Weekend Open Thread

254 Comments

1. Any sailors out there? I am doing a fun, short sailing class tomorrow and of course have no idea what to wear. Swim suit? Workout clothes? Normal casual shorts/tshirt? Boat shoes over sneakers? (I know hat, sunscreen sunglasses, etc.) It’s an introductory “class” technically but meant to be a fun, one-time social thing, too.

   1. You could wear a swim suit under shorts and a t-shirt. Other options would be board shorts or quick-drying cargo shorts or a tankini bottom and a tank top or sport br@ type top. Workout clothes would be ok too. If you have boat shoes, sure, but I wouldn’t go out and buy them if you don’t already have them. I usually wear tevas or other sport sandals that are meant to be worn in water because I sometimes launch from the shore.

      Have fun!

   2. What kind of sailing? For dinghy sailing, you will get wet. Wear things that dry fast. At my dinghy sailing club, a wetsuit is required (the ocean is cold, and falling in could result in hypothermia after 10 minutes) but they have wetsuits for rent. If this is on a larger keelboat, then casual clothes is fine. Wear shoes with non-marking soles.

   3. Non-cotton clothes that dry fast and lots of layers. You’ll want to bring warmer clothes than the outside temperature suggests, particularly if you’re sailing on the ocean – e.g., you’d probably never think to bring a sweatshirt to walk around a city if it was 70 degrees outside, but 70 degrees on the ocean with a strong wind and spray will get very cold very fast. I’d wear some sort of non-marking closed-toe shoe if you have them. I regularly sail in flip-flops or sandals but I’ve been to some sailing schools that want you to wear a closed-toe shoe. Check the homepage of the place where you’re taking the lesson – they probably have an FAQ with a “what to wear?” question.

   4. I sail in Boston where the water is frigid year round, and only wear a wet suit when sailing competitively in the winter (aka for a social, one-time sail, it’s not necessary). That said, aim for comfort. When I teach sailing classes for people who don’t sail regularly, I recommend as casual as gym shorts and a tshirt or khaki/casual shorts. If it’s a nice yacht club, go for the nicer shorts and tshirt, but shouldn’t be anything more than a cotton shirt. If you’re in a boat 14′ or larger, you probably won’t get too wet. On a larger boat (24′ or more), little to no risk of getting wet on a calm day. Smaller than ’14 (aka “dinghy”) — count on getting damp. Bathing suit is by no means required, but don’t wear anything you wouldn’t mind getting splashed. It’s always colder on the water than on land, so don’t forget a light second layer just in case.

      Footwear can be important – check the sailing club’s website to see if there are restrictions. When in doubt, opt for closed toe shoes. I am loyal to my Sperry’s, but a running shoe is fine too. I hate sailing with shoes on, so I’m barefoot when I’m not with students.

      1. This^. I regularly sail barefoot in a tee shirt and chino shorts, but location, boat size and club requirements will make a difference. Shoes may be the most important bit; make sure the soles are non marking and you’ll be fine.

   5. Honestly, it depends on where you are. Here on the Cape it’s hot and there’s no wind, but that’s just today. If I were going sailing today, I’d wear a t-shirt and shorts over a biking with flip flops. If it’s windier, I’d bring a sweatshirt or anorak.

      You won’t need a wetsuit unless you’re doing serious team racing and it’s a good 30 degrees colder.

      1. MIss Behaved, do you live on Cape Cod? I do (moved here recently) and I am looking to meet new people. . .

         1. Basically, yes. I live down here about 4 days a week during the summer. Where are you located?

   6. Dinghy – swimsuit with t-shirt and shorts over.
      Bigger boat but with possibility of swimming – swimsuit with more ‘respectable’ casual clothes over the top

   7. Conference help! I am going to a sports and events-related conference next week in Las Vegas. I am a practicing attorney as my “day job,” but am attending the conference as a member of my husband’s business (i.e. in a non-attorney capacity). I do work for his business part-time (unrelated to my area of law) so I will be seeing vendors, partners, etc. that we work with. I am fine with dress code for the conference itself, but there is an evening event that has me stumped. Our company was invited to a “VIP” event at the outdoor area of a prominent Vegas night club. The event is from 8:30 – 11:30 PM and the dress code is “upscale business attire.” As an attorney, I know exactly what I’d wear. However, I’m not attending in that capacity, and the location, time, and venue are making me think it’s more “clubby” than my usual conservative attorney attire (i.e. sheath dress and jacket with statement necklace). Note: I do not wish to dress “clubby,” but I also do not want to be the stuffy one in the room. Suggestions are most welcome!

      1. No idea what is appropriate (I am a frequent “shit. what am I supposed to wear to this??”-type), but nothing that you’ve described makes me think “clubby”. Focus on the UPSCALE direction they gave, not the venue.

         1. Thanks! I think I am focusing more on the location and time, rather than purpose. Would a cocktail dress be appropriate? I certainly do not want to look like I am going to a wedding, nor do I want to wear a suit (do I need to)? I confess I’m not good at taking off my conservative attorney hat.

            1. I’d just wear a sheath, fun shoes, and a necklace.

      2. I frequent conferences in Vegas all the time in my capacity as an attorney and it sounds like they do a lot of the same sort of cocktail networking events as you describe here. It has been my experience that if people are going straight from the conference to this cocktail event, then they will simply wear business attire. If it is a later event where people typically go to dinner and then attend the event afterwards, then they will dress more cocktail appropriate. I tend to dress a little bit… well, “less conservative” in Vegas because the place just allows it. I typically will wear a cocktail dress that is not quite “clubby” but not really business appropriate either. Somewhere in the middle. There is nothing worse than wearing a suit to a club, even though it is a work related event. Stick with a classy LBD and you can’t go wrong.

   8. Why don’t you call and ask the club? They would probably be the most helpful!

      1. I disagree with this suggestion. The club probably holds a lot of events, and the person who answers the phone is probably 22, and some of the events are clubby. She probably doesn’t know what is appropriate for your conference’s specific event. I like anonymous’s suggestion of a sheath dress, shoes, and a necklace.

2. This dress looks great, but I notice that it’s under the “bridesmaid” section. Do you think this would be okay to wear when you just want a nice dress? I have the workwear dress that Kat mentions and I think it’s great.

   1. If the dress is nice, who cares what its marketed for?

      1. Agree — just think of Marilyn Monroe. :)

         Plus, I’d never want a bridesmaid wearing that dress; way too close to bridal white.

   2. I have several of the J.Crew dresses that are marketed as bridesmaid dresses that I have worn to cocktail events and other weddings (not as a b-maid). I don’t see any problem with it at all. I suppose you could run into a problem where you might wear a dress to a wedding and have it turn out to be the actual bridesmaid’s dress, but I think that chance is really slim.

      1. Two guests showed up in the same dress at the last wedding I went to. They both had a great sense of humor about it and the bride took a special photo with them as her ‘second string bridesmaids’.

   3. I see why you’re concerned but I don’t think this dress looks like it is only a bridesmaid dress. I see your concern though because many bridesmaid dresses– especially satin ones– scream BM.

      I wouldn’t get this because it’s white and I don’t go to enough fancy, non-wedding events for this to be worth it to me, but I don’t think it looks overly bridesmaid-y.

      1. “I wouldn’t get this because it’s white and I don’t go to enough fancy, non-wedding events for this to be worth it to me, but I don’t think it looks overly bridesmaid-y.”

         This exactly. I actually own a semi-formal white and pink dress that I love but have never worn because the only summer formal events I attend are wedding-related an it feels too bridal, and it feels ridiculous to wear it to fall and winter holiday celebrations. Lesson learned.

   4. Definitely. I think it’s actually too bridal for a bridesmaid’s dress.

   5. Yay! Open Thread’s! I love Open Thread’s!!! And MORE IMPORTANTELY, Congratulation’s to Kat on her 5th anniversary. You are so lucky to be MARRIED and have kid’s also. That is realy what I want, to be abel to be MARRIED and have Kid’s, and mabye do a blog on legal stuff.

      I also love this dress, and could wear this for an outing at the HAMTON’s, even if it is white. I just have to remember NOT to eat anything with Musterd or Ketchup, b/c it will wind up on my lap. Even a Hamburger is dangerous b/c of the greaze. FOOEY! I have given away more dresses and skirt’s and sweaters b/c they got stains on them. DOUBEL FOOEY!

      This weekend, I am headeing for the Hamton’s soon with the manageing partner’s brother. He has monopolised my time this past coupel of week’s, between the Hamton’s, the apartement, the coop board and eateing in the City, I have NOT had the time to deal with anyone else. Even Myrna is p.o’ed that I did NOT go to her place to watch TV b/c the manageing partner’s brother was comeing over. So far he has kept his hand’s to himself, but he ooogle’s me alot lately, and spend’s a lot of time in the toilet. I wonder if he has digestive probelem’s. He has something he put’s in the toilet b/c when he come’s out, it smells OK in there. I was told there is something you can buy and carry with you so you won’t stink up someone’s toilet if you are there as a guest. I have to find that. Does anyone in the hive know about this? I think it’s a PILL or a TABLET you put in the water BEFORE YOU USE THE TOILET. I tried to Googel it, but came up with nothing. TRIPEL FOOEY! I want to keep Margie’s toilet fresh– I get to use her bath, and the manageing partner make’s his brother stay in the guest house b/c I do NOT want to run into him at 3:00 AM goeing to the toilet.

      If anyone know’s, please tell us! Have a great weekend, and Happy Annivereary to Kat!!!! YAY!!!!!!

3. Cute dress.

   Shopping help: I’m looking for a cotton polo dress. Standard A-line from the bust fit, not tucked at waist. Preferably in petites. Lands End is the only one I’ve been able to find so far, and the available colors (navy, pink) aren’t my top preference. TIA!

   1. I don’t totally understand what you mean by “standard a-line from the bust fit, not tucked at waist” but I have one from Ralph Lauren several years ago that has a similar fit/shape to what we call today a ‘skater dress.’ Check out RL’s golf and tennis styles, maybe?

   2. I’m not sure if they still make them, but I actually have a great polo dress from American Apparel I bought several years ago. The material is on the thin side but it is comfortable and has worn well.

      1. How do we feel about American Apparel now that Dov Charney has been ousted? I’ve avoided that company for years because I found him so disgusting.

         1. He’s still there, now as a ‘consultant’ with a handsome salary.

            1. Yuck.

            2. Plus I read somewhere that he still owns around 27% of the company, so he’s still profiting.

         2. I’m still revolted by it. They tolerated his filth for so long that I refuse to give them my business.

   3. Zappos has a Lacoste in several colors (green, black, orange). Ralph Lauren? Macy’s has a red and a purple Tommy Hilfiger brand.

      1. Thanks for the Lacoste and RL suggestions. I can’t believe I hadn’t thought to look at those!

         The TH dresses at Macy’s are seriously cute, but not the cut I’m looking for currently.

   4. Ralph Lauren always has classic polo dresses and you can often find them in the sale section of their website. I’m not sure if they make petites but in my experience, their polo dresses are pretty short.

   5. Lands End also has some cute options that I’ve been seriously tempted by.

   6. J c r e w factory has one in navy and green. They’re $40 but the site always has sales.

      http://factory.jcrew.com/womens-clothing/dresses/shiftdresses/PRDOVR~A7988/A7988.jsp?color_name=navy&un_jtt_v_pdp=yes

      1. Thank you! I thought it was odd they didn’t have on their main site, but I didn’t think to look at the factory store.

         How is the quality of their factory pieces? I stopped buying anything from gap, BR, and ann taylor “factory” labels because the quality was so poor.

         1. Quality is fine for the price but the dresses are short, if that’s a problem for you.

      2. Speaking of J c r e w factory, I have sitting in my shopping cart a pair of Isabelle studded patent pumps that are marked down to $19.99 with a 50 percent off code = $10. I know it’s only $10 but on principal I still wouldn’t want to have to give them away right away – can anyone speak to sizing and comfort of j c r e w shoes?

         1. I don’t know about Factory, but sizing is usually TTS for me and the shoes are sturdy but not the most cushioned things ever. For $10 I’d go for it, and maybe grab some of those pads/inserts you can slip in your shoes if they’re not comfy enough.

            1. Thanks! Will do! Pads/inserts have saved me more than once – not just for cushioning but also for sweat absorption in the summer – they make any pair of shoes more comfortable and longer-lasting.

4. Hello Hive,
   I am the youngest person at my company, by a lot. My boss constantly comments on my shopping habits, points out when I wear something new, and will make underhanded remarks about how I need to learn to budget. The thing is I am amazing at budgeting, I spend 100/month on clothing, just because I am skilled at getting my Silk blouses for $15, and my leather pumps for $20, it looks like I probably spend more than I do on my wardrobe. Anyways I explained to my boss, that I infact do budget and I just am a skilled shopper, but alas the comments keep coming. HELP!

   1. “Thanks! I keep a really close eye out on the sales, and I’m always on the lookout for a good deal. It gives me a rush!”

   2. The professional response would probably be the Miss Manner’s response: Look at him with a puzzled expression and say “Why would you say that?”

      I would probably be tempted to a more passive aggressive method, such as explaining my budgeting in extensive detail. Preferably starting with how I save money on groceries, going through each item I buy, where it can be found for the cheapest, how frequently it goes on sale, and what the sale price is. But, uh, probably the Miss Manner’s response is better.

   3. I’d probably say something like “my financial advisor is very happy with my budgeting skills. It helps that I’m a great bargain shopper.”

   4. There was a post on here once about someone who had to deal with a constantly complaining coworker. The advice posted was great and the one that really stuck out to me was someone who said they plastered a huge grin on their face and feigned huge happiness and optimism. I’d do something like that here. A huge smile and say “thanks for noticing! I do love these shoes!” And ignore the budget comments.

      1. +1 – my boss makes comments like that too and I just smile and say thank you. Occasionally he says I have too many clothes or that he’s paying me too much because my wardrobe is huge and I just joke around and say that clearly i’m just good at mixing and matching or i love bargain shopping or something.

   5. You could convert it to bragging about how little you spent – i.e., if he notices your new shoes (and what guy notices new shoes, BTW?), you could respond with “Thanks! Can you believe that I found them on clearance for $20?” (I’d keep the thanks even if it didn’t come off like a complement.)

   6. I would be inclined to say something more pointed, as in “I sure hope you notice my good work as much you seem to notice my wardrobe!” or “Is there something you find inappropriate about my clothing? I ask because you have now commented on it several times.”

      1. I agree with this advice. You can say the first one with a smile but no need to brag about your bargain shopping or otherwise comment on the size of your wardrobe.

      2. Hmm, I’m not sure being confrontational over something like this is worth it. I’d take the approach of just not engaging in the discussion.

5. Does anyone in this community have experience with Bell’s Palsy. I came down with it Sunday – I am in third trimester with twins and for reasons unknown pregnant women are 3x more likely to get it.
   I got to the doctor immediately and started a course of steroids. I am also going to acupuncture. It got a bit worse the next 48 hours and now seems to have stabilized. From everything that I’ve read and heard, I basically have to wait it out a few weeks to month.
   Thankfully, it has no impact on the babies (apart from the drugs, which my OB said were safe and can assist with lung development), so at the moment, it is mostly cosmetic. I am mostly working from home these days, but can also hear it impacting my speech in longer conference calls (think novocaine wearing off post-dentist).
   I am just curious how other professionals have dealt with it in professional settings, as it is a big ego hit. And of course, other happy stories of’ recovery are also welcomed!
   Signed a long term lurker and sometimes poster

   1. I don’t have any experience, but I hope you recover quickly and completely.

      1. +1

   2. Going anon for fear of outing myself. I don’t have experience with Bell’s Palsy but did have a traumatic accident a few years ago. When I went back to work I was still obviously dinged up; I had abrasions on my face, neck and arms and was missing a tooth. What I think worked best for me was having a 1 sentence story explaining the accident, following up with a comment about all the effects were temporary and that in a few months I’d be completely healed. In my experience most people are very understanding and polite when they find out that you’ll be ok, eventually. (Once you get to a certain age you’re almost guaranteed to know someone who has had an accident, or a rare medical condition.) I should add that I’m not in a client facing role and had been at my company for four years when I had the accident, so I was dealing with people who knew me. Get well soon!

   3. One of my dearest friends from college developed it after giving birth (incredibly long labor before finally getting a C-section). It took about a month or so to go away and she’s never had any problem since. From what I understand, sometimes it’s just the body’s freaky way of dealing with a lot of stress. We were talking about something the other day and it came up, and she had almost forgotten that happened. So here’s hoping this is just one of those weirdo pregnancy things that gets long forgotten for you, too.

   4. I got it in what turned out to be a freak inflammatory reaction to a cold. It started literally the night before my first day at a new job. I showed up at the office on time and just explained what it was and that it was temporary. The first week was the worst and then it started gradually going away. It took about a month for my face to get back to normal (I took steroids as well). After the first week or so, it really is all up from there. Good luck.

   5. Going anonymous because I’d out myself. I’ve had it twice, both times were in law school, which was quite a while ago now without any recurrence since then. The first time it lasted about a week and went away. The second time was 4 months later, opposite side, and lasted maybe 10 days. If I raise my eyebrows now in a “surprised” face and look closely, I can tell that one side of my forehead doesn’t wrinkle as much as the other one but other than that I haven’t had any long term issues. Honestly, the worst part of the whole ordeal was the steroids. I had the most horrible reaction – acne all over my chest, back and face. My chest went back to normal after a few months. My back took about 3 years and I don’t think my face has ever really gone back to normal (although no one but me would really notice the difference at this point). Other than steroids, I was also given some serious anti-viral drugs because sometimes a virus is what causes the inflammation in the nerve canal. I’d get that if I were you.

      All I can say is that at least for me I got better quickly but I remember those days feeling agonizing and terrifying. I was so worried I would never look the same again and would have chronic eye problems. It was really amazing to realize how much of my self esteem was wrapped up in my ability to smile. I was terrified I would get bells palsey again when I was pregnant but have been lucky through both my pregnancies.

      Major hugs to you. It is really hard for other people to understand how something like this can be so awful. Something that made me feel better – George Clooney has had BP. And he is hot. So, there’s always that :-)

      Also, just to give you a bit of humor: the first time I got it I had just gotten a sample wrinkle serum from Sephora that had some sort of snake venom in it that was supposed to paralyze your wrinkles. Both my husband and I thought it was a bad reaction to the serum for the first two days. Neither of us had ever heard of BP before. Needless to say, I was a bit embarrassed when I admitted this to the ER doctor.

   6. THIS BELONGS ON THE “MOM” BLOG THANK YOU.

      1. You’ve got to be kidding. I hope this was a joke.

      2. From the National Institute of Neurological Disorders and Stroke: Bell’s palsy afflicts approximately 40,000 Americans each year. It affects men and women equally and can occur at any age, but it is less common before age 15 or after age 60. It disproportionately attacks people who have diabetes or upper respiratory ailments such as the flu or a cold.

         I am not sure how asking about a disease that affects both men and women belongs on the Moms s!te…

      3. My brother had an case of Bell’s Palsy at 16. So, no, it doesn’t.
         Poster – fast forward 18 years – he’s never had another incident, and other than needing PT at that time, I don’t believe has had any other issues since. Hope there’s some relief soon.

      4. I know the ROTFLMAO is probably hyperbole, but with the exception of actually getting on the floor that’s my response to this, whether it was intended to be serious or not.

   7. I’ve had it over 2-3 years ago and actually posted about it here as I was freaking out.
      I was in the US when it happened, maybe it was a bad reaction to Excedrin (next time I’d bring my own meds) but it developed over 48 hours and half my face was paralyzed.
      I got prescription for steroids and another type of medicine (to rule our any viral causes).
      It took a few weeks to wear off and my eye still never completely shuts down if I lay on my back but it’s barely noticeable.
      I worked in Government Relations and PR at the time so I was mortified. I simply learned to start by saying I have a minor issue on my face and it’s temporary then carry on. People would be concerned at first but no one would push it.
      I hope you get better soon.
      George Clooney had it ..

   8. My husband had it. He had the facial paralysis for a good 6-8 weeks then recovered fully.

6. Most expensive ____ you’ve ever bought.

   I’ll go first.
   Top: $125
   Bottom: $150
   Dress: $200
   Outerwear: $250
   Shoes: $175
   Handbag: $5000
   Jewelry: $200

   Curious to see what others prioritize. I love purses, but don’t care as much for shoes or jewelry!

   1. Top (not including suit jacket): $100
      Bottom: $120
      Dress: $200
      Outerwear: $350 (North Face coat)
      Shoes: $350 (Frye boots)
      Handbag: $250
      Jewelry: $150

   2. I don’t know/remember how much I have spent except for the jewelry. But I think the maximum I would spend will be:

      Top: $50
      Bottom: $50
      Dress: $50
      Outerwear: $150
      Shoes: $125
      Handbag: $150
      Jewelry: $7000
      I am a South Indian and I was crazy about jewelry. I am still crazy about jewelry but priorities have changed in my life. So for now I am buying one or two small pieces per year which I can wear daily.

      1. Is it inappropriate for me to ask what type of jewellery you generally buy? I am curious, am sure that it’s absolutely beautiful, and would like to live vicariously through you.

         1. As I mentioned from last couple of years, I am buying simple jewelry which I can wear to work. Last year, I bought a white freshwater pearl necklace and stud ear rings from Pearl Paradise. The year before that, I was in Israel twice for work, one month each time. I couldn’t resist buying two sets of silver jewelry from a shop which I used to see every single day going to and back from work :-). Here is the website: http://www.gras.co.il/eng/htmls/home.aspx
            This year, I am planning to buy black freshwater pearl necklace and earrings. My mom gifts a small piece of jewelry every alternate years (One year for me and one year for my sister). This year it’s my turn. I am still thinking what to get :-)

            Most of my wedding jewelry is traditional South Indian jewelry. I spent $7000 on a gold waist belt which is a very impractical piece of jewelry. I have only worn it twice, once for my wedding and once during my sister’s wedding. Hmm..but that’s how crazy I am.

            1. Gold. Waist. Belt. You’re killing me. Maybe I could commission a gold-plated version. I want one SO BAD to wear over saris.

            2. We have a solid Gold belt in Morocco and almost every woman needs at least one for her wedding.
               But I agree it is very impractical

      2. Also my most expensive piece of clothing is my wedding reception Sari which my parents bought for me and my wedding sari which my in-laws bought ($750 – $800). If I had to buy it myself, I would have spent that money.

      3. Finally, some more reasonable jewelry prices =). I’ve spent $4k on my wedding bangles, which I never see because I never got married (I’m not Ellen, I swear). They’re such beautiful gold and make the best tinkling sounds when they slide on your arms.

         1. Ru, you should totally rock the bangles or buy new if the ones you have makes you emotional. For the waist belt, I debated getting a silver one with gold plating vs a gold one. You know, being surrounded by women (mom, mother-in-law, sister and aunts) who go nuts with jewelry doesn’t help. I ended up getting a gold one. As I told, I have worn it just twice. So if you really like it, get a gold plated one. Less investment more fun :-)

      4. Interesting to read these! All of my top prices are outliers and not my norm.

         Top: $50
         Bottom: $225 (Theory pants that my Nordstrom rep talked me into… never worn… never will)
         Dress: $220 (ugly bridesmaid purchase…)
         Dress for me: $90
         Outerwear: $2500 for a beautiful full length shearling coat from Nordstroms. Will last forever.
         Boot: $275 (Aquitaine on deep discount).
         Shoes: $60
         Handbag: $40
         Jewelry: Can’t remember last purchase. Never buy.

      5. Top: $100
         Bottom: $250 (some high end jeans in the black coated style that looks leathery)
         Dress: $450 (Ted Baker black sheath)
         Outerwear: $300 (leather jacket)
         Boot: $500 (black leather boots)
         Shoes: $200 (so many cole haan heals over the years)
         Handbag: $900 (beautiful Phillip Lim work bag)
         Jewelry: Can’t remember last purchase. Never buy.

         I know a lot of these are high but they are all rare but well worn purchases. I have a small but expensive wardrobe and buy a few very nice things every year.

   3. Top: $100
      Bottom: $120
      Dress: $190 (bridesmaid’s dress… go figure) otherwise probably $120
      Outerwear: $500 for a really nice leather jacket, partially a gift
      Shoes: $300 (boots)
      Bag: $300 (Cole Haan)
      Jewelry: $75

      I guess I don’t prioritize anything in particular.

   4. Top: $200
      Bottom: $110
      Dress: $200
      Outerwear: $150
      Shoes: $300
      Handbag: $250
      Jewelry: $900 — I don’t buy much jewelry but when I do I buy the good stuff

      Shoes and bags are my gazingus pins…

   5. Top: $100
      Bottom: $150
      Dress: $300
      Outerwear: $300
      Shoes: $300
      Handbag: $500
      Jewelry: $200

      $300 seems to be my maxout price point outside of handbags…

   6. Probably…
      Top: $40
      Bottom: $100
      Dress (if you don’t count my wedding dress): $200
      Outerwear: $160 (J. Crew Lady Day)
      Shoes: $160 or whatever Uggs cost a few years ago
      Handbag: $300
      Jewelry: $20? I don’t think I’ve ever bought myself non-costume jewelry

   7. Top: $300
      Bottom: $300
      Dress: $1500 wedding dress, $300 regular dress
      Outerwear: $250 (would have spent more!)
      Shoes: $325
      Handbag:$1200
      Jewelry: $3500

      Lot easier to think about my average prices or best sales finds rather than most – wonder why

   8. This is making me feel like a spendthrift…good reminder to stick to my semi-shopping diet until winter!

   9. Top: $60
      Bottom: $160
      Dress: $275
      Outerwear: $120
      Shoes: $330
      Handbag: $260
      Jewelry: $160

   10. Top: $250
       Bottom: $200
       Dress: $350
       Outerwear: $750
       Shoes: $500
       Handbag: $2500
       Jewelry: $175

       Clearly I like shoes, bags and coats. Jewelry I could take or leave (at least when I’m buying it for myself).

   11. Interesting!

       Top: $90 (sadly this was back in high school, when I cared about having snotty brands displayed on my chest)
       Bottom: $125 (wide-legged Trina Turk trousers that I wear at least once a week, if not more)
       Dress: $300 (prom dress; otherwise $200 for a never-worn formal dress…)
       Outerwear: $60 (leather jacket; all my other coats have been gifts or hand-me-downs. most expensive would have been around $175.)
       Shoes: $110 (second-hand boots; like my nice coats, my nice boots have been generously gifted. probably like…$300.)
       Handbag: $130 (most expensive would have been a gift at around $400)
       Jewelry: $220 (watch)

       I dream of having a jewelry budget and will probably be dropping around $300 for a new handbag when the post-Christmas sales hit. I’m pretty comfortable with all of my highest numbers, except the $200 dress. Total impulse buy. Thought I’d have things to wear it to, never have. I should probably consign it because it’s a nice brand and it still has the tags. Ugh.

   12. Top: $250 – probably some sweater jacket type thing
       Bottom: $150 (suit pants or jeans)
       Dress: $300 (not including wedding dress)
       Outerwear: $350 (dress coat, still waiting to get my burberry trench)
       Shoes: $175 (size 12 feet limit my shoe shopping)
       Handbag: $750 (love handbags, but haven’t yet exceed the $1000 level)
       Jewelry: $400 (not including wedding rings, which came out of pooled finances)

       Interesting that the tops are pretty low for most people. This is probably where I spend most of my money – sweaters, silk blouses, etc. These days it’s hard for me to find a work top I like without spending at least $75.

       1. Anon, where do you buy shoes? I’m a 12/11W and have the hardest time…

          1. I usually go to Nordstrom and say “I am looking for X, and I wear a size 12. Bring me what you have.” That works 50% of the time. The rest of the time I buy Clarks flats for work (sooooo comfortable, cured my plantar fasciitis). I also have some Stuart Weitzman (bought on sale) and Cole Haan heels. I am completely inept when it comes to walking in heels, because I never wear them, so I tend to just gravitate toward flats.

             I have noticed that the world has completely changed for large footed women in the past 10 years. Many many brands are carrying 12s online, but it is still hard to find a wide selection in the actual stores.

   13. I’m sort of a quality over quantity person so I have some very nice items in my closet but not many of them.
       Top: $250
       Bottom: $250
       Dress: $450
       Outerwear: no idea, live in a warm climate so I don’t really have much
       Shoes: $1000 (one pair, husband purchased)
       Handbag: $500
       Jewelry: $5000 (right hand diamond ring)

   14. Top: £33 (though more for a nice sweater, maybe?)
       Bottom: £40 probably
       Dress: £60 (prom dress, it’s a really lovely green looks-like-silk fabric that makes me look amazing and I wear for university events)
       Outerwear: £60 (not including ski gear)
       Shoes: £80 for Clarks boots last winter (not including ski gear! Otherwise it would be my ski boots which are £££££)
       Handbag: £50
       Jewellery: £8 maybe.

       I very rarely pay full price for anything, though – my ‘work bag’ I bought for my internship was reduced from £139 to £41, and I have a lovely BR Monogram tux blazer I wore today that was down from £139 to £38

   15. Guessing here:

       Suit: $800 (dress and matching jacket)
       Outerwear $800 (Canada Goose, its freaking cold here)
       Watch: $1400
       Shoes: $250?
       Handbag: $200, but I am shopping for another. Will go up to $300.

       My inclination going forward is to go higher quality and I could go up a bit from here.

       1. Top: $150
          Bottom: $150
          Dress: $200 (not even my wedding dresses – married 2x but borrowed one, got the other one on sale for about $20)
          Outerwear: $450 (leather jacket)
          Shoes: $200 (boots)
          Handbag: $350
          Jewelry: $350
          I shop sales, discount shops, thrift shops, online clubs, and resale religiously and almost never pay retail. My current limit for a dress is $49, purse (leather) $60, shoes $50, jacket ($50), top $20, but I will pay whatever it takes for good tailoring on top of that to make my bargains look terrific.

   16. Top: $150 (jacket)
       Bottom: $90-100 (dress pants)
       Dress other than bridesmaid dresses: $150 (c**ktail dress)
       Outerwear: $150 (dress coat)
       Shoes: $125 (boots)
       Handbag: $150?
       Jewelry: $700

       I’m a college professor, which influences what I’ll spend money on. Handbags just don’t matter to me since I’m constantly carrying a book tote. The jewelry item was a substantial gold necklace I bought just a month ago. It was the first time I spent more than $150 on jewelry, and I debated for months before plunking the money down. I’ve worn it almost every day, so I’m going to say it will be worth it. I do try to buy quality items on discount and then wear them for years.

   17. Top: $300
       Bottom: $300
       Dress: $1250
       Outerwear: $1000
       Shoes: $1250
       Handbag: $500
       Jewelry: $6000 (don’t judge- I literally haven’t taken it off once in 3 years)

       1. This is more like me. I’m a small wardrobe with really good pieces person.

   18. Top: $100
       Bottom: $100
       Dress: $300
       Outerwear: $2000 (GORGEOUS burberry coat. I live in a frigid city and love my outerwear)
       Shoes: $500 (work shoes)
       Handbag: $500
       Jewelry: can’t remember

   19. Top: 300
       Bottom: 250
       Bag: 3000
       Outerwear: 1000 for one and only coat I own. I live in a warm place and this is for trips abroad
       Shoes: 500
       Jewelry: five figures but I wear it daily

   20. Top: $56 ($120 if we’re counting suit jackets)
       Bottom: $90
       Dress: $120 (Not married yet, prom dress was bought by my mom)
       Outerwear: $150
       Shoes: $225 (Frye boots, $120 for non-boots)
       Handbag: $130
       Jewelry: $20? (all of my nice jewelry, including my watch, has been gifted to me)

       I should focus more on spending money on tops that are quality and I love. But I’m young and broke, so I mostly buy cheap tops that are merely not objectionable. But that’s probably true of my whole wardrobe.

   21. Top: $40. Usually I spend about $20.
       Bottom: $40. Usually I spend about $30.
       Dress: $100 wedding dress (it was a sample dress). My most expensive non-wedding dress was $60, but I have lots of $50 dresses
       Suit: $150
       Outerwear: $100 coat
       Shoes: $50, usually it’s closer to $30
       Handbag: $30
       Jewelry: $200 watch that broke (all the gears inside came loose) the third day I wore it. Second most expensive piece of jewelry I’ve bought myself was a $30 necklace from one of those jewelry parties.

       And w/r/t the spa question below, the only service I ever pay for is a haircut, which I do about four times a year for $35 plus $10 tip.

       I make six figures a year but am in my early/mid twenties and probably spend more on clothes and haircuts than 90% of my friends and family. I wear a lot of the same brands as my peers at work, although I do tend to only buy things a few times a year on the major (50% off) sales, on clearance, or second-hand. I also won’t wear leather (or silk or wool) for animal welfare reasons, which means I never spend much on bags and shoes.

   22. Top: 80 (DVF wrap top)
       Bottom: 80 (Joe’s jeans)
       Dress: 150 (DVF wrap and today’s Classiques NAS purchase)
       Suit: 200 (Brooks Bros)
       Outerwear: 350 (Burberry trench)
       Shoes: 200 (Frye boots)
       Bag: 225 (today’s Longchamp purchase)
       Jewelry: 50 (I have a hard time buying the nice stuff for myself so it’s all been gifts)

   23. Top: $120
       Bottom: $100
       Dress: $300
       Outerwear: $900
       Shoes: $300
       Handbag: $600
       Jewelry: $200

   24. Top: $350 ($850 if blazer/suit jacket counts)
       Bottom: $950
       Dress: $900
       Outerwear: $2000
       Shoes: $1200
       Handbag: $8000
       Jewelry: $2500

       The outerwear, handbag, and jewelry were each “celebration” purchases – the coat to celebrate my last round of chemo, the purse when I made partner, and the watch to celebrate 2 years cancer-free.

7. I love this site! Been stalking it for a while but this is my first time posting anything.

   I just signed up to attend a fun sewing conference next weekend (Sat/Sun)…I want to look cute,funky, but comfy at the same time…any ideas?!

   1. I love casual dresses for stuff like this, with a fun scarf that can double as a wrap if the conference rooms are chilly.

      1. Here’s what I’m thinking…

         Option 1: (inspired by your reply) Red skater dress with a black cardigan and cognac/gold sandals

         Option 2: Cream flair skirt with orange polka dots with grey and white stripped sweater and sandals (different sandals)

         Option 3: Boyfriend jeans in a light wash with black peplum 3/4 length sleeve top…not sure on shoes yet

         1. I’d go with option 2! Also, if you bought the skirt recently I’d love the link…

            1. Unfortunately it was purchased at least three years ago while I was still in college : /

               Also, it’s a two day conference…the last day we will be going on a fabric shopping trip…so I’ll probably opt for sandals/flats that day.

8. Ladies, I’m curious about how often you get routine spa services and what they typically cost. I never used to do anything besides a haircut and hi-/low-lights every 6 weeks. About 18 months ago I started getting gel manis and recently started with massages and facials.

   I’m in my mid-30s and didn’t grow up in a family where “going to the spa” was something we did. My sister thinks it’s patently absurd that I do these things; I am fortunate that my husband doesn’t. My job is fairly high stress – especially for the last year or so – and I find that doing these things for myself helps mitigate some of the stress.

   So, I’m wondering…what’s your routine?

   Gel mani – every 2 weeks – $30
   60-min Swedish massage – every 3 weeks – $77
   Facial – every 6 weeks – $94
   Haircut and hi-/low-lights – every 6 weeks – $105
   (prices include 20% tips)

   1. Haircut – every 9 or 10 weeks (mine is long so it doesn’t need frequent trims) – $80
      Full arm & upper lip wax – every 4 weeks – $60

      I do my own manicures and pedicures because I am grossed out by most spas and prefer to shape my nails exactly the way I like them.

      Up until recently I was getting brazilians every 4 weeks but have stopped in favor of lasering, which I’m also doing on my underarms. Cost is higher up front but way cheaper in the long run.

   2. Pedicure once or twice a year (usually a last minute panic that I have to wear open toes shoes to a wedding or something), haircuts 4 times a year ($50/time or so).

      1. Same, except haircuts 3x a year and they cost around $120. I am so lazy when it comes to upkeep. I like to say it’s because I’m thrifty, but it’s really just because I’m lazy.

         On the rare occasion I’ll add a wax (eyebrow or bikini).

   3. Here’s what I do:

      Gel mani – once every 4 weeks (or as long as I can stand it) – $25
      Brow & lip wax – every 2.5-3 weeks – $13 [oh god wonderful little place I’ve been going to since childhood, never close!)
      Pedicure – once every 8 weeks, less in winter – $23
      Japanese hair straightening – Once every 6 months, $210
      Brazilian – once every 6 weeks – $60

      I also wax my arms with the Sally Beauty strips, which are like 6 bucks and I do that probably once a month? When it starts getting long enough to bug me, I guess. I do a philosophy microdelivery peel once a week (at home) and an oxygen peel once a month or so.

      26, casual job in Northern California, if that makes a difference.

   4. I get my haircut about 3 times a year (around $35), otherwise, I never do these things. I wouldn’t say that I find them patently absurd, but I guess I’ve never really understood the appeal, particularly given the expense.* But if you like them and can afford it, definitely go to it!

      * I’m a full make-up every day sort of person, so it’s not really an aversion to pretty-lady stuff. I just don’t like to spend money, and generally find making appointments and having people poke at me more stressful than not. I’ll put off haircuts for as long as possible, too.

      1. I get the point of a massage, but I find regular pedicures really unnecessary (for me). It’s so easy to paint your own toes, why spend $20 on it?

         1. Because it’s not easy for everyone? I have a really tight back and find it very difficult to reach my toes at the angle for painting. My home pedicures usually look like I got drunk first. I’m still too cheap to pay for them because I prioritize other things more, but I can certainly understand why others would do it.

            1. This. I can’t reach down there to paint within the lines for anything. And the soak, callus treatment and foot massage are heaven. Plus my only chance to read current fashion magazines in print, otherwise its all online.
               My beauty routines, all before tip:
               Hair color every 2 months or so $50
               Brazilian wax every four weeks $50
               Hair cut when it bugs me – about every 3 months – $30
               Mani-pedi – $30 every 4 weeks (mani is soak, cuticles, and buff, no polish)
               Occasional eyebrow wax – 4x a year-ish for $30 a pop
               Don’t care for massage other than foot during pedicure.

         2. A salon pedicure is more than just painting the nails. Yes, I can paint my own nails but I also enjoy having someone massage my feet and calves. I could cut my own hair too, but that doesn’t mean that I need to.

         3. They also cut the nails, file them, shape the cuticles, moisturize, and do callus abatement. and they do a MUCH better job than I do.

            1. +1. There are just some angles I can not contort my foot into to do the necessary maintenance. Also, the massage chairs. And the benefits of a large polish collection without the hassle of buying and having to dispose of after only using in minimally.

   5. I find that among my less hairy friends, certainly the regular hair removal part of body maintenance strikes them as pretty odd and unnecessary. Most (more hirsute) women I know do a little professional landscaping somewhere on their body (whether its brows, bikini line, lip, chin, whatever) but I’ve had this conversation with women who grow very fine or very light body hair, who often are like “but why don’t you just shave it?”

      No joke, once a friend asked why I didn’t pluck instead of doing Brazilians.

      1. I am clearly on the more hirstute side, I can’t even imagine the pain or how long it would take to pluck instead of wax my bikini area

   6. Haircut every 6 months – $80

      Mani/pedi for special occasions like weddings, about 4x per year – $60

      I got massages about once a month or so during the 2nd trimester when I was pregnant and in horrible muscle/joint pain, but I don’t do that normally.

   7. 60 min Swedish once every 2 months – $80-$130
      Haircut once every 12 weeks – $130+$30 tip
      Eyebrow threading once every 6 weeks – $10-$20
      Occasional 10-20 min neck rub as needed: $1/min
      Mani/pedi few times a year: $30-$50

      Laser hair removal for lower legs & pits (few years ago, 1x payment + free yearly touch ups) – $2700 (worth every penny!)

   8. Haircut – every 4 weeks – $70 + $20 tip

      I started doing my nails at home (manicures and pedicures) and have found that I vastly prefer that to the salon. I also use Sephora samples for at-home facials.

      I’m looking into laser hair removal…

   9. Haircut once every 10 weeks — $100
      Pedicure once every 6 weeks – $30
      Massage once every 2 months – $80 (at a “budget” place)
      Facial once every 3 months – $120 (also at a more “budget” place)

      Tip of 20% included in all prices above. I am considering signing up for a membership at a very nice spa where once a month you can get either a a facial or massage, plus spend an afternoon using their spa amenities, for $90/mo. (before tip). I am worried that this is too indulgent, but at the same time, I work a very high-stress job and it could be a really nice monthly treat.

   10. Haircut, every 6 to 8 weeks (whenever my bangs start stabbing me in the eyeball): $60
       Mani-Pedi, every 4 to 6 weeks: $35
       90 minute massage, every other month: $80 (and SUCH A BARGAIN)

       and that’s it, really. I used to get Brazilians but I stopped wanting to afford it. Sometimes I feel like I should be getting my brows done, but I have bangs and big glasses and I don’t think anybody notices them.

       I am also getting my teeth straightened, which is $225 a month for 18 to 24 months. But that’s no fun.

   11. I think I am one of the most frugal people here in grooming department.

       1. Haircut: once every 6 months, 50$ each

       2. Waxing: Full face, underarms, full arms, full legs. I do it myself at home, every 2 weeks. I am quite hairy. So this can add up very fast if I get this done every 2 weeks. I do get my eye brows done every 8 weeks or so to get the shape right, but after that I do it myself.

       3. Manicure, Pedicure: I don’t maintain this much. I just clean and cut my nails every week. This matters less to me as I don’t meet clients often and even if I meet they are engineers like me and nobody seems to observe. Adding to that, my husband hates colored nails.

       4. Massage: I used to go every month and spend $50+tips. Not any more as I need to reach my savings goal ASAP. I do miss this a lot though

       I used to get Keratin Complex hair straightening. But I am at peace with my wavy/curly hair now. Bought a good Sedu straightener so that I can straighten my hair myself if I feel like I want straight hair.

   12. I am surprised at how rare you all are getting your hair done!

       Hair cut and color every six weeks – 90 for base and every other time 140 for highlights
       mani-pedi and eyebrows – monthly 40
       facial – annual splurge – 90
       massage – monthly – 80

   13. Haircut and hi/low lights, quarterly – $150
       Facial, quarterly – $90
       Pedicure, monthly – $25
       Eyebrow threading, every 6-8 weeks – $8

   14. Regular mani (gel destroys my nails) weekly – $20
       Pedi monthly – $40
       Hi/low lights and overall color (premature gray!) every 6 weeks – $140
       Haircut every third color appointment – $30 extra (I get a deal due to the regular color appt.s)

       My skin is super sensitive so I don’t indulge in facials or peels. I also hate having strangers touch me, so no massages (pedis are bad enough).

       I am in my late 30s now and in the past few years have doubled my expenses on skin care, which is depressing. I’ve stopped buying experimental, “let’s try it and see if it works” makeup purchases to balance that out. I pretty much have two makeup palettes that I use these days – one look for day and one for night.

   15. I don’t like to spend too much on grooming but started getting regular pedicures even in the winter. I never used to get pedicures but my daughter took me for mothers’ day last year and I realized afterwards that I cut my pantyhose and sock bill in half because my toes previously would always tear through the toes of hose and after a pedicure a pair of hose would last 10 times longer. Doing my own toes including frequent use of an emery board just doesn’t do it. Thus I save enough in pantyhose to more than cover the $20 for the pedicure

       Haircut 3 times a year $60/each plus $20 tip
       Pedicure every 3 weeks in the summer 4-5 weeks in the winter. $20
       Massage every six months :( $80 This I wish I could do more.
       Chair massage at work 3-4 times a year when under stress as a preventative. $1/minute
       At home facials.

   16. Late to the thread, but here’s my run-down – prices include tip (generally 30-40%).

       Cut/color – $225, every 4 weeks
       NexGen nails/pedicure – $145, every 2 weeks
       Bikini/brow wax – $125, every 4 weeks

9. Hi ladies, help me find shoes! I’m looking for nude-for-me leather flats under $60, but I can go up a little if needed. My biggest problem is that I’m pretty pale, so the tan-type nude doesn’t really work. Think light beige/light pink. I’m pretty flexible on pointed/rounded toe, soft/patent, etc. My quick Google/Amazon search didn’t turn up much, which seems odd. TIA!

   1. The BP Moveover flats work as “nude” against my pale skin.

   2. FWIW, I have similar coloring and wear a more common ‘nude’ color. It works.

      But here are some to check out, on zappos:
      Earth Bellwether in mouton
      Miz Mooz Parvati in cream (I bought a similar pair by clarks last year and wore them all summer. Loved the perforated leather)
      Miz Mooz Bindi in cream
      Trotters Chic in blush (I don’t have this pair, but IME trotters are insanely comfortable, good quality for the price, but do tend to be dowdy in the cut – I notice reviewers mentioned the vamp is high)

      1. Thanks for the suggestions! I’ve definitely worn darker “nude” shoes, I just happened to be running into all the “tan” ones this time which, IMO, look weird on me.

   3. I’ve found that Tahari makes a great nude-for-me patent color. Nude for me = pretty pale, pinky skin, Irish/English, no sun.

      I’ve almost always found them at TJ Maxx or DSW.

   4. There’s a pair that I bought about 2 months ago at Aldo – nude with a pointed toe, around $50. Not sure if they are still available. Pro: they don’t make your feet look huge. Con: they’re not very comfortable so far (haven’t worn them enough to break them in yet).

10. Thanks for a fun meet-up this week! The August meet-up has been scheduled. E-mail DTLA r e t t e at gmail for details.

    1. It was another fun gathering! Good to see some new faces.

    2. Yes, it was great! And BTW we’re talking about downtown Los Angeles (DTLA — get it?) for those of you who haven’t been following along super closely. ;)

11. Are white dresses for wedding/anniversary events a new “thing”? My sister is getting married this fall, and she mentioned needing to find a white dress for the rehearsal dinner – and I thought I’d seen other people posting on here about that as well. The thing is, she (and I both) are plus sized, so finding something well made and flattering is difficult enough in general, and in white makes it that much harder. She’s been on a fairly tight budget for her wedding, and I personally think she’d be better off finding a dress she likes and might wear again, since she isn’t the type to wear white much. I think if she happens to find a white dress she likes in end of summer clearance sales and she really WANTS a white dress, sure, go for it, but she doesn’t NEED a white dress for the rehearsal like the bridal industrial complex seems to be telling her, and she doesn’t need to spend a lot of money on a (another) one time use dress.
    Am I wrong? Is wearing a white dress to the rehearsal now one of those “things that should be done” if she wants it?

    1. It’s definitely a thing now. Estimating on the wedding planning of myself, family, and friends, I’d say it showed up around 2007 and was fairly common by 2009. My impression is that it’s a pretty solid “tradition” by now.

       I agree with you, but I’d let it go and help her find a white dress.

       1. I was planning to help her, but I wanted to know how much to push on the “you know, you don’t HAVE to wear white” if she gets frustrated when we’re shopping. Just like other parts of the wedding such as “yes, you need something for centerpieces, but if the flowers you like are too expensive and the cheaper ones aren’t your style we can do something other than floral centerpieces”
          I’d rather help steer her toward something she’s going to look (and feel) great in rather that something that is either really expensive (and therefore stressful to her) or unflattering but affordable just because its white. But of course, if she’s set on white, then I’ll help find white.

          1. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to imply that you wouldn’t help her. I didn’t get that from the post – poor wording on my part. I more meant that I’d keep quiet on it rather than trying to steer one way or another. Maybe she’ll come to the realization that she’s fine with a different color or maybe this is one of her personal do-not-compromise things. All brides have them. Wedding planning is so personal; I try to keep my opinion out of it and just go with their flow and secretly hope they’ll see it my way eventually ;)

             1. Oh, I understand you, I didn’t interpret your remark that way. I thought I was going to get the responses I did, but I really had just hoped I was going to hear “no, that’s rare, very few people are doing it” so I could talk her out of it a little more. The main thing is also whether we need to look for one now (since white dresses probably won’t be as common in late fall) or whether we should put off looking until closer to the day of (but be less likely to find white then).

    2. I don’t think this is in the same “should be done” category as say, sending thank you notes for wedding gifts. If she wants to get a white dress, fine, but I’ve seen lots of people wear colorful and/or patterned dresses to their rehearsal dinner and it seems like a matter of preference, not a rule.

       Maybe she said “need” but meant “want”?

    3. Yes. Wearing a white dress to the rehearsal is now one of those “things that should be done” IF SHE WANTS IT.

       Also, yes. It’s a trend now.

    4. I don’t know about anniversaries, but based on my Facebook newsfeed it is definitely super common for brides to wear white dresses for all wedding-related events including the shower and rehearsal dinner. Of course, your sister should wear whatever she wants. Personally, I bought a white dress for my rehearsal dinner that was expensive for me (around $150 I think, because I waited too long to start shopping and couldn’t wait for a sale). I’ve never worn it again, so the practical side of me feels like I should have bought something more versatile. However, it fit like a glove and I felt very pretty and definitely stood out among my guests as I was the only one in white. When I see it hanging in my closet now, it reminds me of my wedding weekend and makes me smile. So overall I don’t feel like I wasted money. Plus, many women seem to wear two or three wedding dresses now & I only had one so I justify it as my sort of second, much cheaper wedding dress.

    5. I think it’s become a thing but is far from being a requirement. I’m hoping to find one for my rehearsal dinner but if I can’t find anything super flattering then I’ll just wear a non-white dress. I’ve seen quite a few people around NYC wearing somewhat casual white dresses this summer and I think they can be really cute. I’d like to find one like that so I’d wear it again (and my rehearsal dinner will be fairly casual anyway).

    6. Yeah, it’s a trend but not a requirement by any means.

    7. I discovered I still have my graduation dress – a knee-length, heavy cotton, full-skirted white dress, and while it’s a little tight, I’m making an effort to pull it out, to justify not having worn it for ten years. It’s pretty easy to rewear, since the casual fabric is easy-care and casual. So if your sister has her heart set on a white rehearsal dress, I’d recommend one like that. I wear it with bright cardigans and flats to Sunday brunch, cropped jackets and low heels to theatre, a pashmina and flip flops to picnics, etc. White is surprisingly easy to wear; we just don’t think to put together outfits with it because we’re taught white is only for brides.

       That said, she doesn’t NEED a white dress. There’s a lot of new wedding “traditions” that make me roll my eyes, like having six parties before the wedding (engagement, shower, mixed gender shower, bachelor, bachelor 3 t te, rehearsal party – ugh), and I doubt anyone will comment on or even notice if she wears her favorite black/pink/polka-dotted dress to the rehearsal, or even buys a new one!

       1. It looks kinda like this, but in heavy cotton http://www.thegloss.com/2009/08/28/fashion/grace-elements-white-smocked-full-dress/

       2. Can’t figure out what put that into moderation. Guidelines would be very helpful, Kat!

          1. I’m going to guess it was d o t t e d. Annoying that ‘t t e’ without the ‘e’ beforehand is now triggering moderation, as it brings in a whole new list of innocent words.

    8. Hi Meg,

       I’m getting married this year and I would say it is indeed a thing. I wore off-white for the civil wedding and will wear a white dress for the party later this year. We have an engagement session happening soon, but I decided it would be nice to vary a bit. For both engagement session and rehearsal dinner I’ll be wearing pastels. I’ve seen many brides wearing pastel colours for wedding-related occasions and actually think it looks absolutely fantastic. You should save the white dress for day D! Maybe it’s easier if your sister starts considering pastel colours in her range of choice, that way she may find an option that is both beautiful and flattering for her figure.

    9. I don’t think the bride to be has to wear a white dress at all, but as a rule I would never wear white to someone else’s bridal shower or rehearsal dinner (or wedding, obviously). I wore a white Lilly sundress to mine that I’ve worn for the 4th of Julys since then, with either blue or red accessories. I think the most important thing is to feel comfortable in what you’re wearing since all eyes are on you and you want to seem happy and excited, not uncomfortable or self conscious.

12. Does anyone know what the difference between a Theory Gabe B jacket versus a Theory Gabe B2 jacket? THANKS!

    1. You must be pondering the Theory jackets at NAS, right? I had the same question you did. Hope someone will chime in.

    2. You must be pondering the Theory jackets at NAS, right? I had the same question you did. Hope someone will chime in.

    3. The Gabe jackets are mostly wool (like 95%) with some stretch. The Gabe b2 are mostly synthetic (like more than 50% polyester). Interestingly Theory prices them the same. I would not even pay the sale price for the synthetic one.

       1. Thank you Thank you! (Eliza, Yes, love NAS!)

13. Quick vent – a client (an older gentleman) complimented me on my phone presence and clear communication, and said I did a great job of representing the company, and wished to put a word in with my supervisor. I transferred him over to one of my two supervisors, who thanked him for his comments and said he’d make a note of it. After my supervisor hung up, he turned to me and said, “So, I guess someone’s started Happy Hour early! Man, that guy.”

    Um, what? Or maybe I’m just good at my job and a client was legitimately pleased? This isn’t the first time I’ve gotten such accolades from clients. Fortunately, my other supervisor thinks more highly of me and is my primary supervisor.

    1. oh, that’s irritating. Do you have the kind of relationship where, if something like this happens again, you could actually call him out on it a bit — i.e., “hey, what are you saying, the only way a client could be that pleased with me is if he’s drunk?”

       1. I would like to, but Q2 bonus numbers are being decided right now…

          1. That seems like the perfect reason to say something, no? So he will reconsider the value of the client’s comments while also deciding your bonus.

             1. Or…and the more likely scenarios…1-your boyfriend’s body cleared the virus between that partner and you or 2-you got HPV and your body had already cleared the virus before you got tested.

14. Hypothetical question a friend and I are discussing – would be interesting to see what the Hive thinks:

    If you found out you had a (curable, treatable, etc) STD, would you:

    1) Personally call all the partners from your past to tell them and encourage them to get tested
    2) Personally call your most recent partners to tell them and encourage them to get tested
    3) Email your partners to tell them and encourage them to get tested, from your personal email account
    4) Find an anonymous way to let past partners know they needed to get tested (use an anonymous service, set up a fake email address, whatever)
    5) Not tell your past partners.

    And on the flip side, how would you want a past partner to share the information with you (if at all)?

    1. Email. Hands down, in both the telling and the getting that news. That way, you’ve been responsible, but can avoid awkward conversations. They don’t even have to reply to your email (and I might not, if I got an email like that), but they know to go get tested.

       The only bad thing here is not telling. That’s not only irresponsible, but it’s potentially dangerous.

    2. I would do 3) and hope for 3) from a past partner. No way would I want to have that awkward conversation. (Although, I don’t have contact info for all my past partners, so some would never know unfortunately.)

       1. I’d do #4.

    3. Option 3, sent at a time when I thought it wouldn’t destroy someone’s day. So maybe at 6.40pm on a Tuesday.

    4. Number 3 (unless there is good reason to go anonymous like I feared for my personal safety). I would only contact partners since my previous screening (I get screened every year for everything because I am paranoid). Also, haven’t notified my partners of my positive result for HPV because guys can’t get tested for it and everyone already has it. And it seemed to be the Internet concesus when I researched it. My current partner does know though.

       1. Hmmm. I appreciated when my (then) partner told me that a former partner of his had recently tested positive for HPV. He couldn’t get tested, but I could. And I don’t have it.

    5. Number 5. People having sex need to be responsible enough to get regularly tested themselves. I’m not taking that burden on me. If I had a decent relationship I’d reach out but otherwise nope not on me.

       1. That’s like saying “People need to be careful about germs like I am, so I’m not going to vaccinate my kid.”

          Most people don’t get tested regularly. I do, but not everyone does. So they might be spreading it to everyone else they’re having garden parties with, without knowing. It’s not just CYA, it’s protecting untold unknown people. Isn’t it better to reduce the number of instances overall, and be a responsible adult in the process? If you must, you can contact them anonymously, though a new email, or a text messaging service. Why would you not tell them, unless you want to be mean?

          1. Based on the Internet research I mentioned above, the “everyone does their own testing” seemed to be coming from the Gay community especially among the members who enjoy visiting bathhouses. It does make sense if you are among people who don’t always exchange names with their partners.

          2. It’s the exact opposite of your example. It’s like saying “I can’t trust that everyone else is vaccinating their kids, so I’m definitely going to vaccinate mine.”

          3. “Why would you not tell them, unless you want to be mean?”

             1. Because it’s none of his/her business. Why would I share my personal, private health information with an ex?
             2. Because an ex’s sexual health is not my responsibility. Like Anonymous said, if s/he is that concerned about STDs, then s/he can get tested.
             3. Because the sexual health of my ex’s other sexual partners is not my responsibility. a) If ex is that concerned about passing on something to someone else, then ex should get tested or use protection; b) if ex’s partners are that concerned about contracting something, then they should use protection.
             4. Disclosing my personal, private health information is unlikely to have any impact on the spread of an STD if ex and ex’s partners already aren’t getting tested and aren’t using protection.

       2. Communicable diseases (whether its STDs, mumps, measles, whooping cough, etc) are all public health concerns. Would you warn people that you spent time with that you had the whooping cough, measles or chicken pox, so they could watch for those symptoms?

          I think the same applies to sexual health – if you find out (through testing, an outbreak, or otherwise), I think it’s just smart to extend that courtesy to those that might also be at risk. Besides, if you are regularly testing, then you should only have a limited group to contact, right?

    6. Probably number 2? But also, I’m so paranoid about testing I would likely be able to pin down the source, so I would probably call that person and give them an earful (I always ask about STDs before, so either someone legitimately didn’t know and should be informed, or someone lied).

    7. Apropos question. Based on a description of some irritation I had the previous month and that subsided once I started taking hot baths a few times a day, my ob/gyn recently decided I needed a herpes test. While awaiting the results, I spent a few days wondering what I should do about telling former partners.

       I have been with the same guy for nearly six years, and I trust that he has been monogamous (as have I) (and for the record, I told him about the test immediately, and he had a sense of humor about it, which I am very grateful for). My SO has only had one other partner, and I thought it unlikely that he would contract anything from her, although it is of course possible. I have had five additional partners, over the span of six years, and I am only in touch with one of them. Most of them are not of my nationality and don’t live in the country I reside in or speak English the way I do, so I suspect that even if I sent an anonymous note online, it might be pretty easy for them to guess the sender. I had a really hard time deciding whether I would notify any of my former partners, and if I am being honest, I think I probably wouldn’t. Herpes is pretty common, it isn’t curable, and there isn’t a ton to do about it — and it isn’t particularly contagious — if you aren’t having an outbreak, in which case, presumably you would see a doctor and get your own diagnosis.

       Or maybe this is all just wishful thinking, and I am a selfish and unenlightened a-hole.

       Thankfully, the results came back negative, so my debate has become theoretical.

15. Does anyone wear double br3a5ted suit jackets any more? I can’t say that I’ve seen them on a person in recent memory (other than a trench coat or winter-type outerwear, but I mean more suiting separates or suit jackets)?

    Wanting a double-check on my closet purge plans.

    1. Only as a fashion item (‘vintage’) by students.

       (I have a military type casual outerwear jacket like you describe, but suit jackets… nah).

    2. I have a red ponte double-breasted blazer that I love, but it definitely has a 40’s vintage vibe ( even though it’s 2 years old). Other than that, I rarely see them.

    3. Personally, I’d put it in the purge pile. I haven’t seen anyone wear one in probably 10 years.

    4. I saw a few cropped tweed ones last winter and even got one – Jones NY I think. Love it. Thought of getting a second one. Very flattering, which is surprising given my hourglass shape.

16. Does anyone here have experience with ATT Uverse? I am thinking about getting it and was wondering about your thoughts.

    1. What are you planning to get it for? I currently have it for Internet. No major issues, although I find that the actually speeds AT&T delivers are significantly lower than its published rates.

       In my area, the only choices for internet and cable are ATT and Comcast. I believe both are evil and have had bad experiences with both. Comcast was more criminal in nature, unreliable with intermittent loss of service, more time on hold and some really terrible customer service. Comcast often tries to upsell and take advantage of unsophisticated customers and the elderly. I saw it happen to my father. Their salespeople will promise you one thing on the phone, and then when they come to deliver/set up, a few hundred dollars of extra charges were on the bill. Stuff like that and worse.

       My suggestion…. get ATT Uverse and get one of there cheap new client deals they offer online, bundling when possible if you need other services. And then every year when they increase your rate, call them and ask for it to be decreased since you have been a loyal customer or you will think of leaving for Comcast.

       My current frugal recs:

       Get rid of cable. Cable is dead. Use netflix/Amazon/hulu as you need it, and check out DVDs from your local library for free.

       If you need a home phone, get Ooma.

       If you want a reasonable cell phone plan, get Republic Wireless.

       Unfortunately I don’t have a good solution for internet at the moment. Maybe you are lucky and live in an area with other options.

    2. LOVE AT&T UVERSE. The interface for the guide is so user friendly and well organized. I hate when there is no rhyme or reason to the order of channels. I’m looking at you Charter Cable.

       1. +1

          I switched from Time Warner two years ago; AT&T has much faster internet and the picture equality for both regular and HD channels is better. The packages are less expensive too.

          I like it so much that I decided against Google Fiber, which is coming to my neighborhood sometime this Fall (sign-up period ended a few weeks ago). I’ve heard mixed reviews about GF; going to wait until they get all of the kinks worked out before I consider a switch. I do appreciate that my part of town has free wifi almost everywhere now, thanks to Google. I’m sure they are tracking everything that I look at online when I’m waiting to have my teeth cleaned, though.

    3. I have them for internet, and get about 1/2 the advertised speed. This may vary by region, so I’ll mention that I’m located in the city of Chicago. I believe lhh is commenting on uverse tv, which I don’t have, but is certainly being pushed by att.

    4. I’ve had att uverse. The images come through a lot clearer and it’s high quality stuff – I also think you get some discounts if you have att cell service – but I will admit I’ve run into trouble with my box. Att is usually pretty good about getting you a new box and it’s convenient but it’s just a hassle. I think last year we had just started att uverse and within 3 months we had issues with our box, and they missed their appointment several times before actually fixing it. The box just broke last month again (go figure) but their service this time around was a lot better. You’ll get different experiences with every company of course, but that’ just been my experience. What are your other options that you are thinking about?

    5. If you are used to the vast number of options available through Comcast on-demand, you will be very disappointed with that aspect of UVerse.

       1. What good stuff is available for free through Comcast on demand? I’m trying to make more use of it since we pay SO much for Comcast (and can’t cancel because my husband wants the sports channels), but so far I haven’t found much other than recent episodes of current shows that I could watch online.

          1. I have streampix with my comcast and you get a ton of great movies – classics and often new movies too – and TV shows. I think I watched Despicable Me 2 a few weeks ago. They also have a great selection around the holidays with a bunch of holiday movies. And you get everything online – which basically has a large selection of hulu movies, and they are only online and not on your TV. You can make watchlists on your account online so you remember which ones and you can search them on your on-demand so it’s easier to find. Streampix is definitely better b/c a lot of the on-demand ones are only free if your package includes that channel. I have the most limited basic set of channels so I don’t get a lot of the on-demand shows, but streampix has a lot of other shows that are available.

             1. +1. There are a lot of movies and shows available on Comcast. I watched Despicable Me 2 twice in the past month – loved it! I didn’t realize they were putting more (relatively) new movies out for free. We don’t get to the movies much, so this was a pleasant surprise.

    6. I switched from Charter to ATTUverse for cable and internet and am much, much happier with UVerse. (High five, llh!)

       1. If you have it in your area, Verizon Fios is good – better by far than the cable provider we switched from last year. We have them for phone, internet, and TV. Great channel selection for TV with a lot of HD channels, fantastic On Demand pay per view options (we also have Netflix for their unique programming like OMG, so great, Orange is the New Black – got to get it just for that), and we can watch TV on any device in the house besides the TV (phone, computers, tablets…) Good service, no blackouts or pixelation which we had with Time Warner cable.

          1. Thanks! Am super intrigued by the “watch on any device in the house” thing. Will have to check into this!

17. I am attending a Women’s Conference next week and we are spending Thursday at a golf clinic. I have no idea what to wear! What an appropriate short/skirt length for this type of event? If it was all men, I would definitely default to Bermuda shorts to the knee. FWIW, I’m 28.

    1. I’m a golfer and I prefer skorts to shorts or skirts. My favorite is the Nike Tech Skort which hits me between mid thigh and above the knee (17.5″ out seam). Golfsmith has several on sale right now: http://www.golfsmith.com/ps/search/womens-skorts

       Whatever non-denim skirt/short you pick should be fine, just as long as you can move comfortably. I find that I am cooler with moisture wicking shorts (built in or a separate piece.) The shorts also eliminate any fear of up skirt moments.

18. Working in a smaller Southern market (6 week SA programs) as a 1L at what are considered the two best firms. Loved one, was extended offer, will be coming back. Absolutely miserable at the other, will likely get offer, would like to explore different options.

    Problem: I don’t think the firm would hold my offer open until I can go through OCI, since there are no hard and fast rules (ex. NALP 2L guideline) about how long 1Ls have to accept 2L offers.

    Most Southern firms in this and similar markets like to make a big deal about extending offers on the last day of the program over a fancy lunch or at the latest a week after the SA program is over. This erases any two-three week waiting for offer window and asking for a month+ long extension is unlikely to be looked upon favorably or granted.

    I would like to turn down the offer and go elsewhere next summer. I recognize the economy is the pits still; however, I think I may be well positioned to find a second firm. I had great results from 1L OCI: Mostly everyone extended a callback and all callbacks extended offers. Those who extended offers that I turned down encouraged me to contact them if my plans changed for 2L summer, which I have already done and have received encouraging “great summer!” regarding my resume. School wise, my grades stayed the same and I made a journal. I know this doesn’t mean anything is guaranteed, but I think having worked at these top two firms makes my resume really stand out to people who already found me a fit for their programs last OCI.

    Also the firm I will be returning to is known for 100% 2L offer rate for returning 1Ls and I absolutely will accept that offer genuinely, unless I click even better with another firm. Part of the reason for me wanting to explore new opportunities is because coming back to the firm I’m currently at would not afford me a “true” choice for starting a career (assuming both give me offers). I cannot see myself starting a career here and I’d also like to not be miserable next summer for 6 more weeks.

    Is it foolish to turn down an offer based on the above circumstances?

    1. If you’re miserable and cannot see starting a career there, don’t accept back. Go through OCI. You seem like you have good grades and a great resume to be at two great firms as a 1L summer. You’ll get something else for the second half of 2L summer.

       1. Agree with this. Relative to 1L firm positions, 2L positions are much easier to obtain. If you were able to land two 1L positions at top firms, you will have no trouble finding a firm to fill the other half of your 2L summer. I don’t know if you see this as a sort of “devil you know” situation and are concerned that whatever firm you accept an offer from through OCI may be worse than Bad 1L Firm, but (a) it sounds like you really did not fit at Bad 1L Firm so it can’t really get worse, maybe just be the same, and you might as well try to improve your odds, and (b) if it does happen, you still have Good 1L Firm.

          1. Thank you! This definitely helps my generally risk-averse personality.

    2. I’m confused. Are you trying to split your summer between two firms next summer as well? Is that typical of 2Ls in your market? If you love the first firm you summered with this summer (let’s call it Firm A) and hated the second firm (Firm B), can’t you accept for next summer with Firm A, reject Firm B for next summer, and then interview for the second half of next summer at OCI? Then you have a guaranteed summer job for at least part of the summer and the option of spending half the summer at a new place. If splitting your 2L summer is not common or is frowned upon in your market, then I would think carefully about whether you want to accept at Firm A, knowing that is likely the firm at which you will end up starting your career (and it sounds like you like it a lot, so that could be a good thing) or taking the risk of going into OCI.

       1. For clarification: Yes, splitting is typical in smaller Southern markets (6 weeks Firm A/6 weeks Firm B). I did accept Firm A’s offer for next summer (2L summer).

          I love Firm A and would be happy to start my career there! The fear about turning down Firm B’s offer is basically as mentioned above, a “devil you know” comfort and a fear of being jobless for the second half of 2L summer (not the end of the world, but definitely not ideal). I think my fear also has something to do with it being considered one of the market’s top firms, but it’s honestly just not a good fit.

          1. Being jobless for the second half of 2L summer means less than nothing for your long-term career (although maybe it’s a financial concern?). Once you start practicing, your free time will be decidedly more limited – I’d just try to enjoy the time if you can afford it. I’m not sure (unless it’s financial) what you’re worrying about: you hated Firm B, you have an offer from Firm A, you’re going to go on to a happy career at Firm A, done. As someone who hires, Firm A would likely be delighted to know they’re not competing against another firm next summer, if you’re considered a highly desirable hire (which appears to be the case).

             1. I’m going to second this and also add my two cents. You say you hated Firm B. Why would you take a spot in their summer class for a second summer??? You showing up for six weeks prevents them from extending an offer to another student for 2L summer (i.e., perhaps a student who won’t HATE Firm B). Politely decline their offer for 2L summer, participate in OCI and potentially secure a second 6 weeks at another firm. If you don’t, then enjoy the rest of that summer as it will likely be the last summer you have free for some time.

                As an aside, I can’t wait for the southern legal market to stop the 6 week splits. I work for a large firm that happens to have offices located in the south. We initially tried to accommodate this idiosyncrasy but stopped after a couple of summers because the students who split were at a distinct disadvantage to those who spent the whole 10-12 weeks with us.

    3. I’m not sure what the issue is here. If you hated Firm B why would you even worry about turning down the offer, especially when you have another offer in hand? Seems like a no-brainer.

       1. Because I’m a 1L planning for 2L summer in a market with 6-week long summer programs (everyone splits summer between two firms). The issue was turning down a likely-to-be-given offer –> going through 2L OCI –> striking out –> being left only with Firm A (not the end of the world, but not ideal to have 6 weeks of no employment) VS. playing it safe –> taking offer at Firm B, as well –> having my two summer associateships set and not having to mess with OCI, even if I dislike working at Firm B.

          1. Still a no-brainer. Congratulations!

19. I guess I got a little excited – Whole Foods had a one day special for cherries at $1.99 and I left with 4+ lbs of cherries. I’m trying not to eat (added) sugar, and the only recipes I can find are desserts or sugary cherry syrups on chicken/fish. Any recipe suggestions to use the cherries without making dessert or a dessert that’s not full of sugar?

    1. Cherries are full of sugar. Just eat them as is and freeze any you can’t.

    2. If you have a juicer, juice them and pour the juice into ice cube trays for mini popsicles. Anon @ 5:56 is correct, they are sweet enough that you won’t need any added sugar for them to be a yummy cold treat.

    3. What about pitting them and using in a salad, like substituting them for strawberries in a green salad?

       1. Thank you!! This is a great idea – I’ve found salads online – Cherry, Almond & Goat Cheese. Cherry, Pecans & Kale. Cherry, Blue Cheese & Greens. I’m excited about all the salad.
          And to Baconpancakes (below) for suggesting drying – great idea and will definitely keep into the fall. Also, I’m an OXO addict, so any reason I need to pick up another single use tool is all the reason I need.
          Unfortunately, I don’t have a juicer, but I’m going to see what I can do about using the food processor and straining them to make ice cubes – I’m a runner, so I think this will be good run recovery!

          I loved the buzzfeed article. So funny.

    4. I cannot resist:

       http://www.buzzfeed.com/samimain/the-best-way-to-use-fresh-summer-fruit#

       1. As much as I love the cherry-for-dinner idea, you win this thread.

    5. Eat a handful of cherries. Repeat as desired.

    6. I’d probably eat them for dinner two nights in a row and be done, but that’s probably just me.

       My family has a pie cherry tree and we end up with tons of cherries every summer. We pit them, rinse them, let them dry, and then freeze them for use throughout the year. We will put a bag on the stove to drizzle over waffles for holidays (our go-to brunch meal) or use them for a cobbler or other dessert for special occasions.

    7. try the cherry dutch baby on smitten kitchen (very little sugar, but can add more and maple syrup)
       Also, I made a batch of tapioca pudding with coconut milk, vanilla and about half the sugar to eat with fruit. It’s really delicious.

       http://www.chezbettay.com/pages/desserts1/drts_tapioca.html

       I used about 1/4 c sugar for 4 servings.

    8. Pit and dehydrate them! Wonderful for breads, muffins, and just snacking!

20. If you have a pitter (and you should – it’s a unitasker but it’s absolutely vital if you eat cherries every year – I have the OXO good grips one and am quite happy with it), try drying them in the oven, then throw them in salads or stews or in marinades or basically any sauce you want to add a little sweetness to.

    http://www.thekitchn.com/how-to-dry-fruit-in-the-oven-92637

    Oops – this was for Anonymous above.

    1. I bought a pitter on Tesyaa’s recommendation a few weeks ago when I made a pie. The recipe link that someone posted (sorry I can’t remember who) was awesome and the pie turned out absolutely incredible. The pitter was a huge help.

       1. I posted one (not sure if it’s the one you used) that called for almond extract! I am excited that your pie turned out well.

          Also- I have one that’s not a total unitasker. It can also be used for pitting olives. I’m not an olive eater, but this has come in handy when making greek salads for a crowd or different tagines/roasts that call for olives.

          1. Yes, that’s the one I used! It was amazing! Thank you!

    2. I saw a video for pitting cherries. You put the cherry on top of an empty wine bottle, stem side up but take the stem off. Use a chop stick to push the pit out and it falls into the empty bottle. I tried it, it works.

21. Does anyone ever have really terrible weeks at work — where you’re grumpy, and irritable, and everyone that comes out of your mouth is absolutely the wrong thing?

    I’m the youngest in my office attorney and I definitely was having one of those weeks, said some things I shouldn’t have around the wrong people (some days, the filter just won’t turn on) in a office-related social situation, and now I’m scared I’ve ruined my reputation. Apart from curling up into a stressed out, anti-social ball, any advice on recovering from something like this? Am planning on being more careful about keeping my head down for a bit and re-focusing on doing my job well.

    1. Depending on your office, I sometimes find that a single apology to the right person – “I’m so sorry I was out of sorts last week, it was a tough week for me, but things are much better now” – can go a long way. I wouldn’t suggest apologizing to everyone, and you can avoid mentioning the specific incident, but just acknowledging that you are aware that you are not yourself at any given period can be helpful.

       I’m also the type of person to beat myself over seemingly trivial incidents, so the best advice I can give you is to go easy on yourself. Replaying it over and over again isn’t going to help. In the future, just try to be aware when you are in a funk and pull yourself out of any potentially volatile situations – those are the weeks when I skip happy hour and watch stupid TV instead. Be nice to yourself this weekend, and try to come in next week refreshed.

       1. I love the suggestion to avoid happy hour when you’re in a funk – I should work on that. One of my secrets of adulthood I just decided on is to avoid situations in which I am likely to “hate drink” which is like hate reading but happy hour.

    2. Also, I’ve never seen a full time co-workers reputation ruined by one off comment or one off week. Interns, yes, but permanent staff, no. You’d have to go really off the handle (racial slurs, violence) for one incident to ruin your reputation.

22. I’m going to Stockholm in August. I’ve never been to Sweden or even Europe before so I’m very excited. I’ll only be going for about a week. Any suggestions on what to pack or things to do/see? Thanks!

    1. Largest IKEA store in the world…..!

    2. If you like museums, definitely see the Vasa and the Fotografiska. You can purchase a city visitor’s card that gives you access to most of the main tourist attractions and to public transportation, and it comes with a brochure of ideas for day trips. Personally my favorite part of Stockholm is just wandering through the city parks and along the water front, and if the weather is nice it’s fun to take a ferry through the archipelago. Take a jacket no matter what time of the year, though, because it can get cold suddenly.

    3. It has been ages since I have been, so I don’t have any recommendations on sights, other than it is a beautiful city and just walking through the islands is a lot of fun.

       My suggestion is on packing — I went in late August/early September, and coming from the northeastern United States at that time of year, I was surprised by how cold it got, especially at night. I wound up having to buy at least one itchy wool sweater to cope. Make sure you check the forecasts and bring something a little heavier if you are not used to that sort of weather at the end of summer.

       So jealous — I loved my trip to Stockholm!

    4. You should go on the boat tour. There also is a nice place near Central Station to eat. I forgot the name. Also, remember to bring birth control with you. People are very relaxed about sex, so it’s no big deal to have sex within an hour of meeting someone (I did–and it was great!). Have fun!

       1. Um what? hahaha

23. Can anyone recommend a good therapist in DC or where I should look for one? I am currently studying for the bar, and I have begun having regular panic attacks. I have never experienced panic attacks like this before and it is awful. I can’t do anything about it right now except try to cope as best I can, but the thought of having to endure this until I get my bar results is debilitating all on its own. I really want to start seeing a therapist because I think it would be really helpful, but I’m not sure where to start looking.

    Additionally, if anyone has other advice for how to deal with panic attacks, it would be much appreciated… I feel so vulnerable and scared and ashamed and anxious.

    1. Can this avoid moderation?

       Studying for the bar exam is horrible and you should not feel scared or ashamed. I liked the bar exam mind podcast to make the exam more manageable – I did things he suggested like visiting the test site and doing a test drive from my hotel to the site and it made the extremely stressful experience ever so slightly less stressful. I hear good things about this therapist – Mary Elizabeth Ehrhardt. She isn’t a doc though, so you might also want to go to a doc since it’s a finite problem (the rest of life won’t be as stressful) and meds might help. Good luck!

    2. I can’t seem to avoid moderation so there’s going to be like 3 posts of mine eventually. I like the Bar Exam Mind podcast, and Mary Elizabeth Ehrhardt is a therapist in DC.

    3. I’m sorry that you feel so scared and anxious.

       The following article outlines what I do to cope with anxiety – the AWARE method. To keep from being in moderation I’ve added extra spaces, so remove those. The title of the page is the Key to Overcoming Panic Attacks.

       http://www. anxietycoach. com /overcoming-panic-attacks. html

    4. I’m also studying for the bar in DC, but I’m already licensed somewhere else. So this isn’t my first rodeo, as they say. If you feel like talking about the barzam over coffee (or herbal tea, or wine, whatever your speed) with someone who’s been there a couple times, shoot me an email at lulukittycat26 at the google mail. I’m not a therapist so I can’t help you there, but I’m happy to lend an empathetic ear. :-)

24. I normally would not be one to suggest immediately using drugs before going to therapy, but since you need to focus on the immediate short-term — getting through the bar — you should see a doctor for a prescription for something you can take when you feel a panic attack coming on. Therapy is a great long-term solution but there’s no way it will have time to work within a couple weeks, and I’m assuming the bar is at the end of July.

    Personal anecdote — I also developed an anxiety disorder while studying for the bar. It had never happened before and it has never happened since.

25. Quick workout question: have found an exercise class that I really like (big surprise for me). Barre 3. I’ve been going 3 to 4 times a week, at different times of the day depending on my work schedule. I need advice on how to schedule eating meals around when I’m planning to work out. Several times now I’ve gotten very nauseous while working out, and I suspect it has something to do with not having eaten for quite a while before. But I’ve discovered that eating too close to the workout doesn’t work either. Thoughts? Advice?

    1. The interwebs have told me that high intensity workouts can cause nausea, regardless of eating schedule (though a carb rich snack – fruit, cereal about an hour before might help), so it might help to dial back the intensity of the workout if you feel yourself hitting a limit. Are you drinking enough water during the workout?

       1. +1 to all of this. Carbs, a bit of protein, and a big glass or two of water about an hour before your workout should help you to have a better workout. I feel really weak and dizzy during my workout if I haven’t eaten enough.

          The nausea, though, generally comes from not hydrating enough or just pushing yourself too hard. I’m not sure how big your class is or how much personal attention you get, but you might consider raising this with your instructor so she can help you to get a good workout without having to feel nauseous.

26. I love this ivory pleated dress! Darn, I wish I could wear dresses. Alas, I’m too short and too wide, and all dresses just seem to make me look preggers. This is pretty though.

27. Wondering what is the best way to follow up on a job application that was submitted via the company website? I’m very interested in the role so I want to follow up on my application but it is with a large MNC so I don’t have a contact person in HR and I don’t have any connections in the company that can help me out. What is the best course of action?

Comments are closed.