ByKat Hours Updated
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Coffee Break: Triangle Hair Claw Clip

woman wears dark teal green claw clip in her reddish brown hair

First up, an important PSA that I've never heard, despite wearing claw clips for decades at this point: Do not drive with them! Apparently many of them will not shatter or break on impact with, say, the headrest, so… if you value your skull, do not wear them in the car. My social media feeds have been full of women who lived to tell the tale… BuzzFeed News has more details, should you want them.

THAT SAID, these triangular claw clips from Amazon look really cute and minimal. Looking at reviews, they're excellent for both fine hair and curly hair.

They come in three packs: black, burgundy, and teal (pictured), or navy, army green, and peachy beige. They're eligible for Prime, and under $10 for the three-pack.

Women who have very fine hair, very curly hair, very thick hair, etc., has it been a struggle to find just the right hair accessory? What kind of hair do you have, and what are your favorites?

(For my $.02, I'm weirdly fond of these black flat elastics, and finding claw clips that are big enough for my thick, curly hair can be a problem — the France Luxe ones I got years ago are still my favorites.)

Psst: We've also offered tips on how to style long hair for interviews, as well as rounded up some easy office updos.

Sales of note for 12.13

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals on skincare including Charlotte Tilbury, Living Proof, Dyson, Shark Pro, and gift sets!
  • Ann Taylor – 50% off everything, including new arrivals (order via standard shipping for 12/23 expected delivery)
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – 400+ styles starting at $19
  • J.Crew – Up to 60% off almost everything + free shipping (12/13 only)
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off everything and free shipping, no minimum
  • Macy's – $30 off every $150 beauty purchase on top brands
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off, plus free shipping on everything (and 20% off your first order)
  • Talbots – 50% off entire purchase, and free shipping on $99+

153 Comments

  1. I’m looking for a gluten-free food care package (either frozen entrees or snacks) to send to a new mom with Celiac disease. Anyone have a recommendation? Would like to send something more than fruit.

    4. I have Celiac disease and the beginning is so hard- it would be doubly hard to navigate along with a newborn! I’d stick with something certified GF for now- later she’ll be able to do her research on which brands she trusts.

      Can you do a Whole Foods delivery? They have some certified gluten free soups in the deli section that usually have long dates or are freezable. For snacks, I like Quinn pretzels, gomacro bars, anything simple mills, pre-cut veggies and hummus, tate’s cookies

    5. I received a care package from Spoonful of Comfort recently that I thought was very well done. The packaging itself was really cute and the convenience of being able to use the soup or freeze for later without extra work was great. They have a gluten free option.

    6. If you think someone in the family could help cook, green chef does gluten free meal kits that are pretty easy. Goldbelly may be worth a browse. They are pricey, but i have had good delivery experience with them. Looks like they have “The Coop” Fried Chicken Dinner as a gluten free meal kit, gluten free crab cakes, and several other options.

    7. I’ve sent the gluten free new baby welcome box from zingermans before and it was a hit!

    8. Maine Pie Company! All their pies and gluten-free and so delicious. I’ve had them shipped all over the US. Congratulations to your friend.

  2. Does anyone have any recommendations for things to see and do in San Diego? In July I’ll be going to California. My niece is a public defender and I’ll be visiting her for a few days and hoping seeing her in action in court if the situation allows for it. Then my husband and I will be traveling to San Diego to spend a week there as a vacation. We’re from NYC and neither of us have ever been to California before. My niece doesn’t live in San Diego but she’s given me a few ideas. I would love to hear from anyone who lives there or has been there. We will probably rent a vehicle but we aren’t opposed to doing lots of walking. Thank you in advance to anyone who replies.

    1. California’s first mission is near San Diego: Mission San Diego. It is one of the well-preserved ones. See missionsandiego – org.

      Balboa Park (and the museums there).

    2. Balboa Park for sure, including a play at the Old Globe Theatre if you like that sort of thing. Also the San Diego Zoo is one of the best in the world. I was just there last year and it was great.

      Drinks at the Hotel Del Coronado. Also you can rent a bike and ride around Coronado Island and that’s very nice.

      The USS Midway Museum is a drydocked aircraft carrier and worth a visit.

      Little Italy has great places to eat and it’s fun to walk around.

      Point Loma is a gorgeous drive. Also Cabrillo National Monument.

      Giant margaritas at Casa Guadalajara in Old Town.

      A lot of people really enjoy Sea World but I’m over it because of their treatment of the Orcas over the years.

      The Gaslamp District isn’t what it once was but I love the U.S. Grant Hotel there.

      1. Hard agree on balboa park. It’s lovely, tons of museums, tons of gardens etc.
        Safari park >> Seaworld.

        Be forewarned that in July it’s just barely starting to warm up- SD summer is August/Sept and there’s usually a thick, cool marine layer in the morning. It probably won’t be peak beach weather.

        1. Great point about the weather, and it will definitely be quite chilly in the evenings.

          1. I was just hanging out with a San Diegan yesterday. She lives near the coast and said July of 2022 was super hot and sunny. Things, they are a-changin’.

      2. The Midway is beyond awesome. I was amazed by what they did with limited space (my closets never seemed so large!). Also, “hot bunking.”

        Also: even if you don’t stay there, the Hotel del Coronado (from Some Like It Hot) is amazing. For me, it cost less than staying in the Hyatt in downtown San Diego.

        1. Would not recommend staying at the Hotel Del. Last time we stayed there, the experience was terrible. Some of it was structural (the walls are thin as paper in the original rooms). Much of it was poor staff straining (front desk staff picked fights with guests who were checking in; pool staff let guests behave disrespectfully at the pool – loud music, leaving empty beer cans poolside etc.). It made me wonder whether they had trained their staff at all (this was pre-pandemic) because one hallmark of an excellent hotel is excellent staff work.

          Drinks? For sure. But not to stay.

    3. My bestie lives in San Diego and I love going out there! Balboa Park is gorgeous! For drinks, I’m a fan of The Grass Skirt (tiki speakeasy) and Polite Provisions. Also love Et Voila for delicious French food! Bike rides along Mission Bay. If you can get a sailboat and go out on the water – that’s super fun (I went with friends who had a boat, but guessing you can rent/charter one?). I also just love walking around the neighborhoods in La Jolla and looking at all of the houses – which range from adorable cottages to beach mansions.

    5. Critical question: Exactly when are you going to be in San Diego? I ask because if you are coming during Comic Com or 4th of July weekend, my recommendations will be different than if otherwise.

      Assuming you stay does not overlap Comic-Con and also assuming your niece will be at the downtown courthouse:
      (1) The Zoo is famous for a reason. Go at 9:00 a.m. (when it opens). Then head to the Prado for lunch if you can get a reservation. Sit on the patio. Walk around Balboa Park. If you are a baseball fan and the Padres are in town, Petco is a great venue.
      (2) Visit the USS Midway (it is downtown so really close to the courthouse). Take the ferry over to Coronado if the weather is nice or consider a harbor cruise. If you want to do something fun, rent bikes at the Coronado side and ride around (they will give you a map). Stop at the Hotel Del and have a drink on the Sun Deck and see the lobby and gardens. If the weather is nice that is a beautiful beach, although the water will be cold.
      (3) If by some chance you ARE in town during Comic Con, avoid downtown at all costs (unless you want to see the people walking around – which is cool but I cannot over-emphasize how absolutely frigging insane it will be and how impossible parking is). Go to Torrey Pines (there is a great hike) or La Jolla (good kayaking!) or Del Mar (have lunch or brunch at Jake’s and walks along the beach) instead.
      (4) If you are coming early in the month and June Gloom is hanging on, it will be hot and sunny inland even if it is 65 and foggy at the beach. The Safari Park is also really cool and it is an interesting drive.

  3. Have any of you Rothy’s people tried the new weekend slides? I have a bunch of the shoes and haven’t ordered these yet.

    1. Feedback in my Rothy’s groups is that they are very tight across the top, not that comfy in the footbed and overpriced, and this is from Rothy’s superfans. So…that’s what I know.

      Also, Rothy’s Unicorn Collective is a fantastic, supportive FB group with only some Rothy’s related content. Love it.

  4. I have a heavy topic for a Monday. Over the weekend my brother had his five year old dog put down. Apparently it was having gastrointestinal symptoms and an X-ray was abnormal. The regular vet recommend an ER vet, but the few nearby were at capacity. Rather than travel further or give the dog fluids as the vet suggested, my brother opted to put the dog down. There was no diagnosis. I am furious at my brother, at the vet, and at my mother who apparently went along with this. I suspect part of the reason they were so quick to do this is expense, as the dog had emergency surgery for a blockage a few months ago and exhausted insurance coverage. I was not consulted until after the fact, probably because they knew I would be outraged and stop it. I would have gladly taken the dog in and or paid for its care. I am really having a hard time with this and I am so disgusted I don’t want anything to do with them right now. Am I overreacting?

    1. I mean wow?! It’s not your dog! You weren’t at the vet! The vet diagnosed it with issues, there were not available solutions, and this is a recurrent issue. Get off your high horse and try some compassion for the humans. Why would they consult you? Are you a vet, or just their very judgy relative.

      2. I think this is the part I am having trouble with. There were no easy available options, but he could have driven to the next town an hour away to go to another emergency vet. He also could have tried fluids for a few hours at least. It seems really ridiculous to me to say oh well this local vet is closed guess we’ll just kill the dog.

        2. With respect, nobody knew that dog better than your brother. At this point, it is not helping to criticize his decision, which cannot be undone.

    2. Yikes. Not sure I’d draw such horribly negative conclusions about my family based on such sketchy facts.

      2. These are the complete facts. My brother has no more information, so he made the decision to put down the dog under these “sketchy facts”. I have talked to him and my mom both and these is not more to this than what I’ve shared here.

        1. Well then, by all means don’t have anything to do with them for as long as you like.

          Let us know how that works out for you.

          1. This seems unnecessarily snarky. She’s allowed to feel how she feels. Personally I would also look sideways at someone who puts their pet down without at least considering treatment options. If the treatment is too expensive or not worth it for the pet’s quality of life that’s one thing. But it doesn’t sound like they even had this information when they decided to put the dog down.

        2. “I was not consulted until after the fact, probably because they knew I would be outraged and stop it.”

          Why would they consult you? Why do you feel entitled to be included in this process?

          1. I don’t. But they typically include me in such decisions and I suspect they didn’t in this case because they knew I would object. I am shocked at how many people here are okay with killing a dog that could have easily been saved. I am entitled to have an opinion about my family when they do something I feel is morally wrong.

          2. You have no idea if the dog could have been easily saved. The vet didn’t know. You don’t have some superior knowledge here. Don’t twist the facts.

          3. Idk why you think this dog could be easily saved when it already had surgery for a similar issue that is now back and the vet didn’t say it could be saved.

    3. You are overreacting. While you sound like a dog lover, this was not your dog. If putting the dog down was somehow inhumane or unreasonable, the vet would not have done it. If an animal is sick and in pain, and the owner cannot financially handle the burden, putting that animal down is not a wrong decision.

        1. If I were your brother, I wouldn’t want to be under an obligation to you and have to constantly be reminded of it and to have to ask you for future advice, etc. A lot of baggage will come with it, for sure.
          Good on him for making a prudent decision, financial and care both.

      2. “If putting the dog down was somehow inhumane or unreasonable, the vet would not have done it.”

        I’m not sure this conclusion is true. Where I live at least, shelters are so overrun that vets will agree to euthanize an unwanted pet because surrendering them to a shelter will have the same end result. I don’t really blame the vet (their refusal to euthanize would just prolong the inevitable), but I definitely think there are situations in which the pet owner makes an unreasonable decision to euthanize a pet and in that case I think it’s totally fair to blame the pet owner.

      1. Yeah, this is pretty horrifying to me. I understand putting a dog down rather than paying for an expensive surgery, but fluids are not a big expense. I don’t think you should own a dog if you would put it down rather than pay for a fairly basic treatment.

        1. Disagree. Fluids might keep the dog comfortable for a few days, but what then? A thousand bucks for pre sophisticated tests to tell you what you already know – that your dog is dying?

          2. I think Trish thinks spending money on children is more important than dogs which is both 1) a false dichotomy and 2) an opinion that I think she wrongly assumes everyone shares.

          3. I am of the opinion that we don’t get to judge other people for not spending obscene amounts of money for emergency animal care ever.

      1. My brother and I are relatively close and he typically consults me in times of crisis like this. For example last time his dog was critically ill he called to ask what he should do. My dog is his dog’s litter mate so we have dealt with a lot of similar issues and talk about them frequently

        1. If your response to a crisis is this:

          “I was not consulted until after the fact, probably because they knew I would be outraged and stop it.”

          …there is a reason he didn’t consult you. The last thing I wanted when my beloved cat was dying was people’s condescension. Your “outrage” isn’t needed. Your anger at the vet – the person with the DVM and license and experience – is not needed.

          1. I agree. OP, you weren’t there. It’s not your dog. You may have made a different decision with your own dog, but it’s not your place to decide what other people do with theirs. If the vet felt euthanasia wasn’t an appropriate option, they wouldn’t have done it.

          2. I agree. I wouldn’t consult someone I knew would be outraged and would only see one side of an issue.

            I have limits as to how much I’m willing to spend on my own pets. That’s the reality of pet ownership for the vast majority of pet owners, and if you think it’s otherwise, you’re delusional.

            Anyway, OP, your brother’s dog isn’t coming back. Your brother and your mom are still among the living, you can decide what your priorities are, but for me, humans > pets.

      2. Agree. I do some work with rescue dogs, and humanely putting down a sick dog is the very very very very least of the shitty things people do to dogs.

        1. The opposite may be true. People will spend obscene amounts of money on a pet that is suffering.

    7. I think you are. As you acknowledge, pet care can be outrageously expensive. I have relatives that spent a fortune on tests and treatments for their 1.5 yo puppy, only to find out she had aggressive cancer and had to be put down. Perhaps the vet made a soft diagnosis/indicated this likely would not end well, and your brother made a decision prudent for his situation. I may get flamed for this, but animals are not people; they deserve kindness and care, but the decision calculus (and whether to go into debt) is different than with a human. Stray pets are put down all the time for “no good reason”.

      1. I adore animals and have spent a lot of money getting medical care for pets, and I absolutely agree.

        The part about the soft diagnosis is exactly what I thought when the OP said there was an abdominal X-ray. While advanced medical technology can tell us what is wrong and get an accurate prognosis, that isn’t always necessary. If the animal is in such bad shape that the emergency vet being booked up is an issue, it’s a bad, bad situation.

        1. Will also just add: we lost a dog to cancer and it happened very suddenly;she’d been having some strange issues for a couple of weeks that we’d called the vet about, but they were vague and nonspecific and the vet was unconcerned – until we walked into the living room and she was yelping in pain and fear because she couldn’t move her back legs. The images that were taken at the emergency vet revealed the extent of her disease (she had osteosarcoma of the spine) and there really was no other choice than to put her down.

          We had some people who commented afterward on how fast we chose to put her down – why didn’t we get a second opinion, why didn’t we try chemo, etc. But those people didn’t see the X-rays we were shown, which showed aggressive tumors that had partially broken apart one of her vertebrae and spread into her ribs. She also had tumors in her liver and lungs. There was no saving her; no second opinion or hail-mary treatment would have made a bit of difference. She was in pain and it was not going to get better, so we opted for euthanasia the same day she was diagnosed, and have no regrets about it. It’s really easy for people to judge someone else’s choices from a “Monday-morning quarterbacking” perspective. In the moment, people usually make the best choices they can with the available information they have.

          1. I’m in that situation with my cat right now. He’s 13, and based on an x ray he probably has cancer. He absolutely hates going to the vet, so when they recommended I take him 90 miles away to a place that could do a more accurate cancer workup including MRIs, I just said no. I have researched local vets who will come to our house to euthanize him when it’s time, we are spoiling him and monitoring him for now to make sure he’s not miserable, but that’s it.

          2. I’m the Anon at 3:50 pm again. One of my friends went through that recently with her dog. The pet was old but healthy right up until she was immobile. The vet did an X-ray, said it was probably cancer and probably malignant, but would need more extensive testing to tell.

            I’m not a DVM or an MD; my understanding is that the X-ray can’t really tell you if it’s cancer (you need to biopsy for that), but good inferences can be made. Here, the locations of multiple lesions pointed to cancer. She could have spent a lot of money getting a more definite diagnosis, but that wouldn’t change anything – the dog was dying.

            In the OP’s situation, the brother carries pet insurance and has already opted for surgery once. Those aren’t the actions of someone who just puts down an animal without a second thought; the more rational read is that the vet gave a soft diagnosis and the brother decided that he didn’t want to put the dog through a lot of stress going all over creation just to be put through more tests that would give the same result – it’s over.

          3. Anon at 5:17, I’m so sorry. This is a tough road to walk, seeing a pet through to the end of their life, and I hope you have support. You’re in my thoughts.

    8. Maybe your brother couldn’t afford any more vet care? If this really bothers you, I would offer to pay for any and all future vet costs no questions asked.

    9. Are you sure you have all the details? Did the dog have a poor quality of life since the blockage surgery? This weekend did the vet indicate that his dog is likely to encounter similar medical problems in the future? Your brother may have been too distraught to fill you in on the specifics. Reserve judgement until your brother confirms that this was 100% a money issue and the dog had a positive prognosis.

      2. Yes, I do unfortunately have all of the details. I would understand if it was an act of mercy. The only quality of life issues the dog has had are related to my brother’s neglect, but no health issues since the last surgery until this.

    10. Commiseration. I was just talking to a friend of a friend about my elderly (19) cat’s recent health issues (vomiting and ur!nating outside the litter box; X-rays and ultrasound look like either IBD or very early stage lymphoma but they can’t tell without a surgical biopsy, which isn’t 100% anyway and requires a general anesthetic, which they don’t recommend unless his symptoms can’t be managed with meds, and the meds seem to be working for now, but we’re closely monitoring while considering whether we would pursue chemo). The friend of friend said, oh yeah that’s why we had to put my cat down (cat was 10). I said oh I’m so sorry did she have cancer? Friend said, idk we didn’t test but vomiting and ur!nating is just not normal for a cat so we put her down. Like what? You killed your cat without even getting any tests or a diagnosis??? Maybe it was just a food allergy! I can’t with people.

      1. I can’t with people who’d even consider torturing a 19 year old cat with chemo.

        1. I gave my 21 year old cat chemo for a month (it was a pill, not an IV like with humans), and then one day she just lay down in her litter box and had trouble getting up and I knew it was time. Of course, it was a Saturday night, so we took her to the emergency pet hospital. The on-duty vet palpated my cat and said he didn’t feel any growths, and said we could put her on oxygen and fluids and observe, but I knew my cat better than anyone else, including this vet who had never treated her before that day, and opted for a merciful end, given her age, and given that her entire life after I picked her up at the shelter at 8 weeks was a gift. I realize that 5 years old is not necessarily old age for a dog, but nobody knew that dog better than your brother. You indicated some neglect by him in an earlier comment, so perhaps there is more underlying your dissatisfaction than apparent.

        2. Veterinary chemo often alleviates symptoms and improves quality of life. No one is torturing cats.

    11. I would find this really upsetting as well. Responsible pet ownership and compassion for animals are really important to me.

      1. Me too. I am honestly surprised at the responses I’m getting here. I thought it would be more of a mix. I definitely have a lot to think about.

        1. Many of the women here are insanely wealthy and motivated largely by status and money. I don’t think it’s a huge shock that some of them find pets disposable.

          1. Alternately, many people aren’t insanely wealthy and might have even started off broke or poor, and are aware that good intentions don’t make money appear out of thin air.

          2. haha I believe the insanely wealthy would have thought another $7000 surgery was no big deal. I don’t think wealth is the dividing line here.

          3. No one has said $7k for surgery is no big deal. But fluids are normally much cheaper (my dog had IV fluids and an overnight stay for less than $200) and it doesn’t even sound like the dog would have died in the near term if he’d done nothing.

          4. I have never had anything beyond an office visit cost less than $1000 at my vet. Please let me know where this imaginary vet is that will keep an animal overnight with IV fluids for $200.

          5. In my experience, every emergency vet visit is $500 to $1000 just to walk in the door and have them do a basic exam and testing. Every day they’re there is at least that much again. $200 is way off.

          6. Well as an insanely wealthy pet lover, my first consideration is the pet, not my feelings. If putting her through a lot of traumatizing surgery isn’t going to get her quality of life back, I’d put her down and cry for ages ages about the loss of my sweet girl. Honestly what a horrible view you have of people.

        2. Unfortunately, you have attracted the crowd that loves a pile-on, no matter the subject. I’m sorry.

          1. Agreed. I’m shocked by Senior Attorney’s (or whomever is pretending to be her) comments today.
            I feel for you, especially having the dog’s litter mate as your beloved pet.

        3. In your brother’s situation I wouldn’t assume my sibling is willing to foot the bill. I picture him being overwhelmed with the sick dog, already stressed about the financial burden of the previous surgery, and panicking that if he agrees to this treatment he’ll be stuck with a bill he can’t afford. In a perfect world the vet would suggest other options or your brother would ask his family for help. But there’s no way to reverse it now. I don’t think this is the right time to come down on him, and I say this as a dog lover. If he starts talking about adopting another pet down the road then sure jump in at that point.

      3. Another +1 here. I’m surprised that everyone is fine with this. I wouldn’t say anything to my brother, but this would really upset me.

      4. +1. I would be very upset as well (assuming there isn’t more to the story).

      5. +1000. If these are truly the full facts I would honestly be horrified and deeply disappointed in my brother. I don’t know if I’d say anything, but I would be very upset.

    12. Rather than having sympathy for your brother for what was probably an awful decision to make, you jump to being disgusted with him for making it? Sorry, you’re not coming off as the aggrieved party here.

      1. For the record I did express sympathy to him. He does not know I’m mad. I would never add on to what he is dealing with right now, that’s why I’m
        hashing it out with internet strangers lol.

    13. It cost more than $7k to have surgery on my cat to fix an intestinal blockage. That was 10 years ago and on a cat, so it could easily be much more than that for your brother. That is a ridiculous amount of money to spend on a pet, especially if the diagnosis isn’t clear. In our case, we were willing to do it because we had the money and it was very clear that the problem was fixable (she’s still alive and healthy 10 years later and hasn’t had any issues since then), but I wouldn’t blame anyone who made a different decision.

    14. If the facts are as you presented them (are you sure they are complete?) I would also be furious and think a lot less of my family after that. Some people think of pets as mere animals, and some people think of pets as part of the family, and your brother (assuming this would not be like a financial catastrophe for his family) may be in the former camp.

      1. But, it’s not your place to tell someone else how they should think of their pet. Have you ever been to a working farm? Animals die. Sometimes on purpose for as shallow a reason as “that calf is male”, sometimes by accident because they are part of the wild food chain. Often cats are kept in the barn as working cats rather than “pets” (and dogs as working dogs). If someone considers their pet as a family member, great. But if someone treats their pet with kindness for five years and then makes a different decision than you do about humanely (in their opinion) ending their life, then that’s also fine.

    16. Yes, you are.
      It’s not your dog, full stop.
      Your brother made the choice based on the facts he had, and you are having what amounts to a temper tantrum.
      The only thing you are accomplishing right now is ruining your relationship with him. I hope it’s worth it for you.

      1. I haven’t said any of this to my brother, so there is no temper tantrum happening. I am allowed to have feelings. I had a relationship with the dog too.

        2. You can have feelings, but you’re asking a group of strangers to agree that your brother is a monster. As you can see, that’s far from unanimous.

        3. I’m the 4:42 commenter. I dislike when everyone piles on that an OP is a horrible person even though she hasn’t said anything IRL and is seeking advice on how to proceed.

          I understand how your first reaction is disgust. But speaking as someone who’s dealt with a beloved pet’s medical problems, you often don’t have certainty in the moment about the prognosis or total cost. I’d wager that the vet explained things might get worse (more expensive and invasive tests and procedures, future medical problems likely). I doubt this was an open and shut case where a single day visit with fluids would permanently solve the dog’s health issues.

          Your brother and the vet were looking at a bigger, uncertain picture. It’s very possible your brother had a more in-depth conversation at the vet but hasn’t felt the need to share specifics with you because he’s unaware that you’re questioning his decision. When we put down my dog we didn’t get into the painful details with our concerned family members. Someone even remarked that they would have taken our dog in and it was deeply insulting. My point is that there’s probably more going on behind the scenes but he doesn’t realize you want him to offer more information in defense of his choice. You have a right to be sad about the dog’s death but continue keeping your anger private.

    17. Wow, this is rough…

      Recurrent bowel obstructions are no joke. For humans, it is incredibly painful, so I’m sure it is for the dog. And it is pretty clear from the Xray if the blockage is recurring. They may not know exactly why it is recurring, but we often don’t know in people either without a lot of invasive tests. Yes, sometime watchful waiting on fluids can help, but sometimes it can take days or weeks (!) in a dog intensive care. Alternatively another surgery could be pretty brutal if he just had one a few months ago. Nevermind that there wasn’t even a nearby ER that could take him….. It’s just a very rough scenario. Even if he got through this episode, I worry this guy is in for an unhappy life of it happening again….

      I understand why you are upset. But this does not sound like an unreasonable decision. I mean, the animal is suffering too. You weren’t there. There’s a lot to unpack.

    18. It’s up to you how to react. One of the best parts about being an adult is you can see them and interact as much as you like. As a former pet owner, I definitely didn’t explore all options in all scenarios, while my (beloved, wonderful) sister and friends have spent tens of thousands to extend the life of their pets.

      Give yourself a few days, or a few weeks, and re-assess. Related: My MIL and BIL are still fighting about MIL exposing everyone in the family to COVID during Christmas. This is a fight about the COVID exposure, but it’s also about all of the crappy ways my in-laws act towards my (usually reasonable and delightful) BIL. I’d like a bit of a detente but I’ll wait it out. They can spend the next few decades fighting, or not. Up to them!

      2. Honestly, not driving for one hour to the next vet for fluids is morally abhorrent, even if it costs money. Pet ownership isn’t cheap and it doesn’t mean you can opt in but then opt out of providing basic care. We don’t have to pretend like all choices are valid and fine – they’re not. Some people should not own pets.

        1. It sounds like your brother was just not that into his dog. because of how the dumb world is, he gets to do a little dog vs. money calculation, and the dog lost.

        2. What? An emergency vet is not “basic care.” Basic care is food, shelter, and routine physicals/ordinary vaccines.

      3. I sincerely thought this was sarcasm until I saw your other comments. For the record, I agree with the sarcastic version.

    20. This is so hard, I absolutely feel for you and the dog. I would also have wanted my brother to let me know so I could take the dog in.

      If your brother and vet decided, perhaps it might have been in the best interests of the dog. Try and comfort yourself with that idea.

    21. I’m not sure what “xray was abnormal” means but I am surprised at how harsh people are being to you. I can see your brother’s take here too, but you’re not unreasonable for being upset in a situation like this. Particularly as it sounds like you would have been willing to take on the responsibility for this dog until you could have a more complete picture. I’m sorry for what happened to this dog.
      I think people have different relationships to animals. I don’t say this as someone who would torture an animal with treatment just to prolong it’s life. It’s a bad situation. But maybe try to reassess when you have had some time to cool off how you want to approach this with your family.

      1. I think people are reacting harshly because of OP’s stunning lack of respect and compassion for her brother. A person who Carrie’s pet insurance, which is very expensive and usually not a good investment, is not the kind of person who just throws away a pet when it becomes inconvenient. An adult pet owner does not have to consult his sibling on such a traumatic decision. It would not even occur to me to call anyone other than my spouse if I suddenly found myself in the brother’s situation. The brother is the one who should be dropping OP, not the other way round.

        1. I just caught up on this thread and really worry that something was miscommunicated.

          The x-ray showed something, and OP never conveyed what it was.

          If they saw something on the x-ray that suggested that obstructions would be a recurring event from now on, they may have been facing the prospect of a risky emergency surgery that could fail to address the issue long term (you don’t ever want to know how much obstruction can hurt, or how few treatment options there can be for the kinds of conditions that can cause it in animals).

  5. Looking for bday ideas. I’m turning 35 this summer. I’ve never been a birthday person, in fact for much of my life birthdays made me sad. I’m in a really good place now and I’d like to actually plan something special with my bf, a few family members and a few friends. I don’t have a good space to host, and I don’t want to spend a lot. I’m still a very low key person so I don’t want anything crazy. So far all I’ve thought of is going out to dinner or doing a drop in type thing at a coffee shop/bar. Anyone had a great bday experience they want to share?

    1. If you’re into it, going to a board game cafe can be a lot of fun. Consider as well museums, parks, historical tours, wine tastings, whiskey tastings, run or walk a 5k as a group, a glassmaking class, pottery classes…

    2. Get together at a winery or brewery, preferably one with a nice outdoor space for lawn games or card games. You can usually bring in food and birthday cake. Bonus points for live music.

      1. This, or the cheaper public park version below. I far prefer these kinds of gatherings to restaurants if you’re going to be a group larger than about 6, because once you exceed about 6 ppl, when doing a seated event at a restaurant you don’t end up engaging with the whole group as much.

    3. Picnic in a park can be fun. Either fruits, cake and prosecco (if public drinking is okay where you live), or more English afternoon tea with cakes and dainty sandwiches. Pro: low key, flexible, potluck possible Con: bathrooms.

    4. I’ve had some really fun birthdays at restaurants. Just find out if a restaurant you like can fit a big table. For a large group you’ll absolutely need a reservation. Happy birthday!

    5. Is there an arcade near you? One that serves alcohol? Plenty of friends have done grown up parties at arcades, paint ball, etc which have been a blast.

    6. How about an outdoor experience? Hike to an awesome spot for a picnic, go to a beach/pool, go paragliding (I did this for a birthday and it was AMAZING), do a race or workout for your age (e.g., a mini triathlon with 35-lap swim, 35-mile bike, 3.5 mile run). What’s something you’ve been wanting to do or see but have been putting off for someday? 35-year-old you deserves to do it!

    7. So it’s mostly bridal showers but many of my friends got married later and wanted to do ‘experience’ things that weren’t just bar hopping. Some favorites – aerial yoga/silks class, rock climbing, hike at a local park where we arranged for a catered picnic lunch (there are places that will set it up and make it look all pretty for you!), a spa day, chocolate making/tasting at a local shop, cheese school (this was at Murrays pre-pandemic and was so much fun!). Otherwise I think just having a few people at a dinner or bar sounds lovely!

    8. Are there any “Shakespeare in the Park’ or similar outdoor performance venues? You could pick a performance that is meaningful and invite folks to join (each buys their own general admission ticket), and meet up ahead of time (perhaps when the doors open) for a picnic or box dinner with wine/champagne, and then watch the performance from the comfort of the beach blanket. Alternatively, meeting up for brunch can be relatively cost-effective, if you can find a place with a private room or if they can set up a big table for your group.

  6. I am more a fan of a good schrunchie, or bag of schrunchies of many colors to choose from that match your outfits than hard plastic clips that could just as easily go on a looseleaf notebook or a bag of potatoe chips. I got a bag of schrunchies in Pittsburg years ago that I am still using, and they are vey presentable with formal dresswear. I recomend them to the hive!

  7. I need two bedside table lamps for my guestroom (unfortunately mounted/hardwired is not an option). Can anyone recommend something in the Wayfair/Target/IKEA/maybe West Elm price range that has good light for reading? most of the reviews I see online complain about the amount of light. Thanks!

    1. Homegoods has excellent lamps. I’d stop into a store and try some out. (I just bought three new sets from there, including for our nightstands)

    2. The amount of light is going to be related to the max wattage of bulb the lamp can take & having a non-opaque shade. Brown or black shades are bad, white shades are good.

      I bought a pair of tableside lamps with chargers in the base off of Amazon and I’m pleased enough with them. I will share a link as a reply if I can find them.

    3. I have really basic lamps from Ikea that we’ve been happy with. They’re more than ten years old, so I forget what they’re called, but they were very cheap and have held up fine. Just get brighter bulbs if you want more light.

    4. https://www.wayfair.com/lighting/pdp/mercury-row-spangler-21-table-lamp-with-outlet-w000463618.html?csnid=04334640-3FBB-4017-8409-6D0C37881AC8&_emr=2b843a50-aa89-491a-bc8a-8bad44200d64&_eml=fbc76a2b-c416-41c8-a99a-a8b1f251f8ef&refid=EML_47475&source=graymatter

      these show out of stock, but i have them in my guest room and they are a very pleasant diffused light. people who have stayed in the guest room have commented that the outlet in the lamp is super convenient for charging phones!

  8. From this morning, for those of you who are casual runners, what IS a typical time for running a mile as an adult (presumably with a sedentary office job)? I am a fast walker (I think) but it’s a big disheartening to me that my running speed isn’t much faster. I can recall running in high school where we had to run a mile in 8 minutes and at some point (in my 30s?), my military friends had to be able to run maybe 2 miles in 20 minutes (but fitness is a job requirement for them vs very much not the case for me). I’ve never paid much attention to quantifying my activity before but now I’m curious enough to download Strava.

    1. It’s whatever you run it in. There’s such tremendous variation among runners (people of all ages, genders, body types and physical conditions run), so it’s impossible to pin it down further. Additionally, runners have terrain, motor vehicle traffic and weather to contend with. The phrase “run your own race” is especially apt here.

      1. This is so delightfully refreshing. I have run 5Ks before and while I’m there for the t-shirt, I have never gotten the chips. I figure, at my age and fitness level, my perceived exertion is what I should pay attention to and point for a leisure runner is to have fun and not get hurt.

      2. I absolutely agree with this! One of my closest friends runs about 7:30 minute miles while I run 9:30s. My sibling runs closer to 11:30s. Simliarly, one of us prefers 5ks, one of us prefers half marathons, and the third loves marathons. We all consider ourselves runners and enjoy the activity. When I’m out there, I’m either competing against myself or out for an enjoyable run. And if I go out for a run and I’m just not feeling it, then I either take a nice walk or go in and head out again the next day.

    2. I have no idea what is typical. It all depends on your level of fitness and training. Age is also a huge factor. I am 66 years old and it takes me 30 minutes to run 2.5 miles, which comes out to about 12 minutes a mile. I run 3-4 times a week. My husband on the other hand runs marathons, and he runs a mile in about 8 minutes.

    3. I’m going to answer a slightly different question:

      As you get older, it becomes really hard to run a fast mile. Even very physically fit people don’t have all that amazing mile times – their strength is in keeping up the same pace over a half or full marathon.

      Take a look at a race like the Flying Pig and the mile times from it. (I point to this one because most of the people doing the mile are doing other races that weekend, too.). Then consider middle school and high school times in the 1500, 1600, or mile as a comparison – a pretty good eighth grader could smoke the marathoners in the mile.

      When you’re young, leg speed comes naturally; as you age, it’s hard to develop that power.

    4. There isn’t a typical time. My neighbor, who is more naturally athletic than I am, can bang out a 9-minute mile with hardly any training. Meanwhile, I run three days a week, and my pace is more like 11:30 or 12 minutes per mile. We’re the same age. Even at my “peak” (hahaha), a 10-minute mile would’ve been speedy for me. It honestly kind of sucks to put in the work and not get much faster, but whatever. I’m running for my health and for my own enjoyment. When I start putting conditions on it, running becomes much less enjoyable.

    6. On longer distance runs (10+ mi) I probably land around 7-7:30/mi. I’m 34, have always been into fitness but am not a marathon runner. If I run with my dog, it’s more like 11 min/mi, and closer to 10 if I run with my husband who’s a little younger than me but works out to be healthy vs for fun like I do.

      1. I am in awe of people who can run that fast! Lifelong athlete but never once a runner until quite recently. I’m training for a half marathon and shooting for a 10:40 pace on that. I don’t think I could hold 7:00-7:30 for much more than a minute.

    7. I’m a very fast walker, but that doesn’t correlate at all with how fast I run. I’ve raced with people who don’t run all winter but can run faster than I can after three months of training. Even if I don’t necessarily shave a lot of time off my pace, training helps with stamina, pacing, recovery, all of that. You might know people who can run a sub-7 minute mile, but they can’t finish a 5k. Is it obnoxious that people who put in way less effort can run faster? Absolutely, but it does not diminish my own achievements. And I’m sure the reverse is true too: There are definitely people slower than me who put in just as much or more effort than I do to hit that pace.

  9. Healthcare PSA – go get those ‘minor but annoying’ health things checked out and push your doctors if you feel they are ignoring you. I’ve had heart palpitations/dizziness/lightheadedness/seeing spots my whole life and was told it was ‘normal’ ‘part of my cycle’ or that I needed to ‘gain weight’ ‘eat more iron’ etc. so often that I stopped bringing it up. It was especially bad last month and I mentioned it to my primary care doc at my yearly physcial, she referred me to a cardiologist. The cardiologist promplty found abnormal readings in my EKG and I’m undergoing further testing and likely wearing a Holter monitor for a month while they try to figure out what is causing it and how to best treat it. The cardiologist was SHOCKED that this hadn’t been caught earlier and frankly told me that I could have been one of those ‘healthy’ women who die suddenly of a stroke in their 40s/50s. I firmly believe that having a female physician is probably the only reason I was taken seriously.

    2. I go to a primary care practice that has all women physicians and PAs and it’s so wonderful. They’re not perfect by any means, but I feel like I start at a much better place than I would otherwise.

      1. Agree. This has also been my experience, with the exception of my old OBGYN who cared for me during my pregnancies. She had that whole “this doesn’t hurt” attitude about everything. I really should have switched practices.

        But every female provider since then has been better than every male provider at
        1) listening to me, and
        2) being willing to try to get to the bottom of things.

        1. What is it about OBGYN practice that seem to attract people who don’t take women’s pain seriously. Basically every woman I know who has had a culpo has a similar horrible story: don’t worry you wont even feel this, huh why are you jumping off the table, stop being so dramatic. Awful.

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