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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 80 Comments · by

Holiday Weekend Open Thread

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Birkenstock Arizona | CorporetteSomething on your mind? Chat about it here.

Happy Fourth of July to all!

White Birkenstocks are having a moment, thanks to a lookalike shoe that was a smash hit on the Celine Spring 2013 runway and some serious fashion editor love. Personally, I'm excited that super-comfy orthopedic footwear is suddenly cool again. I'm definitely taking advantage by snagging this pair of white Birkenstocks to wear with all of my weekend basics this summer. The classic Birkenstock Arizona is available in a huge range of colors (including white!) for $89-$130 at Zappos. Birkenstock Arizona Sandal

Thanks to Stephanie from Adventures in the Stiletto Jungle for sharing her picks this week!

(L-3)

Comments

    • anon

      Try em before you say never. They come in much cuter fabrics/materials and when they’re new (e.g. not the old grungy brown ones of the 70s), they’re actually pretty cute and comfortable beyond words.

    • Sacha

      I’ve always been grateful that they are super uncomfortable for my messed-up feet, so I have no twinge of conflict about whether to buy Birkenstocks ever.

      • Em

        Same. Plus, I live a walking-intensive lifestyle so when I’m not at work, I’m really not willing to sacrifice comfort for fashion. Birkenstocks are the only summer sandals I’ve found that don’t die after a month or two.

    • Bonnie

      I was shopping for a second pair of Birkenstocks today. I would not wear these but there are a lot of cute options.

    • TO Lawyer

      I’ve always thought this too – but I’m going on a big trip this summer and I think Birkenstocks may be the solution… I would get the other style though – I think it looks a little more sleek and stylish. I still don’t love the idea but I don’t know what else to get…

    • Anon in NYC

      Jaclyn Day had a few cute Birkenstock alternatives on her blog the other day, if anyone is interested.

    • Anonymous

      I’m not a fan of this style at all, but I bought a pair of the Gizehs with a bronze upper last year for walking around Europe (where Birks are hugely in fashion, at least in southern Europe). With that style and color, they really don’t look any different than regular sandals, but I discovered that they’re also not that much more comfortable because the piece that goes in between the big toe and second toe is so stiff and really hurt the inner part of those toes. I now say give me some comfy ballerina flats any day over those.

      • Lorelai Gilmore

        I bought the silver Gizehs last summer and found that 1) they definitely take some breaking-in, and 2) once broken in, they are insanely comfortable, and 3) every woman in NYC and the Bay Area (my two sample sets) is wearing them!

      • EC MD

        I am a Gizeh convert. I wear them all the time in the summer. In my very casual corner of the woods, I can wear them to clinic with my ankle length pants.

    • Bonnie

      BTW, Birkenstocks are 25% off now at shoes.com and Nordstrom will price match.

      • AIMS

        Ooh, I might have to get a pair. I love birkenstocks. As long as they’re not the plain brown ones – if you’re gonna wear ’em, go all out.

  2. tesyaa

    Interesting that the white Birkenstock uppers seem to be made of some synthetic material rather than leather or suede. I suppose they’ll stay looking clean longer.

    • ss

      There are a lot of options at my local store – synthetic, leather, suede, nubuck, in all the colours. I think the synthetic ones are perhaps 15% cheaper then the others, maybe that’s what Kat was looking at too.

  3. Aruba-Vayk

    I am planning a trip to Aruba later this summer. Any suggestions for restaurants or things to do? This is my first trip to the area with my SO. TIA!

    • Bonnie

      We went to Aruba for our honeymoon and loved the island. We stayed at the Bucuti, which is on the lowrise side and caters to couples. Our favorite restaurant was Driftwood (we actually ate there twice). Papiamiento was great for a romantic dinner. There is not much to see on the island and we felt that the car rental was kind of a waste. There is a bus that goes around the island and only charges $1. Cabs were really cheap too. We always snorkel and went on an intense snorkeling trip to see a shipwreck. Have fun!

    • RNSF

      We actually enjoyed the car rental with the caveat that it has to be a 4×4 to really enjoy what the island has to offer. You can go around the island in one day if your short in time or two if you are planning to do it on a more leisurely pace. The National Park is full of goats and has cave with native paintings that can be visited. We also enjoyed going to the donkey sanctuary. The butterfly sanctuary is very nice too. The fee includes re-entry for one week. If you go at 8AM you’ll witness the butterflies getting out of their cocoons.

      As far as restaurants go, we liked Zeerover when driving around. You show up and buy the catch of the day still fresh and they’ll cook it for you. You can choose from a range of local and Dutch sides to go with it. Nice view.

      My SO and I loved Aruba and are looking forward to go back again. I hope you enjoy it , it is truly One Happy Island.

      • RNSF

        Oh and get their app, you’ll have access to an offline map and recommendations!

  4. BankrAtty

    Friends of mine across the country just had twins, and I would like to send a gift. They already had one child and are part of a closely knit, military community, so I expect they have plenty of clothes, toys, blankets, etc. I know mom has some dietary restrictions but I’m not really sure what they are (no grains, maybe?), so sending food is out. I was considering sending diapers–lame, I know–but wonder if anyone has a better suggestion?

    • Erin @ Girl Gone Veggie

      I do not have kids so this might be a horrible gift, but maybe a spa giftcard? It could give a crazy tired, stressed mom something to look forward to if her babies have already been showered with gifts.

      • mss

        I would have loved a spa gift card. (And really, any gift card.) I really appreciated gifts for my older kids, like coloring books, play-doh etc. to keep them occupied and make them feel special with babies underfoot.

        • Ruby

          i am a busy mom and don’t have time for spa day. please don’t get that unless you are sure she has time. it would have been very ugh to me to get that. amazon gift card, yes please.

          • anonk

            This is what I do when the family already has one kid (particularly of the same sex):

            a) get something small and personalized for the newborn(s) — a book with their name customized, a CD, or perhaps a pacifier or teething toy that mom wouldn’t want to share of the older kids’

            and

            b) a big brother/big sister gift for the older kid (this is where I spend most of my money honestly)

            and c) if they’re a very good friend, a bottle of champagne or a nice wine for the parents. :)

    • NyNW

      Books are my go-to for baby gifts. I firmly believe that reading is one of the most important skills a kid can get.

      I also like Savings Bonds, but you have to know the kids Social Security Number I think.

    • Another Lawyer

      How about a personalized item, like a personalized book? I love receiving the “My Very Own Name” books from a company called “I See Me” (I swear, I don’t work for them). Every kids loves learning how to spell their own name. There’s also a really cute ladybug that puts a constellation on the ceiling of the room – I forget the name, but it’s sold on amazon. But all parents appreciate diapers for sure.

      • Another Lawyer

        Okay, the ladybug thing is called a Cloud b Twilight Constellation Night Light, Lady Bug

    • S in Chicago

      Check out etsy. A quick search of twin gift has some absolutely adorable ideas. (I love the “TW” and “IN” onesies.) I know it’s not the most practical, but so so cute!

      • S in Chicago

        More cutie onesies: Womb mates. Ha! And “later aligator/after awhile crocodile.” One of my friends needs to have twins stat!

        • Anon

          This is definitely know-your-friends and their sense of humor, but I’ve also seen “I was planned” and “I was a surprise” and I thought it was very funny (they mix them up so the same twin isn’t always wearing the same one).

    • Anonymous

      Our friends had twins nine years ago. We filled their fridge with food we knew they would eat. Think home delivery of groceries, and let them do the selection, or call MWR office on base and see what place delivers near them. 8 pairs of the same cute socks so matching is a breeze, and if one is lost, no biggie.

      A DVD of a movie (especially a recent movie) that they’d love to see, as soon as it comes out, so they can see it, and if they fall asleep, no biggie.

  5. Clementine

    A friend just had twins and mentioned that diapers were very, very welcome; however, people usually have a specific brand that they like.

    If you’re close with them, I would call and say ‘I want to send a few cases of diapers. What brand/size/style do your little ones need?’

    • re

      She’s obviously not close, if she just says a dietary restriction (grain manybe?). DUH. If you’re close you know things like vegan, celiac, etc.

      • idk...

        I think you can be close enough to someone to call them and say “I’d like to send you diapers. What brand do you prefer?” and yet not be close enough to know their dietary restrictions, particularly if the restrictions are recent. Not everyone is comfortable talking about the details of what they can/can’t eat, especially if it is for medical reasons.

    • Another Lawyer

      If you are a twin parent (like I am), you welcome all diapers of all brands. Just get a size 2 in case they have plenty of newborn and 1 diapers. There’s not that much difference in the brands, and even if they have a supply of ones that are not their favorite, no big deal. They are disposable after all.

      • Anonymous

        I am a parent (though not a twin parent so maybe therein lies the difference) and have strong diaper preferences because some brands leak on my kiddo. It’s just a matter of how they’re shaped and how my kid is built. I think asking is the way to go. I also second the suggestion for I See Me books above.

        • nylon girl

          My favorite baby gift from years ago were cute pottery barn kids towels with the child’s name on them. 10 years later, they still get used everyday.

  6. ConfusedYoungProfessional

    Hi ladies! I’m hoping for some advice dealing with a coworker. This is a person who was a friend of mine (actual hang out outside of work friend) through the office for the past couple years. She’s a few years older and more senior in the company than I am and actually asked for me to get pulled over to her team – my current team – about a year ago when things got really hectic for them. She has now moved on to a different position, but our teams still work together on a weekly basis, if not more often.

    Unfortunately, ever since I joined her team and through now, she’s been horrible to me. She’s gone from someone I could talk to easily to someone who shuts down my ideas and speaks/looks like my opinions are worthless when she responds to me. This happened again today during a meeting, and another teammate of mine mentioned to me later that he was surprised at the strength of her opposition to what I was saying.

    At first I thought I was just misreading the situation, but I found out from others that working with her had driven junior staff off the team before and that junior staff currently on this team feel that she acts the same way towards them. I’ve been trying to work with other people on her team on projects, rather than going through her, but ultimately I just have to interact and work with her, and I really don’t know how to handle it appropriately. How can I adjust my behavior/what steps should I take to get things done and remain professional?

    Thanks in advance, all. Sorry for the length but I’m especially frustrated after going through this again today.

    • Ellen

      Yay! Open Holiday Thread’s — and a happy 4th to the full HIVE! And more importantly, a serious p’oster that needs a response that I can help on! DOUBEL YAY! — After all Birkenstock’s are for my Dad — and his feet smell FOOEY!

      As for the OP, hugs–your situeation sound’s funkier than Dad’s feet. The woman you refer to has issue’s, probabley she is a littel concerned that she will be shown up by younger peeople, like you and other’s on her staff. That is alway’s a problem — Madeline here is like that — she can NOT believe that I am a partner and she has alot more expereince then I do, but she is NOT a go getter and cannot bill 1/2 as much as I can.

      So this is what I sugest for all of you. Aproach her and tell her that you are on the same team as her and you need to all work together. Then, if she is NOT married, you can offer to have her meet a freind of one of yours who hopefully is NOT a schlub in a group setting. My guess is that her PERSONAL life is also kind of a mess, so if you are abel to find her a man, she will become alot happier. The manageing partner did this with Madeline, who originaly was very edgy, but now that she is dateing some guy he brought over from the Bar association, she is much calmer. I think they probabley have sex, but I do NOT know for sure. Either way, she is NOT edgy any more and she does go out to meet that guy about 2x a week, so it is VERY likeley she has done stuff with him sexueally after 5 year’s. Try it and let us know how it turn’s out.

      As for the rest of the HIVE, happy 4th of July, and be carful NOT to get burned by the firework’s or by men who want to have fun with you then walk away. FOOEY on them! YAY!!!!!

      • Aviva

        This worked for us. We had a woman project manager who was driving us crazy. One of my coworkers set her up with a guy she knew, and after the two of them got to “know” each other romantically, she calmed down and was bearable. I am convinced that after they started having regular sex, she was a lot easier to get along with. Kudos to men who have the power to calm us, albeit if their power is a sexual one!

    • Another Lawyer

      No advice to offer, but my sympathy. This sounds awful – almost like a mean girl thing. Maybe she feels threatened by you? Any chance you can find another position at the same company?

      • ConfusedYoungProfessional

        Mean girls is EXACTLY how the junior employees have described her attitude. She has been under a ton of pressure, so I tried to push through and ignore some of what she did to begin with, but a year later, she’s still like that. Things have gotten better since she moved teams, and I’m trying to do well – my performance reviews are excellent and my reputation is good, so all that stuff is taken care of, I just end up feeling very shaky some days. I’ve talked about this with a mentor in management (not my management chain) – last time was a few months ago – and decided it made sense for me to give things another year, because I love the content of my job, and because I thought things would improve. Bottom line, if I’m still feeling this way in six months, I’m planning to look for another position (maybe in the same company, maybe elsewhere, as at that point I would have been there >2 years). I’m just not sure how to handle interactions with this person on a weekly basis at the office, other than by making them less than weekly.

    • nutella

      I have this situation. It’s definitely a mean girl thing. If you must work with them, sometimes I will just address it by being so nice it makes them realize their actions. For example, after today’s meeting, I might say (in a calm manner that shows sincerity rather than snarkiness), “I noticed you pushed back a lot on my ideas earlier, what exactly are you looking for so that I can get it right next time for you?” It’s all about your tone here, if you act curious and have a “I want to help you” tone, it can make her think she is being nasty for no reason. Look at her with a sincere smile and like you actually want the feedback. I know it’s hard to do this, even when you think you have every right to snap back at her and call her out for being nasty, but I often find that using this tone/method makes the person apologize and say “Yeah, I’m sorry about that, I didn’t mean to come off as…” and perhaps watch it in the future because you pointed it out. My guess is that if you used to be friends that she will feel bad for her actions, but of course your mileage may vary. As I said, I’m dealing with this myself! eep!

      • Anon for this

        I’ve been doing this, much as I loathe it, and it’s been working fairly well. While I certainly wish I worked for somebody who didn’t seem so bent on shutting others down, the killing with kindness approach is working a lot better than trying to engage in two-sided discourse.

      • ConfusedYoungProfessional

        Thank you (and to the others who commented)! I’m going to try this. She has told me (y’know, back when we were friends) that high stress situations make her mean to people, so there’s a decent chance that she’ll realize what she’s doing. I’ll report back with results. And good luck with your mean girl – I hope it gets better and that you stay sane!

    • Anonymous

      Could some of this be about role confusion, yours or hers? Balancing the “outside work” decorum with more formal work decorum?

      Any chance to have a one-on-one over coffee, or chalk it up to being “just business”?

      • ConfusedYoungProfessional

        At first I thought it was her “just business” attitude versus her outside of work friends attitude, but some of her comments to me in the last year have been similar to how she would speak disparagingly of people she didn’t like back when we were friends. I said this above, but I’ve tried to let it roll off, until I came to the conclusion that it’s not all business anymore. To be honest, I’m scared to have coffee with her. We haven’t really hung out in the last year because the personal dynamic has changed so much, and I don’t know how to start that conversation – “Hey, I don’t like when you roll your eyes while I’m talking or say nasty things about me after a meeting”? I’m open to ideas, I just don’t know how to approach it.

  7. AIMS

    Just wanted to follow up and say thank you for all the helpful comments to my query about supporting my friend from the morning thread. I had some time to read and reread the different comments and definitely appreciate all the different perspectives. I was mainly asking how to be supportive when I think my friend is making a mistake but it was good to read different takes on the situation. FWIW, unfortunately, I have my own fair share of experience with verbally and emotionally abusive relationships and I guess to me what she has described to is very different from that sort of situation so I can’t help but think that people are allowed to fight and yell once in a while without being labeled abusive, but I think you all are right – I’m not there and it’s not for me to decide how she should feel about these things. Sometimes life is just so much more complicated than a Lifetime movie. Thanks again.

  8. anon in BigLaw

    Bought something off Piperlime and with the promo code they have now, it would have been 25% cheaper. I re-ordered the item, X, at the cheaper price because they refused to do a price adjustment, with the idea that I’d return the one I originally ordered, Y, as soon as it is delivered. But, can I just wear whichever one comes first and return the other with the receipt for the most expensive one? They are identical, but would they check serial numbers or something like that?

    • anonymous

      Can you cancel the first order, or did they ship it out already? Also, another thing you can do it to refuse acceptance of the first box, so they deliveryman returns it back to the shipper – otherwise you will need to pay for return shipping, which kind of makes the discount on the second item not worth it, right?

    • Anonymous

      If you ordered the exact same iitem, you can definitely start using the one you got first.

  9. Hard Decisions Aftermath

    Ok, ladies, what are your best tricks to get over a breakup?

    BF and I split after 4 years due to differences in expectations and lack of commitments – I wanted kids, he doesn’t. No hard feelings – I love him, and he’s one of my closest confidants and my favorite adventure buddy, but as you pointed out a few weeks ago, it’s just not going to work long-term.

    Unfortunately, everything reminds me of him, and I’m having trouble getting rid of this background, low-level heartache that’s making everything miserable. I gave him back all of his stuff already. I’ve hid his posts on facebook, unfriended him on all other social media, and told him we have to cut off communication to let ourselves get over each other. But we ate at that restaurant, we were planning on making this recipe I have bookmarked, I bought those shoes for that vacation. He was ingrained in almost every aspect of my life (as happens you do when you both like and love your SO), everything I do feels like he’s missing from it.

    Suggestions for rituals or tricks to get over the relationship, the boyfriend, and the future I’d been hoping and planning for?

    • Mpls

      Start doing things that you want to do and he didn’t. Start new traditions. Find your new normal. Find new people to be your go-to person.

      Hugs – it really just takes time.

      • AIMS

        I like this advice. Also, consider a girls weekend or maybe some other travel, however small or large – I always feel like I get a fresh start when I go somewhere new.
        Other than that my only advice is keep busy and give it time. It’s hard, especially when you didn’t have a big fight or catch him cheating or whatever other big obvious break up reason. But just remind yourself why you are doing this, what you are working towards and know that it will get easier eventually.

      • Mpls

        For example, things I did in the 6 mths or so after I broke up:
        – painted my entire apartment so it felt more like home and a space I wanted to be in, since I was spending more time at home than his place now
        – joined a young arts patron group so I’d have a group of people to go events with since I didn’t have anyone to go with, also helped me meet new people (and eventually led to a new job, but that’s another story)
        – made dates with my girl friends and tried not to spend too much time whining over the ex – try to focus on the future
        – got out the needlepoint and crochet – which ex had previously pooh-poohed as “women’s stuff” (I think he was trying to be funny) but that I loved and had kind of put aside because I was putting time with him as a priority. Now I have time to do the hobbies that I like.
        – watched lots of netflix – sometimes it was the only way to distract my brain enough to fall asleep, though it only worked with episodes I had already seen.
        – picked up a new exercise routine (for a while anyway)

    • Silvercurls

      Try socializing w/ friends who are parents, or volunteering in settings with children, as a reminder of what you hope to have in future but knew would not happen with him? I’m trying to be helpful, but apologies in advance if you find this spectacularly UNhelpful advice.

    • Flower

      Try doing some of the things you were going to do together alone – this is easier with recipes, movies you were going to watch together on netflix, etc. The first one is awful, but after a while it stops being “we were going to do X together” and becomes “I get to do X when I want, rather than wait for his schedule”. I found it very empowering to start doing some of those things alone – I think one the hardest parts of moving from being in a relationship to being by yourself is actually doing fun things for YOU rather than for you + other person. Obviously, intermix with doing things with friends as well, but it can be good to get used to doing things without the same person always.

    • Brunette Elle Woods

      There’s nothing that will make it easy. It really just takes time. It’s a process that you have to go through and there is not way to speed it up. When I went through a break up I made a list of things to do alone so when you have free weekends and feel lonely you can do something fun. Watching shows that you previously didn’t have time for is good. I got into The Good Wife on Hulu.

  10. PinkKeyboard

    Random house decorating question: Just ordered a kilim rug from Turkey and I’m really excited. Does anyone have any recommendations on rug pads? It’s hand woven so not a standard size. Can I order a normal rug pad too big and cut it down?

    • AIMS

      This is what I did with one of my rugs. You just need a good pair of scissors (I used kitchen shears).

  11. I Do Not Like The Cone of Shame

    I have an embarrassing question.

    Suddenly, I have developed a lusty crush on the partner I work with. I can’t explain this, it’s someone I have worked with for a while and really like and respect. For a variety of reasons, this just can’t happen, ever. Quitting or moving to another role is not an option, I really like my current role.

    But it’s totally distracting me at work. Any tips for getting an inappropriate crush out of your thoughts, stat??

    • Happened to me

      If moving or quitting were an option, that would be my advice. These things are not easy to shake. Maybe a little bit of behavior modification that can dis-associate the person as an object of lust from your mind, somehow, like when your mind starts to wander inappropriately to some fantasy, shifting your focus to features the person has that are just like your father’s, brother’s, grandfather’s, uncle’s., priest’s… [insert inappropriate male figure] to train your mind away from the lust factor.
      E.g., I don’t have a crush on my boss, but just to keep from ever developing one, I like to think, when I hear him laugh or make a joke or something else I find appealing, about how exactly like my brother’s many features of his personality are.

    • Ellen

      I was waiteing to see if other’s would respond, but since they haven’t, let me. First of all, Kudo’s to you for recognising that the crush is improper. Double Kudo’s for not takeing any action on it. The last thing you need is to share with him this, b/c it could jepardise your job and your marrage (if your married). He could also have sex with you for a while then fire you if his wife finds out. But it sound’s like there is NO other man in your life and that is the probelem, or if you have one, he is a looser. Get a man who is NOT married (or at work) ASAP and make sure he is romantic to you and back. Also, if you have to fantasize, and you don’t have a man, do it at home and envision other men to keep you satisfied.

      In my situeation, when I had Alan, he was there most of the time at night, so I was mostly satisfied with him, even tho he was hardley a good lover, but I was to busy to think much about any other men, and there were none at work worth thinkeing over anyways. Once Alan was OUT of my life, tho, I did have to start lookeing (and dateing) others, but was carful NOT to just have sex for no reason. Most guy’s will just have sex and after you have sex, they loose interest. I know that is NOT good, so Myrna got me some gift’s which were much better substitute’s, and made no mess to clean up afterwards. Myrna also remind’s me that this is also an option, b/c if you get good rest at night you will be abel to be better focused in the workplace and less likely to daydream about the partner and you haveing sex in the law libary or makeing other firework’s in his office. FOOEY! Myrna and I are goeing up to the roof with the manageing partner’s brother to watch firework’s tonite. He is comeing over soon with deli take out for us! YAY!!!!

  12. Moonstone

    I’d love an update on the woman who came to Chicago to interview a few days ago. There was some talk of impostor syndrome. How did it all play out?

  13. Libby

    If its the same one that i met, i came into town, stayed at the Hyatt, met a nice guy and left

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