Coffee Break: Eugene Pump

89 Comments

1. My boss curtly told me to stop using please in my emails. I didn’t know this was a thing?

   1. Your boss sounds rude.

   2. I use please very, very sparingly. I prefer to be direct about what I mean/am asking. Please is often used unnecessarily and awkwardly in business communications.

      There are a lot of internet pieces about it if you use the G search.

      1. I agree with this. I try to get to be as succinct as possible in my emails and remove filler words – often including please – when I edit.

   3. I’ve made an effort to stop saying “sorry” and “just” (as in “I just wanted to follow up”) but “please” just seems polite to me!

      1. I say please ALL THE TIME. I don’t but it in the same category as “sorry” and “just.” I will indeed look this up. I can’t imagine not saying please when I am asking for something.

   4. I don’t say please in emails, but I assume & hope being as polite as possible conveys the same message.

   5. I’m from the SEUS. We say please a lot. Partners in the UK have told me to stop saying please, as it means something completely different to them than to us. Everyone in my SEUS office understood where they were coming from, but none of us saw any reason to change the way we speak.

      1. What does pelase mean to the UK partners? I’ve never encountered a problem with please working with UK folks. Although, I’m not sure if I used please much—mostly “I’m sorry for the rush, but would it be possible…?” meaning “we actually really need you do this on this tight timeline.”

         1. I’ll chime-in here as this clueless Moroccan made that mistake many times and was gently told-off: In the UK, saying please comes off as both condescending and annoyed whereas skipping it means you are a trusted respected peer not some unruly subordinate.
            Can you send around the deck? Thanks – means just that.
            Can you please send around the deck? Thanks – means, for god’s sake Elspeth, I cannot believe I have to tell you what to do, can you get on it already?
            I learned about it in a training 2 months ago when we were discussing intonations and cultural differences. I have since stopped using it unnecessarily.

            1. That seems . . . ridiculous. And passive aggressive. I know “Please see my previous email” means “you idiot why cant you read” but please is a very normal word.Cultural differences I guess.

   6. Wonder if it’s just “please” your boss is upset about, or if it’s more of an overall tone thing and all your boss was able to articulate was please?

   7. Most women use too submissive language in emails.

      Woman: Can you please let me know where we are with this project?
      Man: Where are we with this project?

      This kind of extremely respectful woman is great as a peer, not as a boss leader as it doesn’t convey authority.

      1. She didn’t say she’s a boss though…maybe she is emailing higher-ups or customers. I also think it’s a know-your-industry/office thing. I work in higher ed and pretty much everyone (my male boss and boss’s boss included) uses language more like what you have in your “woman” example. People might not always say please (although my boss often does, even in emails to me, his subordinate) but they definitely say “Could you tell me where we are with…” Simply saying “where are with X” would be interpreted as rude and curt. We actually had an executive who spoke like that and he was fired pretty quickly. He was seen as not fitting in with our friendly culture.

      2. I mean, fuck any definition of “leadership” that requires me to become less respectful of the people I interact with. Maybe dudes should become more like women.

2. These are so, so pretty. Anyone have any insight into how painful they’d be to wear?

   1. Fairly painful after I fell and broke my ankle, I’d assume.

   2. For whatever reason, Nine West shoes really fit my feet well. I have to estimate have at least 30 pairs from there. A pointy toe and 3.25 inch heel is a pretty standard shoe so I would say they are likely a 6/10 for comfort. That being said, I think I have deadened my nerves from wearing ridiculous shoes for years so I am maybe not the best judge…

   3. I am seriously considering the black ones. They’re so purty.

   4. For me (size six, foot a bit more on the wide side) Nine West heels are some of my favorite. I can stand to be in them all day and an event after work need be, but I do take my heels off mid day for some slides to give my feet a little break. 14th& Union heels from Nordstrom Rack or HauteLook (not at the regular Nordstrom though) are also so comfortable.

3. Interviewing for an analyst/associate role at the Venture Capital arm of a large corporation tomorrow. Location is Midwest. What to wear?

   I think a full suit with white shell/blouse is too formal, but are business casual work pants and blazer too casual?

   Options:
   – navy suit pants, a bright top like coral or pink shell, suit jacket (optional)?
   – navy suit pants, white blouse with small navy polka dots, matching suit jacket or a coral blazer?
   – business casual work pants like these with a white blouse and a black or colored blazer? https://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?pid=403702052&cid=1089281&pcid=1011761

   1. I would do the full navy suit plus a coral or pink shell. Definitely wear the suit jacket.

      1. Thanks, that makes it easier actually!

         What threw me off is that it’s such a small firm and everyone is wearing jeans and T-shirts on their webpage – but that is targeted to innovators, probably.

   2. Always wear a suit for an interview.

      1. Stop giving this advice unless you finish the sentence with “in industry X in location Y.” It is not universal.

   3. Suit with polka dot blouse sounds great to me!

      1. Me too! But maybe it’s because I have an unreasonable love for polka dots.

4. Wise tribe- looking for tips to stop texting and driving. I recently moved to a state where it is basically like a parking ticket (from a state that does not care) and am looking for strategies to stop. I do a lot of sparsely populated Interstate driving, and I found that it’s a hard habit to kick. I know that it is dangerous and I know that people die from these accidents. I’m not looking for the guilt motivator, I’m looking for concrete strategies like, do you put your phone on silent and in your purse in the backseat? Do you still have Bluetooth connected to your phone so you get a notification if you get a text? Do you have an auto reply when you’re in your car so people know that you’re driving? TIA!

   1. Get podcasts for the trip; you need something to focus your attention.

      Call people on hands-free instead of texting.

      1. This.

         Signed, the 70 min one-way commuter that had 2 near misses because other drivers were texting.

   2. There’s a “Do Not Disturb I’m driving” setting on iPhones you can turn on that manages this automatically. Andriod probably this too?

      1. +1. My phone goes into DND mode when I am in a meeting. Can you set meetings for your drives so you’re don’t get messages?

   3. My texting app allows me to set up Driving Mode, which connects with bluetooth in my car. I don’t get a notification and the person gets a bounceback message saying that I am driving and will get back to them later. I also, when I’m driving to work and back, put my purse in the hatch of my car so I’m not tempted to grab it. This backfires when I need my sunglasses. I can still get calls on bluetooth. The only issue I’ve had with that is that, if I turn off the car, I have to grab the phone out of the back first, but I can usually finish a call in the car. If I have my phone connected to bluetooth, even without Driving Mode, the notifications don’t come through my phone (any sounds come through my car’s audio, but I don’t hear notifications. In order to hear anything (like directions from Google Maps), I have to change audio output to the phone.

   4. It’s all I can do not to harp…..
      however, disable notifications for both text & email & leave phone in purse in rear of vehicle are concrete steps. I’m adding to only use wireless if you must have a call.

      1. Thanks to you, and everyone, for the tips! I have already learned that I need to change some of the names in my phone, because for some reason when I say ” call Mom cell” for example, it has no idea who I’m talking about.

         1. Do you have an iPhone? I went to a class at the Apple store on maximizing the features of iPhone. One feature is you can “teach” it about your contacts. Maybe your mom is stored as Sarah Smith, but you can add “mom” to her contact profile, so when you say “call my Mom” it knows that means Sarah Smith. You know how when you get in your car, your phone sometimes says “24 minutes to (completely random location)?” Turns out it knows from your GPS where you are probably headed based on where you usually go, but it may not know you’re going to “Work” instead of “gym that is located in the same building as my work.” My phone kept telling me I was 24 minutes away from some fitness center… but the Apple class taught me to save that address as “work” so it no longer thought I was going to the gym in that building. An Apple class could also teach you more about the options for phone settings while driving.

         2. Don’t call people when you’re driving! Just DO. NOT. USE. YOUR. PHONE. Otherwise you’re never going to break this habit. There really isn’t any reason you need to be accessible all the time when you’re driving.

   5. The only thing that has worked for me is a combination of starting podcasts which auto play the next one up and then putting my phone in the backseat. I need something to keep my attention (I get bored) and the phone needs to be out of reach. I don’t need text notifications during my day to day driving. If I am driving long trips, I check it when I stop to use the bathroom/eat, etc.

   6. If you have an iphone, you can set it up so whenever it connects to bluetooth in your car, it will set a do not disturb and also send a message out to anyone that texts you. I’ve found it helpful, especially because if I’m driving and still go to unlock, it makes me choose “I’m not Driving” before unlocking – makes me think twice before actually opening it and why I’m doing it.

      1. My phone has that, but it’s Android. A friend with an iPhone asked how to do it, but he couldn’t find it on his phone. Can you tell me how?

         1. Settings/Do Not Disturb, scroll down, make sure it’s activated and says “Bluetoot” if possible (otherwise automatic, but it turns it on on the bus for me…), turn on auto-reply to contacts or recents or favorites.

            1. ^ this – below that is the auto reply to option.

            2. Bluetooth.

            3. Thanks! Will pass this on to him.

   7. I need to kick this same habit – are you allowed to make hands free phone calls while you drive? This won’t help all the time, obviously, but I find that I text during my commute because I’m bored, so I try to use the time to call my mom/friends that live far away/etc. Sometimes I’ll even call my SO to chat, even though I’m literally on my way home to hang out with him. The only other thing that helps, oddly, is wearing my apple watch. While I’m sitting in traffic, I flick my wrist up to read a text if it comes in, but it’s such a pain to respond via watch, that I just wait until I get wherever I’m going to respond. I use my phone to listen to podcasts/audiobooks while I drive, so I can’t really put it in the backseat, but this keeps my hands off of it. I know some people who use the auto reply, but that wouldn’t really help me so much because the urge to text isn’t coming from wanting to reply to urgent messages – it’s because my commute is long and boring.

   8. I leave my phone in my purse in the car and never text or talk and drive. It’s that easy! No notifications, no auto response, no need for it.

      1. This is such a glib response. She’s clearly saying it’s not easy for her. Your smug superiority is not helpful.

         1. It is easy though! You just have to do it.

   9. Honestly, you just need to make the decision to stop. It might be helpful to follow strategies that people include here, but for me, it’s a “rule” just like I don’t drink alcohol while driving (as much as Bay Area traffic might make me want to) or go without my seatbelt. Reframe it in your mind from something “optional” or “not enforced in your state” to “absolutely, 100% never allowed.” Then it’s easier to resist the urge to pick up your phone.

      1. +1. I never formed the habit, so it’s easy for me to say just don’t do it, but texting and driving is dangerous and you should probably think of it like drinking and driving.

   10. This sounds like an addiction, honestly. If you can’t go that long without texting someone you need to remove the distraction. Put the phone in your trunk. You say that you aren’t looking for the “guilt motivator” but please, please don’t text and drive. This is ridiculous. No text is worth your life, or even worse, someone else’s. I appreciate that you are making an effort to stop but distracted driving is just as dangerous as drunk driving and should be easier to avoid.

       1. She knows that. She is probably a better judge of how to change herself than you are, so lay off the moral preening.

          1. This is not moral preening. This is a choice. She was not born with a phone in her hand. As the person above has said, just stop. That’s it. Don’t do it. There is no special answer or other activity that you should be doing.

             1. You sound nice.

   11. What is wrong with you people? Your texts re dinner plans or gossip or whatever are SOOO important that they can’t wait? You can’t handle life without a phone for your 45 min drive — you can’t turn it all the way off? Or throw it in the trunk? What did you do before smart phones were invented because I highly doubt you’re a 12 year old who was born into a world of smart phones.

       1. It’s people who didn’t grow up with these technologies who struggle the most in my social circles.

   12. I have to ask, are there seriously states in the US where there is no penalty for distracted driving? That blows my mind. Ontario recently upped its penalties to $615 for a first offence if settled out of court or $1000 for a first offence if you fight it and lose.

       Honestly, OP, watch some of the British made videos about distracted driving (I find they are the most hard-hitting) and then just put on the radio and get yourself home in one piece.

       1. My state bans texting and driving, but you can talk on the phone or use it as a GPS, which I think is fair. I don’t think talking on the phone is really more of a distraction than eating or putting on make-up or whatever else people do that’s distracting but not illegal.

          1. I’m pretty sure you can get a distracted driving offense for those other things too, if they conclude they contributed to a car accident.

   13. Yes, phone is in purse on back seat. Use bluetooth if I need to make a call.

       Purse is always in backseat so I never forgot a child in their carseat. Do this even when kids are not in the car just to keep up the habit.

       Texting while driving is about as dangerous as driving drunk. Remind yourself of that everytime you feel the urge to pick up your phone.

       1. You have to do something as a reminder to get your kid out of their carseat???? This baffles me. How the absolute h e l l do you forget you popped out a kid and said kid is sitting in a carseat????

          FFS. If you are at the point you can’t remember having a kid in a carseat, you really need to make some serious adjustments in your life. Or you shouldn’t have had kids in the first place.

          1. https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/fatal-distraction-forgetting-a-child-in-thebackseat-of-a-car-is-a-horrifying-mistake-is-it-a-crime/2014/06/16/8ae0fe3a-f580-11e3-a3a5-42be35962a52_story.html?utm_term=.d4ac776a1214

             Feel free to actually educate yourself on the topic.

             1. Thank you for posting this article. It was heartbreaking but so incredibly well-written that there was no way to stop reading. I will forever remember these tragedies and the parents depicted in the piece.

   14. Use the Do Not Disturb setting on your phone.

       And please, please, please break this habit! During my third trimester of pregnancy, my car was hit by a teen driver who was texting. Thankfully it happened at a slow speed, but you better believe that I had worries in the back of my mind for the rest of the pregnancy.

       1. And presumably even when you’re not pregnant . . . ?

          1. I think she meant she was worried about the baby. Even low speed, minor accidents can do serious harm to a fetus. I have a friend of a friend who was rear-ended while pregnant by someone going ~25 miles per hour and the baby ended up dying (the friend was fine and the car was fine except for a dented bumper).

             1. Yes, I was worried about the baby. Seems pretty obvious?

   15. Turn your phone all the way off, put it in your purse, and put it in the backseat.

       If you need entertainment on the drive and the radio doesn’t cut it, put podcasts on your phone, connect it via bluetooth to your car, and put the phone in your purse in your backseat. Or put it in airplane mode if you need to keep it up front to connect it via a cable.

   16. Yes. You silence your phone and put it in your purse in the backseat and you don’t touch it. That’s what you do.

       If you’re addicted to your phone, you’ll feel uncomfortable and anxious by having it out of reach like that. Tell yourself that you can endure those feelings and come out the other side, just like anyone who has to kick an addiction..

       If you’re not used to being alone with your thoughts and feel anxious or bored , tell yourself it’s good to learn how to be OK with not being entertained or distracted all the time. It’s a good skill for any human. Here’s a chance to practice it.

   17. Maybe this is just me, but I’ve come to think of driving as a time to be mindful. Not only do I not use my phone — either it’s in my purse which is on the floor of the passenger side and I can’t reach it or it’s in my back pocket of my jeans and I’m sitting on it. I also don’t let my mind wander to conversations I’ve had; big picture life stuff etc. I had a scare with distracted driving early on and I realized that I was driving on auto pilot while thinking hard about my career woes so clearly my mind wasn’t there. So now driving is just a time to draw a blank, focus on the road/other cars, and if I get bored — music. I figure if people are going to pay so much for yoga daily and meditation retreats because mindfulness is good for you, then when not practice it IRL by keeping my mind on what I’m doing.

       This is the only IRL activity where I can do this — everywhere else I’m distracted just like everyone else; as for pondering — for me that happens on the train to/from work. I don’t pull my phone out (mostly bc I don’t like the fact that I’ve touched subway poles etc. and then am touching my phone) so I literally just stand there 20 min each way and let myself think about whatever. I’m sure people around me think I’m nuts or too poor to afford a phone or something because often I’m the only person in a train car without a phone in my face.

   18. This is maybe the sad trombone post here, but this situation warrants it. Watch the Werner Herzog film “From One Second to the Next”. It’s only about a half hour. It honestly made me go from “I only text at stoplights” to “nope, this thing goes in my bag on the floor.”

       I bought a two inch long charger, so if I am listening to music, the phone sits in the cup holder and it literally not long enough to pull and read without disconnecting the music. That also helps any urges.

       1. I haven’t seen the film, but, when I have the urge to pick up the phone while driving, I think about an episode of Oprah where she implored people not to text and drive and showed some devastating results of accidents caused by the practice. Also, an associate of mine had a fatal car crash that was caused by her distracted driving.

   19. This sounds like serious addiction. You know it kills people, but you’re still struggling with it. If you can’t just.stop.texting, consider therapy.

       1. I agree. This isn’t a “bad habit.” It’s way beyond that both in compulsiveness and stakes.

   20. Use Siri to read you the text and Siri to respond? Mine works through the bluetooth speakers in my car and my phone can stay in my bag. The notifications pop up on the navigation screen where my speedometer is so I know to ask Siri to read me the text.

       1. No. No text is so urgent.

   21. Anonymous, I’m glad that you’ve resolved to stop and that you’re reaching out for strategies. Too many people don’t take this seriously, and it’s good you are taking this seriously.

       There’s a lot of good advice, especially about setting your phone to always go into do not disturb while driving and to put your phone where you can’t reach it (like your trunk). Starting podcasts or music while still in park also sounds great.

       I think you’ll have success with one of these strategies. However, if these strategies aren’t effective or are really hard for you, I encourage you to do the same thing you would do if you had some other really dangerous habit, like drinking and driving—reach out for help from a professional.

   22. How would you feel if you killed or permanently injured someone as a result of your behavior? And getting sued?

   23. Late to the party but I wonder if this is a broader issue than solely texting while driving. Do you (almost) always feel pressure to respond to a text or phone call right away? Under what circumstances do you give yourself permission to not respond immediately – when you’re at work, asleep, etc.? It must be incredibly anxiety-producing to feel like you must be immediately responsive at all times – it’s like a little bit of energy and attention is sucked out of you with every text. If you can break that impulse and give yourself permission to not respond immediately in general (not just when you’re working/sleeping/etc.) then I think you’ll be much happier overall and also not text and drive.

       1. You may not see this – I am just getting back to this post to read responses! I frequently forget my phone, actually, as I email mostly at my desk at work. I have a large circle of friends who text and call frequently and am the emergency contact for 4 family members. My general rule of thumb is I check my phone at least 4x a day – as I walk to work, at lunch, on my walk home, and at night an hour or so before bed. My job requires me to travel across very sparsely populated states once a month or so – not easily accessible by plane, so I end up driving. Think in the car 30+ hours in a workweek type of stuff, I already trade off so many hours of podcasts, catch up calls, audiobooks, radio and silence :) I only stop every 4-5 hours so I respond to texts then… But when people respond after I get back in my car, Bluetooth tells me I have a message but is too old of a car to read it aloud or voice to text back. So I read it, out of boredom, and then decide whether to call them (hands free – my car does that, although I need to rename some people as I said above) – or text back at my next stop. I am much more likely to hit a deer or other wildlife so I think I have thought as long as I’m not at risk of hurting someone else it’s …well, not ok, but I could justify what seemed like a quick glance. But I want to change as I said. I think the DND option will be great because of the response that I am driving so they know to call if they need something. It would be much harder to give up hands free calls.

5. @Senior Attorney: Can you tell me where you find your silk tees that you said you were wearing today? Thanks, PHX

   1. Also want to know!

6. Maybe too late to get a good response, but asking anyways! Does anyone have a stationary bike (fold-up) at home and do you think it’s worth it? I have a gym membership at a gym literally across the street from my office, but I find so often that I don’t go because the morning schedule isn’t great, I’m too busy at lunch and I’m too hungry at the end of the day. I so often find myself going home and eating and then just vegging on the couch watching tv, and think maybe if I used the bike while watching tv instead, I would see a difference in my body and not be racked with guilt for not going to the gym the day. I have a condo gym in my building, but I can’t watch my shows there and some nights even going downstairs is too much. Obviously an at-home bike would not be the intensity of a spin class, but something is better than nothing. Any weigh-ins?

   1. Honestly, it can’t hurt to try it, but I’d start with a decent but super cheap bike off craigslist. So many people buy new, let it sit in a corner for a year out of hopes and dreams then sell it for 50 bucks when it takes up too much space. If it doesn’t work out, give it away.

   2. My husband started doing this recently (for the same reasons that you’ve described + he kept forgetting to bring a gym bag to work) and really likes it. He rides the stationary bike while watching sportsball at the house.

   3. A bike plus bike trainer will be the most flexible. Easier to store than a stationary bike. And if you want to ride outside, you have that option! Both you can usually pick up on craigslist fairly cheaply.

   4. I have a FitDesk and I love it. It’s not quite as much of a workout as a stationary bike, but if you use it when you watch TV or are reading, you are tired after half an hour or an hour. Love mine. Have had it for years.

   5. I bought an assault type bike – the rogue echo to be exact. I like the ability to add sprint as well as steady state conditioning into my general training.

   6. I bought a fancy spin bike and never looked back. I am on it every second day and know i used it more often vs going to a gym.

Comments are closed.