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Weekend Open Thread

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Tinley Road Star Print Drapey BlazerSomething on your mind? Chat about it here. Ladies, we are living in an era of some seriously wackadoo blazers. The cuts and colors I'm seeing right now (to say nothing of the prices) are kind of shocking. I love blazers, but it's hard to get behind the truly strange ones, except for the weekend. That said, I kind of actually like this black and white star print blazer from Tinley Road. It looks like it could be fun with jeans and a tank on the weekend — perhaps even belted over a maxi dress or something. The price for this one is right: $52.99 (was $69) at Piperlime. Tinley Road Star Print Drapey Blazer (L-6)

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And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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544 Comments

  1. Infrequent commenter/obsessive reader here in need of advice (particularly from the Canadian ladies):

    I’ve applied and been accepted to law school and am considering asking for a deferral of one year. I have been working overseas for 5+ years and will be returning to Canada for school with my partner in tow. The reason I’m considering a deferral is mostly financial (save up more money), although my partner’s immigration procedures and potentially moving to a city I’ve never even been are also considerations. I’ll also throw into the mix that I am in my late 20s, so will graduate some years into my 30s. I’m torn as to what to do-financially how much is an extra year worth to me if that means getting out of school one year later? Although law school in Canada is much cheaper, I will be graduating with some debt no matter what.

    Any advice ladies? I know it’s only a year but this has been in the works a long time and I don’t want to put it off another year if it’s not truly worth it.

    1. As far as I know, most Canadian law schools don’t grant deferrals….and the ones that do, usually only do so in somewhat odd but very justifiable circumstances….e.g. to allow someone to complete a masters program that can’t be done over the summer between 1L and 2L, death in the immediate family, or something of that nature. I sort of don’t think the reason of “wanting to save up an extra year” will be sufficient, nor is moving to a new city- because a huge number of law students can give those reasons. I’d double check with your school on when they will accept a deferral for those reasons.

      And whether it’s worth seeking a deferral for financial reasons depends on what you’re making now, how much you can actually save, whether you think interest rates on loans will rise/fall, your expected summer/articling income, and your expected income once you’re called…it’s a numbers game from a pure financial perspective.

      1. Thanks for your reply, ED. Several schools do grant deferrals and their policies vary widely. I obviously wouldn’t give “moving to a new city” as a reason (I moved halfway across the world on my own so it’s not a real concern for me), but there are some logistical and personal details I didn’t want to get into with my original post that sort of relate. It looks like I have some number crunching to do. Thanks again for your thoughts!!

        1. I applied and got a deferral for the law school Iwent to. I ended up not accepting it and went straight through from undergrad. I had legit career-oriented reasons but then I decided not to delay the joy of law school :). It’s worth a shot to apply- all you need to do is write a 1-2 page letter.

    2. I think if you’re really sure you want to be a lawyer, there’s no real financial benefit to putting it off (since you’ll start working as a lawyer a year sooner, presumably at a higher salary than your current one, if you go this year). But if your partner can’t work out his/her immigration situation to come with you this year, that seems like a reasonable reason to put it off.

    3. The financial reason probably isn’t worth it unless your income the extra year would really help decrease your debt. It could also hinder you from getting financial aid in your first year – something to consider. The age likely won’t be an issue – many of my classmates were in their late twenties when they started. Good luck!

  3. That makes me sad. I just bought my first pair and love them. I got a good deal on a pair of brown ones from Nordstrom during their recent shoe sale. I was considering a hunt for good sale prices on other colors but now I might have to go back to my endless quest for shoes that fit and are comfortable.

    I’ve been keeping the mail train between Zappos and my house and Nordstroms and my house pretty busy with a constant stream of shoes to try and then returns as each pair disappoints in some way.

    1. Ugh, that was supposed to be under the comments about the Cole Haan Air Talias.

  4. Any other Corporettes going to the SF Smith Club Lawyers thing tomorrow? If so, I will wear a hair elastic on my wrist. Can’t promise the blue nail though!

  6. Trying to decide if this dress is worth it (I have it in black and white, not the pictured gray) — it’s completely flattering and SO adorable on, but I don’t have so many places to wear it— probably going out to dinner or the bar, but I could never wear to work and it’s probably a little too dressy for daytime wear. Should I wait to see if it goes on sale?

    http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/bailey-44-flight-attendant-sleeveless-dress/3261434?origin=keywordsearch&resultback=520

    1. It’s cute! I’d wear that during the day, FWIW, but if you’re dubious about whether you would, I’d wait for a sale.

    2. Looks very casual to me, so I think you could definitely wear it during the day on summer weekends, and it might be able to transition to evenings with friends for dinner. But I would wait for it to go on sale — I think it is a bit expensive for the style and the places you could wear it.

  7. Ladies, I need some advice. It’s no secret here that my boss is very difficult.

    I’m going to give you some background on my current project and then address my concern…

    The project I’m on is very large.

    When the project started, I was asked to provide an estimate. I estimated 200 hours and was told that was too high so I decreased it to 150 hours. We’re way over budget now.

    He decided to do a large part of the development himself, instead of having another developer do it. The usual developers of that work are part of our team.

    All of the issues and mistakes on the project have been due to his work. It’s still not correct, but he told the business that we’d be ready to go live on 3/23. We’ve obviously missed that and the deadline is now 3/30. He set these dates without talking to me or anyone else.

    Now rather than admit these mistakes, he’s got us working all the time. I got an email from him at 2:30 am yesterday asking me to check numbers. My work is mostly complete. I just have some formatting changes, but he expects me to be available at all hours to check his work.

    I understand he’s angry and frustrated and stressed, but he’s piling that on me.

    On Thursday, he came to my cube and he was angry. I was checking the numbers and analyzing the issues. But he was visibly angry with me. I told him “you seem to be angry at me and it’s upsetting me.” He responded with “I just need to figure out these numbers.” And I said “I know, but you’re upsetting me.” He ignored my comments completely and said “We have to work on this right now!” My co-worker heard him and was stunned that he didn’t even acknowledge my concerns.

    I feel like I need to tell someone about this. He should have apologized or stepped away or something.

    I’m considering sending an email to his boss or to HR. As a manager, his first responsibility should be to the people who report to him.

    Do you guys have any advice?

    1. Hey Bunkster,

      I think you need to (a) document, document, document all of the problems (especially the problems with the project that are his fault) and (b) prepare yourself to talk to someone in the office, probably someone in HR your trust or a superior you’re comfortable with. The real issue is whether you do it before or after the project goes live for the client. I guess the question is whether the problems with the project are so severe that you think you’re likely to get sued by the client or the client is likely to be extremely, extremely upset and view the product as unacceptable. If that’s the case, you may need to talk to someone ASAP. Otherwise, I might wait until after the 30th…until after the pressure and stress of this particular project is over (because I think you do it now, with the stress of the project, things could really go all to h*ll).

      Shrugs though, not sure its going to make your boss have better personal skills or relate with you better. Some people just s*ck.

        1. Oh, I got you. Well, then I might wait until after the 30th — but I think you could also ask for input from the higher-up if you do trust them.

          But it is really hard to deal with a bad boss, the politics are so complicated.

    2. Bunkster, I echo the document comments.

      I think you need a mindset change while you look for a new job. This is just a job for you now. Show up, work hard for your hours and leave. Don’t answer your phone, don’t check your email, find something to give you perspective. Go hiking or sailing or running or shopping. Review a different wine or food a night. Date fabulous men. Whatever floats your boat.

      Also 200hours? That be a section of the this project right? I’d love to know what field you’re in because before you mentioned the project size I was sure I knew!

    3. I wanted to say kudos on voicing the fact that he is obviously upset and this is not an appropriate way to address anyone.

      What do you think about going further and turning this around on him next time? “Yes, I will check these numbers. Is there any other information that you need from me to complete this stage of the project? I ask because you seem to be agitated with me. Please do let me know if there is anything else you are waiting on from my end”. I don’t know if this is appropriate in your environment, but at least it would force him to acknowledge that you have done your part. I’m sorry you are dealing with such a jerk.

    4. Document, document, document.

      You can’t be the only person who finds him completely unreasonable, but if you go to HR, you have to be prepared that they might transfer you to a department not of your choosing. Your complaint won’t necessarily mean your boss gets let go.

      I know you know this, I’m just sayin’. It happened at my company, and that’s how it played out. The Bunkster character ended up leaving the company because she didn’t like her new assignment, and the Bunkster’s boss character is still with us. The wrong outcome if you ask me, but no one did.

      (On the other hand, the Bunkster character ended up meeting her now-husband at her new company.)

      I’m sorry you’re going through this.

  8. I want your opinions on some shoes. I am a 43 year old attorney in a medium size office. I want to look professional but stylish too. I have such a problem finding shoes. I wear a size 11 but have a narrow heel (I dont wear a narrow shoe, I need a medium width, just have a narrow heel) , so my heel just slides right out of most shoes. I have hired a stylist to help with my wardrobe and she hates slingbacks.

    What do yall think of slingbacks?

    Do you think they are too “old lady”? Specifically, I am looking at these :

    http://www.dillards.com/product/Alex-Marie-Nela-Slingback-Pumps_301_-1_301_502945047

    1. I love slingbacks, but I do not love those (and I am 42). The light cap toe and elastic gore on the side remind me of shoes I had in my very very conservative office in the early 90’s — looking at them now, they seem rather frumpy. Sorry.

      A flat with a cap toe could be very current, though — Ann Taylor has some neon toe ones that are cute. Or a slingback without the elastic gore on the side. But this combo is not working for me.

    2. Have you had any success with the heel inserts? I got a few pairs from Nordstrom and they are more substantial with more grip than some of the basic foam ones I’ve seen at drugstores.

      In general, I think sling backs work better with pants than skirts or dresses. Or with a more sandal-like shoe, so if you could get away with peep-toes, that might look a little better – but that’s a know your office thing.

  9. Can anyone recommend a rental real estate agent in Boston? Specifically in Back Bay/Bay Village/South End type areas.

    I’ve been burned by shady agents in the past and though I’d prefer (of course) to work directly with the owners and skip the whole “Here, take 1 month of my rent for showing me the apartment that I saw on Craigslist!” rigamarole, I recognize that that’s not always possible, and I’d like to at least work with an agent that doesn’t pressure me to do things like post-date checks, tell me apartments are pet friendly when they’re not (then ask me if I really “need” to bring my dog!), and make a decision on the spot. Suggestions for agencies or agents that people have found helpful?

    1. I really like Charlie Holm at Ascend Realty Group:

      http://www.ascendrealtygroup.com/our-agents/charlie-holm/

      I’ve recommended him to other friends and they’ve had good experiences working with him as well. He’s very transparent and will hook you up with all the MLS listings that meet your criteria (did you even know there were MLS listings for rentals? I didn’t!). I also have a dog and he’s never balked at that. His office is in Back Bay, but he works all over the city.

      Good luck!

    2. I would call Rob Cohen and ask him who he recommends – he is great for sales/condos/etc but if he doesn’t work in rentals, he will know someone who does. He is a little smarmy and salesy, but very effective!!!

  10. Possibly a squeamish question for some people.

    Everyone knows to wear condoms during sex- but how do you convince your partner to wear one during oral sex? Do people actually do this?

    I just started dating someone knew and I know the topic will come up soon. Should I be asking them to get tested? Would that be a massive turn off? I know what the 100% responsible choice is here, but I’m looking for people to chime in about what they actually do-i.e. admitting to perhaps not using a condom everytime they do something potentially risky. I am very pro-condom, but I want to know what the ‘norm’ is so I know if I’m going to freak this person out with my request.

    Also, how do you ask someone to do this? The last relationship I had (it was very long term), we were both virgins, so it was a lot easier. Both of us were very careful. Now I’m faced with a new partner and I want to be safe but I don’t want to scare him off.

    1. I always ask if the person has been tested, and if so, how recently. I talked to him about his sexual history (number of partners, protection, etc), so I know exactly what I’m getting into. Depending on how long I have known the person, I may ask to see the results. If the person isn’t comfortable disclosing that type of information, I’m not having any type of sex with him. I refuse to take any chances.

    2. Former s*x-ed counselor here. Can you tell its a weekend at the office? Technically, yes people should wear condoms during oral s*x for men, and dental dams in the case of women for protection purposes. We had to advise people to do this in school. There is flavored lube to make it a better experience. In reality, I don’t know whether people do this, but my guess is rarely. Everyone always gave us the “no way am I doing that” look when we suggested this, but YMMV.

      Regarding your second question, you gotta do what’s more comfortable for you. I know plenty of people who just make it known (in a nice way) that they prefer not to do anything unprotected without getting tested. It’s a pretty broad explanation, but he’ll know what you’re talking about (and if not, you can explain in more detail, and mention that using a condom for oral is also an option) . And of course, don’t feel embarrassed to stick by your preferences!

    3. I’m pretty conservative about this. Back when I was dating (now in ltr), I wouldn’t do any oral sex until we were monogamous and had both been tested. It’s not romantic by any means, but unprotected oral sex is unprotected sex, and you can still catch a lot of STDs from it. I would just be honest and upfront with the guy that that’s your position. I never caught any backlash from it — being careful with this guy just communicates that you are always careful, which people should appreciate and respect.

    4. I’ve never heard of anyone using dental dams or, come to think of it, seen it mentioned on any of those “safe sex” leaflets we got in school etc. Maybe it’s because I’m not in the US, but they aren’t really common over here. With my first boyfriend I also had oral sex without any protection (on both sides) because we were both virgins, very inexperienced and I wasn’t used to standing up for myself. (He said that since we very both virgins, there was no chance any of us could have an STD. I remember still having a bad feeling but didn’t have enough self-confidence to tell him that.) That said, with any subsequent boyfriend I insisted we both get tested before we have any condomless sex whatsoever (even we had had sex with condoms). Several of my girlfriends also get tested with any new partner. So far, we haven’t had any negative reactions.

      1. I’m glad there are people out there who do this and put their foot down. Honestly, guys here seem to always try to push just a little bit to have sex without a condom (they’ll try to ‘start’ something without it, then always happily oblige when I ask him to get one). It’s kinda ridiculous that I have to be Mrs. Bossy-pants safe sex all the time.

        I also think the guy will lie and say they got the test when in reality they didn’t. How do you ask someone for that, or find out they aren’t lying, without sounding like you think they’re a liar?

        1. I just say “I am not comfortable with any sort of sexual contact unless we both get tested and share results. I understand that this may be awkward, but this is important to me”.

          And then I prevent sexual situations e.g. no laying up in my apartment. If the man stuck around long enough for us to even have this conversation, it is usually a non-issue and they get tested. If not, too bad. NOBODY is worth my health and/or life.

          I don’t believe in sex outside a committed monogamous relationship, so this is not a hard conversation for me :) . He gets it, or he doesn’t.

    5. I tried using a condom once and definitely would not recommend it — the reservoir tip kept getting caught in the back of my throat and it was overall a really unpleasant and unproductive experience. I think we gave up rather than trying to finish. (I’m allergic to flavored lube, so can’t speak to whether that would improve the experience, but my guess would be that the difference would be marginal at best.)

      I was relatively casual about unprotected oral in college and now, in retrospect, wish that I hadn’t been quite so cavalier. The recent reports about HPV-related throat cancer have freaked me out a little, since I am right on the threshold for being “high risk,” although apparently it’s more of a problem for men than for women. This Savage Lovecast episode has really good information from a doctor/researcher: http://www.thestranger.com/SavageLovePodcast/archives/2011/12/20/savage-love-episode-270 I haven’t decided yet exactly what my plan of action is going forward, but I am definitely going to be cautious at least until I complete the HPV vaccine series, and even after that I’m thinking that oral will probably be more in my “only in a serious relationship” box in the future.

      1. Thanks to everyone for your responses! Of course, if anyone else has more advice that would be fantastic too :) .

        It makes me feel better that other people see this as an issue they’ve struggled with too. I think I’m going to have to go with the mandating he gets testing route. It’s the only way I’ll feel 100% better. He is a very nice and open guy so I think the convo will go as well as it can. Even then, I will want to use a condom because (1) you never know if something wasn’t tested for by accident and (2) I would rather have two methods of BC than just my pills!

        I have had my gardisil vaccination for a little over a year now, which definitely makes me feel somewhat better about it all. Definitely recommend it!

    6. The tested thing is bunk. First, you’re most contagious for the serious stuff before it shows up on tests (AIDS, right, that’s the worst, and hep too, and even herpes). People can and do lie about getting tested, and mostly lie about their behavior.
      Someone asking me to get tested would be a major turnoff, because it’d show that they’re clueless, and therefore putting me at risk. What you need to do to be safe is to have safe sex. Period.

      Virgins lie too. I certainly wouldn’t rely on those claims to feel safe. Have YOU gotten tested lately?

  11. Former s*x-ed counselor here. Can you tell its a weekend at the office? Technically, yes people should wear condoms during oral s*x for men, and dental dams in the case of women for protection purposes. We had to advise people to do this in school. There is flavored lube to make it a better experience. In reality, I don’t know whether people do this, but my guess is rarely. Everyone always gave us the “no way am I doing that” look when we suggested this, but YMMV.

    Regarding your second question, you gotta do what’s more comfortable for you. I know plenty of people who just make it known (in a nice way) that they prefer not to do anything unprotected without getting tested. It’s a pretty broad explanation, but he’ll know what you’re talking about (and if not, you can explain in more detail, and mention that using a condom for oral is also an option) . And of course, don’t feel embarrassed to stick by your preferences!

  12. Anyone else “enjoying” a beautiful spring Sunday in the office? Grumble grumble…

    1. That’ll be me after church. Especially because I spent a lovely Saturday morning in the office working on something that one half of a team of partners had asked me to do, and when I sent it to both of them, the second one was all, “Oh no, that’s not what we wanted at all, do this completely different thing.” SIGH. IT IS EXACTLY WHAT PARTNER #1 ASKED ME FOR.

      1. I’ve been there, too. Sometimes even with just 1 lawyer. We used to have a brilliant, but very absentminded partner who would ask me to do something, and then be shocked when I came into work over the weekend to get it all done because he had forgotten about the assignment and gone on to think about something else. Hope it all works out!

    2. Yes. I can’t decide if it’s better to leave my blinds open and at least see the beautiful sky or close them so I can’t see what I’m missing…

  13. I’m hoping you all can give me some good advice (or a friendly dope slap if one is due) for this situation:
    I work in a midsize law firm, and I’m one of two associates in my practice area. The other associate is someone that I generally love working with. However, she’s getting ready to come back from maternity leave and her expectations are causing me something of a problem. This woman is in her early 40s and single, so she opted to have a baby via sperm donor. She was supposed to come back this week, but she announced to HR that she’s extending her leave for another two weeks because of her baby being low birth-weight (baby was born at 5 lbs, 15 ounces).

    She also sent me and the partners a memo outlining her expectations for what life will look like on her return. Basically, because she’s a single mom, she plans to only come in three days a week, and then work a half-day from home. She further points out that at least at first, she will be coming in around 10/11 in the morning because of the baby’s sleep routine. Since she has to get her kid from daycare, she says she’ll need to leave between 4 and 5 to get there in time because the daycare she likes isn’t near the office. She’s also claiming that because she has a baby, she wants them to assign all contested trials to me because she just doesn’t have the flexibility for court work and doesn’t want to work weekends(this is the civil litigation section, btw). And the kicker for me is this: She has more experience than do I, and because of that, she wants the firm to let her be the attorney doing triage and making case assignments within our section rather than me, even though I’m expected to be there all week and the partners have already refused to let me have any telecommuting.

    From my perspective, this makes me feel as if I’m being worked like a rented mule while the other associate gets to be the princess. Since I’ve had a good working relationship with the other associate in the past, I’m trying to give her the benefit of the doubt and believe that she doesn’t realize how she comes off in her memo. However, I have no intention of giving up my life just so that this woman can bend the world to her own terms. Am I being unreasonable? And does anyone have any advice for how I might negotiate this with management? Thanks!

    1. I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all. I wish I had some advice for you, but the only thing I can think right now is, “Wtf?”

      Did she have this sort of thing worked out with the partners before her leave or is it a surprise to everyone?

      1. I know that she had worked out her leave and a possible 1 day per week of telecommuting with the partners beforehand, but if she worked out the rest of this with them ahead of time, that would be news to me.

        I’m having a formal meeting with management next week about this, and I think I’m being pretty logical. I don’t mind covering the occasional emergency – this attorney covered me for my uncle’s sudden death and subsequent funeral, and I took one of her hearings when she had truly awful morning sickness. The only thing that gives me pause was that the attitude in the firm seems to be one of bending over backwards because “Oh, poor attorney M has wanted this baby so badly and she’s a single mother so she’ll need help!” whereas I see it as her personal choice and one for which I shouldn’t have to change my life in order to accommodate over the long term.

        1. I’m with you — I think there’s a huge difference between covering emergencies and doing each other favors versus you being expected to suddenly take on at least 25% of her workload with no foreseeable end date.

          Good luck at your meeting with management.

        2. As a single woman lawyer who had a baby via donor insemination, I have to say I suspect this woman has a hard fall coming. Having said that, I think when you meet with management you should not make this about her and whether she is fair or reasonable in her expectations, particularly since you don’t know for certain what type of agreement she has worked out with them. You need to make it about what can reasonably be expected from you. I would suggest focusing on how many cases/hours to be divided up; how many contested trials do you generally handle per month; where are you now and where were you before she left on maternity leave with regard to billable hours. It sounds like she wants to go to 80%. If you are already working at capacity (i.e. meeting you billing expectations), you can reasonably point that out without sounding whiny. (Because obviously they are going to want you to smile and say “No problem” because that makes their lives easier.) Whatever you do, don’t make it about her marital status – that should be irrelevant (and the partners won’t want to be seen to be discriminating against her on that basis).

          Final note – this may have been her opening bid and she may be asking for way more than she expects to get because she is anticipating a counter. However, if she has been with them a long time and they really want her back, don’t be suprised if they give her more than you think is reasonable.

        3. To me, this sounds like she is negotiating with the firm and you. I would negotiate right back. What do you want in return? Are you willing to agree to her terms. “If X is only working at 75% time and I will be doing a, b, and c now in addition to my other responsibilities, I want better pay (or I only want to do a and b but not c or I want to do D as well or I want a title change or whatever).” Could you speak with one superior in advance and get them to help advocate for you?

          I don’t think you can change what she wants from them – it’s up to them if they accept it or not. But use this as a bargaining position. Your job is changing – regardless of what is causing it.

    2. I think it depends what you want. IANAL so take this with the grain of salt it deserves but:

      Yes. It is unfair for her (slash management) to ask you to do substantial additional work for no additional pay with no expected end date. But what do you want?

      Are you willing to do the extra work if you get compensated and promoted accordingly? If so, you have a very legitimate argument to say, “I am doing X amount of work for Y dollars at Z level. I am now being asked to do X + 25% of work, and I want my compensation and standing to be adjusted to reflect that.”

      Are you unwilling to do the extra work at all? If so, you can say, “I was hired to do X, now I am asking to do X + 25%. I understand Coworker is unable to sustain work at the level she could pre-pregnancy, but I am unable to do both her job and my own. We need to bring in an additional team member to help with the overflow of work with Coworker’s reduced hours.”

      I think you have a pretty good case to get one or the other, depending which you want.

      1. I really agree with this advice. OP, please don’t be rough on her- it is really hard to manage family + career and honestly, we need more employers willing to do things like this- we really, really do- it’s about what will make it work for you, too. Think about what you want and ask reasonably, and do not make it about her family or choices. Seriously. I am struggling through a difficult pregnancy with tough conditions at work and having to question whether to leave my dream job because we don’t have that kind of flexibility.
        Do you want a contract person to help part time? More money? Whatever- just ask and base it on requests and facts.
        Also, remember this isn’t up to you- it’s up to the managers. If she is more senior and gets to pick cases, wait your turn if they deny your request to participate in that. I can’t stand when new people try to tell me what to do (not that you are new, but just saying- paying your dues is supposed to pay off for a reason).

        1. Also- you may find yourself in situations you don’t predict years later and wish people will work with you in ways you never imagined. I never planned or imagined that having a difficult pregnancy could be so hard to balance work with- every day for 9 months with constant special needs and failings. It is humiliating and humbling. And the bureaucrats who treat me like a criminal should be ashamed of themselves- but my point is that you should actually appreciate your firm’s attitude. The woman didn’t plan on having a baby with low birth weight. It is life and she will do her best to take care of her obligations and sustain her career as best she can. It really isn’t easy to manage the childcare thing plus work especially if there are special needs involved. And no one around you understands- in my case, all the women who have had more normal pregnancies are the worst to deal with- they are the least forgiving and least understanding which is hard and sad.

    3. I don’t think your feelings are unreasonable. But you aren’t going to convince your firm that because having a baby was her choice, she shouldn’t get reduced or “family-friendly” hours, however unfair it may seem.

      I think the bottom line is that, no matter what, the other associate is going to end up doing less work and have more limited availability. Unless your group hires someone new, that means you’ll have more work and likely more late nights and weekends. So you need to decide what you want in return – More compensation? More sophisticated or interesting work?

      Just out of curiosity, is it normal in your firm to have an associate “do[] triage and make case assignments within [a] section”? Regardless, I would still push back on her request to be Assignment Queen. You don’t want to get in a situation where she gives you all the boring/mundane assignments, save for those that happen to be (or involve) “contested trials.”

      As to compensation, how does your firm handle billables and bonuses? For example, if both of you used to work 2000 hours a year and next year it will be more like 1500 and 2500, will your compensation automatically reflect that imbalance? If it won’t, or if the correlation will be imperfect, it is perfectly reasonable to ask for a higher base salary to reflect your certain increase in workload.

    4. I have a similar situation–anyone that’s hung around my firm long enough is allowed to go part time. Many of these people stay part time for years (think 15 years!) and by then, their kids are gone. But they still go to our partners and claim that they absolutely, positively “cannot” work longer than 24/30 etc. hours per week. Instead, all of the other people are asked to pick up their slack.

      There was a really great series in Money Magazine about two months ago (likely the Feb or March issue) that talked about discussing how _your_ desire to go part time would mean that _management_ needed to figure out how to re-allocate your workload and that this re-allocation should be discussed with the other affected staff. The problem is, at least at my firm, those of us who are left (the other affected staff) are expected to completely rearrange our lives to be available for emergencies, filings that come up on the other people’s time off, and their general work that they are now not doing 20% of the time, etc. I have not been able to get mgmt to see that this affects me, regardless of whether it *should* or *is fair* or whatnot. It affects my life, it affects my workload, it affects my ability to be responsive to my clients.

      Therefore, I echo the comments of the others above. Talk to your partners. Explain to them that if YOUR job expectations and client load and billables are changing, you expect to be compensated for the additional flexibility and affect on your family. Ask to be promoted a year. Show them that you don’t have the bandwidth. Explain that you are happy to help with X and Y, but cannot take on Z, because []. Set boundaries and ask for additional compensation up front…this can’t be a “the other person always asks and I always get the short stick” sort of situation, or it will make you crazy. I know it makes me crazy. Last, tell them that you are willing to do X and Y, for a trial period of three months. Then say that the situation will need to be re-evaluated.

      I know that being childless or not part time does not make me a protected class. But I definitely wish it did, because my firm goes so far in the other direction, that it’s not even close to fair to those who are not part-time.

      1. Wow, kind of bummed with all the negativity about p/t moms. Try to remember that there is a cut in compensation that comes with being p/t and being a mom is an additional job. Yes, it is something that people take on voluntarily, but they also agree to give up money for the flexibility they feel is necessary to make them a better parent. Also, someone with more experience also tends to be more productive with the time they do spend in the office. They may be producing as much work on their p/t schedule as a less productive f/t worker who is making more money.

        Otherwise, agree with all that posted above, think about what you need from your bosses, not what you don’t want her to get.

  14. Threadjack. After a long struggle, I’ve finally realized I need to look for another job. I currently live in a small midwestern city where the cost of living is low, I have a short and no-traffic commute, and we have good schools and big yards for my young kids. I had a great conversation about a possible job in D.C. Question for those in D.C.: is it possible to find good neighborhoods (nice houses, decent yards, young families) around D.C. that are within a reasonable commuting distance? If so, where?

    1. Yes, there are good neighborhoods within reasonable commuting distance (which you have not defined), but the general rule of thumb is – you get two out of three, and even then they are very expensive. Look into Bethesda, Potomac, McLean, Vienna.
      Two out of three means you get a family-oriented neighborhood and large yards but the houses are old, or any other combination. New construction is usually very dense and people make do without large backyards. Did I mention it’s very expensive to live here?

      1. Seconded. Very expensive. My husband and I both have good jobs in the Leesburg area. I was looking to live in an area that would make it possible for me to get a job in the city later in my career, and we began looking in McLean and Vienna. Holy. Cow. With law school debt there was no way we would feel comfortable buying a single family home in those neighborhoods. I also came from the Midwest, and let me tell you – sticker shock, unless you’re currently living in Cook County, IL .

        So, now I live an unreasonable commuting distance from the city, but have a house payment that’s super reasonable, for a home that is in a family friendly neighborhood with a large backyard.

    3. Depends on square footage, what size yard you want, is job in downtown DC or DC area, do you care if you live in VA or MD (politics are different), etc. etc. Any chance you can work from home/compressed work schedule?

      I have a few friends that have found older homes in nice, established communities in the Fort Hunt (Alexandria) area. Larger yards, trees, driveways, etc. Not cheap, but a beautiful area.

      1. Thanks all. We are lucky to be pretty well established, law school loans and other debt paid off a long time ago, and lots of equity in our current home. I know we won’t get the same thing there, but with elementary aged kids, want to have a sense of what we can get. I’d like the commute to be 45 minutes or less (is that possible)? And budget could likely be in the 500-700K range. Job would be right downtown. What are the differences between living in VA compared to MD?

        1. If your kids are in school, will you need a large yard as much? Do you realize how soon your kids will be in middle/high school with no time or desire to play outside?

          When we were moving into the area, the schools were our primary selection factor and we both hated old houses with tiny rooms and low ceilings. We bought a new townhouse in the best school district we could afford, in the location fairly close to the Beltway so DC and other work hubs would be within 1 hour with traffic. No yard to play in, but the older kid had after-school activities almost daily, and the younger one played with the neighborhood kids in the cul-de-sac or at the playground, until he started going to activities, too. It worked out very well both in terms of the kids’ schooling and activities and our jobs as both me and husband moved locations several times. BUT we are all into arts and books, not sports, so this solution might not have worked for a more active/ourdoorsy family.

          With your budget you won’t be able to check off all the items on your list and you’ll have to prioritize between the school quality, commute, quality of the house, and yard size. I recommend the Wash DC section of the city-data forums if you need detailed information, particularly differences between MD and VA.

        2. I just want to third (or fourth?) that it is absurdly expensive to live in suburban DC. We are househunting there now, trying to stay within a reasonable commuting distance, and it is maddening.

          I don’t know much about Northern Va. In Maryland, it’s basically the further out you go (45 min-1 hr commute, terrible traffic), the less outrageous the prices. If you want to live within 30 min, you might be able to swing it at the top end of your price range (600-700k) in Potomac or Potomac-adjacent (Cabin John etc). Those areas are lovely, but you will not get much for your money- mostly just location and schools. Some parts of Silver Spring are reasonable and nice (Woodmoor comes to mind), but some parts are very crappy. Parts of Rockville are nice, other parts are crappy. A good rule of thumb is that if the price looks reasonable, the neighborhood must be complete sh*t.

          If you go further up in Montgomery County- Gaithersburg, Germantown, Olney are all much more reasonably priced and nice. In exchange, you get a 1 hr commute, depending on where you’re going in DC, and you don’t get the best of the best MoCo public schools (but the schools aren’t bad either, just kind of mid-range). But you would get a nice, large house with a decent yard for 600k or so.

        3. I prefer MD to VA just because I think traffic in VA is worse. 95 during rush hour is a parking lot and 66 into the city is HOV only. With your budget, you can get a sizeable house in Chevy Chase or older Potomac (try zip 20854).

        4. Lifelong resident of MD, DC area suburbs, and I really that there’s a bit too much gloom and doom here. You can do something decent for $700K or less – you might want to think about how you want to use your space — is your desire to have *land* or accessible and viewable play areas (i.e. if there is shared play areas within the field of view of your homw, is that trade off for a smaller yard?)

          Last mile connectivity is key in DC. “Right downtown” isn’t terribly meaningful for the DC area – figure out what Metro line, MARC line, and/or express bus line (fwiw, great for everything *except* law – Metro and MARC are much more regular) your office is closest to, and track backwards. If, for example, your office is a stop on the Green line, you can live in a nice single family with yard in Howard County with terrific schools less than 20 minutes away from the Green line, and have a less than an hour commute. If you’re near Union Station you can easily live in Anne Arundel County in a McMansion with decent schools and have a high speed commute of less than an hour.

          Do be aware that if you move to the DC area (in my limited experience it seems more pronounced in the Maryland suburbs) parenting is somewhat different than what I’ve experienced with friends who live in the Midwest aside from Chicago. There is intense pressure to start your kids in all sorts of lessons, activities, groups, teams, etc. starting at three at the very latest. The lovely back yards may not get that much use between shuttling the kids from activity to activity, especially on weekends.

          MD v. VA – Maryland is a good deal more liberal than Virginia, and especially in the DC area suburbs there are a lot of very, very well academically educated people. I’ve always felt that there’s more “wealth” in Virginia, and more “education” in Maryland – ymmv. I could not see myself in Virginia, but it’s really a cultural thing.

          1. I really don’t know about the commute from AA Co to Union Station- I assume by “high speed” you mean MARC? The Acela is actually high speed (or as close as we get) and the only stops I know of are at the airport (not great for daily commuting) or downtown Baltimore. Also it’s crazy expensive for an every day commute.

            MARC does have several stops in Howard Co. I don’t have a ton of experience with MARC for commuting purposes, but it is not known for speed or reliability. I have two friends who are commuting to DC from Howard County on MARC. Both are in law and have been doing the commute for 1 year or so. Neither have any kids yet. Both of them are trying to move closer to DC because the commute is so miserable. I would not recommend committing to that unless you were from the area and knew what you were getting into with MARC.

            I completely agree with your description of the culture in Montgomery County re educational snobbiness. The population is very highly educated, very rich, very diverse. But there are significant pockets of MS13 activity and other shadiness also. It’s an interesting place, for sure. I am from Maryland originally, but am relatively new to Montgomery County and I am not sure I see myself here for the long haul.

          2. I was referring to MARC – and the Penn line, as the Camden line sucks (my husband tried it, it was a complete disaster, and I’ve heard that from everyone who has tried to make it work). It’s only about a 40 minute trip. On Camden Dorsey to Union Station is about an hour, but everything goes wrong on that line and there isn’t backup Amtrak service if you need to leave the office at a godforsaken hour.

            MARC commuting is also less of a pain than driving, Metro, or commuter bus. It’s comfortable, and very easy to (say for a lawyer), bill for 80% of the ride. Its much harder to work on the Metro. I would never suggest driving to DC – it’s a hell that no one should ever go through. Now, if you could get the deal my husband did for a while where the commuter bus picked up almost in front of our house and dropped off in front of his office, and worked a regular enough schedule, that would be awesome, but that’s a little more rare, and there’s still the issues with traffic (though as long as you can work on the bus it’s not that painful). My experience is that the non-driving commute to DC can be better than the inter suburb or Baltimore driving commute – purely because its possible to not waste the time.

            There are a lot of other factors that I think matter in terms of buying a house with kids in tow – public / private school choice being the biggest one, and the children’s commuting schedule. Private schools seem to be a much less common thing in the midwest than in this area, even in excellent Maryland school systems / districts. I have to admit I skew towards private schools versus public, but I am also reminded that we have a lot of good choices in the area – I don’t know where the poster is from and whether public schools are the default option, or what school choices are likely to be made, but I would guess that for elementary aged kids there are more choices in this area than there. I would start the search by deciding what school(s) that you want to put children at, likelihood of acceptance (or redistricting if you’re doing public school and potential changes in drop off / pick up and before/afterschool care plans), and then figure out the triangle(s) between each parent’s work, school/care, and home, unless you know going into it that you will have a babysitter / nanny for all pickups and drop offs.

            That said, I hate to say it, if you live in Maryland, Northern Virginia, or DC, and aren’t living next to work, your commute will suck. Upside is you get used to it, and the area really is awesome. I live further out, but between DC and Baltimore my husband and I have incredible career opportunities, I live in a nice little older townhouse (or at least I like it though I’m sure there are other corporettes who would not like it :-)) in great, diverse, well-educated neighborhood where I feel like I’m a major part of the community, with great HOA and public ammenities for my kids to use, there’s a fantastic sense of community – whether at the grocery store, library, or school event. And a short drive (on a weekend) to Metro means a quick zip to the Smithsonian, Kennedy Center (though that one we drive), or other cool place. There’s always something to do, and much of it is very affordable or free. Not to mention the incredible opportunities in Our Nation’s Capital when the kids are older and have passions and interests to pursue on their own. This was a fantastic place to grow up and a fantastic place to raise kids today. There are problems, like every other place on earth, but the opportunities in the DC area are really wonderful, and I’m a big fan.

  15. Just saw the Hunger Games movie with my 11 year old daughter, who didn’t want to be “the only girl in school who didn’t see it this weekend!”

    I thought Peeta and Gale were perfectly cast & am now surprised that earlier ‘rettes though they should have been swapped.

    And I cried my eyes out about Rue!

  16. Ladies, any in-house compliance/ethics folks out there?

    I ran across an in-house compliance attorney posting and would love to hear what this job entails on a day-to-day basis, what type of background is most suitable for this type of position, and what is expected from an in-house compliance attorney.

    (I’m a junior biglaw litigator, btw.)

    1. I cover a lot of the compliance issues at my office – for that area, there is a lot of standard setting (e.g. don’t accept or pay bribes! duh.), training (anti-trust law is a big one), updating legislation (making sure you are compliant with environmental laws, etc.). Litigation has nothing to do with it but if they are looking for a junior attorney then I would just emphasize your research skills and ability to teach in some fashion (a lot of compliance is educating the business side). Keep us updated if you apply!

      1. Also, just for comparison, to get a decent house in a closer in suburb, prices start around $1 million and go up from there. Cheaper than NYC, LA, or SF, but substantially more expensive than the rest of the country.

  17. Fashion Emergency!

    I have a semi-formal event on Saturday night. Need a cocktail dress immediately. Preferably not expensive as I don’t plan to be this size for much longer… and it needs to be flattering on a size 14 post-baby body. Ugh!

    Any suggestions?

    1. I went on the Macys’ website and they have tons of cute, inexpensive dresses. I have a c*cktail shift dress from Alfani that cost like $30 on final sale, and I got so much wear out of it.
      And don’t forget to buy Spanx!

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