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Updated: Apr 3, 2019 347 Comments · by

Wednesday’s Workwear Report: Scallop Dress

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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Our daily workwear reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. I’m seeing a ton of scallop details out there right now, and while I haven’t been a fan in the past I’m liking them now. This dress does have a slit, so know your office (and your proportions) – but in general I think it’s a great desk to dinner option, and I love the navy. It was recently marked down from $138 and is now $92. Yes please! Scallop Sheath Dress This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support! Seen a great piece you’d like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com.

Sales of note for 9.30.24

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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Comments

  1. Anon

    Unicorn search: white jeans that conceal cellulite? I mean serious cellulite :/

    • Anonymous

      Size up! If they aren’t skin tight it doesn’t show. I like Wit & Wisdom.

    • anon

      I found a pair at White House Black Market a few years ago that met my criteria for thicker fabric. I think the see-through fabric on white pants is 90% of the problem, so look for something that has enough stretch but isn’t paper-thin.

    • Anonymous

      I really like Target’s Universal Thread white jeans. I got a pair last year and they have been great.

    • TO Junior

      Believe it or not, I found a great pair at Zara last summer. I basically lived in them from June through September. Completely opaque and super thick.

    • Anonanonanon

      I had some Paige jeans that cost $$ but I had a cellulite issue. Then I found some at Old Navy and they were great! They’re the rockstar cut but they are NOT made of denim. I had a hard time telling what the texture was online so I recommend going into the store to check them out, because the rockstar white pants come in at least 3 different fabrics and it’s very hard to tell what is what online.

      • Inspired by Hermione

        Related: I tried on a pair of Pixies at ON last week that fit perfectly. Turns out that color (which I did not like) is the only color where they use that blend of fabrics. Grrrrr.

    • Mrs. Jones

      Madewell and J Brand worked for me when I last bought white jeans a couple of years ago.

    • The Frenchie is my favorite kid

      I never – like NEVER – shop at Ann Taylor but I was randomly there last year and ended up with the best pair of white jeans. They are ankle length, a tad thicker material and fit me (curvy size 6) really well.

      Otherwise I only wear Paige or JBrand but their white jeans were a bit thin and quite skinny so they were not flattering.

      I think the key components are (1) having material that is a little thicker than the standard super thin denim and (2) having a cut that is a bit straighter instead of the super skinny cut.

      • Anonymous

        I have an old pair of Ann Taylor white ankle jeans that are great! I haven’t looked at this year’s offerings, but might be worth checking into.

    • Anonymous

      I have a Kut from the Kloth pair of white jeans with nice thick denim that doesn’t show cellulite.

  2. Anon

    I am not at all a pearl clutcher over exposed zippers, but the metal zipper on this is so incongruous with the ladylike styling. Love the front of it.

  4. Dinnertime Woes

    Paging all ‘rettes who work 60-80 hr weeks – how do you handle dinner? I am single, so not looking for “my partner helps” answers because I am handling it all on my own. I find that I am really good about buying groceries but then every evening I get home and just don’t have the energy to cook after such a long day, so I end up ordering UberEats every night, and the groceries go bad unused. I tried meal prepping, but I get tired of eating the same thing more than twice in a week, and some things aren’t great re-heated (like salmon, which I want to eat a lot of). I’m great with breakfast and sometimes bring a lunch but usually also buy lunch, so would like to avoid buying lunch and dinner every day (the UberEats really adds up!), but don’t see how this is feasible given my hours and lack of energy at dinnertime. Any strategies? TIA!

    • tazdevil

      Make 2-3 dishes that can be made as a batch (soup, casseroles, stir fry) on the weekends. Freeze and reheat as necessary. Food prep takes a while to get into the groove, however in the long term it will save you money and keep you healthy.

      • Anon

        +1 to prepping things like soup that can be frozen in individual containers and eaten as needed. (And it’s frozen, so you can wait a couple weeks if you’re not in the mood.)

        Also, if you’re in DC, my husband and I have really liked Healthy Fresh Meals (.com) for the weeks we know are going to be crazy. You order by COB Friday for the coming week and they deliver fully cooked meals on Sunday that you just need to heat up. We’ve liked every meal we’ve ordered.

    • Veronica Mars

      Look into pre-made frozen foods in your area. My city has a local business that delivers homemade frozen meals for $15 for a 2-person serving. The quality is excellent and miles above frozen dinners you get at the supermarket. But they’re also healthier and more nutritious than restaurant meals. Might be a good option to investigate. And Whole Foods and Fresh Market have excellent pre-made dinners that are similar. You could easily stock up on soups, sides and entrees and just keep them in your fridge at all times. When I’m super busy with work, that’s what I do. I take home some soups, quiches, pre-cooked chicken breasts, etc. and nibble on them all week.

    • Anon

      What about something like salmon in foil where you just put it in the oven for 20 minutes while you shower or do some other task? Unfortunately, making food does take some time no matter what you do. I struggle with it too so I’m interested in reading what others do. I try to buy small quantities and do any prep on the weekends or in one batch such as cut veggies, cook protein or pasta, etc. I found making the same base with a different flavor or dressing it easy but doesn’t get too boring. Also, I like to order enough food that it can be lunch the next day but not 5 meals to avoid boredom.

    • pizza girl

      frozen pizzas. frozen meals in a bag (for 2 people, then I split it up and save the 2nd half for lunch!).

      seriously, check out the frozen dinner/meal aisle. I love it.

    • Anonymous

      I try and cook something on Sunday that I can eat leftovers of, and I subscribe to HungryRoot. It’s really easy recipes, most take me 15 minutes to make.

    • notMarthaStewart

      I’ve gone through times where I cook breakfast and have cereal or something for dinner. (I have significantly more energy in the morning.) Also, can you reduce your cooking ambitions? If you’re willing to incorporate convenience food it will be a lot easier. I’ve survived on meals like premade raman with frozen spinach or (suggested on this site) broccoli with frozen dumplings and soy sauce.

      • Anonymous

        I agree with this. Rather than pushing a rock uphill, maybe try things like Trader Joe’s heat-up meals. Cut yourself some slack. . .

    • Ann Perkins!

      I don’t remember where I saw the suggestion to use a dinner formula instead of recipes, but it’s been really helpful for me. Usually it looks something like this: protein (meat, fish, etc.) + veggies (sometimes fresh, sometimes those frozen steamer bags you throw in the microwave for 3 minutes) + healthy grain (quick stovetop boxes of quinoa, couscous, frozen cauliflower rice, even mac and cheese – whatever). The end. Then you can stock up on frozen individually packaged salmon, chicken, etc., frozen veggies, and grains and know that you can have dinner on the table in about 15 minutes when you get home. Plus leftovers for lunch, if you want. I love cooking and trying out new recipes, but when I get busy I find that doing this during the week and having fun in the kitchen on my day(s) off is just more doable and way less stressful – and expensive.

      • Curly

        This is also what I do. Or I make myself a cheese plate with cheese and olives and salami and nice crackers.

      • Houda

        I use a formula too.
        For my base, I buy precooked microwave pouches of basmati rice, seasoned rice, black lentils etc. It takes exactly 2 min on 800 and I have a base ready.
        I stock on cans of tuna and sardines and that’s an easy protein
        I lack on the veggie bit but I make it up by snacking on an apple while my dinner heats up or frontloading on veg during lunch. If I have any energy at all, I might add some spring onions and a few olives to my rice

    • Anonymous

      This is me. Honestly when I’m working 80 hour weeks I just… eat a lot of takeout. Have a little grace with yourself. I can help with the 60 hour weeks though.

      1. Meal prep. Spend 1 weekend/day a month making things to freeze. Once a week, spend half a day making each 2 different breakfasts, 2 different lunches, and 1-2 meals to be reheated (or to help with prep) for dinner. Eat your frozen stuff toward the end of the week or when you’re tired of your 2 things. Frozen food ideas – soups, stews, burgers (for salmon – I buy frozen salmon burgers), meatballs, egg bakes (like the leek and cheese recipe from Smitten Kitchen someone posted a while ago – it froze well!), steel cut oatmeal (made in crock pot), Kodiak pancakes.

      2. Simplify. Come up with a few things you can throw together easily that don’t require thawing or cooking. My go-tos are salads (spinach, nuts/seeds, fruit, blue cheese) and burrito bowls (microwaveable rice or pre-made grains, beans, avocado, salsa).

      3. Streamline. Make cooking a part of your coming home routine, not a separate chore. When I walk in the door, I take off my shoes, put down my bag, take meat out of the fridge to come to temperature, and pre-heat the oven. Then I change, check email, etc. By the time I’m finished, the oven is pre-heated and I can throw in the meat. For fish, I bake it on a salt block (put the block in the oven when you turn it on) and put a few slices of lemon on top. I like pairing fish with a salad – arugula, parmesan, lemon, oil, salt, pepper – and/or roasted veggies, which I either buy pre-chopped or I chop on the weekends.

    • Anon

      Make 5 different big batches of soups in the weekend – meat and veggies. Pack them in individual serving size, glass freezer containers. Pull one out every night and put in fridge to be eaten for dinner next night. If you make every wknd, you’ll build quite a collection of soups to choose from. Buy baguette or nice bread to go with the soup. You can also do same freezer formula for casserole, lasagne, chili, meatballs, roasts, etc… and add bread and salad to go with it.

      Or you can hire a private chef – to deliver lunch + dinner for you every week. There are some catering companies who deliver weekly meals.

      • Anon

        You can also do breakfast burritos – these are fantastic for freezing! and last a long time in freezer. take them for lunches or well, eat for breakfast.

        • Vicky Austin

          Regular burritos freeze great too! Easy to make in bulk on a Sunday and then you can have a frozen burrito for dinner while knowing exactly what’s in it.

    • Anon

      I keep to a pretty similar pattern for the week –
      Pasta (you can precook proteins and veggies so you just toss in to hot pasta)
      Pizza (I buy frozen dough and thaw during the day and then top with pepperoni and a bunch of jarred/canned veggies like black olives, red peppers, mushrooms, etc.)
      Random slow cooker meal (one idea is salsa chicken that I put over rice with black beans, cheddar, lettuce, tomatoes and sour cream)
      Sandwich night (pretty self explanatory – I make my own focaccia (super easy recipe that requires less than 5 minutes of prep time the night before) and I blend parsley, picked vegetables and lemon juice for a healthy spread)
      Protein + veggie (this week it is pre-made chicken sausages with sauteed peppers and onions, I also bought premade polenta)

      I stick with the formula and it reduces the prep time and mental time of meal planning. It’s not super healthy, but it’s not terrible either. All of these pack well for lunch the next day.

    • JazzyRose

      I’ve heard some people have luck with just lowering their expectations for dinner. The French eat omlettes for dinner. You could eat veggies and hummus, with a side of sliced turkey. Personally, I eat a ton of Trader Joe’s frozen food. (There are some healthy options that have helped me lose weight, and if I want to track calories this makes it easier.)

      • Inspired by Hermione

        During summer when it’s hot I eat a lot of Adult Lunchables, which could be good here. Hummus and pita chips, sliced Parmesan cheese, cheddar cheese and apples and pepperoni, grapes or berries, crackers, etc. Probably gets boring every night, but if you have all of the things in your fridge you could toss it together once or twice a week.

      • Eleanor

        Agreed with the lowering-your-expectations approach (and also all of the people who eat some frozen pizza).

        I will often have hummus-on-toast with some fresh veggies. Or yogurt with frozen berries and granola. Or a baked potato topped with cheese and salsa.

        Also, if your groceries are going unused, I’d switch to more frozen groceries or things that last longer than a week. Pick up takeout if you need to, and then at least you won’t feel guilty that perfectly good groceries are going bad– the longer-lasting things will still be there next week if things slow down!

      • Anonymous

        Yes this. I eat eggs for dinner all the time. Often an omelette with some veggies, sometimes a fried egg over rice (get the quick microwavable kind). I sometimes make oatmeal for dinner. Or have hummus with pita and veggies or sliced cheese and deli meat with crackers and fruit.

    • Anonymous

      Doesn’t the client pay for dinner if you’re working late? I thought that was part of the deal with those kinds of hours.

      • Anonymous

        Not the OP but the client only pays for dinner if you must be in the office past like 7 or 8 for their matter. I can and do work remotely so I leave around 6 or 7 and then continue at home. I can’t charge the client for meals I eat at home. Also, my long days are typically a work load issue not a, this must be done in the evening and only in the evening, issue – I might have 2 hours of work for each of 10 different clients. I can’t bill Client 6 for dinner because I happened to get to their work at dinner time.

      • Inspired by Hermione

        I know that the board tends to be big law, but this made me laugh a little bit (not at you! Just at the idea). I’ve worked 60+ hour weeks a few times as a nonprofit attorney and I know that some of my colleagues who are in litigation-heavy areas do it regularly. Our work is definitely not paying for any food unless we are traveling and can’t take it ourselves. And even then they’d really prefer we bring a box lunch.

        Even with my nonprofit salary, when I was doing that, I was either eating take out or a sandwich/oatmeal with peanut butter/frozen pizza/chili mac every single night.

    • rosie

      You can throw a piece of salmon under the broiler to cook it faster. Eat that with a grain/veggie that you cooked over the weekend or a frozen option (you can get those steamables that you just throw in the microwave in the bag). Also, you may not like salmon reheated on its own, but if you have salmon one night, you can make a quesadilla the next night and thrown in salmon and veggies that you already prepped. Or have it cold on a salad, again with veggies that you already prepped. I don’t like salmon salad (like mixed with mayo), but it would be another way to eat up leftover salmon if you made it in advance.

    • Anon

      +1 to lowering your expectations. I don’t work near that much, but I’m also single and I hate cooking for myself. I eat a lot of toast, or cheese and crackers, or frozen dinners. I just don’t care about making myself some elaborate complicated meal. When I do cook, I make enough to serve 4-6 and freeze leftovers in individual portions for future lunches and dinners.

    • Anon

      Honestly focus on grab and go and freezer items. Most weeks my dinner consists of 1) one pan meals that I can literally throw together and cook in about 20 minutes total – for example I take a large fillet of salmon out of the freezer in the morning, throw salt, pepper and whatever else on it and pre-chopped veggies (no shame buying these pre-chopped) in a pan and roast it for 15 minutes or so, or alternatively pan fry in a light spray of oil, 2) microwable bags of whole meals and 3) buy a roast chicken and mixed salad to mix together for dinner. For breakfast and lunch it’s frozen meals (try to stick to low sodium) and yogurt or breakfast bar. Simple is your friend.

    • Vicky Austin

      Don’t cook the salmon ahead of time if it doesn’t stand up to reheating. It bakes up in about twenty minutes and you don’t have to babysit it, so just cook each serving on the night you plan to eat it and enjoy as much freshly prepared salmon as you like.

    • Anon

      Honestly, I gain weight like crazy if I’m not sleeping well, so I order in salads/soups+protein late afternoon and munch through them through the evening at my desk. Or grab a protein + veggies at a Whole Foods hot/cold bar if there is one nearby. At those hours my only priority is just getting home at a less ungodly hour, whatever it takes.

    • Anonymous

      We have a a Whole Foods in my area that has a terrific hot food and salad buffet. There must be at least 50 different food options there every day. When I’m just too tired to cook and want something NOW, I stop there on my way home and get a ready to eat and healthy meal. Cost is reasonable (about $9 per pound). The only downside is you have to stop and actually go in to get your food which can be a nuisance when you just want to get home at the end of a long day.

      • NOLA

        I have a local grocery a few blocks from my house that has a hot bar that works (for me) even better than Whole Foods. They usually have baked chicken or fish (also fried, but I try not to eat that), a variety of veggies, and other sides. It’s a pretty good variety. Wegman’s does that sort of thing elsewhere, I know. I tend to eat the same thing every night because my problem is that often, if I take time to cook something on the weekend, I just don’t feel like eating it during the week. I always have sauteed chunks of chicken and stuff to make my favorite salads so I can throw something decent together during the week when I drag home late from the gym.

    • Original Moonstone

      Lots of good tips here. In my (similar) circumstances, I rely heavily on my George Foreman grill and individually frozen items like salmon fillets, small steaks, and turkey burgers. The only prep required is to take it out of the freezer in the morning or night before. I literally have a list on the fridge of what’s available in the freezer so I don’t have to rummage around in there. I like to eat but I do not like to wait to eat, so I plug in the appliance when I walk in the door, change clothes while it heats up, and throw the item on for 5 minutes. That gives me 5 minutes to microwave some veg or make a salad.

    • Stars

      I’ve been using Freshly for 8+ months. I select the number of meals (fresh, not frozen), the particular meals, and the delivery date. Even when I’m not working crazy hours, the convenience of having a healthy (typically under 500 calorie), filling meal that’s ready in fewer than 5 minutes is great (I love/hate how it eliminates an excuse to not go to the gym). I highly recommend!

    • Anon

      I am a big fan of pre-bagged salad – I usually batch cook chicken on the weekends then add it in to get protein. I’m a volume eater, so it takes me a while to eat and I feel very satisfied. It only takes about 5 minutes to prepare – sometimes I chop strawberries or add cooked veggies to bulk it up, depending on the type of salad. (I also usually swap out the dressing that’s included for something that fits my nutrition goals.) And as a bonus I feel much better because I’m going to bed full but not feeling gross from a carb heavy dinner.

    • Anon Lawyer

      I do Blue Apron. Yes, you still have to cook, but everything is pre-portioned and the instructions are so simple that I find it kind of soothing and meditative to just follow them. And it’s the only way I end up eating fish at home. Also, since each meal comes with two servings (which you could stretch to 3 if you weren’t a big eater), you don’t have to do very much work the second night.

    • Strawberry

      I’m also not big on eating the same thing, and generally average 60-70 hour weeks (including weekend work) and am big on sheet pan meals and frozen pre-made meals (skinny taste has a great recipe for cajun shrimp and veggie foil packets that you can make ahead of time, freeze, and then make in the oven from cold to done in 45 minutes – I walk my dog, unpack, change, and wash my face in the meantime while it cooks). I’ll buy pre-chopped veggies, throw it on a sheet pan for 15 minutes in a 450 degree oven with some olive oil and salt and pepper, and then for the last 7-ish minutes pop a piece of salmon on and broil.

    • Anon

      My favorite dinner when working too many hours is breakfast for dinner. I’m not a pancake/waffle person. I like two eggs over medium and some really nice toast with butter. I’m also a fan of frozen turkey breakfast links, which are easy to always have on hand.

      Also omelettes, which go well with a small salad if you have some arugula or spring mix that hasn’t gone bad. Honestly I just dump some arugula leaves on my dinner plate, drizzle with olive oil and salt, then toss a bit with my fingers. I may or may not squeeze lemon on top (I feel arugula doesn’t need an acid in the salad dressing.) I actually like a plain omelette with no cheese cooked in an indulgent amount of butter but cheese or something like tomatoes are good here too. And this goes very well with a cold glass of a crisp white wine like sauvignon blanc.

    • Anonymous

      My husband and I meal prep now, but it only worked for us once we embraced the concept that workday lunchtime food is fuel, not entertainment, and so it doesn’t matter if we eat the same lunch for four days straight. Also, it is such a time, money, stress and mental energy saver, I can’t even explain how much it’s benefited us. I can’t imagine going back to how things used to be. Commit to doing meal prep for three weeks and then see how you feel.

    • Anonnona

      I eat a big meal at lunch and then just nibble for dinner. Cheese and crackers, yogurt, veggies dipped in guac.

    • Vega

      I don’t generally work such long hours, but I’m single and pretty lazy about cooking when I get home. Basically, I rely on freezer meals and the “adult lunchables” option that was mentioned upthread. I tend to prefer the adult lunchables/bistro box approach for lunches. For dinner, I keep an eye out for my favorite frozen meals to go on sale, and then I stock up. When I feel up to it (~monthly), I’ll make a big meal with the crockpot, and stock my freezer with those. I’ve also learned that if I freeze only a partial meal or an uncooked meal, I will never take it out and finish cooking it – so I make sure to freeze individual servings of complete meals. My fruit/veggie intake is largely from frozen steam-in-bag veggies (added to other freezer meals) and pre-made smoothies.

  5. BOB stroller recall

    FYI, this mornings Washington Post article about the BOB strollers is scary, link to follow:

    Staff members at the Consumer Product Safety Commission collected 200 consumer-submitted reports from 2012 to 2018 of spontaneous failure of the stroller wheel, which is secured to a front fork by a quick-release lever, like on a bicycle. Nearly 100 adults and children were injured, according to the commission. The agency’s staff members investigated for months before deciding in 2017 that one of the most popular jogging strollers on the market was unsafe and needed to be recalled. But BOB’s maker, Britax Child Safety, refused the agency’s request in 2017 for a voluntary recall of nearly 500,000 strollers.

    • Anonymous

      I had two BOBs and IIRC, I knew that you had to be careful with the levers, was careful, and never had a problem.

      Is this in the category of securing dressers and bookcases to a wall if they may tip, where if you are mindful it isn’t and shouldn’t be a problem?

      • Rainbow Hair

        Wait are you saying that securing dressers and shelves to the wall isn’t necessary if you’re mindful?

        • Anon

          I mean, it’s true but depends on so many variables – the weight and balance of the furniture and if by mindful you mean “constantly four feet behind my child” lol – I think it’s in the category of “probably will be fine if I don’t but the work to prevent injury by not securing it is not worth it – just secure the furniture.

          • Rainbow Hair

            I live in earthquake country so my stuff is attached to the effing wall. I don’t think there’s any level of mindfulness that would be enough to fully prevent a kid from getting into mischief. If I go to the bathroom without my kid, who’s to say she won’t use those two minutes to climb a bookshelf? Or who can promise that there won’t be an earthquake right then!? Anyway, yeah, team safety!!!

        • Anonymous

          I don’t know that that’s the intent, but my bikes have quick-release locks and if I’ve been taking my bike apart to put in my car, it’s the sort of thing I am careful to check as I put it back together. And even when I hop on, I make sure it’s in the locked position.

          WaPost woudn’t let me read the article, so I have no idea what it says.

          I know people with kids who latch their toilet seats shut b/c a baby who is able to pull up and wall-walk can drown quickly and silently if they tip over into the toilet (and that this had actually happened in NYC somewhere). We didn’t do that, but I can see how every d*mn thing in a house can kill or injure a person. Even strollers.

          • Anon

            “WaPost wouldn’t let me read the article” means “I don’t want to pay to read it.” I don’t know why people assume content should be free, but it costs money to produce quality journalism (not to mention it does add value to the world) and if you really care about its existence, you should pay for it. If you don’t care, don’t complain you can’t get it for free. Thank you for coming to my TED talk.

          • Anonymous

            A lot of places give you a few free reads a month, which I like b/c I can read an article in a paper that I usually wouldn’t subscribe to (don’t live in DC, have no reason to subscribe to this paper; have NYT subscription b/c it is local to me).

          • SC

            We latched our toilet seat shut because Baby was playing in the toilet. There’s a small drowning risk, but more of a risk that they’ll make themselves sick by playing in toilet water and then putting a hand in their mouth. Also, just eew.

          • Chill

            Ok chill. She wasn’t complaining about paying for journalism. She was saying the link someone posted here does require payment. She doesn’t subscribe to WaPo. So, yes, WaPo will not let her read it. It’s not an indictment of the journalism industry. Your point is merited but misplaced.

          • Anon

            I agree with Chill. I’m a journalist and don’t believe people should be able to read newspapers every day for free. But I also find it annoying that WaPo and WSJ and others don’t let you read any stories if you’re not a subscriber. Nobody can possibly subscribe to every major news outlet, and it’s frustrating when someone posts a link and you can’t read it unless you happen to subscribe to that paper.

      • anonshmanon

        Saying ‘I never had a problem’ is not relevant here. This is a case where consumer protection calls out a product that poses a high risk due to the way the product is manufactured. Of course risk is a statistical thing, so the majority of consumers won’t ever be injured. But in contrast to inherent risks that come with living in the world, consumer protection agency is there to point to risks that are avoidable and unnecessary, so it’s reasonable to mitigate this risk for all consumers as opposed to saying ‘well most of them never have a problem’.

        • Anonymous

          Does this affect bikes with similar quick-release levers? They are everywhere on larger kids’ bikes and adult bikes.

          • anonshmanon

            Can’t access the article either, but again, the consumer protection agency is supposed to point out those risks that are unnecessarily high and can be mitigated by product manufacturers. They may not tell parents ‘hey, all strollers with quick release levers carry an inherent risk’ (and I’m sure the manual prints that warning already), but their job is to tell parents ‘this model has a design flaw/material deficiency that makes it fail more often than competing products’.

          • Anonymous

            Then why not bring up with bikes? People (adults and kids) bike for decades and in dangerous situations (on roads shared with cars). People only use strollers for a few years at most.

            If a quick release lever is dangerous, why only mentioning re strollers seems to be gross negligence.

          • anonshmanon

            Anon at 12:45, I think you misunderstood me. To put it another way, the agency wouldn’t warn you about inherent dangers that are unavoidable, eg. the convenient choice of a quick release lever means some risk, and that’s the consumer’s choice. Their job is to check whether manufacturers are adding more risk through shoddy manufacturing.

        • Different anon

          OK, but 200 reports over 6 years out of 500,000 strollers is a tiny fraction of users. I get that the consumer protection agency felt it was appropriate to recommend a voluntary recall, but I also think the OP is being alarmist describing this as “scary.”

          • nona

            +1 – it’s 0.04% of strollers that are used multiple times throughout the strollers life, so it’s actually even smaller (200 incidents/# of times the 500,000 strollers are used). It sounds like a good advisory to send out to warn consumers of the possibility of this happening, but also seems preventable with some attention to the use of the product.

          • OP

            To clarify, I meant two things are scary: the stated injuries (listed in the article), as well as Britax’s complete reluctance to take action to make the strollers safer or warn parents about the chance of injury.

          • Anonymous

            I read the article and there were a lot more column inches devoted to politics than actual stroller safety.

          • Blueberries

            I agree that the incidents/strollers ratio is likely low, but I would expect most instances to go unreported. Therefore, the incidents/strollers on the market is higher than just what’s been reported.

            I’m concerned that this report indicates that the CPSC isn’t fulfilling its obligations and that Britax doesn’t care so much about safety. I will think very hard before buying their products for my little ones because I don’t know what else they don’t care about safety-wise (and I was seriously considering buying a double BOB).

      • Ms B

        Eh, I think the BOB problem is pretty significant. Have you ever tried to get one of those beasts into the back of a vehicle? For me, doing so 100% required pulling off the front wheel, which then required putting it back on when I needed to use it, and then increased the chance of issues during use.

        Which is why I am Team City Mini.

    • MomAnon4This

      My son is ~10 years old so back in 2008 or 2009 or 2010…. there were incidents with a MacLaren (so, almost as expensive as BOB) stroller amputating children’s fingers!
      This kind of thing happens.
      IIRC MacLaren did recall their strollers, not sure what the reimbursement was or anything like that….

  6. Anononon

    I need a very casual white summer tank top to wear with skirts. I’ve had one that was just a cotton tank, but they end up looking kind of dingy/stretched out eventually. Is there some unicorn I’m missing?

  7. Anonymous

    I’ve been online dating for months and finally met someone I liked. He said from the start he wanted to take it slowly, which I was/am fine with.

    After several great dates, he told me he’d thought he was ready to date, but in fact wasn’t in a position to be dating anyone…that he was depressed, too much in his life is up in the air (work, moving), and he doesn’t feel like he can be a good partner right now. He’s not seeing anyone else and says he doesn’t want to and deleted his app. He said he’d be very sad to lose our connection, but understood if I didn’t want to talk to him again, if I wanted to be friends, or if I wanted to continue how things were (basically dating without a commitment until I find someone else or he figures himself out). Mainly he said he doesn’t want to do something that ends up hurting me or making me hate him. He says he has been happy until the past year or so, and he has been in longterm relationships before so not just a case of being unable to commit ever.

    I decided I’d stop gardening with him (annoying because he’s good) and otherwise keep him in the queue as one of the several guys I’m semi-dating at any one time, hoping it can work out eventually but not counting on it or getting too attached, seeing what else develops in the meantime. Other than the no gardening, it feels more like a relationship than anything with any of the other guys I meet. He contacts me every day, it makes me happy to hear from him, we sometimes talk on the phone for several hours, he tells me all the minutiae of his life.

    I like it but don’t know at what point it gets in the way of other possible relationships. I’m still going on a lot of dates but often, at some point on a date with someone else I think I’d rather be out with him instead and get mildly annoyed that I’m in this position. Generally I don’t get excited about that many people, though, so maybe it’s unrelated.

    If I cut this off I’d be sad to lose his companionship (which has been in short supply since my last breakup), but then part of me is like “maybe if I stop talking to him and he’s really lonely, he’ll actually decide that he wants to/is ready to date.” Which is what I want. I just don’t know how to move forward given the situation…

    • Anon

      I think we’ve all been in your position in some way. I recently dated someone who had issues from his divorce, didn’t know what he wanted, didn’t want to disappoint me, etc. I ended things amicably and two months later he cane back saying he had time for a relationship now and things would be better. Obviously everything he said was BS and he still went days without contacting me. I’d tell this guy to stop contacting me unless he was ready for a relationship. As much as it sucks, I think you’re only prolonging the inevitable.

    • Anonymous

      Omg no cut it off now it is getting in the way of your life now. You want a relationship! He just told you that he does not want to be in a relationship with you! You are not friends.

      Cut off all contact “Hey, this isn’t working for me. I wish you the best, but I need to cut ties and move on.” You can’t move on while you are still doing it.

      Move forward by looking for someone else.

      • Senior Attorney

        Yes, this. He told you in so many words that he is unavailable for a relationship. I’m so so sorry but he’s not your guy.

          • CostAccountant

            +2. You are using up all your emotional energy on this person (talking on the phone for hours etc) The best decision you can make is to stop all contact so you can focus on men that ARE available for a relationship.

        • Ellen

          Yes, you should not waste any more time with this guy even if you take the gardening out of the picture. He is sucking the emotional life out of you, taking up your time and energy even knowing it will not move at all forward. I think you want more than to date guys, you want a life partner with whom you can garden every day and night. This guy wants to talk, but NOT garden, and gardening is most important for us women as part of a relationship. If this guy will not garden, and progess in a relationship, then DTMFA! FOOEY!!!!!

    • Anon

      I’d cut this off. Listen to what he is telling you. He is not able to give you what you want. And he’s selfishly trying to maintain regular communication with you anyway, which is confusing! Then if you call him out on it he’ll he able to say that he warned you all along. Just end communication, and if he comes around, great, but most likely this will free you up for someone who is actually emotionally available.

      • Is it Friday yet?

        Yep, you’re giving him the benefits of a relationship without him having to make any kind of commitment. He might even mean well, but he’s doing you no favors by emotionally monopolizing you when he doesn’t want a relationship with you. And whatever excuses he’s feeding you about himself, that’s what it comes down to. I know it completely sucks, but you can do better than this guy.

      • Monday

        “…he’ll he able to say that he warned you all along.”

        I read something a few months ago about the difference between transparency and trust. It has stuck with me. I think it’s pretty common in dating these days for people to be totally up front about their (whatever it is that precludes a functional, committed relationship). But this is not the same thing as being trustworthy, as in, someone in whom it’s safe to invest your emotions or even your time. Partial credit to him for being honest, but that doesn’t make your next step any different. I’m sorry, I’ve been there.

        • Anonymous

          +1 to this. He is being up front, so he can then have a get out of jail free card “I told you I didn’t want a relationship”. Yet, he’s getting all the benefits of a relationship, taking up hours of your time sharing his life details with you. It prevents you from finding a partner who will share his life with you in all aspects, not just the buddy part.

        • Anon

          Oooh if you happen to remember where you read that or have a link, I’d love to read that too.

          • Monday

            I’m pretty sure it was from Aimee Lutkin’s blog “2 Dates A Week,” which seems to be defunct now. Sorry I can’t find the exact entry, but the whole series was interesting.

    • Anonymous

      I’m sorry this is so hard. You’ve clearly thought through this, it seems like you need someone to confirm what you already know. So yes, you are correct that this is getting in the way of new possibilities. You can’t be truly open to finding someone new when you’re still spending so much emotional energy on this guy.

      FWIW I just went through something similar. I still wanted to see the last guy because he checked so many boxes and it had been a really long time since I’d felt so strongly for anyone. His life was a disaster but he said it was temporary so I figured we’d keep in touch. It wasn’t temporary, it was the result of bad decisions on his part, and bad decisions in coping with past bad decisions. It all just sort of compounded. When I realized that, I finally stopped seeing him and got my head back in the dating game. Since then, I’ve been on some dates with some very nice people who seem promising. I would’ve missed out on them if I hadn’t cut ties with the ex. Hugs to you with whatever you decide to do.

    • Anonymous

      I feel like I could be the guy. It’s kind of how I feel with regards to dating now.

      The best message you might give him is that you’re not looking for someone ‘perfect’, but sometime you really like. And you are happy to grow with him as he gets to what he feels is the right place for him.

      If this isn’t how you feel, then you may need to move on.

        • Anon for this

          Depends on what you mean by “dating” – for some people that’s looking for a relationship that will eventually lead to marriage or another permanent partnership, and for others “dating” means going on dates and spending time with someone and engaging in gardening, for as long as both people continue enjoying it. If the latter is more your thing, in general or right now, you need to make that clear to the people you date and avoid dating people in the former group. But there is nothing wrong to either approach.

    • Anon for this

      I’m in a somewhat similar position, except I’m in a very similar place as the guy as well so I decided to keep seeing my guy. I’m not dating anyone else because at this moment everyone else pales in comparison to him. Several of my friends think I’m selling myself short because I’m not in a Relationship with a Future and that I’m Wasting My Time. But I’m in the unusual position of being early 30s but divorced with a kid, and very ambivalent about wanting to have any more kids, so I’m in no rush to think about The Future and Where Is This Going. I’d like to get married again someday, but I would be happy with that being 20 years from now. I’m very nervous about getting into something serious right now, because I want to have enough time to focus on myself post-divorce. Me and my guy check in several times a week – more by sending an interesting article or a funny anecdote from our day – and see each other about once a week or so, depending on our schedule. Sometimes I want more of him, because I like him, but mostly this works.

      I’m sure you’ll get a lot of negative feedback here, because many women who are dating are looking for a future, and if that’s you, then this guy is not for you. But I thought I would throw my experience out there in case it resonates with you.

      • Senior Attorney

        I think the OP’s man friend needs to find somebody like you! Sounds like a good setup for you both!

    • Anonymous

      Cut it off. Life is too short to waste on someone that’s not head over heels about you. I know that’s hard. But the time you waste on this relationship of convenience directly takes time away from finding the right connection. He doesn’t sound that into you. And you shouldn’t settle for that.

    • Anon

      I’ve been the person who met someone great when her life was a train wreck. (It was so bad that I ended up with PTSD.) But that “someone great” was not just some great guy, and maybe another great guy would come along – he’s my now-husband. I knew early on that he was special enough to hang on to, so we had a lot of adult conversations about timelines, how the stress in my life would affect our relationship, etc.

      It wasn’t a deal-breaker, because it was a joint effort with the man I love at my side. We did not “take things slowly” so much as work on a deliberate and thoughtful timeline. For example, we both knew early on that we had met the person we wanted to marry, and we’re in our thirties, but we didn’t get engaged at five months or something like that – we got engaged after a year.

    • Never too many shoes...

      Counterpoint – end the relationshippy part of your arrangement and go back to casual sex with him while you continue to look for a more suitable boyfriend.

      • Monday

        I had this thought too, but it sounds like she’s pretty emotionally involved. Personally I don’t have an on/off switch for that, though if she does then this could be an option.

      • Anon

        Not the OP, but I’ve recently found myself in a similar position. I know if I continued to sleep with the guy, it would totally complicate my feelings and prevent me from moving on. I have no problem with casual s#x, but I know that I personally can’t do it when there are feelings involved.

      • Anon

        This is never a good plan when you like the person and would definitely want to be with them if they had their $hit more together, which sounds like it’s the case here.

    • anon

      “maybe if I stop talking to him and he’s really lonely, he’ll actually decide that he wants to/is ready to date.” Which is what I want.”

      I totally get the impulse, but you don’t want him to decide to date you just because he’s really lonely. You don’t “decide” to be ready to date because you’re lonely. You either are or you are not ready. Loneliness =/= ready to date and emotionally available. These ideas are a venn diagram. I know it’s hard. Good luck.

    • Anon

      I was very young at the time but I met my husband when I didn’t want a boyfriend and had just got out of a long relationship. He hung around casually dating me for 3-4 months until I finally caved and said he was my boyfriend. We’ve been together (dating+married) almost 20 years now.

  8. Anon

    This is probably a weird question, but has anyone not liked watching/discussing sports in the past but somehow grown to like them? I’m thinking Football & Basketball in particular. If so, any tips or strategies?

    I’ve just never been into watching sports – I’d rather read a book – but my husband is SUPER into watching Football (NFL) & Basketball (mostly college, but also NBA). We’ve been together forever and it’s definitely not an issue, but I do think it would be more fun for both of us if I could somehow also grow an interest in them & we could share some commonality here.

    I expect this is probably not something I can force, but hey, maybe I’ll be surprised at what other’s experiences have been. (I’ve tried doing pools and stuff, and while that makes me moderately interested in the final few minutes of a relevant game, it certainly hasn’t turned me into a sports fan).

    Thanks!

    • Anonymous

      Yeah I’ve gotten into car racing! It’s not like my fave, but I can pick a couple guys I like and get into it. I found documentaries helped! Like a few quickie Netflix ones just to learn more about the sport.

      • cbackson

        Oh man, I have been watching the F1 documentaries on Netflix and Amazon and I am obsessed.

        • emeralds

          My fiance watched the Netflix documentaries and is now going through a F1 phase. We watched the Bahrain Grand Prix over the weekend, and it was surprisingly interesting even as someone who has zero interest in cars.

    • Vicky Austin

      Kinda! I grew up in a big football family and was also the kid with my nose in a book until I was older. I still have only a basic grasp of the game, but two things helped: caring about a couple teams (easier said than done, but investing emotions will make you and husband both feel like you’re part of this, which is the goal) and watching consistently. If you can stomach parking on the couch for a good chunk of your weekend all season long, you’ll get a much better feel for the game and also start to care about teams and players, which makes it more interesting. (I don’t like watching football to see guys knock each other down. I like watching football to see people working hard, working together, pulling off the impossible, etc.)

      And I highly recommend finding a hobby to do with your hands while you watch. I used to love knitting during family football hour (I got so much done!).

      • Vicky Austin

        Oh, and can you take in a local high school game or two? Watching live might pique your interest and make it seem more concrete. (Plus easier to get seats where you can actually see than in the big leagues…)

    • Curly

      I developed an interest in football by playing fantasy football because it gave me something to focus on during the games (how were my players doing?). But, after I stopped playing fantasy, I pretty much lost interest again. It can be time consuming (that’s why I stopped), so proceed with caution.

    • Anonymous

      You might try following some of the teams/athletes/commentators/reporters on social media. I’ve always been into sports, but find that this draws me in even more.

      For nfl, start following juju Smith Schuster, and his dog BouJee.

      • Anononon

        +1 I followed my husband’s team on FB and just look at the headlines. It’s enough to make me conversant so I have something to say in a conversation. I don’t need to know the ins and outs but it’s nice to say, I saw they traded ___, why is that? Kind of thing.

        • Abigail

          I do the same. I don’t actually watch any sports but I do know what’s going on so I can talk to friends who are actually interested. And sometimes the drama on ESPN is better than any soap opera!

    • Anonymous

      What is weird for me that that H is obsessed with the Redskins (and sometimes Caps and sometimes Georgetown basketball), but only watches at home. I prefer to watch at a bar where it is louder and more social and to me more fun. But I can take it or leave it (but don’t care to watch it at home — at home I default to getting home chores done with the TV on and don’t really actively watch, so our styles don’t sync; the dude actively watches TV).

    • K

      Do you understand the games? Simple, but that helps a lot. The suspense when the football players are all lined up about to snap the ball is a lot more enjoyable when you know the stakes of this particular play, what the potential outcomes could be, etc. Would your husband be willing to explain things to you while you’re sitting there, and would you be interested?

      Also getting interested in particular players might help, like “This is a big game for Joe Jones because if he gets five carries he’ll break his season-best” or something like that, might give you someone to focus on rather than a bunch of indistinguishable dudes running around.

    • Anonymous

      I dislike watching sports at home but I like going to games or (fun) sports bars. It’s much easier to get into the game when you’re in a party-like atmosphere (and, ahem, have beer). Maybe you could suggest making a date of it? Or get together with friends?

    • Anon

      Are you competitive in general? It might be fun to decide to root for the rival of DH’s team so you can have a fun back and forth. Also finding a narrative (e.g. Bryce Harper signed with his original team’s hated rivals and just played against them at home for the first time) can make the game more interesting.

      • emeralds

        My fiance rolled up to Nats Park last night in a Phillies Harper jersey and took joyful selfies in front of all the people holding up “TRAITOR” signs.

        For the OP, I try to focus on the parts of football that I do enjoy–which is mostly the social aspect. I pay enough attention to my fiance’s teams to hold up my side of a 101-level conversation, but I’ve accepted that football is just not a sport I will ever feel passionate about. Unless we’re having people over or watching a game at a bar, I’m posted up on the couch with a book or making snack runs. But I like that it gives us an excuse to have people over or go over to hang out with other friends. I’ve found that actually going to some games helps, too, because I can see how passionate the whole fan base is. And it’s easier for me to get hyped up in a stadium with 100,000 other people than halfway asleep on my couch at home.

        • Anon

          Your fiance and I would be friends I think – I stayed up way past my bedtime watching the game last night.

    • Anon

      Honestly I’ve never been a fan of watching team sports. I’ll watch the world cup, or some of the bowl games with my brother but don’t care for these sports most of the time. I do enjoy individual sports like tennis, rock climbing, etc. and would watch those along with a bunch of other sports whenever the Olympics roll around. I’m fairly lucky because my office is small and the other teammates aren’t big team sports fans either so we find other things to talk about. For me, it’s either I have an interest in it or I don’t. Interest isn’t something I can work on.

    • DLc

      I found that following my husband’s favorite team on Facebook or in my newsfeed helped. I see the news that’s happening with his team and can mention it to him, and then he’ll talk about it- I find that I don’t necessarily need to fully understand the finer points of what’s going on, but understanding enough to ask questions is often enough to be able to engage him. I won’t say I “like” watching sports, but I do feel more informed about this thing he spends time obsessing about. I actually very rarely watch an entire game with him, but will come watch the final quarter or half- because honestly that’s the interesting part for me.

    • SC

      I developed an interest in football because my husband loves it and is a huge fan of our local team (the Saints). It was a combination of things though. (1) DH was happy to explain the minutiae and strategy of the game to me, and understanding the chess match involved (the match-ups, coverage schemes, etc.) makes it a lot more fun to watch any game. (2) We attended the Monday night “homecoming” game in the Super Dome in 2006, a few months after we graduated from college and moved to Nola, and there was such a sense of euphoria that I became a Saints fan myself. We partied in the Quarter all night, and I didn’t recover my speaking voice for a week.

      • NOLA

        I became a Saints fan, too! Grew up a Steelers fan, though, and my family was pretty football-happy (all of the men in my family played) so I attended a ton of high school football games. I went to a bunch of games in the early 90s because I had access to free tickets in suites (long story), then was a casual fan until Drew Brees and Sean Payton came along. Now I’m hooked.

    • LHW

      YES!
      My husband loves collegiate sports and I was indifferent before we got together 10 years ago. A few things that have peaked my interest:
      -We do a college pick ’em game through ESPN {college football}. You pick the winner of each game {~10/week} and how confident you are to win. Keeps me interested and we check-in on scores. He taught me about spreads and I have a few sites that I check about the match-ups. Sometimes I guess blindly. Each week we bet, loser of the previous week brings the winner coffee in bed the next Saturday. Lose two weeks in a row, you have to pick up breakfast.
      -We also do the college basketball tournament brackets
      -Watch ESPN 30 for 30 episodes. A few recommendations: The Fab Five, Fantastic Lies

      • anon

        i’m not a huge sports person either, but some of the ESPN 30 for 30 are fascinating! There was one about a baseball player from cuba, which i loved more than a lot of other tv/movie stuff i’ve watched

    • NYNY

      I’ve always loved watching baseball – Yankees ride or die! – but my husband is not at all a sports guy. He’s watched some games with me, and I’ve talked to him about what I like about the game while we watch. He isn’t a full-on fan now, but he has become conversationally competent, and he can enjoy watching at least part of a game with me.

    • anon

      I would second the rec’ to watch sports documentaries–but only if they are a compromise between something they’d like to watch and something you’d like to watch. I can’t stand the screaming soundtrack of either war documentaries or live ballgames, but I will watch sport documentaries. It didn’t inspire me to any greater interest in the games themselves, but 20-some hours of Ken Burns’ baseball did get us through DH’s surgery.

    • Anonymous

      I dislike football and don’t really understand it, but am happy to sit with my husband and do something else while he watches the game. I will go to him with games as long as the weather is tolerable haha. But I like basketball, especially college basketball. I think it is fun to fill out a bracket during March Madness and have a little competition with my husband. The games are also really fun to watch, in my opinion. Basketball is fast-moving and easier to follow for me than football. Also so much can happen in the last minute of the game! It’s exciting! So if you feel like it, maybe give basketball a try. My husband also understands I will never be into football and so he doesn’t expect it. He will also fold all the week’s laundry during Sunday games, so I don’t mind it haha.

    • nom

      Yes. I hated the big team sports growing up. I was physically active but never in team sports growing up. I got the general premise of the different sports, but not enough detail to be interesting. So of course I found watching sports boring AF, esp when I could read instead.

      I also ended up with a very negative impression of most team sports. It was partly the result of a personality / teen culture clash, where I was the weird artsy goth kid in debate, but the school was super athletics-oriented, small town ‘jocks rule’, and the entitled attitudes bothered me intensely. Also the bullying, seriously this was like a horrible 80s teen movie stereotype, but somehow socially acceptable where I lived.

      What helped:
      * Choosing to let go of my negative earlier experiences. Also meeting new people who were dedicated athletes but not a-holes.
      * Talking about the sport(s) with someone with real experience playing a sport (eg played football in high school) *and* that person being good at explaining things.
      * Not trying to understand the whole sport at once, or all of the rules and situations at once. And not having them explained all at once.
      * Focusing on interesting / unusual plays, something that’s visually interesting is especially good. Some highlights are a good place to start.
      * Not trying to become a super fan. Like, I’m happy to be on the couch instead of running off to another room during a game, but I’m probably also doing something else (light crafts are good for this, or casual internet browsing on your phone. Or sheet masks, lol). Most televised games have enough replays that if something big happens I’ll still see it.
      * Having a team that I find interesting or have some connection with — especially for college level sports.

      I’m still not a fan for all sports (I just can’t get into basketball), but now I’ll happily go to a baseball game, and watch (casually) many others on TV.

      Hope this helps!

    • MomAnon4This

      If you think of it as a soap opera and follow the story lines, of your favorite team or coach or player(s) it can actually get really interesting.

  9. Anonymous

    Big-bosomed ladies: do you have a favorite wire free bra? I’ve heard good things about Lane Bryant’s line and they’re on sale today so I’ll order some to try, but thought I’d ask the Q… I’m 36G.

    • Anon

      Hello. Giant b00bies here and I refuse to wear underwire. I haven’t tried Lane Bryant as there isn’t one where I live but Amazon has tons of options, just read the reviews carefully. I have a few from the brand Glamorise that I really like. A lot of brands for big tatas are made in the UK, so you need to know your UK size.

      • Never too many shoes...

        I have to ask (as a G) – does wire free give you sufficient uplift? I like my chest high and firm (so like the opposite of my natural state) and I am wondering if wirefree can get that done.

        • Anon

          I mean, wire-free will still lift and hold to a degree, but if you want Mad Men b00bs I think you need underwire. I wear wire-free for comfort. Underwire digs into my stomach when I sit and gives me welts. It doesn’t matter what brands I try or how many times I’ve been properly fitted.

    • Anon

      Yes! I just ordered two of the LB/Cacique lightly lined lounge bras a few weeks ago and they are my new favorite.

  10. Anon

    I have a phone interview next week for a job at a company, company A, that I worked at previously (same department, different role, and the new role is basically exactly what I want to be doing in my life). I currently work at a smaller company that subcontracts to company A sometimes. The issue is that I’ve only worked at smaller company for six months and I’m looking to leave because of lack of decent work, some quality concerns, and some culture issues. How do I handle the question “why do you want to leave your current job” without a) sounding like a whiner and b) dissing smaller company and potentially jeopardizing their work with Company A? Any suggested scripts? I was thinking I might go with something like:

    “While I was eager to try working for a smaller company in our field, I’ve found that I really miss the depth and breadth of projects and expertise at Company A. I’m hoping to take on more substantive roles on a wider variety of projects that aren’t currently available at smaller company.”

    Would love some feedback. Thank you!!

    • Anon

      You really don’t have to give a protracted explanation. It’s a different role and familiar team, that’s it. “I’ve always wanted to do X and an opportunity on a great team I’ve worked with before opened up.” Don’t make this about the old company at all but about the new opportunity – short and sweet.

    • lawsuited

      I would say “I loved working for Company A, but wasn’t doing the type of work I love most. Now that Company A is adding this position, it would allow me to do the work I’m best at in an environment I already know and love.”

      (And I know some people take issue with using the word “love” in job applications and interviews, but ultimately, I think it communicates enthusiasm and employers are looking for that.)

  11. anon

    I might be looking for a unicorn, but I need recommendations for running shorts. I’ve worn the Nike Tempos for years and I feel like I’m aging out of them. On my tall frame, they just expose … a lot of leg, and I’m not 25 anymore. I also feel like the liner gets unbearably gross after awhile and I haven’t been able to fully get rid of the stink.

    So, I guess I’m looking for a running short that a) has a slightly longer inseam; b) maybe doesn’t have a liner; c) is made for women with substantial hips and thighs. I wear a size 10 in normal pants but have sometimes needed an XL in running shorts to accommodate my hips.

  12. Baby Gift

    One of my best friends just had a baby. She lives far away from me and I want to send her a gift, as I won’t see her and the baby for a few months. She didn’t have a shower, but she and her husband are very well off, so sending money seems weird. I also thought it would be nice to send along a second gift for my friend (something just for her). Any suggestions? Thanks!

    • Anon

      I just had a baby (and my own bday the same day)! Fave gifts: uber eats gc, massage gc, sephora gc, amazon gc, kindle

    • Ness

      When one of my girlfriends abroad was pregnant I sent hers a voucher for a pregnancy massage in a place near her. Two years later she continues telling me how much she like it. I am sure there is the same kind of thing after giving birth. Regarding the baby present as she is a really close friend I ask her directly what she wants and that was I order by internet to send to her home. To other friend abroad I bought an Activity Mat Mattress with international shipping, with this kind of thing you do not need to worry about the size of the baby or mothers style.

    • Diana Barry

      Gift certificate for a massage for her!!! Her shoulders will kill holding the baby all the time. :)

      Carter’s zip up sleepers for the baby – get a bunch. Our kids lived in those and no one bought them for us!

    • Anonymous

      Agree about the zip up sleepers being a great baby gift. Zip, not snaps. Size up. For a mommy gift, get your friend the Barefoot Dreams blardigan. A girlfriend bought one for me for my baby shower for my first baby. It’s still going strong after 3 babies. It’s great for around the house or out running errands. I’ve slept with it on, worn nothing but the sweater when I was nursing at home and I’ve used it as a blanket for the kiddos too in a pinch because it’s snuggly. I really can’t sign praises high enough for this sweater.

      • Anon

        The Barefoot Dreams suggestion prompted another mom gift idea: Ugg slippers. (Unless she has a 2-year-old beagle–I am forever putting mine back together. Grr.)

        • Delta Dawn

          +1 Barefoot Dreams cardigan and Ugg slippers are my two very favorite material things I own. Highly recommend either for a new mom!

        • lawsuited

          +1 for the Ugg slippers. Dreamy for my feet while walking the floor endlessly rocking my baby.

          For your friend, I’d actually stay away from a massage gift certificate because it may be hard for her to leave the baby long enough for a massage appointment, especially if she’s a FTM. I think the Ugg slippers, nice loungewear or a Sephora giftcard would be a great alternate way to pamper her a bit.

          For baby, I really liked getting consumable items (we got so much duplicate/unnecessary baby stuff given to us that I had to donate) so I’d recommend getting her some nice baby toiletries. I love the Burt’s Bees Baby line, and Honest Company has the cutest spring diaper prints right now with lemons or avocados on them! (Don’t sign her up for a Bundle subscriptions though – they are notoriously difficult to cancel.)

  13. Anon

    Which job would you pick: (1) current job that pays $180k, is zero stress, limited flexibility and has no room for growth/promotion. Subject matter is dull, but schedule is very firm 8-5 with no weekends. (2) potential new job that is higher profile, more flexible schedule, pays $20k – $50k more, an exciting/interesting area of the law but would likely be more stressful and a stretch role with lots of potential for growth. These are both in-house roles. I feel very lucky to have my current job but the boredom can be tough. I have little kids so I’m really hesitant to take on a lot of responsibility. Has anyone kept the easier role and regretted it?

    • Anon

      I think this is so unique to the individual, but I’m doing job #1 right now because I have two little kids and like to have a lot of time for social things, working out etc. I’m fine in the big picture with the tradeoff for a little bit more boring work but I also get antsy and it’s helpful to frame it in my head as “not forever.” Some opportunities are truly once in a lifetime, but I think you’ll have the opportunity to ramp up a little later if you like. To me, that amount of cash isn’t worth significantly more stress/work right now. What do you want your life to look like for the next few years? I’m sure others will have valuable perspective as well.

    • Plus one

      Could you find another of the “boring job” if things changed and you had to get out? Are you remaining marketable? I loved my boring 180k 9-5 job until we had a big shakeup and I was transferred to job from hell. During the boring job I worked fairly hard 9-5 but wasn’t learning new skills that were transferable in my geographic location, so now I’m scrambling to learn skills I can use to get out. Otherwise the unicorn job was lovely for years so if you have an emergency exit plan, I’d go for it!

    • Leatty

      I’d take option 2, but I only have one toddler and I perform better when I’m challenged and under stress.

    • Never too many shoes...

      For me, life is too short for #1. And, yes, I am a mom.

      As I constantly point out, men almost never pick #1 because they are parents and value their family flexibility over money and challenge.

      • Anonymous

        I think experience with men varies based on where you are. I know a few men who have turned down advancement roles because they had young families and we currently have two male lawyers who went on parental leave when their spouses went back to work.

        • Anon

          Yes, my husband went from big law to a fed job when we had kid/s… and is waiting until they are in school to go in house…. I’d also pick #1 for now and look for #2 in a few years.

      • Anon

        I really disagree with your second paragraph. Maybe you don’t know men who are really committed to their families, but I know several SAHDs-by-choice and a much larger number of men (including my husband) who have taken a step back or taken a slightly lower-paying/less challenging job because they didn’t want to travel constantly or work long hours.

      • anon

        My husband has turned down managerial/advancement roles because while it may mean more money and maybe more challenging work, it would also mean a lot more travel and stress. He’s much happier this way and like being around for his family. I think men maybe don’t mention it explicitly. The first time he said that this is what he is doing was a lightbulb moment for me that yes, it is a acceptable answer to not always be striving for the next level.

      • Anon

        Your point is not wrong. While there are exceptions, flexibility for family time is typically considered a women’s issue. If I understand Never correctly, she’s saying go for it, a man in your situation would.

        OP I think you are looking for permission to take a more interesting job, and you certainly have mine!!

    • Anonymous

      I’m in job 2 with three kids (2 preschool, 1 school age) and I would kill for job 1. I feel exhausted all the time. Don’t underestimate how tiring it can be to do challenging work all day.

      The only thing that keeps me going is a super short commute and working in an area of law that I love, plus small market so limited/no options for job 1s.

    • Anon

      Job #2. Your kids won’t be little forever – you will want the opportunity to grow in the future. You will also value flexibility while they are little. Plus extra money means you can pay for outsourcing things.

      • lawsuited

        Here’s my thing with outsourcing things: someone still has to organize it and that person is usually me. And finding reliable childcare just is difficult and time-consuming. And if your life is so busy you have to outsource a bunch just to keep your head above water, there’s nothing left to outsource to go from “head above water” to “living a calm, happy life”. I get that is commentary doesn’t solve the OP’s dilemma, but I think it’s important to realize that having more money to outsource isn’t a hassle-free solution at all.

        • anon

          +1. I so agree with this, to the point where I nearly roll my eyes when anyone suggests the answer to anything is outsourcing.

    • Anon

      This is such an individual thing that it’s hard to say. I went from big(ish) law to a much smaller firm and took a corresponding pay cut even without kids and once I left, it’s hard for me to get the internal motivation to go back into that life. Having time to get home, eat a healthy dinner, work out, see family and friends on the weekends, etc. is worth more to me than the extra $20K even without kids (though I have no student loans, which helps). I also feel intellectually satisfied enough to get by, even if its not as high level as my old job. FWIW, my husband has a similar outlook on life – he’s a resident but his current career goal is working at a community hospital with reasonable hours but less interesting cases (rather than in private practice where he’d make more but be more stressed or at a hospital where he’d see a lot more interesting cases but again be more stressed).

      One thing to consider – if you feel professionally unsatisfied, how would that play into your home life and the example you want to set for your kids? E.g. if you work more at Job 2 but have more emotional energy at the end of the day or on weekends because you generally like your job more, that’s a benefit to you kids over Job 1.

    • Anonanonanon

      #2. Especially if you can get $50K more. I made the same call ($35K more and then did well enough to get $20K more after that) and haven’t looked back. The increased flexibility has more than made up for the extra work stress. For example, my son has sports practice twice a week right now, and I usually leave the office around 4. Of course, I will do work while he practices or might have to go in early the next day to catch up, but deciding to leave at 4 would not have been possible with my previous “less stressful” lower-paying job. I made this call right after I had kid #2, and I can’t imagine juggling 2 without this flexibility.
      However, similar to what someone else who commented said, I perform better under stress.

    • Irish Midori

      I took the lower paying, lower stress job b/c I am in the “little kid” phase of life. I had to tell myself to pace it–life is a marathon. There will be time later for hard-charging career growth, but I wanted to be more present for my kids. It was a tough call for me because I want a great career, but once I gave myself permission to “slack” for the larger picture, and promised myself there would be other opportunities later, I felt okay about it. Everyone’s different, but I’m happy with my choice.

    • Anon

      What field are these 180K boring, low-stress jobs in? People seem to post about them often on here. I am so curious.

      This sounds like the perfect job. I would absolutely keep it and use the energy you don’t expend at work on the rest of your life.

      • Anon-nah-nah

        This is what I need to know. I would take job #1 considering it is almost 2.5 times my salary.

      • Anon

        Agreed! I’m super envious. I am run down from stress for less than half of that salary.

      • Is it Friday yet?

        The OP mentions in-house, so I’m assuming that these are in-house attorney positions. They definitely do exist at this salary level, especially if you’re not gunning to be GC anywhere and are content to bob along at the Associate/Senior Counsel level indefinitely. This is why people leave biglaw and biglaw money for the in-house dream.

    • Anonymous

      I would take #1. I have 3 kids all toddler age and work in a job that is the less desirable parts of the two jobs you have described. Basically the pay of job #1 with the description of job #2. For this I have to have an evening nanny. I’m fairly stressed out constantly so I regularly see a therapist and massage therapist. When doing the math, consider what additional costs there might be for you. Ultimately though I don’t think the math is as important as how you feel – spend some quiet time alone and consider, what season of life am I in? You’ll already know your own answer which will answer your job question.

    • Anon for this

      I am in Job #1. I sometimes (ok, often) say I flushed my career down the toilet and took this job. It’s a good job. I have even more limited hours and also flexibility. But I am going nowhere. I can do this job in my sleep. I do a lot of external seminars/trainings/CLEs and take on new areas as they arise, however small, so I can keep adding skill sets to my resume.

      I try to tell myself other people have more kids and longer hours and THEY are fine but I can’t manage to empirically prove to myself that I should be less underwater. I can’t imagine doing more at work. I have 3 kids and long-term health problems though. So if you are super energetic and ok with outsourcing more childcare stuff (which will eat up your salary differential, FWIW), then you do you!

      My own assessment is that I don’t want to miss anything with my kids (and it is totally OK if this is not your assessment!). I chaperone field trips, I decorate the stage for their plays (even though I sorta despise some of this stuff) and am generally around because they like it and I like them liking me being around. And I like being around them. They would also be fine otherwise, this is just my calculation.

      So, to me, it boils down to what you are ok doing/not doing and go from there.

  14. Anon

    Do you automatically accept LinkedIn requests from your firm’s clients? This person isn’t my client, I’ve never met him or heard of him or his company, and it’s unlikely we’ll cross paths from what I skimmed on his profile. (The only reason I figure he’s a client is because he’s friends with 10 people in another group at my firm – and that group and mine almost never cross paths.)

    I guess it doesn’t matter, it’s just LinkedIn, but it always creeps me out just bit to get a request from a total stranger.

    • Anon

      Do you actually know he’s a client? There are people (recruiters, spammers) who will friend a lot of people at the same company – it makes it easier for them to get friend requests accepted, because you see “10 mutual friends” and think “Oh he must do business with my company.” To answer your question, if I was sure he was a firm client, I would accept him. But I would not accept a stranger just because I had a lot of mutual friends.

    • Irish Midori

      Linked in, IMO, is just for this. Facebook is where I limit to people I know. Unless you’re posting personal stuff on Linked in, I think it’s more common to accept tangential connections.

  15. Jane

    Help!!! I’m a curvy apple shaped petite, size 14 on a 5 foot frame! I am invited to do not one but two keynote speeches at an industry even soon. Desperately need two distinct outfit inspirations that photograph and video well from stage but also can carry me through the day. So my original idea of a navy suit with a white tank top may not be great, as I might need to get out of the blazer at some point. In the past I’ve had issues (yes im working on them) with my body image when I see pictures from such events afterwords.

  16. lsw

    Can you help me find this?
    -100% silk tank top
    -machine washable
    -white
    -tank straps, not cami straps
    -fitted to wear under tops (never as outer layer)
    -longish, long enough to tuck in for a tall person

    I have a blank tank that I adore from Eileen Fisher, but they don’t seem to still make the same tank. They do have a silk jersey one I might try, but $98 for something I’m not sure on feels steep. I looked on Nordstrom, too, not sure where else to look, really!

  17. Anon

    I’m trying to lose 5 pounds for an event in 2.5 weeks. I’ve gained 10 in the last year but I realize that’s too much to lose in such a short time. My problem is I’ve never tried to lose weight before. I get the calorie deficit math but would you also cut anything out during this time? I’m cutting out sweets but not sure I should go cold turkey on entire groups like carbs. I’m worried I will relapse and eat all.of.the.bread at once if I try to do that.

    • Anon

      I lost 10 pounds in six weeks before a trip so maybe some tips from that would be helpful. I did a Whole30 for 30 days of the six weeks and the reduced carbs (mainly in the form of nuts, sweet potatoes, apples, and bananas) helped a lot. It’s not long term sustainable for me so now that it’s over (I have another 10 pounds to go), I do a protein smoothie in the morning but otherwise eat Whole30 for the majority of my lunches and dinners. I get two non-compliant meals a week but I try not to go too crazy with them – so if I want to have dessert, I can have a burger but a side salad instead of fries, e.g.

      In the short term, it’s also important to watch for things that bloat you (so for me, no broccoli, cauliflower, fizzy water, and low sodium). But after the event if you’re still trying to lose, those are all fine.

      I also worked out a ton (strength training 6 days a week, with some cardio thrown in).

    • Abby

      Don’t cut out all carbs. I think tracking what you eat is important, especially when you want to lose weight. It will also help you understand the protein, fat, carbs macros that go into food. For instance, fruits are all carbs, but nobody’s thinking of fruit as “bad food” like they do bread. I would aim for a manageable calorie intake per day, track all of your food, and up the amount of water you’re drinking. Cutting processed food (and carbs) will help, so fruits & veggies, and a good source of protein will be filling and nutritious, and lower cals.

    • Anonymous

      Drink lots of water, it will fill you up. Don’t crazy change your diet as you will rebound or mess up your metabolism but even a few changes like cutting added sugars and adding two extra workouts a week will make a difference. It’s only 2.5 weeks so I’d menu plan a realistic eating plan. It’s possible to lose 1.5-2lbs a week if you are eating sensibly so you can get there without crazy changes.

    • Anonymous

      Five pounds in two weeks is a lot! I’d cut all carbs sweets and alcohol. I’d also not set that goal.

    • bloating

      I would not worry so much about the weight in such a short amount of time, because weight can easily fluctuate between days and might leave you feeling frustrated. However, if you’re trying to look good in your clothes and lose some bloating/inches before your event that definitely possible.
      Some small suggestions:
      -Cut out caffeine, alcohol, gum, and carbonated beverages. Don’t use straws.
      -Eat a higher amount of smaller meals, and chew your food thoroughly.
      -Eat dinner early.
      -A few days before your event skip cruciferous veggies (brussels sprouts, broccoli, and cauliflower) as they contain raffinose which leads to gas/bloating.
      -Avoid salt whenever possible.

    • Pretty Primadonna

      I would cut out alcohol as well as soda and juice. Basically, just drink water for the next 2.5 weeks.

    • Anonanonanon

      You will probably have to add exercise as well. In my experience, just cutting calories down doesn’t do the trick, I have to keep my metabolism going by exercise or it just shuts down to match the reduced food intake. I know everyone is different, though.

    • Anon

      I find it easier to restrict my calories when I cut way back on carbs, because carbs just aren’t as filling to me as protein and fat.

    • Anon for this

      It’s doable. I lost 7 lbs in 2 weeks on Whole 30. I wasn’t hungry and felt good but I apparently need a lot of carbs and sugar to keep this body going ;0 It’s a tough slog to constantly be thinking about compliant food, but they weight does fall off.

      That said, don’t overestimate the different 5 lbs makes. If you are on the shorter side and already slim, it may be more noticeable on you but I was surprised to find that no one noticed I lost weight until I lost 15-20 lbs (and, truthfully, entered maybe too skinny territory).

      • Irish Midori

        Anyone else try Whole30? It sounds… hard. But 30 days isn’t that long. I think the hardest thing for me would be snacking. I get crazy hungry at my desk at work, and so pre-packaged, nonperishable food is always stashed in my desk to keep me going. I would have to find some alternatives, but everything I can think of is on the “no, not that either” list.

        • Anonymous

          I’ve heard that snacking can be a sign that blood sugars are going up and down a lot throughout the day. Maybe you wouldn’t get as hungry off grains?

          But some people just need to snack, so I’d stock up just in case. An office fridge would probably help a lot, though there are more Whole30/elimination diet compliant snack foods than there used to be.

    • Anti-inflammatory diet

      I essentially did a very strict version of Whole 30, and I dropped 7 lbs in the first 2 weeks. I haven’t lost any since then (but that’s not why I am doing the protocol). But it really was amazing how quick it worked.
      I ate until I was full, and my carbs were fruit and veggies, including sweet potatoes and cassava chips or tortillas.

    • Anon

      I’ve had success with weight watchers, and if I’m really good about sticking to the points, lose 1-2 pounds per week. It also helps in figuring out what you should and should not eat if you want to lose weight. I believe you can do a one month subscription, and there are usually promos to bring down the cost, especially when you first join.

    • Anon

      In your situation I would drop all calorific drinks (no juice, soda, alcohol, creamers) and all “sugar free” drinks if you do those (as in sweet tasting but “diet”), and stick to water, green tea and black coffee.

      You don’t have to cut carbs – spinach and kale are also carbs! :) But I would do no fast/simple carbohydrates and stick with slower carbs. So no starches like white rice, white pasta, refined flour breads, cereals, cakes, candy etc. Whether you’d want whole grains or no grains could depend on whether you get bloated from grains, or your sensitivity to carbs. But it can be good to avoid the very fast ones that spike your blood sugar.

      I would also make sure to get some nice fats in my diet, and lots of greens. Fats can both make sure that food tastes nice and keep your body from feeling deprived.

      And I also would do low effort intermittent fasting (12h), but that might be outside your comfort zone.

      I would also just consider getting a new outfit and a drink. ;)

  18. Rag & Bone Simone Skinny Pants Comp?

    Hello all,
    My Nordstrom Trunk Club stylist sent me Rag & Bone simone skinny pants (ankle length) and I.AM.IN.LOVE. However, they’re too tight for my office and I can’t really justify spending 300 on pants for running errands on weekends etc, especially because I’m spending a lot of money at the moment upgrading my weekend basics since I lost my last bit of baby weight.
    Does anyone know of any comparable pants? Or should I just resign myself to the fact these are a unicorn that will never go on sale and just eventually break down and buy them?

    • emeralds

      Have you checked any of the online consignment places? I got a pair of Rag & Bone jeans from my local consignment shop for $59 this past weekend (to wear with the &^*&^!-ing oversized company polo from my post last week).

    • Anon

      They look like basic skinny ponte pants available at basically every mall brand. J Crew, Gap, etc.

      • Rag & Bone Simone Skinny Pants Comp?

        Not really, at least in person, which is why I was hoping someone had a more specific suggestion than “look at any store in the mall”. To be more specific, they are high-waisted without being frumpy, and zip in the back, and resemble equestrian pants (which makes sense, since their website said that’s what inspired them) but don’t have any embellishment that some brands add to make pants look like “riding pants”.

    • Miss

      If you love them, nothing else is going to measure up. I wouldn’t worry about looking for dupes and would instead decide if these pants are worth the money.

    • Anon

      I bought some like this from Abercrombie, of all places, and they are amazing. You might check online there.

    • The Frenchie is my favorite kid

      I have a pair of Vince pants that I found on sale – stretchy black ponte pants – that are somehow the best things ever. No other pair of pants compares for me. It is very rare to find a pair of pants that are perfect for you and since they are a staple, and not a trend, I’d splurge here.

      That said, the JCrew Cameron pant (in tall, then hemmed to be ankle length instead of more cropped length) has been very good to me (on sale, quite affordable – maybe $60?). When I looked at replacing my beloved Vince pants they were $300. And I was willing to buy them. But the cut and fabric had changed and they weren’t the same.

      Also, maybe change your trunk club settings so you don’t get stuff you loooove but shouldn’t really buy ;0

    • Rag & Bone Simone Skinny Pants Comp?

      Thanks all, I’ll check out some of these recs!

  19. Rainbow Hair

    Do you all have favorite computer bags that are NOT Lo&Sons? I bring my laptop back and forth to work most days, and I travel by plane a decent amount.

    I would love to spend under $100, and a zipper top and a luggage sleeve are essential. Don’t care about leather, don’t want flashy branding. Am I struggling to find it because I am not willing to spend enough?

  20. sofi vs lendkey

    Has anyone here refinanced with LendKey? They and SoFi are offering me essentially the same interest rates, so I’m wondering if one has better customer service? Not really sure how else to pick between to the two besides flip a coin.

    • Anon

      I chose SoFi because my local bar association had a deal with them (i think a $300 credit or something)? Never had a customer service issue so I can’t speak to that, but if any group you’re in or friend has a referral code/discount, that could be a tie breaker.

  21. Anonymous

    Can I get some packing advice from the New Yorkers? I’m heading to NYC this Thursday – Tuesday and I’m trying to figure out what to pack. Will a light jacket or trench be enough? Are people still in tights and booties? What is everyone wearing these days? Thanks!

    • Cat

      Check out the forecast… it is all over the place. I don’t think this is a one-jacket trip and would probably bring a quilted one for the 40-50 degree days (with rain it can feel raw and miserable) and a light trench for the 65 degree days. Choose layering-friendly outfits for underneath.

    • NYNY

      The temperatures are just hitting the low 60’s in the warmest part of the day, so we’re still in tights and booties. And Friday is projected to be rainy and in the 40’s. A trench should be fine with layering pieces like a scarf and sweater underneath for the coldest times.

    • Anon

      Ugh NYC is so unpredictable right now. I’m still wearing my winter coat, tights, and boots! Other days, it feels like real spring. Check the forecast and bring things you can layer. A light jacket may be fine for you with a warm sweater. Also, worst case scenario, it’s NYC. You can always buy something there!

  22. Inbox by Google

    Was anyone else using Inbox by Google? It finally just went away (I was hoping they were bluffing, lol) and I miss it soooo much. I now also have a gazillion unread emails in my gmail inbox that were previously bundled in Inbox.

    Are there any other good options? I’m so sad.

    • Anon

      I made the switch away from Inbox (back to standard gm*il) when they announced it was being phased out a while back. It was a slightly annoying transition but very short-lived. I don’t even remember the differences now.

    • Anon

      Mine’s still working and I’m keeping my fingers crossed for now. I tried the other Gmail app a while ago and really disliked it. I haven’t yet found an app that’s pretty to look at (I reeeally dislike the red in the Gmail app) and bundles and sorts well.

    • Anon

      I’m giving spark a try, which people posted about as an alternative. Still haven’t found anything that bundles trip emails together, which was my favorite thing about Inbox (and I know I have limited rights to complain about something free but I’m mad at google for taking away Inbox for Gmail when there are big perks from Inbox that Gmail doesn’t have).

  23. Anon

    Sizing help please! My teen daughter needs a pair of black “dress pants” for school next week, unexpectedly, and we are on vacation surrounded by stores like Roxy and Billabong. I was thinking of ordering her the Pixie pants from Old navy but am not sure about size. She wears a 4-6 in Lululemon leggings and her most recent skinnies from Levi are size 28. She also has some 29s. What size would she wear in the Pixies?

    Also open to dress pants from Amazon, but they can’t be leggings or leggings-like pants so no Ponte type pants.

    Thanks!

    • Diana Barry

      I’d order her a 2, 4, 6, 8 and see which one fits. ON is really weird on sizing so best to cover bases! ;)

    • Anon

      I’d order a whole bunch of sizes and return what doesn’t fit. I find that lululemon sizing is way off (I’m usually a 2 and wear a 6 in their leggings) so I wouldn’t base it on that. I wore the columnist pants from Express when I was that age.

        • thehungryaccountant

          I’d order something from LOFT. They tend to be inexpensive ($35 on sale) and come in a variety of fits, lengths, etc. The major drawback of LOFT is that you can only return online orders online.

          The work pants I’ve been wearing are the black Rivera pants, they’re cropped and relatively comfortable. LOFT has quite a bit of stretch so I’d guess your daughter is a 4 or 6.

          • PolyD

            “The major drawback of LOFT is that you can only return online orders online.”

            Absolutely not true. I order everything from Loft online, then return it in the stores. I order and return A LOT and have been doing so for the past 7 or 8 years and have never had a problem. They have shortened their return window, though – now only 30 days for a full refund.

            But you can totally return online orders in the stores.

          • Anon

            Thank you. Do you wear the Julie fit or the Riviera fit? My daughter is tiny in the waist with athletic booty/thighs.

          • thehungryaccountant

            Ah sorry about the confusion. Maybe my local LOFT store is just very unhelpful with returns. Thanks for the heads up!
            I have been wearing the Riviera fit, and I have a similar shape. I would definitely recommend buying/loaning her a belt as well in case they’re a little too large at the waist, online shopping can be tricky for growing bodies.

        • Anonymous

          Loft should have something! I find even their “skinny” style is not skintight but they have straightlegs as well.

      • lawsuited

        The Pixie cut comes in lots of different fabrics, including ponte. The product name and description will say whether the Pixies you’re looking at are ponte or sateen or twill or whatever.

    • NOLA

      I wear a 29 (with a little room in the waist) in Levis’ 311 jeans and an 8 in Pixies. But agreed about ordering multiple sizes. With ON, you never know.

      • Anon

        It has been pointed out to me that pixies are Ponte legging-like pants so those won’t cut it. What clearly woven pants do you like? And what size, since you are around my daughter’s size?

        • Anon

          I wear pixies and don’t think they are too legging-like. I wear them to work. They’re just a normal skinny pant, to me. I wear similar sizes to your daughter and wear a 4 in the pixie. I could wear a 2 but do agree those are probably too tight for work. I’d order her 2, 4, and 6 to try on, as others have said.

    • Anonymous

      Pixies are skinny, but I thought they were real fabric and not ponte. I see plenty of adult women wearing them as dress pants.

      The Gap bi-stretch pants are pretty nice. J Crew also has some dress pants in a variety of cuts. For reference, I am a 6 in Lululemon, a 26 in jeans, and a 2 at Gap and J Crew. You could also try Banana Republic.

    • anon

      Any chance you are near an outlet mall? Gap Factory skinny ankle pants in bi-stretch could be a good option. Skinny, but not too tight.

  24. Uh none

    I’m embarrassed to talk about this with anyone…
    I married my high school sweetheart. We’re in our 30s now. DH is great in every way except in the bedroom.
    I self gardened for the first time this year (a friend bought me a toy and I figured, why not) and that was when I achieved my first O. Needless to say I feel like I’ve been missing out.

    We were kids when wet met and both v!rgins- so we’re both very limited in s3xual experiences.
    I’m not sure exactly what kind of advice/feedback I’m seeking. I guess I just want to ask the hive how important GOOD s3x is to your relationship.

    • Anon

      With the rare exception, gardening does become routine in a long-term relationship, that’s just reality. There are all sorts of studies about what’s normal and not as far as frequency and excitement, and most gardening is more vanilla than you’d expect if you’re thinking it’s supposed to be as exciting and earth-shattering as it is in the movies.

      And I’m also pretty sure those studies will say most women don’t O during gardening.

    • Anonymous

      I don’t mean to be rude, but is this question real? I’ll take the bait in any case. If you have only ever achieved the o with a toy and that was a year ago after being with your husband for let’s say 15 years… you need to have a talk with your husband. He has gone on for far too long thinking that he is doing what he is supposed to in bed. He is not. There is not a widespread problem of women having a hard time cl!maxing. There is an epidemic of men who are bad in bed. At they very least he needs to get down there and diddle the skittle. You will need to tell him directly what feels nice and what doesn’t. So far, he has not understood any of your body’s responses. Use a diagram and powerpoint if you must.

      To answer the question you actually asked, yep, it is important. I can find a better roommate than my husband, but s3x is part of what makes us more than people who file their taxes together.

      • Annonnnn

        It can absolutely be true. I didn’t O until I was 30 and someone talked me into trying a toy. None of this was information that was presented to me or that I knew to seek out when I was growing up or as I got older.

        • Anonymous

          If you also did not O while being in a relationship for 15 years (estimating) you also need to tell that man is doing it wrong. Men have gotten a pass for far too long from women who’ve internalized this nonsense about how we don’t get off. We do.

          • Anon

            Bodies and brains are all different and some people do more easily than others. It’s hard to know what it’s supposed to feel like until you experience it. I thought I was but, then realized later that I hadn’t been. There’s no indication that the husband of the woman in question (OP or the comments) is bad in bed or not trying to satisfy her, and you’re being very cruel.

      • Anon

        This is a rude comment, and OP’s issue is nowhere near as rare as you think it is. Studies show 10-20% of adult women have never had an O. I did not until I was 32 – had been married for several years at the time and had several partners pre-marriage. Always enjoyed it very much (moreso with my husband than other people) but just did not climax. I still can’t through p-in-v, which I think is fairly common?

        • Anonymous

          There is a difference between saying it is crazy to go through a long relationship and not have an o and saying that many women don’t achieve the o on a regular basis. I am saying the former, but not the latter. The latter is (sadly) true, and it is time that women get their fair share in bed, instead of letting men go blithely about their day thinking they have done their job.

          • Anon

            I understood exactly what you’re saying and people are disagreeing – in addition to OP, 3 separate commenters said they or someone they’re close to had the same issue and did not O until their 30s. It’s great that this came easily to you, but it really, truly does not to everyone and it’s disrespectful to insist there’s something wrong with a woman or her partner because this doesn’t come easily to her.

        • Anonymous

          I am being rude… to the hetero men of the world. If we want to achieve equality in bed, women need to stop it with shrugging their shoulders and saying “well I still enjoy it but…” I feel really bad for women who for whatever reason don’t feel entitled to an o from their parter. The bedroom is a place of true misogyny if so many women feel like they can’t tell their man what works and what doesn’t. Why are you making excuses for male mediocrity? You wouldn’t do it at work, why in the bedroom?

          • Anon

            I’m one of the women in her 30s who has not, and trust me, you aren’t helping.

      • Anonymous

        It can absolutely be real! If OP’s initials are ST, she might be my friend that I took to a shop six months ago for her first toy at age 37.

        I think that physical intimacy is super important in a relationship. It’s what separates a life partner from a roommate. However, too much emphasis is placed on intercourse. There are so many kinds of gardening that are just as enjoyable, if not more so!

        For the OP, please talk to your husband. Now is not the time to be shy about what you like! OMG yes dot com has some great material about female pleasure and can help you talk to your husband and discover new techniques.

    • Anon

      The only advice I have for you is to talk to your husband about this. Don’t frame it as “this piece of plastic does things that you and your body can’t do,” because that is hurtful and not constructive.

      There are people who suggest “his nights and hers nights,” in which you switch off figuring out what each person likes. Keep the focus on enjoyment. There are suggestions to change things up a bit to see if both parties like the change (with no pressure to make it permanent).

      There are plenty of suggestions on the ‘net, but a lot of the search terms will bring up pages you probably aren’t looking for. Consider adding “married” to the search terms – it filters out the worst of it and sends you to places run by people who are focused on helping couples be better for each other.

      • MomAnon4This

        You know, I would suggest actually looking at all those weird places on the ‘net together and discovering what you both like. Talk to him first, explain that it’s been good all along but you’d like different (you could even say “better”) and you want to explore with him. I bet he’ll go for it.

        The importance in our relationship comes and goes, so to speak. My husband was also the first man I was with and I was the first woman he even kissed. The …. act isn’t what’s the issue in our relationship currently, but it’s very symbolic of… everything.

          • Anonymous

            Lesbian porn might help. I mean made for and by lesbians, not the girl on girl stuff that most men are already plenty familiar with. OP’s case is such a bummer. I’m the b-word from above, but I really do just want all the ladies out there to have a good s3x life.

          • Anon

            You really have no compassion, do you?

            The problem with that route is that it does not show reality. It’s like watching a rom com for advice on how to find a husband. Yes, some of the “mechanics” might be there, but you’re far better off finding advice from people who have been down that road and know how to handle it. The job of entertainment is to entertain. The people who write blogs about this stuff are sincere about helping women to overcome those issues, and it’s about FAR more than mechanics.

            The other factor is that the blogs talk a lot about what works for different women. If A, B, and C don’t work for her, they present another five options that worked for women who didn’t like A, B, and C. Videos show A and B working, and then that… just makes the OP feel broken or her husband feel like he’s being set up to fail.

            Try to have SOME compassion. Or at least keep your little mouth shut.

    • Anonymous

      Congrats!! Truly. It’s a big deal. There are people out there who never experience this thing you’re talking about. Good S is really important to our relationship. And we don’t get enough of it. DH and I went to a marriage workshop last year where they recommended couples check in weekly with each other about how each partner feels about Commitment, Passion and Intimacy. When we weren’t have Good S (or any at all for that matter– hello 3 kids in 5 years what were we thinking?!), all 3 areas took a hit.

    • Anonymous

      Have you read any erotica (written by women)? If talking about your needs is too difficult face to face, give your DH some homework. The ladies who write the smut I read have a pretty good grasp on what works in bed, e.g. they don’t write scenes in which women get off from 90 seconds of pounding.

  25. Anonymous

    Does anyone have a rolling laptop bag they like? I have an at least three or four-pound 15-inch work laptop. I’ve been using a leather backpack, but I have back problems and need to stop carrying this much weight daily.

  26. Anon

    Any recommendations for a meaningful housewarming gift? Anything you’ve received that touched you personally?

    A dear friend of mine in her 50s is buying a small home for herself. This purchase is momentous for her for some personal reasons, and the standard house plant/wine + Home Depot GC aren’t adequate here. I have a couple ideas, but I haven’t landed on anything yet as the perfect gift.

    • cbackson

      For a purchase that is emotionally significant, something personalized with her address might be nice. I got someone a return address stamp from Paper Source under similar circumstances. Another time I got someone a puzzle that was a map of their neighborhood with the home address marked with a heart (this was from maybe Uncommon Goods?).

    • Equestrian attorney

      A friend of mine does watercolor rendering of homes on Etsy and they are very cute. Might be a fun idea?

      • Anonymous

        I love this idea!
        My go to housewarming gift is an address stamp. The gift I’ve given that has been the most well received is a handmade wreath (not by me because I’m not that crafty). A lady in our neighborhood makes these big gorgeous wreathes with bows.

    • Anon

      If the home is historic and in an area with good library resources, hunting down an old photograph of the home/street could be sweet.

  27. Anonymous

    Long shot — but has anyone here had an MRI involving contrast (cardiac MRI specifically but will take any info – as I’m sure they use the contrast for other things too). At a large academic health system, would you expect a radiologist to be present for that kind of thing or would it just be done by a tech? IDK why but I’m kind of nervous about the whole thing – the MRI itself; the contrast since I’ve never had it before etc. It’d be better if there was a radiologist/even a resident present in the vicinity but I feel like these things are treated as NBD so maybe that isn’t standard? I can’t call and ask (bc Penn is a behemoth health system and often where you’re calling is a place designated to take calls but it isn’t where such testing is done so they tend not to know) and regardless of what they say it doesn’t change the fact that the cardiologist wants this MRI done. Just curious in case anyone has any experience or even any tips for dealing with an MRI (this isn’t an open MRI).

    • Anon

      I’ve had any number of things done (PET scan, thoracic MRI, CT guided biopsies, etc). They know you’re nervous, they know you don’t like being in the tube, and if you’re worried you can’t handle it, ask your doctor to have something to relax you available during the procedure (as long as it wouldn’t interfere with the procedure reading)

      The drawback is that you wouldn’t be able to drive yourself home but it may be worth it.

    • Diana Barry

      I’ve had a few MRIs and CT scans with contrast. See if the facility gives you earplugs or headphones, and if not bring your own. MRIs are LOUD. I wouldn’t worry about there being a person there but you can ask the MRI center what happens in the event someone has a reaction to the contrast.

      • Anonymous

        What kind do I bring? For an MRI it’s no metal anywhere on or near you — but any headphones I have are the Apple ear bud variety and while they look like white plastic, I’m pretty sure there’s metal instead them. Where does one buy ear plugs?
        I know they can give you something to relax, but honestly I’d really rather see if I can go without — just so I can drive, get back to work, and be able to leave as soon as I’m done.

        • Is it Friday yet?

          I had a wrist MRI recently, and they provided huge over-ear headphones that could play whatever you requested. I’m sure if you called and asked you could find out what this facility does. For earplugs, you can buy the cheap foam ones at the drugstore or a grocery.

    • Anon

      I have had so. many. MRIs with contrast. (Breast cancer originally diagnosed 12 years ago, follow-ups are all MRIs w contrast every year or two.) The contrast is delivered by IV line. It really is NBD to them and I haven’t been aware of a physician (resident or attending) being around for it, though that could be the person sitting at the controls. It really hasn’t been clear to me whether it’s a tech or a physician, though I really don’t think I’ve interacted with any physicians, except when they did the MRI-guided biopsies (awful, horrible procedures).

      For your experience, is there a doc that might prescribe an anti-anxiety for you (either the doc ordering the scan or a PCP)? I never took anything for anxiety and didn’t think I was claustrophobic but adding xanax (suggested by my PCP) before the scans has been a game changer. I now almost (not actually but it’s definitely better) look forward to them because it’s a nice nap and I write off the rest of the day. Part of my issue is the IV, though, so if those don’t bother you it may not help as much. Before adding the xanax just having a fan on my face was hugely helpful because my anxiety was manifesting as nausea. With the xanax, I take a half a pill (.25 mg) before leaving for the med center and another half a pill when I get there. The staged timing lets me get a bit in my system by the time they want to poke me and helps me stay calm once I’m in the tube. MRIs do tend to take a good long while to run (like 45 mins to 1 1/2 hrs) and you have to be very still so if you have the option of using a 3T machine, definitely do it! I think it’s been disproved as problematic (I’m a layperson but did a bit of research) but my radiology center won’t use the 3T for me because I have a copper IUD.

      Overall, it’s really nothing to be scared of, they do them often. Just try to relax and let them do their work. They are usually pretty used to keeping people calm. (The sweet nurses once put me in the kiddo recovery room and gave me apple juice until I was ready to leave.)

    • NYNY

      You will only have the tech there, but honestly, the tech knows so much more about the procedure than the attending radiologist does (and don’t even get me started on a resident!). An experienced radiology tech will know how to handle any complications or concerns.

    • Anonymous

      My MRI with contrast was done at an academic medical center with a technician. She told me that anyone who reacts to the contrast will do so immediately. It was reassuring to know that I wouldn’t have a delayed reaction during the MRI or later in the day.

      My other tip, if you don’t want to take an anti-anxiety med, is to close your eyes and disassociate. I’ve had one MRI and several CTs of my head. Each time, I close my eyes before they slide me into the tube and they stay closed through the scan. If I get anxious, I imagine I’m sunbathing on a beach.

      My scans don’t take very long (5-10 mins) and, for me at least, are nowhere close to as scary as they are commonly portrayed. I also suspect that the newer machines are quieter, less confining, and faster than previous decades.

    • Anonymous

      Tip from my husband – if you get claustrophobic, ask for a blindfold.

      • Anon

        I actually find this made it worse. I don’t normally get claustrophobic, but did in all three of three of the MRIs I’ve had. The one time I tried a blindfold, it was so much worse and I had to make them restart. So, if you try and freak out with a blindfold, know that it might be better without and just keeping your eyes closed

  28. Anonymous

    The conversation about dating above got me thinking…should I be dating with an eye toward This is It?

    I’m 34 now. I married at 27 and divorced at 32. My ex and I moved cross country to live in an apartment, and we vaguely talked about kids some day after we bought a house. I’m still very ambivalent about whether I want kids or even another marriage. I would like a live in/long term partner, but I have no timeline. I don’t feel a ticking fertility clock. I like kids, and my friends say I’ll be a wonderful mom, but I don’t feel any compulsion or pressure to date, find a partner, and have a kid by X age. That lack of compulsion actually makes me think that I should not, in fact, get into a LTR or have a kid. That if I really was meant to do so, I’d want it. Is this flawed thinking?

    FWIW, I knew within a couple months of dating my ex-husband that I’d marry him. We split up because he cheated and got the woman pregnant (!!). So yeah…we tried couples counseling, but that was something I just could not get over.

    • Anon

      I’m sorry for what you went through, that sounds awful. I guess I’d say I feel like you are looking at this as two extremes (only dating if it’s leading to marriage/kids vs. deciding right now that you will not get into a LTR or have a kid). I think there’s a big middle ground. You can date casually, and if you meet someone that seems great, you can pursue a relationship at that point. Fwiw, I – and a pretty large percentage of my mom friends – weren’t sure we wanted kids until we met our husbands. I don’t think the fact you don’t feel a strong pull for kids in the abstract means you’ll never decide you want them. But it also seems like you’ll be content if you meet someone who doesn’t want them, or you may meet a great partner but still not feel the pull towards kids, and that’s fine too. If you have close friends or siblings with kids, you can be very involved with them and get to experience some of the most fun parts of parenting. My SIL is childless and has done some special aunt-niece stuff with my daughter, including overnight trips. As a mom, I think that’s just great and I would be thrilled if more of my childless friends wanted to bond with my daughter this way. And if you’re just an aunt, you get to give them back when they act up!

    • Monday

      I think “lack of compulsion” is a great way to feel in dating, especially at this age. It keeps you from settling or getting caught up in drama.
      I’m 37 and divorced a little over 2 years ago. I found that what really helped me get clear about what I wanted was…starting to date. Specific people and situations are a great litmus test for figuring out what interests you and what doesn’t. Of course, I am not talking about being irresponsible, but I am talking about exploring a little by seeing what happens when you like someone.
      I went into it just having barely admitted that I even wanted to try dating at all. Then the first guy I dated was a bit of a mess who, similar to the earlier OP’s guy, showed me swiftly that he was not going to be partner material. Only then did I realize I wanted a partner! It was like a gut check. If I truly hadn’t wanted one, I would have been ok with just continuing to spend time with him, and that wouldn’t have been any harm. As it is, I moved on having learned something important that I don’t think I would have learned otherwise. (I am now closer to my goal but not counting my chickens yet…)

    • Coach Laura

      Regarding whether or not it is flawed thinking, I don’t think it is. We’ve all heard stories of guys who didn’t want to be committed/start families and six months after they break up because of it, the guy marries a woman and starts a family. Use George Clooney as anec-data: Always a bachelor, never wanted a family. Meets Amal and bam! Instant dad and family. Of course guys have it easier with regards to the biological clock but you at 34 still have time to meet someone and it might just click that you want kids…or not. Get married…or not. I think just going with the flow is a good way for you to be right now. You don’t have to go in thinking This is It!

    • Is it Friday yet?

      Date (or don’t date) however you want to date, but be honest about your intentions and don’t string anyone along. Casual is fine, if that’s what you’re feeling, just as long as everyone’s on the same page. Nothing wrong with not having a timeline, it’ll probably make it easier for you!

  29. anon for this

    I’ve been at my new job about three months. Soon after I started, a former (terrible) coworker was also hired here, which was a big shock to me. I posted about it here, got some good advice, kept my head down. I’m building social capital and, I think, well-liked. Doing well performance-wise. She is….not well-liked. No idea how she’s doing performance-wise. I would like some advice for the seething resentment I feel.

    I am being careful not to ever disparage her myself, but it’s hard when coworkers are asking me about her or just complaining about her (because she is the worst). That makes it harder to just stay in my lane, because I can’t just ignore her. I feel really strong resentment because she has a higher title than me, which she did at our old organization too. At our old org, she performed lower than me; I brought in more money at the end of the day. But she’s getting paid more here and has a higher title. Everything that bothered me before still bothers me. I want to do my best here and hope my work will speak for itself. I know it’s not a meritocracy, so that’s not guaranteed, but being constantly mad like this is only hurting me. Ugh. Any helpful tips for being less resentful and miserable?

    She was a reason why I left and I like virtually everything else about my new job, and it’s hard to not just feel beat down about it.

    • Hope this helps

      Go with it. She’s your nemesis. Everyone needs a nemesis. You don’t need to take her down, you can sit back and watch her fail up… or down. But definitely just acknowledge that this is hard for you.
      Tell other people that you work together OK but don’t get along on a personal level and you don’t want to talk about it.
      Nemesises make life interesting.

  30. Paint color s*te

    A few months ago there was a discussion of paint color and people posted to this amazing insta I was following and now o forgot the name—what is it?

  31. Bette

    Clear and Brilliant–has anyone tried this? How were the results (and what baseline were you starting at, problem-wise)? What was the cost, if you’re willing to share? Thanks!

  32. Washing Machine and Dryer Recs?

    I know this has been discussed before, but it’s hard to search because of the in-post discussions about whether featured items are washable.

    Any recommendations for a washing machine and dryer? My main requirement (and a feature I suspect many fellow ‘rettes would appreciate) is a delicate cycle that won’t kill my work clothes that are “hand wash,” because who has time for that?! Thanks all :)

    • Anon

      My Maytag Neptune set is pretty old but that’s part of the recommendation – nothing seems to kill them. The reason I’m responding is because if your ask on the hand wash cycle. I’m amazed at the truly gentle hand wash cycle of the Neptune. I have washed wool, cashmere, silk, you name it and no issues. I wash everything from mm lafleur. The only thing I wouldn’t wash is lined pieces. I have shrunk only a couple of things – a really loosely woven cashmere shawl seemed to tighten up and get smaller, and a very loosely knit wool sweater did the same.

    • Anonymous

      I have a maytag bravos and I hate it. There is always a lint residue left on the clothes. No amount of cleaning the machine, service visits seems to help

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