  7. Ladies, I have a shopping challenge for those of you who choose to accept. I need a pair of classic BROWN heels. You wouldn’t think this would be terribly difficult, but it’s proving to be a lot harder than I thought. Closed-toe or peep toe are both fine. Under $100. Size 6.5. Thanks!!

    5. I found a great Audrey Brooke show at DSW last week in black, but it comes in brown. The style is Connie.

  8. I posted this weekend about laser hair removal on redheads and promised to update: I went in for my consultation a couple days ago. The nurse confirmed that laser works best on light skin/dark hair. But the hair does not necessarily have to be black. My offending hairs are dark red/dark brown (I also have very pale redhead skin). She says she thinks it’s going to work really well on me. She did a test patch yesterday, so we’ll see what happens (I’m happy to update again, if people care). She also gave me a really great package deal. I’m absolutely praying to the beauty gods that it works, because unwanted hair is really the worst.

    So…for whoever was wondering about it, as long as your hair isn’t blonde, I think it’s at least worth going in for a consult. It seems like a lot of places have a free or cheap first session where they’ll just do a consult and a small test patch, and then you can go back in if it works. Hope that helps!

    1. related – thoughts on a lasered brazilian – yay or nay?
      it would be nice to never have to worry about that again, but it seems…weird…to get lasered…there.

      1. I’ve gotten about 6 laser treatments, full brazilian, and I’m really happy with it so far. I guess I’ve considered, what if ten years from now I miss my hair down there? I don’t think it’ll happen, but if it does, I don’t think the process is completely permanent so if I didn’t get touch-ups every year or so, it would probably eventually grow back.

        1. It doesnt necessarily grow back evenly. I have a friend who had the brazilian laser (many many treatments) and then decided she wished she had left some. Now she calls her “area” Ol’ Patchy.

          1. LOL oh gosh… well… here’s hoping I never wish for my crotch hair back! I can’t imagine I ever will, unless someone I’m LGP’ing with prefers hair, but even then, screw ’em!

      3. Had a coworker that was going to do this until the technician told her that there are some things that as they age, you really do want to have covered up. She thought about it and nixed the lasered Brazilian and went bikini line only.

  9. I hate to admit that the only work pants I can find are from Express, but apparently they understand my body type so I’ll roll with it. These are the only pants that fit me and I feel good in. I have a few (only in boring/neutral colors) but I’m thinking about stocking up on more and finally giving up on the other brands I’ve tried to make work.

    1. Out of curiosity, what’s your body type like? I remember loving Express in high school but I’m a different build now, for sure. I would love to get some washable work pants.

      1. From response to Blue below: I wear 8 short (typically 8 in most brands), 5’4″, 140 lbs, hourglass figure.

        I can’t wear their Editor pants but I really like the Columnist (I think they might be made for curvier figures? Not sure, just remember Editors are awful on me). I feel really uncomfortable and look awful in pants that aren’t at all fitted through the leg, but these aren’t too tight/revealing on me so it’s a good balance. I also generally wear less form fitting tops or open cardigans (i.e. doesn’t show that I have a waist) so I like my pants to fit my figure so I don’t look completely shapeless.

        1. Also hourglass- size 12, and ALL my dress pants are from Express, both Editor and Columnist. They’re the only ones that work.

          However, I don’t buy anything else there- a little too college girl trying to look corporate and failing.

          1. Yep that’s why I feel a little embarrassed that they are my go-to pants! Fun (non-work) clothes? Sure. Professional attire? Not so much. The necklines on most Express tops are definitely not work-appropriate, especially for those of us who are large of chest.

    2. I have a very similar body type to this and I have had a lot of success with the Calvin Klein Suiting from Macy’s. I will have to try these pants too!

      1. I’ll have to check out the Calvin Klein line at Macy’s too. Thanks!

    3. i also wear the editor pants a lot (5’3, hourglassy with slim-ish hips but very muscular butt/thighs) – the material can be hit or miss, but the fit is just as good now at 31 as it was when i first started buying those pants in law school. every other style of pants i’ve tried either looks weird and dumpy, or requires the waist to be taken in. the waist on the editors is still a LITTLE roomy, but wearable without alteration…and for the price they really can’t be beat.

  10. Anyone know how these pants fit? I’m 5’2″, 140 pounds. My general problem with these type of pants is that they are (a) too short and (b) give my horrible muffin top.

      1. See above re: me wearing these all the time… They come in tall and short sizes too. I generally get the short ones and wear flats 95% of the time. I believe the inseam lengths are listed on the size chart if it helps. For reference, I wear 8 short (typically 8 in most brands), 5’4″, 140 lbs, hourglass figure. For me these are a good slim cut: not too tight around the hips/butt/thighs but not too baggy that I feel/look like a blob.

        1. Oops, I didn’t see your post before I commented. Thanks! These sound like they may work for me.

    2. You should get a short. I am 5’6″ and get the short; I wear it with flats.

      I love the fit of the editors. Most pants have thait weird gap in the waist on me but the editors do not. They are cheaper quality but they are great for washable, casual pants.

  11. Don’t these look like they would be too snug through the buttal region to wear to work?

    3. Yeah, I feel that they would highlight the traffic-stopper a little bit more than I would find comfortable in the office context.

      1. Once in the dressing room of a neighborhood ZARA (the rooms suck, btw, no doors, just curtains that are insufficiently wide for the space), a woman in the next room over said to her friend, “I can’t wear size [N], I have too much @ssflesh for size N.”

        I wanted to shout back “no, there’s not enough FABRIC in the pants. nothing wrong w/the amount of @ssflesh you have” but chickened out because I didn’t want to seem like an eavesdropping creepy person!

  12. Rant! Started my period after getting to work. Mega crampy. Not much on my plate today so I don’t have anything to divert my attention from my imploding reproductive system. Waiting on my Advil to work but I really just want to go home. Argh. Come quickly, 5:00!

    1. If it makes you feel any better, I’m in the same boat. Shame is, we have no paddles…

      I’ve been thinking about keeping a microwaveable corn-bag for my cramps at work and using it under the guise of being “cold” (which is legitimate in it’s own right, some days); especially on those days where I’m locked in my chair and my back/lower abdomen/upper legs totally lock up/ache like crazy from the none-moving/cramping combo.

      Does anyone else do this already?

      2. Sometimes I put my wool wrap folded up on my lower abdomen when my stomach hurts. Just the warmth from that helps. I find those stick-on hot pads work ok for back aches, and they are very concealable. After I was in a car accident I used microwavable heating pads (and I think an electric one) as much as I needed, and I shared an office with someone.

    2. I have horrible cramps today too! I almost bought my microwavable heat pack to work, but I’m in a cube and I didn’t want anyone giving me weird looks. I should’ve just done it.

      1. I wish I could get someone to sign off on that totally medically unnecessary hysterectomy everyday, but no such luck.

        Only another 20-25 years of menses left!!! (Note: Sarcasm is a symptom.)

        1. I just turned 40 so with every visit from Aunt Flo I am hoping it is my last & being disappointed the next month. rawr.

        2. I had no periods for a year with a progesterine-only pill, but it gave me horrible acne. So I told my doctor I’d rather have cramps than acne!

        3. I barely have periods, but I do have cramps, for the first time in my life! They were really bad when it was first implanted, but now they’re manageable. Don’t know if increased cramps is typical or not.

    4. I guess we’re all in the same boat today. Have the cycles for all readers of thissite somehow synced up?

    5. Rrgh sister I feel ya. This was me yesterday. I get cramps maybe two or three times a year, so when I do, I turn into a soggy ball of miserable woe. The only things that knocked them out were, applied in quick succession: hot chocolate, beer, and ahem, distractions (above the belt, obvs) from my gentleman friend.

    2. Adorable!! I tried on a pair when I was in optical express and loved them! Also, another UK member??

    5. I personally don’t like either cat eyes or thick frames. Mine are rectangularish lenses with thin metal frames. Then again, I have a roundish face and I think cats eye glasses are generally recommended for more a more square face shape.

    1. but how will you fit in all your lower appendages? You will have to buy several pairs.

      1. Martians are not like Cthulhu (sp?), and have only two legs, like humans. We also have long-suffering canine companions. And you’ll have to pry our ray-guns out of our cold, dead, gloved hands.

        Sorry, just have to correct a common and incorrect stereotype about Martians. It’s just so offensive to be told that “all you green aliens look alike!” ;-)

  15. Any other Midwesterners home today? I’m trying to figure out how do do my conference call with a toddler running around . . .

    1. I’m left the office at noon yesterday. Our schools closed at 10:00 am. We enjoyed a wonderful day of junk food and family movies. Looks like another snow day today.

    2. We probably should be working from home today. Our little city is covered in ice and only getting icier. I have hardly anything to do at the office, so it’s a cyber-slacking kind of day!

    3. One of my colleagues did a conference call while on the road, in McDonalds, with her two toddlers. She just used muting pretty liberally.

    4. Get a neighbor kid who’s home on a snow day to occupy babe for an hour. If you’re in the house (bu far enough away that your voice can’t be heard), & babe isn’t cranky, even a grade school kid should be able to do it.

    5. I have to do this from time to time…second muting. But if all else fails, just say “my apologies, working from home today and my little assistant is pretty noisy.”
      In my experience, no one ever minds [and this includes a judge and opposing counsel on a day when I was home with a little one and the only person available to “appear” for an emergency phone hearing…]

    6. I’m working from home this morning (and I use the term “working” liberally) because I thought the roads would be icy, but it’s hovered above freezing so it’s just wet and yucky out…will head to work after lunch.

    7. Threadjack to Midwesterners! In case any of you lovely ladies are from or have info about Iowa…

      It looks like I’ll be helping to organize a bachelorette party in Des Moines. I, however, am nowhere near there and have next to no experience with the city. What would you suggest? Maybe a fun daytime activity, a nice place for dinner, and some evening locales? There will be about 10 of us (late twenties-early thirties), interested in fun and a good time but nothing too, too wild.

  16. Is the whiskering on these pants on the model appropriate? I thought that meant the pants don’t fit right (although if it’s not a big deal, it will be a lot easier for me to buy pants).

    1. I haaaaate crotch whiskers. To me, they are a sign that the pants don’t fit and lines pointing directly at my lady garden. Follow the lines! Look here! Crotch whiskers are why I only wear skirts now. It’s much too hard to find pants that don’t whisker on me.

        2. Between giggles, I’m wondering if laser treatment could remove those whiskers…

    2. I hate them too…but all my friends look at me like I’m crazy when I bring it up. So maybe it’s just not something most people notice?

  17. Do you all tip hotel chambermaids? I did not grow up with my parents doing it, so I honestly do not know how widespread it is. Having read “Nickel and Dimed,” I think it is probably the right thing to do. If you do, do you tip according to the cost of the room or just a set sum? More for the Four Seasons and less for Holiday Inn? Tip every day or just the combined sum at the end of the visit?

    1. I definitely only tip in the nicer establishments and only if I am there for more than one night (which is rare for me). I leave between $3-5 a night at the end of my stay.

    2. Yes, I tip hotel housekeeping. If I’m just there overnight (like I arrive late and leave early), I usually just tip with whatever change I have on me. If I’m sticking around for multiple days, I tend to tip $2-3 per day.

      As a side note on tipping, I once got yelled at by a guy I was out with when I expressed confusion that tipping standard level at restaurants/in general had changed from 15% to 20% (he was a server). I’m not against tipping 20%, of course, I just always assumed 15% was the standard for average service and 20%+ was for excellent service.

      He angrily informed me that 15% was the standard ten years ago! The price of food has risen since then! Restaurant costs have increased, so they are charging more and he should have better tips too!

      I was all, percentages, dude, I don’t think you understand how they work.

      2. Could this be a regional thing? When I used to live in the Midwest (albeit a decade ago), I thought 15% was standard. Then I moved to NYC and learned 20% was standard.

        1. I think it is regional – in NYC, I do tip closer to 20% regularly. I almost think it’s just that people’s ability to do mental math is fuzzier now than it’s been in the past, and 20% is easier than 15% to calculate.

      3. You should have said in your best Inigo Montoya, “Percentage. I do not think that means what you think that means.”

      5. He was definitely an ass. But I do think the standard has risen to 20%, at least here in L.A. Maybe it’s a big city thing.

        And I tip housekeeping a few bucks a night. I leave it every day so that whoever does the work gets the money.

      6. I’m in D.C. and I don’t think 20% is standard. I usually leave 15-18% for ok service and 20% for excellent service.

    3. normally I leave a $20 somewhere hidden under a towel in the bathroom at the end of my stay. This to prevent their managers taking the visible tips before they come in to clean.

      1. Oh crap, I didn’t know that some managers did this. :-(

        Maybe I’ll have to be stealthier next time with the tip. I just leave it all out on the table and use the writing pad and pen they provide to write a short note like: “Thanks — I had a great stay!”

    4. I usually leave a $5 bill on a bed pillow every morning. If you leave it all at the end of your stay you may be tipping someone who just cleaned your room once.

    5. When I was young, I cleaned hotel rooms for a living, and I can tell you that the rooms at the Hampton Inn are just as nasty as at nicer hotels. I tip $10 a day no matter where I go.

      1. Agreed. I don’t know why housekeeper at a more expensive place is worth more than one somewhere else. I tip the same everywhere.

        1. I actually probably tip a bit more generously at less expensive places. I figure I have more money in my pocket and the place probably pays a bit less, too.

    7. I always tip, regardless of hotel type. A lot of labor goes into changing the sheets on the queen / king beds (which I usually don’t request during my stay) plus the bathrooms always get cleaned (and I would never clean myself to this level).

      I leave it at the end — I think that staff is often not allowed to take things, especially $, from guest rooms.

      1. I leave it with a note that says “Housekeeping – thank you” to avoid confusion.

    8. So do any of you explain why you left a low tip? The other day, we went out for dinner. It was unbelievable

      Waitress came & took my Fri k order, left without asking DS for his. Returned & took his drink order. When she brought drinks, I asked about specials & she answered. Trip #4 I asked what the soup of the day was.

      Restaurant has no children’s menu, usually makes a nice plate for my son. I asked for a small filet (like you get with a salad) and some potatoes and veggies, as usual. She brought each side in its own large serving dish, meat on a dessert plate.

      Handed her the credit card and it took for frickin ever for her to bring it back.

      Some of this she must’ve known already, and I did complain about my son’s disjointed meal right away, but I always feel like people deserve a chance to improve, and they can’t if they don’t know how they’re screwing up.

      1. If I get particularly poor service, I tell a manager. If the service is just mediocre – the server gets a mediocre tip, and I usually write why they received less than 15%. My husband says that is obnoxious, and it probably is, but mostly when I do it, I am also combating stereotypes that people of color tip poorly – I am not tipping poorly out of ignorance, you are getting a poor tip in return for your poor service.

        1. I feel like I have to battle the stereotype of poc tipping poorly, too. If we’re all doing this, does this mean we all actually tip really well?

        2. As a former server (diverse area) just have to say, the ‘people of color’ stereotype is less and less. Instead it’s tables that are populated by a**holes, which happens regardless of race, ethnicity, gender, etc. I could have told you in 2 minutes of walking up to a table if I had a chance at a decent tip or not and it was all based on the person’s attitude.

          1. Agreed. I worked in a restaurant for 2 years, and the people either were a-holes – or the service just sucked. There were a couple of servers who could never get that they weren’t that great at their job, though…..

          2. I waited tables in many restaurants in south Florida and sadly, it was hard to combat stereotypes. It seemed that the best tippers were blue collar people – those most likely to have depended on tips. The middle-class to wealthy people – no matter the race – seemed to be about making sure they didn’t, God forbid, over-tip. There would be discussions about splitting the bill just so, etc.

    9. I usually do $2-3 per night and leave it each morning, so the person who actually does the work gets it. I’m obsessively neat in hotel rooms (unlike at home and in my chaotic office) but if for some reason there’s more work — e.g., I was in a rush and left the iron and board out for them to put away — I leave a little more. I see no reason to tip less in the lower-end places; in fact, those housekeepers do just as much work and probably make less (and are less likely to be unionized, which usually means higher wages and benefits) than workers at the fancier hotels.

    10. I didn’t even know this was a thing (??). I tip the valet, bellhop, anyone who helps with anything, but never even knew people left tips for the person who cleans the room. What if you only stay one night? This is all new to me, and I thought I was a pretty generous tipper.

      1. If you only stay one night they still have to clean your room. I leave a tip every day.

  18. I work for the Government of the Great White North where bilingualism is really important if you want to be upwardly mobile but I have done three language tests in the last two months (after 4 months of full time language training) and just CANNOT get the grade required. I am so frustrated, I have never been so stymied by an exam! I know I have come a long way and that I have the capacity but I just seem to freak out everytime I walk in.

    All the lady lawyers on this site seem to be able to keep your cool under pressure – any tips?

    1. Ne vous inquietez pas! Are you able to analyze your mistakes at all? If so, are you making the same mistakes over and over? If you drill those until you get it right, you may feel a lot better. Rote memorization isn’t fun, but it’s still pretty effective, especially if you don’t use the language every day and so can’t practice it otherwise.

      1. I will be working to find ways to use it every day as much as possible. But yes I do see a return to lists and lists and lists of verbs – and have told my colleagues to correct me whenever I make a mistake. I’ve given up on having an ego around this.

        1. I would love to know what teaching program you are using? (Just for my own knowledge)

          1. I was having private instruction in my department and then one on one with a private school. They adjust their programs to each student but for me the emphasis was just talking, talking talking, trying to build up an ease/confirm some grammar rules in my head (I know them, the challenge is application while I’m in the middle of a sentence).

  19. I was just reading yesterday’s post on retirement savings, and I was wondering if I could get some help?

    I’m looking for a good planning/retirement tool, but I can’t find one that works for me. What have you used that you liked, and why?

    1. If you mean you are looking for some sort of thing online where you can plug in your statistics and it will tell you how to save for retirement, I don’t believe there is such a thing. Each person’s life circumstances, career, needs, desires, and comfort with risk are all so different that you really need individualized advice, like from a financial planner or investment advisor (these are two different professions) to plan for retirement in detail.

      That said, there are many tools online that estimate how much you should save for retirement if you plug in your salary, age, and desired income in retirement. I assume you’ve found these already, since you say you can’t find one you like, but I don’t think you’ll be able to get what you seem to be looking for from an online calculator.

      If you don’t feel ready to pay someone for advice, reading some of the blogs people posted yesterday can be a good way to get an idea of what strategies are helpful and could work for you. I used to read Get Rich Slowly, and found it somewhat helpful. I also check the WSJ personal finance page somewhat regularly.

      1. That’s helpful–thanks!
        I was just curious if there was some site or tool out there that I was unaware of… Mint (for instance) does a good job with budgeting, but doesn’t help much with anything planning-related. Thought maybe there was something out there and I was just missing it….

        1. Fidelity has a thorough website http://www.fidelity.com/401k there are planning tools and calculators that will help you with 401k related planning.

          If you need more, I’m happy to link extras but they really have a robust site.

  20. Hello Hive!
    I am going to Nigeria in 4 weeks.
    I am staying a week with carry-on only and it is hot and humid (I will be outdoors to visit marketplaces and such).

    I will pack no makeup because it would melt off my face. So sunscreen only and one lip butter.
    I was betting on ¾ sleeved cotton dresses but I think I’d get mosquito bites all over my legs.

    How could a “reader of this site” possibly look presentable in such weather?

    1. What about linen/loose cotton trousers? Also, perhaps consider leggings under dresses. I think leggings + dress/tunic would be really cute.

    2. You can’t. I interned in West Africa and arrived at the office every day looking like a mess. Also, maybe you know this, but avoid light-colored clothes. The West African ladies will wear all-white ensembles, take public transit, and remain spotless. The rest of us wind up covered in a fine sheen of reddish dust that’s impossible to wash out of anything. (If you know any ladies in Nigeria, see if they have tips for you. The African women I worked with always looked lovely while the Euros and I always looked like cr@p.)

        1. Yeah, and assume that most surfaces are dirtier than you’d expect. I ruined a white top by wearing a seat belt in a cab. The belt was caked with red dust.

    3. Salam Houda! If it’s going to be hot and humid, I’d say light cotton, linen and maybe silk is the only way to go. Linen trousers and blouses will keep you from feeling sticky, although a long skirt could help save you from mosquitoes. Patterned fabrics won’t show wrinkles or sweat stains as much. Hope you have fun!

    4. oooohhhh i just noticed this thread after i posted my question below — some of this is very helpful!

      1. Hi if it can help, I have been researching some etiquette etc.
        – You are expected to greet people warmly, that is true for colleagues even if you just saw them in the office the night before.
        – Greeting involves inquiring about one’s family: what of your daughter/sister etc.
        – You are expected to dress up as it shows respect to the people you are meeting.
        Now from a security perspective: make sure to have a security escort from airport to your hotel, and that you know the name of the person picking you up.
        If possible, do not check any luggage, as you could have to wait hours to get your bags.
        Make sure to do your vaccinations before your trip (I did 1 month before travel date) in case you have side effects and do not forget mosquitoe repellent and prophylactic malaria treatment.

        1. thanks Houda!

          For attire, I’m planning to wear nothing but long pants and long sleeves in very light weight fabrics – i really dont want any exposure to the mosqutios — i really need to start thinking about packing though, i leave in 10 days — eek!

    5. You are bringing bug spray, right? Mosquito bites are not just ugly and unpleasant, but risky in terms of insect-borne diseases.
      Regarding the makeup – I have endorsed the Clinique gel eye liner here many times. It lasts all day in any weather; with any pencil eyeliners I have to touch up at midday.
      I imagine mattifying face wipes would also be useful.

    7. Longer dresses or dresses with loose-fitting trousers? Ditto on patterns that will hide sweat/dust.

    8. When I was in Peace Corps, cotton slips were a savior! Dresses are comfy and look “nice” but a cotton slip can help you feel fresher. They were a little hard to find in stores, but now we have the internets which probably makes it easier.

    9. I just got back from Southeast Asia and I thought I would do well in loose-fitting linen trousers with long-sleeve cotton tees, but I actually felt pretty droopy in the humidity. The women in my group who looked the best were the ones who had actual travel clothing from companies like Magellan or Travelsmith. They stayed crisp and cool and their skirts, pants, and shirts could be washed out in the sink and hung to dry in a couple of hours.

    10. Very interesting insights.. I guess packing will be more challenging than I thought.
      I already have 2 colorful lightweight dresses, one of them is cotton.. I might need to shop for more.

  21. I’m going to a conference in San Antonio next month. Dress will be business casual so I’m planning on skirts/cardigans for the week. Will I look out of place if I wear tights with my skirts?

    1. Probably not but check the weather first. The highs will likely be in the mid-high 70s or even low 80s, so you might not want tights. Bring some comfy flats so you can walk the River Walk, see the Alamo and enjoy the city!

    3. We are still wearing tights in Houston, but as Houston atty said…not on the days it is in the 80s!

  22. Anyone have any recommendations for Scandinavia? Specifically, Copenhagen, Stockholm, Helsinki, and Tallin, Estonia? I know about the main sights, but I’d love restaurant, bar, hotel, shop, or culture/design/art recommendations.

    1. My boyfriend lives in Copenhagen right now and loves the Jazz House and and Norrebro Brewery. He also says that there is a place called Mojo that is like an older/famous place that’s small and has a cool jibe. I haven’t been to visit yet so this is all hearsay but he has decent taste.

    2. In Stockholm, the Hotel Diplomat. Fabulous location. Wonderful place. Walk to everything.

    3. Copenhagen is my jam. The Meatpacking District is close to the center of town (in Vesterbro) and has tons of fun restaurants and bars. Take a day trip out of town to the Louisiana modern art museum. Have coffee or a drink in the New Royal Theater (and see a play if you can).

      1. Oh – take the metro out to the 8 House, designed by BIG – awesome modern architecture. It’s all the way out at the end of the metro line and abuts gorgeous fields. There’s a restaurant and coffee shop in the house.

    4. In Stockholm I spent a bit of time just wandering around the Gamla Stan – I like jewelry as souvenirs, and there were quite a few shops. In Helsinki, if it isn’t already on your list I highly recommend the Design Museum. I also turned my trip there into a foodie tour and ate at some amazing places – I would recommend F12 in Stockholm and Luomo in Helsinki. It sounds like you might have your itinerary fixed already, but if not I also recommend Turku, Finland – it’s not too far by train from Helsinki and I really liked it. One thing – if you are planning to go to any of the churches in Helsinki, double check their hours online before going – when I was there one church was open for half hour blocks in between baptisms and another was closed completely.

      If you want to e-mail me I’m happy to try and dig up more info from my trip over the weekend: polgara DOT duchessoferat AT gmail DOT com

    5. It’s been a couple years, but we stayed at the Square hotel in Copenhagen. Very modern and boutique-y. It’s near the train station and Tivoli.
      The round tower is fun to view the city from, and there’s a fabulous bike tour – Bike Tours with Mike. He’s very funny and knowledgable about the city.

      In Stockholm, the Nordic Light hotel is fun…the beds have multi-colored lights that you can adjust according to your mood. Fabulous breakfast buffet. It’s also basically attached to the train station.

      Have fun!

    6. Stockholmer born and bred, been to Helsinki more times than I can count. When are you going and what are you interested in?
      Some Stockholm recs:
      Art: The Opera ballet is pretty good and always worth seeing. The modern arts museum has a pretty good collection (don´t miss Rauschenberg´s goat), and the restaurant is also good with a view to die for. The exibitions at the museum of photography are usually interesting, and the restaurant is known for their fab shrimp smorgases and their brunches.
      Shopping: You can cover a lot of shopping ground at the two major department stores, NK and Åhlens City. NK is the posh one. Åhlens in particular has a wide selection of Nordic designers in both clothes and jewellery.

      Helsinki recs:
      OK, find Hotel Torni (it´s the highrise) and take the elevator up to the Atelie bar. Enjoy a delicious drink or a cup of hot cocoa. Then visit the ladies´ room. You won´t regret it.
      Café Fazer is also nice (the tea is amazing) and you can buy fresh and yummy Fazer candy and chocolates there too. And by can I mean have to.
      Art: Kiasma is for contemporary stuff, sometimes awesome, sometimes huh?, but the building itself is your typical famous Finnish architecture, very interesting. The Ateneum is more classical, with a focus on Finnish 19th and 20th century paintings and oddly enough a nice collection of Japanese prints and a good collection of WW1-era propaganda and marketing posters.
      Finland is a super power on the classical music scene, so do check out the programme at Finlandia Hall or the Sibelius Academy.
      The two obvious churches and the Mountain church are all worth visiting.
      Try the Karelian pasty, they look pretty creepy and the taste isn´t all that, but it´s very Finland. Be aware that the side dish that looks like scrambled eggs is in fact not scrambled eggs but eggbutter, which is exactly what it sounds like.

    7. I lived in Copenhagen for five years. I can really recommend the hamburger restaurant Halifax in Larsbjørnsstræde 9, København, Danmark. Essentially, you compose your own burger, by first choosing what the patty should be, what you’d like on, what the bun should be, and what you want on the side.

      I can say ditto to the round tower. If you’re into history, I would also stop by Rosenborg Palace and check out the royal history.

      Also take the train to the Museum of Modern Art in Ishøj.

    8. You ladies are AWESOME. Thank you so much! I’m bookmarking this page.

      Pip, if you’re still reading, we are going in late May and will have three days in Stockholm and two days in Helsinki. We love art, shopping, dining, museums, aimless wandering, walking everywhere… really, everything!

      1. Oooh, it will be beautiful here by then! Good timing!
        (Except if you come during high school graduation season, but then again it might be amusing to behold for a tourist.)
        You can buy a three-day public transport pass called “SL Access” which gives unlimited rides on all the buses, trains, subways, trams and the cute little ferrys “Djurgårdsfärjan”.

        I recommend a visit to the Drottningholm castle, it´s a royal residence but parts of the castle and large parts of the parks are open to the public. You can reach it easily by public transport. It´s gorgeous, and a world heritage site. You almost expect to meet noble ladies and lords in powdered wigs and silk when you walk around. There are cafés, but it´s also a popular picnic spot.
        There are two really nice art museums called Thielska Galleriet and Waldemarsudde out on the island Djurgården that both have good collections of Nordic late 19th/eary 20th century art (Thielska houses the largest Munch collection outside of Norway) in very handsome houses.

        Dining: Gondolen (close to the Slussen station) is excellent, with fresh Swedish flavours. Great view if you get a window seat, and according to friends the bar makes the best dry martini in town.
        Shopping: Götgatan (a street) on Södermalm has a lot of annoyingly hip stores, the posh stores are on the street Biblioteksgatan (by Stureplan square where all the fancy clubs are) and I also recommend a browse through the home decorating store “Svenskt Tenn”. A patterned tray might be a nice souvernir.

  23. After yesterday’s post on retirement, I have been doing a lot of thinking and I have two things I have been thinking about and am interested in the hive’s opinion.

    – My company offers a stock ownership program where if I buy stocks I get an extra 25% of what I bought for free if I hold them for at least 6 months. My dad thinks this is like free money and that it’s a good idea. However, one of my more investment savvy friends thinks its “stupid to invest in a single company” unless you have really studied them. Do you all participate in your companies stock programs? Do you like them?

    -Someone yesterday posted a link to the Mr. Money Mustache website (THANK YOU) and I read it basically all night. It has some pretty interesting ideas about savings/money. As I live in a city, don’t own a car, don’t have any debt, don’t own a home, most of his most basic rules don’t really apply to me. However, the whole lifestyle of escape consumer culture and freeing yourself from work is really interesting. I know many of us are taken with beautiful clothes, jewelry, shoes, and whatever else, and I was wondering what other people on this site think about the idea of really changing the type of life you live. Honestly, the thing i spend the most money on besides rent is expensive restaurants and cocktails…

    Very interested in thoughts.

    1. Company stock is only “stupid” in the manner your friend suggests, if that is your only investment. As a part of your portfolio – go for it….

      1. This. Your overall portfolio should be diversified (especially the retirement funds), but it probably wouldn’t hurt to put some money in company stocks, especially if there is an incentive for holding them that gets you more. Well, as long as you actually like their company and think they are a good investment (in either the long or short term). If you don’t like the company, then don’t throw money just to get the toy surprise.

    2. There is a stock buying plan at my work. I’m planning on taking full advantage – here, they match 100% up to a certain (low) amount and then match 50% to an upper limit. I figure it’s free money. But also – I own other stock, so my eggs are not all in one basket. At business school, we were taught not to have all of our employment and all of our equity tied up in one company and I think that’s smart.

    3. We spend a fair amount of money on going out to dinner and drinks (and definitely way more than our parents would). Recently we’ve been talking about scaling back mostly because we go out so often, that we don’t even seem to enjoy it THAT much any more. It’s not like a special occasion anymore, and it would be nice if it were that way again.

    4. I’m in the same boat – I don’t own a car, house, or have any debt, so a lot of the financial advice I find on the internet doesn’t really apply to me. I like Mr. Money Mustache but he is pretty radical – he presents people with information they need to retire after fewer years of working, which is great, but I think he minimizes the challenges it takes to save 50% of your salary, especially for low-income earners.

      1. I think it also stems from him enjoying/finding joy in so many things that do not require money. I am not sure if that is really realistic for every single person.. I already save 25% of my take home pay.. not necessarily for retirement just for general “I’m afraid of the future” savings haha. But it would take a lot of lifestyle changes to up it to 50% and I know it would feel like a really big sacrifice.

        At the same time, actually having the time and freedom that he seems to have would be glorious.

        1. I love that you said “I’m afraid of the future” savings! That perfectly describes my attitude. Ha!

    5. I would buy, hold for six months, and then probably sell. Never put all your eggs in one basket – if your company performed badly you would lose not only your investments but also possibly your job all in one swoop.

    6. This sounds similar to our ESPP (Employee stock participation program). I buy up to the max and hold for 6 months, then sell. I don’t let my employer stock get above 5% of my investments so I figure that is pretty safe.

    7. If you liked that mental framework, you would probably enjoy the book “Your Money or Your Life,” by Joe Dominguez and Vicky Robin. There is a newish (2008) edition. It’s a neat way to think about aligning your spending with your values — whether or not you go whole hog and try to get to a point of financial independence (being able to work or not) earlier than traditional retirement age.

      1. There is also, coincidentally, a Mr. Money Mustache post in which he reviews Your Money or Your Life and is pretty into it.

        I have been obsessed with MMM for a few months now, and am currently working on getting the Wife on board with major cutbacks. I think she’s coming around!

  24. Is it odd that these pants come in 27 colors, but not black? (Unless I’m just missing something, but I don’t see black on there).

    1. The Express website has a few different versions of the columnist pant in different fabrications and many of the others come in black, including the Studio Stretch for $59.90 (which I own in black) and the Cotton Sateen for $69.90 (which I own in white). Link to follow.

  25. Regular poster – anon today.

    Just seeking some thoughts from other lawyer- e t t e s — Has anyone successfully transitioned across industries? At what point was that accomplished? I am in a regulated industry, trying to transition to another regulated industry, actually the same agency, and am, I guess, just looking for some moral support. My skill set is transferable, but many of the listings want industry experience. I am fully able to articulate the ability to transfer the skills, but that actually requires an interview…..

    Ah, well, I hope I am able to shake out some interviews via my network. Just interested if anyone else has had a similar experience.

    1. 1) If you make a phone call, expect to have a brief conversation with the person who answers before you move on to anything else. For example:

      A: Hello?
      B: Hello! How are you?
      A: I am fine. How are you this morning?
      B: I am fine as well. The sun is shining on this beautiful morning.
      A: It is indeed.
      B: I was wondering, could you please tell me what hours you are open today?

      It’s seen as rude and brusque to move too quickly into just asking about business.

      2) People may say to you in the street “Where are you going?” I was often offended by this (what’s it to you, strange man I don’t know, where I’m going?), but later I found out it’s just like saying “how are you.”

      3) Don’t use your left hand! Don’t take anything with your left, don’t give anyone anything with your left, and don’t eat with your left! I sometimes snacked at work, mousing with my right and eating with my left. My officemate eventually told me that it grossed her out to see me eating with my left hand.

      4) Expect to be kept somewhat at arm’s length, especially if you’re visibly foreign. Try to get introductions wherever you can. If you show up to a business and ask a question, it might be difficult to get what you want. If you show up with someone known to the business owner, you’ll get what you need much, much faster.

      5) Don’t be surprised if you get several marriage proposals. Every cabbie I had asked me to marry him. I guess they figure it’s worth a shot.

      6) If you can learn a few words in the local language (find out what it is — there are hundreds of local languages throughout west Africa), people will love it. Even just saying “hello, how are you” and “thank you” will get a great reaction. If you’re visibly non-African, they’ll get an even bigger kick out of it. They really appreciate your interest in their culture and clearly a tribal language is not one you’d likely learn for any reason other than to please them.

      7) Speaking of local languages, there’s probably a word in the language for “white person,” which may be applied to everyone whose skin is lighter than average (e.g., where I was living, I heard the term used to refer to a friend with a west African mother and east Asian father). It’s worth learning the term so you’ll know if people are calling out to you (and you can respond or not, but at least you won’t be oblivious).

      1. What if you’re left handed? I’m not sure I could eat with my right hand without looking like a toddler trying to learn to use a spoon… Is that really a thing? Did she say why?

        1. I don’t know about West Africa in particular, but in some parts of the world, the right hand was/is customarily used for eating because the left is used for, ahem, wiping.

          1. Ahhhhh, very delicately put. Well, I guess that could be awkward :) Very interesting. I’ll have to try eating with my right hand… never know when you’ll get to visit Africa!

          2. Yes, the left is for wiping. And without toilet paper (at least in the West African countries I’ve visited).

          3. Yep, this is the reason. I always used toilet paper and the organization I worked in always had paper in the office bathroom (probably because the staff was from all around the world), but I knew many people who did not.

          4. Oh, and the reason you don’t give things to/take things from people with your left hand is that, because of the wiping thing, it’s considered an insult. So handing someone something with your left hand would be like, in the U.S., dropping it at their feet and making them pick it up.

        2. I’ve always understand the rule to not be left vs right, but to eat with your non-dominant hand, because your dominant hand is used for wiping….

        3. I’d guess it is because in some places, the left hand is used for bathroom functions, as such, people don’t use it for right-handed functions (eating, shaking hands, etc.)

      2. What makes you think she’s a white person or that her skin is “lighter than average”?

        Seriously.

  27. Long time reader, first time poster hoping that the fab ladies here can help with something.

    I’ve had long episodes of severe depression for a number of years now and I’ve finally realized I should probably see a psychiatrist (it runs in the family so I am pretty certain I will need a prescription for something, so I’m skipping a psychologist/LICSW). But I’ve been searching for days and can’t find one that seems right. I JUST started seeing my PCP like two weeks ago so I would rather take a personal recommendation from folks than ask for a referral (which my insurance, BCBS, *doesn’t* require) from my provider.

    I have asked friends and checked out a “matching service,” but both can only rec therapists/LICSW. I’ve searched Yelp and Metafilter. I have tried searching PsychologyToday’s list, lists at various hospitals, and my insurance’s list, but for 99.999% of the psychiatrists listed, the only information is name, location, and education. I’ve googled almost every name on those lists, and still no info on personal approaches, reviews, etc. At this point I feel like I might as well put the hundreds of names in a hat and pick one blindly.

    so, long story short… does anyone in the Boston area have any recommendations for a psychiatrist, or other resources for finding one? Main requirements are female and liberal/gay-friendly. Would prefer in the Financial District area, but I’m definitely willing to go more out of my way for someone great as long as it’s T accessible.

    1. Zocdoc dot com all the way. You can find the name of the doctors that participate in your plan and separate by gender. Many doctors have put in information about their backgrounds and awards and fellowships and whatever other things doctors do.

      1. ZocDoc provides great information, but unfortunately not a single one of the doctors listed on there in my area accepts insurance. Thanks though!

        1. FYI, I’ve had at least one instance where ZocDoc incorrectly told me that a certain doctor did not accept my insurance. It’s worth checking with your insurer or the doctor’s office to double check.

          1. I always call the doctor’s office and confirm the appointment because I don’t trust technology…..yet. Also, some doctors’ offices can’t view zocdoc appointments in their systems so I want to make sure that they’re expecting me and can accommodate me.

            Going to the doctor is my full-time job.

        2. My shrink won’t bill my insurance, but he will give me a statement so I put in the claims myself once a month. It’s annoying and I’m out of pocked for some weeks, but I get to use the doc I want and still get to use my insurance. You might want to look into that.

    2. I don’t have any recs, but just wanted to note that if you need to be covered by insurance, most major insurers will only cover a very limited amount of time with a psychiatrist (basically only long enough to run through some checklists to narrow down what you’re suffering from and identify the right meds for you).Meaningful talk therapy with a psychiatrist costs serious $$ and most likely won’t be covered by insurance. You might want to look into having some consultations with a psychologist or LCSW and then seeing a psychiatrist for the meds.

      1. Doublecheck to make sure that what roses says is true for your state and insurance plan. In NY we have mental health parity that allows the same coverage for clinical depression as for any other illness.

      2. I called my insurance to ask about the coverage and my understanding was they limit the number of visits but not the length, but perhaps I should call and ask specifically about that just to be 100% sure — thanks for mentioning it.

    3. Barbara Beck at MGH – MGH is close to the financial district (I used to walk there from my office) and her clinical interests match.

      1. Thanks! She was actually on my short list of ones I’d like to know more about, but another one where I couldn’t find any reviews or ratings anywhere.

  28. I’m working in the central coast of CA today (San Luis Obispo / Santa Maria area) and it looks like I’m going to have the day from 1PM on free, so I wanted to do some solo sightseeing before I go home. Is anyone familiar with the area and able to recommend something to do with the rest of the day, preferably outdoors? I’ve already visited the center of San Luis Obispo and Pismo Beach. Should I drive to Santa Barbara? See Morro Bay? Taste wine anywhere in particular?

    1. Santa Barbara is a fairly long drive from SLO, but more doable from Santa Maria. If I were in SLO, I’d head to Morro Bay (and check out Montana de Oro state park) or to Paso Robles for wine. If in SM, then I’d probably go to SB and go to the courthouse and the mission.

      The central coast is beautiful, you can’t really go wrong. Have a great afternoon!

    2. definitely go to santa barbara! no question. cruise state st. and check out the funk zone/wine district near the wharf.

    3. You are about 50 miles from Hearst Castle! hearstcastle(dot)org

      It is the former estate of newspaper magnate William Randolph Hearst. I haven’t been, but I have heard it is amazing.

      1. If you do this, make sure the tours aren’t sold out. I’ve run into that before and it is not fun to drive all the way there and then not be able to go up to the castle itself.

    4. Taste wine in Los Olivos. Drive to sb and head to the funk zone (Santa Barbara winery is a favorite). If you haven’t yet, go see the courthouse in downtown SB on your way to the funk zone. Email me (quincely at yahoo) if you need more suggestions!

      1. Not at yahoo. At rocketmail (which is owned by yahoo. Anon email mental lapse ;)

      2. Ooh! This is also the very tail end of butterfly season, but you could get lucky. Google ‘goleta butterfly grove’ if you’d like a quick stop to stretch your legs and see some butterflies on the drive south into SB.

  29. Threadjack! How do you find housing in DC that isn’t totally insane? We’re looking for a place in MD, preferably single family home or largeish townhouse, near a metro stop. Household income roughly 140K. Will likely have 50K to put down on a house. I feel poor. Suggestions welcome.

    2. That seems to be a normal income/down payment for mortgages around DC Have you looked to see what you are prequalified for?

    3. I think you should expect to pay $500k-$700k for what you’re describing. Be aware that the difference between being 1/2 mile from a Metro stop and being 1 1/2 miles can be a difference of $100k or more. If by “near” you mean a quick drive and not a walk, you can probably get something closer to $400k or possibly a little lower, but it’s unlikely at that price point that there will be any upgrades (e.g., no wood floor, no new kitchen/bath, no walk-in closets).

    4. You and I have similar incomes and down payments, and we eventually bowed out of the DC market. After losing a 1 br $350,000 condo to a cash buyer who paid 11% over asking, we were done. If you are set on buying, I guess I would stick with Silver Spring, or somewhere near the Grosvenor/White Flint metro stops on the Red Line. Good luck – you’ll need it in DC.

      1. I interned in DC for a bit, and lived in a condo/townhouse deal (rented, of course) about 1/2 mile off the Grosvenor metro stop. It was a quick walk over, but it honestly took an hour door to door to go from there to the Capitol (Senate side, so still on the red line). Just something to consider for quality of life. Other than the commute time, it was a really cute area, and awesome access to the trail system. Leave the condo, hit the trail, run all the way to DC if you wanted…

    5. Have you tried Zillow or Trulia? If you know what towns you want to live in, they are great resources. If you need help figuring out towns, check out the locations of metro stops and read more about the areas.

      And like anon said, you need to figure out your house budget. Figure out what you can afford to pay in a monthly mortgage plus taxes. Not sure what taxes are like in MD, but in a lot of the towns surrounding NYC taxes can exceed 12k a year, which adds 1k on to your monthly payments.

      2. Yes, those are my hobbies! I’m just not sure what the neighborhoods are like. Silver Spring has seemed promising, I am completely in love with Spring Valley, and Bethesda is nice, but they all seem entirely out of reach. I’m fine with being a couple of miles from a metro, just not like 5 miles. My husband and I are fixer uppers so we don’t mind having to do a little work (they always say, buy the crappiest house on the nicest block), but my concern is that with a huge mortgage we wont have the cash to do the upgrades we want.

        1. I used to live in Bethesda. It was lovely but it sure did have some ritzy homes. School districts are a big deal too. We almost bought a house that was going for more than houses nearby because it was just barely zoned for Walter Johnson HS, apparently one of the best high schools in Montgomery County (or anywhere, if I remember correctly). If it’s not a must that you are on top of a metro station, I’d go for something in the “U” of the red line – between Bethesda and Silver Spring. This area does include some wealthy areas like Chevy Chase Village (or Chevy Chase View? I can’t remember) but also some nice but better priced areas. We almost bought a house on Knowles Ave in 2010 for under $300K.

        2. Silver spring is nice, especially with the updated downtown area. Takoma park is super hippie/granola/full of activitists but has a lot of running/biking trails. Bethesda and Rockville are obviously nice, so I would look there. I would stay away from Wheaton/Glenmont/Aspen Hill but that’s my personal preference.

        3. I live in (and love) Silver Spring, and it is definitely affordable on your budget. There is a LOT of competition in this area and price point, though…. so definitely be prepared for multiple offers and plenty of frustration.

          Walkable to Downtown and the Metro will set you back at least $500k if you want more than 2 bedrooms. A mile or two out, though, single-family, move-in-ready houses with 3-4 bedrooms start around $450k and I’ve seen fixers as low as mid $300s. As a point of reference, we paid $460 for 3br/2ba and around 1900 square feet including the finished basement (no immediate work necessary, but could use a few upgrades). I can get to the Metro station in <10 minutes by car, 15-20 minutes by bus or bicycle, or 40 minute walk on a bike trail and through nice neighborhoods.

          For the best deal, but still in a good area, you might want to check out the neighborhoods near Forest Glen Metro station, just outside the Beltway.

    6. You just accept that you’re going to spend a boat load of money. Seriously. Also decide if you’re going to stay in the house long enough that you have kids (for school purposes). In my humble opinion, it would be better to buy a house that isn’t so done and in the right area (commute, school, vibe) and stick it out over time.

      If you’re testing out an area, make sure you drive it during rush hour (both to/from metro and to/from work even if you think you’ll metro all the time). I can’t tell you how many realtors don’t give their clients an accurate picture of the traffic.

    7. Another option is to look somewhere near a MARC stop. Depending on where you work/what stop you’re getting off at, the commute might end up being the same as from one of the outlying metro stops. If you are not set on MD, you could look for similar places near VRE stops in Virginia.

    8. In MD, you are going to have to go out further in Montgomery County, Prince George’s or to Calvert County if you don’t won’t your entire income eaten up by your mortgage….
      You might find something south of Springfield in VA, or out Louden.

      1. You might be able to find something in Anne Arundel County in MD, but it isn’t a ring county

    10. oy, this conversation is making me itchy! I live in Baltimore, want to come up here? Super cheap! :)

  30. I’m hoping for a mortgage less than 3K per month. We own a home that we bought for 260K six years ago and were like the last people on earth to get financing with no down payment. We had an 80/20 which we refied five years ago, and are now paid down to about $240K. Our housing market where we live now has been very stable, even increased in value, so I expect we can sell the house for 290-300k. No idea at this point what we would be prequalified for, but I anticipate it would be alot, as my husband and I have excellent credit. This would be a job-related relocation for us, so still up in the air. Just trying to get a feel for whether we are going to have to live in Baltimore and commute!! The DC housing market is terrifying me.

    1. You should be OK. The prices are high, but with you selling a previous house and having good credit it will work out. I would look at older houses in established neighborhoods, as they are sometimes less pricey than the “New! Luxury! Stainless Steel!” townhomes that are directly across from the metro stations. You can get a single family home for a similar price to one of the townhomes, but it may have been built in 1950 (I’m specifically thinking rockville with the older neighborhoods). I live in Takoma Park (still montgomery county), but houses are pretty pricey because its on the border with DC.

      1. Also in Takoma Park here. It took 6+ months of looking to find a place, but we love it. There are occasionally “affordable” single family homes (ours!) on the market, and if you’re willing to buy a condo, there are some great ones. Look on RedFin.

  31. TTC threadjack. For those ladies who have been or are TTC, how do you keep it from becoming all consuming? I am used to being in control and if I just work hard enough I can achieve my desired goal. TTC feels completely out of my control. Also, I had a miscarriage a couple of months ago, so there is an extra emotional aspect attached to TTC now. I can’t focus at work many days because I am symptom spotting or preoccupied. It hasn’t even been that long (only 2 months), but I conceived my first and second within a couple of months and I’m starting to get a little obsessed. Any tips for letting go and keeping things in check?

    1. Therapy. When you’re stuck in a destructive thought pattern, therapy is how you unstick yourself

      And/or stop TTC and start f*ing. If you’re not doing treatments, all TTC consists of is enthusiastic lady garden partying.

    2. I’m in the same boat – very used to being able to work hard and get what I want, and also very type-A – I like being able to plan out the future! TTC is so frustrating in that regard. I really enjoyed The Impatient Woman’s Guide to Getting Pregnant, which has a whole chapter devoted to not driving yourself crazy.

      I don’t know if you are temping – I avoided it for awhile but I started doing it this month and it has actually eased my anxiety some because it feels like I’m being proactive, at least. I’ve also forced myself to take five minutes in the morning and ten minutes at night to think about it, look up stuff online, looking at my temps, etc. That way, if I start thinking about it during the day, I can tell myself “nope, wait until tonight” and usually that’s enough to keep me from obsessing at work. But, it’s pretty touch and go for me. Good luck!

      2. I temped and tried to do what mintberrycrunch suggested – thought about it for five minutes in the morning and again at night. It worked some of the time… but other times my husband would find me sitting on the floor with all my charts spread out around me trying yet again to analyze the data (we tried for a year, with one loss along the way so by the end there was a lot of data to analyze).

        When I talked to my therapist about how all-consuming it was, she first said how everyone else she knew in my shoes was all-consumed! She also said that when it came to something that primal, maybe I should cut myself some slack and acknowledge that it was achingly important to me so I might not always be able to put it out of my mind.

      3. Yes – I temped and then after logging it in my chart, made myself not look at it the rest of the day.

    3. This is me too — I miscarried (first pregnancy) in December and am feeling desperate to get pregnant again… it does feel all consuming at times. I tell myself that the rest of my life is pretty great (it is!), but sometimes it’s hard to keep everything in perspective.

    4. I found that temping / symptom checking made it worse for me, because you can obsess about every little thing (are my temps high enough? Do I have low progesterone? etc). I quit temping cold turkey and bought one of those $150 fertility monitors. Worth every penny. One test first thing in the morning, and then nothing else to think about for the rest of the day.

      Also as far as symptom spotting, a lot of people (myself included) have no real pregnancy symptoms until closer to 6-7 weeks pregnant. I wish I had known that when I was wondering if every little thing was a pregnancy symptom. Turns out none of them were, even when I was actually pregnant.

    2. Talbots Signature or Heritage fits are old school high waisted and come in talls (if you need that)

    3. Ann Taylor Signature. The Modern also fits me well (I am short waisted with curves)

  33. ‘R e t t e s – I am looking for suggestions/recommendations for inexpensive, loose, flowy tunic style tops to wear over leggings while I work from home. I want them to cover most, if not all, of my derriere, be comfortable (cotton preferably) and have long sleeves. I would be okay with short sleeve options as I can invest in a boyfriend cardigan I suppose. They don’t have to be high quality or thick fabric as no one will really be seeing me in this outfit. I am going mostly for comfort.

    Haven’t had any luck Google-ing. Thanks!!

    1. I have a good number of tunic tops from Victoria’s Secret that I wear with leggings for running around town on weekends – usually they have 2 for $40 deals online. If you size up, depending on the cut of the tunic, they could be loose (probably not flowy though).

    2. I just bought some cute cotton things from Lands End and LL Bean. LE is having 30% off + free ship over 50 right now. Definitely a lot of cotton things and more modest styles that might fit your bill.

    4. If you have a South Asian community near you, try its local shops for inexpensive cotton tunics. The ladies’ ones can be very heavily embellished but I find the men’s ones (kurta) just right for loafing around at home.

  34. Just wanted to say I love Express Columnist pants. I already own Columnist pants in black and purple (deep eggplant from last fall). I like that they have a nice professional fit but with slimmer legs than most other dress pants. I recently ordered white, fantasia blue and firecracker online. I will be keeping the white and fantasia blue, but returning the firecracker b/c I just didn’t like the color as much in person as on the website. I probably would have preferred the Tibetan Red, but Firecracker was marked down 2 weeks and Tibetan Red wasn’t, plus there was a matching jacket in Firecracker (which will also be going back b/c it’s too snug of a fit). I would like green next (I like the Botanical and Kelly Greens) but I’m going to wait and see if Express comes out with a matching jacket in either of those colors.

  35. What are your favorite places these days to buy knit tops, cardigans and nice tees (preferably with petites or petite-friendly?) that hold up well? I’ve had an awful time lately with my standbys at loft, banana and j crew. I’m used to having to replace this stuff every season or two but when it goes through one or two washes looking like absolute crap I figure something’s got to give.

    1. Lately, I’ve had good luck with the limited. I prefer petite sizing also, but so far any tops I’ve purchased from there have been at least petite-friendly, i.e., I haven’t had to bring anything to the tailor.

      I’m glad to hear I’m not the only one who’s been disappointed by what’s been available at banana and j crew. I also used to love the gap for basics, but the quality just isn’t the same anymore.

  37. I think your blog is amazing. You write about very interesting things. Thanks for all the tips and information.

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