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My obsession with organic, almost rough jewelry continues (at least for the weekend): I'm drooling over these gold, diamond and sapphire earrings by Brooke Gregson. I'd love to wear these with my hair in an up-do… sigh. They're $6,545 at Net-a-Porter. Brooke Gregson 18-karat gold, diamond and sapphire earrings
(L-2)
Sales of note for 9.10.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – 30% off your purchase
- Banana Republic Factory – Up to 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Bergdorf Goodman – Save up to 40% on new markdowns
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – $29 and up select styles; up to 50% off everything else
- J.Crew – Up to 50% off wear-to-work styles; extra 30% off sale styles
- J.Crew Factory – 40-60% off everything; extra 60% off clearance
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – BOGO 50% everything, includes markdowns
- White House Black Market – 30% off new arrivals
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And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
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- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
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I'm Just Me
I love these!
KC
Me too! Gorgeous.
HSAL
I did – at least until I saw the price. But I love them so much I’d pay up to $150 for them – and that’s coming from the girl who never spend more than $10 on earrings. Off to find something like them on Etsy…
Anonymous
I read in a magazine that when you see something you love, you should not look at the price. Then, without looking at the price, you should decide what you’d be willing to pay for the item. Then, look at the price. If its at or lower than what you’d be willing to pay, then you can buy it.
This obviously works better in person than online because you can fully examine quality and its easier to not look at the price tag in advance. Its a decent shopping strategy, though.
Nervous 2L
This is how I shop Marshall’s/Nordstrom Rack– it’s a good way not to get suckered by a “deal.”
emeralds
Me too. They’re gorgeous. Droooool.
Bonnie
These have a similar organic feel: http://www.lastcall.com/p/Panacea-Three-Teardrop-Earrings/prod13050094_cat5990006__/?icid=&searchType=EndecaDrivenCat&rte=%252Fcategory.service%253FitemId%253Dcat5990006%2526pageSize%253D120%2526No%253D0%2526Ns%253DMAX_PROMO_PRICE%2526refinements%253D&eItemId=prod13050094&cmCat=product
hoola hoopa
Beautiful!
I'm Just Me/ Paging SFO
I responded to your comment this morning, but late, so I don’t know if you saw it.
Paging SV in house
I know someone looking for an in house attorney with contracts experience. reply here or email me if interested. karenpadi at hotmail.
SV in House
Hi Karen — thanks — I’m still looking. I sent you an email from a gmail account. This site is awesome.
Hmmmm...
For those of you who want(ed) kids and have (had) a partner who does (did) not, how did you deal with it? Stories/advice welcome.
anon for this
in a nutshell: Patience…. and being clear about what you want….
Longer version: He knew it was key for me, and only proposed when he realised he wanted the full package. He even included it in his proposal speech. It didn’t stop him from running away (metaphorically) when I raised the subject when I turned 34 (we had been married for a little while by then). I told him that day that we weren’t getting any younger, and that I wanted it to happen. He freaked out, said he wasn’t ready, and even went as far as asking if I would divorce if he said no …. I cried… told him to think about it …. Fast forward 6 months later, I raised it again, this time I made it clear it was a non-negotiable and reminded him it wasn’t exactly a new thing for me. 3 months after that he finally said ok ….
we’ve been trying since, but to be honest, I still feel like I’m walking on egg shells when talking about it …..
not sure it’s much help….
good luck
AIMS
My mom wanted kids and my dad didn’t really. They never talked it about it much and then about a year into their marriage she got pregnant (sort of on purpose but without telling him so explicitely). My dad warmed up to the idea and I always had a good relationship with him, but he was never the most present parent, if that makes sense. I can’t say I ever felt slighted as a kid and I have many fond memories of my dad as a child, but I know it really bothered my mom that he wasn’t more interested in being a father and in doing things she thought he should want to do like take me camping or teach me how to ride a bike and so on. She ended up taking on much of that and honestly I never noticed it, but it took a toll on their marriage and they ended up splitting up, I think, in part because of it.
I think if it’s really important to you to have your partner be a certain kind of parent — involved, excited, etc. — you need to be really honest about your expectations and maybe lower them if you want to have children with this particular person. Obviously, depending on what stage you’re at in life and in your relationship, a lot could change. But I wouldn’t expect to give birth and suddenly have your partner look at the baby and go, “wow, what a miracle, I can’t wait to raise this little angel.”
Anon
Well, my mom wanted kids and my dad didn’t. My mom got pregnant with me accidentally/on-purpose. My dad asked her to get an abortion. She said no. My dad was a terrible, occasionally physically abusive, father, and my parents were miserably married until they finally divorced when I was in high school. So I don’t recommend doing that.
anon for this
My mom wanted kids and my dad didn’t. She got pregnant four years into their marriage (with me) accidentally-on-purpose, similar to the poster above. Agreed that I never felt neglected but he wasn’t exactly super-“present”. He was a quiet guy, liked to read scifi and geek out about trains. Things actually got better the older I got because I too discovered a love for reading and in general kids become a lot more fun/cute past the age of like, 2 or 3. They actually had two more kids because of that – I turned 7 and my dad was all, hey, this is actually kind of neat.
I have never wanted kids. DH is on the fence. He doesn’t want kids in the foreseeable future but is unwilling to get snipped because he wants the freedom to change his mind. I just told him if he decides he does want them he’d better tell me as soon as he even thinks it might be a possibility. He’s 33 and I’m 30. I’d consider having kids if it became a deal breaker for him, despite advice from my friends to never have children if you don’t really, really, really want them, since it’s pretty soul-sucking. I would try to be present and give it my all, of course, but I’d honestly rather travel and focus on my personal health & career.
anon for this
oh, and in terms of my parents’ marriage, he had affairs and she was a hyper-controlling hypochondriac, but I don’t think that was because of kids. they got married really young…at 22. they did the best they could with us kids.
anon too
My mother did not want kids but had them anyway and she was a distant cold parent. She warmed up to my younger brother somewhat by the time he came along so his experiences and memories are better than mine but I remember multiple crying jags, her not getting out of bed etc. This is not all due to her not wanting kids, she has depression. But she has admitted to me that she thinks she would have been better off not having kids (thanks mom). Now that I am an adult, our relationship is better, but it is shallow and I share little with her. My dad on the other hand was a great parent, very involved in my studies and sports activities, and just overall really supportive.
I responded to your comment anon for this because we are at that stage now. My husband has suddenly decided he wants kids after happily being immature with me for years. He never said he did NOT want kids, but we happily cruised along with no discussions of it and lived a lifestyle that was not at all conducive to children – taking jobs overseas, as well as other lifestyle things.
I have never had a strong urge to procreate. I am frankly frightened of the pregnancy aspect and what all could go wrong. I am great with kids and the idea of being a mom – I will not be my mother. I would adopt in a second, but my husband wants his own. We are “trying” but it is causing stress because he keeps throwing out all these fertility statistics (I’m on the older side). I do not want to go the fertility treatment route. I read this over and sound like a shallow jerk, but then again It is MY body. I feel a lot of resentment towards what society expects of woman. I have a great career, other talents etc and I just feel like a uterus sometimes. We have a lot of tension in our marriage over this.
AIMS
I think even when you’re 100% sure you want it, pregnancy is terrifying if you start to think about it. FWIW, I read your post and don’t think you sounds like a shallow jerk even a little. I hope you figure out something that works for you and your husband.
rosie
Nothing about this reads shallow jerk. Seriously.
Samantha
+2. You read like a reasonable and thoughtful person.
Also, if you weren’t strongly pro-kids and are compromising to agree to have kids now for your H, it’s okay to ask him to compromise by agreeing to certain parameters that you suggest (try for a certain time, if not explore adoption before fertility treatments, etc.)
Aon
Actually, the only person who sounds like a shallow jerk to me is your husband. He knows, I presume, your history with your mom. And he knows you don’t really want this. And yet still, he insists you carry a baby in your womb? YOUR womb? And that you be a mother? Because why? Because he now *wants* biological children?
Well, as my mother always said, it’s good to want things. But you don’t always get them. And putting this kind of stress on someone you claim to love, so that you can essentially put them right back in the miserable situation they grew up in?
Wow.
Now THAT is selfish.
anon for this
I’m anon @ 3:50, the one you’re replying to…I just want to reach out and give you a big hug! You are absolutely not being selfish or shallow. I see a lot of myself in you & your history, too (I mean, as much as I can via an internet commenting board!). I wish you all the best.
And, it is possible to have kids but not just be a uterus – my MIL put all of herself into her kids, and still managed to be an accomplished, well-traveled career woman who recently retired, became a Cordon Bleu chef, started teaching cooking classes part time, then decided she was bored and also went back to work part time as a consultant making 2x (on an hourly basis) what she did before!
SoCalAtty
NOTHING about your post comes across as shallow jerk!! I’m in a similar position. My husband and I have been together since I was 16, and were together when I asked to get my tubes tied for my 18th birthday. He still married me.
Since then we’ve cruised along, kind of avoiding the issue, but I’ll be 33 next year so it is getting to the point where we need to decide soon-ish. He was dead set on having kids, and we had this long discussion where I really pressed him for a “why” that was more than “because I’m supposed to” and “because I want someone to visit me in my old age” (he agreed that that one was the most horrible reason ever), we dropped it again. A few days later it came up, and after some back and forth he said “well, you might be able to convince me I don’t really want to…let’s wait and see until we get our financial house in order…”
I cried. Seriously. I’ve waffled back and forth about this a bunch on this site, too, because my mom was a raging alcoholic, had many abortions for convenience, and did a terrible number on my brother. Dad was equally irresponsible. If it hadn’t been for my grandparents stepping in, who knows where I would be. I also know that I wouldn’t be my mom, but the whole thing still terrifies me.
ExcelNinja
There ISN’T any reason to have kids beyond “I want to” (which often manifests as “I’m supposed to” or “I want someone to visit me in my old age”)…we have no way of knowing whether kids will be good, bad, evil, mediocre, geniuses, disabled, rich, poor…so the whole “contributing to society” argument always falls through for me. And it’s fine to have them, or not have them, depending on what works for you. Thank God we have a choice.
It does sound like your comment that you might be afraid of having kids because of your history. Maybe you should talk to someone about it. A friend of mine who never wanted kids recently realized that she’d changed her mind, and kept on talking herself out of it just because she defined herself as someone who never wanted kids. She did end up pregnant (on purpose!) despite that being something she never thought she would have wanted.
Of course, there are oodles of women who remain child free and love it! Don’t let society or your dh or your fear decide for you…what do YOU want?
Anon
Doctors will tie an 18 year old girl’s tubes? I know 18 is legally an adult and the procedure can be reversed, but it seems absolutely crazy to sterilize someone so young.
Urgh
anon at 3:13, how long did you wait?
My SO has been slowly coming around to the idea of commitment, and “settling down,” and three years later, he’s pretty sure he wants to marry me, but doesn’t want kids. Not having kids is a deal-breaker for me, and I’m not willing to marry someone who doesn’t also want them. Around our 3-year mark, I told him it was make or break time. He admitted he still didn’t want kids, but pointed out that when we started dating, he didn’t want to ever move in with or marry anyone, either, but he had matured and changed his mind, and he was hoping he might change his mind regarding kids, so that he could build a life with me. We’re almost halfway through the year’s extension, and I’m not sure what else to do other than ask, “What do you think about it now?”
Wombat
Leave. I dated someone for 3.5 years who was anti-marriage and had no interest in ever having children. By the end of our relationship, he said that he thought he could marry me some day. I ended it because I was tired of hearing “maybe someday.” I met someone who was so much better for me 6 months later. I am so much happier with him.
Anon
I agree with Wombat completely.
CountC
For me it is a deal breaker. I do not want someone trying to convince me down the road to have kids, just like I don’t want to prevent someone who wants them from having them. I think both parties need to be on the same page on this issue, I really do. Not a coping strategy unfortunately, sorry.
anon
If you know you want kids, I’d think very hard before marrying someone who has doubts about it. This would be a key issue to explore in pre-marital counseling. Kids are an almost unimaginable amount of work and commitment. They change your life completely. All of this is worth it and very rewarding if you want to be a parent. But you definitely don’t want to be in that boat with someone who isn’t a full partner.
LH
This. I think this is one of the few issues where its absolutely essential to be on the same page as your partner before marriage. My feeling is that if you have a disagreement about the timing of kids or the number of kids, those things are easier to discuss/compromise on, but the issue of having kid(s) at all seems like one of the things you really have to feel the same way about.
CKB
That would be a deal breaker for me. I have always wanted to be a mom. Always. I never could have been serious with someone who didn’t want kids because it was such a priority for me. Sorry. I hope things work out for you. You sound like you are in a very difficult position.
Anne Shirley
It’s such a priority I bring it up by date 3. “do you see yourself with kids at some point?”. If the answer is no, or I’ve never thought about it, or “calm your crazy,” then that’s it. I know I want kids, soon, and don’t see the point of someone whose values align with mine on that point
Sydney Bristow
That worked for me. I brought up the fact that I don’t want chdren on my first date with my boyfriend. He is absolutely on the same page, which was hugely important to me.
hoola hoopa
Yep.
I wanted kids and my previous partner did not. I waited five years, thinking he would change their mind. We split for a deluge of other reasons, but he never did change his mind about kids. It was definitely an early filter question when I was back to dating. I know it was for him, too.
Calico
Just wanted to provide a corollary to some of the similar stories here. My dad didn’t want kids (only child of a horrible divorce)but my mom did. She hid the goalie, so to speak and had me and my sibling. My father was a good parent to us, even more so as he hit his 50s and 60s and mellowed out. He told me recently that he considers my brother and I the finest accomplishments of his life. I’m on the fence about having kids and my father told me he thinks I would be missing out on some of life’s greatest rewards.
Just for reference, my father was in his mid thirties when I was born so his position on child raising hadn’t changed as he matured. The only thing that changed his mind was actually having us. That’s the thing that’s so hard about this choice. You never really know how you’ll feel until you do it. And then there’s obviously no take backs!
anon
Advice: Don’t date someone who doesn’t want what you want when it comes to kids/no kids. Discuss this very, very early in the dating process. I don’t think I ever got past a third date without this being addressed, and all 3 of my long-term relationships are/were with men who also did not want children.
Admittedly, that doesn’t help if you are already in a relationship without having discussed kids, or if someone changed his/her mind along the way. But, if you’re not in the situation of wanting kids when your partner doesn’t (or vice versa), screen for compatibility early, early on.
Story: A good friend of mine wants kids, and so does her fiancé, but she always assumed she’d adopt because she has health problems that would make pregnancy very dangerous for her. I don’t know how much they discussed adoption/biological kids in their early dating days, but their engagement has dragged on for a several years because they can’t get on the same page about this issue and she won’t marry him until they resolve it. In general, I really like her fiancé, but I can’t get over what a jerk he’s being (imo) about this issue. She’s in her late 30’s now, and I hope either he gives in or she holds out long enough for this to not to be an issue anymore. I really don’t want to see her risk her life so that he can (maybe) have biological kids.
Belle et Rebelle
So he knows that pregnancy could kill her but is still pushing for her to bear his children? Charming. That alone would be reason to kick him to the curb in my book.
New Atty
Threadjack, please.
Longtime reader, first-time commenter (which is probably why I thought I posted this earlier, and may have done it incorrectly??)
I am a new attorney and moving to a firm that has given me the option of using my current iphone for business or getting a blackberry. Wondering on your thoughts, ladies? I have a zillion photos of my nieces on my personal phone and it would have to be completely wiped if/when I left the firm. Not a huge problem if I just back-up wisely. But might it be better to have some separation between personal and business? I’ve also never had a blackberry before and find them a tad confusing. But am I really going to be the girl carrying around two phones everywhere I go? I can always test and then switch one option for the other, but I just was curious on your thoughts, ladies, since I know a lot of you will have opinions. Please share!
Avery
I much prefer having separate personal and business phones. I prefer the blackberry’s keyboard for work emails and don’t mind having to carry two phones. Sometimes the men in the office will ask if its annoying to have two phones but I don’t think anyone thinks less of me for it (or thinks I’m weird or high maintenance).
LH
+1 I think the blackberry is way easier to type quickly on. The iPhone is fun but, at least for me, not very functional, so it’s perfect for personal use. I also like having the phones separate and don’t mind carrying two (I always have a big purse anyway).
CKB
+2. I have 2 phones – one for work one for personal (both iphones, actually) and it’s not an issue. I even carry a pretty small purse & they both fit.
Rani
+3
It’s also nice to have a backup phone just in case.
Wildkitten
+4
Anonymous
I’ve used my personal phone for work for the last 5 years. So long as your firm uses Microsoft Exchange, the only thing that gets wiped is your law firm email and contacts. All your personal data is safe. Personally, I would hate to carry two phones – one would always have a dead battery or be unreachable at the bottom of my bag.
Anonymous
+1
Also, you can set it up so your contacts phone numbers arn’t on the phone. It’s a little work to have to switch it back on when necessary to call a client (30 secs), but since I’m normally just replying to emails it’s not a big deal.
Killer Kitten Heels
Replied on the other thread, here’s what I said:
I prefer separation, especially when it comes to calling/texting. My H has a “merged” iPhone, and has inadvertently texted messages meant for me to a coworker with the same first name in the past, because of the merged-contacts issue. Luckily it’s a small company, so she knew right away what had happened and laughed it off, but what if he’d texted the equivalent of “love you, shmoopie” to a client? Having two phones presents its own challenges – I have to carry them both, so no cute tiny purses, or sometimes I’ll accidentally leave my personal phone behind at home, since the weight of the Blackberry tricks me into thinking I’ve got all my gear with me already, but all in all, my “uh-oh” moments with the two-phone situation have had a lot less potential to be professionally embarrassing than H’s “uh-oh” moments with the merged phone.
preg 3L
Are you sure your personal iphone would be completely wiped if/when you leave the firm? Also, are you able to back up your iphone right now? I back up my phone regularly so that even if I lost it (or it was completely wiped), I could restore everything. At the firm where I worked during my 2L summer, I used my personal iphone for work email and at the end of the summer, the firm’s tech support remotely disabled and removed all of the firm-related email from my phone. It didn’t interrupt anything else I do with my phone. That said, if you’re uncomfortable having work stuff on your personal phone, I found having a Blackberry fairly easy to get used to (before law school, I had a work Blackberry).
Ellen
Yay! Open thread’s! I love OPEN THREAD’s! It is better then Fruegel Friday’s b/c everything is OPEN! YAY!
As to the OP, it alway’s is better to keep work seperete from personal. That goes for EVERYTHING, including computer’s (there should be a home computer) and a work computer.
As for the phone, you should have a seperete blackberry or iphone for work that you put ONLEY the work apps on, and onley the stuff that you need for work. That is why you can get a 32 gigeabite Iphone for home use, but onley a 16 gigeabite iphone for work — b/c you should NOT load any movie’s or picture’s or music on your work iphone, unless it is picture’s of work outeings with the manageing partner.
At our firm, the manageing partner pays for everybody’s stuff, b/c we have to be conected. If I am in court, and he need’s to text me, he does it and I do NOT have to worry about cost’s. Many time’s I am in the middel of something and I get a text from the manageing partner. Sometimes, it is just to stop by Crumbs to pick up cookies for the office on my way back from Court, but other times it is to say that he can NOT make an EBT or that Margie need’s to talk to me about something. He does NOT like it when Margie and I talk behind his back. He need’s to know EXACTELEY what is goieing on b/c he is afraid Margie will spend to much money if we go out without him.
The manageing partner wound up getting a $950 suit at Brook’s Brothers, and he looked alot better in it when they were fitteing him than he did when he got back into his schleppy suit with doubel vents. I think his suit is 30 year’s old and the seat is almost worn thru! Margie probabley got sick of lookeing at his tuchus shineing thru that old suit! So he got another new one thank’s to me! YAY!!!!!
Sam has gotten onto my calendar now! He is comeing over to talk with me and the manageing partner about a new busness oportunity — I have no idea what this could be, but Myrna think’s it is realy based on his wanteing to get back with me. I do NOT see this hapening any time soon, b/c I have alot of work to do and this mean’s even more work, and that mean’s no play time for him. FOOEY! Roberta has invited me up to Bronx with Myrna, but I have to go SCHRUNCHIE shoppeing. I think there’s a place on 34th that sells these, but I may be abel to find a better selection on the INTERNET.
I hope dad confront’s IGOR and OLEG when they roll back into town from their cross country excurseion. I think they are misuseing my SCHRUNCHIES, as well as my pantie’s. FOOEY! DOUBEL FOOEY!
Have a great weekend to Cat and also to the HIVE. YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Susedna
Keep them separate. Then, you’re less likely to misdirect stuff that might not be appropriate, or, at the very least, random.
Also, in some cases, if you want to ‘share’ an iPhone that you own with work, you need to let the work IT install stuff on your phone. Some firms install spyware to check to see if their workers are doing insider trading, or other illegal things, but that means a lot of your personal stuff is being scooped up by your company. Not sure how you feel about that.
New Atty
Thank you, ladies!!!! Knew I could count on you for some good opinions. I am already paranoid now that I will choose the wrong name to email to someone (in gmail when you type one letter, it brings up recent/frequent contacts — and what if I sent something embarrassing to a mentor/client/colleague/boss?) So I think for now I will try the two out. If I hate it, I can switch back to the one phone.
PS- sorry for the re-post and thank you to those that responded earlier– I’m still not seeing my comment on the previous post, weird. I’ve been a lurker for so long, but clearly a noob at commenting! Now that I got the hang of it, you might be seeing more of me!
A Nonny Moose
DH did this once. Since then, he uses his iPhone’s Gmail app for personal email and the regular mail app for work stuff. That keeps it completely separate.
If you’re particularly prone to breaking/losing phones, keep in mind your firm will replace; if you have separate phones, you’re on the hook the $600 or so to replace
Gail the Goldfish
Your comment is on the second page of the earlier thread–at the bottom on the right you’ll see a link that says Newer Comments. Sometimes the comments run onto two pages, but it’s easy to miss.
Em
Personally, I combine. I can barely remember to charge one phone; when I was trying to remember to charge two, it was a disaster.
Rani
I’m horrible about charging my phones, but my blackberry can go a few days w/o dying, while my iPhone needs to be charged a least daily — which is one more reason I keep the blackberry around.
Susie
I have an android phone I use for both work and personal. Easier to keep track of, less bulk to carry around, and I don’t have to pay for a 2nd phone. Work pays for data but not the phone itself so I would keep it if I left just switch the plan back to my name. We have an app we use for work, I get a yellow envelope on the top bar of my phone if I get a work email and a white one if it’s from my personal email. I’ve never misdirected an email or text.
Anon
Also replied on the other thread and agree with KKH –
I second the separation/two phone approach. I like the freedom of being able to leave my work phone at home during some events, weekends, etc. Plus my boyfriend has texted his female work colleagues with texts meant for me. I also just prefer not to have merged contact lists (my company uses a CRM which harvests your Outlook contacts) or the potential for the IT guys/ladies to see my personal emails, texts, pictures.
anon
I’m currently carrying two but will have the option to switch soon and I’m on the fence so I’m reading these replies to help me decide.
anon
And I have to keep my work phone with me all the time (business requirement) so unless I’m on vacation I have to carry both. Only carrying one would be easier.
KLG
I prefer to have 2 phones. I don’t even have to look in my purse to know whether it’s a work call or a personal call. Plus when I misplace one of the phones, I use the other one to call it and find it :)
Pink
I carry two iphones and love it. Because my personal carrier is different from work’s, when I’m in a bad-reception for one locale, I can use the other. I also found that by having two, if the battery on one died, I had a backup until I could charge the other. Also, my work has unlimited data while my personal does not. Since the phones are not bulky anymore, I don’t find that it takes up too much space.
Anon In-House
I’ve always had two separate phones and vastly prefer it (both while at the firm and now in-house). I do carry both around with me most of the time, but I LOVE being able to leave the work phone behind on certain occasions (going out to dinner and a movie on a Friday, going hiking for the day, what have you). It’s a bit of a pain in terms of bulk and weight, but not noticeably so (and if I’m going somewhere fancy with a tiny purse there is no way I’m bringing my work phone to that event!).
TBK
Maybe I’m oversensitive to this because I’m a litigator, but I’d be worried about having my whole phone imaged if I wound up in a lawsuit. Although your communications with clients are typically privileged (and that often is read to extend to your communications with other attorneys in your firm about your clients), that privilege is probably narrower than you think, and can be waived by the client (e.g., if you’re sued for malpractice). When I’ve done document collection, getting the key players’ phones was always part of the process and we usually kept them 24-48 hrs and had the whole thing imaged, then uploaded to our systems so we could start to sort through them. Do you want your emails to your friends complaining about work to get imaged? (This is also why I HATE when someone sends work stuff to my personal email. Dude, I don’t want my personal email getting run through a key terms search!)
New Atty
TBK, You’ve nailed it. This is exactly my fear/paranoia! (I’m also litigation.)
Sydney Bristow
I’ve had the pleasure of reading some very interesting personal emails during doc review as a result of these issues. I wouldn’t combine phones and I do my best to keep my emails completely separate.
Carrie Preston
+1 million to this; way back in the day I did a doc review on a firm’s malpractice suit & read ALL the personal emails from merged phones. Solidified my “I will always have 2 phones” position.
Abby Lockhart
I don’t understand why emails from personal accounts would become part of a document review collection. Perhaps I am confused about how phones other than Blackberrys work, but it would be very simple to pull only emails from my work email from my Blackberry. Indeed, I don’t even understand why someone would pull emails from my Blackberry rather than directly from my firm account. What am I missing? Do other phones not keep emails in separate accounts?(Admittedly, it’s been some time since I did e-discovery, but this just seems like it would only be the result of poor discovery planning to me.)
Blue
Can someone elaborate on this? I’m getting paranoid now too. I just started as an associate at a big firm last week and decided to just have 1 phone. I put my firm email on the official iPhone email app, and then use the separate Gmail app for my personal emails. Would my Gmail and text message really get imaged in this case? I understand it’s different if I’m being accused of fraud or something, but I’m talking about just in the normal course of business.
zora
Two. Carrying two phones is a little bit annoying, but I much prefer keeping my stuff separate. Too much potential for accidental screw ups on one device.
ExcelNinja
In my career:
– I originally used my personal phone for both personal & work (I was the primary bill-payer, and work would reimburse me for overage due to conference calls or travelling).
– Switched to carrying 2 phones, a work blackberry and a personal iPhone, with work paying the full BB bill
– Switched to carrying 1 phone, an iPhone for both personal & work, which work fully pays for.
I prefer the 3rd option. While it wasn’t much of a hassle being reimbursed in option 1, I would often feel guilty, as if I should have ended conf calls early, or tried to find wifi to check email while travelling. The two phones option was a hassle as well – I’d often forget one phone at the worst possible times (e.g. forgot my work phone while out at lunch and my boss had called me 12 times during that 45 minutes), I’d have photos interspersed between devices, it was annoying going back and forth from BB to iPhone. Yes I have personal stuff on my work phone now and they can scoop it up, but I’m not the type to have scandalous stuff on there anyway.
I did mistakenly once text my (female) boss with “Skype in 5 mins?” meant for my DH while travelling but realized it right away. No harm done. That’s the only time I’ve mis-texted or mis-emailed anyone.
Carrie Preston
Keep it separate. Your personal stuff could end up discoverable, gone, etc. I have never understood having 1 phone that my employer has access to. I carry two phones – BB for work, and iPhone for personal. For me, it’s not a big deal at all – my handbag is large enough during the week that it’s not an issue and I don’t drag my work phone around on the weekends or in the evening. I don’t think saving a few pennies on a cell phone plan is worth losing my privacy over.
Susie
Not to be rude but the ~ $90/mo for a data plan is not pennies for a lot of people. It adds up. Over $1000/year, that’s a pretty great vacation you might not otherwise take.
Carrie Preston
That’s true, but I’m assuming the OP is a lawyer/making a decent salary and I don’t think giving up personal privacy is where I’d recommend saving money.
Anon
There are tons of plans for less than $90/month.
New Atty
Thanks for the advice, everyone. I cannot believe that on my very first comment/question, I got an ELLEN response. What an honor! :)
SoCalAtty
Not 100% sure on discover-ability. On the iPhone, apps are separate programs with separate log-in information. The only thing that I think would be discoverable on an iPhone would be company email, company apps, and maybe text messages to other employees – unless the allegation was something like insider trading or fraud…then your personal phone will be subject to discovery anyway.
Blonde Lawyer
I guess I have the worst of these options. I have a personal phone that I pay for that I also use for work. Work does not have access to it. It would only ever be produced if I was sued or subpoenaed.
anon
So interesting — most of my friends at work and I have just the 1 phone combined. Honestly, I primarily ended up choosing it because I didn’t want to pay for a data plan or buy another phone (for myself), and knew that I could always disable the work email or personal email if I wanted to. Plus, the phone work would give us would only have data on it, no voice plan, so if you needed to make a call on the road, you would need to have your personal phone anyway. Also also, I am bad at using BBs, so I would have had two iPhones, and I don’t trust my ability to be tracking, charging, and grabbing the right one when going to meetings, etc.
Killer Kitten Heels
This raises a good point – if you’re going to go with two phones, ideally you should aim to have two different phones (i.e. work phone is a BB and personal is an iPhone or a Droid or something).
Also (this isn’t specific to anon @ 5:27) don’t you lose your phone number when you change jobs if it’s a work-owned phone? Anywhere I’ve ever worked that’s provided and paid for cells for employees, the number stays with the employer, not the employee, regardless of whether or not the employee elected to also use the employer-provided phone as their personal phone. This might not matter for some people, but I’ve had the same cell phone number since I was 16, so this would really upset me.
Susie
Nope it’s called migrating the account. I had this service/phone number before I started with this company and migrated it to the company’s account with the same provider. If I leave the company (or want a separate phone) I can migrate it back to a personal account and keep my number. I’ve had this number since my first cell phone, which I got when I started undergrad. Back in high school I still had a pager!
Divaliscious11
I kept separate as long as possible, then BB died and wouldn’t be replaced, even if I paid for it myself….
Back-up nightly…..
hollis
I’m looking for a professional-looking watch that’s less than $100. Preferably water-resistant. Anyone have any recommendations?
hollis
Oh, the watch would be for me. So, basically a woman’s watch that I can wear for work (and play). Thanks!
Anon
I am also looking for one! I currently wear this one.. but am looking for something new/nicer.
http://www.dravalis.com/images/DS173_2_Jacqueline_Jackie_Kennedy_Jewelry_JBK_Collection_Gold_Classic_Black_Leather_Strap_Tank_Watch_By_Camrose_and_Kross_QVC_Number_J151804.jpg
Mpls
Look at Skagen watches on Amazon. I imagine they are as water resistant as most other watches, but not waterproof. Macys will carry them instore if you want to see them in person, but you can get sub-$100 prices on Amazon.
NOLA
I agree! I have 4 of them. Definitely look at them in the store and buy from Amazon.
Mpls
I have a rose gold one in my cart on Amazon (and its been there for at least a year) that I just can’t quite pull the trigger on. I totally can’t justify it…but it’s so pretty. And the one I have is silver, so it would be totally different!
ExcelNinja
If it makes you feel any better, my much younger, much cooler sister just told me rose gold is SO passé ;-) On the other hand – maybe it will go on deep discount soon!!
Anon
Maybe not what you’re asking for – I buy cheap watches at Target and get a lot of compliments on them. I have about a half dozen cheapies (and a few nicer ones). I see watches as a fashion accessory, so having the “it” color or shape is more important than price.
I like Fossil and Guess for my nicer but not too nice watches. I aspire to one day have a really fancy bangle watch with precious metals and actual gems…but for now I’m fine with the Target bangles.
RJ
I bought a Bulova brand watch on Amazon for about $100. I love it! I didn’t know when I bought it that the brand has some more expensive watches (300-500 range). It’s held up well to daily wear for the last year.
Staff Drama
I have several staff that report directly to me. Earlier this week one of them met with my boss and told him she “hates” me and refused to work with me and threatened that if she was not reassigned to another lawyer she would quit. My boss said he would not move her, and she handed in her resignation. Today a client walked by and heard her talking loudly about how terrible I am and how much she hates me. It got back to senior management, and she was fired and escorted out.
I feel sort of shell-shocked. I’m glad that my boss and senior management seem to support me, but I am shocked that this happened on my team. I do ask my team to work hard (it’s a law firm, so we have clients to serve and court deadlines to meet), but I try to treat them well, give praise where praise is due, don’t blame them when things go wrong, recognize birthdays and holidays, and maintain a positive atmosphere in the team as much as possible. I can’t imagine what I did that caused this reaction.
Has anyone dealt with this before? Advice?
Violette
Sorry to hear about the drama. Ideally your direct report should have come directly to you with their concerns. Do you have regular one-on-one meetings with your reports to discuss project status, issues, concerns? That might be helpful going forward so your staff has a specific place and time to bring up any concerns or issues.
Jennifer
I wouldn’t take it personally. In my office you can “report” to multiple people (each project has a different manager), and there are definitely some people who are perfectly nice but we don’t work well together. I could see how if those people were my only supervisors it could eventually escalate to “hate” levels.
That said, you might want to ask some of the other team members for feedback, and make it clear in the future you’d like to work on disagreements with them before it got to the resignation/firing stage.
New Atty
+1 on this. The last thing you want is for the poison to ‘spread.’ And if she was talking loudly enough for a client to hear it, chances are that she’s already talked about it with others on your team.
Addressing it with your team will open the lines of communication. Getting their feedback will help you, and often an employee just wants to know someone is listening to their concerns. All of the things you mention sound like you are building a good environment, but sometimes if a junior employee doesn’t feel like the communication goes both ways, it can be enough to drive him/her bananas.
And agreed- don’t take it personally. Chances are also quite high that it could be her own issue as it left you so shell-shocked. But there’s no need for you to lose your team’s trust over it! Look at it as a way to be a better supervisor.
ExcelNinja
+1…time to ask for 360 feedback from the rest of your team. HR should be able to help you organize it so that it’s anonymous and they feel they can be totally honest.
Abby Lockhart
Or go to them one by one in an informal manner and ask if there is something you should know. I’m not discouraging a formal 360, that would be fine, I’m discouraging asking them in a group setting.
AMB
I hope this doesn’t come out as harsh but the activities you list re: your team are not really team-building. They are elements of common professionalism and without a real relationship behind them, wouldn’t inspire most to loyalty.
Violette’s comment is a good one – do you have one on one time to connect with your employees?
That being said, this woman sounds n*ts to go so far, so I think it is more her issues than yours, but this could be a good opportunity for you to step back and evaluate how you lead.
bridget
Sure, but I think the point of the list was to show that it is at least a reasonably professional environment that shouldn’t inspire outright hatred, rather than showing it is the best place to work, ever, and her employees should obviously love and admire her.
OP
I do have daily and weekly meetings with my staff to check in on their work progress/barriers/resources required, and a dedicated team-building off-site session every quarter. The list was more to demonstrate that I don’t march around the office barking at people.
Ashley
It may have been nothing you did. Or something completely insignificant that an adult would have discussed with you instead of creating the drama you described. This does not sound like a mature person. Maybe something has gone very wrong in her personal life and she projected it onto her professional one.
I don’t think reaching out to her and asking would be a good idea. I doubt you would not get a straight answer. Or she may try to sue you for stalking or something equally ridiculous, based on what you wrote here.
SA
Wow. I sympathize. That is really dramatic. I am also a “director of” and am not liked by everyone I supervise. My advice is all you can give is your best. You did nothing to cause this drama.
Divaliscious11
I’m going to disagree with the “don’t take it personally” crowd, but that doesn’t you should beat yourself up. What is your interaction with your team? What had been your interaction with this employee prior to her demand to be reassigned? It must have been pretty bad for/to her to put her job on the block. Take her action as feedback, process it, review the relationship and see where you could have done things differently, communicated differently etc……
Without a doubt, had your former employee been the one posting, all the posts would have been about the crazy obnoxious boss, and good for you for quitting, so the reality is probably somewhere in the middle.
J
I think that most likely it was a bad fit and probably you shouldn’t take it personally. However, I also think you should do what you can to find out if there actually is a problem with your management style and correct it. Perhaps you could ask your staff to provide anonymous feedback on your supervisory skills (maybe via SurveyMonkey) and sign up for some management training courses for a refresher. Even if no one else has complaints about you, being proactive about it will increase your staff’s confidence in you and allay any doubts they might have about you.
Anonymous
Question for the lawyer-types out there. I am a recent-ish law grad (past couple years). I’ve never wanted to practice law and got the degree for government relations/public policy work, which is the area my pre- and post- law school experience is in (but with government/non-profits, not law firms). Recently a position opened in the government affairs department of a Biglaw firm, and I’m considering applying. A JD is not required or even listed as desired. The position would be supporting the firm’s attorneys. It is exactly the kind of work I want to be doing, and I won’t be “settling” at all in this role.
My question is: Would I be excluded from consideration for having a JD? I’m worried they will think I will leave as soon as an attorney job opened. Would it be odd for me to apply, or to work there under attorneys? Input would be appreciated. Also any insight on how to make such an application stand out would be great… I am sure that firms get hundreds of applications for these positions.
Thanks for any thoughts.
New Atty
I don’t think you would be excluded by having a JD; in fact, I think it would be helpful to have it. To make your intentions clear, you could focus your cover letter on that. You could also write a brief abstract saying how this is exactly what you want to do. You might even explain *why* the JD was an important step towards this goal/dream job, which could potentially set you apart from other candidates.
Lobbyist
I work in politics and there are a lot of us non practicing attorneys around. Apply! Good luck! I love my job.
Miz Swizz
I need a new deodorant. I’ve successfully weaned myself off prescription-strength and am looking for a natural one but I’m not completely sold on natural. Any suggestions, stories, etc?
Greener Apple
Natural ones tend to make me peel, though I’m not sure why.
I like Donna Karan Cashmere (cashmere mist?); I’ve been using it for awhile and haven’t had any problems.
I tried Malin & Goetz eucalyptus deodorant and found it too masculine and too strong-smelling.
Susie
My gym gave out free samples of a Tom’s of Maine natural deodorant and it was horrible. Chalky, weird smell, did not glide on smoothly, and totally ineffective. I tried their toothpaste too with similar bad results.
KC
I recently switched to a natural deodorant and in reading reviews saw a number of comments that mentioned zinc ricinoleate is a common ingredient that causes a rash/peeling for many people. Based on this, I ended up ordering the “Kiss My Face Fragrance Free Active Enzyme Stick Deodorant” (which does not contain zinc ricinoleate) from Amazon and have been very pleased with it.
Miz Swizz
That’s good to know. Sounds like I’ll be reading the back of many deodorants this weekend.
Anon
This is so helpful. Thanks!
Anonymous
I use Tom’s lavendar scent. It’s not chalky white deoderant…its almost gel-like but more solid. It works for me! I usually use it on the weekends because I don’t want to risk smelling at work. I don’t think I’m particularly smelly anyways.
Katie
+1. This one has been great for me.
Kate
Soapwalla (check it out on Etsy) is the only natural deodorant that works for me. It has nearly 3,000 positive reviews on Etsy, too – it smells great, seems to work way better than every other natural one, was made by a woman in her kitchen (has since expanded), and is just overall great. I do sometimes notice a slight rash if I use a lot of it, but I think it’s just from the baking soda and it goes away quickly. I can avoid it by using smaller amounts.
I do NOT recommend the Trader Joe’s brand or Tom’s. I literally reeked the two days I tried those at work.
Divaliscious11
Second the Soapwalla.
I use it on my stinky 10 year old.
But it is a deodorant, not an antiperspirant.
Tara B.
I had the same problem with both of those products. I chalked it up to some kind of allergic reaction.
Tara B.
My response was to the Tom’s and TJ’s. Haven’t tried the Soapwalla.
Lynnet
I use a crystal deoderant. I was highly skeptical at first (it was at my mom’s urging, and she’s super into natural/holistic stuff) but it actually works really well. I don’t have to worry about white stains, and it works as well as an anti-perspirant as anything I’ve tried (which is to say, not great, but better than nothing). The one thing that was hard to get used to was you have to make sure that you cover every inch of skin with it, it’s not like normal deoderant that will spread out over time. It also lasts forever.
I don’t know what brand I use, because I stole the one I’m using from my mom (last Thanksgiving, and it’s still going strong), but if you google crystal deoderant you’ll see tons of options.
Rose
Seconded!
I was skeptical, but a friend recommended a crystal deodorant for me. So far,I’ve found that it prevents your pits from smelling, doesn’t/can’t leave any white streaks. It doesn’t prevent sweating, though, so it wouldn’t work if you want an antiperspirant.
Ashley
I have been using this for a month or two and highly recommend Real Purity Deodorant. It has been nothing short of miraculous for my hormonal reeking pits. It is not cheap, but has bproven to be a great value for me because it works — and works well.
http://www.amazon.com/Real-Purity-Deodorant-Holistic-Formula/dp/B005FN0QGU/ref=cm_cr-mr-title
Another RP Fan
I also found RP deodorant to be the ticket. I’ve been using it for years, and I perspire less now and am much less stinky. My husband and inlaws use it as well. It’s the only natural brand that’s ever worked for me.
Tara B.
This sounds interesting. And from reading the reviews on Amazon, I may give it a try.
EB
I use Tom’s deodorant and have used Tom’s antiperspirant. The deodorant is aluminum-free, and I like it. I think the one I use is apricot. The antiperspirant (has aluminum) is terrible. It’s thick and sticky and doesn’t ever really absorb, just sits on your skin in a white coating. I got some on a shirt and it hasn’t come out after 3 washes.
Aon
I would just suggest that you tell someone you trust who will tell you the honest truth (Mom, best friend, husband, sister, whatever) ; tell them up front, I am trying a new deodorant, and you MUST tell me if it isn’t working.
I live in a place where a lot of people are very into natural/organic. I cannot tell you how many people stand around talking about how amazingly their natural deodorant works…as you’re choking on their b.o.
It’s a problem. I am sure it works great for some people…but not as many as THINK it works great.
darjeeling
my favorite deodorant is from Etsy seller Ayelet Naturals. I have the sweet pea scent and it smells amazing.
NYC
I got one of the Issa wrap dresses from the outnet. It is sooooo beautiful!! The silk jersey is amazing! Thank to the OP who posed the question…and enabled the purchase.
Nonny
Yes, I have an Issa wrap dress (from before they became a big thing due to the Duchess…) and they really are gorgeous and SOOO flattering. I’m kind of sad they came into the limelight so much as the price has now escalated beyond my reach…
AIMS
Well, she no longer wears Issa so maybe they will come back down a bit?
Susedna
http://www.nytimes.com/2013/10/15/booming/my-face-is-stuck-in-the-70s.html?src=recg
I don’t do this (face completely bare of makeup), but I really like her (Roz Warren’s) reasons for not wearing any makeup. As much as I like her sister’s reason for putting on the purple eyeshadow. They both sound pretty awesome to me.
Anon
I like it!
I own two makeup products (and I’m not sure the 2nd one counts) – (1) undereye concealer that I put on my undereyes and on the very very very occasional blemish (2x year?), and (2) clear chapstick/aquaphor/similar.
I 100% agree with this – It’s just wrong that men look just fine the way they are, but we women are encouraged to believe we don’t look good enough unless we “fix” our faces.
Cb
That’s interesting. I definitely have days where I go make-up free.
NYNY
I only wear makeup a few times a year. Never for work, only for evenings out, and even then only for big one. Weddings get powder, eye makeup, and lipstick. Fancy parties the same. Really fancy dinner, maybe some lipstick.
I like my face, and think it looks weird made up. And honestly, who has the time?
ss
Same here. I’m just glad that this was the norm in the first office I worked since it set me up for life !
Anonymous
Thanks for posting. I feel like I need my makeup to look professional for work, but I also like her reasons for not wearing it.
Sometimes when I listen to the Macklemore “thin line” song I really feel it. (“The greatest trick that the devil ever played / was convincing women that they look better in their makeup.”)
anonymous
Does anyone have any advice on how to figure out whether to pay off my loans fast or hoard cash? I am 1 year out of school, in biglaw, with about 40K in law school loans. I have a 6 month emergency fund saved up, and I was going to use the extra money to throw at loans, but I was told that I should be saving more and more cash “just in case” and just pay the minimum on my loans. However, I’m struggling to figure out exactly what the balance should be.
If a dire emergency happened tomorrow and I lost my job or something like that, I could decrease my living expenses dramatically (and put loans into deferment, etc.), and possibly stretch my savings to a year, so I’m just not sure why I should hoard so much cash. I know people have talked about this before, but I feel like I’m being pressured into saving.
A Nonny Moose
Wow, with a full 6 months worth (possibly more) saved up, I would most definitely switch to paying off loans as soon as possible.
Susie
Depends on the interest rate on the loans, compared to return you would be getting investing the money.
anonymous
They’re all at 6.55% (stafford subsidized and unsubsidized).
Nonny
With that interest rate, and with 6 months’ expenses already saved up, I’d say pay them off for sure, as fast as you can.
I wish I had that much saved up!
Senior Attorney
+1
Start knocking out those loans!
mascot
What is your plan for saving cash? Does it have a decent rate of return? I’d probably pay down some just to be done with it.
preg 3L
Do you have any type of retirement savings? That’s one thing to keep investing in even once you have cash saved for emergencies.
Senior Attorney
Yes!
AG
If you already have a six-month emergency fund, you should pay down your debt as quickly as possible. Start with credit cards since they have the biggest impact on your credit score since they’re recurring. If you don’t have credit card debt, then put it toward your school loans. Paying off school debt actually has less of an impact on your credit score since the loan is just a one-time debt that you pay down (unlike a credit card, which you actually have to manage). Any saving that you do shouldn’t be to add to your emergency fund, it should be for down payment on real estate. Set up a separate account for your down payment money.
AG
Also, this assumes you already have your retirement account set up.
k-padi
If in one year you’ve managed to save 6 months expenses, you are doing great and have excellent money management skills.
At 6.5%, I would pay off the loans. The only reason to stretch out loan payments is when you have a laughable interest rate (for me, that’s less than 4%).
Depending on your personal comfort level, you can adjust how quickly you pay off the loan. All your money doesn’t have to go to just loans or just savings. Pick some level that lets you sleep at night
AIMS
I agree with this. If you managed to save up 6 months of living expenses in one year post-law school (wow!), you should be able to pay off $40K in loans fairly quickly. Assuming you are funding your retirement, I would throw most of the extra money at loans with maybe 10-20% of that extra going to savings (if you feel like you should still be saving). While loans aren’t generally considered bad debt, they do limit your options should you wish to switch jobs or if you want to take a sabbatical at some point, etc. Unless you’re saving for something else specific that you need to save for ASAP, there’s just no reason to pay almost 7% in interest any longer than you absolutely have to.
Susedna
More (Mis)Adventures with Makeup – Oily Eyelids (!)
I posted some days ago about trying out the Maybelline Dream Fresh BB Cream. It wasn’t bad, it wasn’t great. (For reference, I have some drier regions of skin, as well as really oily ones. Top half of my face could qualify as an OPEC region; bottom half, think Kalahari Desert.) I looked kind of shiny and didn’t love it — maybe I’ll try a different BB cream.
The oiliness of my skin extends to my eyelids. I have big (for my face) eyes, but each eye has, oh, like only 4 eyelashes. Sort of kidding. The Diorshow Waterproof Mascara smudged bigtime within 3 hours of application, leaving me look like a startled raccoon. I guess it’s waterproof but not oilproof. It was a $25 mascara I ordered from Nordstrom’s and I’m thinking of returning it. I have never, ever returned makeup before, and admit feeling weird/guilty about it, because I know it can’t be resold. (Can they use it as a tester?)
January
I understand the guilt, but if it’s completely unwearable for you, you might as well return it. I once returned a bottle of Bobbi Brown foundation once I realized it was causing me to break out — that stuff isn’t cheap! And I ordinarily don’t return makeup items that I end up not liking.
TO Lawyer
I don’t know what Nordstrom’s return policy is re makeup but sephora has a really lenient return policy and i return makeup regularly that I bought but doesn’t work. I don’t have a problem with it because a) the makeup is expensive and b) I think the point is to find something that works for you. So I’ll often exchange something instead of returning it. I don’t know what their policy is re re-using returned makeup but I spoke to a manager once and she said she never has an issue because she wants people to be happy with their makeup/skincare regimes.
Also – have you tried primer on your eyelids? It might help with the oil, if you’re trying to fix it!
Aon
They can’t reuse it, that would be totally unsanitary and if someone got an eye infection they’d get sued.
They return it to the manufacturer, and the store gets credited.
New Atty
My eyelids have always been oily- always had a crease from shadow, yuck! Until I started using Urban Decay Eyeshadow Primer Potion. A tube lasts me like a year, and it’s one of the few makeup staples that I consistently re-buy. My mom has oily eyelids (I guess it’s genetic?) despite dry, mature skin, and I bought her some, too. It has significantly helped reduce raccoon eyes, too!
Susedna
This is eye-opening (sorry, couldn’t resist.) I have never thought of using eyeshadow primer. I never even heard of eyeshadow primer!
So…my newbie questions are:
(1) Is it OK to apply the primer so close to the lash line, since I’ll be using it to try to keep my mascara in place, rather than to keep eyeshadow in place?
(2) And is it applied with a brush, the way one would apply a liquid eyeliner?
Anonymous
They have mascara primer, too. You could use both.
As far as returning things — You can do this if a store has a lenient return policy, but just remember, that in the aggregate, this is what drives prices up. A store cannot reuse that item and it goes in the trash (I hope!). That affects the stores bottom line and causes prices to be raised. In the future, I recommend really ensuring you like a product in the store before you purchase and/or clearly communicating your wants and needs to the sales person.
Susedna
Does it really cause the price to be increased? I’m skeptical. The stores are bound in their agreements w/these various brands to not sell below a certain price, which is why this particular mascara retails for $25 everywhere. It’s not a coincidence – it’s some brand management contractual deal between store and brand.
The price is also related to the brand. People see Dior and are willing to pay in the hopes that the products will do what they’re supposed to.
Also, it’s not always possible to get a unopened sample of a mascara, and it’s one of the types of makeup doctors really tell people to avoid in if they’re “tester” tubes of mascara, used by many – risk of eye infections.
Anonymous
Generally speaking, yes. It’s basic economics and goes way beyond the specific mascara tube that you are talking about.
http://www.theretailequation.com/consumers/FAQ
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Return_fraud
http://www.npr.org/blogs/money/2013/09/25/223787129/what-happens-when-a-store-lets-customers-return-whatever-they-want
Anon
@Susedna, have you typically bought only drugstore brands and never bothered to return those when they didn’t work out? I’m guessing that from your post above and I’d venture that yes, the stuff Anonymous (not me) posted applies to drugstores. Drugstores have thin margins and sell typically non-designer or so called “premier” brands. Returns would make the drugstores raise prices going forward. Although that doesn’t apply here as you’re talking about a Diorshow product.
@anon: as someone who’s purchased Dior(show), Chanel, Lancome, and several other designer products for over a decade, I can say that much of the price is driven by the cachet of the brand. They are just tubes of paint. The materiels cost is really insignificant compared to the brand-based markup and the price floors that they impose on retailers. And I say this as a fan of these products. Returns don’t really raise the price. And those links on retail fraud just don’t apply here. No major department store wants to raise the price of that mascara to sell it for $29 when the other ones are selling it for $25; similarly, none are allowed to retail it for less in order to continue their distribution relationship with he brand.
mascot
Eyeshadow primer is awesome. I just smear it on with a finger, lash line to brow line. Some of them, like Urban Decay, can double as light shimmery eyeshadow. I use eyeshadow primer and Tarte’s Lights Camera Splashes mascara and my eye makeup pretty much stays on all day without smudging.
ITDS
I will 2nd that this is what you need. My eyelids are very deep and my shadow used to crease like crazy. With the Urban Decay primer it stays in place all day (and overnight if I neglect to remove it). The primer comes in a small tube, and I squeeze out a small bead of it and dab it onto my eyelid then spread it around with my finger. I apply it all the way down to the lash line and it’s never caused any irritation. Your eyelid will be less shiny/oily and if you also add a subtle shadow or powder over the primer your mascara should not smudge onto your eyelides.
WestCoast Lawyer
I started using the Urban Decay primer about a year ago and it makes a huge difference (I didn’t have much trouble with mascara, but eyeshadow and liner stay so much better now). I just take a tiny amount (the best way I can describe it is the size of a pin head, like the type of pin they use to pin a hem line with the little ball on top) and use my finger to swipe it over my lids, including the lash line.
tk1
I started using the Urban Decay primer about a year ago and it makes a huge difference (I didn’t have much trouble with mascara, but eyeshadow and liner stay so much better now). I just take a tiny amount (the best way I can describe it is the size of a pin head, like the type of pin they use to pin a hem line with the little ball on top) and use my finger to swipe it over my lids, including the lash line.
hoola hoopa
Absolutely agree with UD eyeshadow primer. It makes a HUGE difference. I’d get mascara primer for your eyelashes.
Monday
So, I have tried several brands of primer, including Urban Decay and Tarte. No go–my eyelids just do the same creasing/flaking with the primers as they do with eyeshadow. Personally I have given up on eyeshadow until my skin changes (if it ever does), and in case you’re as extreme as me I can recommend Lancome Artliner and Clinique waterproof mascara. This is eye makeup that does not budge and requires no prep. Then you are invited to become a lipstick person instead, like me!
Anon
Try lancome waterproof undereye concealer as a primer. Amazing
Anon
Try Makeup Forever for mascara and eyeliner . They have partnered with the French national synchronized swim team and those ladies makeup stays put!
SW
The Balm’s “Put a Lid On It” primer is great too. I just use my fingertips to apply, and I have not had any problems using it all the way up to my lash lines.
MK
Bobbi Brown’s cream shadow combines primer with the shadow, so you don’t have to do an extra step. I used to always have the creasing/smudging problem, but not anymore. I use a nice light, shimmery color and apply it all the way up to my browbone, then put a darker color of powder shadow on just the lid. Oh, and I use and LOVE Diorshow mascara (non-waterproof) without any smudging.
Joan Holloway
I also like Blinc mascara. I use their primer for a little more volume/length, but it’s the only mascara I trust not to give me racoon eyes.
J
Agree with using Urban Decay eyeshadow primer. Use the untinted one and put a bit under your eyes too. Your eye makeup won’t smear at all for a whole day.
Preg-anon
Even with primer I’ve found that my eye shadow still wears off during the day. Then, as a fluke, I discovered Maybeline Color Tattoo. I use it with a primer (but could probably go without), apply with my fingers (it’s in a glass jar and is a cream at first), and it will last all day and even until the next day (I’m bad at washing my face at night).
mintberrycrunch
MAC makeup TJ: I recently received a gift certificate for MAC – I’ve never used these products before and have no idea where to start. What are your favorites? What should I invest in? I am fair (but not super pale) with red hair and freckles, if it matters. Thanks!
Bonnie
I love the paint pot in bare study. I use it as an eyeshadow base and often just as a little bit of shimmer.
Nonny
I do exactly the same thing. I would have replied to the eyeshadow primer discussion above with a recommendation to use Bare Study.
hoola hoopa
Their eyeshadows in general are great.
Violette
I like Blot Powder and Prep+Prime pressed powder for setting my foundation. Makeup and Beauty Blog has a MAC Unsung Heroes series where she reviews her favorite products. Temtalia has tons of MAC reviews and swatches. Or you could go to a MAC counter and have them do suggest colors and then you could purchase what they use.
RJ
My doctor recommended today that I have an HSG. Has anyone had this procedure? It’s scheduled for the late afternoon so I don’t have to worry about going back to work, but is this something I want my husband to attend? They said to take ibuprofen before – was it very painful?? Thanks for any advice.
PHX
It was more uncomfortable than not. Definitely take ibuprofen beforehand. It will also feel like you have a large b.owel movement to make. However, the discomfort will pass rather quickly.
As to whether you want your husband there: why are you having the HSG? Fertility concerns? I went by myself, and probably shouldn’t have. The doctor found a mass (uterine polyp), but when they say “mass” you almost always think “cancer.” I flipped out and was by myself. So take your husband! :)
CKB
My HSG was not fun. I went by myself & took the rest of the day off, but that was easy to do because I was a student. It’s uncomfortable bordering on painful and I was crampy the rest of the day iirc. Not a great experience but for me it was good as we tried to determine the causes of my recurring miscarriages.
RJ
This is why I am having it as well. Sounds like they down played the pain aspect when it was described to me. Guess I will bring my husband and plan on ice cream and sweatpants for after.
ExcelNinja
I have never had an HSG, but when I had my IUD put in I took as much ibuprofen as they would let me, and an at i van (weird spacing bc not sure if that will get modded or not). They totally downplayed the pain but luckily a friend of mine had already had one put in and warned me. It feels terrible, especially if they sound your uterus…omg.
Your dr should be able to prescribe you like, 10 at i van pills, no biggie. I have them for dental procedures.
Anon0321
Excel Ninja, ya that was literally the worst pain I’ve ever been in, thank god it was so quick. I don’t know if I’m just particularly sensitive or what but next time I’d def get whatever the strongest painkiller is they can give.
I know this it’s a different procedure, but I went to work after and I was kind of glad for the distraction. Even though I was in a lot of discomfort/occasional serious pain, if I’d gone home I would have just focused on it and I think it would have been worse.
TBK
I found it to be incredibly painful, so definitely take as much ibuprofen as they’ll let you (and make sure you take it far enough in advance for it to be effective at the time of the procedure — the nurse should be able to help you figure this out). It was like the worst period cramps I’d ever had, plus some. It was also just sort of scary, which I think added to the pain. I felt like a specimen in an alien spaceship laboratory.
Parfait
I’m glad you asked. I have one scheduled for a couple weeks from now. eek.
anonymous
I had one done this last week. I think ibuprofen is advisable – I have pretty severe cramps normally, so it didn’t feel as bad as those do – it was uncomfortable during the procedure, but just cramping afterwards. The pain levels can depend on whether you have any blockages – they are trying to force the dye through, which can make the procedure more painful for some than others. I went without my husband, but I had a great nurse that talked to me the entire procedure (about 10 minutes). I felt fine afterwards with just two ibuprofen and worked out that night. Be sure to take a pad with you – spotting is normal afterwards.
Belle et Rebelle
I was really nervous before mine. My doctor did not want me to take ibuprofen beforehand (it can suppress ovulation and we’re TTC), but he seems to be an outlier on this – everyone else I’ve talked to took it. I did get him to prescribe an anti-anxiety med for me to take beforehand and that helped a lot. The procedure itself wasn’t bad for me – felt a bit like menstrual cramps. It seems to be the kind of thing where it’s different for everyone, but from what I understand, even if it is painful, it’s usually over quickly.
OP
Good luck Parfait! And thanks for all the responses. It’s always nice to know others have been through this kind of thing.
RR
I found it to be surprisingly uncomfortable. Not horrendously painful or anything, just more uncomfortable than I had anticipated. For me, it felt like really bad menstrual cramps. I felt like I was going to throw up in the hospital hallway on the way back to my husband in the waiting room (which is consistent with how I experience bad menstrual cramps). It too a few hours to feel back to normal. I had not taken ibuprofen before as no one warned me (and this was back in like 2002).
I would take your husband. Good luck.
Flying Squirrel
I actually didn’t find it to be that bad…but I know I’m in the minority. Most people say it’s horrible My RE prided himself on being able to perform the procedure with little discomfort. Taking a few ibuprofen beforehand is a good idea. I’ve had two, and DH did not come to either. Also went straight back to work from both.
Duchess
How long would you stay with someone (romantically) if you only got to see them once every week or two? I’ve been dating a guy for about four months now, and it’s great when we’re together, but due to our schedules, it’s incredibly hard to find time to actually be together. We only live about 30 min apart, so we’re not long distance — it’s mostly just due to work and travel. We communicate basically constantly when we’re not together, too. I guess I never realized how much I value time together until I didn’t get it…
mascot
Is it his schedule or your schedule that is causing the issue? If you dated someone else, would you be having the same issues with your own schedule?
Duchess
Some of both. He works nights (and it’s also not a M-F schedule, so every other weekend he works, too) and I work traditional hours for the most part, but I have to travel fairly frequently for work. So if I dated someone else, I could conceivably see them M-F evenings and every weekend when I’m in town.
A Nonny Moose
Well, do you think this would change with someone else? Is it his work and travel that are the issue, yours, or a combination?
Wildkitten
Also, is it possible for this to change with him? Is he worth waiting for his schedule to change, if it can?
Duchess
It is possible, and I guess that’s been my current plan — stick with it while it’s still great, hope his schedule changes, and if it’s no longer great, go from there. I think it’s just hard for me since I’m in my early 30s and I do want the husband and kids, and it feels like we can’t really progress very quickly to those points (not that I want to get married next week or anything, but still) at the pace we’re going. I don’t want to stick around forever and then realize it’s not going to change, and suddenly, it’s significantly less likely that I end up with kids.
k-padi
I only see my boyfriend twice a week. three times if we are lucky. 6 months and going strong.
i think the only reason it works is that we don’t let others distract us during our time together . No phone calls or texting other people. When it gets too hard, we both move heaven and earth for a date night outside of our normal schedule.
Woods-comma-Elle
It perhaps explains why I’m single, but this sounds like a lot to me :S
Wildkitten
I think this sounds perfect. I live with mine and need a lot less than him. We work it out, but 2x/week is plenty.
Susie
The first three years my now-husband and I dated we were 3 hours apart, both in school FT and working PT, and saw each other about every other weekend. So, at least 3 years. Even now that we are married and live together, we are both pretty busy with work/training/etc we have one designated date-night when we eat dinner together but otherwise often don’t. It works for some people and doesn’t for others.
CA lawyer
I’m the only junior lawyer in a mid-size in-house legal department. I work with a number of more senior lawyers who are fantastic lawyers (and people!) and give me great advice that helps me do my work better and become a better lawyer. We have no formal training program or culture of training up junior lawyers. I, of course, thank my colleagues for their advice in the moment and take whatever work they give me and do it well, but is there anything else I can or should do to thank them? I’m tremendously grateful.
WestCoast Lawyer
With so many stories of lawyers having to deal with terrible work environments, I understand the feeling of being uber-appreciative when you find yourself in a great/supportive situation. While the environment you describe should be the norm, sadly it does not seem this is the case.
However, if the people you describe are truly great people, they are not going out of their way to be helpful and friendly – they are just good, smart people doing their job professionally and reaping the rewards (i.e. working with a smart junior attorney – you – who does a great job and is more motivated and loyal because you know how good you’ve got it).
I think anything above a simple “thanks for the advice” and doing great work is not necessary, and may be a bit awkward. But please do remember how much their support means to you and pass it on when you find yourself in a position to work with junior lawyers.
CA lawyer
Thank you! I was thinking that might be the case, but I’m so grateful and lucky that I want to make sure that I express my thanks as much as is appropriate.
Lady Harriet
A few miscellaneous job-hunting questions:
1. Should I follow up on a job application by calling the company? If so, when? I submitted my application last Thursday. I’m really interested in the job, but I don’t want to annoy them.
2. If I’m job hunting on the opposite side of the country from where I currently live, is it a good idea to leave my address off my resume? It’s on my cover letter, and I list the location of my current job, but I didn’t want to emphasize it more than I had to. I feel like my location gets me passed-over for even interviews on jobs where I’m otherwise qualified, so I don’t have it on my resume right now. However, I was recently told that I should have my address on there, so I’m curious what you think.
3. Should I list my education ahead of my experience on my resume? I graduated from undergrad in 2011 and have been working a mostly professional job in my field (research assistant at my alma mater) since last summer, as well as some relevant freelance work on the side. I know that experience should go first once you have been working for a while, but I’m not sure that I’m there yet.
zora
Run-don’t-walk to Ask a Manager dot com ;o) She has answered all of these, and has other good advice.
1. No. Don’t call. Ever. Work your network, if you find a contact-to-a-contact-to the company, you can try to get a good word in. But don’t call to follow up if you have applied through normal channels, sorry.
2. Don’t leave youra ddress off, use your cover letter to explain that you are already planning to move there, or why you would like to move there. Don’t try to hide it, try to convince them you want to be there for this job
Lady Harriet
Thanks! I’ve checked out Ask A Manager in the past, but clearly I’m due for another visit!
Killer Kitten Heels (paging zora!)
Zora, I cannot tell you how grateful I am that you shared Captain Awkward (yesterday? the day before? this morning? who knows? it’s been that kind of week) – I had a chance to peruse the archives a little more fully, and wow – I’m blown away. Really excellent, thoughtful, interesting advice happening there. Thanks! (Also thanks for the casual outfit recs during my mini-meltdown yesterday – I’m printing some of those photos and taking them to the mall with me this weekend!)
SH
I’ve been looking for a new job for awhile, and I just started working with a recruiter. This is my first time working with one, and I’m not sure how it’s supposed to work. My scope of practice has a bit of regular turnover, but it’s not one that constantly needs associates all the time. It’s been only about a week or so, but I haven’t received a reply after I sent her an email with the places I’ve applied to so far. My brain knows that it’s only been a week and to simmer down, but my heart is already out of my current job and wants a new job to hurry up and get here already. Do I email to check in on a regular basis? If I see a posting at a firm I know she has contacts at, should I email it to her or apply for it myself? Is it too forward to tell her when I see postings from firms on job boards get renewed, even after she said the firm would be snobby against my stats? I suppose I’m confused as to how much we’re a “team” and how much I’m just a resume in her binder and to carry on by myself, and don’t want to cross a line. When we spoke, she seemed really interested in my experience, background, and helping me. Any advice?
Anon
Call another recruiter and keep working your network. Headhunters can only recruit out of and place into a finite number of firms. They also have short attention spans due to the nature of the business so feel free to follow up. How senior are you? The stats can matter less the more senior you are (although there will always be grade snobby firms – there is one who notoriously asks for law school transcripts for partner candidates!). Good luck with your search.
Anon for this
I just got fired. I am still in shock. As an “overachieving chick” I’ve basically never experienced a failure like this. I have no idea what to do.
What it came down to was personality issues between myself and management, and not so much my actual work – which makes it worse I think. It makes me feel like they rejected ME as a person. I have no idea how to come back from this.
Logistically I’m going to check out AAM and the archives because… what the h3ll do I tell potential employers?? not a situation I thought I’d ever see myself in…
Joan Holloway
Hugs. Let yourself be in shock and feel whatever comes up. But schedule something good for yourself soon because you deserve gentleness.
Did they give you an outplacement service? If not, find a coach or someone who can meet with you weekly to help keep you moving forward.
Silvercurls
More hugs. Take good care of your body, spirit, and mind (aside from indulging in comfort food/reading material/TV/movies/internet in the near future). This is a transition, not a destination.
ExcelNinja
:( sorry to hear that. Are you finished as of now, or do you still have to go in to wrap things up? hopefully you can look on the bright side and perhaps take an extended long weekend!
is the parting amicable? what will they tell your reference calls? can you just say “it was time for something new” or something to that effect? Someone in HR once said to me “Sometimes you have to leave to grow” and I’m definitely going to use that phrase someday.
Anon
Hugs. This sucks and I’m sorry this happened to you. The others who responded to this thread earlier gave good advice.
TCFKAG
Hello to anyone who reads the weekend thread on, you know, the weekend. I did a new post on my blog! Its about funky weekend shoes – and which ones I thought you could wear to work as well. You should check it out.
Also – you can find earrings just like this on Etsy for sursies. Way cheaper too.
NOLA
My replacement boots came this morning. Yay! Love them. They’re the Sbicca Sound fringed booties (also on my tumblr in a post about fringed boots). I had hoped it would be cool enough to wear them today but it’s already warming up. Oh well.
Shoe Hunt
I saw a pair of shoes on a WHBM commercial for their perfect form pants, and I’ve struggled to find them. They were black, pointy toe, with just leather covering the toes, straight across, and then a heel. Pretty much these, but in solid black:
http://shop.nordstrom.com/S/alexander-wang-lovisa-snakeskin-pump/3551109?origin=category&BaseUrl=Pointed+Toe
Any suggestions of where to find shoes like this? And definitely for less than $650?
Anonymous
Zappos
TCFKAG
I assume they weren’t these from WHBM?
http://www.whitehouseblackmarket.com/store/browse/product.jsp?maxRec=12&pageId=1&productId=570087530&viewAll=&prd=Exotic+Cap+Toe+Suede+Pump&subCatId=cat7299308&color=&fromSearch=&inSeam=&posId=8&catId=cat210019&cat=Shoes++Accessories+Shoes&onSale=&colorFamily=&maxPg=1&size=
I used these when I tried on a bunch of stuff at WHBM and I have to say, they were pretty nice.
Shoe Hunt
It wasn’t them (at least in my memory, who knows for real), but they are very nice. How many pairs of new shoes can I buy at once?
Tara B.
I bought 4 pair yesterday. Didn’t pay a whole lot with sale and rebate tallied. Not to enable, or anything…
NOLA
This looks similar: http://piperlime.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=84402&vid=1&pid=962125002
Shoe Hunt
Oh, I love those! Thank you!
NOLA
You’re welcome! There are lots of shoes in that style but not as many where the front goes straight across. They’re pretty!
J Crew Q
Any thoughts on the Sidney jacket? The 1035 is too massive on me and I like the Sidney because it is shorter. But 3/4 sleeves? Only 1 button?
I am worried that it might be a bit too cute / dress barn / something for being a serious suit. Or just go for it?
Thanks!
Bonnie
It’s not as formal as a jacket with long sleeves but I don’t think it’s cutesy at all.
Avery
I have it in light grey and black and love it! I think it looks quite sharp and modern as part of a suit.
Mpls
I accidentally got shipped the Sidney jacket (instead of the 1035) and really wanted to keep it after trying it on. The proportions looked really smart – even with the cropped sleeves. If I hadn’t been ordering a suit for interviewing I would have been really tempted to keep it.
I’m still keeping an eye on it during the sales.
Pant problems
I have an unlined pair of Theory pants in a light, sandy color. I’ve been gaining weight, mostly in my bum, and while the pants still fit me, I think my undies are now visible through the pants (regardless of color). I thought that lining the pants might help, but I can’t find a tailor who will provide the fabric — meaning that I have to make three errands (fabric store, plus twice to the tailor).
So two questions — First, will the lining solve my problem? Second, with the hassle and the cost of fabric and alterations, is it worth trying to salvage these pants? Or should I just buy a new pair of pants and try to lose the weight? I’m an associate in biglaw and I could use the time to work out instead….
Bonnie
If the pants are too small, lining them won’t help. Lining pants is also not cheap so you’re better off buying a new pair.
Pant problems
Yeah, I think I answered my own question when I wrote it. But they’re not too small; it’s that they used to be baggy in that area and farther away from my undergarments. I think it’s more that the material is just enough translucent so that when the fabric is closer to my skin, it is slightly see-through.
Monday
I’m sure this will sound bad to some, but it sounds like a job for the th0ng! Right fit + light color often leads in this direction.
Pant problems
You know, I wrote off thongs a long time ago, but I might give them another try in this case. Thanks for the idea!
Mpls
A lining would probably solve the problem – but I’d see about constructing a pair of pettipants (basically a pant slip) to wear with the pants, rather than trying to add a lining to the pants. A separate pant slip would be cheaper than pulling a pattern off of the pants and then making the lining.
Fabric wise – I’d recommend Bemberg rayon. It’s a high quality lining and is supposed to be pretty breathable. It is machine washable, and can go in the dryer. It wrinkles like a bitch though if you let it air dry, so you really almost want to be able to throw it in a dryer on a low heat – another reason to have it be a separate garment from your pants.
NbyNW
To Pants Problem – When I wear unlined light color pants, I wear a spanx-type bicycle short, especially a silky one that would keep the pant from catching on the spanx. It gives an extra layer for coverage and doesn’t show.
Pant problems
Thanks!
adding machine
Long time lurker looking for fashion advice from the hive.
What are your thoughts on the Talbots Seasonless Wool A-line Dress? (link to follow)
Cute for work if styled well? (and what would you pair with it?)
Potentially frumpy?
Kind of reminds me of a school uniform?
adding machine
http://www.talbots.com/online/browse/product_details.jsp?id=prdi31144&rootCategory=cat70014&catId=cat80018&sortKey=Default§ion=Regular&conceptIdUnderSale=cat70014
adding machine
Hope that link works. Looks like there might be something wrong with the Talbots website. Earlier today it was $150ish (definitely not $29.99!) and came in black, navy, khaki, and gray.
If it helps anyone’s opinion, I’d probably get black or navy
Cb
I think it’s pretty long but I do like that box pleating. However, this is from the girl who occasionally shops in the school uniform section (basic sweaters, jumpers!) so grain of salt.
adding machine
I agree about the length. I was fully expecting to get it hemmed.
I have a pear shaped body, and it’s so hard to find professional dresses without having to take the whole top part in because I had to order up to fit my hips. I was hoping I’d need less alterations in this.
Now I can’t get “school uniform” out if my head and I don’t know what to do. Ugh
Lady Harriet
I think it’s cute, and I don’t really get the school uniform vibe.
AIMS
I don’t either. It’s cute & very classic. I think this is one of those things that can look really great if styled right. Think loose, somewhat boxy coats: either it looks really chic or you look like you’ve been wearing that coat since 1959. I’d get it hemmed to wherever was most flattering & wear with nice shoes , a long necklace and either a blazer or not-too-long v-neck cardigan. I think it could also look cute with a blouse underneath but you have to be careful to avoid uniform territory there — I’d avoid cotton shirts and go to silk (or silk-like).
Paging TCFKAG
…and anyone else who is good at this!
I have a shopping challenge: I’m 7 weeks post partum with my first baby. I was looking forward to getting back into my cute clothes but now I realize that nursing presents its own set of restrictions (i.e. I can’t wear my cute, stretchy, crew neck ponte dresses unless I want to flash the world).
I’m desperate for a few reasonably priced, machine-washable (spit up!), nursing-friendly tops that are also friendly to my post partum belly. Not empire waist (had enough of that!) but something kind of skimming and loose. By nursing-friendly I mean either buttons partially or all the way down the front, or is low-cut enough that I could just pull one side down. And preferably doesn’t cost a fortune, as this is sort of a temporary transitional wardrobe.
Something like this is cute and reasonably priced, but alas, doesn’t accommodate nursing all that well. http://shopruche.com/patience-is-key-embellished-dolman-top.html
Help! I’m so tired of looking frumpy but I don’t have much time to online shop much less get to the store. It doesn’t need to be fancy (in fact better if its not) but just something slightly more stylish than a maternity tank top with an old cardigan over it. Ideas??
I'm Just Me
I actually think that top you linked to would accommodate nursing very well. Pull it up from the waist, instead of pulling it down neck. I would have worn a nursing tank under it (made cheap ones by buy inexpensive tanks and cutting slits in the appropriate places) so I wasn’t exposing stomach skin to the world. That top looks drapey enough to cover over the baby if you want to.
Paging TCFKAG
Ooh, good call! I’m new at this, so still figuring the nursing thing out…thank you!
DDDD+: Question on Breast Reduction and other Health Insurance Issues
Hello ladies,
I know this subject has been addressed in various ways in the past and I know a few of you have had breast reductions. My question is, were you able to get insurance to pay for it and if so how? I was scheduled to have surgery and suddenly my insurance company determined it was not medically necessary (even after 10+ years of documentation from doctors). I even had one doctor tell me he doesn’t deal with insurance because he won’t “cut to their specifications.” Anyone else run into this kind of hurdle? (Either with this or any other type of surgery). I’m also having an issue with my insurance company refusing to pay for my migraine medicine. They will only pay for 6 pills a month even though I suffer from chronic migraines and take more like 25-30 per month. Any help with dealing with insurance would be GREATLY appreciated.
Hope everyone is having a great Sunday!
Senior Attorney
Can’t help with the breast reduction, but if you are taking 25-30 pain pills per month for migraines, I want to encourage you to see a neurologist and look into migraine prophylaxis. I was taking Maxalt at the rate you’re describing, and then I finally hooked up with a neurologist who put me on a combination of Inderal and Topamax (low doses of each), which reduced my migraines from 4-5 per week to about 2-3 per year. It’s been like a miracle. Definitely, definitely something to look into if you haven’t already.