Weekend Open Thread

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1. Tailors in Seattle, seeking recommendations for

   Thanks,

   1. Jenny Mane in Magnolia. She is expensive but AMAZING. I went to her for my wedding dress and came back a few months later for some suits and coats that had been sitting in my closet. (She even altered a rain coat to look more fitted!! so Seattle, lol) It’s worth the price if you really care about the garments.

      I have also heard good things about Adam Tailoring (downtown) but have never gone there.

2. I know we have talked about this before but I can’t find any of the threads right now … When did you ladies reach the point where you were no longer interested in spending your weekend evenings in a bar/club, and what did you do if your friends weren’t there yet and didn’t really understand why you were?

   I graduated law school recently and started a job I love. As a result, I’m a lot more exhausted when Friday rolls around, and I just don’t have the stamina to stay out all night, drinking until 2am, just so I can wake up and feel crappy on Saturday, and then do it all over again!I simply don’t enjoy it any more. My ideal weekend night would be a nice dinner with friends, a movie, a dinner party, a game night – anything where the main focus isn’t just drinking. I also have no problem lounging around my house alone on a Friday or Saturday night, watching a movie and surfing the internet, and going to bed early. I partied hard in college and law school but my tolerance is changing as I’ve gotten older and I just don’t want to do it anymore. As a further disincentive, I’ve picked up a hobby I enjoy but it’s fairly physically demanding and I can’t do it if I’m hungover.

   As I type all of that I realize I’m just rattling off one excuse or another, trying to justify a choice that I know I don’t really need to explain to anyone. But none of my friends are at this same stage and when I beg off on a night out they don’t understand why the prospect of hanging out at home alone is more appealing to me. Or when I try to leave early I catch a substantial amount of flak. I don’t want to lose touch with my friends but I am just not up for big bar nights all that often anymore. I also have a bit of a hang up in thinking that by giving up on the bar scene I’m cutting myself off from a lot of opportunities to meet men. But then again, I never really met any real winners in bars anyway.

   Advice? Commiseration?

   1. In the US at least, bar culture is very much oriented toward.. alcoholic slackers. A fair amount of other kinds of people hang out there when they’re young and don’t think they have anything else to do with their lives, but if you’re still mostly there at say 30, that’s kind of a big warning sign. As you’re finding out, many of these bar relationships are extremely superficial, and predicated entirely on hanging out that way, that place, and fitting into the culture.

      It sounds like you’re getting ready to move on, which is not at all a bad thing. You can keep trying to offer alternative dates to the individuals from the party scene that you like best, and hope that some of them eventually follow along. But you probably should also be seeing your new hobby with a more serious eye to developing relationships there, as that seems to be more what you’re moving towards anyway. And you can also check out work, and their circles of friends, or perhaps more suitably some sort of professional organization, or volunteer work that appeals to you, as a more likely source of congenial company for the long term.

      You’re kind of in awkward spot. It’s sad when you realize you’ve outgrown a whole pack of people, especially when that’s associated with your youth. And it’s anxiety-producing when you start working on new avenues of sociability. But try not to worry, and realize that you’re probably moving toward a better spot in your life, possibly in the rather short term. Be kind to yourself while the transition takes effect – regular massages, calls to old friends, chocolate, funny movies, season tickets to the opera? Whatever it takes, try to implement something regular that really pleases you, and work on maintaining some sort of balance while you move on. Don’t forget things like exercise, good food, as much sleep as you need, these will go a long way towards making you feel whole as you search. Good luck OP, I’m sure you’ll come out of it fine!

   2. Have you tried inviting your friends to your place for dinner and game night? I think the reaction you get might tell you a lot. I’m in my early 40’s and didn’t meet my husband until I was 30, so I’ve been through the phase you’re in now. I found that some friends were interested in a new dynamic, once it was made available, and others weren’t. Those who were are still my friends now, but the others faded away over time. It’s a transitional period, but you sound like you’re ready to make the shift.

   3. I was never particularly into the bar scene! I don’t shine as a drinker or socializer, and it has all of the other drawbacks you mentioned. I never met a guy in a bar who turned out to be any good for me, and I’ve had very few times out in bars that I remember as “wow, I’m really glad I was there for that.” It’s a very narrow kind of experience and interaction in which a lot of people don’t feel comfortable and can’t make good connections, and I’ve always felt it was too bad that everyone is expected to be into it for 10+ years.

      I agree with M-C and NYNY that taking some initiative to do something else is worthwhile. And yes, if everyone begs off you may need to focus on building new friendships. It’s unfortunate that all the work falls to you here, but that’s always the way of it when you’re going against the grain. I think you’ll be glad either way when you orient your weekends more around what YOU want, and no matter what I don’t think you should worry too much about all the men you might not meet in bars. The good ones exist in other places in the world too, and by definition the ones most like you are probably the ones dragging their heels to the bars–if they go anymore at all.

   4. With my friends, none of them really ever wanted to spend all of their weekends in a bar or club, but couldn’t afford a place suitable for hosting a large group and needed to outsource their living room to a local bar in order to fit everyone. It’s been years since I was out on the bar scene meat market, but after a trial by fire reintroduction this past weekend, I can tell you that I really do not want to return to guys invading my personal space and yelling in my ear to be heard. I guess I’m too old too! There is nothing wrong staying home or getting involved in alternative stuff. You can also start by changing the types of bars you go to when you do go out to give you the more chill experience you want without having to host people at your home… big difference between board games or pool tables and clubby club, and you don’t have to tidy your apartment for guests!

   5. Girl, I feel ya. I’ve had success with two strategies: 1. Inviting people over to my place for dinner or some other alternative form of entertainment, instead of meeting up at a bar; and 2. learning to be firm about wanting to leave bars after 1-2 drinks, instead of at last call.

      With (1), everyone likes people who cook them dinner, so it tends to be a winner. Also, I think a lot of people in our peer group (mid to late 20s, I’m guessing) just kind of default to drinking in bars, because it’s easy, and it’s what they’ve been doing. But at least among my friends, if I (or someone else) proposes some other activity (see a comedy show? play a board game? whatever) people seem to be pretty into it. So I would give that a shot, if you want to maintain your friendships with these people.

      With (2), people whine until they learn you mean it, and then they are okay with it. For example, when I was training for a half marathon and had my long runs Saturday mornings, I instituted (and publicized among my friends) a 10:30 pm curfew. The first few weekends, everyone was all, “OMG why are you being lame, you used to be funnnnn!” but once they figured out peer pressure would get them nowhere, they adjusted and we enjoyed the time I was willing to be in a bar. I’m sure your hobby would give you a similar excuse to duck out early.

3. Can anyone tell me how the sizing runs on Soma bras? I’m intrigued by the Vanishing Back bra, I’d love a bra that actually eliminated back bulges (yes, losing that 30 pounds I need to lose might also work, but oh well). We don’t have a Soma store in my city. Based on their sizing guide I would wear a larger band size than I normally buy (38C instead of 36D). I tried on several bras at the dept. store the other day, Wacoal and LeMystere, and the 38 band size was too large. Wondering if Soma runs a little smaller than those brands.

   1. I don’t know if I’ve tried on Wacoal or LeMystere. I think mamabear has mentioned both so maybe she’ll chime in. To me, the band size of Soma bras is comparable to others, not smaller. My problem with Soma bras is that they have no option other than full coverage, which looks like too much bra on me and the cups gap at the front. I have one of the smooth cami bras, though, and I love it.

4. I like Vince Camuto, but I bought a shirt that looks exactly like this at Target for cheaps.

5. FOOEY! I am standeing here on the LIRR platform waiting for the manageing partner’s wife to come pick me up. I told her I would take a cab, but it is to early and none are here! So she is driveing over now! Yay! Madeline was not on my train so I had to sit next to some skinny guy who kept talking to me and wanting to know all about me. FOOEY! I am sorry, but I am NOT conversent at 830 on a Sunday morning, especialy for some skinny guy with bad breathe! Doubel FOOEY!

   It is very nice here but I hope I get back in the City before 5 b/c Myrna wants me to stop by and watch the game. I do NOT even know what game she is talking about, but she says she is haveing some family and freind’s over. I alway’s wanted to meet her neice and her sister, so mabye I will be abel to today! Yay!

6. Anyone have advice/thoughts about switching jobs multiple times early in a professional career? (I am in law in a big city) One year in a term position, 1.5 years in current junior position–things are ok but there is a really plum job I am interviewing for where it would be a smooth transition and I could see myself at the new job for at least 5 years. My only worry is that if the economy tanks further or something just doesn’t work out I could at some point be interviewing for yet a fourth job. Did not have prior work experience, so worried about looking like job hopper, unreliable, etc., not because of work product or personality but just for switching jobs so much. Any thoughts are really welcome.

7. Well-deserved sendup of Anthropologie!

   http://www.anthroparodie.com/

8. Late in the weekend, but I had to post this WSJ article about upscale dorms:
   http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424127887323830404578145591134362564.html

   In these rooms, each student gets their own bedroom and bathroom. The buildings also include features like pools, putting greens, screening rooms, etc. Ugh.

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