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Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Abstract Batik Floral Dress

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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices.

Happy Wednesday! This floral batik dress from Michael Michael Kors looks very pretty without being too twee or too girly for work. I like the navy color, as well as the small floral print (which can be more flattering than a big print), and I think the cutouts at the sleeves are interesting without drawing too much attention. The dress has a hidden back zip and is machine washable. We're picturing the plus-size version, which is available at Zappos, Nordstrom, Macy's, and Dillards for $110, and there's also an option in straight sizes for $98 at Nordstrom. Abstract Batik Floral Dress Tech Update: Thank you guys for your patience! Some of the latest updates to WordPress are causing problems with the theme; our tech team is looking into short-term solutions until we can get the redesign done. (We’re in the home stretch of what’s been a really long process so it should be soon!) This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

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And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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240 Comments

  1. Personal finance question:
    After a brutal personal finance diet of 2 years, I have savings and a disposable income.
    I have an emergency fund with 6 months of expenses, I have managed to save £10k pounds on top and will be able to put aside £1k every month in savings and about £5k every year from my Christmas extra pay.
    I am very risk-averse so do not want to invest in stocks. I did some research and found a 180 day notice account at 1.81% AER the only other options I found are fixed bonds for around 2% but then you don’t get to feed into them monthly.
    Is this a good rate for the UK? Am I missing out on better opportunities with the same no-risk profile?
    I don’t expect to touch the money for at least 2-3 years when I become self-employed.

    2. I think it is reasonable to keep some of your money in low interest accounts for emergency savings. But, assuming you don’t have a short term goal that wasn’t mentioned, I highly encourage you to reconsider not investing in the stock market. Especially if this is retirement savings. It is nearly impossible to find anything offering over 2% interest, which basically means that you are losing money since inflation is higher. In contrast, I’ve gotten 10% returns on my investment account over the past year.

    3. Rates are low just now so it doesn’t sound unexpected. But with the vmbase rate srammtartibg to rise, things could get better.

    4. Please, please look at any sort of graph that shows that you cannot make meaningful progress toward compound interest and long term savings if you are only earning 1.81% on your savings. You’re essentially standing still. You’ll be only a smidge ahead of inflation.

      Try to think about what a pack of chewing gum cost when you were a kid, and what it costs now. You actually fall behind if you don’t put money in stocks. In my case a pack of gum was ~60 cents, and now it’s about $1.29. That’s inflation.

      There are plenty of lifecycle retirement funds which have bonds which dampen stock market returns (on the good and bad end) but still provide you with far more growth than essentially cash savings.

      I urge you to see a financial planner. They cannot change your risk aversion, but they can help you see that if you want to invest that way, you need to save something like 75% of your net pay to make it to a reasonable retirement goal if you cannot rely on compounding because you’re only essentially stashing cash, and there will be little to no growth of your savings.

      1. +1

        You are discounting the risk you are taking by not letting your money grow.

    5. Is all of this money intended for emergency savings, or is some portion of it going toward your retirement account? For any amount going toward retirement, I would STRONGLY echo the advice of the commenters above in saying that you will never reach an income replacement goal if you don’t invest in high-risk/high-return assets. Take a look at index funds that simulate a broad-market basket of stocks for diversification and risk mitigation. For even more set-it-and-forget-it for retirement, pick a target retirement date index fund (Vanguard is a good one with a very low expense ratio) and plow your cash with a given time horizon into a fund that matches that target date.

      For amounts that you plan to use in the next 2-3 years, unfortunately high-yield savings is probably the only place you can put it without overcomplicating things (CD ladders, income-yielding funds, etc). Others please correct me if I’m wrong here, though – I’d love to know if there’s a relatively easy strategy for more short-term yield than a HY savings account!

      Let me reiterate: being overweighted on cash and other “safe” assets in a long-term portfolio is the absolute worst thing you can do for your long-term financial security. Talk to a financial planner ASAP.

  2. A year or two ago, one of my neighbors yelled at my husband for letting our dog pee near – not on, just near – a small garden near her mailbox. Since then, my husband has been careful to give the garden a very wide birth, but one time the dog was on their lawn (very close to the sidewalk, nowhere near their house) and the woman’s husband came out and screamed at my husband “GET YOUR DOG OFF MY [EXPLETIVE] LAWN.” Since then, my husband has avoided their house altogether. They live across the street from us, so when he’s walking on our block he just stays on our side of the street.
    Today, my husband was walking the dog (on our side of the street) and the neighbor came up to him in her truck and said “Why can’t you be a good neighbor!?!?!” My husband said “I’m sorry, what do you mean?” and the woman just kept saying “YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN” in a really threatening way.
    We’re both kind of rattled. It just seems like a very disproportionate reaction, even if you really hate dogs. We live in a red state and almost everyone has a gun, so I’m a little freaked out about what they might do at the next perceived offense and who knows when that will be, because we’re basically doing everything we can to avoid their house and they’re still extremely upset.
    We live in a neighborhood with lots of dogs – so if there’s pee or poop on their lawn it could definitely be from other dogs – and we’re very responsible and always pick up poop. We aren’t close friends with any of our neighbors but haven’t encountered anyone unpleasant except these people.
    What would you do? I feel like our general strategy of avoidance is not working.

      1. No way in h e double hockey sticks would I apologize for some psycho screaming at me for walking my dog in their eyesight.

        Don’t want people interacting with your garden, don’t put it next to a place transited by the public.

        1. It is trespass to enter another’s property without permission. Please read up on local law to understand the ownership of the sidewalk, the median strip and the curb, so you know what is actually public and what isn’t.

        2. I just checked my city municipal code. It is a citable violation to let your dog urinate or defecate on private property. It also defines in excruciating detail what is private property, which in my town includes all land to the curb, with a right of way required for the sidewalk. So your neighbor may be in the right here.

    3. I’ve been there, and I think their anger will just die down over time. Sounds like they just hold onto stuff. Or, you can kill them with kindness and bring over cookies as a peace offering and that might help. Can you keep your dog in an invisible fence or in your backyard?

    4. Hold the course. I’ve got a similar problem in my neighborhood with a cranky ass old man neighbor who perceives every wet spot on the sidewalk to be my dog.
      NEVERMIND THERE’S 30 DOGS LIVING ON THE STREET.

      with people like this, cranky crappy neighbor personalities, you are NEVER going to win. you will NEVER get back in their good graces. this bridge is burned and you need to live your life like the cranky neighbors are not in it. you can do this.

      all you can do is avoid their sidewalk in front of the house. easy peasy. don’t let your husband screw up again. if it’s the 100 other dogs in your neighborhood, live with the knowledge that it’s not you, and you move on living.

      if you’re seriously afraid they’re going to shoot you (wow, lots of gun anxiety this week in posts) then maybe think about escalating to police if they continue making threats to you. but otherwise, do not engage. disengage. avoid. life your life with your dog.

      1. Just to be clear, my husband didn’t “screw up.” They told him to avoid their garden. He did. Then they told him to get the dog off their lawn. He hasn’t walked the dog in front of their house since. Today he was across the street from their house when they came up to him and yelled at him. He hasn’t walked the dog in front of their house in over a year…That’s why I say avoidance is not working, because we have been avoiding them and their yard and they continue harassing us. (The dog lives indoors, occasionally goes in our fenced backyard and never leaves our property except on walks).

        1. Is it actual harassment, or just an angry neighbor that makes you mad because you don’t understand why they’re mad? If you consider it Harassment with a capital H and you feel threatened in any way, engage the police and create a record. Otherwise, continue doing what you’re doing – avoid their sidewalk, avoid them, and live your life with them as background noise. You can’t reason with the innately unreasonable, which they appear to be.

          1. It’s not just like “ooh my feelings are hurt that these people don’t like me” but it’s probably not Harassment with a capital H because we’ve only had a handful of encounters with them. I guess I would say today it felt more like harassment – because coming up to someone when they’re not on your property and yelling at them seems a little more threatening than yelling “get off my lawn” at someone who’s on your property – and my husband says they were actually yelling, not just saying rude things. My husband is not prone to exaggeration, so if he says they were yelling I believe they were.

            We wave and say hi to other dog walkers but I’m not sure I feel like I know any of them well enough to bring up these neighbors. Maybe I should though.

          2. I would document this incident in writing so you have it on hand in case anything escalates. Have husband send an email to himself with facts about it so it’s time stamped.

            I’m sorry, terrible neighbors suck.

        2. Are they doing this to everyone? What do your fellow walkers say?

          Some people are just jerks.

    5. I’m sorry that you live by a couple of nutjobs. I wish title searches uncovered helpful info like this.

      BUT they live in a red state, too. Where most people are armed. They are being bad anyway. Maybe the red state thing will keep them from being more out of line.

      [In the meantime, do you know your other neighbors? Most dog walkers seem to. If the consensus is that they are the neighborhood nutjobs, that is what they are. I have a neighbor who has a “tresspassers will be shot on sight” handmade sign on his door. So I don’t give him a flyer about the neighborhood picnic. To my knowledge, he’s a scared old guy living alone and it’s probably meant to scare off panhandlers / aggressive solicitors. But still . . .]

      1. Good grief. I really had zero idea that red states (like the one where I live) were considered to be full of irrational people who could pull out a gun and shoot you at any minute. Is this really what blue state people think of the other regions in the country?

        1. Seriously. I live in an urban area WITH crime and I have never assumed someone is going to pull out a gun and shoot me.

        2. Not sure if it is what blue state people think of other regions, but as a red state native who lives in a deep red semi-rural area where Confederate/swastika/don’t tread on me/flags are visible in multiple neighboring properties and where we often hear their rifles employed in shooting cans off the fence post out of boredom, I don’t think the tread-carefully mindset is unwarranted.

          1. This is the case outside my small city as well. I had a heated exchange with someone in a large pickup truck with Browning stickers and right-leaning political bumper stickers and I still wasn’t afraid he was going to shoot me. Painting the right/red with a giant broad brush of gun toting crazies doesn’t do anyone any good. I am very liberal, but I think thia mindset doesn’t help re: the liberals are special snowflakes who need safe spaces trope.

        3. I live in a red state. I am from a red part of my state but live in a blue part. Red counties are next to mine. I really don’t ever think about whether someone is armed / has a concealed gun / has access to one. My guess is that a mom & pop no-brand convenience store probably has a weapon behind the counter b/c they otherwise get robbed all the time. But people shooting at each other in my city is largely confined to certain hotspots (as opposed to whole neighborhoods) and times of day I’m usually sleeping and the participants are largely known to each other, have records, and have prior beefs.

          Just having prior beefs doesn’t seem to result in shooting; all of the above does.

        4. As a person from a country where gun ownership is restricted and gun related crimes and mass shootings with legally obtained guns are not regular events, yeah, the mere presence of so many firearms makes me feel less safe.

        5. I live in a purple, largely rural state. Right now we have a Republican Governor but we typically lean blue and Clinton won here. However, we are also the wild west and assume everyone is armed all the time. It is not unheard of for road rage to result in a shooting, or for both people to come out of their cars armed. Crime is also up in our largest city. However, most of the crime is confined to particular areas and people who know each other so I don’t really feel unsafe. But I definitely am aware of the fact that there are a lot of people who are armed all around all the time.

        6. “Good grief. I really had zero idea that red states (like the one where I live) were considered to be full of irrational people who could pull out a gun and shoot you at any minute. Is this really what blue state people think of the other regions in the country?”

          Yes. This is pretty much what I think about parts of the country where carrying a gun is the norm. I don’t understand being so paranoid that you need a gun on your person, and I think it’s unbearably and unspeakably tacky and low class. I suppose I would make an exception for a woman who has a restraining order against an abuser or maybe a prosecutor or similar who receives legitimate death threats. But the average person? Nope.

          And I also think that people in those parts of the country don’t have a clue how unsophisticated they make the US look in the eyes of the rest of the world. Gun culture coarsens the country, and there is no better way of demonstrating it than the fact that in a strong gun culture area, you can’t have a dispute with your neighbor without being fearful that he will shoot you.

    6. Sounds like an unreasonable person. I’d continue to avoid, as it’s always iffy to try and reason with people who are dispositioned to get upset about dogs. I’d pick a line and stick with it on repeat. “We don’t walk our dog by your house, if you’re upset about waste, you’re talking to the wrong person.” “We don’t walk our dog by your house.” “We. don’t. walk. the. dog. by. your. house.”

      1. +1. Minimize contact and don’t engage when they confront you. Have your husband write down his account of the latest incident and email it himself/you for the timestamp. It’s extremely unlikely that this will escalate further, so try not to be too anxious, but it never hurts to have a record.

    7. I would bring over whatever would be acceptable for your neighborhood as a token of generosity. In my neighborhood it would be a bottle of wine or some cookies. And either write a note or try to chat along the lines of, “I’m unsure how we got off on the wrong foot and we want to make it right. We made a mistake a year ago with Fido and your garden and have since stayed far away. Please let us know if there are any other concerns you have, or maybe if you’re available to have a drink (we’ll leave Fido at home).” But mean whatever you say. We were in a position with our neighbors to need to do something similar, and this went a long way. We never met for drinks, but things are friendly now. My husband and felt strongly we had done nothing wrong, but obviously they felt differently. Good luck!

      1. Honestly, I wouldn’t do this. This is not a neighborly misunderstanding that you can sweet talk your way out of. This is a crazy possibly armed neighbor. Crazy does not understand reasonableness, it’s a waste of time and may cause more harm – it’s just like a crazy person like this to see your offering as an admission of guilt and the harassment will escalate.

        File a police report about the threat, not for any action but so there is a trail of evidence of the threats, put VERY VISIBLE cameras outside your house (bonus if the vantage point has part of the neighbor’s yard near the sidewalk), so the neighbor will be discouraged against property crimes, and like everyone above said, AVOID THEM when they are in your site and don’t even walk the near their property.

        2. If you use very visible cameras, also have a not so visible camera that is aimed at the visible cameras. In years of experience prosecuting I can tell you that people who are up to no good may be careful to not commit their bad actions in front of the visible cameras, but they may try to disarm or steal them. A camera view showing them doing that is great. Also be sure that your cameras are not aimed at their house as this seems to escalate already bad situations.

        3. I’d avoid the people — they may perceive you as a threat now and it’s better for you if you let this cool off.

        4. Not excessive at all. This is exactly what I would do. Document the problem with a police report, continue avoiding them, put up cameras.

    8. I’m assuming you own this house. Is there an HOA? If so, I’d give them a call to see what can be done.

      Either way, I think I’d try to kill them with kindness. Go to their house and politely but firmly explain that it seems you’ve gotten off to a rocky start and you’d like to clear the air. You know there are a lot of dogs in the neighborhood and in your experience not everyone picks up after their dogs – super annoying right? But you two are responsible dog owners and you always pick up after your dog. I MIGHT even bring a plate of cookies or something on the assumption that it’s hard to yell at someone who’s offering you baked goods.

      I have an obnoxious neighbor like this. She’s always finding something to work herself into a tizzy over. The polite but firm approach takes the wind out of her sails. But I definitely have to catch her sort of off guard when she’s not already worked up.

    9. You’re overreacting. She sounds unpleasant but I’m not sure why you jumped from over the course of two years she yelled at your husband three times to now you’re afraid she’s going to shoot you.

      Try talking to her and asking what she’s upset about without your dog around.

      2. +1 to overreacting. Some people are just nut jobs. I’d just continue to ignore. Don’t engage with crazy. A few interactions in a few years doesn’t warrant a conversation.

    10. This definitely sounds disproportionate. It is probably not about you, really – at least in my neighborhood, I know there are a LOT of people who have consistently asked for better behavior from dog owners, who regularly leave bags of waste around or un-bagged waste on people’s lawn (even when asked). That doesn’t mean they should take it out on you in your case, but I guess try not to take it personally.

    11. I’m not a dog owner and never have been. I get irritated when people let their dogs use my lawn as a toilet, even when they clean up poop. My kids run around in the grass, and it’s my property. But, I don’t say a word about it because I try to keep the peace and some things are just better to let go.

      Dog owners of the world…is it just an unspoken rule that dogs are allowed to use other people’s lawns as long as the owner cleans up after them? I’m not being snarky, I just am curious. I feel like there’s a social construct and I am being oblivious because everybody does it.

      1. My city has a pooper-scooper law. And generally there are sidewalks with a grassy strip on the street and then lawns on the other. I think that the street, the sidewalk, and the grassy strip are fair game (and you must pick up) but not the lawn. Stuff still happens (e.g., cats) but poop can be a smeary nasty mess even if it is scooped right away (and some kids have better skills than others).

        I have seen some people just let their dogs poop and home and then hire a company to clean the yard. That must get nasty if they don’t come regularly. I lived next to a rental for a while and the tenants had giant dogs that went in the back yard. I could see their poop from the deck — ewwww.

      2. No, you are supposed to curb your dog. I don’t let my dog use people’s laws, but do let them use the strip that is between the sidewalk and the street as that is the best I have in the city. If there are flower beds that have been clearly done by the owner on that strip, we avoid those too.

      3. +1 dog per isn’t good for my lawn and my toddler may be barefoot in it a moment later. Do you really have to let your dog pee ON someone’s lawn.

        1. Where else is the dog supposed to go? The sidewalk seems grosser to me, because people walk and bike there. Even if you have a fenced in yard, it’s cruel not to take the dog out on at least one walk a day. They need exercise.

          1. Dog pee makes yellow dead spots on lawns. The dog should be going in the owner’s yard, not other people’s yards. We had a dog who would only pee during walks and refused to go outside on her own, so we’d take her on the leash into our yard to pee at the beginning of her walk before going out on the street.

      4. Yes, where else do you expect the dog to go while they walk? The purpose of a walk is to let the animal get some exercise and let it do its business. You rather it go on the sidewalk or your driveway, because that’ll be the result if dogs can’t go on the grass? Trust me, as a city dweller, that is so much more disgusting.

        1. Eh, I think these neighbors are psycho but I get not wanting someone’s dog peeing on your lawn, particularly near a garden you’ve been working on.

        2. Well, if the dog owner has a yard, the dog could do his business in its owner’s yard so non-dog owners don’t have to clean up after it.

        3. Plenty of dogs have been trained to do their business just off the curb in the street. Not in a driveway. Not on a sidewalk. That’s the polite thing to do.

      6. I think it’s generally socially acceptable for the dog to use the lawn near the sidewalk as long as you pick it up. We don’t let our dog go way up onto someone’s lawn because that seems invasive. We try to keep her on the “tree lawn” (I think different regions of the US have different names for this, but it’s the grassy area between the sidewalk and street) and I’d say at least 75% of the time she does her solid business there. We don’t worry as much about pee, because most people don’t care about that (although these neighbors do, I guess).

        1. It is not socially acceptable to use someone else’s lawn as your pet’s toidy. Walk it so it uses your own lawn, a public area like a dog relief area or an unused public area like a small park.

          1. This isn’t possible. We can avoid this one lawn, but we can’t avoid every lawn/tree lawn in our neighborhood. We don’t have a dog park within walking distance. There is a public park nearby but it’s several blocks away and the dog would do her business on the way there. And even if we could walk 3 blocks without the dog peeing once, kids are always playing in the park so isn’t it worse for her to pee there? It may vary by area, but in our neighborhood everyone walks their dogs on the sidewalk and has them go to the bathroom on grass right near the sidewalk. A lot of people don’t always pick up the poop (which we do every time) so I really don’t think our behavior is inappropriate for our neighborhood.

            Peeing for dogs isn’t just about doing their business. Even if we walked our dog around our own lawn for 10 minutes first and got her to pee several times on our lawn, she would still pee later on the walk. They smell new things and want to mark their territory. Our dog probably squats 10-15 times on a 20 minute walk, even though by the end basically nothing is coming out. This is very normal dog behavior.

        2. People in my neighborhood get upset about pee because female dogs tend to leave spots on the grass so I get it. We try to encourage our dogs to do all their business before walks because I don’t like carrying around bags of poop (I do it thought).

      7. my personal rule – Boston residential neighborhood, sidewalks all with grass/plants lining them (I also have a heavily landscaped/planted front yard) :

        I won’t let my dog step his feets ONTO the grass or into the plants. he doesn’t cross that line.

        yes, my dog will poop on the sidewalk in front of your house. and I will clean it up. Yes, he will also pee on the very edge of the sidewalk-kissing-lawn line. But the feets do not cross that line or step into the grass. I’d also like to hear others’ perspectives…

        it’s not a perfect system being dog vs. non-dog people. Yes, it’s awful that some people leave poop out. And yes, I get it that it’s even more anger-inducing when you look out your window and you actively see someone walking their dog and its peeing on your lawn. and I think that’s what’s happening with OP’s angry-bird-neighbor. She’s always going to be unreasonably angry that you+dog exist.

      8. Yes, as long as they clean it up thoroughly. Many other animals are also using your lawn to do their business, and they (the rabbits, deer, squires) can’t clean up after themselves. It’s good manners to keep a dog from going too close to a house but near a sidewalk is fair game.

        1. No it’s not. I have to weed that and don’t want to encounter a concentration of dog pee. Get a grip and respect the rights of the property owners whose gardens you are ruining,

        2. +1
          It’s the outdoors – not your living room carpet. Birds, rabbits, etc. are pooping on your lawn, and it’s full of insects. The dog pees on my property (I am aware that the pH can yellow grass) and her poop is picked up and taken away with us as we walk on.

        4. Rabbit poop is not nearly as gross as dog poop! It’s dry, for one thing, and herbivore poop in general doesn’t smell the way dog poop does.

          Don’t leave your neighbors lawns in a state unfit for walking barefoot on. If you can wipe up dog poop that thoroughly, okay, but if not, you need to walk Fluffy in your own yard.

          1. Ok, but the discussion is about pee, not poop. Pee might not be great for maintaining a perfectly green lawn, but it’s pretty much instantly absorbed by the dirt and you’re not going to feel it when you’re walking around barefoot.

          2. Read your comment, which admits your dog is ruining part of someone else’s garden. That’s not ok. Use the street.

      9. Where I live, the grassy strip between the sidewalk and the street is public property, maintained by the city. Homeowners can plant flowers there but technically the city could rip it up at any time. So when we walk our dog, the dog only goes to the bathroom on that strip (and we pick up right after).

        I would follow the suggestion above of just repeating, we only walk our dog on this side of the street. Don’t engage otherwise. If she crosses the street again to yell at you, consider filing a police report to have something on record.

        1. This is the rule in my city as well- homeowners are responsible for maintenance, but technically it’s city property. Also, on my “tree lawn” I ripped out the grass and put down crushed stone, and now I don’t care if dogs pee there. We have a fence that prevents anyone from getting onto the front yard (if you can call it that…)

      10. I agree, it’s gross. Dow owners should use the public boulevards, not other people’s yards.

      11. I don’t own a dog either, but I grew up with one. First, sometimes it’s impossible to control a dog who just quickly darts into a lawn and squats. I don’t think it’s a big deal as long as it’s pretty close to the sidewalk. Hate to break it to you– there are lots of other animals and insects who are pooping and peeing in your lawn too. In my area we have deer, squirrels, foxes, bunnies, and the occasional raccoon who come and go in our yard as they please. At least the dog poop gets cleaned up by someone else!

        1. A dog who is properly trained to heel will not uncontrollably dart onto a lawn and squat. I love dogs, trained and showed them extensively in my youth, though I don’t have a dog in my current urban setting. This isn’t a hard thing to teach, and my biggest pet peeve is people who don’t train their dog to heel. Dogs darting all over the place on a retractable leash are literally the worst.

      12. My neighborhood has are bunnies, squirrels, raccoons and possums. If you think nothing is peeing or pooping on your yard, you’re kidding yourself. It’s gross to step in a big pile of dog poo, but as long as people clean up after their pets, the neighborhood dogs are not making your yard significantly dirtier than it would otherwise be.

      13. I hate that people let their dogs do this but I see it as a price of admission to living reasonably close to work. If I didn’t want to deal with people and their animals then I should move to the countryside. I would rather deal with dog waste than 4 hours in the car every day.

      14. There may be a social construct, but people violate it HARDCORE where I live. Honestly, I love dogs, but I’m starting to hate dog owners. Can’t walk down the street without seeing tons of dog poo despite the widespread availability of bags, people let their dogs bark all day long within apartments, dogs that should definitely be on a leash aren’t…some woman’s dog lunged at me when I was on my bike to snap at the wheels and the owner said “oh, she hates bikes.” Then why are you leaving her off-leash on a bike trail crowded with people, including lots of kids on bikes?

        1. +a million to all this. Also, get your dog out of my coffee shop and grocery store, and off the store counter. Gross.

      15. My parents hate poop on the lawn, so when their dog goes, they slip a paper plate underneath. It makes for easy clean up and no mess. It’s not exactly environmentally friendly (and I always thought it was a little crazy), what with all the paper plates, but they’ve been doing it forever. Whether it’s at home or when walking the dog around the neighborhood or park.

        1. …no one is going to do this – have you ever seen a dog pace and twirl to find a good spot? My dog would suck the poop back up and find another spot to go if I did this. But the image is hilarious.

    12. Move and take the dog with you. I hate dogs so I’m kind of proud of this woman for saying what I’m always thinking. Don’t bother with cookies or whatever – we don’t eat from flithy dog homes.

      6. Wouldn’t it be more prudent for you to move to a hermetically sealed bubble away from society? Win-win.

      8. I feel sorry for you. It must be incredibly difficult to go through life being so, so angry.

        1. I mean, I hear people say they hate cats all the time and that seems to be perfectly acceptable to most dog people…so, not impressed by the pearl clutching.

    13. Apologize again and note that you will walk your dog only on the other side of the street.

      It’s not your property. Stay off it. Keep your pets off it. Why is the dog even walking on it?

      I’ve had dogs for 20 years, I’ve never let them do their business on someone else’s property and I’ve never seen anyone else let their dog go on someone else’s property. City property? Yes and scoop but not private property. Maybe in my area people just have better manners.

      1. A dog who is walking on the sidewalk will squat and pee on the grass that runs along the edge of the sidewalk. It doesn’t sound like her dog is running up into their yard. In my city, you also own the land between the sidewalk and the street. Short of never walking your dog or walking your dog in the street (which is dangerous) I don’t know how you could completely prevent your dog from going on other people’s property.

        1. It’s called a leash. You pull your dog away when they start to squat in an inappropriate area. I’ve done it thousands of times.

          I have no problem with dogs using the small area between the sidewalk and the street but dogs should not go on people’s lawns. It’s rude AF.

      2. FWIW, both times they yelled at us when we were in front of their house, the dog was actually on the tree lawn between the sidewalk and the street. The first time she was well off the sidewalk and in the middle of the tree lawn, the second time she was barely on the tree lawn and was very close to the sidewalk. Tree lawn is technically part of the homeowner’s lawn here, but everyone walks dogs there.

        1. For what it’s worth, this “tree lawn” is also private property in many neighborhoods. In my city, a homeowner’s property goes to the middle of the street. Sidewalks and roads are built across private property pursuant to an easement. So that strip of lawn between the sidewalk and the street is not public property. My neighborhood actually has no sidewalks on most streets, but where they exist, the lawn on both sides is private property. I don’t have a problem with anyone letting their dog pee there, I’m just saying if the reason you let them do it there is because you think that’s public property you might be wrong.

    14. I’d definitely keep a record of any interactions you have with them, so if they do something even more threatening, you have notes about their past history (which might be helpful if you decide to talk to law enforcement).

      Most of our neighbors are lovely, but one of our next-door neighbors is a family of right proper jerks. Between the endless construction, the barking dogs, and the watching-adult-films-without-curtains, I ignore them 100% of the time. My sympathies.

    15. Hi, we had very similar sounding neighbors (but in a city so closer together, and they were next door). It got worse over the years. I ended up speaking to attorney about possible recourse. Avoidance did not work. “Fixing” issues in question did not work. She always found something else. Moving was the only option that worked. I really underestimated what a massive toll this was all taking on my well-being until we moved. I’m sorry and it doesn’t sound as bad as our situation, but I truly hope it doesn’t escalate.

  3. Good morning Hive,

    I was the poster from last week who wrote about witnessing the sudden death of my partner’s father. I have since reached out to friends and a therapist and feel a bit of the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders. Thank you for your kindness at a terrible time and for the encouragement I needed to put one foot in front of the other.

    Much love.

    3. I’m so glad to hear that you’re reaching out to people and getting help.

    4. Hugs. I echo the others – so glad to hear you that are taking care of yourself. Thank you for the update.

    6. Aw, big hugs to you! Hang in there and keep taking care of your sweet self!

    1. Not those specifically, but I use a generic version of the Scholl’s gel inserts with mine. I ordered my regular size and a half size up to test them and ended up keeping the half size up to accommodate the insoles.

    2. No experience with that shoe, but I wear orthotics, which are a custom version of this. The phrase I look for with shoes that must go the distance: removable insoles.

  5. My office has a very casual dress code, so a lot of my work wear is based around professional looking tops with skinny jeans and flats/booties/wedges. For instance, I’m wearing a linen blazer, a blouse, jeans, and Everlane’s day heels today. I’m starting a new job where the dress code is still fairly casual but where jeans are forbidden. A rule I think is stupid? I’d love to know why it is that a pair of raggedy chinos and a polo shirt is somehow more “formal” that tailored dark jeans and blazer. Gripes aside, I’m looking for pants that can reasonably stand in for my jeans and be paired with navy. Does anyone have any advice?

    1. How about stretchy ankle pants like the mm lafleur foster pants? Will those work?

    3. Black/navy pants. Loft, Boden, Gap, Old Navy all have casual black pants that I wear to my business casual office.

    5. My office is the same. I agree it’s arbitrary, but it’s a non-fashionista distinction trying to keep people from looking sloppy.

      I recommend 5-pocket corduroys or ponte pants that fit the same way as your jeans, so you don’t have to change anything else. Also, some people in my office wear black or colored jeans and that seems to be ok…haven’t tried it myself though.

    6. I like the Old Navy Pixie Pants. I used to like Banana Republic’s Sloan ankle pants, but since I got more curvy, the Pixies work better. Pixies come in about a million different colors.

      Loft also has a number of different styles of pants. Honestly, I’m getting a little confused – if you need a sub for the skinny jeans silhouette, there are all sorts of skinny, usually ankle pants out there. If you are looking for a jeans color (although honestly, I don’t think blue denim and navy is a great combo), navy pants exist and also “fake denim” exists – looks like denim, but cut like pants instead of jeans, and usually of a thinner, crisper fabric.

    7. I would look for some kind of ponte kint pant. I would check Macy’s or Old Navy for a lower price point. Years ago, I found a black pair from NYDJ at Nordstrom.

    8. I have a casual office too. Old Navy Pixie pants are a popular recommendation; they don’t work on my body but tons of people love them. They come in ankle and full length and a zillion colours/patterns every season.

      I really love the Gap bi-stretch skinny ankle pant (same deal as above, lots of colours and patterns) and skinny ponte pants from J. Crew.

    9. I’d go for ponte pants-I have had good luck with Target and Gap for this. I also own a pair of Kut from the Kloth skinny ponte pants that are good, just a bit pricier.

    10. +1 on the recommendations for Everlane chinos and MMLF Foster pants.

      Also try the Eileen Fisher stretch crepe ankle pants. And take a look at the Athleta “city pant” line: some of the more structured styles in black look appropriate for a casual office.

    1. Paprika works well for me. You can also generate meal plans, menus, and shopping lists.

    2. Not an app, but I screenshot recipes I like and want to make regularly and save them in a “Recipes” photo album on my iPhone.

    3. I paid the $5 for Paprika and really love it. The browser button to add recipes works great, and the app’s ability to pull in the recipe components from website text actually works. It’s annoying that you need to pay separately for the desktop version, but it’s easier to just have my phone in the kitchen with me anyway.

    4. Paprika 3. It also has meal planning and will make you a grocery list from the recipes you add to your plan

    5. For meals I want to actually cook, I use Plan to Eat – it stores recipes, but does meal planning and grocery list too.

    6. Not OP, but thank you for all the Paprika suggestions! It looks perfect. I’ve been struggling with this issue for years and have been using Pocket to save recipes, which I don’t like at all. I just downloaded Paprika

  7. I always think cutouts like this look you have a tear in your dress/top, which isn’t a great look imo.

    Also: curious if this posts or goes into comment purgatory.

    1. Yeah, I’m ready for the cutout trend to die. Same goes for ruffles and bell sleeves.

    2. I agree, plus in this case it makes it really hard to wear a regular bra with this dress. No thanks.

    3. These cutouts are fine. They look intentional and they’re not scandalous or anything.

  8. A firm client sent a job posting to a colleague who circulated it around asking if anyone knew anyone who we would recommend. But the job is amazing and I’d like to apply. How can I ensure that the fact of my application does not get back to my partners? I’ve done some work for this client – can that work be used as a writing sample because it belongs to the client?

    2. I disagree with the prior respondent. I’m pretty sure the client sent the job posting to your firm to attract applicants from your firm, not for referrals. If you have a key contact there with whom you have a friendly relationship, I’d ask them off the record if they’d consider you.

      1. This. Start with the people you know to feel it out. Technically they have your work on file, so it might revert to more of a reference check of capability if the work is the type of sample being sought – if you put your hat in the ring. It may be a great job, but it’s work knowing if the department or your supervisor might be a hot mess. Take someone to lunch or meet them for coffee.

        And for writing samples, redacting/anonymizing is the way to go. We once had what looked like a GREAT candidate, however they gave us some of their work which clearly had identity details the hiring panel didn’t need. They ended up questioning his professional judgment and other candidates looked more appealing. :/

    3. Are you a lawyer working at a law firm? I f so, the partners would probably support you – from their perspective, if you go inhouse to a firm client, you may be in a position to send them work. Do you have a trusted partner you can ask for guidance?

      If the situation is different than I’m picturing, disregard.

    4. Up to you about coming forward, but my old firm loved placing associates with clients (they figured it helped with business development by having former loyal associates on the inside) and the people who were the most open about wanting to go in-house got the benefit of a full recommendation. Sounds like your firm might be similar so I’d consider being open about it. I wouldn’t use their work as a writing sample though, that’s just weird and I’d think you were airing my company’s dirty laundry in other job interviews.

    5. Why can’t you ask the colleague / partners for their support? I know that in biglaw it’s usually okay to loop in one or two trusted partners.

    6. I doubt that you can keep it from the partners. But, I still think you should apply. I would frame it as you haven’t been looking to leave, but this is a unique opportunity that you can’t pass up. Most partners would love for one of their associates to go to a client.

    7. Send 1 email from your company email and cc: your personal email to your client contact, and say that you’re interested in this job “in confidence” and could you two meet or meet with the job poster or whomever.

      Then do the rest of the it from your personal email.

      Just apply!!

    8. Are you familiar with the client? Could you grab coffee with them and indicate interest and then gauge interest? Seems like there are a lot of discrete ways to indicate your interest without alerting the world–particularly at such an early stage. This happens all the time. I would be hesitant to start with an e-mail (especially a work e-mail) because you don’t know who will wind up with it (or if your firm is monitoring). Phone calls and in person meetings are your friend.

  9. Thoughts on living in Denver? We are considering moving there from our current city which is hotter than Hades in the summer and only getting worse (among other reasons). What are some good family-friendly neighborhoods (good public schools a plus) to look at? I will be able to work remotely for my current firm, so don’t necessarily need to be super close to downtown, but it would be nice to be not too far away. Any and all thoughts about living, working, and having kids (and eventually elder care for our parents) in Denver are welcome.

      1. Haha right?

        OP, there was a pretty good thread on Denver that I think was last week?

  10. I’m on the hunt for some good quality rain boots. Friends have sworn by Hunter Boots but just dont fit me (they’re too narrow and long in the foot – would probably fit a 1/2 size if they carried them).

    Any alternative recommendations?

    1. I just got the Chooka short boots and found them super comfortable. I have a wide foot and they’ve worked very well for me. The insole is very cushioned and nice. I got the short length, so I can’t comment on the leg opening (super skinny calves).

    2. I was gifted a pair of Ugg rainboots and love them WAY more than my Hunters! They have the signature soft footbed and pull on/off like a dream. Highly recommend.

      1. I think I have these, or at least similar ones from Kamik. They work great as far as keeping rain out. I’ve never tried Hunters, but the Kamik’s are a bit stiff, but not sure whether that’s normal for rain boots. It doesn’t rain too much in my region so I’m pretty sure I’ll have these forever.

      3. I love my Kamik boots. I’ve had them for years (although I moved somewhere dry a few years after I bought them).

  11. How do you respond to apologies? I feel like I default to saying “it’s ok” but sometimes it’s not ok! A friend recently did something really rude. She’s a very good friend and I don’t want to burn our friendship down over this, but I also don’t like that when she apologized I found myself saying “it’s ok.” I wish I had a response that acknowledges that what she did sucks and I was very annoyed, but I love her and want to move on.

      1. +1

        I actually had someone get upset with me recently for not thanking her for apologizing. She was a bit nuts but it occurred to me that it is a good response in general.

    2. “Thank you for saying that. I was hurt/annoyed/confused; hearing that you are sorry helps. [change subject to move on]”

    3. I’ve used “I appreciate your apology” before when I knew I’d be in a place to forgive eventually but not right at the moment when the apology was given. “Thank you for apologizing and understanding why I was upset/hurt/xyz” may also work.

    4. You say thank you as the others suggested. But then you move on and i really mean move on. People screw up and if the apology was sincere you don’t keep nursing your wound. Just start a new chapter and move forward.

      If it keeps happening, that is another matter.

    5. My strategy is to acknowledge the apology, but also make it clear that what I really want is for the incident to not be repeated. Generally for me that’s more important than an apology.

    6. “Thank-you, I appreciate that, I’m still a little upset but I know I’ll move past it because you’re a good friend and that’s important to me.”
      Use your words. Use your real feelings. This is how you have meaningful relationships with people. You can diplomatic in the process but not fake.

    7. In many religious faiths there is the concept of forgiveness.
      You can say, I was really hurt! thank you for apologizing – I forgive you.
      It is not a pardon; it is an acceptance of the new reality on both your parts.

    8. I say “I forgive you” if it was something genuine bad/wicked and “Thank you, I accept/appreciate your apology” if it was just a mistake.

    9. “Thanks for apologizing. What you did sucks and I was really annoyed but I do love you and I want to move on! So let’s move on!”

    10. Not quite what you asked, but a variation I like is, “I have heard your apology and I appreciate what you said. I’m still very hurt and not ready to forgive you/close the issue. But in the meantime, let’s talk about something else/try to enjoy our visit/ not ruin so-n-so’s party”

  12. Is proper tailoring always this expensive? It may be a function of location, but I went to a tailoring place that had pretty good reviews in Manhattan – it wasn’t fancy by any means (not as fancy as, say, Alterations Specialist), just looked like your typical dry cleaner’s but tailoring instead. They charged $60 a piece for each skirt I needed to have taken in at the sides, and $140 to take a dress in at the sides. All of the pieces were lined.

    I’m coming to the slow realization that nothing really fits me off the rack, and I need to get my work clothes tailored in order to look more polished, but it definitely hurts that I’ll be spending almost $300 just to take in a few pieces.

    1. Those prices sound high to me, but it also depends on the extent of “taking in the sides.” Did they just pinch in the waist or did they have to take pins all down the side of the skirt on either side to take it in? If so, that would be reasonable for the cost.

      1. Good point – they had to take pins all down the side of the skirt on both sides to take it in.

        1. Then this is a good price. All the way down means you have rip seams on and resew top hem, bottom hem, and resew side seams on both lining and shell. This takes about an hour. Taking in a skirt waist usually doesn’t even involve ripping the top hem because most of the time the excess can be pinched down like a box pleat. This only takes 10-15 min.

        2. If you’re getting the whole skirt taken in, it sounds like you may just be buying too large of a size.

          1. For the skirts, actually, yes – I lost weight recently and am trying to take in my nicer skirts, instead of buying new things altogether (which will then still need to be altered).

            For the dress, it seems as if that’s always the case – either it’ll fit in the bust or the hip, but not both, and then the tailor always has to take in the other part quite a bit.

    2. Holy smokes. I can’t speak to Manhattan, but in the DC suburbs, having a skirt taken in at the waist is about $30. A skirt hem is about $25.

      1. I read “taken in at the sides” to mean they had to take the whole skirt apart, including lining, not just take it in at the waist.

    3. This seems a little high but not outrageous to me, and I don’t live in Manhattan.

      I have the same issue with off the rack clothes, nothing ever fits right. I’ve just accepted that I need to spend more per piece and buy less. A blazer is going to cost up to $200 to tailor regardless of whether it’s $30 from H&M or $500 from Hugo Boss. If I’m going to have to shell out that kind of cash then I want it to last, not pill after a season’s wear.

    4. I have no idea if that’s a lot for an independent shop in Manhattan, but I have definitely had it done for less at the place I bought the clothes from.

    5. I’m in SF and that sounds high to me too. I’d shop around – I’d only pay those rates for something exceptionally complicated.

    6. That is an outrageous price and I also live in a large urban city. You should find another tailor, there are so many in Manhattan that are pretty decent to very good for a little more than half what you paid. If your clothes need to be taken in this extensively and very often, you might look into gathering your clothes that need to be tailored once every few months (to save on trek time) and dragging the big bundle to a neighboring suburb/borough (Queens and New Jersey are best options for this) to do it for half that price and all in one go. An independent tailor will often give a hefty discount for a large amount of work at once.

      1. Thanks, this is helpful! Does anyone have any recommendations on good tailors in Manhattan/Queens/New Jersey? Think part of the problem is I’m having trouble finding places that provide decent quality at a good price – most of the time I need more than just a hem (e.g., a dress fits around the hips but not around the bust, a sheathdress fits perfectly except the armholes gape, showing br*, etc.), so I don’t feel comfortable going to just anywhere.

        1. That is crazy, but maybe the Manhattan rent figures into it. I have an amazing tailor in Corona, Queens who is super professional, but you would never find her by yourself–she works in the basement of a fabric shop. She hates to travel into Manhattan but sometimes works on Saturday mornings and at various times on weekday evenings. It can be time-consuming to coordinate an introduction, but if you’re serious about trying to meet her, you can email me at darlene cee at g m a i l .

    7. This is definitely a reason I learned to sew. I still need a tailor for really complicated alterations, but I can hem garments and take in waistbands myself now.

    9. Unfortunately standard :(

      Btw, I’ve gone to Alternation Specialists and would not return. In addition to being outrageously expensive, they did a bad job fitting my bridesmaids dress. So bad that it was sliding off during the procession down the aisle.

    10. Posted on the Suit of the Week post for you but it went into moderation! Check back for it!

  13. Has anyone dealt with basal cell carcinoma on their face? I have a derm appointment in a few weeks. I know it’s a very bad idea to self-diagnose, but I do have a bump that looks an awful like online descriptions of BCC (round, shiny, red).

    It sounds like it’s not serious from a medical perspective, but I’m also not looking forward to possible facial scarring from having it removed. I also had a bad experience with a derm (not the same one I’m going to now) previously who insisted on biopsying an allergic reaction welt and it left a pretty significant raised scar on my arm. I found out from a different doctor later that the biopsy was completely unnecessary. :(

    1. I’ve had a few suspicious moles removed, though none on my face. My derm would remove (and then biopsy) any that weren’t difficult, but for ones in spots more visible or prone to scarring (like my back, chest), she referred me to a plastic surgeon for the removal. It was still an easy and quick procedure, but the surgeon was better with stitches and minimizing scarring. If you tell your derm about your concerns about scarring, they might have other options. Also consider getting a second opinion before having anything removed from your face if you aren’t sure you trust your doctor!

    2. Basal cell carcinomas don’t generally metastasize, but they can grow, so generally they need to be removed.

      If it is a BCC, find a dermatologist/plastic surgeon who will do a Mohs procedure. The dermatologist removes the carcinoma very thin layer by very thin layer to reduce scarring. I think it’s pretty standard to do this for BCCs now. I’m not going to link because of moderation issues (not that this comment WON’T go into moderation anyway), but just google Mohs procedure and you’ll get a lot of good information.

      1. +1 to Mohs. My mom had one removed from her upper chest, right smack in the middle, 4 years ago. I don’t remember how long it took to go away (not that long!), but it’s not visible at all anymore. I think she held out for someone specifically who did the Mohs procedure, and that made all the difference.

      2. +1 to Mohs. My derm did a normal small biopsy on mine and then referred me to a plastic surgeon who only does Mohs procedures & reconstruction after skin cancer. It went fabulous and was a lot less invasive than I thought it was going to be.

      3. +1 for Mohs. My sister is a Mohs surgeon and if it’s your face, you definitely want Mohs. Probably sooner rather than later since they do grow.

    3. My father had one removed from his cheek, near his ear. He had the work done by a plastic surgeon to minimize scarring. He had to keep it covered while it healed, but now it’s only a slightly shiny patch of skin that you don’t notice until you are looking for it.

      Ask your derm how they minimize scarring and for a possible referral to a plastic surgeon who can handle facial biopsies or removals.

    4. Anecdata: I have 3 people in my immediate family who have had BCC removed from their faces. None of them have left visible scars, even though 2 of them have keloid scars in other areas of their bodies. You should inform your dermatologist that you have a history of developing raised scars and go to the best dermatologist you can find in your area.

    5. Definitely see a plastic surgeon if a biopsy or removal is needed. Dermatologists aren’t experts in making it look like nothing was removed. Get the diagnosis from the derm and head to the surgeon for cutting.

    6. If it needs to be removed discuss the options/methods for doing so and ask if they have a plastic surgeon they recommend. For mole/other skin removal doctors almost always explain the removal options and which they recommend based on location/size/depth etc. I do have a scar (non-facial luckily) form the one doctor who didn’t and I didn’t know enough to ask. Subsequent drs have all commented that the doctor should have offered someone to stitch it better if they couldn’t do it well enough. So now I know to ask but luckily haven’t had to since.

      I did need stitches on my face as a child (normal kid injury) and it was done by a plastic surgeon because it was my face. 30+ years later and you can only find the scar of you’re really looking for it.

  14. I love how Hugo Boss (and all Boss-brands) look. I know that Queen Letizia wears them a lot and she always looks fab. But I think she is tall (and definitely thin).

    I’m 5-4. Is Boss a lost cause? I understand that they don’t do petites and I wear petite jackets (and, oddly, regular-length pants).

    2. I am 5″2 and can wear Hugo Boss dresses when I size down. I am usually a European 36 (UK petite 8, US petite 4) but if I get the 34, I find that it fits. For that, you need to pick some specific cuts. I have a very small waist and large hips so I mostly go for their high waisted dresses or A-line ones

    3. No, I’m 5’5″ and 150lbs. I wear a Boss size 8 or 10 (IME the brand runs big-ish). I run very large in the chest (34G), so I wear a size 12 comfortably in blazers. I do have dresses and pants hemmed. You definitely don’t need to be tall and thin. I think it’s a very flattering brand

    4. I am 5-3 and Boss very much works for me – I’m a near-perfect size 6 in their sheath dresses! I have some definite curves (32D and more of a pear than hourglass) and Boss dresses actually seem to fit better than, say, Ann Taylor or J Crew. I would try and order some pieces and see how they fit on you.

    5. I’m 5’3″ and I have a few pieces. They have to be extensively tailored, though. I keep an eye out for suits with a shorter jacket. Boss seems to like very long jackets, and that just won’t work for me (and also can’t be tailored without ruining the line of the jacket, according to my tailor).

      1. How do you alter the jackets though? Or is it just $$$$$ to remake it so that the waist placement right for my shoulder-to-waist measurement?

        1. I’m not the person you’re responding to but I have all blazers extensively tailored. I’m short from the shoulder to bust line so there is always extra fabric that needs to be removed. I also need the sleeves shortened and tapered. The tailor removes the sleeves, takes up the body of the jacket at the shoulder seem, and takes up the sleeves from the shoulder (so the buttons at the wrist aren’t affected). Sometimes they’ll also take the waist in; I have broad shoulders so I have to size up.

          I don’t think any of this would move where the waist hits you though. If you’re not sure what can be done to a piece, you could always take it to the tailor and ask. Just return it before alterations are made if the tailor says he can’t make it fit the way you’d like.

  15. I have a weird shoe fit issue. I sprained my ankle about 6 weeks ago so I was wearing flats to work instead of heels. I’m now starting to wear heels again but it seems like my feet have gotten smaller? Or maybe I just forgot how to wear heels? My pumps keep falling off. I’ve also made some dietary changes but I didn’t think my feet were THAT swollen. Will this all go back to normal eventually or do I have to replace all my shoes??

    1. my feet swell/shrink depending on diet/time of year. So i have accepted I have shoes that I can wear sometimes and shoes that I can wear all the time. perhaps the heel cup pads in the meantime?

  16. Recently had my review (law firm) and was told that I am doing well, but still need to keep improving my time management (baby associate here). I am still on track and it was not a “bad” review, as much as a revisiting a couple of point we discussed in my previous review. With the acknowledgment that I have improved.

    Anyway, a lot of my issues come from being a severe procrastinator. I would love tips on how to stop procrastinating, particularly wasting time and starting projects early. I have done this since high school and have lucked out in still succeeding, even in law school. This has built such bad habits.

    I love what I do and I want to advance in the firm, but with my current habits, I would make a horrible sr. associate. I have just enough on my plate at the time that I can still wait until the last minute and do work that is good enough to please the partners–this false sense of confidence is killing me and continues the cycle.

    Also, maybe I am just lazy? I can’t tell what the deal is, but need suggestions and strong words on how to not self-sabotage this opportunity. I would like to advance and my firm has a fantastic record of elevating associates to partner, so it is not a crazy goal.

    1. Have you ever been evaluated for ADHD? I was diagnosed at 25 after really struggling with procrastination in the workplace after grad school, and this sounds like a story I could have written.

      Other than that, keeping a list of everything and Doing the Thing — get whatever is weighing on you out of the way, I find that it never takes as long as I think it will and I’m so relieved when it’s over.

      1. I don’t know if you will see this but I am curious as to how being diagnosed with ADHD improved things for you. Was it just a matter of knowing you have a disorder and making peace with your self or medication or specific disorder targeting habits/practices?

        I think I have ADHD and am hoping to get tested soon but I guess I’m wondering what, if anything, will change if the test comes back positive.

        1. I just saw this — I was the anon at 12:19 —

          I use a combo of meds + systems. I take adderall now (used to take vyvanse but it’s not included by my formulary any more and it’s $$$, though I liked it more) and lean heavily on my notebooks and timers for everything on my smartwatch/phone. My doctor suspects I was self-medicating with caffeine before which I rarely use at all now with the low-dose stimulant drug.

          You can certainly research ADHD and try some of the systems tricks yourself — my medication does not help me unless I have the to-do list, for example, which really did require a significant amount of self-discipline. But sometimes meds help get you over that hump to get started.

    2. I struggle with procrastination too. The hardest part really is just getting started – once I’m into the project, I’m usually OK. Some things that help me: listening to music (something medium-tempo, instrumental works best for me) and using an app like Focus Keeper or another low-tech pomodoro timer method, so that I stay on track. Old fashioned paper lists help too – I love the feeling off crossing something off the list. It can help to knock out and cross out a couple little things to get my momentum going.

    3. Just…do it. Have the mental discipline to start your work as opposed to slacking off. You can train yourself to do this; it will just take some effort.

      1. do you go around telling people with depression to ‘just be happy’ or people with anxiety to ‘just relax’?

    4. There is a great Ask Polly column about this that really resonated with me (link below). I have this issue more in my personal life (i.e., I delay doing basic life tasks forever). Here is how I tackle work if helpful:

      – Before I leave at night, I write down three things I will do before anything else in the morning. Often they are just quick emails or 5 minute research-type assignments, and I sometimes do them at home while I eat breakfast and start my “real work” when I get to the office.

      – When I get to the office, I write down three things that I must do before I leave. And I don’t leave until they are done, except in very extreme circumstances where the day gets derailed.

      – I have designated blocks where I respond to quick emails. If an email is time sensitive I respond immediately, obviously. Otherwise, every two hours I set a timer for 10-20 minutes and respond to all of the random emails sitting in my inbox. That gives me larger chunks of time to focus on larger projects and eliminates the anxiety of all the lurking emails.

      Article: https://www.thecut.com/2018/01/ask-polly-why-am-i-so-lazy.html

    5. I have a similar problem. I thought I had ADD and did see a psychologist and psychiatrist in grad school, who prescribed drugs. And they did help! But my current therapist thinks it’s actually a manifestation of obsessive compulsiveness. It’s not something we’ve spent much time talking about, though, because it doesn’t really affect my work. It does make me feel bad — I know I can do better work, but everybody around me is happy with my output so I don’t really have the motivation to change. Yet.

      1. What were you prescribed? I was taking Wellbutrin from my family doctor but ended up having to switch. New doctor thinks it is anxiety not adhd and wants me to switch to zoloft.

    6. I’ve had problems with procrastination in the past. It doesn’t sound like you’re in the pit as much as I was (mine is also linked to depression), but my therapist gave me some great tips that have helped me a lot. The biggest thing she said was that when I notice I’m procrastinating, I should do just the next thing on my task until I get on a roll and get into it. And I don’t mean “draft introduction of brief.” I mean, baby baby steps. “Open Word document.” “Edit first sentence of brief.” I don’t write the steps down, but if I notice I’m putting off a task, I will say these steps to myself. Once I do a few steps, I get into the task and it almost always takes less time than I anticipated.

      I also keep a master list of tasks (every single thing I need to do), so if I’m having a particularly difficult day, I can see the stuff that won’t take long and get some of that out of the way.

      1. Dad gave me great advise here. He said do NOT procrastinate, b/c if you do, you will have plenty of time to contemplate your navel on the UNEMPLOYMENT LINE. This was a wake up call for me b/c I did NOT want to be unemployed again, so I always remember dad’s words of wisdom. Focus on what you are doing, whether it is work or personal stuff. After all, you get through it quicker and with MORE focus, you will get better in the future. That is why I got to become such a “billing machine” for my firm. FOCUS! The same goes for my personal life. I will know exactly how to deal with my next boyfreind so as to ensure we BOTH are happy. Keep this in mind and you will be sucessful! YAY!!!!!

    8. I heard this from a therapist who was on a podcast. It really helped me. He said, essentially, that it is important to understand what procrastination is. Procrastination is preferring to feel the anxiety about not doing something, rather than dealing with the unpleasant feelings that may come with doing the actual task. Basically, your brain is telling you that the vague “I should be doing this but I’m not….” feeling is better than any potential pain that will come with the task. Understanding this really helped me do things faster. I was able to separate the task (emailing boss) from the unpleasant feelings that came with it (worry about the often nasty response). I hope you find this useful too!

    9. Replying to sympathize with you. You describe me perfectly. I have enough time to get everything done at the last minute, but it’s a terrible habit.

      1. Make a list of the component tasks, and come in in the morning and just make yourself do one. You will over time get more used to chipping away at projects.

  17. OCI callbacks are starting up at my job and I’ll be one of the interviews. I have some basic questions to ask and some specific questions based on each candidate’s resumes, but does anyone have any questions they especially like asking in interviews? The’re all rising 2Ls, so chances at a long resume or a lot of prior work experience are slim.

    1. Are you junior? I’m getting that sense since this is new for you. If so, I wouldn’t worry about having too many questions and would leave at least 10 minutes for them to ask you questions. They want to hear what it is like at the firm, and it is easy to weed someone out who doesn’t even bother to prepare 3-5 questions.

    2. Try to get a good idea of the students’ judgement. You can ask about how they would handle certain situations (ones that summer associates sometimes find themselves in), professionalism, how they’ve handled tough colleagues (even if the colleague is their fellow officer on a college event board), etc.

      Ask them about what news stories they’ve read recently and what they think about it (so long as you would prefer thoughtful disagreement with your own views over snark that you agree with).

      Ask them why they chose the law school they attend.

      The best interviews I’ve had were ones in which the intereviewers were really thoughtful about what kinds of qualities they want in the person who is in the role.

    3. This won’t fit every situation, but ask why they’re interested in your field/this opportunity. I’m in a super niche field and one student told me, “Because career services said there were jobs in this field.”

      1. When I interviewed for my very first job out of college (and later when I interviewed for the same position when I was working there), one of the interviewers asked me why I wanted the job and my answer was “because I need a job…” I went on to talk a bit more about why I wanted to be a paralegal generally but, for something in as specialized a field as we were talking about, it would have been sort of absurd for me to try to pitch my deep and abiding passion for the work the agency did….since I only vaguely understood what it was in the first place.

        When I interviewed people later, unless there was something on their resume suggesting that the people had some experience with the area (which was really, really unusual), I sort of preferred it when people were just honest about not knowing a lot about [specialized area of legal enforcement’. When they would wax rhapsodically about their love of our mission (which frequently sounded *a lot* like what the agency’s website said on the “about us” page), I just sort of felt like I was being lied to.

        I don’t know, it’s certainly not advice I hand out regularly, but sometimes I feel like – if the field is niche enough – that admitting that it’s not your passion but you’re interesting in learning about it is better than trying to convince me that you somehow have a magical passion for something that even most practitioners aren’t passionate about.

        For the OP, for the OCI interviews, if you’re a more junior associate – I would give them as much time to ask you questions as possible and encourage them to do so. And try to ask them questions that will give you a sense of whether you think they’ll do well within your firm’s culture – if they can cope with however your firm expects associates to operate (I feel like some firms are more hierarchical and associates need to be able to tow the line very closely whereas others expect associates to take a great deal more initiative/give associates just enough rope to hang themselves with – and different personality types thrive in different situations).

        1. Ask them what they do for fun, or if there is a hobby/fun thing on the resume, ask about it. As a junior associate, you will be working with these people and taking them to happy hours, etc., so if they cannot carry out a basic non work-related conversation with you, then that is something you need to know and is a bad sign.

          My law school had us write interests at the bottom of the resume, so that is a place to start. Otherwise, you can ask about a study abroad or a club if it’s listed. If there’s nothing like that, then a “What do you do for fun?” or “What books have you read recently?” also works.

  18. So just read this article in the Philadelphia inquirer that a Penn professor in minority studies or secsuc department wore a BLM shirt as she went about her business in Cherry Hill NJ – a suburb about 10 miles outside of PHL, well to do etc. While she got done affirmations from Black people, sounds like the overwhelming reaction from the majority was eye rolls and glares. Does liberalism really end at the borders of cities even in the northeast??

    1. I read ignore out of curiosity and it seemed like it was two eye-rollers rather than an overwhelming majority. I think it is important to remember that the country isn’t divided into red and blue enclaves where everyone believes the same thing. While a state may tend to vote one way, there’s still a lot of diversity among people and their political opinions.

      1. This is opposite from Main Line geographically, in New Jersey. Less WASP-y.

        You know, you could ask about every single stereotype and you might find some truth in it but I assure you I know a Trump voter in Boston.

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