This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.
Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.
LK Bennett is a brand that isn’t necessarily one of my go-tos, but whenever I start clicking around on their site, I end up finding so many things to love. It came back on my radar recently because, as she often does, the Princess of Wales was wearing one of their items to a public engagement. The blazer is sold out already, but it’s gorgeous.)
This green dress immediately caught my eye because of the color, but it’s also my perfect version of a sheath dress. The elbow-length sleeves, square neckline, and knee-length skirt check all my boxes. Plus, it’s machine washable!
The dress is $250 at LK Bennett and comes in UK sizes 6–18.
Two more affordable options — lucky sizes only — are from Adrianna Papell ($129); a plus-size alternative is from Alexia Admor ($78.75 on sale).
Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
Anon
The skirt on this dress looks too long on the model (so would make me look ultra-stumpy). With a hem lift, it would be perfect.
Cat
it’s amazing what an inch can do. I took a similar dress in because it hit just above the widest part of my calf. One inch shorter and it hit at that perfect flattering spot between knee and muscle.
Anon
Many of us like a hem just below the knee. Each person is different as to what is the most comfortable and flattering. It depends upon your shape/height/shoe, and of course, personal style preferences and the style/cut of the dress.
Just wait until you are a little older. Knees and their neighbors for many of us, become…..difficult.
Cat
I was referring to a below-the-knee hem! The difference between below-the-knee hitting at the narrow part at the top of the calf, and it hitting as the muscle widens, is immense as far as a flattering line.
Anon
Is this a brand for people who are just straight up and down? I’d like to see it worn by someone who is not tall and a size 10 with some lumps and softness in the midsection.
Cat
The sheath dresses, yes IMHO, but their a-line styles are more forgiving.
Anonymous
My experience with the sheath dresses was opposite–I have a straight, long-waisted figure and found them both too curvy and too short-waisted.
Anon
As someone with lumps and softness in the midsection I don’t wear dresses like this, even though I think this pick is beautiful.
Anon
I often think that if Kate Middleton is wearing something, it’s a clear sign that that garment (possibly the brand) isn’t going to work for my shape. She dresses well, but I need something that will look good on me.
Anonymous
I don’t think she buys many of her clothes off the rack. Many of her dresses, especially the designer ones, are obviously modified in style–different sleeves, etc. I think most of her clothes are made to measure, and the ones that aren’t made to measure are most certainly altered to fit.
Anon
She actually buys a surprising amount of off-the-rack clothing, but I agree she probably has all of it tailored.
Anonymous
I’m average height and smaller than a 10, without many lumps and softness in the midsection and I would look absolutely awful in this dress because I’m pear shaped.
Anonymous
This dress is revealing a lot about the model; I can’t imagine what it would show about someone with softness in the middle and hips.
Anon
Agree. That was my first thought.
Anonymous
L K Bennett works really well on my pear shape. I buy their suits and dresses.
Anon
I know this is super picky, but the fabric being sewn directly across the midsection is unflattering on me. I do better with vertical seams; there is something about horizontal seams that makes me look less hourglass and more all-over big.
Anonymous
I’m all about being super picky when it comes to my clothes.
Anon
:)
daylight
I don’t think that’s super picky at all. I kind of think a seam right there makes it look cheaper.
ScandiCorp
Agreed – I know it isn’t always the case, but horizontal seams says bad tailoring to me.
Runcible Spoon
Princess seams would be the win here.
Anon
Ugh. Why does all of life seem to think that each household has some in it there solely to run other people around to things or wait at home for people to show up? I ran into this when I was single (back when WFH wasn’t a thing and I had to burn through a lot of half days of lost vacation time to things like the cable guy and the electrician and the guy coming sometime to give an estimate for something — I often missed renting once I had bought a place). But with kid stuff, OMFG it is so much worse. Like I already lost 3 semesters of my life when my kids’ schools shut down in 2020 and were stop-start-fail-restart-fail for most of the next year with school a week here and a week there. At least WFH was a thing but it comes at such a high cost to keep all the plates spinning. Is it just me?
Anon
Not just you – there’s a reason so many working moms leave the workforce when their kids hit elementary school.
Anonymous
+1. I never wanted to be a SAHM during the day care years because I thought my kid was better off playing all day at her fantastic preschool than she would have been home with me. That changed quickly when she hit elementary school. I really wish I could just do one job–taking care of the kid and running the household–well, instead of two jobs (that plus my paid job) badly.
anon
Same girl, same. I feel like I would be much less stressed if I could do two things well rather than three things in a mediocre way.
Anon
I did this, for this reason, and it’s working out really well. I have run of the mill kid stress and emotional labor, but I am far more at peace with my life. I’m fortunate my husband has a good job, but our HHI is faaaaar below the numbers tossed out on this board, and we are in a VHCOL area (NYC burbs).
We are saving across the board but not even close to maxing anything out, we don’t take trips that involve airplanes, we dont pay for any school (even preschool), we don’t eat at restaurants or get takeout, we have no house cleaner or lawn service, and my kids do like two activities/each per year (but even that keeps us busy so I don’t see why we’d want to add more!).
I understand these are “sacrifices” only within the context of privilege, but I’m speaking to an audience here that seems to be similarly privileged if not moreso! Everyone has to set their own priorities, but the slower pace of life — having time to just exist as a family and a person without always rushing — is priceless to me. (I know some people will assume me naive, but we have proper insurances for the future and I’m not going to live a life I dislike out of fear and what-ifs.)
Anonymous
IME once you have kids (esp 2-3+) you need someone home at least part time. Whether that’s a part time parent, a parent with very flexible WFH, a grandparent, a nanny.
Absent that, you are in “making sacrifices” mode. Which is a very real place for two full time working out of the home parents with no other support.
Anon
In my next life, I’d have had kids young enough for my parents to be vigorous helpful grandparents and live somewhere with a lot of family. As it is, we are 8 and 12 hours from grandparents and 2 flights away from cousins / sibling. And finding PT help at any price on the books (required for my job; actually required by the law but I realize that no one cares) in my city with a clean driving record has been a multiple-year fruitless journey. I am just counting the months until the older one can drive.
Anonymous
It’s not that we don’t care it’s that we don’t have options
Anon
It isn’t an option — I could lose my license and job if it got caught not paying nanny taxes.
Anon
I will just say – it gets sooo much better when kids can drive. Mine started driving last year, and it’s like I have my life back. I no longer stress out about work travel or late work meetings or really anything having to do with being away from home in the morning and the afternoon, because he drives himself to and from school, to and from practice, to and from his job, etc. Having them driving is stressful – of course it’s scary having them out there on the roads; anything could happen – but the freedom to not have to be someone’s transportation is huge. So, hang in there.
Anon
This is what I have realized as well. My older son is in TK this fall and theoretically we could get away with no FT nanny because my younger son is in FT preschool. But then I looked at all the holidays and minimum days (never mind the inevitable sick days) and realized there was no way. We are going to keep a FT nanny and have her do some “household manager” duties in her downtime. Of course I realize how lucky we are to be able to afford this.
Anon
I’m wondering — what does this cost? Could you give me a basic idea of the all-in for salary, benefits, vacation, any car you keep just for your nanny to drive (50/50 in my area, it seems).
Anon
This varies drastically by market, so you’d do better stating your market (even down to greater neighborhood area) or visiting local mom and nanny facebook groups. In my area (large MCOL city), nannies go from $17 (no experience) to $30+ /hr on the books, and benefits typically are only paid vacation, sick days, and holidays and maybe a health care stipend. Having an extra car for nanny is pretty rare for non-rich families unless it’s a “parent’s old toyota” kind of situation.
anon
I just did a quick calculation and it’s roughly $75K a year in my HCOL/VHCOL area for 40-45 hours a week (mostly 40). This includes salary, holiday bonus, stipend for health insurance, two weeks PTO plus one week sick leave (which we luckily have grandparents who can usually pinch hit, as well as my SIL who is mostly a SAHM). She is also paid for any vacation time we take, of course (usually two weeks a year). We do not provide a car for our current one but obviously cover mileage, and I also pay for a car detailing regularly. This doesn’t include smaller things like birthday gifts (for her and her daughter) and other one-off expenses. Now that I write it all out it is truly painful to see the number. But indisputably it allows us to both a) focus on our careers while we are working; and b) enjoy the downtime with our kids more fully.
No Face
In a LCOL area, I pay my nanny $25 per hour on the books, guaranteed 40 hours per week, 2 weeks paid vacation. She drives her own car but I pay for mileage. She has her own health benefits thankfully.
My oldest is school aged and my youngest goes to preschool part time so she has several hours a week with no kids. She straightens up the house and runs errands for me.
anon
I’m the anon at 9:40 and 10:43 and just adding I pay an hourly salary on the books which makes it more expensive and also harder to find someone (most nannies in my area do not want to be paid on the books).
Anonymous
We are in the Boston suburbs and the all-in for a full time on the books nanny using a 3rd car who is qualified and excellent is around $70-80k. Once you move past the baby years, what’s common where I live is a nanny that works 12-6 or so, with paid time off but no benefits like healthcare etc. That’s about $30/hr.
A good friend and neighbor of mine has a woman that works about 20 hours/week (usually 2-6pm, does the off the bus and activity shuffle, also covers many kid sick days). She’s in her early 60s and we all (nanny, mom and I) joke that she’s a paid grandma. They pay her $3k/month and it comes with a general understanding of flexibility on both ends btu works out to somewhere $30-$40/hr. In the summer she works 4 weeks full-ish time (10-5) and then has the rest of the summer off. The nanny is great. Since they are neighbors and our kids are all the same age I will often help out if they need an hour of coverage. We all go to the same neighborhood pool and their nanny is super kind and happy to be the “adult set of eyes” on my kids if I have to drop them on the occasional morning (at our pool they are in lessons and stuff but technically need an adult on site until they are 10). I also offer to drop the kids off if they are having fun and don’t want to leave but the nanny’s time is up.
No Face
My life is so much easier now that we have a great nanny! This will be the least stressful summer of my working parent life. I will keep her on full time for as long as she wants, even when my kids are both school aged. I think that will appeal to her because she is in her 60s. (She needs to work for a living now because she was a SAHM for 20+ years and then got divorced.)
Senior Attorney
I think the school ages are when you need a nanny (or someone at home) the most! They have so many activities, and homework, and it’s just a lot! So congratulations, No face!
Anon
I so wish I had been able to WFH when my kid was in elementary school – it would have made our lives so much less stressful. After I started WFH, my husband and I agreed that if we had it to do over again, one of us (likely me, as it’s only recently that my income even approached his) should have worked part-time or freelance when my son was K-6 (maybe 8) and we could have just taken the income hit. It would have been stressful in its own way, and it definitely would have impacted retirement plans, but it would have been worth it just because it was so.freaking.much to have two busy jobs plus a kid in school plus dealing with aging parents, friendships, volunteer commitments, pets, etc.
Folks with small kids who maybe have a chance to reorganize their life for maximum flexibility before the kids start kindergarten: really think about it. Think about how to make your life as flexible as possible. I really wish we had focused less on “trying to have it all” and focused more on just trying to be happy. Minimum, think about biting the bullet and getting an au pair or nanny.
anon
It’s not just you. Some seasons are better than others, but I can tell you that logistics are not getting easier as the kids get older. I feel like we are moderate in the number of activities our kids do, compared to most of the families we know, but there are still times when ALL THE THINGS are happening simultaneously. I do think the end of the school year is especially taxing with extra requests and things to remember. Case in point: Daughter is having field day today. Which we didn’t find out about until yesterday? (!) She was supposed to wear a school shirt, sunscreen, the works — and of course, we both forgot.
Anon
I want a garage for our bikes and tools so we don’t have to store them inside, but that ain’t gonna happen anytime soon in the Bay Area. I wouldn’t go to the expense of all I cared about was the car.
Anon
Nesting fail, meant for the below thread.
Cb
I work away 30% of the time, but we manage with a combination of decently flexible jobs, a child who rarely gets more than the sniffles, reliable paid aftercare, and offering favours to everyone we know, so we can ask for help when we need it. But I think it’s different with 1 kid rather than 2.
Anon
I have a special-needs kid and driving to appointments is a PT job for me. IDK that I could outsource that b/c it is so important to talk to the different OT/PT/speech therapists as well as general medical and developmental pediatricians.
Anon
Yeah, as a counterpoint to the above comments, I’ve enjoyed the elementary years a lot more than daycare years and have found them much easier to manage. Sick days were much more frequent in daycare (especially the first couple of years), which was incredibly disruptive to work, and a 2 or 3 year old is so much harder to have home with you on a snow day or teacher work day than a 5 or 6 year old. I also love having school a few blocks from our home vs. a 15+ minute car commute. But I do think having 1 kid vs 2 or more and working from home are big factors. Since I WFH by default and my kid is old enough to entertain herself, no one even really knows about the days she’s home.
I know a mom with 4 kids and a very big, travel-heavy job and yet she’s constantly volunteering in her schools and making Pinterest-y lunchbox art and her kids each do several activities and the whole shebang. I think she must just never sleep. I need 9 hours of sleep to feel rested, and I feel exhausted just looking at her Facebook posts.
Anon
We had one kid, and both worked at a university with great on-site daycare, but I had the 8-5 job in the library and my husband was faculty. He did the bulk of the parenting because he had the most flexible schedule by far, especially summers. I had a fantastic boss who also made every accommodation for our team that she could — easier because the library was open 7 am to midnight so working hours were a lot more flexible. But it was still an enormous struggle at certain times — illness, my husband was on the tenure track, etc. We also had fantastic neighbors with a lot of babysitting age kids including ones that could drive responsibly. It really did take a village of non-relatives and I remain eternally grateful for all the assistance and we really give back when we can especially to our neighbors. My husband was the “emergency daycare and get them to the bus stop” parent for the entire neighborhood every snow delay for years.
Anon
Interesting. We have a similar situation, I’m 9-5 university staff and my husband is on the faculty (tenured now, was pre-tenure when we had our first kid). My husband is a very involved parent but I feel like I have the much more flexible schedule and I covered the vast majority of daycare sick days because my husband couldn’t cancel class and has so many more meetings than I do. I mean, he could have canceled class if someone was seriously ill, but it wasn’t something he could do for every runny nose and stomach bug, so all of that stuff fell to me and I feel like it really damaged my reputation at work and I’m still trying to recover from it. He does have a lot more flexibility in the summers, which I’m jealous of, but he’s also out of town attending conferences for so much of the summer that overall it feels like our family has less flexibility and a lot more stress than during the school year.
Leatty
Not just you! DH works from home, so he can handle all of the home appointments like pest control, cleaners, etc. Kid stuff, on the other hand, seems to expect a SAP (which we don’t have). If I see one more advertisement for a “full day” camp that is only open until 4 pm, I’m going to lose my mind. And don’t get me started on all of the activities that are only during the week, the random half days and days off!
I’m dreading this as my kids get older because we have no family support, and neither of us want to stay home. I’ve thought about going part time, but we can’t really afford it in our HCOL and PT jobs are hard to find in my field.
anon
Full-day camp = 9 am to 4 pm. Like are you kidding me with that?! This is why my kid will be staying in the summer program at her old daycare for as long as we can manage it.
My middle school kid has several camps that run 9 am-12 pm this summer. We can make it work for a couple of weeks but couldn’t do it the whole summer.
Cb
School releases at noon EVERY Friday.
Which I complain about, but also just lobbied hard not to accept an aftercare spot for next year. I’m away so much that I quite like the Friday afternoons just us two. I’m an academic though, so as long as I’m publishing and not a totally useless teacher, no one cares how much time I spend at my desk.
Anne-on
Yup. If I hadn’t been able to WFH and have paid help I would have quit a loooong time ago. It is painful how much we pay for care but it’s the only way I have any chance of moving ahead at work and still keeping my sanity.
Anonymous
So, I know this comment is going to get all the hate and I debated even making it. but I think it warrants at least a debate.
Having kids is something that changes your life and you need to adapt. It does not fit nicely into the “two full time working parents” that you had pre-kids. When you decide to have a kid, or more than one kid, you really need to think about how it will all work. These kids are your roommates. They are your responsibility. Our society (most societies!) are not set up so that you can drop your kid off at 7:30 and pick them up at 6pm M-F from birth until they turn 18. Kids will want to do activities and you can’t do it all on the weekend.
I have 3 kids and the oldest is 12. we’ve had all kinds of arrangements over the years. Being bitter that the world is not set up for both parents to work full time out of the house is a losing battle. You knew that when you had kids (or maybe you didn’t- but that’s what I’m here to tell you). I’ve known families that attack this problem in all kinds of ways- SAHP, flexibly working parent, part time parent, live-in family, nannies, after care, beg/borrow/steal rides to after school activities.
This is not to say all women should run out and quit their jobs and stay home. Heck, in my house it was me working 60 hour weeks while DH worked ~30 VERY flexible hours, from home. But parents need to be making choices about their jobs and careers and lifestyles that accommodate the families they choose-or have chosen- to have. And/or shop VERY carefully for the town in which you choose to raise your family. if you are locked into two full time careers, pick somewhere that has a fabulous aftercare program with activities and good public transportation. Don’t move to the heart of suburbia and have a fit when you realize school has a zillion holidays and the kids are off every other Wednesday and even in the best of times the day ends at 3pm and activities are M-F all across town.
Anon
Ugh. People plan and god laughs. School districts here perpetually redone. Au pairs stopped being available during COVID, along with any school / child care for many of us. That sh*t was real and has had a hella long tail in our house. Suicides are up in our local high school and college. People are overwhelmed and it’s nice that you think we should just try harder.
Anonymous
No, I’m suggesting that people (me included) decide to have kids and keep their career and the world is just set up that way. Something has to give. In our house, it was DH’s job.
Anne-on
I agree that this shouldn’t be shocking but until you’re smacked in the face with it you don’t grasp how hard it is to have two, full time, working parents with kids parenting in our current environment in the US. Plus it is really hard to intellectually/emotionally accept that no, it was a big lie, and we can’t have it all, all at the same time.
We see on this board all the posts of ‘just let your 8-10 yr olds go be free range kids in the summer!’ or questioning why you need all this childcare for tween/teens. It’s because parenting now is NOT like it was in the 80s/90s and in a lot of places you can’t do stuff that we did as kids. I used to walk to the library after school, do my homework, and then walk home and let myself in at 10. Our library won’t allow unchaperoned kids under 13 (at 12 I was babysitting!), there isn’t a ton of safe/easy public transit and all the free range stuff us Gen-X’er/elder millenials grew up with was predicated on a network of SAHMs being around (even just being at home during the day).
SMC-San Diego
Just putting this out there for workforce participation rates for women with children:
https://www.dol.gov/agencies/wb/stats/labor-force-participation-youngest-child
it has gone up. It has not gone up that much over the past 20 years. However, I would agree that parenting (particularly middle and upper class parenting) has become more intensive. But also and anecdotally, the number of women who have been fed a line of unrealistic expectations seems to have soared. And while I would have framed it differently than Anon at 10:03, it is worth having that conversation with your partner if you have one and yourself and thinking about how to arrange your life as a working mother with eyes wide open and in advance.
But then I was a single mother and a lawyer. I never thought I wasn’t going to take a huge career and financial hit and I prepared for that well in advance.
Anon
So this is blunt advice but I wish someone had told me this when my kid was an infant. I had a feminist mom who kept pushing me about “having it all” – “you can do it! You can totally work in management-level CorpAm job and your husband can too and you guys can have all the family time you want and make it work!” And I looked around and there seemed to be people who were doing it – including people posting here – and so I figured, okay, let’s do it! I had more enthusiasm than I had common sense, frankly.
My kid is almost out of high school and looking back, I would have done everything differently. Namely, I would have stepped back from my career when he was born until he was about 12, and focused on what I could do to make money that would have allowed me to be there when my kid was sick, when he had random days out of school, needed to be driven across town, etc. I have met women who did contract or freelance work, who had part-time office jobs that basically just provided grocery money, who did all kinds of things and do not have the bitterness and burnout feelings that I have about my kid’s elementary years.
If I couldn’t have done that, I would have cut back on our savings and hired more help. Having a part-time nanny or household manager would have been great. Because I never didn’t feel like I was being pulled in six million directions; I never had time to myself; I never felt like I was doing a good-enough job at parenting or working. I made some reflexive career decisions that, in retrospect, were dumb. I went into a couple of jobs I had no hope of being successful in, because I couldn’t travel or work long hours as much as my bosses expected, and so I set myself up for failure and had to jump out of those positions before I got fired.
Now that I am working a pretty big job AND my kid is old enough to drive, I realize how much easier I could have had it all along: if I had not worked, or my husband had stayed home (or worked contract or part-time), or we had hired more help, things would have been so much easier. I just was not realistic about being supermom and super-performer at work and being able to have friends and and and. “Having it all” – meaning you, as a woman, can have a big job and be the mom you want to be and have a great marriage and the nice perpetually-clean house and the big group of friends and be present for your parents, etc. is the biggest gaslighting op ever perpetrated on women, IMO. It’s just as much of a fantasy for the average woman as meeting a prince and ending up a rich and famous princess. I just don’t think it’s possible without help or without one parent scaling back. I could absolutely have been so much happier had I not worked full-time, or just outsourced everything we could, or hired a household manager/nanny like I wanted (but my husband thought we couldn’t afford), or otherwise not tried so hard to be everything to everyone all the time. I ended up in an okay place but I was not okay for a long time to get here.
Anne-on
I hate to say it, but when other (usually younger) working moms ask me ‘what the secret is’ or ‘how do you make it work’ my answer is usually money. As in – we pay for a LOT of help – cleaners, summer camps/vacation camps, daycare first and then school plus sitter, camp for the summer, and sometimes extra hours for the sitter when necessary. You pay in either money or time, and we don’t have nearby family to offer us time (or enough of my own) so I buy it.
Anonymous
Agree that having it all is a total fantasy. For me, it was more my husband’s fantasy than mine. He wanted a wife with a big job that he could brag about, but did not want to pay for a nanny. What ended up suffering was my career and my sanity.
Anonymous
My parents both had big corporate jobs, but we had a live-in nanny until I was 8, then I went to aftercare and didn’t do any sports or activities except on weekends until I was in high school. They were also really lucky that my best friend was a SAHM and she ended up driving me around a ton until I was old enough to drive myself. Now that I’m grown I realize that they only made it work with a ton of help.
Anon
I agree with all of this. Due mainly to a relocation for my husband’s academic job, I changed careers from Big Law to a menial job that is 9-5 on paper and in reality much less and only pays me about $50k. At times it’s a huge self-esteem hit – my education and intellect are going to waste, not one of those women with a capital C career who loves her job – but most of the time I feel like it’s a huge blessing, since we wanted and have kids. I love that I’m home with them every day after school, that I can take a lot of time off to hang out with them in the summer and that we’ve never even considered hiring a nanny to drive them to activities or fix their snacks. My husband’s salary covers our family’s basic needs, so my salary is basically our “fun money” fund that covers vacations and cool experiences for the kids (and provides a safety net for me in case my husband and I got divorced). I do hope that when my kids are in high school or college, I can lean back in and have a career that is challenging, rewarding and high-paying, but in this stage of life I’m ok where I am and I think my kids are better off for it.
Anon
+10000 It doesn’t work for kids to have activities outside of business hours + commute (would that be 8pm?) and 7 hours of camp a day *is* a full day for a child, even if it complicates the adult’s schedule. You do kind of have to revolve your world around your children for a while…and they deserve that
Anon
“Shop carefully for the town…” WOW. This is tone deaf, especially since only like a handful of major U.S. cities have decent, reliable public transport, and even in most cases it’s limited to certain areas (I’ve lived in NYC and the DMV). I do agree that it’s important to try to keep your footprint small where possible – I live in a major city with urban sprawl but am able to keep school/activities within 1-2 miles of the house; when I go into the office it’s roughly 20-30 minutes in traffic, same for DH. But again, this comes with tremendous privelege.
Anonymous
I posted that and it’s because we have a big suburban town with a pretty slapped together after Care program. We get people moving here for the schools, only to find out aftercare doesn’t meet their needs. People do regret moving here vs other places they shopped because of aftercare and they way activities are structured.
It isn’t tone deaf; it’s advice to young parents who are shopping for their first house and probably don’t give much thought to it since they are still in the daycare years.
Anon
Nah, I think the system is horrible. No other country or culture expects parents (specifically mothers) to raise their kids on their own without any help or accommodation from their families and civil society. It’s ok for us to vent about it. I was lucky because my mother helps me with everything, she always has. I owe her my career. Otherwise, I’d be doomed. Meanwhile, the economy gets a free ride on our efforts.
Anonymous
Preach.
Anon
I’m currently in the infant/toddler/daycare years and am very grateful for the warnings from this board and the Moms board regarding the upcoming school years. I maximized my flexibility as much as I can for these years and we’re currently surviving. It’s been very helpful for us to plan/have the warning that Husband’s going to have to maximize his flexibility too so we can get through the school years. I’m hoping 2 as-flexible-as-possible careers will be close to a SAH parent since neither of use want that role.
Anonymous
Not just you. I miss the daycare years so much. We planned for 2 and ended up with 3 (twins with no fertility treatments) which means grandparents aren’t as much help. They get really overwhelmed with all 3. 1:1 with the kids they are fine.
I went part time when the younger kids hit grade 2. Budget didn’t allow for a nanny. Kills my soul a little that I had to lean out. DH made various other career sacrifices earlier on in our marriage, and couldn’t get part time approved in his current role.
Anonymous
This is one reason I stayed home for a while. I’m still thankful we were in a position where I could because it made such a positive difference for us.
Anon Mom
As a general matter I do not give parenting advice but I make an exception when someone says she is “so looking forward to my kids being older so I have more free time/flexibility/money.”Like – come sit next to me and let me tell you the cold hard truth.
People will sometimes say that I don’t know what it is like because my (relatively young and healthy and absolutely amazing) parents live nearby. And yes that is true, but it was also not accidental. I left a job and city I liked before I got pregnant specifically so that I would be closer to family, both so they could help me when I had young children and so I could pay them back as they get older and need my help.
Anon
Eh, I have way more free time and money in elementary school versus daycare. Drop off activities, playdates and parties have easily opened up 5-10 hours/week of time for myself. I read and exercise so much now than I did in the daycare years. On-site aftercare is $50/week versus nearly $300/week for pre-K daycare, and aftercare has longer hours. TBD on the teen years, but for me elementary has felt much easier and is definitely much cheaper than daycare. I know that isn’t everyone’s experience, but I think it’s important to put it out there that isn’t universally worse as they get older.
Anonymous
It definitely varies greatly. We paid $200/week for daycare (8am – 5:30pm) with a govt subsidized spot and pay $30/day or $150 a week for care 3pm-5:30pm at elementary school.
Seventh Sister
I felt like I got a HUGE raise when my kids were out of daycare, even though our aftercare was more expensive and we had to pay for summer camp. There’s a huge difference between having to pay for full-time care and choosing to pay for aftercare and activities. I don’t feel like I have a huge surplus with a middle and a high schooler, but choosing to do activities is way different than having to pay out for care.
Anon
Yeah, exactly. We are coming out ahead on total kid spending, though not as ahead as you’d think if you just compared the daycare vs aftercare numbers. But choosing to pay for activities and really cool summer camps feels psychologically very different to me than paying for daycare and aftercare.
To be fair, our daycare was among the most expensive options in our city and it was a choice to go there, but it didn’t feel nearly as voluntary as sending kids to fancy camps and activities. It felt like we had to pay that for peace of mind that our kids were safe and well cared for. With older kids, I definitely feel like we see a lot more return on investment for the dollars we invest, i.e., we can really see how the expensive camps, trips and activities make them happier than the alternatives so it feels much more “worth it” to me.
Anonymous
For me it came out even or a little more expensive in elementary school. Summer day camp was twice as expensive as day care, and aftercare with transportation was nearly as expensive as day care. And then there were activities, which we didn’t do in preschool.
Seventh Sister
I really lucked out with activities – regular old school district day camp was fine for my kids and it wasn’t super expensive. That said, we go on vacation during the summer for 1-2 weeks so we didn’t have to pay for 10 weeks of camp.
YMMV, but the $$$ day camps my kids have attended weren’t really any more fun that the regular kind (with a few exceptions). The locations were often bit nicer (private school campus as opposed to our crumbling public school) but the programming wasn’t always great and they were often big and disorganized.
Anon
I added it up once and while my school aged child cost less than infant care, on an annual basis there was minimal difference between our preschool costs and before/after school care + holiday breaks + summer camps (with bonus 2 hours after camp care because camps ended two hours earlier than our preschool), and that was without any super extravagant camps.
Anon
Mine started K this year and we’ve saved over $10k this year even including summer. We’re summer camp at the city parks department and it costs less than half what daycare did for all day (7-6) coverage. Aftercare is way less per week than daycare. We’re not a big activity family and the activities we’ve done have mostly been at the Y and are very affordable. I’m aware our activity costs will likely increase over time but for now it feels like a huge savings. And we earn a lot less than many on this board so $10k of post tax money is a LOT for us.
Trish
This is why very poor single moms get in trouble when they leave their kid in a car or at home during an interview. Something has to give.
Seventh Sister
My kid’s (diverse, urban) public school district truly seems to think that every family has a stay-at-home mom who can just drop everything at a moment’s notice and come over to the school with a “warm breakfast casserole.” Even the people I know who *are* stay-at-home parents are often doing something like “providing elder care for a relative” or “have 2yo triplets” and don’t have this kind of time and flexibility. I just do what I can, join the committees that I can join, and give money or supplies because I have never even made my own family a casserole. Neither my spouse nor I have “big jobs,” just full-time ones.
Do I suspect that the attendance lady or my kids’ teacher might think I’m a bad mom because my middle schooler insists on wearing the same (clean) stained pullover every day? Yeah, but they can put on their Big People pants and call me if they have an issue. Have my kids done the most prestigious sports or activities? No, but I’m OK if they don’t go pro in ballet or lacrosse or whatever. My kids are great, reasonably happy, and I love them.
I’m a Gen X, and my Boomer mom had a job when I was a kid. She was pretty frank about the fact that being a working mom meant you weren’t going to be able to “do it all.” It stung when she told me that, but not doing everything has been the best choice for all of us.
Anon
In my area of my SEUS city, 2-car detached garages with a finished room / apartment above are all the rage. I get it — I would like extra space and it would be nice to have a car that is not a million degrees in the summer (I park on the street that has direct western sun in the afternoon). OTOH, my car is worth about 10K and I can easily put a towel over the seat and steering wheel. Building a 250K structure for a 10K car seems . . . like not something I’d prioritize (like I could fund college for 2 kids with that money, plus, have you seen interest rates lately?). Even a new 50K car does not seem like it deserves a garage. I am definitely in the minority I feel — what am I missing? [I do have an outbuilding of sorts that is likely about 10 years from falling down and it is not critter proof but just a place to put bikes and tools and anything else in an airtight container. If it fell down, Home Depot has prefab sheds that I’d look at for replacement for ~10K.]
anon
I’ve always lived in housed with attached garages. But I live in the Midwest where it gets cold and snowy. It’s a lot easier keeping a car in the garage so you don’t have to scrape off ice and snow. Where I live, a detached garage would be better than nothing because of the winter weather. In your area of the country, it doesn’t seem like that would be worth the money if you’re not concerned about the weather.
Anon
FWIW, I lived in PA and NJ in older areas where everyone parked on the street and you just got up earlier in the winter to shovel out to the sidewalk and then brush off your car and scrape the windows. It became a big deal in some areas if you also had to shovel out your car (and then went to work and then came home to someone parked in “your” spot), so you always needed a shovel handy and boots.
A relative in the upper midwest confirms that in newer parts of his city, 3-bay attached garages very close to the street are common. One bay is for the snowblower and you want a short driveway b/c you need to blow the snow off the driveway frequently to get your cars out and go to work.
Anonymous
The first paragraph sounds awful.
Anon
IDK — I did not think it was awful. It was all I knew for 25 years of my life. It was just what we all did in the winter. And sizzling thighs in the summer.
Anon
+1 also the garage is usually 15-20 degrees warmer than outside (due to spillover from the heated house) which makes a big difference on cold winter days. Temperatures in the 20s are a lot easier on cars and humans than single digit temperatures.
I don’t think I’d see much need for one if I didn’t live in a cold, snowy climate.
Cat
it’s not about the value of the car, it’s about the convenience of keeping it clean and a comfy temp, plus of course storage for all your yard things and having perhaps an in-law suite or home office space with Boundaries. Like, if you wanted more space for guests or WFH anyway, you might as well get a garage out of it!
Anonymous
it’s not about the value of the car, it’s about the convenience of keeping it clean and a comfy temp, plus of course storage for all your yard things and having perhaps an in-law suite or home office space with Boundaries. Like, if you wanted more space for guests or WFH anyway, you might as well get a garage out of it!
Anon
I don’t get that math — if you have a garage that is great. But my guess is that even a garage with no electric lines run to it (unlikely) and no plumbing / HVAC would cost less than a car and definitely less than a catalytic converter.
The ADU thing isn’t allowed everywhere and IMO could be a bigger nightmare than a hot car in the summer (city street parker in DC here).
Anon
Not everything is about “math.” Or you can assign value to convenience if you have to think that way.
Anon
I absolutely assign value to convenience, but it’s more “time” than “ease of use.” All my restaurant spending: cheaper than a personal chef and saves me time, which is the most precious thing right now. Scarce quantity. IDK that I even think about my car as long as it starts (I do get it inspected and change the oil and go to the carwash during The Pollening when I fill up).
Anon
I don’t begrudge people having nice things that they enjoy. And I don’t have to understand how they assign value. Why do you care, (9:27)?
Anonymous
I don’t like having my car lying around the yard looks trashy
Anon
Whoa — who is parking in their yard? That is a seriously country thing to do — we have a tax on cars so junk cars aren’t kept. We barely have enough yard to be a yard, much less to give any space to a car.
Anonymous
Do you not have driveways where you live? Curious why you would have your car on the yard…
Anonymous
Storage and use of the finished space above is the other draw. Teen/in law/au pair space.
I’m in the northeast and a garage is a must have for us. For winter, downpours, pollen season, summer- I never thought about protecting the car, just my personal comfort getting into it :).
Anon
For 250K, I’d look at a condo at the beach or in the mountains for separation from the chaos of my house.
anon
You clearly don’t live where it snows!
Anon
I live where it snows and we have street parking. If you are lucky, you have a driveway for a car or two. Lot lines are weird, so you couldn’t put in a driveway to reach behind the house to add a garage there. Older NEUS city on the train line. Newer areas may be different, but housing is so expensive that starter homes are often just living space (so if you could buy a TH with a first floor garage as a builder offering, often it is swapped for a bedroom / bathroom especially if there are multiple generations in a household). A friend has an older place with a “garage,” but IDK what sort of 2023 car would fit in it — it seems built to house a 1980s Datsun or a Model T. Like maybe you could get the car in (but don’t sneeze in the process) but I doubt you could open the door wide enough to get out — you might have to go out the hatchback and then close the garage door).
Anonymous
This is why we left the Northeast when it was time to buy a house. I just couldn’t deal.
Anon
Yep, I spent $500K for a small house with no garage in NY. It was fine, but we knew it wasn’t forever. Luckily we turned a tidy profit in 2022 and now have a great garage ;)
Emma
I live in Eastern Canada and we don’t have a garage. Would I like one in an ideal world? Yes, of course, but honestly street parking is fine too. There aren’t that many days when we really need to shovel, and my car has a remote start so it’s already warm by the time I get in. I wouldn’t spend 250k on a garage honestly I had lots of money to spare.
Emma
*unless* I had lots of money to spare.
Anonymous
I live where it snows and don’t have a garage…
Anon
I really don’t care how or why others choose to spend their money. If they want a fancy garage (which certainly has other amenities besides car storage), go for it! If you aren’t into it, don’t worry about it1
Anon
This is where I come down on it. I live in an area with a lot of hail storms, so I like having some structure to park under. But it’s not a deal breaker for me. However, I do like having a sunny yard so that we can have a large garden, which might not be a priority for someone else.
The whole assigning a dollar value to every part of life to decide if something is “worth it” isn’t something that I can really relate to.
Anon
People just have different priorities. I park my car in my (attached) garage 100% of the time. It never occurred to me to factor in the value of my car.
Anon
It shouldn’t cost $250k unless you’re getting fleeced. I built one in a more expensive area and it cost at least 100k less than that! But to answer your question, the point is not solely to protect a car, though it is nice to park inside. I can now store outdoor things and I also now have a home office up there – it basically adds an extra bedroom to my house. It would be impossible to sell my house and buy a bigger one for less than the cost of adding that garage, plus I would lose my awesomely low mortgage rate.
Anon
I would never touch my current mortgage and IDK that “second mortgages” or HELOCs are a thing now that values seem to be slipping. So the house will stay exactly as it is and I am never moving.
Anonymous
Ok. But they are absolutely a thing and house values in most of the country aren’t slipping.
Anon
I didn’t take out a second mortgage and the value of my house didn’t slip, but it’s not like you need a garage to enjoy your home. Do your own thing.
Anonymous
Where I live people with garages tend to use them as a space to bbq in the winter. {door open, bbq in the doorway)
There are lots of ways to use a garage that have nothing to do with a car. Dedicated secure storage area that is not inside the house, and the room above gives you a space for guests or hobbies or work.
All that said though, just because something is “all the rage” doesn’t mean you have to build one if you don’t want to. If what you are doing now works, and you don’t want to go into debt, then why fix what’s not broken?
Anonymous
I thought that was a surefire way to get carbon monoxide poisoning.
Anonymous
I live in a small house in the SEUS and a 2-car attached garage was a non-negotiable for me because I refuse to scrape ice off my windshield or carry groceries in through the rain. Every house in our subdivision, built in the 1990s, has an attached garage. Almost no one actually keeps their cars in their garages. They are either man caves with a couch, a beer fridge, and a TV, or storage for a lot of junk. This is super annoying because they park their many many cars (3 and 4 per household) on the street, making it virtually impassable.
I would not want a detached garage because much of the benefit of a garage is being able to go directly from the garage into the house and being able to quickly grab things that are stored in the garage (extra laundry detergent, etc.). If you had lots of money and a large property it might be nice to have a second detached garage to store kayaks, paddleboards, an old car to work on, etc., perhaps with a guest room or storage room above it, but I would still want a primary garage for the cars with a direct entry to the house.
Anon
I would never consider buying a house without a garage. Midwesterner here.
– Protect your car from snow so you don’t need to wipe off the roof, windshield, windows, and doors before leaving home
– Protect your car from tree sap, pollen, seeds, etc. that ruin your paint job and get caught in your windshield wipers
– Catalytic converter theft is a serious problem in many areas
– Temperature control for heat and the cold. Towels don’t help in the cold and who wants to drape every seat in the car during the summer?
– A garage holds more than just cars. It’s where the snow blower, lawn mower, shovels, bicycles, power tools, sports equipment, etc. live. The garage doesn’t need to be 100% critter proof for those items, just secure from theft. Unless you have massive closets located near your front door I don’t know where else you would keep that stuff.
Anonymous
Add: protect the car against hail.
Anonymous
Eastern Canada and basically all of this. But attached garages are much more common than detached garages.
Once you grow up with it, it’s hard to not value it – though the separate building thing seems useless in winter. My dad used to get into his car in our attached garage and park in his office building in the underground parking without having to go outside in the winter. When it’s wet snow and freezing cold, you don’t want to be schlepping outside with court bags etc and having to clean off and defrost your car.
Anon
I keep that stuff in a massive (outdoor) closet located near my backdoor, or if I don’t want it getting spidery, the basement.
Anonymous
We have a lockable storage bin in the back yard for the mower and a few other things that can’t be stored in the house.
Everything else (bikes, tools, shovels, etc) are in the basement. We use our basement mainly as storage, it’s completely unfinished and we don’t spend much time there.
Anon
I’m also in the southeast and in my city, garages are just giant walk in closets/storage units for most people. Hardly anyone uses them for their cars. We have too much crap!
Anonie
+1 but on the other hand, is it really unreasonable to own bikes, ski gear, camping gear, a lawn mower? Not like you can keep those things in your bedroom closet…
Anon
This is wild. I grew up in the NYC suburbs with no garage. Parents moved further out when I went to college and had a new build with an attached 2-car garage and promptly filled it with so much junk that they are driveway parkers except for the first 3 months they lived there. So still no current garage knowledge despite actually having parents with one. My MIL is the same way — there hasn’t been a car in her attached garage in . . . decades, per my husband.
Maybe if you have a tendency to hoard, pass on the garage and get a storage unit if it will likely just house junk vs a bike or tool that you may use weekly.
Anon
This is really interesting — I didn’t think that the north had garages because the housing stock was so old and small and wasn’t really configured for it in existing houses. I think that the south has garages just because there is more new construction (or a lot of it dates from when A/C was part of building houses) and land was available and cheaper. Ditto places like Arizona. But apparently the north has a lot of garages and lot of garage demand.
Anonymous
Yes. The North is a large place.
Anon
Um what? Houses have been built in the north after the advent of the motor vehicle… It’s not just millenium-era McMansions that have garages (and the north still has plenty of those)
Anon
Not sure if this applies to you– in my neighborhood of my SEUS city, the detached garage is very popular for zoning reasons. A house has to be setback a certain number of feet from the road, while a garage does not. So, for my tall skinny, we have a detached garage that is allowed to be setback something like one car length from the alley. We then have a small backyard between the carport and our house. If the garage was part of our house, something like a 20-30 foot setback would apply, and we would have no backyard. Zoning in my neighborhood also requires that houses be built to accommodate parking off the street, specifically behind the house.
We also have been very thankful to have this parking structure– when we moved into our house, car thefts were really common in the neighborhood but mostly affected cars parked on the street. Hail is also very common in my city, and the structure protects from that as well.
Elsa
Seus here and the pollen alone “justifies” my garage.
ATL
+1 from me. I don’t have a garage, but not having to wash the pollen off of my car every week would be fantastic!!!
Anonymous
FWIW we did a massive hike addition that included a 1200sq ft 3 car garage, two story mudroom and fully finished 1400 Sqft basement plus $40k in driveway and other stone (retaining wall) work. It was $375k all in. I’m just outside Boston. Unless the apartment has a kitchen and bath $250k seems outlandish.
Anon
A two story mudroom! How does that work and what do you keep in it?
Anonymous
It’s two stories in that it connects our basement level garage with our main floor and is open. So there isn’t like an “upstairs mudroom” but there is “upstairs open space above the mudroom” or “the mudroom has a vaulted ceilings and is 2 floors tall.”
There is a set of switchback stairs in the mix as well.
Anon
Different people like different things. Is someone forcing you to build a garage?
Senior Attorney
Here in So Cal garages are required by building codes, and always have been. I’d say about half the people park in them, and the other half use them for storagbe. As others have said, what has even brought this up foryou? If you don’t want one, don’t build one. (You might want to compromise with a carport to provide a bit of storage and keep the worst of the sun off your car.)
Anon
It protects my car from weather and theft. My realtor mentioned, sheepishly, garages appeal to some women due to personal safety.
Anon
I live in a 1909 house with a detached carriage house that won’t fit a modern car, so I join you in street parking! We actually have a long tandem driveway that goes along the house back to the carriage house, and that’s a whole rigamarole of moving cars to get the inner car out most days (three drivers in the house!)
Anonie
What you’re missing: it’s not about the car. We have a garage and park in the driveway exclusively. In many American households, the garage serves as a storage unit, so it’s basically another several hundred square feet of (non-climate controlled) storage/project space. Add the finished room above, and you’re talking another several hundred square feet of living space. At $250k/another 700 sqft (at least), that’s $325/sqft, which in many real estate markets is very reasonable.
anon
When you get a manicure/pedicure together, do you get the same or different colors? I have red on my toes and an orange on my nails. But when I go in for my next appointment, I can’t decide if I should go more neutral on my hands and brighter on the toes.
Anon
I go neutral on fingers b/c they are so prone to chipping. I go crazy on my toes though.
Anon
I almost never get manicures anymore, but when I did I never matched.
Cat
I never match unless I’m doing sheer pink on both for longevity.
Cora
I get something different but usually in the same color family. I’m not sure about light vs. dark for fingers vs. toes but right now I have light blue normal nail polish on my toes and periwinkle gel on my hands.
anon
Gah, I love a good periwinkle polish. It makes me happy to look at.
Cora
I was going to do a light blue-dark blue situation but I saw the periwinkle and couldn’t resist :)
Anon
I like bright toes and neutral nails (because of the chipping) so I never match.
anon
I like coordinating colors. It is rare for mine to match.
I actually prefer more neutral colors on my toes because the skin on my feet has a lot of red/purple in it. Some of the brighter, wild colors look ghastly with that as a backdrop. My hands are more evenly pigmented and I have short nails, so I’m cool with using colorful polishes on my fingernails if I’m feeling it.
Anon
I think matching is pretty outdated.
Anon
They always go together but don’t always match. In the winter I’m likely to have red toes and fingers, but in the summer I like a milky white finger and red toe. I don’t like clashing should I choose to wear an open toed shoe.
Carrots
Another vote for crazy on my toes and neutral on my nails.
AIMS
I don’t know if my feet changed or the shoes got worse, but I can’t wear my usual Soludos espadrilles anymore (unless I just got a real bum pair?) … Are there more comfortable flat espadrilles out there? I noticed the quality really went down when they stopped making them in Spain but the last pair didn’t even feel like the right size (too narrow when it always fit fine before). Would love other recommendations as I really love the look for summer.
Anon
I like the Castaner ankle tie espadrilles, but those are a wedge. Got these from Amazon, which are shockingly cute and comfortable IRL
https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B078VDB8TL/
Anonymous
Any restaurant or activity recommendations for Breckenridge? Going for a week in June with my husband and staying in a friend’s condo. We’re normally beach vacation people so this is a little different for us!
Anonymous
I’d suggest renting bikes and riding to Frisco! It’s a gorgeous trail and a really nice ride, about 10 miles. You can then either ride back if you want more exercise (and didn’t full enjoy the Frisco brewery scene lol) or return your bikes in Frisco on a specific rack and then take the free bus back to Breck.
I also did a horseback trail ride there that was fantastic–very beginner friendly, lots of kids, but still fun as an adult with some riding experience.
In terms of restaurants, we loved a lot of the very casual pub places like Blue Stag and a bunch of others on the main drag. Thought Hearthstone was fine but overrated for “fine dining.” Carboy Winery is also nice!
I’m jealous you’re doing this! Summers in Colorado are the best!
Anon
I loved taking the free town gondola up to the Breckenridge Ski Resort- a big recreational area- the vibe was so fun! I don’t do this sort of vacation winter or summer so it was exciting for me, taking the ski lift to the mountain top provided beautiful views. Breck is fun to stroll through town. Enjoy!
anon_needs_a_break
Make sure you take a walk to find the breckenridge troll, it’s adorable!
Anon
Dillon dam brewery.
great t-shirts, decent food, great beer.
Peaches
Dillon dam brewery.
great t-shirts, decent food, great beer.
Pie
This is my favorite pie in the world: https://sallysbakingaddiction.com/blueberry-peach-pie/
Anonymous
If you have a good blender and an ice cream maker, good peaches make great sorbet. I usually just create a puree, add just a bit of sparkling wine or water (but not much) and some lemon juice and freeze. You could also add some ginger to the puree.
Anon
https://www.bhg.com/recipe/sheet-pan-chicken-with-peaches-and-tomatoes/
So yummy
Senior Attorney
Brandy/peach sauce — serve it hot over ice cream! There are a bunch of recipes on the internet.
ollie
Thoughts on how to style an active skort? I just got two cute ones from J.Crew Factory (links to follow), but struggling with what to pair them with. Not wearing for tennis/golf, more for everyday hanging out.
ollie
https://factory.jcrew.com/p/BN701?color_name=antique-navy&N=SMALL
https://factory.jcrew.com/p/BQ324?color_name=black&N=SMALL
Anon
Chambray shirt, t-shirt, sweatshirt, really anything casual.
Anon
+1
PolyD
I wear mine with regular, casual tops. Maybe not t-shirts, but the kind of sleeveless blouses you see at Loft. Basically I treat it like a casual skirt.
Mine is from Talbots and is plain navy blue with a scalloped hem.
Anon
. . . why did you buy two of something if you don’t even know how you’re going to wear them?
Anon
Maybe she liked them! Seems pretty easy to figure out after the fact. It’s not like it’s a high stakes situation.
Anon
Let she that has never made an impulse purchase cast the first stone
ATL
I wear them with a fitted tee tucked in and sandals, a tucked in fitted tank and sneakers, or a workout tank and sneakers but that look is v sporty.
Anonymous
This may be a long shot, but does anyone know if there is a way to get copies of popular books in Farsi or dual language English and Farsi? My partner has been assigned to mentor some teenage kids who just came to America from Afghanistan a month ago. Last week one of them was trying to read a book by Beverely Clearly but their English is extremely, extremely limited. Is there such a thing as dual language Harry Potter and the like in Farsi and English?
Anon
We recently bought Harry Potter in Russian and it was pretty hard to track down. Googling and seeing which independent sellers have Farsi editions is going to be your best bet. They say Harry Potter is the modern-day Rosetta Stone since it’s been translated into so many languages, which is just so cool to think of.
Curious
Yes, I have it in Russian and Spanish! Russian was definitely harder to find.
Anon
Russian Harry Potter is unique because the Russian Orthodox Church tried to ban it because it promoted witchcraft so I think there are fewer total copies of it in existence. Little known fact is that there is a huge surge of ultra-religiosity in Russia in the last 10 years or so, very similar to the evangelicals in the US.
Anon
My in-laws are Persian and have always ordered books online and seem to have success through ebay. Our local library does have (a very, very) limited section of books in Farsi at the main downtown flagship location of our medium-sized Southern city. Have you checked the library at all? I think you’ll struggle finding books that are written in both languages in the same physical book but you should be able to find translated copies of major books or even PDFs of major copies online (sorry to the IP attorneys on this site).
Anonymous
I have these for Agatha Christie novels in German -English so I think they must exist for other major languages as well. I’d avoid Harry Potter as that involves a lot of new language that isn’t relevant on a day to day basis.
Books
You might try calling/searching online for some bookstores in Los Angeles (assuming you are not in LA).
Anon.
Can you check out the local library? Depnding on where you live and the demographics, they may have a good selection of foreign language books. Alternatively, are there local Afghan cultural associations that you could contact?
I live in a small Midwest college town and our state library network has a surprising number of books in my native European language, even for kids/young adults.
pb
Inter-library loan can get you most books you need from libraries all over the US. I’d try there or ask your librarian.
Bette
I believe the dominant language in Afghanistan is called Dari in English.
Farsi refers to the language commonly spoken in Iran.
Wikipedia tells me that they are from the same root but are not intelligible to each other.
Anonymous
OP here. He’s had a hard time communicating with them. At the first meeting, they said they were Persian. But last week they said they were from Afghanistan, but at both meetings they say they speak Farsi so that’s what we’re looking for. The agency hasn’t been terribly helpful with any of this.
Anon
Use Google Translate to ask questions. They may think the English words they’re looking for are Persian and Farsi, but they aren’t. If they are Iranian, that’s a whole other ball of wax.
Anonymous
Afghanistan borders Iran so there is a Farsi speaking Persian population in that area.
I would look for a bilingual picture dictionary online. That will help him and them when they are looking at different words/vocab. Oxford picture dictionary is a good one.
Anonymous
When I took Farsi, the teaching aide was a Dari speaker who reported mutual intelligibility. Perhaps there are gradations.
Anon
Back in the day, I would call Schoenhof’s Foreign Books for this. If they didn’t have something in stock, they could order it.
joan wilder
Do the kids speak Dari or Pashto? Make sure which one first and if it is Pashto, that will be likely even harder.
Anon
Afghans don’t speak Farsi; they speak Dari or Pashto. Which one a family uses depends on where in the country they’re from, their ethnic heritage, and, to a lesser extent, their social status.
Remember that their languages are read from right to left, so it’s not just the alphabet the children have to learn, but reading from left to right.
I’m very involved with the Afghan refugee community in my area. Happy to answer any questions.
flight advice
What would you do?
I live in a flyover state. My home airport only has one airline with a direct flight to City (about a 20 hour drive from my home). I am attending a large family anniversary party in City over a weekend, events planned Friday and Saturday. Although no big group events are planned Sunday, my immediate family is hoping to have “just us” brunch together before we all disperse. I have a major work event in my hometown starting 8:00 a.m. Monday, and my presence is required – I’m the emcee. The only direct flight from City to my home airport is on a regional/budget airline I’ve never flown before, and it leaves before 8:00 a.m. Pro: I would get home well in time for the event. Cons: I would miss brunch, and if something happened to that flight, that carrier couldn’t get me home until Monday. There are several major airlines that offer multiple flights/day from my airport to City with layovers through major airports (Denver, Chicago, St. Louis). These are more expensive, and the earliest I’d get home is about 4:00 pm. Pro: I can attend brunch, I’d probably have other options on the same airline if I got delayed or bumped, if I made it to a large city and something major happened, I could probably rent a car and drive the 6-10 hours home. Con: money, time, more flights = more of a chance something goes wrong.
Anon
Major airline with more options, no question. You get the best of all worlds, you get to go to the brunch and you’re more likely to get home. Also, get a backup for your work event.
Cat
+1 to all answers.
Anon
+2 for major airline
Senior Attorney
Yup. Also I definintely wouldn’t trust the budget airline to get me there.
Anon8
So I found this hard to follow without using any real airline or city names, but if the direct flight is on Frontier, Alligiant or Spirit I would absolutely not book. Southwest or Jetblue meh, maybe. The main risk with any of the budget carriers is that if your flight gets delayed or canceled, you are essentially up a creek and will have to dish out major cash to get on a different flight. I’ve heard horror stories of the three ultra budget carriers stranding people for days and never fly with them (among other reasons I don’t fly those airlines). If the direct flight is on Southwest or Jetblue I’d probably gamble and go for the direct flight, though Southwest has been less reliable in the last couple years. If it’s on one of the super cheap carriers I would instead book with United, Delta or American. This would also depend on what city you’re flying to, for me. For instance, if it’s a city with multiple airports or lots of flights every day vs a smaller city with limited options.
Anon
I wouldn’t book Southwest after the big meltdown last Christmas. But mainly I think it’s about options. United, American and Delta are probably just as likely to cancel a flight as JetBlue, but if they have a backup flight that can get you home the same day and JetBlue doesn’t, I’d book with one of the big three.
Anon
I flew Beeeze a few months back and it was great, but I had a pile of backup options. (It also offered the only nonstop flight between the cities, and at 1/4th the price of a flight with layovers.) The problem with airlines like that is they often have only one flight every couple of days, so if something goes wrong with the plane, you’re SOL.
Anon
Take the layover. There are so many isotopes if you’re in ORD or similar.
anon a mouse
I would look at the layover cities closely and figure out which airport has the most flights to my city after the one I’d take – so that if the first leg of a connection is delayed there are plenty of other options. I would absolutely not rely on an airline with one flight per day for a can’t-miss work event.
Also, you may need a lot of recovery time after the weekend, but getting home at 4 pm seems totally reasonable.
Anon
Is it possibly fit your immediate family to fly in Monday and have the smaller brunch Friday given your work concerns? It seems like that could be the easiest way to go.
anon
Best webcam recs? I am 3 years into hybrid work, my computer camera is grainy and terrible, and it’s well past time to get a better one.
Anon
Nexigo with built in light!
Anon
I was wearing one of those disposable back heating pads yesterday and toward the end of the day, I noticed an irritated feeling, as if a small piece of plastic was jabbing me. There was nothing there so I took the pad off in case it was beginning to burn me (although I’ve worn them off and on with no trouble in the past). There’s still that feeling today, although no visible marks on the skin. Anyone ever had this happen and any advice on what to put on it?
Anon
I’ve used those tons and never had that happen, but I’d probably just do nothing. Once my skin is irritated, putting things on it usually just makes it worse. Leaving it alone is the fastest way to let it heal You could have burned yourself, had a reaction to the adhesive, or it just could have rubbed a weird way. Be careful next time you try one and remove it if you have any issues.
Anon
Ouch! There might have been some moisture trapped under there and it chafed a bit. I’d put a small amount of aquaphor on it.
Anonymous
I used to wear those thermacare adhesive heating pads frequently (especially for cramps). Last two times I used them I ended up with burns. I’m not sure my skin changed or they are different but I will no longer use them. I’ve used neosporin on the burns to prevent infection.
A.
Does anyone own a Clare V bag who wants to comment on quality, usability, etc.? I haven’t bought a new bag in 5+ years and it’s time. My last purse looks pretty similar to the Kate Spade Roulette Large Hobo. I typically carry a relatively large wallet that has to fit, along with an iPhone, keys, some meds, sunglasses, and a few kid snacks, so I don’t need a ton of room (except to accommodate my wallet). This is to serve as my all-the-time (work and personal) bag, and I’m leaning towards the Grande Fanny b/c the Moyen Messenger feels too big.
Anon
I have a few, quality is nice and they hold up. I’m not hard on bags though. I have a big tote I carry every day for work. I like that they’re a little more interesting than a lot of options and reasonably priced.
Anonymous
I have the Moyen Messenger and think it is the right size for what you want to carry. Smaller would be a squeeze. It doesn’t look too big in real life because the slouch makes it appear smaller. I have been carrying it daily for ~9 months and it still looks new. I love the two strap options. Its one fault is that it has no interior pocket.
Anon
Let me just plug downsizing to a smaller wallet – I used to have a huge wallet, and I realized I could use apps or Apple Wallet for all my store/loyalty cards, so now I just carry my ID, credit cards, and insurance cards. I now use a slim cardholder. I never carry cash so it works great.
Anonymous
I need a large wallet just for ID, credit cards, and all the insurance cards for me and kid.
FP
I recently bought a bag from Polene and within a month, the leather binding on the strap completely wore off. I am so annoyed. I attempted to message to see about a return for a defective product but they are ignoring me and haven’t responded. Is this the right time for a credit card dispute? I really struggle because I did use it a few times a week for about a month, but this seems completely defective. Has anyone else had a good experience with a return or replacement from Polene?
Anon
No personal experience but I’ve unfortunately heard this a lot about Polene bags on online handbag message boards.
Anon
+1, you might want to check out the handbags subreddit. There are a lot of complaints there on Polene and someone might have a suggestion. I really want one of their bags but have been resisting because of the customer service issues.
anon
I’m trying to decide if I love these prints or find them meh. Anyone want to help me decide?
https://mmlafleur.com/products/maaza-rhythm-print?_pos=3&_sid=11a4f1962&_ss=r
https://mmlafleur.com/products/nene-peacock-print?_pos=1&_sid=b107b34b1&_ss=r
Anon
I love the first one and dislike the second.
Anon
Ha I’m the opposite! #1 looks like retro carpet.
anon
Don’t care for first. Like (not love?) second. I’d def own second but not an OMG MUST HAVE IT, for me anyway.
Senior Attorney
I feel like, especially at those prices, if it’s not a “hell, yes!” it’s a “no.”
Anon
100%. Neither print does it for me.
Anonymous
Ditto.
Anon
I think they’re kind of ugly, sorry!
Anon
Same, but they’re decidedly not my colors so I don’t think I can be a good judge.
anon
Thanks! I always appreciate ppl saving me money :)
Anonymous
I like the pattern of the second but not the colors. The first is not my style at all.
Anonymous
I think the first one looks like early nineties curtains from IKEA. Whether that is good or bad could depend, but it’s too busy for me.
The second one I would like a whole lot more if the background was a different colour than beige, or if the whole thing were peacock colours, not only peacock pattern.
Hybrid/In Office Expectations
What are your employers doing currently in terms of remote work/hybrid/in office requirements? I just want to scream into the void right now. I left a very flexible, perfect commute BigLaw partner job about 8 months ago to take a very rarely available, unique and amazing opportunity in house role with a terrible commute. During the interview process, I was completely transparent and made very clear that I need flexibility, I have elementary age children, I have managed my professional career to date with the utmost autonomy and need that to continue. I said I would need to flex hours to minimize traffic and flex days based on what I have going on each day. I was repeated told that I can have flexibility in this new job, that the role is hybrid/3 days in office, no problem. Even with flexibility it was a stretch for me to have a lousy commute several days per week, but I discussed it and worked it out with my spouse to be able to take this role in good faith. Within a month of starting, the company started tightening the in person requirements to my disappointment, and I acted in good faith to comply with the new policy. Now, only 8 months in, I was unilaterally told that we need to be in office 5 days per week no exceptions. I am beyond distraught. I left a very good job in private practice where I was highly valued in reliance on the repeated assurance of continued flexibility, and the rug has been completely pulled out from under me. Not sure what I’m looking for here, just partly venting and partly wondering if all jobs are now moving back towards 5 days in office.
I’m just kicking myself for taking this role and not seeing through the false assurances. I guess I was naive and took them at their word. Now I might need to do a round trip back to my old firm, which has its own issues but at least provides flexibility (with the trade off being I am on the clock and billing time all the time).
Just another reminder to the above poster’s point that this world is absolutely not set up for dual working parents….
Anon
Did you get the flex and hybrid requirements as part of your offer?
anonshmanon
does it matter? Unless you have a real contract, job requirements can always change over time.
Anon
Yup, I currently have a remote work agreement on file but it has a clause it can be revoked at employer’s discretion at any time. I assumed that was pretty standard, at least for at will employees.
Anon
+1 Doesn’t really change what OP needs to do going forward.
Anon
Sorry, that’s what I meant – an actual contract.
Anon
Who hired you/gave you these assurances? Have you spoken to them? “Susan, I understand that Company is moving toward return to office, but I took this job with X understanding, and that’s not being honored, and that’s a significant problem for me. How can Company address this?”
OP
OP here. Yes. Spoke with my Manager who is the head of my group and who feels badly about the situation but says there’s not much discretion and basically sorry but this is the new policy. Manager suggested I can try to flex hours during the 5 days I’m in the office to miss the worst of the traffic, but that does not help much and is not what I signed up for.
Anon
Your manager sucks. I’m sorry. I agree about boomeranging back to the old firm.
Anon
That really sucks. A bait and switch is very unfair. My office has a mix of fully remote, fully in person, and hybrid people and it seems to be going really well. The bad performers do not do well anywhere, the good performers do best where they work best, and everyone else is somewhere in the middle. Satisfaction seems high on all counts. This is a work place that previously was very strict about being in the office.
Anon
I’m sorry that happened to you. That really sucks. Regardless of whether or not their expectations are reasonable, they should have been transparent, but five days per week in the office is a lot in 2023.
I’m not sure how helpful it will be, but since you asked what others are doing, I’m still fully remote at my higher ed staff job although a big boss is very grouchy about it and wants everyone back in the office. So far the university is letting those with existing remote work agreements continue to WFH but I feel like my days are numbered. I’m job-hunting, but having no luck finding fully remote positions (my options locally are basically limited to my current employer). But I do see a lot of postings for hybrid or primarily telework for those who are local to the job area, so my sense is that five days in office is not reasonable.
Anon
If you can go back to your old job, I would do that. There’s no reason to stay with a company that pulled this kind of bait-and-switch on you; the lack of flexibility will just get worse from here. Call your old company, and otherwise start making phone calls/working your network to find a new job. No one will fault you for leaving a job in less than a year when you explain the situation with going from “flexible and hybrid” to “in the office 5 days a week no exceptions.” Your current company made an agreement with you; they broke it. You likely can’t get them to adhere to the original agreement, but you can just move on.
Anon
Have you tried talking to your manager? My job was remote when I joined during Covid and upper management announced we need to start coming into the office on specific days. I chatted with my manager to adjust the in-office days and exact start time based on my personal calendar. I’m a high performer so my manager said I could ignore the official rules.
OP
OP here. As I mentioned above, I did speak with my Manager. Manager is being tasked with enforcing this policy with no exceptions. Manager said they really don’t want to lose me, so I can flex my start/end time but there’s no flexibility on the 5 day requirement.
Anon
Start searching and/or see if it’s possible to go back to your old job.
Anon
Wow I’m sorry. This is such a bad policy. Maybe your company will eventually change their tune when they realize that they’re losing talent (like you) or have trouble recruiting new hires. But that won’t make your life any easier right now so start job hunting.
Anon
I feel your pain. I changed firms last year with reassurances “no one was taking attendance” and the firm then specifically told us we were supposed to be in office most of the time or comp would be affected. I decided not to make any changes and so far no one seems to care — and no one is mostly in the office except those who were before the edict. I think this is easier to do in private practice than in-house, but you may want to talk to someone and see if you can have an exception. Another possibility would be to see if you can revolve the door back to your prior firm. I know many attorneys who have done that successfully.
MBAMags
I’m sorry for the frustrating circumstances. You asked for what we’re doing. My sister is an associate at a very very small firm in a suburb in SEUS. She’s been in-office pretty much constantly since April 2020, but the expectation is eat what you kill and set your schedule accordingly. Her office has less people than some families, so ymmv.
In SEUS:
My sister in law is a partner at a Big4 firm, in office a few days a week starting earlier this year.
Husband works for an insurance CMA, they’re in office one day per week.
I’m in the service sector for a manufacturing org, we’re in office 5 days/wk since July 2020.
Good friends who work for a major airline headquartered in the SEUS are expected in-office 3 days/ wk.
Anonymous
I think you should get a new job or go back to your firm. I’m really sorry – I would be livid in your shoes.
As a data point: my BigLaw firm has a strict T-W-Th in-office policy, and they are taking attendance. I do think there’s a huge push to bring people back in, for lots of reasons (good and bad), but I see a push to come back and it’s not seeming to go away.
anonshmanon
question about the taking attendance: if you have a court appointment or off-site meeting, would you then tell the powers that be that you are taking that meeting? Or is that in your calendar anyway?
Anon
My financial services company is firm on 3 days a week, but compliance is lacking. There have been hints that if people don’t start to comply, they could lose the hybrid benefit and/or be disciplined. I’m doing what I am supposed to do, but I HATE commuting.
If I were you, I’d definitely either go back to the old firm or find another job. Five days in the office is ridiculous.
Anon
my former job did this (went from ~half time in the office to 5 days for everyone) recently – announced with 2 weeks notice after memorial day, so crummy on all counts.
my current job is 3 days/wk in office and was pre pandemic, so I was promised it would not change (and hoping that sticks). when I was searching, I assumed a lot of businesses were trending more in person, so I was somewhat skeptical of any job that was still operating more remotely than they did pre pandemic.
I’m sorry OP. such a bad situation they put you in..
Anon
Oof Memorial Day is exactly the wrong time to start an in-office requirement. People want more flexibility in the summers. Sorry.
AnonSatOfc
100% agree. Also clearly decided by someone who doesn’t deal with summer camps/childcare – my colleagues with kids who were in that age bracket are really s(rewed by the timing of the decision (too late to sign up, or may have signed up with the assumption that parent could pickup/drop off at a break in the day while WFH).
Anon
I’m at an in-house legal job. The company was remote during Covid, and now we are hybrid. For us, that means two days a week in the office with one of the days being a designated day. We are flexible, so if your kid is sick, there is no expectation that you are in the office, etc. However, if you just decided to never come in, I think it would be commented on. As much as I think the head of our department would love us to be in more, I think it’s been generally recognized that there is a balance here and that 5 days in the office is not reasonable. The company also had significant turnover when they moved from remove to hybrid and has had a difficult time filling these roles. I would be shocked if there was ever a move to make us be in more than 3 days a week.
My husband works in software engineering and is fully remote.
I worked at a small litigation boutique before going in-house, and we had been fully back in the office since April 2021 (once vaccines were available). During Covid, they encouraged something like a hybrid schedule so that only a few people were in the office at a time. Since they’ve been fully back in the office, the staff have moved to a hybrid schedule (in reaction to several of them threatening to leave for remote jobs). Associates are required to be in the office still… but the majority of their associates have left for more flexible jobs in the past year.
Anon
Warning: TMI.
If you haven’t gotten a positive result for LH using ovulation sticks but you noticed that your cervical mucus suggests ovulation is imminent, which should you trust? One, neither?
Anonymous
I would trust the sticks, as for me, fertile CM can last several days
Anon
The OPK but you should be gardening anyway.
Anon
If you know your CM well, I’d trust that one.
Anon
It doesn’t mean that you’re ovulating immediately, though.
Anon for this
LH strips. Mucus is a fickle thing and until you’re really experienced with determining the differences, some of the days can blend together and it’s harder to tell than you’d think.
Anonymous
Depends on whether or not you want to get pregnant.
Anon
CM all the way. It enables (euphemisms to avoid mod) a man’s portion to survive for up to five days; without fertile CM, they die pretty fast. Fertile CM also starts about 4-5 days before ovulation; my understanding is that OPKs are really best about two days out but *can* give you a positive reading up to four days out.
Anon
Once the Lh surge happens ovulation generally occurs with 24-48 hours, though there can be a second egg drop 24 hours after that
Anon
It you can get pregnant up to five days before ovulation. My son is proof of that. :)
Anon
Yep for sure, I was reinforcing that they turn positive only a couple days before ovulation. (I actually know a woman who got pregnant with NINE day old sperm – I know, that’s literally impossible, but she didn’t DTD between then and ovulation, and the ultrasound confirmed her dates.)
Anon
Same, but my daughter.
Anon
Are you using the LH sticks twice a day, morning and evening? Sometimes the surge is very short (less than 12 hours). I would still trust those, as mucus timing is less precise. And if mucus is copious the LH surge may still be coming.
What is your goal – TTC? If so, keep DTD every other day until you dry up
Anon
When this happened, I was jumping the gun. I had several days of fertile CM but didn’t ovulate until later. If your husband is up for it, though, go for it. If he can’t be a frequent participant, wait until closer to.
Anon
This is why every other day is ideal, because if you’re trying to time intercourse for the exact moment of ovulation it’s easy to be wrong.
Anon
Agree
Anon
The ovulation sticks would go from absolutely nothing to omg it’s happening right now for me. Had more success with the clear blue easy advanced that tests two hormones. It would give me a better heads up.
Anon
Do you have the exact name or a link?
Anon
“Clearblue Advanced Digital Ovulation Test”
Similar fit to Talbots Hampshire?
Does anyone have pants that fit similar to Talbots Hampshire? They’ve been part of my “uniform” for years but Talbots is only making them in synthetics which I cannot do in SEUS in summer. The Chatham fit that they promote simply doesn’t work on me. Can anyone who likes Hampshires recommend another pant that fits them? (Mall store preferred, pants are so hard for me, i could order hundreds!) TIA
Anon
The perfect fit chino fits similarly and is cotton.
OP
Thanks! How do these wash? I’m not an ironer! (For work- home I’m good with wrinkles !)
Anon
They wash fine. The fabric has a nice hand – a bit thicker than really cheap khakis. As long as you get them out of the dryer as soon as they’re done, wrinkles are nothing to worry about.
Another one to consider is Cintas (yes, the uniform people) Cathy pants. They are cotton/poly blend, inexpensive, wear like iron and have REAL pockets. Order a size or two up – they’re sized a little smaller than mall brands. Other than the small Cintas label/tag, which is easily covered if your shirt isn’t tucked in, you’re wearing a belt or you’re wearing a cardigan, you wouldn’t ever know they are “uniform” pants. Individuals can order them online.
OP
Thanks! I’ll check out both- the actual uniform is cracking me up but also looking supremely useful and affordable !
Anon
They really are. And they have pockets that are equal to those in men’s pants! We all know how rare that is.
anon
I wear the hampshire and also like the kate cut from jcrew. I normally grab the 4 season stretch, but if you want more natural fibers they seem to have some linen/cotton options.
OP
Wow thank you! Washable and the reviews seem to highlight the parts of the fit I need :). Thanks!