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Splurge Monday’s TPS Report: Taruca Sculptured Tailored Dress

Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Taruca SCULPTURED TAILORED DRESS Happy Monday! Reiss is killing it with the dresses lately, and I love this “sculptured” red dress. I really like the folds at the neck, and all of the seaming and darts make for a streamlined but professional look. The dress is $340 at Reiss. Taruca Sculptured Tailored Dress Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2)

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

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255 Comments

  1. I prefer Boss Black dresses to any other brand. The fit works perfectly for me ( hourglass) and the length is ladylike (40″). They’re all fully lined and I can machine wash them all, though they’re wool.

  2. 1. This dress is lovely. I can’t help think of Waity-Katy when I think of Reiss, but maybe that makes this ultra-appropriate for today. I’m not built like her though (even with the baby, I am probably bigger and I have hips). Can a mere mortal wear Reiss? And anywhere in the US that sells it in stores to check fit? I’m thinking that if I can’t do Theory, I really can’t do Reiss.

    2. I take the transit, so I carry a backpack to my biglaw job to save my shoulders / carry an umbrella in bad weather. I’d like a clutch (not a wristlet) to throw in so that I can have my wallet / blackberry / office pass with me when I go to lunch or when I go to meet with clients. With the backpack, a regular purse is making me feel like a sherpa and I need something sleek that will fit in my other bag.

    1. Not sure where you are, but Reiss has US stores. They have 3 in NYC and are also available at Bloomingdales.

    2. As a 14P I tried several dresses at Reiss Bloomies and found they work great, although some needed to be shortened. Even on sale, a bit of a splurge, though.

    3. Waity-Katy–really? I’m sure it’s meant to be cute,but talk about some disrespect for women and the natural act of giving birth. Sheesh.

      1. I think this nickname was invented by the British tabloids during Will and Kate’s dating phase – as in she was going to wait around for years until he asked her to marry him. It’s still not great, but has been around for a while.

        1. Even if it had to do with giving birth, I don’t really see the problem. I’m 40 weeks and would call myself Waity ___. Because I’m just sitting around waiting . . . and waiting . . . and waiting.

      2. S, meet Google. Waity-Katy was the nickname she was given by the British press (tabloids) after years of being William’s girlfriend, ie, waiting for a proposal. Has nothing to do with being in labour. Sheesh indeed.

        1. Honestly, I think it’s a fairly meanspirited nickname, and I knew what it meant. And I’m not a person who cares about KM, other than being sort of in awe of her eternally bouncy hair.

          1. Didn’t she get re-christened with “Now Who’s Laughin’ Catherine” around the time that he put a ring on it?

          2. I think someone (in Slate?) joked that the journalists’ extended campout waiting for her to give birth was her revenge on the press for giving her the nickname “Waity Katy” back when she and Wills were dating. The British tabloids aren’t exactly known for being nice, so I’m not sure it’s worth a pearl clutch.

    4. I tried this on yesterday. It is a gorgeous dress, but I wouldn’t work for my body type without serious alteration. Theory also doesn’t work for me. The problem I had with this dress was that it fit rear/hips and chest, but torso area was baggy/puffy. I have an athletic build.

    5. Lovely dress. It looks more orange than red on my computer though. I tried on a few Reiss dresses at Bloomingdales and mere mortals can certainly wear them.

  3. Jumping on an early TJ: did any of you have a dog in law school? I have a 5 year old St. Bernard who’s lived with my dad while I’ve been in undergrad, but I’ll probably be going to school in NYC next year and if it’s at all feasible I’d love to move my little buddy there with me. Dark as it sounds, if I don’t bring him, he’ll probably die before I get to live with him again.

    Obviously, law school is grueling and you have no free time and whatnot, but I’ve also heard that having a dog can be good in that it forces you to take a break and go for a walk, gives you some stress relief, gives you an excuse to not go home with the questionable guy from the club (hah), etc. Housebreaking/training and money for food won’t be considerations, either.

    Any advice?

    2. I didn’t personally, but I knew plenty of people that had a dog during law school. You’ll be in class for less time than a normal person works, and there’s no reason why you can’t study at home so you can be there to take your dog out and such.

      I think your bigger problem is finding a place in NYC big enough/affordable enough on a law student budget to accommodate a St. Bernard. My friend had a hard enough time finding a place that would allow her to have her 50-lb. dog, and I can only imagine how hard it would be with a dog even bigger.

      1. +1. Finding a place in NYC that will allow such a large dog will be a HUGE challenge.

        1. This. It will definitely be more difficult. Start apartment-hunting early. I went to law school in Chicago and had a dog, and when I told the apartment-finding company that I had an 80lb dog, the number of potential apartments in the neighborhood I wanted to live in went from 100+ to 3.

      2. Oof – yeah, that was going to be a follow up question. I’ve seen a lot of apartments that
        “allow dogs” but cap them at 30 lbs., and of course I’d have to okay him with my future roommates.

        Though, the dog himself is the laziest thing and would be perfectly suited to a tiny apartment as he pretty much just picks a spot and sleeps all day.

        1. It will be harder but not impossible. I have 2 St. Bernards and a dalmation living in my building; my prior building had lots of dogs, too. I think the positive for you in this is that St. Bernards have a reputation for being very mellow dogs despite their large size. But you will have to start looking earlier and probably do a bit more searching than if you didn’t have a dog.

          As for the original question, having a dog in law school is not bad at all (a few of my friends did) because your schedule is inherently flexible while you’re a student.

      3. +2 you can find a place but it’s probably going to have to be in neighborhoods where landlords are relatively chiller and will take effort. The large dog owners I know live in Astoria, Queens and East Harlem.

        1. Thank you! Specific neighborhoods are really helpful, I’m not very familiar with NYC. I’m planning on either Columbia or NYU, are any of these neighborhoods near there or do people have other suggestions? I know Columbia is in Morningside Heights, but since that has such a large student population I don’t anticipate the landlords being very open to large dogs.

          1. Well you’ll have way better luck in Morningside Heights than anywhere within 20 minutes of NYU.

          2. I knew a woman at CLS who had a huge great dane. She lived in the nicest of the law school-affiliated housing options; I can’t remember the name but it was a doorman building on 110th.

          3. NYU would be tough. I had friends with tiny dogs who were able to live close by in tiny studios, but no one had big dogs (not even people who lived far away).

          4. (correction from above, I realize it must have been 112th since St. John the Divine was at the end of the street)

          5. I think you could find a place within a 15 minute walk of Columbia that allowed big dogs if you searched a lot. For NYU I think you’d need to try Queens and commute in.

          6. or Brooklyn. Every single person in my Brooklyn apt has a dog, and Brooklyn is much closer to NYU than Queens is.

          8. I would disagree that you have to go to Queens if you want to get a dog and attend NYU. Brooklyn could work and be close, you could also be on the Upper East Side or in Harlem (which is not a bad commute on the express train), Murray Hill (very close), and even downtown in the east village (if you can afford it).

            My old building was managed by a company called City & Suburban and from what I recall they allowed large dogs. It’s really a matter of knowing where to look. BTW, from what I remember, Columbia has a fantastic real estate directory for students – you may be able to find additional resources there.

          9. Thank you all! I’m glad I asked ahead of time, it sounds like I have some work ahead of me.

          10. Commuting to NYU from Jersey City or Hoboken would be pretty easy on PATH as well. Lots of people have huge dogs in NJ – plus you get more apartment for your rent. I’m not sure how the tuition would work out though.

          11. If you’re willing to consider Hoboken, which is an easy commute to NYU, my building is full of massive dogs. 77 Park ave

          12. I personally would not have a dog in law school if I had any kind of commute to school. I did not have a dog (although now I do), and I lived within 10 minutes, walking, of law school. It was easy to go home for lunch, plus I mainly studied at home and it wasn’t a pain to bring books back and forth.

            If you live a half hour + away from school, your dog might mean you couldn’t stay late to study/hang out/etc. if you had a full day of classes. Or you’d have to budget more for a dogwalker.

          13. I had a friend who lived in grad student housing at Columbia and had a Bernese. I think you’ll have much better luck near Columbia. Near NYU will be harder to find (and much smaller).

    3. I adopted a 9-month-old in law school and it was feasible. Is it possible you can do it for a semester and send him back if it doesn’t work? I ask because people study in very different ways in law school, and for some people having a dog simply wouldn’t have been feasible. I lived with my boyfriend, who could take him for occasional walks and runs when i couldn’t, so I would consider your living situation carefully and maybe save money to get a dogwalker during finals.

      But it’s totally doable if you have money for food/vets and the occasional dogwalk, I think.

    4. Yeah, you won’t be able to find a place near school if you’re at Fordham or NYU. You may be able to if you’re willing to walk and go to Columbia… I have my 90 lb dog in my place in Harlem, but it’s a bit of a dump and it cost me an extra 4500 in security deposit, which I’m now starting the fight to get back.

      1. That’s encouraging, actually. As long as it’s reasonably safe, I’m not opposed to a tiny, dumpy apartment (isn’t that part of the experience, sort of? that’s what I’m telling myself). That sounds like a huge security deposit, but I think doable as long as it’s reasonably certain that I’d get it back – I guess I’d have to trust my landlord with that much of my money just sitting in their pocket.

        1. I always treat security deposit money (in my mind) as money I will never get back. I’ve always gotten it back (I’ve probably been lucky in this respect), but I never count on it.

    5. Law school is not that bad. I mean, there’s work. But there’s also a lot of flexibility, and ultimately, it’s probably less work than your first job out of law school will be.

      1. I agree with you 100%. I had 2 dogs, 2 cats, a house to take care of, and a full time job while in law school. Anything is possible if you put your mind to it. Prioritization and preparation are key. I’m a second year transactional associate and my life is crazier now than it ever was in law school.

    6. Depends on how easy it is for you to get back and forth to your apt from school and whether you can afford a dog walker or have a person to help you out in a jam. Otherwise, I loved having dogs in law school and like you said, the dog probably won’t make it through. Seems like you should at least try and if it doesn’t work out, dog goes back with dad except on week long breaks etc.

    7. None other than I wish I had gotten a dog in law school bc I had so much time then and could have trained one. Good caution on apartments though – much harder w dogs.

    8. I had a dog throughout law school. She was a huge stress-reliever and forced me to get at least some regular exercise. I studied most of the time at home, which I think she liked. But, she was also a lazier-type dog that wouldn’t be crazy if I was gone all day and/or couldn’t walk her.

    9. I got my dog during law school – as a puppy. My fiance and I were both at the end of our 1st semester of 2L year when we felt like it was good timing. Although the original plan was to get him over the winter break, we ended up taking him home about a week before finals. This sounds crazy, but actually ended up being fine. We were both home studying so we could take him out for potty breaks every 30-60 mintues, which was a nice break. Taking him on walks got us out of the house, and playing with him or petting him was so relaxing. If you can swing the apartment thing, I would recommend it.

  4. TJ: Is anyone involved in managing investments for a large non-profit or academic institution? I went to a presentation a few weeks ago, and wonder if that’s something I might be able to get in to in a few years, with my academic master’s and experience investing in private funds/hedge funds/private equity for large institutional clients as a lawyer. I know it’s a long shot, but I’m not sure where to start gathering information about something that vague.

    1. Do you have your CFA? Most of the very large non-profits and academic institutions tend to have their investments handled by a range of investment firms both for liability and expertise reasons. I can’t say I’ve heard of very many places (above a certain size) that do much of that in-house.

      1. I don’t. I don’t want to give too many details away, but I’m thinking about large universities’ investment arms. I met a woman there who appears to do a more senior, in-house version of what I do for clients like hers, and now I’m wondering how she got there, etc. As far as I know, she’s just a lawyer, no further qualifications. They still use bankers to evaluate the investments, but she does the legal work negotiating subscriptions in funds, drafting LLC/LP agreements, etc.

        I suppose in a couple of years I could take this question to a recruiter, but in this early phase I’m just wondering if it’s a remote possibility and if there’s anything I could be doing to prepare.

        1. It’s great that you met someone with the job you want! Shoot her an email and invite her to lunch. I bet she’d be happy to talk to you about her career path.

    2. Yay! Beautiful dress, but kind of pricey for me.

      As for the OP, My dad has done this for Harvard and Yale year’s ago, but stopped b/c he was abel to get a better consulting position. He is NOW semi RETIRED, but is still very active in the market, for a few select cleint’s.

      Sam showed up at Myrna’s on Friday, and we all watched a NETFLIX show. It was good. Sam was also kind of nice, tho he could NOT eat any of the snack’s we had. Also, he would NOT eat any of the muffin’s we brought up from Crumb’s. He said it was POISON! FOOEY b/c I do NOT eat poison.

      He want’s to date me. I do not know if I can date a guy from the U.K. Does any one in the hive have idea’s for me? He make’s alot of money and is nice. Help!

    3. First question from my point of view is public vs. private university. Where I am, public universities would fall under the state’s laws about investing pubilc funds. I’m the CFO of a small public entity–and managing our investment portfolio falls under my responsibilty. I work with a number of broker/dealers but ultimately have very limited investment options due to the public funds status. The state requires that folks who manage public funds do some annual continuing ed, but its doable in a day. On the public side, there don’t appear to be many in-house folks who do this full time. Mostly people like me for whom investing is a small portion of their job description.

      Now a private university or non-profit would be completely different–and I have no idea what their requrirements or constraints would be.

      Good luck!

  5. Has the -rette who went to Peru written about her trip? I’m headed to Peru next month and would love to hear about the highlights of her vacation.

    1. I know momentsofabsurdity did and posted back about her trip, I also did and used her tips. I did a camp/hiking version though, so only had a couple days off the trails. If you are hiking, let me know and I’d be happy to give a recap!

    2. I did! I’m blanking on where I wrote it though – I went for Mother’s Day, so it would probably be around that time. Happy to give specific or general advice. Generally our agenda was:

      Fly into Lima – catch connecting flight to Cusco
      2 days in the Sacred Valley
      1 day in Machu Picchu
      2 days in Cusco City
      1 day in Lima

      Things we LOVED were Machu Picchu (obviously) and our hotel in the Sacred Valley. Cusco city was very cool and I have some restaurant/activity recommendations there, if you plan on spending any time there. Lima was fine but honestly felt like any other major metropolis (there was even a Pinkberry) and I don’t regret spending so little time there (especially on a first trip to Peru kind of excursion).

      Happy to answer any specific questions you have!

      1. Thanks! The first part of our trip is similar to yours. I have the plane and Machu Picchu tickets already. How did you get from the Cusco airport to the Sacred Valley? My guidebooks aren’t specific on that.

        Any sites that we shouldn’t miss in the Sacred Valley? I was planning on a homestay in Ollantaytambo and spending 3 days sightseeing before heading to Machu Picchu. Do you have a recommendation for a hotel in Agua Calientes?

        I hope I’m not too late for you to see this response. I appreciate your advice.

        1. We took a bus – I’m not sure if there’s any way to get there besides driving. There are a lot of tour guides, etc, who stand outside the airport and seem pretty willing to take you anywhere you want to go — or you can probably hire a tourguide beforehand, I believe. I wouldn’t grab a random tour guide alone, but it seemed very safe – I never felt unsafe in the country, actually.

          In the Sacred Valley — don’t buy any alpaca. The quality in Cusco is substantially better but the prices in the Sacred Valley are the same. I definitely recommend the ruins at Pisaq (and the marketplace which has a lot of lovely souvenirs and a ton of choice). The Pisaq ruins were just stunning – you’re so high up and you can see the whole valley. The temple ruins in Ollantaytambo were awesome. You can also rent horses and go riding, and I would recommend checking out the local attractions (especially if you speak any Spanish) — there was a cuyi festival in town when we went and I was really glad that we checked it out (I didn’t eat it though – I waited to try it until we were in a real restaurant).

          We didn’t stay in Agua Calientes overnight, so I don’t have any recommendations for that, I’m sorry!

  6. Exercise TJ: I just saw a bunch of pictures of me from this weekend, and it looks like I’m hunching very unattratively in all of them. I think I read somewhere that this means I need to exercise X muscles, but I can’t remember which ones. Lower back? Shoulders? Arms? Does anyone know?

    1. ALL of the above – especially your core muscles. Being diligent in maintaining a proper posture at your desk is enough of a workout – your back will feel sore at the end of the day. This includes sitting in restaurants, on the train, even on the sofa – use pillows to help prop you up. Soon enough, slouching will become uncomfortable.

    2. Most likely your lower back. You want to make sure that you exercise both your core and your lower back to ensure good posture. I like the reverse-crunch thing at the gym for this – where your stomach rests on the pad and your chest hangs over, and you crunch upwards, if that makes sense. In addition, instead of doing just crunches to work your abs, try more full-body core exercises like plank holds and the “superman.”

    3. I would think the weight machine where you work pecs and delts (depending on which way you face) would help with that. But, as others said, it could also be core strength more than arms/shoulders.

    4. I found that yoga helped my posture a great deal — it worked all the muscles that others have mentioned, but it also just made me a lot more aware of my body and how it was positioned. A lot of it for me seemed to be remembering to pull my shoulder blades together and down on my back — a trick that is vital if you spend a lot of time in front of a computer!

    6. Core and back are both important for good posture.
      When I started taking martial arts classes that focused on proper form my posture improved quite a bit.

    7. Abs abs abs abs! Using your abs to support your spine takes pressure off your back. You’ll get better posture and relieve a lot of lower back pain. Ballet dancers get such good posture in part by concentrating on pulling their belly buttons back to their spine. Think about doing that throughout the day, as well as dropping your shoulders and lengthening your spine. Yoga, Pilates, and dance will all help strengthen your cour and correct your posture.

  7. I finally started reading The Defining Decade this weekend (after buying it months ago). I’ve only read about 1/4 of it and it has already been soooooooo helpful! It has confirmed some of my recent decisions, as well as the fact that I should have made some of these decisions ages ago! I know it has been recommended here on multiple occasions, but I just wanted to add my enthusiastic thumbs up!

    2. My sister is in her mid-twenties and going through a quarter-life crisis. Do you think I could give her this book and have it come across as well intentioned? She’s not great with accepting my advice but I keep seeing this book recommended here.

  8. I really like this dress – I am feeling very into structured sheaths for fall.

    Alas, I splurged on shoes (Ferragamo peep-toe heels) a couple of weeks ago, and so I’m on a shopping fast.

  9. Regular poster going anon for a divorce related TJ

    I have decided to divorce my husband. He is prone to temper tantrums but of late these have become extremely frequent and explosive. We have a newborn child. To those of you have who have gone through a divorce, my questions are more of the practical variety: 1. What are the steps I should take right away to protect my and my child’s interests? 2. In finding a lawyer, what are the questions I should ask to make sure I am choosing the right lawyer?

    My husband’s father has a legal background and I am pretty sure he will get involved and make this ugly so I don’t want to be too transparent about my intentions until I am ready. Any advice?

    1. First, hugs. I’m so sorry you’re going through this but know it isn’t a decision one comes about easily so you have my support. I’ve never been married but my mom is a divorce lawyer so I know a few helpful tips.

      Second, before you tell your husband (if you haven’t already) make sure you have everything in place. Whatever is yours in the house and you want, have it packed and brought somewhere safe. Re joint accounts, make sure you have enough in an account without his name in case he drains them or they get frozen.

      And last, remember that two parents under the same roof don’t equal a happy home. As the child of divorce, I can tell you I turned out well. No two family structures are alike and as long as your child knows they are loved and safe, they will be ok.

      1. One more thing, if you want your lawyer to do something they aren’t doing, tell them and be insistent. You are paying them and no one knows your best interests better than you.

    2. I have no advice, but lots of internet hugs, tea, and sympathy. And also lots of admiration for you for taking care of yourself and your child. And more hugs.

    3. This has to have been a very difficult decision, especially with a newborn, and I’m so so sorry that you’re in this situation. If your concern is his temper, start thinking what you need custody to look like so that you feel that your child is safe. It’s my (very limited, basic) understanding that most states nowadays favor a 50/50 custody arrangement unless there’s a really good reason for it to be otherwise, and your word against his that he has a temper probably won’t cut it.

      Start documenting his temper now. Talk to a lawyer about whether you can legally record audio or video of his outbursts and whether those would be admissible in a custody proceeding. Get family and close friends to observe the behavior and be willing to testify on your behalf; it should be easier to make excuses for people to be in the house all the time since you have a new baby. Most of all, if you fear for your or your baby’s safety, please get out of the house and report it to the police.

    4. Make a copy (and keep it outside of your shared home) of all financial information before you tell your husband about your intent to divorce. You don’t want to find that assets have been moved/hidden and you have no proof of them existing in the first place.

      Start depositing your paycheck/money into your own account, in your own name, without your husband’s name, and transfer money as needed into the joint account to pay joint bills.

    5. I have a good friend going through a very nasty divorce right now so my experience is somewhat second hand but thought I would offer.

      I think she made a mistake in choosing a “fancy” divorce lawyer who is very pricey but who farms out most of the day to day work to his just-graduated-from-law school son. My friend was orinally on board with the idea because it was presented to her as “we’ll bill him at half the cost of the father and the father will always be there to supervise” but it has basically resulted in huge bills because it takes the son forever to do something and the dad then charges for corrections, plus they just haven’t been that effective at protecting her interests or dealing with her soon to be ex. My takeaway is you should look for a lawyer who is hands on and if it’s a firm, ask about who will actually be working on your case. Also, get a notebook and keep track of what the lawyer is doing. My friend gets a lot of bills that charge her for phone conversations and emails and they’re not always accurate. It helps to be able to say “you only spoke to me for 10 min. that day, not 30.”

      The other thing I take away from this is don’t look at just lawyers who give free consults. My friend did not meet with anyone who charged for a consulatation because she was trying to save money and worried about not liking the person and being out $150 or whatever. BUT – I think free consults in this type of case can mean trouble — you want someone who takes their time seriously. Think about how many people go to see a lawyer and never go through with a divorce. You don’t want someone who makes their living off it just being a numbers game. Obviously, my other advice is to ask about their problem solving approach. Yes, you want to have a lawyer who’ll fight for you but you also want to have someone who can work well with opposing counsel so you can resolve things as amicably as possible.

      And be prepared for the worst. My friend’s husband literally got himself fired so she would not get any financial help from him. He has also been running up huge bills on his CC so that he could claim to have no money. Not rational, but true. Divorce makes people do crazy things. If you have joint CC, it’s just something you have to keep in mind.

      For the rest, if you can plan this at all or wait, my advice is to save as much money as you can before you tell your H your decision. You need to have $$ for a retainer, a place to live (if you plan to move out), $$ to live on (esp. if he’s going to be uncooperative), etc. Also, gather all your financial and personal documents. Make copies if needed. Put them in a safe place outside your home. Do the same for any jewelry or other important possessions. A safety deposit box might be a good idea. Good luck. I’m sure it’s not an easy decision.

    6. Any chance you can go in for family counseling stat? A divorce makes you single, but it won’t really fix the problem that you are having and will have for 18+ years — interacting with your husband / your child’s father. Even if you can’t go together, going alone can give you a sounding board / ways to approach problem solving with a given personality type.

      What is hard now may become even harder when you’re dealing with shared custody / visitation / parenting expectations / expectations re honoring two households and three schedules (yours, ex’s, and child’s), so I wish you the best of luck getting that established and adjusting over the years.

    7. You probably don’t have any peers who have been divorced, but if your parents are local to you I am sure they have friends who have been divorced and can give you recommendations.

      If you are in So Cal I can give you some referrals. You can email me at seniorattorney1 at gmail.com.

      I second the advice to prepare, prepare, prepare. I know you want out NOW but you would probably be well advised to talk to a lawyer and plan carefully before you make any moves.

      Big hugs. I’m mid-divorce myself at the moment and it sucks.

    8. This is for a little ways down the road, but when the time comes for custody, make sure you respond quickly to any requests from your child’s guardian ad litem.

      And in the off chance you are in the DC area, check out the Women’s Center in Vienna, VA because they offer classes on protecting yourself financially during divorce, etc.

    9. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. If a divorce is right for you, right now, then so be it; the other posters have great advice.

      BUT: I will say that a LOT of new fathers I knew were also prone to anger/temper tantrums. Parenthood changes you like NOTHING ELSE. The sleep deprivation… the frustration with this small, screaming thing who gives nothing back (not even a smile) for weeks on end. My husband had gone through anger management with another girlfriend, but I never saw it… until we had a newborn. One night I caught him screaming ‘SHUT THE F— UP” to the baby, and I told him, calmly and clearly, that it was unacceptable. I understood how he felt, I felt the same way, but it was completely unacceptable to talk to our child that way. That he would be FURIOUS if a nanny or babysitter said that to the child; that he would immediately want that person excised from our baby’s life.

      He never did it again. Thank God. It wasn’t him, it wasn’t us, and the baby was small enough that he won’t remember. One day, while drinking with friends, some of them admitted similar stories from their mild-mannered, nice, intelligent husbands.

      All I’m saying is that a newborn means the death of the selfish person you’ve been able to be all these years, pre-kiddo. Maybe your husband can’t let that person die, and you need to divorce him. But… sometimes people just to be told that — that they need to step up and be different. This is a transition time.

        1. I read this not as shorthand for “people are selfish unless and until they decide to get with the program and Have. Kids!” but–given the context–as a quick way of saying “being a parent means that for a long, long, time you have no choice except to subordinate your needs & desires to those of another person.”

          Yes, it stinks when people assume that the only motivation for deciding not to reproduce is plain old self-centeredness, but honestly, there are also people who _don’t_ make that assumption!

          Full disclosure: DH and I are parents of an Only Child. There’s a whole body of ignorance out there about only children and their parents (how did this happen? what’s wrong with the parents? what’s gonna be wrong with the kids when they grow up? blah blah blah). Sometimes the best policy is No Explanation, No Apology. Just live your life and ignore the peanut gallery.

        2. Agree. I read this as “when you don’t have kids, you have a certain amount of control over yourself/your free time that you lose when you have children.”

          I’m childless, and basking in my ability to do what I want, when I want. I do recognize those days become numbered if/when DH and I choose to have kids, and I absolutely view my 20s as my “selfish” years.

    10. Thank you for all the advice and the hugs. I am based in NYC so if you all have recommendations for lawyers here please send them my way. I am not worried about my or my child’s safety – my husband’s behavior is more of the screaming, yelling kind and there won’t be any physical violence. He has always been like this but since the last year it has become worse and he refuses to get any help or go to counseling. I am not planning to let him know of my intentions but want to prepare as much as I can and get all my affaira in order.

      AIMS – are you open to sharing which lawyer your friend used so I can steer clear of them. Also, would anyone care to share generally how much a divorce costs? I want to make sure I have enough money in my account.

      1. My uncle recently went through a divorce with a lawyer he’s not really happy with. I think there was a $10k-$15k retainer and then court fees.

      2. I know a good divorce lawyer: Carolyn Byrne. She’s a solo practitioner, very cost-conscious, and very good at finding solutions (instead of more ways to rack up bills). byrnelegal dot com

      3. No kids; DC area; lazy ex-spouse that waived representation. $750 +$70 or so to get my name back.

        1. That was just the legal fees. It cost me much much much much much more, but I also got my happiness, self respect, and dignity back so, for me, it’s been worth it.

      4. OP, I don’t know the name of the firm off the top of my head but they’re based on Long Island, in Garden City or Great Neck. If you’re in NYC (five boroughs), I’d imagine you’re going to get an attorney closer to home. If not, let me know and I’ll try to find out the name and email you with it somehow. You can also call the New York City Bar Lawyer Referral no. (google it), and they have prescreened attorneys who will do an initial consult with you for $30. No guarantee of greatness but it may be a helpful place to start. If you’re in Manhattan, I’ve had another friend go to Valerie Wolfman for a prenup and she was very happy with the results. She’s a solo, I think, but very straightforward and professional from what I understand.

        As for costs, it really depends on how complicated your finances and how difficult your spouse will try to make it. In my friend’s case she had to tender an $8K retainer ($5-10K is pretty standard in NY, I think) and her bills are now close to $20K and almost nothing has been accomplished (Judge ordered temporary support for her and the kids and her H has not paid a penny; in the process of trying to enforce it/him trying to modify it). Anyway, the point is the more you can work out amongst yourselves, the less the cost. An amicable divorce doesn’t have to cost more than $1000-$1500.

        1. Yeah, I am in Manhattan so will try to find someone closer. But the figures you and everyone else are giving make me think I need to figure out something more amicable. Perhaps get a mediator instead of a lawyer

    11. From watching a friend go through this:

      –make sure your lawyer specializes in divorce (her husband’s first two lawyers didn’t even mention divorce on their web site)
      –take the lead; don’t wait for things–like separation agreements–to be initiated by your husband
      –recognize that this could drag out for years if you don’t have competent legal representation who can force the issue
      –breathe. This is going to suck, no matter what, but at the end you’ll be in a much better place.

    1. This is great news and I’m very pleased. It’s really freaky that like the day before I first read about this, I was thinking about how if you went to the Middle East and were attacked, you couldn’t go to the police, and then this happened. There was also a case (v high profile here) a year or two back of a 15-yo guy who was kidnapped and raped by a gang of four guys and he was sentenced to death for engaging in sodomy. They got him home, but it was a nasty, nasty story.

    2. Okay, obviously, this entire situation is crazy, but I thought I read that the guy got 13 months in prison, too.

      1. He did, but he was pardoned when she was. And he got prison for extra-marital s-e-x and drinking, not rape.

    3. This is great news! Thanks for reporting back.

      Now what does it say about their legal system that pardons have to be issued to victims? And only when international pressure is applied? Ugh.

  12. Beauty question TJ: can anyone recommend a cream/serum that diminishes wrinkles? I am 30 and I have a very small wrinkle in my forehead and also in between my eyes. I’ve used sunday riley products, philosophy products, something my derm gave me that was crazy expensive but did not help the wrinkles, and right now I’m using a dior product. But the damn wrinkles won’t budget. I am not opposed to botox and may end up getting it eventually but in the meantime I’d love to find some sort of topical product that can diminish my baby wrinkles. TIA!

    1. Retin-A! Other than sunscreen (you are using it everyday, right?), retinols are the best proven anti-agers on the market.

      1. Totally using sunscreen every day. And my derm gave me a retinol product to use at night. I don’t know why but I haven’t been using it, I think I forgot about it! Thanks for reminding me!!

    2. Honestly, the only thing that makes that wrinkle go away is botox. RetinA an other topicals help smooth and brighten but don’t erase wrinkles. Dysport might work too but I’ve only done botox.

  13. The dress in the post today is pretty, but today I happen to be wearing a similar dress I got at Target 3 years ago, and I paid $24.99.

    1. Good on you! I hope that the little child who made it for you, for 1 cent per day, also lasted another 3 years.

      1. And I hope you, Carla, are writing your comments from a fair-trade smartphone/laptop. Because those electronics factories are for-real toxic.

        2. Fair trade smartphone, delightful!

          Paying more for the dress doesn’t actually mean that the workers made more. I would be interested in work-appropriate clothing made in non-sweatshop conditions. Perhaps Etsy dressmakers are a good choice for that?

  14. I have a nephew who is 8. His parents, my brother and SIL, are expecting again in December. Obviously Baby Girl will be getting lots of gifts and attention. Is it at all appropriate to get a “big brother” gift for my nephew when the baby comes? I don’t have kids myself and come from a very small family so I really don’t know baby gift-giving etiquette. If it would be appropriate to get him something, what do you recommend?

    1. yes, absolutely. i’d probably get him a “big brother” related book (though he may have already gotten a bunch of those) as well as something unrelated to baby that can keep him occupied while his parents are busy with the baby (a new game for his gameboy? or something like that).

    2. Definitely appropriate. I did it for my friends oldest kids when their second babies were born, and it was very much appreciated! I don’t know any 8-year-olds so can’t help you out too much, but think it should be something just for him – something that maybe doesn’t require parental help? Cars, action figures, building toys (legos)?

    3. Yes, definitely. But all the “big brother” books I’ve ever seen are aimed at younger kids, so I’d skip that. I would go with something to keep him occupied. Legos are good for lots of 8 year olds, or electronics (but for that, you’re going to need to ask his parents if he has a gameboy, Wii, iPad, or what).

    4. Yes, it would be very nice to get him something. We were so grateful when folks who gave us a baby gift thought of adding on something small (or not small) for our 7-years-older child. Legos were great. Also a nice idea: a cheap digital camera (if they still make them in this age of cellphone cameras?) so that he can take pics of everyone.

    5. Absolutely, but I would give a word of caution when selecting the toy – Legos are awesome for an 8 year old, but they are choking hazards for the new baby (and it is so easy for a stray lego to get left behind when cleaning up). The gift doesn’t have to be baby proof, but something without tiny parts would probably be much appreciated by the parents. (Maybe art supplies?)

  15. I can’t brag IRL, but I’m doing a happy dance in my office today. As of today, I’ve almost paid off all of my 30k in debt!!!! I realized I’m ahead of schedule and will be done in September. WAHOO.

    3. Thanks. I decided last year enough was enough. It sounds silly, but reading all the posts from people who had the ‘golden handcuffs’ made me realize I was there too and needed to do something about it. I’m tempted to save for some insanely cute Gucci pumps next as a present to myself for the year of no shopping :)

      2. I love that idea! I’ve been devouring the no more Harvard debt blog, Mr Money Mustache, and The Total Money Makeover and am aggressively working to pay down my student loans. It’s so inspiring to hear success stories from people who have gotten out of debt!

        1. I’ve been on a kick the last two weeks and I’m also wondering, but how does one balance?? (the emergency cushion vs. the no more debt NOW)? The Havard MBA debt guy got rid of his cushion (which, at 130k+ in loans for me, is so not even going to make a dent).

          1. I’ll be honest, my savings have been pretty minimal as of late. That is my next goal, so for a few months I’m going to live on my ‘debt’ budget and plug the money away.

            The turning point for me was realizing if I lost my job, my debt was so out of control that I couldn’t have just a ‘temp’ job (work retail, temp, anything) to make ends meet. I broke things up into smaller chunks, which really helped. I also managed to pay off my car in that time frame, so I just kept making that payment.

            The biggest thing for me was what was ‘reasonable sacrifice.’ Like you said, there’s no way to pay off 100k+ in a year (or if you can, please adopt me). But I figured out what things were variable in my budget, where I was continuing to add debt, and put myself on a budget for shopping/fun (200/mo or less). It takes some time and tweaking so you don’t lose your mind, but I feel so much better.

            I wish you the best of luck!! I’m not an expert, but I read WaPo’s Michelle Singletary’s column/chats for inspiration. Believe me, if I can do it you can definitely do it.

  16. Omg – the key to my Volvo broke over the weekend. I called the dealer and he quoted me $200 to get it replace and the car needs to be brought it so they can program it. The nearest Volvo dealer is 70 miles away!! I am thinking maybe it is cheaper to just have a tech come out and have a remote started installed. Is that even possible if the key no longer works (it is the key with the microchip embedded).

    1. Try a locksmith. Really. You may need to call around for one who can do this, but it is usually cheaper and easier.

      1. No to the locksmith! We lost the keys to our VW years ago and had them “pop” the locks to see if the 2nd key had fallen out inside the car. It set off the security system…and we learned that since a key wasn’t placed in the ignition within two minutes, the whole computer locked down. So we ended up paying for a tow, a computer reset and a new key (and key programming). Yuck!

    2. The $200 actually sounds about right. The key with the chip in it is about $75-100, plus the tech’s time in programming it, which takes about 45 mins-an hour. And they have to hook it up to their big programming computer to do it. The dealerships I’ve worked in (not Volvo) charged about $100/hr for their tech’s time.

      If the closest dealer is 70 miles away, it probably won’t be cheaper to have a tech come out and do it. 70 miles = 2 hr round-trip drive time, easily $200 in labor time alone, and he hasn’t even touched your car.

    3. I have one ignition key and I have put off getting it copied because the key itself is so expensive. I never thought about if it breaks though. The key price sounds right. When I called a locksmith they couldn’t do it. Probably depends on the locksmiths though…

    4. I dropped my Mini’s key in water (frequently at a dog park) and it rusted/ screwed up the electronic so locks stopped working. Cost was 250 to replace. If the dealer is too far, check out local garages that will service. Many can do the same fix. (Mine wasn’t a mini exclusive shop or even bmw (same owned)).

    1. Magazines are my “escape” reading before bedtime bc I read so many heavy legal docs all day. So…this is a long list:

      –Sunset
      –Traveller
      –Self
      –GQ
      –NatGeo Traveler
      –NatGeo
      –Economist
      –Businessweek
      –Elle
      –NYTimes Magazine
      –Fortune
      –RealSimple

      I usually make it through all of them, eventually, although I sometimes get behind on my Economists!

      1. – Sunset
        – Bon Appetit
        – This Old House
        – Arts & Crafts Homes
        – Cooking Light
        – GQ
        – Esquire

        I also pick up Self from the grocery store pretty often. And Real Simple.

    2. I’m mostly a blog/internet person, but the two magazines I regularly buy are RealSimple and the Economist.

    3. I don’t subscribe to any, but the ones that I enjoy the most (in terms of both usefulness and readability) are Real Simple, O, In Style and Cook’s Corner. For accessible fashion, People Style Watch is surprisingly good. For just plain escapism/enjoyment, Glamour, Marie Claire, and (sometimes) Lucky. I don’t read magazines for news/finance/etc, but mostly for fashion, organization, cooking, etc.

    4. I find myself reading DH’s Mens Health magazines more often than anything I’ve ever subscribed to.
      I also like Washingtonian, which is a DC-area publication.

    5. I’ve had to cut myself off because I tend to go through periods of not reading them and wind up with a huge stack of back issues. I do love Bazaar, InStyle, Elle, and Vogue. The greatest thing ever when I regularly read magazines is the Next Issue iPad app. I can’t justify the price right now, but it had most of the magazines I love and a bunch that I like but wouldn’t individually subscribe to.

      2. I have subscriptions to several magazines already, but I love to splurge on the Next Issue app when I’m going on vacation. Since they keep the old issues I always have a ton of options.

        I like Real Simple, Cooking with Rachael Ray, and InStyle. I usually have a subscription to a few other other fashion/health type magazines (Glamour, Marie Claire, Self, etc), but most of those are pretty interchangeable to me.

        1. That’s a great idea! It was super easy to cancel my subscription before, so I might have to forbid for a big road trip I have coming up.

      3. I tried to subscribe to the next issue app but it’s a US only app for some reason which made me so sad. I subscribe to Self and Toronto Life and I just started receiving Marie Claire but they unfortunately end up piling up so I may have to reconsider…

    7. InStyle
      Elle
      Marie Claire
      W Magazine
      Harper’s Bazaar
      Lucky

      …and the New York Review of Books. All my other non-fashion and news reading I tend to do online.

    8. The Economist and The Atlantic. When I fly, I’ll buy a New Yorker, a Real Simple (although I get tired of hearing how to de-stress everything — if life isn’t a little stressful, you’re not really living), and a Vanity Fair. The Economist has a special place in my heart. When I was working in West Africa, I had vastly underestimated the availability of books (this was pre-Kindle and e-book) and I was desperate for reading material. I went to the ex-pat market once a week (don’t judge — I just wasn’t in a place where I was ready to kill, pluck, and prepare my own chickens, nor did I know what to do with the giant casavas most of my neighbors ate) and always caved and spent the money for an Economist. I read every single one cover to cover, including all the ads. Those were some well-loved Economists.

    9. Magazines are my guilty pleasure, so I get the following:
      -Conde Nast Traveler
      -Real Simple
      -Allure
      -Glamour
      -Marie Claire
      -Elle Decor
      -InStyle
      -Lucky (I swear I did not renew my subscription, but they keep sending it to me for whatever reason).

    11. National Geographic is the only one I pay for a subscription for. I usually get The Economist and In Style with leftover airline miles, and my mother sends me Southern Living (in her ever-continuing quest to lure me back South, which may actually work if I pass this bar exam next week…)

    12. Most of my mags are gift subscriptions/free or work related. I do love them, but rarely get to them….

      INTERVIEW
      Vogue
      The Strad
      A food magazine (used to be Gourmet, Cooks, then Food & Wine, can’t remember which now…)
      3 different medicine journals, and my alma maters’ mags

    14. -Garden & Gun
      -Town & Country
      -Monocle
      -Real Simple

      I also end up buying Vanity Fair most months, but haven’t resubscribed. At least buying it monthly lets me opt out when there’s yet another Kennedy/Marilyn Monroe cover…

        1. Oh I forgot about Garden & Gun and Mental Floss. Those are the two I never remember to buy on my own, but always read when I’m home visiting my parents because my mother buys them. (The way I describe Garden & Gun is if Brooklyn hipsters moved South and decided to start a magazine).

        2. G&G is my favorite magazine. By far. It is the only one I still get in hard copy – it is so pretty to look at!!

    15. Somehow I prefer magazines geared towards women 40+ although I’m only 25 … I especially like More Magazine and Ladies’ Home Journal, but I also enjoy Marie Claire and Redbook. And The Atlantic. I also have Self, Glamour and Good Housekeeping on my iPad.

    16. Self, Elle, NYT Magazine, Women’s Healthy are my big ones.

      And recently any and all bridal magazines I can get my hands on…just got engaged!

    17. Real Simple
      Garden & Gun
      Forbes
      The Economist
      Midwest Living
      Coastal Living
      Popular Mechanics
      Car and Driver
      Motor Trend
      Readers’ Digest
      SELF
      Better Homes & Gardens

      I am a magazine junkie.

    18. Vogue
      Elle
      ElleDecor
      The Atlantic

      foreign issues of the same mags:

      Spanish Elle
      Vogue Espana
      Vogue Mexico
      British Vogue
      Vogue Australia
      Vogue Paris
      Vogue Italia

      I certainly don’t buy all of these foreign magazines every month (that would cost of fortune), but a few a year usually when travelling or on vacation. I can read the ones written in Spanish or English, and I like the editorial shoots in French and Italian Vogue.

    19. Harper’s (not Bazaar)
      The Atlantic
      Vanity Fair
      The Week
      Food & Wine
      Cooking Light

    20. – Garden & Gun
      – Real Simple
      – Inc.
      – Wired
      – Fast Company
      – Vanity Fair
      – Bon Appetit
      – Food & Wine

      Now, whether I have time to read them all is a completely different story (as they sit backed up on my Nook).

  18. I love wearing jewel colored, structured architectural sheaths like this in the late spring/summer/early fall but struggle with wearing them when it gets colder. I wear a lot of black tights in the winter and struggle with how to pair solid color dresses with them once it gets cold. I feel like the black plus one color is very 90s but struggle with adding a third color. I’ve gotten a few multi-colored scarves to try to break things up a bit more but would love some advice.

    I aspire to a look like robin wright in house of cards only not quite as tight and with more blazers for big meetings. I am tall, have a straight figure, and work in a business casual environment.

    Thanks!

    1. try expanding into different colors of tights, even just other neutrals – gray and brown can be easier to wear with brighter colored dresses.

      i do love the concept of “robin wright in HoC only not quite as tight and with more blazers” as a style goal/inspiration/whatever.

      1. Thanks! Yes, I love her haircut too. Seriously, I think I am a bit too young for it now but fully intend to rock something like that when I hit 40.

        I’ve tried wearing other colored tights but then am totally stumped on what shoes to wear with it all. In this case would you do navy tights and shoes and then a navy blazer? Any suggestions?

        I think I need a nicer pair of brown boots.

    2. If I do a solid sheath then I do patterned tights. Nothing crazy but it breaks things up.

      1. Any inspiration images that you can share? I am sure this looks great, but I just can’t picture it.

  19. Sold my car! Thanks to all for the advice on doing it. I got about $1k more by selling it via Craigslist than I would have via dealership trade in (I probably could have gotten more but the sale process was stressing me out, so I sold it to the first interested buyer) and I should know within the next week if the sale is officially final/non-cancelable (the only thing that would mess it up if the car failed inspection — which would be weird, since it was just inspected in April — so hopefully I’m fine on that front). Already transferred possession and exchanged the cash. Yay!

  20. Can anyone recommend their fav b r a (lined please) for women who are small of chest (or point me to a thread where it was discussed). Natori? Wacoal? Chantelle? Cosabella? Anything had to better than the 5 yr old ones I have from VS.

    1. I’ve had good luck with Gap Body, and you can always get some sort of sale, but I think the quality is pretty good. – i think the model is called tee shirt or something like that.

    2. 1. If you are that small of chest, you may want to get measured at a non-VS store. VS always tried to put me in a 34B, the smallest non-A that they regularly stock. I was swimming in them and the straps were always falling down. Turns out, I’m a 30D. You might want to run that measurement through the search engine for prior discussions re bra fittings.

      2. I have had good luck with bra-store brands (can be expensive), but also with the 30D calvin klein one that’s in the NAS right now for $30ish.

      1. Agree with the Calvin Klein brand. I just ordered a couple from the NAS sale too. I also get a similar Calvin Klein version much cheaper at Marshalls frequency.

        And I still have some of those VS bras (can we say 10-20 years old?) that look terrible…

        I have to someday get measured at Nordstrom’s.

    3. I used to wear Natori and Calvin Klein petites. I think I mostly wore Natori Feathers, which had elastic that helped the cups to fit perfectly.

    4. Get thee to a nordstrom’s rack, where there’s plenty of smaller sizes available and they are organized well. I found both calvin klein’s and natori’s there in the $15 to $25 range (basically, half off), and the fit and comfort varies depending on the style (criss-cross, demi-, etc.) For me, the natori one slightly more comfortable and better fitting than the calvin kleins, but i like both.

    5. I highly recommend Elle Macpherson Intimates. I have a larger chest, but a very small frame (I usually wear a 3oD), and the bras in her line have been really comfortable, provide great support, and don’t totally break the bank. And they’re really cute! I know they come in a very wide range of sizes.

      If you’re in the NYC area, there’s a place in the east village called La Petite Coquette. They have a lot of showier lingerie, but also have some great staples, and the saleswomen there have always been incredibly knowledgeable and very helpful.

  21. Hi, I am inserting this questions fairly early in the day, so maybe I will get a response. I don’t usually partipate in the discussions, but I am a faithful reader and get so many good ideas here. Several weeks/months? someone posted about a wardrobe spreadsheet and offered to send a template to all who requested it. I did request and receive a copy, but somehow did a big email purge on my personal email account, and that email was deleted. Can that person please post the offer again – or does someone remember her handle? I have tried various searches on the site, but always come up with way too many results to read through. Thanks!

    1. Whoa, seconded. I think I was in an afk week when that was mentioned, but I’d love that spreadsheet. I have my own, but it’s very unwieldy.

    3. What is the purpose of a wardrobe spreadsheet? Not snarking – I’m sincerely curious. Is it to keep track of spending?

      1. From what I read in hellskitchen’s comment, she used it for putting together outfits for the week and showing when she’d worn them.

        1. Yep, I commented on that thread but I think the poster the OP is looking for is orangerie :-)

          I use my spreadsheet to track purchases and build outfits for the week. It’s really basic.

    4. That was me! Feel free to email me at orangerie09 (at) google mail (that’s a zero before the 9) and I’ll send you over a blank copy.

  22. Sorry for the pregnancy-related TJ.

    I am having trouble figuring out what I’m going to wear to work for the 5+ months I’ll be visibly pregnant. I mostly wear skirts and dresses. Does anyone have suggestions for maternity work-wear websites? The ones I’ve seen have pretty small selections and very random available sizes. Or good maternity wear stores in NYC?

    Also, I’m really concerned about whether I’ll be able to get maternity opaque tights and wool tights (for regular pantyhose I know there is Spanx and I’m going to experiment with thigh-highs). Any brands or websites to consider? Cost is not a huge factor, obviously I don’t want to spend $500 on a skirt, but buying new clothing might be the one thing about being pregnant that I can enjoy, so I’m willing to pay.

    1. A commenter here has a pregnancy workwear blog. It’s hyperlinked on her handle – her handle is preg anon. I would also check out Rosie Pope’s stuff if you’re not concerned about cost.

    2. Currently working on this myself (I am 16 weeks today). I exclusively wear skirts and dresses to work, and am a black tights aficionada for the non-summer months, so I am actively researching. The maternity options in my city frankly suck, so I am basically resorting to online options.

      So far:
      – I am currently wearing (non-maternity) Vince Camuto jersey pencil skirts to work. Very comfortable, look professional, do not cut in at waist, can be thrown in washing machine. Can be obtained from Nordie’s and I believe are part of the NAS.
      – I have purchased an Isabella Oliver “Lana” dress. Have not worn it yet as I got it at 14 weeks and it made me look a touch “too pregnant” at that time, but will probably start wearing it shortly. Material and drape are both good. I was also very impressed that the dress arrived two days after I ordered it. I may order another dress from them later.
      – Seraphine looks good for work clothes, but I haven’t ordered anything from them yet.
      – I’ve heard great things about the ASOS maternity line and have looked at a few items online but haven’t pressed “go” yet. I probably will shortly.

      I haven’t tried pregnancy Spanx or done much research on black tights yet.

      For websites, I’m reading Work that Bump (by our very own preg anon) and Pregnant Fashionista.

      I hope this helps!

        1. That’s the one! Works really well for me and I foresee wearing them for quite a while still. I am 5’4″ and they come to about two inches below my knee at present – but don’t look frumpy. Currently wearing above the belly but could be worn underneath later. I might even get another one.

          1. great, I just ordered two colors in three different sizes, including a petite size because I prefer skirts to be above-the-knee. I’m usually a 6/8 and got a medium.

        2. This skirt looks awesome. Can you comment on sizing (if this is in fact the skirt)?

          1. I am normally a size S or 6 in most brands. With my pre-maternity figure, this skirt would have been TTS. However, I sized up to a M for maternity purposes and the M is working just fine.

        3. That looks like it would be perfect! ASOS also has a couple of maternity skirts like that that are very cheap. I predict I will still be able to wear most of them after my pregnancy because they are reeeaally stretchy. Like this one: http://www.asos.com/ASOS-Maternity/ASOS-Maternity-Exclusive-Pencil-Skirt-In-Floral-Print/Prod/pgeproduct.aspx?iid=3085336&cid=5813&Rf900=1573&sh=0&pge=0&pgesize=36&sort=-1&clr=Floralprint

          Generally, I recommend ASOS for work maternity clothes. They also have a ton of hipster/alternative types of clothes, but there are still lots of work clothes available if you weed through those, and their prices are very reasonable. Plus, they actually have color and pattern available, which is pretty rare in maternity clothes.

          Isabella Oliver is my absolute favorite, although I don’t have that many pieces because it’s fairly expensive. I do recommend buying at least a couple of things from there, though. I have a dress from there that reliably makes me feel fabulous.

          2. Ooh, I love the floral print on that skirt! I may just have to put in my first ASOS order!

            Preg anon – the link to that IO dress is broken. Do you remember what the dress is called?

          4. Weird, must be my computer. The dress looks like a great option, though! Hmmm, that or the wrap one?….

    3. Hope you don’t mind my piggy-backing on this: Any ideas on what to do for maternity winter coats? I’m in Boston and due in January. I absolutely LIVE in my ankle length north face, usually, but obviously won’t be able to fit into it by then. Down coats are so expensive, and I really don’t want to invest in one, but I’m imagining myself wearing an open sleeping bag and it makes me cringe.

      2. 1. Unless your nonmaternity coat is very fitted, you might be able to squeeze into it right until the end.

        2. This could be a “borrow or buy gently used online” item.

        3. You might be warmer in the last months of pregnancy and not need as heavy coat as usual. Layering might work. Don’t run out and buy maternity outerwear unless you’re 100% sure you need it.

      3. I have a maternity parka from Old Navy – it is down and was only $30. Would be happy to give it to you – it is a size L if that works. Alternatively, if your husband has a big coat, you can borrow it – I wore one of my husband’s fleece jackets when I was due in January. I found that I didn’t get as cold when I was pregnant, also, so I was able to get away with less outerwear than I had expected.

        1. Ditto Old Navy for maternity coats. I was pleasantly surprised with what I found there. I also found that my husband’s coats worked in a pinch.

        2. Such a sweet offer, Diana Barry, thanks! I’m usually an xs/s at Old Navy so the large will probably be too big, but for that price, I can get my own if I end up needing it.

      4. Granted, I live in an area with much more temperate winters and little snow, but I’m planning on wearing my existing coat (which is kind of a swing style anyway) and a couple of wool capes that I have. If you have anything like that, it might be worth considering.

      5. I was due in early February with my first in Boston. I will second what Diana Barry said: I didn’t really need a hugely heavy coat in my third trimester because I was so hot all the time. (And it was a cold, snowy January) I was able to squeeze into one of my pre-pregnancy ski jackets until my third trimester because I had previously layered under it. I did order a winter coat from Old Navy, and it was great. It wasn’t super heavy or made for long-lasting wear, but I only needed it for about two months.

    4. I liked the sp*nx or assets black tights – got a few pairs of those. For dresses, I liked Gap, old navy, and ASOS.

      Did not see any wool tights – not sure where you would get those – I might try wearing leggings instead. ASOS has nice ones, not too $$$.

      1. Thanks, Diana! I also just did a quick search and found that Marks & Spencer has maternity tights, though not wool ones. I bring this up because M&S make my very favourite non-maternity tights, so if you are looking for good quality they are worth checking out. Also, M&S are known for their excellent lingerie so I might look into their maternity underthings later on as well. They do ship overseas.

    5. this is super hard! I am about 8 months now and I just haven’t found much out there. Ann Taylor carries maternity, and there are a few good pieces there. I have a stretch pencil skirt from GAP maternity that works for my business casual office. I have a pair of straight black pants from target maternity that also were pretty decent (and cheap). A couple of dresses that work with blazers/cardigans. I’ve found that what works really changed from month to month and week to week, so I would say not to buy much at any one time. At the beginning, i wore a lot of sheath dresses (until about 4 months or so). Then I started wearing skinny/slim pants (maternity or with a belly band) and a non-maternity, blousy or boxy cut shirt. At that point I had a small belly but it wasn’t big and round, it just looked like pudge, so I liked being able to wear something loose on top, and balance it with a skinny bottom. Around 6 months I got the nice, round preg belly and at that point I started wearing close-fitting slim tops (often just maternity tank tops in different colors), with blazers and cardigans over them, and slim fitting skirt or pant on the bottom. Right now, the belly is getting really big, so I’m finding dresses to once again be the most comfortable and flattering option (but that wasn’t true at 4-6 months).

      Nordstrom carries some work-ish brands (isabelle oliver) and mother hood maternity has affordable basics. I don think they are very cute, but you an pick up a couple things like pencil skirts for about 25 dollars each and pair them with cuter non-maternity tops.

      good luck! if you find an amazing source, please report back, as I would like to know too….so many maternity places seem to be geared towards teenagers or women who attend BBQ’s every day (frilly sundresses, bermuda shorts, etc).

    6. Spanx makes great maternity tights.

      For workwear, I like Gap maternity, LOFT maternity, Old Navy maternity, and the Liz Lange collection at Target. Motherhood–I know it’s a staple, but I don’t love it. I have stuff, but it largely seems overpriced, low quality, and weird fabrics. Pea in a Pod is just crazy expensive. Worth it for a great pair of maternity jeans or if you need suits. Otherwise, it wasn’t worth it to me. The Liz Lange stuff comes in these comfy, stretchy fabrics. I think they are largely polyester, but I don’t care because they are so soft. And I LOVE the Gap maternity stuff. Soft, perfect amount of stretchy, nice styles. Those two are my favorite source.

      Happy shopping!

  23. For a while now I have had these tiny little pimples that aren’t quite pimples on my forehead. They don’t go away no matter what and they don’t get worse or change much. For the most part they don’t bother me terribly because they don’t look like “eruptions” more like little bumps, but I feel like I am just getting too old to deal with them anymore. I’ve been using the clarisonic without much difference. Acne products haven’t helped. I can’t do retin rx because may be TTC in the next year. Any idea on what these are and/or what I could do? I’m going bonkers!

    1. I have these! And I don’t know what they are. They’re also impossible to google because they’re so hard to describe. I’m going to a dermatologist after I take the bar to get them checked out because nothing I’ve tried has worked.

    2. They may be milia; I have had these near my eyes before. Millia are basically similar to pimples (in that they are clogged pores) but filled with harder keratin rather than the usual pus in pimples. If you do a google search there are easy ways to remove them, with and without needles.

    3. I had the same problem, until my close friend/esthetician suggested that I try using face lotion instead of a drying acne product. Turns out, dry skin can cause facial dandruff that looks like small pimples.

    4. I had these and my derm said they were milia. The derm tried extracting them but it was so painful I moved too much and then my derm gave up. I grew out of them after about a year.

    5. I’ve had these on my forehead for several years and had given up when both Duac and retinol creams did nothing to change it. Then a friend who is an esthetician and owns a spa gave me skin products by Babor. I use both the Babor Skinovage Moisture Plus Serum (everyday) and the Skinovage Lipid Intense Cream (2-3x/week), so I’m not sure which one has fixed it, but my forehead is completely smooth and my skin texture has changed dramatically. A bit expensive, but definitely worth the money.

    1. Does anyone have a strong preference for the Mia 2 vs. the Mia? I am failing at searching past discussions on this site…

  25. SoCalAtty here – I wanted to say thank you to everyone that recommended Yurbuds a few weeks back. I finally bought a pair, and they are great! They stay in, they fit my tiny ears, and my ears don’t hurt after wearing them for an hour.

    They even passed the riding test – on Sunday I rode 3 horses back to back, and the Yurbuds stayed put and didn’t hurt even after all that!

    1. Would those work for riding lessons? I use my instructor’s earbuds that come with the “talker” but they always fall out of my ears when I’m riding. I have tiny ears too.

      1. I bet they would. They plug in to a normal headphone jack, so if that is they type of connector the bodypack uses it would work. They were really comfortable under my helmet, and I have the Charles Owen AYR8.

        My trainer isn’t allowed to use one of those because then we would hear all of his muttering about how dumb we’re being :)

        1. Ha that is too funny. Whenever my mom comes along and watches a lesson, she forgets that I can hear EVERYTHING when the “talker” is on, including her running commentary as she sits next to the trainer.

    2. I love Yurbuds, too! I had the Bose ear buds (the ones they advertise by showing people running with them) and they would never stay in at all. Yurbuds are the first ear buds I’ve ever tried that I can wear while running. Huge fan.

  26. Wedding guest/maternity wear question.

    We will be attending a family wedding next month. The wedding is at a very nice hotel/conference center and is at 5:30, i.e. formal time. I will be 7 months pregnant with my second. We just received the invitation, and the reception is adults only, which means I probably have to leave with my 3 year old after the wedding.

    What do I wear for the 1.5 hours I am there? Can I get away with repurposing something that I normally wear to work. I am kind of loathe to buy a pricey dress for 1.5 hours. I would be willing to spend $50 or under if I could find something appropriate. Help!

    1. I would wear something you’d ordinarily wear to work (maybe a nice maternity sheath, if you have one) and spend the $50 on some fab costume jewelry to fancy it up.

    2. I have 2 maternity formal dresses – email me if you want (dianabarry r e t t e at gmail) and I can take pictures of them for you if they are the right size (8-10ish) if you want to borrow them. :)

      1. Not pregnant or the OP, but just wanted to say I am so impressed with Diana Barry’s offers to give her maternity coat and share her formal dresses. This is an awesome community!

    3. You could check rent the runway for something around $50 if you want to wear something new.

    4. Hellz yes to the re-purpose. Pregnancy gets you a waive on this, IMO. And really, unless the invite specifies formal attire, or you know the family expects it, I wouldn’t even sweat it that issue just based on the time of day.

    6. I could be wrong but usually invitations that have adult only receptions usually mean they want adults only at the ceremony too. Any chance you could get a sitter and go to both?

      1. Not to start a fight but adults-only receptions do not, IMO, mean adults-only ceremony.

    7. In this case, clarify if this really means formal. I have been to several summer weddings at fancy venues in the evening that were not black tie. The time and location indicated otherwise, but the couple’s intent wasn’t so fancy.

  27. Ladies – I am from the East coast and I’ve never been to California. I need to change this so me and my fiance are trying to go for a week in the beginning of September, but neither of us have any idea of what to do! I am thinking about flying into LAX, spending a day or two there, finding a beach to relax at en route to Napa/Sonoma, then flying home from San Fran. I’d appreciate any advice from anyone who has done something similar or suggestions for must-see places along the way. Thanks!

    1. Definitely take Highway 1 (Pacific Coast highway) — it is much, much longer but SO much more beautiful. There are faster ways to get from LA to SF, but I think everyone really ought to do that drive at least once.

      I’m not really a SoCal person, but I think for a first trip to LA, it’s worth seeing/doing the Hollywood Walk of Fame/Rodeo Drive shopping stuff. Not sure if it would work in your trip, but if you ever get a chance to go to San Diego, I’d recommend it over LA for beaches.

      On the way up, Carmel is a nice place to stop, as is Hearst Castle.

      I strongly recommend, once you get to SF, checking out Muir Woods, along with all the other tourist-y stuff.

    2. First of all, you are going to have an amazing time!

      You might want to consider focusing on either southern California (flying in and out of LA) or northern California (flying in and out of SF), if you have less than 2 weeks. Your itinerary is doable, but it may feel a bit rushed and heavy on the driving. I’d do (1) LA / Santa Barbara or San Diego for beaches / Santa Ynez area for wine, maybe go up the coast a bit, OR SF / Napa or Sonoma for wine, maybe go down the coast a little bit to Santa Cruz.

      Just throwing it out there!

      1. Second this. It’s a LONG drive from LA to SF, and even though Highway 1 is beautiful, I wouldn’t find it too relaxing to drive that distance just to see both LA and SF. I’d pick one or the other. Would also recommend the Getty Museum if going to LA or Getty Villa in Malibu.

    3. I did this 2 years ago from NYC. I flew into SF, spent a day in the city, a day in wine country (Sonoma, north of SF), a day driving half way down the coast (stayed in San Luis Obispo, GORGEOUS), a day driving the other half way down the coast to LA, stayed in Santa Monica I think. I spent another day in LA and then flew home. It was a whirlwind of a trip and every place I wished I had more time, but it was really fun. Took quite a bit of planning ahead of time (and five different hotels, so make sure you’re comfortable living out of a suitcase), but worked out great.

    4. We spent a weekend on Coronado for a wedding last year. It was lovely and I’d go back in a heartbeat.

    5. I would say Malibu or maybe Ventura County for a beach to relax on, or see if you can even book a night at one of the beach front hotels – Shutters in Santa Monica is always fun, and Bacara in Santa Barbara is great too!

      If you want to spend less time in the car, look into the wineries in/around Paso Robles. They are only about a 3.5 hour drive from Los Angeles, and if you stop in Santa Barbara are even closer.

      Another great place to stay, near the coast, is on Moonstone Beach, near Cambria. Really pretty, right near a boardwalk where you can hike around and see the seals, and it is a very cute little town. Headed up past Carmel, you will hit Pescadero and Half Moon Bay, which are also fun places to stay. In Pescadero, we stay at Costanoa. No cell signal, no television…so good! The rooms with fireplaces are especially great.

      In San Fransisco, we always like to stop in North Beach, which is the Italian area, to eat lunch at Mona Lisa. A more touristy, but fun, place to eat is the somewhat recently redone Boudin bread factory / restaurant on Fisherman’s wharf.

      Whatever you plan to do, I’m sure you’ll have fun!

    6. I grew up in Orange County, went to school in Berkeley, and now live in San Diego so I am glad you are finally visiting California. I agree with Alice that you should just fly from LA to SF because the drive can take quite some time, even going up the 5. A week is kind of short to see all of California without rushing all over the place. I would spend some time doing the tourist attractions in LA. Sadly, San Diego may be out of the way for your trip this time but there are some lovely beaches. Napa is one of my favorite places to visit, not only because it is a beautiful place, but it also have some of the best wines. If you are going to Napa, you should reserve some of the tastings in advance. There are so many wineries to choose from, but you should not have more than 3 tastings a day. I like Shafer for the wines, Del Dotto for a fun cave tasting experience, and Swanson for an informative sit down tasting. You should also spend some time in SF if possible. Have a great trip!

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