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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 257 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread

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Essie Butler Please cobalt blue nail polishSomething on your mind? Chat about it here. I'm one of those people who unfollows “nail” boards on Pinterest like it's my job — but when someone at SheFinds started Instagramming her cobalt blue nails (a couple times, not just once) I couldn't resist clicking through. $6, available on Amazon, free shipping… OK, sold. I was disappointed with how chalky the color looked in the bottle when it arrived, so I let it sit on my desk for a week or two. I finally got around to refreshing my pedicure, and I have to say, I'm a very happy woman. It's super bright — almost neon — and it makes me smile every time I look at my feet. Hooray. Essie, Butler Please (L-2) P.S. If you're having tech problems, please comment on the tech thread. Thank you in advance!

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Comments

  1. Outfit help needed!

    I’m going to a party tonight with my husband. Its at his partner’s home and all other partners and spouses will be there. I’ve not met many of them. I was told the party was “casual,” but that was by a male partner.

    I’d like to make a good impression, but obviously don’t want to be overdressed. What type of outfit would you wear to something like this? I have a pretty robust closet, so I can put something together.

    I was considering dark skinny jeans, heels and a blouse, but I don’t know if that will look too fancy like I’m going to a nice restaurant instead of someone’s house.

    Other option I was considering was a maroon leather skirt, heels and a more casual tee shirt-type top, tucked in.

    Help!

    • Anonymous

      I’d go with the first outfit with sandals or flats instead of heels, and I think that will be perfect.

    • mascot

      Leather seems a bit wintery for mid-august, imo. Perhaps a skirt with dressy tee and sandals/peep toes.

      • Outfit help needed!

        Its pretty cool here right now. Around 72 mid-day, which is why I was thinking the leather skirt, but its possible that I’m being too influenced by all the September issues that I’ve been reading lately.

        • AIMS

          I think your first outfit sounds great but I would substitute sandals (maybe pretty shiny ones) for heels (I read that as pumps or something similar). I agree that leather skirt in August comes across a bit funny. Personally, I tend to wear dresses for this type of thing – I feel like they are easy to dress up or down as needed.

          • Outfit help needed!

            Great. I will wear a pair of chunky heeled metallic sandals I have with jeans and a blouse (what color blouse goes best with silver shoes and dark navy jeans?) and probably add a blazer-type jacket. I’ll wear some fun jewelry and call it a day.

            I like dresses for parties, too, but I’m not sure what type of dress to wear to this. A sundress or maxi could skew too casual and a sheath dress could be too conservative. Anything dressier could have me sticking out like an uncomfortably sore thumb. Also, as I mentioned, its been cool here lately. Evenings could get down to low 60s. If people are outside, I’ll be cold in a dress.

    • AEK

      Also, I’d be sure your sandals or shoes have a broad heel if you’re not going with flats. I have been to work parties before on a wooden deck or fire escape that my heels got caught in, and I felt like I spent all night tiptoes around in an obstacle course. Flats are safest if you don’t know the terrain! And it sounds like you might be outside…

      • AttiredAttorney

        +1 When I’m invited to a party at someone’s home in the summer in mid-70s weather, I would assume there will be some outdoor component., particularly since you were told it was “casual.”

  2. sharpest

    Bought this polish a few days ago and I’m not impressed. Went on very streaky. Great color, horrible formula.

    • Duchess

      I feel like, in general, Essie polishes always require 2-3 coats. The colors are beautiful, but a bit more time consuming than OPI or Butter London.

      • sharpest

        This was worse than normal Essie formula. I used two coats and still streaky, and the formula was so globby I didn’t want to risk a third coat.

    • Anonymous

      I got a great manicure with this color. I loved it and didn’t have any problems with the consistency.

      • Equity's Darling

        Yeah- I find Essie pretty inconsistent in their formula between bottles of the same colour, let alone between colours, so I’m sure sharpest is being accurate in her description.

        I generally try to open all the Essies polishes that I buy in the store to see how the formula is looking, and if I’m not into it, I try another bottle of the same colour. That’s the biggest difference I note between Essie/OPI and Butter/Lippmann- the higher end polishes are simply more consistent in the quality of their polish. China Glaze is usually not bad, though not as great as Butter. I find NARS and Chanel and Dior, surprisingly, to be very inconsistent, particularly with brush quality and thickness of polish, probably because even though they’re high end brands, they aren’t polish brands.

      • sharpest

        I actually got a great pedicure with this color, which prompted me to buy it. It could be that I’m not as patient/skilled as the pedicurist, but I usually have no problems doing my own nails.

        I love the Christian Dior brush (I only have one bottle but the brush is A+)

    • Lily-Student

      Is that the ‘premium’ formula? In the UK we have an Essie diffusion line in Boots/Superdrug with a far better formula and brush.

    • NOLA

      Yeah I’ve been sticking to the brands from Sally’s – China Glaze and Fingerpaints. Right now, my nails are China Glaze Secret Periwinkle – very summery.

    • In-House Optimist

      Oh no, really? I was just logging into say I have it (for home mani use) and love it!! To each her own, I suppose. :)

  3. Short trip to Hawaii?

    I’m thinking of planning a short trip to Hawaii in a few weeks, leaving right after I argue a big court case. I’m traveling with my husband, likely to leave on a Friday, return on a Weds., flying from San Francisco, traveling with my husband. I haven’t been since I was a kid, where should I go? I’m thinking Kauai, as there are direct flights, and it seems less developed than other islands.

    Thoughts?

    • A Nonny Moose

      What do you want to do there? Lie on the beach and zone? Hike? Snorkel? Eat and drink? I loved Maui because I wanted to do all those things. But I think more info would be really helpful.

      • Short trip to Hawaii

        I will be coming off a gigantic oral argument, so I’m mostly looking to relax on the beach and veg out. I’m not a big snorkel person, but do enjoy hiking. I’m thinking I’ll be pretty worn down, so not up for any long trek.

        Thanks!

          • In-House Optimist

            Yup! Pretty low-key and not as “touristy” (for lack of better words). The hiking is phenom.

        • Sierra

          Kauai has great hiking, so does the Big Island. I was not impressed with snorkeling on Kauai but if you’re not into snorkeling and just want to sit on the beach, Kauai will do the trick. It is certainly less developed. You should realize that if you stay on the north side, or SW side, it’ll take hours to get to the SW or north side, respectively. So unless you want to do a lot of driving, pay attention to where you’re staying and what you want to do. (Great hiking on N side, but beaches are great on S side).

          I recently went to the Big Island and loved it. Kona side was great for snorkeling but also coffee plantation visits, etc.

          I view Maui as the veg-out on the beach island for some reason. Haven’t been there in eons but loved swimming and surfing there.

          Check out flights from San Jose – have been much cheaper lately

    • a.k.

      It depends on what you want to do. Kauai is good for laying on the beach or hiking, and Princeville has nice spas. Maui is also good – better for the beach. The Big Island is good for more outdoorsy stuff.

    • Nonny

      Depends on what you want in a holiday! I went to the Big Island with my family in January and loved it – tons to do, not resort-ish at all unless you deliberately seek that out, good snorkelling and beaches available if you want those. I’m very bad at sitting around on holidays, and I was quite happy with the variety of activities available.

    • DAR

      If you’re just going that few of days, only go with a direct flight. It’s still a long way even from SF and if you lose a whole day on either end it’s a pain.

    • Monica

      Went to Kauai two years ago over Christmas. Unparallelled flora/fauna, clean beaches, friendly locals. If you go, I rec’d hiking/biking Waimea Canyon. We did a downhill bike tour with Outfitters Kauai (located in Poipu) and had a blast. The tour guides were very entertaining.

    • OP

      Thanks everyone! I will try to take a break from argument prep this weekend to book something!

  4. k-padi

    Bay Area women!

    So, Opera in the Ballpark is still not yet announced. But… there is an Opera in the [Golden Gate] Park on Sunday, Sept. 8 at 1:30pm. Anyone interested in joining me for a picnic? Please?!

    • zora

      Oh NOOOO!! I am going to be out of town that weekend. Sadface. I hope other folks can go and report back, it sounds so fun!

      • k-padi

        Really, no, don’t be jealous. I can’t speak for the others but I’m just your typical cat-lady trying to not go to the opera all by herself.

        • zora

          this is what I was going to say. Don’t be jealous, the reality is a couple of us have no other friends, so we use thissite to try to have a semblance of a social life! ;o)

          Besides, this all happened because k-padi set up the first one on here, so give it a try in your area!! cr3tt3 women are awesome!

        • NOLA

          I’m more jealous that there are cool, fun things to do like that! Although now that the Saenger is reopening I get emails every week with shows that sound so great that one of my girlfriends and I have bought way too many show tickets.

  5. Anon C

    I’m the one who had a emotional affair with a colleague. I am now trying to see if my marriage can actually get better before I contemplate divorce. Been with hubby for over twenty years and we have kids. I have not felt any sparks or desire for hubby in many years. I thought it was a physical problem of mine but this situation with the colleague made me realize I did have desire for lady garden parties, just not for the right person. I can’t believe how close I came to physically cheating. I feel like a different person. Anyways, can anyone share stories of being able to rekindle a passionless marriage? I really need inspiration. Also, hubby is a good father and it feels so selfish wanting to leave because I am not “in love” anymore. Btw, I do not plan to tell hubby about the emotional affair so I am not interested in counselling with him. Thanks!

    • Anonymous

      If you’re not interested in being honest with him, I’m not sure how you go about reestablishing intimacy. But I bet a counselor could help- if you don’t want couple’s counseling go by yourself.

      • mascot

        I was wondering the same thing. Can’t you still talk about what you are looking for in the relationship without giving the full motivation behind it? It seems like the premise taht you are unhappy is grounds enough to justify counseling.

      • Eleanor

        It sounds like you have plenty to talk about in counseling even if you don’t mention the emotional affair. I can understand not wanting to tell your husband about it; sometimes telling people painful things just makes healing even harder. But figuring out how you arrived at this roommate relationship rather than spouse relationship and what to do about it sounds like something a counselor might be able to help with. Even if you’re not ready for counseling, you could at least raise the issue with your husband. I don’t think you can fix a passionless marriage without his involvement.

    • Ellen

      Yay! Open thread’s! I love open thread’s! As for the OP, I am confused. I get it that you are not physical with “hubby”, and that all of a sudden you have an emotional connection with this new guy, but if he actually touched your lady garden, is NOT this itself, ipso facto, cheating on hubby? Unless he talked only, I think you might have ALREADY crossed that line — not that it is that terible, b/c I understand that can happen.

      There were so many guy’s in college who wanted to have sex with my lady garden, but I would NEVER let them do anything with their hands or any part of their bodie’s, especially their winkie’s, b/c they always said they needed to do that for their own good, but I said NO WINKIE without a ring on my PINKIE (or better yet ring finger), and they NEVER gave me that ring so they had to find some where ELSE FOR THEIR WINKIE’s! YAY! b/c I would NOT want to have to clean up after them and especialy not in my room. FOOEY!

      In your case, since hubby is a good father, do NOT abandon him in the hope that this new guy will take his place. He could be JUST like the guy’s I am talking about. He could just want a place for his winkie, and once you give it to him, he could DISAPEAR. FOOEY! Leaveing you with no hubby and alot of sheet’s to wash. DOUBEL FOOEY!

    • Senior Attorney

      I’m a big fan of “Passionate Marriage” by Dr. David Schnarch. Not sure if it’s consistent with holding back the info re: the emotional affair, but you might want to check it out.

    • Houston Attny

      First of all, I am pleased you want to save your marriage. There were reasons you loved one another enough to get married – reasons you might not have felt for some time and reasons he might not have felt for some time, but they are still there. Buried under 20 years of kids and appointments and life and stuff.

      I think if you are actually interested in rekindling a relationship, falling in love with your husband again, saving your marriage, you owe it to the marriage to be truthful. I’m not positive that must be in counseling with him where you disclose the details, but shouldn’t it involve disclosing it to your counselor or therapist? And trying to figure out how you go forward with husband?

      If your certain that’s not the way you want to go, I suggest talking with him without disclosing the details about the other man. But over dinner or with the tv off and an honest conversation about the stagnant relationship and your desire for the two of you to rediscover one another. (I’d have notes with me so I’m sure to highlight the things I want to make sure I say, but I’m crazy.) Is that doing something you’ve never done or going to a place you’ve never been? Is that having a date once a week or once a month at a restaurant you’ve never tried? Is it salsa lessons or a fun continuing ed class together? Is it scheduling s*x? I don’t know. My understanding is that there is a great deal of fulfillment in joint experiences that take you out of your norm. That’s where my suggestions come from, but for you, it might be something else. I hope you find a path that works for you.

      • Anonymous

        Agree. I think I would be truthful but vague. Say how I felt like we had become roommates and I felt myself tempted to find a more physical/passionate connection with someone…but I want it to be you! What can we do to work on this?

      • Anonymous

        I strongly disagree. Being vague about something like this is incredibly cruel and insulting. If you’re going to tell someone you cheated on them, emotionally or physically, be prepared to answer any and all questions they have about the affair. You should be focused on doing whatever you can to help them process and begin to heal.

        Opening a conversation about the spark in your marriage by explaining that you’re feeling attracted to other people is also incredibly cruel and insulting. You’re basically saying, “I’m attracted to other people because you’re not doing it for me anymore, so you’d better up your game if you want to keep me.” I can’t even imagine how hurtful that conversation would be.

        • Anonymous

          How is it any more hurtful than saying, “you know guy X from my work? well I’ve been having an emotional affair with him because I’m not getting what I need to out of this relationship.” That will make him 1) paranoid about that guy 2) distrustful of you when you have finally extricated yourself from the emotional affair and committed yourself to trying to make your marriage work.

          What do you suggest she say that WON’T make her husband feel like he’s not doing it for her anymore and he better up his game?

          • Anonymous

            “I cheated on you. It was wrong. I broke our vows and I’m sorry. And I want us to go to climatology together to fix this.”

            I think the person who needs to up her game is the OP, who instead of working with her husband years ago sailed straight on into an affair we all told her was coming.

          • Anonymous at 4:04

            It’s the “because” part of your sentence that’s the problem. Saying, “I did this because of XYZ in our relationship,” is passing the blame and making excuses. People don’t cheat because they’re dissatisfied in their relationships. They cheat because of poor conflict resolution skills. If OP were to tell DH, then she should do it without blaming him, and in a manner that demonstrates that she takes 100% of the responsibility for having an affair.

            I really have no position on whether OP should or shouldn’t tell DH, I can see both sides. OP seems to have decided that she won’t tell him, and obviously that’s up to her. I’m just saying if she decides to tell him, then dealing with the affair has to be a different conversation than dealing with the lack of spark.

          • Anonymous

            Oh totally it’s her who needs to up her game, I said make him FEEL like that.

          • Anon C

            I can’t tell hubby because I do not want the colleague involved in this. I also just feel like it is more hurtful to say I was attracted to someone else.
            Also I know I crossed the line emotionally, but I just want to clarify that I never touched the colleague physically at all, which I will admit was challenging. I realize that some of you think I’m a horrible person and believe me, I never ever thought I would be in this position!

          • cythnia

            I don’t know if its that people think you are a horrible person, but you just seem extremely passive in your own life, and very unwilling to admit to what you are doing wrong. When you first posted about having a friend, tons of posters told you there were red flags there. When you next posted, you claimed you hadn’t crossed a line but all the posters disagreed, it was a big line crossing. In the next post, your reasons for not physically cheating weren’t because you didn’t want to – they were because he wouldn’t leave his relationship. It sounded like if he wouldve you wouldve thrown out your 20 year marriage and just gone with it. And now you want to work on your marriage (which no offensive, you both shouldve have been doing years ago) but you don’t want to go to counseling. You need to actually take some dramatic action here. An emotional affair is more dramatic than going to your husband and saying “we need some help reconnecting.” I just think you need to really step up. Own that the emotional affair is huge betrayal of trust, (in some cases it can be worse than a physical affair) and get yourself to therapy, and hopefully have your husband join you.

        • P

          Agreeing with Anonymous here. If it was me, I would want to know. It would be miserable of a hypothetical SO just said “I emotionally cheated on you with someone” but wouldn’t give me any more details – was it a friend? is it someone I know? how do I know you won’t do it again since I don’t even know who it is or what happened?

          I think the most humane option would be “I became very emotionally attached to so-and-so. XYZ is as far as it went; I’m so sorry,” etc. with preventative steps outlined (I want to make this work, I won’t be seeing him in any capacity from now on and I want to go to couples’ therapy if you’re willing”).

          • ER

            It looks like I’m in the minority here, but I’ve been married for five years and I would NOT want to know anything about an emotional affair. I would want my husband to cut it off and try to repair our marriage, but I wouldn’t want to know anything about it.

          • Mpls

            Who benefits from the telling of an emotional affair? I agree that it’s a bad thing and shouldn’t happen, but does the spouse really benefit from knowing? Or does the offender feel better for getting it off her chest?

            OP – If you want to work on your marriage, do so. This is a wake up call that something fell apart at home. I think you can go to your spouse and say “Hey, I’ve noticed that I’ve been feeling disconnected from you and our marriage and I want to change that. I want to try XYZ. Would you be open to that?” I don’t think you have to spell out what brought you to this point. If Spouse asks, talk about how you found yourself connecting with other people first and realized that was not fair to Spouse and your marriage. I don’t think you need to volunteer a ton of information up front, though.

    • Anonymous

      I highly highly recommend Project: Happily Ever After – Saving Your Marriage When The Fairytale Falters.

      • Houston Attny

        I looked up that book on amazon – sounds good (I’m not Anon C, I just liked the title). She also has a blog! projecthappilyeverafter.com.

      • Penny

        I read that book and loved it. It has tons of good stuff in there and is so heartfelt and real.

    • Anonymous

      Have you cut off contact with your coworker? In your last update you seemed very reluctant to do so. I think that’s the first step. Second, you really have nothing to lose by being honest with your husband in therapy. You can be vague about how close it got but you almost cheated- is honestly confronting your problems with him that much worse sounding to you than cheating?

    • anon

      This may be an unpopular opinion, but I have to say that I think leaving someone who has (I am assuming, based on your post) been your partner and raised kids with you for 20+ years because you are not “in love” anymore is selfish. I hope for both of you that you can find a way to rekindle the romance and both be happy for another 20 years, but to say you want out because you realized you want to have LGPs with someone else is, in my mind, no better than the men who leave their wives of 20+ years for a younger/thinner model. I think the premise of too good to leave, too bad to stay makes sense before you’ve committed to a marriage but once you are in this far I think you owe it to your spouse to stick it out and make it work (obvious caveats that this doesn’t apply if there is violence, substance abuse other intolerable situations at play – but I don’t view lack of lust as one of those).

      • Anonymous

        +1. I think today we’re so swept up by the idea of romance and the perfect relationship that we see in the movies that we think we are all supposed to be madly in lust, having tons of s*x forever. I don’t think that’s realistic. Relationships (and the people in them) change over time, and if after 20 years you still respect him, feel he’s a good dad and partner, and generally have a good life together… well I think you need to reevaluate your expectations.

        I often think about both sets of my grandparents who were both married for 50+ years. They didn’t have perfect relationships. They sometimes fought. They sometimes went through rough patches. But they stuck it out together and were companions and partners to each other through the good times and the not-so-good times. That’s what marriage is all about, at least to me.

      • Anon C

        I totally agree and that’s why I was hoping for more inspirational stories.

        • Reg Poster

          Anon C, I completely understand you and can share a story with a happy ending.

          When my H and I were married for 7 years, I had an emotional affair. It wasn’t physical, but I honestly probably would have if the guy made the first move. We successfully repaired the relationship and have been doing great for the past 3 years since it happened.

          I felt so much like you. I thought H was a great man and knew I loved him at one time. I just didn’t feel a spark for him (ever? Anymore?) and that bothered me. I told him one day that I was conflicted and couldn’t decide what to do because I wasn’t sure if I had ever been in love with him and that I felt a spark with someone else. I think he believes me that I never cheated physically. We did seek counseling. I don’t think it was the counseling that saved our marriage, though. One day I just thought about how my spark with Other Dude would fade one day and I’d be left with a man who might not be as great as my H in the ways that really natter to me — friendship, trustworthiness, comfort, and the safety of knowing he’d always be there.

          Our counselor said one day that a marriage should be like a nest — it’s a place for two people to stay and be safe from the rest of the world. Although its really cheesy, that really resonated with me. (I guess the counseling did help some…) Once I made the decision to make it work with my H, I never looked back. I’m so glad I did it because I do love him and we have a great life together.

          For a practical tip — When I got my head straight, we decided to take up a hobby that was brand new to both of us. That helped because it gave us a way to spend time together without talking about the relationship over and over and over. It also helped us connect.

          Good luck to you, whatever you decide. I hope you can find some peace. Just remember that you don’t have to make a final decision immediately.

          Finally, I don’t know if you’re wondering about this, but once I got my head back into my marriage, my feelings for Other Dude disappeared shockingly fast.

  6. Equity's Darling

    Weekend Question:

    I’m currently daydreaming, more specifically, trying to elaborate on my fake life, most of which involves living in various countries around the world.

    SO! If you could pick any country in the world to live in, making your current salary, which country would you pick, and why?

    Only rule is that you can’t pick your current country.

    • Iran

      because I haven’t been there since 1979 and it has been haunting me ever since.

      • sharpest

        seriously? Iran? I could see going there for two weeks but you’d want to live full time in Iran for the rest of your life?

        • Iran

          Yes! It is beautiful. Since this is already a bit of escapism: the craziness at Mehrabad Airport is not what it was like on my way out (or in Argo), so I get to jet around a bit. Pipe dream on so many fronts, but I want to go back before I die and show it to my husband and children and would need a long time to help them see it the way I did.

          FWIW, I am not Iranian, but it just always stuck with me (as did my Farsi — everyone: learn a second language as a child if you possibly can).

          • zora

            Totally! And the Caspian beaches! incredible. Plus the history of the area. This would not be my top choice, but I completely get it.

    • Senior Attorney

      This may sound crazy, but I totally left my heart in Cambodia when I was there in December. I could live like a queen and do a lot of good there on my current salary.

    • Nonny

      Malaysia, in the highlands, because I have this fantasy of writing the Next Great Novel and being an award-winning fibre artist, while working within view of a tea plantation and with that gorgeous honey-coloured light that hits that region at a certain time of day streaming through my windows. Plus I love the cultural vibrancy (and food!) of Malaysia and Singapore.

    • Lily-Student

      Canada! Specifically Vancouver, BC. Currently live in the UK, split between near London and in Bath. Have visited Vancouver a couple of times and I loved it.

      • Equity's Darling

        I do love Canada, it’s pretty awesome and Vancouver is like no other- for all my wanderlust, I know I’ll always end up back in Canada.

        Maybe I should focus on seeing more of Canada, I mean..it’s pretty big, though sort of expensive getting around within the country, because everything is SO far apart. Canoeing or rafting down the Nahanni is on my list for sure though, it has been for a while, but that trip will cost probably close to 5 figures for flights + trippers + equipment, so it’s not currently feasible. One day…

        • Nonny

          Yup, I have to admit my city is pretty awesome, even on a day like today when it is October in August.

          I’m still in favour of a *tte conference here or in Whistler. Then I can show you all around. :-)

    • Nutshell

      Poland. I visited a few cities there and the countryside and I would love to live there. I would also need to learn Polish at some point. It’s an amazing country with great people and a lot of diversity in terms of what there is there. Plus, you can easily travel to a lot of other places (that I want to visit) from there for cheaper trips.

    • Betty

      Germany. Particularly close to the French border. I spent several years there as a kid (military brat), and I absolutely loved it and have loved visiting ever since. I loved the pace of life and being able to take a quick weekend trip to so many wonderful cities. I loved the long, late night dinners, wonderful food, flower markets, Christmas markets, windows that open into the room (hard to explain), walkable cities, truly old builings. Sigh. I would move back if I could.

      • Equity's Darling

        I’m actually pretty sure I’d pick Germany too. I loved the atmosphere of Southern Germany, it just felt so homey there, even though I wasn’t home, it was magic. Yep, either Germany or Czech Republic, which I also loved. These answers are, of course, pending further travels. I always joke that I love to travel so that I can pick the next place I want to live.

        • Elysian

          I just came back from southern Germany, and it was amazing. I so, so wish we had a good train system half as good as Germany’s in the US!

      • 2L

        This is good to hear considering I’m considering spending a semester there soon!

      • SH

        I second the windows that open into the rooms. Also, the metal sunshades/storm shutters on the outside that you wind/crank. It’s the little things!

    • Veronique

      Hong Kong, assuming I could get a cost of living salary adjustment! Some of the best food I’ve ever had in my life, love the mix of ancient and modern culture, great (hot!) weather, vibrant city, gorgeous beaches, etc. One of my favorite places ever!

    • CKB

      London. I’m sure we’d have to scrimp if we were to move there, even though I make decent money here, but no other city has ever felt more like home when just visiting. Maybe someday my company will transfer me there.

    • emeralds

      San Sebastian, Spain, with the caveat that I would have some kind of salary, since I’m a student now. It’s just the most beautiful, magical place I’ve ever been: beaches, mountains, some of the best food in the world, wine, a vibrant expat community but obviously plenty of opportunities to integrate into Spanish/Basque culture…I love it so, so so much.

    • zora

      Paris. But probably Paris of the early 20th century, bc there is no WAY I could afford to live there now! Or maybe some smaller city/town in France, although I love big cities. Or London. This is hard! ;o)

    • Lyra Silvertongue

      Scotland, with the caveat that my in-laws would have moved to Cyprus by then (as they keep threatening/promising). Otherwise, Denmark.

    • Anonymous

      Bosnia or Serbia or Croatia (neighbors!).

      Well, considering I was born there and grew up there and lived there until I was 14, it’d really be like going home again. (I live in the US now.) The nature of human relationships and social interactions, the way the society is set up, the (slower, intentional) pace of life, the food, crazy ideas about life, and so much more. The Adriatic sea, the mountains, and the cities. Oh, no. Now I feel like going for a visit.

    • Kate

      Freiburg, Germany…my favorite city in the world and one I would go back to (again) in a heartbeat. It’s basically inspiring my get-my-master’s-in-Europe fantasy.

  7. Paralegal

    I will be leaving my current paralegal job in a few weeks to start law school. Is there anything I should be doing now while I still have access to the records (such as running reports of matters that I have worked on) that I might need for future conflict checks or other record-keeping purposes? I don’t expect to work in the same field after graduation, but I can’t completely rule it out.

    • anon for this

      I’ll echo what others have said about being in the same place before and being in a better place now. I was unhappy, and very jealous of others’ successes, even people close to me who I wanted to be able to celebrate with when something good happened to them. I couldn’t get past the “what about me?’ to put on a happy face for them. Everything good that happened to other people made me want to cry because it just reminded me that I didn’t have anything like that in my life and didn’t think I ever would.

      What helped me was mainly therapy, and I agree that 4 sessions isn’t very much. I had one therapist who was helpful and I was with her for about 8 months, then left because of finances and because while she had been helpful at first, I didn’t feel like I was progressing anymore, even though I needed to progress further yet. A few months later, I started seeing another therapist who I stayed with for about a year until we both agreed that I didn’t need therapy anymore. It was a process, and the therapy helped tremendously. During my time in therapy (about 2-3 years beginning to end, with a break in the middle), I got out of a bad work situation, ended up finding a job I really like, out of a bad relationship, into a good relationship, and started improving my relationship with my parents. Everything combined in that process has made a huge difference in my life.

      • anon for this

        This should have been in response to Jealous below.

        Kat – this is an example of a reply ending up in the wrong place.

    • A7

      As a former paralegal, I think you will be so busy with law school that you will be focused on the present and the future. You mention or discuss potential conflicts as they occur as an attorney once you are in that situation. A lot changes in three years. Get through law school first.

      I’m excited that you are making that quantum leap! Congratulations & keep your eyes on the prize

      A7

    • Anonymous

      I worked in litigation consulting before law school and had to provide the firms where I summered a list of my cases for conflict checks. I assume you would too. I was able to get a list from HR at the consulting firm but if you have access to prepare a list now, it might be helpful later.

  8. Jealousy

    I have a huge problem with jealousy and am so angry that I can’t be happy for people. I’m also just so embarrassed of my life. There seems to be nothing I can do right which exacerbates the problem. It eats away at me to the point where I have let go of friendships as I don’t want to hear about others’ successes and have to share my failures. I’ve seen a therapist, am on anti-depressant medications, but just can’t shake myself out of this. The worst thing is I am now feeling this jealousy towards my younger sister, who has this year gotten a prestigious professional qualification, gotten a new job, gotten married to a wonderful man, and just bought a(nother) house. My life is the exact opposite in work, love and finances and I can’t seem to do anything right. I have almost lost all my friends, how can I maintain a relationship with my sister when I get so deeply envious when I am around her…

    • Anonymous

      Honestly, it sounds like your anti depressant/therapy just isn’t working. Have you read The Defining Decade? It helped me when I was really down on my life.

      • Jealousy

        Yeah probably so. I did experiment with a couple of therapists and gave them a good try, i.e. 4 sessions each, but it is getting really expensive and I can’t afford it if it is not improving things. I;m already into my 30’s and reading Defining Decade would just depress me even further. Sorry to sound like such a downer. Books have helped me in the past, though the effect was short term (though still better than nothing)

        • espresso bean

          Four sessions isn’t much. If you can afford it, try to commit to several months’ worth of sessions. It takes time to turn around negative thought processes.

          Sorry — I’m all over this thread. I just know how you feel because I was there not too long ago, and I remember how awful it felt.

    • Anonymous

      Stop using facebook. Quitting facebook was the best thing I ever did for my jealousy streak – I lost the constant keeping up with the Joneses stress, and I started focusing on what’s important to me, and what I need to do to acheive it. The more I focus on myself, the less I judge other, and the less I feel jealous.

      I really do not need to see the constant stream of achievment, baby and wedding pictures making me second guess my choices. I am happy in my day-to-day life, and moving towards my goals. Plus, facebook is everyone’s best version of themselves, everyone’s life is pretty mundane day-to-day.

    • Anon in NYC

      What are good things in your life? Maybe I’m reading too much into your post, but you make it sound like you don’t like your job, nothing is happening in your love life, and your finances are not in good shape.

      I agree that it sounds like you need to go off Facebook. I also think that you can use your friend’s successes as inspiration, if that helps. Turn it around so it doesn’t make you feel bad about yourself, but motivates you to make changes in your life to obtain the things that you want (a great job, a great love life, and great finances). The key here is to think about what YOU want. Try thinking about where you want to live, what sort of things you’re passionate about, and if there’s a way you could turn that into a career. Try online dating. Set up a budget, track your expenses, and figure out where there is extra money for whatever it is that you need more money for.

      I agree that you might need to change up your antidepressants. Everyone has twinges of jealousy, but if your perspective is more like “their life is great and everything about my life is terrible and I can’t stand being around people who are happy and I can’t foresee any way to make my life better” then I think you do need to continue with talk therapy and new medication.

    • espresso bean

      I was exactly like this a few years ago. I wanted to be happy for friends and family, but all I could think was, “Why not me? When is it my turn?”

      Happily, things have completely turned around and I feel great about my life now. The only way I was able to feel better was by asking myself why I was jealous, really coming to terms with what I wanted in my life that I didn’t have (that others had), and making a concrete plan to get just that.

      Things will not always be the way they are now. If you feel stuck, you can change it. It’s in your power. Take it one day at a time and make a plan for the kind of life you want to live. Things can and will get better. And when you start feeling excited by your own life, you’ll be able to be genuinely happy for everyone else in it because you’ll be sharing in the happiness instead of wondering where your piece of the pie is. Good luck! Sending good vibes your way.

      • Nonny

        Like espresso bean, I also went through this a few years ago.

        I decided I wasn’t being charitable and started repeating a mantra to myself whenever I found myself being jealous. It was: “A friend’s good fortune is a blessing.” Admittedly, I got it from a movie but it stuck with me and was very useful to keep in mind. It helped me turn my thoughts around and see things in a different light.

        And I co-sign the rest of espresso bean’s comments.

      • Jealousy - OP

        Thanks for the good vibes. I really need it, even from internet strangers. Its a hard thing to talk about face to face with people and this has been the only place to air it, aside from the few attempts at therapy. I’ll try starting my list this weekend of what I want in my life. Hopefully I can work on a concrete plan for each item throughout next week.

    • L

      Do you have a good primary care doc? If you’re low on funds, start with them to managed the anti-depressant and work with a therapist that will coordinate with them (maybe through your EAP).

      I also suggest committing to therapy. I get that it needs to be the right fit, but to some extent you might also just need to dig in and work through the ugly stuff.

      Finally, I don’t mean this to sound harsh/mean, but figure out what YOU want. Not what your sister/friend/strangers have, but what do you want. No comparisons, just you and a blank piece of paper. Then figure out what you have to do to get it. Again, write it down, list it out and give yourself a schedule (ex. apply for 3 new jobs this week).

      You’re the only person who can help yourself. Cheesy, but true.

      • Jealousy - OP

        I don’t have a good doctor – I’m in the UK and if we want to use the public health system (which we essentially pay for through higher taxes), they have certain guidelines as to what drugs and treatments they recommend. And you’re registered to a practice and are limited to the doctors in that practice. I also have private health insurance but that doesn’t cover therapy or a private doctor. I agree with the therapy suggestion, know that treatment will be slow but the 3 therapists really felt wrong – at the moment I am researching favourable reviews of therapists who give Skype consultations (if anyone has any please chime in!).

        Its not harsh. I am guilty of not focusing on what I want. I get jealous when I see my sister with her adorable baby. But I truly don’t want children. The jealousy is because she is settled and building a life and a future. Whereas I am floundering and indecisive and not going anywhere. It is confusing and hard to flesh out exactly why I am jealous. So yes I agree, I need to figure out what I want.

        • Small Town Atty

          IDK anything about Skype, but in my experience it’s really important for your therapist to feel right. I was about to go back to therapy and I was telling a group of friends how much I hated it, and they said “you hate therapy!? you just haven’t found the right therapist yet” and they were right. Once I found someone I felt like understood me, it was like night and day.

        • Anonymous

          I think your sense of floundering and lack of direction are great reasons to at least look at The Defining Decade. Your “defining” decade can be any decade — 27-37, 30-40, whatever you want and whenever you’re ready. It’s written toward 20-somethings because I think there’s a solid market in today’s college graduates. At least read the free preview on Amazon before writing it off.

          • anon

            I would caution against this. I am in my 30s, and read the Defining Decade (based on all of the A+ reviews from this site), and it terrified me. I was not quite in the same situation as the OP when I first picked up the book, but I was a bit unsure about whether or not I was doing as much as I could to move my life forward. I am single, and at this age, most of my other friends are married and having kids. My job is ok, but I would definitely like to be making more money and moving forward at a faster pace. I read The Defining Decade, thinking it might help me to organize my thoughts around those areas of my life, and make better decisions. It didn’t. It basically just terrified me that because of mistakes that I made in my 20’s, I would never have the opportunity for success that others had. I would never really get to the point in my career that I wanted to, and I might not ever have a good husband or a family. I would NOT recommend this book for the OP.

          • emeralds

            Agree with anon at 8:16. I also read Defining Decade based on all of the reviews here, and it did nothing more than make me stressed out, unhappy, and worried that I would never get where I want to be in life (and I was 24 when I read it). I think the OP should stay far, far away from that book.

  9. Forgiveness

    I am reading a book on forgiveness that is very mind blowing for me. After talking about forgiveness of others (and why that can be so important to the forgive-er), it talks about the importance of being able to forgive yourself (maybe for not achieving what others have or not wanting the same things). That could be a step or something to spend time thinking about.

    • Seattle Freeze

      Could you share the title of the book you’re reading? To be honest, forgiveness is a concept I struggle with sometimes. Not that I believe guilt or anger are worthwhile or productive or that I carry grudges in general – but sometimes people do truly unforgiveable things and to ask or expect their victims to forgive them adds insult to injury. The importance of forgiving oneself is very good to stress, though. Anyway, I’d be interested in doing some more reading on this.

          • OP

            The most important thing that I took away from this (I’ve heard the guy speak before and I was really impressed) was that forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. It struck me as maybe another side of the “bitterness is drinking poison and hoping that the other person dies” coin.

            I’ve had a lot to let go of (grief from a miscarriage tops the list) and this just really helped. It was immensely freeing.

  10. Armani shoes? Sizing?

    I am stalking some Giorgio Armani flats….does anyone have a sense of sizing. On their website they say 7.5 US=38 IT, but it’s usu 37.5 IT…..also another site says 7.5 US=37.5 IT. Has anyone had experience with Armani flats or low heeled shoes and sizing? Run big or small? thanks

  11. law student advice?

    I am stalking some Giorgio Armani flats….does anyone have a sense of sizing. On their website they say 7.5 US=38 IT, but it’s usu 37.5 IT…..also another site says 7.5 US=37.5 IT. Has anyone had experience with Armani flats or low heeled shoes and sizing? Run big or small? thanks

    • AnonInfinity

      This may or may not be useful for further career, but I always tell people to take an advanced or applied version of their favorite first-year class. For example, the media law class at my law school was basically adv con law (bill of rights). Products liability is basically advanced torts, etc. Or there are recognizable ones like advanced civil procedure. I took several of these kinds of classes and it made my life so much easier during bar prep.

    • Anonymous

      Advanced Legal Research is a great choice. You’ll probably have to do a lot of research in your next 10+ years — being comfortable with (and even just knowing about) all the options will help!

    • Equity's Darling

      All my clinical/moot classes were by far the most useful and interesting, followed by legal research. Legal research is so important in the early years, or at least that’s what I’ve found so far.

      • B

        My very fun moot was a great experience.

        I felt like I learned more in 3 days than 10 weeks of “legal writing” since I spent those 3 days really being in the throes of oral arguments, watching others and being “on.”

        Also recommend Corporations (if you don’t have any prior exposure to it), Insurance, and I wish I had taken Family law.

    • Anon in NYC

      Similar to AnonInfinity, some sort of advanced securities class or advanced civil procedure. Or, take something that will be on your state bar exam. Family law always comes up on the NY bar. NY practice is something that I wished my law school had offered. And personally, I loved Conflict of Laws as an elective. It’s more useful than you realize.

      • Anonymous

        +1 to something on the bar exam. I took evidence my last semester and it made bar prep so much easier.

      • Anonymous

        New York Practice is a must if you are practicing in NY. Or any other procedure course for the state where you will be practicing. Cases can be won or lost on procedure alone. Knowing the CPLR inside and out is so helpful.

    • mascot

      Accounting/finance for lawyers, business of running a law practice, technical legal writing either for transactions or litigation

    • OP

      Thank you all for the insight! I am a 2L now, so the bar still seems far away. @Anonymous 3:17 thanks for making me feel better about dropping evidence!

      • Anonymous

        I’ll go ahead and make you feel bad then :)

        If you want to litigate, take evidence. We ding people for it all the time. If you don’t want to learn the rules of the game, we don’t want you playing for us.

        • OP

          No dice! I did transactional stuff all summer, and want to focus on that. Evidence is still a required class though, so i must take it at some point. That’s an interesting perspective though and I think/hope the rest of my classes highlight what I want to do.

      • Anon in NYC

        You should definitely take evidence before graduating. You’ll need it if you want to become a litigator, it will be on the bar exam, and hearsay is not easy to learn when you’re trying to cram for all those other subjects.

        • lonestarlawyer

          +1 to this. my law school didn’t require it, and i didn’t take it, so all of my knowledge of it is from bar exam(s) prep and my frantic attempts to bring my knowledge up to speed. it would have been VERY useful!

      • 2L

        I’m also a 2L. I’m more corporate/transaction focused, so I’m not taking evidence. I figure I’ll take it if there is room 3L, but otherwise, I’d rather take courses more directly related to what I want to do (especially since there are many more of those than fit into a schedule).

      • Veronique

        I’m going to be the voice of dissent and say don’t take evidence if you know that you want to be a transactional attorney and aren’t interested in taking it. I didn’t take it and had no problem passing the New York bar. That’s what Barbri is for! I only took classes that I was interested in and still didn’t have room for some of the classes that I wanted to take. Life is too short to take uninteresting classes.

        Take the classes that interest you the most. You’ll get the most out of them and get better grades as well. My favorite classes were a contract drafting practicum and law and medicine (1/2 law students and 1/2 medical students).

    • AIMS

      Advanced legal research is probably handy, but sounds incredibly dull to me (and I like research). I find my drafting contracts class was much more useful than I ever thought it would be and I’m glad I took in retrospect. A friend took a seminar on negotiation and found that to be very handy so if you have something similar maybe that could be a good one to take. If you have a Your State Practice class (assuming that you’re going to be practicing in same state as your school), that could be very good, too.

      I also really liked classes for what I call useful problems – these tend to be the things I get asked about by friends and family, not what I actually do for work: family law, wills, employment, and crim pro (I have yet to get a question from someone in my real day to day life about, say, the poison pill or collateral estoppel).

      Honestly, there’s not too much that you can’t pick up relatively quickly when you’re working, I say spend your time in school on classes that are intellectually stimulating because you won’t necessarily have time to engage in that side of it once you’re practicing, at least probably not right away. For me, one of the best classes was Federal Courts, although it is hardly relevant to actual Fed Court practice or my day to day work. And if I had it to do all over again, I would just take any class taught by one of my favorite professors.

    • MsZ

      Accounting for lawyers. It would have been helpful in understanding damages theories, corporate balance sheets, SEC filings, etc etc.

      • Senior Attorney

        Not to mention the fact that if you go into private practice, you will need to be able to understand the finances of your own firm/practice.

    • In-House Optimist

      Ha – my answer was trademarks, but that’s because I had no idea that I would end up practicing around the edges of this area and I knew zero about it when I went in-house. So maybe my advice would be: take the basic substantive classes instead of gearing toward the career you think you’re going to have (i.e., don’t just take “corporate type” classes if you want to do corporate, or only “family law” classes if you think you want to do family law). HTH!

      • Veronique

        +1. Some type of IP class would definitely be useful for in-house practice.

    • Romey

      I’d only do legal research if you were going into litigation. I say that b/c I’m in a transactional field and I don’t even know my westlaw password (I rarely do research). If you’re interested in transactional, I’d say tax classes. I took basic federal income but wish I had taken more. Also, accounting or any sort of finance related class. My law school offered “accounting for lawyers” and I REALLY wish I would have taken it.

    • Cornellian

      do you know if you want to do litigation/transactional/patent work yet?

    • anonypotamus

      Alternative Dispute Resolution. So many of my cases in my (civil, mostly litigation) practice go to mediation or arbitration, and I wish I had known more about those processes prior to being thrown into them. I took so many substantive classes and wish I had taken more time to explore more practical classes. Although I learned a lot in my substantive ones, and did get practical experience working during law school, more hands on experience would have behooved me.

    • buffybot

      Any kind of seminar where you 1) get instructed by actual practicing lawyers and/or 2) ACTUALLY get to see contracts. At least as a transactional lawyer, it blows my mind that basic law school classes hardly ever have you look at real contracts. If you become even basically literate in the general structures of the main “flavors” of contracts/legal documentation (loan agreements, security agreements, indentures, capital markets disclosure), your life as a new transactional lawyer (or litigator, for that matter) will be SO MUCH easier.

      (Assuming you are doing any type of commercial law, that is. UCC would also be good).

    • abogada

      Really helpful classes:

      -admin law (I practice immigration, so the immigration and asylum classes were obviously helpful; admin law was a less obvious choice, but my immigration professor recommended it and she was right)

      -clinical classes (as is was, I earned more clinical credits that counted towards my J.D., but if I had to do it again, I probably would take even more)

      -trial advocacy (if I had to do it all over again, I would have taken Deposition Skills and any other practical course my school had offered)

      I actually didn’t find the advanced legal research classes very helpful. Once I got into practice and was doing research, I still struggled at first and wished I could take those classes again, but taking them prospectively before really needing to use the skills and tools they offered just didn’t work for me.

    • Anon

      If you plan to do civil litigation, advanced legal research is a good pick. Some others are remedies, accounting for lawyers, evidence, tax, negotiations, fed courts, presentation skills for lawyers. I took a year-long civil litigation skills course. I’m glad I did and still remember some of the points I learned there but I obviously learned more in my training after I joined the government. Lawschool might be the last time you can devote significant time to learning about areas of the law that interest you but are not necessarily the area you want to practice. If I studied exclusively what I practice now- federal tax, litigation, bankruptcy, etc. I would have been bored. Don’t bother with conflict of laws. It is so arcane and almost never comes up in real life though academics seem to be obsessed with it.

      • CountC

        Probably too late, but I took a high level contract drafting class that was the most practical and useful class I took in law school. (I knew I was going into transactional law.)

    • Brahbrah

      Dang it, am I the only one who hardly remembers anything from law school/bar prep? I mean, I remember the main gist of most of my classes and I know a lot about what I currently practice, but all the details have just fallen right out of the ol’ brain. And I graduated in 2011. And I successfully took a bar exam last summer.

  12. AIMS

    My pretty red purse has rubbed off on a number of my clothes. Any thoughts on how to save my clothes? I’m thinking of taking some stuff to the dry cleaner but wonder if there is something better I can do at home.
    Also, any idea on how I can prevent this in the future besides just relegating the bag to wearing with dark items only?

    • Nutshell

      I’ve had this problem recently with my black leather bag (which didn’t have this issue before). :(

      I was able to get most of it off (of my nice, new, expensive white shirt) with spray and wash and washing it multiple times, but there is still some on it. I had the same on my nice, light gray suit jacket, but I had to get it dry cleaned anyway and it came out easily for the dry cleaner.

      I’m also curious about preventing this in the future.

    • zora

      They sell sprays that are protectants for leather. That should help keep the color from bleeding. I would go to a good cobbler and ask them for advice, but that’s because I heart my cobbler.

    • Anonymous

      Is the clothing at issue machine washable? If so, I would try treating the stains with rubbing alcohol (isopropanol) or vodka (ethanol). Lots of dyes and pigments are pretty soluble in one or the other or both. But I would test on an inconspicuous area first to make sure it isn’t going to do something funny to the fabric.

      As for prevention, I wonder if waterproofing the purse would help? But I would just be inclined to return it if it is new enough to do so.

  13. Minnie

    I saw Preg Anon’s post that J Crew is now making maternity Minnie pants, and color me intrigued. However, the biggest months of my pregnancy will be in the winter, and I am wondering whether these pants work for winter. Is there some way they can be worn in cold weather in the North East, or do they really need to be worn with the ankles exposed to look right?

    • A Nonny Moose

      No idea but as a total JCrew addicted, non-pregnant person already dreading maternity clothes for when that time comes, I AM SO EXCITED about this.

    • Anonymous

      I think you might be able to wear them with trouser socks and black booties. The black booties would obviously have to be sleek enough to be work appropriate and they’d have to hit at the right spot where the pant ended.

    • Nonny

      Yes, I saw this too and had precisely the same reaction. I want wool, not cotton. I’ve decided to wait a bit and see if they come out with wool or wool-blend maternity pants for fall. As for the length, you should be able to wear them with booties or even flats – presumably you’d just be wearing boots outside but when you take your boots off they would look fine with trouser socks and ballerina flats.

    • RT

      I noticed these as well and am interested. I was thinking I would order the tall version to avoid too much ankle-exposure. I am 5’8″ so they will still be short but not super short.

    • springtime

      I wear my minnies with tall leather boots all of the time in the winter. doesn’t matter that they are cropped, just put on some longer socks.

    • Ginjury

      Are Minnies really dry clean only or can they be machine washed without horrific results?

      • Anonymous

        Mine are in the washing machine on delicate right now. I lie them flat to dry. This has been my process for the last 6-8 months with no ill effects.

        • Taylor

          I do the same. In fact I find that the cotton/spandex ones stretch quite a bit throughout the so I sometimes lay them flat to dry on top of the dryer so that they warm up a little…don’t know if that actually does anything, but so far so good!

  14. Richmond, VA Attorneys

    Hi ladies,
    I’m trying to figure out what the salary range is for a 3rd year associate in Richmond, VA. I’m coming from government in Baltimore, so I know it’s probably pretty different from what I’m making now. Does anyone have first hand knowledge or could you point me toward a resource? Glassdoor and the ABA website just had means. Alternatively, any suggestions on how a 3rd year would compare to the mean?
    TIA!

    • Anon

      Look at the NALP Legal Employer Directory. You can sort by city and then look at firm size. Not all firms will publish salaries but it may be a decent resource.

    • Anon 2

      I used to practice in Richmond (fairly recently), and I found that it really depends on the law firm. The pay scales at the BigLaw firms in Richmond (of which there are three) are commensurate with any non-DC/NYC city – they start at $135K/$140K for first years and move up from there (some are lockstep and others are not, but I think a range for the typical increase by year is $5-$10K or so, not counting bonuses). The bonus structures can vary a lot and can depend a lot on hours. Smaller firms really run the gamut on salaries, but I think it’s safe to say that most start first years at below $100K (and many significantly below that). I know these numbers are for first year salaries, so I’m sorry this is not exactly on target for a third year associate, but hopefully it can provide a base comparison point for you! (Also – I hope you love Richmond!)

  15. Jenna Rink

    Does anyone have advice about how to get back into cooking regularly? The last six months have been a very busy, transitional time and I gave myself permission to rely almost completely on frozen meals from Trader Joe’s and takeout. Now things have settled down and I’m ready to get back to cooking regular meals, but all the meal planning and grocery shopping I used to do seems a little overwhelming. I used to be an awesome cook (the type that didn’t bat an eye about coming home and spending two hours on a weeknight dinner) so I need to find a middle ground. I’m cooking for my husband and myself, and we don’t really have any food restrictions. Blog and cookbook recommendations would be great!

    • skullz

      2 hours on a weeknight dinner? I have no suggestions but just want to acknowledge you are a cooking machine. respek

    • sharpest

      I just joined Blue Apron (based on recommendations here and other websites) and it could be just what you need. They deliver the exact ingredients + recipes for 3 meals a week for 2 people. It’s $10/meal, which may be too pricey for some people.

    • TBK

      Um, I’ve written several times about my totally over-organized approach to clothes (with a variation this morning) but I also approach cooking this way (quelle surprise – my OCD spills over into other areas of my life). We have about eight weeknight dinners we know we like. I either know the recipes without having to look at them, or have a photo of the recipe stored in my phone. For any given week, we pick four of them (assuming we’ll get take-out one weeknight and on weekends can either shop on the spur of the moment or go out with friends). I add all the ingredients to my shopping list and, voila, four meals to chose from throughout the week. (We make enough of each to have leftovers for lunch.) Also, I’ll often cook up a bunch of meat on Sunday, either a whole cookie sheet of chicken breast, or a roast, and then use that meat in meals throughout the week.

      For recipes, try Cooking Light. They always include a week’s worth of weeknight menus, and often have additional recipes that can be made in about 20 min. One-bowl meals are also pretty easy — take protein, starch, veggie, and sauce and mix together. Possible combinations: frozen shrimp, pesto, pasta, and asparagus; tofu, soba noodles, broccoli, and stir fry sauce; canned beans, orzo, chopped fresh spinach, feta, and vinaigrette (or lemon juice, vinegar, and olive oil).

    • TBK

      (In moderation because of 3tt3)

      Um, I’ve written several times about my totally over-organized approach to clothes (with a variation this morning) but I also approach cooking this way (quelle surprise – my OCD spills over into other areas of my life). We have about eight weeknight dinners we know we like. I either know the recipes without having to look at them, or have a photo of the recipe stored in my phone. For any given week, we pick four of them (assuming we’ll get take-out one weeknight and on weekends can either shop on the spur of the moment or go out with friends). I add all the ingredients to my shopping list and, voila, four meals to chose from throughout the week. (We make enough of each to have leftovers for lunch.) Also, I’ll often cook up a bunch of meat on Sunday, either a whole cookie sheet of chicken breast, or a roast, and then use that meat in meals throughout the week.

      For recipes, try Cooking Light. They always include a week’s worth of weeknight menus, and often have additional recipes that can be made in about 20 min. One-bowl meals are also pretty easy — take protein, starch, veggie, and sauce and mix together. Possible combinations: frozen shrimp, pesto, pasta, and asparagus; tofu, soba noodles, broccoli, and stir fry sauce; canned beans, orzo, chopped fresh spinach, feta, and vinaigr–te (or lemon juice, vinegar, and olive oil).

      • zora

        I Heart how OCD you are, TBK. I am exactly the opposite, so for me it’s adorable to hear you describe the inner workings of your brain. ;o)

    • AIMS

      If you’re already cooking frozen TJ meals, why not ease into “real food” by buying pre-prepped veggies and other easy to cook things. E.g., get a bag of stir fry veggies (already trimmed) and a couple of chicken breasts to saute, add some rice, and there’s a meal for you. Or try making some home versions of take out classics. For instance, buy some pizza dough and make your own pizza with creative toppings or try to make sushi on the weekend.

      I also find that I cook more if I have actually gone grocery shopping on the weekend. If you’re in NYC or have acceess to something along the lines of Fresh Direct, it’s nice to order a bunch of groceries because it forces you to think ahead to what you plan to cook for the week. You could also just make a supermarket list but I find Fresh Direct really nice because it’s visually there in front of me.

      For food ideas, I follow the NY Times “Recipes for Health” feature — usually 4 recipes for week centered around a main ingredient or concept. The recipes tend to be seasonal so that helps make me excited to actually cook them now, as opposed to just bookmarking for “later” and never cooking.

      • zora

        This. This is basically what I do, except add making a big pot of quinoa or rice in the rice cooker on Sunday afternoon and putting it in the fridge. So on weeknights I grab some veggies, some quinoa, and some chicken, and whatever seasonings I want and mix it up and VOILA, dinner! Oh, and grate some parmesan on top of course. ;o)

    • AP

      I’m sad the Minimalist (Mark Bittman) stopped writing for the New York Times, so I have his “favorites” list bookmarked: http://dinersjournal.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/01/25/the-minimalist-chooses-25-of-his-favorites/?src=me&ref=general&_r=0

      If you’re not familiar with his cooking style, he’s into simplicity and (obvs) using a few good ingredients. I like his casual (writing and cooking) style because it’s not rigid so you can usually improvise and it still turns out pretty well.

      Generally, I feel less overwhelmed when meals for the week use similar ingredients: shorter grocery list, less waste, less “what am I going to eat today” stress.

      • ANP

        +1000 for DALS. Jenny, the author, has a book and a blog. I’m a huge fan of both!

    • a.k.

      I highly recommend the book “The Best 30-Minute Recipe” by the Cook’s Illustrated people. The recipes are not complicated but are delicious – every one I’ve made has been great, and not a single one has taken more than an hour (and most really are 30-40 minutes).

      When I lose my cooking mojo, it’s daunting to get it back, and I’ve found that really starting out with quick, easy recipes is the best way to not get discouraged. Similarly, crockpot meals are great because they don’t take long to put together, even though they cook for a long time.

    • Also a cook

      I also love to cook. When work is slow, here’s my routine:
      1. I plan the meals over the weekend and go grocery shopping on Sunday night. I basically prohibit myself from going back to the store. If I realize I’ve forgotten something, I improvise. It’s too much energy for me to go to the store, cook and clean, all in a weeknight.
      2. I limit myself to one elaborate meal per week, and I often plan on one leftover/improvise night. The other 2-3 nights are preferably one-pot, sub-60 minute meals that I’ve made before: vegetable stirfry with tofu or eggs on top, pasta, open-faced sandwiches, homemade pizza, bean/grain soups (in the winter). I try to make the dishes with the most promising leftovers early in the week.
      3. Cookbook and blog recommendations:
      –Deborah Madison’s Vegetarian Cooking for Everyone has changed my life and my approach to food. I do tend to cook vegetarian even though I’m an omnivore when I go out to eat.
      –How to Eat Supper has a good selection of meals that are both quick and high-quality.
      –Mexican Everyday (Rick Bayless). It includes a lot of awesome slow cooker recipes.
      –I’m a huge fan of Artisan Bread in Five Minutes a Day. For a while, my husband and I would eat homemade bread 2x/week with almost zero effort. I have the book, but you should be able to find the basic recipe online, and then you just substitute different types of flour. I eat a lot of open-faced sandwiches with warm bean salads on top. I’m also a big soup person in the winter, so I eat a lot of soup and bread.
      –101 Cookbooks (the blog). I get the feeling that the author, Heidi Swanson, has turned her attention to her other projects in the last 12 months, but the archives contain an excellent selection of one-dish vegetarian meals. The soups in particular are fantastic.
      4. The biggest time suck for me is picking out the menus. I can get lost in all of the options that exist between my cookbooks and the blogs that I follow. Do as I say, not as I do — if you find a recipe that you like, write it down and stop browsing for alternatives.

    • lonestarlawyer

      The Kitchn (in the Apartment Therapy family of blogs) is an excellent cooking/kitchens/recipe blog. I also really like Good Eats, both as a series and as the books that came from the series, because learning about how the cooking processes worked and how different things affect them made me a lot more interested in trying out types of cooking that I didn’t previously do on a regular basis.

    • Abby Lockhart

      I love Donna Hay cookbooks and magazine. The recipes are pretty simple but appeal to a foodie. I don’t know if all of the books are organized this way, but at least one has main dishes and then some staple sides that will go with lots of the mains. It’s pretty easy to learn your favorite sides by memory and then just rotate them in as you experiment with the mains. One caveat — Hay is, I believe, in New Zealand. So there are occasionally ingredients in the recipes that are hard to come by here or called something else here.

    • Kate

      Crepes of Wrath is one of my favorite food blogs – big variety of dinners, baked goods, breakfasts, and drinks. Some of her quicker recipes have been my go-tos for the last few years.

    • Brooklyn Paralegal

      Hopefully this isn’t too late for you to see it. I had a similar experience and, after we moved into a new apartment a few months ago, decided I wanted/needed to start cooking for myself again. (Living in NYC and getting both lunch and dinner from takeout is SO expensive!)

      A lot of ladies have already given great advice re: getting back in the kitchen, but in terms of grocery shopping, I have come to embrace grocery delivery services. I know FreshDirect delivers to NYC, and I don’t know their availability out of the city, but even larger grocery stores now often have “shop at home” services where you can order everything online and then either have them delivered or just go pick them up. I personally HATE grocery shopping, so this is a huge time saver/stress saver for me.

      I also strongly second TBK’s suggestion about getting ingredients for meals you know you’ll cool. Also, this is silly sounding, but I google “Kitchen Staples” to make sure I have the most basic foods, so even when I don’t have a recipe planned, I have enough in my pantry to throw something together quickly.

      I was really overwhelmed by the idea of cooking every night again, but I’ve found that few things make me happier and calm me down more than cooking a nice meal for myself and having a glass of wine while I do it. :)

    • Jenna Rink

      Thank you for all the advice! It gave me some great inspiration. I can’t wait to check out some of these cookbooks and blogs!

  16. Anonymous

    I got a call this morning for an interview (yay). The woman said she’d follow up with an email confirming location and giving me the names of my interviewers. She said she would send it within the hour. That was at 10:30 this morning. How long should I wait to follow up? The interview is in 10 days, so it’s not like it’s tomorrow. Still, I know people at this employer and so I want to be able to send them the names of the interviewers to get the inside scoop. Should I follow up before CoB today? Or wait until Monday?

    • Houston Attny

      I’d wait until at least Monday afternoon or Tuesday morning. At this office, half the people she needs to talk with might be gone Friday afternoon or she needs to confirm schedules. Mondays are typically busy in the office. Certainly follow up but not today. And good luck!

    • Anonymous

      Check your spam folder, but definitely call today. Even just confirm that you know what email address it’s coming from and that they have the correct email address for you.

  17. KM

    Ladies, I need some styling advice. I bought a beautiful camel and ivory mixed media dress (camel skirt ivory blousey top) that I’m at a loss as to how to style. I’ve worn it a couple of times with a cardigan and it just doesn’t look right. I’m thinking it would look great belted with an animal print skinny belt, but that’s as far as I have gotten. It definitely needs a blazer but am at a loss when it comes to what color, style, etc. Any suggestions?

      • KM

        I tried to find one but unfortunately it’s a dress that I bought 2 years ago (that I finally got around to getting altered) on super clearance at Nordstrom Rack. If it helps with the description, the top of the dress is a silky ivory material and the bottom is a camel crepe. To me it seems more like a fall dress than a summer/spring/winter dress and looks really nice with red shoes.

        • tesyaa

          Honestly, when I have a great item that I can’t style, I used to end up spending a lot of time and money trying to find the right piece to go with it, and for naught. I have learned to move on from an item that I can’t find the right match for – even if I really love it. You can spend a lot of money on a red blazer or whatever and still be unhappy. I have learned to put even great dresses in the rummage bag for just that reason. Better off spending the blazer money on something you will actually be able to wear.

          You got the dress on super clearance… when you find yourself spending double or triple the initial cost on accessories, toppers, etc. it’s time to let go.

          Just my opinion…

        • Trixie

          Do you have a knit navy blazer? (Or relatively unstructured / soft blazer – I have several knit blazers from Zara that I love.) The navy / camel / ivory combo with red shoes for a bit of color would look great, I think. Or, with a leopard print belt, a chocolate-y brown or black blazer worn open? Or wide black belt, black blazer, black shoes?

          • Anonymous

            +1 to all of this. And you probably have at least one of these outfits in your closet already.

    • Equity's Darling

      I <3 my T3 one pass- I splurged on it at Sephora when they did their most recent 20% off for VIB members, and it is my favourite.

      • CKB

        Equity’s Darling – did you notice that Sephora is opening in the Core at the end of the month? I’m scared of how busy it will be at lunch!

        • Equity's Darling

          I know! I don’t even wear makeup, I just love all their body and hair products. Most of the stuff I love is online, but I’m still so excited.

          I’m waiting for a J.Crew and Anthro in the Core, then I’d be free of the zoo that is Chinook…at least until Nordstroms opens in Fall 2014.

    • Duchess

      I got the HSi Professional from Amazon and I LOVE it. It does an incredible job smoothing out my mildly frizzy, medium fine but thick hair.

  19. Miz_Melanie

    I’m hoping that some of the UK readers can help me.

    After much research, I decided go ahead and buy the Lo & Sons O.M.G. bag as my current work bag is starting to fall apart. Only after I set my heart on the O.M.G. did I realize that Lo & Sons doesn’t ship internationally. Can anyone suggest a similar lightweight bag that is available in the UK or Europe? I need a bag that will carry my laptop, gym clothes and lunch that looks professional and will be easy on my shoulders.
    Suggestions please?

  20. Sierra

    I’m an attorney and looking for a new job. I’m 8 years out of law school and have been at the same state agency since my 2 year clerkship. A few jobs I’m interested in want short (5ish page) recent writing samples. I really have no idea what I could possibly use as a writing sample. There is no way I could use anything from my current job, and my judge highly edited all the opinions I wrote (plus those aren’t recent). Do I just pick a topic and write something? Any suggestions would be much appreciated.

    • Mpls

      That’s what I did to refresh a writing sample (though I haven’t used it for much, fwiw). I used a hypothetical situation – it was a question that was posed to me by a former classmate, so it wasn’t a client that I had. It was a question that I thought was kind of interesting and after I did a little research, I saw it was in a bit of a gray area. I got to tweak the facts one way or another and then played out the scenario from there. It was in an area that I had spent a fair amount of time on in school, so I like to think it played to my knowledge strength as well as my writing strengths.

      • Sierra

        Thanks Mpls, Someone else made a similar suggestion to me (a non-lawyer friend said just pick something I’m interested in or something I could personally sue someone about!), so I will probably do this. Thank you so much!

    • Ellen

      You should mabye give as a writing sample some memo that you wrote TO the judge, like a breif that we write to a judge about the case, onley YOUR memo to the judge should show BOTH side’s of the case. This would be perfect, b/c you want to show your new potential employer that you can see BOTH sides of a story and come up with a reasoneable conclusion.

      When I was in law school, I had a professor who asked me to breif both side’s of an issue. I thought he was nut’s b/c as lawyers, we are suposed to advocate for our CLEINT, and the CLEINT can only be on ONE side of a case, b/c the other lawyer’s CLEINT is on the other side of the case. So if we are supposed to work for our OWN cleint, we must advocate and that would not be strong if we have to water it down by argueing the OTHER side of a case.

      Well I told my dad this and he said this was a man of genius, b/c if I could understand both sides of a case, I could also learn to exploit any weakeness that the other side might have, and I would NOT be abel to know this if I had not done this. That is why my dad was asked to become a MENSA, and he turned them down b/c they did NOT invite MOM.

      So if you can do this — write a memo like one you should have done to your judge, you will get a great writeing sampel to show the employer.

      I got a great result on Tuesday in court, that I just got the opinion in the e-mail. I am very happy and called Roberta. She was very happy and said we should celeabrate next week. YAY!!!!

      This weekend, Myrna is bringeing Sam over to my apartement and we are bakeing cookies. I have to watch him to see if he pick’s his nose or not. If he does, I am goeing to have tissue’s all over the apartement. This way, if he start’s to do it, he will NOT put it on the rug, or worse yet, on my furniture. FOOEY!

      • Sierra

        Oh, Ellen, your SO helpfull as allways! Thank YOU so much! Enjoye the BOOGER COOKIES!

  21. Update

    Hi everyone, I posted last Friday about a tricky interview situation: I applied for two jobs, both in a city several hours away. I got an interview for one of the firms, which is my second choice. I decided to call my first choice and let them know I would be in town, and I was really worried it would come off as too pushy. I actually ended up leaving a voicemail for the first choice firm (actually for their recruiter, they’re using a third party to do the hiring). Well, the recruiter emailed me on Saturday and we set up an interview!

    So I ended up having two interviews this week. Both were fine, but the interview with the recruiter for first choice firm went really really well. She actually specifically said she liked that I reached out to her and let her know I would be in town. She said a lot of people would not have done that, and she thought it was great. I’m so glad I actually called, I very nearly didn’t because I was afraid of seeming pushy or presumptuous or something.

    Now I’m just waiting (which feels like torture). Thanks to everyone who chimed in last week with reassurance- I commented after I’d made the call, but I was second-guessing myself, apparently for no reason at all.

    • Susie

      Glad it worked out, and thanks for letting us know as my instinct would have been to not do it. Good luck!

  23. Anon

    Guys, I’m kind of freaking out that I might be pregnant with morning sickness right now. I had a Chinese food dinner last night then had moderate but annoying lower belly cramps three hours later. Then came the nausea and some vomiting. I’ve been feeling a bit nauseated with mild cramps all day and no one else that had dinner with me was sick. I’m neither ttc or remotely ready for a child :( and now I have to get on a plane for 5 hours with no access to a pregnancy test. Ahhh!! Really hope I have stomach flu!

    • zora

      Just a PSA: people’s digestive systems are different, so it is possible for only one person to have a reaction to food when several people ate the same thing. It has happened to me. So, it IS possible you are just having trouble with the dinner! Focus on that until you have a reason to think otherwise!! I know it’s not easy, but try to convince yourself. Meanwhile, I’m sorry you feel crappy! That is THE WORST. especially on a plane :( Sending feel better vibes!!

    • Anon

      I always assume food poisoning, even if no one else was sick (one person’s unwashed hands on your food…).

    • ANON

      Well, have you missed your period? I think I’d watch for that as a sign of pregnancy before throwing up.

  24. Elysian

    I start my first post-law-school job on Monday and was hoping for some well-wishes. I’m really nervous about being an almost-attorney (won’t it be great to be sworn in an have a simple answer to the “what do you do?” question?). My suit is clean, and I have a new shirt from the Nordstrom’s sale to wear with it, and I know I have to just take a deep breath and go for it with my best closed-toe pump forward. Any suggestions for things to do on my first day at my small firm to make a good impression?

    • buffybot

      The basics — when you go to meetings, make sure to have a pen and paper to take notes. Be happy to be there and engaged. Make friends with the support staff and learn their names. Identify some key people who you can ask certain types of questions to — basic housekeeping, firm culture, bigger conceptual stuff. Calibrate the questions appropriately — don’t bother busy partners with housekeeping (in most cases).

      Also, I know you said well-wishes and this may be construed as the opposite, but I think being prepared is the best defense, so I’ll just say this:

      I am a third year, soon to be fourth year associate in Big Law (so, obviously different from a small firm). I am constantly amazed when I think of how far I have come since my first year (which I was not sure I would survive). I don’t think anything can prepare you for how wrong and how stupid and how unprepared you will feel during your first year as a lawyer. There will be moments where you get things right–cherish those. There will be moments where you get things wrong — correct them, take responsibility, and learn from them (try not to repeat). But don’t dwell on it. Most senior lawyers don’t hold grudges (but they will notice bad attitudes/habitual lack of care).

      I feel like this is the Dan Savage speech for lawyers, but seriously: It Gets Better. You might even get lucky and find out that there are parts of the job you enjoy.

    • Anonymous

      I’m a 2L, but I’ve worked in different small law firms previously (just obviously not as an attorney).

      I think the biggest thing in small firms is to just always be willing to jump in and work (nothing beneath you, always intellectually curious). Looking for who to ask different types of questions to is good as well. I also have found that finding a support staff member who has been there a while and befriending them and then asking them your questions (and always, always being willing to help them) goes a very long way.

      Again, I’ve worked in different small law firms but not (yet) as an attorney, so YMMV. Also, as someone deep in the OCI/mass mailing stage right now, congratulations on getting a job as an entry level attorney. Just think – you are currently where I’m hoping to be in two years!

      Best wishes! Let us know how it goes!

  25. Seventh Sister

    Anyone ever had women’s suits made by a tailor? Tips? Should I bring pictures of things I like? I want to go classic, not frumpy.

    I’m thinking of having two suits made – one plain black, one charcoal gray or possibly navy.

    This tailor did a nice job on some suits for my husband.

    Apparently the “package” for guys is one jacket per suit, plus two pairs of pants (so one top and two bottoms per suit).

    I’m thinking I’d want one pair of pants and probably a shift dress instead of a skirt. If it has to be a skirt, a-line or pencil?

    • Anonymous

      I think the type of skirt depends on your preference and body type.

      I’ve never had a custom made suit, even though it sounds wonderful. Based on your comment, I would see if the tailor typically works with women’s suits/clothing and what the package for women is regarding suits.

      I would agree that I like to have a pant and a skirt and/or dress option for my suits. If you’re spending the money for a nice suit, you want to be able to wear it as much as possible and always be prepared for whichever (pant, skirt, dress) works best in the situation. Keep in mind that it may cost more to do two different bottoms rather than two pairs of pants, since the pants would be the same thing twice (so the same pattern or whatever they use – I don’t know much about custom suits!).

      I would also suggest having one made and then the second (I vote charcoal gray, but I just love gray suits) if you like the first. I would expect they can just measure and all once and use it for the second one later.

      Good luck!

    • ss

      I’ve had a single suit made by my husband’s tailor before fleeing back to my own dressmaker – the patterns, internal construction and fit techniques were just too different to work. The tailor was absolutely upfront about this – he did not do any women’s biz at all. We agreed that he would make me a ‘boy style’ suit for which I had brought along a Paul Smith original as a sample. The outcome was a straight/ boxy fitting number, which I’d expected, but also stiff and structured in a way which I did not. If yours is more experienced, I’d bring a favourite jacket and also ask to see samples, and then working around whatever the tailor seems most confident with.

      My other tip would be to consider a V-neckline and a sheath shape for your dress. The V looks better under a jacket (round/ boatneck can look like too much of the same dark-coloured fabric around your face) and a sheath will look better under a properly-fitted jacket where a more loosely-fitted shift may get crushed or look lumpy.

  26. zora

    Ummmmmm. A coworker sent a question by email to me and another senior staffer. The other staffer and I both replied. Then he just OPENED THE DOOR and WALKED INTO OUR OFFICE to say “thanks for the email replies, folks” waited for a response, and then left. Who. Does. That????? You’re killin me, Smalls.

  27. AMB

    Hanging at the airport after a weeklong business trip, waiting to hear if I get on the flight home. Add me to the list of people finding ‘The Defining Decade’ great food for thought, though its also a little scary.

  28. MPRE

    I’ve posted about it previously, but tomorrow is the third try on the MPRE. Third try is the charm, right?

    Cross your fingers for me. Please.

  29. LAnon

    I’ve had a handful of light-headed / dizzy spells over the past month or so – finally made an appointment to talk to my doctor about it early next week. But here’s a funny story: I was feeling VERY lightheaded while making dinner tonight and thought I might faint. I laid down on the floor (b/c my big fear is fainting and bashing my head on something on the way down), and just as I was feeling better, one of my cats came over to sniff me and figure out what I was doing. I had a momentary thought of “I’m going to die here and the cats will eat me” but then burst out laughing because I realized, “Dear God, I’m the pathetic single woman in every romantic comedy ever.”

  30. Aeryn Sun

    I must vent! I recently started a new position where every case file I inherited is a total mess. As far as legal work it seems that 95% of it was actually done. The problem is that, for reasons that I cannot grasp, all of the paper is either loose and unorganized in the case file itself or is sitting in a huge (nearly a foot high) stack. It also seems that my predecessor had zero ability to track case progress so I am now playing catch up. The worst part is that the support staff have been allowed to do nothing for so long that they now refuse to do basic things. Like filing.

    I was brought in as a fixer and I’m very good at fixing work flow issues, but as you can imagine improvement doesn’t happen immediately. I’m always up for a challenge and I’ve seen some ugly in the past, but this is beyond anything I could have imagined.

    Time to get back to work. Just had to get that off my chest.

  31. Anonymous

    I think a bunch of comments just disappeared. I saw one about hong kong, went to reply, and now they are all gone?

  33. bug

    I just moved to San Antonio for work, and I don’t know anyone. Does anyone from SA have suggestions of how to meet people out here?

  34. Jackie

    You know how sometimes your plans have a total monkey wrench thrown into them? Well, that just happened to me and I’m hoping the hive can give me some advice.

    I have been preparing apps to send to law schools this fall with the intent to start next fall. I currently work for a large, international company; DH has the same employer but in a different department. My DH and I were both offered an opportunity to relocate to China for a 3 year assignment. My DH would be running the legal dept there (he is an atty) and I would be doing international marketing work.

    My DH really wants to go but I am torn. I don’t want to make a career out of marketing and I really would like to transition into a career in law. I am already in my late 20’s so I’m worried that if I don’t do this now and we start a family soon, I’ll never do it and I feel like I am settling for a career I never really wanted in the first place. Are there any options to start working toward a career in law while in China so that maybe I only need to get my LLM when we come back to the states? This would be a 3 year assignment but it could lead to other international opportunities too.

    I don’t want to pass up the opportunity because I think it would be a wonderful experience, personally and professionally either way, but I am worried about going down a career path I don’t want to. Any insight to help me think through this?

  35. MB

    As a follow up to this post recently around my more conservative office I’ve seen blues, greens, etc popping up on finger nails. Is this now work appropriate? I used to feel I was daring for a dark hue of pink or even Essie’s dark red “wicked” for fall/winter.

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