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A little more than 5 years ago, we had a post about career plans where basically we asked everyone to look into their crystal balls and tell us where they wanted to be five years from that date (November 2013) — and I promised to revisit the post in 5 years and give everyone the option to update us. (Today I'll be emailing everyone who originally gave me their email address and permission to email them, asking them to come back and comment as well!)
If you commented on the original post — please copy and paste your original comment into this thread — and then update it. If you didn't comment on the original post, please comment below — have the past five years gone according to plan? (If not, what derailed you or propelled you onto a different path?) Where do you want to be in the next five years (2024)? Please leave your email address and I'll contact you if/when we do this in 2024!
Here was the original ask, inspired by a New York Times documentary that looked up women originally profiled in a 2001 article, back when they were all junior associates at a BigLaw firm. The more recent article/documentary looked up several of the women profiled and found that many had not accomplished their original goals, many pondering whether the gender gap had an impact on them. The thrust of the article was that women were underestimating the extent to which gender issues would affect their careers. Here was my ask of the readers, back in 2013:
I’m going to ask you guys to scroll forward in YOUR Palm Pilots* (tee hee) and tell me: where do you want/think you’ll be in five years — and in ten years? What do you think the major challenges are that you’ll encounter? How much do you think gender issues will play into your success or failure? I’d love to ask that everyone comment with an email address in the address field — I’ll keep your emails private but I’d love to be able to come back to this post in five years (or ten years, God willing) and email a few of you to see where you are, how it shook out. (This is the ambitious part!) (Of course all email addresses will be held in confidence, in keeping with The Corporette® Privacy Policy.)
I can't wait to hear what people say (and hear how everyone's 5-year plan went, and how their 10-year plan is going)…
For my own $.02, this was my answer back in 2013 for my own five-year career plan:
I’m so far off the path right now that this doesn’t seem even fair to myself for me to say. In five years, I hope I’ll still be running this site as my profession, of course; if not I have confidence that one of my many Plan Bs will work out. I’m not sure it’s fair to call them “gender issues,” but I suppose that’s what they are — I struggle daily with life/work balance, needing to devote more time to my business, wanting to devote more time (and quality, high energy time at that) to my family — and I struggle with finding time to be the “cruise director” to our lives (e.g., planning educational, age-appropriate weekend outings and vacations, managing our financial investments as well as clothing/food purchases, making family photo albums, etc, etc). I outsource/assign what I can to my husband, VA, or my mother (my Christmas list this year is a series of thinly veiled research projects!) but I think this “Cruise Director” Syndrome is a uniquely female goal — the goal to manage everything for your family on TOP of killing it in business.
Ooof. Yeah. So: not much has changed with my struggles — I still have not figured out life/work balance, as I've written about a ton over at CorporetteMoms, including things like why I'm frustrated that family dinner time bumps up against my naturally productive period of the day, why I aggressively delegate or “nope” certain motherhood tasks entirely, and in general all the ways I try to share parenting duties with my spouse.
In terms of unforeseen challenges, I definitely did underestimate the effect of motherhood, and we've had some family issues come up over the past five years that were totally unanticipated, and without getting into private matters, I will say that the amount of energy, brain power, research, worry, and more has been a huge drain for me, to the detriment of the business; I've definitely felt for long periods like I'm treading water and trying not to drown in the middle of a huge ocean.
That said, 2017 and 2018 were our two highest years ever for most blog stats that I track (money, traffic), so I am still hopeful that I'll be running this blog in another five years or that the skills I've learned while building the blog will have useful to some other new endeavor.
Readers, how about you — if you had answered the original question in 2013, where did you THINK you'd be by now? What got in your way or propelled you further? Looking forward to 2024, where do you want to be in terms of career, personal life, and more? What do you think are realistic five-year career goals, and what do you think are stretch goals?
Stock photo via Shutterstock / Kunal Mehta.
* Riiiiight. Palm Pilots were an early handheld device that helped you organize notes, phone numbers, to-do lists, and more. They eventually morphed into phones. I was a little bit obsessed with them as the keeper of all my favorite lists.
Marise
Ten years ago I was working in a government job and juggling two kids. I felt that I could succeed and advance in my job and that my kids would continue to be enjoyable, agreeable and brilliant. As it turned out, that job had its share of frustrations, but I am now a judicial officer. I never would have guessed I’d end up as a judge. Also, I never would have guessed that my brilliant child would become oppositional and argumentative. I never would have guessed he would end up being diagnosed with ADD and would struggle in high school. Life has surprises, some great and some not so great. It’s a marathon sometimes.
Senior Attorney
Ha! Palm Pilots! Here’s my update:
2013: “Professionally, I hope to be in the same job, same location, although hopefully in a more challenging assignment. In 5 years I will be 10 years away from retirement, in 10 years I will be 5 years away with the end really in sight! At this point the gender issues are largely day-to-day indignities rather than structural issues, given that I am past my child-rearing years, and I expect that to continue. I will continue to try to be a role model for other women as best I can.”
2019: Still in same job, same location, same assignment but have taken on some additional responsibilities here and there. Plus I’m the president of my service club this year which is like a whole ‘nother part time job. So I’ll definitely call it a win. Looking at retirement possibly in less than five years, although if I’m still happy at my job at that point I’ll be in no hurry to leave so just playing that by ear.
2013: “Personally, I am going to admit that I hope to find a lovely new man within the next five years. Hopefully my current divorce proceedings will be but a distant memory and I will have a new house, new life partner, new life. Gender issues here include finding someone who is my equal but isn’t threatened by the fact that I’m his equal.”
2019: OMG it totally worked out. Like, better than I could have imagined in my wildest dreams. The divorce was awful and dragged on for more than a year but I was right — the only way out was through. I got the new house and remodeled/redecorated it, but by the time it was finished I was madly in love with my lovely husband and moved into his (fabulous) house when we got married in 2016. It’s a completely new life and I’m still pinching myself every single day. He is really an equal partner in every way and he loves it that I like to shine. It wouldn’t even occur to him to be threatened by any of it. I guess that makes me a smug married but oh my lord I paid a whole lot of awful-relationship dues to get here! And none of it could have happened if I hadn’t managed to make it stick when I tried to leave my marriage for the third time.
2013: “And surely in 10 years I’ll be a grandma? Please? ;)”
2019: Still have a few years to go but at this point I’m not holding my breath. My son is his own man and so far he’s unattached. But since 2013 he’s gotten out of the Marines, completed a graduate degree, and started his career. Again, I’m calling is a win.
Anon
Even in 2013, Palm Pilots were not a thing.
Senior Attorney
Right? I distinctly remember I had an iPhone back then because I accidentally dropped it in the water about a week before I ran away from home (left my husband) and it caused all manner of complications in my plans.
Paint color
Can someone please remind me the name of the decorator who specializes in paint colors we were discussing here?
Anon
Maria Killiam
Anonymous
do you mean Maria Killam?
Anonymous
I was not a corporette reader 5 years ago but 5 years ago I was graduating law school and starting in house at a large legal department where I knew all the attorneys and staff (former intern), most were long term employees, and I planned to make a career there and be GC/AGC someday.
Within 2 years almost the entire department had turned over, racial and sexual harassment investigations were underway, and I decided to leave for private practice. One additional move later, I’m now an associate at a firm in a capital city in the Midwest, happily looking to make partner in a year or two.
Gender issues in the workplace and practice have changed the plan of my career path. I honestly considered changing my name so less people know via email that I’m a woman (Blake, Tyler). This probably will get me slammed in comments. I work in a heavily male dominated specialty the same email from my male colleague gets vastly different responses than an email from me (feminine name, and my initials don’t look like a nickname or name).
Christine
Have you considered just abbreviating your first name? (i.e., F. Last)
AnonInfinity
OOF. Here’s my 2013 post: “In five years, I think I will be a partner at my law firm. In 10, I will hopefully be well on my way to equity partner. By that 10-year mark, I hope to have landed a major client (due to the nature of my practice, that would be a Fortune 500 company) or at least have primarily taken over a significant chunk of those matters from the partner I work with the most.
I may be naive, but I don’t foresee gender issues impeding these goals, at least as long as I stay in my current firm. Admittedly, I am in a slightly unusual but awesome position. My mentor/sponsor (one of the Very Important partners at my firm) has lately decided that equalizing the playing field for women is very important to him, and he has completely taken me under his wing. We get along well anyway, so I think he’d want to mentor me even if I weren’t a woman, but he is making a very conscious effort to make sure that women here have exactly the same opportunities as the men. Additionally, my husband has already decided that he wants to do the majority of the childcare, and he already does the majority of the housework, so I don’t believe I’ll be held back by those issues.
For a long time I was afraid I would not be given opportunities because I’m a woman and many of the women around me quit after having children or go part time after that. I was afraid their decisions would affect how I’m seen and the opportunities I receive. I know that’s an issue at some places, but the partners at my current firm have consistently shown me that it’s not an issue here.
I have, however encountered sexism from opposing counsel and some judges. I believe those attitudes will fade as the older generations retire.
I hope to have 1-2 children in 5 years. And a house that I love. We currently own a house that I do not love. And no debt other than mortgage.”
2019 update: Couldn’t be further away from any of this. First of all, I was incredibly naive about sexism. Also, I’ve since left the private practice of law and taken a job at a nonprofit. I love it so much, despite the giant pay cut. That husband turned out to be a big ol’ jerk and cheated on me, so he’s no longer in the picture. We ended up going through fertility struggles, and I never got pregnant. Although we were talking about adoption, the divorce happened before we went through with any concrete steps. I DID actually get my dream house in this time period. However, after the divorce and the new job, ended up selling it. The good news there is that I got the entire house in the divorce and sold it for a profit! I’m now renting a 1-bedroom apartment that I love. And I’ve got a boyfriend who I completely adore. Honestly, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been in my entire life. Even though NOTHING apparently went to plan in the last few years, it’s all worked out wonderfully.
Anon
Getting cheated on by my future husband is honestly one of my biggest fears. I’m so sorry this happened to you.
I was also incredibly naive about sexism until it full on happened to me last year and I left the job because of it.
AnonInfinity
I’m not going to lie–it was awful, and the year after it happened was quite difficult. But! It’s not the worst thing that can happen to a person, and if it does happen, I promise you could get through it. Don’t let the fear of that keep you from opening up to a partner. Easier said that done, as it’s something I’ve been working on in therapy, oh, since it happened. I do think I’m in a good place now where I can recognize when that fear is interfering with my connection or my reactions within my current relationship.
Anon
Wow! I’m so happy it all worked out so well for you! Agree with you so much about being very naive at sexism at the beginning of my legal career. I think so many young female attorneys think that as long as they don’t want to lean out/mommytrack themselves, being a woman/mom won’t hurt them at all. And that just could not be further from the truth.
AnonInfinity
Yes! Exactly. I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about it and talking about it with friends since I left, and I’m kind of embarrassed by how incredibly naive I was. For me, I guess I was just so excited to be in this new career that I didn’t notice it. And maybe it wasn’t affecting me so much at the beginning because I was at a point where everyone was doing the same boring work. It only became apparent to me after some of the newness wore off and after I experienced it firsthand when trying to get certain types of assignments.
k-padi
This. I even got so far as to get those certain assignments and had a male sponsor in my career. I had the large network, the good rapport. But then my male peers were the ones being promoted, invited to parties with decision makers, and recruited into high-level positions. Then there was a major sexual harassment thing at my firm where a very junior lawyer (who I had been mentoring and who I liked) was saying some very disgusting things to/about a female lawyer who was at about my level. Except for a cheating boyfriend, I’d never felt such a huge betrayal.
My new career track is not male-dominated and, while not a major factor in my choosing it, was a consideration.
MJ
K-padi: Just wanted to say that I have missed your voice here and hope that your new thing is great and all you hoped for.
Anon
I’m so happy for you that it all worked out in the end, and so sorry for you and other women about the sexism.
asw
Wow! I totally forgot I’d done this! haha.
Here’s 2013 me:
“This is so fun! My high school math teacher made us do something like this in High School, we wrote letters to ourselves for 1 year after graduation and then 4 years after graduation (when, in theory, we’d just have graduated college). Getting that 4 year letter was nuts, especially because it basically said “if all goes according to plan, you’ll be doing X.” and here I am doing X.
Right now I’m a 2L, currently engaged to be married after I graduate. In five years, the hope/plan is to be working at a firm, litigating and on my way on the partner track. I do hope to have at least one child by then, probably two. Fortunately my fiance is fully on board with being the main caregiver while I keep on trucking through the legal field. Hoping to have moved out of the house we’re currently in and buy our ‘forever’ home by then and building our savings for college tuition and retirement.
10 years really doesn’t change much, just farther along in my career, maybe a third kid by then and really just content with how things are going. I’ve discovered that the plan is great and all but who knows where I’ll even be next year, let alone in a decade. Three years ago I could have never predicted how my life would be just now so I can’t imagine where I’m going now.”
And 2019 me: graduated from law school, been at the same firm since, litigating and loving it! Now married, going on four years. Re: the children, none yet, though one on the way! Due in November! And we’re in our forever home. Whether I stay at this firm for my career is still up in the air but so far so good! Since joining the legal profession, I’ve definitely seen my fair share of gender challenges but I’m fighting the good fight and hoping it keeps getting better.
Anonn
Mine is somewhat similar. Down to even writing that letter to myself in high school (my mom just found that letter this year in my old room!) I was also a 2L in 2013 and engaged. I joined my 2L summer firm (the only BigLaw firm in my city) with hopes of making partner. Fast forward to today, husband and I have been married almost 5 years and have one kid. He’s the primary caregiver and household manager. We’re in our forever home and are generally settled/happy. Great friends and community. Living in the same city we grew up in and went to college here. Both sets of parents live within 15 minutes of us and watch our kid. But it’s also my last week at my firm. My priorities shifted after having my kid and I’m not as OK with my husband being the primary caregiver. I want to make it home for bedtime. That’s a pretty big change for me considering how career focused I’ve always been. I’m leaving for a midlaw firm (still litigating) and am excited about it. I’ll be on partnership track and the hours should be better at least. I’ve faced gender challenges here as the only woman in my practice group. I’m also the last woman left in this office from my SA class of 20. My new group will also have fewer woman than men but I won’t be the only one at least (although the only one who wants more children). I’m sure I’ll face challenges there as well but I’m ready to start fresh and try harder to balance life and career.
Anon
2013: I just graduated from law school. (I went later in life.)
2019: I’ve hit it out of the park and am doing my lifelong dream (law-adjacent) job. But OMG now that I’m here and have checked this box, I cannot wait to be:
2024: Living at the beach, downshifted by LOTS, living on a normal American salary (aka, one that doesn’t have to pay $2k/month in student loans), where I can just coast. I do not want the words “strive” or “achieve” or “nationally recognized” anywhere in my lexicon. I would very much like the words “community-oriented,” “relaxed,” and “happy” to appear.
AnonInfinity
+1,000 to your last two sentences. Reading my 2013 goals made me cringe because that’s what it all revolved around. I’ve done a complete 180 now, and am so much happier for it.
k-padi
So true…the goal in life is to be happy. Call me jaded, but working all the time just isn’t as rewarding as I was told it would be.
Hermione
I hadn’t started reading the site yet in 2013 but I was at university with my mental health issues about to hit.
Since then I have moved to my favourite city, got a job doing something worthwhile at a great company, and bought a flat! Still single though.
In five years I’ll be 30 – I hope to either be firmly coupled up or have had at least one serious relationship under my belt. At that point I’ll be making some decisions about whether to stay here or move back down to my home region. I hope to be working in a section of my field that’s really about helping people in the future and also to have my first novel (or two!) out and doing well. (The first novel manuscript is about a quarter of the way done at the moment).
AnonInfinity
Ahhh! Good luck with that novel. That’s a secret goal I have for myself as well!
Anon
“If you didn’t comment on the original post, please comment below — have the past five years gone according to plan? (If not, what derailed you?) Where do you want to be in the next five years (2024)?”
Big assumption there, Kat – if the last five years didn’t go according to plan, that plan got derailed.
Career-wise, I’ve moved forward in a way that I am reasonably pleased with.
So many other important things happened, though, that can’t be planned for – the usual, like finding my husband, and the unusual, like moving a thousand miles away to be with him, being a small part of a team that won at SCOTUS, or finding myself working for a Harvey Weinstein type and deciding to take it to the courts before #metoo was a movement.
If I could tell my 2013 self anything, it would be to be ready to dig down like never before.
Anon
Kudos on your career success and standing up for yourself. This is inspiring to read.
Anon
I was reading in 2013 but don’t remember commenting on that post.
In 2013, I was 28, newly married but in a long distance relationship, no kids, working as a litigator at a Big Law firm. I was happy but not content, if that makes sense. I had a solid marriage but missed my husband, and things were very up in the air for us both career-wise. Husband was doing a postdoc and we knew that his eventual search for a tenure-track job would involve a move, likely to the middle of nowhere. We couldn’t buy a house because we didn’t know where we’d be living in a few years. I had career anxiety of my own – I enjoyed working in Big Law as a childless 20-something but knew I eventually wanted at least one kid and didn’t see Big Law litigation being compatible with that for me. So day-to-day was good, but there was lots of anxiety about the future.
In 2019, I have the same husband, a wonderful toddler, a forever house in a great Midwestern college town, husband is on track to get tenure very soon, and I have a totally different (non-law) career that I love and that lets me spend a lot of time with my little one. It sounds very cheesy, but it worked out so much better than I could have imagined it would, and I wish I could back and tell my 2013 self to relax and it will all be ok :)
Honestly, all I can wish for in 2024 is more of the same and that everyone I love (especially parents and in-laws) remains healthy. More of a village in our current town would be nice – we have acquaintances but still no close friends here. And maybe an amazing vacation to celebrate our 10 year wedding anniversary in 2023 ;)
2013
2013: you will pry my Blackberry out of my cold, dead hands
2019: but the iPhone does take good pictures
2024: would like to live in a world where I am not tethered to a gadget of any brand; OTOH, back in the stone ages, I had to stay at my desk in a hermetically sealed office building late into the evening, so maybe this is a win?
k-padi
Ha! This feels like a lifetime ago! Here’s mine:
“I am early 30s, lawyer in a small boutique in Silicon Valley. I made this move a month ago because I didn’t like my career path at a larger firm. I would like to have a decent book of business. 500k or so. Preferably be a partner but that isn’t a meaningful title for me. Ideally, I would have a bigger book and be able to have an associate to do my work for me. :-)”
I discovered just how meaningless “partner” was to me. I exited the legal profession entirely. I ended up leaving that boutique after a year, practicing at another firm, suffered a minor but very painful medical condition, and decided life was too precious to continue a career that I didn’t really care about advancing in. Law was a great first career.
“I think and hope that I will still be with my boyfriend. If we will be married, engaged or living together is still up in the air. He is super awesome but we both like having space. apart from each other. Probably no kids just some cats and hopefully I can talk him into a dog.”
Still together! We have been living together about 2 years now. 3 cats, no kids. He’s agreed to a dog but we need a yard first. With house prices being what they are in the Bay Area, it might be awhile.
k-padi
I forgot to talk about 2024! Although, if I’ve learned anything in the last 5 years, it’s that plans can change.
I think I will be pursuing a specialization in my new career. Hopefully I will be able to control the hours I’ll be working to allow for plenty of travel. I will have a dog and a yard. My boyfriend and I might get married but this probably depends more on practical matters like health insurance than our actual relationship.
HSAL
Good to see you’re still around! Seeing all the old names was fun.
k-padi
Thanks! It’s fun to be back! My new career has odd hours/no down-time for Internet and I don’t need a professional wardrobe so I don’t visit much. Or, if I do, the conversations are old and I don’t contribute.
It’s good to see you back!
AnonInfinity
“I discovered just how meaningless “partner” was to me.” And your above statement that working all the time wasn’t as rewarding as you’d been led to believe. Yes!! So glad to see you’re enjoying the new chapter.
Anon
K-Padi, I’m so glad that you’re still around and doing well! I’m SF Bay Area as well, a few years behind you as a lawyer (and now considering other options) and always appreciated your perspective.
Anonymous
Aw, shucks! Thank you!
Diana Barry
Hmm, I didn’t answer it back in 2013, when my youngest was 1. Since then I have been killing it at work and made equity partner at the end of last year. :) Super pumped that I don’t have to find a new job or figure out what’s next for the next 5 years! New challenges at work are to keep my client base/get new clients, integrate all our associates into the department/firm, and figure out how the firm is managed/how I can improve it. In 5 years I would like to feel like I’m working less but still making more (more originations), and in 10 years getting my middle kid off to college. :)
cbackson
Man, I can’t believe I didn’t comment on that post! In 2013 I had already been reading this site for 7 or 8 years. OMG. I must be one of the longest-standing commenters at this point? And I’ve used the same name the whole time…
Anyway, at this point in 2013 I was sadly working at what felt like a dead-end job in a struggling regional biglaw firm on the west coast, 3 years post-divorce, living in a crappy rental apartment, and pretty sad. LITTLE DID I KNOW that in just a handful of weeks, I was going to hear about an awesome lateral opening in my home town, interview for it, get a job offer on the spot, and be living back here 4 weeks later. I would have assumed I’d be out of private practice by now. Instead I made partner (pretty young) and am now well on my way to equity partnership (although this is the first year that I’ve really felt like I knew what I was doing as an income partner).
I always swore I’d never buy a condo, and now I live in one that I love.
I did assume I’d be remarried, but I’m not and I don’t actually mind. I also would have said then that there was no way I’d have a kid on my own, and now I’m planning to. The last 6 years of my life have been truly the best I remember. Life is funny, man.
On gender issues – I don’t feel like I’ve been much affected, but I also feel like the fact that I’ve been single and focused on work during the years most of my peers were having their kids has strongly affected that.
Anon
I’m pretty sure this s!te only started in 08ish so I don’t think you had been reading for 8 years in 2013 ;) (I remember because I was a 1L and I read from pretty much the beginning as well).
I have followed your comments over the years and all your career success, but I didn’t realize you were planning to have a kid on your own – congrats, that is great news! I hope everything goes well with it.
cbackson
Gosh, I totally thought I was reading it the year before I went to law school, but maybe I’m misremembering? Kat, when was Year Zero?
(and yes, I am! I’m going for testing soon and hoping to start trying late summer/early fall.)
Kat G
Loving reading everyone’s comments! Nov. 2013 was about 5.5 years in — our first post was May 7, 2008. Can’t believe we’re coming up on #11. https://corporette.com/what-i-want-today-wednesday/
Blonde Lawyer
I’m a long time reader too. I took a break for a year or so when my internet use got out of control. I’m one of the many anon’s now because I find I post less, get sucked into less drama and do better with my internet use when I don’t have an identity tied to my name. Once in a great while I’ll use my old name just so people know I’m still alive!
Ses
Same, although I am way more sporadic on my posting.
Very cool too see the old names come out for this post.
Cb
How fun, I didn’t comment on the original but was 28, recently engaged, and a year into my PhD. 5 years later, I have a PhD albeit one that took longer than expected, have been married for 4 years, and have a toddler. I’m now doing a postdoc in the same city while I probably imagined we would have moved to Europe. I don’t think i imagined that I’d be a bit more geographically constrained. My husband moved from his job to same field / different environment and is so, so happy and I’m not sure how we would uproot our lives. Right now I hesitate to predict anything with academic fortunes and brexit so uncertain.
NOLA
Oh Lord, well, I guess I didn’t post on this thread 5 years ago. I was in the middle of boss-from-h3ll, who screamed at me pretty regularly and dumped all of his work on me. I’m in the same position, meaning the same title, but my job has changed quite a bit. I have a more outward facing role and and much more heavily involved in assessment and budgeting. I got involved in some major university projects, but now I’ve stepped away from a lot of that and am focusing more on my internal role, mainly due to staffing losses, but partly because I’m interested. In 2013, I was in a relationship. Now, I guess I’m hoping that I will find the right partner for me. I’m tired of being alone and need someone to have fun with. That feels daunting, but I try to be optimistic. Five years ago was probably the beginning of my stress-eating weight gain, but now I’m back to where I was 10 years ago or more. Careerwise, I don’t know. My field is so siloed that it’s hard to figure out where I can move, other then up and out (to perhaps someplace this size or smaller). I don’t want to leave New Orleans, but that’s limiting. We’ll see. You know what they say about making plans… oh, and it was fun seeing what my dear friend Susedna posted. She doesn’t post or read here anymore, but she and I text or chat every couple of days.
NOLA
ugh. Than not then. Need the editing function back.
AnonInfinity
Has she become a professional musician yet?! This has been a very interesting activity, and it reminded me of a lot of posters who either don’t use the same name anymore or who have gone.
NOLA
No! She has the same job that she had back then. She does have a professional level piano at her house and occasionally goes through phases of learning new music and practicing a lot. Or even learning very challenging arias. That’s so funny, because my side job is being a classical singer, but she and I rarely talk about that. Her husband has been through some challenges work-wise, as has she, as her company was merged/swallowed up by a larger one and there was some downsizing, but she has stayed thus far.
cbackson
I miss Susedna!
NOLA
She is still her awesome self. We met IRL in NYC when I was there for my grant several years ago. Since then, we text each other pretty often (not every day, but every couple of days). We check in or chat on the weekends. She and her husband have been here to visit, and I’ve been there, and she has visited on her own for a couple of days on the way home from a work trip. I’m so glad we’re still friends!
Anon
Eek. I wanted to be killing it in my job and have a super supportive husband in 2013.
here i am in 2019 – still single and haven’t even dated anyone in a while that I would consider seeing long-term, let alone marrying.
And work wise – I feel like my career took a huge step backwards in the last year and I’m not moving in the right direction.
this was sobering and depressing.
hopefully I’ll get what I wanted by 2024!
Anon
Hugs
Anon
Hugs, and please let us know if there is anything we can do re: step backwards in your career.
Small Firm IP Litigator
I don’t think I commented in 2013. In 2013, I was a junior/mid-level at a biglaw firm and my goal was to become a partner at that firm – it felt realistic and like something I wanted. I overestimated how much I really wanted to work, and underestimated how long it would take to have actual responsibility on my cases as well as the impacts sexism and poor firm management can have. I left after I finally was able to see the pattern of egregious mistreatment I was experiencing.
In 2019, I am at a small firm made up of biglaw refugees, and am much happier. My practice is more interesting, I have more autonomy, and I work a lot less. I make a good but not biglaw salary.
In 2024, I hope to still be working here. I don’t really care what my title is.
RR
2013 me:
“Currently mid-30s, married with children, non-equity partner at BigLaw firm. In 5 years, I hope to be an equity partner or pretty close to it. In 5-10 years, I’d hope to have some type of leadership role–practice group head maybe?
I don’t feel like I’ve been hugely impeded by gender issues. My husband is a more than 50% partner on the child care front, and I think my firm is one of the better ones from a gender perspective. There are, of course, societal pressures that we all deal with and gender issues that are prevalent in the practice of law, but I don’t think those have held or will hold me back. I struggle some with work/life balance, but I don’t think I struggle a lot more than my male counterparts with working spouses. I think the much bigger struggle for me is that I’m a crappy rainmaker.”
2019: My professional goals did not happen. I’m still a non-equity partner, and I’m now at a different firm. I think my career is going well, but I was definitely naive about the ongoing gender biases that were going to be part of my reality–perhaps increasingly so as I got older. I got smacked in the face pretty hard with some realities about being a woman in this profession. That said, I’m currently doing work I like with people I like, and I’m getting an opportunity to focus on projects I’m passionate about, so not all bad. Home front hasn’t changed much except that the children are older.
2023: I’m adjusting expectations. I’d still like to be an equity partner someday, but if I’m still where I’m at, doing work I like with people I like and feeling fairly compensated, I’m not sure I won’t consider that successful. So I’m still ambitious, but I’m trying to be less frustrated about failing to achieve my ultimate ambitions.
Belle Boyd
I don’t recall being a reader back in 2013. If I was, I don’t recall this thread.
2013 Me: Working full-time in construction business — in this position now for about 3 years. Had recently left broadcasting and was totally disillusioned by it as it had been my “dream job” and it was nothing I thought it would be (not so much work-wise — I knew exactly what I was getting into there. People-wise, though, that’s a whole other story. People I worked with ruined that dream for me. I’m still a bit bitter over that one.) Was also helping to care for my mother who was homebound and in a wheelchair with some serious medical issues. I like my work at the construction company. It’s interesting and fun and I’m busy. I’m single, no kids, and no prospects in sight — guys just aren’t all that into the caregiver thing. Quite honestly, I don’t really GAF. Too many freaks out there.
Current Me: Still at the construction company. Irritated, as I’m seeing things I don’t like. Too much favoritism and a lot of sexist attitude at this company. I’ve worked in construction/construction-based business most of my career and this is the worst I’ve seen it. I’m looking for something else, but not sure what I want to do. I’m considering voiceover work. I’d love to work from home, but can’t figure out how to put a studio in my house. Mom passed away about 17 months ago and I’m still trying to figure out what to do with myself since I don’t have to work my schedule around taking care of her. I’m still single, kids aren’t an option any more, and have no interest at all in dating. Still too many freaks out there. Thinking about getting a dog.
Five years from now me: I just read this and oh my goodness, I sound pitiful. I hope I’m working somewhere else where I’m respected and appreciated. Maybe I’ll get the studio issue worked out and I’ll be doing voiceover work. I hope everyone in my family is healthy. I hope I’m financially comfortable – I’m good now, but I have visions of living in the county home when I’m old or still working when I’m 80 because I can’t afford not to. I’d like to have someone special in my life because the idea of growing old alone is a little scary. And most of all, I hope I’m happy. That’s all I really, really want, is to be happy.
Abby
Hugs for the loss of your mom. I just want to +1 for getting a dog, or just going to the humane society to pet the animals. I did that when I was sad, and ended up adopting my dog that way. She’s the best, always happy to see me, and gets me outside for walks.
CountC
Clearly, I am not one for goalzzzzz
2013: “This is hard – I have had jobs in 5 different industries in 10 years, none of which I am dedicated to or am really interested in long term. I don’t know what I want to do career wise, so in 5 years I hope I am working in a job that I do not hate which allows me to pay the bills. Or I hope that my current bf will at that point be my husband and he will have found a job that allows me to stay home and work part-time on my own projects. I do not want children, so no hopes there.
In 10 years, I hope I am healthy and happy and married and not working in a job that I hate.
I am very rudderless!!”
2019: I do not hate my job, but am looking to move out of legal adjacent and into an in-house counsel role. There is an upcoming opportunity which I am being encouraged to apply for, so we will see how that goes! I still have my house (which I noted in a subsequent comment that I wanted to unload), but once my life settles down a bit in May am going to seriously explore buying a new house and selling my current one.
No husband out of that boyfriend – I can’t even remember who my bf was in 2013! That’s terrible. No interest in marriage really, so casual dating or not dating at all has been my MO, which works great for me. The older I get, the more I realize I want to be alone and do my own thing forever. I am not ruling out a partner later in life, but it’s a meh proposition to me now.
2024: I am in-house, have bought a new house by then, and am still participating in my hobbies that I love.
Equestrian attorney
I didn’t comment back then (hadn’t discovered the site) but I was about to graduate from law school and start my job in big law. I imagined being on the partner track, owning a home and being married to my then-boyfriend with kids on the way. We did get married. I didn’t expect (1) him having serious health issues which led him to abruptly stop working and caused all kinds of stress, financial and otherwise; (2) me having a severe burnout and leaving big law after only three years; (3) not owning a home or having kids yet due to aforementioned situation. I also didn’t expect to land a great in-house position where I’m much happier and have more time to care for myself and others. So generally a win, with some serious bumps along the road.
In five years, I hope: I will be in the same career path and doing well (but no longer aspire to be outstanding or extraordinary); own a home; have two kids; DH will have continued to get better and be in good health and in a state to actively take care of kiddos while I remain the main breadwinner, but also freelances or works part-time to bring in some income; maybe I move back to my hometown to be closer to family, or move to somewhere close to the ocean because life is too short not to.
Gender imbalance hasn’t been a major issue yet, although sometime I worry it’s holding me back in a male-dominated industry, and I struggle with societal expectations as it increasingly appears I will be the breadwinner and DH will take care of home stuff more. We’ll have to see how things turn out with kids though.
Abby
I didn’t read here back in 2013, but I was a senior in college, dating my now-husband, looking for a job.
Since then… I got my first job, adopted my dog, the company I worked for got bought out and we all lost our jobs, got married and bought a house, changed jobs & careers.
I’d like to think I have my life more together, but also have some ways to go. 2024, I’d like to be in a management position at my company, maybe have a kid. I think a lot has changed since 2013 for me, but I’d expect the next 5 years to have more drastic changes. I also did not think there was sexism in the office when I started my first job, and feel it more so at this new company/job. It makes me a lot more self conscious of my attire/how I look, which makes me sad to have it weighing on me all the time
Calibrachoa
So this was my comment, 5 years ago:
“I’m in my late 20s, single, in IT.
I’ve been with the same company as a contractor for the past 7 years. The past 5, working unsociable hours because, yeah, I need the money. (story of our lives) In 5 years’ time I want to have put this “contractor” thing away and made inroads into service management.
In 10, I’d like to preferably have popped out mini-me and mew-two, and left them home with their father because I am the least domestic human being on earth so my other half gets to pick up the slack. Career-wise, I still want to stay in service management but I honestly have not thought beyond project executive, if that is even what I want once I get that far….”
So, I am now in my early 30s, no longer single but in a long distance relationship with an amazing woman, and still in IT.
I did away with being a contractor and changed jobs little under 2 years ago. I still work unsociable hours because I like money, and working evenings in Europe makes it easier to stay up to talk to my gf in the US. I am not, in fact, in service management, just a lot more specialized kind of a support monkey. (think white glove executive service) but I am in a better position to move towards service management if this is where I really want to go; I am also considering other options as i am lucky enough to work for a company that lets us explore options and advance within the ranks. (true story: one of my colleagues in my team was making sandwiches in the canteen this time last year)
As to my now-5, not-10 year plan? Career wise, I want to stay with my current company because it’s a great place to work and has the room for me to move to where I want. Specifically, I want this to mean “move to an office in the US”. I’ll take Canada in a pinch, since that would still be closer to my gf than Europe. My gf and I have discussed kids and she is keen on having the babies and staying at home and letting me be the primary breadwinner, so, score! Ideally, by the time I would move, I would also be free of debt, although if I go back to school, even for a short period of time and with tuition reimbursement, this seems unlikely.
Calibrachoa
Also, 2019 me has a cat!!!!!
NOLA
I saw your post from back then and hoped you would update. Of course, I keep up with you otherwise!
Anonymous
2013: I was a year into law school, and barely afloat since I tanked hard as a 1L after coasting through college. I started the first of my one internship per semester in order to survive and get a job since I quickly realized that all other recruiting is only by your 1L grades, and mine SUCKED. Fall 2013 I was at the DA’s office, then spring 2014 on I was a law clerk with my first boss, where I stayed until July 2018 through my early associate years.
2013 me couldn’t really think until 2014, much less 2018.
2019: I just had a review at work, where my boss was far more well spoken of me than I expected after being boss ghosted for the last quarter. Honestly still shocked and reeling, since after being left alone I just started assuming worse and worse day after day. I took this job out of desperation to escape my last one (where old boss started doing borderline unethical billing practice, in addition to using me as his personal psychiatrist) and had been having such an existential crisis because I didn’t know where to go from here.
I still don’t, but boss was also approving of PTO, so maybe Ill think it over on my spontaneous trip times.
2024: I’ve realized I dislike the billable hours system, so hopefully by then I’ll be government or in house. I have no love for litigating, so hopefully either will be more compliance/advisory based than litigating. And after some family/personal issue calm down…pick up some hobbies or dates again?
Portia
Not one of the original participants, but figured I’d jump in now.
2013: Associate at a law firm. Just bought an amazing house. Married to a great guy, adopted one dog and was hoping to get another. Long term plan was to stay at my firm, not have kids, make partner, make it to Europe, get involved in the community, and pay off the student loans.
2019: Made partner! Paid off those loans! Finally traveled to Europe! Found that second dog to rescue! Joined not just one, but several non-profit boards! But also my marriage fell apart (because he really wanted those kids) and I lost that awesome house as part of the divorce and the stress of going through all that wrecked my health. Gender issues have become a huge factor to my job satisfaction (which is currently not amazing).
2024: Maybe because of the way my life both did and didn’t work out over the past five years, I’m pretty ambivalent. I want to either kick butt at my current firm and force them to make it a better place for women… or leave to be a judge… or move across the country to go in house. I either want to still be dating my current boyfriend or else I want to be in a relationship with a woman. I want to either lose weight or curate a great wardrobe in my new size. I’d like to lean into something, but I’m not sure if that’s my job or my hobbies or my community or my friendships. The only things I’m pretty committed to are 1) visiting Europe again; 2) rebuilding my retirement savings (losing half my 401k in the divorce really hurt); 3) not having kids; and 4) hoping that puppy I adopted five years ago is still around in five more years.
K
Sign me up for the 2024 update! I didn’t participate in 2013, but at the time I was a junior associate in BigLaw. Even then, I knew I didn’t want to (and likely would not) make partner at my law firm. My “plan” was to take at least one maternity leave at the firm and then I think I had some vague notion I would go work at a government agency. I was newly married and hoping to have kids right away.
Now in 2019 I am in-house, after leaving BigLaw for BoutiqueLaw and transitioning to a client after several years there. I am still happily married and have two beautiful kiddos.
In five years… I can’t say I have a particular plan or goal. I’ll have two school-age kids. I’m quite happy in my job, but my family and children are my priority. I’ve heard from some moms that being a working mom actually gets harder once your children are in elementary school because the schedule is more erratic and part-time, whereas daycare is pretty much 6 to 6 every day, reliably. I have kept in the back of my head the idea of going part-time or leaving the workforce at some point. My five year plan is necessarily intertwined with my husband’s–if he stays in his current position, my options are completely open, i.e., I could scale down or stop working any time I wanted to, financially. I’ve been told I need to work “more than 40 hours” per week in order to advance at my company, which I don’t want to do. I think that if I don’t want to advance, I could tread water here indefinitely. As of now, that’s the plan, and if the juggling work/family stuff gets too tough, I’ll figure out how to readjust to make it work.
Katie
My 2013 Post: “I am currently 25, recently married (about a month ago) and working as an attorney for a federal agency. We live in a city away from most of our friends and family, and are renters. In 5 years, I’d like to be trying to have kids, or have just had a kid, and be living in a place that we want to really “have roots” in. I’d like us to actually own a house. And have a dog. ;-) Currently I am the main breadwinner as my husband has gone back to school, so in 5 years I hope he has a job to help sustain our standard of living in case I want to work part-time to be a mom. Job-wise, I really enjoy my current job and would love to still be doing it in 5 years, just at a different location. My wish is that I would be given more supervisory opportunities at that point, and have continued to be promoted along the agency standards.”
2019 Reality: Now 31 years old. Still married (5 years strong!), managed to move to a town near some family and many friends so we found our “roots.” We have owned our (hopefully forever) home for 3 years and have had our spoiled pup for the same period of time. No kids yet, but we are finally in a place to maybe possibly think about trying… haha. My husband only had to do further schooling for less than a year before he found a decent job that moved us to our current city and even though he doesn’t always love his work, he likes who he works with and enjoys the paycheck. I’m still the breadwinner but not by much which is nice. Granted, the lifestyle creep has occurred with our rising income so still not sure I could go part-time if/when we have kids. I’m still at the same job (just a different city) and have been promoted as expected along the government system. Still enjoy the job but have motivation/boredom issues from time to time. Hoping it’s just a temporary feeling as I love the work/life balance and the flexibility. It may have something to do with life as a government employee under the current administration… but who knows.
2013 goals for 2023: “I hope we have 2 kids. I still think I’d like to be at my same job, but potentially in a more supervisor role. I also have aspirations to be an administrative law judge, which can happen after 10 years of litigation experience. So hopefully I could be much closer to making that potential a reality.”
2019 goals for 2023: Definitely hope to have at least one kid, maybe 2 (depending on how we survive the first one). I currently have 4.5 years left before my PSLF loan forgiveness occurs (fingers crossed) so I’ll still likely be at the same job, but if I’m still feeling like I’m not at my potential, maybe I’ll be looking at other job options outside of the federal government. Or be attempting to jump to a supervisor role. The potential kid factor would really affect that as my current job is very family friendly and flexible – I think that’d be hard to leave. I no longer have a strong desire to go the administrative law judge track, but that could change again. Haha. Really, when I think of 5 years from now, I’m less worried about where my career is and more wanting to make sure my outside-of-work life is going well. I want to have traveled to at least 3 new countries by then, added a new deck to our house, had more house parties/movie nights, and hopefully snuggled with our babies.
Thanks for the reminder Kat!
Anonymous
2013 – I was 3 years into my legal career at a state agency. I was really enjoying learning from fantastic mentors who had worked at the agency for a long time. I had been married for 3 years as well. I’m sure I would have thought that in 5 years I would still be at that job and have one or two kids.
2019 – Fast forward five years and I recently left that state agency to work for the state legislature in the same area of law. Those fantastic mentors moved on/retired and the job just wasn’t the same so when this new opportunity presented itself, I jumped. Still married, but no kids yet (even though we’ve been trying for quite some time).
2024 – The job I just accepted doesn’t seem like the type of job I’ll have in 5 years. I could possibly still be here, but it seems even more likely that I will have moved on by now. Hopefully to a job that’s still in the same field, but maybe in the private sector. I could also see going back to my old agency in a different capacity if the right opportunity presented itself. I used to want a much more stable/reliable career, but I’m finding myself more excited about the prospect of not knowing exactly where my career will take me. I certainly plan on still being married and really hope that I’ll have kids by then.
Ms B
I also did not answer in 2013. At that point, The Kid was 18 months old, I still was completely sleep-deprived, my firm had just sc*ewed me over on my bonus for the second year in a row (first because I took a “maternity leave” when The Kid was born where still I billed a bunch of hours each month and then basically because they could), and I did not see any light at the end of the tunnel.
In the five years since then, I have learned a lot about how expectations about how women will parent govern perceptions about it, regardless of whether any particular person conforms to those expectations or not. I also have learned that I do not have to conform to those expectations (and I clearly do not) and that has been freeing (although guilt still does manage to drift in on a regular basis, thanks society!). As an example, my firm assumed I would “dial back” and work part time after The Kid arrived, but the fact that I did not still seems to puzzle some of my senior partners, who remain unfairly critical of both my post-Kid work product and abilities and their perception of my parenting skills (e.g. bringing The Kid to work with me). I still am not paid what I am worth relative to the men at my office.
That said, it turns out that I dialed back some, but not to parent — simply because the recession depressed options for years and my practice area took its regular cyclical downturn in 2013 and 2014 and now is ramping up again (at least for me). In the interval, I put a lot of time into upping my profile in the community, getting appointed to two bar boards, expanding my practice into a related area, and networking like crazy. It is paying off because 2019 probably will be my best year ever for origination.
In truth, though, the save for me has been my non-law businesses. In 2013, The Hubs and I partnered up with some friends to invest in a local business so that it could expand to a second location. The business is up to six locations now, with two more on the drawing board. The cash flow from the investments will equal my law pay this year for the first time. I am able to provide the necessary time to the business as needed because I have flexibility in my practice.
Because of the non-law business, there is a whole world open to me that otherwise would not be economically possible. I still am at the same firm as in 2013, but dollars there no longer are the sole driver of my professional happiness (although they still are a big part of it and the standard for evaluating whether I am valued sufficiently at my workplace). I like being “the boss of me” and being able to decide which projects I will and will not take on; these days I can take a hard pass as I want. My goal for this year is to get and support my own associate to do things I do not want to do any more. After that, I want to have my practice set up so that it can be portable if the succession plans at my firm for the seniors do not work out to my satisfaction.
Other than that, my career plan for the next five years is to thoroughly explore options for a judgeship and give that process a try. I know it is a long shot, but I do not want to be sitting here in 2024 wishing that I had tried when I was at the ideal age and point in my career to do so.
Outside of work, I want to stay in a good place with The Hubs (we are almost to 20 years!), get The Kid into middle school without too much drama, hit some bucket list travel destinations (Spain, Florence, Hawaii), handle the aging of my parents and ILs and what I anticipate will be my mom’s death in that time period (two cancers in two years = not a great prognosis) as well as can be expected, and get my backyard completely redone.
Caroline G.
I wasn’t reading Corporette in 2013 (I was finishing my first year of college). Now I work at a law firm in Georgia and I am going to start law school in Virginia this August! I’m so excited about that. Right now I’m single (and happy about it) and feel like the world is my oyster and I can do anything.
By 2024, I will be done with law school, I’ll pass the Virginia bar, and be working as a prosecutor. I’ll be 30 years old (typing that spurred a panic attack) , maybe married or dating a man I can build a life with, but definitely without kids at this point.
Anon
I have a Pinterest board of the women I like to be in my 20s, 30, and etc. Looking at it in my 30s now has been depressing because I have not become anything like those women. So the lesson has been that life really throws a lot of total 180s at you, and the best you can hope for is good health and meaningful relationships.
2013: I was graduating from law school and sure that I had what it took to make partner in biglaw on the east coast. I was also certain that I would be married by 30, and potentially pregnant, and that my parents would still be there.
2018: My was diagnosed with a terminal illness and then fired from his job. My parents sold their home to pay for his medical treatment and moved in with me. I spent a year juggling between trying to take care of him and biglaw. While in biglaw, I had bosses who I naively thought were mentors, ended up getting sexually harassed and was fired after I reported it to HR. My dad died in an excruciating way as a result of a medical malpractice, and I felt incredibly guilty that it may not have happened had I not been in biglaw and working so much. I’m now at a litigation boutique and am not 100 percent sure that it’s for me yet. As for sexism, I experienced it first hand prior to law school, so I have not been surprised by it so far though nevertheless disappointed. I have had two relationships of last than a year, so judging by this record, I expect to be single for the rest of my life.
2024: I hope I am still alive and healthy then. Now that I have discovered some genetic predisposition through my dad’s line, I do not take my health for granted. Job-wise, I am flexible and hope I will be happy with my boss/client and have good subordinates. I am pessimistic about ever making partner in a meaningful way anywhere. And if I can’t have that, then I’d rather be in government/academia/in-house. I hope to continue to be a lawyer in some capacity and be happy with those I work with. I hope my mother will still be alive and healthy, and living close by me or with me. I don’t expect to be married or have kids. If it happens, that’s great. I may potentially adopt, but it won’t be until my 40s.
ES
Your blog is amazing and I’ve really enjoyed reading everyone’s comments to this post.
2019: I accepted my dream job 4 months ago and for the first time in my life, can see staying at this job and organization long term. I’m in a town I love but afraid I’ll outgrow. I appreciate the prior comment, I am happy but not content. I haven’t found “the one”, I’m not ready to buy a house, yet. Life is good!
2024: A lot needs to happen in the next 5 years – get a dog, find a partner/soulmate/”the RIGHT one”/someone! Buy a house if the market dips! Hoping to be at the same organization in a role with more responsibility and find more passion as I learn more about the job I just took. Travel! Spend time with family!
2029: Kids? Love? Promotion? I hope all of those!
I guess the question is, do you ever stop planning?
Looking forward to reading this in 5 years.
Godzilla
I wouldn’t have found this post without Kat emailing me so thank you Kat. It was good to see some of the old names in that post, I need to email/text some people now.
Here we go, point by point:
2013: In 5 years, I guess I’ll still be working for the same company? Maybe in 10 years as well? I’m not sure. I’m really well set up to work here for the next 30 years and be a Director of Some Engineering Group but I’m not sure if I will due to personal reasons. To quote the esteemed Ellen, I HAVE TO GET MARRIED and I don’t know if that will happen in NY/NJ.
2019: I am still at the same company. I am considering whether to stay at the same company or go somewhere else, but it will be difficult to relinquish that sweet, sweet pension after being here for 11 years. I don’t know how 11 years went by but it did. I am still set up to be a Director of Some Engineering Group but my megalomania is telling me that I could do bigger and better than *just* engineering. Considered running for office but wondering if I could do more public good through other forms of public service. Am finally open to not living in NY forever. DID NOT GET MARRIED (sorry Ellen, all of the men here are DOOSHES).
2024: I would like to have made up my mind regarding my career and executed my vision whether I chose to leave or stay in company and/or city. Hopefully married? Being single is expensive. Aim to NOT use chronic health issues from leaping into reach opportunities.
2013: Gender issues: I do get a lot of credit for being a woman in this industry but I don’t know how I’d feel with the whole babyzilla situation. Since I’m nowhere near childbearing, I’ll ignoring it and continue my plans of company domination. I do notice that people are sometimes tougher/easier on me due to my gender.
2019: People know me by name and face. I never have to introduce myself. My word is the final authority in many situations. I am THE subject matter expert in many specialized arenas. I’ve received many unsolicited offers to join other groups. However, I am not compensated for the loyalty and work that I’ve put in. In the past five years, all of the managers and succession plan has shifted from men from different ethnicities to white men and one white woman, which is disheartening as a female monster. I have noticed that white men are chosen for high-visibility projects over non-white men, even though I have had my fair share of complex jobs and am more than capable of meeting or exceeding their performance. Seeing the implicit and explicit bias in staffing is infuriating.
2024: I would seriously love to take advantage of the maternity leave/family leave policy here. I’ve noticed that women in engineering “mommy-track” themselves by switching to project management when they are incubating spawn, I wonder if I would do the same.
2013: Mentoring has made a huge difference in my professional life.
2019: I have lost touch with all of my mentors from 2013. I mentor lots of people now.
2024: Hopefully have new mentors?
Anon
2013 me: My first son was about to turn 1. I remember feeling in a good place at work and home at that time. I’d been at that organization for 5 years, 3 promotions, and was well respected. I’ve never been great at strategizing for the future but I am sure I was thinking/hoping in 5 years I’d have “down-shifted” at work to allow more time with family.
2019 me: The org I was at in 2013 went through some big changes the next year that were challenging to live through. I left for a new opportunity in 2015 that was a terrible fit but I stayed for 3 years, during which time I had my 2nd son. I started a new role at a new organization 2018 that overall is a good fit but I still dream about the “down-shift.” My biggest fear is that it still doesn’t happen within the next 5 years. I wish I had made an intentional change earlier in life to allow for that.
Surprises: I had a unique opportunity to enroll my son in an incredible private school. That hasn’t been in our radar but I feel lucky to provide him and soon my 2nd son with that opportunity. However it is very expensive so maybe not sustainable for our family.
Around 2017 I developed a really close group of friends (all working moms) who live near me – that has by far had the most positive impact on my life over the last 5 years. Having a “village” is amazing.
2024 me: Beyond knowing we are done having children, I really don’t know. My husband doesn’t want to stay in our immediate area so likely a move. But we’re not certain exactly where we want to go. With a move, I am giving up my village. As a tradeoff, I’d like to have a lower stress job with a short commute for higher quality of life.
Reader
The past five years have not followed a plan since I completely lacked a plan and so life just happened to me. In 2013 I was a fifth-year associate at a large law firm going through a divorce (first husband had lots of challenges including addiction and infidelity) and had sole custody of my 2-year old. I’m now through the divorce and have moved to a new state, remarried, had a second baby, and I work at a small firm but with a pretty good salary. I think I remarried too quickly though, as my current husband and I don’t get a long very well, due largely to the fact that I’m a saver and he’s a spender, and his spending has resulted in a lot of debt that stresses me out beyond what I think I’m capable of handling. By 2024 I hope I have peace, safety and happiness in my life, however that may look. I also I hope I can go back to being the fun, adventurous, not stressed out person I was before I started down the path of marriage.
JP
I was occasionally visiting the site in 2013, but not posting. Regardless, this seems like a great time to take stock. :)
2013: I was just getting ready to graduate from law school, with a clerkship waiting after the bar. I still wasn’t sure what kind of legal practice I was interested in, but I knew my ideal was public interest or government service – I had no interest in private practice. My husband and I had been married for four years at that point, and were living with our two dogs and two cats in our first home that we bought at the bottom of the market. Neither of us wanted children, and we looked forward to being able to travel once we added my income. I honestly wasn’t concerned about sexism or gender disparity because women were in positions of power in all of the jobs I was considering.
2019: Career-wise, I did end up in private practice and other positions far afield from what I wanted when I started out. The most shocking thing to realize is that I did encounter gender issues, but perpetrated by another woman. She was my boss, and constantly belittled me and my work product. She compared me unfavorably to my male predecessors, both of whom trained me to do the exact work and processes I was completing. Literally no changes from what they had done to what I was doing. My work life was miserable for the time I was there, and I was somewhat rudderless after I left.
Otherwise, after quickly burning out in one specific area of law (bank litigation), I took a chance and applied for a state agency in an area of law I never considered. I’ve been with the state for nearly two years, and was recently promoted. I’ve had opportunities to do appellate argument, which I never dreamed would be possible. I am honestly loving my career path now.
My husband and I just celebrated our 10 year wedding anniversary. We have been fortunate enough to take about one major trip a year, with more in the pipeline next month, next January, and next November. We sold our first house, took most of the equity from the sale to move to a fantastic house in a better neighborhood and pay off debt. I’ve worked hard to maintain a household budget (something I never did before), and have been able to establish an emergency fund that got us through some unforeseen expenses. We now have three dogs, no cats, and a wonderful life.
2024: Career-wise, I hope I am still in the same position. There aren’t a huge number of opportunities for growth in my office beyond where I am, so my focus will be on improving my advocacy and supervisory skills. I want to focus the next five years on health – my physical, mental, and financial health. I want more of a cushion and better planning for retirement (spouse has company 401(k), I have a pension). I also want to get a better handle on my student loans (PSLF is not an option for me for very specific reasons I’d rather not get into). I would like to maintain a schedule that will allow me more time to volunteer or participate in mentorship programs.
Northwest Islander
I do not remember participating in this 2013 exercise, but then I looked back and this entry resonated with a couple changes:
“I am 33, divorced 7 years. I shy away from 5-10 year plans too because I have no hope of achieving any of my life’s goals. Financial security is my life’s goal. On track to achieving that, but at the cost of everything else. I own a home but have almost no furniture in it 2 years after purchase. Buying furniture seems silly when I could get fired or take a new job any time…also, I live at my office so who would enjoy the furniture? In the next year or so, I hope to buy a dresser so I can at least stop “storing” my clothing in laundry bins and/or in piles on the floor of my bedroom.”
Ouch, live was painful for me then! Now in 2019, I have achieved financial security. I am 38, single, solid 7-figure net worth, and valued by my employer in a role I enjoy. My home is nicely furnished, and I even have a semi-functional closet! I feel healthy, love my body, and am grateful to have aged well. Finally, recently I connected with a lovely man whom I met in 2016 at a wedding. I took a vacation to go and spend two perfect weeks with him. He is planning to join me in my city semi-permanently in about 4 months!
In 5 years, hopefully I will be close to retiring from my corporate job and living with my gentleman friend. We will split most of our time between 3 international cities (2 being our current homes) and jointly working on improving our world somehow.
Anonymous
All your updates are so good. It’s been a meh 5 years for me though better now than 2013. Didn’t post then but:
2013: just got pushed out of NYC biglaw after working 2500 hours/year for 8+ years, consistently having top of the class reviews and being told that I had partner support for promotion since year 5. Reality was they said that to keep me there working every night and weekend and then it was – thanks a lot, you can go.
I didn’t handle it well — it happens to a lot of people but it rocked my world knowing the best job I’d ever had (because partner IS the job I wanted) was behind me at 33. Unemployed for 18 months. Cried at the drop of a hat, lost weight (didn’t want to) etc. I just didn’t have the strength to pick up and move to a new firm and start the slog again and really wanted out of NYC.
2019: it legit took me 5 years to feel happier again about life. In a govt job that I’ve never liked since I got it in 2015 but it allowed me to move out of NYC and it is good money. 2015-18 were miserable but somehow at that 5 year mark in 2018 I turned some kind of corner mentally. I actually want things again — am trying for things including jobs I may not get. I’m relatively content for now despite not liking my job.
I’m not sure I even want to predict where I’ll be in 2024.
Vicky Austin
I’m reeeeeeally young, so I’m not going to say what I was doing in 2013. ;)
2019: Just married, just bought a house, no kids, am perfectly happy with my job, got our mortgage and husband’s student loans. Honestly not sure if this house is a forever home – it’s definitely a fixer-upper and I like it well enough to put work into it, but we’ve never planned to live in this town forever even if husband is on the fast track to a really good job here. At the same time, if we stay forever, I would be happy – just nostalgic for the experiences of living elsewhere – but I have a fear of being my parents, who settled down in my dad’s hometown “just for now,” had me and my sisters, are still there 30 years later, and have spent the last 15 talking about how much they hate it there. I don’t know, it’s complicated, apparently. Re career, as long as we’re still here, I expect/want to stay in my current role, but there are some personnel shifts incoming and I want to use that shift to negotiate myself some more responsibility. After that it sort of depends on the company – I definitely expect us to grow, but don’t have a good idea yet of what that might mean for me. I also don’t know if my feelings will change on any of this (lol – I am a weathervane). Main priorities right now are pay off the debts, fix up the house, get a dog, save like fiends but still enjoy our life.
2024: I can see us still being here in town. Maybe a baby by that time – I’ve always wanted kids, but I’m waiting until husband’s student loans are paid off in another 1-2 years to think seriously about it, and also I want the house to not be an ongoing construction zone. I love my job. My boss is a mom to two young kids herself and has told me repeatedly that when my kids are young I can take advantage of the same flexibility she’s taken advantage of/enforced (e.g., currently she gets in at 7:30 so she can leave at 3:30 to meet her daughter at the bus stop; this has taken other forms over the years). Whether this promised flexibility will influence us staying in town or moving on, I don’t know (she and her family don’t plan to leave town anytime soon). I’ve always wanted to live in a certain big city for a while, but I don’t know if we could handle daycare costs in that city at our current or projected incomes, and I’m torn about SAHMing it for a few years in any case. And we want to move back to our home state eventually, but I’m not sure where we’d live (it’s oddly hard to pick a town to move to in your home state if you’ve been mocking all the other towns’ football teams since you were 13, lol).
Abby
I always relate to your comments/think we’re maybe in similar stages in life. I’m struggling about SAHMing too. It was my plan for the longest time, and my job, and comments from here have me rethinking if I want to “give up” my career momentum.