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Weekend Open Thread

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L.A.M.B. KandisSomething on your mind? Chat about it here. 6pm.com has some great sales on L.A.M.B. and Elizabeth & James shoes and bags. There are a lot of steep discounts (and limited inventory) available, but for my weekend pick I like these simple beige sandals from L.A.M.B. Personally I always find a Mary Jane-style strap much easier for walking, and I like the super-strappy nature of these for a summer night out. They were $265, but are now marked to from $135-$185 (available in black, ivory, and “nude,” pictured). L.A.M.B. Kandis (L-2)

Sales of note for 6/4/25:

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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616 Comments

  1. Hey TX ladies – I’m taking a long weekend trip to the Ft. Worth area to visit my bff who moved there over the summer (and for me to get out of town over Mardi Gras). Can’t wait to see her new life there – she’s a girly girl who moved to a ranch where they are raising mini cows. Green Acres? We’re looking at some serious retail therapy and she hasn’t been able to explore much since she’s lived there. Any shopping that we absolutely shouldn’t miss? Probably shoes, bags, and baby clothes will be our first priorities. We were thinking about Grapevine Mills because there’s a Carter’s outlet. I’ve been to Saks Off 5th but is Nieman Marcus Last Call as cool as it sounds like it could be? Thanks!

    1. Not from FTW (I’m in Austin) but skip Grapevine Mills. It is in a dead shopping center with nothing but crap stores aimed at teen and ethnic teen markets. Galleria and North park are where I head in Dallas.

      The NM Last Call in Austin and at the outlet mall in San Marcos both have lots of absurdly priced stuff (1500 and up) that is still 400 – 500, but now looks shopworn. Just my opinion. And a lot of it is so high fashion-ey as to be not-for-real-life.

      Next time you come to Texas, fly to Austin or San Antonio and have your friend pick you up and go to the San Marcos outlet malls (yes, plural) . Kate Spade, Farragamo, Loro Piano, Micheal Kors – lots at that level, plus things like Talbots, Ann Taylor, JNY, Banana, Black House White Market. And a Carters. I can sometimes go an entire week realizing that everything I’m wearing (down to the underwear and bra) are from those fabulous malls.

      1. Thanks! The point of this trip is to see their new home and get some time with her, but maybe some other time we’ll branch out. She has been figuring out where all we should go. She lives in Weatherford, so both Ft. Worth and Dallas. When I looked at the Grapevine Mills directory, it did look pretty lame over all, I admit. We were just looking for Carter’s and OshKosh for her new grandson-to-be. The outlets near you sound awesome!

  2. Could someone please help me justify spending $50 on a hair cut every 6 weeks? I’m a new attorney working my first post-law school job, and I’ve never spent that much on myself before. I just found a senior stylist I love at the most expensive salon in my tiny little town, and I feel guilty every time I book an appointment with her. But I don’t color my hair, don’t wear makeup, have a very simple and cheap skin care regimen, and don’t get my nails done. I know I shouldn’t feel bad about treating myself to this, but I still kinda do.

    1. Don’t feel bad! You deserve it. What is the point of working so hard if you don’t reward yourself. I make a decent salary for my small city and spend $60 p/ month on eyebrow/lip waxes. It seems crazy but my girl is amazing and doesn’t hurt me. She also works at an upscale spa that is very clean. I am a germaphobe!

      I don’t even want to mention the $ I spend on highlights and a trim every 6-8 weeks. Then there is my addiction to Sephora and nail polish.

      You’re only talking about a haircut every 6 weeks :)

    2. If it helps, here’s the numbers:

      At 6 weeks, that’s 42 days. $50 divided by 42 days is a little over $1.19 a day.

      You’re worth much more than that.

      1. And if you use the good haircut/bad haircut differential instead of the price, that goes even lower…

    3. A good haircut is easier to style, which saves you time. It makes you look more professional and polished, which enhances your professional image. You have to get a haircut anyway, and a cheap one (say Supercuts or something) is going to cost you $15-20 every six weeks, which is only $30 less than you’re currently spending. So for the extra $0.75/day, you’re upgrading your appearance, increasing your confidence and improving your professional image.

      Cut out one Starbucks drink a week if you need to make up the financial difference for yourself. Or eat two fewer meals out per six week period. Or use a coupon, buy something on sale, or forego an unneeded item.

    4. That is about what I spend. My hair is short and if I get it cut regularly it is wash and wear.
      For 42 days I will look great, much better than if I went to a less knowledgable, cheaper stylist.
      If you bought a sweater for $50, how many times would have to wear it for you to feel justified at the purchase? Would you feel okay if you wore it 1 time per week for 6 months of the year (fall and winter) for 2 years? The cost “per wear” of a haircut is often not high compared to the cost per wear of work clothes.

    5. After thinking about this more:

      Why do you feel guilty? What is it about the transaction is it that makes you “feel bad” about this? Is it amount of money at one time? Is it that you’re spending money on yourself? Is it something that you really can’t afford, but you’re doing it anyway? Is it just because of telling people where you get your hair done and the social implications/shaming that other people will do (You go there? They’re so expensive.)?

      I grew up poor. It is still very difficult for me to admit that I do need to spend a certain amount of money on my appearance because I was told that was vanity and unbecoming in a young lady. It may be to a point, but not to the point that I should only buy clothes at thrift stores like I did as a child. I’m worth new clothes that are nice and fit well. I’m worth regular haircuts at places that make me feel good about my appearance.

      As an attorney, people are making judgments on you based on your appearance. Figuring out why you think this is bad and thus guilt-inducing is important to end the cycle.

      1. I think it’s from growing up feeling like money shouldn’t be “wasted” on things that aren’t really important, and I’ve never considered my personal appearance something that I needed to spend much money on ~ I was happy letting friends cut my hair, dyeing it bright red with a $6 pot of Manic Panic, and making my own clothes out of army surplus tees and safety pins (yes, I realize my idea of style throughout most of my 20s was not in line with that of most future lawyers). Of course, I splurged on the occasional $300 pair of Fluevog boots, but those were very important. Heh.

        Anyway, my family wasn’t quite poor, but had to spend money very carefully. In college and law school, I barely had enough to pay my bills (actually, I didn’t have enough to pay my bills, which is why I’m still in the long, painful process of paying down credit card debt). I make a good salary right now, but am stressed out about getting myself solidly on my feet. I feel like every $50 I spend on my hair is $50 I should be saving or spending on getting out from under my debt. I also would much rather spend that $50 on things I think are way more fun than getting my hair cut. But I realize spending money on my appearance is important and I’m trying to warm up to the idea, which is why I now spend a ridiculous amount of time on this blog.

        1. I get it. I have my own mountain of bills and savings plans that I weigh investing in myself against.

          Here’s how I see it:

          1. The “extra” amount of your haircut is not $50. It’s $50 minus whatever the acceptable alternative is that would keep you looking professional.

          2. The benefit of your haircut that you can quantify is the amount of tine you spend styling currently versus how much you would spend with the lower cost haircut. Your time is worth something, so assign an amount, multiply by the number of minutes for 42 days (or 30 if you don’t do anything on weekends) and factor that into the equation.

          3. The non-quantifiable amount is the professionalism that your haircut currently lends to your image versus the amount that a new stylist would bring.

          4. The amount of time it will take you to research your options. Again, your time has a value, so it should be factored in.

          If you’re happy with your current stylist, I would consider doing a passive search for a lower cost point. When you see other women with styles that strike you, ask who they use. You can then research how much that costs and see if it is worth the switch.

          I also spend a ridiculous amount of time here, but usually on weekends.

        2. For what it’s worth on the “styles of future lawyers,” I spent most of my teens and early 20s dressed in a fashion best described as “vampire prostitute.” People are shocked – SHOCKED-when I tell them this now.

          And I had some SWEET 16-hole Fluevog boots back in the day…

          1. This totally made me smile. You know, I actually owned the Fluevog Grand Nationals and had to sell them halfway through law school. I was never good at walking in them anyway, and I desperately needed pizza money. Ah, youth!

      2. Similar views on vanity came from my mother – she just does not get spending money on your appearance, thinks it is needless self indulgence and that wearing makeup etc is being fake and inauthentic. Why use shampoo when soap does just as good a job (seriously). I still feel guilty buying makeup, creams, hair stuff.

    6. If you like your hairdresser, then you’re helping support him or her in his/her profession. Also, being well groomed will help your career (and if you dont think that’s so, then why are you reading this blog?). Those are two justifications I can think of off the too of my head.

      By the way, if your hairdresser is good and in demand, his or her rates will climb over the coming years., so that’s something you need to prepare yourself to accept as well.

    7. I went through this when I first moved to NYC. I went from spending $35 in Chicago every 4-6 months, to spending $90 (including tip) every 3 months or so. I was guilt stricken when I first went to a good salon (oh my god how could I spend this money when I could be saving it?) but it has been SO WORTH IT. I have a haircut that fits me, that I get complimented on – and best of all, my stylist paid attention to what I said about my morning routine and gave me a cut that takes very little maintenance. It is worth it. (And also given Manhattan, actually very reasonable pricing)

      (I’m hearing Aziz Ansari on Parks & Rec say “Treat Yourself!” as I type this.)

    8. a good haircut is a necessity! you get what you pay for. seriously. i would forego any other service, but MUST spend a little money for haircuts/highlights.

  3. Based in part on the awesome personal finance talk that’s been going on in the comments lately, I sat down this morning and devised a plan for my student loans. I’m a 2011 grad, and while both my husband and I worked during law school, we carry well over 100K in loans between the two of us. His are a little easier – he gets forgiveness after 10 years b/c he’s in federal service.

    But as for me, I’m at a small/medium firm. Based on a lot of factors, I decided not to go the IBR route (it wouldn’t help us much, monthly payment-wise, and ended up costing me more in the long run). After a little math, I discovered that if we watch our discretionary spending, I can have mine completely paid off in 10 years by making additional payments each month, and without crippling our emergency/long-term saving and retirement saving.

    I’m absolutely ecstatic. I remember going home after my exit counseling and crying my eyes out that I’d be forever unemployed and would owe the government money until I was into my 50s for my law degree. The number on the screen was so large that I was afraid to face it, and afraid to figure out what it would actually take each month to make it go away.

    So, thank you, everyone, for helping me stare my finances in the face. I’m already devising mini-goals (and rewards) for myself to help make the monthly pay-out more palatable.

    1. Yay!

      I seriously know how you feel. I used to feel sick every month trying to figure out how I’d make payments, but once I sat down and figured out my real income/output, I realized it was totally doable so long as I paid attention to my spending. What a great feeling that was.

      1. Honestly, Bluejay, it was you who got me thinking about it. My husband and I are very fortunate to both be employed (and his job is super stable as a unionized federal employee), so I couldn’t justify putting it off any longer after reading your comments.

        We just took on a mortgage (actually, just yesterday! I’m packing boxes to move when I get home from supervising staff this afternoon), and honestly, even with that, I’m feeling really good about where we are financially after we sat down and had a discussion about where our money was going and what we could do to make things a little easier in the long run.

        I still plan on sitting down with a financial planner before the year’s end to discuss additional investment options (not that we have a lot left over after paying ourselves, our retirement funds, and the banks) so we can maximize what we’ve got and make sure that we’re taken care of in the future, as well as enjoying life to the greatest extent we can right now.

    3. I also had to force myself to face the music on my/my husband’s law school loan debt. It hurts in the moment, but taking control is so, so, so rewarding. I used to fear the numbers, but now know them like the back of my hand. And I’ve seen so much progress. Congrats to you for taking this important first step! The sooner, the better (I wish I had not waited so long)!

  4. Wow this post filled up fast with comments!
    fyi I saw the new Pina Bausch Wim Wenders film last night- documentary on a German modern dance guru told through (you guessed it)mostly dance performance and song (she passed away during making of the film). In 3D. Definitely weird, and visually interesting. Wim himself is answering Q&A at tonight’s Seattle showing. Just sharing if people are in need of winter activity, don’t know schedule in other cities. All that recent talk of Euro highbrow arts crowds, this is along those lines:)

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LGKzXUWAjnI

  5. Do any Chicagoans have suggestions on nice apartment buildings in River North/Streeterville/Gold Coast? I am moving there a couple months and look for a nice one bedroom. So far I have not found anything that really wow’ed me. I’m doing all my searching online for right now (coming from out of state), so any insider perspectives/suggestions would be much, much appreciated. Thanks!!

    1. I lived in Streeterville for 4 years. I lived in a condo bldg, and found the place by asking the doorman, which I realize isn’t practical when you’re out of state :)

      I preferred living east of Michigan (by Northwestern). It felt more like a neighborhood to me, and I felt safer than when I’d lived by the Newberry, in part because I always felt like the doormen were watching out for everyone. Where do you want to be? What’s your approx budget?

    2. I live in Gold Coast. It’s one of the nicest neighborhoods in Chicago, but most buildings are prohibitively expensive if you’re not making 6 figures. However, there are several semi-affordable, nice buildings right on Lake Shore Drive between Division and North. Further towards Old Town, the condos in Sandburg Village are very nice if you can find someone who is renting theirs out.

      If you are looking at apartments rather than condos, I’d strongly recommend contacting buildings directly (look at apartments.com for contact info) rather than going on Craigslist or working with a broker that you’re not familiar with. Apartment scams are rampant in this area, and you will almost certainly end up overpaying or not finding a good place if you’re not careful.

    3. A couple of my friends live in the big high-rise at Canal and Fulton, which is technically River West, but very close to River North. It’s called “K station” or something? But it’s very nice, if you wanted something to add to your list to check out…

  6. 1. do people have any tips for organizing their medicine cabinent? something i want to do before baby born. like, not just neater, but by area of meds or something. all those unweildy containers.

    2. more serious question: how did others deal with their fear of childbirth, if you had it? i am afraid, admitting it, mainly of something going terribly wrong and dying, despite super low probablility. and just all the unknowns about how it will go. i don’t really want to watch videos. i am enrolled in a prep class next month. i have talked to a few friends about it. i just have been afraid of it for so many years, even though most people get through it fine.

    1. 1. I only keep advil and other frequently used things in the medicine cabinet. Everything else – I keep in a big pull out box in a cabinet, in ziploc bags by category. E.g., cold & flu in one, so everything from nyquil to lozenges; band aids and neosporin in another; a bag filled with alcohol pads, etc.

      2. I don’t have kids so can’t speak to specifics, but perhaps you could talk to lots of other people who have had kids or even go to a maternity ward and hang out a bit. It’s frightening to think of the worst happening, but just try to notice every mom and child and remind yourself that they got through that just fine. Good luck :)

    2. Never been pregnant but also fear child birth. The most helpful thing I ever did for anything mental health related (and anxiety and fears are mental health related) was to try hypnosis. If you are in New England, I’ll recommend mine. If not do some research and interview some before you choose. It is pricey but totally worth it. Hypnosis doesn’t have to replace traditional medicine but can just help you with your fear, anxiety, and pain management and is totally baby safe.

    3. 1. Throw out everything that is expired. Then, don’t worry about it, because the chances of your newborn actually climbing up on the sink and getting into the medicine cabinet are very, very low. When your baby is 3-4 months old, focus on cleaning/safety of kid-level things, i.e. things near the floor and things they can reach.

      2. Ignore everyone’s advice, don’t read mom/baby blogs, and ignore all media. Trust your doctor, and if you don’t trust your doctor, get a new one that you DO trust. There seems to be a big trend in Mommy Blogs and Mommy Lit for all-natural, pro-midwife, etc. birthing, and a disdain for epidurals, etc. You know what? Do what is right for you. If that means 300 epidurals and a side of extra painkillers, that’s fine. Your baby will be fine. If the right thing for you is all-natural, birth at home, that’s fine. Your baby will be fine.

      Fear is normal. Build a good team — you, doctor, spouse, whomever else — and ignore everyone else. Seriously. People have been doing this for millions of years without all the extra judgyness in the mom/baby/parenting world that’s arisen in the past 10 years.

      1. Thank you PT and others
        The med cabinet is just for my own wanting things to be orderly so they are easy to find (along with office, closets, etc) not fear of baby getting in there. Yep, expired is the first place to start. I will ponder the ziploc idea.. I like having it all more acccessible, was envisioning little boxes or shelves stacked or such.

        Agree, you are right to say ignore most of the noise on childbirth. Tried to read the recommended Girlfriend’s Guide to P early on, literally had to hide it in a box after she slipped stuff about crapping out her rectum into a chapter on first trimester. No thanks, stressors. I do trust the team- guess it’s just my body I am afraid has some underlying tweak that could go awry (p has been very hard physically the whole time). Good thoughts though thanks. For the record I’m all for painkillers and anti-anxiety help if need be.

        Might also try hypnosis per above suggestion. I’m in PNW not NE but thank you.

        1. I think hypnobabies would be helpful in your situation. I have friends who were terrified before doing it and they said that the hypnobabies helped them a lot.

          Also, don’t know if this would be helpful to you, but make sure you have an estate plan (will at least, and a health care proxy) with guardians named, so that even if the worst did happen at any time, you will be prepared for it.

          And just as an anecdote – I didn’t even know I was in labor the first time until 2 hrs before baby was born (I thought I had a stomach bug or early/false labor). Then I got to the hospital and was already 8 cm – who knew? :)

    4. My meds are organized in plastic shoeboxes (I threw away the lids) by type of problem they’ll solve. So, the ‘wound care’ box contains bandaids, neosporin, anti-itch cream, ace bandages, vet wrap, etc. ‘Colds and flu’ has Nyquil, Sudafed, Theraflu, etc. ‘Tummy trouble’ has Immodium, Prilosec, Tums, milk of magnesia. ‘Pain relief’ has tylenol, ibuprofen, excedrin, prescription painkilles, etc. (FTR, none are expired, and I’m not a druggie…I just insist on using the right medication for what ails us.)

      I was very afraid of childbirth, not least because I have a younger sibling who was born handicapped after a botched delivery. What helped me cope was the same way I cope with all fears, not just that one: planning. I deliberately avoided finding out the 43,285 things that could go wrong, and focused just on having a plan IF something went wrong. I found a doctor who had rights at the best neonatal hospital in the region. I explained my fears to him, and we came up with a plan. That plan did include lots of pain management and an epidural during delivery, because for me pain = increase in fear. One thing I didn’t do, but very much wish I had (because H is not a good advocate for me when ill) was hire a doula/birth coach. H was very opposed to the idea, and 20 years later I still resent that I caved.

      Generally speaking, when I am afraid, my best coping technique is to decide that what I am afraid of IS going to happen, and plan what I’ll do as a result. I’m pleasantly surprised much more often than not. It’s the limbo/not knowing that makes me feel helpless and crazy…take that away, and it turns out I’m really good in a crisis. HTH.

    5. Seriously, consider getting a doula. It’s not some hippie-dippie crap. It’s a coach who has been present at dozens or hundreds of births and will walk you through each step and advocate for your needs. It will help so much to have someone there who’s just there to support you, and can do so in a constructive, calm, and experienced manner.

      1. Not in the US, but I had a midwife. Highly recommend this. She talked through all the possibilities – induction, Cesarean, pain relief. I wanted all the information. One thing I didn’t know was that when you push, you are pushing against resistance i.e. baby wanted to stay in and I needed to push him out. I thought he would just flop out with a few pushes somehow, d’oh. I read everything, wanted to know what could happen, like tearing etc. I knew that induction generally lead to a Cesarean so really tried to avoid that. I recommend reading some birth stories, this forum was helpful to me http://www.babyandbump.com

      2. thanks fellow seattleite. so… yours went ok? it seems everyone i know says ‘things got complicated for me’ and (likely for the best) stay vague about the details.

        1. Ruby, both of my children turned out perfect, and proceeded to drive me nuts in all the age- and developmentally-appropriate ways.

          Here’s what I didn’t say above lest I freak you out: My first labor and delivery was long and not well-managed (and that’s where I learned that H wasn’t a good advocate). The plan I discussed above was for my second delivery, which went much more smoothly.

          One big mistake I made was not changing OBs my first pregnancy, when I realized that she wasn’t taking my fears seriously. It turns out her dismissive attitude during my pregnancy = dismissive attitude during L&D. That’s not just my perception…we kept a log during that delivery and showed it to 2 or 3 doctors afterward, who were horrified. The other big mistake was not having the doula. You really want someone who will burn the place down to get you what you need. So if your SO is passive, avoids confrontation, or gets anxious when you’re weak, get someone else in there with you.

          Be very direct about your fears, don’t be shy about stating that you want maximum pain control if that is indeed what you want, and make sure that you trust the people who will be helping you. Accept that you may not be able to control the details (episiotomy! light level in room! enema!) but the most important things are that 1) baby is safe; 2) you are safe; and 3) you are comfortable.

          Objectively speaking, there is nothing wrong with having a very ‘managed’ L&D if that is what you need. I came out of my second delivery much stronger than the first, in no small part because it was so much easier. That certainly affected how quickly I healed and was able to care for the baby.

    6. 1. I hate organizing, can’t help you there.

      2. Everyone has some fear about childbirth. It’s the fear of the unknown. First, you’ve never done it before, and then, even if you had, every birth is different (thankfully they tend to get easier!). I agree with the responses that you should arm yourself with whatever information makes you feel confident, and make sure you have a doctor/support team you trust, so that when things do go off the rails a bit, you know they’re helping you make the right decisions.
      The reason you hear people say vague things like ‘it got a little complicated’ is because usually something doesn’t go exactly according to plan. As long as you go into it ready to roll with the punches, you’ll do great. I had some scary moments with my first, and some bizarre/hilarious moments and a botched epidural with my second – and I will tell you I ended up with no regrets and look back on both births fondly (pregnancy’s the hard part, as far as I’m concerned). FWIW, I had inductions and epidurals with both of mine and had my first in 8 hours and my second in 5 hours and no C-sections, so it’s not all horror stories.
      Not to freak you out, but I will mention one thing that no one ever told me and I’d wished they did. My kids both have enormous heads (like 95% percentile) and they came out my vag-na (not sure if that word will get caught in the filters). There is no describing what a giant head can do to a vag-na. Didn’t matter for childbirth for me, because I had drugs. It’s the aftermath I wasn’t prepared for. You’ll want a sitz bath, plenty of those cold pack things, and that Lidocaine spray. After my second I finally discovered that sitting on a Boppy was most comfortable at first (at least I had something to do with the Boppy since nursing went to hell). No one told me that the discomfort could last *4 weeks* (and it wasn’t any easier the second time around – his head was even bigger). So, in the spirit of arming you with information, there it is. Once again, don’t want to freak you out – I think it’s just one of those things that’s better to know ahead of time (because I was really freaked out that my vag-na was broken forever – it wasn’t).
      Good luck. :-)

      1. Omg, Anon 6.20pm here and I too had a giant head baby that ripped me into a few pieces. I seriously thought it was all over down there even though the doc kept saying it was “just superficial”. Turned out to be okay, and nothing major compared to some ladies who get torn front to back, but there were quite a few stitches.

    7. For #2 – you’re normal – it’s a big unknown. Build rapport with your OB(s) – they see all SORTS of women going through this. A better question might be – is this more about your OB? Maybe worrying about your life changing?

      I agree that looking at videos is not going to help. Look at the moms around you – they made it and so can you – that helped me. And contemplating the actual event as one, maybe two days as we’re getting THROUGH to the other side.

      1. This is a great point. I did try to view childbirth as something that would last a finite amount of time. We are strong women. When you frame it as, I can do *anything* for one, maybe two days out of my life, it puts it into perspective.

      2. Thanks. No it has 100% nothing to do with my OB or life changes- love him, one of top in my city and he is fantastic; the changes are a different thing altogether- everything to do with general health anxieties and in particular this one. That has always been my weak spot made worse by a myserious and difficult condition a few years ago. I’ve had a general fear throughout life of childbirth and have had agonizing pains of various sorts throughout most of my pregnancy which hasn’t helped. I am very petite and have a few potential (but far from certain/likely) things that could impact delivery by meds interaction complications etc. Of course I am meeting with the doctors in advance and having a written plan and all to be prepared for those contingencies.

        Anyway- I’m sure in my comments on other topics I also speculate on what may behind a question- but sometimes as it is here, the question is the question.

    8. #1. I put them in bins by ‘type’, e.g. cold, stomach, pain killer, etc.
      #2. from the time i was 8 years old i wanted to adopt and then i heard about test tube babies and thought they GREW IN A TEST TUBE. i was so psyched until my sister pointed out that the baby doesn’t HATCH. i’m not usually so dense! anyway, i have three kids (a single and twins) and i would only let people tell me good stories about childbirth during my pregnancies. you can’t control what is going to happen. you have to trust in your doctors and your body. your body knows what to do. really. i’m not usually so zen, btw. but listen, it’s just a day or a few hours.

      good luck! being a parent is truly the most rewarding and trying experience in life!

  7. During certain discussion on here, some commenters have mentioned feminist theory. I have never taken a single women’s studies or feminism class, nor have I ever read an article or book on the subject. I can’t even name a single feminism author/speaker. I’d like to read or learn something on the subject. What would you recommend?

    1. Sometimes when I am looking for reading lists, I look online for syllabi for related classes at Ivy League or Seven Sister or a public Ivy or other well respected colleges and universities to see what professors with that expertise are recommending for their entry level survey classes. Maybe worth a shot here.

      2. each to their own… i used to love academia, but having been out in real world for some time- find most of their recommendations and views exceedingly out of touch and irritating. big generalization, yes. talking social science not applied fields. but if you were looking for something specific, that is a good idea of where to start, vs. the random interwebs!

    2. I think this Wikipedia article is a good place to get started:
      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Feminist_theory

      There are so many books, and so many different types of feminist theory, and so much else I don’t even know where you would start. I started in high school with a women’s history class, and took literally dozens of classes that touch on feminist theory through college and law school. Maybe take an introduction to women’s studies course at a local community college?

    4. I got a lot out of “A Room of One’s Own” by Virginia Woolf and “The Beauty Myth” by Naomi Wolf. Susan Faludi’s “Backlash” is well-known, and a classic is Betty Friedan “The Feminine Mystique.” None of these are particularly theoretical and thus they might be practical as a start. However, none really discusses intersections of racism with sexism, and I can’t recall good titles that do (maybe someone else can). In college I had a reader in black feminism (edited anthology) but I cannot remember the title.

      1. If you’d like to add perspectives of women of color “All the Women are White, All the blacks are Men, But some of us our Brave” by Gloria Hull & Patricia Hall Scott is a good place to start, that and almost anything by bell hooks.

    6. You might look at Manifesta, by Jennifer Baumgardner — an overview. Full Frontal Feminist is sort of in the same vein. I haven’t read either so can’t personally vouch. If you’re thinking about women’s history, you should check out Gail Collins’ books – accessible, lively, and inspiring.

    7. I loved my Feminist Legal Theory textbook – it was cheap ($20-30) and offered an accessible overview of all different waves and strands of feminist theory.

      Feminist Legal Theory: A Primer, by Nancy Levit and Robert R. M. Verchick

      1. And for a really entertaining feminist read, Caitlin Moran, How to Be a Woman. I laughed so hard I had to stop reading the book on my commute, because people were giving me that “crazy lady” look.

        1. I’ve heard really good things about this book from a friend–now I definitely have to check it out!

    8. I adore Judith Butler. How much of gender/sex is a social construction? Everything?! Scary, or empowering. If nothing else, you could learn a ton from her about how to structure an argument. She’s good.
      Germaine Greer scares me a bit. Ok, a lot. Prepare to have your sexuality challenged.
      I second the Virginia Woolf recommendation. A Room of One’s Own is fairly short and can be found here: http://ebooks.adelaide.edu.au/w/woolf/virginia/w91r/

  8. We are finalizing a mortgage refi for 3.1%. Pretty cool eh? Not as cool as paying the whole thing off eventually, hopefully early, but still- super rate.
    Had to negotiate a lot with the bank, by the way, to insist on a lower rate given our good credit/equity and considering it’s same bank we already have. Few nights ago she said, okay go to another bank. The next morning, she emailed back with a lower rate. And they waived the point. And we told them we are using our prior title company- $500 instead of her quoted $1200. Husband was so mad and thought I was messing everything up- but I just saved us thousands of dollars!!

  9. For those in need of a (wholesome) laugh, I just found this website: trextrying.tumblr.com. Hilarious!!

    2. That’s awesome. I used to work for a guy whose call sign was “T-Rex,” so he’ll be getting an e-mail from me.

  10. Can I get away with wearing green mint nail polish to work (business casual environment but I’m junior-not a lawyer)

    1. Yes. I’ve worked in corporate, firm and government environments. Not to target you particularly, but I have seen so much angst on this site relating to nail polish and it truly baffles me. a. no one cares b. if anyone cares, it’s his/her problem, not yours, and c. if anyone notices your hands (not to say they consciously care), they’ll only notice the general upkeep and not the color, unless it’s black or neon yellow or something equally obnoxious. And anyone who falls into the d. category is a petty fashionista whose opinions don’t matter.

      2. Agree agree agree with anonymous! There are so many things in the world to get stressed over, nail polish really should not be one of them.

    2. I just bought a mint green color and I love it, but I probably wouldn’t wear it to work. Not a huge deal, but it does seem like an unconventional/distracting color.

      1. Okay, I’m going to jump in here because I’m a big fan of trying nail polish colors and I don’t think nontraditional colors are unprofessional. In fact, I’ve been browsing shades of green, but I don’t think they look good with my skin. I have long nails so my nails stand out. What the poster above says about come colors being “distracting” is true. Last winter I wore sapphire blue and over the summer, I wore periwinkle a lot. I found that when I wore blue shades, other people were distracted by my nails. I don’t think it prevents people from taking me seriously, but there were times when I was trying to make a point and the other person had to comment on my nails. I switched to gunmetal (Fingerpaints – Meet me at the Met) and now I get compliments on my nails but not the constant distraction.

    4. Whateves, do it. I wore Chanel’s Graphite to work last week, and this week I have on Slapper from Butter London (which is a bright teal). My nails are short, and I dress professionally. I could not imagine my nails being a deal breaker.

      1. And…do you know what “Slapper” means in British slang? I’m just sayin….for those who did a shout out to calling unusual colors of nail polish sl()tty. …

    5. I started my career at a very conservative corporate office and there is something in me that won’t let me go experimental with my nail polish. when i see it, i do make assumptions about the person, but if it’s someone i respect, the assumption is ‘wow – she’s very creative, adventurous, etc.’ if it’s someone i don’t respect, the assumption is ‘she has no clue.’ if it’s someone i don’t know it makes me curious about them.

    6. Honestly, you need to check around your office. In my office, mint green would be seen as too girly, I think, though other offbeat colors (that read as tougher) would be fine. But that is my office. I can see lots of places where the color wouldn’t be a problem.

      1. Hi – first responder again. Sorry if I came across harshly last night – my crabbiness gets the best of me sometimes, and I do love the positive vibe on this site!

  11. Fireproof/Waterproof safe boxes–
    Has anyone done any research on which brands of fireproof and waterproof safe boxes are effective? I just need something to keep papers and maybe photos (extra hard drive) in. I’m cleaning out my file cabinets at home and now am remembering the fire that destroyed my mother’s house several years ago and thinking I should get safer storage. I am going to rent a safe deposit box for really important original papers but would like something here as well.

    Thanks in advance.

    1. Our lawyer recommended we keep docs (wills, health care power of atty) in the freezer in a plastic ziploc. It’s fireproof and waterproof and keeps things quickly available (as opposed to safe deposit).

  12. can anyone advise me on how to locate the Corporette thread which discussed the pros and cons of getting the various research degrees?
    I seem to remember a discussion which included ‘MSc = incapable of PhD’ or something along those lines, months ago.
    Thanks!

  13. A brief J. Crew rant:

    I was so excited to see that their vintage cotton tees were on sale this weekend, and I planned to buy them in 4 or 5 different colors. Until I tried them on and discovered that toilet paper probably has more structural integrity than the poor, tortured cotton fibers of these shirts. They felt soft, of course, but I also feared they would dissolve in my hands if I held them too long. Last season, they were thin but felt like they’d still survive a trip through the washing machine. This season, I don’t think they’d survive being worn in the rain. So disappointing . . . .

    1. I know how you feel. I bought a bunch of “Italian Merino Wool” sweaters at BR last winter that fell apart after 2 washes. :(

      1. Absolutely. I quit J. Crew knits a few years ago. The ones I have from ’07 are going strong, but all the more recent are total crap. I don’t even let myself look.

        J. Crew sweaters I should have quiet earlier, but am now 100% sworn off those as well.

        Cords have downgraded. I did buy some this winter, but that’s probably the last round.

        The only items I can recommend from J. Crew anymore are suits, button-front shirts (the stretch ones, not “perfect” shirts), and swimwear. I assume it’s all a downward spiral though. I wish I didn’t love their styles so much.

  14. I just got a short bob with sweepy bangs. I don’t have a flat iron, and think I’m going to need one now. Recommendations?

    1. It’s late, I’d repost this on Monday. But, that being said, I do love my Chi iron.

  15. Everyone’s always raving about the Nordstrom return policy, but what about Bloomingdales?

    I received a Quotation cashmere sweater as a gift in the fall and have worn it probably 4-6 times. I went to wear it today, and noticed several small holes–two in the back, and one right around the neck. I like the sweater a lot. Will Bloomingdales take it back or repair it for me?

    2. Bloomies will take it back as long as it’s unworn and you have the receipt (for a cash refund) and/or original tags (for a gift card). If it has holes in it, bloomies will neither repair nor take it back unless you can somehow show that it was like that when you bought it.
      #formerbloomiesemployee

      1. Yeah that sounds like moths versus a problem with the sweater itself. Maybe try cedar or something in your closet?

  16. what do you wear shirt-wise with jeans on weekends, other than t-shirts? i am bored with my current closet. thoughts on what to wear for:
    #1. kids event (bday party, school event, etc)
    #2. evening out with hubby to casual adult restaurant
    #3. soccer game

    1. I like boyfriend cut button downs with rolled up sleeves and untucked for 1 and 3 (or in my world, running errands and hanging out with friends).

      For 2, I go sparkly top with casual jacket or low cut knit top with necklace or scarf.

    2. One of my favorite things to wear with jeans on the weekends is a tank and a hooded cardigan, either with a zipper or open front. I have one in linen, one in a cashmere/cotton blend, etc. It’s a more polished look, I think, than just a t-shirt.

    3. Long sleeved tee, cardigan, scarf and boots, tote bag

      Woven blousy shirt, big hoop earrings, wedge sandals or peeptoes, chain strap small handbag

      Hoodie style sweater over tee, flats or cool sneaks, big sunglasses, cross body bag, hat

    4. Tank tops and a cute blazer (often velvet) — basic cotton tanks for day, embellished (ruffles, sequins, shiny, sheer, etc) for evening. And sweaters that are too low cut for work.

    5. This is what I wear for those types of events:

      1. Machine-washable and non-constricting former work tops. I am a huge fan of layers for parties with children, just in case of spills/spit-up/rolling in the grass and sandbox. I wear a lot of silk and silk/cotton blend sleeveless tops to work, and when I get tired of them, I rotate them into my weekends to wear with cardigans if I’m likely to get messy, cotton/velvet/tweed jackets if not. I also layer tops under casual sweaters. It’s so much more fun to have a pop of bright turquoise or silvery gray under a plain sweater.

      2. Sheer silk blouses if I’m wearing jeans.

      3. Likely the same as what I would wear to #1.

      I love silk so much that I’m wearing a navy silk top under an old gap hoodie right now while finishing a report. :)

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