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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 96 Comments · by

Coffee Break: Varick Satchel

Coffee Break

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Olivia Harris by Joy Gryson - Varick SatchelThere are limited quantities left, but I'm loving this satchel from Olivia Harris by Joy Gryson. Gorgeous, perfect shade of red — subdued yet intense. I like the twist-lock flap closure, and the fairly small size. (Hey, for my tastes this is downright delicate!)  6pm seems to have a lot of similar bags in stock: this Badgley Mischka satchel is another nice dark red, while this Cole Haan satchel is a happier, brighter red. The bag pictured is $265 (originally $479). Olivia Harris by Joy Gryson – Varick Satchel (L-all)

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Comments

  1. Blue

    How do Diane von Furstenberg wrap dresses fit? Big? Small? TTS? I found one on sale at Saks that I love so I’m thinking about buying my first one.

    • Orangerie

      I think they run TTS to other comparable designers, but small relative to places like J.Crew or Banana republic. I bought mine in a size up from what I would normally wear at those stores.

      • Anonymous

        Agreed. I consider myself a 6 in dresses in regular stores and ordered an 8 in her dress, and now I sort of wish I had ordered a 10 just for a little extra room.

    • jcb

      Depends on what you mean by TTS. I think her line is pretty consistent, size-wise, but as to whether that will match up with what you normally wear, it depends. I wear a 4/6 in J Crew/Banana dresses, a 6/8 in Theory, and an 8 in DVF, if that helps. 5’7″, 140, 36-27-37. A link to the size guide from her website is below, seems right on. One comment I’d have is that while generally I will just buy for my hip/waist size, this is one brand where I will buy for bust size. You can wrap the bottom tighter if necessary, but IME you will have some real issues with getting the top part to be not-too-revealing if it doesn’t have enough fabric.

      http://www.dvf.com/size-guide/size-guide,default,pg.html

    • Bonnie

      I think they run small and always size up to a 12 in dresses when I generally wear an 8 or 10.

  2. Tired

    I am in need of a vacation. Except for multiple reasons (moving soon, need to pack, starting new job) I can’t really do a long get away like I would like. Where would you go for a 4 day, stateside get away near DC? Bonus points if it is near the water. So far I am leaning towards the outer banks, but I’m eager to hear your recommendations.

    • Ellen

      You should GO to Wiliamsburgh Virginia, especialy if you like HISTORY. It is NOT to far from DC, and they have all the OLD Colonial Stuff, like butter churning and bakeing utensil’s and showing what it was like in OLD TIME VIRGINIA in the 1600’s and 1700 before GEORGE Washington came and crossed the DELAWARE river and all. You should GOOGLE IT and see for yourself! Yay!

      Rosa said that Ed talked to Philip and Philip said that he was busy on a project this weekend. What kind of project does a STOCK BROKER do over the weekend? He sell’s stock and the stock market is NOT even open on the weekend! Myrna is CONVINCED he is dateing someone else and does NOT want to fesse up to me and Ed. Ed think’s he might be doeing some kind of project for the head guy, but he is NOT sure b/c he does NOT know all of the longterm project’s that the office has for him. FOOEY if he is 2 timing me. I am so glad he NEVER kissed me (or worse!)

      Fish Breathe wanted to know if I wanted to go to Coney Island with him. He said that he was goieng to see if he could get ticket’s for the minor leegue Baseball team there that is part of the MET’S. I said why should I go all the way out there when the METS are at City Field. I told him I would go if he got Met’s tickets. I do NOT want to go to the Yankee’s b/c they are in a bad part of town, even tho it is not to far from Grandma Leyeh, I do NOT want to get on the subway late at night to go home. FOOEY!

      I am thinkeing about buying a bicycele to ride on weekend’s in Central Park with Myrna. I do NOT have alot of room, and would have to keep it in my apartement in the OFFICE. Frank says this willcause me to loose my home office Deducteion. I hope he is WRONG, b/c I got a BIG tax brake b/c of the home office deducteion, my DAD says, and Dad does NOT want me to loose that.

      Dad called me to say he would support any exercise that makes my tuchus go away so he will figure out something. YAY for Dad!

    • TCFKAG

      Outer Banks are nice, but so is the Chesapeake Bay area in Maryland. I went to a wedding in Ridge Maryland (on a beautiful farm there that rents out cabins if you’re interested) – and the whole region was super pretty and quiet and just nice. Might be worth a look see.

      • E

        +1 on the Chesapeake Bay area. Bethany Beach or Lewes in Delaware are cute towns with several good restaurants. St. Michael’s in Maryland is also very nice.

      • Tired

        Thanks! I think I will look into some of these places that are close by and start getting to know the area better.

    • a.k.

      What about Chincoteague? Quiet, small, good water access. Another option would be Charleston, or some of the beach towns just outside Charleston (James Island, Folly Beach, etc.)

    • saacnmama

      The Outer Banks is one of my favorite places in the world, and one of the things I miss about living in the DC area. I used to get a place in Colony by the Sea through a real estate office, might’ve been called Sun Real Estate. They had 3-night deals.

  5. Anonymous

    I’ve been running more frequently over the past month or so, and I was wondering if anyone has suggestions for good iphone armband cases, and good running earbuds?

    Also, I’m trying to shed a few lbs, and I can’t choose if I should reward actual progress (for each 5 lb increment), or process (for every X number of runs, or X number of days eating well). I’d also like suggestions for possible rewards- the only ones I can think of so far is a massage, or article of clothing.

    • momentsofabsurdity

      I like using new cool workout clothes as a reward for working out on a regular basis. I like rewarding process/effort more than progress – but I’m not actively trying to lose weight, just to become more fit, so YMMV. I think other rewards could include things like concert or play tickets, beach day, even a vacation for a major milestone.

    • jcb

      oh! Just a few months ago, I switched to bluetooth headphones and couldn’t be happier (the Arriva Leo – you have to buy it off of the Arriva website, I think). No wires to deal with, good sound, and you don’t even notice them once you figure out how to fit them to your head (which was frustrating at first, until I watched their videos. took me at least 3-4 workouts to figure it out, though). I just carry my iphone or have been sticking it in a jacket pocket, probably should get an armband for summer, though.

      As for rewards, I keep a specific weekly goal in mind, then take stock at the end of the week to see how I did with it and where it got me, weight-wise and energy-wise. I’ve been at a plateau trying to lost the last 10 lbs (after gaining 25, ugh) for about a year now, though, so do as I say, not as I do. When I was doing better about tracking food (my downfall), I’d get such a rush out of the weight loss/healthy feeling that I didn’t really do rewards specifically – maybe just figure out what in your closet suddenly fits again? That’s pretty exciting (and I didn’t want to go out and buy for what was hopefully an interim size, anyway).

      • jcb

        Oh, agree with @momentsofabsurdity above – forgot about new workout clothes. Those are definitely on the rewards list.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      I wear JVC earbuds that go over the ear and I have a Cellet arm band that I got at a mall kiosk. I don’t think it is anything fancy but it works well.

      For motivation, I LOVE the Charity Miles iphone app. For every mile you run 25 cents is donated to the charity you select before your run. I usually pick wounded warrior project. Currently, the sponsor is also doing a matching donation to One Fund Boston. So, for every mile you do, you are raising $.50 for charity!

      I also use mapmyrun to track my pace. It will show where you sped up and slow down.

      I say reward process over progress. Getting into the habit is the biggest battle.

    • elz

      Yurbuds are the ONLY ones that have ever stayed in my ears. Apparently I have weirdly shaped ears, these go inside and are wonderful-plus, you can hear some noise from outside so they are safer than others that block traffic, steps from behind, etc. I love them. As far as an arm band, I just use a cheapie Belkin I got at Target. I reward myself with something little after each half marathon- a new pair of running capris, runnign belt, water bottle, or socks, but something related to running so I keep at it.

      Have fun.

      • Lady Harriet

        I have heard great things about Yurbuds. You can also just buy the covers to slip over your preferred pair of earbuds if you have a pair that sounds good but doesn’t stay in your ears.

        • a.k.

          I bought a pair of Yurbuds to go over my generic apple ipod headphones and they are AMAZING. The earbuds stay put! Highly recommend them.

    • elz

      Oh wait! I forgot, I got the Otterbox iphone armband recently and it works well. But, I have an Otterbox on my phone, so I’m not sure that would work if you don’t.

    • NatalieR

      I saw an idea to deposit a dollar (or whatever amount you choose) into a jar for every workout/run/mile you complete. You can save as long as you want for a big goal (new iPod for workouts, entry fee into a race in a fun destination) or spend it frequently for smaller treats like pedicures, new socks, etc. The idea is that the accumulating money motivates you and marks your progress, while the treat is at your discretion.

      • Merabella

        I really like this idea because you can see how much you are doing by putting money into the jar, and then you can think of a reward later, because your needs always change.

    • v.

      Instead of an armband, take a look at the FlipBelt. I can never get an armband to stay in place, but I absolutely love my FlipBelt. You can put your phone, keys, money, id, etc., arranged around your waist in the belt, and they stay in place and don’t bounce at all. The belt doesn’t move either during your run… you’ll forget it’s even there. No affiliation, just a very happy customer.

      • Emmabean

        Kind of late to this discussion, but also wanted to mention that if you wear an armband during the summer time you’ll likely end up with some pretty interesting tan lines!

        I don’t always listen to music, but if I’m in the mood, I use my ipod shuffle. I also use a gps watch instead of the mapmyrun app, so I don’t even carry my phone when I run. If you feel like you need it for safety though, I’d suggest a belt or something!

  6. MK

    Does anyone have tricks for getting a good night’s sleep when you’re not used to being alone and suddenly are for a few days? My DH is out of town and took our dog with him… and I just am overwhelmed with fear at night. Last night I don’t think I slept more than an hour or two and woke up several times with a start, convinced there was someone in our apartment. As much as I try to tell myself that no one’s breaking into my third-floor apartment and that the noises I hear are normal apartment building noises, the irrational side takes over at night and keeps me up. Any tips would be much appreciated so that tomorrow I might actually feel semi-well-rested!

    • goldribbons

      Can you leave music playing in the other room? or the TV in the living room on? Or even a light somewhere else in the apartment helps me immediately feel calmer, because there’s less darkness for my brain to freak out about.

    • Lady Harriet

      Could you turn on a fan in the room, or play some quiet music to cover any noises?

    • RDanon

      MK, I also deal with this irrational fear when my boyfriend goes away. As silly as it is, I find it helps to look in all the closets/bathrooms/rooms and to close and lock all doors before going to bed. If you have a TV in your room, I would also recommend watching something cheerful/funny before going to sleep. Don’t read or watch anything that will fuel your imagination. I also keep my phone under my pillow – it helps to know that if something DID happen (which it won’t), that I wouldn’t have to scramble to find my phone on the nightstand. I know all of this seems crazy (believe me I know!) but it makes me feel better and I then sleep better. Each time I sleep well while he’s away, and nothing happens while I’m sleeping, it reinforces that more secure feeling.

      Hope you sleep better tonight!

    • paranoid android

      This will sound insane, but I have actually, on occasion, slept with a steak knife under my pillow when my husband is away. Also, a flashlight, and my cell phone. I was never this irrationally crazy until I took criminal law in law school. Why are there so many cases about men breaking into women’s homes/apartments to rape and burgle them??? Anyway, I can’t get the memory of these events out of my head some times, so… steak knife it is!

      • momentsofabsurdity

        Dude, I feel like this would only end in me stabbing myself in my carotid artery in my sleep, and my significant other coming home to my dead body.

      • M-Dash

        Yeah, steak knife seems like a recipe for disaster to me as well. My aunt used to sleep with her hand wrapped around the head of a hammer under her pillow — adds an extra punch to your punch!

        I was really nervous when first living alone (and on a ground floor no less). It really does just get better with time, which isn’t much help if you’re only alone for a few days! My only real anxious habits now are making sure all windows are locked and closed (even on the hottest days of summer) and the front door is bolted shut. Otherwise, my blinds are always shut so I feel like people are less aware of my routine and habits; they look into an alley anyways so I’m not losing any natural light.

        Background noise like a TV really does help to cancel out any random apartment noises and I find it’s not as difficult to fall asleep to since I know where the sound is coming from and that it will be constant — the sporadic noises like neighbors fighting and doors slamming are what really keep me up.

      • Cornellian

        law school crim law made me afraid of my boyfriend. and a lot of men in my life. they really are the biggest threat to women’s health!

        • frugal doc..

          Scary but true…. when I was in medical school, and was sleeping-in one morning (7:30am?) someone broke down the door of my apartment while I was alone asleep in bed. Just… CRASH!!! Kicked it in. Tore the hinges right out of the wall.

          I sat up in bed totally stunned… and yelled…. “Who’s there?!?!?” and then started screaming “FIRE!!! FIRE!! FIRE!!!” at the top of my lungs while it sounded like a few people ran back down the staircase.

          I learned the “FIRE” scream from my 5th grade self-defense class. In Chicago, we were taught never yell “help”… . as strangers/potential “helpers” may run away from you and NOT help because they become scared. I was told you should always yell “FIRE” because then people will run out to see the Fire, and will call 911 because they don’t want their home to burn down.

          Chicago can be rough…

          But my door was kicked in in Cambridge, Massachusetts. At 7:30am.

          The sad thing was I visited all my neighbors later that day and asked if they heard my SCREAMS. No one did. No one called the police… but me.

          This had an interesting effect on me. After the initial terror wore off, I became less fearful of the night, as I realized you honestly never know when something is going to happen. And no one may hear you scream…. so make it good.

          Repeat after me….. FIRE!

      • Anonymous

        I totally do the same thing, but I’d never feel comfortable keeping the knife in the bed itself. heh, I keep t right by the bed, underneath a magazine or something. I think it provides an excellent illusion of safety.

    • SFBayA

      I grew up in a bad area, so I don’t think these things are crazy at all, even though my DH does. The goal is to never be the lowest hanging fruit. Can you stop at Home Depot and get slim wooden rods that fit into the tracks of your windows, preventing them from being open more than a couple inches (thus preventing window break ins)? They’re really cheap. Or, lock all your windows closed. I’ve also been known to slide a large piece of furniture or brace a chair in front of the front door when DH is traveling. Also, keep phone charged next to pillow. How is the lighting around the outside of your home? Nice bright lights will help too. I categorically refuse to sleep on the ground floor of a building and will do just about anything to avoid living in an apartment that has any windows on the ground floor at all. There either needs to be a garage or another apartment underneath us. I may be crazy, but I’m also safe, so I’m ok with crazy.

      • WCEC

        Great suggestions, not crazy. Then, after you’ve implemented safety measures, earplugs so the little noises don’t keep you up.

    • Go ahead and accuse me of trolling...

      …but I own a gun for this exact reason. It lives in my house and is safely stored, and it makes me feel much safer when I am alone. I grew up in a rural area and have been around them my whole life, so I realize I am different from many people who are not comfortable with them and have issues with guns.

      -I am a banana.

      • Cornellian

        There’s sort of this paradox, though. I’ll only live with guns if the ammo’s stored separately and there’s a lock through the mechanism, which renders it a bit silly for immediate protection purposes.

        • Anonymous

          I agree, I think there’s a paradox between “safely stored” and “easily, simply and quickly accessible in the event of a break-in.”

      • SoCalAtty

        The make really great lockboxes that open with a thumbprint / biometrics. Safely stored, secure, quick access. They slide under the bed. I grew up in a rural area too and am really used to them in the house. Neat, but popular. Mine is on backorder.

        Does make me feel better when I’m alone! I also can’t wait until my new house is built and my bedroom is no longer on the ground floor. I really hate it.

    • MK

      Thank you all for your suggestions! I am going to leave our outside light on tonight and am stopping by the hardware store for wooden rods to put into our sliding doors (we have those instead of windows, though since we’re on the third floor I don’t normally feel a need for more security when I have DH and dog around). I also am going to maybe get a big Maglite that I can sleep with and tell myself is a weapon (club) in case of the worst. And of course, cell phone is always on and charging right next to my pillow. Hopefully I will sleep tonight… Glad to hear I am not the only one who thinks like this!

      • SFBayA

        The wooden rods are called dowels. Get the widest diameter you can (thicker is stronger) which will still fully fit in your track (so they don’t pop out easily if forced entry is attempted). They are awesome. Some stores sell a metal brace device that kinda reminds me of The Club that’s designed for sliding glass doors as well. You put those in the middle, halfway up from the floor. While you’re at the store, pick up a light timer and put it on a lamp in another room on the timer to turn on from like 1am to 4am. A house where people are awake is not usually the lowest hanging fruit. And of course, don’t talk about your husband being away when you are anywhere near your home because who knows who is listening. I feel pretty safe once I lockdown my fortress :).

      • long time lurker

        Sound good. I sleep with a bedroom light on and my glasses and phone in bed with me when my husbands away.

    • saacnmama

      No suggestions, just commiseration. I never felt that way until I was the single mother of an adorable baby too small to know to run. I used to have nightmares about something happening to me and him being found days later, panicked because the nipples on my dead body didn’t have any more milk, soiled, dehydrated, and terrified. I usually had a neighbor or coworker who I’d ask to check in on us if they didn’t see me at my regular time/place. Only thing that changed is he got older.

    • RSQ, PhD

      I have to deal with this once or twice a year. Besides all the locked doors, etc., I’ve founds that pharmaceuticals are really what helps. Ambien is needed and valium or xanax also helps. Just another perspective.

  7. No Problem

    Shoe question. I’m in need of some work shoes that are (a) comfortable for a lot of walking, and (b) have relatively non-slip soles. I’m starting a new project at a client site and know that I will be doing a lot of walking down very slippery tiled hallways. Open toed is fine, ankle straps or vamp straps to keep them on are a plus (I have trouble with pumps slipping off my feet), and shoes that can be worn barefoot without rubbing earn extra points. Max heel height is 3″, preferably a little shorter. I’m flexible on price because I’d really like to find some workhorse shoes, but anything over $150 will have to be awesome. I already have Aerosoles on my list, but what other brands do you recommend I check out?

  8. Lady Harriet

    Does anyone have recommendations for a cheap, reasonably good, and preferably no-contract phone carrier? My purse was stolen last month, so I’ve been going through the process of replacing everything in it. My last phone was a terrible and partially-broken 3.5-year-old LG slider phone which was on my dad’s AT&T family plan that I got in college. I was trying to hold off buying a new one as long as possible, since I’m likely to be moving this year and didn’t want to end up with something that didn’t work where I ended up. I’m mostly self-supporting at this point, so I definitely want to get my own plan, rather than stay on my dad’s.

    I’ve been looking at a lower-end Android smartphone from StraightTalk (a refurbished Samsung Galaxy Proclaim.) From reviews I’ve read, it seems that you have to specify the zip code where you will be using the phone most, and service will be worse outside this area. I’m concerned that my phone will get terrible reception when I (hopefully) move across the country, even though I’d be going to a much more populated area than where I currently live. Does anyone have experience with this carrier?

    • goldribbons

      I’ve heard good things about Go Phones, by At&t. A friend of mine bought her Go Phone in one city, moved to another city (not nearby) and it still works fine. I think you can find lots of options at a store like Best Buy.

      • anon

        I had a terrible experience upgrading from a Go Phone to a regular AT&T plan. In addition to the account I requested, AT&T created an extra account without my permission. It then had a collections agency contact me about the extra account I didn’t ask for, never used, and told them to close. I think the issue is finally resolved, but I fear that this problem will hit my credit report.

    • Sydney Bristow

      I haven’t used them myself (grandfathered in on my $30 unlimited data plan at AT&T), but I’ve heard that it is basically impossible to get any help from the Straight Talk customer service people if something goes wrong. If it helps, I think that most of their plans run on the T-Mobile network.

      The other companies I’ve heard of are T-Mobile (does it’s own no-contract service but I think you have to sign up online instead of at a store), and Boost Mobile, Cricket. I think there are a bunch of others though too.

    • Anonymous

      I had a StraightTalk phone for about 2 years and had no problems. I moved cross-country during those years and had fine reception in the new city (and during my entire cross-country drive). I think it ran off the Verizon network. I never really had to deal with customer service, so can’t speak to that.

    • Jenna Rink

      We had a T-Mobile prepaid phone for a while and were pretty happy with it. You have to make sure to fill it up $100 at a time or the minutes are crazy expensive, but as far as I know there was no difference in service between the prepaid and a regular t-mobile plan.

  9. goldribbons

    In line with all of the exercise posts this afternoon, I have recently (this week) started trying to run again. The problem: my shins are killing me!!! I’ve only gone 0.5 miles after work every day so far this week. I ran 5-6 miles three times a week just 3 years ago so I’m kind of astonished and not sure what to do. Does this mean I need new running shoes or something? I’m not trying to lose weight, just thought it would be a good idea to exercise again.

    • Anonymous

      I am a on and off athlete and I used to have that problem whenever I restarted running. I’ve most recently restarted with C25k and because it forces you to take it easy and build up (like telling you to walk when you feel like you could run), I mostly avoided injury thus far (am on week 4 of the program).

      I say mostly because I overrode it and did an extra hour of dance class on top of running in shoes that had no support (i found out after) and arch problems prevented me from running again for 2-3 weeks.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      Do you have proper, fitted for you, running shoes from a professional running store? They can make a huge difference!

    • Shins

      I tend to get shin splints really bad when I run. I started off this time (after about a year off) with a 4 week to a mile program (google personal running trainer for the download or the schedule). I ran my first whole mile last week (11 min mile), and another again this week. My shins are just now starting to get a little sore.

      I don’t know how scientific this is, but I attribute the lack of pain (my shin splints were debilitating every other time I’ve tried to run on a regular basis, to where even walking hurt) to using Traumeel, which is a natural anti inflammatory. I put it on my shins every night before bed, in the morning, and right after my runs. So far so good. You might want to give it a try!

    • Cornellian

      I have no idea how to stop those. I’ve run 50 and 60 mile weeks at some points in my life, but three months later running 2 miles gives me shin splints. I think introducing running slowly helps, but once you have them it’s sort of a waiting game.

      • Anonymous

        Probably too late in the day, but, anyway:

        You should make sure to get good running shoes and make sure that they are right for *you.* Do *not* get stability or control shoes unless you actually need them (very few will). neutral shoes are almost always the best way to go.

        Which shoes are you wearing? I can probably tell you more about them and then recommend other viable alternatives (am sort of a walking encyclopedia of running shoes).

        Next, make sure you are running relaxed (this means that every part of your body is fully relaxed) and upright, and otherwise let your relaxed body do its thing regarding form. It is crucial that, for a good long while at the beginning, you do not run with a hard perceived effort. Instead, run slowly and more slowly. With time, things will line up and you’ll get more comfortable and make progress.

        But, no, taking anti-inflammatories or wearing compression or anything extraneous will not help in any meaningful and sustainable way – just run slowly, stretch afterward (and never before), and all of your little stabilizer and other muscles will get used to the new motions soon enough. Good luck!

          • goldribbons

            This is great! I got my current running shoes at a store with a treadmill and a super slow playback, so it was clear how my ankles were responding to the shoes. How should I stretch my shin?

      • Anonymous

        The most important thing is to regularly strengthen the shins. It sounds complicated but it’s really, really simple and will take you no more than 5-10 minutes a day. Here is a tried-and-true link:

        http://www.sportsinjuryclinic.net/sport-injuries/ankle-achilles-shin-pain/shin-splints/shin-splints-strengthening-exercises

        The calf raises (where you just stand relaxed and then raise yourself up on your toes) and toe drops (stand on edge of a stair with your toes on the stair and the rest of the foot dangling -and hold on to something!- and just make a full movement form down to up and so on) are most excellent. It helped me get better really quickly and I still keep doing them every now and then as maintenance!

        (For any hip or IT band problems, this is gold:)

        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2GLrKr54yA0

    • late to the commenting

      Stretch your calves as much as you possibly can. Hang your toes off a curb or a stair, one foot at a time. If you take weight off the non-stretching leg while you’re doing this, you’ll get a deeper stretch. Good shoes are imperative, yes, but for me I need to stretch the h3ll out of my calves or I’ll be hobbling along with shin splints for days.

  10. momentsofabsurdity

    Not sure if this has been posted before but it’s been going around my Facebook wall and I thought many in the Hive might find it interesting. It’s a talk by Jackson Katz at TEDx FiDiWomen about men’s roles in the prevention of gender violence. While I think a lot of it is sort of “preaching to the choir,” I did find it worth watching and I liked his some of his points.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=KTvSfeCRxe8

  11. Assistant Gift Ideas

    My assistant (BigLaw office) does not accept gifts for religious reasons (for holidays) but otherwise will as a well-meaning thank you. I often find the timing of this to be awkward, but she is going out of town for 2 weeks to visit family, which makes me think this would be a good time for a little gift that she could use during her travels. I believe she is flying a short distance, and staying with family. I’m not sure if she likes to read, if so what, etc. Thoughts for a good gift? I was thinking maybe a pretty scarf or something she could wear or use to keep warm on the plane. Can you ladies think of anything to add? I don’t think she drinks coffee, but I suppose she could use a starbucks card at the airport for food if she wanted…

    • MJ

      My asst is 7th Day Adventist, so no gifts. I just bring her cut flowers (from farmer’s mkt or my garden) every once in a while and she likes them. That’s what I have found is least awkward.

      • OP

        My other thought was to wait and have “welcome back” flowers on her desk… That may be my default unless I come up with something genius tonight. Thanks!

        • Anonymous

          I like the idea of ‘welcome back’ flowers.

          A friend whose grandchildren are jehovah witnesses sends gifts every month. She has tried many approaches and this has worked the best by far, in terms of acceptability to the receiver (or the receiver’s parents, in this case) and the simplicity and ease for her.

          So maybe you could treat her to flowers, something yummy, or a small gift card (kindle, itunes, lunch stop) at the beginning of every month.

  12. thank you notes?

    I posted earlier about whether to send thank you notes after an interview. After receiving your severe tongue-lashing, I am posting again to see if you have any other pointers that, given the fact that I’ve been living under a rock my entire adult life, I may need to know but don’t already.

    For instance, after combing this site for tips, I noticed a question about treating your references to lunch. I rarely get asked for references, but when I do, what is the protocol? Should I always get in touch with people I list as references to let them know I’m applying for a job? What if I’m applying for a lot of jobs? Should I tell them about each application I send that lists them as a reference?

    What else do I need to know about interview etiquette? Are there pet-peeves that you see interviewees do and wish they wouldn’t?

    • momentsofabsurdity

      My two cents – no one is born knowing appropriate etiquette for every situation. Everyone learns it from somewhere. Someone honestly not knowing something doesn’t bother me, or make me think they’ve been living under a rock – they just didn’t know something before, now they do. I’m sure that’s been the case with me 84 million times.

      So yeah, I don’t judge. I definitely do not treat my references to lunch (in fairness, I am not in the same geographical area as many of them).

      I think the best protocol for references is

      1) At the start of your search/application/whatever, send an email or ask in person for a person to be your reference. Specifically, I say something along the lines of “Hey, Mentor, I will be [starting a job search/applying to graduate school/what have you] and would like to use you as a reference. I think you can speak to my work well after working with me on [X]. Would you feel comfortable with that?”

      2) Once they say yes (obviously) definitely give them a heads up if you expect someone to call them or there’s something they need to do. This is harder if you may have a bunch of people calling them (ie, you’re applying to a ton of jobs) but I tend not to give references until I’m reasonably far along in the process, so no overeager hiring manager wastes my references’ time by calling them super early, before realizing I’m a bad candidate. I usually just put “available on request” if there’s a spot that asks for them on an application. Then once it seems like they’re ready, I provide the references and then that day, shoot those people a note to say “Hey, [Big Time Job] may be calling you in the next few weeks about a reference for me. The job and [x, y and z] and it’d be great if you could speak to my experience in that. Thanks again for doing this!”

      3) Once you get the job/get into the program, I always send a note to my references saying thank you so much, letting them know I got the job and any other relevant info, and at that point, generally because they’re people I have close relationships with, I send a small gift (like chocolate) or I guess I might take them out to lunch as a thank you if they are close by/it’s feasible.

    • Anonymous

      Absolutely notify your references! It’s really terrible to be caught off guard by that. It feels invasive to get a call out of the blue, but it also doesn’t give you the best possible reference when I’m scrambling to remember details and anecdotes. Ideally, you notify them for each position for which they will be contacted so that they can know what the position is and what in particular they should be prepared to discuss. Ideally tell them what you are hoping the hiring manager will learn from them in terms of skills or experience.

      If you’re in the midst of an intense job hunt and will be submitting applications within a short time frame for many positions that are all similar jobs at similar companies, then it’s okay to give them one general notice – but mention that they may be contacted several times over the coming month or two.

      If they are a new reference for you, then you should ask for their permission to list them. In fact, it’s a good idea to ask before each new spell of applications. Don’t be hurt if they decline. It’s not necessarily that they think you do poor work. They may simply feel they are not the best reference.

      I personally think taking a reference out to lunch is overkill, but at the very least send them a nice note once you’ve landed your position to thank them and let them know where you settled. If they were instrumental in getting you an ‘in’ somewhere, then lunch, bottle of wine, or edible yummies could be more appropriate.

      Other tips… Keep your resume short and succinct. Nail down a good cover letter. Prepare for the typical interview questions. Show up on time or a little early. Do your homework on the employer and have questions. Act like you want the job. Be confident but not cocky. On a higher level, use informational interviews to find out what employers are looking for in a successful candidate (ie, certifications, specific experience or skills) so that you can get them or highlight them. Presentation really counts. There are usually multiple people qualified for a position, so the person who gets it simply seemed the most on the ball, professional, and easy to work with.

      As comic relief after some tough love today, remember to put your name and contact information on your resume/cv – and don’t draw stick figures and flowers all over the envelope. I’ve seen both :)

    • Moonstone

      I think it’s my turn to recommend Ask a Manager’s blog. For the record, she does not agree that thank-you notes are required. Remember that lots of advice is regional or particularly appropriate for one field or another, so there’s usually more leeway than you’d think.

  13. saacnmama

    I LOVE the satchel look as a briefcase, but these are all too small for laptop or even file folders. Has anyone seen bigger versions that would work for business casual?

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