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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 311 Comments · by

Wednesday’s TPS Report: Cotton Dot Print Skirt

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Cotton Dot Print SkirtHappy Wednesday! I love the look of this polka-dotted cotton skirt, particularly in black… My inner prepster is trying to get out! It's $129 at Brooks Brothers (available in pink as well). Cotton Dot Print Skirt Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail [email protected]. (L-2)

Sales of note for 8.30.24

  • Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
  • Ann Taylor – 30% off full-price purchase; $99 jackets, dresses & shoes; extra 50% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50-70% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Bergdorf Goodman – Final Days Designer Sale, up to 75% off; extra 20% off sale
  • Boden – 20% off
  • Brooks Brothers – Extra 25% off clearance
  • Eloquii – Up to 60% off everything; extra 60% off all sale
  • J.Crew – 40% off sitewide; extra 60% off sale styles
  • J.Crew Factory – Extra 20% off orders $125+; extra 60% off clearance; 60%-70% off 100s of styles
  • Lo & Sons – Summer sale, up to 50% off (ends 9/2)
  • Madewell – Extra 40% off sale; extra 50% off select denim; 25% off fall essentials
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Rothy's – End of season sale, up to 50% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear in the big sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – 25% off regular-price purchase; 70% off clearance
  • White House Black Market – Up to 70% off sale

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Comments

  1. Lisa

    Would love to hear if anyone’s bought this, and can offer a review, as my inner prepster never has to struggle too hard to surface.

  2. AIMS

    Love the print, not sure I would rock the bow at work though. I guess you could tie in less of a bow for business hours?

    On an aside, I am really loving all the liberty prints at BB this season.

    • Diana Barry

      Oooo, I have to check those out. I love Liberty prints! When we went to London I got my husband a Liberty tie at the actual store and it is his favorite; would love to get more…

    • b23

      Speaking of bows, I was thinking of buying this skirt that was featured on Cap Hill Style: http://tinyurl.com/76cqlnr. I adore it, and I think I could make it work in my big law office. What do you think?

      For what it’s worth, I dress kind of flamboyantly, but always professionally, as it is, so this wouldn’t be totally out of line with my wardrobe, but it would be a bit of a stretch.

        • JessC

          That skirt is kind of awesome in a retro/pin-up style (and I do love me some good retro/pin-up styling). I think if you kept the rest of the outfit relatively sedate, it would be lovely!

        • jcb

          I like it a lot, particularly with your idea of simple black button up shirt and heels. I think you’d want to double check the rear slit, though – looks like it is a little high, you could be inadvertently showing up to mid-thigh when you walk.

      • Gooseberry

        I love every part of looking at that skirt. I’m not gutsy enough to wear it, but if you were my colleague and wore it, I’d want to be your friend. Buy!

      • Bluejay

        I’d wear it with a really traditional top, like a crisp button down, in a kelly green or other bright color. That would look awesome. Love the skirt.

          • Ruta Skadi

            I love this. It looks like something Emma would wear on Glee (I’m not a big fan of overly beribboned styles but for some reason she always looks so buttoned up and polished in the show!) You could even try it with a mustard slim-fitting knit or tucked-in cardigan with a pop of turquoise jewelry somewhere (don’t know if this is too colorful for your office, but could work for a fun dinner date too!)

    • TCFKAG

      D*mn it. You couldn’t really see the bow in the image on my screen until I clicked over to the BB website and looked at it in pink. The bow is too twee for me for work (I try not to emphasize that I’m always the youngest in the room.) I was digging it before I saw the bow.

      • SF Bay Associate

        I also thought it was fabulous until I saw it in pink with the bow. Maybe the bow could be removed by a tailor? I’m sale stalking this skirt for sure. Great find, Kat.

        • AIMS

          Don’t ask how or why, but I once owned a black pencil skirt with a giant pink ribbon bow “belt” … I had the tailor remove it once I came to my, um, senses. You could always see really tiny little thread marks if you looked closely, but I don’t think anyone ever looked that closely. I also think you could probably also tie this as a sash to minimize the gift-like effect.

          • Susan

            Yes, love the skirt, I’d rip out the bow. I’m sure *someone*’s “manageing” partner would prefer the bow, because he likes women objectified, like presents for him to unwrap, because he’s a DOOSH. :-)

          • Godzilla

            I have a white sheath dress with a black window pane pattern that also had a pink lace ribbon bow belt monstrosity sewed into it. I cut that out myself. Shudder.

      • mamabear

        I think it’s a sash tied in a bow. You could tie it instead in a single knot to one side and let the ends hang, like you would a wrap dress. I think it would look better that way.

    • JessC

      I didn’t even notice the bow on the black and white version (it’s more noticeable on the pink and white version). It’s hard to tell, but maybe you could tie it in the back instead? Or, if the tie is long enough cross the ties in the front, wrap it around to the back and just tie it in a little knot, so it creates a kind of cumberbund effect.
      Whatever the case, it’s super cute! I don’t think I’d wear it to work, but it would fun to wear on the weekends.

    • anon

      I love the Liberty pattern espadrilles and Ghillie flats. Wonder how big their Size 5 runs.

    • DeGirl

      Haha! That’s floral REALLY gone wrong!
      I’m amazed at how some people can pull off wearing such prints. I just can’t do it.

    • AIMS

      Hmm, I’d say that’s more tie dye than floral, though, no?
      Also, ban me from corporette if you like, but I kinda dig them. Obviously not for the office, but in my spare time those pants with some cute sandals and a slouchy white tee would possibly make me quite happy.

      • b23

        I personally don’t like them, but I really like that you chimed in to say that you do!

        • Supra

          I have the citizens of humanity ones that are always popping up as an example of this hideous and horrible trend. And, I’m old enough to have done florals the first time around. But, I don’t care because I really love them.

      • Susan

        Not my speed at all, but if you can rock that, then hats off to you. And no, we’d never ban you!!

      • a.

        I will go ahead and say I do not kinda dig those pants…I love them. Not for $120, obv, but if they were $40 they would be mine. White or gray T, long necklace or scarf, gray flats or sandals, bam.

      • MaggieLizer

        I kind of like them too; I also think this print would make a lovely top. I think prints are supposed to be the next big thing in jeans but… I’m still getting used to colorful jeans. I need to ease my way into prints.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      Ahhhh I must have turned off my adblock somehow because there are just floral pants ads everywhere with everything I do now! Make it stop!!!! LOL.

  5. NOLA

    I’m loving all of the black and white polka dot skirts this spring! In fact, I’m wearing one today, although it’s straighter and less A-line.

  6. Ruby

    Just sharing something funny/crazy. Talking to a friend about dog doors installed through glass sliding doors, per our dogs, and he shares that an overzealous ex girlfriend actually snuck back into his place through the dog door after her key was taken away. Zoiks!

    • Monday

      Tell him I’d appreciate it if he didn’t keep telling that story. Just because I am so much more flexible and resourceful than his new squeeze, he tries to embarrass me about that night.

    • Another Zumba Fan

      There was a news story a few years ago about a woman who climbed through her ex’s chimney to get in his house. His housesitter noticed something dripping in the fireplace. The woman had got stuck and died. She had graduated at the top of her medical school class if I recall correctly.

      • Susan

        I still think that the crazy-prize goes to former Astronaut, Lisa Nowak, who drove hundreds of miles wearing astronaut diapers (so she wouldn’t have to stop) on her mission to confront her love-rival over some dude they were both boinking.

        • CA Atty

          Oh my god, that story broke somewhat before I was studying for the bar and one of the guys in my class said he was going to do that for the exam! He kept saying he was going to “practice” by wearing them to class. He got called before character and fitness for something else and didn’t make it so he dropped out before (we think) he ever did but that guy was NUTS!

      • just Karen

        That is absolutely horrifying. I am also seriously disappointed with myself that I promptly went to google to learn more.

        • Seattleite

          I’m seriously disappointed with you that you didn’t share with the class. I had to do my own googling.

      • CA Atty

        I remember that, it was horrible! I was always suspicious though, why didn’t anyone hear her crying for help??

        • just Karen

          because (damn my googling) he left for a business trip that day and no one was in the house. Scary and sad and gross.

    • eek

      In the 90s, my SO’s then-girlfriend rummaged through all his stuff and took the spare key to his apartment. It was hidden in a box at the top of the closet, so not out in the open. One day he came home and she was there because she’d used the key to let herself inside. They broke up minutes later.

    • Hel-lo

      Ha! I heard this story about a particular woman that I know. Maybe it’s made its way around the country?

      • Ruby

        don’t know if you meant the original one about the dog door- if so, i’m in seattle, assume she was too though i know that friend has also lived in florida and texas- will ask him where it was

  7. Gray high heels

    Continuing a thread from yesterday, I think — WHY is it so hard to find dark gray heels? I have been searching for dark gray pumps, closed toe, not suede, for what seems like years, and I cannot find anything that works. Any secret shoppers out there who want to locate the perfect shoes for me?

  8. Bertie

    TJ: Hey UK ladies! Help a girl out?

    Accountant heading to client offices for an on-location audit, here. Any tips on dressing/UK office attitudes generally? I’m standard Canadian (perhaps slightly on the conservative dress side) in my office look and behaviour. Skirtsuits? Pantsuits? Tights ok? Please help!

    • Bluejay

      In my experience, women in our UK office dress a little skimpier/more sexy than women in the US do. Standard US business attire will be totally fine.

    • Gem

      In my opinion it’s dependant on sector, and to a lesser extent location within the UK. Generally I would say yes to hosiery, yes to a jacket (you can remove it once the handshaking is done) and yes to showing some personality in your attire.

      If you’ll be socialising at all after hours the south generally go out as they are, northerners like to dress up before they head out (sweeping generalisation there for you).

      Most of us can recognise business attire, no one will mind if you go up a level; but a polo shirt and chinos probably will come off a bit ‘odd’ in most environment

    • Nonny

      Also Canadian, but a lawyer, not an accountant. If you are going to be in the City, keep it very conservative. Skirt suits better than pant suits, and black tights are perfectly normal and acceptable. The further away from the City you get, the more flexible things become, but I would keep it to business attire, and not business casual, at least for the first few days.

      Other than that, you will find office attitudes and behaviours (except social drinking) to be pretty much the same as they are in Canada. Don’t worry about it.

      And while you are in the UK, go to Hobbs. :-)

      • Bertie

        Hobbs! Thanks for the reminder (drool puddle forming on keyboard).

        Many thanks for your replies!

  9. wynn duffy

    In light of the many supportive people yesterday to the OP who felt the drinking was becoming a problem who had felt similar at different points in their lives, does anyone feel like they have anxiety stemming from periods of time where they felt like it was problem drinking? I have really cut back, and although I will still have a beer or two, I no longer get drunk or black out. It has been three years since my problem days of college, but sometimes (ok honestly, often) I have anxiety about the blackout periods. Like what if I committed a crime or did something awful. These arent real worries, because I was always with people, always woke up with my friends, etc and had people around me, and yet the anxiety is very real. I think it is a product of guilt, and maybe shame. just wondering if anyone had felt that way. I appreciate reading everyones stories yesterday.

    • Anon

      I don’t have anxiety, but I certainly look back on certain years and cringe. I have changed a lot and have changed my drinking habits a lot, but there’s a lot of times when I was saying ridiculous things, doing irresponsible and ridiculous things and probably just looking like an all-around mess. Part of it is youth, but I definitely don’t allow myself to get to that state any more.

    • a.

      I wouldn’t say I have anxiety over it, but I definitely think about it (especially as I er, did not always wake up with my friends; the winning example would be the time I woke up naked in a half-built building a 20-minute drive outside the city I was supposed to be in) and can descend into a downward spiral of self-hatred as a result. The only thing that helps me is the following conversation with myself. (Also, this is maybe the most embarrassing post I’ve ever written, as I am admitting both to the previous parenthetical, and to talking to myself. Hai ladiez, not crazy I promise!)

      Yes, self, you’re right, that was indeed awful and I am ashamed that it happened. But what did I learn from it? That I never want to put myself in that position again. How can I make sure that happens? Ensure that I am never, ever that intoxicated, ever again, for the rest of my life. Have I made strides towards that goal? Yes, I have. Thanks for the reminder to keep on keeping on.

      • anon

        I do not think you are crazy and I think what you tell yourself is very positive and healthy. I try to tell myself something similar, that I have learned from it and moved on and it is in the past. I’ve done a few things while intoxicated I’m not proud of and in fact am ashamed of. I too have changed my behavior over the last few years mostly because I felt it was time to grow up and some of the things I was doing were self-destructive in part because there is a circle of self-destructiveness involving feeling shame. Learn from the past and look forward.

      • wynn duffy

        thank you for sharing a. I never felt in danger but I did feel ashamed plenty so you are not alone

      • Gigi

        SO not alone. I was one wild child in my early 20s. I still cringe about the ridiculousness.

      • DC anonymous

        I think that’s great! Not embarrassing at all. I never ended up in quite such a dramatic situation, but I do have some similar feelings about my college days, so you’re not alone. It sounds like there are more of us than I would have suspected… good to know.

    • Anon in ATX

      I have had anxiety in the past about what happened after a crazy drinking night, especially this one episode after the first semester in law school. My husband left me with friends & I ended up at a stranger’s house. Couldn’t really remember alot that happened and for a long time afterwards I was extremly anxious that I had done something inappropriate with someone else. Totally irrational, but I tend to be an anxious person in general so I just tried to deal with it the same way as any other anxiety, by recognizing what was making me feel anxious and then trying to put it behind me, as what’s done is done, lets try to move on and do better in the future.

  10. Ashley

    Quick threadjack: I posted a few weeks ago about the JC Penney Worthington skirt I bought. I’m wearing it in a photo on my blog today, so if you’d like to see how it fits, you can click on my name and view the post.

    For reference, I usually wear a 2/4 at places like Ann Taylor. I bought this skirt in the 4 because the 2 was a little too tight across the hips. It’s sitting right on my hip bones, a couple inches below my natural waist. I’m 5′ 6″ with a long torso. I’ve gotten surprisingly good wear out of this skirt (I was worried about being “business barbie”) and I always get compliments when I wear it. Happy shopping!

    • Blonde Lawyer

      That looks great. Do you think it would be “low rise” on someone with a short torso? I’m 5’7″ but mostly leg and only look good in lower rise pencil skirts. I guess I could also just go to a store and try it on. :)

      • Ashley

        I think the skirt is actually supposed to sit at the natural waist, so you could probably get away with it. And, for the $25 price tag, you could just buy it and try it with different shirts :) I’ve worn it with the shirt untucked or with a cardigan buttoned up over it with a belt. It lays flat enough on my hips that having a shirt over the waist line doesn’t look bulky. I’ll post the buttoned-up cardigan look another time.

    • Jennifer

      Cute outfit! So JC Penney is the new Target, then? (P.S. I spy dark grey heels!)

      • Ashley

        Haha, yes, JCP might be the new Target :)

        Re: the dark grey heels, I bought those on a whim at Old Navy for $15. The thing is, they aren’t terribly comfortable, so I usually only wear them on short, sit-in-my-office days. I do wear them to church sometimes, too, since I know I only have to wear them for ~2 hours start to finish. I wouldn’t really recommend these shoes to anyone, unfortunately. Super cute, but I have to put some thought into wearing them!

  11. Magdeline

    Hair question:

    I am trying to come up with a good system/time for washing and styling my hair. My hair is four or so inches below my shoulders, fairly straight, and thick. It also gets oily pretty easily, so, while I tried no-shampoo , shampooing with sulfate-free shampoo every other day, and shampooing with regular shampoo every other day, it looks, feels, and smells way better when I wash it every day with a low-sulfate shampoo.

    I am really, really not a morning person, so I shower at night. Lately, I’ve been getting home so late that I end up going to bed with wet hair, and when I wake up, it is obviously pretty rumpled looking. As it stands, I get about 6 hours of sleep per night and am EXHAUSTED, so blow drying it before bed is not ideal. I use either a curling iron on the ends or a straightener (either one takes me less than 10 minutes), but there are still some wonky looking areas near the roots.

    Any ideas on a better system than this? I was considering maybe throwing it into a bun or braid after showering, so that it is still damp in the morning and I can blow dry it. I would love other suggestions, though!

    • Anon

      I have tried sleeping with my hair damp in a sock bun and it came out curly the next AM. I have a lot of layers so it is difficult to roll all the hair up. If anyone knows how to do this please share!

    • JessC

      Back when I had a longer commute in the morning, I would wash my hair before bed and, using Spin Pins, create a bun on the very top of my head. I would usually blow dry it all or part of the way and I would pull out my bangs and style those before I went to bed (otherwise they wouldn’t dry right). My hair usually came out with a decent amount of volume/wave the next morning.

    • sadie

      I have hair like yours (has to be washed daily), and I ended up deciding to chop it off because I couldn’t handle the hair maintenance and the blow dry time. I have it in a chin-length chop now, and I love it.

    • Bluejay

      I braid or French braid my hair if it’s still wet when I go to bed, and it’s still somewhat wet in the morning. In the morning I just put it in a bun or something; it doesn’t really work to wear it down if I braided it overnight, but ymmv.

    • Mellie

      I would take 5 minutes to frizz-blow-dry it (make it mostly dry but not great-looking) at night, then straighten in the morning to clean it up. If you sleep with it mostly dry, then a straightener in the morning will have an easier time tearing asunder what your sleep hath wrought. Otherwise, suck it up and shower in the morning. Or just lower your hair standards (what I do). Or wear it up in a bun.

      • Supra

        This. I would blow-dry almost dry, without caring about smoothness. Then, I would put it up in a high pony tail and sleep. In the morning, I would take down the pony tail and go through it with a flat iron.

    • Left my heart in San Francisco

      My hair is about two inches below my shoulders, straight, thick but fine, and layered. I also have to wash at night and don’t have time to fully blow dry. I spray volumizer on the roots, flip my head upside down and focus on drying the roots for about two minutes, then I go to sleep with the rest of my hair wet. In the morning, I put on some hairspray (I find that my hair responds better to heat stying if it has hairspray in it), and either curl or use a flat iron, depending on the style I want on a given day.

      • Magdeline

        Thanks so much for the suggestions! I especially like this suggestion and the suggestion to at least blow it dry for a few minutes at night, even if it doesn’t look great. The extra time spent at night may be balanced out if I don’t have to spend tons of time taming it in the morning.

        I am very tempted to try the spin pins bun suggestion… perhaps I will try it on a Friday night, so that if my layers look crazy in the morning, it won’t matter as much.

    • jcb

      What kind of hair dryer do you have? I have pretty thick hair (my hair guy always has spend a lot of time thinning it in the back) and it used to take forEVER to blow dry. Washing my hair was such a chore, hated hated hated having to deal with the 20 minutes of blow-drying afterwards. I finally upgraded to a pricey ($250!) hairdryer after my friend convinced me that it was worth it – and it was. Literally takes about 5-6 minutes for my hair to be completely dry.

      • Magdeline

        I have a Super Solano, which is pretty fast, but not as fast as yours. It takes me about 10 minutes if I just blow dry without styling (at which point my hair looks like a lion’s mane, and I must straighten or curl). 5-6 minutes is amazing!

      • jcb

        I have the T3 professional (or pro or something like that), got it about 3 years ago. Recently bought a Super Solano at my hair guy’s recommendation (for the gym) and I like it, too – but the T3 is faster. Super Solano takes more like 8-9 minutes for me (for drying alone – not styling, which takes a couple more minutes for me, too). He’s a big fan of the Super Solano largely bc they have a great return/replacement policy, apparently, so long as you keep the box.

    • Anon

      Have you considered Keratin treatment? I have had it done twice and it is a life changer. I have thick hair that used to take forever to blow dry. After the keratin treatment my blow dry time is cut in half and if I let it air dry my hair still looks pretty decent. I love it and have tons of friends who swear by it too.

      • Magdeline

        Is your hair naturally waivy/curly? Mine is pretty much completely straight, so I hadn’t thought of a Keratin treatment. I had no idea that it makes your hair dry faster!!

    • big dipper

      (1) I second some of the other commenters – blow dry it mostly dry at night, invest in a good straightener and straighten it in the morning. Alternatively, blow dry it mostly dry at night and put some curl into it with a curling wand in the morning.

      (2) I swear by headband curls. You can google it for information. I blow dry my hair for 2-3 minutes, then put it up into the headband. Curls in the morning! I can leave it down, or put them up into a bun. It will take a few times to figure out how the best wrapping technique for your hair, but it’s totally worth it.

      • Magdeline

        Woah, headband curls sound amazing. I had never heard of this until you mentioned it. The headband-wrapped hairdo looks sort of Edwardian and awesome, which makes me all the more eager to try it. Thanks for the revelation!

  12. Anon

    Ladies,

    What skills do you think are necessary to be successful in big law. As a woman or otherwise. What skills do you wish you learned before becoming a lawyer?

    Looking forward to all your responses!

    • b23

      I think the number one skill is issue spotting. I know that sounds weird, but I think it’s true. Big law firms are paid well because we run down every.single.trail, we think creatively about different arguments, analogies, etc., and we just kill every single case. So you have to be willing to really get after it. If there’s something tugging at the corner of your mind, chase it down.

      As far as being a woman, I don’t think there’s any real difference. I guess the only exception would be showing your commitment to making partner, because people are still probably afraid you’ll get pregnant and quit.

      • D. Ct. Clerk

        Issue spotting – yes! But not just-the-running-down-everything type. You also need to figure out which issues are the most important and essential for your case. You would not believe how many briefs I get where the lawyers have totally missed potential (winning) issues or buried the best argument at the end of their brief and wasted most of their brief on less-essential issues.

        • b23

          Yes, that’s certainly true! I’m not really talking about the major briefed issues, but more like sub-issues within them. And different ways to make arguments. That sort of thing.

          There have been so many times when a partner asks me to research something, and I think, “Is this really worth the time I’m spending on it???” And usually, it turns out it is. And when it’s not, it was still worth taking the time to determine that it’s not.

        • OP

          This is really interesting…how can I learn more about this? Is there a way to practice this before working in Big Law?

          • AnonInfinity

            Are you in law school right now? I was a good issue spotter in law school, and what helped was making very short outlines that just consisted of bullet points of things to look for. I’m not sure if I’m a good issue spotter in practice.

            I’m not sure what the best way is to learn this skill, other than messing up and remembering to look for certain things next time. I seriously have a folder where I’ve written down issues I’ve missed in the past. I’m really new, so the more experienced folks might have good ways to develop this (which would be helpful to me too!) I was also advised to start reading the weekly opinions handed down by my state’s supreme court and court of appeals (this might be more or less feasible, depending on your state), and that has already helped me. I’m learning about all the procedural pitfalls, as well as other little areas that could be useful later. Hopefully.

          • Artsy lawyer

            This is what your law school exams are supposed to test – i.e., can you read a fact pattern and recognize the legal issues that it raises? It’s harder in real life because you don’t have a nicely-prepared fact pattern, but the principles are basically the same.

          • Former MidLevel

            If you are still in school and still have time to sign up, I think moot court would be a good way to practice issue-spotting.

      • Lynnet

        How can you tell when it’s worth it to keep tracking down all of the things niggling at the corner of your mind when you’re billing the time? I feel like I’m always billing twice as much time as I really should just in order to make sure I haven’t left a single stone unturned.

        • b23

          That is really tough, and I’m still working on that. One thing I’m sure to do is check in with my partner fairly frequently. “Hey, you asked me to look into this, and I’m not finding anything. Should I keep going?” “I was thinking 0f ___. Do you think that would be worth looking into?” Etc.

          I also think (hope) this is something you get better at as you go along. I’m still pretty young, so I have not mastered it.

    • AnonInfinity

      Time management is huge. Also the ability to take criticism (not always constructive).

      If you like reading books on these topics — The Curmudgeon’s Guide and Swimming Lessons for Baby Sharks are both excellent.

    • Former MidLevel

      This is by no means a comprehensive list, but I’d say:

      1. Excellent legal skills (including legal writing skills). This is a necessary–but not sufficient–criterion for success.

      2. Strong work ethic. The hours are tough and (unless you are working for a partner who is prone to micro-management) you will often have to work independently.

      3. Political acumen. By this, I mean the ability to pick up on and abide by unwritten rules in your office/practice group/firm and to develop mentors/advocates who will fight for you.

      4. Business savvy. Eventually, you will need to get (and retain) your own clients. Everyone has a different style, but you have to figure out what works for you and do it.

      5. Assertiveness. You need to be proactive about your own career and professional development – learn how to ask for (and get) the kind of work you need to advance as a lawyer and in your firm.

    • MissJackson

      Ability to deal with assh*oles.

      But perhaps I’m just having a bad day?

      (says the girl who is not taking criticism well this week)

        • Mellie

          Agreed, agreed, or at least the financial resources and/or emotional groundedness to say, “If I’m fired, I’m fired, and I’ll survive.” Also, helps to know how to spin things.

      • Monday

        Honestly, I think this is a skill that is useful no matter what you’re doing–but especially if you’re in the most competitive circles of your field (whatever it is). The upper rungs of every ladder attract some incredible egos, and these are people you need to have on your side.

        I’m with you, MissJackson. I’ll see your bad day and raise it a couple of weeks due to an analogous problem.

      • Midwest Biglaw

        Writing skills! I’ve been a lawyer over 20 years and by far the most important skill has been good writing, along with oral communication skills. I worked as a reporter long, long ago and the ability to write fast and effectively, along with being able to interview clients (I appear in court rarely in my field) and work with opposing counsel, has been the most important skill. Negotiation skills are also very, very helpful and I don’t know how you train for those.

      • jcb

        All joking aside, I really think this is the most important characteristics of being able to make it in big law. You really have to be able to not take things personally. You will work with some real a-holes, and also some really nice people who will act like total a-holes when the pressure builds. Just let it roll off your back and get your work done the best you can.

    • MaggieLizer

      Along the lines of what MissJackson and others said… a really strong sense of self and a good support network are incredibly important. If your self worth is inextricably tied to your job performance and what your colleagues think of you or how they treat you, you’re going to become very unhappy very quickly. You have to know that you’re an awesome person and a good lawyer, and have friends and family to back you up, even when the partner is blaming you for something you didn’t do wrong, couldn’t have known you were doing wrong, or legitimately did wrong but s/he’s being an unconstructive uberdoosh about it. Not sure that’s a skill, unless “picking yourself up and moving on” is a skill, but it’s an important quality to develop before you hit biglaw.

    • Nonny

      In addition to what everyone else has said (and speaking as a transactional lawyer), identifying the client’s business goals and tailoring your advice to those goals. No client wants to pay for advice that doesn’t fit in with its objectives.

    • KLG

      I really wish someone had told me it’s not the long hours that are tough (generally you don’t end up in law school unless you are a hard worker), it’s the unpredictability of schedule that is really tough. You just never know when you are going to get an assignment that has to be done ASAP and they’re not always short assignments. Most biglaw firms have a policy where they will reimburse you for vacation you are forced to miss for work. But it’s REALLY hard to have to give up the vacation in the first place. Or dinner with friends who are in town. Or date night with your SO. Or just a happy hour you’ve been planning for a long time. I could clearly go on…

      • Nonny

        THIS. The most difficult thing in your first few years of Biglaw practice is that your time is not your own, ever. I found that really tough. You do get slightly more control over your schedule as the years go by, so there is hope – but nonetheless, the golden rule in Biglaw is that the client always comes first – even on birthdays, anniversaries, vacations…..

        • CountC

          Thirded. I was single and losing friends due to plan canceling on the regular.

    • Hel-lo

      Read Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office by Lois Frankel. It really helps you understand how offices work, and how women can navigate them.

    • anon

      The recognition that law is a service profession. Treat every single person in senior positions to you as clients. Literally – think about your partner supervisors as your “clients.” In a way, it’s true, because you’re there to make them look good and make life easier for them. I think this fundamental recognition breeds many other secondary skills – e.g., diligence, perseverance, responsiveness, thoroughness, etc.

      I don’t think it matters how smart or assertive or responsive you are if you don’t have that concept down. It sounds a bit silly and obvious, but you’d be surprised at how many people don’t think about a career in law this way (particularly in biglaw).

    • Herbie

      If you’re not good at teh maths, then fix that. Also, basics of business and accounting/finance might be helpful.

  13. AnonInfinity

    Y’all. Just got put on a really fun, high-profile case for my firm. In my preferred practice area. With the big boss.

    Squee!

  14. Lawyeur

    PSA for Paula’s Choice Users:

    Eversave [dot] com has a pay $15 for $30 worth of Paula’s Choice products today. I began using Paula’s Choice a few weeks ago based on the recommendations on this site and have been extremely happy with the results. My super-dry skin feels downright dewy.

  15. skin care

    Has anyone tried cleaning their face with oil instead of with soap? In my adult life, my skin has grown increasingly more and more sensitive and prone to breakouts and redness. I’ve been reading about cleaning with oil (such as grapeseed) for those with sensitive skin and breakouts. Has anyone actually tried this? I’m hoping for some pro- con- recommendations from those who have actually tried it and aren’t trying to sell me on it.

    • Equity's Darling

      I use a cream cleanser (from skoah), and though I hate their choice to name the product “kream kleanser”, it’s great. My skin is quite sensitive, and I used to break out a fair amount (I had just gone off the pill), and now, I’m still off the pill, and my skin looks better than it ever did.

      I put it on my dry face, and then rinse it off. I like that it’s less likely to leak than many other cleansers, it’s good at taking off eye-makup, and it does not leave my skin tight (huge pro, because I wash my face before I workout, and putting on moisturizer seems like a waste, since I just sweat it off and wash my face again….).

      I think a cream cleanser might be a middle ground between soap and oil, it might be worth a try, and I’d definitely recommend skoah’s even though they insist on the excessive use of “k”, the product is good.

      • karenpadi

        I have super sensitive skin so I don’t usually even wash my face. When I have to, I use a cream cleanser from Aveda. It’s non-foaming and doesn’t cause horrible breakouts.

    • Magdeline

      I do this! My skin is breakout-prone/sensitive/combination. I use jojoba oil, which I buy from Trader Joe’s. I have used grapeseed oil in the past. I felt like grapeseed oil was too light to remove my eye makeup, but otherwise it worked well.

      Pros:
      Removes junk from pores easily (oil dissolves oil)
      Never irritates my skin
      Doesn’t dry my skin out
      Removes makeup and sunscreen easily
      Don’t need to cleanse with face wash afterward
      Inexpensive

      Cons:
      I use a warm, damp washcloth to remove the oil and lightly exfoliate, so I go through a lot of washcloths.
      Need a container that seals really well to travel with it

      I have been doing this for probably about 4 years, and I have never felt the need to change. (I buy new makeup/hair stuff all the time, so this is sort of consistency must mean that it is working well for me.)

      • Magdeline

        Oh, and another pro: it does not cause my skin to break out. It has been too long for me to tell whether it actually helps with breakouts, but the lack of dryness and irritation allows me to use Retin-A/AHAs with no problems.

      • PCV

        When you wash your face with oil, is it necessary to use water at all to rinse or anything?

        • Another S

          I’d say yes, you definitely need to rinse off the oil (and all the makeup and other gunk it picks up) off your face. In my experience, you can’t get 100% off (which is a good thing because it’s moisturizing), but you have to rinse with water and wipe with a washcloth so you don’t look like an oil slick.

          • PCV

            Darn. I knew it sounded too good to be true! I’m a volunteer in a village with limited water, so I thought this might be a good alternative to…well, not washing my face.

      • Another S

        I also use jojoba oil from TJs and second everything Magdeline said WRT pros and cons except sometimes I also use my Clarsonic.

    • SpaceMountain

      I use DHC’s deep cleansing oil, which gets off all my makeup and feels great, then usually wash that off with a mild drugstore cleanser. I think it’s been good for my skin, which sounds like yours.

      • anon

        I do it! Grapeseed, castor oil, and a smidge of tea tree. It made my hormonal acne on my chin cease, and made the pores on my nose disappear. Super happy, and my skin looks great.

        It does require lots of washclothes…which I have a hard time getting really clean….mine are all vaguely yellow and sticky now. Anybody got suggestions on that?

        I did it everyday for a while, now do it about 2 times a week (alternating with a Paula’s Choice cleanser since that’s faster and I’m lazy), and if I feel a pimple coming on (it takes away all the anger in the pimple).

    • jcb

      I’ve been using the oil-based 9 to 5 cleanser from Lush – it’s cold cream-esque, in that you just wipe it on and off, no washing. Honestly, it kind of weirds me out to only use that one, so I use it either morning or night for a while, with a more traditional sensitive skin cleanser for the other time (I wash/clean my face both morning and night now – which, counterintuitively, has really helped my skin. Mine is also really sensitive and prone to getting dry and red, and breakouts when something is the slightest bit irritating. But, washing twice a day rather than once seems to have improved my natural oil production, which weirdly enough has been a good thing). Lately I’ve been using the Bliss Youth as We Know It cleanser for the alternating wash/clean of the day, which has been working well so far as not being irritating or drying (as opposed to the philosophy Purity Made Simple I was using a couple of months ago, which seemed great at first but then made my skin increasingly dry and red). The combination works for my skin.

      • Hel-lo

        Yes. Remember that everyone has to moisturize their face. If your face is oily, then moisturize without oil But everyone needs extra moisture, even if you think you are too oily.

        • jcb

          I actually have been moisturizing with both oil and non-oil moisturizers, too. Alternating those, too. Works pretty well, once you get used to the idea.

  16. wynn duffy

    Oh and more lighthearted threadjack then above

    oh sh*t its a piggy bank!

    they are saying…. I disarmed him.

    Great episode last night. Ive been thinking about it all morning.

    • big dipper

      Agreed! This episode was particularly laugh out loud funny.

      Although the ending was so, so sad. I feel so bad for both Raylan, and Arlo. Their relationship is sad. I’m glad Boyd is taking care of Arlo, but sometimes I worry that no one takes care of Raylan.

  17. Two cents

    Very cute skirt, but detest the Brooks Brothers in Boston (Back Bay location) and will never shop there again. The sales people are so rude and unfriendly. I had to make a return there, and waited forever while the sales staff was fawning over a guy who had evidently made an expensive purchase.

    • so anonymous

      I can’t stand the staff at my Brooks Brothers, either! I have a BB credit card, and I made some comment as I was checking out my one item about how I was going to come back for a purse I liked when I got my next reward. The cashier just said, “Indeed.” How snotty is that? He was also wearing a Ron Paul pin. I somehow don’t think that’s permitted in their dress code.

    • Tired Squared

      There is a woman at my BB who I LOVE — she really goes above and beyond to call for big sales, etc. But then there is a man who won’t give me the time of day. Not sure why!

    • Anon

      Ugh, yes, I feel like they have to smell the money on you to give you the time of day.

    • SF Bay Associate

      True. There are several staff at the Palo Alto store that are snooty snobs, plus they don’t seem to understand that I’m looking for work clothes, not clothes to wear at my husband’s golf club luncheon. Going into that store makes my brain explode. The SF store associates are ok, but my favorite BB is in New Orleans. An African-American associate named Tracy? Nancy? is fantastic. We stop by during our annual trips.

      • mamabear

        That’s so funny. My only positive BB experience, ever, was in New Orleans. I live in the SF Bay Area & never go to the ones here. They’re even rude at the outlet store.

  18. Diana Barry

    Woohoo! My ‘problem’ boss (litigator, very gruff all the time, I always feel like she’s mad at me) just apologized to me *twice* on the phone because “this case makes me so cranky”. Yay, it’s not me! :)

  19. 30

    Seriously, is anyone else a little in love with Matt Bomer after last night’s Glee? I know, I know – he’s gay. But he really is a live Disney prince…

    • TCFKAG

      Yes. I loved the whole acting class thing. “I believed it that time, you pointed!” But did anyone else have a little trouble believing Darren Criss signing Fighter in a sweater vest? Lol.

    • Diana Barry

      YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS. I wish Darren Criss were like 6 inches taller, then I could be in love with him too! :) (I like him better when he has his floppy Harry Potter curls.)

    • L

      Not a little. A lot. As in my SO looked at me and went “I am sitting RIGHT here.”

      Love.

  20. karenpadi

    Bay Area Corporettes,

    Does anyone have a proposed location for our next meet-up? I have a request for something close to public transportation.

    Thanks!

    • Left coaster

      What time of day are we thinking? A Saturday, right? My recommendations would probably vary depending on whether we are thinking daytime or early evening.

    • Kontraktor

      I would probably like to go to a meet up close to public transport. I just moved here and don’t know a lot of people.

  21. FlawLaw

    Ok, so I know there have been threads about the clarisonic and olay face brushes, but I don’t recall anyone posting this particular q: Does it make your pores bigger at first?

    I used the Olay one for the first time last night, and when I woke up this am, my pores were so.much.more.noticeable. It felt great when I was using it and after, but I have never had large pores (I have never been able to see them except on my nose from time to time), so I was super surprised this morning.

    Is this something that happened to you all at first? I used it for one to two minutes on my face and neck. Too long? Afterwards, I used 100% pure cocoa butter on my face (I know this sounds gross, but I have super dry skin, and this has always kept it nice and smooth). Was the oily cocoa butter settling in my pores and making them bigger? Is that even posible?

    • Blue

      I noticed the same thing with my Clarisonic. Not sure why, or what the solution is, but it’s not just you.

    • hellskitchen

      I think it might make your pores more noticeable for a bit, but hopefully not bigger. For a lot of people, the Clarisonic makes you break out first for a few days before clearing up your skin. That’s why at first, I used my Clarisonic just once a day instead of the recommended twice because I want my skin to get used to it gradually. I’d suggest using it just once a day or just for 1 minute instead of two. And perhaps using a lighter moisturizer first and then following up with the cocoa butter.

    • Another Sarah

      This happened to me with my Clarisonic at first, and then it got better. I think it was because the Clarisonic was helping to bring stuff up to the surface. Now my pores look much smaller, so I think it does get better.

  22. SAlit-a-gator

    Been MIA for awhile – moved to an awesome city where I went to law school and left private practice for a government job. There are a couple of things that have come as a shock: (1) there’s no water cooler, filtered water etc. in our tiny office kitchen and as a water snob I’m grieving the perks of private practice; (2) everybody’s a chatty Kathy – it’s going to take me awhile to get used to this “don’t worry about billables” attitude. Other than that, I’m loving leaving home at a reasonable hour without feeling like every once of energy has been squeezed out of me. Yey! If any of you have moved from private practice to local government, I’d appreciate your advice and insight on how to succed in this new environment.

    • Houda

      Congrats on finding the right balance in your life
      Yeay for you for making a bold jump

    • PollyD

      Well, for the water (we have to pay to join a “water club” if we want anything besides what comes out of the sinks or drinking fountains), there are water bottles called Bobble that are available on Amazon, probably also REI or other sporty places. The mouthpiece has a charcoal filter attached, and it does make funky water taste much better. The filter lasts about 3 months or so.

      I moved from contracting to federal government and it also took me a little while to get used to not having to bill everything I worked on to a contract and to realize that I was getting paid to think, not just to produce deliverables.

    • Same Move

      I made the same move seven years ago today. (Today is actually my 7 year anniversary at my “new” job!) I was a BigLaw litigation partner, mostly IP, and I am now in-house counsel for a government university. Here are my thoughts, in no particular order:

      * People here care about being nice. A lot. This took a lot of getting used to. Sometimes they even care about being nice more than they care about a particular action item getting done, or getting done in a particular way, or getting done at a particular time. It will be frustrating and sometimes you will feel like jumping on the table and saying “hey, all of you, we have to get this DONE, let’s move!” In the end, it all works out.

      * In December, you will have a strange feeling. Like something is missing. Our campus closes between Xmas and NY, so I thought the strange feeling was having so much time. But I still had the feeling in January. Turns out, that strange feeling is the lack of bonus/profit sharing checks. Get used to it.

      * It will take you approximately 1.27 seconds to acclimate to not billing. Enjoy it. This is what you buy for the lack of check, above.

      * It turns out that there is an entire world that happens after work and before bedtime. Most people call this evening. It was completely unknown to me seven years ago. One can use this time for a plethora of activities, which might include: tennis lessons, reading, having dinner with friends, shopping, exercising, spending time with one’s spouse. You get the picture. It felt weird for a long time. Now it feels nice.

      * Those nice marble bathrooms in BigLaw? You pay a price for them. You’ll get used to regular ones.

      • A2Z

        Wow. As a biglaw partner with two kids, I’m not sure I even realized that I literally never get to enjoy “evenings.” I work until 7:30 or 8 at night, get home in time for a late dinner, read with the kids and go to bed. I know it sounds a little silly, but somehow, your post just clicked with me. Thanks for giving me something to think about.

        • Same Move

          I had the same realization, but in a different way. At the time, I was single and childless. For weeks after I took this job, I would come home after work, get the mail and bring it inside, change into something comfy, sort the mail, have a nibble, putter around the house tidying here or there and then be ready for bed. Only problem: it was only about 6:30. I literally did not know what to do with myself until it was bedtime. Then I realized that the entire rest of the world must find something to fill this time, so I could, too.

      • Carla

        This is so true!
        My boss even said it was more important that people were happy than if the work got done. And I do find it frustrating.

        I’m used to an office where work is your identity. Here, my staff work two or three days a week and things don’t get finished for months.

        I too was surprised by ‘evenings’…I’m going to have to get a life outside work. I miss feeling important but do enjoy seeing daylight.

    • goirishkj

      Made the same move last fall. Still not used to it entirely–people here say hello when they get in! And goodbye when they leave! And they seem to genuinely LIKE each other! I still don’t fully know what to do with my free time, you know, now that I HAVE free time. Though I gotta admit, driving in rush hour sucks. I didn’t even know my city HAD rush hour until I started leaving at the same time as the rest of humanity :)

      • CA Atty

        Exactly! Made the same(ish, regional law rather than big law but INsane hours) move at the beginning of this year. At first it was like “wait, why are you being nice to me? What do you want? Are you looking for the best place to put the knife in my back? It’s back there with all of the other ones.”

        And yes, people say good morning, and good night, and we all like each other even though we’re all very different we’re all working towards the same common good. And double yes, there is rush hour here!?!? I’ve learned to come in a little bit later, leave a little bit later, sometimes I do my exercise run around the office. But that’s my #3, I actually have time to exercise! And the energy to do it with! And I think I’ve read more books in 4 months than in the previous 3 YEARS.

    • Susan

      Glad you’re back and glad to hear that you’ve made a nice transition that’s got a nice work-life balance.

      I’m not in the legal profession; I’m in finance. But I’d imagine that it’d be somewhat similar to private practice– know the culture and try to fit in without losing your identity.

      I’d imagine that in private practice, lawyers must prove that they’re hard-working, constantly thinking about billable hours, and will try to the point of death-by-exhaustion to demonstrate excellence in all ways. I’m only sort of kidding!

      I’m wondering if demonstrating some of the opposite qualities might be helpful here. Showing that you have a life beyond billable hours, and are not cut-throat competitive could be beneficial to your working relationship with colleagues. If everybody has a more laid-back attitude, it might rub people the wrong way to not be chattier (they could read it as: “oh, so, you think you’re more professional and serious than we are, eh?”).

  23. anon for this

    Does anyone have a book recommendation on how to deal with a sibling who you love dearly and are very close to, but who keeps majorly screwing up her life due to poor decisions and mental health issues?

    • you are not alone in this request

      I don’t have a recommendation, but I will be watching this thread very closely and keep Amazon open in another window.

      • family anon

        I have heard “I’m Not Sick, I Don’t Need Help!” by Xavier Amador recommended for family members by social workers. I haven’t read it yet though.

        I have a parent in this situation. Make sure you take care of yourself as well!

    • Maybe this one?

      We deal with this with my husband’s former wife. My approach to people with mental health issues is typically to not deal with the person. In this case, that is not an option (at least not until the kids are older), so we had to find a way to engage safely. In our case, the illness is BPD and we read a bunch of books. I think the best one was Randi Kreger’s “The Essential Family Guide to Borderline Personality Disorder: New Tools and Techniques to Stop Walking on Eggshells.” Don’t know what illness you’re dealing with, but some of the techniques might transfer.

      Good luck. It is very difficult.

    • Seattleite

      “Boundaries,” by Cloud & Thompson, and “I Don’t Have to Make Everything All Better,” by Gary and Joy Lundberg. Both are excellent, and worth reading past the Bible references if that’s not your thing.

  24. Client Snatcher

    I have recently left a job and am considering making overtures to a former client to do business with me. For those that have done this, can you comment on strategies that have worked or potential pitfalls? In a way, this feels like burning a bridge with a former employer with whom I may need a continued relationship for references or other business contacts in the future. Should this be a concern? What else?

  25. Ada Doom Starkadder

    Threadjack: Attitudes Be A Changin’ (?)
    What do you think of online dating?

    One of my coworkers, who got divorced a few years ago, said that he recently started dating again. He admitted to using eHarmony, but he said it in this suddenly low whisper, and looked around. It wasn’t a stage-whisper or a cartoonishly exaggerated look-around. It looked involuntary. We were talking in a fairly private space, so it wasn’t like we were talking in the cubefarm where big ears abound.

    It seemed like he was embarrassed that he was doing online dating. He’s a bit older than me (him early-mid 40s). My parents are closer to him in than I am, and they also have a very negative opinion of on-line dating, but they are immigrants from East Asia, and still retain some very “old school” ideas about dating. I just told him some words of encouragement, and told him to try to have as much fun as possible. I also mentioned that my guy’s best pal is having some good success with online dating (but I think he uses a different site.)

    I’ve never used online dating, but it seems like it’d be a reasonable thing to do, especially when one is no longer part of certain communities where it’s really easy to meet a lot of people (college, full-time grad programs, religious communities.) I wonder if the opprobrium (some real, some perceived stems from these following reasons):

    1. Old school attitude of, ‘we’ve always done it THIS WAY.’ If you’re not doing it THIS WAY (read: my way), then you’re wrong wrong wrong and a social deviant/loser.

    2. Uncharitable smugness. I do notice that there are some people in our office who view this person with some measure of condescending pity, like, “oh ho ho ho, I’m still married and quite pleased with myself, but you got divorced, so you lose and I win, and I’m better than you in every way.” Just because some bad thing happened to him, doesn’t mean you, Mr. Smug, are a better person than him. Ugh.

    3. People latching onto the ‘black swan’ type cases that get a lot of press and assuming that that is the norm. You know, where the “hot 25-yr supermodel-looking author” turns out to be a 500lb mustachioed murderer in bad floral pants.

    • AIMS

      I think for a while it was just considered very creepy/dangerous to actually meet people you met online. I’m 30 and a lot of my friends do online dating (two met their spouse that way, another a soon-to-be fiance), but I recall a time of AOL chat rooms where it was seen as a really sketchy thing to do. Perhaps your parents and this person still have those associations because that’s what they remember, whereas younger folks and those who have been dating more recently just view it as another option to expand their dating pool, like joining a co-ed softball league or going to the dog park.

    • Diana Barry

      One of my college roommates still hasn’t told her parents that she met her husband online (on match.com in 2005 or so)! My husband and I met on match really early in online dating’s existence (2001), so I think it’s an unqualified good thing. :)

    • JessC

      I agree with AIMS that there was a time when on-line dating was super taboo, but I think attitudes definitely have changed/are changing. I’m currently dabbling in on-line dating and have a number of friends who have. Not everyone ends up with a fairytale ending, most of us get a few laughs along the way and, personally, I don’t know anyone who’s had any major creeper encounters.
      While it’s not a fact that I share with everyone (though as a rule I generally try to avoid sharing all the details of my love-life with the general public), it’s not one I’m ashamed of. If anything, I’ve found among people in professional communities it’s pretty acceptable. Alot of us work long, hard hours and it can become difficult to meet potential romantic partners once you get settled into your career.
      While I don’t think he needs to be ashamed (if he in fact is), but I understand him wanting to keep it on the DL.

    • Great Expectations

      My former partner met her husband through Great Expectations in 1990 (the precursor to internet dating). For years, until their tenth anniversary, she told everyone that they met in their mutual divorce attorney’s waiting room because she thought that sounded better. By the time she came clean in 2000, internet dating was all the rage and no one batted an eye about how they met.

    • Ruta Skadi

      I think it’s silly to think of online dating as taboo when barely anyone blinks an eye when you tell them you’re going out with the random person you met at the bar/museum/library/street corner. Isn’t online dating a whole vetting process, where you actually get to ask a few preliminary questions and get to “know” the other person (to the extent you can) before you meet up?

      I’ve never online dated but it seems an awfully efficient and way less potentially disastrous method than the way I used to bump into potential dates.

      • Susan

        Yes, this is exactly what I thought. It’s efficient, because instead of just hoping that the people who are at a given bar/museum/event/activity are looking to date instead of just drink/look at art/do the event or activity, you are being matched up with people who are actively *looking*.

        I’ve never done online dating, but I actually think it makes way more sense from an efficiency standpoint. Plus, I’m biased by having so many friends meet their live-in partners/SOs online and who are really happy right now.

    • Hel-lo

      I met my SO online. I had tried a bunch of sites and so had he. We ended up meeting on okcupid.

      The way I thought of it was this: if you’re on there, and you’re not creepy, then perhaps it’s ok to think that there might be other non-creepers on there too. I don’t think of it as any worse than meeting someone in a bar or at church or what have you. You talk to the person for a while, and give it a chance if you like them. If they raise any red flags, dump them.

  26. Blonde Lawyer

    Should I volunteer?

    I’m on a non-profit board that results in some contact w/ pretty influential people in my community. We are having a fundraising breakfast in early May. The board is now discussing who from the board should do the “ask” during the breakfast. We will have a guest speaker and then maybe a client will speak about our services and then a board member will speak about why donations are so important and ask everyone to donate. I’m pretty comfortable public speaking and think I could speak well about this cause.

    No one has asked if I am interested. People have suggested a board member or two and those have just groaned and not committed. I’m curious if this would be a good opportunity to get my face seen and known by important people in the community by being the one to speak and do the ask. It could also backfire and I could be the annoying person begging for money.

    Either way, do you think this would be a good move to volunteer to do the ask or more stress than it would be worth.

    • AnonInfinity

      I think you should absolutely do the ask. If this is a fundraising breakfast, everyone is expecting that someone from the organization is going to ask them to donate money at some point. I think this is way different than asking a bunch of people individually (much more scary and potentially annoying).

    • IMMJ

      Do it. Getting yourself into a place where you are seen and associated with a good cause is an opportunity, so take it. Do a good job of it and you won’t come across as the annoying person begging for money. I heard a good piece of advice about fundraising once, along the lines of thinking of it as giving people the chance to do something worthwhile. If you approach it from that angle it may help you come across well.

    • Bluejay

      Yes, definitely volunteer! It’s far better to have a volunteer than to have some board member who doesn’t really want to do it!

    • hellskitchen

      As someone who works in a nonprofit, I say do it. Prospective funders who come to a fundraising breakfast expect to be asked so if your org doesn’t make a clear ask or makes a soft ask, then they are going to be disappointed and feel like they wasted their time. Your job is not so much to make the ask, but invest the funders in your cause fully, not just through contributions… the money is a given; it’s their passion you want. And as a board member, you just have to tell your personal story of why you began to believe in this cause. If you have a specific goal amount your org is raising, don’t be afraid to share that and challenge people to help you meet that goal. Think of it this way – you are not begging for money, you are giving these donors a chance to get involved in something meaningful that they otherwise would not be able to.

  27. cbackson

    I want to like this, but I feel like the high waist and the fullness would end up looking dowdy on my short self.

    • NOLA

      Yeah but there were lots of other cute polka dot skirts mentioned in the threads above so maybe there’s one for you. Stop trying to talk yourself out of buying nice new clothes, cbackson!

  28. Kate

    Does anyone own the JCrew No. 2 pencil skirt in double-serge cotton? I love the wool version but want to know how this one compares? How is the weight of the fabric? Does it wrinkle easily?

    • nona

      I ordered and returned the double serge cotton. It was okay, I guess, but the fabric was stiffer than I wanted. I could also see it getting pretty wrinkled across the front. My comparision was the No 2 in corduroy, not wool, and the corduroy had a really nice drape,stretch to it that the cotton didn’t. Neither of those are lined either.

    • MissJackson

      Yes — love the double-serge cotton as much as the wool! It’s a nice, thick cotton fabric and doesn’t wrinkle. Fully lined, too.

      Beware of the “outlet” cotton No. 2, though, which is not lined (if you care about that — I do).

    • phillygirlruns

      i have last spring’s skirt – same double-serge cotton, same construction as far as i can tell. it does wrinkle and will stretch a bit when you wear it, but i think that’s going to be the same for any cotton skirt. i like the fabric a lot – very thick and structured.

    • Eleanor

      I have a couple of the wool ones and love them, but I tried on the double-serge cotton not too long ago and didn’t wind up getting it. The fabric was really stiff, and felt kind of casual for work to me. It was a heavy cotton, though, which was nice.

    • Whit

      I have two of these which I like, but don’t love…. they are not that flattering on me, which I believe is due to the cotton (stiffer fabric, lighter color than the wool ones I own).
      The fabric does wrinkle quite a bit during the day, but it is so heavy that the wrinkles fall right out after a couple of days on the hangar, so I haven’t had to do any ironing between wearings.

  29. Kate

    One more – looking for a pair of office appropriate black leather pumps. With an almond or slightly pointed toe and a 2.5-3.25 inch heel. Under $100 dollars.

    What do y’all got??

  30. L

    I’m in search of black professional flats (ideally under $50). I’d like them to have an actual sole and be structured like a “real” shoe as opposed to many of the slippy ballet flats (which I love but don’t work well for my office). I’d love it if they had a small detail to keep them away from the grandma orthotic look.. Anyone have any suggestions?

    • Can't Wait to Quit

      If you like J. Crew flats, I often have good luck finding them on Ebay for much less than they cost from the catalog. They are much more “real shoe” than the junky ones from DSW. Today I am wearing a pair of their Liv flats, in black patent, that I got for $50. Just search “J Crew flats” and add the number of your size.

    • Godzilla

      Check out Hush Puppies. With the ubiquitious 20% coupons Macy’s has, you can score comfortable and good looking shoes for under $50.

    • anon

      outside your price point, but i love love love cole haan air flats. you can get them on 6pm for $80-100 often. Hold up well, extremely comfortable, very professional looking (and cute!), good support.

    • Bluejay

      I have a pair by Clarks that meets all your criteria except price, but 6pm (dot) com often has Clarks on deep discount. Clarks has a huge selection of structured flats; I suggest browsing their website as well as the shoe-specific sites.

      • Geezerette

        Second the Clarks recommendation! I just bought their Concert Choir model, which has a slight wedge, and it’s super comfortable. However, bear in mind that I AM a grandma!

    • ShortieK

      I really like Lands End’s Emma ballet flat. They’re on sale and mad cheap.
      They run a little narrow and are plain black or tan leather.

  31. New to hours

    Next month, I am moving from a government position to private practice in a smaller firm, practicing in an area that has become my specialty over the past few years. Although I’m not coming in as a ‘new associate’ (at least on the pay scale), I will have a billable hours requirement for the first time in my life (1975 hours/year).

    Does anyone have tips for that initial transition to billable hours? I’m interested in tips on how to consistently make those billable hours each week starting from the get-go, and also on how to balance my billable requirement with making sure that I also develop appropriate office relationships in the first few months.

    • associate

      On making your hours: Try your absolute best to record your time at the same time you do something. It’s a pain in the…, well it’s a pain the in everything, but it’s the absolute best way to maximize your time.

      As for relationships, you’ll get to “know your office.” My first place of employement, everyone was a billable hour drama queen and would only talk for 20 seconds at a time. My current place of employment it a little more laid back. We’ll engage in small talk before getting down to business, but usually for no more than 5 minutes at a time. I’d expect it wouldn’t be encouraged to just go up to people and start chatting. And if they invite you to lunch, by all means go.

      And you can still check corporette ;) Everyone needs a 2 minute break every now and then.

      • Former MidLevel

        Second the recommendation to closely track your hours. There are lots of ways to do this – find one that works for you. Also, write down the time you actually spend on projects. During my first year in practice, a lot of friends confided in me that they cut their own hours down because they felt like things took them “too long” to accomplish certain tasks. Don’t to this. If you are, in fact, taking too long, the partner who reviews your time sheets will tell you. (Or cut your hours herself as she deems fit.) This is not to say that you shouldn’t endeavor to work efficiently and accomplish tasks in a timely manner – you should! But don’t shortchange yourself.

    • Diana Barry

      I would round up to 2000. Then divide by 12 – that is 166.67 hours a month. That is approximately 39.7 hours a week if there are 4.2 weeks in a month, or 41.7 hours if there are 4 weeks in a month, or approximately 8 to 8.5 hours a day. Keep close track of your hours so you can see your pace.

      When I was in biglaw, I would try to ‘get ahead’ early in the year if possible (eg if I was busy enough), so that I could slack off later if/when things get slow. This isn’t really possible in all practice areas, though. I do T+E, so it is more steady than litigation or corporate.

  32. Springtime

    How do you know when to call it quits with someone?

    I’ve been dating a guy for around two months now, and things were okay. I was hoping for more of a ‘click’ by now but we don’t really seem to have the same interests. He also doesn’t seem to quite ‘get’ or make an effort to ‘get’ the things I like, my job (notably- when I was stressed about being hired back after my contract expired last month, he thought that I was being dramatic in saying that the job market for my field is small and I would have serious issues finding another job)., and who “I” am. I try to prod him to talk about himself and all I get is ‘today was good, I made a few phone calls, etc.”. I’m very active and constantly busy and I think I’m starting to resent the fact that he does not seem to be the same type of Type A person.

    Is this something you bring up gently with someone in hopes of resolving it? Or is it a clear sign I need to end things? I’ve never had this issue before!

    • phillygirlruns

      you don’t need a “good enough” reason to break up with someone. sounds like he’s a perfectly nice guy, just not for you. i don’t think there’s something to be resolved here, so much as you’re finding out, as you get to know him better, that you just aren’t going to gel.

      • 30

        This. Although I’ll say that sometimes a Type B guy can help balance out a high-strung Type A girl. But of course, it has to be the right Type B guy.

        • Springtime

          I totally thought he would balance out my Type A-ness, but it doesn’t seem to be working.

          And to anon below- it is a clearly bad sign that I can’t think of anything I really DO like about him, other than he is very respectful and attractive. I feel bad for letting down a guy who does treat me well (except the lack of interest in my life bit haha), but c’est la vie.

          • CA Atty

            Don’t feel bad for letting him down, sometimes things don’t work out. Being more concerned about his feelings than your own is what gets some women stuck in relationships that are “good enough” but not really passionate or great. Most guys don’t worry about letting the girl down! Also, I said being more concerned about his feelings, it’s really more being concerned about your perception of what his feelings are, if you see what I mean. Maybe he’s told you he’s passionately in love with you and you’re the only girl for him, but it doesn’t sound like it. It sounds like you’re dating a guy you like well enough but don’t have that spark with.

  33. anon

    Since you didn’t lead with anything you DO like about him, I’d say now! Not being snarky, I swear. There are just a lot more fish in the sea, and life is (hopefully) long.

  34. anon for this

    My first TJ!

    My husband and I are considering a cross-country move to north coastal South Carolina. Any corporettes in a 1,000 radius who can shed a little light on the area? I’m in the writing/public relations/journalism field; he plans on moving his business (very compatible with the area).

    Thanks!

    • sweetknee

      I currently live in Columbia, South Carolina, which is smack in the middle of the state. I have a state wide practice, and travel to the coast often to defend my clients. I have lived in South Carolina my whole life. if you feel comfortable, give me an e mail address and we can talk off line about the state and all it’s great points. ( There are a couple of bad ones too. . .)

      • anon for this

        Thank you Sweetknee!

        My husband and I are originally from the South (Georgia for me, Louisiana for him) but it has been a very LONG time since we’ve spent any time there. You can reach me at valeriec at inlandwireless dot com.

        And thanks again!

  35. Viscose?

    Can anyone comment on what a sweater will feel and wear like if it is made of:

    38% viscose
    33% silk
    29% nylon?

    There is a very nice cardigan and sleeveless shell set at wwwDOTaugustsilkDOTcom. It says “fabric: silk blend.” So I called and this is what I was told. I have an old August Silk cardigan that is 75% silk and 25% nylon and it is smooth and stretchy and wears well and lies well. The viscose is throwing me, though. What will it be like?

    Thanks.

    • Seattleite

      Viscose = rayon, i think. I like the August Silk brand, and have been pleasantly surprised by the ‘feel’ of other items that contained rayon. So I’d take the risk, but of course YMMV.

    • Nonny

      It will feel very smooth and silky (similar to your 75% silk cardi) and will have lots of drape, but won’t hold its shape all that well and may have a tendency to stretch (though the nylon will help somewhat with that). It may also have a tendency to slip off your shoulders if you are not blessed of shoulder or if it is not buttoned – but silk does this too. My guess is that August Silk is trying to save money by making things partially out of viscose rather than silk.

    • Viscose?

      Thanks. I think I will order them from the website and see how it goes. Ideally, I’d like a set in both a dark teal and a wine color. There are two possible teals, times two possible sizes, and two possible wines, times two possible sizes. So that’s a certain return on the back end, but it appears to be the only way to do it. I’ve looked at the colors on three different screens and there’s no way to tell. The size chart leaves me smack between two sizes.

      What’s that you say? Call their 800 number and ask? Well, yes, I tried that. Monday, a woman who barely understood English told me to call back Tuesday. Tuesday, the customer service person was not in. This morning, I spoke to the customer service person who appeared to be doing his best but who clearly had very little experience interacting with customers. I had to ask several times and have him call me back later with the contents of the “silk blend” because “we don’t know that, but maybe the production line does.” (First he tried to tell me it is on the website. It isn’t. Then he tried to tell me it is not possible to know the contents of a blend. Then I suggested he grab an actual sweater and read the label to me. I really didn’t think it was an unreasonable question, but now that I write all this it sounds so complicated. When I asked about color and size availability, the conversation really went haywire.

      So I will order, and try on, and return some or all, and report back.

      Thanks for your comments.

      • Viscose?

        OP here. I just got home and sat down to order the sweaters from wwwDOTaugustsilkDOTcom. Guess what? Not a single one of the multitude of combinations (style-color-size) I wanted to order is available. I keep getting the same pop-up window saying “that combination is not in stock” (or similar). I’m guessing it’s either user error or website problems. How could that many items be offered for sale but not available? I sent them an email through their website.

        Anyone ever had issues like this with August Silk? I know they are not a couture house, but this is really mom-and-pop.

  36. colored denim

    I’m looking to jump on the colored denim trend, but only at a low-ish price point (ideally <$50) since its not a classic piece i will wear for a long time. the catch is i'm really tall (5'11") and all my usual go-to stores for cheap, cute clothes (Target, Old Navy, The Limited, H&M) don't have any tall sizes in their colored denim. anyone have any recommendations for places to look?

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