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Splurge Monday’s TPS Report: Aviator Blazer

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Our daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Rag and Bone Aviator BlazerHappy Monday! After the Week of the Dress, I thought I'd look for a good splurge-worthy non-dress item — and I'm digging this boucle blazer with black pockets and black stripes streamlining the back. Tres cool. It's $535 at ShopBop (sizes 00-12). Rag & Bone Aviator Blazer Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2)

Sales of note for 3/21/25:

  • Nordstrom – Spring sale, up to 50% off: Free People, AllSaints, AG, and more
  • Ann Taylor – 25% off suiting + 25% off tops & sweaters + extra 50% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 40% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Eloquii – $39+ dresses & jumpsuits + up to 50% off everything else
  • J.Crew – 25% off select linen & cashmere + up to 50% off select styles + extra 40% off sale
  • J.Crew Factory – Friends & Family Sale: Extra 15% off your purchase + extra 50% off clearance + 50-60% off spring faves
  • M.M.LaFleur – Flash Sale: Get the Ultimate Jardigan for $198 on sale; use code CORPORETTE15 for 15% off
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Buy 1 get 1 50% off everything, includes markdowns

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

175 Comments

  1. My first year wedding anniversary is coming up next year (!!!) and my husband and I are trying to stick to the traditional theme of the “paper” anniversary. Does anyone have recs for a gift that fits in that category? TIA!

    2. A piece of art (painting/photo/drawing), map of someplace significant to the two of you, pinata filled with favorite candy or other fun treats, coffee table books, tickets…

    3. You could have stationery customized with your names for correspondence (thank you notes, etc) that are from both of you. If you think you’ll be at the same address for awhile, you can add that, too, but that’s more likely to change.

    4. I did a book of tasteful boudoir photographs for our first anniversary. It went with the paper theme and my DH loved it!

      1. That’s a great idea! I’m planning on putting together a few boudoir photographs before my wedding and sending a few to my future-DH the morning of our wedding.

    5. picture/coffee table books of places you went on your honeymoon!

      a variety of notepads and things with your names on them (stationery studio dot com and American stationery dot com are great resources)

      photographs made, enlarged, ask the relatives for a copy of their wedding photos to display with yours

      NYTimes or other newspaper – copy of the day you were engaged/married

      on etsy, lots of places do an “I found my heart in …” picture that can be customized nearly overnight and mailed to you…also red envelope dot com I think

    6. My husband and I did the same thing; I had lots of extra wedding invites and save the dates, so for part of his gift I took 1 of each and cut them up into thin strips then put them all in a clear bulb and tied a big green ribbon around it (that was our wedding color) to make a Christmas ornament out of it.

      1. My friend makes these ornaments and I have given several as gifts – everyone loves them!

    7. We got some pictures blown and splurged on really high quality matting and frames for our 1st anniversary. Great for a wedding photo or engagement photo if you haven’t already done it, or perhaps pictures from your honeymoon.

    8. My husband and I chose to not exchange gifts for our first anniversary for budgetary reasons, but I still wanted to give him something so I wrote a sappy letter to him on fancy stationary.

    9. I gave my husband a “paper trail” – a subscription to Ancestry.com. We both loved it!

    10. On a related note, if you’re putting together pics of places you’ve been, you could try making a Blurb book. They’re coffee-table-worthy and very easy to put together!

  2. Lovely problem to have! I have $50 to spend at Nordstrom and am dying to buy some new makeup. What are a few things you all love? I’m also curious about the new Loreal Dreamtone corrector, but for $100 it better be amazing.

    1. I just tried some of the new Marc Jacobs make-up at Sephora the other day. I really liked the blush.
      I ended up purchasing an orang-y peachy blush (I think the shade was called Irresistible).

      His eyeshadows looked very pretty, too, but I don’t need any at the moment.

    2. I would totally try the dreamtone – with your gift cert it’s only 50, right? If you do get it, please report back! :)

      1. What is this dreamtone?

        To the OP, I’d get YSL touche eclat foundation or concealer and spend the remainder of the money on a lipstick or fancy nail polish (you’ll probably have to add a couple of dollars).

      2. I’m really debating it. AIMS, Dreamtone is a dark spot corrector, but they formulate it for your skin tone (fair, medium, dark). Apparently it has something like 9 patents!

    3. Fun! Having just newly returned to makeup, I’ve become obsessed with the Clinique Chubby Stick moisturizing lip balm — good colors, great skin conditioning, and fairly idiot-proof (that last feature being critical for me!). I’ve tried the Neutrogena and Revlon versions of the same thing, and discovered that there’s a reason the Clinique one costs twice as much (darn it!).

      I’m also discovering liquid eyeliners — I don’t have a favorite yet to recommend, but those might be fun to play with as well.

  3. PSA – at the Marshalls in Alexandria, VA (Rt 1 south of beltway) as of last night, there were several pieces of All-Clad from the following collections: D5, Copper Core, and regular All-Clad. There were also several round and oval LeCreuset dutch ovens in blue and red.

    1. …. I ahould stop eyeing dutch ovens I. I live alone and would never use it enough to justify….

      1. You could get a little one. I have one of the smaller ones and tend to use it to make rise, risotto, tomato sauce, etc., but you could also easily use it to make smaller batches of soup, stews, etc. It’s one of those things that can be great if you’re cooking for one or for five.

      2. I don’t have the dutch oven I really want, but I have definitely made larger pots of stews and one-pot chicken dishes in the winter and then had lunches for a week. There are so many things you can do in a dutch oven, they are so versatile. My ideal kitchen would have one dutch oven, one cast iron skillet, one large stainless skillet, one small saucepan and I’d be able to do everything.

        Not to be an enabler or anything. ;o)

        1. Ha, that’s the thing – I am horrible about leftovers! I just.. lose all interest in them once they are in the fridge. Thus I try to avoid cooking large meals because I know some of it will definitely go to waste…

          1. Freezer meals? I make up big pots of stew/curry/pasta sauce in the crock pot, then portion it into individual sizes and freeze it. Then I can either defrost the night before (if I plan ahead) or zap in the microwave (if I don’t) when I don’t feel like cooking. They’ll keep for months, which helps eliminate the leftover feel.

          2. I also live alone but use my oval French oven for big pot items that I freeze in more manageable servings. For example, it is way too hot to have my oven on for 4 hours to make barbecued beef right now, but I have a couple containers in the freezer that I made in the last gasps of cool weather.

          3. Unfortunately I don’t have a good freezer :( I rent, and the place comes with a fridge that has a freezer compartment and it is.. unreliable. It seems to defrost at will with no rhyme nor reason. Landlady doesn’t think this is a problem, and with me loving every other inch of this place I haven’t raised a fuss.

            Obviously, I need more people who want to come over to dinner in my life :P

          4. Ah, well that makes sense for you then. And you’re being smart not buying something you don’t need, despite my attempt to enable. ;o)

            I LOVE cooking, but i hate cleaning up, so living by myself, I have discovered the most fun thing in the winter is spending a day on the weekend playing around and making one huge one-pot meal. That way I get the fun of cooking, but only one pot to clean. ;o) And really save money and time the rest of the week on food. Ok now I’m getting hungry!

          5. Cleaning up IS icky! that would be the one good thing about big meals as I keep frequently reminding myself…

            (and I think the dutch oven may go on my “if I find one in the after Christmas sales…” list :P)

    2. You are my new FAVORITE PERSON OF THE WEEK!!

      Seriously, I need/want a LC and can get to that Marshall’s tonight. You rock.

      1. The LC was mixed in with other items on a few different shelves on 2 or 3 tables, with the tables being located together. Keep your eagle eyes on! I also think there was a little skillet/saute pan.

        1. So I clearly know what I’m doing after the gym tonight. This is so exciting! Thanks for the PSA!!

    3. Gah!! So. Jealous. Will you go pick up an LC for me and I’ll come get it next month!?? ;o)

  4. Longtime reader, first time poster. I received a great job offer on Friday. The HR rep sent benefits info and asked me to get back to her today with any questions/my response. I do have a few questions about the benefits, but I also want to negotiate the salary. How should I start the call — with the benefits questions or the salary negotiation? (If it changes things: I would accept the salary at it’s current level but think I could negotiate more.)

      1. Agree. There was some great advice on this site about salary I haven’t forgotten – your raises and perhaps even bonuses will be based off the salary. So while additional perks are great, this is the place to start. And congratulations!

      2. +1 If they can’t match your salary request, you can move on to benefits to see if you can instead get more in that area (e.g., more PTO, flex-time, telecommuting, educational reimbursements, etc.).

  5. Does anyone have a great place to get highlights done (brunette hair, blondish highlights) either in DC proper or on the metro? I’d like to keep it around 125-140 if possible but lower would obviously be great.

    Thanks!

    1. I go to Rae at Art and Chemistry, up by White Flint. I think she does a great job with subtle highlights that grow out almost imperceptibly. Cost is probably around $150 – I get highlights + haircut, so I’m not sure how it breaks down.

    2. Heather Wright Murph at Anne Welsh Salon in Del Ray (off Braddock Road). I’ve gone to her for years for both blonde highlights and a cut.

    3. I’m super late to this but I see Min (sp?) at Chaos in Bethesda (walkable from the metro), and I love her. I have the best hair of my life– very natural looking, grows out well, etc. It’s usually $160 for highlights and a cut.

  6. Message to “s” from last week’s mobile office conversation. You mentioned a bag you purchased from an Etsy seller, roughandtumble. I’ve been eyeing her bags for a while, but haven’t pulled the trigger. Can you comment on the quality of the work and the weight of the bag? Also, what style did you get?

  7. I am so excited. I just got back from my holiday (mom loved her gifts and I may have shopped a bit too vigorously….) ‘to a linkedin message asking if I was interested in an opportunity and if so please let them know my email address. I replied cautiously, then ran into someone I know who works there (and even k ows the recruiter!) Who made me certain I want. This. Job. not to mention since I see this guy maybe 2 times a year I feel very serendipitous

    Now I am on hot coals polishing my CV and waiting for an e-mail. Wish me luck, ladies?

  8. Does anyone have a recommendation for a counselor in downtown Boston? I’m in my mid-20s and am looking for someone who can help with balancing work, life, and relationships. Thanks!

  9. Have you taken the Myers-Briggs personality test? If so, which type are you? Do you notice that you’re attracted to or get along better with certain types?

    I’m an INFJ. Most of my close friends are Ns, even if the other three letters are different. I have trouble understanding ESTPs, but I enjoy them.

    You can take the test here (it’s probably not exactly scientific, but it takes five minutes, and it’s fun to see the results).

    http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/jtypes2.asp

    3. I’m an ISTP. I have no idea what types I get along with, and I was pretty mid-range on all of the scales except for introversion/extroversion, which may play into that; but I do tend to get frustrated quite quickly with __F_s, if I feel like they’re faffing around too much with wishy-washy feelings during the decision-making process (not that all of them do). That’s the only MBTI-based personality preference that comes to me. I only took the test this summer, so I guess I haven’t had a ton of time to apply it to my life.

    4. INTJ. Which is what I always thought I’d get, but I hadn’t found a free version before :)

    5. I’m an ESTJ and in fairness it is pretty accurate for me. I don’t really know enough about the other types to say whether I would be more drawn to one type of person than the other, but that’s an interesting thought. My three best friends are probably INFJ, INTP and ESTJ respectively.

      1. I’m an ISFJ. Which is extremely accurate for me. In fact, I score very strongly on I, S, and J. Only the F is debatable. I don’t know that I’m attracted more to one or another type though. I think my friends are probably all over the map.

    6. I’m a toss-up between ENFP and ENTJ (I’ve taken the test a few times and gotten them about equal times), probably a bit more ENFP though. I don’t have all their exact times on memory, but most of my friends tend to fall under the I — which works because I’m a low-key E (unless not being quiet is called for).

    7. I’m an INFJ too, and if I take the test when in a good mood, I’ve switched to “E” from time to time.

      1. Ha — same. The question that always gets me is the “Would you rather stay in and read a book or go to a party?” I want to say, “It depends on which book! And which party!” I wouldn’t skip my best friend’s party to ready a book, but I also wouldn’t go to just any party just to go.

        I guess what I’m trying to say is that I absolutely love the people I love, but I don’t enjoy people for people’s sake, and I find people that I don’t like exhausting. If it were a person or crowd I wasn’t thrilled about, I would choose the book. But depending on how I answer that question, I go either E or I!

        2. Me too! Maybe it’s an INFJ thing– I think we put up with less bs in our personal lives so people who tend to be annoying we’d rather just not be around. But people we love, well we love!

    8. INTP, based on taking the test just now. It said that there was a slight bias towards P over J, and I have always tested as INTJ in the past. I definitely have a mix of P and J traits.

    9. Ha, mine has changed slightly over the years. Thanks for the free version…

      ENFJ – Extravert(11%) iNtuitive(25%) Feeling(12%) Judging(78%)

      I used to be a super high extravert, so I find it really interesting how I’ve changed.

    10. I am an ISTJ! Yay, but no one else so far is an ISTJ? What does that mean?

      Here are my score’s:

      Introvert(22%) Sensing(12%) Thinking(25%) Judging(56%)

      You have slight preference of Introversion over Extraversion (22%)
      You have slight preference of Sensing over Intuition (12%)
      You have moderate preference of Thinking over Feeling (25%)
      You have moderate preference of Judging over Perceiving (56%)

      I think b/c 56% of my score is about Judgeing, then I should be a JUDGE?

      I will ask the manageing partner, then show my score’s to the Judge in court tomorrow, b/c he said I should be a judge! YAY!!!!

      I hope the manageing partner won’t get mad when he sees this. I also have a preference of thinking over percieveing. What does that mean? I hope I am still sensitive. FOOEY!

      Mabye that is why I am not crazy over Sam. I am not sure if he picked his nose or just scratched yesterday. Also, he was wearing VERY short running short’s, and when he sat down Indian style on my carpet, I could see his winkie. FOOEY!

      I told Myrna I did not like that and she agreed he should have worn underwear. DOUBEL FOOEY!

      1. Gosh, can anyone else imagine the hilarity that would be Ellen’s written decisions if she were a judge? They’d so be overturned on appeal, but hilarious to read.

      2. But for one letter I would be Ellen. I don’t know whether to be scared or proud.

    11. I an an ENTP with an off-the-chart N score. I find that the trait most associated with this that I have is that you don’t take direction well except from people you truly respect, something that has not been a blessing at times (I now work with clients directly and not so much for an internal boss and I am thriving).

      I find that ENTP is based on my ideal answers and life in big law firm has made me much more of a planner and a scheduler than I would be on my own (in college I had a basic understanding of when my classes were and when sorority meetings were and when I was on RA duty and when parties were and that was about it).

    12. I’m an ENFJ with a very strong F. I’m barely an E–right on the line–and only slight N and J preferences.

    13. INFP for me….. not a surprise at all. I like people in small doses and lack follow through with my organizing efforts.

    14. I’m an ISTJ, with I/E being the only one that’s close to the border. I don’t know what anyone that I work with is, but I had an ENTP ex-bf and *wow* was that a bad combo.

    16. I’m such an ENTJ it isn’t even funny (all the good, and all the bad). I find I do better with NTs. Mr. TBK is an ENTP, which is why it makes him crazy when I try to have our weekends planned out a month in advance. But also why we otherwise get along so. darn. well. I am off the charts on the T part, which is why I’m often mystified by Fs (and why I don’t fit a lot of female stereotypes — apparently T/F is the one area where there’s a clear gender correlation and, unlike the majority of women, I am just not an F…at all).

      1. Hi TBK,

        I was out of town for a few days (telling my family our big news!) and just read your post from last week about nausea. I got these from my local organic grocery store, and I like them. They’re not too overwhelming, like some other ginger candies I tried.

        http://gingerpeople.com/gin-gin-candies/gin-gins-spice-drops.html

        I am also similarly outfitted with ginger ale and a ginger grass & lemon scented diffuser in my office because the queasiness just won’t go away. I also find eating small amounts all day does help (although I was reluctant to try, because it seems counter intuitive). I also only eat those things that look appetizing to me. So I have in fact, passed up a brownie. Shocker.

        How are you doing otherwise? I go for appt. #1 (with ultrasound) on Wednesday afternoon and am… excited. And scared. How are you?

        1. Thanks for the heads-up on the ginger candies. A friend gave me a pack of Reed’s that have been pretty helpful. Overall, my nauseau hasn’t been back at all. Mostly it’s just that, between lunch and dinner, I feel kind of “ugh,” like lunch didn’t quite agree with me. But eating a little cheese has actually been the thing that helps me most. Although last night all I wanted for dinner was completely plain chicken breast and white dinner rolls.

          We got two heartbeats on the ultrasound earlier this week, which is pretty exciting. We’re trying to keep expectations in check until after the first trimester, but it’s very hard (for all of us — I did talk my MIL out of buying a pair of rattles yesterday but I think she may have gone back after I left and bought them anyway).

          If you want to chat more, you can write me at tbk[thissite]@gmail[dot]com. Hope the appointment on Wed goes well!

    17. I’m INTJ. I once dated another INTJ and it was really challenging. He frustrated me with his introversion (like I’m the one to speak). I’m more compatible with extroverts, and I’m drawn to them, but they tend to not understand my need for alone time.

    22. INTP, which I guess is sorta rare for women. My spouse and almost all of my good friends are I/E NFJs. I think I just really get a long really well with NFs. My whole family are INTJs, though, and that works too. The hardest for me to relate to are Ss. I just don’t get how they work.
      My husband and I have had some differences over the years that I think are related to the fact that I’m a strong T and he’s a strong F. Ultimately though, that’s one of the things I love most about him. I think we balance each other well.

      1. My husband and I can chart up virtually all of our differences to the fact that he is a strong P and I am a strong J. It is a huge challenge for us.

  10. Has anyone ever used the nunaat at home keratin kit? If so, what was your hair like before vs after? It has caught my attention since its advertised as formeldehyde free and natural and it’s so cheap too! But I can’t find much out there on what it will to do my very wavy/slightly curly hair.

  11. Your friend Pear waited too long last fall to buy cords. Now that stores are stocked and many stores are running sales on new items, Pear needs to fill a gap in her closet. But where? I swear by Gap curvy cut (circa 2006), but their cords seem not to be good for pears. Old Navy (a winner for shorts for pears)? All thoughts welcome!

    1. I actually had good luck with a pair from uniqlo last year! worth looking in to, similar price point to old navy or the gap.

    2. Not sure if they are stocking them yet, but I absolutely love the Kut from the Kloth brand that Nordstrom carries (Zappos and Amazon sometimes carry the brand, too). Their cords have slight stretch but hold their shape throughout the day and wash really, really well. Super comfy, soft, and very flattering. The pocket placement makes me feel 10lbs lighter.

      1. agree with this but consider sizing down; I found that while very comfortable they seemed frumpy in my normal size

      2. The name has a Kardashian aspect to it, no?

        All the same, I will take a look b/c love Zappos / Nordies shipping / return policies. Which cut / style did you like?

    3. Also a pear, and I am very happy with a pair I got last winter from J. Jill — the bootcut cords. They actually fit both my hips/thighs and my waist, which is so rare!

    5. I bought cords from Old Navy a few years ago and loved them. I’ve worn them religiously for about 3 winters and they are still in good shape. Not sure whether the current crop of cords is the same quality but as a pear, I think it is worth checking out Old Navy for sure.

      However, I also bought a pair of cords from Land’s End – last year? two years ago?, and love those as well. The fabric is thicker and definitely better quality than the fabric of the Old Navy cords, and the fit is very flattering. I also liked the fact that I could select the length and they would hem the cords for me. I would order cords again from Land’s End for sure.

  12. PSA: 6pm is having a very odd but great sale. Lots and lots of cute bathing suits and some very nice Elie Tahari work dresses at 70-80% off. I managed to talk myself out of the bathing suits, but did purchase this dress for work for $51, which seems like it will be flattering and will hopefully make me a bit more excited for Fall. http://www.6pm.com/elie-tahari-callie-dress-2011-black

    It also comes in a really nice muted red. FYI.

    1. ooh, nice-looking dress. I just bought the red… not sure whether to thank you or shake my fist….. I’ll go with thanks. :-)

  13. I’m spending the next two weekends in Montauk. Does anyone have suggestions for good restaurants/bars/fun things to do outside/etc.? We have a house within walking distance of town, but we also have a car and are definitely willing to travel around a bit. We are all single females in our late 20’s/early 30’s and are relatively active/outdoorsy. Regarding bars, we heard the scene can get a little crazy and are looking for places that are a little more low key and have more people our age (as opposed to early 20’s). Thanks in advance :)

    1. I’m on vacation this week on the Cape. One of my friends, who is also on the Cape this week, has been spending a lot of time on Montauk lately. I’ll check with her and report back.

    2. was in Montauk a few weeks ago and here’s what our friends recommended (also Harvest on Hudson restaurant)

      1) The Walking Dunes – located on the Nargansett stretch. The Dunes have been shifting / moving for years and swallowing up the surrounding forest. So literally you are standing on-top of trees and looking out onto Gardners Bay. From the house, drive out from Montauk and hit the Nargansett straight. The road to the Walking Dunes is the first road on the right after Cyril’s.

      2) Montauket – A great place to grab a drink and watch the Sunset. You will step back in time as the décor hasn’t changed in about sixty years. Step out back and you will be standing on grass overlooking Gardners Island (Which is where Captain Kidd tied up his boat after he came back from the Indian Ocean – only to learn that there were Piracy charges filed against him. By the way-Gardner Island is still owned by the Gardners. Only one family member is alive)

      3) Cyrils and the Surf Lodge – Grab a BBC (Baileys, Banana Colada – and don’t forget to ask for a “floater” with it) at Cyrils and watch the scene (JK Note here: You pass Cyrils on the way into Montauk or on the way out – you can obviously visit during but we stop to toast the trip on the way in and then for thanks on the way out). It is where East Hampton, Amagansett and Montauk meet and lay down a base for the evening. Somehow it works, – a converted gas station wedged between the rail road tracks and Route 27.

      While you watch the scene at Cyril’s you become part of the seen at the “Surf Lodge”. Depending on the evening you may see some recognizable socialites as well as models mingling while Bob Marleys kids plays live. Again-it depends of the evening.

      4) West Lake Claim House – Located on “West Lake Rd” down by the Harbor. It has some of the best Sushi and the food that they list as a special has always been very good. From their you can watch the recreational fishermen and Charter boat patrons come in with their catch, weigh them, clean them etc.

      5) The trails off Ditch Plains beach. These are trails than can be accessed from the beach in front of the house. You can either walk the beach, heading toward town and find an entrance from there, or take the trail that is by the second beach parking lot to the right of the house. Grab a coffee at Ditch Witch stand or bring one from the house and walk the trail in the morning. The trail will lead you to Shagmoor State Park and you can walk the bluffs overlooking the Atlantic. Within Shagmoor there are some WWII bunkers. They were originally designed as houses to confuse German U-Boats to thinking this was the town. However, inside they contained guns and were a lookout station.

      6) Camp Hero – Contains more bunkers and the Radar Station and some barracks and ……. some un-blown up ordinance, so pay attention to the signs. Interestingly the guns that were located within those bunkers could hit a ship/sub over thirty miles offshore. And were placed here so as to deter the Germans from sinking the ships coming out of the Brooklyn Navy Yard for the war effort.

      7) Light House – Commissioned by George Washington. The square building behind it was built during the war and was used as a spotting station. The spotters would then call over to the guns and direct them to the targets.

      8) If the guests surf, Ditch Plains is where they will want to be. If they want to learn to surf, they can get a lesson. A couple of places in town offer lessons, however, so do some of the Locals on the Beach. Look for some advertisements on some of the cars in the parking lot or just as the people at the Ditch Witch coffee and food stand in the parking lot.

  14. Thank you so much for the Bondir rec! The girlfriend and I had a lovely dinner. The staff was very nice (even going through the menu with me to make sure there was nothing hidden in it I couldn’t eat, after I asked if the olive oil jelly amuse-bouche was vegan) and she raved about how much she loved it the whole time. We want to check it out seasonally to see how the menu changes.

  15. So, my experiment with a cheaper no bump after shave care is a success! The cheaper version from Sally’s Beauty works just as well as the Bliss pads.

    Next up – swapping my Philosphy facial scrub with a TBD drugstore one.

    1. My 2c – I have been very happy with the Olay facial scrubs. The one for regular skin has very mild exfoliants. The one for sensitive skin doesn’t have exfoliants, but still is a nice gentle cleanser.

  16. Hive, do you ever feel like you’re just not “clicking” with your partner? What do you do to fix it?

    My DH and I have been going through a patch for the past several weeks where it just seems like we’re not on the same page – bickering more than usual and over things we normally wouldn’t fight about, having stilted conversations, kind of walking on eggshells, not spending as much time together, etc… I feel very disconnected at the moment and it’s starting to really bother me.

    I know that it’s at least partly based on the fact that DH has been feeling down recently – he’s faced some professional setbacks that have thrown him for a loop and he’s feeling pretty “stuck” at his job. What’s more, I’ve enjoyed some major professional successes in the same time frame, and I think that’s probably grating on him (although he is happy for me and HUGELY supportive). I tend to be a proactive fixer-type personality, and I think I’ve ended up making things worse by trying to solve his problems, which comes across as nagging instead of helping or supporting, I think.

    I definitely plan to take a step back and take a look at my own actions to make sure that I’m supporting him in the best way possible (which I’d also love ideas about), but what do you do when things aren’t “clicking”? I feel like we need to hit the reset button somehow, and I’d love some ideas on how to do that.

    1. I’m not a relationship expert but y’all sound like I get when I don’t have enough sleep. I would recommend a vacation (even just a weekend) away from everything where you can sleep in and not have to deal with the little triggers like dirty dishes.

      1. +1. Sounds like me when I’m tired and crabby and stressed out. Take a weekend away where you can walk around in the sunshine, go to a movie or play, go to dinner, watch hotel TV while eating room service..Just do whatever sounds fun, and don’t talk about work unless your husband brings it up (and then be ready to casually move on from the subject if it starts to be tense). But try not to micromanage your vacation (I have a tendency to do this and it’s much better when I just let go of doing 47598347 things a day – helps to go places where there aren’t so many things to do, like small towns).

        Congratulations on your professional successes, by the way :)

    2. Sound like you two have some deeper issues to work out re: his life goals and comfort with your success, and the bickering is likely a symptom of that. But my advice for a superficial fix is to not be afraid to pause during your arguments and say, “this is stupid.” I sometimes find myself arguing with my SO about things that don’t even matter just for the sake of being right – you have to take a step back and ask yourself if it’s really worth carrying on the conversation, or whether it’s something that you can let go and save yourselves the headache of arguing over.

      1. Ya, a lot of times when fights just get stupid I say, “let’s start over, hi my name is Esquared, what’s your name”. It’s silly & it breaks the tension & reminds us to be nicer to one another.

    3. Doing something new to the two of you could work. It could be a new place for dinner, a weekend away, taking a class, anything where you get to see each other with fresh eyes. When possible, I also like lunch dates with DH. We are usually much more alert then as opposed to after a long day of work/parenting. Also, don’t discount the power of the garden party. Sometimes we just can’t connect because our brains are in overdrive. Getting that intimacy fix while getting out of our own heads for a bit tends to reconnect us. As cheesy as it sounds, sometimes you have to physically show people you care for them even you keep tripping over it when you are talking. If nothing else, it is an endorphin boost and you can be reminded of what is right in the relationship.

      1. +1. I find it even helps to hug, hold hands, kiss on the head, etc if doing more is not possible for whatever reason. I think our bodies send messages to our minds just as much as the reverse, so when you can’t stop arguing or just can’t even think straight on your own you can use physical closeness as a reset button.

    4. Any new meds for either of you? My husband was constantly disagreeable while on steroids. We had not been forewarned so neither of us realized what was going on. I was venting to one of my girlfriends (something I rarely do) and she said “yeah that makes sense given the ridiculous asthma meds he has been on.” I had no idea and looked it up that night.

      I also have been guilty of being extra disagreeable while on a certain birth control pill.

      It could be normal relationship issues but if it is super out of character, make sure there are no chemical influences in the mix. If that is the case, you really just have to wait it out but recognizing the cause makes it a lot easier to deal with.

    5. I’m in the same place – almost word for word! Hang in there…I know it’s hard, I feel so sad about it some days…he is a great guy, and we have an amazing relationship usually but recently, it’s been tough. Are you in the DC area? If you need to talk it out in person, let me know!

      If not, showing affection helps, actively saying “i love you” (that gets lost in the mix), showing love through action, letting the small things go, allowing one another your eccentricities. When all things fail, I’m known to send my DH a heartfelt note acknowledging my mistakes (if I was in the wrong), the fact that we had a stupid fight, reiterating my love for him, etc. It’s served to open up a larger, more candid discussion at least a couple times.

    6. I’m a pro-active fixer type personality too, and I’ve learned that sometimes when my husband is feeling frustrated (particularly about work, which I don’t think he thinks I really understand since we are in such different industries) he just needs some time alone to sulk/process. If it were me, I might try saying “Hey, you seem a little out of sorts lately so I’m going to give you some extra space, but if you want to talk about it let me know.”

    7. I read Project Happily Ever After based on a rec from this site. I’m not sure it applies exactly to you, but I really appreciated that book, and it helped me see my marriage for what it is, not what I pretend it is.

  17. Fairly regular poster but I don’t want to out myself. I’m going to be purposefully vague but I think you’ll get the idea.

    I have an opportunity to meet with several high level people at a company in a field I have been looking to get into. A friend who works at the company was talking about me, a higher up over heard and told him he should bring me in to “chat” with some people. Basically, informational interview type thing. They are not currently hiring(at least not for anything advertised), and this is NOT a job interview. Friend also says, they really don’t do this (bring people in for this sort of thing). Friend has worked at company 20+ yrs so I am sure that’s part of why I’m getting the chance.

    I am scheduled to meet with several (more than three) people for a significant amount of time each (Think, more than 45 minutes each ). In the middle of the workday. At their offices.
    Besides the usual informational interview questions, has anyone ever been on either end of something like this, and is there anything I should do/ask specifically?

    1. Since it’s a new field you’re not currently in, why don’t you ask them what field-specific skills they think are most valuable? This would help you start to transition your skill-set and often it’s not obvious what actually is useful versus industry promoted stuff (certificates, etc).

    2. I’d approach this more like an interview than a non-interview. Just because there’s nothing advertised doesn’t mean that they don’t have some big organizational needs they’re wondering if you might be able to fill for them.

      At my company, we’ve occasionally brought connections of existing colleagues in to chat- learn what they’re looking for, talk about the strategic direction of our business/department, etc. and see if there is any overlap.

    3. I know you said this isn’t a job interview, but this really sounds like a job interview. Why else would they spend so much time talking to you, especially if they don’t normally do this kind of thing? Just because they are not advertising does not mean they are not hiring. Law firms often do interviews like this when they are recruiting laterals (and they often don’t advertise for these positions).

      In any event, I might just treat it like a job interview, but ask more questions related to what it would take to transition into this field, what things you should know about working in the field, etc. During the process, you might be able to feel out whether they are interested in hiring you, and you can adjust your approach from there. (E.g., ask more questions about what it’s like to work at that company.)

      Are you going to get a list of who you are interviewing with beforehand? If so, definitely ask your friend who works there if she has any insight on the people.

      And good luck!

    4. I used an informational interview to learn more about a company that I ended up working for. In my case, I was trying to get a better idea of general positions and job functions, as well as a good idea of the level of complexity with the different levels within the hierarchy.

      I didn’t know it at the time, but they were anticipating a few departures and a minor reorganization, and they were trying to meet with potential candidates to figure out whether to take certain strengths into account for the reorg. So I would definitely recommend using it like an interview, and think about how to best pitch your strengths – esp the ones that might translate well to the new company.

  18. Hi ladies, I’ll be seeking a move to Seattle soon. Any ladies here in the Emerald City who can speak to the legal market there? I’m not a patent lawyer and specifically looking for something in-house related to IP and/or litigation and/or health law-related.

  19. ladies–I’m super happy because my bf and i are coming up on our one year anniversary. First–I’m going by one year since we met (although our first date was a few days later). Not sure which to mark as the anniversary (meeting? or date?). I’m going with the “meeting” day as the officiate date. But anyway…

    I want to plan something really special for my guy to show him that I’m so happy to be with him! Any ideas? What did you all do to celebrate the big first anniversary with your boyfriends? (married -rettes, please chime in on first dating anniversary celebrations as well).

    He loves to cook and eat–so dinner is a “gimme” of sorts, but it just seems SO BLAH. We met at a concert–so maybe concert tickets? It all seems boring. I want something to make him say WOW.

    1. I’m assuming you are intimate, so please forgive me if my assumption is incorrect . . .

      Dinner and a concert sound great, and I’d suggest ending the night with s*xy lingerie.

    2. I think for dudes, the main thing that makes them say “Wow” is … um… a certain kind of intimacy where he doesn’t have to put in much effort.

  20. I’m going to be passing through LA in early October on the way to San Diego. I’ve been there many times before, so I don’t need to see the major sights, but I would like to explore interesting ‘hoods (ideally walkable, although I know that’s asking a lot for LA). I’ll be there on a Monday and a Tuesday:

    A few questions for the SoCal ladies:

    *Given the caveats above, is it possible to enjoy LA without a car, or should I resign myself to renting one?
    *If you were me (early 30s, active, lover of culture, walking, restaurants, shopping), which area would you spend 1-2 days in LA?
    *Any quintessentially LA but NOT scene-y/expensive restaurant recommendations?
    *Would you recommend driving to San Diego or taking the train?

    I would prefer not to drive if possible because I think cars are a hassle, but I’m open to it if you ladies say it’s necessary. Thoughts?

    1. I’d recommend staying near Abbott Kinney in Venice. It’s a very walkable neighborhood with some of LA’s best restaurants, boutiques and a few galleries. Plus the beach! If you want to see other neighborhoods like the arts district downtown, Silver Lake, Los Feliz, etc, it would be easiest with a car. I did LA car-free for a year but sometimes it felt like a full time job just taking the bus from the westside to the eastside. It’s an unfortunate reality for our city that if you want to cover wide swaths quickly you really will need a car.

      1. I second the Abbot Kinney recommendation. As for restaurants, I relied on Yelp when I visited LA about a year ago and was not disappointed.

      2. Perfect — thanks to both of you! Abbot Kinney sounds like exactly what I’m looking for.

    2. LA with no car is really tough…. I honestly can’t imagine doing it, unless you are really content staying in one area.

      I’d personally recommend staying in Santa Monica. There are a variety of hotels on Ocean Ave at different price points (Hotel Oceana is my fave boutique hotel and Casa del Mar or Shutters is my fave bigger/resort hotel). Most are walking distance to Third Street Promenade and Montana Ave (shopping, restaurants), and an easy cab to Main Street and Venice. Be warned though, if you want to go to dinner in West Hollywood or Beverly Hills, it can take an hour (or longer) in evening rush hour from the beach.

      I can write more about restaurants in a bit — have to run to an appointment.

      The train station is in downtown LA, so factor in travel (cab?) to the station in your decision. The train is quite lovely (goes right along the coast in some parts), but the station is it overly convenient.

    3. If you decide to stay in Santa Monica or Venice, a car is not mandatory, but renting a car gives you more way, way more options and cabs are expensive/irritating out here.

      If you are apprehensive about driving in LA, my suggestion is to stick to surface streets (not the freeways) and try to concentrate your driving between the hours of 10am and 3pm so as to avoid rush hour. Traffic is heavy, but it is SLOW, which is an advantage if you are not familiar with the area. A GPS thingy helped my mom a lot when she started visiting me out here since she wasn’t so afraid to drive around my (relatively nice) neighborhood.

      For restaurants, I’d suggest Valentino (in Santa Monica but not anywhere near the Promenade) or Akasha in Culver City as splurges. For cheaper eats, my picks would be Fritto Misto in Santa Monica, La Cabana in Venice, Versailles in Pico/Robertson or Culver City, and Ramen Yamadaya in Culver City.

      Driving to San Diego is pretty horrible – the train is pretty lovely. Take the train.

  21. Hive, how do you know when you’re making the right decision? I’ve been thinking a lot about purchasing a condo lately. I have the downpayment, my credit is ok/decent, and I have a place in mind already in the area I live in today. I’m 28, and single (not really dating much either). Should I just go ahead and take the plunge?

    My dream job would have some sort of international component (either involving international travel, or living abroad, or working with international teams) and it may materialize at my current job but I have no idea in what form. Do I hold off on buying until I have a better idea of what my future will look like, or is that impossible to predict and I should just make the best choice I can for now? I guess I’m having trouble letting go of the fear that if I purchase property, I’ll be tied to it and unable to a fantastic new opportunity if it came along (although where I think these great new opportunities are coming from, I don’t know).

    1. Are you buying because you really want to own property/put down roots or because you feel like you are a certain age and that is the adult thing to do at 28? Buying a condo won’t make your future more clear and it won’t necessarily fill a void in your life. If it is important to you to not feel tied down (for some people it is and that’s ok), then find someplace fabulous to rent or spend your money doing something you like to do, perhaps a fun international trip. On the flip side, if you do buy, you can always sell. Very few things in life are permanent, but some may be slightly harder to dispose of than others.

      1. I do really want to own property and put down some roots, but I also am reluctant to give up the idea of packing it all up and leaving at a moment’s notice. I have two cats, so I really can’t just pick up and leave anyway, but I love them so much it doesn’t feel like I’m giving something up, whereas for some reason I feel like owning property would be giving more up. It doesn’t really make sense now that I’ve seen it written out, maybe I just get over my fear of doing something ‘wrong’ (like if I bought a place but then sold it after a few years, that would be ‘wrong’ because you are supposed to stay for at least 5 years when buying).

    2. I would say if you have the down payment and can find an affordable place without overextending yourself, go for it! It will be a good investment, and if the international opportunity comes available, you can rent it out and hopefully cover a significant portion of the mortgage that way. (There was a thread on here a few months ago about renting out condos and it sounded like it can be a little challenging at times depending on renters / agencies but overall do-able.)

      If I were you, I would look for somewhere on the low end of what you *could* afford. That way, if a great opportunity comes up but the result is additional expenses (for instance, paying a portion of your mortgage AND rent on an adorable little flat in London), you have a little cushion. But overall, a good investment if you have the money!

    3. I’ve never purchased (also 20s) but would imagine that you could always rent/sell a property you owned if International Dream Job appeared. Owning sounds like a good investment opportunity if you are strategic about it, and likely wouldn’t hold you back from your goals.

      If you’re reticent I would wait a year and then see how you feel.

    4. I wouldn’t buy unless you feel 80%-90% sure you will be there for the next 5-7 years. It’s just not worth it otherwise.

      1. I am fairly sure I’ll be there 4-5 years, there aren’t that many places in my city where I can get by without a car (I hate driving) and still afford to buy, but I guess I’m struggling with all the unknowns. For what it’s worth, I’ve been playing with the NYT Rent versus Buy calculator a lot, and it looks like after customizing it to my current situation, that it’s cheaper to buy after 3.5 years for me, which is a smaller commitment than 5-7 and making me feel a little less nervous.

    5. Are you in a market where you could a rent it out if life takes you elsewhere? I wouldn’t buy if you’re PLANNING to be moving in 2-3 years, but if the opportunity should arise, could you rent it out? Perhaps consider buying the type of property that would rent well–eg. a 2BR vs 1BR

  22. I’m in SD (you have no idea how thrilled I am that there is another r$tt$ here!) Taking the train to SD is fine if you’re planning to stick to the downtown/convention center area while here; otherwise you’ll need a car.

    For LA, I think West Hollywood is walkable (as well as a cool neighborhood) and LACMA and the LaBrea Tar Pits are right there; you could always cab it to the Grove for some shopping.

    2. Thank you! I’m visiting friends in the Del Mar area, so they can pick me up when I get to SD.

      I’m so excited! Thanks again for all the help.

    1. My sister uses them all the time (for herself and as gifts) and her books are lovely.

    2. I use it to make a yearly calendar and love it. There are lots of “stock” options for backgrounds and layouts, but you can also customize your own. And you can put pictures on special days of the year, too! It is great — they end product always looks very professional.

    3. We used this for our wedding album. It was very easy to use and quick. Highly recommend.

      Also, look for Groupons and discounts. Don’t pay full price.

    1. haha this also makes me laugh because I was on a date with this guy I’ve been seeing for a few weeks last night and he was first so confused by the idea of keeping shoes at work and then was stunned when i told him I had 8 pairs at the office

    2. My secretary made me count my shoes the other week and I have two archive boxes, a total of 23 pairs!

  26. Can someone please explain the differences between the Tahari brands? and does the sizing for each line run differently? TIA!

    1. Elie Tahari is the original, higher end brand. Tends to be much nicer quality but also more expensive. The rest I think are a combination of licensing deals and offshoots. I can never quite get it right but I think T Tahari and Tahari are related brands at a lower price point, and quality tends to vary accordingly. I think it goes “ET –> T Tahari –> Tahari, but I am not 100% certain. Tahari by ASL is something else altogether and basically is the result of a name licensing deal to Arthur S. Levine (think Jones NY, Kasper, etc. — all same company).

      I’d say the sizing is fairly similar across the board, I can’t say I have noticed the traditional correlation in size to price (where usually the more expensive brand = bigger size than middle of the road mass retailer), but I do find that T Tahari and Elie Tahari are cut slightly closer to the figure than the ASL and regular Tahari brands. So sizewise, it’s similar, but for someone with narrow shoulders like me, an ASL or Tahari blazer will usually look frumpy whereas an ET or T Tahari blazer might work.

  27. I’m trying to budget for a few wardrobe updates for fall/winter. So far I know I want a new black statement necklace, a nice looking zip-up hoodie and black knee-high flat boots. What else am I missing? I get a pretty extended fall in the South so I’m not looking for much snow gear or super warm stuff.

    1. I like picking up a new scarf each fall. It helps make my outerwear feel fresh. Maybe a sweater or two if I see something in a neat color. Right now I’m looking to replace my fall/winter bag, so that might also be a consideration for you as well.

    2. Ooo I love fall wardrobe planning.

      My wish list also includes black riding boots, along with black leather closed toe wedges, a hunter green top, new black spanx, a fun + cheap right-hand ring, and fancy pants (burgundy dupioni?) for parties.

      Fal is also a good time to replenish staples like white/black ts, black work pants/skirts, and blazers.

  28. I posted this earlier but it looks like it never made it…

    I am in the middle of pulling together law school applications to submit this fall with the intent to start next year. My DH and I currently have the same employer but I’ve been wanting to make this career transition for a while and finally feel like I’m in a good spot personally and professionally to do so.

    Our employer just offered us both full expat packages to move to Shanghai. It would be excellent for both our careers and it would definitely get my DH the experience he needs to move toward his career goals. I have mixed emotions about the whole thing. I feel like if I don’t start law school now I won’t ever go as I am already in my late 20’s and we don’t have any children yet but plan to have a family. As far as I know there isn’t a way I can earn a JD in Shanghai either. It’s an exciting opportunity but I am torn because it moves me further from my goals but closer to DH’s. Since my DH is the breadwinner in the family I feel guilty asking him to not take the opportunity since it seems like we would be missing a really great opportunity for him professionally. While I would also be working in Shanghai it would be doing the same work that I am trying to get away from. I am torn.

    Sorry for any typos..

    1. If the only thing holding you back is law school, I saw GO. The legal market sucks right now. You can certainly become a lawyer at any age. My husband’s family lived as ex-pats in Asia all through his middle school and high school years and he LOVED it. I know someone else who recently had a list of places he could relocate for work and Shanghai was number one on his list. If you don’t have pets or elderly parents or anything else tying you down here – I say GOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

  29. Any advice on how to bring up issues with a roommate? I’ve had the place for 2.5 years but this relationship is very new (she just moved in earlier this month)… so I don’t want to pounce on her/make her feel uncomfortable. That being said, I am an obsessively clean/orderly person, and some of her habits are already driving me crazy:

    – consistently doesn’t push the chairs back under the dining table after she gets up
    – splatters oil/other gross stuff all over the stove when she cooks and leaves it there (we have a housekeeper every 2 weeks, but I specifically said during the interview process that I don’t use the service as an excuse to be a slob in between cleanings)
    – uses several communal kitchen tools & utensils of which I only have one set, and then puts them in the dishwasher. We obviously don’t run the washer every day, so if I want to cook something and use my [colander, spatula, measuring spoons, cutting board, etc] I have to fish them out of the dishwasher, wash them before use, and then wash again when I’m done.

    I feel as though these things are common sense no-nos, but am trying to be accepting of the fact that everyone is different and has varying levels of cleanliness & consideration towards others.

    Aggravating my irritation with the situation is that she described how clean and tidy she is in great detail during our interview, so I’m not quite sure why she thinks leaving the stove dirty is acceptable.

    I know there’s always an adjustment period when living with anyone new for the first time, but I’d like to bring my concerns to the table sooner rather than later so that I don’t fester over it. Just looking for a way to frame the conversation that is productive and doesn’t make her feel attacked.

    1. The chair thing and the utensil-in-the-dishwasher thing seem so minor to me that they wouldn’t be worth bringing up and risking the roommate relationship. Neither of those seems intuitive to me; in all my many roommate relationships, when we had one colander or what have you, the person who used it first put it in the dishwasher, and if someone else wanted to use it, that second person would take it back out and wash it.

      The stove thing seems less odd to bring up. Just ask her, “Could you wipe off the stove after you use it? The housekeeper doesn’t come often enough to keep it clean without our wiping it off in the meantime.” You clearly have different standards for what constitutes a ‘clean’ stove, but this still sounds like a reasonable roommate request. Asking an adult to push her chair under the table every time she uses it, on the other hand, I think would sound odd.

    2. As a fellow lover of order/cleanliness, the best advice is to pick your battles. My roommates do the same thing re: dishes in the dishwasher for days, chairs pulled out, pillows on the couch moved to the floor and not returned, etc. Since these things are relatively minor, I don’t mind organizing them as much because I realize it’s something I’m doing *for me* as opposed to more mainstream cleanliness.

      I had the same exact problem with one of my roommates cooking dinner and leaving grease splatters all over the stove. After it happened twice, I brought it up the next evening with a casual “Hey roomie, I noticed that the stove is pretty gross. Would you mind wiping it down after you cook? I find it’s ten times easier to clean fresh spills instead of dried on food.” Since we alternate kitchen/bathroom cleaning duties, I was able to phrase it in a way that we would both be helping each other out with the weekly scrub down. If you have a cleaning service, I’m not sure if the second part of that would apply as much.

  30. I’m having the same caching problem as over the weekend–page 2 of this thread says 120 comments and only has one post, where page 1 says something like 128 comments. Using Chrome.

  31. How do you handle rude judges?
    I just got my head bitten off by a judge mid-trial. I could feel myself starting to lose my temper. There was no need for him to be angry; I had made a request which he could grant or deny, but he clearly was annoyed with me and didn’t scruple to show it. I always find that very hard to handle because I cannot respond in kind, much as I’d like to…is there ever a time when it’s okay to show the judge you’re torked over his treatment of you?

    1. Nope–it is NEVER a good idea. And that’s terribly unfair, and why we have family and this group to come back and complain to.

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