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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 504 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread

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3" chino shortSomething on your mind? Chat about it here. I forget where I saw it, but I recently saw a picture of Kelly Ripa in her favorite weekend garb: apparently these neon pink chino shorts from J.Crew. They didn't look overly bright or crazy at all — just kind of perfect with a simple white t-shirt. J.Crew makes them in a LOT of different colors, as well as different lengths — these are 3″, but they're also in 4″, 5″, and — only available online — 7″ and 9″ chino shorts. The 3″ neon pink ones are $44. 3″ chino short (L-2)

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Comments

  1. onehsancare

    I hope it’s not a bad omen that I made my first cup of coffee in my tea mug not my coffee mug. The good news is I made it from the kitchen through the cubes back to my office without spilling any. Batting .500.

    • Mountain Girl

      If you are wearing anything white and still made it without spilling you get extra points.

    • TCFKAG

      I’m not sure I understand why it matters that you made coffee in your tea mug. What am I missing here?

      • Pest

        Either onehsancare is very particular about which mug she uses for which beverage or she does not actually wash her mugs between uses.

        • Anon in Canada

          Once upon a time, DH and I didn’t have time to buy coffee beans and drank chai and Earl Gray from our travel mugs for the rest of the week.

          The following week, our coffee tasted very strongly of bergamot and cinnamon. And yes, we washed the travel mugs between uses. True story.

      • CSF

        I thought maybe the coffee mug was larger, and that’s why she was so happy she didn’t spill!

      • Research, Not Law

        I’m a tea drinker; Husband is a coffee drinker. Occasionally we grab the wrong travel mug, and it’s really gross for both of us. The mugs are washed regularly – the flavors just linger.

      • Coach Laura

        Yes, tea drinker here and I hate having tea in mugs that taste like stale coffee, which they usually do if they’ve been used for coffee. Drives me insane when my hubby uses my tea mug for coffee or if I go to a restaurant and the mug tastes like coffee. I purposely bought the most floral, girly-girly mugs so hubby won’t use mine. I don’t like the taste of coffee drinks, though I love Haagen-Dazs coffee flavored ice cream and coffee-flavored flan or creme brulee.

  2. cornellian

    have and love these shorts in two colors. Mine are a size 2 and I’d probalby go with 0 if I ordered again at 5’4 128 ish, FWIW.

  3. FP Angie

    After being bummed on missing out the Bay Area meet-up, are there any ‘Rettes in Northern California (non-Bay Area)? Sacramento and surrounding regions?

  4. Midwesterner

    I finally swore off shorts this summer. I’m 32 years old and just do not feel cute/feminine/comfortable in them. Because I’m pretty lazy on the weekends about hair and make-up, I figure I look much better in a sun dress or maxi dress.

    • SF Bay Associate

      I gave up shorts years ago and am happier for it. I am in pretty good shape, but something about shorts of any style on me makes me think my thighs look huge. I see women of smaller, same, and bigger, and much bigger sizes of all different builds than me looking great in shorts, but for me, skirts only.

      • cornellian

        I went through this phase and J Crew pulled me out of it this season. I’ve been trying to pair more substantial and conservative tops with my shorts, which somehow makes them look less like they belong on a 12 year old to me. I have a loosebutton down that my neighbor refers to as my summer outfit.

      • Herbie

        Yep, shorts make me feel like I’m walking around on a pair of chicken drumsticks instead of legs.

    • Bonnie

      I feel much more comfortable in sundresses and skirts too. I only wear shorts now to work out.

      • Ellen

        Actualy, these kind of short’s I CAN wear b/c they are not to tight. I will be geting some like these for The BEACH, b/c my tuchus is to big to wear JUST the cute bikini bottom’s alone and I do NOT want to call EVEN more attention to my tuchus at the beach, so shorts is the way to GO.

        The manageing partner will NOT aprove this b/c this is NOT work atire, so I have to pay 100% myself for short’s and halter top’s. Not a bad deal, b/c the big ticket items — skirt’s, suit’s, blouse’s and shoe’s, he WILL pick up the tab for (at 20% that is).

        So anyway, the MANAGEING partner is leting us all go at 4 for the weekend, and I am going RIGHT over to Lord and Taylor’s b/f I go home. There is a good sale going on and I need a new skirt. HAPPY FRIDAY! YAY!

    • Research, Not Law

      Sigh. I did the same a couple of years ago. The summer J Crew catalog always makes me sad, but shorts just aren’t right for me.

    • Anon Analyst

      Yep, I’m in my mid-thirties and I stopped wearing shorts a few years ago. Unless I’m lounging around the house or working out. Actually, I do have one pair of white knee length shorts that are more dressy and appropriate for casual Friday’s at my office.

      I’ve been seeing lots of cute looking shorts in stores and I’m tempted to try to incorporate more casual shorts into my wardrobe.

      I wear dresses the majority of the time in the summer b/c I’m lazy it’s nice to just have to worry about one item of clothing.

      • JenK

        Too funny–I’ve been trying to wear more shorts, fewer dresses and skirts, because I want to be able to work out and also to jump into spontaneous games of soccer, basketball, chase, etc. with my son. I go into a store with all good intentions of buying shorts to wear for momming around town and am inevitably drawn to the sundresses–just the opposite of you!

    • Lyssa

      Also not a shorts fan – much happier in casual skirts/dresses. I have a few old pairs that I will only wear around the house, but I do sort of like the bermuda style longer shorts – they don’t ride up and don’t cut me off right at that wide part of my thigh.

    • Anonymous

      I am also in my 30s but i have been off shorts since, probably college. I’m a pear, and my thighs have always been my thickest/widest point, and i just always hated that feeling of something riding up btween my legs, and always pulling them down, etc. I like skirts soooo much better, and feel cooler in them anyway!

        • anon

          I know what you mean about riding up, but the 7′ shorts seem to stay in place for me. I can’t wear skirts because I have thunder thighs that chafe and am very envious of women who don’t have that problem

          • zora

            huh, i think it’s so interesting how people are so different about things like this, because i am totally in thunder thighs land and I guess they [TMI warning] rub together, but somehow I don’t mind it under a skirt, whereas, wearing any kind of shorts when it’s hot, or in any weather, i just can’t stand the feeling of having Any. Fabric. Between. My. Legs. At. All. Ack. Get. It. Off. Right. Now.

    • Senior Attorney

      Oh, my. I am 53 and still rocking shorts. Even shorts that are pretty darned short.

      In my defense, it gets very hot here, and I don’t generally wear the shortest ones out of the house.

      • Goosebumpy

        I’m with you! It’s skirts, skirts, skirts at the office, so I like to let my runnergirl legs come out and play on my own time. You can pry my cut-offs out of my cold, dead hands.

      • KLG

        I’m 31 and shorts are my go to. I love my sundresses in fall/spring but during the summer it’s really hot and humid in VA and I hate when my sweaty thighs rub together :)

      • Bluejay

        I don’t think it’s an age thing. I just look much better in skirts, and always have.

        • Poll

          My grandmother rocked shorts well into the 80s. She had great legs. I’m only 31 but I have cellulite. So I don’t do anything short and shorts that come up to the knee don’t look good on my not so long, not so skinny legs. So no shorts for me. Alas… I’d love to rock the hot pink pair.

          • Bluejay

            I wear short skirts, but I have thick inner thighs and shorts just are not flattering on them. In a skirt you can’t tell.

      • anon

        same, mid-fifties, still rocking the short shorts – for some reason longer shorts, though it seems to me they are more appropriate for “one my age”, look dopey on me and short inseam shorts look fine. Course I wear jeans most days too, I guess I just like a casual vibe. I do wish the longer shorts looked better so I would feel more put together though.

      • Research, Not Law

        Hey, no defense necessary! I’m envious. I’d be wearing them if they looked at all flattering!

    • Bunkster

      For casual beachwear, I usually wear jersey dresses and mini skirts, but I’m rocking long black shorts with a hot pink JCrew vneck long sleeved tissue tee today, and my pink pirate flip flops, of course. Love the dress code here!

    • Merriweather

      This could be me! Totally agree. Nothing about shorts makes me feel good.

    • Midwest

      But … what about sweaty thighs? Maybe it’s just me, but I find most skirts/dresses unbearable on a 95-degree day.

      • zora

        I don’t know, somehow I feel cooler when my thighs are bare under a skirt, than when they are constricted by fabric completely surrounding them. I guess I can’t explain it. ;o)

    • karenpadi

      Me too. Haven’t worn shorts in almost a decade. I held on to one pair for boating (canoeing/kayaking) but haven’t really been boating since college.

      I love my sundresses. So comfy, so easy, so pretty.

    • long time lurker

      I am late thirties and wear shorts on the weekend sometimes. However, I have the same issues with shorts as I do with pants – the rise/fit around the waist/hips. I am kind of longwaisted with a bit of a tummy. I would wear shorts and pants more, because I do like my legs, but finding ones that fit me right is such a giant pain.Skirts are just much easier for me to shop for and fit into, so I do tend to wear a lot of them, along with simple tank-type dresses.

      • Anonymous

        My mom yells at me when I wear shorts because at 46, she says I am pushing 50. The shorter shorts make my legs look better. Meh.

    • R in Boston

      I’m a longtime member of team thunderthighs, so the only shorts I’ve worn for the last 10 years or so have been bermudas. If the shorts go to the knee they work; anything actually short is just not flattering. Glad bermudas have been in style the past few years.

    • KSW

      I don’t wear shorts very often either because I never find any that fit, mainly because I’m tall and so the shorter lengths feel inappropriate/uncomfortable. BUT, I recently bought these and love them so much that I just ordered another color and may buy a third pair:

      http://tinyurl.com/7s4t3cb

      All three Gap locations near me were sold out in almost every color and every size, and they were backordered until September on Gap’s website until recently. So, they must be flattering on ladies of all different shapes and sizes. They come in neon colors too, if anyone is interested.

      • KSW

        Oh, and they are totally vanity sized. So if you are interested, definitely size down at least one size, if not two.

    • AN

      I got a fab pair of what used to be called ‘city shorts’ from gap in a trouser material, four yrs ago. I’m hanging onto them as they’re fab ( knee length) even on my thigh heavy figure.

      Never yet found any as good.

      • JAS1

        Hey ladies, please settle a debate I’m having with my boyfriend, who has agreed to turn to you as an impartial, binding authority on the issue. He has a job where he wears khaki shorts outside all summer (and has great, tanned calves to show for it). Often he will put on a new shirt (buttoned down) when we go out, keeping his shorts on. Our disagreement is in regards to his footwear when going out for dinner after work. On one side of the argument is his black or brown dress shoes with black cotton ankle socks. On the other, loafers with no socks or athletic shoes.

        Please advise.

        • Nellie

          I have trouble believing anyone is seriously advocating that he wear shorts with dress shoes and black socks, but that person is…wrong.

        • SALit-a-gator

          Ditto everyone above. Dress shoes which shorts? No. Just no. Ever. I would go with boat shoes or some nice man-dals (sandals for men!).

        • mamabear

          Are you living in Bermuda? If yes, then dress shoes and socks.

          Everywhere else, please. Don’t wear dress shoes with shorts! Boat shoes or very casual loafers are the only way to go.

        • Bluejay

          Dear Lord. Loafers with no socks or athletic shoes. No dress socks with shorts, ever.

  6. Jules

    Vent: I’ve been looking for a cute, short dress to wear as a swimsuit cover up, and I just spotted the perfect one — on the associate in the next office. At work. Aaack.

    • Anon Analyst

      Haha, this is funny and frightening at the same time! Luckily at my work, women dress on the more conservative side rather than baring too much.

      • Jules

        It’s basically just the one associate — please do not ask me what she wore to a big client conference, which she apparently thought would be a good place to meet men — who for many reasons will not be with us after the summer, so it’s not worth the conflict of saying anything to her. But, again, aack.

    • SF Bay Associate

      Work that biz dev, girl :). I love the idea that [this website] can turn into a network of biz referrals.

      • Psquared

        Um, sorry, but I expect that email address will be spammed to death now.

        • TCFKAG

          I’ve posted my anonymous e-mail on here bunches of times. Have never gotten any spam. Meh.

    • Dessert Doctor

      Taking off Tuesday through Friday, but mostly because I’m traveling out of state to celebrate my 30th birthday (on the 4th) with family. I’m lucky to be in a job that’s flexible with vacation time.

  8. Wed. the 4th

    So, how are y’all solving the July 4th dilemma? Taking the whole week off? The weekend before, the weekend after? Just Wednesday?

    • Wed. the 4th

      Assuming you live in the US and are planning on celebrating Independence Day.

      • Bunkster

        Me, too. Because I’ve only been at my job for 6 weeks, I only have 2 days accrued. 4:00 can’t come fast enough today…

        • KLG

          This reminds me how badly I need to find a new job. I have been at my position exactly 7 months now which means I have accrued ONE vacation day (we accrue one day per month after you’ve been here for 6 months). Thankfully the office is closed Wednesday.

          • Bluejay

            Wait, you don’t get a bank of 6 days once you complete your 6 months? That is awful.

          • KLG

            Nope. One of the associates who has been here for 5 years and has plenty of accrued vacation took 3 days off between xmas and new years and our boss gave him a hard time. Even though our boss was out of the office half that week as well…

    • b23

      You forgot one option: working every day next week. Because that’s what I’m doing.

    • DC Jenny

      I’m just taking the 4th, but I’m really excited because my friend just got a boat, so we’ll be watching fireworks from the river!

      • DC Law

        Nice! I’ll be watching them from my new apartment building’s rooftop. We’re having a party and I’m pretty pumped about it. I hope it’s not 70 million degrees but it probably will be.

    • Godzilla

      Just Wednesday. Since so many people are off, I’m going to go joy riding in the company cars, ahem, performing “field trips” and “site visits”.

      • CA Atty

        Just Wednesday for me as well. But nobody else will be in the office for the rest of the week so I expect that by about 2pm each day we’ll be putting some music on and rocking like we just don’t care. :-)

    • Anon Analyst

      The 4th is a company holiday and I’m taking Thursday and Friday off. We’re having people over on Wednesday and the rest of the time I plan to do nothing except read some books and watch Downton Abbey season 2. :-)

    • Senior Attorney

      Just Wednesday, unfortunately. But I am going to TWO parties so I will be making the most of it!

    • EC MD

      On call tuesday through Sunday. Big resort area expecting beautiful weather. Husband also on call for part of it. Back up plan and back up backup plan in place. My only hope is that people split pretty evenly between coming up this weekend and next. Planning to sleep and chill out this weekend.

    • PharmaGirl

      Only off on the 4th because the 6th is my last day at my job. Pretty excited to have an empty office for my last week.

    • TCFKAG

      Taking Wednesday off, working remotely Thursday and possibly a bit Friday. We’re also driving to NoVa this weekend to see our soon to be born nephew! So that will be very exciting!!

    • girl in the stix

      Taking Thursday, Friday and the following Monday off–but even now it seems too short a time off!

    • CSF

      Our office has graciously closed its doors on Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday of next week. I got scheduled for an informal hearing via teleconference on Thursday (since our courts did not get the memo that my office would be closing… hah) So, I will be doing that hearing from the beach.

    • NOLA

      Since almost everyone else is off all next week I decided to take off today and Monday and go in Tuesday. Weird, but Tuesday will be a really quiet day

    • Cali CPA

      I’m taking off Thursday and Friday and going on vacation (SF/Napa). I just realized that’s the longest time I’ve had off in a row since November! I need to plan more vacations.

      • Ella

        No days off next week (except Wednesday) and I am actually very excited at the prospect of an empty office. I think I’ll catch up on a lot.

    • CKB

      Not in the US, but our office is closed Monday for Canada Day (I will work from home a little – month end) and Friday for the Stampede parade (yay!) so only a 3 day work week for me (not counting the little bit of work I’ll need to do Monday).

      Of course, it’s Saturday and I’m in the office today, so a 3 day work week next week will be REALLY nice.

    • gov anon

      Just Wednesday since I used up a boatload of vacation days when we had to go take care of Mr. gov anon’s elderly dad last month. Trying to hang on to the remaining ones so I can take time off at Christmas.

  9. CPA to be

    Thanks to everyone for encouraging words for me the other night about the CPA exam. I’m in the library right now taking a short study break after a very productive morning. I feel much better about the exam, and even if I don’t pass this section this round, I know I have worked very hard, which gives me some comfort. I’ll let you all know how it goes on Tuesday.

  10. Bonnie

    DCettes. Anybody up for a meetup? Email me at dccorporette at yahoo dot com and I can put it together.

  11. DC Jenny

    I just left my old office for the last time (for 6 months) and start my litigation detail on Monday! I am both elated to be done with my home agency for a while and terrified of the detail.

    Also, I am thinking I should wear a suit on the first day at the detail agency, but my only suit is black polyester, and it’s hotter than the surface of the sun here. Boo.

    • SpaceMountain

      You might need more than one suit to get through a litigation detail. Won’t you be in court all the time?

      • DC Jenny

        I don’t think I’ll actually be appearing in court very frequently, just filing things. My SO is a government trial lawyer, and he only has one suit. But I am prepared to buy some more if necessary.

      • DC Jenny

        They decided to compromise and give it to me during the first 3 months of the detail. I still don’t think it’s fair, but it’s not worth continuing the fight. Thanks for asking!

  12. Bonnie

    Ugh moderation. Retrying with out certain words. Anybody up for a get together in DC? My schedule just opened up for a bit. Drop me a line at dccorporette at yahoo dot com and I can send out a note.

    • Jules

      This is great. LOVE the woman in the white shift and hot pink shoes. (Are they sport sandals? Can’t tell.) They look much better than the dress with sneakers look, and she really tears it in the last photo.

    • DITTO

      I love it. It also appears that a few women are wearing actual sneakers, but only one of the guys is – way to be prepared, ladies!

    • Bluejay

      What’s sad is that people wear the exact same thing to walk 2 blocks to the metro.

      Seriously, DC ladies, you don’t need actual running shoes unless you’re, you know, running. Flipflops, flats, or walking shoes will do.

      (sorry, pet peeve. And this from a woman who starts rocking flipflops with her trenchcoat as soon as it climbs over 50 degrees, so I probably shouldn’t throw stones.)

      • Bonnie

        I’m right there with you Bluejay. I’m even ok with streamlined sneakers, just not the huge white sneakers with white tube socks.

      • DC Jenny

        Eh, I think people should wear whatever they want to feel comfortable on the commute. Plus, you don’t really know how much walking they might have at the other end of the metro ride or if they have an injury or disability or something.

        • Bluejay

          I walk two miles each way to the office and have never felt the need to wear gym shoes. Seriously – there are a ton of walking shoes out there that do not look like you’re planning to run a marathon in your business suit. The worst is when they’re worn with white socks and pantyhose.

          • DC Jenny

            I usually wear comfortable flats, Toms, or Danskos, but I have bad feet, and if I had to walk four miles a day I would absolutely have to wear athletic shoes. And even if I didn’t, who cares? It doesn’t hurt anyone to wear what you want.

          • M-C

            Second that. Look for German or British shoes if you want comfort with some sensible style. Reike, Clarks, Ecco, even Birk’s footprints.

    • JR

      Am I the only one who hears the Chariots of Fire theme in the background while looking at these? Cue the slow motion montage . . .

  14. Equity's Darling

    Happy Canada Day!

    I know it’s Monday, but I feel like the long weekend is really the celebration part:) I love fireworks so much. Yay!

  15. SF Bay Associate

    Whoa – apparently Katie Holmes’ contract is up after five years, because she’s divorcing her resident couch-jumper. See People’s website.

      • Jacqueline

        Wow! I was never a fan this pair and thought they were both in it for career-enhancing reasons, but I thought they’d stick it out a little longer. Do you think the marriage helped either of their images? I guess she got a bigger profile and some magazine covers, but she’s definitely not A-list!

        • Circe

          Great article on Slate: It helped neither of their careers, and hurt hers more than his.

    • Fiona

      I knew it!! I knew it was a five year contract! I also think Suri is Chris Klein’s baby. (And I like to wear tin foil hats).

      • Thirty-Mile Zone

        I totally agree on all counts. And I used to date a guy that worked at TMZ who gave a lot of “unofficial” support of your latter point.

        • SF Bay Associate

          Oh no, really? Chris Klein has turned into such a creeper. I watched “The Legend of Chun Li” one day when I was home sick – not only was the movie the worst movie ever, but he was the creepiest and most unnerving presence in that terrible movie. Total s*xual predator vibe. He had that same vibe in the red carpet pictures for American Pie 3. I really hope he isn’t Suri’s father. Yeech.

    • Anon Analyst

      Hm, doesn’t come as a major suprise. I always thought something was a bit manufactured about their pairing.

      • zora

        Yeah, but if it was manufactured, it seems like you’d be in it for the long haul. I mean, not like there were any surprises that way, right? I am kind of surprised, I figured if she agreed to marry a crazy dude, she was really committed to the idea.

    • PharmaGirl

      I’ve been refreshing Suri’s burn book all afternoon. Must know how ‘she’ handles the news!

    • Herbie

      I think the Gawker headline adequately sums it up: Tom Cruise, Katie Holmes Divorcing Because They Couldn’t Fake Being In Love Forever and Plus She’s Not a Dude

    • NOLA

      I was waiting in line at Marshall’s and checked mail on my phone. I had a breaking news email from People. I admit that I gasped out loud. Strange even to me that I’d care.

      • Flamingo

        I was also super surprised, which is weird because it is such.a.weird.pairing.

    • Anonymous

      I always thought Katie was behaving like this was a short-term gig. She’s spent five years spending Cruise money to build a wardrobe of beautiful, timeless, classic clothes that will serve her for all of her post-Cruise years.

  16. Godzilla

    Do any of you have a blog or some such? I’d love to follow you all around the internets!

  17. SpaceMountain

    I know other military spouses have chimed in previously — if you are mil spouse lawyers, check out this organization I just heard about: the Military Spouse JD Network. They are asking state bar associations to try to make it easier for military spouses to keep their careers despite moving to a new state every few years. I can’t imagine having to re-take the bar every 2-3 years, in addition to raising a family and looking for a new job while your spouse might be deployed overseas.

    • Kontraktor

      I just read a post on AAM where a lady was asking about how she should resign from her job due to (another) military move. The callousness of some of the commenters was truly sick and appalling. One commenter even went so far as to say that military spouses shouldn’t bother working because they “know” they will move frequently. Um… how about a) it’s illegal to discriminate based on marital status and b) nobody knows anything about the future with 100% certainty, so why should I be expected to be clarivoyant because I am a military spouse? I was blatantly forced to tell one company what my husband did and I got asked how long I was staying, I wanted to say, “Honestly I could get the knock on the door tomorrow letting me know my husband is dead, and then I guess I wouldn’t have that problem of moving frequently with him would I?” None of us know what the future holds, military spouse or not- I mean, we could walk out in the street and get hit by a car this second and not be able to work, so the piont just seems moot to me. I truly resent the fact that we are ‘judged’ in some cases for not knowing the future, especially as military spouses.

      Sorry not much to chime in re bar/exams, but I will say it’s great that there is an organization like this because we need all the help we can get.

      • zora

        Kontraktor, I saw that post, too. It is so completely horrible, when I hear these stories it makes me so angry. :o(

  18. meara

    Etiquette question: a few moths ago the company I worked for was being awful, and clearly not interested in retaining employees. I started looking around–there are a small number of companies who hire what I do and have various perks and problems. I called up a former coworker who’d left to get his opinion on his new company. We chatted, he was helpful, and I applied and got a job at his company. Now, we all work from home, so I’ve only met him in person once, but his work contributions I respected. He suggested I put him as referring me, and he would get a bonus and we could split it. I did so (because hey, why not?). The bonus just came through and he said he’s sending a check. Sweet! I dot know how much, but it’s more than nothing! Question is–if we were in an office I might make him some cookies or give him a bottle of wine or something, but mailing him something for giving me something seems weird. But should I do it anyway? I mean, he is giving me after tax money, it’s out of his pocket…

    • Bluejay

      What a nice guy. I think a thank you note (“Thank you for the referral! I’m excited to join the team”) and a bottle of wine would be perfect, although I agree it’s a bit odd to send a gift. I’d go ahead and mail the thank you note, though. Real mail is always a nice touch.

    • rosie

      I would probably send something like a small Edible Arrangements or other food item. I wouldn’t write “thanks for splitting your bonus” on the card, but more of a general “I’m enjoying working at your company so far, thanks for all your help getting here” type thing (even if you don’t think he influenced hiring).

    • M-C

      I’d definitely send a box of chocolate. After all it’s his bonus (because he is truly responsible for you applying) and it’s very generous of him to be sharing it at all, much less evenly.

  19. Heather

    Need recommendations!

    Looking for a birthday present idea for a teenage girl about to turn 16. I used to babysit her when she was younger – so I think of her as a little sister. I’ve remained close to her and her family since I no longer babysit for them. I am not sure if she will be getting a car/start driving on her own, so any car related ideas are out. Was thinking about some sort of gift card, but that seems like the easy way out right now. She is athletic and plays several sports (volleyball, basketball, softball, runs track), but she’s not what I would call a ‘tom-boy’. She loves hanging out with friends/meeting new people. Looking to spend anywhere from $25-$50.

    Any ideas welcome! Thanks in advance!

    • Bluejay

      Does she like makeup? When I was 16 I would have died for a Sephora gift card. I also agree that an Athleta or Lucy card would be great.

      • Anonymous NYer

        I gave my 15/16 year old cousin a lord and taylor make up set thing for christmas at our annual christmas eve get together. Had like 30 eye shadow colors, a ton of lip colors, and cheek and bronzer colors. She’s always so nice and grateful, but this year she came up to me alone later in the night and gushed about how happy she was with the present and how badly she needed make up (he parents are kinda granola people – awesome, but buying make up for a 16 year old wouldn’t be first on their list)

        So basically what I was trying to say with that long story is ‘I second the make up idea’

    • Herbie

      Second the Sephora idea. I gave my younger cousin (14?) an eye shadow palette from Sephora recently, and she loooooooooooooooooved it.

      • Herbie

        Something similar to this: sephora dot com/smoky-studio-customizable-eye-palette-P310724

  20. AnonAz

    Random shoutout for Sheraton Hotels… so in my barprep brain(less) state, I booked my hotel room for the bar exam in JUNE. As in not July. I saw the charges on my account and called them, thinking they mistakenly billed me twice. No, its because I no-showed on the June reservation. Doy!

    Not only did they refund my “nonrefundable, nonchangeable” reservation, they rebooked for July at a cheaper rate!

    I know you ladies have an appreciation for good customer service, so I just wanted to share. That and I was freaking about being out the $450, and still in need of a hotel room. Whew!

  21. KateL

    Athleta or Lucy gift card? Both have really good sales and you could stretch a $50 gift card.

    Sweatybands headbands are cute and come a lot of fun prints

  22. Help, I got fat.

    OK, corporettes. I have a question for you. over the last two years I’ve packed on about 25 lbs. I’ve had a lot of stressors and been really busy… but it was still a lot of weight. I am not a naturally thin person but I kept things around a size 4/6 by watching what I ate and working out. At some point I just lost control and I feel like I’ve fallen and I can’t get up. I have developed some seriously bad habits, especially in the dietary department. It’s also been hard to get psyched about exercise.

    Anyone have tips on how to stay motivated/change habits for the good? I tried medifast but it was too hard and I couldn’t do it while still keeping up the social work obligations I have.

    Anyhow, any tips you might be able to give me for getting back on the wagon, I’d be much obliged. I’m at the end of my rope! So frustrated.

    • PharmaGirl

      Right there with you. In the past year I somehow started eating Dunkin Donuts sandwiches twice a week and Starbucks croissants 3 days. Neither are even delicious! This plus the potato chips with a sandwich every day for lunch lead to me gaining over 10 pounds in a year.

      I joined weight watchers about 10 days ago and already feel so much better about myself. I’m still quite hungry but have lost a few pounds already mostly due to controlling portion sizes and choosing healthier options. It’s helped me stay accountable to myself. Perhaps that’s what you need? Exercise has never come naturally to me and, quite frankly, I hate it.

      • jbgsunshine

        Hey pharmagirl, I’m right there with you, coincidentally. Pretty much the same gain over the last yr and signed up to WW for the first time 8 days ago. Good luck!

      • Echo

        Might I suggest the book French Women Don’t Get Fat? Despite the flippant title, it’s a very enjoyable and meaningful read.

        Biggest messages: eat simply, savor life and enjoy your food.

    • Accountress

      I don’t diet, so I’m not going to be helpful in that aspect, except to say that the best way to avoid cravings is to remove restrictions, and to take the time, if possible, to make food you will enjoy eating and that will nourish you.

      As far as not being psyched about exercise, I recommend finding something that you enjoy. I think there’s someone on here who takes a hula class, or if you’re a fan of music, maybe a Zumba class? Swimming, what with the summer being in full swing, can be a fun way to move- especially because it’s easy to go from exercise to relaxing and back again.

      Remember to take your time getting back into the swing of things, and that your health is more important than your weight.

    • roses

      For the exercise bit, if you truly can’t bring yourself to go to a gym and are stressed for time, I strongly recommend Jillian Michaels workout videos, plus trying to get in more walking/taking the stairs in your everyday life. The videos are only 25 minutes, but they are very intense and will leave you sore the next day. It’s also great because there are beginner and advanced versions of the moves she does – when I was finally able to do the whole series on the beginner level, I went back and did the advanced versions. But also do remember if you’re otherwise usually sedentary during the day, nothing beats just walking (or even standing!) more.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve used a fresh (not frozen) meal delivery service. Most of the meals are good, a few are not, and a few are delicious. I keep only a few supplements in the house — hard-boiled eggs and Greek yogurt because most of the meals I dislike are breakfasts, canned tuna in case I’m really hungry after a workout or something, and fresh fruit and greens. The downside is that it is expensive. The upside is that after about a week of having no choice about what to eat, I’m no longer a slave to cravings. Plus, since the portions are limited, my body has acclimated to that meal size. I, too, have work-related social obligations, but find myself making very different choices at them now. My plan is 1200 calories/day. If I eat two of those meals, I can still be a little more indulgent at the third meal a few days a week without going off the rails.

    • anonie.

      5 months ago I could have written this same post! (Except more than 25 pounds and it took me a few more years to really wake up and realize what happened and that I needed to do something about it.)

      Everyone is different, of course, but what worked for me was
      1. committing to putting my health (and in this case, weight loss) first, and
      2. myfitnesspal program.

      I’ve never tried WW (I know others swear by it). But I absolutely LOVED myfitnesspal, and it has worked very well for me. It’s not perfect, of course. I think if you have real health problems, it probably won’t work because of how simple it is. Basically, you tell it how much you weight, how much you want to lose, how fast you want to lose it (e.g. 1 pound a week), and it calculates how many calories per day you should be eating. After that, it’s up to you how you distribute those calories.

      At first, I thought it was insane–mine came out to 1200 calories a day and I did not think it was humanly possible. But then, a couple of things happened:
      1. I became highly motivated to exercise (it’s a way to “buy” yourself more calories for the day);
      2. my body got used to eating less;
      3. I became aware of just how much extra food I was eating when I wasn’t really hungry (and not bad food even–lots and lots and lots of fruit–obviously I did not get fat from eating too many pieces of fruit, but it does add up, too).

      I started trying to figure out ways to work exercise into my regular routine. For example, instead of catching up with a friend over lunch, I suggest that we catch up by going for a walk instead. (This is not working as well at the moment because it’s so hot in the summer, but it worked pretty well all spring.)

      I can honestly say that now, 20 pounds lighter (and more to go :)), I am feeling so much better. I am less depressed because in the morning, I don’t try to avoid looking in the mirror. I have more energy. And I feel like I have control over my life again.

      One more thing about myfitnesspal–I think what I like about it is also the fact that it takes the process of weight loss day by day. You have a bad day–you eat too much–that’s ok–you can always do better tomorrow. I found out that I have friends and colleagues who use the program, too, and we are “pals” on it–so they can see if I am exercising, losing weight, etc., and they can post encouraging comments on it (and I do the same for them). It’s an extra level of accountability, if that’s what you need to keep going. (You don’t have to do this, if you want the process to be private.)

      Oh, and I almost forgot–myfitnesspal also tracks some of your nutrients (the “main” ones). So I also discovered that I was not getting enough calcium in my day (especially once I started cutting back on cheese…), so I started eating the chewable vitamins, AND I discovered that I was not getting enough iron. I assumed that I was feeling sluggish because I was too tired and overworked, but now I wonder, if at least in part, it was because of the iron deficiency. I don’t know if I am now more energetic because I have more iron, or because I am exercising, or because I am not lugging around 20 extra pounds of weight, but I know that for some people an iron deficiency can have serious problems and so I was really glad that I “caught” this problem.

      Good luck, whatever program you choose!

      • ChocCityB&R

        anonie–I swear by MFP, I was able to lose nearly 60 lbs using it, and I still use it every day. I’ve tried countless times to get some MFP users who frequent cOrp*ette to add me to their friend list because I have three friends now and I love the inspiration. If you are interested in adding another friend to your list then please add me @ milele_transfome.

  23. JAS1

    Anyone know where I can see fireworks in the Boston area on Saturday? I’m coming into town for the weekend. I’ll be back in the boonies on the actual Fourth. :(

    • many years ago

      they used to do it from the bandshell on the charles, with the symphony playing.

      • Britney

        They still do, but it’s on July 4th, so JAS1 won’t be in town to see them.

    • Britney

      If you had asked yesterday I would have said Somerville, where we do them the Thursday before the 4th (even if it’s June). But I don’t know where else to see them in the area.

  24. Pumping at work

    Question for the group about a gift to buy myself. I was thinking about this yesterday while I read the “push present” conversation. Here’s the deal: I am a mother of four and am approaching my twins’ first birthday. I nursed babies 1, 2 and now 3&4 for a year each (assuming I make it another 2 months with the twins). This involves lots of pumping as I work full time as a businesswoman, earning the majority of our household income. I did not receive a push present at any point (my husband is wonderful and does half if not more of the housework and parenting; he was completely against the idea of such a gift saying, “the present is the baby”).

    Anyway, I feel that nursing 4 kids to one year is a huge accomplishment. When the time comes to wean the twins I’d like to mark it somehow. It’s not just about a material object, it’s about the idea of celebrating this milestone. If I were the kind of person who gets tattoos, maybe I’d get a tattoo for this (but please note I am definitely not a tattoo person; more an Hermes scarf person). I would like to mark this milestone by investing in some treat for myself, some luxury I will have and enjoy for a long time and that will remind me of how much I love nursing, how lucky I feel to have been able to do it, and how much effort and committment it required.

    Any ideas about this? I’m imaging spending about $2K-$3K. Some ideas on my mind are: classic quilted Chanel bag (worried I might not use it much); 3 gold bangles (I’ve been wanting them a while), Louis Vuitton something…Note that I am not partial to kid-themed jewelry and am not really looking for something that would have their pictures/initials/genders, etc. Any ideas?

    • Anon

      I like the idea of the gold bangles but I’d get 4 – one per kid. I know you don’t want anything “kid themed” but I like the subtlety. To others it will just be pretty pretty jewelry. To you, it will be a reminder of your accomplishment, four times over.

      • SF Bay Associate

        I love this idea, Anon. 4 bangles, one for each kid. That’s awesome. LV is so very overpriced, IMO, and also not that special, though many of LV’s pieces are certainly very beautiful and expensive. I still think about those pleated satin pumps with black lace edging LV did like six years ago. Meanwhile, good quality jewelry lasts forever (I swear I don’t work at DeBeers). Every time you wear them, you can remember your amazing accomplishment.

      • 30

        I like this idea (especially the subtle symbolism). I also like the idea of diamond earrings.

    • Bluejay

      I’ve always wanted to buy myself a beautiful right hand ring. I especially like some of David Yurman’s designs. I also love Mulberry bags, and the LV Alma bags. But like you, I’m a huge fan of scarves, and I think in your situation I might buy four Hermes scarves, each with a theme that reminds me of one child in some way. That would make it more special, and also, Hermes scarves!

    • SAlit-a-gator

      Wow. Nursing 4 kids while being the major household breadwinner?!? You go girl! That is not an easy feat and you should definitely celebrate. My first thought was not an item but a vacation – kids are exhausting and a trip to Napa with the husband might be just what the doctor ordered. If you do, however, want an item that will remind you of this accomplishment I would go with something you can wear / use a lot. I like the idea of gold bangles, diamond studs, or maybe an nice classic watch (Michelle? Rolex? Cartier?). Handbags are nice, and last a long time, but in my opinion not as long as a watch or jewelry. Congratulations again superwoman!

      • Samantha

        Second this! I am so impressed. Having 4 kids and being a breadwinner? NURSING all 4 kids? Do you write a blog because I’d like to know how you do it.
        Congratulations, you deserve it.

    • SAB

      A nice watch to commerate countless hours, a necklace to commerate something precious on on your chest. Ok, I will stop with the theme. I don’t have a problem with child commeration presents. In fact, we each got one in our house. I got a diamond watch, he got a BGE grill.

    • EC MD

      I pumped for almost a year as a surgery resident and give you major props for doing it for four kids over three years. I chimed in negatively on the “push” presents, but you are celebrating an achievement, something that took a lot of dedication and sacrifice and commitment to do. Any one who says “breast feeding is free” doesn’t think about YOUR opportunity cost for pumping.

      So get what you want. I personally might get that bag that was featured yesterday, but think about what you would wear, and love to catch a glimpse of in the mirror, or when you look at your hand. I agree with kanye –Treat yoself

    • Anonnc

      No ideas on a nice gift to yourself, but, 2 months from now, you totally have to take the pump into a field and have at it with a baseball bat (a la Office Space).

    • iPhones to Suri or not to Suri...or Siri

      A wise woman once told me that an expensive watch is worth it. no one questions you when you keep looking at your watch repeatedly, day after day after day. Staring at your ring? Not so normal. Staring at your watch? Expected.

      • Research, Not Law

        Oh, the water bottle one has me in tears laughing! Oh, boy. EXACTLY what I needed today!

        But for OP: I really like the four bangles or four scarves idea, but iPhone makes a good point about the watch. I have personally been planning on getting a right-hand ring after the next child with one stone for each. I considered a nice bag, but I think I’d end up never using it because I wouldn’t want it to get worn, so it would be pointless. The ring I could wear every day.

        Congrats!!! Pumping is miserable.

    • Anonymous

      For one mothers day i decided i wanted a mothers ring, but not a tradidional one. I had three stacking rings made, each with the birthstone of one of my babies. It’s nominally from my husband, but im the one who worked with the jeweler, picked out the stones, etc. and let’s be honest – i paid for it too. I knew i was done having babies and this seemed a nice way to mark the occasion.

    • Working Girl

      I am pumping while reading this, and I am in awe of your having made it so far with 4 kids. As helpful as husbands want to be–and can be–I don’t think they can ever understand what a sacrifice it is to take your clothes off in the middle of the work day and wash a bunch of flanges and bottles multiple times a day for a year. So please reward yourself with something fabulous that makes you feel really, really, really, really great. You deserve it.

  25. Adele

    Can any of you amazingly wise, creative women help me think of a gift idea. It’s for a friend’s husband’s bday. She is the one who needs the help. I can’t think of anything to suggest because everything I suggest is apparently wrong. Him and I have zilch in common and, frankly, we are not each other’s biggest fans. He loves cars, cars, and gadgets. He also gets himself all the gadgets he comes across so it’s hard to know what he’d want that he doesn’t already have. He is also into martial arts and action heros, and cars … did I mention cars? Experience ideas are welcome but he cant do flight lessons because he hates heights and he can’t do sailing lessons because she doesn’t want him busy for a whole weekend. Tickets to a show/that sort of thing are out because that’s an anniversary present, not a birthday one, apparently. My friend would like to spend about $150-300, but would probably spent more for the right idea. TIA!!!!

    • SF Bay Associate

      Around here, there are very special car rental agencies that will rent you a ultra-luxurious sports car, like a Lotus or a Ferrari or a Bugatti, for a day. Renting one of these is on my husband’s bucket list. Is that available around you?

    • AMB

      Ha, I have a friend’s fiance who sounds very, very similar. He still lives at home at 32 *cough cough* and so has quite the disposable income and just buys himself whatever he wants. He likes to think he’s really smart (it’s really fun when he tries to lecture me about an area I’m a subject matter expert in based on the Wired article he read), I’m guessing this guy does too – so some sort of impressive book/set of books/first edition? Early edition of a comic book he likes?

    • InfoGeek

      Maybe a “Nascar experience” thing where he gets to drive a car on the track?

        • Adele

          That’s what he wants. There’s a school for this, apparently. But its $2700 to do it and she doesn’t want to be so extravagant. For the record, I would kill my hubs if he spent $2700 on a stunt driving class.

    • long time lurker

      This person sounds like my brother, who is into those things and who I usually give cash, which is I guess not an option for your friend. Does he have a favorite restaurant/food? Books or subscriptions to magazines re cars and gadgets plus a dinner out?

      • Adele

        My friend nixed the restaurant idea because that’s not “special” enough for him. Subscriptions are no go because he gets those through work and expenses them.
        Renting a fancy car would be possible but too expensive ($1-2K, apparently).
        There’s no nascar where they are and my friend doesn’t know enough about his collecting hobbies to get him something re: one of his superheros.
        In short, he’s impossible, she’s impossible, and everytime I talk to her about this, it makes me want to stab him in the eye and makes me want to ask her why she is with this doosh!?
        But pls., pls., pls., keep the ideas coming.

        • Ella

          This is ridiculous. It’s bad enough she’s investing all this energy into this princess, but now you’re doing it and you’re enlisting others to do so too. I think you should stop indulging her in this.

    • iPhones to Suri or not to Suri...or Siri

      Expensive bottle of liquor? I mean, is he into scotch? You can spend that much money on a bottle of scotch.

      • Adele

        She got him super fancy vodka last year. Do you guys see what I am dealing with? ;-)

    • nona

      Holy crap. Maybe she should just get him a clue. If he didn’t sound like such a prima dona (dinner isn’t special enough?!) I’d say that she could find him some Matchbox sized cars of the super fancy cars and a display case.

      Frankly, I don’t think she should get him anything, because clearly nothing will make him happy. But that isn’t very helpful. Or any of my business. And you are a good friend to try to help. And I give you permission to tell her that you’re out of ideas, and that it’s not your fault he has Special Snowflake Syndrome.

      Hey – there’s an idea. Set up a charity in his name and call it the S-Cubed Foundation and then never tell him what the SSS stands for.

      • nona

        sorry – that was overly snarky and slightly mean. I do wish her (and you) the best of luck with the gift shopping.

      • Adele

        Hahahaha, I would love it, but I fear my friend would never understand.
        I may tell her I am officially out of ideas. All this for a guy didn’t do very much on either of her last two birthdays. For realsies…

        • JenK

          Then she should get him the guy version of whatever he got her, so they have a set. No way he can argue against that!

    • Bluejay

      Whatever happened to a good old-fashioned BJ? It doesn’t sound like he’d be interested in anything else, frankly.

    • shortiek

      Are you on the East Coast?
      Lake Placid has skeleton and bobsled “experiences”. It’s the complete opposite of stunt car driving, but really fun.

    • Scully

      Beer brewing class
      Day at the go-kart track or ATV trails
      Leather driving gloves
      Tires (no really)
      Something from his favorite car brand (example: BMW website has some nice jackets/sweaters, bags, etc.)

  26. Very Anon mom

    Finally starting to get back in shape. It’s going to be an uphill climb, especially as I’ve never done it. I’m already convinced that maintaining is easier than getting in shape. Anyway, I’m trying to wear clothes that I can be active in; maybe a while workout, maybe just a little pickup something in the park (I work part time from home). I recently tried on some fitted workout pants and couldn’t figure out the right size. All 3 sizes I tried had–excuse the slang–cameltoe. Even the ones that were uncomfortably loose elsewhere fit very snugly around the folds at that front part of my anatomy. Is this the way it always is? Would it be better with higher price gear than Target’s, or do I have to loose the belly first? If you have had success (or failure) in fitted workout clothes, pleaseet me know what youve learned. Thanks!

    • Lucy

      I love Skirtsports. I buy their skirts and tops and dresses (I know, right? but it works) on Sierra Trading Post for fairly cheap. Running skirts are the best for modesty + cuteness.

      • Very Anon mom

        I will look into these. For the record, I did try the running skirts at Target and might go back for one 10 or 15 lbs from now. My thighs are not ready for the world in that way yet, although I used to have great legs.
        Thank you both for the suggestions (and the implicit agreement that that is not how anything is supposed to fit)

    • Flamingo

      Have you tried the Champion running skirts at Target? Everything else fits too tight on me, except for those.

    • SF Bay Associate

      What about a capri-skirt or a skort? Athleta has a ton of options, and some of the skirts on the skorts or capri-skirts have zippers up the sides, so you can open the skirt enough to get the stride space you need. Athleta stuff is guaranteed forever and ever amen, and really well made. I started buying Under Armour and Athleta on clearance and haven’t looked back since. If you don’t feel good about what you’re wearing at the gym, you won’t enjoy your work out and you will stop going. Or, that’s how I am at least. There’s no better way to spend money than on your health, which includes the things you need to feel comfortable atthe gym.

    • NOLA

      I like Danskin. Unfortunately I have to order them online. They used to have outlets, but now I think there are only a couple of them. I cannot wear the lower cut tight topped pants at Target.

      • PollyD

        I found some Danskin shorts and capris at Kohls recently. Been having the same problem as you re: cameltoe, and the Danskins seem the best so far for avoiding this.

    • M-C

      Cameltoe is bad pants cut. Nothing to do with whether they fit you, or how loosely. Try other brands!

  27. clueless

    Hi all…can anyone suggest some good solid color t-shirts. My tummy area is not flat (understatement), and I find that things in the style of the Gap Perfect T are too clingy to that area. I bought a number of tees a few years ago that I loved, but they are way past acceptable for outside of the house. I am not picky about neckline. If this has already been covered, please point me in the right direction.

    • Midwest

      Check out Gap’s tees in the Mason and Mercer fits. I’m wearing striped Mason today and like it a lot. It skims the body and is a bit loose without being sloppy. The Mercer is a basic v-neck tee that hides my pooch quite well.

    • JR

      For casual t’s, I like the Old Navy soft vintage tees. They are heathered and pretty thin, but not see through. They are cut pretty well and not clingy on the tummy. They were mentioned on wardrobeoxygen dot com also. (see the June 22 and May 29 posts)

      • LinLondon

        Seconded! Wearing one right now. I’ve got about 7 of them and they are the bessssssssst.

    • JenK

      I have become a huge devotee of the empire waist for exactly this reason, and snatch up whatever I find that has a real one. Unfortunately, I can’t think of anyplace I got a good T shirt recently. Kat’s post a week or two ago was on T-shirts; did you check it out?

    • Research, Not Law

      I’ve been loving loft’s banded and bubble hem tops to hide my post-partum pooch.

  28. Competency Advice

    Building on another’s threadjack from this morning regarding feeling incompetent –

    I’m preparing to start as a new associate at a medium-size firm (20-30 attorneys) in September. In Virginia, for what it’s worth. I’ll be doing primarily civil litigation working with two partners, but have been encouraged to take on my own teeny-tiny cases as soon as possible – that is, if I get a client in the door, they can be my client, and not a partner’s, if I want that. From my understanding, the firm is very, very busy right now, and I’d like to be able to hit the ground running/rock them with my competence.

    In the meantime, my clerkship (not in Virginia) is very, very slow right now – the judge is out on vacation three weeks this summer and several additional days, and I clerk in a locale that most attorneys take vacation away from in the summer, so in general I have about 5-10 hours out of my 45 hour week where I am at work, but could dedicate myself to learning what I need to know. (My judge supports, this btw – I keep asking what I can do to help when every case and project is completed and he is the one who suggested that I take the time to learn what I need to know for firm job).

    So, for those of you who have struggled and/or overcome the first years of not knowing what in the world you are doing in practice, what advice would you have for someone who actually has about 2 months and 80 hours to learn what she can? What did you really need to learn cold the first year or so of practicing?

    Thanks so much – I’m so excited to hear your suggestions!

    • SAlit-a-gator

      I would start by getting a copy of the local rules of the state and federal courts you’ll be practising in and reading those. These should be readily accessible online. After I’ve read the local rules, I would refresh myself generally on VA’s Rules of Civil Procedure (I’m assuming you went to law school in VA?). I honestly had a partner insist that all new associates that a copy of the Rules of Civil Procedure home with them so they could read one rule per night before going to bed. Sounds silly, but reading the rules will give you huge step up on more experienced attorneys who’ve been practising for a loooong looong time and think they know everything – the rules are amended all the time, so you need to re-read them even if you’ve been practicing forever. Good luck!

    • SAB

      Bryan Garner has some really solid book on legal writing. I like The Winning Brief and still pull it out when writing. Also maybe read a few books on practicing law like Swimming Lessons for Baby Sharks, Curmudgeon’s Guide to Practicing Law, etc.

    • Pinecone

      Also try the go-to secondary source on VA civ pro. Presumably, pre-trial civ pro is most important at this stage.

      I’ve only done biglaw so there are “other depts” that will help with this but you may want to figure out a calendaring system for yourself and, more importantly, how to count days for deadlines.

      • KLG

        My go-to secondary sources for Virginia state procedure are Sinclair on Civil Procedure or Friend on Evidence. Bryson on Civil Procedure is also good for some stuff but smaller. And if your firm has Michie’s Jurisprudence, that is a great resource when you arrive.

    • Former MidLevel

      I second both of the suggestions above – review the rules (especially the Local Rules) and check out some Bryan Garner.

      • Former MidLevel

        P.S. Pinecone, I didn’t mean to slight you – your comment wasn’t up when I started writing mind. :) And, at any rate, you are totally right about counting days–it’s better now since the 2010 revisions, but you still have to account for the mailbox rule, etc.

    • AnonAZ

      I was just wondering about this the other day!! As someone in your shoes (starting as a new associate in the fall), I have nothing to add but will be watching this carefully. Any environmental lawyers out there that have advice specific to that field? The partner I will be working for sent me basic practice guides to the five or six major statutory and regulatory areas (Superfund, Clean Air Act, Clean Water Act, etc.).

      He did also give me a copy of the Curmudgeon’s Guide to the Practice of Law, which I found amusing and probably highly relevant. Its a quick and easy read, and goes over the basics of work product and social expectations of big law (I assume applicable in most law).

      • AnonAZ

        Wow, can you tell I’m commenting while trying to “watch” the barbri lecture? “He did also give”… thats a grammar doozie! Can you all mentally insert “He also gave me…” and pretend that never happened? :)

      • Mo

        Just curious, what practice guides did he recommend?

        Do you know any of your clients or the litigation you’ll be working on? I have news alerts set up for most of my clients so I know what is going on in their business and in any pending litigation.

        • AnonAZ

          They are the ABA’s Section of Environment, Energy, and Resources Basic Practice Series. Apparently there is a whole set of them, he only sent me Superfund, Clean Air Act, Resource Conservation and Recovery Act, Toxic Substances Control Act, and the Clean Water Act. They are dated 2001, so not super recent, but they’re mostly for background. You know, for some “light summer reading” while studying for the bar ;)

          I don’t know any clients specifically yet, but that is a great idea! Thank you!

      • gov anon

        There have been a lot of Clean Air Act regulatory changes in the last couple of years, so you may want to familiarize yourself with those as well.

    • KLG

      I practice primarily in state court in Virginia, I would recommend you get familiar with the Rules of the Supreme Court of Virginia. There is lots of information on there about the lowers courts such as deadlines/methods for service, what must be contained in pleadings, etc. Also Title 8.01 of the Virginia Code is the Virginia civil procedure code. Not all local state courts in Virginia have local rules. I’ll post a link to my favorite searchable website for the Code in a separate post…

    • Seattleite

      I’m not an attorney, but many attorneys here have recommended “Swimming Lessons for Baby Sharks” by Grover Cleveland.

      • anonnyugrad

        THIS!! I read it, and at the beginning it felt awfully basic, but there are some gems and it is SUPER short.

    • Goosebumpy

      What they all said. And after you’ve read the local/state/federal rules, sit down and make yourself a ONE-page chart with any and all litigation deadlines you can think of, from the beginning of a lawsuit through the appeal (time for service after filing, time for answering, time to respond to basic motions, time to respond to motions for summary judgment, time to reply to responses for motions for summary judgment, etc.). Do it with the state and federal rules for sure, and get the local rules for the jurisdictions where you’ll be practicing in there if you can. Make sure you cite to the specific rule for each deadline in the chart, so that way you can double-check if you ever doubt yourself (and then you can double-check later on if you think the rules have been changed).

      I had to do this as an assignment when I was a summer associate, and I was KICKING myself for not bringing a copy of it with me when I started at another firm a year later. Word to the wise: you won’t find deadlines for all of the categories in every set of rules, and you will look very, very smart when you explain to a confused partner that, say, the rule for when to respond to a non-summary judgment motion is in the local rules and not the federal rules.

    • JenK

      I’m not a lawyer, but I bet the partners at your new firm would take it as a positive sign of interest/enthusiasm if you asked them for suggestions (without mentioning that you’ll be reading them while you’re on the clock at your current position)

    • OP

      Thanks everyone for these suggestions. Rules will be read, deadlines will be memorized, calendaring will be set. :)

  29. Nail Salon Newbie

    Ladies, I need instruction — I want to get a pedicure, but I don’t know what the protocols are. Do I have to wear flips so my nails don’t smudge? When and how much do you tip — is there a line on the charge receipt like in a restaurant, or do I have to have cash ready for that? How long does it take? What else do I need to know?

    Thanks for your help.

    • Bluejay

      Wear flipflops (they will have some available, but at most places you have to pay for them). Tip cash; usually I tip around $5 for a $27 pedicure. It can take up to an hour depending on the condition of your feet and how long you let the polish dry.

      Couple tips: once you sit down to let your polish dry, they don’t come back and tell you to leave. My mom got her first pedicure recently and apparently she sat for hours because she thought they’d tell her when to go; they don’t, use your own judgment. I usually wait 20 min, spray on some of the drying spray, remove the two separators and bounce. Also, don’t wear a skirt; you’ll flash the pedicurist.

      Have fun!

      • Bluejay

        Oh, also, make sure the place is clean. They should be cleaning the basins with bleach between customers and using sterilized tools. If you have any doubts about cleanliness, walk out. I’d check out Yelp reviews to see if there are comments about the place’s cleanliness before you go.

      • Nail Salon Newbie

        Thanks, Bluejay. Particularly good tip about the skirt — that’s something I definitely would not have thought of!

        • Cat

          you can also bring a sweater or something to cover your lap when you sit down – my drop-in place keeps hand towels around for this purpose.

      • CSF

        All very good advice. Some places will allow you to tip on a credit card, but I have found that most of the people prefer to be tipped in cash.

        Also, it’s easiest if you wear something that stops at your knees, so you don’t have to worry about rolling up your pant legs. If your skirt is too short, or uncomfortable, you can ask for a towel to drape across your legs, so no one is getting an eye-full!

      • terrible infection

        two important safety issues:

        1. do not go anywhere that uses spa tubs with jets. that is where the bacteria live, and if you get an infection you will need to go to a dermatologist to get rid of it. this happened to me last summer at a place i had regularly patronized for over a decade. now, when i go there, i ask them to place a plastic basin full of water into the spa/tub instead of using the spa tub and the jets.

        2. do not let them “shave” your feet or callouses.

        • Miriam

          Yep, I haven’t gotten a pedicure in years for fear of infections. I know I wouldn’t have the guts to leave a place if I didn’t think it was clean.

          • terrible infection

            the problem is that you can’t tell by sight whether it is clean enough.

          • SF Bay Associate

            Yep. I only get the “waterless” pedicures now. A new trend in CA.

          • Miriam

            Yea that’s why I haven’t bothered. Plus, I can take care of my feet myself. Manicures are another story, but I still can’t bring myself to pay $15-$20 for one when I don’t have a job. What is the waterless pedicure? Sounds interesting.

        • Bluejay

          It’s actually illegal in nearly every state for spa techs/nail places to use a razor on someone’s feet. If someone offers to razor your feet, it’s a dead sign that they are not concerned with following the law and maintaining a healthy environment.

    • Cat

      1. Most people wear flip flops or other open toed sandals so that there’s less risk of smudging, even after allowing some dry time in the salon.

      2. Assuming you’re going to a quickie drop-in type place, they will scrawl the price of the service on a little notepad – that is the price on which you base your tip. If you’re paying in cash, tell them how much change you want back. If you’re paying in credit, tell them if you want to put the tip on the card as well (I usually do card for service, tip in cash).

      3. For a basic pedicure, about half an hour (toes won’t be totally dry at that point, but enough that you can go about your business).

      Other advice – tell them if you don’t want them to use the little razor to shave off calluses (I always decline) and don’t be afraid to micromanage a little – the pedicurists often try to trim my nails too short/square, which looks awful with my toe shape, so I ask them to just file them down a little and keep them slightly rounded instead.

    • Suzer

      Yes, wear flip flops. I usually tip 20%, right when I’m paying at the end. The place I go has a line on the credit card receipt, but cash is nicer. Mine take around 30 minutes. I also recommend bringing your own polish. That way if you chip one you can touch up and cover it with clear top coat. Have fun!

    • Jacqueline

      Many salons will have disposable flip flops you can scuffle home in, but if you have your own, you might as well wear them to make things easier. A pedicure probably takes about 30-35 minutes. And I think tipping 15-20% is standard. Enjoy!

    • karenpadi

      Wear flip-flops. Wear shorts or a dress or pants that can be rolled up to your knees. I tip 20% in cash (some nail salons are cash only and the ones who do credit cards aren’t very good at managing charge receipts). It takes about 45 minutes to an hour. I like to bring a book to read bc I’m old and don’t like to read celebrity magazines. Pick out your toenail polish when you arrive.

      • anon

        Also I always bring my own nail polish or buy a bottle at the salon. That way if I need to touch up a chip or something I have the matching color.

    • Coalea

      I would make sure to have sufficient cash available for a tip (I go with 15-20%). I have been to several nail salons that do not allow you to include your tip when paying by credit card.

      Agree with the other recommendations given – especially the “use your own judgment” for the drying time. I have sat awkwardly waiting for “permission” to leave that never came.

    • DC Association

      I suggest NOT letting them “shave” your feet as someone mentioned. Once you start doing this it is a vicious cycle…skin grows back all hard and you have to shave it off every time. At least that is my experience. When they pull out the razor, just say, “No razor!” and they’ll use just a pumice stone.

      • Flamingo

        Agreed. I’m dealing with this now. I’m wondering if the same vicious cycle happens with a PedEgg? I might go that route since the daily pumice stone has done nothing to repair my feet.

  30. FP Angie

    My comment’s been in moderation forever, so here it goes again:

    Anyone out there in the Northern California (non-Bay Area)? Like Sac or the surrounding regions?

  31. Kate

    Has anyone hired someone to retouch their wedding photos and create an album? I have been married for 2 years and have never made an album 1) because I do not have the patience to put it together so that it looks nice and 2) none of the photos are retouched so I think I look awful in all of them.

    I tried to find someone on odesk but it would have been difficult to transfer my photos on their system and I didn’t find anyone I liked.

    • JJ

      Did you hire a professional photographer? Did he/she make you sign a contract? Those photographs are copyrighted by the photographer that took them, so it may be difficult to find someone reputable to retouch them without a waiver from the original photographer.

      When you say “retouch,” do you mean edited at all – like, your photographer gave them to you straight off of camera?

      This is all assuming that you hired a photographer for your wedding photos. If you took the pictures or had guests take pictures, etc, you might be able to hire a professional photographer to do his/her best at editing the pictures for a one-off fee.

      • TCFKAG

        Many photographers now a days specifically state that they do not own the copyright to the photos of your weddings. You have to check the agreement. I made extra-sure I owned all copyrights.

    • Kate

      Yes – I own all copyrights to my photos. My photographer didn’t do any retouching to them so I’d like to have some work done to clean them up.

    • NOLA

      I have a friend who might be able to do this for you – actually I have two possibilities. One works for a yearbook company and did this very thing for one of our friends after her wedding. The other is a friend who is a photographer – he has done beautiful work on photographs for me. I haven’t asked either of them so let me know if I should.

      • Kate

        Yes, please! Thank you so much for offering! My email is anonette123 (at) gmail (dot) com!

        • NOLA

          I sent them both your information. I’m leaving it up to them to contact you if they’re interested. I spoke to one of them (the photographer) and he said that it would depend on how many pictures and what needs to be done.

  32. Chicago

    Inspired by coastaldreamer’s post yesterday. I also like to plan in case I can get a transfer there. What neighborhoods would you suggest? I love the arts & crafts homes there. Would be looking to rent at first. Any neighborhoods in that style or downtown that would be safe, only mildly expensive, & close to transportation?

    Also, any things or organizations that shouldn’t be missed as a new resident? Services that would make relocating easier?

    • Divaliscious11

      Where to live in Chicago totally depends on who you are…..

      Chicago is very diverse, but also very segregated in my opinion. There are some neighborhoods that are more integrated, but there is ethnic/racial integration and then there is economic integration, which is also more difficult to overcome. The neighborhoods that are sufficiently diverse from an ethnic/racial composition, tend to be much more expensive and/or subsets of larger neighborhoods.

      Need more details about what you like, what your into, prior urban exposure etc…. and what you can afford for housing…

      • Chicago

        I’ve always lived at what could be called “the old city limits” in any city. One of the first waves of suburbanization with older neighborhoods, their own small downtown, and only 10-15 minutes from the real downtown. Minimal change through flight further out or regentrification as families retained their homes, the next generation returned there after college, their friends moved to the area also & so on.

        We can afford anything under 2k, the price would just mean the difference between renting or owning initially, don’t mind smaller spaces (well laid out800- 1000 sq ft is better than 2000 that is poorly planned), like older areas, need to be able to keep the pets, have a yard or be close to a dog run/park/green area.

  33. Running Setback

    I officially have vertigo. This is making some physical activity difficult. On the bright side, knowing what it is minimizes the freak out that my blood pressure is dropping or something else is wrong so the episode isn’t as bad overall. Has anyone had this and found activities that don’t trigger it or have little effect on it?

    • Mrs. Will McEvoy

      It also excuses any outbursts you might make to uninformed college students.

      • kcdubs

        …well, as long as you make sure mention your vertigo medicine made you do it.

    • karenpadi

      My grandmother has vertigo and I guess I’m likely to get it too later on. The thing that helped her was taking a large B12 supplement (like 5000% of the daily recommended value). B12 deficiencies run on that side of the family so it might have been the deficiency causing the vertigo. But it might be just a placebo.

    • M-C

      Vertigo isn’t a diagnosis, it’s a symptom. Kind of like nausea you know: are you pregnant or did you eat the wrong hamburger? So if I were you I’d go see someone else and try to figure out where it’s coming from before deciding all is well.

      • Running Setback

        The doctor said vertigo based on fluid in the middle ear. There may be some in the inner ear also bit they can’t see that far in. Nothing icky that looked like an infection and he said if it did start in the inner ear, it was probably a virus and may take a while to resolve itself. Antibiotics in the meantime just in case. Go back in 10 days if not better.

        It seemed easier to leave it at vertigo originally because it covered more of the vision, funny feeling stuff than saying I have this ear thing that may not be an infection but appears to be causing all of these issues that sound nothing like an ear infection most are used to.

        • Anon

          I get something like this when I travel (usually long haul flights). It has something to do with the crystals in your ears coming unlodged. Is this what you have? I can’t remember the name. In my case, antibiotics wouldn’t work, but I was given something to help with the weird nausea. It resolved on its own, but took a long time. There are also some head exercises that I did that seemed to help.

        • M-C

          Ah, then mercifully it should be temporary! That makes it a lot more bearable, even though it’s a pain while it lasts.. Mostly I’d say try to keep active within reason, at least take some walks if you aren’t endangering yourself. But be careful of sudden movements. Take it easy on yourself, be sure to get plenty of rest and so on. A cousin of mine had a really bad case of it, fell off a chair while having dinner and could hardly stand lying down even, but it resolved completely within a couple weeks, so you have reason to be hopeful.

  35. Anons

    It is so hot in my town today that one of our highways just buckled because of the heat. And it’s just day one.

  36. Jo March

    Advice please: I want am planning on proposing to my girlfriend and am looking to buy an engagement ring, but I am SO lost.

    After reading the threads on the subject here, its clear to me that this is something that people actually have some pretty strong feelings on so I really don’t want to mess it up with my obliviousness.

    I know how I would describe the ring that I want to get her but have no idea what this actually means in terms of rings in real life. Description: a one (or two) step down size ring from the big law type rings but something still on the more generous side of the curve for a large NE city. She prefers dainty traditional jewelry and would like only diamond – no other stones. Not necessary to buy the ring from a “named” jeweler like Tiffany’s etc. Possibly estate rings?

    If someone could point me to some rings that would generally fit these criteria so I have a sense of what I should be looking for, I would really appreciate it. I’ve been looking through different websites for the past couple weeks and all of the rings are starting to look the same to me.

    • Minority?

      i may be in the minority, but i wanted to select my ring myself. if she is like that, can you give her a placeholder (a ring you can return later, or a note or something explaining that you will take her shopping)?

      • 30

        You are not alone. Mr. 30 proposed to me without a ring and let me pick my own. Frankly, I preferred it that way. The only downside was that I had no visible sign of it at school the next day. So, Jo, if you decide to go this route, maybe proposal Friday evening and ring shopping Saturday?

    • EC MD

      Can you go ring browsing with her? Not shopping, but wandering through jewelry stores and having her point out what she likes and doesn’t like. We did that when ring shopping, and I think it really helped zone in on what I like and don’t like, which honestly I didn’t know until we really started looking.

      • KLG

        My SO did this for me. We went to about 5 jewelry stores on 2the different days a few weeks apart and I tried on rings. I definitely changed my mind about what I liked after I saw some on my hand. But then he actually picked the ring later and I had no idea when he was going to propose. I ended up being completely surprised when he did and I love my ring.

      • SF Bay Associate

        Yep, I ended up with something totally different than what I was sure I wanted because after trying on that for-sure style, it turned out not to be as flattering on my finger. I love the ring I ended up choosing.

        And congrats, Jo#2!

    • Research, Not Law

      My husband wanted to surprise me while also assuring that he got something I liked, so here’s what we did: I picked out three settings at an estate jeweler, they flagged them, he came in later to pick one setting and a stone completely of his choosing. Worked great. I felt surprised. He felt confident.

      LOL, since he *really* wanted to surprise me, he kept arranging “proposable moments” to throw me off. It worked. I had given up trying to expect it, and he majorly surprised me.

      I also prefer dainty jewelry and wanted estate. If you want to do it solo, I highly recommend starting to go in and look at them in person rather than in person. They feel so different in person. Also, it’s good that you have an idea of what size you want; don’t let them talk you out of it. My husband had already had the experience of me sending him back to get smaller pearl earrings, so he knew I truly did want a smaller stone. The jeweler said he’d be back to get a bigger one once I saw it, but he made the right choice. No regrets here.

    • NOLA

      Hey, I’m curious – is this the regular poster Jo March or a new Jo March? I thought the other one was married or has mentioned a Mr. Bhaer?

    • Jo March

      Dear Jo March 2,

      I am sad you took the same screen name as me. I thought really long and hard about mine! And I totally wanted to be Anne Shirley or even perhaps Alanna of Trebond, but they were already in use. So I didn’t use them.

      Hopefully yours,
      Jo

        • SF Bay Associate

          Right?? I was pretty sure that the o.g. Jo March had referred to Professor Bhaer with a male pronoun. And then I chided myself for being narrow minded and forgetting the middle area on the Kinsey scale. It makes more sense that there is our o.g. Jo, plus a presumably accidental squatter Jo.

      • Equity's Darling

        And you are Canadian also, oui? I feel like you commented on my excitement re: Ann Taylor moving north, and there don’t seem to be many Canadians, so I note them.

        • CKB

          Ann Taylor is coming north? Equity’s Darling – to our city? (she said hopefully)

          • Equity's Darling

            Hah, no, but a girl can dream- to Toronto apparently. I have family there though, so I go back a few times a year (which will facilitate shopping, obviously) and I’m super hopeful that it means they’ll simply start shipping to Canada.

      • AEK

        There was an alterna-AEK a couple times too but it stopped. Of course my handle is not as thoughtful as yours, but still, stay hopeful!

        • JenK

          I did that at first. Didn’t notice anyone posting with the moniker “jen” so I used it; someone piped up and said that they use it here. I appreciated that she was simple and straightforward about it, and I changed immediately.

    • Leslie Knope

      I recently bought a ring from Brilliant Earth. They are based in Canada and make a big deal of ethical stone sourcing. They offer an option to buy a diamond and set in it a plain-jane ring, so your girlfriend can pick the perfect setting for the permanent engagement ring but still have the “omg my new ring!” showing to all the friends/family.

      I’m sure other jewelers offer this too, but I don’t really know what it’s called.

      • rosie

        I have a necklace from Brilliant Earth, and I am very pleased with it.

        My engagement ring is an estate ring. My DH proposed without a ring and we went shopping together (I wasn’t sure if I wanted one, if I wanted diamonds, etc.). We ended up getting a three-stone oval diamond ring from a local jeweler. Not showy, I think the stones add up to a little less than a carat. It is yellow gold with a platinum setting, but we got it rhodium-plated because I prefer the look of platinum/white gold to yellow gold.

    • SoHo

      First off, congrats!!!

      I recently got engaged and went with my fiance to pick out the setting, as we had a diamond from his grandmother. We ended up using Leon Mege, a jeweler in the diamond district in NYC (not sure if you’re here) for the setting. He did an amazing job!! It sounds like your girlfriend would like his style, as he specializes in dainty, beautiful micropave. He can also do a more antique/estate look if that’s what you’re interested in. His rings are hand-forged and I think the pricing is very reasonable given the quality, you get WAY more for your money vs. the large high-end retailers. He can also source a diamond for you. If you want to check him out, his website is artofplatinum(dot)dcom. We are going back to him for our wedding bands!

  37. NYNY

    I need to whine, but I feel guilty for what I’m whining about: I’m an analyst for a large academic medical center, and have been there about two and a half years. Our fiscal year starts July 1, so raises and bonuses come out now. Anyway, I’ve been working well above my title and pay grade for as long as I’ve been there, and was told I would be receiving a significant bonus, raise, and promotion this year. Instead, the budget wasn’t approved and I got a 3% bonus and a 2% raise.

    I know that there are people out there who need work, and people who have not received raises in years, so if you’re in either category, please forgive my moaning. I totally recognize that this is a high-class problem. But… I deserve more than I got. The fact that 2% is considered the highest “merit” raise is laughable – it’s not even a cost of living adjustment! And getting more bonus than raise is offensive, because my base stays lower. (I know what they’re up to – I’m a fricken’ analyst!)

    So I’m taking a few days off this week, and I’m going to polish up my resume. Any other advice?

    • Kanye East

      I mean to put this gently, because I know what that disappointment feels like and I’m sorry you have to experience it. But in case it gives you some perspective, I’ve been practicing law for more than a decade (SmallLaw in NYC, MediumLaw in a western mountain town) and I’ve never gotten a raise bigger than 2%.

      • Herbie

        Ditto. Most of my raises have been around 3%.

        Glad you got some raise, though! 2% raise strongly preferable to 0% raise.

      • NOLA

        Seriously, this pretty common in the academic world and generally there are no bonuses.

      • Anon for this

        I’ve never gotten one less than 8% except for one year when bases were frozen company wide. It just depends on your field. In my field, you come in earning X and on a normal trajectory, you’re expected to be earning 2X within 7-8 years, at which point you plateau.

        In any event, I don’t think what’s normal or what you get should really be compared to NYNY’s issue given that she was TOLD she’d be receiving one thing (even if the details weren’t all provided) and then received another.

        If this were me, I’d make it clear to my supervisor that I am disappointed. “I wanted to let you know that I am very disappointed with my raise and my bonus since I was led to believe they would both be much higher given my significant contributions to our group. Is there a way we can address my base [or a special mid-year bonus] prior to the next annual pay cycle?’

    • Bluejay

      I think you’re right to polish your resume. Either you can do better, or you’ll find out there’s nothing better and that you should be happy with what you have. In either case, you won’t know until you put yourself out there and start looking.

      I’d be p!ssed in your position too. They lied to you and they didn’t go to bat for you to make sure you got your promotion. you’ve essentially been doing volunteer work by working above your pay grade. It doesn’t matter what other people make; what matters is that you feel slighted and you think you can do better. So, go for it. Just don’t quit until you have a firm offer in hand.

      • NYNY

        Part of my disappointment is that this was brought up months ago, and repeated often, but there was no warning to lower my expectations. The day we were given raises was the day I learned that it didn’t happen. Meanwhile, I’m leading projects where everyone else involved has a title senior to mine, and I’ve just been assigned two more.

        I figure that I should look to see what’s out there. I’m starting to see that no one in this institution gets a significant bump without another offer in hand. I like my work, I like the people I work directly with and for, and I don’t like playing games. So looking elsewhere isn’t really what I want to do, but I feel like I have to.

        Thanks for the suggestion to talk to my supervisor. I wanted to do that this week, but she had a personal issue that took her away from work, and I started doubting if it was the right thing to do. I will set up some time to address it when she’s back in the office.

        I’m also thinking about going to grad school to add a marketable credential. Maybe I’ll ask for a title change and a flexible schedule to do an executive master’s program if there’s no money in the budget for a better increase now. And an office instead of a cubicle – there’s an empty one I could move into…

        Thanks, everyone. I read always, but only post occasionally. Still, I knew this was the best forum for my gripe.

    • Jenna Rink

      Mind if I piggyback on your whine? My husband was supposed to be getting a significant promotion, funding was approved in full, and at the last minute they decided to split it between him and another person. The portion that went to him is nice, but won’t improve our finances much. If this had been planned as a smaller promotion from the beginning it would be great news, but given that this was planned for him specifically for a number of months it really, really sucks.

    • CKB

      That sucks, and you have every reason to be upset. I would be too. I was told in Feb that a significant raise was coming, it had been approved & everything, and would be retroactive to Jan 1. It didn’t come & didn’t come. Whenever I’d ask about it (I asked my boss & our HR manager), I was told they’d look into it. Finally got an answer earlier this month. They decided to delay the big raise so I could still get this year’s merit raise. If the big raise had gone through in Feb I wouldn’t have qualified for the merit. This is fine, but if that was going to happen, they never should have told me about it in Feb!! And I’m not sure if it will be retroactive or not.

      It’s pretty frustrating, but I feel like a whiner whining about my raise that hasn’t happened yet. Especially since it will all go to savings anyway (although dh has inconsistant work, so the savings is important). And there are many people out there in a much worse position than I am. But the fact is, it was promised, I was expecting it, and it sucks that it hasn’t happened. Just like with you.

      Definitely polish your resume & start looking, but I’d also talk to your supervisor. See what they say.

      • anon

        For what it’s worth, something similar happened to me. I was told unofficially that my salary was way out of whack with what others in similar positions were making (in our peer institutions) so I would be getting an 8% raise when everyone else would be getting 1.9%, with a few people getting more for equity reasons. When I got my actual salary, it was a 6% raise and my boss didn’t seem to remember the original conversation. Of course, I’m thrilled with the raise, but my initial reaction was disappointment because it wasn’t what we originally discussed. I’m over it and excited to have what I got.

        I also gave one of my staff a large raise associated with a position upgrade and then was told by HR that she wouldn’t be eligible for any raise in the new fiscal year because her raise went into effect 3 months before the end of the fiscal year. I was disappointed because I could have bumped her up just a little more to where she should have been in the quartiles. It’s frustrating on both ends!

    • gov anon

      Sorry for your disappointment. And I do sympathize, but I’d love to be in your shoes. At least you got a raise. Our contract just ended, the new one hasn’t been negotiated yet, but I’ll be surprised if I keep what I’ve got now. Rumor is that we’re all in for significant pay cuts. (Like rollbacks to 5 to 10 years ago pay scale.)

    • Samantha

      Go to the Indian grocery stores on Murray Hill. I forget the name but there is a large one with groceries and beauty products. They will have the hair henna as well as the one for your hands, mention that you are looking for the one for hair if you aren’t sure from the package (though it’s usually clearly labelled in English).

      • NYNY

        Kaluystans on Lex and 28th is the big one… I haven’t shopped there in a while, but I recall a henna section. Good luck!

    • Ru

      I am utterly appalled that I have no idea. Are you sure you don’t feel like visiting Jackson Heights, gorging on copious amounts of cheap Indian and Indian/Asian fusion cuisine? No? Or Atlantic Ave in Brooklyn?????

      125th St vendors in Harlem – the shady incense stands. The desi store owners in the Fashion District and/or the desi restaurants on the Lower East Side.

      What are you gonna do with the henna? If it’s not super urgent, I can personally hook you up with some cones. Yo qwerty, do you know where the mehndi supply in Manhattan is?

      • AIMS

        I need it for my aunt who is leaving town soon. She dyes her hair with it and keeps raving about some Iranian henna she got years ago and how it was the most divine thing ever … I thought this would be a nice surprise. I love, love, love Jackson Heights but not sure if there is time to get there with everything else I have to do this weekend. I’m going to check out either Murray Hill or go up to 125th (good ideas, thanks), and if it doesn’t work out maybe I can steal away from work on my lunch break and go to Atlantic Ave on Monday (I work downtown). Is there any specific place I should check out?
        Thanks, you guys – I feel like there is nary a question that will not find an answer on here!

  39. karenpadi

    Dear Summer Clerk,

    Yes, the entire office was repainted 2 weeks ago. I know the office still smells faintly of paint. But why are you “working” from home today because the paint smell bothers you? It didn’t bother you these last two weeks and no one else has been bothered by it in over a week.

    You can’t do any work from home because we didn’t give you any work you could reasonably do from home. If you wanted to take a day off, take the d*mn day off. You will be able to pull the “work from home” trick for getting out of work in a few years…but you ain’t there yet.

    -karenpadi (who wanted to get the project you’re “working” on off her desk by the end of the month).

    • unsolicited advice

      Did you clearly tell her the deadline? Seems a little unfair not to make it clear and expect her to know. Next time maybe you could say something like “sure, as long as you can still get x to me by y date”

      • Flamingo

        Regardless of whether karenpadi gave her the deadline or not, this paint thing sounds like a BS excuse. If it’s a summer position, then it’s pretty safe to assume that the clerk needs to call in for permission rather than making the decision that they are “working from home today”

        • karenpadi

          This. Summers, first years, and second years simply don’t have “I’m working from home” freedom unless they are contagious.

          Clients like to schedule meeting over, you guessed it, normal business hours. So, laws of physics and all, I can’t mentor a summer while I am at meetings with clients. I can’t necessarily know when I’ll be free for 90 minutes to go over the summer’s work during normal business hours. I can’t eat lunch, sign filings for the paralegal, and mentor during the one 20 minute break I do get.

          Summers out there: clients’ schedules trump you. My workout schedule trumps you. Last minute projects trump you. So the best time for me to mentor is after clients and support staff go home for the night. That’s why it’s annoying as h$ll when you want to leave at 5pm everyday.

      • karenpadi

        Her deadline was Wednesday. I had a major client meeting so I graciously extended it to yesterday where I was in meetings all morning. She sent an email at 1pm saying “The paint smell is bothering me. I’m going to work from home until 4pm and from 10am to 2pm tomorrow.”

        I offered to meet outside the office, but she wasn’t issued a laptop and she doesn’t believe in printing out working copies, so we couldn’t do that. Mighty convenient.

        Summer clerks: face time is important.

        • it's painfully obvious

          it’s paintfully (i first typed that by accident, but it’s so good that i’m leaving it!) obvious that she hasn’t finished the memo yet and is pulling some version of an all-nighter at home to get it to you before monday morning.

        • Magdeline

          Wait, has she turned it in already, but you haven’t had a chance to review it with her yet? Or just not turned it in at all?

          • karenpadi

            She’s turned something in…shudder…I read the first 3 sentences and we need a face-to-face.

    • Magdeline

      Umm what?! Who would do this?? How ridiculous to say that you are working from home if you have no work to do from home and have work to do at the office, particularly as a summer clerk. I just graduated from law school, and I cannot imagine ever doing this!! If she has been getting bad headaches/whatevever, which likely would not be caused by the paint at this point, she should call in sick/take the day off.

      I feel like some people just have no sense of what is and isn’t acceptable in a professional environment. (Thank god I’ve been reading Corporette since college.) I have many former classmates and co-workers like this. They are generally the same people who wear leggings to work and call it business casual.

  40. Flamingo

    DC or NOVA ladies – Do you have any suggestions for hair salons? My hair is wavy, but nothing out of the ordinary. TIA!

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