Weekend Open Thread

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Joie Devani Beaded Top Something on your mind? Chat about it here. I was at a small dinner party at a paella bar in NoLiTa last Saturday, and noticed, a few tables away, another diner wearing this awesome top. Like, really awesome and beautiful and unique but still, you know, laid back — the “this old thing?” kind of vibe. Loved it. Then, in our convo on Monday about personal style bloggers, one commenter linked to So Much to Smile About, which had posted a picture of Meg from MegBiram wearing the same top and I thought, a-HA! Now I don't have to Google-stalk it. And so here is my excited report: It's Joie — beaded silk chiffon. It's $288. For once, I think it looks better in real life (both on Meg as well as the random girl I saw at dinner on Saturday) than it does on the model. Le sigh. Joie Devani Beaded Top (L-2)

Sales of note for 2/14/25 (Happy Valentine's Day!):

  • Nordstrom – Winter Sale, up to 60% off! 7850 new markdowns for women
  • Ann Taylor – Up to 40% off your full-price purchase — and extra 60% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + 15% off (readers love their suiting as well as their silky shirts like this one)
  • Boden – 15% off new season styles
  • Eloquii – 300+ styles $25 and up
  • J.Crew – 40% of your purchase – prices as marked
  • J.Crew Factory – 50% off entire site and storewide + extra 50% off clearance
  • Rothy's – Final Few: Up to 40% off last-chance styles
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Flash sale ending soon – markdowns starting from $15, extra 70% off all other markdowns (final sale)

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

395 Comments

  1. Shopping challenge! I don’t know why I’m having so much trouble finding a black cardigan that is a little longer than the basic, crew neck Jackie style (like JCrew has, but really everyone has something similar), but not as long as the basic boyfriend cardigan that hits below my behind. I want something straight across the bottom, not with the banded waist like the Jackie style, that hits about mid hip. That should be easy, right? Why can’t I find one? The shorter cardigans look good with skirts, but I don’t like them with pants (they seem too casual to me), and the longer cardigans seem too sloppy for work. You can tell I’m not in the mood to work. I also just ordered 5 different pairs of black pants, trying to find that perfect pair that actually fit me. I really should just hang it up and go home.

    1. Talbots used to make this. They called it “boyfriend” but it was boyfriend only by Talbots standards. Maybe check them out? Although the longer styles are usually not crew neck.

    2. I got the Banana Republic velvet-trim black cardigan which Kat included in her black cardigan roundup a couple of weeks ago and really like it. Hits mid-hip, straight across, very nice, substantial feel to the fabric (altho not bulky), looks quite polished. Despite the other six black cardigans in my closet, I have been wearing it at least once a week.

    3. Uniqlo’s merino sweaters are great quality and reasonably priced. Their crewneck cardi is longer than the Jackie but does have the banding at the bottom. Mine hangs pretty straight, though; the banding isn’t really tight, if that makes sense.

  2. As between the talbots Ribbed Cashmere v-neck sweater and the Nordstrom Halogen Cashmere v-neck which would you prefer? I am worried the “ribs” make the Talbots more casual, but the Halogen seems kind of “fuzzy”. Any thoughts? Links to follow.

    1. I think I like the Nordstrom one, pretty! I was actually trying to stay under $100, but this one is pretty nice, and it’s on sale. I was concerned the ribbing around the bottom would make it cling too much, which it seems to be doing on the model, but one of the reviews says it hangs straight down.

  3. Brooklyn, Esq., I hate to post this after the heartfelt thread above. I just wanted to say, on a shallow note, that I ordered The Dress in the 3/4 sleeve version and I love it very much. I got it in Storm, which looks black but is actually a weird but not unpleasant dark blue/gray. I am very short-waisted and super pear-shaped, as I believe I have mentioned here a million times!

    About the Narciso Rodriguez, the colorblock ponte dress wound up working for me, but I think for someone who is not quite as bulgey on the bottom as your author, it would be gorgeous and flattering. A sleeper hit was the cropped ponte jacket — most jackets hit me at the most unflattering spot possible, but this is the kind of thing you could put over a sheath dress and it would look as polished as a suit. I got the black and am thinking about the red. I’ll see if I can post the link.

    1. Hi Anne Bronte, if you’re still reading–don’t worry about it! Being able to come to this site for distraction has been very helpful to me, as I’m sure it is to others. :)

  4. After a lifetime of strife, I decided to end my relationship with my mother when she moved out of town this past September. She has emailed me a few times but I’ve chosen not to respond. Past discussions with my siblings have made it clear that they won’t have a relationship with me without either trying to force me to let my mother back into my life and reporting anything they know about me to her, so they’re now out too (not that we were ever close).

    The holidays are coming and I don’t know what to do when it comes to gifts and such. Do I continue to say nothing and let them spend money when I know I have no desire to see them and I don’t want things being left at my house or mailed (no desire to reestablish contact)? Do I email them all and say something but essentially reestablish contact myself? How do I handle this?

    1. Regular, i’m sorry you’re going through this. If you’ve decided to cut contact, then you have to do that on your end, but don’t try to control things on the other side. That means, to me, that you don’t send them gifts. Whether they send you gifts is up to them. Don’t engage once you’ve decided not to engage. (That said, I would be unable to not send an (impersonal) thank you note if they did send gifts.)

      If you’ve ended the relationship only by ignoring them, not by telling them, you probably have to brace yourself for gifts and questions abouts gifts received and gifts not sent. Decide now if you’ll respond or not.

      If you’ve ended the relationship by telling them, then IMO silence is an acceptable response — one they should, if they’re thinking, expect.

      For context, I have only minimal contact with my parents (and never anything substantial or important to me). I have chosen to continue giving gifts, but I don’t expect (nor do I usually receive) reciprocity. The key for me is that I honor my own choices, and I don’t expect anything from them. It has not always been easy, but time has helped.

      I hope you make peace with your situation. Please know that families of choice can be infinitely better than families of birth, and that the accidents of birth are not necessarily sufficient reason to sustain relationships.

      1. Things have been very strained since I was very small, and there have been 2 other times I’ve gone a year or so without speaking to my mother, but that’s ended when we were about to be forced into a situation together and it seemed wiser to communicate than to allow her antics about not communicating to ruin someone’s graduation or wedding or something.

        So no, I didn’t have a long to do about being done, I just went silent. I thought a to do would just amp up my mother and set her off to stalker call/email or show up at my house sometime. Now though, knowing she’ll be in town next week, I worry she’ll show up at my door. As I work and I know she and her other kids can do online searches, I worry she’ll show up at my job. I wish she’d just move to a deserted island without internet or phone service… is that wrong of me?

        As for gifts, if they send them, do I sent them back or accept them? I don’t know that I could skip sending a thank you note but I don’t want that to come across as initiating contact. Hive?

        1. I’ve talked about cutting off contact with my mother here a few times. The gift issue is a little difficult. I agree with Tuesday about it coming down to whether you informed them that you would be cutting off contact.

          I told my mother that I would no longer be speaking with her and instructed her not to contact me, an instruction that she ignored for awhile which resulted in me changing my phone. Umber and email address. She continued to buy me christmas presents and would give them to my sisters to give to me. She finally stopped a few years ago. I never responded at all. It would have given her what she wanted and would have opened up a can of worms. She never gave me anything that I particularly liked, which makes sense since she didn’t really know who I was after years of absolutely no communication, so I normally donated the stuff.

          You mention speaking to her when in situations when you were forced to be together. I’ve had to deal with this twice myself (a wedding and a baby shower). I did not approach her but I was civil with her for a couple of minutes when she approached me before excusing myself from the conversation. I don’t consider this to be reestablishing contact.

          I’m not sure what would be best in your situation. It seems like telling her you want to cut off communications maybe easier in the long run. If she shows up at your house after that, you don’t have to answer the door. I’ve done that. My mother knew I was home because my car was there, but I just did not go to the door. It took a few times before she realized that I wouldn’t give in to her antics. For what it’s worth, I personally think a thank you note would be reestablishing contact. Returning the gifts, as far as I am concerned, wouldn’t be and would provide a good opportunity for including a letter explaining your decision to cut off contact.

  5. I finally made an appointment to see my GP next week about going on antidepressants. I have been feeling depressed and pretty numb about life for months now. I have tried to make this appointment a few times and always end up canceling. How should I prepare for the appointment and what should I expect so I don’t wimp out?

    1. Are you seeing a therapist? I was resistant to going on antidepressants, but my therapist urged me in that direction, and it was easier to get over my own resistance when I had her professional opinion that antidepressants would be a very good idea for me.

      Also realize that you’re not alone – a lot of women (including a lot of women in this community) have depression and anxiety issues and have treated them with medication and everything else under the sun. You deserve to try to find a happier life for yourself, and finding the right medication very well may put you on that path.

      Do you have a good relationship with your GP – i.e., does he/she know you and your history pretty well, does he/she listen to you and spend time with you during your appointments? If so, your GP might be a good source for an antidepressant rx. If not, you might have better luck with a psychiatrist, who will have specialized knowledge to enable him/her to choose the right antidepressant for you and monitor it.

      I wish you the best of luck.

    2. Good for you for making another appointment. If canceling once again starts to seem like a good idea, remind yourself that getting help in this area is just as much taking care of yourself as eating healthy food, getting enough sleep, brushing your teeth, etc. — and keep the appointment. There’s nothing wrong with asking for help if you don’t know how to fix a problem. Like coco said, you deserve to look for a happier life!

      I have a lot to say about this because I’m a grateful veteran of a lot of therapy, almost all of which helped me enormously in improving my responses to a variety of distressing circumstances. If this is too much information, just scroll down and move on. (JSDAMO …. a variation of JSFAMO/ just say Fooey and move on :-D )

      You may or may not feel some sort of internal adjustment when you start your medication. I don’t mean anything dramatic like the room starts spinning or you keep blacking out–I just mean you can feel your body adapting to this new ingredient. The first few days of my taking SSRIs (SSRI = selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, a type of anti-depressant although my first Rx was prescribed to treat OCD) reminded me of the experience of being in an airplane from takeoff through climbing to leveling off. After that, I hit my “new cruising altitude” and was fine. YMMV (your mileage may vary) because–to be very nontechnical–people vary as to their particular biopharmacological makeup.

      Another way that YMMV is whether you also see your psychiatrist for talk therapy, or whether you chat periodically at medicine checkups and see someone else (psychologist, social worker, or other counselor) for the talking part.

      Most important, remember that although you’ve decided to reach out for help, you are still in charge of your life. It’s fine to start out with Plan A but shift to Plan B, C, or D along the way. The idea is to feel better about yourself and your life, whether that means a brief course of medication, a long-term or lifetime prescription, a little bit of talk therapy, a period of intensive talk therapy that gradually tapers down to weekly, then monthly, then less frequent check-ins, or some combination of all of the above.

      I don’t know all of the current trends or philosophies that guide therapists. Many provide what they call “eclectic” therapy which means they use ideas from more than one tradition. I’ve personally done well with cognitive therapy (helping a person to understand why they have been doing things one way, and then helping the person to learn a different way of doing things) plus mindfulness (being aware of one’s reactions in the moment, so that one can anticipate or recognize a not-so-helpful reaction and learn to redirect oneself into a more effective response).

      Good luck and take good care of yourself along the way.

    3. I went through this Exact. Same. Thing. a few months ago, when I finally made an appt with my dr to talk about my anxiety and probably ask for meds. AND, it is only because of the amazing women on this site talking about their experiences with anxiety and meds that I even thought about that step and I am feeling So Much Better now, so thank you to everyone here AGAIN.

      But I had the same freakout just before my appointment. What I did was sit down and write down the things i thought I should make sure to bring up, and then literally wrote out exactly what I would say word for word, in paragraph form. “I have been feeling __ and ___ since ___ happened.” I even wrote into that my own insecurities about this appointment: “I felt anxious even making this appointment, because I am not sure what is wrong with me and I don’t even know what to ask you for.”

      I didn’t end up reading from it, but i knew i had it in my hand, and my thought process also was that if I started uncontrollably bawling when she walked in (which was how i felt) i could just hand her the piece of paper.

      But then what Actually happened: as soon as my dr walked in the room she could see that i was barely holding back tears and she just asked me ‘what is going on’ and then of course i was crying and just talking and she knew EXACTLY what to say to make me feel better, and started asking me specific questions, and from then on I wasn’t anxious and i didn’t have to think, since she took over the appointment.

      So, all of that to say: You Can Do This. Write down exactly what you want to say, but go to the appointment, don’t cancel. This whole thing has probably gotten really big in your mind. But LITERALLY it is just one step: Get Your Butt In That Door. That is ALL you need to do right now. When you start to freak out, just focus on that. Trust me, it will start to work itself out from there. just Get In The Door.

      I am here pulling for you, and all of the women on this site are, too. Sending lots of Internet Huggssss and i will be thinking about you next week. Huuugggssssss!

      1. I have an excellent GP who is both sympathetic and pragmatic, in the right balance for me. This makes an ENORMOUS difference. If you are not comfortable with your doctor, please realise you can change to another.

        After my first appointment I left with a prescription for an SSRI, starting on a low dose. I also had a follow-up appointment booked for 2 weeks later (best to make this appointment on the spot if like me you procrastinate excessively). It takes several weeks for the medication to have its full effect, so your GP may want to see you every 2-6 weeks until you are both happy it is the right drug and the right dose for you.

        My GP also informed me of different types of talking therapy available in my area, including online resources, and encouraged me to make use of them in the way that best suited me.

        I find a combination of antidepressants and talking therapy works best for me. Sometimes the elements need to be adjusted, and my GP is great at providing guidance on this as needed.

        At the first appointment your GP may ask you to complete a short form asking about your emotional and physical health (simple multiple choice or scale answers). These are used by some practices to track changes over time. You should fill it out without taking too much time to think about your answers – your first instinctive response is usually the most valuable.

        I fully agree on the advice above to write things down. I just write a list of words or bullet points of things I think might be useful for the doctor to know and things I want to mention. I’ll start this maybe a day or two before the appointment. I don’t sit down and write it all in one go; it’s more like making a shopping list, just jotting something down when I think of it. Like zora, I don’t always need the list when the time comes but knowing it’s there is reassuring.

        For your initial appointment this list *could* include things like:
        – Physical symptoms including sleep patterns and eating patterns (and especially changes from what is ‘normal’ for you)
        – Feelings/emotions, including suicidal feelings, or the impulse to indulge in behaviours you know are self-destructive.
        – Timescale – duration/frequency of the above.
        – History – previous diagnoses, family history of depression, any possible undiagnosed episodes in the past.
        – Anything you think may have triggered or contributed to your depression.
        – Ways it is affecting your daily life, work, and/or social activity.

        I find this a useful habit to continue for ongoing appointments as I can’t always remeber how I’ve been feeling or what side effects I’ve had if we’re trying a new dosage (side effects have never been severe and generally disappear after a couple of weeks).
        Even one-word entries like “blah” or “bad day” or “swimming 2x/week” help me tell my GP or therapist how I’ve been since my last appointment.

        Apologies for the looong essay! Well done for making this appointment, and I do encourage you to keep it. Now that you have told us about it, I hope that will help you to attend.

        You ONLY have to turn up – do not worry about ANYTHING beyond that one step.

        And our internet hugs are with you, along with our very best wishes.

  6. Would love to tap into the hive’s wisdom.

    An employee in my office is wonderful in many ways – great work ethic, smart, resourceful, good judgment, and a pleasure to be around. The only problem is that her grammar and spelling skills are really below par – so much so that it’s going to hold her back and keep her from advancing and reaching her goals. I want to help her, but of course want to avoid offending or insulting her.

    Does anyone know of a course or study materials that are geared toward this kind of person? Would really appreciate any suggestions. Thank you!

    1. What about grammar/spelling books geared for ESL people? That way it’s not demeaning like giving a book meant for children to an adult, but it is written for someone who needs to start from lower level and move up.

      Honestly though, if you’re not in a position of power over her or aren’t someone who works directly enough with her that your feedback would be seen as helpful or necessary rather than butting in, I’d let her be. If you -are- in that position, a chat and giving her such a book and offering to help her would likely be very kind of you.

    2. I had to address this issue with more than one person, but it was in a supervisor-to-employee interaction. I was direct in pointing out that the low quality of their writing would impede their career growth.
      The first advice was to use the software spell and grammar checkers. Really, if I see a document that has not been at least proofed by MS Word, I view it as lack of respect to the reader.
      The next step would be a short class that hopefully be paid by the employer. If the employee has time, they could enroll in Business Writing or a similar class from a local community college.
      If you do not supervise this person, I recommend talking to her manager. You both are interested in helping this person succeed and I don’t think you’ll be overstepping any boundaries if it’s a normal office.

      K.., with all due respect, it does not necessarily follow that English is not this person’s first language. I’ve seen appalling writing produced by college-educated people who were born and bred in America. There are textbooks for all proficiency levels and there is no need to veer into ESL territory; besides, ESL has its own goals and methods that might not be optimal for improving business communication.

      1. I wasn’t at all presuming the person is ESL, I just thought that the person might need something that takes on spelling and grammar from the beginning and so many of those books are geared toward kids, which I think would likely feel demeaning to be given. I just thought maybe something geared toward adults would work and that made me think of ESL for basic grammar and spelling… glad you commented since you obviously know much more about this than I! :)

  7. had rough s3x on thursday night, in the middle, he said he couldn’t find the condom, we assumed it came off on the sheets or floor or something, put another one on and kept at it. I’m not worried about std/pregnancy issues (not an issue here) but have this total fear that it’s trapped inside me. I inserted a finger and felt nothing. I don’t have great insurance so going to a doctor would be very expensive and I’m hoping the condom has just fallen somewhere we haven’t found. help?

    also, if anyone else would like to share their embarrassing s3x stories/moments, that’s sure make me feel less awful!

    1. I’m sure you’ll find it! I can’t imagine it could get trapped. I think you’d feel it.

      Okay, I’ll bite. I had laser surgery for precancerous cells. Met a new guy a couple months later. The first time we had s3x, we were going at it, and suddenly I started bleeding profusely. It was bad. He took me to the emergency room and I bled all night and had surgery to repair a torn artery. I think something weakened from the surgery. A friend of mine went to my apartment to clean up and she said it looked like someone had been murdered! Of course, everyone I knew figured out what happened so it was incredibly embarrassing. I lost so much blood I missed a week of work. But we did date for five years after that so I guess he wasn’t too traumatized!

    2. Um. I lost one like that once and it took more than a day to make its way down. It may still turn up :p

      1. This happened to me, and I had to go to the gynecologist to have it removed. Then it happened AGAIN and I had to go back to the gyno AGAIN. Later I noticed in my record they had noted “removed foreign object from v*gina.” It’s not like it was a wine bottle!

        Oddly, I thought I was the only one, but it happened to a friend of mine too, not long ago. She was able to do the extraction herself.

        So … it’s not just you!

    3. I had pretty drunken sex one night and still had a tampon in. He was apparently drunk enough that he didn’t notice it either. It was fun trying to get that back out the next morning. Thankfully didn’t have to go to the doc/hospital.

      That is so much worse in writing that it was in my head.

    4. I’ll share. Way back in the day when the Today contraceptive sponge was still on the market, I put one in, had sex and then couldn’t get it back out. The instructions were no help. They basically showed a photo of a woman putting her whole hand in there and grabbing it.

      I had to go to the student health center to have it removed (I was in college, obviously.) The staff doctor said not only was I not the first to have that issue, I wasn’t even the first THAT DAY.

      1. PS through this experience I found out I have a “high cervix,” which basically means I have a long vaginal canal. I know this is true now, because when I was pregnant, my little tiny female ob had to basically ram her whole self against my girl parts in order to be able to feel my cervix. I could seriously store my keys and lipstick and loose change up in there.

        And now I’ve bragged on the internet about my giant vagina.

    5. This has happened to me before and it was up there. If you haven’t found it in the sheets or around your bed, it’s probably still inside. You can probably get it yourself, just takes some maneuvering & you’ll need to hook your finger in a way to grab at it. Enlist your man’s help if you need to. Sorry, don’t mean to make you worry – but just saying. If it helps, this has happened to me more than once, and I always got it on my own.

      And as for embarrassing, how’s this: my ex bf had ventured south and we were having a lovely time until he looked up at me and I saw his chin was completely covered in blood. Yep. Cousin Flow had come to visit! To his credit, he reacted in the most awesome, mellow way about it. We laughed. He was a good guy :-)

    6. Is there a planned parenthood in your area? If you are worried about cost, that might be an alternative to the gyn if this issue doesn’t resolve itself this weekend.

    7. This happened to me the very first time I had s3x…..my bf helped me fish around ( I had to lay down and get in a position similar to what you do at the gyno..) and eventually we found it. However, I then had to take the morning after pill to prevent pregnancy. At that time, one of the side effects was serious nausea, and I spent all of the following night vomiting while working on a paper that was dues the next day.

      So…Good news, morning after pill doesn’t cause nausea anymore (unfortunately I have taken it since then) , and it can be effective up to 5 (7?) days after the slipped off condom. If you are not on some other form of birth control I would suggest you consider it, even if the guy didn’t ejaculate, because pre-ejaculate can make you pregnant.

      Also, other good news…I have heard of this happening to other women, and their bodies naturally push the c0ndom out eventually.

      Good luck and don’t feel embarrassed, this happens to a lot of people!

  8. My best friend, who lives across the country, just found out her live-in SO cheated on her with one of his coworkers. What should I do? What do I say? If you were in this situation, what would you want? They might well try to work it out, so I don’t want to treat it like a breakup exactly.

    I already sent her chicken soup, because the internet and online delivery is a miraculous thing. I tried to build her up without asking too many questions about him or the other woman, and empathize instead of trying to learn what happened/how she found out. Is this the right approach? What do I do now?

    1. Great approach. No tabloid-style info is needed–you want to know how she’s feeling and what she wants. If I were her I’d just want you to ask how you could be helpful, and offer to talk whenever you’re available. Even if she doesn’t contact you I might send a text here and there saying you’re thinking of her. It also sounds like you should be open to anything in terms of her attitude toward him and the relationship going forward. Just try to be a good sounding board, with as little of your own judgments and opinions as possible. And avoid dishing about the situation to mutual friends, even though they may want you to.

    2. try not to say, omg that f&*^er, I never liked him, you’re better off, he’s a douche and I never told you this but I think he hit on me this one time when we were all together….

      because chances are better than 50% she’ll get back together with him.

      keep that in the back of your mind, please.

      ask me how I know.

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