ByKat Hours Updated
Comments 249 Comments

Weekend Open Thread

black blouse with feminine details at button placket

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

I'm always a fan of a slightly romantic top like this one from Treasure & Bond. I think the button loop details look fun in person or via Zoom, and I think this is absolutely the kind of blouse you can wear with jeans (as pictured) or with a full suit. I love the ruched details at the shoulders, too.

(I think this is even the kind of neckline that might look beautiful layered under the right V-neck sweater or vest, but it would take some time playing with your sweaters to find the exact right V-neck. Ooh, especially the ivory one, if you love the way ivory/white brightens your face but you're a bit too messy to trust yourself to wear light colors.)

The pictured top is on sale at Nordstrom for $46. It also comes in ivory, red, a brownish floral, and olive, and is machine washable.

Looking for something similar? I can't find anything in plus sizes, so if you know of one please list it in the comments… if you're looking for something of higher quality, the top is very similar to this beautiful silk blouse that Club Monaco as well as this beautiful blouse from L'Agence.

Sales of note for 12.5

249 Comments

  1. I have been depressed this week since Tuesday and need to snap out of it. How do I do so?

    1. I don’t think this kind of grief is something you can just snap out of. It comes in waves. Allow yourself to feel it. It’s an acknowledgement of loss that we need to feel.

      I find that connection and community really help. And also ice cream.

    2. What helped me most is getting off the internet (mostly, obviously still here). There is so much doom and gloom and fear out there right now, and even if it all ends up being true, to me at least there is no benefit from the worry and stress over something that might occur in the future.

        1. Same – haven’t turned on MSNBC since about 10 pm Tuesday night. I do need to get off of X too. But no TV has helped – lots of Hallmark christmas movies running in the background. Even if I’m not watching closely, t’s nice to see the picture perfect Christmas scenery.

      2. Yup. At this point, it’s an act of self-preservation. It’s okay. I’ll find my way back eventually.

      1. I just applied to adopt a dog. This week told me clearly I need daily joy and I am ready!

    4. I’ve stayed off of all news sites since Tuesday. I’ve been thinking about small projects around the house and the garden before it freezes, maybe trying out an easy sewing project (I don’t sew). When I want to check the news, I’ll open Libby and start an audiobook.

      1. for your garden – great time to think about improving your soil quality with compost or even just leaf mulch, you can also still plant tulips and other spring bulbs. you can also start some seeds in the fall to bloom in the spring, but it’s a bit late for that unless you’re still 6 weeks away from your first frost.

        1. I wrote to my local stables and they said I’m welcome to grab some horse manure. The rhubarb will be so amazing next year!

    5. Go be with people.
      This week, I had a work-related event where no one could talk politics but had to talk, a kid school event where we all were not talking politics tp be polite and a talk with my mom who was probably ambivalent about Harris but still voted for her because I asked her to and made me feel better by just letting me talk. All made me feel better. I think so much of the issue is it feels isolating that just connecting with others on any level makes humanity feel more manageable.

    6. Understand that Trump is the overwhelming choice of the US electorate and get over it.

      3. Not really overwhelming.. he won the same number of states he did in 2016 with similar margins in the key Rust Belt swing states.

        1. Check your math.

          Trump lost Nevada in 2016.

          More importantly, he blew the doors off of states like Florida and Ohio, and (for having not campaigned there either at all or until the last week) done remarkably well in NY, NJ, VA.

          I seem to think New York was closer to being a swing state than Florida was.

          1. But as you people loved to say in 2016, the popular vote is irrelevant in our electoral system. 🤷‍♀️
            Kamala was almost as close in the electoral college as Hillary was.

    7. Go volunteer it will help more than a vote ever will. I’m talking mutual aid networks, meals on wheels, art museum, library fundraisers, prom dress drives, animal shelters, parks & rec. focus on your community. Shut off the news and realize that the one person on top can’t change the system we all just have to learn to work within it.

      1. So if one person on top cannot change the system, does mean he’s not really worse than Hitler? We were told he was worse than Hitler but now instead of organizing we should go for a walk? Doesn’t working within the system mean we’re collaborators?

        1. So far, it is correct that he’s not worse than Hitler.
          You can organize.
          You can also go for a walk.
          No, working within the system does not mean you are a collaborator.
          If your joke is that extremists use extreme rhetoric, yes, that’s true, and not funny, whether Trump is your Savior or whether he’s worse than Hitler.

    8. Stop giving away your power. You can choose to not buy into every line fed to you about this being terrible and look at the facts. It’s a lame duck presidency, democracy didn’t die, we’ve already seen the show before. You can choose to not get worked up about it and view it as what it is, a party change and a feature of American democracy, not a bug. And before you at me, I’m a life long democrat voter.

          1. Sorry, I see you were joking based on a comment upthred. Exactly, the extreme thinking is just that, extreme.

    9. I enjoy thinking of Trump and the legislature having to work through their expiring tax cuts. Have fun with that.

  2. I’m attending a Catholic wake and funeral next week. I know I’m supposed to wear black, but can I get a bit more guidance for both the wake and the funeral? I work from home so I don’t have much “workwear” at the ready; I can try to shop but I don’t have much time.

    I know this isn’t about me or about fashion — I just want to try to get it right out of respect.

    Thank you!

    1. I would say any dark clothes you own are fine.

      But: The last wake and funeral I went to had people in pastels, though (family members!!) so I’m not sure.

    2. Formality depends on the region/community, but generally, you are looking for “dark and boring”. Something that covers your shoulders, doesn’t show major cleavage, and is knee length or more. Dress or pants and a sweater, blazer, whatever. And any shoe that isn’t a super s**y high heel (flats, work-appropriate pumps, boots or booties).

    3. Do you know that you need to wear black from your familiarity with the family or with past funerals/wakes at local Catholic churches? Or is your idea coming from funerals you’ve seen in TV/movies? I ask because I have never gone to a funeral where the dress code was “all black.” I see those funerals depicted on TV shows, and maybe they’re expected in some cultural settings, but that’s not what the funerals I go to look like. I have only once been to a funeral where the majority of men wore suits and the majority of women were in dark dresses.

      In my settings—church-going Protestants, but not formal — people generally wear “suitably subdued” clothing. Women are often in a pair of slack/trousers and a blouse or sweater, etc. The top won’t be festive or bright, but it’s also not black. Sometimes men are in suits and women are in black dresses, but that’s by no means the norm.

      1. I’m Catholic, and Catholic funerals are much closer to all black in my experience than Protestant funerals.

        1. And by closer to all black I mean black, and other dark and reasonably somber colors like navy, dark hunter green, dark purple, dark gray. In my world the more casual clothes are the more likely they are to be black, and the more formal the more room there is for other dark colors.

      2. OP here — I’m taking from my familiarity with the family as well as with the place (my hometown) as well as from some distant experience with Catholic grief rituals.

        1. Catholic here. All black is appropriate and respectful. If you do not have black, go for neat, dark, and somber. It’s def not an all white celebration of life kind of thing or where you would go casually dressed.

    4. Dark colors (doesn’t have to be black) that would be church / office appropriate. I usually wear an a line dark gray dress (my funeral dress, though it’s also in my regular work rotation) + cardigan or a black wool pencil skirt (I know dated, but works for this) + sweater or blouse. This time of year black tights + black boots + wool coat.

      Basically dark colored Ann Taylor type clothing and you’ll be fine.

      If you’re not religious or practice a different religion, it’s totally fine to just sit / stand and avoid vocally participating and kneeling. But, if you choose to participate remember that you’ll be kneeling at times so make sure whatever you wear is flexible enough for that!

    5. I’m in the midwest US, so ymmv, but funeral attire here for both the visitation and the mass is very casual. I usually go with dark colored pants and a subdued sweater. Lots of people come in jeans or whatever they wore to work.

      1. Oh this is very regional – in my area (Northeast middle class) every single man at a funeral will be in a dark suit

        1. And varies by socioeconomic class. More rural tends to equal more casual, while the cities tend to trend more formal. Also, ime, the visitations are less formal than the mass if they are on separate days.

        2. 100%. In northeast every man will be in dark suit and tie. Women in navy,black dress or suit. Never jeans.

    6. It’s very regional, as others have said. I once went to a Catholic church funeral in Florida and was (yes, I’m a pearl clutcher) shocked to see people wearing whatever hot pink flip flops, short shorts, and tank top they wore to the grocery store immediately before the funeral. But New England upper class, it’ll be, as another poster termed it, Ann Taylor-type, black, pearls or other nice jewelry.

  3. I want to replace my frequent news-reading with fun, frivolous, girly sites. Any recommendations? Things like Refinery29 or Man Repeller or Goop, or anything that will not reference political issues.

    1. I don’t know of any girly sites, but my gender neutral proposal is The Athletic. Women can read sports news too! The Athletic seems to studiously avoid any crossover into politics, but does occasionally touch on NIL deals and contract disputes, just not with an explicitly political lens.

      1. A woman I know just started working there writing &!talking about collecting women’s sports memorabilia. Yeah!

    3. I like theeverygirl or theeverymom for a good mix of fashion, home, dating/love life articles. There will probably be some political stuff there, though.

    5. Is this a joke? It reads as…I want to wilfully turn my brain to mulch. Apologies if you’re being serious (a dear friend who was super smart used to unwind with reality TV, so maybe you’re being real!).

      1. What? Taking a break from.news and political.commentary for a while does not equate to turning one’s mind to mulch. You can watch reality TV and remain an intelligent person. You will be a more informed person if you also consume other media, but even taking a short full break is not going to retard your intellectual capabilities.

        1. Yeah, I feel like this commenter has no empathy and is pretty unphased by Tuesday. Most highly educated/intelligent people I know are unable to look at the news right now for emotional coping reasons.

      2. My read is that OP wants to give news-scrolling a break (since it’s dreadful at the moment) and find lighthearted, easy reading to replace it for now.

      3. OP here – my only phone screen-time usually is reading the NYtimes or WSJ, and my only podcasts are political or world-affairs focused. I am grieving the election and literally can’t look at any of it right now without feeling heartbroken. I just want places to go online that don’t make me feel super sad.

        1. You need some different podcasts to try. I recommend Dead Eyes, Heavyweight, Wiser than me, Criminal for some really good but unique ones.

          Get outside tomorrow. Fall is beautiful. Listen to music instead of surfing the web. Do yoga or your favorite exercise. Download the UCLA Mindfulness free App and try one 3′ meditation.

          Go out to a real movie this weekend. I heard Conclave (Ralph Fiennes/Isabella Rossellini/Stanley Tucci), and Heretic (Hugh Grant) are great with v. good reviews.

          Perhaps change your news to BBC for awhile. Start playing the games on NYT App, if you must open it.

          One day at a time.

        2. A few suggestions for you:

          Podcast: “Who Shat on the Floor at My Wedding?” is a true crime investigation, all in the title. It’s really funny and light.
          TV: Detroiters is silly & fun; Abbott Elementary is sweet; Brooklyn 99 is a balm. Emily in Paris is so very, very light and frothy, if you lean really girly.

        4. I’m the one who thought you were joking. I’m very sorry and didn’t mean to be offensive. I’ve been told I’m insensitive before, but truly thought it was another troll asking for recipes, and I was pissed off and wanted to call it out. I see this community as one of the few places us professional women can gather and help each other. So, here’s some things that have helped me. The satirical news sites are no longer the escape they used to be, because they’re insufficiency dissimilar to reality. What’s worked for some friends is to switch to books for a while, or audible. For podcasts, Vogue has some interesting podcasts about current affairs, fashion, beauty etc. Muriel Wilkins has a good one coaching executives on leadership challenges, which is not political. On with Kara Swisher has a good episode yesterday with two historians that puts things in perspective; and I feel seen listening to her, because she voices things clearly and forcefully.

          Here’s to working towards minimal damage between now and 2028. I’ll be doing everything I can.

      4. So we’re not allowed to do both? Geez, sometimes you just need a break from heavy topics. It’s not that deep.

      5. You know what? I wish my brain WAS mulch. I know mulch-brained people and they seem a hell of a lot happier than I am.

      7. Most of the news doesn’t deserve an audience right now after the kind of reporting they did this whole past year.

      8. Hot take but attitudes like this are a huge part of what landed us in this mess. The pretentious attitude that consuming news is morally superior to consuming traditional entertainment helped spawn the faux news entertainment business that allowed Florida Man to exist in the political sphere.

        1. +1! If we don’t want to be seen as the elitist snob party, we need to quit saying comments that elitist snobs say. We need to be more in the cultural zeitgeist in a non-shaming lecturing way.

    6. it can be a cess pool if you arn’t careful with curating what groups you join, but maybe some reddit groups on frivoulous topic that interest you?
      Theres a subreddit for basically anything you can imagine plus one to snark or hate on that same thing.
      I regularly visit:
      handbags- for a super dose of pretty bags and window shopping. Theres an hermesgame subreddit if you want to go down the rabbit hole of the truely out of touch.
      HobbyDrama – will have longer form posts about hobby drama and history you never knew existed.
      my local city’s group – local interest, local politics and news, discussions about local events and history
      craftsnark- any craft is welcome but sewing and knitting are the big topics.
      nolawns – native plant landscaping enthusists
      designmyroom – real people asking for help on their interior design

      1. Mine are abrathatfits ( life changing), cats, bulldogs, knitting, old houses, mighty crop, skincare addicts, legal advice and best of, best of r edditor updates, my city, my state, handbags, Indian food, whatsthisbird, and various tv show groups.

  4. I posted a while back about struggling with my weight in the wake on multiple miscarriages, and my RE telling me I’m overweight and it’s an issue. Thanks in part to advice I got here, I switched to a (female) RE. I saw her yesterday and she was so kind. When I told her I’ve put on 15 pounds in the past 18 months (3 MCs) she said of course you have, it’s not a problem, your weight is fine, just try to eat well, stay active, and keep your stress levels down. It was so validating and she was so much better than the previous doctor I saw. So thanks to everyone who suggested I find a better doctor, it was definitely worth it.

    1. I am so glad for you. Finding a provider who treats you with care and respect is huge.

    2. I dumped my former primary care doctor for similar reasons. You deserve to be treated with respect and compassion.

    3. That’s so great! I had a provider tell me I needed to lose weight or I’d never get pregnant. She wasn’t interested in hearing about my exercise habits or diet. Got pregnant on the first try – it’s definitely not all about weight. I’m so sorry to hear about your miscarriages. Been there and the only thing that helps is time.

  5. Our employee handbook was updated and we have 3 months maternity leave + 1 month paternity leave. For either, you’re supposed to let the company know 3 months ahead of time.

    I live in the US but the company is not based in the US so I expected more tbh. I’m not pregnant or trying to be so this is just curiosity, but what does your company do and does that seem normal or less than normal to you?

    1. Seems normal-to-good for the corporate and government world in the US. The only people I know who had more than 3 months paid were in Big Law or tech and those are not industries known for good work-life balance or being friendly to new moms in general, so I don’t really think the added leave is worth it unless you don’t plan to stay there very long.

      I work in public higher ed and birth mothers get 6 or 8 weeks of sick leave depending on how you deliver, and all new parents get 6 weeks of parental leave. You can also use vacation time to extend leave and we have a lot, so I took 2 weeks of vacation leave and had 14 weeks off fully paid for a v-birth.

      1. +1. I work in big law, so I had more leave than that, but for my friends with typical corporate jobs, the amount OP is getting seems pretty normal.

    3. The real question is is this PAID or UNPAID maternity leave? I live in Massachusetts so we have a state family leave plan. I had my last child the year before it went into effect (of course!) so I’m not sure of the specifics but prior to this PSLF, we had the standard 6 weeks paid for a v delivery and then 6 weeks unpaid “bonding” time.

    4. I work for a company based in Sweden. They get 6 months leave. We get 8 weeks.

    5. wouldn’t be weird for a global country to offer different benefits in different regions based on local norms.

      that seems pretty average for US companies, assuming you mean it’s PAID leave and not just your employer confirming that FMLA applies (which protects your job, not your paycheck) beyond whatever short-term disability coverage you have (usually 6 weeks for v, 8 weeks for c birth).

    6. If it’s paid, that seems normal for a comment hiring mostly professional workers, that is aiming for “non descript” benefits [neither fantastic nor terrible], maybe a little short on the paternity leave. Most states with leave regulations are 8-12 weeks (either parent). Let work know 3 months in advance seems reasonable assuming they’re not planning on being jerks to someone who’s kid is premature

    7. 12 weeks for either parent (fed), but us having any mat leave is new! It used to just be FMLA

      My last job (county government) had 4 weeks for maternity and zero paternity.

    8. Is the leave paid or unpaid? If it’s unpaid, they’re basically doing the bare minimum legally.

      1. If it doesn’t EXPLICITLY say paid and discuss how bonuses/benefits will be handled during the leave, assume it’s unpaid.

        1. I would assume that a multinational corporation like the one OP works for probably fits the FMLA requirements.

          1. FMLA does not key off overall organization size. It keys off of how many employers are in your office (or commutable regional area, if you’re remote).

    9. My employer (small business, SEUS) offers 8 weeks paid for primary caregivers and 4 weeks paid for secondary caregivers, if you’ve been with the company for 1 year. FMLA doesn’t apply, but we have agreed to additional unpaid time up to 12 weeks. It’s on the low side for corporate US, but it’s on the high side for our industry (healthcare).

    10. I’m at a major international company headquartered in the US, and we get 6 months full pay. Seems like the norm in big law and big tech as well, but I realize it’s incredibly generous for most employers.

        1. Are you saying mothers and adoptive parents get 6 months and biological dads get 4 weeks? Because that is textbook gender discrimination.

          You can differentiate and give more leave to a birthing mother (because of the physical element / recovery of birth). But if you are giving that leave only to birthing mothers AND adoptive mothers – big time gender discrimination issue

    12. I live in California, so statutory leave (as of my last mat leave a long time ago, I think it’s gotten better) for the pregnant mom is 4 weeks before the birth + 12 weeks after the birth partially paid, and a couple weeks more partially paid for a c-section or more for other pregnancy/postpartum issues. Then another 6 weeks job protected and unpaid. Total of 4 weeks before and 18 weeks after of job-protected leave, or more if complications.

      For a parent who doesn’t give birth, statutory leave is 6 weeks partially paid + 6 weeks unpaid and job protected.

      This is the minimum–many tech companies and law firm top up statutory leave so it’s fully paid.

    13. Paid 2 weeks for the non-birthing parent, and paid 12 weeks for the birthing parent (they pay the shortfall so you take home 100%, but you have to count your leave towards short term disability and FMLA). Anything beyond that is PTO or unpaid.

    14. Is this in addition to say, six weeks of sick leave used as medical leave following childbirth? Can you add on other paid leave and still be job-protected?

    15. This would have been typical of what my employers offered until recently. There has been some litigation over giving women longer leave than men so there has been a push to make them the same aside from the medical disability portion. Also (and I cannot overstate this) state law varies a lot in terms of what is required and what is paid.

    16. 6 months paid for both maternity and paternity. Big Pharma can have some fantastic benefits.

  6. Where can I find nice longish knit tops to wear over suede leggings? The weather is getting colder and I want to hibernate in sweats but I am trying to make at least somewhat of an effort to look polished.

  7. Is there a good dupe of the men’s Lululemon dress pants that everyone is wearing nowadays? I tend to buy DH clothes for Christmas. He mainly works from home and would wear 20 year old college shirts and basketball shorts everywhere if he could. He doesn’t take care of clothes (stains, throws them on floor) which is why I don’t want to buy him the Lulus. He travels some for work and I want him to look decent.

    1. I buy my husband used Lululemon pants on Poshmark. He is hard on his clothes so I would rather get him the real thing.

      1. +1 Mine loves Lululemon but is (relatively) frugal. He finds most of his extensive Lululemon wardrobe on Poshmark. He’s always claiming they’ll last forever if you take care of them right and TBH it seems true.

    2. Costco has the “Kirkland Signature Men’s Commuter Pant” for twenty bucks in three colors online. It’s supposed to be a dupe of the Lululemon ABC Warpstreme pants, according to reddit. Please report back!

    4. I looked into this for my adult sons since multiple pairs of Lulus for each would be cost prohibitive, and I saw reviews that said Amazon’s Crz Yoga men’s joggers were a decent dupe. I haven’t actually bought them myself though. I have also gone the Poshmark route for the authentic version, but my recollection is that I paid more there than the $45 or so being charged by the Amazon vendor.

    5. Fabletics has a nice sporty/workwear option my husband and teenage son use. I think it’s The One pant.

    6. I think the whole point of those synthetic pants is that you can throw them on the floor.

  8. I have another political question, scroll by if not interested… but. The GOP has total control of the government for the next 4 years and probably beyond. The fiscal conservatives and billionaires only got this power by aligning with the pro-life and pro-gun movements for the past 30 years, which is where I think a lot of our fears are coming from. But they’ve always been strange bedfellows.

    Do the fiscal conservatives need to appease that base anymore? With enough gerrymandering they can stay in power without them, right? Which leads me to the next question – are there economic benefits to banning abortion or otherwise rolling back women’s rights? (I know it keeps us distracted, but does distraction really matter at this point?)

    1. Well, yes. Babies.

      Also the Project 2025 plan for what to do with disabled people is to have women be homemakers and caretakers so that disabled people’s families will pay for their needs and the women specifically will personally and physically tend to them.

    2. Two years. The entire House and a third of the Senate will be up for re-election in 2026.

      If history is any indication, one chamber will flip back in 2026, which would mean divided government again.

      I don’t know what the economic benefits would be for either a national abortion ban or rolling back women’s rights so I wouldn’t think the fiscal conservatives would want to do that.

    3. I am not saavy enough politically to speak in those terms but as a professional woman, yes white collar men definitely prefer when women take themselves out of the contest at work. I saw it over and over again in biglaw, male partners with a few drinks in them would say things like – good for such and such female senior associate, moving on to x non profit or moving for her husband’s career or whatever. It wasn’t very subtle but they wanted to make sure the path was open to make as many senior associate MEN partners as possible.

      And I saw it in personal life too. Two biglaw associates marry, baby comes along, maybe they both try to make it work for a while but it’s hard with those schedules – in more than half the marriages, the woman took the HUGE step back career wise. Often it was staying home altogether so the man didn’t have to worry ever about taking a kid to a doctor or take off on a snow day. Usually there were lots of justifications of doing it to support his career because let’s be real, he’s more likely to make partner. Often if she didn’t want to stay home, she’d pick up some smaller job and be the default parent still. The couples that were more egalitarian often had both parents step back to in house or government or whatever.

      So yes lots of dudes see it as much easier for men to get ahead if that pesky female competition is out of the way.

      1. I was always the bread winning spouse and it seemed like any time I traveled or had a work event some dude would ask me who was taking care of the kids. I’d answer honestly that my husband was, and if we talked about it further I’d mention that he had more of a 9-5 job than mine. Inevitably I’d get a comment like “ you’ve got him just where you want him” (that one was a literal comment) and none of them were meant kindly.

        1. I think the ‘26 senate map is not favorable to Democrats. But if the first two years are a disaster we might pull it off.

      2. So you are presuming the 2026 elections will be fair? It’s a nice thought, I hope you’re right.

  9. For those of you with an aging parent that you / a group of sibs have POA for and HCPOA for, any advice with pointers or navigating? Parent is of sound mind but wants and accepts help with managing bills, taxes, etc (things deceased parent handled previously). But . . . One sibling seems to be really not good with money concepts and also not really good with while this POA allows a lot (gifting), it is not a blank check. We don’t want parent to freak out and revoke it but I’m now really cautious about how sideways this could all go very easily.

    1. It sounds like the sibling really should have their POA revoked, though, if they are of the mindset that it means they can burn through the parent’s assets.

    2. Based on our experience with four siblings, one of whom was disengaged and one of whom did not understand money or how the world worked, I would want one sibling to have financial POA and one to have health care POA.

    3. Based on my experience of someone stealing money after a parent had dementia, keep close eyes on the accounts and make sure you know where ALL of them are.

      3. Is your uncle Warren Buffett? I heard he very quietly has something similar going.

    2. My husband and I get along but are like roommates. The thought of divorce primarily makes me sick because then we’d have to split the money… we’ll be much wealthier if we stay together.

        1. What do you do about it – just live your best life sort of separately? Remember, this is the secrets thread!

          1. Yeah basically. I would say we’re friends as well as roommates. There’s not a lot of conflict.

          2. Well, there are worse things.

            I’m single, and most days I’d kill for a roommate I get along well with that will share $$ and household responsibility with as we age and help take care of each other.

        1. Right because lesbian bed death isn’t a thing. Romantic relationships can fade into platonic ones regardless of gender.

        2. Why? She is not saying that her husband is a bad guy , at fault, or that she is unhappy with their relationship, only that they are friendly roommates rather than anything closer. And honestly – that has been marriage for the vast majority of human history – an economic arrangement and a vehicle for raising children.

          I think we put way too much on marriage as an institution, which is part of the reason so many fail. I know a lot of couples who are fond of each other and live together happily but any deeper feelings have faded.

        3. Why? I’m a different poster but would also say that my sex life is blah (in part because I have a chronic illness and it’s just not at the top at my priority list at this point in my life), but my husband is my best friend and very day is better because he’s in my life. I’m pretty sure I’d feel exactly the same if I were married to a woman, though I’ve never met one I like as much as I like my husband.

          1. Same, I’m in menopause and just not feeling like having throw down sex these days, but my husband and I have a loving and intimate relationship I wouldn’t trade for anything.

  11. Skincare products that are worth splurging for you? I have used drugstore brands my whole life but have a $200 gift card to Sephora (and willing to spend some of my own money if something is worth it). I’m 36, pale skin, normal/combo skin (monthly zit, starting to get a few fine lines, wear sunscreen every day). Never been to a dermatologist other than skin cancer checks, and don’t wear makeup. No real routine but willing to build one.

    1. It’s not at Sephora, but I really love Peach and Lily. They have some wonderful serums and moisturizers that truly hydrate and add bounce to your skin.

      1. +1 for Good Genes. Join the Sephora rewards program and shop this weekend because they are having their big fall discount event.

    3. I really like the Biossancec products. I have the Vitamin C Rose for day and the retinol oil for night.

    4. I got away with no effort for years with literal good genes, and as I hit 40, hyurolonic (sp) acid and simple moisturizer have been my MVP additions.

    5. I like the Vitamin C serum from OLEHENRIKSEN (use it in the morning on a bare face before your moisturizer and sunscreen). Also like Clinique’s “All About Eyes” eye cream. Finally, I love Murad’s retinol serum (the green one – use it at night before your moisturizer).

    6. Prescription trentinoin is about $90 and my vitamin C serum is like $140; I get both from my derm. Make the appointment!

      1. The Rx tretinoin is mine. I get mine from Curology. I don’t think anything “luxury” in terms of skincare is worth it other than tretinoin.

    7. Tatcha dewy skin mist. Religious use of this as my first step has reduced the frequency of getting Botox in my 11s and generally makes my face less sinky if that makes sense. It’s plumper so things don’t sink into the crevices. The mist is followed by The Ordinary Buffet and The Ordinary HA moisturizer in the am and the CeraVe night moisturizer in the PM plus an oil or heavy overnight cream in the pm.

  12. I wear my hair in a long pixie. Have never colored it because I cut it every 4-5 weeks, but I’m dreaming of highlights. Anyone want to convince me it’s still worth it? I’m in a new job and trying look more pulled together, so willing to spend some on maintenance.

    1. The main thing people see when they look at you is your face and hair. Spend some money on it.

    2. I gave up highlighting my hair when I got a pixie cut because it created a leopard-spot effect on the sides and back. If you really want to try highlights, I would only do subtle highlights in very narrow sections (“babylights”) in the longest areas of your hair.

  13. Internet shopping me thinks that I go to a lot of parties and also need to look elegant traveling (why are all Pact medium pants for the luxe airplane set sold out???). Al Ed that I need lots of long wrap skirts (yes? They accommodate size fluctuations nicely; truly a lifetime purchase).

    At least try-I’m in store clothes lead to a lot of musings like — what was I throughout 2024; what does she truly need? Why did that top go unworn? Is it for the lack of a $200 bottom item? Should we just not donate it and be done with this mess or do we truly have a gap to fill? Maybe a spiritual gap in my life I’m trying to plug with clothes? Etc and I walk out with nothing but have spent nothing, either.

    Wishing it were as simple as just “clothes” but my life and closet just seem to be transitioning in every way: size, work clothes, social life, exercising habits. So much noise in my head.

  14. What boots are we wearing with looser leg non-cropped pants this winter?

    I promised myself some Aquatalia boots last winter and never got them. Good, maybe because I feel that my pants game shifted. Loafers and flats worked in the summer but I hate having cold feet now. I still have tan suede booties from 2019 and it’s time for a refresh.

    2. Any boot high enough that you cannot see skin between the bottom of the pant leg and the boot. These can be flat or have a relatively low heel – a stacked heel would be most versatile.

      I am quite grateful I never got rid of the (very expensive) black leather riding boots I bought in 2011. The toe shape is moderate enough that they still look great under pants.

    3. Ariat lace-up paddock boots are super comfortable and excellent quality, if that style will do.

  15. I need gift ideas for my MIL’s birthday, pretty please. She likes opera, cats, smart books by people like dahlia lithwick. They live about 2 hours outside NYC in a rural community.

      1. This!!! If you are getting tickets, bonus points if you choose one of her favorite operas or favorite artists. If someone gave me tickets to see Joyce DiDonato I would be ecstatic. Or Anthony Roth Costanzo in Akhnaten.

    2. If she HAS cats, get her a cat window box or perch. There’s ones you stick in the window and sit out, like an A/C unit, and ones that are like little shelves that stay inside the house. Or a running water fountain for drinking.

      1. Or a slightly too-small box? Cats love those.

        TBH my MIL loves pictures of her children and grands. And if she had cats, probably a good one of them.

        2. My old cat’s favorite day ever was when I was just done with law school and we got two sets of BarBri books shipped to our house. There were 8 very snug boxes for him to sit in and he literally went from one to the other in kitty ecstasy. I’ve never felt guiltier recycling.

      1. sometimes spouses have different strengths? this is a twice-a-year task that I handle for my ILs. But my husband is currently watching youtube videos for how to repair our dishwasher, shopping around for the right parts he needs, and I am not involved at all. He does a lot of similarly one-off things like that. Fair trade.

      2. Some of us like our spouses and handle things for them. It works both ways, too. I’ll happily online shop while he cleans the gutters.

  16. In our church (Epsicopal) there is a long discernment process for adults who have been to or are at college who feel called to the priesthood (so before they have invested too much time and effort and to focus on fit and other things).

    It dawned me that now, when high schoolers have to apply to college for specific career paths, like engineering or nursing or accounting, they don’t have anything like that to help them become aware of options, preparation, how to know if it is the right or wrong fit. My kids will be doing that in 1 and 2 years. YIkES! Other than local options like career-focused Explorer posts offered through Scouts, what else is there in the US? Even if one kid were to go to a SLAC where you just get in generally, that just kicks the can down the road and shortens the runway for any field you could enter after getting a BA.

    Like if you want to do a trade, you can get relevant education and work as a teen. And just know early if it is or isn’t for you. But how do you even know about a lot of other fields as a teen in 2024?

    Signed,
    Hopeless former philosophy major, well qualified to be on your company’s trivia team.

    1. You being observant around your company about fields your kids may not be super aware of (like your kid likes math? that doesn’t mean they have to be an engineering major or an ibanker. Could be accounting, actuarial, etc.)
      Going to a summer “camp” at a college focused on a field you’re considering
      Talking to neighbors or parents’ friends in different professions

    2. I just don’t think any 17-year-old is equipped to choose a career with certainty (nor should they be). Sometimes what they think they want to do pans out, and sometimes it doesn’t. And careers change, both in terms of skill sets and in terms of what jobs support new technologies and sectors. You do what you can with where you’re at, but you’re not locked in forever and ever more. I know plenty of people who went into an industry for a while after college and then moved to something else (sometimes with training or grad school, sometimes not).

      Also, you don’t have to send your kid to college right after high school, despite what everyone will tell you. They could work for a year in a service job, to mature and see what they care about. They could go to community college and take a variety of courses.

      Finally, the idea that the humanities (including philosophy) isn’t applicable is not just untrue in terms of data (eg, what majors get jobs out of college); it’s also a really problematic narrative that sustains the failed and failing idea that college=job training.

      1. I’d be really cautious about not sending a kid right to college. Every one I’ve seen take that path never got back on a college track. Better to bounce around in different careers with a degree than fail to get one entirely.

        2. I could not disagree more with this. Especially if you have to take on student loans for the degree.

          1. I could not disagree more with this. Especially if you have to take on student loans for the degree.

        3. Hm, I think this kind of proves the point that college right after high school isn’t the One and Only Way to succeed. I mean, if they get a job right out of high school and it leads them on a path that is fulfilling to the point that they never feel the need to go back and pursue a degree, isn’t that still a win? For everyone except the parent who wants to say their baby graduated from Fancy U, at least?

          My former boss is a C-level at a F100 company, and doesn’t have a degree! Lots of tech jobs, especially programming and cybersecurity, don’t require them anymore, and once you get past entry level, it’s more about experience.

          1. I’ve never seen those kids succeed, they’re living with their parents and have no real prospects.

          2. I believe you, but the kids who pursue something other than college do all right in my world (they certainly purchased homes sooner than peers with college debt, though that may be less attainable now!); the ones who start college and quit are the ones who live with their parents with no real prospects, or the ones who barely graduated with a lot of parental support.

          3. My observations are similar to 6:58.
            It’s almost like motivation can often make up for lack of college, but paying for college can’t make up for lack of motivation…

            On Her Money earlier this year, there was a guest whose business advocates for non-4 year college alternatives right after high school, and she kept referring to “buying a degree” rather than “going to college.” I do think that’s a little reductive, but her point was that if you’re going to buy a degree, be sure you have a plan for it, just like you would for any other major purchase, otherwise, you’re better off getting started another way. You can always go back to school later if/when you realize your passion lies in a field that requires a degree, or that you want to study X more deeply.

    3. This is why I am ecstatic that my kid chose a SLAC. She has space and time to explore different fields, and access to professors who can advise her on what careers those majors lead to and how to get there. The career center has an extensive “vocation” program that begins during the freshman year.

      I did my bachelor’s degree at a top gigantic public university where the only career guidance for non-engineers was “apply to the Big 4 consulting firms,” then a postbac at a SLAC where a professor took the time to help me figure out viable grad school and career options. There is just no comparison—small schools are the way to go for most kids who want more out of college than partying and attending sportsball games.

      1. IDK how my wallet will feel about a SLAC, especially if it’s one that’s small and expensive but not a top-tier one. To be fair, my college was all “a quarter of you go to law school so what do we care,” which was accurate. But then you get to law school and see 75% of the 50% of you class that’s female not even be practicing by your 10 year reunion and wonder if looking harder earlier wouldn’t be such a bad thing.

        I mean, if you cut hair or drive a truck, you are likely fully in it by the time you’re 20.

        1. Women dropping out by the 10 year graduation is not law-specific and has a lot more to do with motherhood than the “wrong” career path.

          1. A good student who goes to a good but not elite SLAC may very well pay less for the SLAC than for one of the expensive good public universities, even in-state.

      2. Smaller isn’t always better. I attended a large state university part-time in high school and then went to a small elite private university. Yeah, there was more partying and football at the State U but that wasn’t all there was and the professors were a lot more engaged with students who weren’t in the top 10% of the class and it was also easier to be at the very top academically. At my elite university, the professors made it abundantly clear they had no use for anyone who wasn’t at the very top of the class, which kind of sucked, because all of us were very bright and capable and would have been top 10% at pretty much any other school.

    4. Consider having teens do aptitude testing with the Johnson O’Connor Research Foundation, https://www.jocrf.org/research/?gad_source=1&gbraid=0AAAAAp4alS3kXupUSykAWN5ceYmlHzK1H&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIwd_yj53QiQMV12ZHAR2IBjjnEAAYASAAEgKNLfD_BwE . JOCRF administers a battery of tests (some written but many are not) to determine a candidate’s strengths and weaknesses, and matches those against people who are successful in various careers. I did the testing more than 30 years ago and it was invaluable in realigning my career in a direction that helped me enormously.

      1. Tell me more — what did it say?

        I did something in middle school and it said that I naught be planning too much schooling for interior decorating. As an adult, I life with post-grad style into my 50s, sadly.

    5. I don’t think it’s really that different now. Even in the “olden days” you normally declared a major by the end of freshman year and unless you had parents with unlimited funds (very rare, to say the least!) you had to figure out how to get out of college in four years, so it’s not like you had four years to faff around. I don’t think having to choose a major one year earlier is that big a deal.

      Also it’s totally possible to switch majors still. I work for a large state university that requires students to apply to a specific program but with the exception of engineering (which is more competitive) switching programs is automatic for students who’ve maintained a B average. Even switching to engineering is not impossible, but you need certain courses and probably more like a 3.5 GPA or to be a member of an underreperesented group.

    6. Going by my own path, don’t put all that pressure on college. Life is long. I wish kids would finish college with a skill they can tolerate doing and that helps them provide for themselves, and with the ability to work hard towards a goal, some critical thinking and the ability to learn and tackle new things. Bonus to have used the time in college to figure out their personal self, build some social relationships and all that good stuff. This mix would serve them when the first job they choose (or the first job they can get) isn’t all they thought it would be.

    7. The military is not even considered by so many white collar families with college bound kids, and I think that’s a mistake. I ended up enlisting when I still had no idea what I wanted to do at the end of my freshman year, and had gotten disillusioned with paying for “the college experience” without an end goal in mind. Everyone who knew me was shocked (doctor dad, teacher mom, I was a band nerd and National Merit scholar. this was very much against-type!). I told everyone that I was constructively procrastinating and this way I could travel the world and go to college for free. It worked out exactly like that. I picked a job similar to what I thought I was interested in – Intelligence – learned a language and finished a Political Science degree during my enlistment, lived in Europe for a few years, learned to live with and respect people from way outside my bubble, and honorably discharged after 5 years with a security clearance, real work experience, and a fantastic network that launched my career. My husband got two masters degrees during his service, and same story. We completely missed the Millennial experience of Great Recession and crushing student debt, bought a house with our VA loan benefit when we were 27, and basically the American Dream worked 100% as advertised. My younger sister ended up commissioning when she couldn’t find a job in 2009, and she’s gotten two additional masters degrees and is currently a professor at one of the service academies. My cousin started as an enlisted aircraft maintainer, and successfully applied for a commissioning program that let him get a mechanical engineering degree.

      Is there some risk involved? sure. Do some people have legitimate conscientious objections to military service? sure. But IMO, a lot of people just look down on it as a lesser, fallback choice for kids that can’t hack it in college. The military has jobs adjacent to almost every civilian career field from engineering to medicine to accounting, and gives you a salary along with job training, leadership training, and training wheels for adulthood. Even if you end up hating your job, you can leave after 4 years with your GI Bill, and you know a little bit more about yourself and what you do and don’t value in a job/career. Plus, 22 year old brains are better at decision-making than 18 year old brains. I will absolutely encourage it as an option for my kids.

      1. I can’t imagine risking my kid’s life to get free college when I can easily afford public in-state university and our state has plenty of decent four year schools. I imagine a lot of people feel the same way. It has nothing to do with looking down on the military.

        1. See, this just tells me you don’t know much about the military. Only a small portion of jobs have any sort of combat role, and if you know what you’re doing, you lock in your job when you sign up. There’s a big difference between signing up for infantry and signing up to be, say, a contracting specialist. There’s also a big difference among the service branches. Army and Marines are typically forward deployed more often and to more dangerous places than Air Force, for example.

          You’re right that lots of people are similarly uninformed and feel like you do, though. My mom said many, many of her acquaintances were aghast that she “let” me join the military. I was 18, so she couldn’t have stopped me, and I very much appreciate that she didn’t try. I was never closer to a combat zone than 30,000 feet in the air, so my job wasn’t any more dangerous than someone who has frequent plane travel for work. And when I wasn’t deployed, it was just like any other office job. *shrug*

          1. Then why are you saying there’s risk involved? “There’s risk involved” doesn’t really track with “you can choose your job and be guaranteed not to see combat.”

          2. I actually don’t see where I ever said you can be guaranteed not to see combat. There are no guarantees in life, everything involves risk, and everyone manages risk in line with their own risk tolerance and values. If you believe that military service is an absurd choice because you can easily pay for State U which has even less risk of bodily harm, you should not join the military, and those who do will still defend your right to make that choice! Our president elect also reportedly thinks people who join the military are suckers because what’s in it for them? You’re in good company.

            Anyway, my point was that automatically equating a military enlistment with “risking [your] child’s life” reflects ignorance of the diversity of jobs in the military, because the risk of bodily harm varies a lot based on your job and branch of service. Nothing, not even enrolling in college, guarantees that you won’t be shot at. However, the risk of an Air Force contracting specialist being shot at is a lot closer to that of a sophomore at State University than it is to an Army infantryman’s.

          3. My sister thought she was locking in a nice safe office job when she enlisted. She ended up in combat in Iraq. The distinction between combat and non-combat roles is artificial.

        2. How is your kid going to get a college degree if they can’t get a high enough ASVAB score to avoid combat? Sorry, 1:04, you sound ignorant and snobby.

          1. This is the ignorant, smug, and snobby comment. It’s not as simple as “smart people avoid combat” or “if you end up in combat you picked the wrong specialty,” and if you were really in the military you know that.

          2. It seems waaay snobbier to say smart people avoid combat. So everyone who has lost their life in service to this country is too dumb to get a college degree?! That’s what the 1:14 comment implies.

      2. I know a decent number of people who went into the military, and it worked out pretty well for most of them. But most of them fought in Iraq or Afghanistan, multiple times, and I know a few people who died, so it seems like you’re trivializing that risk if you just sell it as a way to afford college and see the world.

        2. I’m pretty sure I acknowledged there was risk involved? I served 2002-2007, so at the height of OIF/OEF. My friend who was an Army infantry officer lost his entire squad to an IED. I deployed several times but was never in personal danger. It very much depends on your job.

      3. Anon, thanks for your service and highlighting this option. As the spouse of a career army officer, I agree with everything you said. It’s still military, so certainly not for everyone (myself included), but it really is a great option. You’re correct that most people don’t even consider it; a coworker recently said to me: “well, I guess the military shouldn’t just be for poor kids who need opportunities” (inadvertently implying, apparently, that my “public ivy” educated husband, who did happen to be poor, didn’t have other opportunities?). I’ve never been so insulted, but I suspect her attitude is pretty common.

    8. My Mom enrolled me in a handful of entry level community college classes my junior/senior year of high school, I worked part time job in a hospital, and our family business gave me exposure to a few other types of careers. The community college courses helped me knock a couple of career paths off my list early after despising the classed. As a bonus, they transferred in as gen eds to my local state university. Summer classes/night classes are great for this type of experimenting.

    9. Pretty much everyone in my family and my husband’s family has gone to college to get a degree in humanities or science (everything from psychology and English literature to math and theoretical physics) and then gone on to law, medical, business or graduate school. I don’t think you really need to know your career path at 18 in this case . You just go to the best university you can get into and your parents can pay for, and then you have college to figure out the eventual career path.

      If my kids have a specific career in mind early, like nursing or teaching, I’d probably try to help them figure out what that would look like with internships, etc. in high school. One of my kids currently wants to be a pilot and although it’s a long way away right now, if this interest continues it will take some serious exploration in high school, because the best schools for that are pretty specialized and aren’t schools she’d seek out otherwise.

  17. What is the winter weather equivalent to white canvas sneakers?

    My feet are so happy now that these are acceptable to wear with my smart business casual outfits at the office, but sloppy weather is coming and I can’t keep these clean much longer.

  18. Why are there so many judicial vacancies in federal courts? Is it possible to fill these seats with a divided government?

    2. One anticipates that the Biden administration and the currently Democratically-controlled Senate likely will do all they can to fill those seats before the inauguration.

  19. I am planning a trip over Inauguration Day weekend so I can do something special to distract myself while a fascist is being sworn in as president. Also it happens to be my 40th birthday on that day. I would have been willing to plan a family trip to San Diego or something, but DH may have a work thing around then. Am I being selfish if I go to a spa resort in Miami for that long weekend with my mom? It would mean that DH would have to solo parent for 3 days (preschool is closed on MLK day). His mom may come down to help out. DH is asking me to wait until February when he will be free and then do a family trip. I am also going on two separate four-day girls’ trips later in the year. DH usually goes on a week-long hiking trip and I also solo parent when he works late or travels for work (I know that’s not the same thing as a leisure trip).

    1. I don’t think solo parenting for three days should be a thing for either parent. But I’m not in your marriage. Is your husband asking you not to go on this trip because he can’t/doesn’t want to do to the solo parenting?

      1. Do you mean a hard thing or an easy thing? Solo parenting so the other can go on trips with friends or solo to recharge is how we’ve maintained our sanity. I think it’s worth getting used to if you haven’t done this yet and it’s by no means selfish, it’s necessary. It’s also great for the kids too, they get a little break in the usual routines.

      2. Unless I am misreading this, husband is solo-parenting for her two other 4-day trips in 2025 so that does not appear to be the problem. I suspect the issue is the timing of his work commitments, the uncertainty of his mother’s availability, and his desire to take a family trip the next month.

        A lot of posters are acting as through OP never gets away from her family but according to her post that is not the issue. It is this specific trip that is a problem for the husband.

        1. I don’t know. I think it’s reasonable to want to get away on a milestone birthday, especially when it coincides with something depressing like this, and solo parenting for 3 days is really not that big a deal. He shouldn’t need his mom there.

          I also don’t think things need to be exactly equal – so this year she has 11 days of solo vacations and he has 7-8? That’s not that big a difference and he can take a longer trip or more trips next year. Keeping each spouse to the exact same number of solo vacation days each calendar year feels overly bean-county to me.

          1. Yeah, score-keeping is not healthy, and DH is a parent, not “babysitting” the child.

    2. I would not plan a trip to a decidedly red state to escape the inauguration of a candidate that state supports, but that is not what you asked. If you have two other solo trips planned, then I would likely honor husband’s request.

        1. To be fair, with the exception of Florida and a couple of the Mountain West, the red states aren’t exactly tourist hot spots, so it doesn’t seem that hard. Like no one is sad they can’t vacation in Missouri or Ohio or Alabama. And I say that as someone who lives in one of those states and is happy here and isn’t planning to move.

          1. Well you’re missing out on Sedona, Miraval in Tucson, New Orleans, Charleston, Salt Lake City/Park City, Mackinaw Island, Philadelphia and surrounding countryside, Asheville, Savannah, etc. All these places make for excellent vacations.

        2. OP specifically mentioned travel motivated by voiding the inauguration. Avoiding red, red Florida seems completely logical to me. Why give that economy travel dollars?

    3. I don’t think it’s selfish. When my kid was 4, I went sailing in the Caribbean for a week with my mom. Husband and kiddo would have been welcome on the trip, but they both get horribly seasick and hate boats so them going wasn’t an option. We’re doing it again in January (nothing to do with politics, but I also turn 40 this year and this is my present from mom). I don’t think a 3-4 day trip is a big ask at all, especially if his mom can come help.

      My husband also travels for work a lot (and I travel zero for work) and I do sort of “count” it. It’s different than leisure travel, but his trips are often to cool destinations, involve a lot of down time for sightseeing and it’s still solo parenting for me. I felt guilty for thinking this way until we were having dinner with some friends who are both in his industry, and I was describing how I was solo with our kid for half her summer break while he traveled to various conferences and they were like “wow it’s so nice of you to take on all that solo parenting so he can focus on work and attend all these conferences.” Yes, yes it is! It made me feel seen and also way less guilty about forcing him to parent for the occasional sailing trip.

    4. I would not say selfish per se but based on what you are saying you are already taking at least two four-day trips in 2025 without him – during which time he is presumably is solo parenting and he is taking one week-long trip during which you are doing the same. You are now wanting to add a third trip in January – at a time when he has a “work thing” and during which the pre-school is closed but his office presumably is not. If I was in his shoes I might well resent that.

      Also in my perhaps unpopular opinion – working late or going on work trips does not count toward the “alone time” bank.

      My suggestion is that the two of you need to talk about why you specifically want to take time off in January and that needs to include an offer on your part for him to get a long weekend alone later in the month. However, that might not help if his desire is to spend time with family while yours is to get away from it or his work commitment would present a real issue, particularly if his mother cannot come to help with childcare.

      1. OP wants to avoid inauguration hoopla, and that happens this January. Timing can’t be helped for this purpose and is not mitigated by waiting until February while sticking around for the dreaded wall-to-wall media coverage. It’s OP’s mental health at issue here!

    5. idk, if I were DH, I would be kind of annoyed that you left me with all the parenting and presumably a heavy work weekend when childcare is not open. Could you and your mom take the kids somewhere? Naples has family-friendly resorts and will probably be warmer than Miami in Jan.

      1. This is a good solution if your DH is unwilling to have the kids.
        Naples is not warmer than Miami though. But I think Miami is a fine place to take kids. I went there with kids under 5 several times. It’s not hard to avoid the party scene.

    6. Your DH can’t solo parent for 3 days so you can celebrate your 40th birthday as you choose?

  20. I know there’s a lot of fellow travelers here. Any tips for visiting the Colloseum in Rome? Just show up early and wear comfortable shoes? Can I bring a bottle of water? Any recommendations for food or other sites in the area? I see the Basilica of San Clemente is nearby — can you just walk in or is it a sold out/long wait/separate day kind of experience?

    1. The least expensive timed tickets-sold by the government- are released a certain number of days out. Put an appointment on your calendar for whatever “midnight in Rome” is in your time zone for the evening before X days out, and start refreshing.

      We booked a late-day slot, like 5pm, to avoid the midday crowds and heat. Same strategy worked great for St. Peter’s (lined up at 4ish), Vatican (got c-cktail hour tickets), Borghese (4ish ticket). During the day we did more “soaking up the city” walks, indulgent pasta and spritz lunches, etc.

      Just walking up ANYWHERE in Rome means you have to wait in a ticket line AND security line, which is not the way I want to spend my vacation.

      1. oh and both St. Peter’s and the Vatican were strict about the dress code. At St. Peter’s the people in front of us in shorts and tank tops were asked to buy shawls or come back in appropriate clothes.

        1. One more piece of advice: If you can get in, the Scavi tour is quite amazing and has the added advantage of allowing you to access St. Peters without standing in the completely insane line. You can only book it through the Vatican directly and availability is incredibly limited so email them as soon as you have your dates finalized and be prepared to wait a month or two for a response!

          Also (because so many people seem to get this confused), entry to St. Peters is free and does not require a ticket, but the security line can be hours long. You need a ticket for the Vatican Museum. They used to offer breakfast and cocktail events, where you could get early or late entry and cut down on the crowds. As of this year they eliminated those – but that might change so double check – just be aware that you will read a lot of people talking about those early or late admissions without realizing they no longer offer them. And a lot of third party tour companies have not updated their language and will talk about early admission tours when they mean that the group meets early for an orientation and is at the front of the line when the museum opens to the public.

          There used to be tours of the Vatican Museum that allowed you to go through the door between the Sistine Chapel and St. Peters. When I was there earlier this year that was not possible but that is something else that seems to change a lot so it is worth checking.

          As someone else noted, the dress code applies to both. Also be aware that while Vatican City is strictest about enforcing the dress code, I have seen people asked to leave other churches in Rome because of their clothing so if you are visiting churches as part of your trip it is best to cover shoulders and knees. (And also, it is just considerate.)

    2. Agree with the poster who said that you need to be prepared to book those tickets the minute they go on sale (Rome time). Also be aware that the vendor and procedures changed in the last year or so. Take any advice from before that with a grain of salt (same with the Vatican Museum BTW). Assuming availability, I would either book first thing in the morning or later in the day to avoid the worst of the crowds. Remember that you have to go through the security line regardless of whether you already have your tickets. If you do not want to buy your tickets direct, you can book through a guide but it will be a LOT more money.

      You can take water. But I recommend a small bottle so you are not dragging water all over Rome and just re-filling in at the numerous public water fountains. Also, the bigger your bag the more time in security so keep that in mind. Restaurants change so often (go out of business, get “discovered” and become hopelessly crowded and/or quality declines) that I would recommend checking review before you leave but I really liked Ai Tre Scalini.

      Basilica San Clemente is nearby, incredibly interesting from a historical perspective, and is a good combination with the Colosseum. If you are traveling during high season or anytime in 2025 (Jubilee year) buy your tickets in advance. Other things to combine would be the Forum (one of the few sites Rome I really think benefits from a guide), The Palantine Hill and Domus Aurea are also nearby but be aware they are huge and takes quite a bit of time to properly explore. Honestly my advice would be (depending on the timing of your tickets) to see the either Colosseum/Forum and/or St. Clemente, have a leisurely lunch, and then visit the other. Stop by St. Peter in Chains Church if you have extra time (tends to be overlooked and really cool) and just wander. That part of Rome has so much to see. And if you cannot get Colosseum tickets, do not despair. Go see Teatro Marcello instead.

      And I you want to spend $$$$ for am amazing private guide, Tess at Clam Tours is amazing.

    3. I think advance tickets are generally recommended at most popular tourist sites in Italy. I don’t remember having to log on at any particular time to get them, and it looks from email records like we got them about two weeks before our trip, but we also visited in shoulder season (early May) so it may be more competitive in high season. We went early and were glad we did – the Colosseum along with the Roman Forum and Palatine Hill was the better part of a day for us. YMMV if you’re not as into the history. You can bring empty water bottles with you, and there are spots to fill them up inside.

      San Clemente is a little off the beaten path, I think you’ll be fine to walk up there.

      1. Counterpoint, I felt like a guide was very useful for the Vatican museums, which are huge, but we felt like the Colosseum was easy to see independently.

Comments are closed.