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Updated: Oct 30, 2018 231 Comments · by

Frugal Friday’s Workwear Report: Ponte Flare Long Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS) |

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Belted Dress: Uniqlo Ponte Flare Long DressOur daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Uniqlo has a number of cute dresses right now, including this ponte flare dress. (Do check out their seersucker dresses too, though, especially for summer.) I like the simple look of this one — it seems more minimal (or elegant or some such) than the usual ponte dresses we see at this price point. The dark green is nice (try it with light gray, beige, white and navy, or even pale lavender to make it more springy), but the dress is also available in white, gray, and black. It's $39.90 at Uniqlo, well-reviewed, and available in sizes XS-L. Uniqlo Ponte Flare Long Dress Two plus-size options are here and here. Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.  (L-5)

Sales of note for 9.30.24

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Comments

  1. Transitioning

    I posted yesterday that I gave my notice – yay! I am moving on to a job that, while hesitant to describe it as my dream job, is an amazing next move for me from a career and financial perspective (will qualify me for PSLF but is also a raise? score!)

    My teammate who left before me had a horrific transition. I want to smooth mine as much as possible. I wanted to give a month’s notice but it wasn’t possible, so I gave my end date as two weeks from today. I’m going to create a transition binder with copies of all the products I am responsible for, and write an internal memo on my client, anything the new person should I know about internal procedures, etc (I am a contractor). I will also leave my personal contact info for any questions they may have – it’s not in my mind a contentious transition and I’m happy to answer questions for a couple weeks after my backfill arrives.

    Any other best practices for leaving? My manager was happy for me and my client is THRILLED (everybody on the side that hires my company high fived or hugged me when they found out), but I called my manager’s boss and she hasn’t responded/seems unhappy. Nothing I can do about that I guess besides be totally professional.

    • Ellen

      Yay! Fruegel Friday’s! I love Fruegel Friday’s and this Uniqlo flare dress, tho it is NOT nice enough for me to wear to court, and especialy NOT with the bootie’s. The judge would think I am DOWDY, and that is NOT what the manageing partner would want.

      As for the OP, giveing 2 week’s notice is FINE. I gave 2 day’s notice when the manageing partner hired me and I served my last supeenie that day. The supeenie firm did NOT want me to serve supeenie’s in the sewer (which is known as sewer service under CPLR 308), so they PAID me to leave that day and gave me 2 day’s of pay for FREE! YAY!

      The manageing partner’s party is comeing up and my tuchus is now worthy of a bikini, he says. I told him my blue bikini is worn out and he said to buy a new one that HE would pay for. YAY! Does any one in the HIVE know of a cute blue suit for a size 2 person with a tuchus like me?

  2. DisenchantedinDC

    That uniqlo dress is on sale today for $29.90 and free shipping!

    • AIMS

      I may order it even though I usually avoid ponte. I love this color & the silhouette. But I think it may be a bit long if you’re short. Anyone try this on?

    • CDA

      For those ordering/taking advantage of free shipping, I’ll repeat my usual PSA for their Airism line. I live in a very, very sweaty place, and I have great luck with their camisoles and tanks under other blouses to prevent any sweat from showing through, without adding any extra warmth. (Of course, they also function as great under-layers for those not as worried about sweat!)

        • Lucy

          I find it really small, I ordered some Smalls and I typically wear XS in US brands. I was hoping they could be regular tank tops for the summer, but they are a tight fit and quite sheer so they are really only a base layer.

      • Meg Murry

        Oh, phooey, they have free shipping today too so I was going to try some of the Airism tanks, but although it looks like they offer their tanks in extended sizes (I’m iffy if I could do the XXL, but I wanted to try) they are sold out in all colors.

        Oh well, I guess I can’t be too surprised that my large American self doesn’t fit into a brand originally developed for a much smaller Japanese consumer.

    • a.k.

      I just returned this dress. For some reason my review isn’t showing up on the Uniqlo site yet. I’m a size 12 and the L was really really tight. If it came in XL it might be a perfect dress for me. I’m 5’6 and the length was just to the bottom of my kneecap, which is where I prefer my dresses to hit.

      The ponte is thinner than say, Target or Lands End but still has a nice hand to it. The boatneck is flattering but cut fairly high on the neck if you’re sensitive to things around your throat. The color (green) was gorgeous. I was so sad to send it back. Some of Uniqlo’s things come in XL and some don’t — I wish they offered more in XL since their sizing tends to run so small.

      • Anon

        I generally find that a lot of negative reviews never make it to the review list. Esp on Uniqlo and Lands End!

      • Wild Chicken

        Oh, thank you for posting – I was just about to order a L when I saw your post!

    • Snick

      Does anyone have an opinion on the quality of Uniqlo’s extra fine merino cardigans? Or the sizing – do they also run small? I’m thinking about ordering the dress in off-white and a cardigan to wear with it.

      • NYNY

        I’m wearing a Uniqlo merino cardigan today. Really lovely quality for the price – nicely finished seams, buttons match the color, soft fabric but not a lot of pilling.

        I’d say they run on the small end of TTS. I’m in a medium, and I wear XS-M tops in other brands. (XS-S Ann Taylor, Calvin Klein /M Theory). Also note, I’m 5’4″ and short-waisted. I love the fit, but taller or longer-waisted women may not find it as flattering.

      • Anonymous

        They are really thin, so good for transitional seasons but not at all for colder climates in the winter.

  3. CountC

    While that is a work-friendly length, it would be very unflattering on me. I suppose it’s not terrible to have to get something hemmed if you’re paying $30 for it though. #teamlazypants

    • Lyssa

      It’s pretty, but I’m worried that it looks a little baggy/shapeless on the model, even with the belt. Tempting, though. I’ve never bought from Uniqlo before.

      • CountC

        I had the same thought re: baggy/shapeless. I can get a burlap sack for cheaper if that’s the look I am going for!!

        I do love the color, however.

    • Shopaholic

      I think the length is unflattering because of where it hits on the model – I feel like it needs to be an inch shorter or something.

      I agree with the comment about hemming though – for some reason, I’m much more willing to tailor expensive clothes.

      • Anonymous

        I’m the opposite — I will tailor cheap things (like from mall stores; but I’ve altered shorts from Old Navy to get the waist taken in), but I have tailoring go sideways (thrifted, but still expensive to me, Akris Punto jacket ruined by trying to take it in; trying to secure a DVF dress with a hook, etc.). Hemming, yes. But I am so skittish about ruining expensive clothes that I am only willing to try if my all-in price for failure is slow.

        That said, a good tailor can make a lesser piece look fantastic. Once you find said tailor (which I’ve finally done and when he says No, I listen).

    • Snick

      I like the dress, but not with those tan booties. I think they’re dreadful with that dress.

  4. Tablet for Workshop Use

    Does anyone have a Komando2 (of kim komando) Microsoft surface tablet? Do you need to purchase Microsoft Word for it? It apparently arrives with Office 10. Have you had any success using it for a long time? I’m planning to take it to conferences and workshops for day-long, week-long note-taking and then surfing the web and doing emails via it in the hotel rooms at night. I’m really tired of lugging my 13″ laptop through airports and into hotel meeting rooms. Thanks!

    • Bette

      I have a surface 4 tablet for similar purposes and LOVE it. I actually now use it as my only computer. Highly recommend.

      I think office had to be installed separately but am unsure since my IT dept fitted it out to my specs.

      Warning that Microsoft 10 comes with all sorts of xbox games and other things that I did not care about so I asked them to remove that stuff too so the start menu, etc would not be as cluttered.

      • Bette

        Also, i got the otterbox type case for the screen. The thing is now completely indestructible and I can just throw it into my carry on/file bag without a separate sleeve. Makes toting it around much easier.

        Also, the battery life is really good and you can buy chargers for it.

  5. anon

    Is it weird to wear a fuzzy cashmere sweater under a suit? What if it’s summer? Would you notice someone you are meeting with doing this?

    • MJ

      I wear cashmere shells (Audrey from Talbots usually) under suits, but I live in Boston. This would be CRAZY hot if I did it in Summer, but perhaps you have some featherweight cashmere? You will have more temperature options if you wear a different shell.

    • Idea

      I would just think, oh, they’re cold.
      Or, if they’re funky like that, what an interesting mix of textures.

      But I wouldn’t think WEIRDO. In fact, I might think DANG, it IS cold – WISH I’D DONE THAT.

    • Anon

      I once wore a cashmere sweater in my office in Florida in the summer. Someone said – “It’s 100 degrees outside.” I responded that it may be 100 outside, but the temp in my office is literally 62 degrees. So, I’m wearing a sweater. I don’t care if it’s bizarre.

    • ORD

      I wear cashmere shells under suits all the time — I’m in Chicago where it’s freezing.

      • soaps

        +1! A dyson vacuum was on my list of things to acquire before 30, I’ll put this on my before 35 list ;)

    • Anonymous

      Me too! I got one of the bladeless fans (it’s the hot+cold version) earlier this year and it is amazing. I’d been wanting a space heater for when I get out of the shower on cold days, and at the same time it was early spring and my allergies were going crazy from all of the dust and pollen in my house due to construction next door. The dust was so bad in the the grille and filters of my previous tower fan that it was unsalvageable, and I love that I will no longer have to wear a mask to try to clean it constantly. The products are just magic.

      I think my favorite thing about the hair dryer is that there is no back grille for my long hair to get sucked into–man, that hurts!

    • Honeycrisp

      +1. Glad that I’m not the only one! I bought a Dyson cordless vacuum when Lowe’s was having a vacuum trade-in promotion. I used to hate vacuuming, but now with the Dyson cordless vacuum I actually enjoy it. No regrets.

  7. Lost in moderation twice

    Let’s try again. Anyone have ideas for dealing with wrist tendonitis at the gym? The machines, elliptical, and sitting bike really do a bad number on my wrists. I’m there for general health, and to keep a frozen shoulder “open.” I wear wrist braces with metal splints in them for support and stability and use anti inflammatory gel, prescription kind, on the wrists but they are so unhappy and don’t recover before the next time I’m at the gym (4/week). Between Scylla and Charbdis I am! PT and sports medicine doc cannot give any other thoughts. It’s not carpal tunnel so compression sleeves don’t work and actually aggravate the situation. Thanks!

    • Anon

      How is the bike doing a number on your wrist? If you are leaning on the handle bars, stop. You should be able to ride a bike at the gym with no hands. If it’s a recumbent bike, use an upright one with no hands.

      If you are having issues with an elliptical, use a treadmill and walk at an incline instead.

      If you are using machines, consider using free weights.

      I would find a better doctor. If you are in this much pain, they need to diagnose what you have, and give you Rx anti-inflammatories. I have had non-carpal, very bad wrist pain, and the answer sometimes is (1) stop doing what’s inflaming it and (2) take a short course of very high anti-inflammatories to get the pain down and (3) see a [better] doctor.

      I would also check whether you are sleeping funny on your wrist (that was doing a number on me) and consider no wearing braces because your supporting muscles may be getting weaker from all the bracing. but ask your (new) doctor about this.

      And consider using a “hand strap” (it just hooks onto your hand) for anything at the gym that’s pulley based, so you can avoid doing grippy things if that hurts your wrist.

      GL. But definitely see a new set of doctors. Really, you shouldn’t be in that much pain.

    • DisenchantedinDC

      Elliptical or arctrainer without using the arm parts? Could you do water aerobics? Can you run? Maybe having a goal like a 10 miler would help while you kind of recover from the gym, but can focus on training for something.

      I have a friend who just had her labrum repaired so can’t do lots of things. They found a way for her to squat using resistance bands and a belt with a clip (ties the bands down low and clips to a belt). She also bikes a lot without the arm piece and is going to train for a race soon.

      Do you want to lift or just stay fit from a cardio perspective? Or you want recommendations for pain? I had a sprained wrist for 2 months and it was awful from a gym perspective, so I feel you.

      • KittyKat

        +1 you actually aren’t suposed to hold onto the rails on treadmills/ellipticals, it’s bad for your posture and form.

        • Anonymous

          Yeah, the arm rails on the elliptical are just to keep people who are balance-impaired from falling off. They’re not actually part of the workout.

    • EE

      I’ve always heard you get the best workout on the elliptical when you’re NOT holding on. So if you have the balance for this, that’s what I’d recommend.

    • pockets

      I have wrist tendinitis and one thing that helped (albeit temporarily) was getting these natural anti-inflammatory injections into my elbow (kind of like if you drew a line from my pinkie down to my elbow, that’s where the injection went). The doctor called it biopuncture. It helped A LOT and instantly, but it wasn’t a permanent solution (although I think that if I had continued the treatment I would have gotten longer-lasting results).

      This is the link from the doctor I went to: http://phnynj.com/index.php/services/biopuncture-acupuncture

      • Anonymous

        thanks for all the ideas

        the elliptical has bars/hand holds to pull the “arms” of the elliptical to make the foot parts move. That hurts my wrists.

        I have to use the arm/shoulder machines to keep my shoulder working/open/not frozen so I have to use the machines … which involve wrist use, as does free weights. In fact, free weights are worse because I have to grip and hold the weights with my hands which lead to my wrists.

        We own a pool at home and the swimming was stressing the wrists, although it was good for the shoulders.

        If I “just” run or use a treadmill or a sitting bike (which I do NOT hold onto the handles/bars) , then I’m not getting shoulder work.

        It’s so complex. Thanks for the ideas. I’m looking into the other anti inflammatories!!!! The pills chew up my gut.

        This ageing thing is doing a number on me. We’ve always been active doing renovation and I have lugged tons of slate, plywood, mortar, mixed miles of mortar and concrete by hand, painted walls, laid tile, stained and varnished more sheets of plywood and cabinets and doors than I care to calculate. So having to figure out how to accommodate my wrists is truly frustrating, and having to go to a gym because we’re done with the renovations …

        Thanks again!

        • Anonymous

          If you need to move the arms on the elliptical to get the foot part to move, you’ve got the resistance too high. You should be able to move the petals entire with your legs. The resistance only needs to be high enough to ensure you don’t bounce or skip around–cranking it up doesn’t make the elliptical into a strength workout. It’s still just cardio. (you may know this, but I see so many people on there with the resistance cranked to max and calling it “leg day”)

        • Anonshmanon

          Some of the pilates classes I’ve had were focused very much on back and shoulder. Great workouts, with no wrist involvement whatsoever. With pilates, it makes sense to shop around a bit for an instructor that you click with.

    • Coach Laura

      Maybe you should use the treadmill for cardio and do something else separately for your shoulder that doesn’t involve your wrists?

      My husband swears by Classical Stretch by Miranda Esmonde-White. He had terrible back spasms for years and found this on his own and it has been miraculous. There are free youtube videos and also on your local PBS channel (maybe OnDemand) but you could also get the DVD.

      Or what about qigong? There are classes and videos for that too.

  8. Anonymous

    Can you not do those machines? Try running or a zumba or step class for cardio instead?

  9. lsw

    What advice columns do you read? I read Ask Prudence and Carolyn Hax religiously, and I could use a few more as a good work distraction/break.

    • Idea

      Love these. They make me feel so normal. The guy ones on Deadspin are hilarious.

      On a side note — should I be snooping on my SO’s phone? It seems like every advice letter starts out like that. Don’t people either 1. password-protect their phone or b. trust and respect their partner? Oy.

      • JJ

        I generally think the Venn diagram of people that snoop on their SO’s phones is a large overlap of people who write in to advice columns…

      • Meg March

        I also love advice columns.

        On you second point, while I don’t snoop on my partner’s phone (yay trust and respect!), I know his password– mostly for those situations where his hands are busy but wants to look something up/text someone and my phone is in the other room. He also knows mine. So if I did want to snoop, that wouldn’t be a deterrent. I think a phone password is seen as less personal by many people– I’ve had people tell me theirs if I’m looking at pictures and the screen goes black, for example.

        • emeralds

          Same. But then we also know each other’s debit PINs and passwords for commonly-used websites like Netflix and Comcast, so nothing is safe ;)

    • Anondc

      Dear Coquette (formerly Dear Coketalk) is my favorite and I’ve been reading her for nearly 6 years now. She has a take no prisoners approach and definitely isnt for everyone but she a great writer and gives very thoughtful advice, mostly about relationships, not being a doormat, living your truth, etc.

    • Monday

      Ask Polly on The Cut: the questions can be maddening but the answers are usually pretty good, if verbose. Often it feels like the kinds of things I would say to a character on Girls if he or she came to me for advice.

    • Meg Murry

      Dear Wendy is also pretty good, although she’s scaled back on the number of columns she does now – but some of the older stuff is full of WTF greatness.

  10. therapist in DC

    Anyone have a recommendation for a therapist in DC? I’m looking for somebody who deals with anxiety & does CBT. Bonus if they’re somewhat affordable and in the city.

    I’m finally trying to deal with lifelong anxiety issues and realizing how messed up care for mental health is here — it seems likely most therapists don’t take any insurance!! And my plan doesn’t cover therapy.

    Recommendations would be much appreciated!!

    • Anonymous

      Here’s my plug for Virginia Tech’s grad school program by West Falls Church metro. It’s the training program for the students. No insurance, but sessions max out at $65 and you get access to cutting edge techniques and professional oversight by profs. I used it for my lifelong anxiety.

    • Anonymous

      Someone I highly trust recommended thewomenscenter.org to me when I sought out recommendations. They’re at the McPherson Square stop. (I live and work in Tysons, so I went with someone else, so I can’t speak to them personally.)

        • Anonymous

          We’ll see if this posts. I wrote this a while ago but it got stuck in moderation – I’m guessing because of the phone number, so I wrote out the number in words.

          Dr. Jennifer Kim Yellen. She’s in Oakton (just down Chain Bridge Rd – it’s maybe a 15 minute drive mid-day from my office by the mall). She doesn’t take insurance and doesn’t have a website.

          The same person who made the above rec also recommend Dr. Yellen to me, and Dr. Yellen is amazing. She’s late 30s / early 40s, I’d say, and being there feels like I’m talking to a wise, caring friend who asks the right questions; I never feel like I’m being psychoanalyzed. She is never judgmental and so supportive. I almost always leave feeling encouraged about the work we’re doing. And her office is pretty, too – white slipcovered furniture with pale yellow walls – it feels so comfortable. She only works part-time, so she may only have a mid-day opening, but if there’s any way at all you think you could take it, do. I can’t say enough about how great she is. We laugh and cry together during my sessions.

          7 oh 3 three seven one oh one two six. Leave a message; she’ll call you back shortly.

      • Little Red

        Yes, more Tysons recommendations, please. I’ve got Daddy/trust issues with men which I think are at the root of my bad radar when it comes to men.

    • Katie

      I’ve had excellent experience with Diversified Lifestyle Services – close to both Metro Center and McPherson Square. The counselor I worked with (for general anxiety), I actually started seeing at a different practice, and liked her so much that when I needed help again a few years later, found her here. They take insurance.

  11. dc anon

    Does anyone have experience with (or know someone) with ankle replacement surgery? My mom had it a few years ago and she is experiencing pain and swelling now. She has gone to a few doctors, who have said that a minor surgery might help. I live in a different state, so I am unable to join her at appointments. I am just wondering if anyone has had experience and can recommend stretches, exercises, or suggest what not to do. I have not been able to find much online, as ankle replacements are not as common as a knee replacements.

    • DPT

      I’m a PT. I’ve worked with someone with an ankle replacement, but only one, and only for the first few months afterwards. It’s hard (and potentially detrimental) to give recommendations without an evaluation, so I would highly suggest she see a PT, even if it’s just for a few visits to learn a home exercise program. They could also recommend a compression sleeve, kinesiotape, or different footwear to help with swelling. I would definitely try that before going through another surgery.

    • Anonymous

      Who is treating her now for this? Has she gone back to the first surgeon you did the surgery?

      Has she done another round of PT? Is she regularly using a heat or cold? Topical anti-inflammatories?

      Ankle replacements are not nearly as common as hips or knees. I would not do another surgery unless there is a clear reason/finding that can be improved and multiple doctors agree. And she needs physical therapy and to exhaust conservative treatments before going back to the OR.

    • Meg Murry

      How many years ago? Not familiar with ankle replacements, but I have family members that have had hips and knees, and the doctors warned them when they originally got them that they only last so long, although from what I understand that has gotten much better in recent years. For my father it was a major trade-off, because he had his so young it’s very likely that he will live to the point where he could absolutely need a second, but it would be iffy at that point if his health (or his bones around the replacement) would hold up to a second replacement – but his quality of life without the replacement was so very bad.

  12. Anonymous

    Any advice on how to not get frustrated when TTC? Background: we’re 29. I’d prefer to stay away from baby-focused forums because I think they’ll just make my anxiety spiral. My husband has been out of town for business at the “magic window” for 3 consecutive months which is making me feel resentful. It doesn’t help that we have relatives who have “accidental” pregnancies and say “oh just try NOT to get pregnant, that’s what I did haha.” I’v e been to the gyno and had an ultrasound and hormonal test so there’s nothing “wrong” on my end. I know it will most likely happen one way or another in the end…but how do you stay from getting sad each month when it doesn’t happen?

    • Anon

      Well, if your husband isn’t home to have sex when you’re ovulating it obviously isn’t going you happen. You sound concerned about reproductive issues….but could it be more due to the fact that you aren’t consistently “trying” because your husband isn’t home? How long have you actually been trying for (not counting months where he’s out of town)?

      • Anonymous

        I had an irregular cycle before so that’s why I had to have the tests. Thankfully it’s regular now and I’m ovulating! Trying for about 6 months. I think logically I know it’s going to be OK, but emotionally I feel overwhelmed!

        • bridget

          Au contraire. You’ve only been trying for three months. You can have all te LGPs you want when you’re not ovulating, and your chances of getting pregnant are less than 1%.

          Go easy on yourself. It often takes healthy women who track their cycles several months. That’s normal.

    • Anon in NYC

      Schedule things that you couldn’t (or wouldn’t) do if you were pregnant. Eat sushi, drink wine, take a hot yoga class. I exercised a lot and drank my fair share of cocktails. It took about 8 months for us and it was frustrating. In retrospect, I would have bought one of those ovulation test kits.

      • Anonymous

        Thanks. Yup this was my first month using the ovulation test kit and it helps to confirm I am ovulating. Good point on the sushi and I’ll add eating french cheese to that list :)

        • Anon in NYC

          I will also add: lots of dates with your husband (meals at non-kid friendly restaurants), go to movies, day drinking at a beer garden, go to museums. Make last minute plans to go out of town. Basically, any relaxed activity that takes a few hours that you won’t be able to do with a kid in tow. Enjoy the time that it’s just the two of you.

      • Anonymous

        This. Buy an ovulation test kit and ensure that it’s happening when you think it is. It may be earlier or later than your tracking, esp. if you have irregular cycles. It may be that he’s not actually missing the window at all.

        • Anon

          I ovulated on day 20….if I wouldn’t have been using OPKS I would’ve been way off on my days. I got pregnant the first month with fraternal twins.

      • lawsuited

        +1 This is an awesome idea. I’m TTC, but watching my sister in the early stages of her pregnancy is making it really easy not to be jealous.

    • Cat

      Wait, you’ve been trying for 6 months but of those 6, the timing was only a possibility for the first 3?

      I get wanting it to WORK ALREADY (I’m there myself right now except we’ve been trying for a year and a half) but statistically speaking you’re well within “normal time to conceive” range. Enjoy some non-pregnant fun in the meantime!

    • CountC

      One of my friends who struggled with TTC and used IVF for the first two, swears by Taking Charge of Your Fertility. She conceived naturally for her third. Another friend of ours struggled for 6 months, read TCoYR and conceived shortly thereafter. I have no personal experience with this and have not read it, but might be worth a shot.

      • CPA Lady

        I read that book and got pregnant the first month. But I have always had regular cycles, so YMMV. That said, if you do all the stuff the book tells you to with the charting and whatnot it can help determine if there is a problem, and what that problem likely is, so you can get better targeted medical intervention if necessary.

      • Emmer

        Her problem is that her husband has been away during her fertile period; there’s no magic book that will help that issue.

        • CountC

          Correct, and I noted I didn’t really answer her question. I figured, however, that feeling more educated and in control of the situation, which is what the book does apparently, could help with the frustration and anxiety. It could also, perhaps speed things along when she is able to have $ex with her husband when she is ovulating. Aye yi yi

      • Batgirl

        I also think TCOYF is a great resource — but I would pair it with ClearBlue ovulation kits (which don’t work 100% accurately but are generally pretty good) and being aggressive about going to see a reproductive endocrinologist if the time comes (at your age, that’s after a year of TTC). I would also keep a document with the dates of when you got your period, when you ovulated, and the number of days between each event. I found that very useful when I was at the doctor down the road. It also helps you figure out if your ovulation kit is wonky one month (I recommend continuing to use it if you get a very early ovulation date in a given month because you may find you get a second one later one, showing that one was wrong).

        I think your concerns are legitimate though — not because it sounds like you have a problem, just because it’s a frustrating experience. And I hated it when friends said things like that to me. That’s probably why I ultimately told them we were having trouble and that it was hard to hear things like that — think of it as a PSA for them to stop being insensitive!

        Lastly, I would get your husband to prioritize being home on those dates. Not always possible, but a little effort goes a long way. And if it keeps happening, maybe try to go along with him on some months. Good luck!

        • JP

          An alternative perspective–while from a feminist perspective I loved TCOYF, from a data perspective I hated it. It just felt like 300 pages of anecdotes about how couples couldn’t conceive until they started charting and then BAM! I’d also recommend the Wondfo ovulation test strips over the clearblue monitor. Again, as a data person, I liked seeing the darkness of the line rather than a machine telling me if it was time. My doc told me to use second morning urine, rather than first morning urine.

          I also recommend an app like Fertility Friend that predicts your ovulation window based on your usual cycle length and when you ovulate. It makes it easier to plan travel and it “learns” your patterns the more you use it. Even if the dates are off by a few days, if you can see when the times you definitely wouldn’t be fertile are (like the week of your period), maybe he can schedule his travel then.

          As for your original question, it doesn’t stop being hard, but you get better at managing expectations and disappointment. Good luck!

          • Batgirl

            Yes, I’d agree with your criticism of TCOYF. I liked it because I honestly had no idea that my body was sending all of these signals throughout the month and my doctors supported the idea that certain cervical discharge indicated ovulation (they just wanted me to pair it with their monitoring and the ClearBlue strips as well). Never tried the other brand but I’ll check them out next time!

    • anon

      After several years of infertility eventually remedied with surgery, it still took us 6-7 months of religious trying to conceive each pregnancy – so I get where you are coming from! I tried to schedule a fun night of drinks to look forward to each month. That helped somewhat. I was also sad some, and that’s okay too.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      Could you take a day or two off work and travel to where your husband is and stay in his hotel to get the deed done? Depending on his job, he might not even need to tell anyone that you are doing this. Assuming this is a reoccurring issue and he can’t get out of the travel.

      • SuziStockbroker

        Might be cheaper to do an IUI with husband’s frozen sperm at a fertility clinic if his travelling at fertile times of the month is going to continue.

        Highly recommend TCoYF also, and The Infertility Cure by Randine Lewis if not pregnant after 12 cycles of TTC.

    • Anonymous

      Have s*x at times other than your fertile period – make it seem less like a chore where the sole purpose is to make a baby. It’s supposed to be fun, right?

      • Anonymous

        This. Having sex every second day throughout your cycle is an actual proven way that many couples conceive. Ovulation is not an exact science. Plus there is no downside. Have fun with it. Enjoy doing it when you want and where you want without worrying about waking up the kids.

        • Batgirl

          Eh, I’d argue there’s a downside. I used to hate it when people were like “oh, how fun! (wink wink)” when we were TTC. Being on a schedule like that can add to your overall mental exhaustion and can turn it all into an unromantic chore. I would focus on doing it every other day during and around your fertile window (so if you tend to ovulate on day 14, maybe start on day 12 and go through day 16), but doing that all month only for that purpose (hey, if you’re in the mood, go for it) is tiring and not likely to be very productive.

    • anon

      I don’t think it will keep you from feeling sad, but as someone with a tendency to anxiety, I think having a plan in place helped me feel a little less freaked out. I decided if what we are doing doesn’t work in x amount of time, I will do y (like go see a specialist). For me, taking action = feeling more in control = reassuring. And I think avoiding TTC-focused forums is a GREAT idea! Remember that it is 100% normal for it to take some time even if everything is working perfectly – maybe a mantra would be helpful? Like, statistically speaking, this is normal, and there is no reason to believe I won’t be pregnant soon. It sounds stupid but sometimes I just need to keep telling myself something and then do something to distract.

    • Anonymous

      Another good book is “Expecting Better” by Emily Oster.

      Wishing you good luck!

    • anon

      You’ve had a lot of good advice above, so I’ll just say that I’m sorry and commiserate. I’m right there with you, except we’re younger and have been TTC for six months without three months of break (that would be really frustrating!!). I know we’re getting the timing right because I’ve used OTKs since day 1. I am dying to get out of my horrible job situation…I know how tough it is for you.

      Good luck, my friend! Lots of virtual hugs. And keep staying away from mom forums.

  13. tipping

    I’ve never hired a cleaning person. I just scheduled a service (Handy) for a one-time clean. Do I tip? If so, what percentage?

    • Anonymous

      Handy charges me $54. I tip $20 if it’s been a while since I’ve had the place cleaned, $10-15 regularly.

      • Batgirl

        Just want to say that that seems very high to me — generous but not really necessary, in my opinion. I tend to do more like 20%.

        • Emmabean

          $12 dollars is 20% of $54, right? She said she does $10-15. Sounds about right to me. I would also tip more if my place was dirty.

          • Batgirl

            No, it’s actually $10.80 — I just think the higher end of that range sounds high (particularly the $20 tip which is 37%). I mean, tip what you like/can. I just don’t think going over 20% is expected or the norm.

    • Anonymous

      I never tipped and it never even occurred to me that it was a thing except at the holiday season.

    • Parfait

      I use Handy. I love that I can add a tip right from the app so I don’t have to worry about having cash. I usually tip $10, $15 if they did a really great job, more if they went truly above and beyond, like the guy who stayed an extra hour just because he was a perfectionist and had the time to spare.

  14. Charlottesville?

    Thanks so much to everyone who offered Charlottesville recs yesterday! Everything was so helpful and I can’t wait to put some of these plans in motion. :) (I posted a thank you yesterday, but got tied up at work and it was really late, so not sure if anyone saw.)

    Just one follow-up question: what if it rains? All of the activities suggested seem like they need, or at least really prefer, a nice day (wineries, fruit picking, walking around Monticello/UVA/downtown mall). Should I just stick to the plan and deal with the rain, or are there other things you’d recommend in bad weather?

    Thanks again everyone! Happy Friday!

    • Maddie Ross

      Most of the wineries are do-able in the rain, though the view may not be as pretty. They all have indoor tasting rooms at this point. Monticello and Ash Lawn are the same – the view is not as great, but the tour itself mostly inside. A pretty weekend would be more fun, but it shouldn’t totally change your plans.

    • emeralds

      Charlottesville is an outdoorsy kind of place, so it would be a bummer if it rained while you were there, but people do enjoy it during all forms of weather :) Wineries are rain-friendly since you’re inside for tastings. It’s nicer if you can sit outside to enjoy a glass afterward tasting, but they all have indoor areas as well. The Mall is doable in nasty weather, since you’ll be in and out of cute stores + restaurants. Monticello also has an interior tour which is interesting–I just OD-ed on it by sixth grade and prefer the gardens at this point. If it rains and you like art, I’d add the UVA Art Museum and the McGuffey Art Center downtown to your list–the UVA museum has a respectable small collection that’s a pleasant way to spend an hour or two, and McGuffey is a working studio space for artists that hosts tours and exhibitions; you might even be able to take a class or something while you’re there, if you’d be into that. Also check out the schedule at Live Arts if you like theater, and the Jefferson, Paramount, Pavilion (better in nice weather, but it does have a cover) and Southern if you like live music. You should look into music anyway, actually, can’t believe I forgot to mention it yesterday! (Fun Cville fact: it hosts the headquarters of some big music management companies, so it punches wayyyy above its population-based weight in terms of shows.)

    • Charlottesville?

      Great – you guys are the best. Thanks and have a wonderful weekend!

  15. Fragrance allergies?

    I’m going to be working in very close proximity with someone (just a couple days per week, healthcare setting) who reports “severe allergies to all fragrances”. I don’t wear lotions or perfumes, have scent free laundry detergent, and plan to get scent-free anti-perspirant. Do I need to worry about my shampoo and body wash/hand soap? If the person is that sensitive, would they even be able to go in public?

    • Idea

      Based on the where I worked with a person like this, you should be fine, I think.
      Our office policy because “no special things with a scent” — like perfume, or lotion with a scent at work. But shampoo or things you put on at home, were OK with this person because the scent was either light enough or dissipated by the time you got to the office. I thought it was good distinction to make.

      You’re very nice and professional to be so sensitive, in a different way, to his/her sensitivities.

      • MKB

        FWIW, I’m sensitive to scents, and while you definitely aren’t required to change your deodorant, this is the kind of thing that would help me a lot, so I think it’s likely to be a very nice gesture that this person would appreciate (if she knew).

    • Meg Murry

      I wouldn’t worry about it, although if you had the option to replace the bodywash or handsoap with an unscented variety that would be nice of you.

      One other place to consider – dryer sheets. I am sensitive to fragrances (not enough for a diagnosis or make my coworkers change their personal care products, just enough to keep my house generally scent free and to ask people super close to me like my parents to do the same) and any kind of scented dryer sheets give me the worst headache. I joke that I can smell my MIL coming a mile away, and I can’t go to her house on days she’s running the dryer. Most people would probably consider dryer sheets a neutral scent, but for sensitive types like me it’s something I notice.

      • Fragrance allergies?

        I hadn’t thought of the dryer sheets, thanks! We use them with the linens in my clinic – might have to do a load without.

        • Meg Murry

          If possible, I would wash the current linens at least twice before drying them before giving them to the patient – some fragrances can linger even through a wash cycle, and you really don’t want the pillowcase she is putting her head on directly only inches from her nose to be fragranced still.

          If your washers have a rinse aid dispenser, vinegar in there works just as well as dryer sheets for 95% of my laundry. I know they sell unscented dryer sheets, but I’ve found I don’t actually need them at all.

        • Anonymous

          You can get unscented dryer sheets as well. I find only a half unscented sheet is usually sufficient to remove static.

        • Anonymous

          I have scent sensitivities and I always do a second wash with vinegar (or at the very least in the rinse cycle) and it helps a great deal. My friend with multiple chemical sensitivities is very sensitive to soap and shampoo etc

      • Fragrance allergies?

        Thanks :). But I should clarify that I’m the healthcare provider and she’s the patient so I’m pretty much required to be extra considerate.

  16. Ugh 45

    So my period is about 3 weeks late. I am usually like clockwork, except for a long period about 9 months ago (36 days?). I easily got pregnant at 38 and 39. Two pg tests say I’m not pregnant (I don’t doubt them). But what do I do (if anything) in the meantime? I’d almost want to do a TCOYF to see when I’m ovulating and start tracking so I know what is going on (the slide the menopause). What is market? I think I may buy the bulk cheap-o tests from Amazon b/c buying a drug-store pg test every Friday before happy hour is starting to weird out the clerk at my neighborhood store (and the husband is starting to freak out a bit — he does not want another kid (he is older than me)).

    • Emmer

      Buy the Wondfo OPK/Pregnancy test combo pack on Amazon. But if the tests have been negative since 3 weeks past your last period, you’re not pregnant (if you’re performing the tests correctly). You probably just didn’t ovulate. It happens, especially as you get older.

      • Ugh 45

        Nothing is an option, but I’m a Virgo.

        I’d like to know if the factory is on hiatus, shut down forever, just in a “WTH I will take a month off every now and then” mode.

        There is no “taking charge of your waning and occasionally misfiring fertility,” I take it . . .

        [And Thanks, World; there are a million books for puberty and TCOYF and maybe crones but nothing for us 40-somethings in the twilight phase.]

        • 47

          I’m your age and I still chart. It helps me to know what’s happening when my cycles are odd (used be be like clockwork — now both short & long), and once I’ve ovulated I can count forward so no surprises. I only do the temperature, because I just want to know when I’ve ovulated, so it takes like 20 seconds in the morning to take my temp & jot it down. No big deal but it gives me important information about what my body is doing.

          • Ugh 45

            This!

            I had a work trip during all this and it was so annoying to bring all period supplies AND pregnancy tests (see, supra, drinking). So annoying when you’re trying to avoid checking a bag.

            Hey, 47, will any thermometer do? How much precision do you need?

            [Also: there is no real determining that one is not pregnant. It’s just like “the test is negative,” but it could be that you are pregnant (just that it started in a different window than you thought). The real “test is negative” is that you get your period. Until then, there is a margin of error that I’m not used to as a person who got pregnant twice while nursing in my late 30s.]

          • Anonymous

            IIRC, that woman who had a baby with John Edwards was 40-something, so you never know. And Sarah Palin.

        • 47

          I use a pink one I bought at the drugstore — it’s a digital basal, but I would guess any thermometer would work.

        • Meg Murry

          Unfortunatly, I think for a lot of women the factory doesn’t shut down forever, it just takes really long breaks – sometimes like 6+ month breaks. My mother and her sisters were thoroughly warned by her cousins, 3 of whom had surprise! babies their mid-40s when they had thought the factory was shut down.

          Not there yet, but this is reminding me to go back to my conversations with H that it’s his turn to take one for the team and get the big V before it’s time for my IUD to come out or be replaced – I’m not 100% sure I want another IUD, but we are 95% sure we are done having kids.

          • anon

            My grandmother had a baby at 48 after a three year break. So I agree on the big V convo, because srsly, that’s not happening.

        • ArenKay

          Schedule a preg test w/ your ob/gyn.
          Signed, person who had two negative at-home tests while unknowingly pregnant w/her (wanted!) second child.

          • Ugh 45

            Wow — I did the test first thing in the morning (including today), which I thought was foolproof. I get that later-in-the-day very diluted urine ones (like now, after I’ve had a vat of Diet Coke today) can be a false negative. I deliberately didn’t drink anything after 9 last night just to avoid a false negative.

            Still — maybe will retest before wine. I need a drink now!

    • 51

      +1. Sounds totally normal for 45. The long period and missed period are both signs of perimenopause. You’ve determined that you are not pregnant. I found it reassuring to chat with my Ob/Gyn about symptoms, duration etc at a regular appointment.

    • Idea

      Could you just use an app on your phone? I’m pregnant now but I used “My Cycles” or something and I “charted”/kept track of fatigue, if I exercised, if we had garden parties, eating healthily, like everything. Not sure if you need to know exact date of ovulation with an ovo kit how that would help or not? The app predicted ovulation date and kept moving it based on when/if Aunt Flo showed up.

    • 46

      Welcome to the joys of perimenopause. I would be as freaked out as you are if I hadn’t gotten sterilized. If your husband is this stressed about it and you guys are done reproducing, maybe it’s time for him to get a vasectomy for everyone’s peace of mind.

      That said: this is probably going to be the new normal for the next few years. My last period arrived 93 days after the previous one, which was 18 days after its predecessor. Regularity is a thing of the past. I’m looking forward to the full shutdown of the factory, but in the meantime, this is what my body does.

      • Ugh 45

        That s*cks. I would feel so robbed after 18 days.

        Husband is done. I am sure my eggs are not really viable at this point (I had 2 m/cs, so not eager to repeat that).

        Husband discussed getting snipped repeatedly but has discovered that he’s too catholic to (after complaining endlessly about how awkward it would be) after interrogating his friends who’ve had then to no end. In fairness, he should handle the charting / temp / pg test purchases, no?

        • Anonymous

          OMG yes – getting snipped is totally derigour in my social set. Like it’s so common my DH is the only one I know who’s done having kids who hasn’t had it done yet.

          DEFINITELY makes him chart/take your temp (or remind you) and buy tests. You carried the babies, it’s the least he can do.

        • Meg Murry

          Does he understand that now that you aren’t regular you are veering into “rolling the dice” territory? The cousins with babies in their 40s I mentioned upthread were also too religious to consider permanent birth control, and while they weren’t charting anymore they really had thought the factory was permanently closed.

          Is he too Catholic for condoms? I’ve definitely gone through periods of time where I told H “I’m not willing to go back on birth control right now, if no babies are a priority to you right now, you need to handle making sure there are condoms and using them” and put it on him.

      • Ugh 45

        Also: is this when I start to grow a beard, lose my metabolism, have to watch my cholesterol like a hawk?

        If so, NOT HAPPY. I feel like estrogen lets you coast on all that.

    • hopeless

      I know this is totally not the point of your post, but, can I just say it make me really really happy to read that you easily got pregnant at 38 and 39?:-)
      signed,
      36 and single and hoping for some babies

      • PinkKeyboard

        hopeless my sister just had a baby at 45! So you may have 9 more years!

      • pre 50

        My kiddo was born when I was 44, w/ charting but no IVF/ IUI.

        Keep up healthy diet, exercise, and stress reduction, and you may have nearly a decade :-)

        (btw, I was fully single w/ no prospects on the horizon at 36!)

  17. anon

    Anyone order flowers from Bouqs? This sounds like a great idea, just wondering if there’s anything different than from FTD etc.

    • Mindy

      I had a horrible experience with them a few months ago. A friend sent me some as a gift and they arrived semi-rotten. Then the non-rotten ones lasted all of 2 days. The replacement ones I got weren’t any better. The company allegedly sent a refund but I haven’t checked on that, but either way, it was just frustrating.

      I do think some bloggers had good experiences with them initially but apparently delivery in NYC just doesn’t work with their packaging.

    • JEB

      I’ve used Bouqs several times. I like that it’s one advertised price – I always found that with FTD, I’d find something in my price range, and then all of a sudden at check out it was $30 higher with delivery fees and other random fees. You can always find a 20% off Bouqs coupon online, making their basic bouquets $32. They have a large selection of flowers without a lot of fillers. Recipients have sent me photos, and they look pretty good and look like what I intended (in the past with FTD, they’ve taken liberties to switch things out, add cheap fillers, etc.). And Bouqs sends the flowers before the blooms open, which isn’t as pretty out of the box, but they last much longer that way. Overall, I’ve been very pleased!

    • APC

      Yes – DH has sent me Bouqs twice at work, and I loved both of them. The come ‘under-ripe’, so the bloom over a few days. I get more time out of them then I would with traditional flower deliveries, and my hubby said they are easy to work with.

  18. Lucie

    I just accepted an offer for my very first “real” job!! (I’m a college student about to graduate) This was such a big decision and I think I disappointed my parents by not going for a Masters right away…Still, this should be exciting, as it’s completely different from what I’m used to (it’s in banking and I’m finishing a BA) so I’m looking forward to the challenge. Only downside: the hot desk policy they operate :( I like to keep *some stuff* on my desk from one day to the next and personalise my space so it’ll be a struggle to keep my working environment sterile.

    Anyways, I’m already overthinking everything…case in point: I sent my acceptance email and in it, I mentioned that, “just for planning purposes” could I know if they do health insurance or not, if I could take a specific day off for my graduation, and I also enquired as to why there wasn’t a final interview (since I was told this would be the last stage but instead they just offered me the job) and whether I could request at all that my first rotation be in a more research-type of role so I could familiarise myself with the industry. They haven’t replied and now I’m worried I came across as so clueless/obnoxious/demanding that they have decided to pull the offer!!

    I’m a bundle of nerves right now.

    • Lucie

      Oh, and the offer was “subject to a background check” of my ID, university qualification, satisfactory references, etc etc and now I’m worried I will somehow fail the background check..for example they’ll realise the classes I took have nothing to do with the job I would do.

      • Maddie Ross

        OK, breathe. You’re going to be fine. The background check is mainly into your citizenship, criminal record and perhaps your credit score. As far as the university stuff, they want to know whether you are actually an enrolled student there as you claim and will be getting your degree – they are not going to audit the classes you took. And the questions you asked are reasonable (particularly as to benefits, though most people ask even before they accept frankly). I wouldn’t worry about the “final interview” piece and if they don’t answer that immediately, leave it alone. Hiring plans change, so they probably just moved forward. Unless you’re hiding a massive skeleton or lied about something on your resume, you are almost 100% just fine right now.

        • Lucie

          Thank you! Good to hear that background checks are pretty standard stuff, as I imagined something more in-depth/ scarier than that! I will try to relax and focus on behaving more like a professional adult then (I definitely have a lot to learn…)

    • Julia

      Congratulations! Yes, you are overthinking and asking too many questions at the wrong time. You ask about the insurance before accepting the job, not after. You don’t ask about the final interview if they skipped that step and offered you the job without additional inquiry. You got the job! Your last question, well, it might have been too soon without sufficient showing of gratitude for the opportunity. If you get a chance to express your excitement for the opportunity, do so. They are very unlikely to pull the offer, but chill out in your next interactions with the company. All of that said, I think this is exactly why you’ve made a great decision to get a job before going on to graduate school. You will benefit tremendously from some time to mature and get to know the real world. That is true for nearly 100% of college graduates, in my experience/opinion. I understand where your parents are coming from, but I wholeheartedly (and respectfully) disagree with them. Go get ’em!

      • Lucie

        Thanks so much for your advice – I agree with everything you said, I think I need to learn to reign in the overly eager 20y/o college student I currently am and channel instead a professional classy young woman :) Like you said, I really want to gain some real world experience and mature so that if/when I do a Masters I’ll know exactly what I want out of it!

    • Anonymous

      Moving forward I’d tone it down a lot – – they have work to do that doesn’t involve catering to an overeager 22 yr old. It’s fine to ask about benefits. I would not have asked about “why no final round” — I realize you want to know for your curiosity but it is irrelevant now. As for asking for a preferred first rotation — fine I guess, but if you don’t get that rotation first, move on and just take what you get; you don’t want to be seen as the one analyst asking for favors and preferences beyond what the other analysts are getting.

      • Lucie

        Thanks for your advice – I agree, hindsight is everything…I applied to literally hundreds of places so I have to reign in the over eagerness now that I actually got an offer! (I’m 20 years old BTW)

    • Cc

      Yikes! They won’t pull the offer but stop emailing! Why would you need to know why there wasn’t a final interview stage? How is that relevant to you? And yes, don’t be asking for assignments in particular places yet. You are not their first new employee. They will have a system for you. For now shush and take notes- you will figure things out as you go. If they respond just thank them and say that you are excited about the opportunity.

      • Lucie

        Yes, I really wish I hadn’t asked those questions…I suppose I wanted to do my due diligence, but now I am cringing hard. I really hope they won’t pull the offer or anything. The reason I asked about the last interview is because I am pretty sure the lady explained it on the phone before making me the offer but my reception was so bad I couldn’t make out most of it…and the request was because at the last interview I was told we’d get a chance to express a preference which I didn’t…either way, I’m kicking myself!! :-S

        • Anonymous

          You need to calm down FAST. Here’s a tip — if someone explained something to you and you didn’t get it — bc you zoned out or your phone broke or you just didn’t understand — you either ask a follow up question right then or leave it alone. I realize it sounds harsh but the way you’re playing right now — I guarantee you, you will run into a senior associate (VP; MD; whoever) who will respond — didn’t we talk about this? And then it’ll be more embarrassing to say — well I didn’t understand/wasn’t listening etc.

          And I echo the answers above — you are NOT the first new employee EVER, even though this is your first job. Maybe they’ve changed their mind re needing final round interviews or taking preferences or whatever. Or if they need you to rank preferences, they would have asked you. Keep in mind that this place has been in existence for hundreds/dozens/whatever number of yrs before you came along, your opinion on how to do things or what is better for your development isn’t particularly relevant to them right now (it will become relevant once you are more senior, prove yourself etc.)

          • Lucie

            Thank you – I really appreciate the advice! I will follow this rule and just leave it alone if it’s impossible to clear it up right away. Also it definitely helps to think of it as “they’ve been around for hundreds of years, they probably don’t care what rotation I want to do”! (although I’m even more mortified now). Usually I’m pretty good at being quiet, taking notes and not being too obnoxious – but this is completely unchartered territory for me so I definitely need a strategy!

        • MSY

          Also, as part of your transition to the working world, I would gently recommend you drop the emoticons and, eventually, the exclamation points. I appreciate that you are working hard to remain positive and that an internet comment board is an informal place, but such things will only emphasize your youth and undermine being taken seriously.

          • Lucie

            Thanks for your advice – I realise it’s probably not a good idea for me to send giant “I am young and immature” signals through the way I write, so I’ll keep your recommendations in mind and focus on coming across the way I want to be perceived (professional).

            I am very grateful and open to any advice on acting professional in the workplace, by the way, as this is one of my biggest fears currently: I am graduating at 20 and will be in a male-dominated and competitive team. Not to mention the fact that I have a thick French accent (I live in Ireland) that often gets mocked and am a little less polished than I would like fashion-wise!

    • Baconpancakes

      Seconding everything Maddie Ross said, but to address your concerns about the hot desk policy, just keep everything you’d want in a separate zippered little bag in your purse, like this one: http://www.amazon.com/Periea-Handbag-Organizer-Insert-Compartments/dp/B009HWHF32

      Also, lots of hot desk places actually give you a single drawer to use – that might be a help. And if you want to make your desk a little bit less sterile, invest in some cheerful pens, notepads, etc. Don’t go pink and glittery, but something with nice flower pattern should be ok, as long as you don’t take it to meetings. Rifle Paper Co has some that are pretty but elegant, and they have pencils as well.

      Dang now I want to go buy some notebooks and pretty pencils.

      • Lucie

        Thanks so much, this looks like a great solution! And I love, LOVE, stationary shopping (probably what I’ll miss most about college is buying material for my classes and making colour-coded systems, haha) so I’m looking forward to implementing your advice re: colourful pens!

        • Anonymous

          Don’t go overboard buying stuff until after your first week. I mean, don’t go over-board then either, but give yourself some time to get used to the new space before you plan on all your extras.

          • Lucie

            Oh, definitely! I’m too broke to buy cute stuff now anyway, but I am hoping by my first payday I’ll have scoped out what the other employees do and then I can treat myself to a few pens/ a cute notebook, etc. as a “you got a job” gift to myself :-)

        • waffles

          Congratulations on the job! While I don’t think you are at major risk of having your offer pulled, I would definitely echo the advice to relax and the process run as it will.

          I would strongly recommend holding off on this until you start at your job. I have never worked in banking (I’m assuming you mean ibanking, not just *at a bank*), but I am in the capital markets and I would say that flowery or glittery pens or a cute notebook is really going to stand out, and not in a good way. Please get to know your office first before you go too deeply into “cute” territory!

          • Lucie

            Thank you for your advice! Good point, I definitely don’t want to be out of touch with office norms. I’ll hold off on cute stationary for a while and see what’s acceptable then.

            Working in capital markets sounds really interesting, I’ll be doing rotations anywhere in corporate banking, corporate finance and treasury services so I am not sure yet what I’ll end up doing which is exciting and scary at the same time.

    • Young professional

      One suggestion is to wait a few hours to respond to future company emails. When you start working yiu may need to respond immediately, but for now you probably don’t. This will give you time to calm down when you get a question or email and think about how you want to respond.
      One other big thing that has helped me with professionalism is to remember it’s not my job to fill every gap in conversation. You want to be friendly, but if there is am awkward silence at a group meal or some setting likr that, sometimes you just need to let it ride instead of jumping in. And usually the best way to restart a conversation is by asking someone a question, not telling a story about yourself.

      • Lucie

        Thank you, I will use this strategy. Both of these tips are actually very, very relevant to my weaknesses (acting before thinking, panicking easily, awkwardness in conversations/ talking too much about self) – you’ve definitely figured me out!

  19. Batgirl

    I know these posts pop up now and again, but we’re expecting our first baby very soon and are trying to freeze some meals so we have easy go-tos for the first few weeks. In particular, I’m looking to freeze raw ingredients that we can then just throw into the crockpot (but open to other suggestions as well).

    The main problem I’m having is that so little of it seems healthy. I don’t need it to be mega-healthy but I’m not into super salty or sweet sauces (i.e. I’d prefer to not have an entire jar of BBQ sauce or cream of chicken soup in every recipe), which seems to be how the majority of crockpot recipes are.

    Hoping for your suggestions and favorite recipes! Thanks!

    • Maddie Ross

      My favorite crock pot meal is to use a jar of salsa over boneless chicken breasts. We serve over rice with a sprinkling of cheese, but you could definitely forgo those parts if you were super health conscious. Or serve in a tortilla as an option. Super simple and not as fatty as some crock pot meals (also super easy to prepare for – freeze chicken in portions and keep salsa or pico de gallo in the fridge).

      • Anonymous

        This sounds so good – what setting do you put the slow cooker on? how long? how many chicken breast per jar of salsa?

        • Maddie Ross

          I do 2-3 chicken breasts per regular size jar of salsa (and actually don’t use a “jar” – I use the fresh containers from the produce section of our grocery store generally, so it’s actually a “plastic container” of salsa). I cook on low all day (so 8 hours on low, then it reduces to warm until we are able to eat).

      • Batgirl

        This sounds great — do you shred the chicken at the end or just eat it as is?

        • Maddie Ross

          I shred. Really, one of the only ways I like chicken is in a crock pot (or rotisserie) because of the shredding.

          • Meg Murry

            Actually, I would cook and shred this now, and then package it up into 1-2 serving portions. I regularly make crock pot shredded chicken and then freeze – package up into sandwich size bags, squeeze as much air out as possible and then put the sandwich bags inside a big quart or gallon size freezer bag.

            Easy to pull out of the freezer, dump in a bowl and microwave, then add to dishes like salads or to make chicken quesadillas, etc, and good for things like lunch when you are on maternity leave.

            You could also make this chicken into freezer burritos (add cheese, black beans and whatever else you like) and individually wrap and freeze them for 1 handed quick meals.

      • Anonymous

        I absolutely love that you (or someone else, but I think you usually make this suggestion?) post this every time this question comes up. I always mean to make this dish with my end-of-week leftover salsa and I always forget and order pizza instead. Please don’t feel like your suggestion is duplicative – it’s needed!

    • meme

      Freezer meals I made recently to stock up for I-can’t-cook days: chili with cornbread, lasagna (healthy version), chicken, carrots and green beans tossed (separately) in olive oil and salt/pepper to roast quickly when the time comes, chicken pot pie (healthy too except crust). This is a little bit different than your plan; I just make things that can be tossed in the oven on an hour’s notice and freeze them in disposable cake pans, so I pull them straight out of the freezer and toss in the oven. I make several of each recipe and then have a variety to choose from. Also I have meat in a marinade in there to thaw then toss on the grill.

      • Batgirl

        Ooh, if you have a healthy chicken pot pie recipe, I’d love to see it! Thanks!

    • Anonymous

      For crockpot freezer meals, I cook the food first and then freeze it to reheat later. Recipes featuring boneless, skinless chicken thighs are always successful–the dark meat doesn’t dry out the way light meat does in the crockpot. A big hit in our household is Kiwi and Bean’s butter chicken (http://kiwiandbean.com/slow-cooker-butter-chicken-sliders/). I also like to replace the pork in Rick Bayless’s pork tinga with chicken thighs (http://www.food.com/recipe/smoky-pork-tinga-tacos-slow-cooker-426356). You can use the tinga for tacos, enchilada filling (super good with Bayless’s green enchilada sauce), tostadas, and tortas. You said you didn’t want to use tons of BBQ sauce, but a super easy recipe is to coat chicken thighs in BBQ spice rub, cover them with BBQ sauce, and cook. The chicken is great in sandwiches and quesadillas and on pizza (naan makes a good “crust”). I always, always cook chicken thighs on low for 6 hours.

      Cooking Light has some delicious, healthy freezer pizza recipes. You can use the cooking method with any toppings.
      http://www.cookinglight.com/food/recipe-finder/freezer-meals/ndividual-white-chicken-pizzas (I do not bother making my own ricotta)
      http://www.cookinglight.com/food/recipe-finder/freezer-meals/roasted-asparagus-mushroom-onion-pizza

    • Anonymous

      also, make breakfast in advance. Waffles, pancakes, “healthy” muffins, etc (freeze). Stock up on nuts/berries/bars. I ate breakfast for lunch and dinner a lot :)

      • Meg Murry

        You can also freeze servings of oatmeal – good for milk supply and a good healthy choice food overall. I make a big batch of steel cut oats, freeze into silicone cupcake liners, then once frozen pop out into a ziploc bag. Also a good option for breakfast once you are back from maternity leave – you can throw a frozen puck or two of oatmeal in a bowl with a lid, and then microwave it once you get to work and eat while catching up on morning emails.

        • Anonymous

          And you can make and freeze healthy oatmeal cookies or homemade granola bars (to control for sugar, excessive processing) etc

      • Min Donner

        My two favorite “breakfast” muffin recipes:

        http://acalculatedwhisk.com/double-chocolate-zucchini-muffins/
        I have tried this with carrots, and also with zucchini, and both are good. I usually only use 1/2 the chocolate called for.

        http://theurbanposer.com/chai-spice-coconut-flour/
        I always add at least a cup of shredded carrots to this, and usually reduce the sweetener by 1/3. I also reduce cardamom to 1/2 tsp (I find the recipe as written to be way to cardamom-y) and double the ginger and nutmeg.

      • Batgirl

        Lest you all think I’m a health fanatic, I have three meat lasagnas chilling in our chest freezer as we speak! Just hoping to balance it out a bit! But this looks like a good recipe — I’ll bookmark this to make when our supply runs low!

    • Coach Laura

      A year of slow cooking blog crockpot 365 or ayearofslowcooking dot com is my go-to for quick prep, relatively healthy slow cooker ideas but without lots of cream of X soup or fillers. She has a lot of “dump everything in” recipes with zero prep but also has (IIRC) a section on pre-making gallon ziplock bags to freeze and put in crock pot later.

    • Jules

      This is my favorite (vegan) crockpot recipe. It’s been popular at family events even with meat-eaters and it can cook all day (I don’t understand using a crockpot recipe that only goes for three hours; I’m gone from the house for 10 hours.)

      This is a dump-it-all in thing, so no need to freeze anything in advance unless you want to chop the veggies first to have them ready. It calls for dehydrated onion and garlic but I use fresh; I also add 8-16 oz. of chopped carrots (I just slice the pre-cut baby carrots) for more nutrition and color. Don’t use quick-cook barley and definitely cut the pepper by about 3/4; I think it should be 1/2 tsp., not 2 tsp.

      http://allrecipes.com/recipe/mushroom-lentil-barley-stew/detail.aspx

    • Anonymous

      One of our faves is baby potatoes (or frozen chopped?) on the bottom, frozen chicken breasts on top, some liquid (wine, broth, whatever) and some sort of healthy seasoning mix (bought or premixed in a batch at home). Or a can of diced tomatoes and frozen chicken breasts etc. Rolls or similar on the side if you like carbs

    • Anonymous

      One of my favourite snacks growing up was 3 parts frozen diced mixed veg with 1 part pasta shells or beans or similar – microwaved in the bowl I’m eating from and with bottled dressing on top – as a grown up I use lemon and oil usually, or some wine if I’ve got white open. M&M meat shops sell a prepackaged version in their freezer section and I imagine other stores do too if you don’t want to make ahead.

  20. It's Me Again...

    Threadjack…

    I’ve been suffering with TMJ lately. I guess I’ve always had it, but it has just been a part of my life. Lately, I literally have to crack my jaw and when I try to eat, I hear my jaw cracking, too. I sometimes wake up at night because I feel myself biting down super hard and eventually my jaw hurts. This is all so bizarre.

    Anyone have experience with this? Solutions? Who should I see for this? An ENT? A dentist? Where does one even begin?

    • Godzilla

      You can get a mouth guard at the pharmacy, it’s like $20. Wear it while you sleep. Make an appointment with the dentist, or even an oral surgeon. They can make you a custom mouth guard. Wear it in your sleep. Be mindful when you’re awake not to grind your teeth (easier said than done). Are you clenching your teeth because of pain somewhere else? Deal with that pain. Also, there are some massages you can do to your cheeks to relax out the tense muscles.

    • DPT

      Physical therapy! I would see a dentist as well, a custom mouth guard is usually very helpful. But most people with TMJ disorder also have issues with their neck and posture, as well as muscle tension, that a good manual physical therapist can help with.

    • X

      I had this as a teenager. First, I got a mouthguard and then eventually, I got braces…

    • Bette

      A slightly tangential approach:

      I had TMJ during a particularly stressful period of my life. I found that therapy to help me deal with this stressful issue was the most helpful treatment.

    • matilda

      second on the mouthguard. i have one where you put it in hot water, bite down on it to mold it to your teeth and then wear it. lasts me usually 4-6 mo depending on how bad my grinding/clenching is.

      i also was told to massage my jaw area, just like the point part of my jaw. also you can “release” this muscle inside of your mouth by basically fishhooking your finger into your cheek and pulling outwards for 20-30 s. i do this when i wake up and before bed and i think it helps a bit.

    • trefoil

      I grind my teeth at night when I’m stressed, so it flares up a few times a year.

      A combination of mouthguard (I got a sports one that you put in hot water and bite to mold), jaw exercises (I googled and found a youtube video of TMJ PT exercises), and massage at the top of the jaw joint (in the ear/temple area). Eventually, I got a prescription NSAID that my doctor told me is used for gout that was really effective.

      Don’t leave it! It’ll only get worse.

  21. paging "guy need to have friends from high school"

    I just wanted to send a thank you to whomever posted, a few days ago, her list of requirements for dating someone new. I found that really really helpful, and, I noticed it didn’t have many comments in response so wanted to let you know how much I appreciated it. I am now working on my own list, to help me recognize when a guy really is a good solid guy for me…

  22. Professional backpacks

    PSA: there have been some recent comments here looking for professional backpacks/convertible backpack puse combos. Of Mercer has a nice roundup of a number of options today. I’ll put the link in a reply.

  23. MKEGilr

    Does anyone have recommendations for some cute, low- to mid-priced summer clothes for someone with a long torso? Work and weekend, please.

  24. La Millionaire

    Ladies!

    I can’t tell anyone IRL but I gotta tell someone. With my Q1 bonus deposited this morning, and until my mortgage payment processes on Monday…

    I am a MILLIONAIRE!

    • A

      I might snap a picture of my balance and hide it somewhere in my personal email, need a password. Just to look at when I’m feeling like work sucks.

      I get a low 5 digit bonus and I thought that was great lol :)

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