Weekend Open Thread

Current Elliott Stiletto Gold Foil JeansSomething on your mind? Chat about it here.

Call me crazy, but I’m coveting these glitter/foil jeans — they look like they’d be great for personal holiday parties (and the occasional date night).  The price seems pretty great, too:  they were $208, then marked to $89, but they’re currently $62.30 at Last Call’s sale.  (They’re also offering code 25LUCKY3 for “mystery savings” so they may come even lower than that!). Current Elliott Stiletto Gold Foil Jeans



  1. Thank you all for the Zojirushi recommendation. I am amazed that it keeps my hot coffee hot! And my cold water cold! I didn’t believe the teeny tube could actually hold 16 oz but lo and behold, it does. AND liquid hasn’t seeped out of it yet. RAWR OF APPROVAL.

    • I nominate Godzilla as the internet’s first official consumer affairs and product endorsement correspondent. You can be the Help Me Howard of thissite.

    • I bought a Zojirushi too after that thread and LOVE IT. I throw it in my tote in the morning and have hot coffee all day. My husband didn’t believe that it held 16 oz, but we compared our travel mugs and the Zojirushi actually holds more than his Oxo brand. And mine is a pretty blue. LOVE IT.

      • I’m going to have to check it out, as a coffee-addicted Northwesterner!

    • DH wants a thermos to take to work — I just put one in my amazon cart, thanks Godzilla.

  2. wildkitten :

    I love these jeans. I couldn’t pull them off, but I love them.

    • Me too. I won’t call you crazy, Kat.

    • TO Lawyer :

      These are amazing. I want them so badly. But I have a couple pairs of glittery jeans (my mom bought them for me because she thought they were fun) and I rarely (never) wear them so I don’t know how much wear I would get out of them. Amazing pick though!

    • I’m floored, but actually checked to see if they have them in my size. I literally have nothing similar in my closet (I’m opposed to skinny jeans on principle – and hips), so I have no idea why I want them.

    • Anonymous :

      I love them, too. I am 28 weeks pregnant and have no need for them, but they are awesome and so inexpensive for that brand (which I have heard great things about).

      Still can’t justify spending $62 based on the above, but I hope lots of you buy them and wear them.

    • Wildkitten :

      Okay bad influences. I ordered the jeans. I had to pay shipping, so they’d better be awesome!

  3. A Nonny Moose :

    25lucky3 only works with minimum $100 purchase, just so everyone knows.
    These jeans are really fun.

  4. How is Neiman Marcus brand cashmere?

    • Flying Squirrel :

      It’s alright. I find it runs fairly large imho, but the quality is decent. Not the best ever, but pretty good for the Last Call prices (I wouldn’t pay full price).

    • I have 2 sweaters – one is pretty good and one is meh. I think one was made for Last Call specifically and one is for their regular store. They vary accordingly.

      I am much happier with the Saks cashmere available on fashion fix and their outlets, also the L&T sweaters.

    • I have 5 of them. It’s pretty good. Very little pilling in the 1+ year I’ve had them.

  5. just have to get through this call
    just have to get through this call
    it doesn’t have to be good
    i just have to get through it
    just have to get through this call
    just have to get through this call
    just have to get through this call
    just have to get through this call
    ok, thanks and sorry

    • Amelia Bedelia :

      did you get through the call????
      I have four more hours of work. four. more. hours.
      and then WEEKEND!!!

    • That’s a good poem. :)

    • Baconpancakes :

      Do you work for my company???

      This is my manta every day, but especially today, since I am fighting to not cough on the phone today.

    • you guise, I MADE IT through the call!!!! WHEW!!!

      I am now leaving EARLY dammit. Altho, I’ll be working from home, because I have just found out that I will have to work part of this weekend. RAWR.

      Thanks for the moral support! Happy weekend to those who get one!

    • Today has kicked my a**. I somehow walked 2 miles today without leaving the building.

      • Wildkitten :

        I got to over 10,000 steps without trying. Usually I really have to try…

    • Senior Attorney :

      Awesome poem!

      I am super happy because I just got through a ginormous stack of correspondence and I am now ready for (a) drinks with the girls after work, (b) the weekend featuring Doctor Who 50th Anniversary Special, and (c) next week off! Woo-hoo!!

  6. Is anyone here a member of 85 Broads? Is it worth joining? I’m in the NYC area. I’m a fourth year litigation associate at a large firm, thinking of leaving in the next few years, most likely to move in-house. It seems like it could be a great opportunity for networking, especially to meet non-lawyers.

    • wildkitten :

      Hmm. Also interested – I’d be a the “visionary” level.

    • I was member of a regional 85Broad chapter. The NYC chapter is most active and I think it would be good for networking opportunites, they had a good mix of finance and other professsions. Most of the breakfasts, networking, speakers, career dev events that I get from their mailing list are all in NY so you can get most out of it if you are in NYC. You can join and find out, basic membership fees was fairly reasonable. I first found out about them from a book called “More than 85 Broad”, lot of inspirational stories about women in various career paths.

  7. Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler :

    THANK YOU to whomever posted the Smitten Kitchen recipe with the sesame miso dressing. That stuff is beyond awesome! Now, I always have to have the ingredients in my house.

    • I’m so glad you liked it!!! I am OBSESSED with that stuff. I could eat my shoe if it had that dressing on it.

    • I made that yesterday too. It was great. I took the advice of another commenter to serve with salmon with more dressing on it. YUM.

  8. To continue Susedna’s thread from earlier since I missed it (darn those students)….

    What are you thankful for?

    I am thankful:
    -that my nephews are 16 and 17 and still are so happy to see me and hang out with me. I feel blessed.
    -my kitty! – she is doing great and feeling so much better and is her snuggly little evil princess self again.
    -for my wonderful sweet SO who loves me and tells me that every day.

    I’d be even more thankful if I could get well!

    • Yay being thankful.

      I am thankful:

      -that my sinus infection is going away and I can finally hear and breathe moderately well
      -that my 12-week old baby slept from 11:30 pm until 5:45 am for the first time ever last night (that long stretch of sleep probably contributed to me feeling better, as well)
      -that I came back from maternity leave this week to a job that I legitimately enjoy and coworkers that I actually like
      -for my husband, who is the most outstanding dad that I know and whose love for his sons inspires me
      -for my parents and in-laws, who actually make my life easier rather than more complicated
      -for wine, fuzzy slippers, and cashmere

    • Anonymous :

      Obviously family & friends & my sweet dog, but also:

      -To have a new job that I love so far (and am not bored at!)
      -To have a strong marriage where we laugh and smile every day
      -To have a lot of fun things on the horizon in 2014

    • I have been trying to be thankful a few times a week. Here are mine:

      -I got a new JOB yesterday with a raise and I start in a week or so (won’t have to put up with old boss anymore!)
      -I’m always thankful for the good health of my three kids and the general good health of most of my family and in-laws
      -Thankful for my girlfriends who look out for me

    • I almost never comment, but I am feeling particularly thankful these days.

      I am thankful for:
      – my wife, who returned safely last night from her biz trip
      – my adorable son, who just started walking and is so proud of himself
      – coworkers who make being away from my family almost bearable
      – the rare-but-supposed-to-last-all-weekend sunshine (in November in Oregon!)

  9. Does anyone here watch Indian movies? I’m planning a trip to India and was hoping to watch something fun to get inspired. Book recommendations also welcome. I basically like to immerse myself in some fun culture to help me get psyched for my trips. TIA!

    • As far as films go:
      – one of my favourites (with some actual production quality) – Devdas
      – also, I really liked Parineeta, if you can find it
      – Lagaan and Sholay are classics (Sholay is basically what a Western would be like if it was in India; Lagaan is all about cricket)
      – Rang de Basanti

      I also liked Abhimaan (great music) and the most recent film of the lot, Taare Zameen Par (I cried like crazy).

      Lage Raho Munnabhai is hilarious and a really interesting commentary on the cult of Gandhiji.

      In terms of books, a couple I have enjoyed are:
      A Suitable Boy, by Vikram Seth (one of my favourite books ever)
      A Fine Balance, by Rohinton Mistry
      Midnight’s Children, by Salman Rushdie
      The Painter of Signs, by R.K. Narayan (or basically anything by R.K. Narayan)
      The White Tiger, by Arvind Adiga

      As a colonial commentary, I like A Passage to India by E.M. Forster.

      That should get you started!

      • Mary Ann Singleton :

        I loved White Tiger. For movies, I’d suggest Monsoon Wedding.

        More books:
        Kiran Desai – The Inheritance of Loss
        Arundhati Roy – The God of Small Things

      • OMG, do I ever love Parineeta.

      • girl in the stix :

        Loved A Suitable Boy! and God of Small Things! Also, a while back there was a nonfiction book about following the monsoons–drat–can’t remember the title. But it was wonderful.

    • Anonymous :

      It’s pretty Westernized, but I love Bride and Prejudice.

    • Kal Ho Na Ho is my favorite Bollywood movie.

    • Not a movie, but a book recommendation — if you’re going to visit Delhi, I recommend “City of Djinns: A Year in Delhi.” It’s a great non-fiction combination of history and a (British?) journalist’s experiences in the city.

      This is not a Bollywood movie, but I have always loved Monsoon Wedding, also.

    • One very old classic — Silsila. It’s very stilted in the way that the 1950s MGM musicals in the U.S. were stilted, but it a young Amitabh Bachchan, his (estranged?) wife, Jaya Bachchan, and Rekha (with whom he had a long affair). Art imitates life imitates art imitates life…

      Also “English Vinglish” was interesting (and kind of sad.)

    • Diana Eck’s _India: A Sacred Geography_ was wonderful. I loved learning about all the holy places in India and why they’re significant.

      Also, if you’re a history buff, Ramachandra Guha’s _India after Gandhi_ is very worthwhile. It explain a lot of why modern India is what it is, politically, socioeconomically, and linguistically.

      For travel tips (like making sense of train fares and timetables, which I found confusing until I read this book, as well as an excellent piece on how to enjoy tourism in India while remaining balanced and aware of some of the social ills and respectful of the locals’ pride in their country), try J.D. Viharini’s _Enjoying India_.

      • Thanks all! I have three Bollywood movies and Monsoon Wedding on their way to my house right now. Looking into the books. You are an invaluable source of information as always.

        PS: I’ve read and LOVE, LOVE, LOVE God of Small Things and @ Susedna, Enjoying India sounds wonderful and perfect. Thank you!

        • Anonymous :

          If you’re in the mood for something completely fluffy, I recommend “Bride and Prejudice,” with Aishwarya Rai in the Elizabeth Bennet role. It’s a musical, which I know not everyone likes, but the songs are very catchy and you’ll recognize half the actors from English and American TV.

        • LifeScienceGoingToFinance :

          I really liked this book, it gives you an inside into the culture. I found it very useful for preparing my trip to India several years ago:
          “Culture Shock! India: A Survival Guide to Customs and Etiquette” by Gitanjkali Koland http://amzn.to/1bd6gMw

    • Anonymous :

      Abhimaan…my favourite movie. Interestingly the theme is about a successful guy dealing with his wife’s success, and what that does to the marriage.



    • Brown Baby Lawyer :

      If you’re spending time in Mumbai, you have got to read Maximum City by Suketu Mehta.
      And even though it’s a children’s book, Haroun and the Sea of Stories by Salman Rushdie (especially after reading God of Small Things, which was beautiful but a total downer).

      Films — I loved Omkara which is based off Othello. Second the suggestions for Rang De Basanti, Lagaan, Sholay, Kal Ho Na Ho, and Munnabhai MBBS.

    • Can’t believe no one has suggested Shantaram by Gregory David Roberts. First and most importantly, it’s an excellent novel. As a side benefit, it describes indian culture in a way that is insightful and immersive. It’s hard for someone inside a culture to describe it accurately for outsiders. There are lots of books set in India and/or by and about indian people, but for getting a sense of the place from an outsiders perspective, you can’t beat Shantaram. Mostly, though, it’s just really good. If you aren’t in the mood for a 900 page novel, I’d suggest Jhumpa Lahiri- especially her short stories, which I prefer to The Namesake. She primarily writes about indian people struggling to assimilate (or not) in North America, but that works better for helping an outsider understand the culture.

      Bollywood will only get you so far… it’s a good place to start, but everything is whitewashed and melodramatic and absurd. It’s good to get a sense of cultural values (aspirational values at least) and ideals, but it won’t give you much of a sense of actual indian culture. Others probably gave you better recs for this, I’m not that into Bollywood. But I can weigh in this much: Lagaan is classic and very good (the storyline of the white british woman is absurd to the point of being comical- but as a white lady married to an indian guy, i’m sensitive on that point). Jodhaa Akbar is another great historical piece. There’s some modern (toned down) stuff avail on Netflix streaming that portray normal life a bit more– Life in a Metro is good, sort of like an indian Love Actually. No One Killed Jessica was ok. Bride and Prejudice tells you very little about indian culture, but it is pretty fluffy and fun. I liked it. Along similarly fluffy lines, there’s an indian version of Clueless called Aisha. Not as good as the american Clueless, but a fun movie.

      • ExcelNinja :

        I adored the descriptions of Indian culture and cities and life in Shantaram but hated the story. There were so many perfect coincidences, and the protagonist seemed invincible. I can wholeheartedly recommend A Suitable Boy and A Fine Balance.

        This thread, and a discussion with some Indian coworkers the other day, are really making me want to plan a trip to India!!

  10. Can't think of a single one! :

    Can you? (I truly want to know if I’m overlooking something)

    1) A character in a mainstream TV show or movie who decides to get an abortion and goes through with it?

    2) A female-dominated professional field that pays well?

    • #1) Neither can I.

      #2) Nursing?

      • Nursing does pay well. When my sister was an ER nurse, she worked two twelve-h0ur night shifts per week and earned more than the ER doctors who worked full time after subtracting for their malpractice premiums.

    • wildkitten :

      1) Brittany from Teen Mom Season 3
      2) Pharmacists (I had to google for that one).

      • Can't think of a single one! :

        So Teen Mom is a reality show, and I hadn’t thought of that. Not sure whether or how it should count, for my purposes. I am just interested in the pattern I see that abortion comes up pretty often as a possibility, but the character always decides against it (even if it’s a last-minute change of heart at the clinic).

        • Wildkitten :

          Since the whole point of the show is to show women who did not have abortions, it should count twice. Not having an abortion is in the name of the show.

    • Nursing pays well.

    • (1) only one that comes to mind is Penny in Dirty Dancing

      (2) “pays well” is subjective

      • Can't think of a single one! :

        I know. It was a concise way of saying “pays comparably with top male-dominated fields.”

        • marketingchic :

          Modeling. Male models make less. Not much of a solution for most people . . . .

    • Anne Shirley :

      1.) Christina yang, grey’s anatomy

      • I thought she planned to have one but then ended up losing the pregnancy.

      • Ah, but she wound up having an ectopic pregnancy and didn’t actually need the abortion she scheduled. I remember being pretty bummed that the storyline routed away from her going through with the abortion, just because–as the OP’s question suggests–it’s so rare to see that portrayed on television.

        • Anne Shirley :

          Y’all clearly aren’t up to date. She did have an ectopic pregnancy in an early season, but later on she gets pregnant again and does have an abortion.

        • Small Town Atty :

          But then she got pregnant with the Iraq Vet (forgot his name) surgeon’s baby in a later season and DID get the abortion. (I had quit watching by then but heard when that happened)

          • yes, this. she did have an abortion. Of course her husband FREAKS out and they divorce because of it.

          • Flying Squirrel :

            Yeah, but I think the show did a decent job of portraying her husband as the inconsistent jerk in that situation. I don’t relate to Christina’s POV, but I really hate how he tried to bully her into something she’s been clear all along that she doesn’t want. What the world doesn’t need more of? Reluctant parents!!

      • Along the lines of Grey’s, the characters in Private Practice argued over whether or not to offer abortion at their clinic, and there is a separate storyline over a patient that has a late term abortion (I think because her first abortion got botched).

    • TO Lawyer :

      1) Amy (I think) – Drew’s girlfriend in Parenthood.

      • Wildkitten :

        I loved the way that show depicted planned parenthood. It was fantastic.

    • Manny from the Canadian teen drama Degrassi gets an abortion – the episode has got to be pretty old at this point, but I think the character was about 14 and she got pregnant after what was basically a one-night stand with a friend/another girl’s boyfriend.

      • I remember that! That must have been at least 20 years ago now…

        • Anonymous :

          I think you’re thinking of the original degrassi (from the late 80s I think)? This was “degrassi the next generation” circa 2005.

      • Anonymous :

        Was that before or after the Morgentaler case?

    • Anne Shirley :

      Becky on Friday Night Lights

      • Yep, that’s the one I was going to list–and I thought they handled it really well!

    • 1) Drew’s gf on Parenthood last season

      • Also, Friday Night Lights and Parenthood have the same executive producer (Jason Katims) so not sure they really count separately for this purpose.

    • Miss Behaved :


    • There was an abortion on Friday Night Lights.

    • (1) does Murphy Brown’s conscious decision to be a single mother count? It was pretty controversial at the time.

    • hoola hoopa :

      (1) The litle siter in Fast Times at Ridgemont High.
      (2) In addition to others mentioned, women may likely be the majority of university professors.

      • hoola hoopa :

        *little sister

      • Can't think of a single one! :

        (2) I definitely don’t think this should count, as women are way under-represented in academics’ higher ranks. By female-dominated, I mean at all levels–there are plenty of fields where the underlings are mostly female and their bosses are mostly male.

        • Yeah, academia is like that on the administrative side. And there are more male than female professors.

    • 1) I think Maude did, about 35 years ago. But almost none since then. (And we’re watching Parenthood slowly on Amazon and we’re a few episodes into last season — guess I know what’s coming up soon for Drew and Amy.)

      And Christina Yang did and it broke up her marriage, so there’s a lesson for you. (And does it drive anyone else crazy that the medical professionals on that show have had multiple unplanned pregnancies and, early on, an STD outbreak?)

      • Senior Attorney :

        Yes, Maude. She was 50 or nearly so and it was a surprise menopause baby. She had a grown daughter and a grandson and just couldn’t face starting over. Just an amazing episode and performance by Bea Arthur.

        • According to Wikipedia, Maude was 47 when she had the abortion. Her 47 — or 47 forty years ago — looks a lot different from today’s 47.

    • frustrated academic :

      1. Lulu on General Hospital and Christina on Grey’s Anatomy

      2. Modeling (is that a profession?)

    • Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler :

      1) This was after the show ended and continued in comic book form, but in Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Buffy recently got an abortion.

      2) No clue.

      • Anonymous :

        I think I’m up to date on season 9 – Buffy decided to get an abortion, but then found out she was a robot and not actually pregnant, so the need was obviated. Right?! Confused!

        • Anonymous :

          (I don’t want to go into more details because of potential spoilers, but am happy to if you want!)

        • Ms. Basil E. Frankweiler :

          Wow, no wonder I stopped reading. The whole “Buffy flying” thing in S8 and then Giles really threw me.

      • This thread is convincing me that I need to start reading these comics.

    • 1) Not sure if it counts as mainstream, but Manny in Degrassi (though the episode was originally not aired in the US)

    • (1) Didn’t Rizzo get an abortion in Grease? Although they don’t deal with it on-screen, I was always under the impression that she decided to do it.

      • She actually wasn’t pregnant. She yells at Kenickie from the ferris wheel that she wasn’t.

      • just Karen :

        Rizzo’s pregnancy scare ended up being a false alarm in Grease.

      • I’m pretty sure she yells “it was a false alarm” when she’s on the ferris wheel. I took that to mean she got her period late or something.

      • Rizzo had a “false alarm” – no abortion.
        The only character I can think of is Maude (a LONG time ago). Jessa goes to have one on Girls, but then it turns out she is not actually pregnant.

        For no. 2, I originally read that as “field where women make more money than men” to which I can really only think of fashion. But overall I don’t think fashion necessarily pays well as a field, more than some people make a lot of money and some people make very little. I suppose nursing is would be one, although I hear a lot of men are become nurses so maybe that won’t be so women-dominated for long.

    • Modeling – #2.

    • Anonymous :

      1) Christina on Grey’s Anatomy.

    • (1) Both Carrie and Samantha on SATC (came up when Miranda was contemplating one); and
      (2) no clue

      • anon-oh-no :

        i was surprised no one said Carrie B.

      • Can't think of a single one! :

        So, abortions mentioned from the past, but not actually had as part of the storyline. This is also true of Joan on Mad Men.

        • On Grey’s Anatomy, it was also mentioned that Addison had an abortion when she was pregnant with Mark’s baby.

    • Flying Squirrel :

      It was a side plot, but one of the patients on Everwood.

    • National_Anthem :

      1) Claire Fisher in Six Feet Under! They had the whole dream visit from the fetus sequence…

    • 1) Rachel on Glee, and, as others have mentioned, Christina Ynag on later episode (last season? ) of Grey’s.
      2) No stats on this one, but – Courthouse clerical staff? Court reporters who transcribe depositions? Also, as others have said, nurses.

      • Rachel was a false alarm – I almost forgot about that story arc.

        • I am almost certain she endd up having one this season….

          • OK, for anyone who is still following this, Elysian is right…I guess I misremembered Rachel’s Dr visit. Sorry for the spoiler for anyone who is a season behind.

    • Anonymous :

      Christina in Grey’s Anatomy.

      • It’s mentioned in House of Cards that Robin Wright’s character had 3 abortions in the past, and not this counts as a mainstream character (certainly not much of a heroine) but the crazy Christian meth girl in Orange is the New Black (she was getting her fifth abortion when one of the workers pissed her off, causing her to go get the shotgun in the car)…

    • Anonymous :

      1) CJ of SCOTUS on the West Wing, Evelyn Baker Lang.

    • girl in the stix :

      1) the teen-aged girl in Ridgemont High (Judge Reinhold’s sister)
      2) Nursing, public relations, TV anchors

  11. gift ideas :

    Looking for gift ideas for my husb. I’ve read some of the suggestions on previous threads but nothing has jumped out at me. We celebrate Hanukkah so we normally do 8 gifts, ranging from free things to about $100 or so, with most gifts in the $20-$40 range. He is nerdy but not geeky if that makes any sense (he’s not into gadgets at all and doesn’t own or desire a smartphone, tablet, camera or kindle), he doesn’t read for pleasure and isn’t into clothes, travel, photography or cooking. He plays video games but has told me there aren’t any new ones he wants. He’s also really into a lot of different sports, both playing and watching. I can’t think of any sports equipment he needs & I will probably get him tickets to an NBA game as his biggest gift, so I’m really looking for smaller (<$50) things.

    • Anonymous :

      Don’t know if he’d be into making his own beer, but I got my husband one of those brooklyn beer kits last year and he loved it. I got him new varieties to make this year for hanukkah.

      Other things… maybe a shaving kit? My sister got my husband a shaving brush, razor stand, and soap holder and he loved that.


      Something for his desk at work if he has one? i.e. art / picture frame / something kitchy

      • Baconpancakes :

        Along the same lines, a mini whiskey aging barrel is popular with my male friends. BUT you actually have to wait to drink the whiskey. You can’t take out some of it and drink it as you go along. It has to be full at all times!

    • Baconpancakes :

      Does he like comics? There’s a lot of great series’ that have nice bound graphic-novel style editions that nerdy guys are into. Doom Patrol, Infinite Crisis, Sandman, and Preacher are popular with guys.

      Also, I know someone recommended ThinkGeek on the last thread you posted, but for a gamer, portal cufflinks are pretty cool. http://www.thinkgeek.com/product/ef18/?itm=adwords_labelsT-Shirts_%26_Apparel_and_adwords_labelsRegular_Price&rkgid=1132043876&cpg=ogtee1&source=google_tees&device=c&network=g&matchtype=&gclid=CPaZpf2k-boCFYWDQgod-kgAng

    • He sounds like he could use a subscription to sport’s illustrated ? Yay

    • He sounds like he could use a subscription to sport’s illustrated ? Yay

    • – Really good coffee/beer/whiskey/green tea or whatever he drinks

      – If it’s cold where you are, texting gloves

      – i-pod headphones, if he has an i-pod

      – a zojirushi travel mug (since it appears from this thread that they are awesome)

    • My husband is way into comic books. I got him a travel coffee mug with an Avengers design on it (from the old comic books, not from the movies) and he seriously thought it was the BEST PRESENT EVER IN HISTORY! I think I just searched for Avengers travel mug and found it on Amazon.

  12. Friend complains constantly :

    Re-posting from this morning’s thread since I posted it too late to get many responses. I have a close friend who just complains All. The. Time. We text a lot during the day because we live in different states, but it’s getting annoying to me now because she’ll complain about every little thing that’s going wrong (“omg it’s so hot out today. ugh my boss is 15 minutes late to our meeting. ugh I hit so much traffic on the way home. I’m so tired today”) and on and on and on. Is there any way I can politely tell her that I don’t want to be the recipient of all of life’s little annoyances? She has a tendency to get defensive, even though she’s stated in the past that she would like to not complain so much. I’ve just been ignoring most of the texts and changing the subject, but I feel like that’s not really doing anything to stop them. TIA!

    ETA: I responded to another poster saying this friend complains a lot anyway, but especially over text because it’s so fast and easy and she won’t be deterred by my visual cues.

    • I would re-direct whenever possible: “Oh, that sucks. Doing anything fun this weekend?” If she continues to complain, I’d say something glib: “Is ANYTHING good happening with you?” Hopefully she’ll get the hint?

      • Friend complains constantly :

        I usually do try to redirect (unless it’s a serious complaint about something important), but I’m lucky to get even a brief reprieve. I know I just need to confront her and say something, but it’s hard to do it without sounding super harsh or unsupportive. I might have to try your glib method again – it’s been a while since I did anything more obvious like that.

        Also, thanks to the ladies who did respond on the other thread – definitely keeping track of them all!

    • Is it possible that she thinks this constitutes actual conversation? I dated a guy once who was a constant complainer (not randomly, but his observations about other people were usually in the form a complaint). I spent some time with him and his family and I realized that it was basically how they talked about their day. This could just be her way of having something to say when there isn’t much going on. Not that any of that is a solution to the problem.

      Depending how confrontational you want to be, you could try point blank saying “I love you, but the past 10 things you’ve sent to me have been complaints, and I’m now in the position of needing to complain about your complaining. I’m 1000 miles away and can’t do anything about these annoyances, so I’d really prefer to talk about something more constructive/positive. If you don’t have anything to share, that’s okay – I’d just like to be able to hear about the positive things happening in your life.”

      • Anon in NYC :

        I agree that she is probably just making conversation. Some people don’t know how to make conversation unless there is something they can complain about. And they don’t really realize how negative they sound, or that they’re unconsciously bringing someone else (and themselves!) down. I have a friend who always seems to hate everybody and everything. It’s exhausting to be around her for more than a few hours.

        I would stop responding to her more innocuous complaints (weather, traffic, boss being late). I personally don’t think confronting her about her complaining is the best way to approach this because, as you said, this is part of her personality and it seems like she’s already self-conscious about it since she has said that she’d like to stop complaining so much. Instead I would redirect. I would send her a text and say something like, “let’s talk about something happy. what are you doing this weekend?” or ask about her pet, a hobby, whether she’s gone skiing yet this season, etc.

    • Sydney Bristow :

      You say that she gets defensive. What do you think will happen if you bring up the fact she has said she wants to complain less? Would it cause her to get mad and stew about it for a few days then see the light and forgive you or would it cause a huge fight? If its the first one, I think is say something, in a loving way, ideally over the phone instead of in a text.

      Or how about responding each time she complains by saying “that sucks but what are you grateful for/happy about right now?” Personally that would drive me crazy if I were her and I’d prefer you just talk to me about it but you know best how she would react.

      • Friend complains constantly :

        I almost did that today (“that’s too bad about babysitting sucking. what good things are going on right now?”) but I chickened out because I feel like I would go crazy with that response too. Normally I think she’d stew for a few days and then see the light, but right now she does have some genuine issues going on (that I’ve spent a lot of time being supportive about) and it might make her ragey if I tell her to stop texting about stubbing her toe or how bad someone at work smells.

        To the others who have said this might just be her idea of conversation – that’s a really interesting point. She tends to be a negative person who wants to text a lot and maybe this is just how she fills a boring time of her day or something. I’m more of an unplug-if-I-don’t-have-something-to-say kind of person, but it’s a definite possibility that she’d rather complain just for the sake of talking at all.

    • Not sure if someone said this already but what about the “I’m worried about you” tactic. “I’m worried about you. Lately every text message you send me is a complaint. Is everything okay?”

    • Anonymous :

      I would also be quite annoyed, but I don’t understand why you’re looking to “confront” her? :(

      She’s your friend and it appears to be just the way she is. It is clearly annoying/exhausting, but it’s not like she’s acting with intentional malice or being a bad friend. No one is perfect. There are far worse faults to have. Be kind to her, is my advice.

      Kind of like telling a depressed person to “look at all the good things! snap out of it!”, a “confrontation”-style approach is bound to fail spectacularly.

    • FWIW, I’m a person who complains a lot too, and honesty, it’s because sometimes I just don’t know how to make conversation without doing it. I know that sounds weird, but sometimes it’s true.

  13. Does anyone have any good workout music mix suggestions? My mix is getting stale. I’ve already added the new Lady Gaga and Katy Perry singles, but I need more songs that make me want to move my you-know-what. Thoughts?

    • Cypress Hill

    • A Nonny Moose :

      http://jog.fm/ is a neat site for cardio songs– they nominate suggestions based on your running pace, so you’re always running to the beat.

    • Lorde!

    • Gogol Bordello

    • “Anything” by Hedley. Does Hedley get any airtime in the US?

    • I’ve had good luck mixing in really epic score tracks in my workout playlist for places where I really start to wear out. Trailerhead, Skyworld and E.S. Postumous have nice 2-3 minute tracks that are enough to get me to sprint for a minute and then settle back in.

      For the feel good pop stuff–Scissor Sisters, Fun., the Black Keys, the Gossip. I use a lot of mixes off the Bootiemashup blog; they usually have a good beat and some of the mashups are hilarious. Plus, they put new ones up every month so you can keep rotating.

  14. Best beginner ski resorts on the East Coast? :

    I’ve skied a ton out west, but we live in the Boston area and my boyfriend is a super beginner skier. Can anyone recommend the best beginner-friendly ski resort out here, preferably one with affordable lodging nearby? Extra plus for one with good on-mountain food and beer…thank you!

    • Miss Behaved :

      Mount Sunapee is close. My sister has been renting a place up there every winter for the past 5 years. She has 3 girls and they all learned to ski and snowboard there. There are hotels and condos in the area.

      And the Spruce Lounge has good food and beer. When I ski all morning, I deserve a glass of wine, or a hard cider or sometimes even a hot spiked drink and a burger.

      It’s also only an hour and a half from Boston.

      You can also take day trips out to Blue Hills or Nashoba Valley, but they are really little hills

    • Anonymous :

      Gunstock is my favorite. Its in New Hampshire, but close. I haven’t been there in 20 years, but I used to love it.

    • I’d take a beginner to somewhere big, like Mt. Snow or Killington in VT, or Sunday River in ME. All have a ton of beginner trails, a huge resort area (go to the Long Trail Brewery for lunch/ apres ski if you go to Killington and order the onion rings. Trust me on this! THere are also a ton of other eateries). Gunstock is one of my nearby favorites, but it isn’t really a beginner mountain. I taught DH to ski at Loon, but it can be really icy if there isn’t a lot of snow yet.

      Mt. Sunapee may be good- esp. if you want a daytrip. I haven’t been there in years because we prefer the larger mountains, but as long as there is good trail grooming I’d say you’re all set. If you’re a strong skier, you will be a little bored, but you may be bored no matter where you go if you plan to stay by DH’s side the whole time.

      You say that you’ve skied a ton out west–if you haven’t skied in New England yet, be prepared for a LOT of ice. Even in good conditions.

      • Blonde Lawyer :

        Don’t take a beginner to a big resort. For one, you are going to pay so much more for a ticket. Two, the “easy” trails are way harder on the big mountains then the little. There are so many cheap tiny mountains where a beginner can figure out the basics. For Mass, try Wachusett or Nashoba Valley. For NH, try itty bitty McIntosh (just a big hill in Manchester) or Pat’s Peak. Those are the easiest. Then try Ragged, Sunapee, Gunstock, Cranmore. Only after mastering those would I suggest Loon, Waterville Valley, Cannon, Attitash, Wild Cat. After that, THEN consider Sugarloaf, Sunday River, Killington, Mt. Snow. Can you guess my fave hobby?

        PS: super jealous your husband will learn to ski! Mine tried it once and said “never again.” Though I can’t complain too much because he is willing to come to the mountain and cook food and keep a fire going.

    • Best beginner ski resorts on the East Coast? :

      Thanks ladies! I actually have skied in New England with my (really bad) college ski team, but I’ve only been to one mountain (Attitash) not with ski team. I was never really able to get a good sense of which place would be good for beginners because we just raced on one short course all day and then basically had to leave. The conditions definitely are reallllly different from what I was used to (read: spoiled with) out west.

      I think Mount Sunapee sounds like a great choice, especially due to proximity to Boston. Sunday River would be great as well, I’m sure – I’ve heard good things and I actually do have a friend who lives in Portland who might want to join. Thanks a lot!!

    • I live in Southern New Hampshire – Mt. Snow is the resort I like best for beginners. Super wide trails, and it’s not as insanely crowded as a place like Okemo (which is where I really learned to ski).

      If by any chance you want a less fancy resort-like feel, a hidden gem is Magic Mountain. The food on the mountain is not great, but the tickets are cheap, drinks plentiful and there is truly no line, ever, to get on the lift. Chester Vt. has great food options.

    • Morse Mountain at Smuggler’s Notch in Vermont is a good beginner hill. Bolton Valley Resort is also nice for beginners.

  15. Update from 401k question poster :

    I posted a few days ago about how I wasn’t contributing to my company’s 401K and getting the small match because I’m hoping to change jobs/focusing on my Roth IRA (I’m in my mid-20s). It seemed like all the responders were in agreement that I should definitely open the 401K anyway. I just found out that the match is 50% on the first 4% contributed and the vesting period is SIX years. Six years strikes me as a little long – is there any point in contributing if I can’t get the match before I leave? Thanks ladies!

    • Is it a vesting cliff – you go from 0% to 100% vested over the six years? Or is it a graduated process, where you are x% vested after year 1, x+y% vested after year 2, etc? I think you are limited to up to 3 years if you use a cliff (0 to 100%), so you probably have a graduated program. So, you may still get something out of the company, even if it isn’t the full 50%, depending on how long you stick around.

      Any money YOU put in is 100% vested, so at a minimum you are still contributing to retirement, even if you never vest any part of the match.

    • Anonymous :

      Is it 6 years from the date of employment or the date it was put in – if you;ve already been there a number of years you may be closer than you think…

    • Despite the vesting period, still open the 401K. It’s all about compound interest. And you’re hoping to change jobs in the future – who knows when that will happen, depending on where you live and the market you are in. You can also only open your 401K during open enrollment, which is presumably now, and if you wait another year to do so, it’ll be that much longer before compound interest kicks in. You can always go in and open a Roth IRA and keep adding to it at any point during the tax year.

      • When you can sign up for your 401k plan really depends on the way the plan is set up, so it may not be limited to open enrollment (or it might). OP, be sure to read the docs you have on the plan, particularly the Summary Plan Description (I know, it’s really boring, but the info should be there).

    • Update from 401k question poster :

      I don’t know if it’s a cliff or graduated – the HR person I spoke to didn’t say. I’ll be reviewing the plan materials this weekend and then I’ll see. I’m about to enter my third year there, but I honestly WILL NOT be staying much longer than that. It’s not a possibility, even if I have to take a lower-paying job somewhere else. I believe the next open enrollment period is 01/01/14.

    • 401(k)s are not allowed to have 6 year “cliff vesting” so it must be a graduated schedule. Usually 20% after 2 years, 40% at 3, etc. all the way to 6. And generally, the clock should start ticking when you were first employed, not when you start contributing. Check your Summary Plan Description to be sure, but I agree with the other posters that its definitely worth it to contribute. Free money!

  16. Resume question:

    I am searching for a job currently and have a question about how to include information about my past jobs without making me seem to partisan.

    For sake of illustration, say I originally worked at an org funded by really lefty groups working on making energy sources cleaner. I have since moved to Exxon to work on some of their green energy projects. I now want to continue in this field working directly for energy companies doing this type of work for many reasons. I would assume that the people who will be getting my resume through a variety sources would likely not be generally supportive of the really lefty orgs I started my career with.

    Any advice on how to best handle my first work experiences? Should I condense them to take the focus off? Leave it as is because my experience there is substantively on point?

    For reference I’ve spent about half of my time in lefty orgs and half of my time in industry.


    • Need more specifics. How many years are we talking about in each industry?

      • 5 years in each. I did the same type of work in each – for the purpose of this it would be climate change type science – but funded by vastly different areas

    • If you haven’t already done this, I would list your job duties and achievements at the lefty orgs in the most neutral way possible, but you say they were earlier in your career, so they’ll be at the bottom of your resume anyway, and you have more recent industry experience. I would only condense them if they take up more than half of your experience section. Frankly, I can easily see how the Exxon people (in your example) would see benefits to having someone with your type of experience work with them, so I doubt it’s necessary to hide it too much. You should probably be prepared to answer questions in an interview about why you switched to industry, though.

  17. Wrinkles! :

    Hi, ladies! I’m 31 and think my crowfeet are getting more pronounced by the week. I’ve been using drug store and/or Clinique moisturizer 2x per day for a decade now, but clearly need more help. I’m enticed by La Mer because something so expensive must work, right? Does it? Any other recommendations?

    • long time lurker :

      La Mer clogged my pores and I don’t think it did anything for my wrinkles. Save your money.
      Look for something with retin A in it – I think Roc products from the drugstore have this.

      • long time lurker :

        Correction – look for RETINOL in products. Retin A is prescription.

        • Anonymous :

          Or even better– get a retin-a prescription from your derm. It’s way cheaper than La Mer and much more effective.

      • Botox baby, creams won’t do a thing.

    • I think a lot of people believe that expensive moisturizers are better than cheap ones. I don’t – I think the most important thing is sunscreen. If there’s anything that will damage your skin, it’s the sun. My grandmother used simple Oil of Olay her whole life (contains SPF) and she had almost no wrinkles when she died at 84.

      • I agree with this. Another good point is to start early with the sunscreen. If I could do it over I would start with the daily, year-round sunscreen at 14, not 25.

        • Ha, me too. I started at 28 so you’ve got a leg up. Da*mn my 15 year old self.

        • Seattle Freeze :

          Agreed – my mom used Oil of Olay, so that’s what I started using in high school – hardly any crow’s feet @ 40. As the apocryphal commencement address begins, always wear sunscreen (plus sunglasses, so you don’t squint).

          If you did want to add a retinol product, I’d make it a night cream or something you used once daily – don’t overdo! You might find that as your skin ages it gets drier & less tolerant of irritating products.

    • Need to Improve :

      prescription retinoids.

    • Retinol A is listed as a high hazard ingredient in the Environmental Working Group’s Skin Deep database, mostly due to reproductive toxicity concerns. I would find a different type of moisturizer and start being really diligent about wearing hats or taking umbrellas when you’re going to be in the sun.

  18. I just got a bonus, and I’ve decided to allocate $1500 of it on my first expensive purse. What should I get?

    • Wildkitten :

      Don’t buy a Birkin if you’re an intern. (Sorry – this question made me channel STFU Thissite).

    • Anonymous :

      Lv epi or bottega veneta.

      • yes – my main advice is not to splurge on anything with noticeable logos. My smartest handbag “investment” (ha) was a black calf Burberry dress clutch with Christmas money from college. The plaid is only on the inside. I carried it the night my husband proposed and it still looks chic and neat 8 years later. I remember because I was considering one of the check patterned totes instead, and decided in favor of the clutch :)

        Ferragamo may also be a good choice, depending on what you’re looking for and your personal style.

      • Sydney Bristow :

        I’ve loved the look of so many Bottega Veneta bags over the years. Definitely the first place I’d look.

      • Hard to get one of the BV bags at that price point, though…

    • Ferragamo makes beautiful and timeless bags.

    • Downtown BK :

      If you’re willing to go up a little further, a Fendi 2jours? Sometimes you can find them on flash sale sites fro $1800-1900. I think they’re classic and there are many beautiful color options. Classic Prada tote could also work well, though they are really popular… Definitely agree on focusing on bags with no super obvious logos (though I don’t think a nameplate is a big deal).

  19. I’ve been down lately and while sometimes I can snap out of it, there are times when I just can’t. It is hard for me to articulate it to anyone (plus I always feel like I need to put up a happy front, plys who really cares?) so I just keep it inside, but typing it out right now helped a bit. Sorry for the downer!

    • Moonstone :

      I know what you mean about the happy front. I had to be reminded that people who care about you genuinely want to know how you are. Let them offer support.

    • +1. You’ve got people who got your back, sometimes you just have to sort of give them a tiny heads up when you need it.

    • I feel the same way. It sounds kind of hokey, but I am slowly working on sharing more of how I’m actually doing with a couple people I really do believe care about me, and that helps a bit.

  20. Does anyone have any feedback on Rockport casual shoes?

    I’m looking for some quality walking shoes and am wondering about quality, comfort, sizing, etc.


    • Seattleite :

      Thumbs up. I had a pair of chunky suede slip-ons that was my daily ‘winter’ pair when I was a SAHM. Around here, ‘winter’ is 8 months. I wore them for, I dunno, six years? Seven? Finally had to get rid of them because the suede had stretched out. RIP, favorite shoes ever.

  21. I know there has been a thread on this previously,but can anyone recommend a good (but cheap) pair of headphones for me. I like to take my phone to the gym and listen to pandora when i run on the treadmill. i actually have two problems whe i do this. frst, the headphones i am using seem to slip out of my ears. i just boought a random pair at someplace like target. can i find something better? secondly, should i try to find an armband or something for the phone? i am just setting it on op of the treadmill for now, but things have gotten tangled up. For thos of you who run with music, can i improve what i am doing?

    • http://store.apple.com/us/product/MD827LL/A/apple-earpods-with-remote-and-mic?fnode=75

      They come free with an iPhone purchase but I think they work perfectly fine. I take mine to the gym all the time.

      As for running with music, I usually just hold my phone in my hand if I’m running outside or set it on the treadmill when I’m indoors. I feel weirdly lopsided when I wear an armband. To keep the wires from tangling, I usually wrap the cord around my hand once (if I’m holding them) or around my phone, until there’s just enough slack for me to run comfortably, but not enough that everything gets tangled.

      For pricier options, I love anything that Bose makes.

    • I can tell you what not to do – do NOT get Sennheiser running headphones. My boyfriend got them for me as a gift when I was running on a lot at the gym, but they were by far the worst ones I had tried despite their good reviews. The earbuds made an awful thwacking sound anytime the cord bounced around and the little volume control switch broke after one or two uses.

      I haven’t tried an armband, but I think I might soon because I don’t want my phone to fall off the treadmill.

    • I use these wireless Bluetooth headphones: http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0085ODNK2/ref=oh_details_o04_s00_i01?ie=UTF8&psc=1

    • I use something similar to these. They look complicated, but they just slip right behind your ear so they don’t move around or fall out when you run. I usually just set my phone on the treadmill as well, and have had problems with it falling off, tangling, etc., too. There are plenty of armbands out there, I just don’t like having it on my arm. I use a holder that wraps around my hand when I run outside. http://www.amazon.com/Sony-MDR-J10-Headphones-Non-Slip-Design/dp/B000092YR6/ref=sr_1_11?s=electronics&ie=UTF8&qid=1385218977&sr=1-11&keywords=ear+headphones

    • Wildkitten :

      Yurbuds are great for slippage issues.

    • I tuck my iPhone inside my sports bra. (No, I don’t think this will give me breast cancer.)

      • Equity's Darling :

        I know someone who ruined their iphone doing this- all the sweat eventually got into the phone somehow, and that was the end of the iphone. If you’re less sweaty, this might not be a problem for you?

        For the OP, I use a Flipbelt to hold my iphone and I love it, I found armbands either too big, or too small or awkward, or chafe-ey, etc. I ordered mine online, and I couldn’t be happier with it.

  22. I’m sure this has been discussed at length, but what are the best online dating sites?

    A friend of mine broke up with her long-term, live-in boyfriend four years ago, and she’s had a hard time for various reasons, and it looks like she’s never going to really look for someone else to date. And so a mutual friend and I have decided to take matters into our own hands and write an online profile for her and do some snooping around for eligible matches. She fully supports the idea.

    But we don’t know where to go. Match? This friend is 44, no kids, career-focused. We are in NYC but she often travels to a midsize Midwestern city for work, and we decided to start looking there because we think it’ll be easier outside New York. I would greatly appreciate any advice.

    • No advice about which site to use but my two cents is that dating at 44 would be much easier in NYC than in the Midwest. I suspect there are a lot of never-married 44 year old men in NYC and I can tell you there are very few in the Midwest, even in major cities. Unless she is open to dating a divorced guy, likely with kids, dating in the Midwest will be difficult. I get the sense that there are many more people in NYC who put off having a personal life in favor of a career.

    • She should date in the place where she wants to live. Even if there are more available men in the Midwest, it does not really make sense to date there if she wants to stay in NYC.

    • Sydney Bristow :

      I think it really depends on the city. In NYC I had great luck with OK Cupid. It was even better since it is free.

      • You’re absolutely right about NYC versus the other city — but I don’t think she’ll do it in NYC yet. I think she just wants to get used to the idea of dating, before hopefully taking the plunge here. Hopefully. She keeps saying defeatist things about dating in New York (even though she hasn’t really done it) and how guys our age only want women in their 30s, and they want/expect somebody perfect, etc., etc. I know that’s true for some guys, but I don’t think that means there’s no one out there for her. But when I try to gently say so, she freaks out because I have no idea what I’m talking about because I’m married. That kind of thing. If anybody has been in her position and has any advice, I’d greatly appreciate it.

        • Seattleite :

          Honestly, it sounds like your friend isn’t ready to date yet. If my brother said something like, “women are just looking for a rich guy with a hot car,” I wouldn’t be encouraging him to date, either. She needs to trust a little more – trust her own value, trust her ability to judge the character of potentional dates, trust that half the human race isn’t as shallow as she fears.

          – I’m in my 40s, recently divorced, and have said THE EXACT SAME THINGS (“men are looking for…”) to friends who encouraged me to date. And then I figured out what was really going on. As always, your friend’s MMV.

          • These are wise words.

            The thing is, I just don’t know that she is ever going to pull herself out of this downward spiral. It’s been four years, and she is pretty miserable. Not necessarily because she misses the ex, but because she thinks she’s going to be alone for the rest of her life. She talks a lot about how lonely and unhappy she is, and I just don’t know what to do. Ordinarily, I’d say to myself don’t do anything, but she also often says that she wishes she had more friends, etc., and honestly, I wish that too. I can’t be there for her as often as she’d like because she wears me out. I know I’m making her sound like a big pill, but I love her and she has a lot to offer! Otherwise I wouldn’t want to set her up with some hapless dude. Oh, well. Maybe I should leave it.

          • It sounds like she should join regular social activities, just not dating. Is there a book club or a volunteer group she could be part of — either while traveling or in NYC? Could she participate in Meals on Wheels? Something to give her interaction outside her normal friend group and/or help her feel valuable. Alternatively, could you suggest she start therapy or anti-depressants? Good luck, it sounds really tough.

        • PinkKeyboard :

          Just throwing this out there… My husband is signifigantly older than me and actually (other than me) far prefers women his own age or older. I was VERY VERY much so an exception to his type. There are plenty of men who prefer women their own age!!!

  23. Excluded at work :

    Have you ladies ever dealt with being excluded at work, specifically social events and just banter? I know I shouldn’t let this bother me, but it does. I’ve tried many methods to befriend the group but every time the “leader” is there they all immediately group together. These are all women in their late 20s and early 30s but their behavior something straight from mean girls. I’ve just continued doing my own thing and socializing with other people at the office but is there anything I can do to improve the situation aside from getting a new job? I’m definitely not going to let this be the sole reason I leave.

    • How frustrating. Are they just excluding you or outright being mean to you? If they’re just excluding you, I would focus on getting to know your co-workers individually — stop by offices for a quick chat and the like. I bet at least one of them will respond to your efforts. But you’re also doing the right thing to think beyond this group and befriend other co-workers. Sorry, this is such a dumb situation but unfortunately some people peaked in high school and can’t let go.

    • What does excluded mean in this context? It seems that there are other people in the office who aren’t part of this group. So who is in the group? Are they excluding you, or have they co-existed for a while? Do they all have something in common that you don’t? How do they exclude your other co-workers, if at all? How long has this been going on?

      I agree that if it seems like the problem is the person you see as the leader, you should get to know the other people in the office. Group dynamics are weird, and there may be political/personal allegiances at play that you don’t know anything about. Or people may relate differently in the group than they do on their own. But it is hard to tell what exactly is going on, and how to solve it, without more detail.

  24. Newly Hired! :

    Hi! This is a totally random question, but I was just gifted a striped shirt with contrast collars. I love the shirt, but as a newly hired analyst (ie, at the very bottom of the totem pole) for a big bank in a conservative department, would it be too flashy to wear to work?

    Whenever I see contrast collars, I just think of Gordon Gekko in the 1980s movie “Wall Street.”


  25. Just finished one week at my first job out of law school. First full-time job ever, really (other than summer gigs, etc.) Experienced attorneys, who long does it take to stop feeling like I have NO IDEA what I’m doing? I just got assigned to my own (tiny) cases and I’m having a serious case of imposter syndrome.

    • I’ve heard it takes a year until you start to feel like you might have a clue how you’re supposed to do your job. /no snark; I’ve just read all of those threads with great interest since I’ll be there soon enough!

    • After a year, you will probably stop feeling like an idiot multiple times a day. Then it will only be once a day. Then once a week. I’m a partner, and I still occasionally feel like I have no idea what I’m doing. The law is a real apprenticeship career. Don’t be afraid to ask questions and bounce things off others, no matter how experienced you get.

    • Equity's Darling :

      I was told 5 years? I’ll report back in 3 and confirm.

      It does get a little easier every day, I feel like I’ve found my groove a bit, and I’m less thrown off when I don’t know something, I’m getting better at figuring out where to look. I’m ~18 months in, though I guess it’s about 2.5 years if I include articling.

    • One year before you think you know some things. Three years before you actually know anything worthwhile.

  26. I’ve just been given the go-ahead to hire a direct-report. Any good books you’d recommend for being a good manager? I’ve had people that I’ve worked above before (paralegals, interns), but this will be someone whose job I’m creating whole-cloth and whom I’ll be delegating a lot of work.


  27. Greensleeves :

    Can someone please help me? I am sure someone posted a recipe for a salad within the past week or two and I can’t find it! I’ve tried the search function on this site and google searches limited to this site, but I’m not coming up with anything. I think it was called a Harvest Salad and it involved cranberries and apples and maybe some nuts. Sound familiar to anyone or did I imagine the whole thing?!

    • Our Google search is screwed up at the moment so I’ll help you out before I start delving into pages of Analytics reports… (sigh)


    • It’s my recipe! I’m out right now but will repost it this afternoon.

    • Greensleeves :

      I found it from the link Kat provided, thanks! It sounds great, NOLA, and I want to make it for Thanksgiving. I needed something lighter to offset all the heavy side dishes we usually have.

  28. Thanks to thissite, my work wardrobe is looking better than ever. Now I’m thinking I need to step up my casual look – but not too much given time constraints – I have 4 little kids. I know this topic has been discussed previously, but as Kat mentioned above, the thissite google search doesn’t seem to be working and I’m having trouble locating previous threads. So, can you recommend your favorite casual style blogs for some inspiration?

  29. I’ve googled my butt off and can’t find what i need, thought I’d ask here for any ideas?

    My awesome adorable blue whale boots had a big bummer this week. Found a huge slice in the rubber when I got to work, it’s right on the foot and gets bigger when I walk, so I don’t think it’s possible to repair at this point.

    But I hate the idea of throwing this huge pair of boots into a landfill. I can’t find anywhere that takes rubber boots for recycling at any of the recycling centers here. Any ideas for how to not just throw these away??

    • Depending on how ambitious you are…I feel like Pinterest might have ideas for things you could make by melting pieces of the rubber down. Could be fun/source of unique gifts.

  30. Miss Behaved :

    Ladies, I’m at my parents. My dad got fed up with comcast and now has only standard cable so when I’m here I watch cooking shows on pbs. Cook’s Country tested travel mugs and rated the mug I have (the timolino) Number 1. It kept the coffee at 140 degrees + for more than an hour and didn’t spill no matter what they did. It is kind of expensive, though.

    I’m now feeling justified in spending $20+ on 6 mugs in 5 different pastel colors. I’m so sad!

  31. Anon Family Drama :

    I’m the anon with the sister in town who causes trouble.

    First annoyance of the week: My friend got assigned tickets for the Hunger Games on Sunday night. I decided to go instead of participating in family dinner, because I didn’t want to deal with drama. This is the reaction I get from my mother, after a speech about how I’m supposed to be “better than this”: “You’re just as cruel as her.” And, I cried (to myself). :(

  32. Brunette Elle Woods :

    I am planning to make pumpkin cheesecake for the first time for thanksgiving. Anyone have a good, easy recipie to recommend? Thanks!

    • I'm Just Me :

      Check this http://corporette.com/2013/11/20/suit-week-gucci/ Several people were discussing recipes earlier this week.

    • I'm Just Me :

      I went into moderation, check the suit of the week post from Wednesday, several people were discussing recipes.

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