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Workwear sales of note for 6.02.23:
- Nordstrom – The Half-Yearly Sale has started! See our thoughts here.
- Ann Taylor – $50 off $150; $100 off $250+; extra 30% off all sale styles
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 25% off purchase
- Boden – Sale, up to 50% off
- Cole Haan – Up to 50% off select styles; extra 20% off sandals & sneakers
- Eloquii – 60% off all tops
- Express – 30% off all dresses, tops, shorts & more; extra 50% off clearance
- H&M – Up to 60% off online and in-store.
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off “dressed up” styles (lots of cute dresses!); extra 50% off select sale
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything; 60% off 100s of summer faves; extra 60% off clearance
- J.McLaughlin – The Sale Event: extra 30% off
- Loft – 40% off tops; 30% off full-price styles
- Sephora – Up to 50% off select beauty.
- Shopbop – Up to 60% off sale
- Sue Sartor – Lots of cute dresses on sale!
- Talbots – 25-40% off select styles
Other noteworthy sales:
- CB2.com – Up to 40% off; pop-up sale up to 30% off
- Joss & Main – Up to 60% off, plus an extra 20% off with code
- Tuft & Needle – Save up to $775 on mattresses (Reader-favorite brand; Kat really likes hers!)
- West Elm – Up to 25% off in-stock furniture; up to 60% off clearance
Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
- Favorite comfy pants for an overnight plane ride?
- I’ve got a nasty case of tech neck…
- What’s a good place for a relaxing solo escape?
- What’s the best commuter backpack?
- I’m early 40s and worry my career arc is ending…
- I canNOT figure out the proportions in this current season of fashion…
- How is everyone wearing scarves in 2023?
- What shoes are people wearing to work between boot and sandal season?
- What’s a good place for a relaxing solo escape?
- What are some of your go-to outfits that feel current?
- I need more activities that are social, easy to learn and don’t involve extreme running/jumping/etc.
Sadly, it’s only Thursday.
what I wouldn’t give
for it to be the weekend
cruel joke there, kat
I really enjoy your haikus.
(I don’t know if that is the proper pluralization of haiku, but you get the idea)
please read this one as
seventeen syllables’ worth
of thank yous and smiles
And Thursday of month end. That means working over the weekend for me.
Same here… Can’t be Wednesday soon enough.
Out of curiosity, what line of work has month’s end as a big mark? I hate quarters’ ends and the weeks around SEC filing dates as a corporate lawyer.
In my case, IT – not that I personally am doing a lot but it is more about the “be around and vigilant in case something somewhere goes wrong”. I get stuck with weekends relatively often but this particular stretch is due to my team being 2 people down.
Car sales, police, any salesperson with a monthly quota.
FYI – I’ve never met a real live police officer with a monthly quota. It is (as far as I know) an urban legend.
I’m a controller (accountant) for an international oil & gas services company. We have to report our monthly results in to headquarters, who then consolidates world wide results and reports to the board. Our close is very tight, but we get extra time when month end falls on a weekend. I can’t decide which is worse – working late one night and have limited time to look at my numbers when the last day of the month is a weekday, or having more time to look at numbers, but having to work over the weekend. Especially bad when month end is on a long weekend. This is the third time this year (not counting New Year’s Day) when I’ve had to put time in on a statutory holiday.
Oh well, I used to be in public accounting, and month end is way better than tax season. I have to remind myself of that sometimes, but it’s totally true. And I have never had to pull an all nighter. I don’t know how you biglaw lawyers manage. I complain about one night/weekend a month, and for you guys it’s a way of life. I stay a little later sometimes here & there when a meeting or something else comes up, or if I have a deadline, but it’s not daily for me like it is for some of you!
CKB – very cool! I took an oil & gas tax class for my tax llm and found it quite interesting. Unfortunately it’s not a very big industry in my area otherwise I might have pursued a career in this field myself.
@Blonde Lawyer — Recent events in my town suggest police quotas are urban secrets, not legends. They encourage unconstitutional activity, so while very rarely explicit or admitted, they can be implied and imposed with heavy hands by management.
@Abby Lockhart – this probably varies widely by jurisdiction. My husband is in law enforcement and EVERYONE on his force wants patrol duty (as opposed to other assignments). There are no quotas whatsoever (although I question the soundness of some of the fiscal decisions by his management).
Controllers. Anyone that prepares, reviews, or signs invoices.
Abby Lockhart – likely varies by district. I’m talking from my husband’s experience in three jurisdictions.
In his first, there were no quotas and in fact a policy to not “sweat the small stuff” as there were bigger fish to fry. That said, the department would (rightfully) become suspicious if a patrol officer assigned to the bar district every Friday night didn’t have a single DUI arrest for months but that has nothing to do with quotas. Just reasonable expectations to be doing your job and not parked in a corner texting.
I’m fairly certain that my husband didn’t give out a single ticket *just* for speeding. There had to be something else going on for the person to get cited. Speeding and expired registration, speeding and invalid inspection, speeding and high as a kite . . . You would still get pulled over for just speeding, but get a warning unless it was the 10th time he had pulled you over or something.
In his second job (federal) there was actually a law prohibiting any kind of performance review tied to his ability to bring in money. They wanted him and those in his role making non-biased decisions about whether a case was worth bringing or collecting on.
He’s now on his third job in the profession and so far no quota there either.
The insurance brokerage where I work is *mad* about month’s end… all goals are monthly, and people are stressed to the max on the last week of the month. The office will be open Saturday, because it’s technically prior to the end of the month and can therefore be used to increase production.
Actually, I wasn’t referring to patrol officers here. This was far more sinister than speeding tickets!
I agree with KC. I have a coupel of cases where the JUDGE is holding court on the 4th, even tho it is AFTER LABOR DAY, but it is also a religious holiday, so what that mean’s is that I have to squeeze in alot of PREP work on TUESDAY when I get back from the HAMTONS so that I can shine in court on Wedenesday. Some weekend! FOOEY!
Roberta agreed that we should drive out together to the manageing partner’s party so she is pickeing me up at 5:15 am on Sunday morning and takeing the LI expressway out before the crowd’s hit the road. This is worse then work b/c I will have to be out front of my apartement waiteing for her to drive down from Riverdele (which is in the Bronx). She asked if Jim could come with us, and even tho I did not really want him to come with us, he has no other way out there (other then the train), so I said OK. All I remember from him is him makeing me drive him all over Queen’s b/c he did NOT have enough money to call his own cab. We have to stop and pick him up also but at least Roberta know’s where he lives (I have no idea — the cabbie drove us thru funky neaigborhood’s in Queens. FOOEY! He had better not stare at my boobies the way he did in St. Louis or I am going to get mad at him. He has not exactely overloaded me with new cases either. FOOEY!
I hope the other poster’s here have a good holiday weekend. I will be back in the office tomorrow workeing on my breif’s and some CLE material I am prepareing for the manageing partner to present to the bar association. He said I have to proof it better this time so that the lawyer’s do not laugh at him again. I think he should read it at least before he get’s up there this time FOOEY!
I have thought it was Friday all day today. I even messed up my birth control earlier in the month and took two on the same day so that resulted in me taking a Friday pill on this Thursday. Combined with this post, I’m never going to get the day straight.
Have a great weekend Kat and everyone!
I’m considering getting a roommate in the small 2-br condo I just bought. I’m considering living with an acquaintance/friend from undergrad. Does anyone have any tips for how to set this up? mixing friendship and business is a little icky, but living with craigslist roommates is also a little icky, and she’s a really sweet girl.
Honestly, unless you know for sure that the two of you have compatible living habits, I’d advise against it. I have some very dear friends with whom sharing an apartment would destroy our relationship, regardless of how sweet/nice/etc they are.
It can take a bit more work to find someone good from Craigslist, but I find it’s easier to establish boundaries and expectations when you don’t have a preexisting relationship with a roommate. Considering you own your condo, I’d imagine you’re especially invested in maintaining its physical condition as well as preserving the standard of living you’re accustomed to (and have worked hard to provide for yourself).
Yeah, I’ve definitely had some iffy roommates who were friends first, but am pretty confident she and I would work together.
It’s definitely a seller’s market in my neighborhood for rented rooms, and there are lots of choices, but I know that she’s easygoing, sweet, very in to huge dogs (like mine), and, honestly, not my best friend in the world. I like being her friend, but it’s a four-month period of time of her living with me, and if it did hurt our friendship, I wouldn’t be devastated like with some of my better friends.
I’m going to talk to her in fifteen minutes and work some things out.
Ask LOTS of open questions about home habits, cleaning habits, communication issues, etc. If you ask yes or no questions, everyone will say yes. We found we got the best roommates when we asked things like: If you were annoyed by something I did, what would you do about it? Or, what do you normally do when you clean the kitchen? That made it a LOT more clear whether in reality our living styles were actually compatible. Also, we worked out a lot of basic agreements about shared duties, etc, in writing before moving in. It is much easier to have an agreement about what ‘cleaning the kitchen’ means before hand, rather than when someone is already irritated about cleaning someone else’s dishes.
I was all set to advise against this- but 4 months? Go for it!
Yeah, 4 months is no biggie. I retract my previous comments!
4 months with a friend-roommate is like having a long sleepover. And juuuust when you’re getting really sick of her – poof! She’ll be gone. I had a similar level friend room with me for three months, and it was actually really fun and brought us much closer. By the end of the time, I was occasionally beginning to notice a few irritating things but I think 4 months will still be fine / fun.
So true. A friend of mine was moving to another state and sold her house way too fast and needed to finish out her agreement with her employer. So she put everything in storage and lived with us for 3-4 months. We had a blast! It was fun getting caught up over dinner every night and having a glass of wine together without having to plan it. And she was gone before I knew it.
For 4 months, you can survive pretty much anything. As long as she’s not a criminal and has a basic sense of hygiene, I think you’ll be fine.
Honestly, my best roommates have been people who were acquaintance-y friends but not best friends. I think it gives you a basic level of comfort with each other without feeling like it will be devastating if you end up getting on each others’ nerves as roommates. Obviously, all the other cleanliness/communication habits are the most important part of compatibility, but it sounds to me like it has a good chance of working out!
Thanks, all. I told her I’m in if she is and she’s getting back to me tonight or tomorrow morning.
The worst roomates I’ve ever had were friends beforehand. I find I can be a lot more objective about the roomate potential of total strangers, whether off craigslist or off the street :-).
Please tell me if I’m crazy:
My life has been in upheaval this past year. I got engaged, my brother got sick, my brother got better, I got married, brother got very sick, brother passed away, we found out we were pregnant (surprise!)…
I just took my 1.5 year old lab-hound pup to the vet regarding his ongoing food allergies, and the doctor had rescued a 1-year old white lab with the same problem (and apparently now on the same prescription diet) who needs a home. The dogs briefly met and seemed perfectly fine to each other, if a little indifferent. The lab is very sweet, and a bit shy, but remarkably calm for her breed.
Am I crazy to consider bringing this dog home (We would do a test long weekend before officially deciding)? We have a house and a yard, and my pup loooves all other dogs, and we had been thinking about getting another one before the chaos and surprises of this sumer. Any success/horror stories about 2nd dogs, or dogs + babies?
Honestly, if you have the money to care for it and the space (it seems you do), adding a second dog isn’t a crazy amount of work. I’d think about what you’d do if you travel (if you hire a pet sitter, two versus one dogs isn’t that differetn,b ut if you bring your dog, that will be much more difficult with two), etc, but it doesn’t sound like an awful idea to me. Dogs can really entertain each other and take the burden off of you.
This is true, particularly how they can entertain each other. Instead of just one next to you with the ball in your lap and you feeling guilty because you are so dang tired, there will be a friend! to pull on a rope with! and to attack while he’s sleeping! and to run around with! I think if you enjoy the long weekend with two, go for it.
(And I’m sorry to hear about your brother. You’ve been on an emotional roller coaster, but I’m hoping it’s up from here.)
I think TBK asked for some tips on dogs + babies sometime over the summer, and I found the stories shared helpful. Depending on how far along you are, you could just add the second dog to the training you choose for your first dog in preparation for the baby. Dog 2 probably needs time to get used to your family (say at least a few months) before retaining new skills learned in training about how to deal with a baby. If I had a dog, I would absolutely seek dog training before bringing a baby home. It sounds like it is a lot of work to prepare a dog for a tiny human sharing its space (and filling its now-quiet home with strange noises).
If you’re due in the next month, I wouldn’t get the second dog. Also, so sorry about your brother.
We’ve got 7 months before baby makes an appearance, so I have some time. Our current dog is mostly well-trained (except for when the mailman is at the front door). We are planning to do some additional “getting ready for baby” training.
I must have missed that the thread you are referring to, but will go search through the archives. Thanks for letting me know!
I just noticed it’s a girl dog. I don’t know if retrievers do this, but a lot of herding breeds can be protective of pregnant women. I have a friend whose sheltie wouldn’t let anyone near her while she was pregnant, and was so underfoot it was actually dangerous for her.
I imagine she can already smell or sense that you’re pregnant, but you don’t know if she’ll start trying to protect you until she views you as yours. Maybe the vet would have insight in to this?
I think this can happen with any dog. My non-herding, boy dog has been super protective of me this pregnancy. (He could have been the first time as well, but he was a pup.) He hasn’t made it dangerous for me in anyway, he will just come and stand between me and anyone who gets close (my husband primarily). And anytime (or the many times) that I get up at night, he always wakes up and checks on me. Its actually pretty sweet. From the eyes of an outsider, it might look a bit scary because he is a 120 lb dog that throws himself at my feet and HAS to be close, but I’m used to it and know he is just being a big goon.
I asked for tips on dogs and got lots of good suggestions. We brought our bebe home about a month ago, and the transition has been really good. The dog hangs out by the baby – I think she is protecting him. It’s really sweet.
It was you, preg anon, not TBK! So sorry!
I did the “try out” with two dogs and found it was way too many dogs for me. So, you should take the pup for the long weekend and you’ll be able to make a much more educated decision. If you feel like you can do it after that, you’ll have your answer.
Were you in the market for a second dog? Or is this a hard sell with a cute face? We have two dogs and at times, they both want us to pay them attention instead of playing with each other. We got our second dog about a year before we had a baby and had plenty of time to work on her behavior and training. If they both have allergies, are you ok with the carrying costs of treating two dogs? Same for boarding, preventative meds, vet bills etc.
Re: being underfoot, mine are pains about this, but we did train them to go down the stairs first so that I wouldn’t trip on them pregnant/carrying the baby.
I don’t think you are crazy for considering it. Sometimes the timing is just right and these things get dropped into your lap. Sometimes the universe hands you a lot of blessings on top of a lot of heartache. I’m sorry you’ve had such a crazy year and my condolences about your brother. I think life can be messy and random and there’s dogs and babies and your house is loud, but that also makes life beautiful. Make sure you can afford the second dog (and its allergies) plus a new baby. Can your husband deal with walking both dogs when you are in the later stages of pregancy? Labs can have iron necks and pull you around the block so you will have to definitely get the walk with 2 dogs and a potential stroller down. Labs usually need more than just a yard and can become escape artists when they don’t get to migrate enough. But, I think labs are some of the best dogs for children and I loved mine growing up. I’m in the camp of the more dogs the better. Best of luck!
not crazy and very good-hearted. If the dogs get along, they will definitely be company for each other; dogs are pack animals and may be therefore less demanding of you (though labs can be black holes for love :-)). If your yard is fenced and they can be let out when needed, this will be a big advantage, especially with the baby – managing two dogs walking on leashes with an infant can be a very big deal, but being able to let them out to hold them over and walking for exercise when convenient for you would be a big plus. I agree with the above that trying them out for a weekend or a week would be ideal – how does she walk on a leash, is she well housetrained, are they competing for attention or playing together, is one asserting dominance over the other excessively, etc.
I want to add to the earlier responses to note that two dogs together act very differently than they would if they were alone.
We had a Border Collie who knew where he lived, never left the front stoop except for the backyard (we lived outside of city limits) kind of thing, and when he was about 7 we adopted a golden puppy. A week after we had them, they both just disappeared. They were eventually found (TEN days later!), but my point is that be prepared for your first dog to act differently. They’ll likely be more “pack animals” than they would be alone.
Btw our dog, a retriever, took to our baby instantly and was a complete non-issue (other than gaining ten pounds when she went on solid food just from eating what she spilled, which rapidly turned into a game that delighted both of them.) – no jealousy or other acting out at all. This is probably a Know-your-dog situation and breed related too.
So, any of you ladies into archery?
I’m thinking of picking i up as a hobby and I’m curious as to anyone’s experiences with it. God knows I need a distraction from shenanigans…
I did it growing up and enjoyed it. My parents had a large lot and mostly we just set up targets on hay bales. I have thought it would be fun to revisit but haven’t gotten around to it. I hear it’s gotten very trendy with young people (at least in my area) as a result of the hunger games books/movies.
It is. The first installation of Lord of the Rings (i.e., LEGOLAS) came out exactly when our high school PE class started having archery units. It’s kinda like a shooting range, except I find it way more awesome—-it’s quieter and I get to pretend that I am a blond elf. Whatevs.
*cough*Hawkeye*cough* Yeah I can’t say that the recent exploits of various archers in popular culture (…. oh dear LotR came out HOW long ago? 0.0) haven’t influenced this decision… :D
I did it once with friends, it’s a lot of fun! Especially with my lack of hand-eye coordination.
I did it many moons ago in summer camp and really liked it – even tho i have the eyesight of a concussed mole, I remember it fondly so…. :D
Haha, great analogy! I love moles, they are quite cute and despite living in the ground their fur is amazingly soft and shiny.
We used to do archery every fall in gym class (I had really passionate gym teachers…but now I know how to play a lot of different games). It’s really fun! It’s harder than it looks and you can get a welt if you have hyper-extended elbows (depending on the bow), but it’s really fun! I would recommend it if you can find a place to do it.
Note to self, get arm guards then. :D I’ve some serious hyperextension going on so being forewarned is forearguarded :)
Archery is awesome! I did it in high school (not competitively, just for fun), and I’ve recently been planning to get back into it. It’s a blast, and honestly feels very badass.
And some of the coolest women ever were archers. See: Artemis. One of the coolest ladies of Greek mythology, hands down.
Yup, Artemis kicks ass :D I wish i’d been able to do archery in school…
Save the Date!
The Bay Area is welcoming a special visitor on September 28 for a meet-up in Palo Alto or San Francisco!
I just might fly to SF for that. But only if she brings ALAN.
OMG, I would totally cancel my tahoe trip for that!
NOT w/o ME along as her shapparone! She might spend to much $$ or meet a gross guy FOOEY!!!!
January (the commenter) is our guest. Sorry, not ELLEN.
I’ve never been so sorry NOT to be Ellen! I hope she comes anyway.
Baby shower Q
A friend of mine registered for a print for her nursery … I bought the print, would it also be expected/normal to frame it, versus giving it unframed? (I don’t know what the nursery decor is for picking out a frame, and she did not register for a frame.)
Oh, that’s interesting. What about a gift certificate to a framing place in addition to the piece, if that’s in the budget?
+1 – exactly what I was going to say
A good friend bought me a print from Etsy that was on my baby registry. No frame. I didn’t expect one at all. Personally I look forward to having it framed myself.
My sister made a wall hanging for my son’s wall while I was pg and snuck into my house to get the colors of his crib right to have it framed. I really appreciated that.
Can anyone recommend favorite vegetarian side dishes for our Labor Day BBQ? (Well it’s not really a “true BBQ” steaks for the meat eaters and grilled veggies for the non-meat eaters). We are already planning potatoes and a green salad, so I am looking for something outside the box. Thanks!
This corn salad is really delicious and highly adapatable if you don’t like one of the ingredients: http://www.splendidtable.org/recipes/corn-salad-with-tomatoes-avocadoes-and-lime-cilantro-dressing
I often make corn and tomato salad with fresh basil. The dressing is just white wine vinegar, olive oil, and a little sugar (which may not be necessary). I got the recipe from Sara Moulton.
Pasta salad with red onion, cherry tomatoes, feta and balsamic dressing
Southwest pasta salad with black beans, bell pepper, onion and some type of cilantro/ lime dressing
Asian slaw (IMO, better than regular slaw and lighter)
Tomatoes corn salad
Watermelon feta salad
Sweet potato, orange and chickpea salad
Macaroni salad (I add chopped carrots for crunch)
As you can see, I prefer dishes that don’t have to be heated for bbq’s
Taco dip and chips
Insalata Caprese (I live on this in the summer as I grow my own tomatoes and basil)
Maybe beans of some sort? I’m not a big fan of cold bean salads, myself, though.
Nice hearty pasta salad – I personally like this one: http://www.vegetariantimes.com/recipe/mediterranean-chopped-salad/?canonical=noquery&circ_ad=b&utm_expid=1306512-12.Cp3ocSSkTDOMXgcmIruxCQ.1&utm_referrer=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.vegetariantimes.com%2Fsearch%2Forzo
You can also make vegetarian baked beans.
Anon in NYC
I’ve gotten into raw vegetable salads lately. My favorite: use a mandolin or cut a zucchini really thin into rounds. Make a dressing of lemon juice, olive oil and salt. Toss the zucchini with the dressing and let it sit for a little while until the zucchini softens. Add toasted pine nuts and shaved parmesan. You can also do virtually the same salad with shaved asparagus (it is just more of a pain in the put to make the asparagus ribbons. The salad is really light and refreshing.
I posted this the other day, but I had a fantastic tomato, peach, and burrata salad, with a basil dressing. It was surprising that the peaches worked with the tomatoes and the basil, but it was fantastic.
Turns out tomatoes go with a lot of fruits. I do something similar to this with watermelon instead peaches, and it’s delish. Plus it’s kind of fun how the red tomatoes and watermelon look so similar but taste so different!
This broccoli salad: http://foodwishes.blogspot.com/2010/06/will-this-great-broccoli-salad-become.html. You can make the dressing and prep the broccoli in advance, but don’t mix them together until shortly before it’s time to serve. It’s so good.
I also like to blend cooked peas, a little garlic, mint, watercress, and olive oil together into a hummus-like consistency. Good as a dip/spreat. You can also make it a little heavier on the watercress and thin it out with some vinegar and more oil to put on lamb or something.
If your grill has a grill pan or a fish plate with smaller holes, rub some whole kale leaves down with coconu oil and quickly grill it. I read this on a blog a while ago (the Paupered Chef, maybe?) and it’s one of my favorite veggie party tricks.
Gruyere risotto with asparagus and mushrooms. Ask Karl Google for the recipe – it’s the first one that comes up. So effin good.
Roasted veggies–either warm or at room temperature. either over pasta or not. Eggplant/cherry tomatoes/zucchini/summer squash/chard/mushrooms/onions/garlic (lots). We just chop, drizzle with olive,throw in a foil roaster, and cook on high on our grill until as soft as you want. You can also roast in a grill pan, but we like the sauciness that comes with the roaster. And drizzle with balsamic at the end.
Fresh corn with jalapenos. This is our new summer favorite. Super easy:
1) husk corn and cut off cob. You will now have a pile of corn kernels. Or, if you’re not up to doing step 1 buy frozen corn.
2) Slice up jalapenos. Lots.
3) saute jalapenos in a generous amount of olive oil + butter.
4) when jalapenos are soft and starting to brown, throw in corn. Saute until corn is done (note, it doesn’t need to be really cooked–just hot). YUM.
Oh no! I just clicked on “Report” rather than “Reply.” Ugh.. so happy it’s Friday. Anyway – I recommend a watermelon/feta/arugula salad or a sweet corn/tomato/avocado/crab salad. You could always omit the crab. I’ve brought these to recent BBQs and they’ve been huge hits! I got the basic recipes from Skinnytaste then doctored them up a bit.
We are considering a move to Baltimore. Work would be Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine. We have 3 small kids. Where we lived would not only be governed by proximity to work but also schools. The older 2 are in an IB program now and we would like to continue with that. Can anyone share information about good elementary schools, especially if IB, in Baltimore? We have a year to figure things out.
Would you consider living in Columbia? Great schools there unless things have drastically changed in the last decade.
Anon for this
+1. My husband grew up there and it’s (multicultural) Mayberry.
I'm Just Me
And I’ll put in a plug for Anne Arundel County. I have several neighbors/friends that commute to JH.
Are you wedded to public schools? If not, it looks like St Paul’s has an IB program. It’s got a beautiful campus in a town that’s an easy commute to JH hospital.
Sorry that I can’t offer specific advise, but my DH grew up there and from what I’ve leAned over the years, the are many great schools. There are a lot of private/prep schools (Friends, Park School, McDounagh (sp?), Gilman, Roland Park, Bryn Mawr…the list goes on). I know a little about the public schools–there are some good public magnet schools (City College and Poly, I think), plus decent large public school very close (Pikesville, Towson).
Point is: find a native with kids and pick her/his brains (future coworker(s), realtors, etc.). I think it’s not uncommon for kids to start in public school and move to private in middle/high school, or to move between private schools (as adults, it seems to this outsider that everyone who went to the private schools knows each other or is one degree away from everyone else). I think a lot depends on what your jam is. We have talked about moving back and are pretty sure it’s not in the cards professionally, but my many trips there have led me to develop warm feelings for Charm City. And coming from NYC, the real estate is awesome (nice house, 15 mins from downtown on I-83? Yes please). Good luck!
*advice. I, too, could use an early weekend, apparently.
I was going to post again about the public magnet schools. Could not remember the names, but those are the ones — City College and Poly. Those schools were really great when I was there, but I don’t know what the admissions process is.
Baltimore has great neighborhoods and communities. There are many great schools and school systems – as a state, Maryland has a reputation for education.
There is a magazine, Baltimore’s Child, that does an annual list of private schools, look it up and see if the article is archived. There are some real gems in every public schools system. Elementary schools in the city have variety and have charter schools that are amazing with Montessori, KIPP and the newest one I’ve heard of is Creative City. Public high schools have magnet schools in the city, Harbor ___? is a public tech magnet school in addition to what is named. Baltimore County (surrounds the city) is separate from Baltimore City, and has a similar system. I wouldn’t be surprised if Catonsville High is IB. Many solid, if not great private schools. I’m not that familiar with IB, but am confident that you will find a school that fits for your children in proximity to working at JHU.
We are way, way more than The Wire. If you haven’t watched it, wait until you’ve lived here for 5 years before you do – it did not showcase the life & times of people who work at a university – it was about a minority of a minority of a diverse group of people. You will find charm, sass, wit, grace and elegance among its well-educated residents: urban, sub-urban, and ex-urban. :0)
Have any of you had success at getting a cat to stop biting? Most of the time, he’s a sweet, cuddly guy who loves nothing more than to lay with me for hours. But sometimes he’ll just decide that it’s time to take a chomp out of my arm, often multiple times in a row. I think it’s “play biting,” but it’s getting a little out of control and sometimes it’s even to break the skin and leave a mark. I’ve tried spritzing him with water when he does it, and that gets it to stop right then, but it doesn’t seem to have a long term effect so far. Suggestions? If it matters, he’s about 7 years old (but I just adopted him a few months ago), he’s fixed, and he’s the only pet in the house.
Dam*it, I’m sorry Cats, I accidentally reported your post.
My suggestion is, to make sure you play with him every day. Make sure you are not using hands as ‘toys’ in any scenario. Also, can you tell when he’s going to play bite? Is it usually from petting too much? Make notes so you can see if there are any common threads between he bites.
I read this as ” getting a cat to stop bitching” and I thought, “nope. its a cat. its going to be bitchy”
Hahaha that’s exactly how I read it too. And I say it lovingly, as a cat owner myself!
Yup, my cat (4 years old) does something similar occasionally but usually it’s just because she’s had too much petting/stimulation. I posted a few weeks ago about her actually attacking me one evening but I really think it was because she was annoyed about a few things that had happened that day (culminating in us trimming her toenails, which she finds very stressful). Normally it’s just as you describe and we just spritz her and not allow her lap time until she calms down.
There doesn’t seem to be a consistent pattern. Sometimes we’ll just be laying on the couch and all of the sudden I can tell from his body language that he’s about to bite. Other times it’s from petting (but other times I can pet him for a long time without an issue). It kind of seems like maybe he does it when he wants to play, but of course I can’t drop what I’m doing and play with the cat every time he decides to bite (and also that seems like it would be rewarding bad behavior?). Once in a while he’ll lightly bite my calf in the morning when he’s decided that the world will end if he does not get his breakfast in the next 10 seconds, but besides that it mostly seems like the play thing.
Also it’s not just an occasional problem, it’s multiple times a day.
If you’ve only had him a few months, I wonder whether he had more playtime in his previous home. Did he live with another cat or dog that he was able to play with?
I sometimes wonder that about my own cat – she hates other cats but she lived with a dog before us.
I’m not sure what his previous situation was. I got him from a shelter where he’d been living for several months, but they didn’t tell me what his old household was like.
Our cat attacks me occasionally, but it’s getting less frequent because I’m learning to recognize the signs and hopefully he’s leaving me a lone more. He attacks with claws & biting as I’m walking down the stairs & usually draws blood. When it happens I shut him in the basement for a while as a time-out/cool down time. I’ve noticed that he’s more likely to attack when I’m pms’ing than at other times in the month.
He also doesn’t like lots of pets – I can usually get 2 or 3 in before he turns to bite my hand.
Thankfully he’s most aggressive towards me and not any of our kids. However, I wouldn’t be sad if he ran away & we couldn’t find him.
Have you watched “My cat from hell” on animal planet? Its awesome. That show’s recommendation for almost all cat problems is to play with them vigorously with cat toys for 15 minutes twice a day. 5 minutes at a time to warm them up and get them to run around then let them calm back down then back up for 5 more minutes three times. That seems to cure most problems.
I have never really tended my garden, but a new bikini purchase is making me think I need to. No time to go to a professional. Should I just shave (which I know gives me terrible ingrowns, even when tend skinned religiously) or try an at home wax? And if wax, what kind?
Pregnancy Dressing Help
I really like the Bliss Wax Strips
You have to be brave to do it at home. Heat the strips a little and place them where you want the hair removed. Press down and riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiip off in the opposite direction of hair growth.
I always had terrible bumps when I shaved my bikini line, but somebody suggested Bikini Zone after-shave gel and it does a great job of preventing/minimizing teh bumpz. http://bikinizone.com/ I am usually able to find it at Target.
I tried a home wax kit once (after routinely getting pro waxes but slashing them from the budget) and I couldn’t pull it myself. I couldn’t psychologically. DH had to pull the strip for me, then I threw it away.
I love Veet. I’ve used it for years.
Oh, and I wax my brows at home regularly. I just couldn’t do the bikini pull.
Mr. and I were talking last night about what we’d tell a kid who was 18 or 20 about what marriage is really about and what they should really be looking for (this followed a discussion of how useless the terms “soulmate” and “settling” are). I would put “is this someone who would rip a strip of wax off your bikini line if you put it on and found you couldn’t bring yourself to pull it off?” I’m not joking.
Amazing. Unfortunately, I couldn’t agree more.
Haha, my SO would do it, but only after freaking out about hurting me, and then he would apologize profusely.
This is actually a really good test, because I can think of at least one ex and some other male friends who would absolutely NOT do this for any woman.
I also use Veet, because of the irritation I get when shaving there. The chemicals that could do this share the bejeezus out of me, but its better than the alternatives for me.
I’ve heard Magic Shaving Powder is awesome for the bikini line. I’ve seen it at Walmart but haven’t tried it myself. My garden is mostly untended (generally just trim), but that is going to have to change soon as I’m getting tired of skirted swimsuits. I really hate ingrown hairs, though.
Just use a personal trimmer! Looks identical to shaving but slightly less close so no uncrowned. They are cheap.
No ingrowns I mean.
+1 You’ll have to redo more often, but it’s totally worth it!
Am I the only person who can’t seem to mow my garden to save my life? I don’t have a problem with ingrowns, I just can’t actually get rid of my grass! It seems like no matter what I try – new razor, shaving cream, heat on it before mowing, a bath – nothing actually gets it smooth. My legs last a full 24 hours of smooth with those tricks, but my garden is prickly ten minutes after!
I had this and then I got laser hair removal! Best decision ever! I got 5 rounds earlier this year and will probably do another 5 to make it totally gone but right now I have to shave every 1.5 weeks verse every single day before.
My family is throwing a surprise party for my mother’s 65th birthday, and I’m hoping to do something special and out of the ordinary. It will be a big party with dancing, etc., so maybe a special party favor or display would be nice? Is there anything that you’ve seen that seemed like a really special differentiator at an event like this? Any advice would be much appreciated-have a great long weekend!
I attended something similar where there was a photobook through the person’s life, where left page was something contemporary to the time and the right page was a pic of the person at the time. I’m sure it took some serious time, but it was really a great book that everyone loved flipping through. It would be neat as a guest book, too, so the person could have notes from friends in it as well.
A friend of my mom’s recently sent me a note wherein she wrote a paragraph about how she met my mother and some things that she always remembers about her. I treasure it and my mother thought it was really neat, too. You could send out cards to guests in advance to have them write a memory about your mother to bring and collect.
Has your mom had a nice cake before? Like, one of those 3D wedding-type ones? That might be a neat present to show off at the party and make her feel extra special. They’re surprisingly cheap when not wedding-related, and you can theme it with her hobbies. Getting a “fancy” cake with a 3D bike on it was the highlight of my dad’s recent milestone birthday.
For my dad’s 60th party I hired a professional photographer. It was fun – photos were great. Made sure to let guests know ahead of time that there would be photographer present so they could get camera ready (live in very casual area).
I got the worst haircut of my life this past weekend, and I can’t get over it. The length is fine, and she layered it okay . . . at first. Once she was done layering, she took her scissors and cut into the ends to give it a weird, chunky texture. I wanted to ask her what she was doing, but I was afraid I’d sound rude.
I know people assure me I look fine, but I. Hate. This. Haircut.
Luckily I’m getting it fixed a week from today, but I still have to go about my business with this hack job right at my ears until then. Wearing a hat only makes me look worse as the only hair showing are the hacked up ends.
What the hell, hairdresser? I know this technique makes people look younger, but I’m in my mid-20’s and I look like a teenager, so there was literally no reason to do that to my hair.
Wear it in a bun? Out of sight, out of mind.
It’s too short to pull back
That style is usually to thin out your hair. I have very thick hair and wear it in a layered bob and if she doesn’t do that shearing thing I look like I have a mushroom on my head. The thickness comes back strangely quickly. I bet it will “grow out” much faster than you imagine. I’m always contemplating going back for more thinning way before I need a normal trim. I would bet in a month that part of the look will be gone. I”m just telling you that in case in a week they tell you they can’t really fix it.
Another Chia Hair-ed Blonde Lawyer
Are you me?
Yay! I’m not the only one. I look like the bride of Frankenstein in tropical overseas vacation pics where I did not have access to a hair dryer or straightener. I had long hair then and I’m fairly certain I scared some small children.
It’s probably not as bad as you think. I got a really bad haircut a couple weeks ago but keep getting compliments on it!
East Coast Anon
Just own it. Nobody else is thinking that hard about your hair. And next time speak up when when you feel the haircut is going astray. It’s to the stylist’s advantage to have you walk away a happy customer.
Yup. I felt totally bad being the last customer of the day and having to say, nope, you need to take 2 more inches off (like I asked you to an hour ago), and he kept telling me that I’m going to regret it, but then 20 min later, I had the haircut that I wanted and LOVE!
I totally agree with nobody else thinking that hard about your hair :-). But I can’t see anything they’re doing while they’re doing it, a glasses problem, so it’s not always easy to intervene, especially if the first alarming cuts are done already.
My best haircut trick: take crude cell-phone pictures of a haircut you like on yourself. Always have them on hand to show to the next hairdresser, or just to remind yours of what you like. Much more effective than words, even technical words :-).
This happened to me a couple of weeks ago and it was way more difficult to deal with mentally than I would have thought. But it’s for a limited amount of time, and you’re going to get it fixed, so it will be okay! And I doubt that anyone else will be paying as much attention to your hair as you will (or I did!).
Why do you need to wait a week to fix your hair?
I’ve been there before, primarily with color but also with bangs, and it makes me feel so irrationally terrible that I either hoof it wherever I can to get it fixed immediately. You should be able to find a place to fix it tomorrow. If you’re going to the same person to fix it and that’s why you’re waiting, I’d politely but persistently insist she fix it tomorrow.
Sorry, that “either” should not be in that sentence up there. Tired.
I was thinking of you while styling my hair this AM. If you are the same person that previously posted about a bad haircut you mentioned you wanted a wash and go look. You may be hating the new do because it isn’t wash and go. Until you can get it fixed or grow it out how you like, here are a couple suggestions –
1. Put a dab of serum in it while it is still wet. I love the frizz-ease stuff.
2. Spend 5 minutes blow drying it with the attachment that directs the heat straight down instead of all over the place. It is the little narrow attachment.
3. Plug in a tiny straightener or curling iron while you blow dry.
4. When you are done blow drying, run the hot iron down your hair and tuck under a bit. This will hide those crazy ends you don’t like.
5. Finish with a quick shine spray or light hold hair spray. I’m also a fan of frizz-ease for this.
This whole routine should take less than 15 minutes if your hair is short and you will probably like it a lot better until you can go back to wash and go. Also, keep in mind for some people (me me me) there is no such thing as wash and go that won’t look crazy. When it was long I could wear it curly but I would still have to put product in it to get it to look good.
Last Sunday, took youngest to the barber – just waited too long. Sat through the line, she did the cut, and wow, it was combed and wet – looked good!
It dried, and it’s apparent that either she goofed or he moved – there is a chunk of hair the size of clipper imprint missing about two inches up from his hairline.
Didn’t notice it until I came home. Paid cash, no receipt. What would you do? My kiddo is 5, and isn’t heartbroken or anything, but I don’t want her to fix it, it’s so short I’m not sure what can be done, and the fact that she didn’t mention it is two strikes right there.
He’s in school near home, so bringing him back is a pain.
I need to vent. DH is standing up in a wedding on Saturday. First, let’s acknowledge that weddings on Labor Day weekend are kind of annoying. I know there are definitely pros to a holiday weekend wedding, but it is *kind of* irritating for guests.
As of last night, we had almost no information about the weekend schedule. All we had was the info on the wedding website, which included the time and location of Rehearsal Dinner and the time and location of the ceremony and reception. I asked DH about his Friday plans for the r
ehearsal and he knew nothing (it was kind of cute, he didn’t even realize that he had a rehearsal to go to). He also didn’t know what time he was supposed to be available on Saturday for the actual ceremony.
He emailed the groom and got the following response: “Rehearsal is at 4:30 on Friday, dinner at 7:00. Please arrive on time. We also decided that we want the wedding party to help us set up on Saturday, so please arrive at the ceremony site at 10:00 am. We can go over to (bridesmaid’s) apartment after to get ready.”
Okay, DH’s last day of work at his current job is Friday, and he’s transitioning a new person, so it might be a bit hard for him to leave an hour early and get across town in traffic. A bit of a heads up would have been nice. And expecting your wedding party to help you set up without giving any notice???? Am I crazy for thinking this is inappropriate? How are they all going to shower in one person’s apartment? What about the women — hair appointments, make-up, etc.??
Anyway, the wedding should be fun and I’m looking forward to it, and ultimately none of this really affects me because I’m not in the wedding, but I thought it was a bit cray.
Let me also note that I’m really sick of the wedding party-only head tables. I’ve been separated from DH at 3 of the past 5 weddings we’ve attended because of this. It sucks.
I don’t mind. I mean I see my husband all the time, it’s usually nice to have new people to talk to, or if not at least I have something new to talk about with my spouse on the drive home!
I hate it too – my husband has been in 4 weddings and we were seated separately at 3 out of 4 of them (and I couldn’t go to the 4th because of work). At one of them I at least sat with my in-laws but at the other 2 I knew almost nobody at my table. We kept couples together at our wedding at sat with our parents/siblings. I think its so much nicer that way. In general, I think I’m a pretty low maintenance wedding guest but that is my #1 pet peeve!
I hate head tables too! The last two weddings I’ve been in there was a sweetheart table and I (the bridesmaid) got to sit with hubby and my best friends and their hubbies. Sitting with friends made those weddings much more awesome.
I bet that his office will be a ghost town tomorrow by 4:00. Leaving early should not be a big deal. I know my office is closing at 1:00 and lawyers will probably stick around for an hour or two. As far as setting up, I admit that it was just kind of sprung on him, but any time I’ve been in a wedding, I’ve just assumed that I would be spending the day of the wedding doing some kind of wedding-related activities. Its possible the women will be getting ready somewhere other than the apartment. When I got married, my husband and the guys had the apartment for the day and the girls were in a hotel suite so we could have the hairdresser come, etc.
Are most people traveling to attend this wedding? I’ve only been to one wedding where I didn’t have to travel out of state so if most people are traveling, it might be that the groom just assumed everyone would be available during the day (since when you travel, you typically assume the wedding events will take up the whole weekend). Still a little boneheaded of the groom either way. As for head tables, I thought the trend was toward sweetheart tables for the couple, in part so the wedding party could sit with their friends/relatives (because honestly does the bride’s college roommate really want to spend the evening sitting between the groom’s brother and a guy from his frat?).
The wedding party is about half-local, half out-of-state.
I agree that he should have expected to be available the whole day on Saturday. If it were me, though, I would consider physical labor pre-wedding to be pretty different than getting hair and nails done at the salon (or maybe golf for the guys? What is the stereotypical pre-wedding routine for guys?) But I’m a lazy slug. The couple is trying to save money, and I get that, so I’m probably just being a jerk. [but I do still hate the head table]
The head table definitely reads as ’80s to me. We just sat at a table with our siblings and their dates / SO. Having to eat dinner separate is silly.
I also agree about the physical labor, but honestly, guys are pretty clueless (not to be all stereotypical or anything), but its possible that his fiancee has been telling him that the guys have to set up x,y, and z on Saturday for months and he just started paying attention this week and therefore just let everyone know this week.
Yeah, it’s one thing to be available to hang out with the bride or groom, have lunch or champagne and all that. But doing wedding set-up? I wouldn’t make guests carry chairs and set out floral arrangements or whatever. Not even people in the wedding party. If this is a DIY thing, I would think family would be helping out.
I think it’s fine to ask the wedding party to help set up. It does save money, and not everyone has family with the ability to help significantly. But (a) it would be better to communicate that beforehand, and (b) it would be better to set up the day/evening before, like before or after the rehearsal, so that everyone, including the bride and groom, can relax and enjoy the wedding day. And of course the bride and groom would ideally have reasonable expectations and be thankful to anyone, including family, who helped.
I think that if you’re doing DIY it’s alright to ask people to help out with notice. “Ask” and “with notice” being the operative words. I find it very, very rude to demand that your wedding party or guests help with set-up and even more rude to let them know only days in advance.
A-non for this
I feel you. I’m going to be in a pain-in-the-butt wedding next month. I bet if your DH explains the work situation, they’ll understand (or they won’t but tough noogies for them).
I hope the wedding is truly fun. And that you’ll get to sit with him for the reception. Wedding party-only head tables are the worst for spouses :P
My husband’s groomsmen helped set up before our ceremony. No one minded. A little advanced notice would be nice, and I don’t think my husband was great about putting the guys on notice, but the groomsmen all went out to brunch while we were getting our hair and makeup done, and then unfolded chairs for about 10 minutes.
Now, if they’re also setting up tables, that’s a lot more work. And if they’re expected to do a ton of decorating, that’s not really fair. But even with 100 chairs to put out, it took five men 10 minutes to set up, and then another 15 minutes to blow up some balloons. We were pretty low key.
PS – I clicked on “Report” by accident because I was used to only having one link below the comment and clicked the nearest “R” word by default. Sorry. :(
As a recent bridesmaid and a guest in two other recent weddings, I feel your pain but I would also keep in mind that in the last wedding, the bridesmaids were a lot better informed about plans and schedules than the groomsmen. I don’t know whose fault the communication was but I also think we asked what we needed to do whereas the groomsmen found out last minute because they weren’t proactive about things.
Hope the wedding is fun!
About two weeks before our wedding, my husband was in a friend’s wedding. He was asked to travel to and stand in this wedding about 2 or 3 weeks before the wedding itself. And the groom didn’t really tell him where to be or when or how to get there. Honestly, my husband was thrilled to be in the wedding and completely fine going with the flow. My point is, I think it’s normal for the groom to communicate less with the groomsmen. But when we got home from that wedding, my husband and I both wrote emails to the wedding party telling them what the plans for our wedding weekend were.
I think you are overreacting. Weddings are complicated to plan, and most people who are planning weddings don’t really know what they are doing and have never planned an event of this scale before. Give them a little slack. Remember that they are coordinating tons of people, and that they may not be able to anticipate exactly what needs to be communicated before hand. They might assume your husband could be more flexible and pitch in, since he’s agreed to be in the wedding party. But truly, they are probably trying their best and just don’t know any better/aren’t able to plan ahead as well as they would have liked.
Hudson Valley wineries
Has anyone ever been to the wineries in the Hudson Valley? Any recommendations? Any that are dog friendly?
I can’t speak to the dog friendliness of them, but Brotherhood is very nice and historic, had a good tour, and the wine is very good. Millbrook is smaller, pretty, the tour was ok, and the wine wasn’t as good as Brotherhood’s.
Anon in NYC
I’ve just been informed that my assistant is going to be let go next week. I feel awful, but it really is deserved.
She’s never really been able to keep up with the work flow, despite numerous attempts at getting her organized and caught up. In addition, there have been so many mistakes which have resulted in a loss of trust on my part. It’s not just me, the other associates feel the same way and it’s obvious to everyone in our practice group. She’s been warned and is aware of these issues. It’s just not a good fit and she also seems really miserable.
I’m the senior associate she works for, and I have no idea what, if anything, I should say after she finds out. I know she’s going to be hurt, but we had a talk about a month ago (she initiated it) after one of her more serious warnings from HR where I did tell her that it didn’t seem to be a good fit.
You can thank her for her time and wish her the best. If you were informed, you didn’t make the call, so you are not responsible for her job loss.
So, speaking as someone who was let go once (I was an AWFUL assistant, but I found work that I’m much better at)… I don’t know what your company’s HR policies are but…
1.) Do the best you can to make sure she knows WHY she is being let go. Hopefully she can improve in the future.
2.) Are you able to give her *any* kind of reference? Even a neutral one is better than leaving her with no reference. (We know what it means when a candidate directs someone to HR and not their boss).
3.) Try to treat her, and the process, with dignity.
4.) Depending on your relationship with her and your company, reach out over LinkedIn or your personal email (this can be iffy).
Ultimately, her job is her responsibility (not your’s), and it is not your job to clean up the mess she created. Please just bear in mind- this is a human being and her livelihood.
Treat it like a change, not The End – and follow her lead. She’s had some notice that she is struggling, and both sides gave it their best effort. Express your confidence that she can find something that is better suited for her strengths.
On the why – talk with HR about what is appropriate for references/official communications.
Some places insist that HR is the only place to get information on prior employees – watch out for assuming a negative inference…
I have a challenge that is perfect for the hive. My sister’s boyfriend will likely propose soon and will seek counsel from me re the ring. I talked to her and remain kind of stumped at what to recommend. She does not want a diamond or really any other stone, but she obviously wants it to be special/unique/cool/something she will wear the rest of her life. She works in fashion and her style is somewhat edgy but who knows if that will last. I am thinking something modern and timeless if possible. She wouldnt like anything flowery or super decorative. Anyone have any ideas? I dont know price range but am really just trying to get ideas . . . .
Anon in NYC
I saw rings from Ashley Hilton Jewellery on A Practical Wedding that looked really cool – they had etchings on them and they can customize create custom etchings so it’s something really meaningful and personal to your sister and her boyfriend.
Idea. Tell him to propose. And then go shopping with her for a ring.
+1. Propose with a simple quartz crystal faux-diamond ring (forget the name of them, but they’re very fashionable right now… Hermiker??). They LOOK like diamond to a non-trained eye, so feel timeless and classic, but don’t have the political/ideological issues from regular diamonds.
Then offer to go shopping for her “real” ring, or for the wedding band if she loves the quartz.
Check out bario-neal, etsy, or brilliant earth for non-diamond rings. It sounds like she would be more open to something handcrafted/unique.
Also, some vintage rings are pretty cool and are definitely unique. Check out this etsy shop: http://www.etsy.com/shop/ErstwhileJewelry
Barrio-Neal is awesome!
Can you ask her friends or co-workers? “Works in fashion” puts this question above my pay grade.
take a look at catbirdnycDOTcom. They have some more unique rings that might work for your sister.
Thanks all – very helpful. Im not 100% sure but pretty sure he woudl like to be the one to pick soemthing out. She is not someone who is going to be super picky or judgmental if it isnt perfect. I’d just like to get him going in the right direction. Thanks!
Check out Mia Gemma (link is just the name) which is an independent jewelry store in DC. They have cool stuff that’s fashion forward without being too trendy.
There is a ring I want on there for my next big gift (maybe thanks for our baby girl? and the 5 IVFs leading up to her?).
Is your sister also really into the idea of being surprised with a ring at the proposal? I think this situation is exhibit A for why that tradition is so silly. I was into it when I got engaged and (not surprisingly) got a ring that I like, but don’t love. My husband would have greatly preferred it if I had been up for picking it out together.
If it’s not her (or his) dream to get a surprise ring, I’d just tell him to propose without one (or with a cheap place holder, or just flowers/champagne/other fancy-ness). ESPECIALLY because your sister has such specific taste. Maybe you can help him out on your end by convincing your sister that this is the best plan, too.
He should propose with a ring pop (anyone else born in the 80s and raised in the 90s?).
Yup. I’d dig that.
What most of my friends have done though is go ring shopping with a sister or friend and point out specific rings/styles they like. And then the friend has concrete examples to bring back to future fiance.
My fiance and I just looked at rings together before hand because it was easier and really fun.
I really love stuff by alexis bittar. I think it hits the unique, fashionable, and ‘special’ enough for such an occasion.
S in Chicago
Is it wrong to ask that she maybe send a few links to things she likes? You can then get a much better read then of whether she’s thinking art deco, or some other gem type, or simple band or ????. Honestly, if she is looking for something unique then it seems like she needs to be a big part of the discussion. If having her put together some ideas is giving too much of the “surprise” away, then maybe they should ring shop after. I think there is also a big difference between not wanting a diamond for ethical reasons and not wanting a diamond because you don’t like the look of a gemstone period. Seems to me like that will be the first big question, since you may end up ruling out any gemstone use right there.
I hope you don’t mind me piggybacking off of this, but I’m (very excitedly) going to go look at rings with my best friend this weekend (at my boyfriend’s request!). Any suggestions on where to go in NYC to get a good sense of what’s out there? I’m planning on scouting out the Diamond District, but that’s really intimidating. I’d also like to look at some non-diamond (but some alternative stone) rings as well.
Thanks in advance! I feel kind of embarrassed at how girly this feels, but it’s still very exciting that he told me he wanted me to get an idea of what I wanted so that he could then pester said friend for the info when the time comes (which I don’t expect to be very soon, but still, it makes me happy).
I find the Diamond District overwhelming as well, but it can be useful. First, I’d say look around your friends/co-workers and if they have a ring you like, check out that place. If you’re totally starting from scratch, try hitting up the usual suspects (Tiffany’s/Cartier-type places) so you can see various styles and get a sense for what you like. If you’re interested in vintage, I’ve heard good things about Doyle & Doyle on LES. Point is, I think it’s a good idea to get a clear sense of what you’re looking for.
If you are going to get a non-vintage ring, many of the folks I know end up going to a “ring guy” (or gal, in our case) who can basically make the ring you want with your specifications. I.e., we like this stone shape, we want this setting, and so forth. DH and I had shopped around for a while and once we had a clear idea of what we/I wanted, he went to a small jewelry dealer/maker recommended by a close friend and that place was able to make the exact ring I wanted for far, far less that it would have cost to buy elsewhere (my ring is very similar to a Tiffany one but cost so much less, with a really high quality diamond). I recommended our place to my cousin who’s fiance had previously been fixed on a specific name-brand ring, and I know he was able to get the ring made there with a better/bigger diamond for a lot less than it was being sold for at designer store.
I second Tiffany’s just to get an idea of what you like. My husband and I started in the diamond district, but it was very overwhelming, and at most places, the rings are just bands and settings, without a stone in them, so it’s hard to tell what it will look like. I got a much better idea of what I liked from Tiffany’s. Then we followed it up with drinks at the Plaza to complete the fantasy. Then my husband had a jeweler make a ring to our specifications for about 25% of what it would have cost at Tiffany’s.
Try the “A Practical Wedding” blog. In addition to several posts on non-traditional rings, they also have a Pintest page with ‘indie’ rings here:
This was for JuliaBee, whoops!
Whoa. Things that are not above my pay grade – you cannot propose with a $38 Kate Spade ring, unless you want to be told no, or you are planning to go ring shopping afterwards. Yowzers.
. . . . Or you’re proposing to someone who wants neither an expensive or traditional engagement ring. Not every woman is the same.
That’s what I thought until I saw that Kate Spade ring. PRETTY ugly. And generally uninteresting-looking.
Amen. The snark is unbelievable today. Jesus. We get it. Everyone’s wedding ideas are dumb/80s/annoying/not as cool.
What you would want for a ring is very, very different from what other people may want. There is no need for that much snark for people who choose different engagement rings.
And some people aren’t into this ritual at all. I would have been seriously put off if my husband “proposed” and whipped out a ring.
That looks like one of those birthday crowns they used to have for kids’ birthday parties…
The Kate Spade ring stuck out to me as “which one of these is not like the other” among the many beautiful choices on the indie ring board. It is my personal opinion that if you are choosing a physical object to make a lifelong commitment, you should choose something that will last until your paper anniversary. I am sure if you choose something more ephemeral and make case for it I could be swayed. I apologize for being snarky.
I like that OP wanted suggestions for rings, you gave one, but then got crap from other posters because “people have different tastes in rings.” And I’m sick of the word “snark.” In my opinion, going out of your way to point out that other people’s posts are snarky is, in itself, snarky. If you really want to be perfectly positive and zen, don’t post anything negative at all. (Obviously I don’t want to be zen and am embracing the snark by posting this.)
The Kate Spade ring was awful, in my opinion. It looked like a Burger King crown turned into a ring.
Your post isn’t snarky. Snarky is saying that someone better not propose with a $38 dollar ring unless they want to be rejected. Pointing out that someone said something snarky is also not snarky, and doesn’t mean you want everything to be all zen and positive. I have the report comment addition for example. Wild kittens original post said nothing about what the ring looked like, she didnt mention it was ugly, and she didn’t say don’t propose with THAT kate spade ring. She said someone is an idiot to propose with a ring that only costs $38. It’s completely rude to posters who couldn’t or chose not to afford a more “traditional” ring.
I got engaged about 2 months ago, and my fiance and I are OK financially, but we’re both looking into going to law school and, frankly, there are things that matter a helluva lot more to both of us than a piece of jewelry. Beyond that, I don’t like diamonds. I think they generally look ostentatious and I”m not a fan of the judgment that accompanies engagement rings.
We decided, together, that we wanted to invest in nice, customized wedding bands that meant a lot to us. And I have an engagement ring–we got it for like, $100 online–that I like a lot, but it’s just not important to me.
While perhaps having a very expensive or very high-quality diamond matters a lot to you, to other women (like myself), it’s just not a priority. And beyond that, I have a serious ethical issue with diamonds.
I’m generally shocked by the judgment that seems present in all wedding-related things, to be honest (not just this particular thread, but in general). Weddings are very personal and I find the judgment and the expectation to do things a certain way to be so off-putting.
I’m a little confused by this comment given your other comments on this thread today (see cash bar comment below).
But, I agree that people should hold back the judgment a bit. I think it’s hard because I’m in that phase where everyone is getting married and I am invited to 10+ weddings a year. I see so many different styles of weddings, and it’s obvious that some things work better than others (at least in my opinion). Weddings can also be very expensive for guests, and it’s hard to suppress some resentment when you shell out a ton of cash and then have an underwhelming guest experience. But you’re right, people should always work on being more positive and gracious.
Yeah, I understand how this comment can seem incongruous with my very emphatic no cash bar below. I do think that a certain degree of etiquette is to be expected, and by etiquette, I mean remembering that while your wedding is very much about you, it’s not ONLY about you.
For me, choices like the engagement ring or dress or style of ceremony are entirely up to you and the groom. Those are highly personal decisions that, to my mind, no one else should have any say in.
I think I said something like this on a different thread below, but weddings are, to me, very personal ceremonies with a bomb ass party to celebrate after. And I would personally never invite people to a party and then expect them to pay for drinks. I think it’s just discourteous, especially if guests are travelling, paying for overnight accommodations, buying gifts, etc. That all being said, I don’t by any means think that you have to shell out $30,000 to have a good wedding. The most important thing is that you’re happy, and if that means a big ol’ diamond ring, great! If that means a Kate Spade ring that says CRAZY TOWN, also great!
Nicely put! It’s all a matter of taste and priorities!
How about this one: http://www.katespade.com/say-yes-crazy-town-ring/WBRU6695,en_US,pd.html?dwvar_WBRU6695_color=711&dwvar_WBRU6695_size=6&cgid=ks-jewelry-rings#start=4&cgid=ks-jewelry-rings
I actually laughed out loud. I’m tempted to buy this and come home wearing it just to see my fiance’s reaction.
I think it’s kind of hilarious and kind of awesome.
I would legitimately wear this, I think it’s lovely:
I actually dig that Crazy Town ring. Not as an engagement ring, and probably not for $80, but it is kind of hilarious.
Ouch. Anyone have any explanation for how the diamond on the INSIDE of the ring won’t cut up your finger??
Trying again because my first attempt didn’t show up. Does anyone have any restaurant or sight seeing recommendations for Barcelona or Seville? Bonus points for a day trip readily accessible to Barcelona.
Oh, I loved Montserrat, which is a day trip from Barcelona. Great views, and nice to get out of the city, though there was an incident where the cats stole my lunch….regardless, pack your own food and water, I wish I had gotten out there earler in the day, because it really is pretty once you get hiking.
I also liked the Dali Museum in Figueres (day trip from Barcelona), but, there wasn’t much else to see in the city, so if you’re not a Dali fan, probably not worth it.
I also did a cooking class+market tour with Cook Taste Barcelona- it was fantastic, I’d highly recommend, my chef was Ignacio. The roasted almonds at Casa Gispert were so good, I wish I had bought more of them to bring home, and the best churros were at this hole in the wall on Banys Nous, two or three stores left of La Granja, which had delicious xocolate for you to dip your churros in.
Oh! And see an FC game while you’re there if you can. I’m not a huge soccer fan, but it was simply the most interesting thing to see how into Barca the fans are- I thought the same thing when I saw football games in Munich and in Rome, but Barca was a whole ‘nother level .Very very memorable, and worth the ticket price (I paid probably 70 or 80 Euro, and I was sitting at the front of the top bowl of the arena…so expensive for such terrible seats).
So bizarre for this Canadian, it’s like their hockey, but their fans are even more obsessed.
We rented a car to get out to the Dali museum in Figueres and took the long scenic way home down through the beachy coast. We stopped to people watch, have a snack, etc. and it was a great way to spend the day!
Huuuuge second to Dali museum and Montserrat!
In Barcelona, you absolutely must go to the restaurant Quimet Quimet (pronoounced Kimmy kimmy). I will not forgive you if you do not go there.
It is absolutely amazing tapas. Beautiful, delicious, and creative but unpretentious. it is a local place and there are no chairs, only a few tables to lean on. Get there when it re-opens after siesta. It will be packed to the gills within 30 minutes after opening.
They DO NOT speak ANY English (sorry for Ellen caps, but this is not an exaggeration).
It is located near the bottom of the funicular that take you up to the Olympic park. Your hotel concierge can direct you or google can.
This has been a Terrible Horrible No Good Week for me (work being crazy, having to scramble to do my boss’s job, gave back the foster kittens, and shark week) so I could really use a round of:
My Life Doesn’t Suck Because ______
Me first. My life doesn’t suck because I love my apartment and living alone more than ever, I can wear jeans and sneakers to work whenever I feel like it, and I can eat All Of The Chocolate and drink All Of The Wine I want to to make me feel better. Oh, and new episodes of Suits.
Tag you’re it!!
My life doesn’t suck because:
1) It rained today so I don’t have to water my new plants
2) The irritation in my right eye is from a small scratch to my cornea and is not an infection or pink eye, should heal in a day or two
3) I genuinely look forward to seeing my husband every day, and still think he is the handsomest man in the world, even though I know that objectively he’s not :)
4) I had some REALLY good curry for lunch today at a new-to-me Thai place
5) My new grill should be arriving via FedEx this afternoon – who wants some grilled corn??
My life doesn’t suck because I am drinking a delicious pumpkin chai tea from David’s Tea, they just released their fall collection, and I’m heading home for a 4 day weekend where I plan to do literally nothing of value except sleep.
My life doesn’t suck because:
1) There’s a 3-day weekend this weekend! And I get out of work early tomorrow!
2) I’ve got a DH who really loves me.
3) Fall is coming and it’s my favorite season — and I’m SO ready to wear different clothes in my closet.
4) I went to spin class even though I didn’t feel like it and rocked it.
5) I’m really happy with work right now.
My life doesn’t stink* because:
DS is learning how _not_ to swear (ahem, I’m a slower learner than he is)
DH is kind and supportive
I have good friends both locally and long distance
This site exists
Tomorrow is Friday, and it’s a three-day weekend
Although many awful events occur in the world, this country and all humanity have made some significant improvements in the last 50 years (yes, I’m referring to the coverage this week of the 1963 March on Washington)
Forgot to add explanation for asterisk:
Said “stink” not “suck” b/c current home project = Do Less Cussing!!
Is “suck” a curse word?
I don’t think I’ve seen this before but I really like it.
My life doesn’t suck because:
(1) I’m pumped (and incredibly nervous) to do 5 depositions with my boss as my first real outing in my new job next week.
(2) Five of the 10 depositions originally scheduled for next week were adjourned today, which means I don’t have to work all day on Monday.
(2) We got tickets to Book of Mormon for next week! AND
(3) We are set to close on our first house, which feels like the end to a really long transitional period that we have been planning and working towards for a year and a half (new city, new job, got married, and now bought house). I can’t wait for all the memories in the new house – grilling for football games, decorating and celebrating Christmas, and just finally living somewhere we can do whatever we want.
My life doesn’t suck because I have candy corn.
My life doesn’t suck because, after 2 years of being totally miserable and 3 years of school trying to turn things around, I finally have a job that I think I like. The last few weeks have reminded me what I am like as a happy person, and it’s a good feeling.
I need this today. My life doesn’t suck because: 1) my last class of the week was incredible and is making me feel okay, for basically the first time since I started, about my grad program; 2) my office is closing at 3pm today (which means it’s likely to be a ghost town by 1:30/2); 3) lots of friends are coming into town this weekend for the first football game of the year, and it will be worth it to see them no matter how much I’m currently stressing about balancing a social life with my thesis; and 4) I have gone on two great dates with an awesome guy, and if he stops wanting to see me over the fact that I had to cancel our dinner pans tonight because I forgot I was volunteering at a local event (and proposed drinks after the event or dinner any other night this weekend, which seems like the most reasonable solution I could offer), then he isn’t actually that awesome and I’m dodging a bullet by not getting any more invested; and 5) IT’S FRIDAY THANK THE LORD
My Life Does Not Suck Because
– I have a ton of Suits to catch up on
– I brought back a lot of candy from back home
– My new boots and trousers are amazing
– the overtime from this week will get me new shiny things
– Nick Cave keeps touching me
I caught up on Suits last night. Totally made my week.
Haha!! Oh that naughty Nick Cave! ;o) I love all of these, folks, they are ALL making me smile and making me a lot less stabby about this week. Thank you for playing with me!
My life does not suck because:
1. Even though my job makes me work on the long weekend sometimes, and this month end is going to be rough for many reasons, I do love my job and it pays the bills so that dh does not have to work at a job he hates & makes him miserable
2. I have a dh who adores me, and I him, and we just celebrated our 19th anniversary this week
3. I have 3 great kids, and even my 13yo son still likes to give me hugs
4. I like the city I live in, especially this time of year
5. I am healthy & active and can exercise without pain
6. In 2.5 months dh & I will go to Vegas for the first time – our last trip just the 2 of us was over 2 years ago
nah, my life still sucks
partner just promised markups
over the weekend
but at least i have
a fridge full of beer and wine
gonna power through
My life doesn’t suck because
1) It’s almost fall!
2) I’m going wedding dress shopping in a week
3) I’m currently wearing my really nice leather jacket I ordered last week after wanting one for years
4) My hair is finally at a non-awkward length (after an accidental pixie cut three years ago)
5) I have an amazing SO that absolutely adores me
6) I took another practice LSAT test this week and my score is up 5 points from where it was last month
7) I’ve finally set time aside to start reading/writing again, and I’ve rediscovered the wonder of reading that I had when I was younger, which is an amazing feeling.
My life doesn’t suck because:
1. even though the weather has become October here overnight, it means I don’t have to water the garden and can do my fall planting without worrying about things being too dry;
2. I found a family doctor yesterday;
3. I found the Holy Grail yesterday – a prenatal yoga class, on a Saturday, near my house;
4. I got an awesome new client today and am really excited about that; and
5. it’s a long weekend. Yay!
Love this! My life doesn’t suck because roller derby.
And also because my new assistant is the absolute best.
And also because I have an ADD coach, and coach plus assistant equals I feel way more in control than I have for a long, long time. Yay!
Love this idea! My life does not suck because:
1) I have a wonderful DH who adores me, and I him, not to mention the cuddliest, funniest cat in the world (although I’m biased)
2) It’s almost fall, aka sweaters + boots and pumpkin spice latte season
3) Every month I feel less and less wildly incompetent at my job, which is a nice feeling (I’m a junior midlaw associate)
4) I have tickets to Taylor Swift this weekend, and a wonderful friend flying in to visit and join me for concert :)
Okay, finally! Three classes in a row this morning. Then crash.
My life doesn’t suck because:
1) My sweet little furry child is getting back to being herself! She isn’t howling all night, has found places to sleep that aren’t under the bed, interacts with me constantly, doesn’t seem to be in pain or hurting herself, and is just cuddly and cute, especially in her multi-shaved spot phase.
2) My boss is finally doing something about the fact that his assistant is a menace. Baby steps.
3) After a brutal first week, we have a long weekend where I have TWO mornings when I don’t have to get up with an alarm. And no hurricanes on the horizon (knock on wood).
4) Even though we don’t see each other nearly enough, my SO misses me as much as I miss him and isn’t too macho to say so.
NOLA, this is good to read about you and your SO. I was thinking about you two recently and hoping that things were still going well.
Oh that’s so sweet! This has been a really difficult summer for us. I have had my own stuff and he has been dealing with a complex family situation that has kept him here in La. but not able to get here. It’s so frustrating for both of us. I have offered to go up there but he’s exhausted and school started for me this week. So we’re just chatting and talking on the phone and doing the best we can.
My life doesn’t suck because I made lemon lavender scones last night, and they are AMAAAAAAZING.
yyyuummm!!! You are sending me some for breakfast, right?
Oooo! Recipe please!
Me too, although
a) it’s always possible to track down a similar recipe online
b) the idea of finding time to bake scones in the near future? Priceless…as in ROLF
The wedding post up above got me thinking. I’m recently engaged and I’d like to make the wedding process as painless as possible for my friends and guests.
What are some things that the bride could have done better when you were a bridesmaid?
And what are some things that would have made weddings better for you as a guest?
1.) Pay for the dresses. And hair. And makeup.
2.) Don’t forget that this is a celebration of *family*,* friends* and *community* as well you and your fiance’s love
3.) Serve tons of tasty food
4.) Let couples sit together
5.) Thank people for coming, participating & sending gifts. In fact, gush. They celebrated with you.
6.) Minimize toasts
7.) Don’t use the words “my day” or “special day”
Alanna of Trebond
Agree with the above, except 6 — I was just in a wedding that had a lot of toasts and they were all really wonderful. As for (1) — I was willing to pay for dress and hair and make-up if that’s what the bride wanted, but I knew that I made a lot more money than the bride and groom. She very sweetly paid for everything and got us a lot of really lovely gifts.
I would add that the post above is a little ridiculous — if I really like the people getting married, I am not going to care that it is a holiday weekend, because it is going to be awesome. We also had to get to the venue at 8am to start hair and make-up, and it was great. 10am is not something crazy. You are in the wedding party because you love the couple and you want to help their day go smoothly. Also, you take a shower in advance.
You can’t take a shower in advance if you have to set up chairs and tables and move sound equipment around and carry in boxes of decorations and climb ladders to string lights. I love this couple, but they were inconsiderate with the notice that they gave to their wedding party. That’s why I was venting. But thanks for calling me out!
Have you ever planned a wedding? Because it’s not as easy as it looks. Try to celebrate your friends rather than judge them and sigh and complain through it all. You might not realize it, but they need your support too.
Yes! I have planned a wedding. I emailed my wedding party a detailed schedule listing when and where I wanted them to show up, well in advance of the wedding weekend. It took me about an hour to make.
And, if you’ll read my post above, you’ll realize that I was venting. Hence, my name: “WeddingGuestVent”. In fact, many people use this site to vent. They acknowledge that their frustrations may be inappropriate, but they want an outlet to voice those frustrations so they don’t “sigh and complain through it all.’
I support my friends, love them, and am super excited for the wedding.
Why didn’t your husband call the groom three weeks ago about the scheduling issues? You are mad at the couple but they are your husband’s friends and if he needed information, he could have asked.
+1 to everything! People definitely vary on toasts. I went to a wedding recently where they essentially had an open mike for guests to share their love for the couple. I thought they should have cut it off sooner, while my SO thought it was great and could have gone on longer. Different strokes… Other things:
1. Allow them to choose their own dresses and hairstyles if you’re not paying. A friend recently did that (all above the knee navy) and it looked great. She gave us plenty of advance notice and had pre-purchase veto power, so she made sure they all worked together.
2. Choose your MOH wisely. She really does set the tone for the entire party and if she’s pushy or inconsiderate of the other BM’s funds, they will end up spending more and perhaps resenting it.
3. Introduce the wedding party to each other early on if they don’t know each other. This will also help set the tone and make it fun. It can be in person, via email or google hangout or whatever. They don’t have to be best friends, but at the very least they should be united in their love of you.
4. Schedules and excel are your friend! My friend provided a detailed schedule for the day of, including when we had to arrive at the venue and what time we were having our makeup done. Made life so much easier.
5. Outdoor weddings at the height of summer can be unbearable! Provide shade, cold water and/or individual fans to help alleviate the burning sun and high temperatures. I once attended an August outdoor wedding where a bridesmaid passed out from the heat!
6. Not too much time or distance between ceremony and reception. You can still take tons of pictures before the ceremony even if you don’t see each other (wedding party, family, etc.).
7. Make sure the sound is adequate so we can actually hear you say those meaningful vows!
8. No cash bar! I would rather go without alcohol or just have wine and beer than have to pay for it.
9. Block off rooms in at least one reasonably priced hotel. I once attended a wedding on a private island where rooms started at $300/night, and had to stay 2 nights because of the distance. And this was when I was in law school!
This is an awesome list.
– As for the dress, hair, and makeup, I really appreciate when the bride solicits feedback and/or lets the bridesmaids do their own thing. For example, I hate heavy makeup and big updos, so the bride let me wear my hair down and curly in a recent wedding which I appreciated. She also found dresses that worked for the tall and petite members of the bridal party. We all appreciated that :)
– Knowing the schedule is wonderful. I usually block off the whole weekend for wedding activities, but it’s nice to have a list of where to be and when, so I’m not continuously bothering the bride for details.
– If you are doing a lot of the wedding planning yourself, think of tasks that can be delegated so that when bridesmaids ask you can say “Thanks! Can you do _?” Much easier than the back and forth “Maybe/I’m not sure/Well, I guess…” If I didn’t want to help or it was too much of an imposition, I’d say so. If I’m offering, let me help :)
I disagree with the cash bar comment. I don’t have a problem paying for booze. Of course, it’s great if there’s a free option, but some (especially older) people aren’t big beer and wine drinkers and it’s nice for them to have an option even if they have to pay for it.
there are few things ruder than a cash bar. A reception is to thank your guests from coming. You have the reception you can afford. If you cant afford alohol at your wedding, you dont ask guests to subsidize it. Especially when I can see that the money went to your hair, makeup, dress, flowers etc.
Re bridesmaids dresses— Can I just say that I think we should retire, entirely, the idea of matching dresses in any form (including different styles with a unified color)? They are costumes, pure and simple, and it is really strange to make your guests, especially your closest friends, wear costumes to an event at which they are the ONLY people in costumes. Presumably you want these people in your bridal party because you’re close to them and you like them. So why can’t they wear their own clothing of their choice? So that the pictures look like they came from 1985? The idea of controlling an event right down to choosing certain guests’ attire for them is so narcissistic and awful. I truly don’t understand!
I’m only having my sister as my MOH and my best friend as a bridesmaid. My best friend is not a dress person. At all. I actually can’t even picture her in a dress. I already told her that when we settle on the colors, she can wear a fly as hell suit if she wants, as long as it fits the colors. I love my sister and my best friend, and my personal thought is to have their personalities shine through. Because my fiance and I won’t be able to afford to purchase the dresses/outfits for them, I definitely don’t feel comfortable dictating exactly what they wear. But, to each their own.
To each her own I guess, but I don’t understand people whose “own” is to tell a grown adult person what color to wear. It’s completely self-centered.
I loved when brides included detailed schedules when the ceremony and reception were not at the same location, and information like – “the wedding will be on the beach in the hot afternoon sun but the reception will be on a farm that gets very chilly at night, the wedding party will be wearing jeans to the reception” – is very helpful. It’s so easy to get SO entrenched/overwhelmed with the planning and forget that most people have no idea what’s going to happen or when! (If you’re self-aware enough to ask, you’re definitely on the right track!)
+1! And if you distribute the schedule early enough you can avoid fielding guests questions about timing.
As a bridesmaid I like to know whats going on with wedding planning so I can cheer along, like “yay, we found a location!” or “yay, I’ve decided on my flowers.” I think some people can overdo this, but my friends are a little closer to the vest and I want to celebrate with them.
However, I would strongly prefer to not travel for both the wedding and the bachelorette party, especially if both are going to be expensive and require time off work. I expect to pay for the dress, but if hair and makeup are mandatory, I consider that the bride’s cost.
Yes! My friend created a few pinterest boards for the wedding (inspiration, actual details, etc) and gave the BM’s pinning access to the inspiration and bridesmaid’s dress boards. That way we could see and participate in the overall theme/vision for the wedding.
She also had the bachelorette party on the Thursday before the wedding, so people could come early and participate if they wanted to/could get time off.
Agreed with picking your MOH carefully, and if you have to pick someone who won’t be that much help (an out-of-town childhood friend, a sister who isn’t great at organizing or particularly responsible), ask a friend with great organizing and event management skills to be your second in command, and make the MOH an honorary title.
Focus on the fun! No one remembers the food and flowers -provide whatever alcohol you can afford instead of a cash bar (if you drink), make sure your DJ or band will play fun songs everyone can sing and dance to pretty early on in the night, and have some fun diversion like a photo booth – I guess it’s cliched now, but it’s so fun!
“No one remembers the food” is only true if you provide typical banquet fare. If you provide good food, people remember. I don’t know why so many couple insist on orienting their receptions around a sit-down dinner but then serve a bland dinner. Why not just have a different type of reception? I would never host a dinner party, invite guests, and serve mediocre food— why is it acceptable when you are the hosts of a wedding reception?!
Yes. I, for one, consider the food one of the most important parts of a wedding and I often remember the food. I’d rather have really awesome finger food than a big, sit-down, plated meal with the standard chicken, rice and roasted vegetables. Blah. But that’s just me – I really like food.
Completely agree! One of the best wedding meals I’ve ever had (Southern fried catfish or chicken, mac&cheese, greens and hush puppies) probably cost as much as those bland banquet meals but we sooooo good. I’d rather see the couple think outside the box and choose food that they love and that reflects them than try to please everyone (impossible) and choose something bland and boring.
Also, some foods just don’t keep or reheat well or are subject to individual taste. Steak probably fits both categories. A steak that makes me happy (rare! practically mooing!) is going to be disgusting to my well-done sister, while her perfect steak will be dry and overcooked to me.
I like weddings that have buffets – the most recent one I went to had a buffet of FANTASTIC food, which was much more pleasant than a seated, plated dinner. Also, props to the bride and groom because they managed to cover every possibly dietary need AND have all the dishes labeled appropriately. I suppose the real props go to the catering company, but I was impressed that the bride and groom were thoughtful enough to cover a variety of dietary needs with good main course options, rather than leaving “special” diets to try to piece together a dinner from various side dishes.
NO. CASH. BAR.
This is one thing that I find to be totally non-negotiable. If you can’t afford full bar, that’s OK! Provide wine and beer, maybe a signature cocktail. But expecting guests to pay for their own drinks is such a horrifying idea to me.
Isn’t there huge liabilities if you host the bar and a guest drinks too much and drives home & hits someone?
Cash bar moves that responsibility to the drinker as they are buying their own booze.
(Not a lawyer, just going on what I’ve heard)
not true. you heard that from cheap people who want an excuse. honestly thats so absurd, why would the liability be on who buys the drink??
That doesn’t sound right to me. Your bartender might be liable for over-serving, but I don’t think it matters who pays or what the guest gets drunk on.
Social host liability varies by state, but does not change based on cash bar versus open bar. After all, bars can be held liable for serving alcohol and you always pay them.
I am a lawyer, fwiw.
Eh, I couldn’t really care less about the quality of the food. I feel like it’s a nice surprise when the meal is really good, but I’m usually just waiting for the dancing to begin. What I do notice, though, is whether I have ENOUGH food–too little and you’re in trouble drinking-wise!
I will say this, too–I feel like a lot of people go to food tastings where everything is amazing, but the caterers have trouble translating that into 175 dishes ready at the same time. So I never expect much. And to be honest, I’d rather have a mediocre meal than have my friends shell out an extra few thousand dollars for their weddings.
In general–and to the extent possible– try to keep your guests/bridesmaids in the back of your mind when planning. If you’re young and have a lot of friends in grad school/ on a budget, try to make sure that the location is relatively inexpensive to get to and there are budget options for overnight travel. If you have your heart set on somewhere pricey or out of the way/expensive to travel to, look at ways to cut costs for folks- put a groomsman in charge of airport runs to avoid taxi costs, get a google doc started for people coming into town that want to share a room to save costs but don’t know many people, get a shuttle to take folks back and forth between the reception, offer a list of cheap eats/things to do while in town, etc.
If your guests are older and have kids, decide if kids will be allowed and make your decision known. If no kids- be clear and up front. If kids are allowed, give them something to do during the reception (or, if you want to be super-bride, pay a young cousin to babysit them either on site or up at the hotel room).
If your guests are Very Busy Professionals with Limited Time, try to pick a location/time that will make it most likely they can attend.
I know that most people have a mix, but it’s easy to get swept up in the venue planning only to find out that the one you picked doesn’t have an easy way for grandma to get in/out of the ceremony, is a flight and a 2 hour drive from any major city, has no hotel options under $400 and only has Fridays available :)
Easy example: In my early 20s, the bride got married on Nantucket. She did a GREAT job of keeping costs down for her young guests by setting up shuttles, helping people find “roomies” for the pricey hotels, sending a groomsman to pick up anyone flying into Boston. It was still expensive, but much more manageable. I recently attended a wedding in Shelter Island, NY (small island between the north and south fork of Long Island)– and it cost me an ungodly amount of money to get there and took up the entire weekend. 6 hours of driving in NYC traffic –> ferry –> taxi –> $450/nt hotel –> taxi –> ferry –> 9 hours of end-of-weekend traffic
I got married recently and would recommend checking out Amsale bridesmaid dresses. I basically told my bridesmaids they had to have short dresses, in a specific color, from that designer and they could choose the style. I paid for the dresses (and got a discount since I ordered more than 5!). The brand does a great job of having plenty of different styles for different body types. My sister is a size 0 and tall and she found one she loved and has worn again (success!!) and one of my close friends is shorter and very large chested and found a dress that she could wear a bra under and was really comfortable in. All 8 of my bridesmaids found different styles that they felt highlighted their best features and concealed parts they were less comfortable with. I can’t think of anything worse than having to walk down a long aisle feeling like all eyes are on you while you’re wearing something you feel uncomfortable in.
I’m in your shoes. From going to what feels like all the weddings in the world, I’ve had some perspective. The biggest goal for our wedding is that people feel welcome and loved. So whatever that means for your friends/family. I will say a lot of wedding planning isn’t rocket science; it’s good manners. Don’t let people (bridesmaids, wedding people, family) push you around into thinking that because you’re getting married you can do whatever. Wedding =party. Marriage is between you and your fiance for the rest of your life.
I just wished I had cared more. I kept it small and got the planning done quickly and efficiently and didn’t really take the time to enjoy it and truly make it special. My wedding turned out fine, but certainly could have been more memorable.
This is a slight departure from your question, but I am also planning my wedding (congrats, by the way!), but this is some of the advice I’ve read or been given that has most resonated with me:
1) Your wedding is not a surprise party for the groom. Involve your fiance. Remember that while it’s easy (and sometimes fun) to get caught up in wedding magazines and DIY madness or whatever else, this is a day meant to celebrate your love for each other.
2) Your wedding is not an imposition. Yes, be courteous and keep your guests in mind, but also remember that the people that show up are the people that matter. The people that show up are the people that love you and that are happy for you.
3) People do not suddenly change just because you’re planning a wedding. If your sister (much like my sister) is kind of a control freak, she will probably continue to be a control freak.
4) Feed people on time.
5) Make your wedding fun. Remember that while it’s a big event that can be really overwhelming, you’re committing yourself to someone you love, and then you’re throwing a bomb ass party to celebrate!
In terms of planning stress, if you’ve experienced it like I have, reading in A Practical Wedding that everything you read in bridal magazines/sites should be taken with a grain of salt was really helpful. Wedding magazines directly profit from the wedding industry, so OF COURSE they want you to check off every single thing on their downloadable, 100-point to do list. But as long as you’re with the person you love and you’re happy, you’ll be OK.
The best weddings I’ve been to have been the ones where the bride and groom are clearly having a great time, where they are so clearly in love and so happy to be together. Because to me at least, that’s what really matters.
I don’t know if you’re close with your mother, but for me, part of why it’s so meaningful to me is because it’s the first big thing I’m planning with my future husband, but it’s also the last big “mother/daughter” thing I’m doing with my mom. (Every time I think about being with my parents on my wedding day I tear up, it’s ridiculous.)
This was a REALLY long answer (sorry!), but to me, the most important part is to decide what really matters to you and focus on those things. I love reading accounts of people’s weddings where the bride says that yeah, the linens were the wrong color, but I got married and I had fun and I’m in love, so the linens don’t really matter. If you can remember above everything else that you are with someone you love and that that is most important, I think everything else falls into place.
+1 on everything you said, especially “The best weddings I’ve been to have been the ones where the bride and groom are clearly having a great time, where they are so clearly in love and so happy to be together. Because to me at least, that’s what really matters.” Agree 100%.
Also as to being emotional with parents – that was the most emotional part of my day! I made it through my vows with my husband and my friends speeches with only a little weepiness but I absolutely lost it during my father’s toast. I agree that its a very special time with your parents as well as with your new spouse.
I plan to get my mother an embroidered handkerchief, and every time I see one online with the text “To dry your happy tears as you have always dried mine” I get so weepy. (As I type this I can FEEL the tears.) It’s a little cheesy, but my mother is my best friend, and after years of strife, we’ve become so close.
One of the things I’m most excited about is having a “first look” with my dad. He’s such a strong guy and has been through a lot, and that will, hands down, be the most emotional point in my wedding, I think.
Aw such a beautiful sentiment on the hankerchief (and so sweet of you to give it to her!). I totally got choked up just reading that too. Your dad will probably cry…mine did :) and he’s a very strong, stoic guy that I’ve never seen cry.
Give everyone lots of notice if it is an out-of town wedding–we told people the date as soon as we knew (about 11 months out), and followed up with save-the-dates six months before.
Provide lots of help\info about lodging–we got married on lake in Maine in my husband’s hometown–six months out we had a list of rental cabins, etc that we could refer guests to when they asked. We also provided a lot of destination info both before the wedding and in the goodie bags.
Knowing that people were coming from far away, we planned several activities so people could get to know each other: dinner fri for everyone, a lunch on sat before the wedding, and a continental bfast on sun.
I chose not to have bridesmaids–instead two dear friends read and another held my husband’s ring and served as one of the witnesses. YMMV on this one.
Our attitude was: we know we are getting married in the middle of nowhere–if you come it’s going to a great party, if you don’t we understand, we love you, and we know you are there in spirit. Think of it as the most expensive party you have ever thrown, with the bonus that you get to pledge your committment to the person you love and you cannot go wrong!
While some of the things you can do to please your guests are discussed above, remember that your wedding is ultimately about you and your groom. I’ve found that people will complain no matter what you do. Holiday weekend weddings are a perfect example of this: I (and many others) love them because it is easier to travel without taking time off from work. Others hate them because they hate giving up a holiday for something they don’t see as a vacation and travel can be more expensive around holidays. If I had tried to please everyone or had gotten really upset about everyone who made a rude or passive-aggressive comment during the wedding planning process, I would have gone crazy. The people that love you are there because they want to celebrate with you and see you happy. I have gone to weddings that run the spectrum from bare bones and low budget with pretty medicore food to insanely expensive over-the-top weddings that could have been featured in wedding magazines. The amount of money the couple spent has never been a factor in my enjoyment of the wedding. Rather the weddings that I’ve enjoyed the most have been ones where the bride and groom seem happy, relaxed, in love with each other and wanting to have fun with their guests. Enjoying your own wedding is one of the best things you can do in terms of having your own guests enjoy it.
As for the bridal party, I’d keep your expectations about what they can do/attend low, particularly if they live far away from you. If they live far away, expecting them (especially the non-MOH bridesmaids) to do more than buy the dress and come to the rehearsal & wedding is probably not reasonable, unless you are all very well off. If you view attendance at anything else (bridal shower, bachelorette party) as icing on the cake, you’re more likely to be happy with your bridal party and get along. The worst problems I’ve seen between a bride and her bridal party have happened when she feels entitled to an expensive bridal shower and bachelorette party that all her long-distance bridesmaids attend and it becomes a huge financial burden on people. Remember that just buying the dress, traveling to the wedding and buying a gift can be very expensive in and of itself.
Agree with this one hundred percent. You can’t please everyone. You really can’t. Wedding guests need to be flexible and open-minded too. It’s not about being perfect. Your attitude is the most important thing.
I just wanted to thank everyone for all of your awesome advice! It was really detailed and helped me start considering concrete things that will make it easier for our (many) out-of-town guests.
My fiance and I are basically the first of our friends to get married, so this was extremely helpful to put things in perspective. I’ve only been to two weddings and they were both fairly unique so it’s hard for me to figure out what’s normal/useful to guests/etc.
P.S. Anyone coming late to this post should keep adding – I will keep checking back!
I wanted to clarify because I forgot to write this in my really, really long answer (ha):
When I say your wedding is an imposition, I meant to add that while it’s nice to look into discounted hotel rooms, affordable travel arrangements, etc., you will not be able to please everyone as a few people said in the comments about holiday weddings. The people you’re inviting are adults who can assess whether the time or date is OK for them and whether the trip is affordable for them. Yes, you should remember that people are maybe taking off work or traveling to be with you, and that they’re people who you care about, and make sure that you’ve set up an event at which they can have fun and celebrate with you, but remember that they are happy for you! They’re there to celebrate you and your new marriage! Don’t try to take care of everyone else; it’s 1) not possible, and 2) not your job.
*your wedding is NOT an imposition
A long shot but any recommendations for Bordeaux and thereabouts? I leave tomorrow and have fine zero planning. I do have a train ticket (
with an worryingly tight transfer in Paris) and a apartment booked
Try to have lunch or dinner at La Tupina in Bordeaux. The food is utterly fabulous. Their table linens are to die for and they have a retail shop down the block.
Also, I loved loved loved a boutique hotel in Bordeaux called Ecolodge des Chartrons. Don’t be put off by the crunchy granola name. It’s a beautiful small hotel with first-rate rooms. Our room also had an enormous bathroom, which is unusual in France. They have a website in English at ecolodgedeschartrons dot com.
Also, I loved loved loved a boutique hotel in Bordeaux called Ecolodge des Chartrons. Don’t be put off by the crunchy granola name. It’s a beautiful small hotel. They have a website in English at ecolodgedeschartrons dot com.
Montaigne’s castle http://www.chateau-montaigne.com/?lang=en along with preparation this really great recent book http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_i_1_20/189-1257212-2823555?url=search-alias%3Daps&field-keywords=how+to+live+a+life+of+montaigne&sprefix=how+to+live+a+life+o%2Caps%2C359 combination biography and literary criticism. Also great new exhibit on the slave trade (a local specialty :-() at http://www.musee-aquitaine-bordeaux.fr/en
And finally if you’re there next week, http://www.marathondumedoc.com/ combination running and wine tasting, really really fun (but watch out for the heat and wine combo).
Hi ladies, looking for an opinion. Are black jeans a good thing or a bad thing? Plain, straight-leg. Just can’t figure out if they’re a bad 80s throwback. Thanks in advance!
How dark is the black? I think they look fine if they’re super-saturated, but if there’s any fading or they’re a “light black” they can look dated.
Oh, what a great question! They are super-saturated. And it was exactly that faded/streaky thing that I was remembering from the past. Bless you! That said, I’m trusting other Corporettes will chime in with their opinions… :)
Interesting–if anything I would have said the opposite. I see lots of faded black jeans in trendy stores and in the magazines, but few saturated ones. I find faded black easier to style with too, but that’s pretty individual and depends if you’re going for a jeans-at-work look or not (I can’t).
I’ve worn out 2 pairs of skinny black jeans (the seven for all mankind skinny in black) over the past 4 years, and I love them. They’re the easiest bottoms to dress up or dress down, in my opinion, heels look way fancier with black jeans, but a graphic tee still looks casual with black jeans and flats.
Which reminds me, I really need to get a third pair before these ones wear out, because even though they’re expensive, and not long-lasting, those specific jeans make my rear look pretty great, in my opinion, and are perfect for fall.
I’m also totally fine with the black streaky look, though I definitely think it trends very casual, unlike the saturated black which are more versatile.
I love, love, love black jeans. Up until about a month ago, our dress code only permitted black jeans in the office. I second the versatility – so easy to dress multiple ways. I am currently shopping for some lovely new skinny jeans in black, in fact.
I have a pair of black skinny jeans that I live in. If they’re unfashionable, I guess I’m just going pantsless.
I’m really in a major funk. I moved to a new city a couple of months ago for grad school, where I barely know anyone. I’m living on my own but I don’t really have time to make new friends since all my time is consumed by school. While the people at school are nice and I get along well with them, they aren’t really close friend material/ people I would hang out with for fun. I am so tempted to finish this year up and then just move back to my home state even though I know that’s not a good option. But the thought of being here, away from everyone, for the next couple of years makes me want to cry. For some reason, I thought it would be no big deal before I started school, and I was totally fine for the first few months…just now…it’s finally sinking in now that’s it’s my reality. I do go back home many weekends but in a way that actually makes it worse, since it both takes away any free time I would have for socializing and it makes me experience the lows of being here by myself even more often since each time I come back, I get a little depressed. I guess this really is a warped sort of rant but I’m just getting so lonely!
A few pieces of advice, from someone who’s been there –
(1) Stop going home for so many weekends. It’s really hard to establish friendships and make a city feel like home if you’re not spending blocks of time there. This is for a whole range of reasons. Part of it is psychological – it starts to make your new city feel permanent. Much of it is logistical – developing a friendship requires spending consequetive weekends/weeks hanging out with someone. Because your busy with school, weekends are your time for new friends
(2) What do you like to do? I like to read, so when I was in your situation I joined two book clubs via MeetUp. It was a good, pre-planned activity that gave me something to look forward to and it’s easy to strike up a conversation there. But whatever it is you like to do – volunteer, watch movies, read, Church, gym classes, etc – try to find a social way of doing it.
(3) Check Facebook for old acquaintances living in your area. You might be surprised who’s living around – and they usually are excited to hear from you and make plans. Even if you weren’t best friends in college/high school/where ever you met them, they will be able to introduce you to new people
(4) Ask your friends who live in other cities to set you up with friends living in your new city. It’s like blind friend dating. I noticed that whenever I go to weddings, I love meeting the bride or groom’s other friends. So when I was in Boston, I would ask my friends in Chicago or NYC to introduce me via email with their other friends/contacts living in Boston. And you have someone in common which usually makes conversation easy on the first meet.
All those tips aside, it really does take a while to acclimate to living in a new city. It takes me about a year and a half, and most of my friends about a year. You just have to push through the awful period (usually 4-6 months in) and push yourself out of your comfort zone for a month or two, and eventually you’ll learn to love your new city and make some awesome new friends.
One last thought. When I went to law school I felt similarly about the people I met in law school – they were not people I ever imagined being friends with/being close with. But over time, when I got to know them better and in different situations (one on one rather than group, non drinking events, etc) we became really close. The differences in their personalities from what I was used to was challenging at first but ultimately I’m glad I took the time to get to know them and push past my initial instincts.
It’s been many years now, but I attended law school in a new city. My first Friday night of lawschool, I went out with three classmates. By the end of the evening I thought “What am I doing here with these strange people?” I would’ve left hours earlier but I wasn’t sure how to get home and it would’ve been awkward. Two of the three classmates I was with that night wound up being my best friends.
I agree with what big dipper said, particularly about stop leaving on the weekends. I went to law school in a place where I didn’t know a soul and while the first few months were a bit of an adjustment, it ultimately ended up being great. I then moved to a completely new town after I finished and had to start over with getting to know people. In that case, volunteering was a great way to meet some new friends (including my now husband).
+1, especially #4. I think friend set ups are basically the best thing ever. They may not pan out, but often they do.
+1 to both of big dippers posts. The first time I went away to school, my dad told me when I’m in [Boarding School Country] live in Boarding Country, not Homeland. Of course you should keep in touch with family and friends, but your focus should be on getting to know and doing things in your new location. Stop comparing your old city and friends and start getting to know the new location. Even the little things like reading new city news or learning about new city’s politicians (if you’re into those kind of things) can help you to feel more local.
It takes time for relationships to grow from acquaintances to friendship, and it’s unrealistic to expect them to feel like your friends you’ve known for years. Get to know the grad school crowd and you might be pleasantly surprised. Or you may find that they’re fun to hang out with for as long as it lasts, even if it doesn’t turn into lifelong friendships.
I’d like to second that good advice, especially point no1. If you’re not around for the relaxed times, you have zero chance of making friends in the new place, whether school people or not.
Most grad schools have programs that get their grad students together with other grad students because they know that if some grad students click with other grad students, they are happier, and stay, and graduate with their degree (it’s an evil, EVIL plan…:)
I work at a college. Go to a function or two without expectations. See what happens.
Our grad school has a Toastmasters group – only an hour twice a month – it’s a fun way to meet people in a setting that can get you talking & connecting.
It gets better!
Oh, I have so been there! It can be so very lonely and isolating. It’s not exaggerating to use words like “despair”. My only suggestion would be that you take it one day at a time — if you finish out a semester or a full year, you can transfer to a different program closer to people you know. You’re not stuck there forever. In the mean time, you can try small steps to make connections in the new town. I think you are accurate about the double-edged sword created by trips home. Maybe alternate weekends home (for comfort) with weekends being brave and trying to find friends? Have you tried options like meetup.com or on-campus affinity groups or clubs to find people with similar interests? Sending huge hugs. Just don’t forget: very few decisions are permanent and you will have lots of chances for do-overs … and re-do-overs … if you need them.
If you’re in the Boston area, I’ll be your friend. I’m always up for getting drinks.
Wherever you are, I’m sure someone on this site lives in the area.
Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler
Same here for Denver (or Boulder).
Headed back to work...
Yes, where are you?
Ditto for Seattle!
Moving to an unfamiliar city is one of the great adventures of adulthood, but it can definitely suck. Second on the recommendation of Meetup.com. Also, check the alumni club for your college, etc. For me, it helped a lot to make sure I had plans in the evening, so at least I got in some social interaction and didn’t spend every evening watching tv alone. Also, have you read “MWF Seeking BFF”. Full disclosure – I haven’t – but I am planning to as I think it would have a ton of ideas on how to meet people and would emphasize that this is difficult for everyone. And definitely tell us where you live – we all live in the real world too :).
Also, schedule social time. It’s common to many academics to work at 80% power 100% of the time (in my time in academia I was no exception) . It’s not healthy, and ultimately not productive. Having more than one thing in life makes you more resiliant because not everything can go wrong at once (usually).
You guys are awesome. I’m literally going to write down/bookmark your advice. Deep inside I kind of knew I should start doing things differently but having a concrete list helps tremendously. One of the main reasons I like to head home for the weekends is that if I make plans here, they are rarely for a whole day (which I couldn’t handle anyways as a slight introvert, I always need my me time) which means it’s just me in my super quiet apartment. It gives me hope that lots of you also took a long time to adjust…most of my peers adjusted just fine and I am kind of the outlier 4 months in. I wish I was in Boston or Denver to meet up but alas, I am in neither :(
I’m heading home for the holiday weekend and am going to spend time researching all of the great ideas above. I LOVE the volunteering and friend setup ones!
Jcrew – Emmaleigh Dress
Ladies, I tried it – and there is no way in hell. In order to fit in the hips (I bought my usual Jcrew pencil skirt size) the top is about 3 sizes to big. In other words, too much to bother with tailoring. And to my short waisted sisters – don’t even bother. I would have to take out the entire waistband section for it to fit right.
But then, I knew better. Fitted dresses with built in waistbands (that wide!) just don’t work for me. Oh well, that’s money I’m not spending then. I’ll just go make something that fits.
Yep, the top on that dress is way bigger than the bottom. I usually have a one size difference in top/bottom (so suit skirts are 8-ish and jackets are 6-ish) but in that one, I had to size up (10) on the bottom to have it fit my hips, then it was GINORMOUS on the top. I was able to get it sufficiently tailored, but I don’t know what’s up with the fit on that.
Admitted, I sized up from my usual size 12 to a size 14 for the skirt, so it sits lower on my hips. And I’m at least a size smaller (than the 12) on top, so getting the 14 just exacerbated the problem.
Hmm it sounds like this dress is worth a try for me…
While we’re on the topic, this dress is amazing: http://www.jcrew.com/womens_category/dresses/weartowork/PRDOVR~25087/25087.jsp. I’m an athletic build with a sizeable booty and have a really hard time with J Crew normally. I get compliments on it everytime I wear it and love that it doesn’t require a jacket for work.
Funny, I have the opposite experience with it – I’m a 00, bigger on the top than bottom, and the emmaleigh dress fits like it was tailor made for me. I have 3 of them in different colors, all but one purchased full price bc I love it to much.
Any thoughts or recommendations on travel to Mexico City? Can it be a good long weekend trip? I’m considering going in February or March when things are dark and depressing here.
My (admittedly overprotective) parents are terrified that I’m even considering it, but I have friends who go all the time and say it’s fine as long as you know which areas to avoid. I would travel with a friend who has family there. She’s a native Spanish speaker and I’m conversational. We’re late 20s/early 30s.
I went there in 2007 and it was perfectly safe. We stayed in the Fairmont by Chapultapec Park because I was a little nervous about going to Mexico City as well and thought I’d feel more comfortable in an American hotel. I thought the City was fascinating and I’d love to go back. We visited the park, the archaeology museum, the Cathedral and nearby ruins and took a trip outside the city to the pyramids. I followed the advice in the tour books re avoiding the subway until the last day of my trip and then realized that the subway was perfectly safe. If I had it to do over, I also would have eaten at more hole-in-the-wall places instead of following the hotel’s recommendations.
Go! I did a two-week exchange to Mexico City when I was in high school and loved it! So much good food (it was my first time having “real” Mexican tacos, tortilla soup, etc), history and culture. I stayed with a local family and everyone was so welcoming and happy to share their city, history and culture with us. It was nice to see high school students who were so knowledgeable about their history and excited to share, instead of typical blase teenagers. I recommend seeing the Museo Nacional de Antropologia and Xochimilco. I agree that it’s safe enough if you know the areas to avoid, especially since you’ll be going with someone who speaks the language and has family there. My mom was there a few years ago, traveling alone on business, and also felt safe with appropriate precautions. Have fun!
Sadly, this is making the day feel even slower…. it’s 10 am, not the weekend!!
I’m considering trying Weight Watchers, but don’t know if I should just do the online program, the meetings program, or both. I’ve tried SparkPeople in the past with limited success (was gungho for about 3 months, then fell off the bandwagon — and gained all the weight back, plus 10 pounds, for good measure).
I think the online program would be good because I could see (obsess over!) my progress, but I’m wondering if anyone’s found the in-person meetings particularly supportive.
I’m also considering seeing a therapist to see if I can break the lifelong eating issues I’ve had that have lately gotten worse (good for a bit, then I just can’t stop eating all the food. All the time. It’s like it calls to me.) TIA
I’ve done both WW and Sparkpeople and would say that if Spark didn’t work for you, then online WW is unlikely to be any different. For me, WW online was just Spark, plus it lightened my wallet by $14 a month. Like you, it worked at first when I was gungho, but when I fell off the bandwagon, I just simply stopped enetring things. Granted, I was only using both to lose 15-20 pounds of vanity weight, not necessarily trying to completely overhaul my eating.
Vanity weight -I’ve never heard that term before, but I think it’s good. A lot of women carry 5-20 lbs of extra weight but aren’t unhealthy. I’ve got about 15 lbs of unhealthy weight that puts too much pressure on my knees and makes it harder to do strenuous things, and another 15 of vanity weight, and I’m really liking the idea of acknowledging what’s healthy and what’s just vanity. I’m adopting this!
The meetings are definitely worth it, especially for the first few months when you’re trying to retrain the way you think about food. I highly recommend them.
I did WW with the meetings and I really liked it. Definitely felt like I was accountable by going in once a week to be weighed and then having the good eating ideas reinforced.
Thanks, guys, that’s what I thought about the meetings (and what I suspected about their online tool being like Spark People). I’ll probably start out with meetings and then go to online if I feel I need it.
With the meetings you still have access to the online tools.
I want to get a fun splurge for myself with bonus money from my job as a summer associate. I have no debt, have savings to cover 2 years of unemployment, and want a treat that will remind me of this particular time in my life for a long time! $2k is my budget. I’m thinking more along the lines of a bag because I wear the same jewelry pretty much every day.
I’ve had my eye on one of these two YSL clutches (black? or red?) but am not sure it’s as timeless as what I’m looking for. I’m also trying to figure out what the pricing would be on the classic Chanel quilted flap bag. What would you do? Have you gotten any splurges that have surprised you by how much use you get out of them and how timeless they are?
Consider what types/sizes of bags you use the most. I splurged on a YSL Muse for my graduation present (also debt free) and while it’s a beautiful, classic bag, I don’t carry it as often as I expected because it’s larger than my normal bags but too small to carry my laptop. I probably would have gotten more use from a Chanel flap bag, which is still on my wish list. Your post-law school needs/tastes may be drastically different than pre-law school. I definitely have a better idea now of what bags work for me than I did in 3L. It might even be a good idea to put the money in a CD or separate savings account until after you’ve been working a little while.
I agree about saving the money for a splurge once you begin working and have a better sense of what works for you, your office culture, etc. You’ll get much more use out of almost any splurge item – coat, bag, jewelry, etc.
Personally, I’d save the money for a bar trip! I started working in mid-law two years ago and haven’t gotten away for more than a long weekend yet.
flex work arrangements
For those of you who were able to negotiate flex work arrangements at a traditional office, what was your strategy?
While my commute is long (90min) it’s not atypical for the area, and I don’t want to sound like a diva asking to work from home one or two days a week. The main reason it is causing stress for me is that my husband is chronically ill, and often mornings are tough for us to get up and out of the house. On days when he really does not feel well and would prefer to sleep in, it’s often not an option because he has to get me to the train, or even if I drive myself, he is woken up by me getting ready.
It would just be nice to know that if he is having a tough morning, I could either work from home or come in later and not face negative consequences for it. We recently missed the train and were both so upset by it, because I was terrified of my boss freaking out, and my husband felt bad but had done his best to get out of the house on time.
My boss knows vaguely that my husband is sick (I have had to take time off when he has appointments at the hospital, etc), but I don’t know that it would occur to him that it makes getting to the office on time difficult for me. Should I bring this up when trying to get a flexible arrangement? Or should I keep it to “my commute is long and I could be more productive working from home/the train (and getting in after 9) sometimes” ?
Office culture is : everyone works from office all the time unless they are sick, basically. People rarely stay home even if their child is sick- most have stay at home wives or are childless.
I think you need to decide what your ask actually is. It’s not clear from your post to me if your goal is the flexibility to work from home as needed OR scheduled work from home.
good point. I would say flex work as needed – either to work from home, come in late, etc. It might end up being a day or two a week, but I don’t think it would work out that I could schedule it in advance.
Depending on your employer and situation, this is the kind of thing you could possibly use FMLA for, too. Though you obviously wouldn’t be working at home – just staying there that day or coming in late and using it for a portion of a day.
I would sit down and have a conversation with your boss then. I would discuss your husband/commute because the two really are intertwined. I’d also be prepared for your boss to throw at you that its your responsibility to get to work on time so tough (been there, it’s not fun). I think a frank conversation about the ability to modify your schedule slightly as needed (either coming in later/work from home) with guarantees (no more than X times per week, no later than Y at the office) and concrete benefits for the company (they get you for several hours a day longer, higher productivity, etc). Also, I’d make it clear that you’re not using this as a way to not take PTO when needed to care for your husband; but rather the best use of your time to get your job done.
Thanks- this is good advice. My worry is that they will basically say “tough, it’s your responsibility to get to work on time”, so having the concrete benefits for the company, the ground rules, etc I think will be helpful.
I hope it works out! I worked at a “tough” place and honestly if that’s the answer you get, you should start looking elsewhere. Places that don’t care enough to accommodate their employees with a little flexibility to continue to be star-producers aren’t worth it.
If your boss doesn’t help you are there ways you can structure your morning to help not disturb your husband?
My husband and I have been on different shifts before and even in a one bedroom apartment we were able to not disturb the other. If I was on a 7 am to 3 pm and he was on a 4pm to 2 am shift, I would put everything I need for work the next day, including all my clothes, in the living room before I went to bed. I would shower before bed. He would put everything he needed to go to bed in the living room and brush his teeth in the kitchen so the bathroom next to the bedroom wouldn’t wake me. He would just have to hear my alarm in the am, which I would promptly turn off, and scurry out of the room. That was it. I would just have to deal with him slipping into the bed around 3 am and that was it. Eventually, I could sleep through it. Neither of us ever turned on bedroom lights when the other was sleeping. The only downside is we ended up with some piles of strange things in our kitchen and living room, but what evs.
Just an idea.
Happy holiday weekend, all!
I had some great news all come at once yesterday: I found out was offered full membership in one of the top choirs in the country as a soprano (yay!), and we’ll be singing with Andrea Bocelli in just a few months. This is after not singing on a regular basis for about three years– I am very proud and excited!
Secondly, my boss finally came through on changing my title to better reflect my job responsibilities. However, it doesn’t come with a pay raise, even though technically it is a promotion. I have thanked him (since I had bugged him quite a bit over a long period of time) for following up, but how do tactfully ask about the money portion without seeming ungrateful? I have made it very clear that I would like a raise, and asked him point-blank to help me stay at my current job by paying me market rate.
TIA for any pointers!
Congratulations on the choir! That’s really amazing.
On the job front, if you’re doing the work of this new position (and the title change suggests you are), then you shouldn’t have to be “grateful” for it. It’s not a gift. Nor is the salary increase. I would thank him for his efforts in following up on your behalf (assuming it wasn’t something he could simply do unilaterally) and say if there was any word on the accompanying salary increase. Do you have a specific amount in mind? I would get some market research and be ready to say “well, I’m now a [job title]. [Job titles] in this metro area at our peer companies are typically paid at about $X for someone of my experience level.” If he suggests that a raise wouldn’t be available right now (although I think that’s silly, but hey, companies do silly things all the time), I’d pick a point, say after you’d been doing this job for six months, to evaluate your performance with the assumption that you’d get the raise at that time barring poor performance (and have clear benchmarks before you set out so everyone knows that you if achieve X, Y, and Z you get a salary of $X effective either as of the change in title, or at least effective starting the next pay period).
If he’s totally unwilling to talk salary increase, I’d start looking for another job. Assuming you have the credentials to hold the job you now hold, if you’re being paid below market, go find someone who’ll actually pay for what [job titles] cost.
Thank you so much! I emailed HR to find out a little bit more about our structure, which isn’t as transparent as it should be. The six-month timeline is a good idea, as well as an exact plan. I did some research for my annual review, and my job function is around $20k over what I’m getting paid– very modestly estimated.
Thank you again. Asking for more money is never fun, but it’s also rarely handed out.
This is going to come off badly no matter how I phrase it. How do you handle working with people who are significantly less bright than you are? I got spoiled early in my career by working with truly exceptional people. I’m now in a position where I’m working with people who are, not by any means unintelligent and probably somewhat above average, but are not by any means shining stars. I find that they will often go into extensive explanations of something they’ve “discovered” or “realized” and the big reveal is a connection that seems completely obvious to me, so obvious that at first I’m confused that this is what they’re explaining — was that really something you didn’t notice when you first looked at this two weeks ago? Look, I’m terrible at lots of things. My athletic ability is well below average. I’m not as creative (in the artistic sense) as other people. My music technique is really, really not good (even after years of training — is there such a thing as a learning disability when it comes to music?). So I don’t feel snobby toward these co-workers. I’m sure there are areas where they’d totally outshine me. But how do I re-frame my thinking to get through long meetings and explanations with them? Any tips? I really want to feel positively toward them and I worry that I’m coming across as aloof or condescending. (I’m really trying hard not to.) Has anyone else had this experience who could give me some advice?
I had an employee previously who was very slow. In his comprehension and his actual pace of work! What helped me to not get snippy was to take a deep breath and really think before talking. I never spoke harsh words to him, but I could feel my tone betraying my extreme annoyance at his lack of understanding sometimes. So I would take a deep breath, focus, and clearly state the problem, “Bob, can you explain to me why these items haven’t been done yet? What can we do to get this finished on time?”
I would also suggest to try and speak to the employee one-on-one. I had another employee who I remember snipping at once because I was trying to focus on something with another colleague, and he asked a “stupid” question (in my eyes). I should have said, “Bob, can we chat about this in 10 minutes?” Again, gives you time to cool down and get over it.
I realize my suggestions are all based on me being annoyed at stupid questions, and you didn’t exactly state that was your problem (more worried about sounding aloof). hope that helps a bit…
I think it depends on whether the co-workers you’re talking about are supervisors, peers or direct reports.
For supervisors and peers, how bright they are and how well they work is above your paygrade, and part of what you’re paid for is to be in meetings with them while they give long explanations. If you work in a 9 to 5 culture, then don’t sweat the long meetings or long explanations. If being in long meetings means you have to stay later to finish your other work, then consider discussing the importance of “efficiency” and “productivity” in your meetings and consider volunteering to run the agenda.
For direct reports, how quickly they catch on is your problem. Spending time on training is worth it in the long run, so teaching moments and explanations are important but you can take the lead in setting the tone and pace for the conversation (positive and quick vs. aloof and slow). Eg. “Great! So, in 2 sentences, what did you learn?” If that doesn’t work, you might have to resort to “Great! I have to finish this report by noon though, so can we talk later?”
And smile :)
Find whatever it is that they do better than you, and focus on that when your mind goes to, “Are you serious that you got that just right now? Srsly?”
So it seems my comment was swallowed my moderation the first time.
I’m considering using Weight Watchers for the first time (ever) and I was wondering if anyone’s had success on it, and whether I should do online only, meetings only, or the option with both (more expensive, but if it works…). I did SparkPeople this time last year with some success — lost about 20 pounds, but then fell off the wagon when I got tired of tracking every little thing plus missed my favorite, horrible-for-me foods (and I gained it all back, plus 10 extra pounds, because that’s what I do).
Anyway, I was wondering if the meeting actually do offer support or if they’re a time suck. Or if being accountable to a person rather than a computer program would help.
(Also considering seeing a therapist to help me break free of these always-been-with-me food issues. I need to eat all the food all the time. I feel like I’m addicted to eating.)
Anyway, anyone’s feedback is really appreciated. I’m worried about starting, since I’m afraid of failing. And I’ve been heavy for so long, change is scary. TIA.
Nevermind, I see my comment (finally) appeared above.
Am I the only person who gets excited about the Boden catalog, orders some dresses, finds them hideously unflattering, and returns them … only to repeat the cycle next season? This is it for me, I swear.
Also, I’m ready for the end of the tyrannical reign of the high-waisted dress. WHY?
I’ve never returned a dress from Boden, nor a skirt or blouse. I cannot wear their pants though. It’s either the fit or the zipper on the wrong side always gets me in the end! I go to London all the time for work and still can’t bring myself to wear British pants – America! Why did you train me this way!?!
The past two weeks at work have been very strange for me. I’m used to training people in my job, but they have always been people a few levels below me (assistants, associates, specialized staff). The past two weeks I have been training someone to take over part of my job because I have been too overloaded. I really like the new guy, he is very capable and nice but the weirdest thing keeps bothering me. He keeps complimenting me and giving me credit for things and I just don’t know how to handle all the compliments! I’m so used to being cr*pped on at work all the time that I don’t even know how to handle a compliment anymore.
An excellent example is what just happened. I passed a spreadsheet I had created to new guy to circulate to the group. He got major kudos for the awesome spreadsheet from upper management and then actually drew attention to the fact that it was my work and how helpful I have been in getting him up to speed. That drew praise for me from upper management and ALL of the praise is completely making me uncomfortable. Is this the dreaded imposter syndrome? Why can I not handle compliments without having close to a panic attack (no joke – my heart rate is still raised)?
Calm yourself. Take a deep breath and repeat after me, “I KICK @$$ AND I KNOW IT.” Write it on your bathroom mirror, over your kitchen sink, the back of your door at home. YOU ARE AWESOME, OKAY? GOOD.
It’s sad when absolutely appropriate ethical, professional behavior is shocking to anyone. But I feel you. I’ve had experiences that felt very jarring because…I actually felt respected and valued at work, particularly by senior people. There’s no reason to believe you’re getting more than your due, so try to think of this as an unlearning experience. I always make a point to act the way I wish others did, too. If there’s anyone under your position who’s doing a great job, start making more noise about it so s/he gets recognized.
You’re very lucky – most guys would simply smile and thank the boss for the spreadsheet compliments. Better make some improvements in the self-confidence department before you get one of those..
Hi all – I’m hoping someone can help me on how to deal with a situation that came up at work: We’ve been working with a company that is outsourced overseas to India, and we have been having a lot of difficulty understanding our customer service reps, contacts, and administrators due to their accents. I certainly understand that this is frustrating, but on the other hand, my direct supervisor was going on and on about the “ignorance of foreigners” and how these people who “make $0.14 an hour should learn how to speak English properly so they can *deserve* the $0.14 they get.” And then she went on to imitate their accent. This went on for about half an hour and now it is a running thing that she frequently says (she’s still imitating the accent). I am not Indian, but I find this OFFENSIVE BEYOND WORDS and let her know that I found this offensive, but she brushed me off and is continuing to do this. My office is small – any problems we have, we are supposed to go to our direct supervisor, but considering she is the one doing this, does any one have any suggestions about what I should do? Perhaps write an email to her? Or take her aside and try telling her again? Obviously, I want to be careful too, because she is my direct supervisor and can make my work life a living hell if she wanted to. Please help!
You do need to be careful, as she’ll make your life hell if you get her in trouble for this. But being subjected to racist “jokes” is part of a hostile environment, so it’d be good if you can address it somehow. Sounds like something for HR, if you have a functional (and discreet) one. They may have some good advice, or simply let her know that she’s crossing the line? Tread with caution, as you may simply label yourself as a troublemaker.
I’m not terribly tactful, so usually I’ve dealt with this kind of thing by making heinously offensive jokes about their own ethnic group, right after they’ve inflicted something of the sort on me. Laughing loudly at your own jokes helps. It does shut them up, invariably, but I have to admit it doesn’t foster good relationships. It’s just that usually by the time it gets to that I don’t care any more.
Paging Preg Anon: I need some good transitional clothes for my early maternity wardrobe (with two little ones in there, I’m already out of my normal clothes at 8 weeks!). Any suggestions? (I checked your posts on the topic, I think posted in response to Nonny, but the stores are out of those styles now!) Or if anyone has some good suggestions for tops and dresses with a little extra room that don’t necessarily scream “I’M PREGNANT” yet. TIA!
I just ordered a pair of Topshop maternity pants from Nordstroms and they are fantastic. I am still fitting into regular pants, but these are so comfortable and stretchy, it makes a world of different. They are black jeans, but they are softer than jeans and the waistband is really one of those grow with you waistbands. They fit fine right now. As for tops, I’m just wearing ones that have a little extra room in the tummy. Anything form fitting shows the mini-bump, but looser silk blouses and sweaters do not. I also feel like blazers and cardigans hide it a little more. Throw a blazer over a looser top and a pair of pants with a maternity waistband and you are good to go.
As far as dresses, I would stay away from sheath styles, but anything with an a-line and a slightly looser midsection would work.
I also figure that ordering tops in a size or two sizes bigger than normal should last me a couple months and be good for postpartum. By the third trimester, I’ll probably need actual maternity tops, but for now, simply going up a size works.
I’ll check out the Topshop pants. Unfortunately: (1) I don’t have a “mini-bump”; I have a “I’ve been eating nothing but fritos and cheeseburgers and it’s all gone to my belly” look going so still in the “wow, TBK has been packing on the pounds” physique and nowhere near “ooh, how cute she has a bump!”; (2) I tend to wear very tailored clothes, especially with clearly defined waists (being a bit of a pear), so I have pretty much nothing in my closet I can just pull out and use now. Even the looser stuff is too snug. Oh well, shopping for me this weekend!
I also wear tailored clothes as a pair and in the “I’m still hiding it at the office phase” I wore a lot of dark base layers with open brighter jackets and cardigans. You may be able to get away with fine gauge, drapey knit tops in non-maternity styles a size or two larger than usual.
I do find that a lot of maternity clothes are designed to grow with you. Especially the pants (in my very limited experience of having exactly one pair).
I also think that at this point, you have to rely on the manners of others and assume that people aren’t going to say anything. I’m clearly fatter than I was three months ago. I have a thick waist, a tummy and I’m quite top heavy. Anyone that’s paying attention would notice that I’m either pregnant or noticeably gaining weight. I’ve simply counted on co-workers to not say anything and I’ve returned the favor by not wearing anything that makes it so obvious that it would flip the tables to be rude not to say something. i.e. in my workout tops and black leggings, the bump is so obvious that if I wore something that fitted to work, people would have to ask if I was pregnant.
But, observant (and nice) people are going to notice and not say anything. Clueless people who don’t notice you anyway are not going to notice. And hopefully you won’t run into any observant and rude people who insist on saying something or asking you outright.
And if they do, please call them out on it. As someone who isn’t pregnant and does have a pooch, I sometimes get the random question and want to pop people. For the record, I go with “No just fat, but that’s really none of your business either way” which generally shuts them up.
NY&Co. had some affordable pants with elastic waist that I used to transition. Eileen Fisher might be a higher end option.
Hi, TBK! Just noticed this post. I can tell you what worked for me at that stage – hopefully it will help. Like you, my usual wardrobe is quite tailored so I had to give up my usual sheath dresses and pencil skirts pretty early on.
I got a couple of these skirts: http://shop.nordstrom.com/s/vince-camuto-midi-tube-skirt-regular-petite/3275630?origin=category-personalizedsort&contextualcategoryid=0&fashionColor=&resultback=0&cm_sp=personalizedsort-_-browseresults-_-1_1_A
They are totally amazing because they aren’t constricting around the waist and are nice and stretchy. I started wearing them at about 11 weeks and am now at 22 weeks and still going strong. I can see them lasting through most, if not all, of my pregnancy.
I also bought a non-maternity work dress at about 11 weeks – can’t remember the designer but it has a lot of ruching around the midsection and is in a busy animal print. I got it a size up from what I normally wear and again, it has been very useful though I’m pretty much exclusively in maternity dresses now.
Re the comment that maternity clothing is meant to grow with you, I totally agree, but I would caution you re maternity dresses because I found that some of them made me look more pregnant than I wanted to early on. I have a gorgeous dress from Isabella Oliver but had to put it away until week 15 because it just made me look “too pregnant”. I have also bought a really nice faux-wrap dress from Seraphine that I highly recommend, but I don’t think you’d have that problem with the “too pregnant” issue with that one. I also found nice T-shirt dresses at Top Shop Maternity which I’ve worn with a blazer and gotten compliments on – worth checking out as those don’t look “maternity” either.
No matter what, though, I highly recommend getting yourself a pair of maternity jeans. Maternity jeans were the first maternity item I bought and it was so worth it. Get thee to Pea in a Pod and try them on.
I’m trying to figure out exactly when in my life “three-day weekend” became code for “Awesome! No one will be in the office and I will be able to get SO MUCH DONE!!!”
Sigh. Here’s hoping I can squeeze in a hike with the fuzzballs or something.
Ladies, please tell me if I am being paranoid or not. Lately I have been feeling like the head of my group doesn’t like me. I just have that feeling when I see him. I recently asked the IT service group in my office if it would be possible for me to get a second laptop for home (I am an associate at a law firm so I’m working a lot of hours on the weekends and nights at home). The IT guy said they had to get clearance from the practice group head, and then the IT guy said my request was denied. Is there some reason why the head of my group would deny my request other than he doesn’t like me?? I do not know if anyone else has ever been approved to have 2 laptops (maybe it’s happened, I just haven’t asked around) but it did not seem like a crazy, outlandish request to me. Thoughts appreciated.
Anon in NYC
I work in biglaw and frequently work nights and weekends and would not ask for a second laptop. My firm already gives me a laptop, with the expectation that I use it. I don’t think it’s unreasonable for that request to be denied.
But I sympathize with feeling like the head of your group doesn’t like you – I sometimes get really paranoid about stuff like that too.
Speaking as someone in IT; I would have a hard time seeing anyone approved for two laptops. A laptop and a desktop, yeah, not an issue but two laptops would be a stretch. The general thing is that i you have a laptop and have to work from home, you get to lug it home and follow whatever security/remote work policies are in place.
The reason that your practice head might deny your request other than that he doesn’t like you is that he doesn’t see the need for you to have two laptops. If everyone else had them, then, yeah, weird. But I don’t quite understand assuming he denied it because he doesn’t like you when you don’t know whether this is something other people have. I’m not saying that maybe he doesn’t like you. I’m just not sure this is evidence that he doesn’t. Why not ask around casually to see if your co-workers schlep home their laptops, use home laptops (what I’ve always done), or have second laptops? If others have been issued a second laptop, then ask your boss what his reasoning was in denying your request (using a tone that suggests that you assume he does have a good reason).
They give you a laptop because it’s portable. I take mine home every day.