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Something on your mind? Chat about it here. I'm always intrigued to find a basic that has almost universally good reviews, and Hue's line of denim leggings seems to be one of those things. The waxed denim leggings pictured are on sale (were $44, now $14.97), but by my count Nordstrom is currently offering thirteen different colors. Nice. Hue Waxed Denim Leggings (L-3)Sales of note for 11.5.24
- Nordstrom – Fall sale, up to 50% off!
- Ann Taylor – Extra 40% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 25% off with your GAP Inc. credit card
- Bloomingdales is offering gift cards ($20-$1200) when you spend between $100-$4000+. The promotion ends 11/10, and the gift cards expire 12/24.
- Boden – 10% off new styles with code; free shipping over $75
- Eloquii – Fall clearance event, up to 85% off
- J.Crew – 40% off fall favorites; prices as marked
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Fall Sale, up to 35% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – New sale, up to 50% off
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
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- White House Black Market – Holiday style event, take 25% off your entire purchase
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
k-padi
Three agenda items from k-padi:
1-January is visiting Palo Alto! Cue ELLEN-esque YAY!!! We’ll have a meet-up on at 1pm on Saturday, September 28th in Palo Alto at Vino Locale–good wine, lots of cheese. Hope to see you there!
2-I quit my job this week to join a very small boutique firm with a long-time mentor. I am so super excited!
3-To Mary Ann Singleton: Yes, I have been back to The Club SV. It has been pretty awesome for me. I’m meeting lots of great women who are tops in their fields and know how to get things done. I really think being exposed to that network gave me the courage to quit my job.
For any SV women who need a professional development boost for year-end reviews, I highly recommend joining. The fee is steep but I have gotten so much value out of it in the past year that I’m not hesitating to renew (out of my own pocket!). I am so sad that I will be missing the next event.
zora
YAY, I will see you all next week, I am so excited! :o)
Ellen
YAY!!! Open Thread’s! I love Open Thread’s and I wish that I could go, but I have to work and do NOT even have a computer b/c Frank ruined mine. FOOEY!
I am useing the manageing partner’s computer until mine is either fixed or I get a NEW one. Dad says I should get a new one or sell my Macbook to the FIRM and get a new one for home.
What would the hive suggest? I think the manageing partner should see how much different the macbook’s are. I wonder if they are waterproof? Does anyone in the hive have experence with water or coffee on a macbook? If I can show the manageing partner that they will NOT get ruined if we spill coffee on them, mabye we can get macbook’s!!!!!! YAY!!!
I told Sam not to call. He still think’s that he has the inside track, he told Myrna, b/c Dad gave him the green light! But I told dad that I am dateing and not him. FOOEY for dad trying to push Sam on me, especialy b/c dad does NOT know Sam is NOT circumscribed. FOOEY! And Sam alway’s bring’s up stayeing over on his TemperPedeic mattres!
Why would I sleep with a veegan who will NOT take me serious? I have a JD and am NOT a bimbo, but men do NOT give me credit for my brain’s. They think only to have sex with me and that Is NOT what I want, obviousley. FOOEY!
I will be leaveing early to meet Myrna. We are heading to the MET to MEET MEN. Myrna says that most men there are NOT interested in women, but there should at least be a few we can meet and date. With any luck, I need to get MARRIED soon, so I hope there is one guy lookeing for a woman like me to marry. I am smart, cute and have a great courtroom manner, the judge says! YAY!!!!
Wildkitten
I love my macbook and I have a speck case and a moshi keyboard cover. The combination isn’t waterPROOF but it has saved my computer against several spills.
Maybe you should tell Sam you don’t feel like he’s taking you seriously and see what happens? It sounds like he’s very interested, so maybe he would change his feathers if he knew what you wanted from the relationship.
Anonymous
They are not Waterproof, don’t waste your money. Excellent computers
not built for abuse.
Alice
It makes no sense to me why Ellen dumped Sam. He has a great job, apartment, and seemed willing to consider Ellen for marriage! All I see bad is that he picked his nose. All the guys I’ve dated we’re a lot worse. Most piced other parts of their body too, often in front of me. Some wanted me to pay for meals, and others cheated on me. The vegan thing is not a minus, and Sam seems to like Ellen’s fat tush, so he’s a keeper. If she hangs out at museums, she is sure to meet guys who are bi- and they won’t be beating a pAth either to have sex with, let alone marry her.
Give Sam another chance, and David too!
Susie
No!! Sam is disgusting, he also flashed E. E is a nice Jewish girl and deserves a distinguished gentleman like Willem!
January
*happy dance*
Wildkitten
Wow! I wish we had a The Club SV here in DC. It looks incredible.
Samantha
Congratulations on your new job! It takes a lot of courage to quit a job especially for a lesser-known “brand”, so congrats also on taking the difficult step and I’m sure you will do great!
Mary Ann Singleton
Awesome. Congrats on your new job, and thanks for the updated review of The Club SV. I may look into it for next year, when I hope to do more networking.
ABC
Congrats on the new job! That is very exciting.
Carrie Preston
I forget the poster who was driving to the Bay Area from LA, but thought I’d post a link to hotel I’ve always wanted to stay at for the pure kitsch factor that’s on the way: http://www.madonnainn.com/
PrettyOffended
What is appropriate response when a colleague calls your boyfriend “stupid”? Like, if this happens during casual, friendly conversation in the breakroom/lunchroom at work?
Anon
“Why would you say that?”
PrettyOffended
I like that one, thanks! I will use that on this particular colleague. I try not to suffer from Special Snowflake Syndrome, but this particular colleague has been really, really rude to me. Like, to the point of being unprofessional.
Anon
It’s pretty much the classiest way I can think of to essential tell your colleague (or other rude person): “Defend yo’self, a**hole!” Most times, they can’t :) and the stammering is awesome to watch.
OttLobbyist
The Special Snowflake Syndrome reference made my afternoon. :)
I also agree with the “why would you say that?” approach, or just ignore the individual.
Houston Attny
One of my favorite comebacks is “I will keep my opinions about your boyfriend to myself.” Said with a smile, of course. :)
Houston Attny
Another thing – in my fantasy brain, I say things like, “oh, bless your heart” with a laugh. It seems dismissive of, say, a small child and doesn’t address the rudeness but somehow rises above it. (Real life examples of how this worked are appreciated!)
emeralds
You live in Houston and you don’t have real-life examples of this? “Bless his/her/your heart,” was a staple in my church growing up and remains a staple in my extended family.
Lily student
My usual answer for things like this is ‘oh, how so?’
Susie
That place is hilarious!
Child Support TJ
I wanted to get any thoughts y’all had to see what is market before I either make a big mistake or do what seems to be fair (but will nevertheless create drama).
Husband has a child he pays support for. The amount is something that he has felt was very generous and has not been recalculated even though husband and I have two chidren together.
Husband recently was let go and has landed a temp gig @ 60% of his former salary. I’ve absorbed this for now and he is looking for something better. He’s mentioned to the ex that he may need to adjust things and she is of the opinion that this is really our family’s problem and that I probably make a lot of $.
He’s probably going to have to ask for a reduction at some point but he has 0 background in this, especially emotionally. FWIW, the ex either has a lot of $ or spends a lot of $, but has never really shared what her situation actually is.
Avodah
I know *nothing* about child support and the laws surrounding it, but…
You and your husband should not feel guilty or shy about re-visiting how much he pays. Standing up for you and your family is not mutually exclusive of your husband fulfilling his legal (and ethical) obligation to pay child support.
LH
+1 Totally agree.
Anonymous
It does not matter how much his ex makes. Your husband should be paying a certain calculated amount, and there is nothing wrong with asking the court to revisit it. It does not necessarily mean the amount will go down, and they will probably take your income into account. But if he has had a reduction, it is reasonable to think that his share of support would be reduced.
Bewitched
Google (your state) “calculation of child support”. For NY, there are tons of resources explaining how the court determines the amount of child support to be paid by the non-custodial parent. There are even calculators where you can enter your spouse’s income and his ex’s presumed income and it will give you an informal estimate of what the court thinks the obligation would be. I believe if he has a formal legal child support agreement in place, he would have to petition the court for a modification, based upon his change in circumstances.
Lyssa
Right, most states are using a calculator so it’s pretty straightforward (not always simple, but usually straightforward) how much a parent should pay. In my state, for example, we use an “income shares model”, which means that you enter the income of both parents, how much time the kid(s) spend with each, and a few other obligations, and it figures how much each parent should be contributing towards the support, then the parent with the higher obligation pays the difference.
If you guys can’t figure it based on that, get a consult with a family law attorney – bring everything that you know about his and her incomes, and the attorney can probably calculate the difference pretty easily. Of course, if you don’t know about her income, you might have to go through the court to get it, assuming that she doesn’t want to play nice.
Word of warning – depending on the reasons that he was let go, the court can (and in my experience, very frequently does) decide to “impute” an income that he was shown to be capable of earning in the past, rather than using the new earnings. It’s a bad situation if the let go was legitimate, but it’s there to prevent people from deliberately lowering their earnings to avoid support. If it goes to court, he may be in a position where he has to defend his new earnings.
Anonymous
I would add that in my state, and in the few other states with which I am familiar, a stepparent’s income is not part of the calculation, though if a judge has discretion to move a calculation up or down along a spectrum (e.g., 18-20% of income), a showing that the paying parent has a lavish lifestyle can affect which end of the spectrum the judge picks.
Child Support TJ
Thanks! I’m wondering if I should talk to an atty myself (like an hour to get the lay of the land in my state — I’m in the US but NY). I do OK, but was already eating up my salary with house, day care, my car. Maybe I need to rule out that I’m in the crosshairs (it’s not like I could cut down on the daycare, so my known expenses are already enough without worrying that while we have less $, b/c my husband is married to me his support bill will now be going up).
anonforthis
The details vary a little by state, but in Virginia child support is based on how much the child’s biological parents make combined and does not take into account their current spouse’s income. However, you need a material change in circumstances to revisit the calculation. A 40% reduction in pay at a temporary job is definitely a material change in circumstances that will be revisited. You all having kids together is generally NOT a material change in circumstances, but it should be taken into account when support is recalculated based on his job loss.
Dealing with the firestorm from upsetting the ex is always something to factor into the decision to refile but it is certainly fair of him to do so in a situation like this. He should also file sooner rather than later if he is going to do so because it can take awhile to get into court and be heard on the matter.
How much does she have the kid vs. him? In Virginia you can ask for a shared custody guideline if the child is with the “noncustodial” parent more than 90 days per year. It raises the amount of support due to the child by 40% but divides the amount of support to be paid based on how much time each parent spends with the child. In our case doing it this way significantly lowered my husband’s child support payment.
Anon for this
He should ask for a reduction immediately given the change in circumstances. In most states, reductions cannot be retroactive. Instead, they go to the date asked. If god forbid he ended up unable to pay, he would be screwed if he hadn’t already sought the reduction.
Most states have child support calculators available for free online. That helps you figure out the guideline amount. You can then argue deviations from there. What she makes probably matters. The less she makes, the more she needs from him. What you make probably doesn’t matter, unless he is asking for a downward deviation because of his obligations to your children.
This is a situation where it might be worth consulting a lawyer. However, most states post extremely pro-se friendly advice on their website since so many people go it alone. Also, read the family law blogs of lawyers in your state. You can find out almost everything you need to know.
In my state, child support can be recalculated for any reason every three years and can be recalculated anytime in between for a change in circumstances. Your husband has a change.
Also, any agreement to reduce child support between him and mom must be approved by the court. He shouldn’t pay lower amounts until then.
Senior Attorney
If the previous amount was per state guidelines based on his previous income, then yes, he should request a reduction. However, he should definitely consult an attorney before going to court. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen parents go to court seeking a child support reduction and end up with an increase instead, because the amount they were previously paying was below the guideline amount. This is not something you want to mess around with unless you are absolutely positive you know what your legal position is.
Anon in Canada
In case you’re in Canada – the child support amounts are mandated by federal law and there are charts to follow based on what province the payor resides in (to account for differing levels of taxation). It’s pretty straightfoward. In my jurisdiction the addition of new children from a subsequent relationship doesn’t get much sympathy from judges as it’s considered a choice made by the parent with a knowledge of their income being constrained by support obligations to the existing child and that the existing child shouldn’t receive less as a result.
http://laws-lois.justice.gc.ca/eng/regulations/SOR-97-175/index.html
My Stepkids' Mom
In California, there are now statutes (and some case law based on them) that prohibit a court from considering the new spouse’s income or assets in calculating either spousal support or child support (unless the kid(s) would be below the poverty level without it). Ask an attorney what your state’s laws are in this regard. I hope you have a pre-nup that includes a provision that neither your income nor your assets will be used to support ex-wife or child from previous marriage. If you do not, you can create a post-nup now that does. That can also provide some protection.
Our ex-wife has made it clear that she believes everything I ever have earned or inherited or accumulated or will ever earn or inherit or accumulate is fair game for her. So we have taken many preventive steps.
With respect to your husband’s new financial situation, he should ask for a recalculation. In California, any recalculation is retroactive to the day you asked for it (not the day it is awarded by the court), so the sooner he files, the better. If anyone says that there should be a provision that when he gets a new job he should notify ex-wife about it, try: (1) making that provision apply to her, too, and (2) making sure that provision has a clear end date (when child turns 18, perhaps).
Good luck.
Anonymous
LOL isn’t that why Eddie Cibrian doesnt have to pay child support but can live lavishly off Leanne Rhymes? I read that the california law lets the parent take no job or be an “artist” if they can live off the new spouse and get out of paying child support. Too much celebrity gossip!
My Stepkids' Mom
I have to admit I’m not up on that celebrity gossip. I can tell you that I have and will continue to help with my stepkids’ expenses (college, vacations, etc.) but that I do that because I want to and not because I have to. And I would under no circumstances give a dime to their mother after the way she treated and continues to treat them and their dad.
KLG
Totally agree with this. My stepdaughter’s mother does NOTHING to encourage her relationship with her dad (my husband). I am happy to provide my stepdaughter with whatever she may need (and often help her gets “wants” from her dad), but I HATE that we pay money to her mother. (Especially since we have equal physical custody).
OfCounsel
That is not an entirely accurate description of California law. The court may consider the earning capacity of a parent instead of their actual income and will do so if it thinks one parent is deliberately not working or is earning less to avoid child support and if it is in the best interests of the children. The problem is the difficulty in proving someone could earn more (especially in this economy or for someone who income was always intermittent – like an actor).
anon in family law
I will just say YOU should not be calling an attorney, your husband should. You can certainly go with him if you want to, to the appointment, but he needs to take the steps himself.
Too often the dad is all too happy to sit back and let his ex wife/current wife struggle back and forth, when really all of this is HIS responsibility to deal with.
The bottom line is, the ex wife has made her position clear. And really, were I *her* attorney, I would never advise her to just agree to lower support – if a review is in order, one can be requested, and with proper documentation of the change of circumstance the support will generally be adjusted. I would never advise a client to agree to less support without going through that process. So I wouldn’t automatically assume some horrid motive on her part.
A 40% reduction in income, if in good faith, (ie, he didn’t quit and take a lower paying job just to avoid support) will be a significant change of circumstances in most states. In *some* states, your two new children “nonjoint” children for the purposes of child support calculation, will also factor in and will generally lower his support. HOWEVER, this all varies SO MUCH by state, more than almost any other area of law in my opinion. There is absolutely no way for anyone other than a family law attorney licensed and experienced in YOUR STATE to advise you on whether your income will count, whether the income drop is sufficient to warrant a reduction, or whether your two children will enter the calculation.
But again, your husband really needs to be the one to start the process. You actually might have him start by calling the child support office in the county that handles his support payments. In many states, a review can be done administratively by the agency without actually filing in court. He could call them and at least ask. It may be a simple matter of requesting a review, submitting his income documentation and whatever else they request, and they will contact ex wife for the same.
Good luck!
Wildkitten
Oh hey. Your stepchildren’s mom? She’s their mom.
Anon
Huh?
My Stepkids' Mom
Yes, she is. My full moniker was “[Dealing With] My Stepkids’ Mom,” but I omitted the first part.
Could also read:
“[Protecting everyone from] My Stepkids’ Mom”
“[Avoiding the Chaos of] My Stepkids’ Mom”
‘”[Undoing the Damage Caused by] My Stepkids’ Mom”
“[Behavioral Issues and] My Stepkids’ Mom”
“[Fill In The Blank] My Stepkids’ Mom”
anon in family law
I will just say YOU should not be calling an attorney, your husband should. You can certainly go with him if you want to, to the appointment, but he needs to take the steps himself.
Too often the dad is all too happy to sit back and let his ex wife/current wife struggle back and forth, when really all of this is HIS responsibility to deal with.
The bottom line is, the ex wife has made her position clear. And really, were I *her* attorney, I would never advise her to just agree to lower support – if a review is in order, one can be requested, and with proper documentation of the change of circumstance the support will generally be adjusted. I would never advise a client to agree to less support without going through that process. So I wouldn’t automatically assume some horrid motive on her part.
A 40% reduction in income, if in good faith, (ie, he didn’t quit and take a lower paying job just to avoid support) will be a significant change of circumstances in most states. In *some* states, your two new children “nonjoint” children for the purposes of child support calculation, will also factor in and will generally lower his support. HOWEVER, this all varies SO MUCH by state, more than almost any other area of law in my opinion. There is absolutely no way for anyone other than a family law attorney licensed and experienced in YOUR STATE to advise you on whether your income will count, whether the income drop is sufficient to warrant a reduction, or whether your two children will enter the calculation.
But again, your husband really needs to be the one to start the process. You actually might have him start by calling the child support office in the county that handles his support payments. In many states, a review can be done administratively by the agency without actually filing in court. He could call them and at least ask. It may be a simple matter of requesting a review, submitting his income documentation and whatever else they request, and they will contact ex wife for the same.
Good luck!
Wildkitten
So – don’t HATE her. She’s half their DNA.
anon in family law
I have no idea why that posted in two places. Sorry!
Stepmom
Wildkitten, simmer down. You have no idea what you’re talking about and are picking a fight with someone who is providing additional parental care, with all of the emotional and financial obligations that come with it, and less of the gratification due to the marginalization of the role by people like you. One more person loving and watching for a child is a good thing. Seriously, shut up.
Wildkitten
I think the more parents a kid has the better. I think talking sh*t about the other parents is not helpful to the kids. Kids are pretty smart, whatever age they are, and if you’re posting on an anonymous website that you hate giving money to their mom, they probably can tell how you feel, and that’s the problem, not stepmoms.
Anonymous
Generally, new spouse income is not counted if the divorced parent is providing at least along prior family experience, however, if the paying parent voluntarily impoverishes themselves, the paying parent can get income imputed to them, especially if ‘there is money within the household – the imputed income more often stays at the parent’s income level, even if the parent re-marries a celebrity.
For the original post – lawyers cost $$$, do a cost/benefit analysis of if it’s worth it to request a reduction. DH is still trying to find better-paying work, so there might be a better job in the future, which is another measure of…is a recalculation coming anyway (The ex asking if the income is more, as a delay in increase could balance matters without too much acrimony if this isn’t a total Scrooge situation)
You could also use a community mediation center (many are no cost or sliding scale) to see what the ex is willing to settle on that is within your state guidelines. If you use this service – donate meaningfully.
In all of this – knowing the people and how they are likely to react is key. Some situations flat out require an attorney because of the people involved.
‘After-born children” is the phrase you are looking for – several years ago, there was a lot going on in our blended family is how i learned more about negotiating from an informed position. I’m not a lawyer and this is not legal advice.
Hel-lo
Every state is different.
You & your husband should talk to a lawyer in your state. Call your state’s Bar association if you don’t know of one.
You should not take legal advice from anonymous Internet forums. Even if we are lawyers.
anon in family law
Yeah, that’s what I meant when I said:
“HOWEVER, this all varies SO MUCH by state, more than almost any other area of law in my opinion. There is absolutely no way for anyone other than a family law attorney licensed and experienced in YOUR STATE to advise you on whether your income will count, whether the income drop is sufficient to warrant a reduction, or whether your two children will enter the calculation.”
Lawyer Bird
I practice some family law. It varies a lot by state, but custody and support agreements are not locked in stone. However, you’ll probably have to go to court if his ex is not on board. You probably don’t need a lawyer if it’s straighforward; it may be as simple as filing some forms with the court and going to a hearing. Generally a new spouse’s income is not counted to calculate how much the non-custodial parent should pay in support. I’d advise your husband to get on this right away, because the courts work slowly, and whatever he does he shouldn’t stop paying until he has a court order reducing his obligation, because then he would likely be in contempt and could be jailed.
Pour la Victoire anyone?
Ladies: I am eyeing this gorgeous Pour la Victoire dress flat on Myhabit (plum color no less)! Any reviews/opinions? Does it run true to size?
Abby Lockhart
I have several pairs of PLV heels, and find them well-constructed and comfortable. They run true to my European size: 38.5EU/8US.
Pour la Victoire anyone?
Thanks! I think I’ll pull the trigger.
JCA
Wow, today was a big day for me! First post (on this morning’s thread) and first incident of hitting “report” by accident. Apologies!
Quiet
This book has been recced so many times around here, but I just got around to reading it. It’s like having my whole life explained to me! Also, it completely validated my fear that my job is a terrible fit. So everyone else out there who has this book collecting dust on the nightstand, I highly recommend moving it to the top of your reading queue.
Nonny
Thanks for the reminder. I am one of those who has it collecting dust on my nightstand (or in my case, on the bedroom floor).
In the Pink
+1
Really solid perspective and advice on introverts, including strategies. Should be reading for both “sides” of the people-contact continuum.
L2fly
I need to do some career evaluating, so would like to know what book this is?? (For some reason I’m not seeing the post naming the book your post is referring too!)
Wildkitten
The book is “Quiet”
L2fly
thanks
Modalu Sale PSA
The Modalu Pippa Brogues are on sale – approx $180 for bag plus shipping to the US. Mine arrived in 3 days :)
RJ
Oh wow, just googled it and love it! Do the straps go over your shoulder? The picture makes it seem like they don’t .
Modalu Sale PSA
Yes but snugly (and I have a slim build) so I wouldn’t count on it.
Pumping etiquette
If you need to pump twice a day during a work retreat, it is appropriate to let someone know that you will be excusing yourself during these times in order to pump? Or is that TMI?
I’m transitioning to a new practice group, and we have an upcoming three day retreat. I don’t know many of the people in the group and want to make a good impression. I will need to pump for 2 30 minute intervals daily. Ordinarily, I would just leave and not think twice about it, but I don’t know how this will be perceived given that it will probably be noticeable when I am leaving (there will probably be around 40 people in the room). And who would I even tell? The contacts listed for the retreat are the head of the practice group (so not appropriate at all) and the admin who is arranging hotel.
Cimorene
I don’t think it’s TMI if anyone asks, but I don’t think you need to broadcast it in advance. First, I don’t think most people pay nearly as much attention to other people’s presence/absence at retreat-type functions as anyone thinks. Second, do the people in the group know that you have a young child/children? If they see you leaving at regular times, they’ll probably know what you’re doing and not think twice about it. A lot of parents (or at least a lot of moms) will recognize that black Medela bag if they see you walking around with it at check-in. If anyone asks you where you’re going, just say what you’re doing and be done with it. Third, you could ask the admin if there are any particular activities that would conflict with your pumping times so the admin knows that if he/she is assigning you to a small group, that your participation might be a bit reduced.
TBK
I would frankly tell the head of the practice group. “Just wanted to let you know, I have a baby at home, so I’ll need to excuse myself a couple of times a day to pump. I’ve made all the necessary arrangements, but wanted to just give you the heads up on why I’d need be out of the room at these times. Thanks.” I’m guessing the head is a guy? Maybe he’s all 11 year old boy squeamish, but my guess is he’s in his late 40s – 60s and has a couple of kids (maybe grandkids) and is more familiar with all this stuff than you realize.
If you really, really think you can’t do that, what about talking with his secretary? You could tell her the issue and ask if she has any advice on how to handle it at the retreat, and what her boss might think about it.
Third option is to do some investigative work and figure out if any of the female members of the group have children under the age of five. If so, they likely dealt with being at the retreat when their children were babies and might have tips for you. This isn’t necessarily the ideal intro for a new co-worker, but these things happen.
Avodah
Would you feel more comfortable saying something like “I’m a nursing mother, and I need two short breaks a day to accommodate this.”
Maddie Ross
For me, I’d tell the admin that I needed to step out briefly at some point in the morning and at some point in the afternoon and leave it at that. I’m also pretty blunt though, so if I got any pushback or side-eye, I am not opposed to telling people that I’m pumping. Additionally, I’m personally pretty flexible with my pumping (as in, I could do it anytime over about a 2 hour window), so I try and time when I step out with breaks, or the lunch break.
PinkKeyboard
Infertility Question..
I’m going through infertility and just finished my 2nd round of follistim (1st IUI) with 4 big beautiful eggs that resulted in an early period. I also did 5 months of clomid (nothing). I am still young 27 and while my husband is older his sperm is in fabulous shape. Per my RE the shots work within 4 months if they will work at all. Does anyone have any personal experiences/tips on keeping your chin up while everyone you know is popping out babies like a popcorn machine?
anonforthis
No. I am not doing a very good job of keeping my chin up and am really torn about my sister’s upcoming baby shower. All I can say is you’re not alone and hang in there!
RoRo
Not a lot to offer other than sending really positive thoughts your way … what you’re going through is really lousy. One thing that helped me a bit as we were having a hard time getting pregnant (needed clomid, miscarried, needed clomid again), was to think that everyone has something crummy happen to them in life (some people much more than their share). I told myself that if it was going to be our crummy thing to have a hard time to have a baby, then we would deal with that, and that it beat one of us having a terrible illness or something similar. I don’t know if that sounds morbid or not, but it helped me to try to put something that upset me very much in the perspective of my otherwise pretty easy life. I’m not saying it made me feel better all the time, but I did find it useful to sometimes talk me out of my regular pity parties, and focus on the things that were going well. (I’m not saying you shouldn’t have the pity parties too, of course, but sometimes they got tiresome, even to me).
TBK
Ugh. Been there. I think RoRo’s suggestions are great. What worked for me was to schedule something for the weekend just after my period would arrive that I wouldn’t be able to do if I was pregnant (white water rafting, wine tasting, amusement park with tons of roller coasters, meeting up with friends at a bar with AMAZING c-tails). If it turned out I was pregnant, well it would be okay that we’d be missing out on the fun because BABY. But when my period came, I could think “well, at least I get to go [rafting/wine tasting/roller coastering/drinking] this weekend!”
Also, don’t be afraid to withdraw a bit if you need to. Limit Facebook if your feed (like mine) is full of baby pictures. Send a gift off the registry (so you don’t have to go into the baby store) but send your regrets for baby showers. Spend time with the friends who still don’t have kids.
Best of luck to you! If you wind up on the IVF route (although I hope you don’t need to), I promise it’s not as scary as it seems, despite all the needles involved.
Anon
Just hang in there and give youself an out on baby showers. We’re about 3 years into trying and will know within the next week whether our latest attempt worked. It also makes me feel better to internally curse at the people who joke about how easily/accidentally they got pregnant.
PinkKeyboard
Thanks everyone….It’s nice to hear from other people in the same boat and their coping strategies. Especially as the message boards for this tend to be more *extreme* than helpful. I hope everyone has great luck!
NYNY
My sister went through this, and I tried to support her by being the person she could cry to. DH and I don’t have kids, and never planned to, so I was never a threat in that sense. And because we’re close, she felt free to say out loud the things she felt but didn’t *want* to feel. I hope that you have someone in your life who you can talk to openly.
In the meantime, big internet hugs coming your way. It’s a hard thing to go through.
Avodah
My brother in law just got a new job. He and my sister have had a rough several months, and I’d like to get him a congratulations gift. He is switching from a blue collar to white collar job (HUGE change for him!). My budget is around $50. Any thoughts?
TBK
Restaurant gift certificate so they can have a celebratory dinner?
Wildkitten
+1 It’s such a relief to finally get a job after several rough months and yet you feel bad about spending money on celebration when you have bill to pay. This would be great. Or just champagne with champagne glasses – for the many celebrations to come.
preg anon
+1
Avodah
Thanks for the suggestions! Luckily, BR is having a big sale. I was able to buy him a nice non-iron dress shirt and only go $8 over budget! Thanks for the suggestions!
TravelMoreRoads
You could make him an office emergency kit. There have been discussions on here before about what people have in their desks just in case (e.g., tide pen, tissues, emergency snack, floss). If he’s new to an office job, he may really appreciate that. You could focus on what might not occur to him. Off the top of my head, perhaps collar stays, extra tie, lint brush would be in a guy version though many items would overlap.
Lawyer Bird
Does he need new work attire? A gift card to a menswear store or a tie or something like that is a good gift for someone’s first office job.
TO Lawyer
What is it about dealing with my mother that turns me into a petulant teenager again? Sigh
Going to be a long day and a half with my parents visiting…
Wildkitten
My family is the same way. I assume all are.
Brant
My college boyfriend pointed out that my mother acts like a teenager. It was life-changing for me in terms of how I deal with her.
She really does act like the girls I went to high school with (which was, ah, a long time ago). And if we were both in high school together, we’d never be friends. I’m the adult in the relationship, which is sort of strange. But once I shared old BF’s insights with my DH, he laughed and said how spot-on it was…and we all take the “teenager kid gloves” approach when it comes to my mom.
Silly, but effective.
Penny London
My theory is that we all revert back to whatever age we were when we left home. So with my brother who left home when he was 18 and I was 12 we act like an 18 year old and a 12 year old when we’re together.
Blue
Me tooooo. I’m currently back home for a few days. I walk in the door and it’s like some kind of switch flicks in my brain.
Celia
Same here! My husband thinks it is hilarious that all it takes is five minutes with my mom before I start having to actively repress 14 year old “eyerolling” responses — which is NOTHING like how I am usually. He says it’s like watching his high school students, only with slightly more self control. It makes me feel AWFUL though.
anon in BigLaw
I have an informal interview coming up and I was planning on wearing a suit dress with the matching blazer (same fabric) in a conservative color. Is that appropriate? I went back to the old posts about how to dress and now I am–as usual–over-thinking this.
For context, I am approaching the meeting as a networking/business development opportunity–for various personal reasons, it would not be a good time for me to switch jobs (not that there’s any reason to think they’d make me any kind of offer). I welcome any and all thoughts/criticism on the outfit.
Susie
Check out the link in the roundup post from this morning, where this exact topic is addressed. If it’s during a workday, I probably wouldn’t vary too much from what I normally wear – make small tweaks/accessorize it up or down depending on the venue you are going to.
TBK
Just found out there’s a Paul near my office (amazing French boulangerie/patisserie). How many almond croissants and/or pains au chocolats do I need to eat per week to ensure the babies are getting adequate levels of deliciousness? I estimate five, give or take. Although I also feel that a macaron could be substituted for a croissant in a pinch without doing them too much harm. (Because, really, it’s all about fetal health here.)
Pepper
You don’t want to gain too much weight, that’s not good for fetal health if that’s your real goal
TBK
Um, thanks but I was kind of joking.
ExcelNinja
-1
marketingchic
True fact – croissants and chocolate in utero help prevent unsolicited advice and low sense-of-humor when the babies grow up.
zora
+a million
LHH
amazing marketing chic
Ruby
as somone now not neating pain au chocolat trying to lose the weight from bebe and breastfeeding days, eat as many as you want and can:) i miss those warm, flaky delights.
Equity's Darling
I had a really good almond tartlette today from a french bakery nearby, you might consider adding in one of them every so often? I hear almonds have good fats, so it could only be beneficial for the babies.
Anonymous
I am finished with pregnancies – and my tastebuds are still wonderfully in love with all things almond (not amaretto)
My kids are wickedly smart, especially when mischievous.
It has been a fabulous, delicious investment, and now I must.Keep.EATING them….oh, the agony!
Maintenance work, doncha know
Almond horns, anyone?
preg 3L
eee TBK that is so exciting! I’m glad to hear your babies are doing well! Give them plenty of deliciousness — and then double up when you start b-feeding them (if you plan to do so)!
Nonny
Answer: 5 pains au chocolat per week (1 per day), plus at least one for Nonny. :-)
No, macarons cannot be substituted for pains au chocolat. They are a completely different food group and come with a totally different set of rules.
Nonny
BTW, I realize I focussed on pain au chocolat, but I seem to recall that Paul has a really awesome almond croissant that ALSO contains chocolate. That is even better (and now I am nostalgic for London…).
ExcelNinja
I think the rule is 400 extra calories per baby per day, so that’s at LEAST one per day :D You probably want to have a croissant and a macaron just to be safe.
OCAssociate
Hmmm…in order to guarantee chubby babies you should probably double up at least once a week. I’d go with 7 per week, to be on the safe side. :)
Ruby
for any in seattle, the bakery nouveau’s pain au chocolats on cap hill are just perfect. ummm.
zora
TBK- This is wonderful parenting of you to make sure to fully indoctrinate the babies into a love of chocolate pastries from the very beginning. Everyone should be so lucky as to have such a brilliant mommy. I agree with Nonny: Mininum 5 per week. Any less would just be dangerously low levels of chocolatey-pastry-nutrients.
Nonny
Uh-oh, now I’m worried I may not be eating enough chocolate pastries myself. I might have to work on that. After all, I want to give my baby a good start in life. :-)
zora
Yes, it is a very important developmental benchmark. You really need to keep your chocolate pastry intake up in the second trimester. (or something, can you tell i know almost nothing about pregnancy? ;o))
Houston Attny
I am (1) now craving chocolate, pastries and chocolate pastries and (2) will eat them and will not feel the least bit guilty about it. I might have children in the future and I should build up my body’s tolerance for fabulous almond croissants. Great advice as usual, zora!
zora
Yeah, it’s really just common-sense good parenting. (;o))
KC
I love this. Appreciation of pastry should begin as early as possible ;)
oil in houston
you might want to try the ‘eclair’ as well, they’re to die for!
PinkKeyboard
I would say one a day AND a wide selection for the weekend. It’s only responsible to start the babies culinary education in utero!!
Lawyer Bird
TRY THE RED BERRY TART. Your babies will thank you.
DC Association
Hopefully this is not too late for you to see, but you are pregnant with twins, right? You need TWO per day. Prevent fighting, give each of them one.
Anonymous
I’m starting my first real legal job in a few weeks! Large firm, small practice group. Legal ladies, what’s something you wish you had known before you started work? Tips for surviving the first year?
Wildkitten
There’s good advice from 9/12 starting at 11:29 am. And elsewhere on this site.
Killer Kitten Heels
Read Lean In, if you haven’t already. Also Nice Girls Don’t Get the Corner Office (although I found it a little dated – maybe wait until she releases the updated version that’s supposedly coming in the next few months?).
The biggest things I think every young associate should know:
1. Be nice to support staff. They’re the gatekeepers to pretty much everything. (Should be a “duh,” but I was shocked at how many incoming associates screwed this one up at my prior firm.)
2. Don’t act like support staff – by this I mean, if someone says they need something printed, or need copies, or binding, or whatever other administrative nonsense, don’t jump right up to do it – it reinforces the notion that you’re a “helper” rather than a “decision-maker,” and as an attorney, you need to keep yourself clearly on the decision-maker side of that line. That’s not to say you don’t pitch in and help out in crunch time, but if, for example, a partner asks for copies, the response should be “I’ll have my assistant/the print shop/whoever does that stuff take care of that ASAP,” NOT “I’ll do it!”
3. Be firm in your answers – obviously don’t randomly make up answers to things you don’t know the answer to, but even when you’re acknowledging that you don’t know the answer, be firm in it. “I don’t know what the model rules say about how long discovery should take, but I’ll look into that and get back to you by ::insert time here::. ” Then, make sure you get back to the person by the stated time (even if it’s to say “I don’t have the answer yet, it’ll take X more hours of research”). Don’t apologize for not knowing stuff – you’re not supposed to yet.
4. Pay close attention to group social norms (especially in a small group) – of course you want to be yourself and all that jazz, but you also don’t want to do anything in the early days to set yourself apart. Everyone goes out to lunch together every day? At first, you should too. Once you’ve established yourself as part of the group, you can dial it back to 2-3 times a week or whatever if you’re just not that social, but opting out of stuff before you’ve become a full member of the team will set you apart from the team in a not-good way.
(2 through 4 were all mistakes I made early on, and they were hard to overcome. I ultimately switched firms, for a variety of reasons (unrelated, although I can’t say I wasn’t looking forward to the clean slate), and not repeating these errors has already made a major difference in how I’m being treated/the work I’m being entrusted with/etc.)
Avodah
Please be nice to support staff. I was an executive assistant in a former life. I could work magic and get someone a mtg. that they couldn’t get on their own. I could move flights, order you special food for lunch, and cover for you when/if you screwed up.
B-T-Dubs. I made more money than many attorneys ;)
Be nice to support staff. They can really help you navigate a new office!
Houston Attny
This is great advice. Executive assistants, paralegals, support staff know way more than you do about the office, partners’ nuances, procedures, etc. Respect them.
Good luck in your job!
LH
Good advice in general, although I disagree on #2. There are certain people, particularly older partners, who expect juniors to do a lot of grunt work because they had to. I have definitely worked for people who would be put off if they asked a junior to print some things for them and the junior said “I’ll have my assistant do it.” Often it takes awhile to get things from support stuff who may be supporting several attorneys (and the first year is always lowest on the totem pole!) and the partner may be asking you because they need it immediately. It can also make things inefficient – I may need some cases pulled & printed and ask a junior to do it because I know they can do it quickly. If they have to pull all the cases themselves and then send them to their assistant for printing, and then have it all delivered to me by the printer, it can take a lot longer than if they would just do it all themselves. Its absolutely important to make sure you aren’t just a helper and you are doing real, substantive work too, but you also don’t want people to think you’re not a team player, especially early on. Once you’ve established that you have a great attitude and are cooperative, you can definitely hand more things off to support staff and make it clear that’s not your role. I’ve seen first years come in with the attitude that they are too important for anything but challenging, interesting legal work & that is a terrible attitude to have and will hurt you. Having an enthusiastic, helpful attitude is very important (especially as a junior when you don’t really know anything) & you definitely don’t want to come across as too good for low level tasks, at least in the beginning.
Killer Kitten Heels
I just want to clarify – I wasn’t intending to say anything different than what you are here (I tried to cover it with the “not to say don’t pitch in during crunch time” thing but didn’t express myself as clearly as I could have – my apologies).
Yes, if something needs to be done right now, or if a partner asks you specifically to do it, you do it. But there’s a clear difference between “someone needs to bring me the exhibits in a binder by threedaysfromnow” and “hey, miss associate, bring me this thing immediately”. In the latter, you print/copy/whatever yourself. If it’s the former, you delegate, because (a) you don’t want to bill a client for an attorney to put things in a binder; and (b) if you do too many of these tasks, people will forget you know how to do anything else; and (c) you’ll look too busy to take on substantive work – if you’re running around putting exhibit binders together, you’re not free to work on substantive stuff, and you become “exhibit binders girl” instead of “excellent research with a quick turnaround girl.”
Most female associates err way too far on the side of becoming exhibit-binders-girl, which is why I think #2 is important. (I’ve seen male associates make the “I’m too good for this” mistake with some frequency, but I’ve never seen it from a female associate.)
Wildkitten
I want to +1 KKH.
ExcelNinja
Wow those tights went fast! I think I got one of the last pairs. Great deal though!! I love Hue leggings.
NOLA
Me, too! My favorites are the darkwash lightweight bootcut. They are perfect for summer here. I don’t think Hue makes them anymore unfortunately. So soft and comfortable.
L2fly
Just curious, how is the fit in the Hue leggings? I’m 5’10”, about 160#, with a 30 inch waist and 39 inch hips… on target per the size chart for a 10 in hips, but between 10/12 for waist…which in S-M-L sized means right between a M and L, with M fitting 8-10 and L fitting 12-14. I hate S-M-L sizing, there is a big difference between an 8 and a 14! So I ordered a few M and one L, but am curious which was the right way to go. Thank goodness for free return shipping!
LilyB
I love these boots (link to follow) but I already have a pair of fryes and can’t justify these… I know it’s a long-shot but has anyone seen boots like these for under $150 and of good quality? In the taupe color preferably…
LilyB
http://www.amazon.com/FRYE-Womens-Celia-Stitch-Knee-High/dp/B005LC9MT2/ref=sr_1_53?s=shoes&ie=UTF8&qid=1379707276&sr=1-53
TCFKAG
How do you feel about these J. Simpson boots? They’re not exactly the same and I don’t know the quality of her boots – but I know people generally like her shoes.
http://www.shoes.com/en-US/Product/EC1308707-5158090/Jessica+Simpson/Dune/Womens+Vanitiya.aspx
LilyB
super cute, thank you!!! i actually like the accent strip of leather, though at first I wasn’t sure about it. Now I just need to have an inner battle over whether to pull the trigger.
TCFKAG
I cannot help you with that – I can only facilitate the temptation. ;-)
And last one for now are these Naturalizers – which is a good brand.
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B007JU2MRS/ref=asc_df_B007JU2MRS2725310?smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER&linkCode=asn&creative=395093&creativeASIN=B007JU2MRS&tag=wwwshopstylec-20&ascsubtag=779116280
LilyB
alas! they don’t have my size :(
TCFKAG
These Doc Maartens are obviously different, but they’re fun so I thought I’d throw them out there.
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B007IPZTH4/ref=asc_df_B007IPZTH42725310?smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER&linkCode=asn&creative=395093&creativeASIN=B007IPZTH4&tag=wwwshopstylec-20&ascsubtag=779108979
TCFKAG
These Naya boots are closest in color probably, though different in style.
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B007NFUHKI/ref=asc_df_B007NFUHKI2723480?smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER&linkCode=asn&creative=395093&creativeASIN=B007NFUHKI&tag=wwwshopstylec-20&ascsubtag=779115738
TCFKAG
One last question/boot for your consideration.
http://www.amazon.com/dp/B008AH4WKY/ref=asc_df_B008AH4WKY2723480?smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER&linkCode=asn&creative=395093&creativeASIN=B008AH4WKY&tag=wwwshopstylec-20&ascsubtag=779116666
Does anyone know anything about ZiGiny shoes? Because this ZiGiny Tutor boot is really cool and I like it *a lot* – but I don’t know much about the quality of the brand – and since I view boots as sort of a long term purchase I’d hate to buy a pair that would fall apart quickly. On the flip side, I love the zipper detail on those boots – its a nice way to use the trendy zipper without it being so trendy that the boot will become dated right away. I like it.
P.S. I did a post to my blog (I know, crazy, my rapid fire pace of a post every three weeks is really hard to keep up with.) Its about mid-weight jackets for fall/early winter and/or spring. You should check it out if you’re interested and let me know if you have other awesome jackets that should be included. And Canadians, I did a post on the same topic on my tumblr for a reader over there, so yay. Go North America.
zora
Ha! That boot was already in my wish list, too. ;o) I’m so proud of my taste in boots now!
preg anon
I’m not surprised you only do one every three weeks. Your posts are very detailed and researched – I’m really impressed!
Lawyer Bird
Naturalizer has a few pairs in similar styles. I have three pairs of Naturalizer boots and am happy with the quality; they’ve all lasted more than 3 years, and I walk a few miles a day. Born also has similar styles and great quality, but for over $150.
preg 3L
Does anyone have recommendations for maternity hose? I bought some from Motherhood Maternity and they don’t seem to be any different than non-maternity hose (except they’re much shorter, which is aggravating for 6′ tall me).
5'10"
Try Target – I think they’re A$$ets (Spanx) brand. I may or may not still occasionally wear them 2 years post partum . . . .
Wildkitten
I didn’t know you were six feet tall! That is totally awesome. (Even if it makes buying some things infuriating, I’m sure.)
Nonny
I just got two pairs of opaque maternity tights from Seraphine. They are over-bump, which I prefer, and are cut specially to accommodate one’s belly. I like them and they are very comfortable, but a word of warning: I am kind of between sizes (S/M) and ordered M, but it turns out I didn’t need to as the M tend to get a bit baggy around the ankles later in the day! I think the S would not be doing that. So stick with your ordinary size if you are ordering from them.
Flying Squirrel
Related…who makes under the bump tights? Everything I have found is over the bump.
Diana Barry
Hose, or tights? I like Spanx and A**ets (target version of spanx) for tights, but I didn’t wear any hose while I was pg!
preg 3L
I’m looking for hose… I get pretty lazy about shaving and I find hose is better under my black skirts. Thanks for all of the suggestions, all! I’ll have to check these out.
In House Lobbyist
I ordered some on amazon but I can’t recall the name. They had good reviews and were comfortable.
matte gold
Does anybody have any advice for care of matte gold jewelry? Especially a ring you plan to make a staple for a long time? I guess I didn’t think when I picked it out about how it would wear, or how the matteness would get scratched or get more shiny.
The jeweler said I could buff it with a scrubby sponge, but isn’t that basically shaving part of the gold off? That concept freaks me out — what if I end up with a whittled down band? Okay, that is probably not the case if people are told to do this all the time, but I don’t want it to lose mass over the course of a lifetime. I realize I may sound a little crazy — it’s just that it was a big investment for me and I want to make sure it lasts and continues to look as awesome as it was when it was new…
Tuesday
My wedding band is matte, and I take it back to the jeweler about once a year for them to refinish it.
It could use it more often, but like you I’m a little concerned about it being worn thin.
NbyNW
(Chanelling ELLEN) Yay! weekend thread…TGIF.
KC
Seriously, TGIF. It always brightens my mood to see the weekend thread :)
Men's Shoes
After admiring my shoe collection, one of my male coworkers asked for my help picking out shoes for himself. I would like to help him, but I know nothing about men’s clothing, especially shoes. We work at a company that is business casual, but I know he likes to dress on the more formal side. Where would be a good place to start? What are some good brands of men’s shoes for work and what is an appropriate amount to spend for a decent pair of shoes? Is there an equivalent website for men’s working clothes?
Killer Kitten Heels
K a t covered this in a post on June 13. (Link to follow.)
Killer Kitten Heels
https://corporette.com/2013/06/13/the-best-workwear-blogs-for-men/
Susie
My husband has several shoes from both Macys and Footwear Etc. I went shopping with a fairly stylish straight male friend and he bought shoes at Nordstrom and Banana.
BB
Style Forum is all things menswear (work and not). It can be a bit overwhelming though. One thing it is useful for, however, is to get an understanding of men’s shoe types and styles. I did not know this before, but there are pretty strict rules on what type of shoe to wear with what kind of suit/occasion (not binding of course, but more like “don’t wear navy with black” type things). Maybe just introduce him to the site and let him do his own research? :)
Alanna of Trebond
Good men’s shoes for work: Decent — Cole Haan, Fancy — Allen Edmonds. My fiance wears them and my boss’s husband love them.
San Antonio! NACWA?
Pending budgetary approval, I will be going to a conference in San Antonio at the end of November. I will have 1-2 lunches and 1-2 dinners where I can pick a restaurant, and about a day worth of sightseeing time. Any recommendations for eateries or sights that are not to be missed?
Also, it’s the NACWA law conference. I don’t suppose there are any NACWA members amongst Corporette readers?
Bad Wife
I can’t say this to DH, so I’m venting here. Sorry in advance for the novel, but I’m just looking for some encouragement/advice/maybe just sympathy.
DH got an MBA last year. A few months after graduation, he started working at a start-up. He was far more bullish on the startup than I was (which is the right attitude), but unfortunately, they folded this summer. The Type A inside me would have been job searching all along, but DH did not. So he has been unemployed for the past 3 months, looking for work. He was a “career switcher” type MBA, so his pre- business school experience is not at all relevant to what he wants to do/was doing after school. He’s had a few interviews, a bunch of networking opportunities, etc. But no offers– he’s sort of too expensive and not quite experienced enough for most people–unless the perfect fit fame along.
Problem is, we’re now 3 months into his unemployment. And I’m about to go out on maternity leave (luckily, full pay). And while it will be nice to have DH around while the baby is tiny, we both wish he were working.
My frustration is that he is being really picky about what he will/won’t apply for, and fairly narrow in the type of role. For example, he could get a job in management consulting. He could also take a job in IT management. Both types of jobs would pay him what he deems “market rate,” but he doesn’t want to go back to IT, and he doesn’t want 100% travel (which I don’t want either…but my thoughts are that A Job is better than No Job at this point, and he can always keep looking)
But after how many months of job searching do you suck it up and take a job you know isn’t a perfect fit? Or even a “good enough for now” fit? A consulting job with all that travel will be really hard on our family, but we could do it. To me, having him out of work for 4-6 months would be harder than a year or two of making a consulting gig work (I travel for work too…so it would mean mega childcare…but we could figure something out).
Plus, my income covers our expenses. So I think what’s eating at me a bit is that there is no HUGE urgency, so he CAN be picky. We won’t go hungry. We will, however, continue to fall behind on our savings goals, but we’re not dipping into our emergency fund (yet). And in terms of salary, the cost of daycare is SO HIGH where we are, that it doesn’t make sense for him to take a job that pays him much less than $80k/year. He’s looking for something well above that, but when we start talking about other options (eg. IT roles), it starts to make less and less sense because we need $40k pre tax just to pay for child care. Downside to him being a SAHD is that he JUST got the MBA and this will be a major gap in his resume– so he’ll be no better off a few years from now in terms of marketability/experience.
Suggestions? Commiseration?
Killer Kitten Heels
I know this isn’t helpful, but I would be *so annoyed* if I was busting my butt in Biglaw and Husband was hanging out on the couch waiting for the perfect job to come along, especially with a kid on the way. Do you think he’d be willing to put a deadline on his search for perfection? Maybe you could both agree that after X amount of months, or X amount of unsuccessful interviews, or at the point you have to start dipping into savings, etc., he’ll take accept the next “good enough for now” gig that comes his way. That way, you could feel reassured that there’s an end in sight, regardless of whether he finds his mythical unicorn opportunity or not.
Last piece – is he evaluating “market rate” for himself fairly? Is there anyway to encourage him to look into that a little more closely? From your description, I’m wondering if he’s overestimating his value, given his lack of “real world” experience in his new field.
Bad Wife
I should clarify that he’s not sitting on the couch. He really is spending at least 50% of his day doing job-related activities…but they’re basically fruitless (he’s had 4-6 interviews over the past 3 months, which is decent– but none of them were ones that had much of a chance of going anywhere).
I also don’t know how easy it would be for him to get back in the field he came from…but he’s certainly qualified. He just doesn’t quite want to give up yet (after all– he spend 2 years in b-school so he could LEAVE that field). And I get that. And I support it! It’s just….UGH.
Also, I’m not in biglaw. I have a pretty sweet gig where I only have to work 40-60 hours a week and my boss loves me. Which I think makes DH a little jealous, since I have no MBA and an MBA salary.
Ruby
Just because he goes back to IT doesn’t mean he has to stay there. Keeps him in the workforce. New MBAs overvalue themself all the time… in some corporate circles they are desirable, but the market value is fungible. Ugh, he needs to just get a job in my opinion. I get the drive to do something new, but staying unemployed isn’t making that more likely.
Flying Squirrel
Whoops, hit Report instead of Reply. Kat, please ignore.
I can maybe offer a bit of both. I’m a few months from my due date myself, so I completely understand your anxiety around wanting things to be in a good place before the baby comes. And being the sole earner if that was not ever really your intention, would be daunting.
But as someone who has switched careers and has had trouble finding a great fit job, there is a lot of psychological and emotional stress associated with just settling. You don’t really say what specifically prompted DH to switch careers, but the fact that he doesn’t want to go back to IT (where he presumably was pre-MBA) is suggestive that he just didn’t like it anymore. It’s really hard for someone who finds some amount of his/her purpose/fulfillment through his/her job to settle for something that isn’t satisfying. For me, the issue hasn’t been finding a job per se, but instead finding one in the same town as DH. After a few frustrating years at jobs that I was more than qualified for but didn’t really want, DH and I did several years of LDM while he tried to find a job in an area where the jobs I wanted were plentiful. That, unfortunately, didn’t work out…and with the advent of baby on the way I’m back in an area where my dream jobs are not plentiful (for us it would have been really hard to live on just my previous salary). That said, I luckily did find something, prior to moving back, that is a pretty good fit with a great salary and growth opportunity. But had I not, I would really have wanted to spend the time looking for a good match instead of taking what came along…since luckily we would have been able to live of DH’s income indefinitely. Though, like you, we wouldn’t have saved much etc. DH and I discussed this a lot, and, especially given our history and my longstanding unhappiness in previous jobs, he was supportive of whatever option I chose. He was of the opinion I’d be happier working any job than being a SAHM, but he wasn’t pushing for any particular option. And childcare is also really expensive in our area, but he was willing (and able) to make it work even if I had found a job whose salary was not sufficient to fully offset it. I understand, though, that the latter might not be an option for everyone.
So I guess my suggestion is that despite your preface that you can’t discuss this with DH, you really can, and should. It may be awkward at first, but it may be helpful to both of you. I wouldn’t frame the conversation in a judgy way, i.e. why are you being so picky? But more from the perspective that you are having some difficult feelings, i.e. I know that we are comfortable now, but I’m having some anxiety around our situation as the baby’s arrival approaches. Then it’s about a problem you’re having that requires both of your input to resolve. I suspect that your concerns about his career and the long post-MBA gap will also come up, and it may even help him formulate a plan like setting a timeline before taking a less than ideal job etc.
Because the specifics you ask about are really difficult. How long to search for the perfect fit after completing a degree depends on many things including your financial situation, your local market, his previous experience, etc. There is unlikely to be a right, one-sized-fits-all answer. But there are probably fewer answers that are right for you as a couple. And that’s what a conversation can help you find.
Bad Wife
Oh, we’ve discussed this to death. I just meant that I can’t rant about it :)
I’m on board with being the sole income for a period of time, even if that is 8 months. But I guess I’m not seeing any signs that his situation/luck/opportunities will be much different 5 months from now, which is really frustrating (for him and for me…obviously more so for him)
He is also reluctant to take a more entry/mid level job since it would be below the threshold of income that makes sense give the cost of child care in our area. Not that he wouldn’t, but it would be both below his MBA salary AND a lousy commute AND we’d basically be breaking even once factoring in daycare.
He did not like my joking suggestion of starting a daycare business ;)
Flying Squirrel
Well, I can add this (and DH hates that I think this way). If you are still frustrated and not really feeling like you have closure on the discussion, then it actually hasn’t been discussed to death. Because you have very legitimate questions–like what is the timeline for this search, that haven’t been answered yet.
A few things that may help:
– Find a third party (like a counselor) to facilitate the discussion and drive to an answer. I know that may sound daunting. Another option is to look into some Imago materials (e.g. Getting the Love you Want) which, IMHO, provides a very structured format for having difficult conversations in a way that is productive…not just rehashing the same old thing.
– Have the conversation in a public place (like a coffee shop). That can really help things remain productive (and civil if that has been an issue).
And without knowing a lot more about you and him (and obviously that’s not appropriate for an anonymous online forum) I can’t say how to get there, but it really does sound like your DH needs some concrete career advice about things like: resume gaps, realistic starting positions/salaries after a career transition, leveraging prior experience in a new industry. While you’ll hear rules of thumb, most of these things strongly depend on field, industry, location, education (incl., unfortunately, school prestige), degree etc. It sounds like you both need some more information on what’s sensible for him instead of just winging it.
All of that said, finding a good match isn’t easy. It took me about 6 months to find my current position (though admittedly this was while working full time and conducting the search cross-country). But I have an excellent network in the geographic location where I’m working. And honestly, from the outside my job title and description are not at all what I wanted (much closer to where I was several years ago and wanted out of). But the specifics of my current job actually leverage a lot of the skills/contacts/experience from my most recent job that I loved…and merge my earlier and later experiences in a fairly unique way. The fact that I found the job when I did was totally serendipitous. A month earlier or a couple months later this job would not have been available. So there is, unfortunately, a huge element of luck in job hunting.
Joan Holloway
If the entry/mid level job leads to what he wants in the end, would it be worth it to you? I’m thinking of Sheryl Sandberg’s argument in Leaning Inthat only working to cover childcare is an investment in future earnings.
And is even 8 months long enough in this economy? I feel like I’ve known people who’ve had to look for much longer. All of your concerns sound reasonable, and it’s super considerate of you to vent here rather than to DH, but if you decide to get behind him 100% in finding something he’ll be satisfied with, there’s a chance you might need to adjust your expectations of finding something in 8 months.
watermelon
Child care can be thought of as an investment in a career. Depending on the career track, breaking even on child care to go to work could mean the opportunity for higher wages later than if the person stayed home with the child.
Ruby
where does daycare cost $80,000?? Seattle it is pricey but not even close to that- well under $20,000.
Aon
She said it would cost $40k, so if he took a job at less than 80k, after taxes, commuting expenses, etc, they would barely more than break even.
Bad Wife
Yup, $40k in pre-tax dollars. The infant is over $24k (post-tax) per year; the toddler only needs non-preschool hours…but still. Idea is that if the job were under $80k, after all taxes and work-related expenses (dry cleaning, parking, train fare, etc) we’d be up MAYBE $5k for the year. Which isn’t to say $5k isn’t important…but is it worth it?
I get that the childcare is an investment–and for the right job, it makes sense even if it’s a net-negative. But it’s a hard call.
Bad Wife
sorry- $40k post-tax.
Carrie Preston
My advice would be to give it more than 3 months before he settles. My caveat is that some of this depends on your H. If he’s the type to actually keep looking/make sure he’s happy with the work he’s doing, then maybe he can settle for something in the meantime. My personal experience is that when a SO is unhappy with their work, that really impacts you too & often in a greater way than you’d expect. My ex was in the situation where he settled for a job to get a job/not have resume gaps, etc. (all the reasons you describe for settling, which are good reasons, btw), but ended up miserable. He was not the kind of person to keep looking and to make the situation better, and job misery really impacted his ability to be “there” in our relationship. So my point is just really take into account how much work impacts your H’s ability to be happy/a good H/a good Dad, etc. and to temper your wish for him to get something (even a bad fit) against what that will look like past the exciting first day of getting an offer.
Anon
I don’t have any advice here, but rather have a (sort of, but not really) related question–does anyone have advice for how to deal with dating someone who has *just* lost his job, when I only *just* met this person recently?
I’ve been single for a while and am interested in getting to know this guy better, as he has a lot of the qualities I am looking for. However, he was obviously hit pretty hard by suddenly losing his job, and thus is in “despair” mode right now (as I would be!). He is already looking for the next thing, but he’s in a sort of entertainment-related field, so I have no idea what the timeframe is for really getting into the next solid position. He has professed a desire to continue dating, and I certainly wouldn’t peace out because he lost his job, but I sort of don’t know how to deal with perhaps more emotional sharing from him than I would otherwise see at the very start of a (possible, not even definite yet) relationship. Any advice other than simply being kind, listening, and giving him more of a break than I would otherwise afford someone?
I sound like a heartless b*tch, I know, but I really am looking for advice!
Anonymous
Do, but do not over-do.
Let him deal with his stuff, and share, but if you are feeling over-burdened, or manipulated – that’s a flag you shouldn’t ignore.
There is plenty of free fun out there for dating and relating, however, in our couplings there are sometimes moments when it’s time to say, my role is x, and I am being the best x I can be by saying this is too much and a professional/someone with better skills is needed (NAMI has a lot of resources)
This might also work with home repairs.
Anon
Ha! I chuckled at your last line. Thanks for confirming what I was thinking about being understanding and listening to a certain point, and then gently suggesting another outlet that might be better able to help…
s-non
It’s not that easy to get a job in consulting, and it could take a while, so he should start networking now for that if it is his fall-back plan. I get the impression (from my firm at least) that they have a bias against hiring people that are unemployed (like going from campus or poaching from industry instead).
Bad Wife
He actually already has those connections…and is going through the interview process. And knows several of the directors and teams he’d be working with, so it’s a pretty solid possibility. But it’s really travel-heavy and the alternative is slogging away in the local office working M&A deals that require (so his friends that are trying to bring him in say) 15+ hour/days.
s-non
Unfortunately, that travel-heavy lifestyle or 15+ hour days is why they pay “market rate.”
Some of those firms do have paternal leave and/or good vacation policies that he would be able to take advantage of. And maybe he could get on a local project?
Anonymous
Get him busy volunteering using his MBA and start-up know-how to keep him going as a coach.
Let him help with some local non-profits – it will help him focus and get back on track. Even better if he can network with their board members with the donated consulting. Cash donations for non-profits have not rebounded, and solid, donated services are appreciated.
Lawyer Bird
IMO staying at home to care for the child is a good explanation for why he’s not working (even if that’s not the real reason). It explains the gap in the resume and doesn’t make him look like a slacker. But once the baby’s 6 months old or so, he should be working again, even if it’s not in his ideal job. That seems like it’ll be about a year since he last worked, and a gap of longer than a year can make it much harder to get hired.
Taylor
Maybe a blessing in disguise. The two of you can enjoy the baby and you will be back at work before you know it. And if you are working more than 40 hours a week, you absolutely need him at home!!!! Let him be daddy for a year, at least.
Alanna of Trebond
I think he’s meant to be daddy for as long as the child is alive, actually.
naijamodel
LMAO!!
Seattleite
Two suggestions, NOT meant as slams but maybe to help reframe your thinking:
Stop calculating daycare costs out of his salary. Calculate them out of yours. Is it still worth it for you to work? Okay, keep working. I think it is so unfair to calculate daycare out of the lower earning partner’s income, when that person has expressed no desire to be a SAHP.
You see no indication that the next few months will be different than the last few? But isn’t that what a job search is all about…the right job isn’t there, until quite suddenly, it is? We don’t get to watch them appear as dots on the horizon, or tiny on the vine, and grow ever larger until ripe for picking. We have to just keep networking, tweaking the resume, interviewing, etc. This is especially true when starting over in a new field.
I think it is absolutely fair to negotiate a “drop dead” date, after which your husband will settle for a job and then keep looking for his dream job. But I think part of that deal is that you have to try to have a little faith in the future, too.
Samantha
I love your point #2. So, so true. And why we often get frustrated with job searches. We don’t see steps of improvement… it’s just a zero until it’s a one.
Avery
Has anyone used a matchmaker before? I’m wondering if it is even a viable option anymore with online dating. I’m a little concerned that the only people who use it are the kinds of people who were in the millionaires club on Millionaire Matchmaker, which…no, thank you. I can meet socially awkward entitled people on my own just fine.
Ruby
I just looked into this! Pretty weird… apparently a lot of men lay $25,000 and more to use these services. Seattle has just a few; one is way too weird/high end, wants to give you makeovers… then there are the Kelleher and It’s Just Lunch branches. Haven’t heard back from Kelleher- you can get on their list for free, but to have an active search it is in that high price range. And the search is not just in your city. I’m one who likes combing through stuff myself anyway- real estate etc.- so doubt having someone else try for me would work- so much is just chemistry which is unpredictable. But I do think it’s worth considering for the very busy and higer earners- the general OKC crowd is such a haystack.
Avery
Interesting, thanks Ruby. I think I’ll contact Kelleher to inquire about the participating membership, just out of curiosity. I’ve heard terrible things about It’s Just Lunch, but I guess the success of any matchmaking service depends on its pool of people — just like OKC and the like.
Pumping etiquette
My friend met her husband through It’s Just Lunch. So it worked for her!
Veronique
Any suggestions for leather nude-for-me pumps, ideally under $100 (but am willing to spend up to $250)? I’d prefer something fairly conservative (some ornamentation is ok, but nothing too crazy like studs!) that’s about 2.5-3 inches high. I’m almost the same color as Beyonce, so the color can range from tan to cognac, with a cardboard box as almost a perfect match (can you tell that I’m packing?).
NYNY
These are pretty, although they may read a little too casual.
http://www.zappos.com/calvin-klein-jeans-ryleigh-whiskey?zfcTest=fcl%3A3
Side note: I love the color name “whiskey.” The beige-brown continuum is hard to pin down with descriptive names, but this one seems right. Less red than cognac, but a similar hue. And it makes me think, mmmm… bourbon would be good right about now.
Penny London: Black Tie Invited Wedding
Hey ladies – I’m looking for advice on what to wear to a wedding where the invitation says “Black Tie Invited.” It’s a 3:30 wedding with a 5:00 reception in Washington DC. The Bride’s family is Romanian from New Jersey and the Groom is very much your typical southern gentleman. (Not sure if that matters but thought I would throw it in just in case it does). The groom is a BigLaw Associate. Any advice would be much appreciated. Thanks!
Bonnie
I’d take that as black tie optional. I’d expect to see a lot of bright dresses on the bride’s side and would wear a c*cktail dress in a color other than black.
Susie
I would take the opportunity to wear a full length gown because those occassions dont come up often enough! I think “invited” is stronger than “optional” and the bride would like it if you do.
TCFKAG
Are you against the idea of wearing a long dress? I mean, its pretty fun to get to find and buy a long gown and as Susie said – how often do we get a chance to do so? But if you do go for a shorter dress, I would definitely go for something that’s really formal – possibly something in a metallic or a bright color; just not a boring little black dress (or even a boring little any dress.)
If I had to guess what people would be wearing, I would bet the brides side would have lots of bright colors and prints and likely a mix of long and short dresses because I think Jersey tends to be a bit more casual. But, on the other hand, if the groom is a Southerner from a traditional Southern family – I think most of his family (and possibly friends) *will* conform to the black tie dress code and some may very well wear full on ball gowns. So, if it were me, and I wanted to end up in the middle of the pack in terms of dressiness (which is generally my goal), I might choose a floor length gown in a simple shape (like a column or a slight fit and flare or empire waist depending on what is flattering to you) in a fairly neutral color or pattern.
There are lots of great options at Nordies right now, but for the money I think this Patra dress (http://tinyurl.com/lsvnm3o) might be one of my favorites (and the emerald color is very on trend and the draped neckline and back are both classic and unique, which is a hard balance to strike.)
Wordy
If the groom’s side is traditional Southern, I am guessing they will go by traditional etiquette guidelines re time of day of the wedding and wear coat and tie / short colorful dresses. Black tie is traditionally after 6 pm. I think floor length dresses are for white tie/ black tie can be short or long. If you go for long, I’d do something pretty simple given the time of day.
eek
My apologies if this is a duplicate PSA, however TJ Maxx’s
online store launched this week.
Susie
Nice! Ive checked a few times in the past and was always bummed to remember, oh yeah, the website is crap and pretty much doesn’t have anything on it.
Susie
Okay so finding something on the website is almost as difficult as finding something in the store, but it’s a start!
SA
I was just browsing and came across this http://tjmaxx.tjx.com/store/jump/product/just-in/Hooded-Down-Jacket/1000001406 can anyone explain the concept of a short sleeved down jacket? Is it just weirdly styled?
Abby Lockhart
I would say it is not weirdly styled, but rather poorly conceived. That is why it is at TJMaxx. That is not to bash TJMaxx. I’ve found some great things there. In fact, the suggested items on the link included a plaid shirt that reminds me of a flannel I stole from my best guy friend in college and wore to death — in the 90s! — and now I desperately want it.
Man Advice
Meet guy. Hit it off with guy. Guy seems interested and wants to come hang out at my local bar more often. Or so he says.
Guy doesn’t come hang out at my local bar where I hang out. I text guy to hang out at my local bar. He says he’d love to but can’t tonight, but he would definitely love to another time.
I tell him to let me know when he’s free. He says he will. This was a week ago.
Thoughts?
Monday
My thought is that you’ve done your part. You don’t have to wonder what you could be doing further. If he gets in touch, you’ll just decide at that time whether you still want to meet up.
Someone may reply with some kind of judgment on you or on him, but to me it’s as simple as this.
Monte
Yup. There may be a million reasons why he hasn’t been free yet, but the long and the short of it is that when he wants to hang out, he will let you know. If he doesn’t contact you or swing by the bar, he isn’t up for hanging out. You’ve already made it clear you want to hear from him, so there isn’t anything else for you to do.
Lawyer Bird
Either he isn’t into you, or he’s busy and not kind enough to send a text letting you know. Either way, ball’s in his court. Move on and if he comes back into your life later it’ll be a pleasant surprise.
TCFKAG
Just Say Fooey and Move On girl. JSFAMO. [You deserve a guy who *wants* to hang out with you, not a guy you have to chase after. So put him in your rearview mirror and move forward.]
The Limited PSA
The Limited is having buy one get one free suit coat, pants, and skirts and 40% off dresses and sweaters. Plus you can get another $15 off every $75 you spend with the promo code 748. Just got 2 pairs of pants, a full skirt suit and a sheath dress for $200 bucks!
zora
free bang trims FTW… I can SEE!!
that is all please carry on.
Sarah
Hi! I am 29 and developing a more professional wardrobe for a coming job change. I would love to hear from others who are very active in their office wardrobe! I am trying to decide how much to spend on shoes. ANY advice would be so appreciated!!
My job requires frequent stooping, walking and occasional sprints (I work with young children with special needs).
I have purchased from the Naturalizer store several times before, but the shoes wore out within a few months (I think because stooping = bending the shoe in the middle. Also, my kids step on my shoes all. the. time. Not sure of the fascination – but it dulls and wears the shoe tops – also destroys any embellishments on the shoe).
Just trying to decide if I should buy from Payless, Target, etc. and keep replacing the shoes as they wear out? Or make more of an investment at DSW or Macy’s? I would really like to spend a little more because better quality is more comfortable. But what is the point if they are going to wear out so quickly?
Anyone have any quality, simple shoes that are durable, comfortable and boast indestructible exteriors? :)
THANKS FOR ANY TIPS! And thanks Kat for the wonderful resource of your site!
KC
I tend to buy patent leather flats with sturdy soles for commuting shoes, which may fit your needs. I’ve found a few good pairs at TJ Maxx and Marshall’s so that for the price of a pair of Target flats, I can get something of a bit higher quality that will last a little longer.
My favorite pair look sort of like this (but are black patent leather): http://www.zappos.com/geox-donna-piuma-ballerina-25-black?zfcTest=fcl%3A0
Seattleite
Clarks. They have simple oxfords, pumps, and shooties/booties. Very comfy and durable, without being dowdy or offensive. Mostly, your feet will just fade into the background.
MovingToHR
I’m considering a change from accounting to HR, with an eventual goal of working my way up into Compensation. Any readers make this jump, or currently in HR? It seems like most generalist positions want a few years of experience, but I can’t take the paycut to start as an assistant. I do have a few years of payroll and managerial experience, and about 6 months of dual accounting/HR experience for a very small (5 employee) firm. Our current generalist at a small division of a conglomerate is ready to move onto bigger and better things, so I figured I would throw my hat in the ring if they’ll consider somebody with a non-traditional background. Any tips? Is this crazy? How’s the money? I love my spreadsheets and all, but I’m happiest when dealing with people.
Gem
Considering the Melissa drama shoe boot. Do I buy the black or the plum/burgandy colour?
Celia
I hope I’m not too late on the thread to get some weekend advice!! I just found out that I will be going to a Gala in Austin next weekend, and the attire is “Texas Chic.” What on earth does that mean?! I have no idea what I should be wearing to something like this. The Gala is likely to be attended by some pretty high up people — it looks like in past years Laura Bush and Texas senators have attended, for example –but Austin is also not the fanciest of towns. If this were a truly formal event, I have a long blue strapless dress I would love love love to wear. If it were a formal but on the cusp event, I have a great long black dress I can wear that is more conservative and less flashy than the blue. But does Texas chic actually mean a denim skirt and turquoise belt?! I definitely don’t want to be the only person showing up in a full length dress if everyone else is going to be wearing cowboy boots and BBQ type attire… I would LOVE any advice anyone has to give!
darjeeling
Confusing dress codes like this are such a pain! How about one of the floor-length dresses, with cowboy boots? I would probably try and find some photos online showing last year’s event just to get an idea of what people wore.
Wildkitten
Can you find pictures from the Gala from previous years?
Wildkitten
I found pictures from the 2012 gala and I would call that dress code c*cktail.
Mpls
It sounds like c*cktail, but with cowboy boots/hats and denim being allowable. So, Texas black tie, but a step down, maybe? So, cocktail or long dress on the plainer side, but with Texan type accessories, if you have them. But if you don’t have any, I think you’ll be fine with just normal cocktail attire.
business attire blogs?
I think this has been discussed before but the search terms turn up predictably unwieldy results. Can anyone rec any (other) style blogs that are geared toward business-formal outfits? I’m leaving many years of business casual dressing for a new job that’s business formal and I need some inspiration/styling ideas.
Wildkitten
Capitol Hill Style is good. Some of her stylings might be too casual, but she’s good for inspiration.
TCFKAG
I don’t necessarily specialize in business formal per se, but if you want some help looking for suits or suit styling ideas (i.e. shells vs. button-downs vs. sheer tops and jewelry and shoes), I’d be happy to help out (I don’t think I’ve done a suit post yet, so it’d be a fun change.) Just remember to give me a size, price range, color preferences, and general body shape (which is important in suits to figure out if you need/want a pencil skirt or something in more an a-line skirt or if a dress might work better and then whether more slim cut pants or straight leg trousers or curvy fit trousers are best.)
You can ask by submitting a question at the blog linked through my name. If you decide not to though I can give you a couple quick tips here. My favorite basic interview suits come from Brooks Brothers or Brooks Brothers outlet [the outlet has a different line than the main store so its not just the main store’s line on sale – but I’ve found the quality to be totally fine, the styling is just a little less sleek.] For that purpose, I have one navy and one dark gray suit (both skirt suits) and I tend to pair them with basic silk shells with scoop necklines (my favorites are a silk one with a burgundy neckline from Ann Taylor, a silk blend one with a semi-abstract floral pattern from Boden, and a poly-blend one in coral also from AT. In fact, I find that one of the few things that Ann Taylor can be generally relied on for every season for is at least a few basic silk or silk blend shells and they usually are fairly good quality and can be machine washed on delicate no matter what their tag says. Boden is great for patterns and always has a basic shell with fun but not too flamboyant or crazy prints.)
For non-interview suits, I go to a mixture of items for Ann Taylor (their mix and match suiting items are nice for short, curvy people because their curvy fit pants are great for people with a pooch in the stomach or hips), Talbots (same about the hips), Nordies and the Rack (Halogen brand suiting items, plus sales on Classiques Entier and others), occasionally (very occasionally) J-Crew and Banana Republic (the issue here is fit – many of the things at these two retailers are fit for more slim people than I) and also Brooks Brothers if it goes on sale. Some of the other popular suit brands (like Theory for example) don’t work for me because of my broad shoulders and the whole hip area, but if you are not burdened with such a core, its worth checking out.
Finally, one tip I think is great for stretching a business formal wardrobe and making it more interesting that you can definitely achieve this season, is to get one or two blazers that are a fairly neutral color (say gray or navy or dark red) with black piping. Even better if they come as a suit and with a skirt or pants. Then you can wear that blazer with both the skirt it comes with AND with a black skirt or black trousers – and while that skirt/blazer combo is technically not a suit, I’d say you could pull it off in 90% of business formal work environments if the blazer is formal enough. I believe you can do the same with print dresses in suiting fabrics (so say a houndstooth dress like this one (http://tinyurl.com/n4krfhe ), which is in a suiting fabric) – put a black blazer over it and wear it with formal black or gray pumps and a nice silver opera length necklace and you might as well be in a suit. BTW all – I tried on the WHBM dress yesterday and it is beyond beautiful in person and despite the larger than average collar looks great under a blazer – I’m definitely keeping my eye on it and hoping it goes on sale.
So this post turned into something of a epic novel, but I hope its helpful. You should definitely submit to my blog if you want some more concrete ideas though! I love styling suits, it always make me feel just a little bit like my childhood dream of growing up to be a spy has come true. #CoulsonLives.