ByElizabeth Hours Updated
Comments 230 Comments

Splurge Monday’s Workwear Report: Vapliso Pleated Skirt

A woman wearing a white long-sleeve top and dark blue pleated skirt with cream-colored pumps

Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

This pleated skirt from Boss would be a wardrobe workhorse for me in any season, but I really love it for winter. I would pair this with an ivory sweater for the office and something with a little bit of sparkle for holiday parties.

Tights can be tricky with navy skirts. We’ve had discussions about this in the past, and while I do have a pair of navy tights in my drawer, I usually just end up wearing tall boots on chilly days so I don’t have to make a decision! 

The skirt is $348 at Bloomingdale’s and comes in sizes 0-14. 

Looking for something more affordable? Try this skirt at Theory Outlet — it's $175 and available in XP-XL.

Sales of note for 12.5

230 Comments

  1. Any recommendations for a weighted vest that you could wear on walks? Trying to train up for backpacking but taking a big pack when I walk the dog is too bulky.

      1. I think OP is asking for a vest to help get used to carrying extra weight around when it would be really awkward to wear an actual backpack. ZELUS Weighted Vest on Amazon is one that was on my mom’s wish list last year.

        1. OP here and this is what I meant. I tried putting weights or books or water bottles in my backpack and it just flops around and is uncomfortable no matter what I try to load it with other than my actual gear. I wish I had those load-testers like REi has but I have tried enough things to decide to move on.

          1. Wrap the weight in opd sheets and towels and put in your pack. That’s how you keep it from flopping around.

          2. I’m late to this, so not sure if you’re still reading, but: I train by putting weights into the part of my backpacking pack that’s meant to hold a water bladder – it’s ideally positioned to have the weight between your shoulder blades and because it’s a pocket, they don’t move around. I think most backpacking packs have one of these, maybe yours does too?

    2. ApexUp – I have ten lbs and it’s very comfy. Mine fits underneath a loose fitting coat or can go on top of a puffer. It comes in a bunch of weight options but it’s not adjustable (there are other brands with pouches to hold removable weights so you can gradually increase the amount you’re wearing).

    3. Building up to the weight is a good idea, but please also make sure you wear your actual backpack around to get use to the bulk before you go on an actual backpacking adventure. It changes how you navigate terrain.

    5. Work up on the weight slowly if you can. My brother really screwed up his back trying to hike with one of these. Led to a lot of physical therapy.

  2. My feet are asking if boots like Duck Feet will be good for them. B+ width at toe box, high arches, narrow heel. Cute boots aren’t cutting it anymore for comfort.

  3. I guess I thought that people who campaigned for candidates do so out of love and admiration, especially when you dont need the money. I was pretty dismissive of celebrity product endorsements (which seem very QVC and obviously bought and paid for). But since Oprah is now in the mix, I am so, so, so turned off and offended. Will never volunteer or write a check now if that’s where the $ goes.

    1. Can we not with the vaguebooking. Tell us what you’re talking about or don’t waste the space.

      1. I googled this because I also had no idea. apparently Oprah earned a sizeable appearance fee for endorsing Harris for president. The blurb I saw had an amount in the hundreds of millions that each candidate had paid for celebrity appearances.

        An appearance fee and paying for an endorsement are two different things, but I agree, it’s not how I’d like my campaign contributions spent.

        1. I think that’s what happens when you raise so much money. There comes a point when they have so much money that they’re basically just throwing it away. It’s kind of gross, actually, when you think of all the other things you could do with that money. I certainly understand that who gets elected matters, but it’s far from clear that money spent on high profile political campaigns is really that effective.

          1. You want to back any of this up with actual fact? Seems like a lot of conjecture. And if you think money doesn’t influence elections outright silly.

          2. The Harris campaign is $20M in debt and is fundraising to retire that debt.

            Moreover, campaigns can roll over funds from one election cycle to the next.

          3. I think the data on this are actually not clear. We know money matters in politics, and the winner is almost always the candidate that raised more money, but that doesn’t mean that they win because they raised more money; rather than because the likely winner attracted more money. Trump won in 2016 and 2024 despite spending less. There are lots of examples of futile Democratic spending in red state senate races they were never going to win. On the other hand, more consistent spending in lower profile races almost certainly would make a difference.

          4. This is where I land. I view it in the same light as donating to the Catholic Church (before the abuse scandals), where it makes the giver feel good even if a large amount of the money is spent on frivolities. It gives people a sense of greater control in a system where they have very little.

    2. At least the Harris campaign put a lot more of that money into reaching voters than Clinton did in 2016. But we need campaign finance reform yesterday.

    3. You thought those bands and singers also show up for free? And their whole entourage? How do you think people eat?

    4. A quick Google search of Oprah makes me wonder how true this is. Seems strange the only one reporting is Fox quoting a conservative outlet as well and some Indian paper. Feels like major press would be picking this up if true?

      2. I assume that it will come out either way when her final campaign finance report is filed.

      1. Daily Mail has it. I believe that campaign spending disclosures get filed publicly. DM has some crazy in it re focus (Kardashians, WAGs, etc.) but I feel that their sports and US stuff isn’t fake news.

    6. I mean, Trump paid his own wife several hundred thousand dollars to speak, so it’s hard for me to get outraged about Kamala paying celebrities for their time.

      2. Also Dr Phil spoke at Trump’s MSG rally and then told people it was out of spite at Kamala because she wouldn’t have him speak at her events even though he tried to do so several times. I don’t care who Oprah endorses but I have a hard time thinking she did it for the money, even if the story is true (which given the source is TBD….)

  4. I’m having a “where did my baby go” moment: I realized yesterday that my older kid and I can wear the same socks. I had a pair with chickens on them that he was lusting after (no child size available; I bought them because he loves chickens and loved when I wore them) and I said he could keep them.

    1. My 11 year old wears a women’s size 9 shoe. I’m a 10. I’m actually so excited because she has some one-off occasions for shoes and it would be great if she could use mine instead! Also, I totally steal her Ugg slippers to check them mail and am not one bit sorry.

      1. Lucky you! My family ended up in a situation where my sister wears a narrow 6, I wear a pretty standard-width 7, and my mother a wide 8. (Our heights are the reverse order, amusingly.) I could occasionally wear my mother’s lace-up ankle boots with thick socks, but otherwise, no borrowing – it was both annoying and very expensive.

        1. I’m the payer above and I have 3 daughters- we will likely be in the same situation.

          1. Good luck! I lived with my mother for a bit during Covid and even 20 years later she was still looking at my shoes rather wistfully (and my Uggs, actually. But alas, they pinched her toes too much.)

      2. I am currently in this window! Although my almost 12 year old is likely to be out of my size soon, so it was a fleeting window. I did steal a pair of boots from her once they were no longer comfortable. One vacation was made easier by sharing a pair of “fancy” shoes.

    2. Yup, I was wearing a size 9 by 6th grade. I was always short and people said I’d grow into my feet but I never did! 5’4 and size 9 here!

    3. It was a dark day when my teenager started raiding my closet. Thankfully her feet are wider than mine so she cannot easily steal my shoes, even though we wear the same size.

    4. I realized the other day that my 12yr old has the same size foot as I do and will likely be taller than me within 6 months. I 100% miss the snuggly toddler/squishy baby days when I get stinky tween feet shoved in my lap during tv time…

    5. I am making a family calendar and realizing that my 9yo has changed so much even from the spring! He’s now this large, heavy, solid thing whose face is fast losing all remaining baby softness.

    6. We got dressed in the dark a few months ago and I got on the plane and realised I was wearing my son’s Pokemon socks. My husband put away laundry the other day and our socks are all mixed up because there isn’t a huge size difference with something stretchy like socks – we both like a colourful sock. As my socks wear out, I’m going to replace them with pink ones.

    7. I have worn anywhere from a women’s 9 1/2 – 10 – EU41 in my adult life and have an amazing shoe collection that my daughter looked forward to wearing someday. She topped out at size7 1/2 shoe. :(

  5. Any legal tech podcast recommendations? I love Richard Susskind’s books, if that helps. I know the ABA has a huge list but it’s super overwhelming to me. I am GC of a regional Midwest firm and practice in L&E. Open to legal/professional services in general instead of just “here’s how AI can transform patent law” or similar.

    1. I’d pose this question to Colin Levy at Malbek on LinkedIn. He’s super-plugged into Legal Tech and also wonderfully friendly.

      I love Data Privacy Breakfast Club pod.

  6. Two shopping questions:

    I am doing an “adopt a senior” for Christmas, and it’s a 75 year old woman who likes crafts. I’m considering a wooden flower assembly kit (from Uncommon Goods) or a crochet woobly-type kit, but I’m not sure if those would be the best ideas, since my (younger) MIL already complains about stiff hands and the crochet kits require video links for instructions. Other ideas or suggestions?

    I am also in the market for a decent and not too expensive sports bra – primarily for running, size D. I don’t care at all about underwire or not, but I do like the ones that fasten somehow (instead of pull over the head).

      1. I mean, just the storage mat sounds great! I was looking at some recently and they can get really pricey.

        1. My parents got a puzzle mat and it’s literally just a piece of felt. Maybe there are better ones out there but this one was pretty useless.

    2. I love this! I typically do children but I love the idea of doing this for a senior. How did you find out about this?

      1. The adoption cards were available in our local library, which usually is a good source of our community goings-on.

          1. +1 lego has come out with a ton of really cool sets for adults. Many aren’t even recommended for under 18 because they are so challenging. The lego flowers are really very pretty!

          3. My colleague has a lego flower set in his office. He changes the leaves/blossoms from time to time and I love it.

          4. The flower sets are great. I’m 66 and would love it if somebody gave one to me.

        2. Have you seen the lego flower sets? They’re actually really pretty. Kids could probably assemble them, but they’re not designed for kids.

    5. My grandmother really enjoys paint by numbers. Our local botanical garden always has some really lovely designs.

    6. I don’t know about crafts in particular but maybe accessories like lighted magnifying lens or task lamps would be appreciated. Make sure it has a real plug for a wall outlet, not the annoying USB that everything has these days even my new immersion blender ugh

    8. I would go to your local Joann’s, Hobbylobby or LYS (local yarn store) and buy a craft kit that is sealed, with a gift exchange receipt.

      The she can exchange the kit if it’s too easy, a different craft than she enjoys, too fiddly, change yarns if neded.

      Maybe what she would love is a skein of luxury sock yarn, maybe it’s emboidery stuff, maybe paints, maybe some nice quilting batter…

        1. Thanks for the heads up!
          Very happy to amend to “any suitable hobby store local to you”.

          For the Lego flowers mentioned above: I think those are perfect gifts for 40-60 year olds who like puzzles and have nostalgic Lego memories, but I wouldn’t consider them crafts.

          I do both skilled crafts and grownup Lego, and the Lego is fun, but not creative. And for people who don’t like charts, they are a nightmare. (I like them.)

    10. I have a sports bra from under armour which fastens. It’s a comfortable bra, but can be a little tricky to get on if the straps are worn crosswise.

      https://www.underarmour.ca/en-ca/p/sports_bras/womens_ua_infinity_2.0_high_sports_bra/1384112.html?dwvar_1384112_color=100&dwvar_1384112_size=S%20D-DD&country=CA&currency=CAD&cid=PLA_OMD_CA_500_D5Lbn4GQowU&gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAADgZK6aq5oTt_f_pSnHCkON9UmB-q&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI_-yxmYXViQMVF09HAR0ZISBdEAQYASABEgJWk_D_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

    11. They have lots of fun craft kits at Target that my seniors like. Might be something to consider if you don’t know the specific craft. Because they’re cheaper, you can get a variety of things.

  7. Tell us about the veterans in your family! We have two grandpas who served in WWII; an infantryman and a tank driving instructor!

    1. My grandfather was in the Navy and served in WII; he was stationed off the east coast of Canada looking for German submarines.

      It’s Remembrance Day here. Lest we forget.

    2. I have at least one great-grandfather who served in WWI (in France – the only time he ever left his state) and whose own grandchildren did not know because he never talked about it. I was the one who found his documentation because I got curious when I saw the canteen in a box of his things that my great-grandmother had stored away. When I was in France I laid flowers at the Tomb of the Unknown and the elderly man (probably a WWII vet although I am not good at reading French medals) nearby and I had a great conversation about what his parents had told him about the Americans who were in France during that war.

      My grandfather joined the Navy as soon as he turned 18. His original ship left without him because he was exposed to measles on the train ride to the base so they put him on the next one out – which turned out to be at Pearl Harbor on 12/7. He always marked that day, but did not like to talk about it, although if we watched a WWII documentary he would often point out errors. The rest of his generation of relatives just missed the age cut-off.

      And my father and stepfather are both older Baby Boomers so they were the lucky generation who got Vietnam. Both of them joined other branches of the military to keep from being drafted into the Army. Dad ended up in SE Asia. He never saw combat and has a lot of residual guilt over friends who died. And Stepfather never got closer than Hawaii because he is one of the luckiest people on the planet.

    3. My father and father in law were both in WW 2. My fil was in combat in Italy. My father served in the Pacific and was a disabled vet. My sister was in the Guard, called up for the Attica riots, and her husband was in the Army and served in Vietnam. My mother was a VA nurse post WW 2.

    4. We have a long line of veterans going back to the Revolutionary War. Notably, my grandmother was a WAVE during WWII – I believe the only woman in my family who formally served. My grandfather fought in Europe at the same time my husband’s grandfather was closing in on Berlin with the Soviet Army – one of those “small world” moments to have such a connection with such different backgrounds.

    5. My grandfather was in World War II and served as a medic (or worked with medics?). My family has always credited his supervising officer as the guy who helped my grandfather ultimately get into medical school, because he wouldn’t have had the grades otherwise.

    6. Both of my grandfathers were in the Navy and served in WWII. One was on a ship that was sunk by the Japanese in Pearl Harbor. He survived in the ocean for 5 hours.

    7. My grandfather served in WWII where he met my grandmother. She was German, and had been sent to help the American soldiers as an office admin because she spoke English. After the war ended they lived in Germany for several years and would have stayed had my grandmother not convinced my grandfather to return to the US to use the GI Bill. It’s interesting to think how my family history may have changed had they not returned to the US!
      My grandfather never spoke of the war beyond the most surface level comments. Sadly, just before his death he suffered a bout of dementia and for the first time his memories of (accidentally) being part of a concentration camp liberation effort came to light. I say accidentally because his unit was supposed to be behind the lines, but that didn’t always happen. He was reliving the utter horror of what he saw 60 years prior, right before his death.
      My father in law served for his country before emigrating to the US.
      My husband is an army officer, currently active duty since before 9/11.
      Thank you to all who have served!

      1. My step-grandfather was with the British troops who liberated Belsen. (He met his first wife there – she had been a prisoner.) He had quite a few stories from his time with the occupying army – including an account of using aircraft engine parts to pimp a car to race around the Nürburgring – but he refused to talk about Belsen. I can’t even imagine what it must have been like for them.

    8. My great-grandmother’s second husband was on one of the ships at Pearl Harbor during the attack and lost most of his hearing. The family lore is that he had to jump off the ship and got covered in oil. There’s newspaper articles about it, but I haven’t seen them in years. Thanks for the reminder!

    9. My grandfather served in WWII in the Pacific Theatre. He was part of an Ordnance group; I think a mechanic of some sort. I have a bracelet made of Philippine coins he brought back (or sent) to my grandmother.

      My dad served in the Navy during the Vietnam Era. He had a couple of years of engineering coursework at college so they sent him to nuclear school and he served in the Submarine Service.

    10. My grandfather was drafted into the army for WWII and spent the last 8 months of the war as a POW of the Germans. He never spoke about it until we was about 85, but told us a decent amount over the last 15 years of his life. He died in 2018 at 101

      No one else in my family in the last three generations has served in the military. But lots of teachers and civil servants

    11. My Grandpa was a WWII Navy veteran, but a sole surviving son after his brother was killed in an army air corps training accident, so he did not see combat. I got to meet up with him and fellow veterans on an Honor Flight tour of the DC war memorials several years ago, and it was the best. RIP grampa.

      My mom is the only one of her siblings who is NOT a veteran. I have two uncles were Marines in the 80s, one military police and embassy security, the other a maintainer and driver for amphibious assault vehicles. Aunt and another uncle by marriage were Army helo maintainers active duty and then stayed in the Army and later Air Force Reserves… I remember we thought my little cousins would have to come stay with us if they were both mobilized for Desert Shield/Storm, but fortunately that didn’t happen.

      I did one term of enlistment and my husband did two in the Air Force as reconnaissance aircrew. Sister is a career Army officer who spent 18 months in Afghanistan. And of course I have tons of friends and coworkers last and present who have served or continue to serve.

      I have a cousin who served in the Coast Guard, so we just need Space Force to have all the services represented in my family!

    12. My five maternal uncles all saw combat in WWII and amazingly they all came home in one piece.
      My dad was in the Navy Air Force in WWII. He was on the young side and mercifully the war ended before he actually had to go fight (he was still in training).
      My older brother enlisted in the Air Force to avoid the Vietnam-era draft. He ended up going to language school and being an interpreter in Taiwan.
      My husband joined the Army National Guard, also to avoid the Vietnam-era draft. (His lottery number was 7!) He served 6 years of weekends and a month every summer, mostly here in So Cal but also at bases all over the U.S.
      My daughter (pre-transition so still living as a man back then) served three years in the Marine Corps in the earlly 2010s. She was stationed in Japan for most of that time, working in aircraft ordnance.

      I don’t have any details about anybody before that, other than a very distant ancestor who fought in the Revolutionary War.

    13. My husband’s father was a pilot and base commander in the Air Force. He was shot down behind enemy lines in Asia and survived by eating grubs until he could find the right side of that line. His brother died in combat.

      My father was also Air Force but not as highly ranked as my husband’s father. My father used military enrollment to get out of rural poverty. He was in the military for 20 years, got an education, and went all over the world as a Staff Sergeant.

    14. 1 grandad is a retired air force colonel. He was involved in the cold war and in vietnam.
      Another grandad was army infantry. He was involved in the Korean war, but doesn’t talk about it much except to my Army husband
      Husband is former army and current reservist. His grandad was Army in WWII Europe.
      Several extended families who are career military in a mix of branches.

      One side’s military service was involved in every major war all the way back to the civil war.

    15. My paternal grandfather was a WW1 medic. Two uncles were in the UK army, one served in Palestine and one was a POW. Numerous uncles and aunts were in UK military services during WW2; one aunt was a fire watcher in the London Blitz.

    16. Two great uncles who were brothers went in at 18 years of age in WW2 and were pilots. One flew a bomber, the other a fighter. They never spoke of it. I suspect they were fast tracked because both knew how to fly, albeit smaller planes, prior to entering service. Another relative quietly served in a desk capacity in intelligence during the Cold War, but does not consider himself a veteran.

    17. My great uncle fought in Korea, was captured, and spent time as a Prisoner of War. He developed diabetes during his time as a POW, directly related to his treatment there. His vision was impaired but we all loved to visit with him and would announce ourselves as we approached him.

    18. My grandfather served in the navy in WW2. He was one of 7 kids; all 5 of the boys enlisted and all 5 came home. Grandpa served mostly in the South Pacific and until he died in his 70s he could not swim!

      Two of my best friends did ROTC in college then served in Afghanistan. One went from the marines to be an ER doc and the other is a JAG.

  8. Any favorite drugstore multi vitamins? I am in my mid-40s and will ask my doctor if she has specific recs, but the PA I saw for a routine check up recently suggested I consider taking one.

    3. Maybe Jarrow? I usually pay a premium since a lot of drugstore brands use cheap minerals that upset my stomach, but that was my last tight budget alternative. My sister and mom like Garden of Eden if that is in drugstores now.

      1. What are you using that doesn’t upset your stomach? I’m having the same problem.

    4. Costco for hair/skin/nails.

      I take my iron and vitamin D separately, as I am low in both. And take calcium separately if I am drinking less milk/dairy.

  9. I want flat notecards with my name on them. I cannot tell quality based on Amazon or Etsy. Anyone have favorites? These would be for more work related correspondence. I’d also like a small notepad for more casual notes (sending something interoffice)

      1. +1 This is what I have. If you want the real deal, they’re the way to go. It’s a pretty big step up from Amazon or Etsy though.

  10. I need to change up some of my news sources, because while I voted for Harris I’m not going to be outraged by every tweet and late night announcement for the next four years. I’m generally pretty well informed but think many US sources are focused on the beltway and I’d like a more comprehensive view of what’s going on in the world.

    I currently read the WSJ every day and the Washington Post and NYT most days. I used to listen to NYT’s The Headlines and The Daily but they’re so fixated on Trump outrage and I need something else. Used to be a huge NPR fan and still listen to my local NPR station but the national coverage is too left for me anymore. Any ideas?

    2. I canceled my WP subscription and got the Economist instead b/c a) I want something more globally focused and b) I have no appetite for daily news at the moment. I think PBS is a good news source althoughTBD how it fares going forward.

      2. Agree with BBC. Also the Canadian news is excellent. Global perspectives and excellent quality.

    4. No recs, but totally agree about NPR! And they are injecting their opinions into the news now too!

    6. The NYT still has pretty good reporting if you scroll beyond the politics headlines. I also like the Atlantic, which has been politics heavy recently, but has good science and tech reporting. The LA Times actually also has surprisingly good science and environment reporting, with an emphasis on California (not surprisingly). And I know this is the opposite of what you asked, but I think spending more time and money on local news can also be helpful, as I think one of the problems with our polarized political climate is that everything has become nationalized, and supporting local news and focusing on getting things done on a local level helps combat that.

      2. I started listening to the Free Press’s podcast about 2 years ago and now subscribe to the daily email. A friend with whom I kinda but not really align on politics suggested it. I’ve shared many of the newsletters with people who are more right and more left than I am, and they also seem to like it.
        In the last several months, I appreciated their reporting seeming neutral and discussing the problems with both sides and interviewing people who were switching parties for the election and why. The FP did not endorse a candidate but did say the staff was pretty split on who people were voting for.
        The topic on which there is one-sided reporting is Israel; the founder of the FP and her partner are Jewish.

    8. I stopped my recurring NPR donation over the organization’s anti-woman stance and picked up a subscription to the Atlantic.

  11. My grandfather was in World War II and served as a medic (or worked with medics?). My family has always credited his supervising officer as the guy who helped my grandfather ultimately get into medical school, because he wouldn’t have had the grades otherwise.

  13. PSA -someone was asking about MOMA store sales here recently & they have a $25 off and free shipping on all $125+ orders, combinable with member discount if you want to join or just as is.

    1. Too late for me – my order arrives tomorrow. But anyone who likes sending Christmas cards, I can recommend the pop-up cards from MoMA. I’ve been sending them for years and they are always appreciated, and a hit in houses with kids, but they also have cute non-childish motives. Plus, if you overthink how to fill a card with witty content – these cards only have space for a very perfunctory greeting!

        1. oops… sorry, it isn’t clear with some of them if it is per card or groups of cards. Doesn’t always give the number of cards.

          1. Usually they are boxes of 8, which is still not cheap I know. I also love the Trader Joe’s $1 cards. Sending people cards gives me a lot of joy (and reciprocity is not expected).

  14. Are in season oranges available yet on the East coast? I mean I know you can buy oranges year round but I was thinking ones from Florida or maybe Ca that haven’t traveled around the world to get here.

    Not a big orange person but craving them for some reason — what types do I start with? I actually don’t live the super small ones that are always around near Christmas.

    1. I initially read that first sentence as was orange color clothing in season and wondered if you needed a fashionable hunting blaze. Anyway… orange season in Florida starts in November so should be getting them soon.

      2. Ohhh yes to Cara Cara oranges.

        This may be native Californian jingoism but I was actually on the citrus judging team of the FFA and learned that Florida oranges are primarily juicing oranges (Valencias) and California oranges are those that are eaten out of hand (like Navel oranges, which were invented here.)

        Here in California, oranges are ripe in January. I have an orange tree myself and have a bunch of green oranges right now. I just looked up Cara Caras and their peak season also begins in January.

        Orange growers are reasonably good at storage so most of us are eating out of season oranges for a good part of the year, same with apples.

    4. The summer oranges in So Cal have usually been local Valencia. This summer we have had weeks and weeks with no oranges at all in my local non-Big-Three supermarket. The only oranges that *have* made it in have been from Chile. Only last week did local oranges show up again.

  15. Do you entertain at home and why or why not? I live in the suburbs, in a pretty fancy suburb but I noticed we’re rarely invited to people’s homes. In fact, I’d say our friends with much more modest homes are more likely to invite us over than people with huge fancy homes. I’m wondering if it’s just that dinner out is less of a burden for wealthier folks? Or maybe some of these big houses are in a constant state of redecoration or renovation?

    1. My husband is so anxious that I can invite people for sports ball and drinking but nothing else except family and even then it’s stressingto him. If I could only slip him a relaxing pill. It’s sad (to me), so I am on Team Meet Out For Drinks except when he is away for work or helping his mom out.

      1. My husband is also anxious about having people over. It’s been a while. I find it easier to do an impromptu “come over for a while” to a friend or two and hang out in the backyard, weather permitting, or have a snack or something, rather than a whole dinner party.

    2. Not often, aside from a neighbor popping in for a chat and a glass of something type of thing, for the following reasons-
      – we bought a smaller home intentionally to have less to furnish and maintain, and having more than 2 extra adults around just doesn’t fit in our living area
      – it’s a lot less work to go out! No figuring out what to serve, making sure the bathrooms are all freshly cleaned and have the nice towels out, putting our own stuff away so there’s a place to hang guest coats, etc.
      – introverted and home is my recharging sanctuary, aka for people who don’t count as “social energy”

      1. oh also, dietary restrictions and allergies. so many people follow different diets or are worried about cross-contamination in a home kitchen! Falls under “a lot less work to go out” general category, but it’s harder than it used to be to just serve an easy crowd-pleaser type of meal.

        1. This feels familiar. Between my husband’s medical dietary restrictions and mine, I am not sure we really even remember what normal food tastes like. We also only have one restroom so if takeout doesn’t agree w/guests or if guests cheat on their dietary intolerances for social reasons and then feel sick, that is awkward too.

    3. We do have people over and go over people’s houses a lot, but we live in a smaller town and there aren’t that many great options for going out. When we lived in a major city, we occasionally had people over, but went out much more often. Plus we have young kids now, and it’s easier for the adults to relax and chat when they can go off and play together.

    5. Never. We’re at a different stage of life than our colleagues and peers and don’t want to make people uncomfortable or draw insensitive comments. People regularly ask my husband if he’s the lawn care boy when he’s out working in the yard.

    6. I’m a single mom and have a toddler. I have a standing date with my two best friends — they come for dinner on Wednesday. We normally get take out, they play with my kid for an hour or so, and then we hang out and talk after I put her to bed. Since we normally get take out, it’s not about saving money but about being able to hang out longer and it’s just easier at home with a toddler.

      I might have some friends over on the weekend, but that’s only about once every six weeks or so. And I have a big event with 15+ people two to three times a year.

      IME, many of my female friends stopped having people over when they moved in her a SO who was introverted. They may have had people over every other week in the past and now it’s more like 3 or 4 times a year.

      And, for what it’s worth, we live in a HCOL area. I’m in a townhouse and most of my friends are in apartments, so it’s not like we I have gorgeous huge houses

    7. We host a fair amount but it is absolutely less work to go out so often we’ll opt for that since we can afford to go out.

      Hosting involves planning a meal, which can be tricky if hosting multiple people with different tastes, dietary restrictions, etc. plus there’s the pre hosting cleaning/tidying and post hosting clean up. Also if we want to socialize with adults that’s easier to do out of the house with a babysitter than to have constant interruptions, etc.

      We still love hosting but going out is nice, too. Going out is more expensive from a dollars perspective but a bargain from a time perspective.

    8. A couple times a week. When we lived in an apartment in the city, we had people over less often – maybe 1-2 times a month – and were virtually never invited to other peoples’ homes (always met at restaurants, a park, a show). Now we have 1,900 not-fancy square feet in a not-fancy suburb and have people over all the time – usually one or two couples/families, but last night we hosted 50 for dinner and we’ll have an open house for 50+ in January also. We host more often than we are hosted though.

    9. We entertain at home regularly and while people are decent at reciprocating, most of them so so by hosting us at restaurants. There’s no question that it’s easier to host a dinner out so I assume that’s why they do it. Especially because the “huge fancy homes” people set the bar for entertaining at home pretty high, I think. So if they are going to entertain at home it’s going to be A Thing.

    10. We do fairly frequently. In addition to hosting major holidays for our extended family each year, we also host my office’s summer BBQ each summer in the backyard, which is about 50+ people. We also had our wedding reception in the backyard in a rented tent. We purchased this house with the specific intent that we would host in it. We live in the suburbs on the East Coast, tristate area.

    11. I rarely host a sit down meal. It’s hard to cook a delicious, balanced meal for a group and get the timing of each dish right. Once I consider the extra work of cleaning beforehand and afterward it’s not worth the stress. But I love hosting people for drinks and appetizers, either before going to a restaurant or for a casual gathering. It’s easy to put out charcuterie plus one or two Trader Joes type apps in the oven. People are so impressed when you put a little creativity into mixed drinks.

    12. Live in a small LCOL town, but also still living in the same 2 bedroom apartment we moved into when we got married. Trying to save for a house and we like the neighborhood. We hardly ever hosted before the baby and we’re even less likely to do so now. It’s just too small!
      If we ever can afford to buy, I’d like an outdoor hosting area and a little house. I’m introverted and don’t really like people in my house, but going out can be a financial burden on folks and I like feeding people and maintaining community and family ties. Outdoor hosting area means that I have the option to host, but I can still have boundaries.
      I’m a lot poorer and more rural than many folks on this board, but I’ve never actually known anyone who had a big house who didn’t host regularly and/or have a large family.

    13. We do host quite a bit, though our preference is very chill get-togethers, not fancy dinner parties or anything.

      I will say that hosting has become a lot harder, because of the dietary restrictions and preferences issue. There have been plenty of times where I’ve talked myself out of hosting something because I know I’d struggle to have something to please everyone.

      1. I feel that medicine desperately needs to figure out how to treat ailments with something other than restricted diets. Even if we wanted diets to change instead, it is really not as though there’s one inclusive diet that everyone can access? Sometimes it feels like gastroenterologists offer PPIs and dietary restrictions to everyone who sees them these days. But I know a lot of the diagnoses are real and hard or impossible to manage without diet (Celiac, gastritis, gastroparesis, diabetes, Crohn’s, food allergy, and more). Maybe we need to figure out why these conditions are becoming so increasingly common, or maybe they always were and I just didn’t notice till I was older!

    14. We regularly “split the difference” with friends: we meet at a restaurant for dinner, with an invitation back to our house afterwards for dessert and coffee. We have the table set and ready to go before we leave so it’s just a matter of starting the coffee when we get home after dinner.

    15. Hosting stresses me out. I am not confident in my cooking. I worry that people won’t appreciate my friendly cats. I want to go to bed when I want to go to bed.

    16. In 20 years of being married and in our house we never have had people over. We always meet out. It’ s just less work and everyone can get what they want. My friend who lives in a rural area only goes to or host in home dinner parties since the restaurant options are so limited.

  16. Is it common for an employer to only give the day off to veterans? I had never heard of this approach but find myself working today while the rest of my family has the day off.

    1. I’ve never heard of that, but I think it’s pretty rare for private sector to have the day off at all

    3. Never heard of a private employer doing that, but if they work for government or adjacent fields, they may have the holiday off.

    4. My spouse is a veteran and neither of us have worked in a place that give the day off to anyone, regardless of service status. I have never heard of selective time off for it, either.

      FWIW, he hates the day and wishes it would return to being observed as Armistice Day.

    5. I’ve never heard of that. I’ve also never had the day off and have worked for both private employers and the government (although government is higher ed, which tends not to be super generous with federal holidays).

    6. That’s odd but if a company is too d@mn cheap to give it as a day off, at the very least it should give the day off to Vets!

      I’m in government so am enjoying my day off

    7. There are some states that require that (only) veterans be given Veterans’ Day off.

  17. Need advice from the hive on car buying. Given that new cars depreciate so quickly, it makes sense to buy a car that is anywhere from a few months to two years old. That said, with factory incentives on interest rates and cash back vs. the generally higher interest rates on used cars, I am at a loss to figure out the better deal. Both my son and I are in the market during the next year.

    1. I always buy new because the price on a car that’s 2-4 years old is never much lower, and you’ve lost out on all that repair-free time.

      1. + 1. When I was younger, I purchased 5+ year old cars because they are significantly cheaper. Now, I just purchase new. You are not saving much on a car that is only 2 years old. And for that small amount of savings, I would rather just get new

        1. I can afford a new car. My son wants a new car but he should be looking at the 5-6 year old range based on his income. But what does mom know?

    2. I’ve historically been a fan of leasing, but plan to buy our cars as they come off lease this year. I’d only buy my own used car – in the past I’ve had more issues with used cars than buying new. I prefer to inflict all the damage on the car.

    3. I just bought a used car. Basically, I came up with a wish list and a budget and test drove a bunch of cars that met those parameters. I ultimately picked a used car (2 years old) because it was my favorite that I drove. It saved me about $13k over buying it new and the other cars in my budget I didn’t like as much.

    4. I think you’re struggling because it is too theoretical. You say that there are dealer bonuses, but interest rates are worse, costs are higher. You need hard numbers and you’re only going to get that by finding a specific make, with specific incentives, specific mileage, specific warranties, etc.

      Figure out what brand you want, test drive a few new cars and some CPO cars on the lot, and then run the numbers on dealer incentives, interest rates, etc.

    5. Look on edmunds dot com and kbb dot com to research cars and best buys for the class / type of car you want. You can shop dealer pricing from the comfort of your home too. Costco also has a car buying service.

      Some models are still offering 0% financing or close to that, and for that, it’s worth it to buy new, for the lack of necessary maintenance–as others have noted, I’d rather have two more years of a car running well/cheap than save $5K off the top.

      FWIW, I love my VW Tiguan, and I have a 0% loan on it, and it’s been trouble free for 4.5 years!

      Also, a lot of the stuff I have been reading says to buy cars prior to the orange cheeto taking office, because even if you buy a domestic or domestic-assembled brand, many car parts come from abroad, and the promises of tariffs mean car prices will likely rise.

    6. Why do you care about the depreciation on a new car? I know it’s a thing our dads told us, but if you’re planning on keeping the car for some time, why does the depreciation matter? With a new car you receive the factory incentives and the warranty.

      1. I bought my car for $36,000 with 5,000 miles on it. The best I could have done brand new was $46,000. Those 5,000 miles were not worth $10,000 to me, personally. Still really happy with my car and the deal I got, 100k miles later.

    7. I try to buy a dealer car or former loaner. They usually have <1,000 miles and all the warrantees are still intact. Major cost savings

  18. Any recommendations for cozy winter bedding? I returned the coma inducer recently because it looked and felt cheap to me.

    1. We have 13 year old flannel sheets from Garnet Hill and they are still cozy and soft. We just got out the flannel and the kids said “Oh! The fleecy sheets! Yay!” (Their sheets are 2 or 3 years old.)

      1. I have some old hand me down Garnet hill sheets that are fantastic as well, but the stuff I have bought there more recently has fallen apart incredibly quickly.

      3. I am still using flannel sheets and duvet cover from Garnet Hill that I purchased in 1987. These were a splurge at the sale price then, but so, so worth it.

        1. My Garnet Hill comforter duvet and pillowcases held strong from 1996 to 2016, and then I got new ones recently from the Company Store and Macy’s. Land’s End and LLBean Portuguese flannel is also worth the splurge, in my experience.

    2. I love my down comforter, just wish it had a cotton cover rather than microfiber. The microfiber doesn’t breath as well as cotton and I find the edges scratchy where the fabric folds into the seams.

        1. Because I hate duvets and adding an outer layer doesn’t get rid of the microfiber inside.

      2. I bought my heavy fill down comforter from Nordstrom and I love it. It has a cotton cover. Over that, I use a plain cotton shell from IKEA.

  19. I need new luggage and planning on asking for a set for Christmas. What does everyone like these days? opinions on hard vs. soft? I need both a new carry-on size and larger checked size.

    1. My first trip using my new Cotopaxi Allpa carry on is next week. I have the 35L and can’t wait to use it.

    2. I got new hard luggage from Monos a couple of years ago and have been really happy with it. They are having a sale right now, too. Also their packing cubes are great.

      1. I bought a Beis carry on last year and just ordered their matching check-in bag from eBay (new with tags, about half off retail). I’m a big fan. By contrast, I ordered and sent back a Monos bag as it seemed much worse quality, and their customer service for returns was a nightmare.

    5. Travel Pro, soft side, two not four wheels. I have one “carry-on”, and one I can usually carry on. Both are great.

      1. +1, I recommend the TravelPro Maxl1te (two wheels! four are awful anywhere other than airport linoleum) all the time. Have used the checked bag (26″) on over a dozen trips at this point, some with connections (so extra risk of rough treatment) and it barely has a scuff in the fabric.

      2. + to TravelPro. I am currently using a bag from their weight reduced line. It seems solid and makes it easier to haul the bag around.

      3. + 1 for TravelPro, specifically, their FlightCrew 5 line, which is marketed to aviation professionals and not sold commercially, only at pilot and flight crew specialty stores online (but these outfits will sell to non-pilots too!)

    6. I greatly prefer soft-sided, and expandable. I have a Briggs & Riley suitcase and I will evangelize for the brand until I die–it’s so well made, and it’s the only brand that has a no-questions asked, no exceptions lifetime warranty. Lots of other brands have fine print where their warranty is actually trash.

      B&R is pricy but worth it.

      1. Same! I am a diehard Briggs and Riley fan for life. Their suitcases are serious- not a lot of options for colour, but the cases are well-made, well-designed, and supported by an amazing warranty.

      2. +1 for Briggs & Riley, particularly the expandable ‘euro” size cabin rollaboard. Get black, not the tan (which shows dirt).

    7. I used to travel with a Patagonia Black Hole duffel (40L) which I loved, but I also travel with a laptop backpack and after a season of delayed connections, felt like I really wanted a wheeled carryon.

      I bought the Monos because I liked the look of it and … I have very mixed feelings about it.

      I liked the flexibility of the duffel … if there wasn’t overhead space, I could put it under the seat. Now I feel a lot of boarding anxiety about where I’ll put my bag.

      I’m still getting used to the clamshell design. It makes packing more challenging because I have to even out both sides. Unzipped and open, I need space to lay the whole thing flat, instead of my old wheeled carry on where I just opened the top “flap”. If I overpack the side with the handle, the handle will not raise up all the way.

  20. Ideas for some semi-fine everyday jewelry, preferably with an in-person store? Trying to upgrade my daily wear pieces but don’t want fine jewelry prices (budget is about $50-100 per item for rings, necklaces, bracelets). I wear both yellow gold, silver, and mixed metals. Sometimes I wear gunmetal, but I don’t look good in rose gold. TIA.

    1. Honestly don’t bother. All you can get for that budget is junk that will tarnish. I’d put whatever you were going to spend in a jewelry fund and when you hit a higher dollar amount, buy real metal.

      2. Yeah, I’ve noticed prices for even halfway decent jewelry have gone up considerably in recent years

    2. For that budget you can look for gold plated or gold vermeil but it won’t be semi-fine jewelry.

    3. You can follow “talesfromthejunkpile” on instagram. She posts gold pieces that have been scrapped for minimal markups. Costco also has some solid gold deals now. There are heart studs that are 14k and $100 IIRC.

    4. That budget is not going to get you real metal. Can you up your budget and go with fewer pieces?

    6. I like PDPaola in that price range. Their stuff is microplated and wears well, and looks more expensive than it is.

    7. I would allocate your budget all to 1-2 pieces – that price point is not going to get you a real increase in quality.

    8. I don’t agree. You can get real sterling silver jewelry in that price range. Check out smaller independent jewelry shops or even TJ Maxx, which sometimes has nice simple jewelry (I recently got a pair of small sterling silver hoops there for about $20).

    9. It’s not semi-fine, but I have some nice pieces from Linjer in a similar price range. Of course I’m not expecting it to last forever and I’m not wearing everything daily, but they have some pretty pieces and and the gold vermeil pieces I have had for a 1+ years are holding up well. Personally I’d rather have several pieces in that price range that make me happy to wear now.

    10. I think Monica Vinader pieces look quite nice, and they should be in your budget. I’ve not bought any, but I have seen them in store and have a few items I’d like to get.

      There are regularly discount codes about, I’ve seen them on places like the Melissa Murell MM Personal Styling channel on youtube.

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