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Updated: Oct 31, 2018 167 Comments · by

Splurge Monday’s TPS Report: Slim Crepe Dress with Contrast Lining

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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Veronica Beard Slim Crepe Dress with Contrast Lining | CorporetteOur daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Oooh: this Veronica Beard sheath dress is so. cool. Love the contrast lining and the easy elegance of it — gorgeous. I'd wear it with delicate but expensive jewelry (diamonds, pearls) and basic black or nude-for-me pumps. The dress is $595 (lucky sizes only). Veronica Beard Slim Crepe Dress with Contrast Lining Update: Madison Los Angeles has the dress in a few more sizes. Here are a lower-priced option and a plus-size alternative. Psst: Don't forget our massive roundup of sheath dresses from a few weeks ago if you're on the hunt for a more basic (or affordable) version. Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-4)

Sales of note for 9.30.24

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Comments

  1. KT

    The whole clothing-rental thing is growing on me–I love the idea of having a closet of basic staples and having a fresh mix of clothes to add each month.

    Has anyone tried monthly subscription services? What did you like,w hat did you hate? Any you’d recommend? (especially plus-size options!)

    • Idea

      I’ve heard mixed reviews of Gwynnie Bee but as I’m recovering after giving birth and gaining weight through that and depression/anxiety, I’d love to hear more, too.
      Thanks.

      • soaps

        Another attorney in my office, my office neighbor, subscribes to Gwynnie Bee and loves it. I always love to see the new dresses she gets.

      • Em

        My friend and I each found 1 or 2 items that worked for us through Gwinnie Bee, but for the most part, I found that the items ran too casual for my business casual style which is generally a sheath + comfy blazer or cardigan. Also, if you’re in between sizes (12-14) I found the items to be way too big whereas my friend found the pieces to work a bit better.

    • LAnon

      I tried Gwynnie Bee but actually wound up being too small for their size range – they claim that they start at a size 10, and I am a size 10… but none of the clothes fit me correctly, even when I tried a variety of brands / styles. The clothes were OK but often they would look nice online but turn out to be low quality / cheap when I got them.

      I use Le Tote now and am wavering whether to continue it or not. The clothes are typically nice and high quality, but they can be a bit dull sometimes… they sort of have a single style (sort of a generic urban look, which is probably the most appealing to their customer base) so I have to try to find things that I like. I actually like their jewelry / accessory selection more than the clothes – usually I’m more excited about the accessories in a shipment than the clothes. If you look at their available clothes and like the style, definitely give it a try – their stuff is quite nice.

      I also currently have Rent the Runway unlimited. If I ever felt the need to cut my expenses, this would be the FIRST thing to go. I like it because I go to events requiring cocktail attire 4-5 times / month and it is so fun to *always* have a new dress and accessories to wear. That said, it is definitely focused on evening attire and not on work attire, although you could probably pick out some accessories to freshen up your work outfits.

      • Lobbyist

        What size are you? I wanted to try them but I am more of an 8-10. I am 5’9, 160 but pretty muscular. I tend to wear 8 pants but 10 dresses because I have swimmer/rower build with big shoulders.

        • LAnon

          You could try but I think you might not find much. I am 5’8″ and 155ish so typically a 10. A lot of the clothes on GB use different size charts, and even if I ordered the option that corresponded to a “10-12”, they typically seemed to be more on the “12” side. I felt like between the cheap-ish fabric and the somewhat different sizing, the clothes tended not to hang well on me.

  2. Wildkitten

    I love the lower priced alternative. It might be a little too sexy for work (you’d definitely need to wear something over it and not take it off) but it’s very sleek.

    • emeralds

      Both the Veronica Beard dress and the lower-cost alternative are gorgeous.

      • NYNY

        But the Veronica Beard has an exposed zipper the length of the dress that ruins the graceful drape, not to mention invites thought of taking it off. When will this trend end?

        • AIMS

          Oooh, I didn’t see that. Sort of kills the dress for me. This also may be just me but I have a hard time not having anything white turn yellowish from deodorant stains after a while so I think I’d be reluctant to get something like this (at this price) because I feel like it wouldn’t be that long before the white part of the dress wouldn’t be so uniformly white. With white sweaters and blouses I can usually wear an undershirt but with this, I’m not sure what I could do to avoid stains.

        • Meg Murry

          Also not a fan of the full length zipper, or any of the chunky decorative zippers. I wore a dress last week with a section of exposed zipper at the neck that I picked up on clearance despite the chunky zipper – it was the first time I’ve worn it without a long sleeved shirt under it. Every time I leaned back in my chair, or especially when driving, it was so cold – like someone stuck an ice cube on my neck, and it kept startling me and making me jump.
          I hope this trend dies soon, but it seems to have been around for a while, so who knows.

        • Anonymous

          I’m not a fan of exposed zipper, but not because it “invites thought of taking it off” (which to me is not much different than “girls can’t wear leggings to school because tight clothing distracts the boys”). I think exposed zippers just look clunky and untailored.

          • Sacha

            I want to agree with you on that, I really do, but for what purpose is there an exposed, full-length zipper on the back of a dress other than to invite thoughts of unzipping it? When I check myself on this, I find that the only people (3) I know who wear such dresses to work are ones who also make other sartorial choices for the purpose of garnering sexual attention at work.

          • anon

            I’m as hostile as anyone to the concept that women/girls must tailor their clothing choices so as to avoid “distracting” boys, “keeping them pure,” and helping them “control themselves,” (because the problem with that is that it places the burden of men’s choices not on men but on women), but I really do think that that is different from making clothing choices that don’t seem suggestive at work.

  3. Nashville Bound

    Early thread jack. I’m headed to Nashville for 4 days at the end of July. This is my first time to music city and I’m going by myself. The hotel I booked is downtown with easy access to everything. Any suggestions for sites to see, places for breakfast/brunch, where I could find a good steak? TIA for all recommendations =D

    • Also in Academia

      If you don’t mind driving outside the city, go to the Loveless Cafe for breakfast. I love the reproduction concert posters at Hatch Show Prints, downtown, too.

    • NashJD

      Nashville person here – don’t know where you’re coming from or what your interests are, but the Country Music Hall of Fame is really worth seeing – even if you’re not a country music fan. It really gives an insight into the business of country music and how it has impacted the city. For a music venue, Station Inn can’t be beat – it’s old school bluegrass in The Gulch, which is an up-and-coming area just a quick Uber ride from downtown (or long walk or hop on a free green circuit bus). I second the recommendation for Loveless for breakfast, but it’s kind of a hike from downtown – schedule at least 30 minutes for the drive out there. Good restaurants include Capitol Grille, in the historic Hermitage Hotel (a favorite hangout of local politicians, but don’t let that stop you); Etch; and The Southern. You may want to get reservations, though normally you can probably make those the day of. Happy to make some more recommendations if you tell me what you’re interested in.

      • APP123

        My husband and I ate at Etch when we went to Nashville last fall, and it was probably one of our favorite meals all year. We still talk about the brussel sprouts.

      • Nashville Bound

        Thank you for these recs! I love country music and would love to know where to check out some local music at night. Also some breakfast spots downtown. Is The Hermitage a place I could get filet mignon? It’s my favorite and if you know a good place that’s awesome. I’d also love to get a pair of cowboy boots, know of a good place to get some?

        • NashJD

          I’m told the best place to get steaks in the downtown area is Morton’s, which I think is a chain, but I’m told it’s good (I’m not much of a steak eater myself). It’s downtown on Church Street, not far from the main downtown area (easy walk). Music – really there are great music venues everywhere, but other than Station Inn, I might suggest 3rd and Linsley, Puckett’s, and then most everywhere downtown. As for breakfast, The Southern is great. It’s great for lunch and dinner, too, but I know they have fantastic breakfasts. I’m sure Capitol Grille at The Hermitage Hotel would be great, too. Also if you could drive (or Uber) just about 5 minutes out of downtown to Hillsboro Village, Fido has one of the best breakfasts in the city. It’s a fairly plain looking coffee shop but has a CIA-trained chef and phenomenal food. Plus it’s a cute shopping area, so if you did a late breakfast/brunch, you could do a little shopping there. As for boots, I think you’ll see the shops on Broadway – there are several boot shops that carry nothing but, and if I were to buy a pair of boots, that’s where I’d get them. All price points and a great selection. Hope you have a great time — late July is hot, but should be fun!

        • Nashvillian Here

          I personally would skip the Hermitage Hotel/Capitol Grill. It is a great place to have a drink – it is a beautiful hotel. But the food is much better at other places. I work across the street and have to eat there way more than I would like. I love Bob’s Steak and Chops even though it is a chain and in the Omni. It is by far the best steak I have ever eaten. I also love the steaks at Kayne Prime. Pucketts has great breakfasts, lunch and dinner. I love Whiskey Kitchen and Sambuca’s which are both in the Gulch. Across the river in East Nashville is 5 Points Pizza, the Pharmacy (best burger ever!) and Hollin House. Pinewood Social is also a lot of fun.

          Check out nashville orignials website for local, non-chain restaurants.

          See if anyone is playing at the Ryman when you are in town. It is the best place to see a show. And be ready it will be hot and humid in July!

    • NashMBA

      Late to the party but I thought I’d throw in my $.02…

      Filet mignon – Jimmy Kelly’s
      Music venue – Acme or Paradise Park
      Brunch – Southern, Pinewood, Tavern, Frothy Monkey, Merchants

      “Hot chicken” is the Nashville equivalent of New York pizza or Memphis barbecue. Some good places to check out are Prince’s and Hattie B’s.

  4. ADD/ADHD for girls

    Over the years, I’ve been impressed by the high psychological IQ of a lot of the posters. I have a question about whether anyone was ADD/ADHD as a child (and was anything particularly helpful or unhelpful for you growing up)? Also, any book resources that anyone would recommend as a parent?

    As our first year of school draws to a close, I think my older daughter has some issues here that have the potential to limit how she does at school / with friends / in general (not paying enough attention to cars in parking lots). She does well academically, but either daydreams or really needs to bounce around (literally — she probably should have farming for half of the day and school for the other half).

    I will probably pursue a private evaluation and see how that goes over the summer.

    • Anon

      I am 28, but I did not know anyone who was diagnosed ADD/ADHD when I was in grade school or junior high. The first I remember knowing someone with a diagnosis was high school. I think it has become much more common in the past 10 years.

      • Anonymous

        Nah I think you prob just didn’t notice. Tons and tons of kids our age were on Ritalin.

        • Baconpancakes

          There was a designated lunchtime Ritalin dispensing at the nurse’s office for many of my classmates. There were so many kids, it just wasn’t a big deal that some of them took it. (I’m 30.)

        • Em

          This. There were at least 2 boys I knew of in my class of 150 in middle school that were known to be on ritalin for ADHD/ADD I’m sure there were others but these two guys made a big deal out of it so I still remember 20 years later.

        • la vie en bleu

          yeah i don’t think any of my friends in elementary school knew i was diagnosed and on meds, it just wasn’t a topic of conversation.

      • cbackson

        I’m 7 years older than you and it was really common in my elementary school (which was not in a progressive or particularly psychiatry-friendly region).

    • Walnut

      I probably should have been diagnosed with ADHD as a child. I bounced all over the place, left my workspace a disaster, rarely paid attention in class and almost never did my homework unless a note was sent home to my Mom. That said, I did well academically and have spent a lot of time developing focus techniques over the years.

      On a humorous note, I grew up on a farm, so you could certainly say I spent a significant amount of time each afternoon burning off my boundless energy.

      • OP

        :) I have signed her up for every sporty-type thing that her school has after classes are done and have instigated what I call the Daily Constitutional where we walk our ‘hood after dinner now that the days are longer. And outdoor time. The TV and any computer/app games are The Devil.

        Growing up, I had a sibling with a learning disability who went to a school that and can see the value of the right interventions and the right skills (my mother was an LD teacher, but more that than ADD/ADHD, which has literature skewed to boys (and any girl stuff is for non-bouncy ones)). We are in an urban public school system, so I fear that her good grades (and kids with far worse behavior issues) will let her just float along and get lost as school requires more work and attention (and not so much innate talent).

        • Meg Murry

          You say “first year of school” so she’s what, 5/6 and finishing kindergarten or first grade? Honestly, most 5 year olds are full of energy and aren’t really capable of sitting still for as long as we are asking of them now – and many of the ones that do manage to sit still all day are absolutely exhausted and bursting with energy after school lets out. As far as things like cars in parking lots, you may just have to remind her a lot – my son shows almost zero ADHD tendencies (to the point where he is far more responsible/organized than I am and can sit still longer doing his homework than I can), but he will still get caught up in talking or looking at a butterfly or whatever and almost walk in front of cars in the parking lot – so we have been spending a lot of time on “focus on what’s in front of you right now, we’ll talk more once we’re in the car”. He’s better now in parking lot situations, right now our struggle is to get him to pay attention to what’s in front of him when he’s biking so he doesn’t run someone over when he’s babbling away or looking at distractions in the grass/buildings.

          I wasn’t diagnosed with ADHD until I was an adult becuase I have the more typical “inattentive” type often seen in girls (figety and daydreamy rather than bouncing off the walls) and because I still did well in school and didn’t cause any distractions, so I agree that you need to be careful that her struggles aren’t just passed over because she isn’t causing the worst problems. Can you have a conference about her teacher placement for next year, and emphasize that she needs to be in a classroom with a lot of movement and activity vs sitting still and doing worksheets? I would hesitate to go to medicinal solutions like Ritalin until you first pursue ones like you are currently doing (lots of physical activity, etc) or until it really gets in the way of her learning – I probably would have benefited from medication in high school, but until then I don’t think the side effects would have been worth it for my particular case – but of course you need to evaluate on an individual basis.

    • Sarabeth

      I was diagnosed as an adult, but the criteria for diagnosis included evidence that I had symptoms as a child. The two biggest issue for me were:
      1. My parents treating my forgetfulness about various things as a kind of moral failing. They just didn’t get why I (who was clearly a bright and otherwise competent child) routinely lost items of clothing, forgot to get forms signed, etc. I would have benefited from a lot less judgment, and a lot more help constructing routines for myself to help cope with this tendency.
      2. Similar to your daughter, I was smart enough to get away with some terrible study habits. And I had tremendous anxiety related to my difficulties concentrating on school work, even though I had excellent grades. I wish that I had received more directed coaching and/or therapy to help me build study skills. No one thought I needed anything like that, because I wasn’t failing classes or anything, but it was taking a bit emotional toll.

      • OP

        Thanks! She is almost 7, so it’s not like she just squeaked into K this year (and the inattentiveness has been a daycare comment since she was 3). I fear that she is lives in a world where she receives so much negative feedback or just a stream of repeated commands / reminders / corrections. I try to make sure that she is looking at me when I talk to her (and I am looking at her, not just calling out “Go upstairs for bath,” which will accomplish nothing); sometimes I have her say what I said back to me.

        This is what I have been doing: routine, routine, routine. Now that she can read, I may write things down in order for morning / evening routines. My corrections (esp. if I show frustration) end with an “I love you” or “I fuss b/c I love you” and a hug.

        I wouldn’t start with the meds, but with trying things like more physical activity / intentionality and routines (and whatever else I should do).

        Her teachers note that she is doing good work (but nowhere near what they feel she is capable of), but having to stop and remind/correct/refocus her is a big production (so maybe 95% for reading/math and 5% for behavior (behavior being bouncing around on the chair (we even got her a stability ball-type cushion for her chair at school that may help with the wiggles) not getting into fights or anything) and the concern is that she may not be able to overcome this long-term.

        • Lobbyist

          My 11 year old daughter has ADHD. We had several years of comments from teachers then had her evaluated and diagnosed, and still didn’t treat her for a year or two after that, because of ignorance and prejudice on my part (I don’t want to drug my child; she is just exuberant; isn’t exercise enough-type thoughts). In hindsight, I am really glad we had her diagnosed, and I am very thankful that one teacher this year asked we treat her because the medicine (concerta 27 mg, which is a low dose) makes a huge improvement. She doesn’t take it on the weekends. The other nice thing about the diagnosis is it has made me parent her better because I don’t get (as) mad when she loses her water bottle again, when she forgets what she was doing on her way to her room. I really liked Driven to Distraction, Super Parenting for ADD, and all the books by that author and I also like ADDitude magazine and their facebook page. I do wish I had a better network of other parents of ADD kids because often my first parenting instinct, or what I would do with my son, is NOT the best way to handle her, and I think I could use some help/benefit of other’s experience. Good luck. The other thing we have done is not keep it a secret — its a condition, nothing to be ashamed of, and it explains some of her behaviors, both good and bad.

        • Meg Murry

          Regarding routines – one thing I stole from SuperNanny was a pictoral routine – picture of toothbrush, picture of clothes with an arrow putting them in the hamper, etc etc. My son really liked it, especially since we sat down together and decided things like “do you want to brush teeth first or get dressed first” – he felt like he had a say. On one episode SuperNanny made the routines pictures with velcro on the back, so the kid had to physically move them from “to do” to “done” while on another she made them over a whiteboard so you checked off each item as done. We laminated ours with packing tape, then my son checked off with whiteboard marker. Again, I have ADHD, so I actually rely on him to stay on schedule/stick to the routine – it helps BOTH of us, but it makes him responsible.

          Could the fact that she is older actually be working against her, because the schoolwork is easy for her and she is bored? Related to the “looking at you” comment – our school uses the “Second Steps” curriculum, and one of the things they teach younger kids is to have a teacher/adult tell them to “put on their focusers” (put their hands around their eyes and look at you) before giving the instructions. It’s silly, but it helps. http://www.cfchildren.org/second-step

          Last – have you had her hearing checked, and did they check each ear individually? Or any chance her hearing isn’t so good during cold and allergy season (is she prone to ear infection)? Some kids look like they are blowing you off when in fact they aren’t hearing you at all, or not enough to completely follow directions. Or that could be part of having issues with cars in parking lots – if she isn’t hearing them coming or can’t distinguish the car noises nearby from cars driving on the street. Just one more thing to have checked out.

          It’s probably a good idea to have her checked out, and then re-evaluated in a few years if they don’t find anything conclusive. Even if you opt not to go the medical intervention route, having a diagnosis allows you to put an IEP in place, and that (while being a ton of paperwork) allows you things like more thought going into the best teacher/classroom situation for your daughter, and possible interventions like less homework or more breaks in the day.

          • Anonymous

            See, I’d actually hate the “look at me” bit. I am hugely visual as a learner, and if I’m looking at you instead of staring off into space, I can’t concentrate enough to remember.

        • la vie en bleu

          I started meds when I was like 10, so I wouldn’t necessarily recommend them before that age. But I was very similar to what you describe with the difficulty paying attention to actualy finish my work, and for grades 5-12 where you really have to spend a lot of time sitting still and doing work at a desk, I think being on meds was extremely helpful for me. I was on different ones over the years, but it really was helpful to have it to get thru the school day and not be struggling to focus on class.

          However, by college, the learning environment was so different and I was studying subjects I really enjoyed, that I was able to stop using meds regularly and now I don’t use them at all. I have coping mechanisms when I really need to focus, but also I have just structured my adult life in such a way that my attention span/ways of thinking and working work for me and not against me.

          She will totally be able to overcome this long term!! Don’t despair so much. There are many many smart and successful people who have ADD. I really recommend the Hartmann books because they help to think of ADD as a different way the brain works, and makes me even better at some things than non-ADD people, it’s not an illness. And check out the other books I listed down thread, because some of them have a lot about compensations and systems you can put in place that are helpful for school-aged kids.

    • A

      I have a colleague who has ADD and who spent much of her elementary school career as the only girl on the school’s behavioral program because she was constantly in trouble. I’m not her and have no experience, but after she started taking her medicine (she stopped for a while) it was like a different person to the point where everyone was surprised as to what a great coworker she became. I don’t think it hurts to have your daughter assessed at least.

      • Architect

        We just started our 12 year old on Adderall. It took a looong time to convince my husband that DD was not going to grow out of it. Even before the meds, DD was doing pretty well in school. But school will keep getting harder. The pediatrician asked daughter if she felt that she has to work harder than all of her friends. Daughter said yes. I think that changed our daughter’s mind about doing something about it. I don’t think anyone wants to drug their kid up. If DD had a physical problem no one would bat an eye at the need for meds. I wish we had not waited so long. I don’t think we have meds completely figured out yet. At least we are trying something.

    • Best Coast

      Our first grade boy was diagnosed with ADHD this year, after having a lot of the same issues at school as you describe here. He is very bright but was always day-dreaming or rushing through his worksheets so fast that he was leaving problems not done. In fact, in kindergarten, his teacher thought he was incapable of coloring because he would just scribble so fast to get it done. His ADHD also lead to social problems, as in he wasn’t picking up social cues and was having problems making/keeping friends.
      We went the private doctor diagnosis route and are so thankful we did. He was diagnosed and we were given some techniques for gross and fine motor stimulation. We tried OT and PT; we tried some tactics in school such as having him run an errand for the teacher every hour. But in all honesty, we started him on the lowest dose of an ADHD medication and it has changed everything. Within a week, his handwriting drastically improved, he was having less social problems, his ability to engage in the class improved dramatically. I’m not saying that medication is the cure-all for everyone, but it can make a world of difference and shouldn’t be immediately discounted.

    • Sydney Bristow

      I could be completely off base (I don’t have kids and do not have ADD/ADHD myself) but I’ve read that Montessori schools might be beneficial in a situation like hers because the teaching style is more tailored to the individual student and can involve a lot more physical activity throughout the day than public schools. I think it also is set up to allow kids to explore more of what specifically interests them and captures their attention. Perhaps that is something you could look into.

    • la vie en bleu

      I was diagnosed as a kid, and basically my entire family is some level of ADD.

      I think Thom Hartmann’s books on ADD were helpful, especially in helping me to figure out the strengths and weaknesses of my ADD so that I could compensate when i had to do something that was hard, but also so i could find ways to maximize the benefits of my ADD. I also really loved Born to Be Wild, which is sort of memoir-ish, the mother of a boy with severe ADHD, but also has lots of really practical tips and ideas for young kids with ADD. My mom really liked the Driven to Distraction/Delivered from Distraction books, but I never read them. She might have other more recent suggestions since she’s also a teacher so she keeps up on this stuff, I’ll come back later and post them if she has any. And ADD Friendly Ways to Organize Your Life is aimed at adults, but it’s a really great resource, you might check it out to see if it gives you any ideas for things that might help your kid as they get older.

        • Meg Murry

          Ooh, good find. Although if her daughter has more of the hyperactive ADD traits, some of the books on girls with ADD may or may not relate – she will just have to pick and chose to see which ones work for her. Some of the ADD traits typical to girls describe me to a tee, others make me say “what?!?” but describe my good friend exactly (who by the way is a super successful artist despite/because of her ADD).

          One note – possibly because of the ADD, possibly just because that’s just “how I’m made” – I tend to think more like a stereotypical guy than girl, and I never had many good friends that were girls. I was often the only girl in my math/science classes and extracurriculars in high school. I am better at STEM subjects, and it wasn’t until I went to college and started interacting with other tech-y types that I made friends that were girls. So you may need to remind teachers sometimes not to judge her against the other girls (for instance, she may be the most fidgety girl in her class, but is she more so than the average boy?) and encourage her to draw on boys for her friend pool as much or more than girls. And maybe she’ll find sports that are typically mostly boys (or where she is one of a few girls on a boys team) better for draining her energy than activities that are usually aimed at girls (so a mixed gender soccer, for instance, rather than ballet).

    • Anon

      As a former and current daydreamer, exercise helps calm my mind. Something continuous and/or intense is even more effective.

  5. Anne

    For some reason, the white does not look intentional to me – just looks like the model has forgotten her tank underneath it.

    The lower-priced option is looking pretty neat.

    The plus sized version looks like someone is wearing a gigantic tank-top/nightshirt. There is something odd about the neck and the bottom of it. I don’t think it looks all that office appropriate. (And my office doesn’t have a dress code.)

  6. Document Storage

    Does anyone have any document storage methods (particularly electronic ones) that work really well? I have a basic file folder, but after buying a house I need something larger. Having all the paper documents seems sort of silly with all the technology out there. I’m also not a fan of the clutter and I am concerned of the risk if there were a fire. However, a lot of these papers contain sensitive information, such as social security numbers, so I’m leery about having them unsecured in the cloud. Has anyone found an e-storage method that is secure and affordable?

    • Anonymous

      Yay! Pricey Monday’s! I love Pricey Monday’s and this crepe dress, tho $595 is out of my price range now, especialy b/c of the cost of renting or buying a comercial apartement. FOOEY!

      Dad took me to see a 3 BR profesional coop (on the first floor of a building I otherwise would not consider), but they want $15,000 per month to rent it! It was dumpey also, with mice poop on the floor. On the first floor, you get all kind of critter’s the realtor says. I do NOT want to have mice running around while I work (or worse, sleep)! DOUBEL FOOEY! The other place I saw was in a coop they were SELLING, but it was $5.2 million dollars! I do NOT have that kind of money, and even dad did not want to spend that much to set me up in PRACTISE. DOUBEL FOOEY!

      The building manager in the second place kept stareing at me, and said he knew me. I did NOT know him NOR did I even want to talk to him b/c his breathe smelled like old fish. Hea probabley saw me at a restrunt /bar or something, but clearley I NEVER dealt with him before. I would remember that old smelley fish breathe.

      The manageing partner is now stareing at me b/c he know’s I am lookeing for my own place. I do NOT want these alternative’s b/c I like just comeing in, billeing and goeing home. I do NOT want to have to manage a whole office and hire looser’s like Mason that I will have to clean up after. Dad still want’s me to look at other places. He said that he has a freind in the realestate busness. Why couldnt that guy be JARED KUSHNER! FOOEY! I just want a guy to marry and support me. I do NOT want to have to work or think. FOOEY!

    • Anonymous

      Box.com is similar to Dropbox (I use both). I mostly have the former because they were giving away 50MBs free with signup.

    • Gibbler

      I use Dropbox for both my personal and my office document storage. It’s super easy to use and it synches across all devices, so I always have my entire office with me wherever I go.

    • Security Anon

      Put your files in an encrypted zip and then put them in the cloud. I wouldn’t store my ssn or other sensitive data on any site, Dropbox, box, etc, without first encrypting it.

  7. Anonymous

    I used to be concerned with finding the most secure ways to store papers, but I’ve gotten pretty fatalistic about it over the years. There are so many ways for your information to be breached that I can’t get too worked up about it potentially anymore. I’m pretty control-freak generally so this is a departure. I keep some paper copies, some electronic copies on Dropbox, and shred what I can. Probably not the answer you were looking for.

    • Em

      Agreed. I had the government give my identification to someone else. Regular keeping an eye on things is all you can do.

  8. Roman Holiday

    Ohhhh boy I might have gone and done it now. I just spoke out against an absurd idea being pushed on my team by the upper management. They’ve been trying to implement it for some time now, but never given a clear reason for it. Finally, today I asked for the benefits of this new system and pointed out some (very obvious) flaws and asked why they were rushing to have it rolled out by some arbitrary deadline since it has so many issues. My team cheered me on, but I’m worried it’s going to come back and bite me.

    • Houda

      If your management has any sense of business they know you’re golden because everyone likes to be surrounded by people who say amen (this gets them nowhere), but if they want to get results and progress, they need someone to look them right in the eye and call them on the flaws of their plan/decision/project.
      The only nuance is whether the persons you do this to have over-inflated egos, in that case I’d rather talk to them in a private setting instead of blurting it out publicly. By allowing them to save face, you become an even more valued ally.

  9. Financial advising

    This seems like a dumb question, but are there financial advisors you can hire on an hourly basis (that is, their compensation is not at all tied to what products they recommend and they are not actually managing your money)? We’d like some advice on how best to allocate our savings for various goals (retirement, children’s education, new house, etc.), what types of products we should be using for those savings, and just generally help in setting up our financial house. My in-laws have an advisor they like, but he makes his money by taking a percentage of the assets he manages for them. Maybe that’s the solution we ultimately need (and I’d be interested in hearing why that might be a good option, if it is) but it seems like there should be a way to get just basic advice, and paying specifically for the advisor’s time seems like the most sensible option.

    • Hildegarde

      It sounds like right now you’re looking for a certified financial planner. A reputable investment advisor typically manages your money and charges a percentage of the assets under management (or there are some that get a commission based on selling you products, but you should stay away from these). But a financial planner usually charges hourly and gives you the kind of advice it sounds like you’re looking for. Sometimes investments advising companies also employ financial planners, so maybe ask your parents’ advisor if he can recommend anyone.

      • Diana Barry

        Yes, exactly. A CFP and you can try searching “fee-based financial planner” also.

        Also, for lower-cost alternatives, Schwab has people you can talk to and so does Vanguard.

    • Anonymous

      I think Garrett Planning Network has a collection of fee-only financial planners around the country. There were quite a few in my area but I haven’t gotten around to actually making an appointment yet.

    • Anonymous

      napfa.org – national assn of personal financial advisors – website where you can search for fee-only planners in your area.

      If by any chance you have a 401k plan at Fidelity, Fidelity has free financial services at their walk-in centers. Not necessarily the best long-term solution, but for a reality check/starting point, could be a good resource. Fidelity claims that these advisors are paid salaried and receive no compensation/incentive to push Fidelity products.

  10. homebody

    Ideas of how to spend a whole week off at home?

    I have a week before starting a new and intense job and want it to be productive and relaxing. Ideas so far include freezer meals and lots of yoga. How would you spend this treasure of a week?

    • Anonymous

      Sleep. Watch some shows, read a book or two. Visit a site or two in your city that you haven’t been to. Catch up with a friend

    • CapHillAnon

      Workout; write letters to friends (real, old-fashioned letters); organize photos; host a mid-week dinner party; and a liberal read/ nap schedule.

    • Anonymous

      Day drinking. Beach trip. Seeing pitch perfect 2. Reading a book in a bar at 2. Eating a lobster.

    • NOLA

      This may not be your idea of fun, but I have often taken off a week and worked on fixing up a room in my house. New blinds or window treatments, paint, light fixture. I plan it all and then do the work in a week. That and I always spend time when I’m off cleaning up my middle bedroom where I store shoes, clothes, etc. I go through clothes, decide what to keep, take things to donate, find stuff I haven’t been able to put my hands on in months.

      Day drinking is also a great idea. Susedna is going to be here for a day when I’m off and we plan on shopping and day drinking by my friend’s new pool.

    • week off!

      I have one of these coming up, too! I’ve got 9 days (work week and two weekends) in between jobs. I’m doing— read the book for my book club rather than lying about it (eek), pool days, hair cut, car detailing, do some decorating around my apartment, shop in person for new shoes/purse, work on some paintings (most important goal), solo local hike, hit up fave coffee shop on other side of town, lunches with mentors, sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep, and beach trip with mom and sister.

      This may be a bit ambitious.

    • Veronica Mars

      I just asked a similar question! Ideas included: getting appointments taken care of, reading, road tripping, yoga, cooking and freezing extra meals, cleaning/decluttering, and a few others I have written down somewhere. I did a complete KonMari declutter of my closet and it’s been AMAZING to walk into a closet that’s fully organized and only filled with the things I enjoy wearing.

    • Houda

      I’d detox with amazing meals, everything organic cooked and seasoned to perfection.
      I’d organize my closet and put together amazing outfits for the first 2-3 weeks (with pictures) so that I focus on work during the first month.
      I’d take care of any appointments, dental work, manicure, overdue haircut, fixing stuff around the house …

  11. anonyc

    Just nosed around the Veronica Beard section of NM and they have a whole section of expensive, custom dickeys. They are various combinations of blazers and built-in tops. This both tickles me and raises so many questions: who buys $700/800 dickeys? Is this a thing? And who does that and goes for the dickey hoodie?! Or the camo dickey hoodie?!?!

    This is blowing my mind.

    • BB

      Yeah, I did not understand this at all when I saw them last year! I remember seeing their blazers and thinking that they were nice, but oddly styled with the hoodie. Then I found out the hoodie is a dickey?! Can I even wear the blazer by itself or does it have weird things to attach the dickey to?

      • anonyc

        Maybe the dickey part snaps/zips/buttons in? So. Many. Questions!!

        Also: who is the target consumer here? I can only assume someone in show business, where wearing an outrageously expensive lace hoodie dickey would be considered appropriate (I think?). And what do you wear on the bottom? I feel like formal shorts is the only answer.

  12. I'm Just Me

    http:// findanadvisor. napfa. org/ Home. aspx

    Remove the spaces (added to hopefully bypass moderation)

  13. Asideralis

    I just wanted to share my happiness that my long distance relationship has moved back to living together! I’m so stoked, and I love that my partner is such a supportive feminist. :3

    On another note: does anyone else use the Miele vacuums? I just ordered the canister Titan, and am looking forward to the upgrade. I also would appreciate house cleaner/maid suggestions in the DC area. I abhor cleaning.

  14. financial house cleaning

    I have credit card account in collection and also in the process of purging some financial documents. With regards to the account in collection what sort of stuff should I keep.

    • Sydney Bristow

      I think the recommendation is that you keep everything related to a collections account. And if you pay it off through that collection company that you keep the payoff letter and confirmation that it satisfied the debt forever because those things have a way of coming back around even though they shouldn’t.

    • Dulcinea

      KEEP ALL OF IT FOREVER. I work in a collections-defense type law and I always want to just walk out of the room when my clients say they shredded/burned/threw out their documents. Most especially keep any documents which evidence that you have paid off this account or that they have acknowledged it was an error.

  15. anon virgo

    I wouldn’t spend it (the whole thing at least) at home. Take a last-minute travel deal or road trip — something you won’t have time to plan (much less do) once you are working.

    You’ll still have time for laundry / dry cleaners / grocery store / etc. Hoard laundry detergent / dryer sheets / dishwasher pellets — you won’t have time to run to the store for non-perishable nuisance items.

    Update Christmas card lists and maybe pre-address envelopes and stock up on stamps.

  16. Ugly toes...

    Can you help me find a chic summer sandal that somehow hides and/or minimizes my ugly toes?

    I prefer a heel/wedge so I can wear it all day. Maybe I need a natural/nude color to help with camouflage…. Any pointers appreciated.

  17. Senior Attorney

    Good morning, ladies! I know we’ve been over this topic before but I need some NYC restaurant help. My guy and I are going to Manhattan for the weekend and are looking for a place for an after-theatre supper on Friday night. (Since they roll up the sidewalks in L.A. at about 10 and we are excited about the chance to have a nice late dinner!) Should be reasonably close to the theatre district, good food, full bar. Hell’s Kitchen, maybe? Price not a huge consideration as long as the food is great.

    Any suggestions?

    • Anon

      that’s a tough neighborhood for excellent food as you probably already know – nearby-ISH are Esca (mario batali seafood) and Keens steakhouse (a fit further away but a short cab ride or a longish walk).

      • AnotherLadyLawyer

        Second! LOVE Toloache! Julian Medina Mexican joint, with delish drinks and really good food. Also Second Taboon, which Anon in NY C below recommended — it’s one of my favorites in NYC (the bread that they bake in the taboon/oven is to die for) and it’s on 10th ave, so it’s a little less crowded than the rest.

        • Senior Attorney

          It looks awesome but I just can’t bring myself to travel all the way from Los Angeles to New York for Mexican food! LOL

    • Anon in NYC

      Esca would definitely be on my list. If you want more traditional Italian-American, I’d recommend either Bocca di Bacco or Nizza (both on 9th Ave) in the low 40’s, near Esca. If you want a burger, 5 Napkin Burger (right there as well) is also really good. If you’re going to be in the 50’s, Taboon on 52nd & 10th Ave. (Mediterranean) is a great spot as well.

    • NYNY

      I’ve plugged this place before here, so apologies if I sound like a broken record: Glass House Tavern is a regular post-show hangout for Broadway staff and performers. Get a table at the bar downstairs and wait to see if anyone from your show comes in. The food is good (not excellent), and the bar is solid.

      For better late-night food, you’ll need to head further downtown. If you stay on the west side (much faster/easier than crossing town), you could do dell’anima, Buvette, or John Dory Oyster Bar.

      • Senior Attorney

        That sounds like a blast! Will definitely do that one evening while we’re there!

    • Anthropologist

      Around Thanksgiving 2011, I wrote here (can’t recall which name I used then) about needing to attend a dinner at my step kids’ mother’s family home. It was not negotiable (for a bunch of reasons that don’t matter here), and I had to be the perfect guest all evening no matter what anyone did or said to or about me. Naturally, I came here for suggestions. One of the suggestions was: pretend that you are an anthropologist observing foreigners in their native habitat, pay close attention, share your mental field notes with your colleagues (girlfriends) later.

      That was so helpful. Along with a robust (mental) game of bingo, it got me through the evening like a gracious guest.

      So when I read the reviews of Wednesday Martin’s new book, I totally got the concept of social anthropology. Brilliant. Especially because her first book was such a great combination of data/research/history and social observations. I bet this one is a good read.

    • Parfait

      I read that story with growing horror. Who wants to be treated like an employee by one’s loved ones?

      • DevilsAdvocate

        Marriage is about love, but is also a social contract. I’m not sure how long I would continue to love a husband who didn’t contribute to the household by, for example, cleaning. I recognize (and remunerate) my husband’s contribution with similar acts (especially cooking, in my case). These women make a more explicit bargain, in part because they’re exchanging such different services. Their husbands bring in money and they are the social CEOs. It doesn’t mean they don’t love each other too.

        • Baconpancakes

          Naw, a social CEO gets control of the household finances. These women clearly have no decision-making power in that arena, and are employees of their husbands. You can love your boss, sure, plenty of office romances involve that, but when you create a transactional-based relationship (I bought you a pair of diamond earrings so you have to wax everything), you lose the generosity aspect of love. Your remuneration is a “I do this because I appreciate you and want you to be happy.” This author’s portrayal (which may, of course, be wildly off-base and judgmental) is a “I do this because it makes you happy so you will give me money.”

    • Anonymous

      Welp, that pretty succinctly sums up why I don’t have very many mommy friends in my town by virtue of not staying home and participating in the ‘who mom’s best’ game.

    • Wildkitten

      I love the idea of no longer treating women’s work as unpaid labor but I think this is a fake trend.

      • Anonymous

        It is the decades-old status quo in my large Southern city, except that instead of the Ivy pedigree, the wives have the fancy private (but not academically elite) degree that amounts to a charm school certificate, and are largely (but not universally) really “hot” and shallow arm candy. They get 10 year contracts to birth the children and boost him to partner (or equivalent), and are then kicked to the curb with a boob job as their severance gift when they are no longer hot (by his standards).

        • sigh....

          You just reminded me….. My charming and sweet brother and my father date women that are 10-20 years younger than they are. These are very intelligent, very liberal/progressive, enlightened guys. People repeatedly wonder if I am my father’s wife when I take him out for lunch. And my brother was once confused and…. disturbed when a woman he was friends with (who was 8 years older than him) misconstrued their relationship and asked him out.

          My brother and I are less than 1 year apart in age. And he gets 22 year old yoga instructors hitting on him, and I get creepy men in their 60’s and 70’s trying to flirt with me.

          You gotta laugh, or you cry…

      • Baconpancakes

        On an immediate impulse, it feels right to acknowledge child-rearing as a potentially full-time job and pay for it, but as the author hits on in the last few paragraph, resource production is an almost universal marker of power in a relationship and in a society. The historical “stay at home mom” was a producer – she raised chickens, wove cloth, made pottery, grew food.

        The issue with saying that women’s work should be paid is that there shouldn’t be “women’s work.” It should be “household chores” and “child-rearing.” The issue with the husband paying his wife for her successes in those jobs is that she becomes his employee, and he her boss. No way that can be an equitable relationship. It can be a happy relationship, sure – there are plenty of happy marriages with wildly uneven distributions of power. But there is no way to see these wives as anything but subordinate.

        • Em

          Yes, exactly. An individual woman may be better off receiving defined cash infusions from her husband than she would be doing the same things and not receiving defined cash infusions from her husband, but that’s not the same as it being the solution to inequality between men and women generally. The arrangement is inherently regressive (which is fine if that’s what you want – you do you – but on a social level, it is.)

          • Anonymous

            Except this puts her squarely into a competitive market situation! She’s better off until her stock goes down due to market supply. No thanks. The one(s) with the purse strings control the power.

  19. Buying a "new" used car

    I’m looking to purchase a used car from a dealership very soon. Mine is on its last leg! I’ve never done this before and I’m nervous about all the things to consider and negotiating. I’m generally a very good negotiator, but usually I’m too tough and I don’t want to be ridiculous. Any tips or advice?

    • Pre-owned

      This is how we buy cars. I am terrible about negotiating, and prefer educating myself and watching for good deals. Studies have shown buying at the end of the month, and the end of the year are the best times to get the best deals, as dealers have to fill quotas and empty out showrooms for newer models. We usually trade in the prior car, and make sure we know the blue book value of that car. The dealers tend to make most of the profit on the trade-in, so THAT is where you really want to negotiate.

      Do you know what car you want? This helps.

      We tend to go towards the reliable/good mileage options, so my family sticks with the Toyota family (Camry, Prius, Lexus). We search the internet (local Toyota dealers) for a few weeks/months to get used to what the cars cost and to see what tends to be on the market. Usually we get something “certified” (so a good warranty is still in place and the dealer has the service up to date), at least a few years old and since these cars are incredibly reliable…. we don’t get put off by what the mileage is on the car. Have a price point in mind for what you are comfortable paying. Jump on a car once you see something that matches your criteria. Being flexible on the color can often save you hundreds if not thousands. Being flexible on the interior perks can save you even more. Make sure you ask about the history/Carfax of the car, as you don’t what one that has been in accidents.

      Also, we love consumer reports. We always have their great car issue with us (or know it by heart at this point) to make sure that the model/year of the car we are looking at has good reviews. They have some nice tables that are great to reference.

      I strongly recommend paying cash for what you can afford, and not leasing. And then drive it into the ground.

      • Buying a "new" used car

        Thanks for all the advice! I’m currently driving a 2001 Honda Civic. My family sounds like yours except for Hondas. I know I want a relatively new Honda Civic, maybe 2-4 years old and my max price, after all fees is $15,000 and I have the money sitting in my savings. It has been earmarked for a new car for quite some time. I don’t think I can get much for my current car. It has 175,000 miles on it, an oil leak, the driver’s side mirror is cracked from the snow plow this winter and the battery seems like it is going. I will not tell them any of this, but I figure they’ll find out and maybe I’ll get 1,000-2,000 for the car. Is it insane to go $1,000 lower than their asking price? I have no problem walking out and telling them I’m shopping around for the best deal.

        • Sparrow

          Not much advice on the negotiation part, but I think you should be able to easily find a Civic that is 2-4 years old. My ’11 Accord (that I bought in 2013) was a lease turn in with relatively low miles. I would also recommend the roadside assistance. I never thought I’d use it, but then a piece of metal did a number to the underside of my car. I needed a tow and the cost was covered under the plan.

        • Coach Laura

          My daughter’s 2000 Honda Civic in similar condition that was stolen and totaled in November 2014 and MetLife gave us $4500 (less our deductible, of course) based on bluebook value. So I wouldn’t assume that yours is only worth $1000. Negotiate from a position of strength.

          • Buying a "new" used car

            Thanks. I heard it’s best to leave the issue of a trade in to the end of the negotiation. Also, my current car is still on my parent’s insurance. Any advice on getting your own for the first time? I was looking around online and my confusion is about the timing. How do I get insurance for a car I don’t have yet? It sounds like everything takes place in such a short time frame.

          • Anonymous

            There are sites where you can look up the value of your current car (kbb.com, for one). Then negotiate hard regarding trade-in. Look at highest and lowest that you can get and pick a number that you’re comfortable with and go for it. I did that with my last trade-in and I felt so much better. I went in armed with a lot of information. I once got $2700 for an 8 year old Ford with a burned out electrical system. Don’t let them tell you all of the reasons why they won’t be able to sell your car (total BS).

            With the insurance, go talk to an insurance agent, or get quotes. Then tell them what you’re buying, etc. You’ll get it all set up in advance, then just call them with the new VIN.

          • Must be Tuesday

            Assuming you’re not planning on carrying the $15k cash with you while shopping, make an arrangement to buy the car, then go back the next day with the payment to pick up the vehicle. Prior to pick up (but after identifying the car that you will buy) is when you obtain insurance. At least, that’s how we did it with our most recent car purchase.

        • Pre-owned

          I think you will easily find one in your price range. Good car choice. Sure, you can always try a lower offer. Take your time, visit a few places, and happily walk out if their counter offer doesn’t jive for you. Be honest…. “I need to think about it… it’s a little higher than I am comfortable paying… By….”. Definitely go in with knowledge from the internet though so you can quote other cars from competitor’s dealerships if you have seen one cheaper online.

          But in our experience, it was much more lucrative to fight for another 500-1000$ on the trade-in with little wiggle room on the original car. We just made sure the car was priced competitively to begin with. Let them know right away you have a trade-in.

          And realize that you will lose some of the cars that you hesitate on, as these cars are highly desirable.

          • Best Coast

            Re: insurance. Most insurance companies will cover your new car for the first 30 days, without a separate policy. That should give you time to set up your own insurance outside of your parents plan. Check with your current agent before shopping around.

      • Bonnie

        Don’t rule out new cars. We were in the market for a 2 year old Honda but were able to negotiate and buy a new one cheaper. It was a frustrating experience. I walked away and pitted dealerships against each other but it cut 6K off the initial price.

        • Amy H.

          +1. This is what I did when buying my current Toyota Corolla. Was planning to buy a certified pre-owned model and the new car I ended up with was cheaper. (This was on a Sat. at the end of Aug. and I got the next model year’s car.)

    • Brit

      Depending on where you go, they may not negotiate. I know the used car dealer my family uses is “pay for what you see” but they don’t sell lemons. These are quality, used cars that run for years.

    • Best Coast

      Make sure to look at the NADA value of the car you are trading in and the car you are buying. Many dealerships will tell you that they don’t honor the Blue Book value and expect that you won’t know what NADA lists at. And shop around at different dealerships before settling on one. Many dealerships will do whatever they can to undercut the guy across town just so they can move a unit.
      I agree with those above that say be prepared to walk away.
      And if they aren’t giving you the trade-in value on your car that you want to see, it’s often-times more profitable to sell it yourself on craigs or some other private sale s i t e.

  20. Outlander

    I binge-watched Season 1 this weekend and needless to say, I am OBSESSED. I’m thinking I’ll pick up the books now because I’m sure I can wait for season 2.

    • sweetknee

      I just finished the most recent book, “Written in My Own Heart’s Blood”. I loved the first and second book, and there was, IMHO, a distinct drop off in readability in the 3 and 4th book. Enjoy.
      If you travel a lot, consider the audio books. The narrator is awesome.

      • Em

        I’ve read all but the last book and I love them ALL. I actually liked them a lot more than the episodes on Starz.

    • LilyS

      I’ve read the first book and am waiting for the second to come down in price on Kindle a little. Can I watch Season 1 or will I be spoiled?

      • Outlander

        I believe that Season 1 is based off the first book only so shouldn’t spoil anything. From what I’ve heard, it tracks the book very closely.

  21. New Mom

    I had a baby a few months ago and am having a hard time losing the pregnancy weight! I had 10 lbs more to go to get down to my pre-pregnancy weight but have actually gained 5 since I started working. It’s hard controlling my diet because I get SO hungry because I breastfeed and basically spend all day either pumping or nursing. I also have 20 pre-pregnancy lbs to lose.

    Ladies- how do you lose the weight?? Help!!

    • Anonymous

      When you say “a few months ago”, how many months? After each birth, it generally took me about 6-8 months to get back to my prepregnancy weight.

    • Anonymous

      I think the first few months are all about survival and so I would cut yourself some slack. I also found it very hard to lose weight while exclusively breastfeeding. I nursed my babies for a long time, so once they were really eating a decent amount of solid food, then I would try to monitor my portion sizes, cut out mindless snacking, exercise more, etc. I did not really lose weight until I weaned and started counting calories.

    • anon

      Give yourself a break. You just created a human being and now you are working and pumping and taking care of that tiny human being and probably not getting much sleep. Besides, losing the weight doesn’t mean you will go back to your former shape. I still looked like I had just had a baby for months after returning to my pre-pregnancy weight. And some people’s bodies just won’t give up the last few pounds of baby weight while nursing. If you starve yourself, you will have no energy and everything will be even harder. Exercise as much as you can handle, eat enough nutritious food to fuel yourself and your baby, drink lots of water, and make sure you have clothes that fit and look put-together. Taking care of yourself will make you feel like you’re moving in the right direction, even if you have to wait until you’re done nursing to take off the rest of the weight.

    • anonymama

      You really shouldn’t be dieting at this point… try to eat nutritiously and get some physical activity, taking care of yourself for your sake and the baby’s, but don’t try to cut calories or lose weight. It takes 9 months to put the weight on, and it is normal for it to take 9 months to a year for your body to return back to “normal”.

    • Anita

      What everyone else said. Please don’t compare yourself to celebrities on Instagram that seem to bounce back to their pre-pregnancy dimensions in mere days. There’s a lot of smoke and mirrors involved there as well as personal trainers and full-time staff to watch their kids while they exercise. Not to mention some very likely unhealthy dieting.

  22. Etiquette/Reality Check

    Just wanted a reality check here if I’m overreacting to something. My bridal shower was yesterday (and I don’t think this is a bridezilla moment – general etiquette), and my fiance showed up about half an hour before the end of the shower to bring flowers, yada yada yada. About 5 minutes later, still while the shower was going on, the husband of one of my bridesmaids showed up and stayed for the duration of the party. No men were invited, and the shower itself was rather small – about 20 people. Though the party was wrapping up a bit, it still had some life left in it, and I felt very uncomfortable that he was there and that she didn’t say or acknowledge this in anyway (perhaps an “oh! sorry, he was in the area, is it okay if he hangs out for a few minutes?” – to which I would have responded yes, even if I wasn’t crazy about the idea). (As an aside, she once invited a friend to a housewarming party I had – he showed up 2 hours after her, just randomly walking into my apartment). I want to discuss with her that it was inappropriate to bring someone uninvited, but I’m not sure how. Am I being unreasonable? What can I say?

    • anonymous

      Dude, let it go. Even if you’re “right” this will not end well. Make a mental note that this is what she does, and if it’s that big a deal, don’t invite her in the future. If you really want her to come to something, mention something politely ahead of time. You’re not going to get anywhere by calling her out on past behavior. People do a lot of things that are annoying, inconsiderate, etc that you can’t really ay anything about, so chill.

    • Wildkitten

      So he was 20 minutes early to pick her up and came in to say hi to everyone instead of ….staying in the car? Let it go. Or even appreciate that your friend’s husband cares about you and your friends.

    • Anonymous

      Oh my gosh yes you’re being unreasonable! He got there 20 minutes early, of course she assumed this was fine. She did not bring someone uninvited. Do not discuss this with her or anyone else.

    • HSAL

      I’m glad this community exists because like Anonymous at 12:18, YES you are unreasonable and you can never say this aloud. I’m glad we’re here to tell you it’s crazy so you can hopefully avoid future drama. It sounds like you’re still bitter about the housewarming, which also, let it go.

    • A

      The purpose of etiquette is to make others comfortable. Since he is presumably invited to the wedding and was just slightly early, it would be a breach of etiquette to make him sit in the car alone I would think.

      • FWIW

        I think there’s an assumption he was waiting in a car or something. The OP didn’t specify city but I would find this weird if, for example, she was in NYC and it was just a matter of taking a subway home or something. Can the girl not get home alone? Maybe I’m also not a fan of uninvited guests.

        • A

          That is true, they could be one of those couples that inexplicably accompany each other everywhere for no reason. That can be annoying.

          • OP

            OP here. and I am in NYC… I think this is why it made me uncomfortable – they ARE one of those couples who inexplicably accompany each other everywhere, and, well, this just wasn’t for him, and I didn’t really want him there. Thanks A for helping me get to the bottom of this – this is what is getting at me, but I’ll keep it to myself and just, well, hang out with her less I guess, unless I want to hang out with him too…

          • Anonymous

            Well maybe they were going somewhere together afterward and it was convenient to meet there.

    • anon

      “(and I don’t think this is a bridezilla moment – general etiquette)” if you have to say this, you know there’s a problem..

    • anonnnn

      Gosh. Imagine how “very uncomfortable” HE felt standing there in a room full of women, in a space for women, wondering (apparently correctly) whether his presence was offensive. Presumably, as the husband of one of your bridesmaids, you know this person and he will attend your wedding. You need to get over this.

    • Anonymous

      +1000 to what the others said, but also, why did him being there for the last 20 minutes of your shower make you uncomfortable? I think you need to examine these feelings, and maybe work on being able to roll with it when the unexpected arises.

  23. Sailor Moon

    This may be a little late for a TJ. But does anyone have any recommendations for a good house cleaning service/person for a newly married couple? Preferably a private business/solo rather than one of those huge cleaning companies and not too much $$. I’m in Houston. Thanks!

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