ByKat Hours Updated
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Weekend Open Thread

Limited Lace Front Layering TeeSomething on your mind? Chat about it here. For this week's weekend recommendation, I thought I'd feature this lovely lace-front tee from the Limited (which is having their semi-annual sale now — lots of great prices, particularly on suiting). Like I've said before, I don't like lace for work — but for the weekend, now that's another story entirely. Wear it with jeans for a slightly dressed up vibe; wear it with a skirt for a more dressed-up look. The price was $45, but it's now marked to $22.47 and available in tan, off-white, black, and red. (This top is also similar and has more of a vintage vibe.) Limited Lace Front Layering Tee (L-3)

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

222 Comments

  1. Question for the Hive: My lawyer, whom I love and adore but with whom I have a purely (very close) professional relationship, was out of the office for a few days recently because his adult child was having what he described as “major surgery.” I have inquired about the child’s condition and was told “it’s going to be a long haul.” There have also been references to “they hope they got it all.”

    From all this I am inferring that the child possibly has cancer and that it may even be life-threatening. I would love to be able to do something to show support but… I guess there’s really not anything I can do, right? If he wanted me to know the specifics he’d tell me, right? I’m afraid that asking general “how are you doing” questions comes off as insincere, and asking real questions comes off as intrusive.

    Gah. Help me out here.

    1. Just be appreciative for his help and any quick responses during a difficult time. You’ve been there and you know how much it means when clients have nice things to say when things are crappy in your life. So just be that nice client who doesn’t bug him needlessly and is appreciative of his help.

      1. This. I think that if you don’t know him personally/socially, it’s probably a bit much to offer meals.

      2. As a professional who has somewhat intimate relationship my patients, if I was facing a health crisis for one of my children, I would sincerely appreciate cards but would be sort of weirded out if a patient dropped a meal by my house. There are a lot of subtle dynamics and that would feel overly intrusive and upsetting a delicate balance. But I prize all the cards I get from patients and that would mean the most to me.

      3. Thanks, ladies. I think that’s the best. In fact, I just got off the phone with him and he pretty much told me what KLG said, in almost so many words! (And I pay his bills in full the day they arrive, because I know that’s the number one thing clients can do to show appreciation!)

        I wasn’t thinking of offering meals, really. I was just wondering how much to mention it.

    2. I would send a card saying that you’re thinking of him and his son, and that if you could drop by food or be of help in anyway, please just let you know. Or maybe not even ask, but just say, I am dropping by dinner for you next week or whatnot.

      If you know the son’s age, it might be nice to get an iTunes or GameStop gift card so he can have a distraction, but I am not sure if that’d come off as too, “Hey! Surgery! Here’s a present….”

    3. That sounds like an awful situation, but it’s kind of hard to know what to do when you’re only getting vague information like “hope they got it all.” If I were that attorney, I would either share the news or not depending on my general need for privacy, but it’s kind of like when people post “ugh, can’t believe this happened. I’m not sure I’ll ever get over this” on Facebook without saying what the problem is.

      That being said, I think a nice card saying “thinking of you and your family” or something general like that would be the safest way to go.

    4. I appreciate you posting this. I have a recurrent non-cancerous cyst I keep having to get removed b/c my surgeon hasn’t quite “got it all.” This reminds me to be careful what I say so that people don’t think I have cancer. They are in a private location so I tend to be vague. Not saying anything doesn’t work b/c post surgery I’m limping. I make sure people know I had “minor surgery.” When they say “AGAIN” I say “they didn’t get it all” – but I am now going to add, don’t worry, I don’t have cancer.

      I’m sorry to hear about your attorney. Sounds like you are a very nice client and I’m sure he/she appreciates it.

  2. TJ: I’ve been happy to hear about others’ successes in the workplace this week, as well as other topics I spend a lot of time thinking about (the chaos of multiple kids, dealing with a slower career trajectory than I’d (perhaps naively) envisioned at earlier points in my life). So thanks all for that, and indulge me when I do a little crowing of my own–

    I asked for the first time for a raise in my current job, and not only was my boss’s response essentially Yes, of course you should get a raise! but she is now pushing it up the chain to the head of our whole agency. Woot, woot.

    AND I’m 8.5 months pregnant with my third, so I’m happy that I’ve gotten to this professional place. Call it leaning in, call it whatever you want, but after spending a lot of time feeling like I’ve been spinning my wheels professionally, getting some traction and subsequent recognition feels pretty good. I now want to tell everyone to go out and ask for a raise because I’m feeling the good vibes are contagious.

    6. Thanks all! I’m always happy to hear others on thissite taking these kinds of leaps and it’s been helpful and confidence-boosting to hear a little about how someone reached for that promotion, asked for that raise, etc. Keep those achievement stories coming in.

    7. That’s so awesome! Would you consider walking us through, detail by detail, how you went about asking? I’m sure it would be helpful to others.

  3. I am considering doing bottle service at a local restaurant hot spot for my birthday, with about 8 to 15 friends. I have never done bottle service (had to g o o gle it after talking to the restaurant about reservation options), so – has anyone ever done it? Did you enjoy it? What made for the best experience?

    1. Having a server that is attentive to when you need more ice, another bottle, more glasses, etc. I also prefer when there is actually enough room for everyone to sit down at the table if they want to. The location of the table in the club can affect your experience too. If you are on the way to the dance floor, you will have people in the aisle by your table all the time. I like something in a corner the best. It’s also the best for people watching! :)

      1. Oh, totally understand that. And as far a metropolitan areas go, I’m upper midwest and not on the coasts. I did call to make the reservation, so we’ll see how it goes.

    4. So I love bottle service (especially when I’m not paying for it but that’s a different story).

      I agree – it depends where you’re going but it’s usually worth it because drinks at places that offer bottle service are usually expensive as it is. I like bottle service in places where it’s set off from the dance floor because then there isn’t so much crowding.

      Have fun!

  4. Yay!!!! Open Thread’s!!! I love open thread’s, and this lace tee, but you are SO right, KAT, b/c there is no way I could ever wear this to work. Even with a bra, Frank would be stareing at my boobie’s right thru the lace. FOOEY!

    Myrna is not abel to meet me tonite, b/c she is goeing out with the food service guy from South America. I wonder what they will eat? Myrna does not know but will find out later when he text’s her. I do NOT know his name, but he live’s somewhere in Queen’s. So I am by myself tonight, and will go to NYSC tonite instead of tomorow. The elyptiecal machine is great for me and my fitbit b/c I get alot of steps on it w/o workeing to hard. Dad will be pleased, tho he was not thrilled when he last saw me b/c I was eating pie with mom and he did NOT take his eye’s off my tuchus for at least 30 second’s. He was tryeing to send a message, Mom says, but she just ignore’s it when he does that to her and her tuchus is much bigger then mine.

    Earnie is goieing to call me this weekend and I was told to leave Sunday OPEN for him. I realy think he should have firmed up plan’s by NOW but Rosa say’s he is busy. I do NOT even know where he work’s or his cell # yet. FOOEY! I do NOT like to sit around and wait on any GUY. DOUBEL FOOEY! When I was in college, my room mate alway’s sat around waiting for Louis to call her to go out. She never did anything w/o asking him first, and did NOT even think to go with anyone else anywhere. He led her around like a puppy dog and she did whatever he wanted whenever he wanted. More then a few times, she locked me out of the room b/c he wanted to have sex, many times right in the middle of the day. FOOEY on men that do this b/c she never had another boyfreind, and he did NOT marry her after haveing sex hundred’s of times with her. That is another reason I do NOT do what she did. I do NOT want to be known as “his girl” b/c the guy is usueally a looser if he does NOT marry you after haveing sex hundred’s of times with you, what else does he want or need to know? This Earnie guy better not turn out like Louis or he is going to be shown the door PRONTO! FOOEY!

    1. Ellen do not do anything with him. Save your bootie for me. I have a job and would father your child.

  5. Having a “this I why I can’t have nice things” day. This morning I discovered I accidentally put a wool sweater in with my casual laundry and it went through the dryer. The good news is that I got the sweater from Goodwill, paid very little for it and already wore in a few times, so my cost per wear is only $1-2. The bad news is that it really really shrunk- it was a men’s XL, now I’m not sure it will fit my 6 year old.

    Anyone else here who looks at all the pretty things and sighs, because there is no way I could handle an “investment” in nice clothes since I (or my husband, or my kids) will ruin them way too fast?

    1. Absolutely. My husband sometimes tries to “help” on weekends and will do a load of laundry or two without telling me. I appreciate the help, but I can’t count the number of sweaters that he has shrunken in the dryer.

      1. My ex once shrunk one of my favorite dresses (it was dry clean only and I stupidly put it in the laundry basket) and he was devastated.

        I got salad dressing on a modal scarf yesterday that says dry clean only. It’s sort of dark blue and black. You can’t see anything on it but I don’t want to leave it with oil on it. I’m thinking about washing it in cold water. Mainly because I don’t think I would miss it if I ruined it (I forgot I had it and found it in my closet yesterday). Any thoughts?

        1. I would hand wash it in the sink with some dish soap and air dry. Its probably dry clean only if its a delicate fabric likely to snag in a washer or dryer. I’d rather chance ruining it than have an item with a greasy spot hanging around.

          1. +1 for the dish soap. It has worked on all oil stains I’ve had, sans damage, and your fabric and color description make it sound like it wouldn’t be too risky to try anyway.

          2. Good idea! It’s not really delicate fabric at all. It’s a soft knit. No idea why it’s dry clean only.

          3. Just to report back – I washed it in the washer in cold water with my other darks in a lingerie bag and it seems completely fine. The color didn’t bleed and it doesn’t look at all shrunken. Success!

      2. Also, two weeks ago I wore a brand new shirt to work and when I opened the salad dressing carton from my take-out salad for lunch, it sprayed oil-based salad dressing all over my chest/stomach area on my shirt.

        1. I have learned to open these by first placing a paper napkin completely over the lid, and then lifting “away” from me. Contains any spray.

      3. ugh is your husband Don Draper? this comment sounds like it’s from a commercial from the 50s. “my silly husband tried to ‘help’ with the laundry, can you believe it?”

        1. Even in the most modern, egalitarian relationships today, there are usually areas that are more one person’s domain than the other’s. Particularly in this case, where it is her own laundry that has special considerations that his might not have, her statement seems more like an issue that anyone could have in her relationship. And please, Don Draper would never even think of doing laundry, particularly someone else’s.

        3. Within our first year of marriage, after we each ruined several items of the others clothes (he put my pants in the dryer on medium and shrunk them ALL, I didn’t realize he had wool socks in the baskets and shrunk all, he threw a pair of my pants in without checking the pockets and got purple ChapStick stains on an entire load of mostly his clothes), we have an agreement to each do our own laundry. We will ask the other to throw a load from washer to dryer if there are no items that need to come out for line drying, but otherwise we are on our own – so its no one’s fault but our own if we ruin our own clothes (see above RE: super shrunk sweater). Since we got married when we were straight out of college, a ruined load of laundry could represent half or more of our work appropriate wardrobes, with no budget to replace them. 10+ years later, we occasionally gripe at each other to get clothes out of the washer/dryer so the other can do laundry, but otherwise this deal has eliminated one of the major arguments from our early marriage – since ruined laundry often spiraled into “you spent HOW much on pants” to “if you would just pick up your socks this wouldn’t be a problem” and got uglier from there.

        4. Chill out. I am gay and have banned my wife from doing the laundry. I have lots of stuff have that need to be treated different ways. She has shrank/otherwise ruined so many of my things that I finally just banned her from laundry/dry cleaning duties all together.

          Some people just really suck at laundry, simple as that.

        5. My “silly husband” has tried to “help” with MY laundry several times, and ruined something each time (including a beautiful drapey linen/silk blend dry-clean sweater a friend had seen me eyeing in the store and bought for my birthday…which I got to wear ONCE before he ruined it.)

          So yes, he has been BANNED from helping with MY laundry. I also do not touch HIS laundry, because that’s HIS job. And my 13 year old son does HIS own laundry, too!! Start to finish.

          So simmer down there, turbo.

        6. My husband isn’t allowed to do my laundry either. I have a precise system that works so I know my delicate and professional clothes won’t be ruined. This has nothing to do with traditional gender roles, as DH does his own laundry too. Actually, by the time I was 16 I’d banned my mother from “helping” with my laundry after she shrunk a sweater and several bras. The only person I’d trust to do my laundry besides me is my sister, because her system and mine are virtually the same.

        7. We have similar issues in our house. Laundry is my husband’s job (i.e. he does all of his and my laundry, sheets, towels, etc.) except that he is banned from doing my delicates because he doesn’t do it how I like. However, I am also banned from helping out by washing his uniforms because I accidentally ruined two of them.

        8. My BF does both our laundry, on the condition that I do not put anything in the communal laundry basket that requires special handling. I take care of my delicates and he does the rest. It is a compromise that works super well for me.

    2. The good news is that somewhere, a small-sized thrift shop customer or chartitable donation recipient is happy to receive a new and _clean_ sweater.

    5. Wah. I still remember a cute boucle sweater I had in junior high school that my mother accidentally shrunk after I wore it ONCE. I really liked it and I was bummed for, like, years.

    6. Yes, I ruin everything. And I have no husband or kids to blame it on ;o), just my own severe klutziness!

      1. BS. One of the most popular pages of my knitting site was about how not to shrink your sweaters. You wouldn’t -believe- the amount of mail I got that argued that they’d read ”on the net” that such and such worked to unshrink something irrecuperable, and they were going to try it, and what did I think. As if I knew something and was keeping the secret to myself.. As if the secret existed and somehow in 10,000 years of practice nobody had figured out how. Anyway, no, if it’s shrunk it’s not going to expand again. Ever.

    8. Every time I think about getting an “investment” handbag, or one that costs more than $50 (I usually head for the TJ Maxx clearance rack), I’m reminded of why:
      –when I manage to drop my handbag spectacularly on the subway in a pile of goop (and I can either just throw it away or abuse it with cleaners because who cares)
      –when I beat it up on a daily basis throwing it in my car, in my desk, in my house
      –when something spills inside or a pen bursts
      –when I stick it in gum

    9. I’ve seen fancy handbags being swaddled in protective baggies before going through scanners at airport security (usually the felt baggie which the handbag was sold in) and I think to myself ‘glad I live a simpler life !’

    10. Yep. Ordered a beautiful white jacket from the Limited that I tried on yesterday for my husband. He took one look at it and said, “are you sure that’s really for you?” implying only that I would spill something on it the first time I wore it. Back in the box it goes. He’s totally right.

      1. That cracks me up that your husband was trying to steer you away without being all “um, hey you’re kind of a klutz”

  6. I really liked the tee featured and thought it would be great for the “insert” for too deep a v-neck we’ve discussed a few times this week, but its only lace on the front, and its a regular tshirt on the back. Boo for my purposes, but might work for other people’s dresses

  7. Happy Friday ladies! I’m on the hunt for a blazer in a plum or eggplant shade of purple. Does anyone have any recommendations? I’d especially love something in a tweed, but any suggestions are welcome!

    2. What was the UK place discussed last week having the suit sales? I almost bought a purple tweedy blazer but couldn’t decide on the size… it was just what you’re describing!

      1. Austin Reed

        I actually ordered two suits on sale, but I loved this blazer I saw…

  8. I’m wearing a “boyfriend” style blazer from Jcrew today and I’m feeling as if it is too boxy on my 4’11 frame. Anyone have any blazer recommendations for me? I’m looking to spend no more than $100 and looking for something light for the spring. Thank you!

    1. You might try checking the blog Extra Petite. I think Jean’s about 5′ and does nice fit reviews. I think Ann Taylor and H&M might have options.

      1. +1. I had a talbots blazer taken in for a more “curved” fit. I don’t think the alteration cost me more than $25?

  9. FYI Kat
    I’m having tech problems today with the site on Firefox. I’m getting the error messages regarding unresponsive scripts on media.struq.com and ads.struq.com

    So far I can use Chrome, but maybe that’s because I don’t usually use it for this site or online shopping

  10. I’m an attorney and I spent about five years after law school working in a firm and, while it had the problems all big firms have, I did enjoy being a lawyer. I got a call from a friend with what seemed like a great opportunity to do some policy work/consulting. I was thinking about leaving the firm anyway (I didn’t think I was going to make partner, didn’t really want to be a partner at a giant firm, and it was time to move on) so I took the job. It was just as fun and exciting and different as I thought it would be. Now I’m looking to go back to practicing law, but I’m finding that with the recession and the terrible legal market, no one wants me. My husband thinks I should just go with it and stay in the consulting world since the law world isn’t going to recover anytime soon, but it breaks my heart to just give up on being a lawyer like that. It probably sounds snotty of me to say so, but I was doing really well in law! I went to a T10 school, then to a top firm, and did very well all along the way. While I liked my specific policy-consulting job, I just don’t get that fired up about the consulting world in general. And I have this feeling that if I were to spend another few years practicing law, I really would have to give up on law forever. I mean, if I’m having trouble with just a few years out of practice, it seems like having several more will make it impossible to get a job as a lawyer again. All of the resources for lawyers making the transition to a new career seem to assume that those people hate practicing law and are looking for a way out. No one seems to talk about lawyers who are being pushed out of the profession against their will. I really want to keep looking for a job as a lawyer, but I’ve been looking for 9 months with no luck (in a city where I have lots of connections). It never occurred to me that taking one little detour would derail me forever. I think in a different economy it wouldn’t. It makes me really sad to think that I did everything to become a lawyer and might have to give it all up.

    1. I don’t think you have to give up being a lawyer if that’s what you really want to do. You might have to chance your expectations however. You didn’t mention what type of jobs you are looking at going back to. I would say if you want to go back to a big firm then yea, your prospects are probably slim. There are plenty of other types of law jobs however. You could start your own practice or join a much smaller one. You could look for in-house positions (although those are very hard to get no matter where you are or what you do).

      Honestly, I don’t think 9 months is all that long to look for a legal job in this economy.

      1. Ugh *change

        Sigh, my grammar sucks in that whole post. I hope you can make sense of it anyway!

        1. I basically suck at posting today. I probably shouldn’t have used the word plenty. There are other jobs out there. Plenty, not so much.

      2. I’ve been looking at government, in-house, and small firms. It just seems that for any posting, there are 50 lawyers who have been consistently practicing these last eight years, or who have 5 years of practice but all recent, and so why would an employer consider me when there are so many other people out there who are a perfect fit while I’m a slightly off-center fit.

    2. A few thoughts on this. First, brainstorm areas of practice where your policy/consulting work may be a valuable addition. Depends on what you’re up to, but for example, many non-profits and other organizations are now doing policy work and lobbying (e.g., education reform, work-life balance issues) so perhaps you can look for a firm that serves those clients. Depends on the work you’re doing, and perhaps your previous practice, but just to get the wheels moving.

      We have also shared a few articles lately that may be of interest, not sure we can share the links without this comment kicking back but can point you to them instead:
      * In our 1/7/14 coverage post, see our last bullet re: one-year fellowships for women attorneys who are returning to practice.
      * In our 1/21/14 coverage post, see our first bullet on career transition articles, including one about starting your own practice (you’re right most such articles focus on moving away from firms but we have some that may be helpful like that one).
      * In our 1/28/14 coverage post, see our third bullet on insights from an attorney moving from BigLaw to become a founding partner of a small firm.

      In addition, check out NAWL – they have a mentioning program and amazing women with varied, interesting career paths that would be willing to help.

      Hope this is helpful and best of luck! When you do make the transition back, would love to hear your story so please stay in touch, feel free to email, thanks.

  11. I know I can’t be the only one who detests the billable hour in the legal world. It is totally dead right now, I’m nowhere near making my hours, I’m tempted to do unnecessary work for a client to bump up my numbers, and I have every incentive to take as longggg as possible on all projects. How can I continue like this without going crazy? Does anyone have any tips for managing the weird mental stress that comes from the cult of billable hours?

    Also, I’m waiting to hear back from interviews for other jobs with no billable requirement, but who knows these days…

    1. No tips but I’m in the same boat. Today I am taking a project that should take 2-4 hours and making it last 8. Awesome.

      1. This post horrifies me. And I am a product of the billable system…I would NEVER EVER do this. EVER. It’s not right. If you have 2-4 hours of work, that’s all you have. You should never stretch it.

        Again, horrified. I have always suspected certain colleagues of this, but seeing I written makes me cringe x 100.

    2. As someone who uses a lawyer regularly in business I’m curious if this is really that common. And will the client actually get billed for 8 hours?

      1. I think if someone is really busy with tons of different projects, it’s not that common, at least in my experience. It’s just that if you’re paying by the hour with no caps and the person in question has a billable hours requirement, what incentive does he or she have to work as efficiently as possible?

        3. Except that it’s not ok to take a 2-3 hour project and make it an 8 hour project in order to bill more. It’s unethical and not only will I write it off, I won’t work with people who do this. All it does is demonstrate that you are inefficient, you don’t understand the client’s needs and budget (nothing is ever “not capped” these days of electronic bills — ALL clients push back on just about every charge), and that you probably won’t make it at my big law firm.

        4. This has to be fake. There’s no way you actually mean that. If you do, you are the one who gives attorneys a bad name.

      2. Most of the time the hours are “cut” before the bill gets sent out. For example, if the billing attorney thinks that project should take 2.3 hours, the invoice to the client says “2.3.” But the full 8 will count towards the associate attorneys billable hour requirement.

        It’s a stupid system.

        1. Yeah, except that my billing statistics do show all of my time that is written off. In big red numbers. It’s not fun at all, and I’m sure partners will take it into account during review periods if any associate is billing way more than they can collect.

          1. Exactly. My firm also keeps track of our write offs to prevent this very thing. An ancillary problem that arises when associates are billing 8 hours for a 2 hour project is that they are creating more administrative work for other people in the firm. The billing attorney cannot bill for reviewing and editing the associate’s time (or at least I sure hope she doesn’t). I have been told by several partners at my firm that they are grateful for never having to review my time because I have proven to them over the past five years that my billing is always reasonable. It comes up during every year-end evaluation so I know this is a big deal to them.

          2. Just to be clear: I don’t purposefully over bill.

            However, there are times where a project just takes a long time and the client isn’t going to pay for all that.

      3. At my firm it isn’t common. We’re not biglaw, so one of the ways we market ourselves is that we work more efficiently than Biglaw. Until you’re a third-year associate, you’re encouraged to take as much time as you need to do a project correctly. You technically bill that time, but your time will be written off, because the billing attorneys (partners) theoretically know how much time it should take to do the project vs. how much is spent on your development as an associate.

        Once you’re a 3rd+ year associate, your efficiency becomes very important in reviews. There’s a combination of factors: 1) the amount of time that is written off, 2) your realization ratio (how much of your billed time is actually collected from the client), and 3) your quality of work.

        Aside from the ethical issues, which I truly do believe most attorneys take pretty seriously, it would be very hard at my firm for an associate to get away with regular overbilling.

    3. It’s very east to be stressed in that situation but do try to enjoy the less full plate while you have it. Also a great time to work on/start planning your marketing efforts, which will serve you well throughout your career no matter where you go. Maybe there’s even some marketing/cross-marketing to be done to bring in new business from existing clients. Pro bono is always an option too. Hang in there!

      1. I (OP) am actually a paralegal so none of that is an option for me. Hence the job search…

  12. Calling all Friday afternoon vicarious shoppers!

    I’m going to a wedding this summer and this is my dream dress: http://www1.macys.com/shop/product/xscape-dress-sleeveless-metallic-floral-print-pleated-gown?ID=789916&CategoryID=5449&LinkType=#fn=BRAND%3DXSCAPE%26SPECIAL_OCCASIONS%3DEvening/Formal%3B%3BGuest%20of%20Wedding%26sp%3D1%26spc%3D27%26ruleId%3D65%26slotId%3D14

    BUT it’s too expensive. I’d love something cheaper (up to $150). What I love most is the bright color, the open-ish back and the maxi length.

    I’ve been searching online for similar dresses but figured I’d try y’all and see if anyone was a more gifted researcher, than I.

    Thanks!

    1. The wedding isn’t till summer. Sign up for shoppingnotes.com and put this on your watch list; and sign up for macy’s emails. With all the sales and coupons Macy’s does, I would be very surprised if you couldn’t buy for $150 or less at some point.

    4. I know Nordstrom carries that brand…do they also have the dress? Women and kids half-yearly sale happens in May, right? Maybe you’ll get lucky!

  13. I just had my one year anniversary at my first law job, and I have to do my first ever self-evaluation. This has been a really bumpy year, and I feel like I’ve improved a lot over the course of it, but I don’t know how to convey that in a ranking of 1-5. Do I say where I think I currently am in each area, or an average of how I have been over the course of the year? I have one line for each area to handwrite an explanation.

    Any tips on how to handle this? I don’t want to say I’m doing great, when the year has been very, very bumpy, but I also don’t want to sabotage myself by giving myself lower scores than necessary.

    1. I’d keep in mind that there is a very steep learning curve for the first few years of practice. So what you understandably see as bumpy may be some pretty typical growing pains. So score yourself where you are now, assuming you’ve improved. If you need to back down a bit in the verbal discussion of your review, people may or not remember that. But, no need to grade yourself too hard on something that is written and more permanent.

    2. Be honest. Even with improvement, you’re probably not above a 3. And if you give yourself a 2, they leaves room for improvement. You’re not expected to do well your first year, but you are expected to improve your second year, so 2s are actually good in the long run.

      1. Please do not listen to this. Rate yourself highly only and give examples of good things you’ve done. This isn’t the time for real reflection (you can do that but don’t share it), it’s the time to abdicate for yourself and show them things you’ve done that are good and that they forgot or don’t know about. If you have “good job” emails from clients you haven’t shared, now is the time. For goodness sake be your own cheerleader during these exercises. The worst thing you can of for yourself is give someone ammunition to rate you poorly.

  14. Happy Friday, everyone! I am looking for recommendations on shoes that are reasonably professional-looking (business casual) yet comfortable enough for walking moderate distances. The catch is that I wear a size 11.5 (11 sometimes works if they run large, a la Payless). At the moment, I’m having to change into sneakers and carry my work shoes, and I’d like to stop having to lug around a second pair of shoes. Thanks!

    1. LL Bean Birch Haven slip-on comes in 11, and seems to have good reviews. I can’t say if it runs large but many of their shoes do. It looks like it also comes in a loafer. Free shipping, may be worth a try.

      1. Thanks! I tend to have trouble with slip-ons sliding off my feet as I walk, but these look like they might have a small enough opening to stay put. :)

    2. Clark’s! That’s what I wear (size 12). I also have had plantar fasciitis issues in the past, and I don’t have it anymore now that I wear Clarks.

      1. I should note – I generally wear an 11.5 or 12, and the 12s in Clark’s are a tiny bit too small for me. So, they might work for you.

        1. Thanks! I’ve worn Clarks in the past (10 years ago), and had some issues with quality, mostly bad stitching. How have yours held up?

          1. I haven’t had any issues with mine, but I’ve only had them for about a year. I have 3 pairs of black leather flats in varying styles. I tuck a couple pairs of nicer shoes under my desk that I change into for court or networking events, but the Clarks flats are nice enough for the rest of the time and I don’t ever need to wear commuter shoes.

    3. What does the men’s department look like? I know that it’s worked for me for sneakers and boots on occasion, but it might be worth a stroll through to see if there is anything that you might see yourself wearing.

      1. I’ve struggled with this notion, because I worry about looking like I”m cross-dressing, but I might go this route… thanks!

        1. Menswear is a bit of trend now, isn’t it? Maybe something in a loafer? (I did find some size 11 Anne Klein croc stamped loafer types at DSW that are my go to flat, especially with a suit. Not sure about the size range) My challenge was that my feet are on the narrower side, and most of the men’s shoes I found were wider in the toe box than I needed, and I felt like I ended up with clown shoes.

          The upside (I think) is that a women’s 11/12 is a midrange size for men, so the proportions of the shoe look so much better than when a shoe style (that is cute at a women’s size 7, 8, or 9) gets stretch for the size 11/12 without readjusting the proportions.

    4. I like Crocs. I wear a size 11 in them — they sometimes have that size in Famous Footwear or similar discount stores. I have the Kadee flats, which I find to be really comfortable. The 11 might be long enough for your foot.

    5. Gentle Souls run a bit large, so those may work. Your best bet is to probably hit up Nordstrom or Nordstrom Rack. Rack has the traveling collection of large shoe sizes. They’ll send you a postcard when it comes to your area if you sign up.

  15. Can anyone comment on the quality of men’s suiting at Jos A. Bank? SO desperately needs some new duds and they are having a “buy 1 suit, get 2 free” sale through Sunday. The prices for those suits start at $650. So 3 suits for $650–is this a good deal? A great deal? Thanks in advance!!!

    1. I think it depends on why he needs a suit and how many he needs. Their quality is not the best, but if your husband needs three suits to start working and that is all you can afford right now, then do it. But if he really just needs one suit to wear occasionally and can save up to buy more, then I would go somewhere else and spend the money to get one nice suit for now.

      1. Thanks for your response. He is in court every day, and has gone the “affordable” suit route before (from Macy’s). He basically rotates three suits right now, but after 6 months of heavy use, they are starting to look really worn. The suit budget is pretty tight, so I was hoping that Jos A. Bank suits might be a step up from what he has, but now I’m not so sure they would be.

    2. You really have to pay attention to which line it comes from – they have 5 or 6 quality levels, I think. The lowest 1-2 levels look and feel pretty bad. The next 1-2 levels are what my hubby actually likes to buy — you’re not breaking the bank on a Jos A Bank suit, but the material is decent, and can pass as more expensive with careful tailoring. The highest 1-2 levels are overpriced in his opinion (the fabrics often feel too soft/limp (like cheap cashmere that’s oversoft) and like they’d almost pill).

      ANYWAY, since it’s pretty hard to even try to pay full price for anything there, it’s correspondingly hard to tell which is a true deal vs. an OK price. 3 for 650 seems OK-to-you could do a little better (maybe 3 for $500) for them, assuming it’s the mid-range or better suits that are part of the promotion. For budgeting, don’t forget the tailoring, which can easily be $50-100 per suit.

      1. This is very helpful; thank you. I *think* it’s the mid-range line, but I’m not sure. The manager mentioned that they have suit sets (not separates) that start at $275, so I’m assuming that that line would probably be the lowest level. Thanks again for your input!

    3. Hubs doesn’t have JosAB suits, but does have some nice merino and cashmere sweaters from there that look very nice and have worn well. So, I do think it’s possible to find passable things there.

      Agree with looking at mid range quality and emphasizing the tailoring. I also think if you get suits with more modern details, that might help them look fresher and more expensive. So, think things like no pleats on the front of pants, slimmer cut in the blazers, no double bre@stedness, panel back (vs. single slit), longer lines. I would also say to not get sort of funky colored shirts and ties that match too much (not sure how to say, but you know how sometimes places like Kohls sell boxed shirt and tie sets in kind of garish colors with cheesy tie prints- I feel that always ends up looking a bit cheap). Anyway, point being to stick with more classic colors and patterns in shirts and ties and I think the less expensive suits will also look good.

    4. a couple of male attorneys I’ve worked with buy the majority of their suiting there. it works fine for state district court which is a little more casual. also, I live in hot climate….

  16. Can anyone recommend flats with arch support? Preferably under $60 or so, I’m not a big spender on shoes. I have a wide toebox with bunions and a pretty narrow heel so I normally wear a wide size if its not a very stretchy shoe. I’ve been having pain in the outside part of my lower leg in one leg for months now and I think it may be from wearing ballet flats with no arch support. I’ve tried Dr. Scholl’s gel inserts and they make my shoes more comfortable but don’t do anything for the pain in my leg.

    1. I would consider shoes with a very low (1 – 1.5′) heel. That’s actually what most podiatrists recommend.

    2. I have a really high arch and tend to over-pronate (step on the insides of my feet by the arches). I buy flats with a removable insole and then replace that with a high arched insole. There are quite a few Clarks that have removable insoles. I think if you search the Clarks website they tell you in the description if the insole is removable. Sometimes the video descriptions on Zappos tell you as well but sometimes they don’t mention it so silence doesn’t mean it isn’t removable. And sometimes it isn’t actually removable because it is glued to the shoes but you can easily take it out and replace it.

      I think the active inserts from Orthaheel have the best arch support of the available insoles. You can order those from Zappos. My flexible spending plan actually reimburses me for insoles and other orthotics. Orthaheel also has a line of flats but nothing available for spring/summer.

      They key is to make sure you have a removable insert. If you don’t mind swapping out the insole you can get by with just one replacement set and move it from shoe to shoe. Good luck!

    3. I’ve got similar shaped feet and have similar issues. Is the pain on the outer edge of your shinbone a little above your ankle? That is where my legs hurt. I’ve also been getting intense leg cramps sometimes. Massaging helps with the pain in a hurts-so-good kind of way.

      I’m looking forward to seeing the recommendations!

      1. The pain isn’t just near my ankle, it extends all the way up to just below my knee but other than that it sounds like what you describe. Thanks all for the recommendations!

    4. I bought Arcopedico flats and they are great for arch support and bunions, however they’re ugly and expensive. They were less ugly on my feet than they appeared in pictures, but still not what you would call an attractive shoe.

      1. Aw, I just googled Arcopedico and they’re not that bad. They look like they’d be comfy for running errands all over town in jeans. Bootcut, obviously, not skinny. :)

    5. I have a high arch and have been searching and searching for comfortable flats. I like French Sole, and they seem to have a fairly wide toe box. You can also size up and try a different brand of insert.

  17. This is kind of a boring question, but I’m wondering what people are buying for wardrobe refreshment this spring? Are they things you always replace, or are they special for this season? Did you hunt them down or let inspiration strike? What do you feel is reasonable?

    Here’s what I’ve gotten:
    –1 pair of all-purpose flats (usually need at least one new each spring because I’m very hard on summer shoes)
    –1 all-purpose shirtdress (I never go wrong with this style)
    –3 new lipsticks (The only thing that varies in my beauty routine, so I like a lot of options)
    –Considering buying 1 all-purpose lightweight cardigan

    * “All-purpose” means I’ll wear it both to work and during down time.

    I may be susceptible to over-shopping right now because I am so sick of winter! Reading back over my list I feel like I justified the crap out of each item, and I may be protesting too much.

    1. I tend to replace white tee shirts because they never stay white even if I manage not to stain them. This is why I also tend to buy them at H&M and Uniqlo for $10 and under.

      Other things on my list:
      1. Comfy summer sandals, low wedge or flat (I am also hard on my shoes); I should probably add summer flats to this list but I usually wear sandals to commute and then switch to under-desk shoes.
      2. Classic trench (my go-to has lasted many a spring and needs to be retired)
      3. White/light color jeans

      So far I haven’t bought much other than a few dresses at anthropologie that were marked down to $20-30 and I couldn’t resist, and a fuschia maxi skirt because I love long skirts in the summer. I’m also considering a denim shirt dress (actually this one: http://oldnavy.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=91338&vid=1&pid=953779002)

      For all purpose lightweight cardigans, I was very happy last summer with the v neck cotton cardigans at JCrew Factory and the 14 & Union brand ones at Nordstrom Rack. FYI.

      1. Ditto on the white tees… this year I am going to experiment with buying 2-3 high quality tees in black/gray/navy to see if they last any longer than the J Crew variety, which is what I typically get. In truth, most of the tees I purchase are rotated to the “gym drawer” by the end of summer every year. They just don’t seem to maintain their shape well… and there is zero possibility of me dry cleaning a t-shirt.

        Meanwhile, also looking for:
        * Lightweight pencil skirts (something that will work for a business casual office AND the weekend)
        * d’Orsay flats
        * wear-everyday quality bangles (1 for the office, 3-4 for the weekend)

    2. Lightweight long-sleeve shirts. I LOVE the look, with rolled-up sleeves, over bermuda shorts or tucked into an a-line mini for summer. And I feel cooler (and definitely look crisper / less sticky and hot) as opposed to my old uniform of cotton tees.

    3. I buy new shorts if I need them. I’ll usually buy 1-2 new sun dresses (above the knee) and maybe 1-2 new maxi dresses. Maybe 1 new Perfect Shirt from jcrew. I could always use more cardigans. This spring in particular I want more ankle-length pants I can wear to work.

    4. I’m trying to concentrate on just some extra summer layering clothes and bathing suits while I see them. We have a beach trip in September and I can never seem to find things (like nice coverups, suit separates, cute knit shirts to throw on with beach wear) closer to when I need them. I recently bought a light gold Lauren RL tote that fills a nice wardrobe hole as both a nice summery bag but also a neutral tote for work travel.

      I am also loving the recent chunky sweater/terry sweater/sweatshirt tee looks for comfy weekend/loungware. I bought 2 such items from Ann Taylor Loft recently and love them so much for slightly chilly bay area days I just bought two more from Loft also. Also bought a couple cheap tee styles from JCP.

      Finally I’m trying to decide what to wear for Easter and things like that so I have marked some blouses from talbots to stalk as the price lowers. Of course there are the million other things I am constantly stalking (C wonder long sleeve silk blouses and jewelry, Talbots in general, some cute LuLuLemon tops for my bar/ballet classes and weekend wear) so… hm, I guess a lot. :-)

    5. I always need a few more tops each season, because see above re: extreme klutziness and destroying clothes.

    6. Patterned top for office (not to wear together… I just looked around and realized that I’ve lost all my patterns over the years)
      At least one scarf and necklace in the colors I wear mostly in spring/summer
      Knit skirt and dress for weekend uniform
      A top to go with a skirt I bought last year that I love but never really built a good outfit around

      I should get some new shorts, but I hate shorts shopping. It won’t be shorts weather for many months here, luckily.

    7. I don’t have any particular items that I always replace but this year I’m on the hunt for shoes somewhere between dressy and casual that are comfortable to walk a lot in, a cute casual black skirt to replace one that doesn’t fit anymore, and I’m thinking about getting some casual pants like JCrews Andie chinos. Sadly the pants in the gray color I like are on back order in my size and likely wouldn’t arrive before my trip.

      I really need casual clothes in general. I’m either wearing my work clothes or sweats as soon as I get home. I have a pair of jeans and a few t-shirts but nothing in the cute out-and-about category. The more I think about it, the more I realize I need to get some stuff to wear on this trip next month!

    8. I really don’t need any new clothes, but I’ve told myself I can buy one of the Land’s End ponte sheath dresses in either the pink or navy print, when it goes on a bigger sale. I figure I can wear it to Easter. I haven’t decided which print yet. They’re both really cute.

      And I bought the Gap brand Groupon before Christmas so I have $50 to spend. I think I’m going to buy a rashguard for my Caribbean trip in April, but I’m waiting for a sale at Athleta.

    9. It’s been forever since I bought shoes so black and nude wedges for work and comfortable sandals. I’m also interested in some light colored blouses (mint, mango, violet), new black ankle-length pants, and a summery statement necklace or two.

    10. So far, I’ve bought:
      -a jean jacket to wear with dresses when I’m tired of cardigans
      -a new pair of black wedges to replace some that I totally wore out.
      -a pretty floral dress.
      -a lightweight cardigan in a navy stripe with mint green trim

      I tend to wear out the cardigans I wear with dresses in the summer but haven’t found one I like.

    11. I am also hard on summer shoes, and prefer to spend my shoe money on “real” shoes, so I buy a couple pairs of sandals from Target every Spring. They last all summer, and then I can toss them. I also buy at least one t-shirt/knit dress that I wear to death all summer. Still looking for one.

      1. I know this is late, but I love the LOFT knit t-shirt dress I got last year. Neutral/tanish color with variegated black stripes – super cute, comfy, and easy to wear.

    1. If you’re going blank, try thinking further down the road and then working backwards. Where do you see yourself in 10 or even 20 years? What would you need to do in the next five years to achieve that?

    2. A friend of mine did a grad school project many years ago and interviewed 4 female supreme court justices in our state (a few may be able to figure out the state, bonus to you) and asked them all the same question: how did you get to this place? These women all had extremely varied experiences: one always knew she wanted to be a judge, another didn’t start law school until her late 30’s with 4 kids at home. Each one had virtually the same response: I didn’t have a plan but I took advantage of opportunities that presented themselves.

      This made so much sense to me – and took the pressure off of having to figure it all out in the here and now. Because really, who can predict what lies ahead – when you factor in life, relationships, technology and more? I’ve pretty much fashioned my career (now 25+ years) by this advice and I’ll tell you, I couldn’t have guessed or imagined the success I’ve had or the place I am today. Dream about the future, yes – but plan it in discrete increments? What’s that old saying? Man plans and God laughs. Having a “plan” never made sense to me.

      1. The best advice (or most reassuring, perhaps) I’ve gotten is ‘it’s a marathon, not a race’. The commentary on taking opportunities as they come (and seeking out varied opportunities) fits rather well with this advice.

    3. If you are thinking you want to stay in your current field, I read somewhere (AskAManager maybe) to go looking at job descriptions for jobs that are 1-2 levels above where you are now (or 3-5 years more experience), then look at the required skills for the position. Then look at how you can acquire those skills, either through new projects at your current position, taking a training course or however you need.
      The other thing to consider is finding a mentor a couple of levels up, and asking what you need to do now to get to their level someday.

      1. Yes, this was on AskAManager recently. Great blog, by the way. (And on AAM I occasionally see or give recommendations to this blog!)

    4. Check out The Authentic Career by Maggie Craddock. A great book to help you find your way (and I am not normally on the self-help book bandwagon).

    5. I’m a big fan of them, because they help me focus on what’s important to me and the concrete steps I can take to achieve it. I don’t want to be a passive participant in my life, whether it’s my career, personal life, community life etc. You just have to be willing to roll with challenges to those plans. As the saying goes, men propose, the stars dispose.

    1. And in pastel pink, no less. You’d look like a very unprofessional easter egg. Fabulous!

    2. Too bad it’s shorts and not a skirt. That might be a sweet little ladies who lunch/prim type of suit. I actually think the pink shorts or pink jacket as separates are cute (shorts not for work obviously), but yeah together, advertised a work wear, not so much. Althought I recently saw some ‘professional’ outfits profiled somewhere (maybe in the WSJ personal section?) that were outlandish, but of course all the people profiled were models, graphic designers or artists (the only types of professionals clearly who can get in that section of paper). Anyway, point being, I’m sure this might work as a work look for some model somewhere… but clearly not your average office dweller.

      1. I actually think that the shorts are pretty cute, but if I wore this to work I don’t think “pulled together” would be the first thing that my coworkers would think when they saw me.

        1. Yeah for your average office dweller, not so much. :-P But clearly there is a perception or something that we are all models/artists/graphic designers (lol?) or something in the heads of the people who write these descriptions.

    5. Love the zoom in on the wrinkled back of the jacket – that really makes me want to buy it! I have a hard enough time keeping my clothes unstained and unwrinkled – if it looks this bad in the photo shoot how bad would it look after I got ahold of it?

      1. I blame it all on Hart of Dixie. See, just look at Zoe Hart! She’s a doctor! She was a surgeon! and she wears shorts! DRESSY SHORTS! To work! To see patients! With platform heels!
        SOOOO PROFESSIONAL!!!!!!!!!

        ugh.

  20. Chicago ladies: I’m going to throw a going-away party for a friend moving away. Can anyone recommend a bar with a private room (or semi-private reservable area) that can accommodate roughly 40 people? It needn’t be upscale. Hoping to not have to deal too much with prepayment / wristbands etc. but I suppose that might be wishful thinking. Since I am a hermitess who never goes out anymore, I thought you might have some good recommendations. Thanks!

    1. Getting a private room at Goose Island might be fun – I know they have them, and you get to enjoy great beer and food – maybe even arrange for tastings if that’s your thing.

    2. Lettuce Entertain You restaurants are generally pretty good about big groups. Try Hub 51.

      Outside of that, Barrelhouse Flat will accommodate big groups but there is a minimum. You’d probably easily hit it with 40 people. DOC Wine Bar always has events. The Drinkingbird has a back room they will let you rent out (for free!!) that leads to a patio. 404 Wine Bar is a good place for events. Ada Street has a side room (more of a restaurant than bar). And the Bedford has a really great separate room. There is probably a minimum/price there as well but it looks gorgeous and big enough.

      Enjoy!!

    3. You might try upstairs at the Hopleaf in Andersonville, the back bar at Hidden Shamrock in Lincoln Park or Farmhouse (the Evanston one).

    2. In a US law firm, yes. In private industry, probably, although in-house lawyers may not have to be admitted to the bar in the state where they are working.

  22. In light of other discussions, I thought I would ask.

    I’ve worked in govt for the last 4 years. I did not originally anticipate staying so I never enrolled in any public service loan forgiveness program. I have about $85K in student loans and I pay on a 25 year plan, so I have roughly 20-21 years left. It now looks like I am likely to stay at my current post for another 6 years. Is it absolutely impossible for me to take advantage of the loan forgiveness program? I know it may be changed and whatnot, but just wondering if there is some way to ask for retroactive application.

    1. I don’t believe so. My understanding is that the government PSLF program is only for direct loans serviced by FedLoan. Assuming that your loans are serviced by FedLoan, I recommend reaching out to them to ask. What is the worst they can say? No?

    2. Here is a good FAQ: http://studentaid.ed.gov/repay-loans/forgiveness-cancellation/charts/public-service#what-must-i-do

      Hopefully that helps! It looks like you certainly can still apply for it after you’ve had 10 years of payments, assuming you’ve been paying under a qualified repayment plan (IBR, PAYE, or ICR, or a normal 10-year repayment plan). It’s just easier for people who start doing the paperwork at the beginning of their 10 years, instead of part-way through or at the end.

      1. This is exactly right; you don’t need to “enroll” at any point. If you’ve been making payments and have worked at a qualifying pace of employment, you are eligible.

        1. Well, I have been paying on the 25 year plan, so that doesn’t seem like it qualifies. What does PAYE or ICR stand for? I also don’t understand how the 10 year plan helps anyone. If you’re paying on the 10 year plan, aren’t you essentially paying everything off in ten years anyway? What’s being forgiven????

          1. PAYE- Pay as you earn. Short answer- caps monthly payments at 10% of income (there’s a bit more to it I think but that’s the gist). If you still have ANY loans that were taken out before October of 2007, you are’t eligible.

            ICR- Income contingent repayment- monthly payment based on your income. I’m not sure the difference between this and IBR- income based repayment.

            PSLF – Public service loan forgiveness. This isn’t a repayment plan. If you are on the 10 year repayment plan, you are right, there would be nothing that would be forgiven. But that would also mean your income was too high to qualify for one of the other plans, so that makes sense.

            Most public service jobs don’t pay as well as private sector. So most people are on one of the income based repayment program (and I don’t remember which one is the 25 year plan, but it’s one of them) Make 10 years of payments while working at a qualifying job and whatever is the balance is forgiven. If the forgiveness is under PSLF, there is no tax bomb.

  23. i’m going to spend yet another weekend mostly inside what with still being sick and having to make myself catch up on things like taxes and laundry and job applications.

    SO, let me live vicariously thru you! who’s got fun and exciting plans for this weekend?

    1. After eating poorly throughout last weekend and drinking more than I generally do, this weekend is going to be getting back on track. Buying and eating healthier food and working out. Otherwise, absolutely nothing! I did my taxes on Mardi Gras morning, so that’s done, too.

    2. My fun and exciting plans are to stay inside and read. We got a new grill pan so there is steak on the menu for tomorrow night. I’m actually really looking forward to a low-key weekend.

    3. I have made a vow to reorganize my closet this weekend, and update my resume. But on our Saturday agenda is acrobatics conditioning followed by an aerial class, then hubby and I are going suit shopping for him.

    6. My law school does a musical every year. It’s this weekend. It’s usually pretty awesome.

    7. aw, so jealous, everyone’s plans sound pretty awesome! ;o)

      Altho, I did already finish THREE job apps today. And I’m going to do more tomorrow. Plus, I got my hair cut, picked up a prescription, AND went for a long walk to a coffee shop to work where I ran into a friend studying, so I got a little bit of social time, too. Not bad weekend so far ;o)

  24. longtime lurker, first time commenter – I need some advice!

    Im a 6th year attny, 10 mos in at a midsize firm where I have been VERY happy. Work was slow at the end of last year until I started working with another partner 1/2 time, which has been great. BUT now she is leaving the firm with her major client – going to a national large firm that does only our practice area and wants to take me with her.

    its a 10K pay bump, 50 less billable hours per year, and more prestige.

    I gave notice at my current firm and they agreed to match the salary and basically gave me a spiel about how adored I am, I can work with whoever I want, theres all this new work coming in, etc.

    So. I am leaning toward staying. Mostly because I am very happy here and if the $$ is not an issue why leave? Thoughts???

    2. I would try and tease apart your current firm’s prospects. I mean, it’s great to be wanted, but sometimes people talk a bigger game than they have. Was work slow because you were ramping up at a new job, or because things wasn’t enough work? When the partner leaves, is there really enough work for you, or are they promising what they can’t deliver? Do you have a viable track for advancement at your current firm (sure they can promise you work for now, but what are your prospects like 3 years from now) Do you like the partner who is leaving — is she mentoring and grooming you in a way that you might be a real player in her new place? (What might your prospects be like 3 years from now there?)

      I tend to be very risk averse when it comes to these kinds of things. Fit is incredibly important for work happiness – and you know you fit there, which is a great feeling. But don’t hold yourself back either.

      1. Yes, these are all the things I am weighing and they are all weighing in favor of staying.

        And its so true that “fit” in a firm is worth its weight in gold. I love the environment/people here so its hard to feel good about leaving.

        I guess I know my answer. :)

    3. I may be biased as I am telling you from my very own recent experience. I would think a thousand times before leaving a job that I like and I am happy. I left the job I liked 6 months back as I found a new opportunity which was very promising. I took it up so that I don’t regret not taking it up. But I didn’t like the team and it was just not a good fit and I am looking for a job again. Just my two cents.

    4. Is being a partner something you are interested in and is it possible at the new firm? Can you do so at your current firm? Lateraling to a bigger firm as a senior associate can mean taking a lap seniority wise and there is even more competition for advancement at your level. This is particularly true in a firm that only practices in one specialty.

    5. Are you burning a bridge by NOT going with the departing partner? Or is it a bigger bridge burning to leave your current firm? Most advice I’ve read says never to take a counter offer to stay, since its well known that you already had 1 foot out the door once and might try to leave again soon, but I have no idea if that advice holds for law firms.

    6. Thanks for all the advice, ladies! Truly appreciated and valued.
      I’ve decided to stay at my firm. It definitely would have been a bigger bridge-burner to leave and I think the partner who I was going to leave with actually understands completely.

      Its so rare to find a place where you are happy and comfortable. And now that $$ isn’t an issue I cant justify leaving. Especially since I have little kids to think about and work/life balance is crucial. I now feel better than ever about being here.

  25. ISO! I need nude pumps/heels (for a wedding I’m in) that are both comfy and cute! Preferably under $100 and not a sky high heel! Any suggestions welcome!!

  26. I’m starting a new job soon (yay) at a midsize law firm in Seattle. Dear ‘ettes, please help me update my wardrobe! For reference, my current job is perhaps slightly more casual than my new job. I am also leaving my first job out of law school, so many things I purchased for this job were cheap/not meant to last… At a minimum I think I’ll buy 2 more pairs of shoes (1 heel and 1 flat), a few pair of hose, and a pair of pants. Maybe a handbag too? I do have a handbag but it’s not in the best condition (I spilled some food in it a few times — tell me I’m not the only one who does this). I already got a new suit :) Also trying to pay off school loans and put in a down payment soon, so I can’t break the budget. Post your recs below!

    1. Congrats on the new job! It’s hard to say what would be helpful to buy for your new job without knowing what you already have, and it’s tough to recommend specific shoes/pants/handbag that won’t break the budget without having any idea of your budget or personal style. When I’m making budget-conscious decisions I get my shoes from Payless (where, admittedly, they aren’t meant to last) or Modcloth, my pants from The Limited (but that’s just because they have a cut that fits my body type, which may be different than yours. Do you want bootcut or straight leg? Black, grey, navy, brown?), and my handbags from Ross (I just scored a $300 DVF tote for 29.99, which is about as much as I want to pay for a purse because I have the same issues with you re spills). I work in a similarly laid-back area at a midsize firm and my “work uniform” is jersey dress + shrunken blazer, but my office is very casual (partners wear jeans during the week, socks-with-sandals make a regular appearance on some attorneys during the summer), which not all midsize law firms are.

  27. Sorry, I’ve got a minor finance rant that I’ve got to get off my chest and don’t really want to share it with my normal people because in the grand scheme of things, I realize it also reflects that I’m a fortunate person.

    So right now we are temporarily extremely broke feeling- the reason for this is we got a much larger than anticipated tax bill and just bought a house, coupled with my husband taking a job that in the long run will be a pay increase but for the short term is a pay cut… I’m never one to carry a balance on credit cards and always prioritize savings, but we wiped out our savings (except for retirement the emergency fund which is at bare-bones level and I refuse to touch) with the house purchase and I’m now finding myself frustrated that although I feel like we both make a good living, I’m stressing about money.

    I grew up in a family where we always struggled to pay our bare bones bills and have worked really hard to be in a place where we shouldn’t have to worry about money, but I still am. I’ve been to therapy and talked about this but it is still something I stress about. This is compiled by the fact that my husband never worries about money- his attitude is that we will figure it out and follow our long term plan and it will all work out.

    ARGH. Thanks. I realize how lucky I am- good jobs, buying a house, good health and am definitely focusing on the big picture, but feeling like I have ‘debts’ hanging over me is really making me a little blah today.

    1. No advice, just commiseration for the situation. Rationally I know that our down-payment/savings didn’t just spring up overnight so I am trying to keep that in mind when I look at the low balance on that account. It will get better, but it will take a while.

  28. Help needed. What do you do when a company event is planned after work and you don’t want to go? Our company has rented a venue one weeknight soon to make a video. We are all expected to go and dance/act in this video which is supposed to be a fun promotional thing for our office. I know there are people who will enjoy this kind of thing, but I am not one of them. My immediate boss will not care, but the CEO always asks his assistant who was there and who wasn’t when we have something social. Plus I have a pretty visible role interfacing with everyone so I might be missed. The CEO is asking for RSVP’s. What is the best thing to do here: lie and say I have something going on that night, set up something now so I have an excuse to miss it, suck it up and go? I usually do go to these things, it would be a first in 2-3 years if I missed it. But when bonuses are decided EOY, its our CEO who decides mine herself.

    1. I think it’s a suck it up and go situation. You can make up a reason for leaving early though.

    2. Make plans for one hour after it starts, then talk to the organizer about doing your part first. Then you’re there, you participated, but you can leave asap and not ruin the rest of the night.

    3. Just suck it up and go, and don’t leave early. That’s not leadership. Be a team player. If I were the CEO I would absolutely notice if someone was being sour about it and making up excuses to leave early or trying to get their part done first. It’s obviously important to her and you’re her employee. It won’t kill you to play along for a couple of hours. Heck, you might even have fun, which seems to be the point.

      1. The OP has been attending these events regularly for 2-3 years, she says. If any fun were to be had for her, she’d know it by now. I can commiserate–this would be a drag for me too, so kudos for dragging yourself to these things so many times already.

        If you don’t want to risk any consequences, I agree with the others that you should probably attend. But I’m all for doing your bit efficiently and then bailing early, especially if you haven’t been doing so every time.

        1. Thanks everyone for your advice, even if a lot of it is not what I wanted to hear. As I said, I’m normally a team player. For e.g. I don’t play on the office softball team but I am one of the few who goes and watches the games regularly. One of my biggest issues is that I really don’t like how I look most of the time so the thought of being on video is abhorrent to me. I feel so strongly about it that if there were any type of concert, sporting event, etc. in town same night I would pay just about anything to use that as an excuse not to be in the video. On the other hand, I work with plenty of people who would love to perform in a video so I just wish they had asked for volunteers instead of a draft.

          I’m leaning towards going and either engineering a reason to leave early or trying to stay off camera as much as possible. Or maybe I’ll just go for the whole thing and reward myself with a new outfit afterwards.

          1. I vote for either “go and participate wholeheartely” or “make up and excuse and skip it, just this once.” But whatever you do, don’t be that woman who hates how she looks on video and tries to stay off camera. I promise you, being camera-shy and trying to avoid being on video because you don’t like how you look will be much more apparent to everybody else, and will reflect much worse on you, than just sucking it up and acting as if you thought you looked just fine, TYVM, and participating along with everybody else.

            I say this with all love, I really do. But I’ve been where you are, I’ve seen other people go through it, and there is nothing more cringe-inducing than the person who hates her looks and goes to great lengths to avoid the camera.

            Really. You know yourself. If you really can’t go and participate fully and with confidence, I’d make up an excuse and skip it. But my advice is to go and play the part of a super-confident person who knows she’s awesome, and then go buy yourself that great outfit afterwards!

          2. I hear you on the not liking the way you look on camera thing. I have to be on camera a lot, and videos of me get put on our org’s youtube channel. I cringe like crazy but nobody else seems to notice or think that I look as monstrous as I think I do. Getting out of my own head and realizing that no one is looking at me – they’re all too busy cringing at themselves – helps me to be a lot less self conscious! Good luck.

  29. Speaking of fictional women’s wardrobes, I just caught an episode of BET’s Being Mary Jane and I love Gabrielle Union’s outfits on that show. From what I can see, mostly sheath dresses and interesting jackets.

  30. How do you guys deal with leaving your cat when you vacation? We don’t have anyone to come cat-sit at our house because everyone we know has their own house/pets/kids etc. We only have one cat but she doesn’t get along well with other animals so we can’t ask someone to take her in with their pets. I’m worried she would be very unhappy in a boarding type situation where she’s in a small enclosure with strange smells and other strange animals all around her. Any tips? Do I just need to stop thinking about my cats feelings so much?

    1. I think cats are usually fine by themselves (and happiest in their own house, I think you’re right about that). I pay a neighborhood child to come by every other day or so and feed her, fill up her water bowl, and play with her. It works out fine.

      1. +1. I am currently out of town and my cousin is stopping by my house each day to bring in the mail, scoop the litter, and refresh my cats’ food and water (I do the same thing for him and his pet bird when he’s out of town). Any loneliness the cats might feel in my absence (which, given how they ignore me when I’m home, I don’t think is very substantial) is much easier for them to deal with than the stress of being taken to someone else’s house or a boarder.

    2. If you don’t have someone you know that can come by and you can’t ask a neighbor, ask your vet for a pet sitter recommendation. My mom pays a woman $10/day to stop by daily to do food, water, litter. Do not just leave your cat alone for more than 2 days without a visitor.

  32. The last few times I have opened this site, an audio ad has started playing (different ads – febreeze, garbage bags, I don’t even know). I scroll up and down the page, and view all my open windows, and can’t find any corresponding video or any way to make it stop. Anyone else having this issue? It’s really creeping me out.

  33. I am embarking on an ambitious house renovation (kitchens, bathrooms, moving walls, etc.) and I would like to gather before and after photos as well as drawings, products, timelines, and invoices, all in one place. Does anyone know of software that would allow me to keep everything in one spot, essentially organized chronologically, but also so I could search and pull an image or an invoice?

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