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Weekend Open Thread

Asics Gel KayanoSomething on your mind? Chat about it here. I am in dire need of new running (fine, jogging) (fine, mostly walking, as my hip flexor still seems to be injured) shoes. Where do you guys go to research which ones are best — or do you just buy new versions of shoes you've had in the past? I've always used the Runner's World Shoe Finder in the past, but I'm curious to hear what you guys have found. (I've also just gone to a sporting goods store and tried them on — one store even had a small track so you could test them out on a short run! — but even if I do that I like to do my research before I go.) That SAID: I totally want these fun emerald shoes from ASICS– so pretty! They're $159 at Nordstrom. ASICS ‘GEL Kayano 21' Running Shoe Note that Zappos has them in a dark plum that I also like (I always feel like an all-black or all-white athletic shoe is a bit dorky — what do you guys think?), and Amazon has the older iteration of the same shoe on sale for $79 and up.

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

132 Comments

  1. Can anyone recommend a cosmetic dentist in DC? Preferably in DC itself, not suburbs.

    1. I go to the Virginia Center for Cosmetic & General Dentistry. It’s in Clarendon, so not DC proper, but it’s also not like it’s in Farfax.

      1. That’s where I go. I like Dr. Richard P. Fordjour – I don’t feel like he goes for the upsell that I sometimes feel there.

  2. I love the Kayano. Been my go-to running shoe since high school (when I ran XC). No lie. They just work for me.

    1. I’m totally Team Kayano, too. I hadn’t seen this color combo, and I really like it. I have another pair picked out on Amazon for when it’s time to replace my current pair.

    2. Yay! Weekend Open Thread’s! I love Weekend Open Thread’s and my Nike Air’s! I usueally get the same pair every other year or so –except when I step in poopie and have to give them to my cleaneing lady, b/c I can NOT clean out the poopie from the tread’s. FOOEY b/c I gave her 2 pair’s in the same year. I am ALMOST ready for a new pair so I realy wont mind to much if I do step in poopie–there is so much on 2nd avenue that I wish that I lived on a poopie-free street. Every time I see someone walking their dog, I always wonder if they will be cleaneing up their dog’s poopie. Most of the time they do NOT but I realy can NOT call a policeman to have them clean up the poopie.

      At least in Carl Schruz Park, there is a place for dog’s to run and poop that is AWAY from our shoe’s so when I go there I do NOT mind walkeing all over. YAY!

      The manageing partner and Frank are BOTH worried that I am goeing to leave. I now represent 31% of ALL firm billeing’s–when I started I was onley doing 3%. If they loose me, they will be in trouble b/c we have NEW space they are paying a lot more for and if my billeing’s are “portable”, meaning that the cleint’s will come with me, that will NOT be good for them. I realy want to stay, but that would require an ammendement to the Partnership Agreement dad says, which require’s the agreement of ALL partner’s (includeing me!) FOOEY b/c some of the other partner’s do NOT like me that much. DOUBEL FOOEY!

      Dad and Mom are over in my apartement. I had to neaten up for them and they are using my room b/c they do NOT want to sleep on my pull-out convertible SOFA, and I had to take out the bed from my OFFICE b/c of Internal Tax Code Section 280A which cover’s home offices. Dad also made me take out my eliiptical machine, which I use to trim my tuchus. FOOEY b/c men do NOT like to see eliiptical machines in someone’s living room, but they do with mine. DOUBEL FOOEY!

      Myrna is stopping by and we are leaving together. Dad says we can all go out to eat tonite, but he want’s to eat Chinese (FOOEY) but I want DELI. Mom also want’s deli so hopefully we will go to 2nd Avenue Deli and I can split a corn beef sammich with Myrna and a Knish or something!!! YAY!!! But Dad will shame me and I will NOT be able to have the knish. FOOEY!!!!!

    3. Is $159 pretty steep for these shoes? I’m guessing it’s the special color, but woah. As someone who buys new running shoes every three months, this wouldn’t fly.

      1. They’re practically the same price at DSW, which is odd. But considerable cheaper ($112) at 6PM. I have always bought my running/workout shoes at DSW.

    4. These are my running shoes though I buy the old colors on Amazon and other sites to save money.

  3. Raise your hand if you are going to see Pitch Perfect 2 this weekend! I am going tonight with my two favorite guys — DS and my gentleman friend — and I can’t wait! We even watched the first one again on Wednesday night to get ready. Gonna be aca-tastic…

    1. I’m dying to see Pitch Perfect 2! I actually talked my boyfriend into watching the first one with me a few weeks ago and he loved it so we’re probably going to see it on Sunday (his suggestion).

    3. aww, I just have to say I’m jealous that you have dudes who are willing to see a musical with you! ;o)

      1. La Vie, here’s something hilarious: My son says all the Marines on Okinawa were totally into Pitch Perfect 1 when it came out. They were all playing the songs on their iPods 24/7!

        1. Well, apparently the Green Bay Packers football team (or portions) of it were also huge fans. So big, they talked themselves into a cameo.

        2. !!!!! Where are these guys and are they single and will they marry me even though I am probably a few (ahem) years too old for them?!?!??!

    5. Not going until next week, but I’m so excited. My husband refused to watch for months and finally watched it with me as a Mother’s Day present, and now he’s going to see it with me. :)

  4. Go to a boutique (not chain) running store and ask them to pick out a pair for you. I never heard of Brooks, but the sales people at my local running store recommended them after analyzing my gait (do you turn your foot in or out when you strike, etc.), asking about my running habits (how frequently, what surface), etc. Sneakers aren’t fashion. What works for one person or looks cool may not work for you. Have a professional make a recommendation. I love my Brooks. And after wearing them out I brought back the old ones and asked if I should buy the new year model. The sales person looked at the wear pattern on my old sneaks, described the designed differences in the new model, and said, yes, I should stick with Brooks if I’ve enjoyed the experience so far. The wear patterns were exactly what they would have expected if Brooks was working for me. Only a person passionate about sneakers would know about expected wear patterns.

    1. Also a Brooks fan–first got into them when I sold running shoes & tried on everything. But +1 to don’t pick based on style/colors. If the model that ends up working for you comes in a color you think is awesome, that’s an added bonus (and if not, there’s always next pair!).

    3. +1

      Local running stores are the best place to get running shoes. They will watch you run, and have you try on every shoe in the store until you find the one that is the best for you. I go through about 3 pairs of running shoes a year, and about once a year, I have them do the whole shebang to decide if I want to stick with what I’ve been using, switch it out for a new model, or a different brand entirely.

      Plus, if you decide you don’t like the shoe you picked after a week or so, they’ll take them back (even if you run outside). They also organize runs with lots of give aways every Monday.

    4. My current pair of running (ok well walking since I’m 27 weeks pregnant) shoes are the Brooks Ravenna 5. They are so great. I actually came to these based on a Zappos recommendation after I had a baby and learned that Nike doesn’t carry my favorite shoe in a Wide. :-( I think I have 5 pairs of running shoes bookmarked on Zappos for when I can return to running–I read bad reviews about the Ravenna 6.

      But yes, start with a running store. When you know what kind of shoes you need, Zappos is great because you can order several pairs to try on and return the ones that don’t work. I had babies and now have to wear a Wide shoe and most companies only make one color choice in Wide–I no longer have the luxury of picking based on style!

    5. Agree 1000%……. I, too, was fitted in a local running store. They looked at my gait, and prescribed Brooks. Have stuck with Brooks for years now; they fit my narrow feet, my gait, and have had no injuries. It is super important NOT to buy running shoes based on looks. They have to fit properly!!

    7. +1. Wearing the wrong type of shoe for your foot can cause injuries. And it feels so much better to spend your $$$ your local running store than at some big soulless chain sporting goods store.

      My narrow feet with high arches are super comfy in a pair of Mizuno Wave Riders fitted at my local running store.

      1. +1 Love the mizuno wave riders, fitted at local running store. Luckily, most running shoes come in nice colors now, but no one should base a running shoe purchase on how they like the color!

    8. Yes, I highly recommend getting fitted at a running store! I have been in the Brooks Glycerins for about 5 years now. I go in and get re-fitted every couple of years, this is one that is always recommended to me. Once you find a brand/style that works for you, check out runningwarehouse.com for replacement pairs. They are usually a little under MSRP. When the brand updates their style (ex: from the Glycerin 10 to the 11), I will usually stock up on a couple pairs of the discontinued one.

      1. I do the same (stocking up on the last version once the new one comes out). When you’re doing a lot of running you burn through them so quickly that the savings really helps.

        I’ve been in Sauconys since high school, but that’s not to say I could throw on any pair of Sauconys. It’s got to be the right fit for my foot and gait, so getting that initial fit is crucial. Never ever ever buy a brand or style name just because someone else said it works for them, because they were on sale at 6pm, because the colors were cute, etc…unless you actually enjoy physical therapy.

        1. Haha, I’m not sure if it’s a good thing or a bad thing that one of my friends works at a running store. She always gives me a heads-up when the newer style of my shoe is coming out and will even put aside the older model for me if they have my size!

    9. +1000

      I wear Hoka Bondi’s. Pricey, but worth every penny. I didn’t even know they existed until they were recommended. And having someone who knows what they are doing analyse your gait is critical. Running shoes aren’t like buy a blouse or new skirt. You need to buy the best shoe for your foot and gait, not what is cutest.

    10. And if the shoes for you only come in boring colors you can buy fun bright laces to put in them.

  5. Would you want to know if your fiancé had fooled around with a coworker multiple times (although basically all before engagement)? We all work at the same place and I see both of them every day, although I am trying to get a new job and leave.

    And yes, I know I am a horrible person.

    1. Yes, if we were seriously dating at the time that it happened. I’d want to know about cheating before being married when it would be easier to break up (if that is the decision I ultimately wanted to make).

    2. The only reason you should tell him is if you are looking for a way to hit the self destruct button on your relationship. Which, sometimes we subconsciously are.

      1. I was unclear, I am not a person in the relationship, I was the one he was fooling around with. I assume once I leave I would never see either again, although he is my boss, so I might need a reference one day from him.

        2. You go girl! Do not say anything. He’ll be motivated to give you a good reference FOREVER!

      1. +1. If I understand correctly (you are the other coworker, not a person in the relationship), I would stay out of it and get away from the situation.

        1. Sorry, I wasn’t clear. He was cheating on her with me. I am trying to leave and wondering if I should tell her, since he clearly isn’t going to. If she actually asked me I would probably tell her, but I don’t think she suspects anything.

          1. Still not your business what he tells her. Why blow up a potential reference and past employer relationship at that expense?

          2. Fair enough. I actually don’t want him to tell her. I also think if I was her I wouldn’t want to know, assuming he doesn’t move on to someone else when I’m gone.

          3. Oh, in that case probably not. I’d want to know directly from my partner.

          4. Don’t say anything. Move on and be glad he’s not your fiancé! You would just look jealous if you did say anything. Who needs that drama!

          5. Nooooooooo, do not tell her. If you think she needs to know, he needs to be the one to tell her. But I think you should just leave it alone and move on.

    4. Been in the situation, although not engaged, with the woman who my long term bf was cheating with telling me. I stayed with him. And it was horrible what he did. What’s the desired effect? It’s to alleviate your own guilt? If so, find another way to do it and get out of dodge.

    5. The only reason I can think of to tell the other woman is if his sexual behavior was dangerous or he did something awful to you (in or out of bed) that you are fearful he would also do with her. If on the other hand he was just another boring, forgettable lay, then you should just keep quiet, as I am sure she is already familiar with his sexual proclivities if she is already engaged to him.

  6. How do you state the start date in a cover letter? Had an informal interview for a job that is supposed to start in October (because that’s how they’ve budgeted things), but the interviewer said there’s a possibility that the position could even start earlier, say in August. I don’t have anything else lined up right now so if offered this job, an earlier start date would work well for me . Wondering how to work this into my cover letter.

    1. You don’t? Start date is a discussion WHEN you get an offer, as I doubt the start date is going to be the differentiating factor between choosing who to formally interview.

      1. Well… I think in some circumstances it could be beneficial to make it clear that you are available earlier if they are looking for someone who can start earlier. If you do want to point that out, I would say something like “I am writing to apply for X position beginning in August 2015 or thereafter…” (or some earlier date if you would be free earlier).

      2. This is a contract position and the interviewer did state that there is not likely to be another formal interview process. I think they are already screening applicants as they apply.

      3. So…you interviewed and now you are submitting your paperwork (cover letter, resume, online application, etc.)?

        Then, I guess I’d go with a modification of Anonymous wording “I am writing to apply for X job, with availability starting in Aug 2015”

  7. I recently started using Rosetta Stone to learn Spanish. I know there are pros and cons to using it, but I like that it’s complete immersion and that I can use it any hour of the day/night (I work in BigLaw so my free time is random and limited). Does anyone have any recommendations for good companion books/tools/podcasts/etc. to use with the program, or ways to get the most out of it (aside from obviously just progressing through the course)? I am very committed to this and really want to learn. Thanks in advance :)

    1. I’m doing the same thing in my free time! I feel like I never have enough time to sit down and actually use Rosetta Stone, though.

      I’ve liked having Duolingo (free app) on my phone. Duolingo is different from RS because it is translation and not immersion. The exercises only take about 5-10 minutes each. I turned off the speech recognition exercises because I didn’t find that the feature works very well.

      While doing chores around the house, I like listening to Coffee Break podcasts (the free ones on iTunes featuring a man with a cute Scottish accent; ignore upsells to the subscription version). They have helped me with pronunciation (it is mostly Spain Spanish, though).

      I’m interested in other responses.

      1. Pickle, I could write everything in your post, except I’m doing the French courses. The Duolingo app is great, although the web version is slightly more challenging, so I use both. I listen to Coffee Break on my commute to work; I found the subscription version to be valuable, although it’s most likely only worth it as the language gets more complicated (I’m on Season 3 and like the extra practice and transcripts).

        One piece of advice I found helpful is that immersion can be done anywhere. I listen to News In Slow French podcasts occasionally; although most of it’s over my head, it’s still good exposure. And you can stream radio stations, watch foreign language movies with English subtitles, or sign up for a Skype language lesson.

        1. Eliza, rfi.fr has a free 10-minute journal en français facile that is updated daily with a transcript. It’s not slow but the vocab is limited. I use the rfi podcasts when I need to brush up on my French.

    2. Piggybacking off this – managers and I have decided it’s a good idea for me to pick up the basics of spoken Mandarin Chinese. I don’t have to read it (thank goodness!) but with so many of our clients/customers being Chinese citizens, it’ll be useful to have someone in building who can understand a little.
      As our L&D guy is on vacation at the moment, I’m on my own on this. If anyone has suggestions besides RS on how to go about picking up the basics, I’d be very grateful!

      1. I’ve picked up “just enough” of a language with CD sets from the local library. For the Mandarin – try out a few to see what style you like and select from there. Many library have download-able audio books as well, so you can pick up some phrases while trying out some differing delivery options.

        Community colleges often have non-credit courses for in-person course delivery, which would help for direct client contact. Often places with ESL courses have conversation partners – you might consider volunteering for a Mandarin-speaking person learning English and help each other out!

        1. There also might be a chinese school with a conversation class near you. Look online for a chinese school (often aimed towards kids/teens but often times a conversation class might also have adults) in your area. If you can’t find a Chinese school, check with your local Chinese or Taiwanese cultural center to see if they have recommendations. These cultural centers also often have a library with some handy books to help you.

      2. I learned Mandarin as an adult and can speak it reasonably well now. I was lucky in that I had a complete immersion experience at the beginning. Chinese is a tonal language, and you will not be able to pick up the proper pronunciation without having someone correct your tones. Proper tones are essential! Best case scenario would be learning in-person with a teacher who speaks standard Mandarin. You could also look for classes via Skype (ChinesePod is very good and worth the money. I think they also have free beginner lessons too.). I personally wouldn’t waste time trying to teach myself just by listening to audio courses. Good luck!

    3. I think the best addition to Rosetta Stone is real life conversation. There is an audio companion to the computer program, but you can also download podcasts. Books: I like the Barrow’s Spanish Grammar book, 501 Spanish Verbs, and a Spanish-English dictionary.

    4. Not sure if you could find them online, but there was a PBS series called “Destinos” which was a Spanish language learning seriers (i.e., it’s for beginners). It’s sort of unintentionally hilarious, because they speak really slow. If you could fire that bad boy up on YouTube, you’d be living the dream. It’s 90s-tastic.

      1. Yes! We used to have to go to the language lab in college and watch this show on tiny TVs with big headphones and then answer questions about the episode. It was hilarious, but really helpful

  8. Just had back-to-back report outs to VPs and beyond on my two projects. Back at my desk eating super-late lunch and wondering why my water isn’t a beer. All went well, but it feels like the day should be done.

    1. HOORAY! I am refocusing on my afternoon work, your productivity inspires me – Enjoy that beer, sooner OR later!

  9. Career TJ: I had an informal interview for a job whose start date is supposed to be October as per the organization’s budget. However, the interviewer said that the job could also start earlier e.g. August. I don’t have anything else lined up right now and if offered the job I would prefer an earlier start date. How do I work this into my cover letter

  10. How do you handle multiple ongoing family issues that affect your work? I have a parent diagnosed with lung cancer who survived a major surgery and is doing well, but its still a big source of worry and time for me making sure they have everything they need. (Parent is in a different city than me and I am an only child with no other family in the country. Other Parent is deceased.) My brother-in-law is also recently diagnosed with a serious illness necessitating lots of hospital stays that is likely to be something that he will need to actively manage for the rest of his life (not local either, but has local family). I’m exhausted and cranky all the time. None of these things are likely to improve in the next 6 months or even a year.

    1. Sorry to hear you are going through this? Is intermittent FMLA a possibility, in order to help you take care of others and yourself?

      1. How does FMLA leave help exactly? I have sufficient vacation days that I could use and being out of the office is being out of the office so I still get pushback either way and my hours requirement doesn’t seem to change or at least no one has said anything about that. Should my hours requirement decrease if I take FMLA leave? (I’m in BigLaw).

        1. Many firms prorate hours requirements for time taken on FMLA leave. But I don’t know if FMLA would apply unless you’re actively caring for your parent or your brother. You would have to get it for yourself, for mental health reasons, if you wanted intermittent leave.

          1. You can take intermittent leave to care for an ailing parent. I would inquire about this with HR so you at least know your options.

    2. I’m going through a lot of this right now as well, and I’m seeking out a mental health professional so I can at least talk through some of this. I’ve had success years ago finding one in the city where I work that has a regular time early in the morning or during lunch. It was an oasis in difficult times. I’m finding that again.

      I’m the closest person to my divorced, reclusive parent, and I have good faith in the medical providers and nurses that are supporting him since he was admitted for an emergency 2 months ago. When it was looking longer term, and location options were on the table, I suggested that closer to me is best, so the commute wasn’t adding more issues than needed. I could burn up a lot of time with him, but he’s good at keeping the visits at a decent length, AND I take mental health days, too.

      For your brother, it’s a big change, but it sounds like there is movement toward adjusting to the new normal. Support that. Does he like and have confidence in his medical professionals? That is a good first step. They are the team that will help him get adjusted. If you’re feeling very anxious – take care of you!

      And if you need the time, FMLA leave, even intermittent (a day here & there) can be a great lifeline – talk to HR.

      1. remember that we have that one person who guest posted before, Kryss or Kriss or something, I think it said she is a psychotherapist and a c*rette girl. might be worth looking her up if you are seeking a therapist.

    3. Hugs. If you’re on good terms with your boss, maybe tell them what’s going n and perhaps bring up the possibility of working remotely sometimes.

    4. I’m sorry that you are going through this. Can I just say, your father and your BIL and very lucky to have you worrying about them.

      Probably the most important thing is… self care. Making sure you are eating ok, sleeping enough, and getting some exercise… even just a relaxation walk outside daily. There’s only so much managing from a distance you can do, and figuring out how to deal with stress/worry is key. If you are getting more and more irritable, you may need to think about other ways of dealing with the anxiety. I am a big fan of short term medication when things are starting to feel like they are spiraling out of control.

      Definitely your husband should be shouldering the calls/emotionally support for your BIL, and you do for your father. Don’t carry too much on your shoulders. If he has sibs/parents, assistance can be shared. You don’t have to do it all, even though… I know you can.

      Realize that in many ways, you are in a good place. Family members have diagnoses and treatment plans. Your father is incredibly lucky and was surgical candidate and is doing well. So let’s see where the chips fall, and take a few breaths while things are stabilizing. I would focus some energy in thinking about your father’s long term plan/needs. Will he be able to remain living independently? Would he consider moving closer to you? Sometimes a visit to him once the dust clears to discuss his needs and desires — as well as yours — can help alleviate much anxiety.

      But these situations are just damn hard. I’ve been struggling with them for years, so I feel your pain. I strongly recommend trying to find a person to vent to outside of your marriage. Sometimes it’s a friend who can relate to caregiving (although most cannot…), sometimes it’s a family member, and sometimes it is a therapist or a local caregiving support group.

      Now take a deep breath…. and let’s GO.

    5. I am going through something similar with my elderly parents, and it is exhausting! Sending big hugs to you!

      For me the best thing is to have somebody to talk to. I’ve been in therapy for years so I can talk to good ol’ Dr. Shrink and it’s really a lifesaver. If you aren’t in therapy it might be a good idea to find a therapist to help you through this.

      Also, to the extent it’s financially possible, contract out whatever you can. I had to move my parents to assisted living on short notice and I hired a senior relocation company to help with the nuts and bolts. It cost a fortune but was worth every penny.

      I also find having a plan helps keep the anxiety at bay. In the beginning everything was happening at once and it was overwhelming, but now things are calming down a bit and I can start to look ahead and plan out the next step or two. It’s really helpful and makes me feel a little bit less like I’m involved in a continuous trainwreck.

      And yes, take time for yourself and share as much of the responsibility as you can.

      Hang in there! You are a wonderful daughter and sister and your family is lucky to have you!

  11. I’m a relatively new attorney and was recently laid off. I’m considering my options in terms of area of law, type of law firm, or possibly doing something out of the legal field entirely. I need some advice on how to decide where to go next and what I want for my future. I went to law school because I thought it would open doors for me in several different areas, but now I don’t know how to figure out what area of law I should pursue or stick with what I already know. I’m also hesitant to work for a firm where I’m treated terribly and have no work life balance. Or did most attorneys just start whatever job they could get without much thought or planning? At this point I feel pretty lost.

    1. This is tough to answer without more detail. What did you enjoy in law school? Speaking of law school, follow up with their career/placement office, not so much for them to have The Answer, but to lean on their discernment strengths. Ask about alumni who have changed specialties successfully, or others who have changed firms/practice groups and thrived. Temping may also be an answer for trying new places and firms.

      For now, it sucks to work with crappy people in a field where there is so much conflict and intensity (at times), especially when there are court dates and multiple hard deadlines – I’m imagining that you’re in litigation, as work-life balance can be complex in that practice area. We learn from the good and the not-so-good. There is a recent article about public-sector attorneys that might strike a chord with you.

    2. Does your local bar association have any seminars scheduled on the topic of how to use a law degree to find a non-lawyer job? Or any other career building or job searching seminars coming up?

    3. To Considering Options- There’s a former lawyer with a website and book about this topic – Liz Brown and her book Life After Law and her blog has the same name lifeafterlaw [dot] com. That might be a good place to start. A life coach or career coach with experience in the legal field would be good. I know lawyers/former lawyers who are writers, teachers, consultants, bankers, real estate developers. Then there are related fields such as law professor, mediator, judge. There are options out there for you.

  12. I’ve misplaced the conversation from a couple weeks or so ago about universal lipstick shades. I wanted to try the one that several people agreed on. Can anyone point me to the right post, please? Also, my “natural color” lipstick is Cliniques Raspberry Glace. I really like it, have worn it for many years, just want to try something new.

    1. Someone on the other thread mentioned Clinique’s black honey, so I went out and bought some. I don’t usually wear lipstick because I can never seem to get it quite right. But this one was different. It’s more of a buildable colored chapstick.

      I loved it so much I bought one for my mom too.

  13. I have a different style of the ASICS Gel – the Venture 4. Currently on amazon for about $44. They’ve served me well for two years, but I mean, let’s get real – I don’t actually run. They’re great for walking and cross-training, though.

  14. I wrote at few days ago about dealing with insurance to put my SO in alcohol rehab. If things didnt suck enough, SO’s family has now turned against me because they blame me for his relapse as 1) I didn’t watch him enough and 2) I had a glass of wine when we went out to dinner (FIL did too). I’ve started going to al-anon meetings and know I’m not to blame but am still very disappointed. We have always been very close but now they won’t talk to me and even worse are going behind my back and criticizing to SO the rehab arrangements I’ve made. Thanks for letting me vent.

    1. I’m sorry you’re going through this. I have a friend who supported her then-BF and later DH through two stints in rehab. His family has been supportive of her, so that has helped, but it was still extremely hard for her, and I know that she has benefited from individual counseling. His family was very angry at him for his relapse, however, and that did bleed over a bit, which was difficult.

      His family is hurting and lashing out and it probably isn’t personal, even though it feels that way to you. That doesn’t help much, but just keep that in the back of your mind as you move forward. And individual counseling might be a good idea.

    2. Hang in there! It’s not your fault. His family is probably just terrified and flailing around looking for a scapegoat. Hopefully they’ll come to their senses soon. Remember: you’re a strong woman. It’s tough now but you’ll be fine.

      1. I strongly second this. There’s no such thing as “watching enough” to prevent someone’s relapse, short of locking them up. How sad that they blame you–it’s part of denial though, that he has a disease and that the issue is there and nowhere else. The fact that you’re blamed for having a glass of wine (along with his Dad) is even more proof that they’re grasping at straws. Take good care of yourself and try to mentally cancel their words if you can. Like you said, this was hard enough already. Hugs to you.

    3. Oh that’s awful. Glad you found Al Anon. You know the 3 Cs: you didn’t cause it, can’t control it, can’t sure it right?Up to him if he wants to/can get sober. My H is in AA, has had a couple of tough relapses. The hardest part has been letting him do it all and not taking over everything (or anything). But he’s been sober now for over a year and it’s getting a lot better. I found through this whole multi year thing that I really suck at taking care of myself and that when I do (sleep enough, work out like I like, eat healthily, set and maintain limits) my life is way better than when I don’t. Good luck to you.

      1. +1 to all of this. Al Anon has given me the tools I need to navigate through life. I first went because of a loved one’s alcoholism, hoping to learn how to fix him :) I stayed because it helps me live MY life in a healthy, peaceful way. Listening to other people’s sharing at meetings inspires me because I see how applying the tools, like the 3C’s and some of the slogans, really does work. Hugs to you.

  15. Just learned that I am in the running for a visiting assistant clinical law professor position. Totally new arena for me. Wondering if any legal academics/ clinical profs or those in the know can tell me about what to look for in terms of: salary range, benefits, vacation, family friendliness/ maternity leave policies (not preg but hope so soon; have older children). Would be so grateful.

    1. You should go through the HR website for the university and the faculty handbook, which you can probably find online. You can’t negotiate over benefits much at universities–they tend to be set policies for each type of job. At many universities, there are few benefits for visitors (and sometimes no participation in retirement plan, which is usually TIAA-CREF, the first year). Vacation doesn’t really apply to academics, only to staff–be sure to understand whether you will be a 9 or 10 month employee (ie, summer is your “vacation” but you should spend most of it working on research and class prep) or a 12 month employee since only the latter accrue vacation and sick leave. Faculty often negotiate maternity leave with the dean; some universities have clear policies on it while others don’t. Christine Jolls has done some interesting writing about parental leave policies at law schools.

  16. What is the most impactful change you have made that has had a positive impact on your health?

    My weight has crept up steadily over the last few years, and I’m trying to make sustainable choices to look and feel healthier. I know that there are no easy answers/solutions, but I’m curious what day to day routines or lifestyle choices people swear by or have implemented that help you feel healthy or have had a big impact on your sense of well-being.

    1. I am not a morning person at all, but I found a running buddy and made myself get up early and run 4 times/week, EVERY week (except when really actually too sick to go). I’ve come to really like it, and kept going through the winter (which usually trips me up), and it’s made a big difference. I’ve always been pretty athletic and a healthy weight, so it’s not been body changes so much as just feeling healthy and strong. After about 8 months we started mixing in a few other types of workouts too. Sometimes we hike (hills), sometimes we go to body pump classes at the local gym.

      Having someone to meet and a standing appointment is really the only thing that works for me to stay consistent. Otherwise my snooze button is too tempting. After I’m up and dressed (5 minutes), I’m over wanting to go back to bed.

      I’ll be watching this thread for good ideas.

    2. Drink a lot of water. Get enough sleep, on a regular schedule. Those help in and of themselves, and the extra energy makes it easier to manage the bigger things like exercising regularly and eating healthier.

      1. + 1 to water and sleep. When I can do those two things, I can usually manage everything else, and even if I can’t do anything else I’m still drinking enough water and getting enough sleep!

    3. I drink a smoothie for breakfast nearly every morning. Frozen fruits, spinach, and some vitamin powder. I feel great, my skin is better, and I generally make better eating choices throughout the day when I start off on the right foot.

      Also, I cannot overstate the importance that regular exercise has on my health. Yoga and spin are my thing, but I think anything works if you enjoy it enough that it’s not a total chore and can do it 3-4 days a week. It truly makes every aspect of my life better: I feel better, think better, sleep better, am calmer/have less anxiety . . . the list goes on. When I start to feel eh about exercise, I buy new workout clothes (super materialistic, I know, but it helps me be motivated) or I find another workout. Before spin and yoga I was really into running and weight lifting.

    4. I’m building more fiber into my diet, so more fruits and veggies, beans, whole wheat options, etc, and also reducing sodium and fried foods.

      Although I am drinking coffee nowadays, my coffee-free + more exercise weeks last year actually really boosted my energy. I eliminated coffee from my diet and did a 20 min workout while my food was cooking in the toaster oven every day (I was doing the 30 day shred).

    5. Running four times a week, for 30 mins each time. This works better for me vs longer runs where I cannot up my speed. Lost inches though not weight, I look better in my clothes, etc.

      If only i was better at portion control….sigh!

    6. Tracking my food and exercise. It’s helped me be more mindful of what (and how much – ugh, portion control, the bane of my existence) I’m eating and what I’m burning. I use MyFitnessPal for tracking, but there are other options out there.

    7. Getting rid of my all-or-nothing mentality. This helps me with keeping to a relatively healthy diet because I don’t feel like I need to have an all-out cheat day just because I ate a cookie. And when I’m too busy for a full hour of exercise, I can remind myself that 15 minutes on the treadmill or a walk around the block is better than nothing and will still boost my mood/metabolism. I find this especially helpful with a high-stress, time-intensive job.

  17. What’s your favorite eyelash curler? The drugstore ones are not great, but I don’t want to spend money unnecessarily.

    1. Shiseido!!!!!!!

      Although I’ve heard great things about Target’s elf eyelash curler – $1 I think.

      I also like elf’s brushes..

    2. Tried the ELF and didn’t like it and then tried a few of the other drug store brands. Finally bought the Sheisdo. Well worth the $.

  18. If anyone reads this over the weekend, I’m looking for some virtual shopping help. I need nude or gold shoes to wear to a formal outdoor wedding. I’m a bridesmaid and the wedding is VERY outdoors – hilly grass field – and so I’m hoping for a wedge or a very solid bottom of the shoe. I wear heels, especially in a wedge, but probably not above 3 inches, and I can’t do those giant platforms (a small platform is OK). I don’t do super-strappy sandals. (I have ugly feet.) No ankle straps (which make my legs look stumpy.) HELP! I can see this shoe in my head but can’t seem to find it anywhere.

  22. Responding to earlier note about how to bolster learning Spanish (comment reply wasn’t working)… music! I listen to a lot of bachata in particular because the lyrics are paced in a way that is easy to understand and sing along with. Except the line I always thought was ‘quesadilla’ for years til a Peruvian friend corrected it “que sera something else” lol.

  23. I’m a 2nd year M&A mid/biglaw associate hoping to move in house. Some of the openings I’m seeing are for 3rd year, or 3rd-5th year attorneys. Is it worth applying? (For those working in house, would you consider a second year associate?) I will technically be considered a 3rd year in October. Due to my small practice group, I’ve taken on some responsibilities that are on par with higher level associates and worked transactions from start to finish.

    1. Yes, apply. But…. I’m trying to get from biglaw to in house at a more senior level, but jobs that I’ve missed out on looking for “5-7 years experience” seem to keep going to candidates with 15 years experience. So it’s worth the application but definitely try to play up how much experience you have gotten already that is more that a typical 2-3 year associate.

    2. By all means apply. But it is also my experience that these are absolute minimum requirements and they tend to go to candidates with significantly more experience.

  24. I only buy shoes at Off Broadway now (got to get them points!) and I find that they have a good selection of different brands and ample room in the store to try out shoes. Ours is as big as a department store on one level. I’ve never gone wrong with Nike running shoes.

  25. Not sure if I’m too late to this dance, but…

    I HIGHLY recommend visiting a local running store – one that can properly analyze your gait, your foot type and the type of running you do (trails, sidewalks, track, treadmill…). A properly fitted shoe is the best thing you can do for your feet if you run. it should NEVER be about what they look like or color. While it’s nice if you like the way they look, but it should be about how they feel and what they can do for your feet and how you can protect your body, feet, ankles, joints, etc. My current shoes? Bright clown red. Not my favorite, but man, they FEEL great when I’m running and I keep telling myself the upside is that you can see me coming for blocks! But I highly suggest that you find something that fits you best – then certainly feel free to find the best deal on that shoe. But choosing a running shoe because of the brand and color isn’t always the best choice. Your feet will appreciate it in the long run. :)

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