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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 569 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread

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Bag Snob for DKNY The Clutch sequined leather bagSomething on your mind? Chat about it here. Net-a-Porter has some major sales going on! Not only are there drool-worthy pieces (like this sequined leather clutch from the Bag Snob collaboration with DKNY), but there are a ton of great lingerie pieces at deep discounts (including Rigby & Peller!), as well as a ton of great basics like Splendid t-shirts. For the Weekend Open Thread, I'm loving this sequined leather bag — I particularly like the smart wristlet strap and numerous pockets. (And deep blue sequins! Gorgeous.) The bag was $265, but is now marked 40% off to $159. Bag Snob for DKNY The Clutch sequined leather bag (L-2)

Sales of note for 9.10.24

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Comments

  1. Echo

    Love that bag! I have a soft spot for sequins.

    I’ve got a “happy” problem. I have a fairly sizable wardrobe, but many of my pieces are between 1 and 4 sizes too big due to weight loss, which I’ve sustained for quite some time now. I can’t afford a completely new wardrobe, and I’m worried that tailoring a large amount of clothing will also be quite pricey and time-consuming.

    Should I sell the clothes? Alter them? Donate them? I’m overwhelmed with a stuffed closet and swimming in my clothes. Thanks for any advice!

    • SF Bay Associate

      Congrats on your happy problem! Go to a skilled tailor first and get some estimates for your favorite pieces. You may be surprised to find alterations are less expensive than you think, especially if the tailor gives you some kind of volume discount. Skirts are easy to take in, for one thing. Dresses can be, too. Jackets are usually very expensive to alter (shoulders are a bear), and pants can be challenging as well. EBay should be a good option for quality, gently worn, brand-name clothes. Goodwill the knits.

      • long time lurker

        with some of my jackets i have gotten the waist nipped in a bit by splitting the seam in the back, and its not too onerous for the tailor. so assuming you mostly lost from your midsection that may work.

        agree on pants, they are tough to alter.

      • Echo

        Excellent advice, thank you everyone! I think it will take some sorting and tough decision-making. (And maybe some more shopping, oh darn!)

    • Ellen

      YOU should exchange some stuff with ME! I have a lot of clotheing that I can NOT fit into right now b/c of my winter EATING habit’s. I am struggleing to get back into a size 4, but am NOT their yet.

      But I do NOT want to give up with my looser fit’s b/c the manageing partner keeps lookeing at my tush and commenteing that it is to large. If I get smaller, fine, but right now, I could use the encuragement with some looser fiting clotheing.

      Also, I want to atract new guys at the beach, but right now, my tush does NOT look good in a batheing suit, so I just wear short shorts. If anyone has any good ideas, I would LOVE to impliment them!

      • M-C

        Have you seen those middle-Eastern pants called sarouelles? They’re a bit last-year, but they are so BAGGY, you can get positively HUGE before anybody notices anything is going on. Plus you can keep your mace in there too, so you can just NIP that partner oogling before it gets to be too much!

      • JessC

        Am I the only one who would be highly curious to see what is in Ellen’s (fictitious) closet?

    • HereThere

      If you are thinking consignment shops or such, check out the amount of work they want you to do to sell to them. I looked into it a little bit back and decided it was too much to do that much work (because I had a TON of clothes to get rid of) for almost no money.

      Congratulations!

    • Hel-lo

      Consignment store! Not a lot give you cash up front any more, but there’s one in my area that gives you store credit. And I love shopping there anyway, so I use it.

    • phillygirlruns

      i have a similar issue now. i got 5 pairs of pants hemmed and taken in for about $90 total – i’d recommend starting there.

      otherwise, i went through the closet and identified stuff that wasn’t worth dealing with – which became a couple garbage bags full of clothes destined for goodwill. i have another pile that i intended to take to buffalo exchange, but haven’t yet – and i might just add that to the goodwill pile as well, since my experience with buffalo exchange is that i MIGHT get $50 out of the entire lot. that helped pare things down and i’ve slowly been replacing stuff where i can.

    • pinky

      I went through the exact same thing and I got rid of everything – new me new clothes!

    • Coach Laura

      A tailor told me that the max that can be tailored effectively is two sizes., so I’d use the strategies others have given for the rest.

    • SunnyD

      If you have friends in various sizes, you could host a clothing swap. Everyone brings her nice clothes that she doesn’t wear and everyone shops each other’s closets and takes home clothing they want and will wear.

      Congrats on your sustained weight loss.

      • another anon

        I did one of these once, and then we gave the leftovers to a local women’s shelter. It was fun, and I remember getting a lot of great stuff.

      • SugarMag

        A lot of cities also have a “career closet” where you can locate “business” clothing to help low-income women who need interview clothing. This is also tax deductible.

        • zora

          exactly. If I had your (awesome) problem ;o), I would

          1) go thru the pieces that are 1 size too big: pick out the ones I like the best/that are in the best shape, take them to a tailor.

          2) take everything else to a high-quality consignment shop, see how much $ or trade I can get for them.

          3) take everything the consignment store wouldn’t take to a Dress for Success, or other career closet non-profit for women who need interview clothing.

          4) Go Shopping!!!!!! ;o)

          • eastbaybanker

            I second donations to Dress for Success!

            I always make an effort to drop off career clothes in good condition to Dress for Success, rather than Goodwill. They are an amazing organization that helps low income women transitioning back into the work force, not just with clothes but job search help as well. (I’m not affiliated in any way, just a fan.)

    • Midwesterner

      For the pants, can you define one size too big? Is it the waist only, thighs, an all over fit? I only ask as I tend to gain weight in 1-2 areas first and lose it there. The waist may o ly need a few darts if everything else fits normally. Darts can be done yourself easily or are fairly cheap at a dry cleaner/tailor.

        • Midwesterner

          You should easily be able to do darts yourself then if you want to save money. If you aren’t sure how they would look doing them yourself, you can try on one of the pants you don’t really care about.

          • Bella

            Congratulations on the weight loss!

            I’ve also lost weight, about 1-2 dress sizes and am roughly halfway through my desired loss.

            Taking in dresses and skirts is quite attainable if you can use a sewing machine. I’ve taken in a few and it takes about half an hour. If only the waist is too big, you can take up to half an inch off each side by taking in the seam going down to the hem from under the armpit. This removes 2″ from the waist, and about an inch from the hip and ribcase. This can also be done with a skirt that has no waistband. If you lost from the upper back too, you can take in the seam that runs from the shoulder over the back to the tush. This should not be as much, maybe an inch and a half max.

            Jackets are too hard to do at home, as are pants. I’d rather save up for a new pantsuit. If I had a good pantsuit one size to big, I’d take it to a tailor. But if it is way big or not that great, I’d rather save up to have a new one.

  2. Research, Not Law

    Posted yesterday too late for responses:

    I’m looking for a white top that isn’t transparent. I’m loving the smocked and bubble hem tops at LOFT, but they are complete see-through in white. :( Anyone have suggestions for a cotton/cotton-blend, jersey, white top that can be worn alone?

    • Echo

      I’ve been searching for something like this for a while. Suggestions: check out Pendleton; invest in a nude-for-you seamless camisole; I love the Tahari t-shirts, white included.

    • Ashley

      Actually, my sister just bought a v-neck t-shirt at Target that is pretty substantial, link to follow. I can’t tell if you’re wanting it to be really dressy, but this shirt would work well under a suit jacket/blazer, or with a skirt and heels (and, clearly, jeans/shorts on the weekend!). I bought one in black. We each bought a size Small, I’m 5′ 6″, long-waisted, fairly busty, my sister is 5′ 3″, long-waisted, fairly busty. The shirt came down just shy of mid-hip for me, and lower hips for her. And, at $10, why not try it out? :)

        • Anon for this

          Not sure which specific tees you’re linking to but I have several from Target. The Mossimo v neck tees are thin but nice, stretchy material. I wear them under cardigans at work and sometimes also wear a cami underneath (especially with the white). The Merona tees are thicker but a little less ‘nice’ looking. I wear those ones on the weekends. (5’7″, a little chubby, busty, and I wear a medium.)

    • J

      Not sure if you want just a regular tee, but the Lands’ End cotton modal tees fit the bill.

    • Sarah ATD

      I also love t-shirts from target. I live in the c9 Champion power workout tees (link below). They don’t shrink, aren’t transparent, come in tons of colors, and hold up really well. Bonus, they’re only $10! For a plain white tee, you might want to look at this one in white
      http://tinyurl.com/7jpeazh

  3. Summer Bummer

    Being a summer associate is stressing me out far more than I thought it would. I’m pretty sure I can handle the work. I’ve interned at several places and am confident in my writing skills. And I’m not anti-social or anything! But I keep feeling like the whole summer is a test to see if they think I’m cool enough, and… I’m probably not. I don’t drink, and I don’t eat red meat, and I have mobility issues, and though I’ve tried my super-very-hardest not to be a drag because of those things, I find myself being left out and not invited to the things everyone is doing (going to bars, playing basketball, eating steaks, etc) because of it.
    So my question is — how social were your summer clerkships, lawyerettes? If you’re a hiring partner, how much do you emphasize “ability to have a fun night out” in your hiring decisions?

    • a.

      I’ll say upfront that I don’t work in law. However. No matter where you work, I think it’s important to make some effort to fit into the company culture. If your firm is big on socialization, you should probably try to work on your ability to relate to your coworkers outside of normal business hours. You don’t drink? Go to the bar with everyone, have a ginger ale. You don’t eat red meat? Very few steakhouses don’t have something else on the menu; if it’s at a cookout bring your own chicken breasts. You can’t play basketball? Go be the cheering section for the firm team. There are work-arounds.

      • karenpadi

        a. is 100% right. You are spending 40+ hours/week with these people with the goal of eventually spending 60+ hours/week with them when you go full time. They want to know that they like the people they are hiring.

        To answer your questions: summer clerks are expected to be super social. The “fun night out” isn’t a job requirement per se. It’s more of a litmus test to see if they fit into the culture of the firm. It helps answer the questions: can I see myself spending (unbilled) hours mentoring this person? Do I want to be alone in the office on the weekend with this person? Can I commiserate with this person when times are bad and celebrate with this person when times are good?

    • Anonymous

      If you aren’t getting invited to bars and steak places, I’m guessing you made abigail deal about not drinking/eating red meat. Is that because those issues are deal breakers for you and you won’t engage in activities with people who are drinking/ eating meat? If that’s the case then, don’t worry about it and let the chips fall where they may. Work on being social in other ways.

      However, if you aren’t opposed to being around people who do these things, then it sounds like you may have made a bigger deal out of them than necessary. Many times I’ve gone to a bar and ordered club soda and lime. Most restaurants have vegetarian offerings. If asked if you have dietary restrictions, you can say you are a vegetarian, but follow it up with a casual “I can usually find something on the menu anywhere though.”.

      It’s the whole guest/host dynamic. As a guest, you should make as light of any issues as possible so that you aren’t imposing. As hosts, they should do their best to accommodate so you dont feel uncomfortable.

    • ahm

      I do not drink or eat red meat and I’m a biglaw associate. It is not a job requirement. That said, summer programs are definitely a chance to get a feel for a candidate’s personality in addition to job performance. Here’s what I’d say about being social as a summer:
      1) Go to all official social events unless you have a very, very good excuse (e.g. family emergency or VERY pressing work deadline) and even then you should not miss more than a couple. Talk to a variety of people. Don’t be the gunner who only talks to senior partners, but don’t be super shy and only talk to fellow summers. Try to get to know everyone as much as possible. Don’t be one of the first ones to leave at every event.
      2) As far as unofficial events, be open to going to bars and steakhouses and stuff. You do not have to do anything against your own morals, but you also don’t have to discuss your morals. As others have said, just go, order a coke and chicken and hang out. Let the organizers know you are open to going to athletic events as team cheerleader. If you are bummed you missed out on an event that most of the firm went to (i.e. not just a few close friends hanging out), say “I heard bowling was really fun last night. Let me know next time you’re going out, I’d love to come along and cheer for you guys” or something along those lines. If you are still not getting invited, try organizing some events on your own. I’d bet there are other summers and attorneys who would be open to a non-bar event (I know I would). Are there any other summers you get along with? If so, invite a couple of them to hang out in a non-bar setting. If that goes well, do it again and invite the other summers + attorneys.
      3) If you are still not getting invited to unofficial events and not successful at having your own, at least make an effort to get to know the attorneys in the office. Make sure you have a chance to have at least a 5-minute chat with each attorney, either around the office or at an official social event. Most attorneys will seek out the summers and try to get to know them, so it shouldn’t be too hard. But if you are not super involved in social events at least try to get to know people.
      4) Also consider whether you fit in with the culture of the firm. I know in this economy most people feel very lucky to get a job, but you should also think about whether you would want to work here full time. If the culture is really all about getting smashed, is this some place you would want to work? Alcohol is definitely more prevalent in the legal profession than in other careers, but culture varies a lot from firm to firm and there are some firms where non-drinkers feel very comfortable (mine included).

      Bottom line: yes, it is important to be social and meet people and generally convey that you are a nice, easy to get along with person. No, it is not important to be a party animal, and in many places would be seen as a negative.

      • Advice to Summer Associate

        I’m a 7th yr in NYC and don’t drink (religious reasons) so I’ve had to deal with this for years. I’ve never felt pressured to drink at my firm but sometimes you do feel left out and just don’t feel like being out for hours and hours with drunk people. As a summer, you just have to deal. You have to show the firm that you are the type of person they want to have around and mentor for years to come. Make sure you aren’t coming off as judgmental of others drinking/eating meat and aren’t lecturing/explaining about your reasons. As others have said, order a club soda or coke and don’t make a big deal of it. I’ve been at my firm for years and those closest to me know I don’t drink but will still “go out for drinks” with them, will buy them a drink if we’re celebrating something etc.– a lot of relationships are built casually that way so you don’t always want to be opting out (same with informal lunches). A lot of others in my department probably suspect I don’t drink but I’m actually not sure if they know. For example, I’ll walk into the Christmas party and someone will ask if I want a drink and instead of saying that I don’t drink, I’ll say that I need to eat something first and just move on with the conversation.

        As for not eating red meat, I don’t see that as an issue at all — lots of people don’t for religious reasons or health reasons. Even at steakhouses, there is always a chicken option and multiple fish options, at least in NYC. I see no need to even explain that one.

        When you mention not getting “informal” invites, is that from other summers or associates? Within just a few weeks, you may inadvertently have established yourself as someone who is really serious, doesn’t like to go out (due to the drinking issue) etc. so people don’t “bother” to invite. This can be undone early in the summer. Do you have an officemate/next door summer associate? Ask them to let you know when they’re going out next and that you’d love to join — most people don’t mean to exclude. If that doesn’t work, when you go to the next “formal/planned” summer event, chat with people, act relaxed and casual and like you’re having a good time, and I’m willing to bet people will say that you seem nice and want to have you at the next gathering. People do realize that some take longer to warm up than others — it is only the first few weeks of the summer.

        While you will need to give some thought to the firm culture and whether you fit and whether you want to fit, the first step is to do what you need to do to get the offer. In this economy, that will give you options if you decide this firm isn’t for you. Good luck!

  4. Seattlesq.

    I’ve been out of law school for a year now, and I’ve recently been offered my first firm job as an associate. (!) I’m supposed to go in on Monday to talk details and salary. I’m hoping the Hive here can help me with some salary information. I’ve done all the market research I can, spoken with friends, law school career services, etc., but it everyone tends to be rather tightlipped about cold hard numbers for non-biglaw firm salaries. If anyone here works in small or mid-size firms and feels comfortable sharing their salaries, or perhaps what their salary was when they were a first or second year associate, that information could be very helpful to me in shaping my expectations and forming an actual range to put forward when/if I’m asked on Monday: “what is your salary requirement?” I already know what I plan to ask for and what I would be willing to concede in terms of benefits and other compensation package elements. Without giving away too many details, this is a firm in the Seattle area with 10-15 attorneys and a focus on employment law. Thanks in advance!

    • Lyssa

      Congrats on the job!

      I live in a *much* lower cost of living area (Southeast), but most people in their first year who didn’t go to big law in my class (2009) seemed to be getting in the neighborhood of 55K, with some bonus possibility. (They were surprisingly open about salaries to me, plus I picked this up from a few that I discussed possible options with myself.) Gov’t workers seemed to get less (45-50K).

      • JessC

        I’m in the southeast also (FL) and the numbers I’ve seen are roughly the same, though the gov’t salaries I’ve seen are more like $40K-$45K for first-second years.

        • anon

          I think those numbers are low for Seattle. My first Associate job was with a 20ish attorney Seattle firm. This was 15 years ago, and I think I started at about $70K.

      • Anon

        I would tend to agree with the $45K – $65K range throughout much of the Southeast, including some of the bigger cities (not sure about Atlanta, but definitely Richmond, Charlotte, Charleston areas). The big range in my experience is with benefits and how your bonus is calculated (do you share in total firm profits? your clients only? your cases only?, etc.).

        • JDS

          I started in a 10 lawyer, general practice firm in Atlanta at 70K in 2007, with bonus.

    • Anon for this

      2011 grad, small firm (same size as yours!) in the midwest, I make $60,000/year + a quarterly bonus that depends on a combination of how much business I bring in (ha, none so far), how many hours I work, and how much of what I bill the firm actually collects. When I started my boss estimated I would make $72,000/year the first year. I think this was probably a bit high.

      Good luck!

    • New England Anon

      2009 Grad – first job out of law school – 20-30 lawyer firm -$75,000 salary plus bonus options. Only managed to get $3k in bonus first and second year due to lack of work. No raise while there.

      Second job – 5 attorney firm, does a bit of everything including PI, currently making $70,000 – hoping for a raise soon.

    • money talks

      congrats! I started at $75k in a small firm in the Southeast in 2008. I think salary expectations at a small firm depend on where the firm falls into on the small firm scale. IMO, the scale ranges from small firm with a specialized practice and big firm clients (higher salaries) to small firms that do “door law” (they’ll take whatever work comes in the door) where you can expect a lower salary. If your new firm has big firm clients, look at salaries for big but regional firms, and see what they pay starting. Also consdier billable hour requirement when compairing to larger firms.

    • ChocCityB&R

      I love this question because I think that a lot of the reason women have lower salaries than men is because we don’t ask for more. But it’s important to know just how much is appropriate to ask for! I don’t have an answer to your question now, but I hope to have one very soon :) Congrats on the job!

    • Gail the Goldfish

      $72k, NYC, smallish-firm (about 50 attorneys). We get raises every year, but I’m still in my first year so I can’t tell you how much. No bonuses, though.

      • Gail the Goldfish

        oh, and 2000 hours billable requirement. And sadly, things like pro bono and CLEs don’t count towards that.

        • SugarMag

          Ouch! How can you afford to live in NYC for that much? I made half that in a town of 30,000 people and was fine, but my rent was $750/month, including heat.

          • a.

            Not to snark, but this is one of my pet peeves–people live in NYC for half that. Or a quarter of that. I know people who are, as I type, living on $30,000 a year in Manhattan. Perspective, please.

          • CA Atty

            @a. serious question, not at all snark, do these people have student loans? I live in expensive CA and in a fairly expensive area, though not as expensive as it could be and I’m a pretty good bargain shopper (actually, my boyfriend is) but I could not live on $30,000 per year.

          • anonnyugrad

            NYU (undergrad) grad here! I have $50k in undergrad debt, and I just finished 1L at a decent school but chose my law school partly because of the huge scholarship they gave me. Prior to law school, I worked as a paralegal in NYC, lived in Manhattan, and made $35k/year. It was tough. My rent was $900/month, my student loans were $500/month… and fortunately, I was kept busy enough at work that I didn’t have time for the things I couldn’t afford. Staples were ramen and Trader Joe’s three buck chuck.

          • a.

            Yup, they do. Not law school loans, but too-rich-to-qualify-for-need-based-aid too-poor-to-actually-afford-tuition private undergrad loans.

          • Gail the Goldfish

            Yea, relative to my student loans, I feel underpaid (my particular area of law is notoriously underpaid because our clients are notoriously cheap. I’m hoping to find a new job at some point. I graduated in a horrible year). But it’s really not that hard–I live in Queens, have roommates, and very little money left over each month. My rent is $850, my student loans are about $1500 (which is the minimum, extended payment. So at this rate, I’ll be debt free when I’m 50. But my salary will go up, right?). My boyfriend (who is in a similar financial situation due to his firm going bankrupt before he could even start) and I are moving into our own place when our lease is up at the end of the summer. I’m getting a raise in July, but we just ran the numbers and what we can afford is a little sad given how much money we both make relative to a lot of people. But those student loans are killers. However, the depressing thing is realizing I work just as many hours as a lot of my friends at firms that are making much, much more. Don’t go to law school, kids.

            (how I ended up with that much in law school loans is a story for another day. But again, the moral is don’t go to law school.)

    • Anon for this

      I’m in Los Angeles, and when I started at my first firm, a mid-sized, in 2007 I started at $65k/year, with a bonus program that was frozen about 5 seconds after I started. I think that salaries for 1st years are probably still about that, and Seattle markets (I think?) are pretty comparable to LA. I know I was at the high end because I have industry knowledge relevant to that firm that most 1st years would not have had.

      If anyone wants to chime in on small firm salaries for 5th years, that would be super awesome too – I have my 1st evaluation/salary negotiation coming up at my new firm and I would love some help. NALP says median 5th year salary for small firm is $96k, but I think that sounds pretty optimistic to me. I’m in LA, litigation and some transactions for large/med corporations. Less than 6 attorneys. Sorry for the TJ :)

      • anonforthis

        That sounds crazy optimistic to me. I’m a 5th year. Was making that when I left my 50 attorney firm in the suburbs of an LA-sized city. Now I make in the low $50’s at small town small law (doorlaw as money talks called it :)).

      • 5th Year

        I’d love to hear this too as it’s so hard to know whether we’re underpaid, overpaid, or just about right. I’m a fifth year in a similar-sized firm in NYC with a specialized practice. I started at $60K my first year, now up to $110K as a 5th year (had to fight for that last bump). Bonuses aren’t much to speak of.

        • anon for this

          I should have probably added (I was the anon 5th year up there) that I’m currently at 75k, with salary negotiations to take place at the end of my probation. We’re a specialized practice as well, so that might make a difference.

          Also it would be interesting to know what everyone’s vacation is…I think I get 2 weeks? (I know, so weird I’m not sure, but like I said, probation.) It is very vague around here, but it seems like if you plan in advance and let them know, you can do whatever (as long as your work is done).

      • Anon

        I started in a subset of insurance defense in 2008, at a very small firm in Los Angeles, making 65k- somehow convinced them to give me a 15k raise my second year. Still wasn’t enough money for the hours. The salaries for many firms in LA are quite sad, especially considering the cost of living.

    • Anonymous

      Public interest environmental law firm = $40k to start. Have you tried the career services or public interest law center at your school? Periodically, people do surveys in very specific areas of law, segmented by geographic region and urban/rural. Perhaps there’s one for your chosen area?

      • Anonymous

        I’m not adept at searching the site, but I think a while back there was a long thread where everyone said where they worked, firm size and salary. You could try finding that as well.

    • Anon for This

      2011 grad in a rural, low COA area, 16 attorney firm working exclusively in insurance defense/employer side employment/WC. I was offered $56K/yr with bonus options after the first year.

      If it matters, my billing requirement is also one of the lowest I’ve heard: I’m only required 1800/yr.

      • anon for this

        Smallish city (west), class of 2010, first job was at a 19 person law firm was 55K, but billables were 1600.

    • New England Anon

      Let’s talk raises too. How much is typical between years in small/mid-size firms. What is your personal experience?

      • Anonomou$

        Started at 30 person firm in New England in 2008 at 65K. Now making 76K. Raises are approximately 5K per year with 10 – 30K bonus depending on how many years at the firm. 1800 billable requirement.

    • L

      I don’t know why people are so weird about what they make–people decide on their own how much they think you make based on your house, car, etc., so you might as well be real about it. Anyway, I’m a 2011 grad working in a small firm (litigation) in the southwest. Started at $65k plus annual bonus in September 2011. Bonus for 2011 was $5k. Pay increased to $68k for 2012. Congrats and good luck!

      • L

        p.s. For perspective, my billable req is 1500. For 1800-2000 billables, I would not take less than $80k, FWIW.

    • Coach Laura

      I asked a hiring partner in Seattle (small/mid size ~8 attorneys) this question today and she said $50K or up to $60K for a really good writer or someone with prior industry experience.

    • CA Atty

      OMG after reading this thread I am incredibly lucky to have my current job.

      Thanks to all for the happy Friday perspective!! :-)

      Since I’m a gov’t employee, my salary is public information. I make $89,000/year, 1300 hour billable requirement but many many things that I do I can’t bill for.

      • Anon LA 5th year

        CA Atty – need some more hands around there? Kidding. But yes, that would be my ideal move someday. Reading this I guess I am even more lucky than I thought I was in my tiny-law spot!

        I don’t have a “minimum billable” because we have several flat fee/contingency things I work on, and so far it has been about 150-160 a month. Now that I add that up, that is close to 2000 billables. Weirdly I don’t feel overworked here. At my last mid-sized firm, I was at 75k + bonus for everything over 180/month, paid quarterly at $40/hour. I bonused almost $10k that year! No idea how I did 2400 hours that year. Scary. That was a firm of about 60, with about 15 in my satellite office. Technically 2 weeks “vacation,” but we were expected to make up the billables somewhere.

      • Anon for This

        CA Atty, some of this (at least for me – I was the one who posted $56K in a rural area) is mitigated by COA. For instance, we bought our 2,000 sq ft newly remodeled gorgeous house with half an acre for just around $200K. I’d make more at the larger firms in my area, but I’d be expected to bill 2000 or 2200 hours, and wouldn’t get as much practical experience as I’m getting now.

        I’d also say that I accepted this position viewing it as a temporary stepping stone. Many people in my geographic region have started at my organization and moved on to do bigger and better things after. As I become more experienced and make more money for the firm, I expect to make more, either through bonuses or raises. If that’s not the case, I’ll be looking elsewhere.

    • karenpadi

      Law firm salary=hourly rate times hours worked (goal or billed) and divided by 3.

    • anon456

      2009 grad, 5 attorney boutique firm in TX, $86k with bonus based on collections

    • anon

      similar firm (in size and focus) on the east coast. we start around $50. goes up rapidly from there though.

  5. HereThere

    A few days ago, I asked for recommendations for a primary care in Boston, preferably near the B or C lines. I got a couple responses, including one for Dr. Patricia Raney at the Fenway Community Health and others at Fenway. In reading reviews online, it seems that the vast majority of reviewers have had trouble with the staff there and waiting times. Have any of you experienced this? (I’m trying to figure out if it is a select group that get upset and post or if it is common.)

    I’m also open to any other suggestions. The other one I received previously was Roberta R. Parks (BIDMC).

    TIA

    • TCFKAG

      The staff there can be a bit surly, though nothing awful (and Dr. Raney’s personal nurse is great). I’ve seen people there waiting awhile, but I’ve never waited more than 101-15 minutes to see Dr. Raney.

      Word of warning, Fenway ALSO has a pharmacy, where the staff isn’t great and the waits can be h*llish (I don’t use it unless I really have to get something filled right away). Some of the reviews on the “Fenway community health” Yelp site are for the pharmacy, which has nothing to do with the medical center.

      • edj3

        Sorry the Fenway location pharmacy isn’t good; the South End Fenway pharmacy rocks. Never had to wait, ever, and they matched my mail in script plan’s prices.

    • Dr. rec

      I go to Dr. Darlene Ramos at the North End Waterfront clinic. She’s very nice and friendly, and has stellar reviews on Yelp. I haven’t been entirely thrilled with the responsiveness of the office (I was waiting for bloodwork results and was told that the doctor would call me, but I instead had to call and follow up). However, when she did call me back, she apologized for the delay and was nice about it. I also recently had a miscarriage and she was very supportive and kind about it.

    • edj3

      I am one who posted in favor of Fenway. I also mentioned I went to the South End clinic. The longest I ever had to wait for my doctor (who isn’t taking new patients but at least two other doctors there are, including Dr. Erebia whom I have seen and thought was great ) was 15 minutes AND he apologized profusely for the wait.

      My information is current, I left Boston three weeks ago yesterday and had seen my doctor the previous week.

      I had zero issues with support staff, including lab, pharmacy and reception. LOVED that practice and it’s going to be hard to find something I like that much here in Kansas.

  6. Anon 42

    I need advice on what to wear to a fancy banquet type event that I’ll be attending with clients. The dress code is “business/c*cktail”… I don’t think any of my suits (all w/pants) or really any of my work dresses rise to this level but I don’t want to wear any of the c*cktail dresses I have either since they’re more appropriate for weddings and such and don’t exactly scream professional.

    Any thoughts/recommendations? I’d be willing to pay a few hundred dollars if I could find a dress that fits the bill but I need to be able to get it in the next few days.

  8. Lyssa

    Two questions for a shopping trip to Target this weekend:

    1) I need a basic, inexpensive hair dryer. I don’t have thick or curly hair, so I don’t need anything special, but my no-name $19.95 one seems to be about ready to bite it, and I might like to step up a little bit. I tried a few of those “ionic” ones last time, though, and they seemed to all leave my hair looking greasy for some reason. Target has Con-Air “professional” ones for $30-40, which I think I’d be happy with – anyone know if they’re any good or have any other suggestions for decent but not pricey dryers? (Would prefer not to spend over, say, $50).

    2) My pants and skirts are starting to get a little bit snug (pregnant-snug), and I think that I’m going to need one of those Be-Band things soon – what color is most versatile? Target seems to have black, white, and caucasian nude (which is nude for me). I guess I’ll have to buy a few down the line, but I’m not there yet, I don’t think, so I’d only like one now. Also, I’m usually a 2-4 in pants – do I need a small or medium?

    TIA!

    • J

      Congratulations on the pregnancy! how exciting!

      I have a Vidal Sassoon 1875-watt hair dryer that I like quite a bit. I think it’s the Fast Dry Styler, or something like that, and I’ve had it for about 10 years. It definitely costs less than $50.

    • AnonInfinity

      I have never been pregnant, so I might not be much help. My initial thought, however is not to get nude for you because if your shirt rides up a little, it might not be obvious that you’re wearing something under it. People might think they’re seeing your actual skin. This is a look I’d think you want to avoid.

    • csb

      2) I only bought black, and I only had two. I’m a size 0-2 and bought a small. It was actually huge on my at first (had to fold it over). Good plan only getting one now — I ended up using it more after baby than anything else. Once I was in full-on maternity gear, they didn’t really do much for me at all.

      • Almost done

        I also only had a black one. One pregnancy down, one almost complete.

        It just seemed to work better with my wardrobe. I second someone’s suggestion below to get some camis. I’m not a big fan of Pea in the Pod maternity clothes, but I will say they have the best maternity camis. They don’t have a shelf bra, which is nice because the last thing you want is one more band anywhere around your torso, especially between your b00bs and belly. And they’re long and the fabric is smooth, so cotton shirts don’t cling to it.

    • In House Counsel

      (1) i have had good luck with the Remington brand — my ConAir dryers always seem to bit the dust quickly.

      (2) I got a Be-Band in white — I mostly used it for my jeans (so even if my top rode up a bit, it’d look like a plain white tank layered underneath)

    • JJ

      I got the BeBand in white first, and then supplemented with a black one. White was/is the most versatile for me (and I happen to be wearing it with my jeans today…3 months postpartum…grumble, grumble, grumble).

    • Professor Chic

      I had black and white for my pregnancy, and got most mileage out of the black. But I think what you need depends on what colors you are likely to be wearing. You might think about which will look most like an appropriately colored camisole for your wardrobe.

      Good luck!

    • PharmaGirl

      I bought one in black and that was it. I used it more to hold up maternity pants when I was too pregnant to fit into regular clothes but still too small for maternity clothes. With jeans, I looped a hair elastic through the button hole so I could keep them unbuttoned without gaping.

      • River Song

        Was just going to suggest this hair band trick! I had a black band. That was it, and that was all I needed. I wore my pre-pregnancy jeans until the 9th month (totally unzipped at that point, with the band holding them up). But a word to the wise, although my jeans felt great at the time, afterward I realized that I had stretched them out! So perhaps invest in some maternity jeans as you get further along.

    • Margaret

      You should get one each, white and black. You’ll want to wear them every day. (I also bought one each cami in black and ivory, and have worn those constantly as well.) You’ll want the smallest size. I got a S/M in the Target brand, and I was a size 10 pre-pregnancy.

    • Anon

      I know you said you’re going to Target, but just had to pass on that I got a great hairdryer a few months ago from TJ Maxx for around $25 – it’s a Chi and so far no problems at all with it.

    • anonz

      Lyssa, Sally beauty supply has a number of good hairdryers. I’d go there and get whatever is on sale this month.

    • anon in tejas

      I got a conair one from costco (similar price) and it’s done and doing a great job! from near daily use.

  10. Unhappy Esq.

    I need some career advice. I have been a practicing attorney for about 8 years during which I have tried 3 different practice areas. Although I currently have a job with a great firm, I finally accepted the fact that I just don’t like being an attorney. I have been thinking about becoming a high school history/government teacher but I would have to go back to school for a certification and I am nervous about the job prospects. Have any of you made a similar transition successfully? Any other related careers I should consider? I would appreciate any advice or suggestions. Thanks!

    • KLG

      No advice but I just wanted to say I’m sorry and good luck! I’m a 5th year associate who is hoping gov’t or in house is the answer to my misery. Do you have any teacher friends who might be able to input?

    • darby

      good for you for doing something new! i could be wrong, but years ago i remember hearing that catholic and private schools don’t have the same certification requirements as public schools & may be willing to hire you to teach based on the JD alone. no idea if that still holds true today.

    • ChocCityB&R

      I was a teacher before becoming a lawyer. My advice would be to get some practice working with youth and teaching before you change careers. Teaching is really, very, extremely hard. It was the hardest job I have ever (and believe will ever) have. It’s also just as rewarding as it is difficult, which is why I think people do it.

      I strongly encourage you to find a non-profit where you can experience teaching a classroom full of kids. Try to find something where you can develop a curriculum and teach the kids from that. Having that experience will tell you whether you will just be jumping from one field you don’t like to another.

      Also, I’m happy to talk with you more about your decision, teaching, certifications, etc if you want to chat via email, just let me know.

      • citizen teacher

        I don’t think that this is exactly a perfect preview experience, but I recommend seeing if Citizen Schools has a program in your community (they are in many large cities and seem to be expanding). You develop a curriculum and teach an after school course to middle school students for a semester. The courses can be sports/cooking/hobby or more academic.

      • Joan Holloway

        Great advice. I was a teacher before law school and loved it for the 7 years that I did it, but it’s great to hear another person agreeing with what I always say: teaching is much harder than law. You have to be “up” all the time, and your day is very regimented. But I’m glad I did it.

      • Anonymous

        I would respectfully disagree – I was a teacher for five years , and I found it incredibly easier than being a practicing litigation attorney. Sometimes I miss it and think that I could take having my salary cut into a third in return for that lifestyle.

    • SoCalAtty

      I did this too. I went and picked up a credential in English/Civics. I did an intensive in one year, student teaching and taking the classes at the same time. I adore teaching. I loved every second of it. It was amazing. I went home after those long days, and nearly every day for a year I said “this is exhausting. I LOVE IT!” I graduated #2 in my class, and earned a very prestigious award at the end of my program.

      That was June, 2010. I never found a job teaching (Los Angeles area) and am now back to litigation. :( Private/religous schools will hire you without a credential, but the pay is way lower.

      I am only a 5th year, but I have now set my sights on maybe teaching law, specifically either legal writing or ethics. That looks like a pretty rough position to get as well…so…I don’t really know. I’ve also considered teaching at a 4-year (can only teach law with the JD) or at a community college (again, only law, but then I could get my master’s in English Lit. or Philosophy and teach that as well).

      In better news…right now, less people are becoming teachers because of the horrifying job market. There are many teachers slated to retire in the next 3-5 years, so there may be a shortage again like there was in the early 90s in the forseeable future! Here’s hoping…

      • M-C

        Don’t count your chickens on he supposed upcoming retirement wave, which has been coming for easily 30 years, and still counting. And also a masters is way not enough for junior college in any sort of desirable living place. The one I went to has been hiring nothing but PhDs for decades, and PhDs with lots of teaching experience at that (central California).

        • SoCalAtty

          M-C – I’m not counting on anything, which is why I’m back to litigating. I’ve taken an “I’ll believe it when I get notice that I’m hired” approach.

          As for the community colleges…I’ve been offered some part time gigs with just the JD (Los Angeles area) but unless I’m going to dive right in and go for a full time, I haven’t wanted to do it. I think getting an English/Philosophy gig would be years after I was hired and liked as a professor with just the JD. I have several friends in entertainment that teach at OCC and Cuesta with just masters degrees….but I’m sure it just depends on the subject, saturation, and what the hiring board had for breakfast!

          No reason not to give it a try, but like I think we all have been saying, the teaching market is worse than the lawyering market!

    • Coach Laura

      I’m not up on certification for teachers (and every state/locality is different) but I have coached teachers on job shifts. First, if you are not 100% sure, I’d suggest volunteering in a high school to start. This gives you two things – access to people who are current teachers and gives you more of an idea of what life as a HS teacher is like. You should be able to do this while working, only if by using a free morning here or there or using vacation time. You could also volunteer to coach a debate team or DECA class or help prep for A/P exams (although that is over for this year).

      Second, find out where second-career teachers go in your area for certification, and go to an informational meeting or talk to the admissions personnel. Many programs are designed for those who are working at other jobs, and can be done at night or on-line until you get to the student-teaching portion. In Seattle, UW- Bothell is a major program and CityUniversity is a second. There are quite a few flexible programs such as Western Governors University, which is a not-for-profit regional school.

      Other possible career transitions include college law or ethics professor. Others here have talked about going in-house, and some industry in-house positions are less of lawyer jobs than trouble-shooting jobs. Think regulations/compliance in finance, grants/HIPPA compliance in healthcare, and general entrepreneurship advice for start-ups.

      Without more ideas or specifics on your location and interests, that’s all I can suggest now. Good luck!

    • Anonymous

      A lot of states have a Career Switcher program (in Virginia, it’s called Career Switcher) where if you have 5+ years of full-time work experience, you can take a semester of accelerated classes, pass the Praxis II in the subject area, and be licensed and able to teach the following school year.
      Usually entry into the program is limited to subject areas of high need, but in Virginia middle school gov’t/history is one area, and also once you become certified through the program you can become certified in any subject simply by taking the Praxis II for that subject, without the underlying coursework.

      Also because a JD is higher than a master’s you can teach community college – but there is usually much more of a shortage of math/science than history/gov’t teachers there.

    • SugarMag

      My husband has a teaching degree, and has found that getting a job is more competitive for him than for me (as a lawyer!).

      If you wanted to go into special education, perhaps. But you should be very careful about this, because teaching is really a different profession than it was 10 years ago.

    • mathy

      Consider teaching legal writing or a clinic–something without any research requirement–at your local college or law school. Usually not great $$, but you don’t need the certifications you need to teach high school and below.

    • Unhappy Esq.

      I appreciate all the advice and suggestions! I will look into getting some volunteer experience to make sure teaching high school is the right fit for me. I think teaching jobs at any level (grade school, community college, university, or law school) are tough to get right now so I know it will be a struggle. I just don’t want to invest more time and money into a career that I can’t break into. Any tips on getting a teaching position in a community college, 4-year college, or law school?

      • CA Atty

        One piece of advice, if you do go into teaching, get the highest level of bi-lingual/bi-cultural certification possible. Here in CA we’re at the point of laying off even teachers with 20 years seniority because we can’t afford to have any teachers that don’t speak Spanish (except in certain areas where a different language is more prevalent).

        Here, the best is a BCLAD. There are other levels but don’t waste your time.

        Also, if you’re in CA, probably just move. (Sorry, depressed today) we spend almost the least of any state (bottom 5) on a per-child basis and the State has proposed cutting that by about another 1/3 if the Governor’s tax increases don’t pass in November.

      • Coach Laura

        I teach for a community college, and was hired by the local dean to teach classes. I was referred by a friend of the dean and the dean hired me on the spot. So check with your local community colleges: Some of it may be being in the right place at the right time. You could also look at LinkedIn or ask friends if they know faculty/administrators at the local colleges, as a warm referral is better than cold-calling.

        Depending on your area, there may be small private or religious 4-year colleges that might hire you to teach government or ethics or business law.

        You can’t really make a living as an adjunct but it’s a start. A lawyer friend started this way and is now a full-time lecturer at a law school.

    • gina

      Have you thought about trying Teach for America or a similar local program? If you get accepted to the program, you get a (low-paying) job for 2 years and you’ll have your teaching certification by the time you’re done.

    • Clyde the Rabbit

      I was a teacher before becoming a principal and the job market is extremely weak for in the humanities. I recommend that you take a look at the forums at atozteacherstuff(dot)com. Teaching is very hard and will be getting harder as the nation transition to the new common core standards in 2014.

    • Cartascartas

      How were you able to change practice areas? I’m not in that boat, but my husband is trying.

      • Unhappy Esq.

        I switched from litigation in private practice to the DA’s office first. I just applied to a job posting and got it. I hated being in court all the time so I wanted to switch to a more transactional practice area. That was difficult. I went on informational interviews to find an area I may like and took courses to learn the law in that area. I got my current job after that but it took a while. Best of luck to your husband!

    • Elysian

      You can try an alternative certification program (think Teach for America, but for career changers instead of college grads). I did something like that, in a program that was under the umbrella of The New Teacher Project. They usually fill high needs schools, but will pay for your credentials and you can start teaching immediately. They also guarantee a job if you get in the program. Though I will caution that working in a high needs school isn’t the teaching career of everyone’s dreams, it might be something to look in to.

  11. AMB

    Saw a woman in the line for coffee this morning with the vents on both her blazer and skirt still tacked closed, though it was coming apart on the skirt and there was a thread hanging… what’s the hive consensus? Say something or don’t?

    • Eleanor

      Say something in a nice way, if you can do it discreetly. Once I forgot to cut that x off the back of skirt, and I was so grateful when a woman in the bathroom pointed it out to me. The fact that the woman you saw seems not to know she’s supposed to cut those out (since if the thread is hanging she’s probably been wearing them for a while) shouldn’t change this, I don’t think. If I had never learned some detail like that, I would want to know.

    • still need a handle

      Hmm, if it were me, I’d have wanted you to say something. I did this by accident once and went through the whoooooole day before realizing, to my shock and horror, that I had forgotten to remove my “x.”

      • J

        I wore a dress with the vent sewn shut regularly for an entire year, and was mortified when I realized. I vote for telling.

    • Maddie Ross

      I say do. “Excuse me, did you know your vents on your jacket are still tacked shut?” I suppose it’s possible she will say yes and that she wants it that way, but suppose she’s on her way to an interview? It’s a 30 second fix which could have a huge return for her in the end.

    • KLG

      Tell! I know to cut it off but sometimes you just forget and don’t notice it’s still there!

    • Honey

      It depends…could you do it very discreetly? If not, don’t say anything. Telling someone in the ladies room is very different than saying it in the coffee line.

    • just Karen

      I’d try to tell her, but I am pro-stranger intervention – I would rather have a stranger point it out and be able to pretend that all the people who know me just didn’t notice. On that note, here’s a window into my awesome week: Earlier this week I was chased down inside a VERY busy convenience store by a man to tell me my skirt was unzipped. I was mortified and incredibly thankful to him. I had walked to the store from my office and I’m sure I passed 20 other people who just had a good laugh about it. Yes, I am an idiot for making it to lunch without noticing I hadn’t zipped my skirt (how does that even happen?! seriously!). It was The Skirt in turquoise, and I had my shirt tucked in (wearing a long cardigan all morning, just took it off to walk to the store) so it’s not anything subtle like an open fly or tacked seam – thankfully a long shirt, but seriously mortifying.

    • eastbaybanker

      I wouldn’t say anything. I’m officially a terrible person!

      On a similar note, a friend of mine brought a new boyfriend to her birthday party with the brand label still on his blazer sleeve! I guess she didn’t want to micromanage the new boyfriend. I was mortified.

      • anon

        My brother just did this today – label on the sleeve AND the white X on the back of his blazer. This was the fourth or fifth time he’s work the jacket. I had an intervention.

    • BigLaw Optimist

      I always do, with a big friendly smile, because I wouldn’t want to be the one walking down the street with the X. But I did tell a woman about hers once and she stared at me like she had no idea that she was supposed to cut it …

      • BigLaw Optimist

        I would add I also stop women on the street who forgot to zip their dress up the entire way so that either side of the zipper is flapping around. Full disclosure – I’ve done this more times than I can count myself (put the dress on and zipped it up halfway, figured I’d get DH to zip it the rest of the way for me, and then got distracted).

    • Constance Justice

      I’d be less embarrassed about a stranger telling me than showing up to work and having a superior tell me (or worse, give ammo to the bitter assistant)

  12. Liz

    Do any of you use a backpack to commute to work? I walk about a mile each way, and I’m worried I am going to have back problems from lugging around a purse on one shoulder. On the other hand, backpacks aren’t particularly fashionable. I guess I would leave a purse in my office to use in case I end up going out after work? Thoughts?

      • Liz

        I think that might hurt my back as well (over time) because it would still cause me to walk unevenly. And I don’t usually need to carry enough for that to be necessary. Thanks for the suggestion, though!

    • rosie

      I think you should carry your stuff however will be most comfortable for you. For me, that would be a backpack (I agree with you that a rolling bag could also create problems). You’ll take it off when you get to work and leave it in your office. I might also keep a small purse or wristlet in the backpack, so you could just grab that if you were going to lunch or something, but a purse that you keep in your office could also be fine for that.

    • qwerty

      i’ve been thinking about this lately – maybe because i just saw the prada exhibit at the met museum, but prada’s nylon backpacks have been on my mind. i read that prada designed them with the urban woman’s lifestyle in mind (light weight, durable, hands free), and i kind of love that.
      this morning i saw an elegant woman with a louis vuitton backpack on the subway (the brown checkered pattern, don’t know what it’s called) and it really struck me.
      personally, i just bought the fanciest and largest cross body tote in the world because i had started having shoulder pains from my regular bags. but a cool backpack is really on my mind.

      • anonz

        What cross-body did you get? I carry a backpack but I could use a cross-body for conferences and such

      • Divaliscious11

        My husband bought me a Prada navy blue nylon back pack – 10+ years ago, I carry it to this day. It is lightweight, fits my personal laptop as well as my work laptop, and still looks fashionable – and I’m pretty sure it was 2000 when I got it. It is a work of art!

    • rosielo

      Get a backpack you find fashionable! I’m a grad student, and I started grad school without a backpack. I thought I’d just use my purse. But carrying my laptop *really* bothered my shoulders, so I got a Belkin backpack that I think is pretty cool looking. It looks a little dorky with some outfits, but oh well. The comfort is worth it. And it’s good-looking enough that my boyfriend ended up buying the same backpack (and now we’re twins)!

      • River Song

        My husband bought me a Tumi backpack when I started to have major back issues (from carrying a laptop and 5,000 books around). It helped with the pain, but I hated that it cost so much, and it made me feel self-conscious and young (grown woman in stylish city… with backpack). Here’s the backpack I got: http://www.zappos.com/product/7663485/color/3?zfcTest=fw:1

    • Anie

      I really love my Dakine pack (it’s a Wonder 15L). It’s well-made, fits me perfectly, and lets me keep travel mug, wallet, and keys all separate from everything else in my bag while not hurting my shoulders. Some of their bags are are a little obnoxious, but there are both colorful and staid options available that I think look nice.

      They’ll never be as polished as a purse, but if you have to carry a lot of things, I think your shoulders and back will thank you for it in the end.

  13. Wax Recs NYC

    I would love recommendations for a waxing place in NYC (preferably mid to downtown) that is (1) not too pricy and (2) does a good job. This will be my first bikini wax, and I am a little nervous. TIA.

    • Bailey

      I have had good experiences with Bliss (though, on the expensive side), J’Adore Day Spa and Eve, though I’ve gotten Brazilian waxes at each of these, not a regular bikini wax.

      I currently go to Sophia at Bliss at 49th and Lex. She is great (though she likes to chat, so if that makes you uncomfortable, take note). Bliss is the most expensive option – $70 + tax for a brazilian, somewhat cheaper for a regular bikini wax.

      I’ve also gone to J’Adore (Madison just below 34th St). They also specialize in brazilians, though do other work too. The service was fine there but my sensitive skin prefers Bliss’s wax, so I don’t go there anymore. (Which is too bad for my wallet, as they are the cheapest – maybe $35 for a Brazilian.)

      When I lived downtown, I went to Eve in the West Village. I believe Eve is owned by the same people who own Haven Spa, which is in SoHo I think. The prices were in the middle – about $50 or $55 for a Brazilian (with the regular wax, more for the sensitive wax but my skin actually reacted badly to the sensitive wax).

      Good luck and take a tylenol or something about an hour before you go!

      • Melissa

        I’ll second Bliss (though it’s expensive).

        I’ve also had very good experiences at Equinox. Yes, it’s a gym, but many locations also have a spa (that you don’t have to be member to use). Equinox has become my go- to place for waxing (due partly to the fact that there’s a location right near my apartment and I’m there a few times a week anyway, but I’d like them regardless).

    • T. McGill

      Try UniKWax. There is one in flatiron, another on Third and 37th. Clean and reasonably priced. I’ve always had a good experience there.

      • amy

        I love love love Dyanna on 21st Street between Broadway and Park. I discovered it when I lived across the street, but ever since have always found a way to get there even when I’ve lived really far away … like now, when I live in Boston … they’re fast, cheap and awesome.

    • fresh jd

      SkinSpa and Green Zen Organic Spa – both use hard wax and don’t double dip. Try to get a voucher via groupon, lifebooker, etc.

  14. Rita

    Can anyone recommend a jewelry appraiser in NYC, preferably in the Diamond District (I work nearby)? I’m looking for someone who isn’t also a jeweler. I need to get a diamond ring appraised. Thanks.

  15. Kech

    Why have my patent leather pumps started to squeak when I go over carpeted floors? I think it’s only the right shoe. Has the heel come loose?

    • EFL

      It may be that the little metal thingie (shank ?) between the multiple sole layers is not fixed anymore and rub against the inner sole. But then it would squeak on all surfaces, when you put your weight on the shoe.

  16. Seattleite

    Minor vent:

    Dude: I’ve been thinking about you more than you’d believe, let’s get together [non-sexual implication].
    Seattleite: Sounds great! Here’s my availability.
    Dude: No, I can only meet for lunch M-F.
    Seattleite: Sorry, can never do lunch M-F due to job constraints. Lunch on weekend?
    Dude: No. Lunch M-F.
    Seattleite: Guess it won’t work, then. Too bad, would have been fun.

    Six months later:
    Same Dude: I’ve been thinking about you more than you’d believe, let’s get together…

    We are now on round three of this. He is not married nor otherwise involved. Dude, I am not so crazy as to become a remora if all you have in mind is a friendly meal to catch up, and if you a) don’t know me well enough by now to know that, or b) are so rigid that Only Lunch M-F Will Do, please stop wasting both our time.

    Boys can be so dumb.

    • Bonnie

      Seattleite: I asked my DH where he thought civilization would be without women and he said that it would be a bunch of men sitting around a fire grunting. Even boys admit that boys can be dumb!

    • Susan

      I think that’s just his standard line “I’ve been thinking about you more…” that he just trots out, the way normal non-lazy, non-manipulative people say, “Hey, I’ve been wondering how you’ve been.”

      People who act like that get filed in my “dead.buried.rotten.forgotten” bin, even if they be living. :-)

      +10 points for “remora.”

    • Pest

      How about this reply:

      I have not been thinking about you. In fact, I’ve forgotten who you are.

    • JessC

      “I’ve been thinking about you more than you’d believe”

      That doesn’t have a sexual implication? Really? He sounds like a creeper. Forget him.

      • Hel-lo

        Agreed. If he’s used the exact same line multiple times, then I would guess that’s just his standard line for the ladies in his little black book.

        Apparently he is not listening to you or getting your message.

        “Hi, I got your email. Remember, I told you months ago that I couldn’t do lunch on weekdays. If I’m not worth talking to aside from that, I’m afraid we’re at an impasse.”

    • fresh jd

      Sounds like he has indeed been “otherwise involved” playing the field. He’s just not that into you, dump him for someone who is!

      • Seattleite

        Oh, I have no doubt that he’s been dating around. We’ve known each other on a casual social and professional basis for several years, I wouldn’t expect that he’s been celibate.

        I don’t necessarily even care whether we’re friend-zone or testing the waters. I like him platonically a great deal, but don’t have enough information to know whether I’m interested beyond that.

        I’m more amused than anything – and I’d be equally irritated with a female friend who made noises about getting together but couldn’t be bothered to actually, you know, find room in her schedule. (Although, somehow my female friends never do that…)

        Good thing I really enjoy living alone…and have cats.

  17. Machine-washable workwear?

    I work in a work environment where the dress code can best be described as “benign neglect” (postdoc in hard sciences), but I’ve been trying to revamp my wardrobe to give me a tad more gravitas, in particular days when I’d go from a meeting with a collaborator back into the lab. I’m good on conference attire – it’s everyday that is the challenge. I’d like some ideas and/or validation of my current scheme.

    Requirements: machine-washable, non-flammable, but still looks put together (male professors tend to wear khakis and polos or button-downs; female profs are all over the map). Pants that hit below the knee and closed-toe shoes are required for safety reasons. Dangly or otherwise unsafe accessories are ok since I can take them off to go into lab.

    Current solution: J. Crew jackie cardigan + either jackie shell (in contrasting color) or solid-color t-shirt + dark-wash jeans (possibly khakis on a “dressy” day). Ballet flats in the office; leave a pair of sneakers to change into in the lab. Pull hair back in barrette, and wear a brightly colored necklace and/or earrings.

    What would you wear if you were me? Does the above sound too… stepford-ish? If so, any ideas how I can accessorize to make it less so?

    • Sarah ATD

      I have a similar problem as I work in an office and also in construction, so I may get called out to a dirty site at any time. My approach is similar to yours, dark-wash jeans, nice t-shirt, flats or kitten heals, and a cardigan. I usually wear a long necklace, which I take off when I go to a jobsite, and small earrings which I can leave on. I already posted this earlier on the thread, but I live these Champion tee-shirts from Target (http://tinyurl.com/7jpeazh). They look nice, hold up really well in the wash, and are super durable for the jobsite/lab.
      When I leave the office, I change into boots, replace my cardigan with a fleece, and remove my necklace. But I’d love to hear other advice too!

    • qwerty

      this isn’t a summer time appropriate suggestion, but i have several brightly colored argyle patterned cashmere crew neck sweaters from j.crew. i wear them with my black wide leg jeans (the AG Mona jeans) and basic pumps on really rough work days (no sleep the night before, etc). I get SO MANY compliments on that combination. I think it looks more put together and thoughtful than it really is, and of course it’s super comfy.

    • M-C

      For best flame resistance, go with 100% wool.
      Tropical wool can be bearable much of the year in many locations..

    • IA_Eng

      I worked in a manufacturing plant for several years and had the same safety requirements -I wore a lot of button-downs, polos, and khakis but chose ones in feminine cuts and colors (J. Crew is great for this). For shoes I wore heeled loafers (Franco Sarto and Naturalizer brands that worked well for me)- they covered the top of my foot but were still dressier.

    • Hel-lo

      The above does not sound stepford-ish to me. It’s actually a lot more casual than I wear daily. :)

      I’d suggest a trip to Old Navy. Get yourself a few pairs of chinos in various colors (gray, black, navy, etc). Skip capris, as I don’t believe they work well on anyone. Pick up a few tees and cardis in various colors, too. For each outfit, pair two neutrals with one bright color. Add funky jewelry or a scarf in another bright color. Wear flats or some other comfy grown-up shoes (like Danskos or Clark’s).

      I think dressing more conservative than the other professors may seem a little uncomfortable for you. But be brave! You’re going to be awesome.

    • sutemi

      I work in pharma research and have mostly the same clothing requirements for lab safety. I wear a lot of oxford style shoes with chunky 1-1.5 inch heels, jeans on Fridays and trousers the rest of the week. Simple Tshirts, sweaters and button up shirts but rarely a second layer on top. If I have a cardigan on I will take it off before putting on a labcoat. I wear a lot of solid colored tops since I am really picky about the patterns that I like to wear for work.

      I have been expanding my jewelry collection (easy to take off bracelets and rings before I enter the lab) to dress up the simple tops, since nice jewelry can make a simple outfit look must more interesting.

    • N.

      Oh, I so feel you on the what to wear as a postdoc dilemma (although I don’t have the added problem of lab safety). One thing I’d suggest is buying a few blazers — nothing terribly conservative, maybe something in a cotton or a cotton sateen and a bright color. You can pop a blazer on over your t-shirt/shell when you’re meeting with a collaborator, and I think it will give you a bit more professional oomph than the cardigan. You could also try some shells in fun prints to go with your cardigans.

    • EM

      Ah, a question near and dear to my heart. My first job out of grad school was environmental compliance for an airport. It was awesome. I watched planes take off from my desk. :) At that job I wore khakis and polos, which looking back looked really mannish on me due to my figure (I have a boyish figure).

      My last job and my current job are at consulting firms, but I’m in a casual part of the country, so all of the technical staff wears jeans for days in the office, khakis and nicer tops for meetings, and ratty jeans for fieldwork.

      If I were in your position, I’d wear a mix of khakis and dark wash trouser jeans. For women, if men are wearing polos, I think wearing solid-color nice tee shirts and statement necklaces (not long ones for safety reasons) works well. Cardigans are good too. I have a short-sleeved cardigan from ATL that I frequently wear over a blousy tank with jeans and ballet flats.

      Be prepared. If you work with a bunch of scientists, chances are at least one is the hyper-observant type, and will notice and comment when you wear anything outside what has been established as your norm. I can rely on one coworker to comment if I wear a new shade of lipgloss or khakis to the office when I don’t have a meeting. When I wore real foundation when we had our headshots for the website done, the first thing he said to me was, “Are you wearing makeup?!?” lol

      • EM

        Forgot to add, you might want to invest in some Dansko clogs for the lab. If you are working with strong acids it’s better to wear leather shoes as opposed to fabric.

        Also, Eddie Bauer has some nice khaki pants that are machine washable and don’t require ironing. They aren’t exactly cheap at $70, but they hold up well. I normally wouldn’t wear anything at EB for work (I’m not that sporty), but I happened to stumble across the khakis.

  18. momentsofabsurdity

    Anyone have any experience with Express return policy? Bought a pair of jeans there about 2-3 weeks ago, today is my first time wearing them and there is a big hole already. Any chance I can get store credit or something?

    • Tired Squared

      You should be fine–I’ve had the same thing happen before and the saleswoman just exchanged it for a new pair of the same item.

      If you don’t have your receipt, they can also look it up through your credit card.

  19. Senior Attorney

    Would love some help from the hive! I’m officiating at a wedding on Sunday for the daughter of my best friend from high school (at whose wedding I was maid of honor)! I have been asked to make some remarks and would love to share some funny and/or touching quotes defining marriage. I already have the “Princess Bride” “blessed arrangement, dream within a dream” ready to go, and am also going to talk about the fiduciary nature of marriage, but would love some other ideas.

    Anyone?

    • momentsofabsurdity

      I really like “Falling in love is like owning a dog,” by Taylor Mali and “All I Ever Really Needed to Know I Learned in Kindergarten,” by Robert Fulgham. Both are perhaps too light hearted (and somewhat irreverent) but I think they’re very cute.

    • CW

      I had a civil ceremony, and we had a reading from Goodridge (the Massachusetts gay marriage decision) because it has really beautiful language about the importance of civil marriage. My husband and I support gay marriage and we thought this was a subtle way of making that statement during our wedding, but YMMV.

      We also had a reading from Robert Fulghum’s “Uh-Oh” (Google his name, uh-oh, and marriage, and you should find the excerpt). We thought it was very fitting for us, factually. But perhaps something to draw inspiration from.

      • just Karen

        We did a reading from Goodridge as well, and we also did our legal marriage in Vermont, where they allow same sex marriages, and the religious/family/community ceremony in our (super conservative) home state.
        Excerpt from Goodridge v. Department of Public Health: “Civil marriage is at once a deeply personal commitment to another human being and a highly public celebration of the ideals of mutuality, companionship, intimacy, fidelity, and family. “It is an association that promotes a way of life, not causes; a harmony in living, not political faiths; a bilateral loyalty, not commercial or social projects.”… Because it fulfils yearning for security, safe haven, and connection that expresses our common humanity, civil marriage is an esteemed institution, and the decision whether and whom to marry is among life’s momentous acts of self-definition.”

      • Senior Attorney

        Oh, my! CW, just Karen and Lynnet, this is exactly what I was looking for!

        In addition to what just Karent already quoted, I’m really liking this part:

        “Marriage is a vital social institution. The exclusive commitment of two individuals to each other nurtures love and mutual support; it brings stability to our society. For those who choose to marry, and for their children, marriage provides an abundance of legal, financial, and social benefits. In turn it imposes weighty legal, financial, and social obligations.”

        Thank you so much!! I heart you all!

    • Gail the Goldfish

      A friend of mine had a reading from the Velveteen Rabbit at her wedding that I liked. More about love than marriage, but it was cute. If you google Velveteen Rabbit wedding reading, you should be able to find it.

      • FormerPhotog

        We had Ogden Nash’s “Tin Wedding Whistle” read at our wedding, but his “A Word to Husbands” is a little pithier.

        To keep your marriage brimming
        With love in the loving cup,
        Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;
        Whenever you’re right, shut up.
        Ogden Nash

    • eaopm3

      At our wedding, our readings were:
      Union by Robert Flugham
      And an excerpt by CS Lewis that begins “”If the old fairy-tale ending “They lived happily ever after” is taken to mean…”
      Perhaps you can find some inspiration in there!

    • sugarMag

      There is another book by Fulgum called “The Rituals of our Lives” that has some great ideas in it.

      When I officiate, I try to use quotes from areas personal to the couple. (Like a favorite childhood book, or a favorite author, or in once case, a bunch of quotes from Grateful Dead songs).

    • Margaret

      This is a bit more off-the-beaten-path than the other suggestions, but you should listen to and look up the lyrics of Brad Paisley’s song “Then.” To me, this is exactly what marriage is about. It’s beautiful and makes me tear up.

    • Terry

      Not everyone’s taste, but the last paragraph of Adam Bede:
      What greater thing is there for two human souls than to feel that they are joined for life—to strengthen each other in all labour, to rest on each other in all sorrow, to minister to each other in all pain, to be one with each other in silent unspeakable memories at the moment of the last parting?

    • TCFKAG

      If I were doing a civil ceremony, I might make some reference towards First Corinthians, but note that love isn’t about loving each other only when we are patient and kind to each other. But its also about loving each other when we’re inpatient and unkind. Something like that, (I feel like if there isn’t at least one First Corinthians mention per wedding, the world explodes (just kidding, seriously, I might be the only catholic who refused FC)).

        • Amelia Pond

          I have actually memorized First Corinthians from all my friends weddings. We have started taking bets ala Wedding Crashers.

          • EM

            Ha. This was one of our weddings at my Episcopalian wedding. Very prescriptive as to the readings. That was almost 12 years ago, and of course I’d do it differently today, but I was 21 then and didn’t really care. It’s still a nice passage.

    • Dr. Cox

      One of my favorite quotes, though it’s about love rather than marriage, is from Antoine de Saint-Exupery. “Aimer ce n’est point nous regarder l’un a l’autre mais regarder ensemble dans la meme direction.” The rough translation is something like “To love is not merely to look at one another, but to look together in the same direction.”

      • Senior Attorney

        That’s so funny, Dr. Cox — the father of the bride chose that quote to deliver himself! En francais, no less!

        • Dr. Cox

          This sounds like an absolutely lovely wedding. :) I hope everything went well!

    • Senior Attorney

      Coming back to thank everybody. The wedding went fantastically well and everybody loved it. I started out with “Princess Bride” and segued into Goodridge and TCFKAG’s genius take on 1st Corinthians and added some other personal stuff, and between that and the father of the bride’s “Little Prince” reading it was truly special.

      Mwah to all of you for your help!! I seriously couldn’t have done it without you!

  20. Costa Rica

    Vacation question!

    SO and I want to book a four-day vacation in early July. We live in DC. Any suggestions for where to go? Currently, we’re debating between Puerto Rico, Costa Rica, and Belize.

    We’re leaning towards Costa Rica. If we end up there, anyone have suggestions as to places to see and visit? My husband is a huge photography buff and I’d like to go someplace where we can get some great phot0-ops (like Arenal Volcano, the hanging bridges, waterfall, etc). We definitely dont mind going off the beaten path to discover these places if it’s truly worth it.

    • Margaret

      I’ve been to all three! Given what you’re describing, Costa Rica would be a good fit for you, I think. My only reservation is that four days is so tight and you should really have more time … I think for four days, I would do Puerto Rico. That’s how long we spent there, and it was just right. I spent a week each in Costa Rica and Belize, and that was not long enough for either trip.

      PR – We stayed in San Juan the whole time and did a day trip to the rain forest. There are lovely beaches in the city, resort-style hotels if that’s your thing, and amazing food. With four days, you could spend one at the beach, one touring Old San Juan, and one at the rainforest (with the fourth for travel). PR did seem very pricey, though.

      Belize – We spent a half week at Caye Caulker (Ambergris Caye is more popular, but we wanted the super-laid-back island and loved Caulker) for snorkeling, diving, and beaches. Second half of the week, we went to a jungle resort in the interior near Belmopan. This jungle resort is The Best Vacation I’ve Ever Had. We did jungle hikes, spelunking, rapelling, and a trip to Guatemala to Tikal.

      Costa Rica – Probably better than Belize for you if you want lots of photo op type stuff. We did half a week at the Cloud Forest and then half a week at Arenal. Both were lovely, photo-oppy, and had plenty to do. Waterfalls, exotic birds and monkeys, beautiful scenery, horseback riding, and … do the ziplines at Arenal! They were phenomal! We stayed at Arco Iris in Santa Elena and at Linda Vista del Norte at Arenal, and loved both. This filled a week for us, and we didn’t even make it to the beach …

    • fresh jd

      Given the time constraints I’d say PR is the only one that works in this case. Go to Rincon and/or Vieques. San Juan is crazy touristy.

      If you have just a bit more time, I’d offer up Nicaragua over the more touristed Belize and Costa Rica. It is what Costa Rica was before the retirees and surf bums overtook the darn place. And it’s super safe, the media as usual has it all wrong. I like to take the road less traveled…

    • NB

      Costa Rica is a fantastic vacation, but I agree, four days is not nearly enough time — you will spend all of your time traveling. Puerto Rico is much more doable, in that it is easier to get there and easy to get around.

    • EM

      Have you considered the Mayan Rivera? DH and I honeymooned in Cozumel, and we loved it. We stayed at a lovely boutique hotel on the island. Sadly, it was destroyed by a hurricane a few years ago and never rebuilt. :( In a few weeks we’ll be doing the all-inclusive thing at a resort on the mainland with our 5 year old son. (We’re really not the all-inclusive types, but when you just want to hang out on the beach and have a small child, a resort with a kids’ camp is the way to go.) The Mayan Rivera is really very affordable compared to a lot of other tropical destinations. The water is clear and amazing and there are really unique cultural and ecological attractions there. Mayan ruins. Iguanas sunning themselves on rocks. Cenotes. Amazing. :)

    • DB

      Costa Rica is gorgeous! Just wanted to mention, though, that July is the rainy season there. It may not rain all day, every day, but it will rain and the air can get super-saturated and humid. Also, depending on where you’re going, roads may not be well-paved, so that could be a factor if it rains hard. I remember Arenal as really beautiful but a little touristy.

      • Margaret

        Good point! We did Costa Rica and Belize in January, which was ideal weather. I remember hearing that during rainy season, some of the roads in Costa Rica up to the pretty tourist spots could get unpassable — and the travel was time-consuming already in the non-rainy season … I think Belize is probably the same way.

  21. Fine China

    Hi Ladies! My mother and her husband recently bought a new house. I wanted to get them a fairly nice housewarming gift, like a china set (which she does not have). I was looking on the Neiman Marcus website and really think she will love the Versace Medusa set (not everyone’s taste, I know). The problem is that it is wayyy too expensive! Anyone know where I can find a replica or knockoff set? Or alternatively a set that is similar (aka shiny and tad gaudy) but far less expensive? I’m looking to spend $1K for 10-12 person set.

    • NOLA

      Noritake Xavier gold is somewhat like what you’re looking at, but it’s $560 for a service for 4. Macy’s has it on sale for about $120 a place setting. Mikasa’s Parchment Rouge is red and gold – not quite as stunning as the Versace obviously. A 40 piece set is only $200 on their website.

    • eaopm3

      The Good China Company dot com is where I ordered some Lenox china for my mother a couple years ago. Their prices were about half of department store prices and customer service was great. One of the plates arrived broken and they replaced it very quickly.

      • Anonymous

        Ooooh, good to know. I’ve seen that website, but hate ordering from unknown sellers.

  22. Liz

    Ok ladies… My office has a no flip flop policy. Any suggestions for cute work appropriate sandles that don’t go between your toe?

    • rosie

      I would think the no flip flop policy isn’t because they don’t want something between your toe, it’s that they don’t want the noise that flip flops make (and maybe the casualness of flip flops, too). Is that not right?

      In any case, I recently ordered a pair of J-41 sandals (hoping they are waiting for me at home!), which are work-appropriate for me. Dansko sandals are also pretty comfortable and maybe a little nicer looking.

      • AMB

        I bought naturalizer black snakeskin sandals and already love them. Technically I could wear birkenstocks to work, but feel uncomfortable doing so, so these were a step up on formality wise while not losing comfort.

      • Liz

        No. They specify nothing between the toe no matter how fancy. Even if it has a heel. We have very casual Fridays. So I’m looking for something nice but that conforms with the policy

      • beccavt

        I had a moment of irrational panic thinking this is me, and then I realized that duh, I’m not in SF or wearing flip flops today :) I’m just a summer who is sure I am doing everything wrong!

        • Herbie

          beccavt, I keep waiting for the day I see what I’m wearing that day described as an “omg fo’ real” outfit. I occasionally describe my look as “6-am-blindly-flailing-in-the-closet” chic.

        • SF Bay Associate

          You aren’t doing everything wrong if you’re not wearing flipflops to work! You’ve got that part right, at least.

      • qwerty

        when i was a summer, one of my fellow summers (who typically wore flip flops) forgot to bring a change of shoes on our last day when we had reviews. we were the same shoe size and she borrowed my pumps for her end of summer review while i wore her flip flops at my desk. needless to say, she did not get an offer….

        • TCFKAG

          Wait…was her forgetting her shoes symptomatic of something larger? Or did she typically wear the flip flops all the time but would have brought the shoes just for the reviews? I’m confuzzled.

          • qwerty

            both – symptomatic of something larger and yes she always wore flip flops and only wanted to bring real shoes for her review (but still forgot them)

    • mamabear

      I’m sorry, I honestly can’t imagine a work environment where flip flops are even remotely OK.

      To OP, Angie of youlookfab posted a pair of Ecco sandals that looked pretty cute. They leave a lot of the foot bare, which I don’t think would fly in my office. But if your office is really casual I guess they’d be OK. I thought of them because they’re nearly as flat as flip flops.

      • Constance Justice

        They are ok in my office, but I can not stand it. If I hear one more flip or flop down the hallway, I’m going to lose it.

      • Bunkster

        I can wear them in my new office – online gaming company. I started off wearing nice shoes, but now just wear nice flip flops. The major developers have all been wearing shorts. And I’ve never seen my boss wear anything but jeans.

        I’ve been wearing sundresses and flip flops and jeans, occasionally. I actually spent the day shopping for some new casual items.

    • EM

      Maybe I’m horridly old-fashioned, but I wear jeans to work nearly every day (when I don’t have a client meeting) and I can’t bring myself to wear sandals to work. I wear ballet flats or Privos, in the summer, but nothing showing my toes. Maybe I’m already crotchety at 32.

  23. Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler

    Reposting from earlier:

    Ses (and any other Denver ‘Rettes), I was seriously late to the party yesterday, but I am in Denver and if you want to get together shoot me an email at cbwpa_cliff_effect@hotmail.com.
    Welcome!

  24. Anon 4 this

    I need some advice about being a reference. A young woman had worked for me for several years in a staff position and left under good terms about a year ago to take a new job. The new job fell through and she’s been job-hunting ever since. Since she left, I have discovered that there really wasn’t enough work for her to do in her job and she kept it from me, despite being bored. Her lack of tech skills held me back from being able to assign her elsewhere. With the new person, we’ve changed the job immensely. She always sends me information about any job she’s applying for because I agreed to be a reference for her. Now I’m wondering what I would say if a prospective employer asked me if I would hire her again if I had the chance. Should I continue to be a reference for her? Is that fair to her?

    • Em

      Did she do a good job at the work you gave her? It’s not really her fault if you hired someone knowing she didn’t have technical skills and then couldn’t assign her to those projects. I mean, yeah, it’s great to have people be more proactive looking for work but it sounds like she just didn’t have the skill set you wanted for that position, which isn’t her fault.

      • Anon 4 this

        Yes, she did a good job on the work she was hired to do. Her work was always of good quality. But as the job should have evolved over the years, she didn’t have the interest or skills to evolve in it. She also didn’t always get things done in a timely way, which is ironic given that she didn’t have enough to do.

        • momentsofabsurdity

          Is it possible she was just an average worker, and you have a quicker worker now? I know at my position, the person before me did things much more slowly and it is regularly commented on (ie “Wow this would have taken Brad a month!”) when in fact, it should take a person that long, and the fact that it took me two weeks is more a reflection on how fast I tend to get through things, not how fast it “should” take for the job.

          • Anon 4 this

            Oh I absolutely have a quicker worker now. No question. But I realized (knowing what I know about our work), when she was leaving, that the work would continue to trickle off, so I divided the position in half and gave half of it to another area (the two halves go together well so we were able to keep it one position). Even with only half time on my side, the new person doesn’t have enough to do.

        • J

          It sounds like you can’t provide a good reference. You should probably tell her that you’re no longer able to serve as a reference; if that would be too awkward, when you’re contacted by her prospective employer, limit yourself to verifying the dates and type of her employment.

          • Anon 4 this

            Yeah, I’m thinking I should bite the bullet and talk with her about it. The reason I haven’t is that nobody has ever called me for a reference. But she also doesn’t have a full-time job yet, so it could be I wouldn’t make a difference.

        • Just Me

          I think this is what you say if asked for a reference – exactly what you wrote:
          “Yes, she did a good job on the work she was hired to do. Her work was always of good quality.”

    • Anne Shirley

      Um really? This seems petty. You thought she did a good job! I think it’s wrong to be reevaluating years later. Either talk around the question or just say yes.

      • Anon 4 this

        It’s less than a year later. Of course, it could be no big deal because, like I said, nobody has called me. I could also talk around the question by mentioning how much the job has changed.

        • cfm

          I agree that your being petty. Try to have some compassion for her being out of work. Imagining then getting a call that your reference is backing out? It seems really, really sneaky to me to reevaluate her now that she’s gone with no chance to fix it. It could be that if you realized the problem while she was there and spoke to her about it, she would have fixed it. In answer to the question you hypo-d, I would just say that you enjoyed having her work there, her performance reviews were always strong, and her work was of a good quality.

          • Anon 4 this

            Well, I’m not being petty because I haven’t done anything. I was just asking for advice because I was beginning to feel uncomfortable. I do feel badly for her that she doesn’t have a job and I wish her well. I just don’t want to be put in a position to have to lie.

          • zora

            yeah, but what does Anon 4 This say if they ask: “would you hire X back again?” If she can’t honestly answer Yes to that question, I think she should be honest with X and say she can’t be her reference anymore.

          • a.

            I think there’s a little gray there. Anon4 can evaluate the work she did, but, if asked if she’d hire her again, honestly say something like “The job responsibilities have evolved such that we would require someone with more technical knowledge than X possesses.” I really don’t see why this is a big deal.

            But if Anon4 isn’t comfortable being a reference, Anon4 shouldn’t be a reference.

          • Anon 4 this

            I think this is what I will do if it comes up, a. I would recommend her within my organization for a job that really fits her skills. I just wouldn’t hire her for what her old job has become and I think your wording makes a lot of sense. Thanks!

        • CA Atty

          And in the case of the “would you hire her again” question, you could think about it as, if the original position that she had was open again and would not evolve, would you? I think you could say yes to that, it doesn’t sound like the quality of her work was really a problem, just her inability to grow within the position. But you don’t know what her new position would entail, so a blanket, “yes” would suffice.

          In my case, when I was asked the question I had loved my previous secretary/assistant. When she was fired by big bad evil boss I agreed to serve as a reference (side note: a Labor/Employment form firing someone for applying for another job??) and even though my new secretary/assistant was actually a bit better, I could 100% recommend my old secretary. The fact that someone new was a bit faster/more tech savvy/etc…didn’t matter when I considered the quantitative quality of the orignal’s work.

    • Tardy to the Party

      Does your company have a policy on providing references? I know a lot of companies do, but many people don’t realize this. If that is the case, it is often used as an easy out of giving a reference – I can provide the dates of employment and position, but nothing further. People know that there are ways to get around the company policy (providing it as a personal reference, saying it isn’t from the company, etc.), so doing that is more of a wink wink nudge nudge deal.

      • Anon 4 this

        No, I work for a university so it’s very different. We’re expected to give and get detailed references.

  25. d

    Looking for a nice diaper bag for my twin sister. Suggestions? I want to get her something “grown-up” and neutral enough to go with anything (she’s a doctor so wears scrubs sometimes and regular work clothes sometimes. we both hate loud prints). I love to spoil my sister, so something higher end that she would not buy for herself would be nice. (it might be handed down to me too, at some point, so let’s think ahead! (: )

    I have no kids (this is her first!), so please clue me in on functionality.

      • Legal Marketer

        Yep, this one is the best! I also have the Ju Ju Be Be All and it is nice too, but the Kate seems more functional to me.

        Things to consider – can you open it quietly (nothing like trying to open velcro reeeeaaally quietly) and can you access most pockets using only one hand while it’s on your shoulder?

        The Be All is nice because it is messenger bag style, so if I am going to be carrying a lot of other stuff, I’m more likely to take that.

        I think you could be in my family (although not twins): Years ago, my sister and I promised to buy each other their dream diaper bag with no cost limitations when we we had babies. She bought me the Be All and I used it for my first. I’m expecting #2 and bought myself the Kate for this one, mainly because it looks professional and fits my iPad and/or MacBook so I can also use it as a work bag.

    • flip

      A friend of mine loves her Timi & Leslie bag. Seems to fit your description!

    • Margaret

      I spent a lot of time doing diaper bag shopping. Timi & Leslie as a PP mentioned are super-stylish and were very tempting for me, but I couldn’t find good reviews on functionality and that scared me away. You should check them out for sure. (I also found the Vera Bradley bags tempting, but that sounds like it wouldn’t be to your sister’s taste.) Ultimately, though, for a diaper bag, I was most concerned with function and went with the not-exciting-but-functional-and-not-ugly Skip Hop Studio. Skip Hop is a highly rated diaper bag brand and has a number of styles and colors that are not too “diaper-baggy.”

    • MA

      Love my Coach diaper bag from a few years ago. We also have a (much cheaper, more casual) Diaper Dude that is functional and has really become the go-to daily bag.

      I also think that diaper bag requirements change as the baby grows (eg, now I carry toys, snacks, etc, for my toddler vs just diapers, wipes, change of clothed when he was an infant).

      Good luck shopping! What a sweet sister you are!

    • stl

      kate spade has some nice, non-cutesy, but functional looking diaper bags. Honestly, though, I’m on kid #2 and I NEVER carry one. I just have a diaper pouch (think manilla envelope made out of fabric) that I carry a couple of diapers, refillable wipe container from skip hop, and a disposable changing pad in – I throw it in my purse and leave. Likewise snacks, sippy cups, etc, for the toddler.So you could just get her a nice big purse depending on her style.

  26. Awful Job Sitch/Interview Dilemma

    My sister, who has absolutely no common sense, had an entry-level job at X. She interviewed for a slightly higher-paying job at Y. She thought she would get a job at Y, so she put in her notice at X. Then Y told her it would not be making her an offer. So she has resigned from X and lost her chance at Y. How does she explain her (lack of a) job situation at interviews, assuming she even gets any? I would say something vague, like “I gave my notice at X because I believed an offer from Y was pending, but due to hiring constraints, the offer at Y ultimately fell through.” Is that too dishonest? How would you put it?

    • momentsofabsurdity

      I wouldn’t even mentioned Y. “I really enjoyed my time at X but decided I would concentrate on new opportunities. I am very intrigued by the open position at Z.”

      • zora

        agreed. She shouldn’t admit the offer that didn’t happen, that is an immediate “questionable judgment” red flag.

    • M-C

      Has she (very gingerly) gotten in touch with X and told them her new opportunity fell through and she’s on the market again? Someone may take pity on her and give her leads elsewhere, or they may even take her back. Although it’s not so likely if she’s such a ditz, but I’m hoping for both your sakes it was just a blip..

    • kiley

      that would make me think she was an idiot. Sorry. But def don’t mention that she “believed an offer from Y was pending”

  27. Anonfor this

    That much of an explanation sounds like she is hiding something. Or is stupid.

    She shouldn’t talk about it unless they ask her. And if they do, she should say, “I quit my job at X to pursue a new opportunity which ultimately did not pan out” and leave it at that.

    But she shouldn’t bring it up!

  28. cartascartas

    I need some advice–pref from those in law/BigLaw. I’m a junior associate and I have a planned 1 week trip for a wedding in Aug (haven’t taken a single day this whole year so far :() I’m staffed on a case and the hearing is scheduled for this month. But now people are talking about an extension that may interfere with my August plans. It may or may not happen that the extension is granted–when should I bring up my plans? Talks of extension only came up today, so it seems too soon to bring up (and it may not happen). I should know by next week. Should I mention before or after I know about the extension? It’s really imp for my husband that we go on this trip, and obviously the wedding cannot be rescheduled. Thoughts? Help!

    • qwerty

      Who is supervising your work on this project/case? The top dog or someone intermediary?

      • cartascartas

        sr partner is main person, there’s also a jr partner and a senior associate.

        • qwerty

          I would mention, in passing, to the jr partner or the sr associate that it’s possible that the contemplated extension may coincide with the time you have planned to be out of the office and that you hope it isn’t a problem. i’m a little unclear on how the extension may affect your role or obligations. are you prepping the hearing materials and the hearing is while you’re away? if that’s the case, it might get messy. either way, it would be a good idea to preemptively mention it rather than letting another week pass.

          • cartascartas

            i am prepping the materials. since i don’t know when the extension would be for at this point, just a vague “beginning of the month” and i’m leaving on the 11th, i’m afraid that there may be some overlap (but don’t know that this will be the case).

          • qwerty

            if you’re in charge of the materials for a hearing and you may not be there to do that when the time comes, then you need to raise this as soon as possible just to have people on notice. they will be VERY unpleased if they find out later. this is the kind of situation where at my firm the junior would cancel or revise vacation plans, but it doesnt sound like you would be able/willing to do that.

          • LawyrChk

            This issue comes up in my office all the time, and our approach is that you take your scheduled vacation. Let others know well ahead of time, but (particularly where you have a working spouse), if you cancelled or rescheduled your vacation every time a deal closing was moved, you’d never take a vacation. I put my vacation on the calendar a couple months ahead, and when anyone mentions a date within a couple weeks of it, I remind them I’m out for days x through y. Probably a know your office situation, but barring that, ask a more senior associate at your firm how they would approach the situation.

    • Former MidLevel

      When you say the requested extension may interfere with your plans, do you mean it would take place during your 1-week trip or after it?

      • cartascartas

        it’s not entirely clear to me yet–they said “beginning of august”, i’m leaving the 11th (so i wouldn’t be in the office from the 13-17th).

        (i replied below by mistake, so copy-posting here)

        • Former MidLevel

          Okay, so it might not be a problem. And I agree with ELS that this is largely a know-your-office situation. I would recommend talking to a more senior associate (preferably one who knows the partner(s) you are working for) to get some advice.

    • ELS

      My tendency in these situations is to be as honest and proactive as possible, but I think this is a KYO kind of situation. I’m not in BigLaw, so my vacation dates are approved by my direct supervisor and our managing partner as well as HR prior to going on my calendar, which sounds different than your situation.

      How soon will you know about the extension? If it’s in the next week or two, I would wait until you know for sure A) if it’s getting rescheduled and B) when it’s being set for real. Knowing these details makes it easier for someone to cover it for you if necessary, and gives them a hard and fast deadline for preparedness. If you won’t know until much closer to the date, I’d give your supervisor on this matter a heads up that this may be an issue.

      In either case, I’d go into this conversation with a plan of attack. I.e., were this me, I’d offer to help find another associate to cover, and then offer to make sure that person is up to speed and ready to go so the hearing goes off seamlessly.

    • MaggieLizer

      Tell them when your vacation is before they ask for an extension. It’s probably not a big deal and they can work around it, but if they’re expecting you to really help out a lot they may need to revise the extension to accommodate your plans. Something like, “I’m really looking forward to helping out on the hearing. I have a scheduled vacation Aug. X-X; what can I do to make sure everything is ready before I leave?”

      • Herbie

        Depending on the Big Law shop she’s in and how junior she is, the idea of an associate suggesting that either (a) a hearing be scheduled around her vacation or (b) that she’ll go on vacation rather than cancel is likely to be met with, to put it lightly, disapproval. But this is obviously a Know Your Office situation; some Big Law places are much more humane than others.

        • SF Bay Associate

          +1 on that. My biglaw would refer to a phrasing along the lines of “I’m really looking forward to helping out on the hearing. I have a scheduled vacation Aug. X-X; what can I do to make sure everything is ready before I leave?” as a “career-limiting move”. There is no way that the hearing will be scheduled around a junior associate’s availability, let alone a junior associate’s vacation, and the idea that a junior associate has no intention of even considering working around the wedding (working while at the other location, flying out later and coming back sooner, or other ideas) is pretty stunning. I guess my firm is tougher than MaggieLizer’s. Lucky you, Maggie.

          • qwerty

            yeah….. i’m with you on this. but i guess it depends on how junior she is. all that said, i would raise it with the sr. associate now and see how things pan out. my experience is that extensions and deadlines never work out as expected and you’re generally always screwed (especially as low woman on the totem pole…)

          • MaggieLizer

            Yeah, at neither my current regional midlaw nor my new biglaw gig would we be expected to cancel planned, paid-for vacations that involve non-movable events like weddings except in exceptional, last-minute type circumstances that don’t exist here. It’d be a different issue if it didn’t involve a wedding, wasn’t already paid for, wasn’t so far in advance, or conflicted with scheduling for some unavoidable other reason. In this instance, though, I don’t think it’s out of line to expect they can work around it if they’re already pushing the date back.

          • kiley

            Dude agree. I’m guessing its biglaw in a smaller region maybe? A junior associate not even suggesting she would cancel it would be water cooler talk for like, ever. I think there would still be some grumbles if it was her own wedding!

          • cartascartas

            and this is much of what was concerning me. i don’t want to cancel this trip unnecessarily (i’m always willing to work remotely) because of something that may or may not happen, and in this case, i’m not sure i’m aware of what the expectation is (would my absence make a difference, even?). but i also don’t want to wait until it’s happening and then have it look like i’m “bailing” at the last minute–or not be able to make some arrangement that will allow me to be there for what’s important on both ends.

    • Herbie

      Can you ask Senior Associate what s/he thinks you should do?

      I’m unclear on what you’re trying to accomplish. Do you want your superiors to know about the vacation so any hearing can be scheduled for a time when you’re in town? Or do you simply want to know whether they expect you to cancel your vacation and stay back at the ranch if the hearing coincides with your vacation?

      • cartascartas

        i don’t think they’d reschedule around my plans, unfortunately, but i would like to know if they expect me to cancel/rearrange my plans. also, i don’t want them to think i’m bailing at the last minute but also don’t want to seem TOO concerned with my vacations, you know?

        • Former MidLevel

          At my old BigLaw firm, they would have expected you to cancel (assuming there was a true conflict, which you don’t know yet).

        • Herbie

          Yeah, ask your senior associate or another senior associate you trust how they think you should handle. Unfortunately, associate vacays are viewed pretty dimly in many large law firms, and I don’t know if you’re in one of the soul-suckers or not. It also matters how senior you are, how well you know the partner(s), how involved you are, and how much capital you’ve built up.

    • Blonde Lawyer

      I have never worked in Big Law but in my mid-law/small-law life I never make changing my vacation sound like a possibility. In your shoes I would say “just a reminder that I am out of the office the week of _____. I just wanted to let you know again in case it would impact your decision to extend _____.”

      • Merriweather

        My small law firm would never ask us to cancel/reschedule/shorten a vacation. For the sake of your sanity, and for setting up boundaries in the future, I would also make it sound non-negotiable. You WILL be gone. If you offer to cancel/reschedule/shorten, they will always expect that of you in the future – I have seen that happen at my firm, and it is impossible to un-do.

        • Herbie

          See SF Bay Associate’s comment above. At many firms (including some smaller ones I’m familiar with, so good on your small firm!), failing to cancel a vacation for work is career limiting. There are no boundaries at these places.

          • Merriweather

            I did see SFBA’s comment, and it really made me appreciate my little firm. I would not survive in SFBA’s office.

          • Blonde Lawyer

            Yeah, I would much rather limit my career than live like that though I guess in this market it is hard to say “shove it.”

          • LawyrChk

            I’m at a regional biglaw firm, and if anyone asked me to rearrange my vacation for an important event, I’d be taking the next headhunter call that came my way. Happy to work on vacation if necessary, but asking to cancel is a sign it really wasn’t meant to be.

    • Fiona

      I’m of the “remind early, remind often” mindset when it comes to vacations and law firms. The partners most likely do not remember that you’re supposed to be away that week. I would just bring it up casually when they’re talking about the extension, like “just a reminder – I’m out of the office the second week of August.” Do not make it sound wishy-washy or negotiable. You’re out of the office the second week in August. That’s something they need to plan around, whether that’s getting another associate to help out or getting the work done before you leave. Make it simple and direct, and protect your vacation!

      • cartascartas

        does it change your mind that i hadn’t formally told the senior partner (had mentioned it to the junior partner in passing)?

    • Bizzy

      Absolutely know your office culture. At my mid-plus law firm, people are not expected to cancel planned, non-refundable vacations except in extreme circumstances. However, everyone is expected to go above and beyond to minimize the inconvenience their vacation plans may create for others. The right way to play your situation at my firm would be to go to the senior associate or junior partner and tell her about your plans, saying, “do you think I should cancel now? I’d be happy to [do whatever] to make sure all the prep work is ‘in the can’ before I leave and to get [other junior colleague on the team] up to speed to handle the hearing in my absence.”

    • anon for this

      Ladies, I have to admit, this conversation is really bumming me out. I’m a first year in BigLaw (although “smaller” BigLaw), and I work very hard — not insane hours, but I will probably bill about 2400 hours this year. I don’t turn down assignments, I make myself available, and I come in on weekends. But the idea that I would be expected to cancel a pre-paid one-week vacation that I had planned months in advance to do First-Year work–which is extremely interchangeable–otherwise my _career would suffer_ —is extremely depressing to me. I live far away from my close friends and family, and see them maybe 2-3 times a year. I mean, really? You do everything right, and take a one-week vacation, and it’s career-limiting? Because you know what–there will _always_ be another hearing, another big event, and another reason why it would be inconvenient for someone for you to go. That’s biglaw–there is always another “emergency.”

      Sorry, maybe I’m projecting a little. I like my biglaw job. And I think I can be good at it. But now I’m depressed that a fulfilling legal career is incompatible with a very small amount of time spent seeing people who are important to me.

      • Cat

        You are right on all of this. Justified in your view that it is depressing, but right on all of this. After you have built up more goodwill, it will be easier to ask – in your first year, people could easily think “what do you need a break for yet? you’ve only been here 6 months!” – but firm norms will unfortunately dictate how much you can ever get away. For this reason, we used to travel to visit my in-laws 2x/yr, but now they come see us for one of the trips, and the other is always a holiday when people expect you to need to travel to see family.

        It’s become a sort of informal way of associates announcing they are looking to leave at my firm – not necessarily an intentional one, though – everyone usually goes away for a week at some point during the year, either at holidays, spring-break timing or August, usually. But if you deviate from the norm – like taking a trip at Christmas and then another spring break – it definitely raises suspicions that you are “looking” and trying to have as much fun as possible on the paycheck before you actually leave.

        • anon for this

          “Hun”? That’s a bit condescending. Yes, we get paid crazy money to be constantly available and work very long hours. But do you really mean to suggest that there is absolutely no line whatsoever? Can you refuse to allow someone to take a vacation, ever? Can you make someone miss two nights’ sleep in a row? What about three? Seriously, where is the line? $160,000 is a lot of money – but it’s not millions.

          • Herbie

            The sentiment at a number of firms (or among practice groups / certain partners) is that there is no line. That’s why there are so many ex-Big Lawyers. At some point, the money just isn’t enough to make up for the misery. And you’re right– it’s absolutely unreasonable and inhumane. Yet the attitude persists, in part because supply will always far exceed demand. There’s always a fresh crop of newly minted lawyers willing to grind out 2400+ hours per year (I’ve had multiple attorneys tell me about 3000 hour years, which just makes my stomach turn) for a few years before they move on to something else. And if you put your foot down and insist that you’re drawing boundaries somewhere, taking vacation, refusing to sleep at the office or be on call at all hours to fulfill ridiculous and non-pressing demands, well, you’re fungible, and there’s always going to be someone else willing to step into your shoes. It’s just sort of the (depressing) nature of the beast.

            Glad it’s after noon here because now I need a cocktail.

          • kiley

            Sorry, def did not mean it to be condescending. Meant it as someone who has been there. But yeah, that’s way more money than other people. That’s 100k more than the starting salary for the federal government. Yes you can refuse to allow a vacation ever. Yes to missing two night sleep in a row. You can’t accept all that money and expect to be treated the same as others who are getting paid 1/3, 1/4, even 1/5 as much. That’s a choice you make.

      • Herbie

        Okay, so I have another comment in moderation which hopefully will pop up at some point.

        I wanted to add, even though nobody asked for this totally unsolicited advice– this discussion illustrates why its so important to avoid the golden handcuffs!! Live within your means, save save save, don’t get sucked into the expensive lifestyle many lawyers have, and count on your current strategic frugality/spending/saving to allow you to position yourself to decide to leave Biglaw if you want to at some point in the future. Think of it as investing in your future freedom.

        And, use your firm as much as it uses you. Raise your hand when opportunities to develop your skills arise. Be strategic about developing your skill set and deliberate about your networking. Again, invest in your future freedom.

      • Anon 42

        It doesn’t have to be like this. I’m a sr associate on my 2nd NY biglaw firm and I have never been asked or expected to cancel a vacation and at my current firm I rarely work while away. You might work at a good one!

      • J

        I think you’re correct, and people exaggerate. Unless your supervisor is an absolute tyrant, it’s not going to be career damaging to take a vacation. If a major case-related emergency comes up you may need to cancel (that’s why they pay you so much money), but otherwise, a vacation scheduled well in advance should be fine.

        • Hel-lo

          But generally, yes. Life sucks way worse at big firms. I’m surprised you didn’t know that already. If the lifestyle isn’t worth what they’re paying you, then you should start looking for other options. Lots of very good lawyers have left BigLaw, taken a significant cut in salary, and are much happier working 40 hours per week with lots of vacation they can actually take.

  29. Hunting for...

    Cute, white pants that are not see through and are not expensive! (under $50 would be ideal, under $100 is doable) Preferrably cropped!

  30. Andrea

    I’m looking for shoes to wear to my wedding in October (dress just came in, so its time to have a fitting!). I’m wearing my cowboy boots for the (outdoor) ceremony, and then would like a pair of dressy ballet flats, or very low wedge, in bright/dark pink, purple or navy for the reception. I want something nice, fun and comfortable…I’m having trouble finding something that will work! Any suggestions?

  31. Atl Bound

    Hi ladies- I’ll be moving to Atlanta for law school in August and I’m looking for some advice. I’m from the southeast (FL, GA, SC) and I understand the heat and humidity- but I have no idea how to dress business casual (for orientation and other events) in such uncomfortable heat. I lived in gym shorts, t-shirts, and sundresses in undergrad and unfortunately still have the wardrobe to reflect that. I’d love any advice you can give on combining fashion, law school, and 100 degree summers- how professional do I need to look (I don’t have a suit), are sundresses and cardigans ok, avoid _____ type of fabric, try ___ so your makeup doesn’t fall off your face, etc. Really anything at all would be greatly appreciated!

    Thanks, everyone have a great weekend!

    • qwerty

      why do you need to dress biz-cas for law school? is it for particular orientation events which call for biz-cas attire dress code?

    • JessC

      Unless your law school is different than mine (and, by my understanding, everyother law school), everything right down to pajamas are ok for classes.

      • Jules

        This. I wore shorts or jeans, a dress or skirt if I felt like it, and only dressed up for “events” and things like interviews or moot court.

    • Anon

      I didn’t attend law school in Atlanta, but I work here now (legal field) and I’ve never attended a work-related function that was business formal/business casual and also outside. I think people know it is hot and humid here in summertime and why would you make people suffer? I’m guessing your events will be indoors.

    • Former MidLevel

      If you need to dress in business casual attire for these events, I recommend skirts–and layers. Even if it is 100 degrees outside (or maybe especially if), the air conditioning inside might be freezing. Having a cardigan that you can take on/off as needed is an easy solution. Or a light/casual jacket if that is more your style.

      • BigLaw Optimist

        This. And while I would never suggest that you wear shorts to your office, I think a nice pair of walking shorts with sandals is ok for business casual events at the law school (so long as its an internal event).

        As for keeping your makeup on your face, I just wore less of it for that reason. Instead of foundation, I wore a little bit of powder, minimal liner and shadow, and chapstick. Anything else = melting in the southern sun. I always figured I looked infinitely more professional in less makeup than in dripping makeup. I also perfected the art of the Gibson roll and bun for my hair – anything to keep it off my neck!

        I just realized I should probably also add that my advice applies to things like picnics, baseball games, etc that the law school will plan while you’re there. If the event is held inside, I’d stick with traditional business casual with Former Midlevel’s advice of wearing lots of layers. For makeup, start light for the walk from the car to the building – you can always add lipstick or more powder in the bathroom when you get to the building.

    • ELS

      I didn’t go to law school in Atlanta, but people wore … well, exactly what they would wear to class to orientation. That is, people showed up in jeans, shorts, t-shirts, jersey dresses, etc.

      Unless something in your packet of information regarding orientation says “business casual” I’m of the opinion that a wardrobe of sundresses and cardigans is just fine, at least for class and orientation. Don’t worry too much about fabrics, etc. for your casual wardrobe unless you’re hoping those pieces will do double-duty for interviews and summer jobs.

      Now, if you have questions about suits for interviews and the like, I’d be glad to share those thoughts. But unless Atlanta is widely different than where I went to school (and if you’re by chance going to Emory, I’m assured by a friend to transferred there that it is just as casual as my school) you will NOT be needing a suit or anything like it for orientation.

    • DC Law

      I guess it’s a know-your-law school situation, but I never wore anything dressier than jeans or a sundress to law school unless I was presenting, interviewing, or networking. Also, don’t be afraid to ask your classmates what they’ll be wearing to certain events. For business casual, stores like The Limited have good, low-cost basic blouses and pants/skirts. You probably won’t need a lot of these outfits, just a few. Also, layering is key — it may be 100 degrees outside but 60 inside due to over air-conditioning, so bring a sweater!
      Buy one suit and wear it to all your interviews, then buy more for your internship as necessary. Good luck!

    • JR

      I went to law school in a neighboring state and people wore the same clothes they wore in college. If in doubt, a simple dress with a cardigan to layer should be fine. They main issue at my school was that it could be 102 degrees outside and 65 degrees in the classroom–seriously.

  32. cartascartas

    it’s not entirely clear to me yet–they said “beginning of august”, i’m leaving the 11th (so i wouldn’t be in the office from the 13-17th).

  33. Just graduated

    I am sure this has been asked before:

    I am kind of freaking out about the bar exam. I am signed up for a barbri course and doing everything they tell me to do. Is that enough? Should I be doing something else on the side? I feel like the barbri outlines of the areas of law aren’t that great (especially for subjects I didn’t take in school). But maybe that is my obsessive personality? In law school I did fine, but I actually read almost everything assigned and took notes! I didn’t rely on others to guide my studying.

    Any thoughts?

    • Former MidLevel

      Yes, doing everything BAR-BRI tells you to do is enough. It is more than enough. Really.

      • JessC

        I disagree, there IS something you need to be doing besides BarBri – do whatever it takes for you to maintain your sanity.
        Seriously. Whatever that thing is (watching mindless TV, exercising, phone call to friends/family, cooking dinner), do it for at least 30 minutes a day.

        (As far as studying actually goes, just do whatever BarBri tells you to do. It’s a ton of work and more than likely you’ll be fine.)

    • Jules

      If you did fine in law school, and you’re doing a prep course, you will be FINE for the bar exam. Just remember to breathe (now, and during the test).

      We’ll be pulling for you.

      • Just graduated

        Pennsylvania!

        Thanks for your thoughts! It is nice to hear that you all have faith in the process. I will just do what they tell me and hope for the best!

        • Cat

          I passed PA easily doing the Bar-Bri minimum, although at the end, I supplemented by reading and outlining ALL of the model essays (this was in the week before the test when classes had ended). I also knew that I needed a few days just plain OFF, so I moved those assignments around a little to give me a few Sundays totally free, and 4th of July weekend empty of studying.

          Echoing others, do not let studying turn into a round the clock, kill-self endeavor! I actually miss that summer, in hindsight…

          • CountC

            This. I also took and passed PA and BarBri is plenty. I generally stopped studying around 7 pm and took days off so that I didn’t go any crazier than I already was. Although I don’t miss that summer at all (as I get ready to start studying for VA. Blech)

    • Magdeline

      Also taking BarBri, but for the CA bar:

      Is it crazy to make short outlines for each subject (at least for the essay subjects) & do extra MBEs and essays? I’m a little freaked out by the horrendous pass rate in this state.

        • don't do outlines

          I didn’t take California. I took two other states simultaneously. I passed one and failed the other.

          I spent a LOT of time outlining for state A. I only did practice questions for state B. I failed State A and passed state B. In hindsight, I think a lot of the utlinung I did was a waste of time – this is one way law school and the bar are very different. In school, I benefited a lot from the process of making beautiful outlines and understanding alll the little nuances. For the bar, the practice questions and practice essays really truly are your best use of time.

          • Magdeline

            Thank you; this is really helpful! It DOES take up a lot of time, so if it is not worthwhile, I will spend my time practicing instead.

    • Hel-lo

      Here’s some unsolicited advice on BarBri:

      You can not do “everything” BarBri tells you to do.

      I will say that again.

      You can not physically accomplish EVERY thing that BarBri say you can do.

      You also can not memorize every single rule or every single mnemonic. It is physically and mentally impossible.

      Do what you can. Follow BarBri in the sense that you do as much as you reasonably can per day, and then go home, make dinner, and spend time with your family or friends.

      After 8 hours each day, you will not understand that day’s practice area fully. But you must force yourself to stop, and move onto another topic the next day.

      This is very difficult. I would say that bar study was probably one of the most difficult emotional things I have ever had to endure.

      But you *must* stay sane. This is a marathon, and you must set your pace. After 8 hours, you are not absorbing any new information.

      Also, make sure you are eating good healthy food, getting a lot of sleep, and reaching out to friends and family in a meaningful way. All these things are super important to you being prepared for this exam.

      Take lots of breaks. Do not kill yourself studying. You will be fine.

      • Magdeline

        Thank you! The OCD among us really need this advice. I need to remember that you are not absorbing new information after 8 hours. I’m really glad that I started with torts (which is an easier subject for me) because I was studying day/night and really getting forgetful (Where is the milk?? Oh, I put it in the pantry…). That nonsense needs to stop before we get to real property and other more-difficult-for-me subjects.

  34. Susan

    Doctor Rec Threadjack:

    Location: NYC or NJ would both work
    Specialty: Digestive (specifically, stomach cancers, ulcers, etc.)
    *sigh*

    • jt

      Hopefully not too late and you’ll see this, but my husband sees Jim Palma for his colitis. He’s in NYC, but I don’t have his phone number, unfortunately.

  35. Dress Advice (NYC)

    Me: 32 year old civil rights lawyer (read: very low budget)
    Boyfriends’ Friends: Really nice! Highly successful business people. And getting married on Sunday. In a beautiful, intimate afternoon garden wedding.

    Boyfriend and I will be without a doubt the poorest people there. I’m feeling so unglamorous .
    My clothes are literally all suits (for court) and jeans (for weekends).

    SO: Where do a I buy the right dress? I live in Manhattan and can spend a max of $200. $100 would hurt a lot less. Ann Taylor and J Crew fit me well for work stuff.

  36. Alone

    When did you ladies know it was time to ditch the roommate and live alone? I’m 27, live in a high cost area and the amount it would cost me to live alone seems insane (but doable). I don’t have any horror stories, but it’s to the point where everything my roommate does drives me crazy. I’ve never really had a good roommate, but I’ve had ones that I minded less than my current one (mostly because they were never around). In addition to the cost, I also have a dog which makes finding an affordable place to live extra hard, plus I will give up some freedom because right now if I have something after work or have to work late my roommate can take my dog out/walk her (she also has a dog and we share responsibilities sometimes so she can have a life also). But I was alone all of last weekend and just so happy. Now my roommate is back and the thought of going home and having to deal with her is making me want to stay at work. I’m fairly certain that if I didn’t have the dog I would have been living on my own for a couple of years now. If I moved out on my own I would probably move to within walking distance of my office, which does disappoint me because I love the neighborhood I live in now, but it’s more expensive and that way I would be able to always check up on the dog.

    • stc

      I loved living by myself-I think I started at about 24 (moved out of a group house with five roommates, so I think I was just REALLY ready for my own space). Lived by myself until BF (now husband) moved in when I was 28. Do it and enjoy it!

    • CA Atty

      I loved living by myself. I did so from 24ish-to 30ish. Now live with 3-4 people and HATE it. They’re all boyfriend’s family, so it’s awkward and sometimes uncomfortable, plus a variety of ages (9 to 95) and health concerns (95, a 30ish with cancer, 33 with complaints) PLUS I’m living with them without ever actually living with just my boyfriend.

      I regret living by myself in law school. Although I couldn’t imagine living with anyone I knew in law school, I just wish I hadn’t spent the money.

      There really is no right answer. Try living alone for a year and see if you like it/can manage with the dog/etc…if not, look into getting a roommate again. Nothing’s ever permanent. (My current mantra when I’m home is “This too shall pass.”)

      • Anne Shirley

        wow CA Atty- that is a lot of family you have going on. I hereby give you the corporette wine and cookies blessing whenever you need them

    • anon

      I’ve lived alone–with a dog–since I was 21 (mid-20s now). I just never really trusted anyone else with my dog and I generally prefer my quiet time. That said, I feel absolutely AWFUL if I get stuck even an hour later at work that I normally am and, as soon as I can afford it, I will probably hire a dog walker for mid-afternoon so I can be less stressed about rushing home. If you can afford to live near your office, I would go ahead and do it. I think every woman should live alone at some point of her life if she can.

    • lostintranslation

      I think that it depends on your personality more than your actual age. You sound like me, because I ended up getting super annoyed at my roommates, who in retrospect were all really nice girls. Reason? My alone time is sacred to me, and being alone after spending all day at work is really the only way I can de-stress. This coming from someone who is very talkative and likes being with people. On the other hand, one of my friends is really shy and doesn’t talk very much, but she describes living alone as “too lonely” sometimes. The only people who I can be around at this time without stressing out are my boyfriend and family, so I keep it at that. While I wish that I were one of those people who had bff roommates or lived in the super cool party house, this is what works for me :-)

    • EM

      Dude, I’ve been married for over 10 years and have a small child and I think I’d love to live alone. :) (I’m not talking about getting divorced; just living alone. With visitation ;) )

      My sister lived in a studio apartment for a while when she was sick of having roommates and wanted to live alone.

      • NOLA

        So true. I decided, right after grad school, that I was really sick of living with roommates. I lived in a tiny converted hotel room and I loved it. I lived with my brother (a whole ‘nother story) while I did my second graduate degree and vowed that I would never live with anyone who wasn’t my significant other. Now, after living alone for the past six years (with visitation from said SO), I’m not even sure I could live with another person!

        • Hel-lo

          Samesies! :)

          After law school, I decided to live alone. Been doing it for 6 years. Bought a 2BR condo in 2008. Also vowed not to have a roommate until it was a romantic partner.

          Now I’m moving in with BF. Moving & sorting all my crap is such a total pain. Ditto for him.

          Almost wished I’d stayed in a studio… Almost.

  37. Thanks Mammabear!

    After a week that was crummy in a hundred petty ways, I arrived home to fine that my “Just say FOOEY and move on” mug had been delivered. Washed and hosting a nice cup of tea, it brings a much needed smile to my face. Thank you Mammabear for making it available. This is my new motto. Thanks to Ellen too for the inspiration. : )

    • edj3

      Mine is with post office but it didn’t get here yet :-( Looking forward to it though.

    • L

      Can you repost the link? I’ve had that kind of day that a mug would make me feel better…

    • TCFKAG

      HAHAHAHA….I hadn’t seen this post when I posted almost the same thing right below. THANK YOU MAMABEAR!

      Mamabear is wise. All hail mamabear!!

      • mamabear

        Awww.

        This whole thing made my evening. I am at home with a cranky sleep-deprived preteen daughter just back from sleep-away camp, a son who got into trouble at school today, and a cranky husband just getting off work at 7 on a Friday – he should be fun to be around this evening.

        So.. it’s nice to be hailed. :)

    • mamabear

      Oh, you got yours! Mine hasn’t come yet.

      I’m so excited for it to arrive!

  38. TCFKAG

    My just say FOOEY and move on mug got here! I’m unreasonably excited about it. I explained to my husband what it meant…he was like, okaaayyyyy. :-) Though he did enjoy the idea of me running into another person with the mug at work!

    • mamabear

      If you do run into someone at work with the same mug, you know what to do.

      (it tells you right there on the mug.)

      • TCFKAG

        Are you kidding me. If I run into someone at work with the mug, I’ll probably squeal, jump up and down, and hug them. But…um, I’m a weirdo.

    • Frances

      Ellen always gets the kudo’s whilst I am the unheralded family beauty, albeit unemployed. If I had a bigger tuches, maybe my situation would be different. FOOEY!

    • edj3

      And mine arrived today! I’m sure no one at my new job will understand what on earth it means but I think it’s fantastic :-)

  39. NOLA

    @TCFKAG, my Via Spiga Mercato wedge sandals in turquoise came and they are gorgeous and fit perfectly! Also really well padded and comfortable. In fact, I like them so much that I ordered them in chestnut last night! Oh, my credit card….

      • NOLA

        Oh, it’s no big deal. I can handle it. I just spent the past week spending money on my house (air conditioner, blinds, curtains, lighting) and my cat (but the little princess is worth it).

        • TCFKAG

          I still haven’t convinced my husband we need curtains in our house. He considers that like the 1500th priority for house spending. Our window treatments are sorely lacking. :-P

          • NOLA

            That’s one of the things I’ve completely redone in my house since my divorce! I/we always just had vinyl mini-blinds. I now have real hardware and curtains in every room and I’ve been replacing the little blinds with the nicer faux wood blinds. They make a huge difference in regulating the temperature in the summertime. Luckily, my SO not only loves what I’ve done, he actually installs it all for me.

          • TCFKAG

            We at least have the good light blocking blinds so we have good temp regulation. They’re just not attractive. And he doesn’t understand the point to the “attractiveness” argument. I had NO IDEA how much custom blinds cost until we priced it out for our second floor.

            Geesh home ownership is expensive.

          • a.

            This may not be faaaaancy enough (imagine me sipping from a dainty teacup with my pinky stuck out as I say that), but I really love the curtains I got at Target for a whopping $11 a panel, and everyone who walks in my house complements them. There’s always a good selection of colors and prints, and if you already have blinds that will deal with temperature control, it doesn’t really matter that they’re thin and uninsulated. They could be a good, inexpensive placeholder until you can win him over to the attractiveness argument :)

          • NOLA

            Oh gosh, the hardware on my windows is all from Target and JC Penney. I have a ton of windows in my bedrooms so they both have the Linden Street tab curtains ($25 a pair) from JC Penney. Of course, the ones in my bedroom are trimmed with ribbon that cost more than the curtains…

          • TCFKAG

            Huh. It just honestly never occurred to me to check at Target. It never stops shocking me the endless things that they have nice versions of! :-)

            And don’t worry. I prefer to sip my tea while lying on my chaise lounge and being fed grapes by my men without shirts. I would have thought you KNEW that about me. :-)

            And the blinds that block light DO control temperature. They’re just…you know, ugly. That’s neither here nor there I guess.

          • J

            Mine are JC Penney (you can order blackout shades from them cut to the size of your window) and Walmart, and they look great. Plus, they’re so cheap your husband won’t notice you spent any money!

  40. Size 12

    Are there any fashion blogs for more “average” sized women? It seems the only ones I find, the author is very small (size 4-6) or very plus-sized.

    • TCFKAG

      Actually, there are several commenters who post on here semi-regularly who seem to have blogs in that size range. I’m also in that size range so try to recommend things I think would work for that range.

      Anything specific you’re looking for? I’m bored!

      • another size 12

        I would love to see a mix of work outfits and casual outfits, especially how to wear blazers! As a busty 12 (more like a 14 on top, really), I am both drawn to and mystified by blazers.

        • TCFKAG

          Okay, first things first, you should look up pictures of Sandra Rinomato, the former host of Property Virgins on HGTV (google image) — lady knew how to rock a suit jacket as a busty woman like no one else.

          Tips seemed to be, NO huge lapels or collars, smaller lapels or no lapels, few or no double breasted jackets (which frankly I avoid anyway) and she wears them open often anyway. Looking at her jackets, I would bet she buys them and possibly gets them tailored as well, which might make sense, if you have the budget (or if you join Nordstroms and get the debit card you get a certain amount of free tailoring.) Now, she often also rocks the sheath dress, sweater combo, probably for the reasons you’ve listed — so remember that its not one size fits all for professional wear.

          I found this site in a quick google search looking for tips for you, and while the site looks like it might have been made in 1996 by a fourth grader, all the tips actually do look apropos. http://www.bigbustsupport.com/jackets.html

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