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Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Knit Boyfriend Blazer

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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. This knit blazer has been around for a thousand years, and this year it's a slightly longer version. We're featuring it in plus sizes but it also comes in regular sizes. It has the look of a comfy jardigan for a casual sort of office, and it's 100% cotton, hand washable. It comes in black/ivory, ivory/black, navy, and pink, with plus sizes only available in navy and black/ivory. The straight sizes are on sale for $41.40 at Nordstrom, although the plus sizes are still $79, unfortunately. Knit Boyfriend Blazer This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 1/22/25:

  • Nordstrom – Cashmere on sale; AllSaints, Free People, Nike, Tory Burch, and Vince up to 60%; beauty deals up to 25% off
  • AllSaints – Clearance event, now up to 70% off (some of the best leather jackets!)
  • Ann Taylor – All sale dresses $40 (ends 1/23)
  • Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything
  • Boden – Clearance, up to 60% off!
  • DeMellier – Final reductions now on, free shipping and returns — includes select options like Montreal, Vancouver, and Venice
  • Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; extra 50% off all clearance, plus ELOQUII X kate spade new york collab just dropped
  • Everlane – Sale of the year, up to 70% off; new markdowns just added
  • J.Crew – Up to 40% off select styles; up to 50% off cashmere
  • J.Crew Factory – End of season sale, extra 60-70% off clearance, online only
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Semi-Annual Red Door Sale – extra 50% off

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

289 Comments

  1. I swear I’m a smart person but I am just awful at following what’s happening in movies and shows. Like The Americans. I watch it and enjoy it, but if you question me at all on the plot, I’ll have no real idea. My husband has to translate the storyline for me all the time. Is anyone else like that? It’s kind of embarrassing!

    1. I’m this way with books. I LOVE to read, I enjoy the book while I am reading it, can follow the story while reading, etc., but once I have stopped reading the book, POOF! the details disappear. I jokingly blame my head injury from years ago, but I think I am just not good at retaining details like that without writing them down.

    2. I have a PhD in literature, but I have a VERY hard time with visual media. I can remember 50 character names and variations in a Russian novel, but I often can’t tell which dark-haired woman (for example) is which. I’ve been driving my husband crazy for 20 years by asking, “Is that the cop who planted the evidence, or is this the good guy?” etc. etc. I’m also very bad with maps and spatial relations. I think, for me, it’s all words upstairs. :-)

      1. You’ve described me to a tee! Did you happen to see Dunkirk? I had no idea who any of those guys were the entire time.

        1. Yes! Very challenging with everyone grimy and wearing identical uniforms and helmets …

      2. This is my theory too! I can’t keep track of which character is which on screen. I don’t relax by watching tv or movies–I read novels, which totally confuses my work friends, who are of the “but you read all day! How do you read at home?” persuasion.

        I do fairly well with maps, but only if i can see them–i can’t follow someone’s verbal directions and have trouble with left and right.

        1. Saluting you. I’m a comm/editorial director by day and read for fun pretty much whenever I have a free moment. It’s a bit of a disease.

        2. I’m not alone!! Your comment made me so happy – I too cannot tell apart similar movie characters to save my life, and I mix up my left and right constantly. True story – the first time I watched Love Actually, I thought the prime minister and the author were the same person. I was SO confused for most of the movie.

    3. This is me as well. I’ll watch something and then two weeks later forget the plot point that’s driving it through. I think it’s why I prefer watching on streaming services, because I can watch 2-3 in a row and it stays stronger in my brain.

    4. Yes. I’m pretty visual and easily get caught up in the cinematography and broad emotion, and while I hear the words I don’t always register them and therefore don’t always notice the undercurrents of the plot on a first watch. If I re-watch, it’s a whole new experience. I also don’t hear song lyrics the first time I listen to a song, but if I see the lyrics on page I could sing them to the correct melody after just one listen.

      1. same, I’ll be focussing on the pattern of yellow and blue (for example) and totally miss the car chase. I don’t think it’s a problem though! Watching TV is not a crucial test and, since TV shows are a legitimate art form I don’t think they MUST be apprehended in totality the first time through.

    5. Yes, my mother, and she has a habit of asking, “What’s going on?” right as key characters are saying or doing something. Please save your questions for the commercials or when there’s no dialog, Mom! UGH.

      She has been like this her whole life, with all media that involves a plot. It also explains why she doesn’t watch many movies or much TV–it’s frustrating to her not to get it.

      1. Ha! My MIL will constantly explain why things are funny (or whatever) to confirm that she gets the joke in tv, commercials, etc. It. Drives. Me. Nuts.

      2. Are you my sister? This is my mom, too. I used to think it was because English isn’t her first language and she was reading the subtitles while also following the plot, but it happens with shows in her mother tongue as well.

    6. Yes. My husband hates that my idea of watching a movie is rewinding it every few minutes so I can watch it again because I inevitably missed something. I am glad I am not the only one. I also don’t watch many movies or much TV, and I am happy that way.

      1. that would make me crazy too. Just let it flow past, watch the whole thing again if needed, but I would not be able to handle constant interruptions and rewinds.

        1. Yup — we would not be watching movies together. I’m of the “Just let the plot flow and eventually it will make sense” persuasion. But don’t . . . DO NOT keep asking me to explain it to you. Do. Not. Do. This.

    7. Yep, always been that way. Although I’m the opposite of C2, I can follow dialog, but don’t recognize faces or notice the obvious visual references. I don’t watch TV much.

    8. I’m like this too, and have found that I adore reaching TV and movie recaps while I’m watching. Makes it much more interesting when I understand what’s going on.

      1. I do this too. It helps me understand the overall story. I can follow each episode, but I’m not good at remembering people or stories from several episodes back.

        Also I always have the subtitles on. And I’ve basically given up on shows with lots of white men because they all look the same (e.g. Mad Men) and it takes me forever to learn who’s who.

        1. I don’t normally have a problem telling people apart, but for some reason I have a mental block with white men (mainly older ones, but even some younger). I often can’t tell people apart on TV, and even in real life if I don’t know them well.

    9. My problem is that I fast-forward through scenes that bore me, like 3-minute shots of people walking down hallways or driving. I like looking up recaps so I catch all the details I missed. I realize this makes no sense. My fiance makes fun of me and takes the remote when we’re watching stuff together. Which, fair.

    10. Yeah I have to be really focused on whatever I’m watching if I want to remember it. Like in a dark room by myself with nary a snack in sight.

      Also, I’m totally flabbergasted by people who can quote a show or movie they’ve seen once. How did you remember that???

      1. You know what amazes me? How Comey finishes a meeting at the White House and goes back and writes down that he said X and Trump said Y and then the conversation moved to this and that. (And I have no doubt that he is accurate in his recollection.) I simply couldn’t do that. I might be able to tell you what was discussed, but not to the level of what happened in what order and what specific responses were.

    11. This is me. I have a great memory for what I read, but shows? It’s a struggle.

      Subtitles help a lot; between the soundtrack and the mumbling, I have a hard time figuring out what is being said. I also have a tough time keeping track of characters (in shows and books); at least with books, I write them down or re-read. (My facial recognition can sometimes be just terrible.)

      For what it’s worth, I have a pile of degrees in a range of subjects from top schools.

      1. I found that I have a really hard time with movies with a lot of similar looking white guys. I tried to watch Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy a few weeks ago, I couldn’t keep any of the characters straight. It also happened this year with Darkest Hour and The Post with all the supporting characters. I definitely have a hard time with mumbling too. I should start using subtitles.

        1. The first 3 times I watched The Departed, I couldn’t tell Matt Damon, Leo, and Marky Mark apart. It makes an already confusing movie IMPOSSIBLE to follow.

          1. This is not a problem on your end! They just all look alike.

            All white men look alike.

          2. am white. I agree. Also white girls with long dark hair. TV writers: please distinguish your characters!

          3. It’s less that they all look alike, more that casting directors keep casting them all to look alike. All guys look like: square jawed, standard symmetrical nose, high cheek bone, almond/sultry eyed guy with short one inch haircut, mild stubble, dirty blonde to brown hair.
            Women: a lighter Kim Kardashian bone structure (some with stronger jaw lines) with big eyes, slim and tall (but not too tall), brunette or blonde, long limbs, shoulder length to long hair (long hair usually dark).

      2. I keep closed captions on for almost everything. I retain more information by reading, so if I can read the dialogue it helps me enjoy the shows more.

    12. OMG me too! People don’t get it about me and always think I’m kidding. I have hard time following unless I’m really paying attention. Moreover, even if I do sit down and watch a movie, within a few years (months? weeks?) I have almost no idea what happened/what the plot was. Why. It makes no sense.

    13. One of my other problems is the way I process information about people. I’m very intuitive and tend to pick up on tiny, subconscious facial movements. It can be great – people tell me that my character judgement is outstanding – but watching actors fries my brain.

    14. Me! I don’t have a problem with spoilers, so I typically read the wikipedia article about a movie before I go to see it. It helps me be able to understand what’s going on as it happens.

    15. yup this is me too. FWIW, I don’t have a hard time following the plot in simpler things (i.e. Greys Anatomy which I refuse to give up) but the Americans is difficult for me to follow even though I love it.

      I also never foresee twists in movies that apparently are pretty obvious to other people.

    16. Turn on the captions! It made a world of difference for my TV/moving comprehension. I think the captions help me to focus rather than my mind wandering off to things like my grocery list and whether or not I moved that load of laundry to the dryer yet.

    17. I’m so glad I’m not the only one! I’m constantly asking DH to pause shows and movies and explain things to me. Although half the time, he doesn’t even catch up something but it doesn’t bother him like it bothers me.

    18. Same way. Subtitles are required for me to watch anything as that’s the only way my brain can process the spoken words and the visuals at the same time.

      It also doesn’t help, however, that a lot of shows or movies don’t clearly set forth who is who by name, occupation, or relationship to other people in the plot at first. When you slowly reveal identifying details about main characters over the course of a 2 hr movie or a 10 episode season, the confusion has already set in and I’ll never remember. The actors and actresses with the same general hair color, face shape and body type doesn’t help with the confusion.

    19. Same. Me watching a movie: “is that the guy from before or the other guy?”

      Sometimes if i really feel like a movie was good, I’ll watch it again more or less immediately so I can figure it out better the second time.

      Dunkirk was hopeless for me. They were all the same guy. The creative timeline didn’t help either. Thoroughly confused the entire time.

      1. Dunkirk was so confusing. It helped that the plot didn’t rely heavily on the characters themselves. Just that, these are soldiers who need to leave, these are pilots, and these are civilians on a boat.

    20. Yeah, me too. I guess tv/movies aren’t for everyone.

      If the show is truly good…like Breaking Bad or something…I have a much easier time. Things are just too boring for me to pay attention to.

    21. I do well with tv shows because I start to recognize characters, recurring sets, etc. But movies, I am totally lost on. Drives my husband insane – I’m always having to ask what is going on!

    22. Closed captioning helps me. If I can see names/places/ideas written out it helps me keep better track of things…this is how I got into Game of Thrones after several failed attempts. Now I love it.

    23. I’m like this too. I could watch a television show or movie and enjoy it, but I couldn’t recount the plot to someone. I’m all “well, it was about this guy … and his wife was murdered … and then they found the killer.” I can’t accurately replay the plot lines. I also can’t recount conversations well, which is why in a professional world I am careful to take notes and email (either myself or others) afterwards so I can accurately document that Person A said X and Person B said Y and we all agreed to go down Path Z.

    24. I’m this way with books. I read so much volume-wise, that it has to be a really spectacular book before the characters or the plots will stick in my mind past a day or two. In fact, that’s how I decide to re-read; if I remember it fondly, I will likely re-read.

      What I particularly hate is when the authors shoot themselves in the foot by making all the indistiguishable characters have similar names. My worst example was a book where there was a Duke, a Deke, a Derek, at least one other male with a D name, and the heroine’s name also started with a D. Authors, PSA: That is an incredibly bad idea, particularly if you’re not very good at character-building. (These D names were not part of the plot, nor were the characters related. No explanation of the ubiquitous Ds was to be found. Bad idea, bad idea….!)

  2. I dated someone in college, and our relationship didn’t work for a few reasons: it was long distance, it was the first serious relationship for each of us, and we needed to grow up. For one, we found difficulty in opening up enough in conversation. We felt that while there was a chance we could be great together, circumstances at the time weren’t allowing us to be. We knew that breaking up was the right decision and left the door open to reconsider later. For what it’s worth, we were together for under a year.
    We’ve been close friends since. In time, we’ve learned how to discuss sensitive topics. I’ve seen us overcome many of the ‘circumstances’ that challenged us previously. This has made me hope that we’d give things another try in the future. I just feel like there’s a good prospect we’d make it if we allow ourselves that chance.
    Our situation has changed recently because he’s dating someone new, and we simply can’t be as close of friends now. I want him to be happy. I want both of us to be. I want to be respectful if this is it for him. I’m struggling because: I question when it’s appropriate to reach out to him as a friend. Our breakup was wishy-washy. I made mistakes. I still think about him. I may never have an opportunity to share this with him. We have an information asymmetry now.
    Not sure what I’m looking for. Advice? Success stories? Commiseration? Please note that I’m not putting my life on hold. I’m in the process of making a significant career change and have been spending time with new friends.

    1. If he’s dating someone and you want to be respectful of that, don’t reach out to him and tell him you have feelings for him. If you find yourselves both single at the same time, then go from there.

    2. “I just feel like there’s a good prospect we’d make it if we allow ourselves that chance.”

      Tough love? He clearly disagrees. He disagrees so much that he’s dating someone else. That door isn’t open anymore (unless he’s a mean person who will open it up only when he’s between other girlfriends) so work on shutting it for yourself. If you’re having trouble drawing the line between friendship and dating, then you need to go no-contact. It sucks, and it feels like a second breakup when you were hoping for a reconciliation, but it’s true. This guy isn’t the one for you.

      2. I agree with this, too. I was that girl, too. Then I met someone that made me feel different than everyone ever had and realized that when adults want to spend time with someone they make it happen and that college boyfriend was stringing me along. I did not want to be someone’s second choice or backup. Right then and there I cut all contact with the “still friends” ex boyfriend because I was not about to let that spoil the good thing in front of me. Married him and we are happy :)

    3. I’ve been the guy in your situation. Here is how my ex handled it and I thought it was pretty mature. I broke up with him in a wishy washy way like you describe. Circumstances aren’t right, we need to grow, we are young, but we will probably end up back together in the future. To him, I was the one that got away and he was giving me my space until I came back. I really meant those things when I said them. Then I met the guy I ended up marrying. My ex was casually dating and I was getting into this real relationship. We had a lot of mutual friends and we ended up at the same party once. My boyfriend wasn’t there and his girlfriend had already left.

      He asked to talk. He reminded me of how we broke up. He said he needed to know if my plans had changed. Was I still hoping to date around a bit but end up back with him or had I moved on to a new real serious relationship. I realized I had never finalized the break up. He had been waiting for me to come back. He wasn’t letting himself get into serious relationships.

      So I told him that circumstances had changed, I didn’t see us getting back together, I was sorry for stringing him along. I hadn’t looked back at the break up from his point of view. He respected that and we went our separate ways.

    4. You don’t want anyone you have to convince to be with you. Being truly, really wanted is the most amazing thing. You’ll find it! Just not with this guy.

      And it never looks good to go after someone who’s dating someone else, no matter what Nicolas Sparks says.

      1. +1. If you have to convince someone, even if you have great points, it’s not meant to be.

    5. Your break up was not wishy washy. It was very clear. He doesn’t want to date you. This is clear because he isn’t dating you and is instead dating someone else. I think you need to back way way way off because this isn’t good for you. He doesn’t want you. You will never be together. You are wasting your time and emotional energy.

      1. I agree. We sometimes think that if we have given of ourselves emotionally to a man, that he would feel the same, and this is particularly after the relationship becomes physical, because men are always looking for that much sooner than we are so when we do give of ourselves, we automatically assume that by that time he is hooked. Well that is not always the case. Some men do get attached, but others, no matter how much we think otherwise, can fake the emotional connection long enough to get the physical. Then, if they tire of it, they will move on, or, as in your case, where you were the wishy-washy one, they also move on, and find another woman to make a connection with. I know it is hard to fathom, particularly if you became particularly open physically to that relationship, and are now having thoughts he could have been the one. Do NOT go back to him and potentially spoil what he has built up with another woman. You had your chance, and it is now strictly “eggs-over”. There are other men you can marry, and now that you are older and presumably more mature, you should tread softly and not do anything to ruin any new relationship you may enter into.

          1. I think this is our resident member of the “He-Man Woman Haters Club” who thinks they’re super-clever and we haven’t figured out the poster is a guy.

      2. +1 Also people always look better when they are dating someone else. Did you ever watch My Best Friend’s Wedding”?

    6. I will go in a slightly different direction. If you need to know for sure in order to move on, then now is the time to tell him. You say he is dating someone, which can mean a lot of things, and it sounds like it is new and not a really established romance. Meet up with him and tell him you want him back. If the answer is no, then you can move on.

      He should, regardless, when faced with it, give a clear yes or no. If he hedges his bets, then he is that guy a poster above mentioned who does not want to love you but wants you to keep loving him so he has someone to hang out with when he is single.

      Just put it out there, OP, and then you can move forward without uncertainty.

      1. Wow. This is so rude. To him, to the other girl. And a great way to go from being friends to being persona non grata in his life.

        1. I do not think they are going to be friends much longer if she is pining over him and he has moved on.

          And I don’t think it is rude to him to tell him she still has feelings for him.

          1. It is. It’s selfish. If he wanted to be dating her he would have asked her if she still had feelings for her. He’s not. He’s dating someone else and has asked her to back off the friendship. She needs to move on.

      3. This is horrible advice. Don’t do this. “Move forward without uncertainty” now–he has.

        2. Wow. I do not find this terrible, rude, or cruel, in the least, and I say this as a middle aged married mom who has pretty clear ideas on how to respect relationships. I’m you’re getting beat up over this, Never too many shoes — it’s awful when people give sincere advice and get piled on.

        3. I agree.

          It’s a nasty business to get into judging if other people’s relationships are “new” or “established.” Today’s “new” relationship is a marriage in a few short years. Don’t trash someone’s future spouse or their relationship with their future spouse.

    7. Advice:

      Don’t do reruns. It almost never works.

      Don’t be friends with people you want to date. You’re then in the worst of situations – not appreciative of the friendship nor getting the romance you want.

      Never, ever tell someone in a new relationship that you have feelings for them. I’ve been that person who was told, and it just s*cks. What the fork do you expect me to do – feel guilty about being in love? Dump the new person and be with you? (Do you even want someone who would do that?!?)

      This guy is dating and you’re single. If he wanted to be with you, he would have asked you, not this other chick, out.

      Sorry to be so blunt.

      1. I thought she broke up with him though. I think that makes a difference if he thinks she doesn’t want him. I could have read it wrong.

        1. It actually doesn’t matter. Breaking up with him means he’s free to find someone else. Now that he has (or might have), it’s wrong to say that you want to get back together.

    8. The biggest red flag here is that you can’t be as close because now he’s in a relationship. Like, men and women can be friends. They can have the same friendship regardless of their relationship status. The fact that you two can’t do that means you aren’t friends. One or both of you was keeping the other on the backburner in case nothing else panned out. You don’t want to be with someone who sees you as his fallback plan.

    9. Yeah, I’m going to go in a bit of a different direction here. I’ve been in similar situations (but on his side) where I would start dating other people – it’s fun, you’re young, you’re curious to see if it goes anywhere. I would have wanted someone to tell me if they were a friend with feeling for me still. You don’t know how casual his thing is, or how serious, and you don’t know where his head is at.

      Sort of like the poster above’s past boyfriend did, I’d encourage you to just talk to him – at least you’ll have clarity then. You’re right – it does suck for the person he’s dating, but that isn’t your problem – that’s hers. I’m not saying it’s a nice thing to do, but you should look out for you. And if he does have feelings for you, you’re probably doing her a favor.

      1. Does it change anything for you if he told her, we can’t be as close now that I’m dating someone?

        I mean I generally agree with this sentiment – if he’s sort of casually dating around and you’re into him then go for it. But if it’s at the point that he’s telling her, hey we can’t hang out as much out of respect for New Girl, then I think that ship has sailed.

        1. I didn’t read her post as that – I read it as her conclusion since he’s seeing someone else and she has feelings for him, so it’s uncomfortable.

      2. Nonsense. It’s selfish and horrible. If she wanted to tell him she had plenty of time before he moved on

      3. “You’re right – it does suck for the person he’s dating, but that isn’t your problem – that’s hers.”

        If he has any integrity, her problems are his problems.

        Someone did this to me. He honed in when there was trouble with my previous relationship, then made a pass at me a week after that relationship ended. I turned him down, said I never felt that way about him. He kept pushing the issue, in a way I sometimes found disrespectful of my wishes. That I could handle, but when I met my (soon to be) husband, this guy still kept asking me out. The disrespect for FH was what sent me over the edge, and so ended a friendship of ten years.

    10. Honey, he’s just not that into you. If he wanted to be with you, he’d be with you.

      1. This, pretty much.

        If he wanted to be with you he would move heaven and earth to make that hapen.

      2. Was that “honey” sincere? Or are you just trying to make your comment even snarkier?

  3. Wow, it would have to be Silicon Valley casual. With the raw edges, patch pockets, and textured knit, this jacket looks tantamount to a hoodie to me. I would not wear it to my business casual office, even though most ponte blazers work well.

    1. Yeah I have a very casual office and regularly wear jeans on non-Fridays and I probably wouldnt’ wear this. It looks like a sweatshirt.

    2. +1 this looks like something I’d pair with leggings to putter around the house or run weekend errands.

      1. I’m not sure I’d wear it even for that… and I basically live in Athleta on the weekends. There’s something off about this that I can’t quite put my finger on. Maybe that it looks unpolished but not very purposefully so? Like once in a past life it had structure, but now it’s just faded and misshapen and sad.

    4. Accurate. I bought this last year, wore it twice and donated it. It’s too casual/sloppy even for my business casual office.

  4. Has anyone successfully had workout leggings taken in a bit at the waist? I’ve been working out very consistently and my shape is changing, mostly my waist measurement has become smaller. I have a couple high-waisted pairs where the legs still fit ok, but they are starting to slide down during class. They are nice leggings with plenty of life left and I don’t see this as a permanent solution, just wondering if it would work as a bridge until I’m firmly into the next size down.

    1. Yep, I have leggings tailored regularly because I have a small waist compared to my hips and thighs, so they always fall down (and the next size down is typically too small). It’s a cheap alteration, $10 or less, and I figure that’s a better solution than tugging on my pants all day.

    2. Relatedly, has anyone had this done around the ankles? All of my tight-fitting pants are loose at the ankles – skinny jeans, leggings, you name it. I’m a little afraid to have them taken in because I don’t want to restrict my movement, especially in my workout leggings.

      1. As long as there is still enough stretch to get your foot through, you’d probably be fine.

      2. I get all of my skinny jeans tapered when I get them hemmed so they’re actually skinny all the way down!

    4. Btw, some of the Nike leggings have a waistband in them, so you can start to tie them if they get too loose. I think it may be only in their running leggings, but it’s been a lifesaver for me.

      1. Yes, I do have a pair of these! They’re great except that I wish the waist sat a little higher on me.

  5. Our beloved nanny has started showing up consistently about five to ten minutes late without saying anything. She used to be like clockwork. Should I talk to her about it?

    1. I should say – I’m not always ready to go by the time she is supposed to get there. I usually have a few minutes left before I’m ready, so I am ready right about the time she shows up. So usually it’s no big deal but seems disrespectful or something. Once a week or so, though, I am ready and need to leave right at her arrival time, and she’s not there. I hate to say “tomorrow, I really need you there on time” because that condones the other times.

      1. ABsolutely say something, if it matters to you. It doesn’t matter if you aren’t ready yet. Isn’t part of her job to relieve you so you can leave?

        Not saying anything means you are telling her this is fine. Only you can decide if it is. If she is beloved, I might phrase the discussion with more concern…. “Is everything ok with your commute? I noticed you’ve had a harder time getting here by…. 8am lately…. What’s up?

        But if she is beloved, and sometimes stays late to help and dloesn’t leave on the dot every day, I might let it go. Unless she is making you late and increasing your anxiety.

      2. That matters. She probably figures that if you’re not ready to leave on time, and you’re not waiting around for her when she gets there or saying anything about the lateness then it’s okay. Maybe she’s relaxed her routine on purpose, thinking it’s not important to be on time, or maybe she’s developing a bad snooze button habit, or maybe there’s been some change in her commute making her a little later than usual. Regardless of why, it is okay to bring it up, you are her employer and it’s okay to want her to be on time.

        That said, if you crack down on her punctuality, you should consider being ready for her when she gets there, otherwise it may seem unfair.

    2. “Just checking in. You’re usually always on time but I’ve been noticing that lately you’ve been coming 10 minutes late. Is anything going on? I need to be able to leave on time for work in the morning.”

    3. I would not say anything about 5 but I might about 10, if it’s consistent. Five minutes isn’t going to make you late, and if it does then you’re cutting it too close as it is and you should shift your morning routine (and her hours) a bit earlier. But a 10 minute difference can be significant; I’ve lived in places where leaving 10 minutes late meant a 30+ minute longer commute. I think I’d focus on how this is affecting you instead of, she must be perfect at all times because that’s how things are Supposed To Be.

    4. How is she getting to work? I was a nanny for a long time and didn’t make much money so I relied on public transportation which can be unreliable. 5-10 minutes isn’t really a big deal IMO. My bosses were clear that 5 minutes didn’t matter, but if I was going to be significantly late I had to let them know (I always did regardless). Maybe you could work out an arrangement like that with your nanny. Communication of expectations is the key.

      Plus, I bet you’ve been 5-10 minutes late getting home plenty of times. Unfortunately these things aren’t always exact and I think you need to cut her a break.

      2. Yes, but 5 minutes late every day means you need to re-work something in your commute or the standard work hours (applies to both nannies and parents).

  6. I’m working on a new project with some folks I have never worked with before and there are a lot of communication issues, to say the least. There are two team members who are sort of doing their own thing, not copying others on emails, going to meetings and not reporting back, having private meetings, etc. just generally being cliquey. What can I do to stop this and make sure that I am included and get the info I need without coming across the wrong way? When I have asked if maybe I should be included, I was brushed aside.

  7. I saw a really cute casual jacket online. (Seasalt Cornwall’s Treverbyn jacket — link to follow.) I like the clean lines — it’s kind of like a denim or utility jacket, but without all the snaps and pockets. I also like the dark gray color and the linen fabric.

    Anyone seen something similar in a US store? Ordering and possibly returning to the UK just seems such a hassle …

  8. Just wanted to say thank you to everyone who responded to my thread yesterday about moving to the Bay Area (I read every comment including all of the ones that were posted late). I really appreciate your candid thoughts, both positive and negative. Maybe I’ll send an update in a year and report back on how things are going. :)

    1. It sounded like you were already pretty set on moving, but I’m glad you got some good perspectives to help make the final decision. Best of luck!

  9. I kind of want to try intermittent fasting – I feel like it could really work with my weekday routine. Any success stories? My two concerns are: 1) family breakfast on the weekends, and 2) I often eat dinner late (like 9 pm). Any tips or tricks?

    Please help motivate me?

    1. I’m sort of an evangelist about it, it’s been pretty life changing for me. I managed to lose 10 pounds within a month and have kept it off after a year. I see myself eating this way for the rest of my life.

      I eat a later dinner too, which means that I break my fast later. I wake up in the morning and have half a cup of tea with milk (that’s probably technically breaking the fast but I need my tea. You can also do black tea/coffee so that’s zero calories). Then around 1 or 2 pm I eat my lunch. I don’t skimp on food, I eat a hearty lunch and dinner. I eat a snack around 4 pm, and I eat a later dinner around 8:30 pm. I’m never ever hungry. The first day I skipped breakfast I felt a little weird but was amazed at how my body adjusted almost immediately. Even when I eat lunch at 1 pm I’m not starving in the least — I actually have to set an alarm to remind myself to eat.

      In terms of family breakfast, you can just be flexible about it. I have friends who only do IF during the week and eat normally on weekends. I tend to do it 7 days a week, but that’s just me. But if my family goes out for brunch on a Sunday at 11 am, of course I join and eat well. It doesn’t have to be all or nothing.

      I recommend reading The Obesity Code and the reddit page on IF. Good luck!

    2. There are so many ways to structure IF- you need to find what works for you. Maybe the 5:2 method (eat regularly for 5 days, fast for 2 non-consecutive days). You could some variation of a daily eating window where you only eat during 8 hours of the day (like 16:8) and move it around to accommodate your schedule. Or you could decide to only practice fasting during the weekdays.

    3. What kind of IF? I generally eat from 12-8. If you have dinner late, you could do 1-9.

      I don’t follow it on weekends. No way am I giving up my weekend treats.

    4. I love it. I’m the type of person that gets ravenously hungry with small meals spaced out (like the popular 5 small meals a day). I have only water & a cup of black coffee on weekday mornings and eat lunch by 2 (it’s usually bigger), then another larger snack (like a cup of whole fat greek yogurt with seeds and nuts granola) around 4:30 or 5 since I work until 6 or 6:30 most nights and then finish with dinner between 8 or 9. I’m childless and my partner has an unpredictable schedule so it works.

      On weekends sometimes I stick with it, sometimes I don’t but I don’t have a problem with breaking IF a day or two a week and then switching back. I’m currently cutting my calories for an event and don’t feel deprived since I’m eating large amounts of food twice a day with a large snack. I’ve also never been a huge breakfast person.

      I’d recommend it – I’ve lost over 20lbs over the course of a year without really watching what I’ve eaten, am now just paying attention because the last 5lbs are tough to budge.

      1. 12-8 has worked for me. I think for it really to work, you need to either do family breakfast OR a late dinner – both on the same day won’t work.

    5. I do 24-hour fasts during the week, so I skip breakfast and lunch every other day, but eat dinner every day. I have breakfast with my dad every Saturday, although I never eat breakfast during the week. IF is really flexible. I read the Obesity Code, which was really helpful in understanding the concept. For me, IF is extremely easy to follow and I lost difficult weight using it. I do have to make sure I’m eating a filling dinner with protein and complex carbs the dinner before my fast days. It has made me more mindful of nutrition and has been easy to follow long term. I’ve been on it for a year now and I’m less stringent about always having three fast days a week.

    6. I think you know you need to stop eating dinner at 9 pm. You need time to digest before sleeping so you’re either not sleeping well, or staying up too late, and neither of these will help you maintain a healthy weight.

      I read about IF here and started doing it. For me, it’s basicallg skipping breakfast and limiting the number of hours I eat in a day. So most days I eat lunch and dinner, but not a late dinner. I try to be done eating by 7. If I haven’t eaten dinner by 7 I honestly skip it because of the reasons above. Around 7 I wash my face and start in on my skincare routine and brush my teeth. Brushing my teeth means I won’t be tempted to eat again.

      Some days I get really hungry in the morning, so i might eat earlier than lunch, but then I adjust my day. So yesterday I was starving and I finally ate breakfast type food at 10am. But I made sure I had dinner by 6pm.

      When I was on vacation I did eat breakfast with my family a few times. Perfect is the enemy of good. I don’t sweat an extraordinary day here and there, like a recent unexpected dinner out with friends where we didn’t end up eating until after 8 – a rare exception but worth it for a spontaneous good time with good friends.

    7. I lost 10 lbs about 6 months ago from eating in an 8 hour window every day. I’m a bit looser about it now, but I find if I gain a pound or two, I can easily lose it by making sure I’m in that 8 hour window for the next week or so. I love it because I don’t feel deprived at all, my digestive system is much happier (way less bloating and gas), and it works well with my schedule where I typically eat dinner in the 8-9 pm timeframe.

      On workdays, I eat lunch at 12 pm (usually 300-400 calories), another similarly sized meal around 4 pm, and then dinner at 8 pm. Sometimes dinner pushes to 9 or 9:30 and I try not to sweat it too much. I do notice that if I want to lose a pound or two, it makes a difference to keep dinner on the earlier side.

      On Saturdays, I typically eat lunch a little later, have a late afternoon snack, and then a late-ish, large dinner.

      On Sundays, I’ll often eat a large lunch a little later in the day (like around 1 or 2) and then a large dinner around 6 or 7.

      As others have mentioned, I don’t get too worried about going off-schedule from time to time. And I find if I gain back a little weight, it comes off easily when I start paying more attention to keeping my eating in an 8 hour window again.

  10. I had a major death in my family last week and not only was my boss extremely rude about me leaving town for it, she hasn’t said a single word to me since I’ve come back on Monday. I didn’t miss anything exciting at work. She can’t be bothered to ask me how I’m doing? She also didn’t tell any of my coworkers where I was, who of course feel awful now that no one got me a card or anything. What gives? Maybe I’m being overly sensitive? I’ve certainly learned a big lesson on how NOT to treat someone in this situation when I’m the boss one day.

    1. I’m sorry for your loss, and I’m sorry your boss is being an insensitive clod.

    2. Your boss is the one being insensitive. Sure, no one wants a boss who gets TOO personal about the details of a family loss, but at my last company, it was customary to get a card and several personal check-ins as well as reassurance to not worry about missing work (and we had bereavement leave too). That’s the way it should be done in my opinion.

    3. Yes, hugs to you. Usually insensitivity in management belongs to the men, but this proves that female managers can be just as much of a “dick” as men are, even though they are not so physically equipped. I once reported to a woman (technically) who was so jealous of me just because I was 5 years younger than she was and had an MBA, which she did not have. She always put me down in meetings and questioned my wardrobe, which was far nicer than the potato sacks she was forced to wear being 44-44-44 (well almost). When I left, she just took my ID and said have a nice life, and I never looked back.

    4. I’m sorry for your loss. A card is a nice gesture, although I’ve had experiences in the past with weird HR policies. I agree, you can learn from it and I would probably start looking.

    5. Well, here’s the thing – maybe Boss is giving you space. Doesn’t want to intrude. Wants works to be a place where you don’t have to talk about that personal stuff. Maybe she didn’t feel it was her place to say anything to your coworkers. Granted, the being rude about leaving (whatever those details are) may color things another way, but the other behaviors, in isolation, don’t come across as rude or insensitive to me.

      Personally, I would be perfectly happy with your Boss’ approach. I didn’t want to field questions, and a card from my co-workers would have felt odd (I’m not usually a birthday card person and we’re not a birthday card office).

      1. I may agree with that if 1) she wasn’t so rude in her initial reaction, and 2) we weren’t a card office. We are very much a card office and when this has happened to other people on related teams and their bosses have passed cards around and sent flowers (which can be expenses). I don’t necessarily expect all of that but asking me how I’m doing wouldn’t kill her

    6. I am so sorry for your loss.

      Your boss is an @$$, and unfortunately you cannot change that. You can change bosses though.

  11. Apparently the Toronto van attacker is an “incel”/misogynist terrorist. And people tell me feminism is obsolete?

    1. Whoever is telling you feminism is obsolete is a complete idiot. The “incel” movement is terrifying.

      1. Also, many of the homegrown terrorists in recent years have had histories of violence against women and/or histories of threatening/violent statements against women. Too bad everyone thinks that only progresses to terrorism when public violence, usually affecting men, is involved.

          1. It’s terrorism to assassinate a political opponent in his or her own home. Why not to assassinate your ex in her own home? Both are individual murders with broader significance: they’re about telling a certain class of people to stay in line.

          2. Because the specific act of domestic violence against one woman, while possibly motivated by a desire to tell her to stay in line/believe that women should stay in line, is not generally intended to communicate that message (ie, strike fear in) the community at large. You’re reversing it- DV collectively has a broad significance, and the ideas that underpin DV are significant to the broader community. But the specific act of violence against one person does not have broad significance.
            That doesn’t make it any less of a crime, it’s just not terrorism.

    3. Can someone explain this incel movement? I’ve seen references but not sure what it is. Like MRA’s on steroids?

      1. It stands for involuntary celibates. Basically guys who think women are so unworthy and stuck up, that they have accepted that they will never have s3x. These guys genuinely hate women.

        1. Elliot Rodger, the Isla Vista terrorist, was an incel. Sometimes they just whine on the internet, and sometimes they commit mass or individual murder.

    4. The entire story is completely terrifying, including the fact that he name checked Elliot Rodger (shudder) in an FB post right before.

      I am still so upset, maybe because this kind of thing is so completely unusual here.

      1. I’m in Toronto too and to be honest, while the excess violence is unusual, the hatred and misogyny is not. Just try dating or go out to a bar on the weekend or even post feminist views on twitter.

        It’s so frustrating that society doesn’t see violence against women as a real problem when it really seems to be at the heart of so much violence in society.

        1. This is an interesting comment to me since I generally find Toronto bars to be so much less hostile than those in some other cities I have visited. But I am also probably older than you and therefore outside the “target” somewhat.

          1. You’re also married, correct? If I’m with my friends, it’s usually fine but if I have to turn down someone’s advances or stand up for myself, there’s always an element of fear there. It’s not all men obviously, but I’ve gotten some pretty scary and terrible reactions.

            All of which to say – in Toronto, we sometimes like to pat ourselves on the back for being a progressive and diverse city and I think we are, but we are not immune from all this terrible stuff as well.

    5. What really upsets me about this is that these behaviors and attitudes are not limited to incels, whom we might rightly call the worst of the bunch. They think women are entitled, hateful b*tches who do them harm by not sleeping with them, while many on the left defend men’s right to purchase women through prostitution or commercial surrogacy and some also argue that lesbians who only sleep with other lesbians are bigoted against male-bodied people. It’s all part of the same package – that men have a right to s*x and reproduction, that women have an obligation to fulfill that right or be called b*tch or worse.

      I guess why it upsets me is that it would be easier to hear about this incel crap, knowing it’s only a tiny, fringe segment of society that can possibly be dealt with. What isn’t easy is understanding the depths of MRA attitudes and how they have become normalized and mainstream.

      1. Yeah, it’s really disturbing. And I see people responding like “This is a terrible problem! How can we help these men improve themselves so they can get laid?” THAT IS NOT THE PROBLEM.

        I wish it was just a tiny fringe, but one of my highschool friends (ok, I had a huge crush on him) grew up to become so obsessed with a mutual friend that she had to get a restraining order against him. Which he violated.

    6. I don’t know what they expect to come of their “activism”

      – like, ok ladies, at our next meeting we’re going to discuss how we need to f**k the creepy guys in order to save humanity. Take one for the team, girls!

      1. I read it today, and I still the whole concept is baloney. Everyone is celibate by default! Applying words like “involuntary” makes “other people not dating me” sound like something they’re *doing to* me, instead of their natural resting state. You can be lonely without this inherently entitled framework! Once “other people are acting against my will by refusing to get with me” was a thing, equivocating it with r@ape like the current movement is doing was basically inevitable.

      2. I agree, I just don’t see how that term ever added anything meaningful to a discussion of human relationships or s*xuality, even before MRAs starting using it. It basically just means you’re not able to find someone you want to sleep with who ALSO wants to sleep with you and this has gone on long enough that you are starting to feel like it defines you, and it’s awful for you. First, okay, so what? And? You and probably almost everyone else at least one point in time? Second, how is that a new category of relationship, like the article says? That’s the point! It’s just one person! It’s nonsensical until you realize an ‘incel’ is describing himself in relation to every woman on the planet. Um, that’s not a relationship category. That’s an entitled man. And now we get to it..the common thread among men ‘incels’ isn’t just sadness that they’re not getting laid, it’s the sense of entitlement to women’s bodies. They appear to believe that s*x is transactional and should be allocated among different (male) members of society. You see this repeated all the time in MRA groups- the idea that “the top 20% of men get 80% of s*x/women’s attention.” The idea that women are “giving” s*x to men or rewarding them with it because of some arbitrary list of traits or in proportion with men’s social rank, and it’s UNFAIR because there are some men who aren’t getting ANYTHING. Boo hoo.

        1. “an ‘incel’ is describing himself in relation to every woman on the planet”

          This is a key insight!

        2. “It basically just means you’re not able to find someone you want to sleep with who ALSO wants to sleep with you and this has gone on long enough that you are starting to feel like it defines you, and it’s awful for you. First, okay, so what?”

          Exactly, exactly, exactly. Most people I know, male and female, have gone through a time in their lives like this. These whiners aren’t any different than the rest of us in that regard. Yet they view themselves as victims of – well, everything. They can’t get laid because of feminism; they can’t get jobs because women and minorities get all the jobs; they can’t get ahead in life because “the system” is geared against them (even though most of these guys are middle-class white males), etc.

          Part of the discussion in the incel movement is specifically that there are not enough *hot* women for them to have s*x with – they have minimum appearance standards that a woman must meet before they would be interested in having s*x with her; understandably, women who meet those standards can do better than these losers, and thus refuse to have anything to do with them. They have tremendous hatred for women they consider to be too fat or who don’t make themselves conventionally-attractive enough to be desirable by an incel. So they complain about women (and talk about raping and killing them) instead of realizing they themselves are the problem. It is the absolute nadir of self-absorbed entitled victimhood, except that these people are dangerous. They need to be treated like the terrorist group they are. At least Reddit finally (finally!) banned their sub.

  12. I missed two years of contributions to my Roth IRA while in grad school and want to catch up. I also just realized that once I get a job in my field, I will likely push our household income over the contribution limit. If I contribute the max to the Roth IRA now (before I have a job), can I “sneak in” ahead of our potential earning status in 2018? Or will it not matter since they’ll be looking at income reported in 2018 and comparing it to contributions in 2018?

    1. I don’t know the answer to your specific question but I also exceeded the Roth IRA income limit and heard about something called a “backdoor” Roth IRA contribution. You basically transfer money into a tradition IRA then transfer it to a Roth IRA. It’s more complicated than that but that’s basically what it is. From what I’ve read, it’s a loophole that is pretty widely used. I’d be interested in hearing whether other high-income people in this community have done this type of contribution or have heard of it.

    2. Google “backdoor Roth”, you can still do Roth once over the income limits. It is totally legit, have been doing so for years as have thousands of others. Requires one extra form filled out at tax time.

    3. I do the backdoor Roth, and haven’t had any problems. It takes a bit of paperwork to get the traditional IRA set up, and the accounts linked, but once that’s done (I didn’t do it myself, my financial advisor did it and I just signed the papers), I can confirm that it’s just one extra form at tax time.

      1. For what it’s worth, I set this up at Vanguard online and it was very, very easy. Maybe took 5 minutes

    4. Thanks all for the backdoor Roth info – will definitely explore for the future. Anyone know if I can make a regular contribution now though?

      1. What matters is your total income in 2018 and your total contributions in 2018. The exact timing during the year (and what you were earning at that moment) is not relevant.

  13. I interviewed for a position and I thought the interview went pretty well but I just found out that I wasn’t selected. Is it ever appropriate to email the person you interviewed with and ask for feedback about why you weren’t selected? I feel like it could be helpful to know for future interviews.

    1. Yes I think that’s totally fair game – I’ve done this before and the interviewers were very receptive.

    2. Sure, that’s fine! Just make sure it’s clear you’re asking for feedback, not hoping for a second shot or complaining.

    3. I think you should trust your gut instead! You think it went well; there are a million reasons they may have selected someone else that just come down to bad luck for you. Instead, why don’t you reach out and say you really enjoyed getting to know the company and hope to keep in touch? Use it as a networking opportunity, not a chance to nitpick yourself. Because you don’t need that; you’re great!

    4. You can but you won’t get anything useful and it sounds desperate. Instead, consider just letting them know you’re still interested and to keep you in mind for similar future openings. And don’t feel bad – a lot of the time it’s a really close call, and there’s nothing you could have done better, someone else was just slightly more what they were looking for.

    5. Thanks for the suggestions. Looking for jobs is so frustrating, I wish there were more clear rules about the process. It just seems like everyone has a different opinion about everything – some people think asking for feedback is good and some think it looks desperate. It just feels like everything you do is a totally guess about how people are going to react. It’s so frustrating.

      1. Ask a Manager has some really good advice about how to ask for feedback if you choose to do so. Whether you’ll get a response and/or whether it will be helpful really depends on what type of employer it is, what kind of role it is, and what kind of relationship you have with the employer.

        I did this once and it was helpful, although I didn’t really stop beating myself up for missing out on the position until I was able to satisfy myself that the person selected had some qualifying experience that I didn’t have.

    6. You can, but I personally wouldn’t respond for two reasons (1) we interview so many candidates and it’s not my responsibility to give you that feedback. I wouldn’t judge you for asking so I don’t think there’s harm in doing so, but I simply don’t have the time to do it. And, (2) I wouldn’t be shocked if it were a violation of some HR policy somewhere at my firm… what if I gave you some feedback that opened the door for a legal/discrimination issue? You’re well intentioned and so am I, but not everyone is, so I’d rather just not go there since my company is uber sensitive to that sort of thing.

      Don’t be upset if you don’t get a response, and certainly don’t ask twice if your first request goes unresponded to.

      1. I can’t think of a situation where I’d give this kind of feedback. If you interviewed poorly, it’s not my place to coach you on your people skills. And if you didn’t have the experience, or we didn’t think you’d fit the culture, or we thought you’d drive us nuts with your incessant talking or you didn’t seem to realize that “entry level” meant you weren’t getting the corner office any time soon …I’m not going to tell you that.

    7. The problem is that your interviewer has no way of knowing if you’re really just looking for feedback, or if you’ll use whatever answer they give you as a chance to push back and argue. Also, it could just be that there was nothing wrong with you and there was somebody better. I wouldn’t do it.

    8. I understand why this seems like a good idea, but I don’t think you’ll get any useful information. When I’ve been approached this way by a candidate, there is only one possible (politic) answer: “We enjoyed meeting with you, but we found a better fit with another candidate.”

      When I’ve been a candidate myself and didn’t land the job, I’ve found it helps to debrief myself–write up some notes about questions that seemed difficult to answer or that several people you met with asked. These could be weak points in your experience or preparation that you can work on before your next interview. Godspeed.

  14. I know there has been some discussion here about progesterone only pills causing weight gain. I have struggled with weight my whole life, so I kind of expect that, no matter what I do (unless I starve myself), I’ll gain.

    I went off of progesterone only birth control at the end of February and have lost 8 lbs without even noticing. This goes to show that it was making a difference. It’s also heartening to know that the weight that went on is coming back off without any real effort.

    1. I was on the progesterone-only “Mini pill” for about a year after my oldest was born. I don’t remember weight gain, because I was trying to lose the baby weight, but indefinitely had almost no libido, and decided to go off it.

      I remember the week after i went off it I felt like I could fly. That was my specific thought. I had so much more energy and I just felt so much lighter when I was walking, I thought my feet might lift off the ground.

      Oh, and boy did my libido return! This probably has a lot to do with why my kids are 21 months apart. :)

    2. This is so timely for me. I’ve been on the mini pill for a few months now and gained almost ten pounds. I am also hungry alllll the time. I suspected the pill, but wasn’t sure.

    3. I also gained weight on the pill even though they say that’s not one of the side effects. And my boobs ballooned!

    4. Question for OP – did you find that your mood changed, ie: more/less anxious/irritiable/depressed on or off? I’ve been on the mini pill for about 5 years to manage crazy periods, and as I get older I find my PMS symptoms are off the charts. I wondered if going off it might help that.

      1. Not the OP. I eventually developed some baseline anxiety (just constantly feeling “high strung”). I tried all kinds of things before I tried quitting the pill, but I felt better within days of quitting. I ended up addressing my menstrual issues with more of a lifestyle/preventive approach. Still not perfect, but neither was the pseudo-PMS on the pill.

      2. Sorry! I have been in meetings so just getting back. I had switched to the mini pill because of high blood pressure and also because I needed to be on something that I took every day rather than having the dip in hormones once a month (and getting headaches). I went off because I had my hormones tested and no longer need birth control. I was off for three weeks before going on HRT. During that time, I mostly noticed a few headaches from the drop in hormone levels. Right now, I’m feeling really good and don’t feel any mood changes (other than being tired and stressed from work).

  15. Sorry if this seems like a dumb question, but what do you wear as an outer layer when it’s too warm for a coat, but too cold for something like a cardigan? For example, today where I live it’s going to be about 58 degrees and sunny. I have a peacoat, but it seems too warm. I also have a couple blazers and cardigans, but it’s too chilly this morning for those. I’m planning on wearing a sweater and a scarf today, but I feel like I need an outer layer to keep me a little warmer. Suggestions?

      1. Yes, you need a spring coat. A swing trench or fatigue jacket is perfect with pants, a knee-length trench with skirts.

      3. +1 Trench coat or something similar. I have a shorter one (mid-thigh) that is very versatile in the spring and fall.

    3. I wear my light Columbia softshell jacket in the spring and fall. It’s perfect for those “I probably don’t need a jacket but I should take one in case I get cold” days.

    4. For me, I need a light jacket at that temperature. It doesn’t seem professional to me to not have a covering, and by the time I come home from work and the sun is slowly setting I know it will be colder. And every once in awhile, it rains so I always like to have something.

      This is what a simple trench coat is for. Some are thicker/more substantial. Some are light as a feather. I have 3. One classic, but in color black that matches my color palatte, One short, slightly utility style with a more interesting neckline. One short with a fun spring/summer color that is light as a feather.

      I also agree with the scarf touch, which always keeps me warmer. I also sometimes add fingerless gloves. Sometimes if I know the weather will be good, I can get away with a blazer alone.

    5. I have a leather jacket that is perfect for days I need something in between my coat and a sweater

      1. I do have a leather jacket…do you think it’s work-appropriate? I’m honestly curious. I should have specified that I meant this as something I could wear to work.

        1. Leather jackets vary wildly in their style and formality. It totally depends on the jacket, and your workplace.

    6. Jcrew field coat, leather or pleather jacket, uniqlo or similar lightweight puffer.

    11. Well, today is April 25th. It’s not too hot, not too cold, all you need is a light jacket.

  16. Someone talk me out of quitting my miserable job and moving to attend grad school full time while I still owe $30k on my undergrad….

    1. What are your job prospects after grad school? More money? I think putting your energy into finding a new job might be a better use of time.

      1. My dream research and analytical positions all seem to require a graduate degree. I agree that looking for a better job is a better use of my time but I’ve been searching for over a year with no prospects and I’m getting worn down.

    2. What about finding a new job that won’t make you miserable instead? Grad school is typically only a good choice when it’s a well-thought-out component of a long-term plan to get you where you want to be. In my experience, people who go to grad school to escape a bad situation often end up regretting it. And starting a new job won’t preclude you from attending grad school. It will just place you in a better frame of mind to make that decision.

    4. Reminding you that quitting your miserable job and going to grad school are two separate options. Think about them separately, one at a time, and ask yourself if that is what you would choose in the absence of the other.

    5. Just think about the student loan debt and think about how long it would take you to pay it off and what percentage of your income would go to student loans every month.

      Adding more student loan debt can be a such a burden. My husband and I are budgeting to purchase a house and have a baby and pay for childcare, and his student loans are a huge burden that will take years to eliminate even if we are as aggressive as we can be.

      Grad school can be worth it, but it can also haunt you for a long time.

  17. When/how do you let go a cleaning person?

    For background, I recently moved in with my boyfriend and he has had a cleaning person visit once or twice monthly for a couple years. With this year’s raise, she will be above the limit for employment tax withholding and W-2 provision and we don’t want to deal with the compliance angle. Also, while its a fairly large apartment, we are able to pick up her contributions to the household (she mainly vacuums and cleans the bathrooms and kitchen).

    My boyfriend is reluctant to tell her that we don’t need her services anymore because he doesn’t want to reduce her income. With this attitude, we could be stuck with her for the foreseeable future! My suggestion is that we let her know the next time she visits that we no longer need her help and send her off with two extra payments. I could give her more of a warning, but I would feel less comfortable having her unsupervised around the apartment after giving notice. Is this fair? How have you let go household help in the past? TIA!

      1. I agree… unless you’re willing to take over ALL the cleaning and be his live-in cleaning lady? Because he probably doesn’t want to do any cleaning himself.

          1. Good decision.

            You could suggest decreasing to once a month, but only after you have lived there are long time and are willing to pick up all of the slack. Because clearly he doesn’t want to. And getting rid of his cleaner is a great way to cause a big conflict.

            And since you are splitting the cost with him, paying her a living wage is now not such a big deal. It’s a bargain for both of you.

            It’s so funny how we make these decisions about the lives of people who live on the edge.

          2. Yes. You can afford to “deal with” the labor laws that are designed to give a modicum of security to low-income people.

          3. Playing devils advocate (separate from Pink Slip’s fact pattern)… what is one’s ongoing obligation to a housekeeper? Once hired, must one keep employing that person even if the need or desire for services drops away?

          4. As someone who has had to “deal with” the labor laws – they are endlessly confusing, very hard to figure out and generally the worst experience I’ve ever had with a tax obligation. The worst.

            If you go this route, please just have a third-party service do it from the beginning. I have figured out many, many things but the state and federal and forms and amounts you must calculate on your own and deadlines that you must calendar are miserable.

            Also, it may be worth figuring out if she’s an independent contractor – most cleaning people are – in which case the obligations are much simpler.

          5. I agree that dealing with being an employer is not worth it for a 2x a month service. However, I don’t see how the typical individual cleaning lady would be anything but an employee—most individual cleaners are not independent contractors.

            This situation is exactly what cleaning services are for. However, moving in and firing the cleaning lady feels crappy. Maybe you could use a PEO?

    2. And for employment taxes and compliance issues, consider using a service. Myhomepay.com did our nanny’s taxes, etc. It took me 15 minutes to get an employer number online from the IRS (EIN, I can’t remember what it stands for) and with that number, the nanny’s hourly wage, and her name/address/ SSN, the company took care of all the tax issues and paperwork. It was $250 per quarter for direct deposit of her salary, state, local, fed tax payments, unemployment, social security – they did it all so I didn’t have to, and then they provided her with the W-2 at the end of the tax year. There are cheaper services out there that will do the same or some version of it.

      Basically, consider if keeping your cleaning lady, not doing the paperwork yourself, *and* not rocking the boat is worth an extra $1000 (or less) per year.

    3. I’ll be a little gentler – he doesn’t want to fire the cleaning person, fine. Keeping the cleaning person means dealing with compliance. So what is his solution for that? Spoiler alter: the answer is not – ignore it. And I don’t think it should just be on you to deal with this issue, he needs to engage too. This is an excellent opportunity to talk about how you will divide emotional labor.

      1. Thank you for the advice, Anonymous and Away Game. I’ll suggest such the service.

        His reluctance seems to stem from feeling like he’s obligated to continue employing her, not that he is messy and unwilling to clean up after himself. He also mentioned that she might not be pleased with the compliance angle (he doesn’t know whether she has a SSN or her legal status, whether she reports the income etc)

      2. Yeah, if he’s the one who hired her lo these many years ago, it’s on him to figure out how to pay her right.

      3. Agree with this. It sounds like he wants to keep the cleaning lady but either ignore the compliance issues or have OP deal with them. Neither is an acceptable solution IMO.

    4. I don’t understand, I have never heard of a twice monthly cleaner requiring additional tax compliance or payments. She is an independent contractor, isn’t it up to her to file whatever she needs to file? I’m not doing my yard guy or hair stylist’s tax withholdings? This seems like something you shouldn’t even have to give thought to.

      1. If you pay over a certain amount to an individual, you need to give them a 1099 and pay their share of employment tax.

        1. uh…1099 means they are not an employee. Home workers may require a W-4 though, but typically more of a nanny/caregiver scenario – is that what you are thinking of?

        2. If you give a 1099, you are not required to pay any of the payroll tax, the worker is responsible for all the taxes. Only if you give a W2 must you, the employer, pay any of the taxes

      2. She’s a household employee, according to the IRS, and you would need to do quarterly taxes and Schedule H with your 1040. Cleaners are specifically mentioned.

  18. What’s up with all of these social media influencers who are getting clothing lines? Just went to Nordstrom and discovered some Glam collection by someone named Julia Engel, whom I have never heard of in my life. How do people like this connect with big names like Nordstrom? And is this truly their full time job, just taking pictures of themselves all day and posting it for comments? Just seems so sad and small.

    1. Sad and small to build a brand that gets them the clout to launch a fashion line? Okayyyyyyy.

      1. I guess the idea of just looking pretty and taking pictures seems so….not a career? Narcissistic and self-absorbed? Clearly I’m being very judgy here.

        Also I had no idea she is as famous as she is so clearly I’m behind the times. I’m sure that doing what she does is a lot harder than it looks.

        2. There are some famous bl0ggers who don’t seem to work that hard (cough Cupcakes and Cashmere cough) but I think Julia does. Taking and editing that many photos is probably really time-consuming and her photoshoots are really beautiful.

    2. They have tons of followers on SM and they make money when people buy items using their links on Rewardstyle. Nordstrom knows their followers will buy their brand.

    3. Building that kind of brand is very hard. It’s even harder in 2018 than it was last year with the algorithm changes. Don’t kid yourself – these are business people through and through. They do photoshoots, yes, but they also have to know how to create content, build (and continue to grow) a brand, understand analytics and also do everything a normal business does (hire people, manage expectations and create new products or offerings to keep audiences engaged).

      They didn’t just get a Nordstrom line because they post cute photos, but it doesn’t hurt.

    4. Julia is probably one of the most “famous” lifestyle bloggers. I appreciate that her line is size inclusive and it’s cute and very “her.” Why did she get it? Her collaborations do well (Frye boots, BaubleBar) and she has a huge following.

      While I did not order a dress from her line, I don’t see how this is different than bloggers being at Fashion Week. After Amber Venz Box created Liketoknowit and other affiliate programs, it became a huge money maker for both the stores and the bloggers. I don’t really understand how this is different than a celebrity, but I do enjoy seeing some of her pics, even though her style is the complete opposite of mine.

      She is one of the more highly compensated bloggers (million dollar range), so I am not surprised she has a line. Her content isn’t riveting, but it’s aspirational and cute. I wouldn’t mind making a million dollars for being cute and designing dresses.

    5. She has 1.5 million followers on Insta so I’m not surprised that Nordstrom took notice. That’s a pretty large captive audience.

      1. This exactly. I once heard a podcast episode about this, it might have been Bad with Money. Advertising deals with influencers are simply good business for companies. If you can point to 1.5million followers, x many people who read your last post/watched your videos, then you make a good case that your recommendation reaches all these people who, because they follow your brand, are already interested in whatever aspect of lifestyle you sell.
        For comparison, according to wikipedia, many of the big magazines (Vogue and Elle for example) have a circulation less than that, and there your product would be one ad amongst dozens. Another thing is that the influencer market is so new, that there are not really industry standards and typical going rates. So, Nordstrom might get a youtuber to do a 15 minute product placement for way less money than what I’d pay for one of my pieces to be featured in a shoot in Marie Claire.
        Giving influencers their own collection might be an attempt to thwart the credibility issue that poster Wow below makes.

    6. I don’t get it either and given that pretty much every post is sponsored, I really question when these big name influencers recommend something. But it’s definitely a career, in the sense that it is very lucrative and surely time consuming.

    7. Hahaha I’m sure she doesn’t care if you don’t get it. What’s sad and small here is your comment.

        1. Also, are you so tone deaf you don’t even realize where you posted it? Curious, what do you do for a living? I’m expecting something pretty grand and impressive.

          4. To be fair, this poster who is piling on said she was a “nasty woman.”

    8. I didn’t really know who she was until my feed blew up last week with her launch, but her dresses are adorable and fit my style perfectly – and I have 4 that showed up today at my house from Nordstrom to try on for summer weddings. The size inclusivity just made me love the line more. Bravo, Julia.

  19. Does anyone know how to look for reputable volunteer opportunities abroad? I’m looking for something environment-related but am not sure where to start. Thanks for any ideas!

    1. You can try WorkAway. My friend is doing it right now and was able to get a nice gig taking care of horses in Italy. However, she did have a mixed experience in Morocco. I think it’s hit or miss.

    2. Elephant Nature Park in Thailand has weeklong volunteer programs. But honestly if you want to help the environment just stay home. The carbon from your flight will do more harm to the environment than you can undo in a weeks worth of volunteering.

      1. +1

        Volunteering abroad sounds nice in theory but is just tourism in faux-distressed jeans. Paying to volunteer typically means that your vacation is taking away an employment opportunity from a local worker – why pay someone to build houses, work on an organic farm, or care for your rescued wildlife when someone else will do it for free? Even with “reputable” agencies, please consider if you are bringing any special knowledge, skills or talents that they would be unable to find or train in local workers, if you are truly helping to create sustainable change, and what incentives you are encouraging by participating.

        There are definitely times that international volunteer work is incredibly helpful and appropriate, especially if you have genuine expertise in a certain area and can help pass that knowledge along to others, or provide a skill or service (like medical care) that would otherwise be inaccessible to a certain community. But I would advise you this think carefully about whether you are making a meaningful impact on a genuine need, or just participating in the voluntourism complex which often does more harm than good. If the later, consider a high quality eco-tourism trip where you can enjoy the environment and also support local communities and environments.

  20. Does anyone have any recommendations for a high protein snack that will satisfy you if what you’re really craving is something like pretzels, chips, crackers, etc?

    2. Redirect your cravings! Pretzels and peanut butter, crackers and cheese, etc. It sounds like you may be craving salt, so maybe roasted nuts with salt?

    3. beef jerky? cheese? Sounds like you’re looking for crunch. Maybe an apple? Celery?

    4. Plain Greek yogurt shuts down my cravings, but I have to eat it infrequently or I get so sick of the flavor I won’t touch it.

      1. Do you eat it plain? I add a bit of honey (like a teaspoon or two) and that makes it really yummy (at least to me).

        1. When I eat it for breakfast, I make a copy-ish of a Pret a Manger yogurt – julienned Granny Smith apple, pomegranate seeds, a teaspoon of honey, and sliced almonds. Or I mix in a tablespoon of jam or lemon curd. But if I’m trying to stave off a craving, it’s the plain, tart, heavy taste of the yogurt that does it.

    5. One of my favs is to mix a bit of flavoured olive oil with salt, pepper, and cottage cheese and then eat it on some sort of cracker – saltine, melba toast, etc. Super tasty, IMO, and cottage cheese has round 11g of protein in a serving (which usually is around 4-5 heaping cracker-fulls for me.) This is around a 200 calorie snack, which may be more than you are looking for.

      If you want to buy something special made, there are a variety of protein chips/crackers available at health food stores.

    1. No, but I am opposed to all moneymaking multilevel marketing schemes shoving diet culture at us.

    2. You can find better quality products (particularly higher protein content shakes) at your local supplement store. They will even do an InBody (or similar) type of body composition reading, usually for free, and give you some tips. You don’t really need the supplements if you are eating a complete diet/don’t have health issues.

      There are also “free” or low cost local support groups that you can find at your gym, since that is part of what they sell. It’s just like any other MLM. It irks me to no end when people pushing these products act like they have the training or experience to tell people how to “get healthy.” There are more reputable and better resources available online and in your own community.

  22. Ugh. We have a Penn State type situation (predatory adult starts a program that gets him access to young children with no meaningful second adult present). The arrest has happened, charges are being filed, and the police investigation is on-going.

    I am burning mad. I feel like we (collectively) learned nothing from Penn State / USA gymnastics / etc. My church is very 2-deep grownup for anything with children and the scout group my DH works with is 4-deep on trips (so 2 grownups can leave to evacuate an injured kid and 2 adults are still present).

    I’ve read Protective the Gift. I have a legal background. Is there some easily-accessible set of best practices that is some sort of standard (this is for a school district that should have done better)? B/c it has become apparent that they have some toothless policies, do no diligence, and has become the sort of place that is perfect for a predator.

    1. Search for “Sexual Abuse Safe-Child Standards in Massachusetts” for one example.

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