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Updated: Nov 1, 2018 122 Comments · by

Splurge Monday’s TPS Report: Tie-Neck Blazer

The Personal Shopper (TPS)

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DSQUARED tie-neck blazer | CorporetteOur daily TPS reports suggest one piece of work-appropriate attire in a range of prices. Happy Monday! I love the vintage vibe and fitted look to this herringbone blazer from DSquared. One of the great things about pieces like this is that if it isn't “trendy” to begin with, it never really goes out of style. Love that wide foldover collar, the big buttons, and — hooray! — that bright yellow/lime lining. It's $1,180 at Zappos. DSquared Tie-Neck Blazer Seen a great piece you'd like to recommend? Please e-mail tps@corporette.com. (L-2)

Sales of note for 9.19.24

  • Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September, and cardmembers earn 3x the points (ends 9/22)
  • Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
  • Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
  • Boden – 15% off new styles
  • Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
  • J.Crew – 50% off select styles — and 9/19 only, 50% off the cashmere wrap
  • J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
  • Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
  • M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
  • Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
  • Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
  • Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
  • Talbots – Anniversary event, 25% off your entire purchase — Free shipping, no minimum, 9/19 only
  • Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
  • Tuckernuck – Friends & Family Sale – get 20%-30% off orders (ends 9/19).
  • White House Black Market – 40% off select styles

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. Wen? for hair

    Sorry for immediate TJ.

    Any comments on the Wen brand for hair? Seems like there are lots of general mixed reviews.

    I have ageing, brown and grey hair and the greys are wiry with a life of their own, very much in contrast to my (remaining) brown which is straight.

    I’d like something that actually works (I’m looking at you Frizz-Ease) and doesn’t have an overpowering fragrance.

    Can’t dye my hair for tons of reasons…

    Thanks! Happy mid summer! Yikes.

    • Keratin

      Have you thought about getting a keratin treatment to tame the greys? I have been very happy with it (and just do it around the crown, not my whole head, as that’s where they congregate and get more visually unruly).

    • Moon Moon

      I have thick, wavy hair and I tried Wen exactly once (when visiting a friend, she used it but has a totally different hair type). Wen dried out my hair so much it was like straw. I know it’s supposed to do the opposite, but the same thing happened with argan oil and my hair too. I would try a sample of any commitment product like that before you purchase just in case.

      • Orangerie

        How is it a commitment product? Sephora sells the full line and they have the best return policy in the beauty industry.

        • Aggie

          +1. Sephora’s return policy is Costco level….any time, for any reason. I always save my receipt just in case, but it usually is not necessary. Sephora also has an amazing sample policy, especially with hair products. I would ask for samples of several of the WEN formulas and one or two shampoos with argan oil.

    • Becky

      No direct experience, but I tried conditioner cleansing a few years back, which is the same concept. It worked well for the most part, as long as I did a clarifying shampoo about once a week. My hair is fine, but thick and long and I loved how soft it made my hair. My hair has gotten oilier since, so it now leaves too much buildup.

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      I used Wen for about a month – after the first week, my hair was amazing – sleek, shiny, less frizz, etc. But it didn’t work out long-term. Over time, I found I was losing hair in sheets. No bald spots or anything, but it seemed like I was shedding at twice my usual rate or worse, and it kind of freaked me out. Also, after about 2-3 weeks of use, my hair went really limp and lifeless, and it was unwearably oily/weighted down by the end of the day. So overall, I’m anti-Wen, but ymmv.

    • Pink NYC

      I’m convinced nothing will tame those wirey grays. Japanese chemical straightening did help tame them though.

    • Wen? for hair

      OP here. Yeah, just like anything else in beauty and medicine, no magic bullet.

      Thanks for the feedback!

      • editrix

        Your hair sounds similar to mine. I just started using the Pantene Age Defy products (shampoo, conditioner and blowdry spray) and have been pleased — and I’ve never been a Pantene fan. What a difference in my hair texture!

        • OP

          I’ve been using the L’Oreal stuff and found no difference. Might try Pantene. Thanks!

  2. AN

    Gorgeous gorgeous jacket. The only issue is that whatever you wear beneath it will spoil the neckline. I owned a similar one years ago and could never figure out what to wear under it.

    • Bastille Day

      I think I could wear a corset underneath and a long, full skirt and it would be perfect for storming barricades while belting out something from Les Mis.

      Otherwise, it would be a bit costume-y for my office (finance), but maybe with a black The Skirt and a scoop-neck shell it would work for someone else’s office?

      • Red Beagle

        Funny image but entirely appropriate. It is a beautiful jacket but I couldn’t get much wear from it as it has to be fully buttoned up over a very low profile top (one whose neckline matches it exactly) and if your top’s neckline is that low, you’re probably not going to be able to take the jacket off in most offices… so once you put it on and button it up, that’s it — you’re in costume for the day. Love the way it looks, but this is one of the more impractical picks I’ve seen.

      • Diana Barry

        Totally! Just have to add some white ruffles at the back of the neck and hanging off the sleeves.

      • Cat

        ha – I was just thinking that this would be Helena Bonham Carter’s version of business formal! I can see it being a flattering shape, but would also struggle to wear it to work – you’d lose the shape if you unbuttoned it, I’d feel like I was formally presenting my bosom to the world with a bow, and I’d also struggle with finding the perfect top for underneath and having it not fight the neckline.

        • RR

          Yes, this. This jacket says, “Here is my cleavage. I present it for your viewing inspection. Do you like how I have framed it for you?”

      • Tunnel

        This might be the single most ridiculous item of clothing I have ever seen on here! Sorry, I don’t wear costumes to work.

      • Baconpancakes

        I have a jacket that gives a similar feel, – lots of exquisite draping, brown and grey houndstooth, a bit Victorian, and I find it works well for work with a simple black pencil skirt or black ankle pants, and very classic accessories like pearl earrings, simple black heels, and a structured black bag. Hair has to be sleek and modern, though – no Gibson roll or tucked under French braid. Not costumey at all if you do it right.

        But when it’s closed, the fabric around the neck creates a pleated cowl-like effect, completely modest, and when it’s opened, it falls into draped lines almost like the nicer open cardigans.

        Honestly, I think this piece would be very fun with jeans on the weekend, but I agree, it’s a bit too costumey for work, unless you run a fashion magazine.

      • Clementine

        shoot. I was scrolling down and somehow accidentally reported you…

        Although you’re totally right… I feel like this is very les Mis extra goes to Wall Street.

    • Niktaw

      This jacket is not for the well-endowed, unless one goes for the Liberty on the Barricades look.

      • AIMS

        That’s what I was thinking. Nothing wrong with it per se and I can see it being gorgeous on someone, with the right non-costumey styling, but it would be very va va voom on me and so I’d stay away for work purposes.

      • Lyssa

        That’s probably true, but at the same time, I can’t see it working on someone with a flat chest, either. I think that you’d have to have exactly the right amount, no more, no less.

        I do think that it’s lovely in theory, though, and, TBH, what else do I read splurge Mondays for, but for theory? It’s not like I plan to buy anything in that price range.

        • SH

          So funny story – I tried to find a picture of Marianne for a presentation I made. Thing is, I couldn’t find one where her shirt wasn’t falling off/totally off. So I guess the Liberty-Cleavage on the Barricades look is historically accurate?

    • Ellen

      Yay! Pricey Monday’s! I love pricey Monday’s and this cute blazer! Rosa could wear this, but I think I have to agree with some of the other OP’s as to the neckline. Frank would be all over me, stareing at my boobie’s with this one, and askeing so many question’s about where else I would be weareing this. I do NOT think I could wear this into court either, b/c the other side would compleain that I am tryeing to influeance the judge by flasheing my boobie’s when I realy do NOT even need to! FOOEY b/c we women should be abel to be styelish without haveing to cover up, especialy in the SUMMER when it is hot out and we need to cool off. Morover, men can walk around the city and the Hamton’s without a shirt, but if we do that, we get into troubel. DOUBEL FOOEY, tho I would NEVER do this b/c men would proababley do more then stare, they would grab.

      This weekend, when we were swimming in the manageing partner’s pool, Harold and his dad BOTH “brushed up against me” with their hand’s, each time manageing to connect with my tuchus and my boobie’s — no where else. I think it was INTENTIONAL b/c they were both laugheing each time I stopped to protest their “brusheing”. The onley thing they did NOT do is grabb–that would clearely show that they were trying to get cheep thrill’s with my body. I told them the pool was big enough so that they should NOT have to swim into me and “brush up against” my tuchus and boobie’s. They knew EXACTELY what I was talking about and Margie even told them to cut it out b/c she knew what a hornbag the manageing partner’s brother is. I told him that if he kept doeing it that I would NOT write a letter for him to the COOP Board, so he stopped right away. I think it is wierd that he want’s to move into the apartement right next to me. I can’t imageing haveing to see him every day by the elevator or the garbage disposal. TRIPEL FOOEY!

      I have alot of work this week b/f the judge take’s off on vacation, so the manageing partner wants me to get 300 hour’s of billeing in this week. I told him that might be a stretch but he said that I should be abel do it for the firm so as a partner, I agreed. YAY!!!

    • emeralds

      I like it but agree that it would be difficult to style in my day-to-day life. I’d probably go with something much, much higher than the shirt it’s pictured with (for e.g., crew- or high-v-necked black sheath) which I think would minimize the costume-y look. But yeah, much as I like this blazer, I can see it going very wrong, very easily!

      • TO Lawyer

        I agree with this – I think it would look great with a high-neck sheath dress but it would be really difficult to style and not make look costume-y…

        • Cb

          It’s just too complicated. Clothes shouldn’t create this many logistical issues.

          • BMBG

            “Clothes shouldn’t create this many logistical issues.” I think I found my new guideline for cleaning out my closet. :o)

        • anonk

          I’d wear it with a turtleneck – maybe even one of those turtleneck bodysuits – and pretty much any color bottom… It’s not that complicated, IMHO.

          • Nina

            Any problem that can be solved by wearing a turtleneck bodysuit is one that I would prefer to just avoid, period.

    • Anonymous

      I think it would look nice on someone with a smaller bust wearing a thin black crew neck top.

    • Bonnie

      I would like this jacket much more if it did not have that tie. I have a similarly shaped jacket sans tie that looks amazing with a scoop neck tee and a pencil skirt.

  3. re

    I hate this, the bow looks sloppy and clown like and the jacket looks like for most women it’d look like you were wearing something too small for you.

    To each their own, but this looks like a costume or something you’d find in the juniors section of dress barn.

    • anon

      I am seriously trying to figure out what part of this is not trendy! This is absolutely not a classic style. That bow and low open front may work for casual, but I just can’t see this in any but the most casual office.

      And I agree, this looks like a cheap H&M top, not a HELLO $1,200 jacket. Where the hell does she come up with these things?

      • Spirograph

        +1 on looking like it’s from H&M. And everything everyone said above about the neckline being really low and cleavage-framing and totally impractical for work. I don’t hate it, but it would definitely not be appropriate in my (government) office. I could see it as “professional” wear on a TV show…

        edit: I just looked at the other views on the website. It sticks out very unflatteringly in the front. Yikes.

        • anne-on

          I am pretty sure the administrative doctor on House wore this exact jacket at least once. Then again, the ‘workwear’ on that character was always laughably tight and short.

          • Philanthropy Girl

            I’m watching that series on Netflix right now – and about every episode I rant about her utterly inappropriate “professional” clothing.

            At least the scriptwriters occasionally mock her clothing choices, which brings me great joy.

          • Sunshine

            Dr. Cuddy, I assume? I always did wonder who styled her; in my opinion most of her outfits were totally not appropriate for someone of her position.

      • emeralds

        I wouldn’t pay $1,200 for any piece of clothing, due to my budget/differing priorities, but some of the things that make clothing more expensive do not always translate well through a computer screen. Like fabric, or quality of construction. You could easily replicate the look at an H&M price point, but I’d bet you the fabric would be sub-par and that the garment would wear a lot more quickly. DSquared is also more likely to include interesting details, like the lime-green silk lining (LOVE).

        We can debate the trendiness, but it’s a classic shape and fabric, and the neckline is classic in women’s apparel, if not in suiting. I’d also think that the vintage reference point has been around long enough to pass out of trendiness. The big buttons and the tie-front are the only things that say trendy to me with this piece, and again, those are classic in women’s clothing but not suiting. But eh, YMMV. Like I said above, I like this jacket and I’d wear it, but I can see it being styled poorly a lot more easily than your standard three-button blazer.

        • anon (again)

          If you seriously consider this a classic, then you should have no problem posting links to three other examples.

          By all means, please school me.

    • Parfait

      I actually would love this if it weren’t for the bow. Blouses with bows are bad enough, now we’re putting them on blazers?

  4. Anon

    I’m confused by this. Since when are tie-neck blazers a thing? A blouse, sure, but a blazer? If it didn’t have a tie, it would be great. The sleeves also look uncomfortably short, but perhaps that’s intentional.

    • Pink NYC

      The floppy ties look so bad. Maaaybe if the collar ended in a cleaner way, but when even the stylist can’t get it to look nice for the product picture = bad sign.

    • Hildegarde

      I agree the tie is a bizarre choice; it looks like the designer just got lazy and decided instead of cutting the extra fabric off and finishing the collar, s/he would just tie it and be done. I really like the shape and collar of this, other than the tie, but I agree with the many posters above about the difficulty of styling it with something underneath.

  5. tazdevil

    Agree with what one of the posters above said. This would be the perfect work jacket for Cosette from Le Miz. But then again today is Bastille day, so maybe this outfit is appropriate! (yes, I know, the French revolution happened about 40 years before the time in which Le Miz took place).

  7. AIMS

    I am trying to figure out a present for my aunt and uncle’s 50th wedding anniversary. This is “golden” anniversary and I am having some logistical problems. They live in a foreign country and so I cannot just get them a restaurant gift certificate or opera tickets (at least not easily). I don’t have access to a lot of their family photos (and it would be hard to get them from others) so I don’t think I can make a photo album or something similarly sentimental. Whatever I get also can’t be too heavy or too big because I need to send it by mail. Oh, and they’re not particularly lovey dovey types. As in, they are proud that they made it this far but no one is holding hands and sitting on a park bench together to watch the sun set either. Any ideas?

    • Anonymous

      A nice card and a donation to a charity they support. Or try harder on buying tickets to something- if they’re living in a Western country this probably really isn’t that hard.

      • In the Pink

        what about some nice monogrammed M/M notecards?

        Love American stationery dot com also stationery studio dot com, but the first group has better quality (as in > or = to crane)

  8. Anonymous

    If I absolutely had to incorporate this blazer into my wardrobe, I would style it with a white tank top, distressed torn-up skinny jeans and 4″ pumps and wear it unbuttoned.

    • Baconpancakes

      Yep, my recommendation above (in moderation and I can’t figure out why – sigh) was to wear it on the weekend with jeans. Super cute for a date in an art gallery and a cozy cafe afterwards!

      • Anon Worker Bee

        I think that anything with “s!te” (either the word by itself or contained within another word like in exquis!te) sends you into moderation.

    • Anonymous

      Yeah, I like the style of it for weekend wear with an ivory cami and dark skinny jeans (inspirationally, that is–this particular piece is out of my budget but power to someone for whom it’s not!). But I agree with the others that it wouldn’t work for the office because of neckline issues.

  10. Biglaw lawyers who have gone in-house

    Am considering making a move from Biglaw to in-house. I have 2 very young kids (toddler and baby) and am looking for a less stressful, intense workplace, but something that is still interesting and challenging. I have it pretty good as far as big law goes (junior partner, lots of autonomy and flexibility), but I’m feeling like my career is stalling because I have been mommy tracked (maybe this is in my head, but I don’t feel like I’m getting the “good” projects these days and am just grinding out work that is the same kind of stuff that I have been doing for the past couple of years). Also, even though I have a lot of autonomy, I am constantly stressed about my hours, trying to catch up on evenings and weekends, and feeling like I get the side glances when I leave on the early side.

    I am looking at a potential opportunity to move in-house (large, public company). Any feedback from parents who have moved from big law to in-house? Do you feel that it was worth it? Are the hours less? Was the pay cut significant? Any input would be greatly appreciated.

    • Anon

      I made this move 5 years ago (BigLaw to large, public company). I’m not a parent yet, but most of my coworkers are.

      Pluses:
      – No billable hours
      – I can count on one hand the number of evenings and weekends I work in a year.
      – My coworkers are great
      – A normal week is around 45 hours. Again, I can count on one hand the number of weeks that go over 50 in any given year.
      – I like my benefits better (great 401k match, stock, etc)
      – We don’t have children yet, but most of my coworkers do. Family time is valued (for men and women) and there is definitely much more flexibility than at a firm.

      Minuses:
      – My commute increased by 15 minutes. That’s about it.

      I took an initial paycut of about 33%. I’m close to evening out now with salary plus bonus plus stock. Also, I work normal-person hours, as opposed to batsh*t crazy hours, and I’d much rather have the lower comp plus an actual life :)

      • Housecounsel

        I went in-house (from junior partner position, was recruited in-house by a client) when pregnant with my third, and stayed for five years. It was manageable at first, but then the company began expanding and so did my responsibilities. I felt like I had to be available 24-7 (that was the corporate culture and nature of the company’s business- so know yours before you make a leap) and was never really present with my kids. I spent way too much time out of town.

        This is not true for everyone, but for me, it was all too much. I tried being a stay-at-home mom for a few months, and that didn’t work either. I ended up going part-time with a spin-off of my original firm. I make less money, my career is pretty stagnant, and I am doing work a mid-level associate could do. I have really and truly never been happier.

    • AnonLawMom

      Popping in to say I’d love to see more responses to this and any tips on how to actually make that switch are welcome as well.

      • Anon

        +1 – also very interested in seeing any replies on this topic, as I was thinking of asking this very question sometime soon.

    • AnonInfinity

      I have nothing substantive to add to this conversation, but a lot of people have asked this question. You might try searching the site if you don’t get a lot of answers today.

    • LLBMBA

      I made the move about a year and a half ago, and just became a parent (am currently on leave). It was a very good move. Compensation-wise, I might be a bit below what I would have been making, but when you add in my pension (seriously – an over-funded defined benefit pension!), and the stock buying plan, and other perks (I’m at a bank and get employee banking), and that I can leave at 5 without raising eyebrows, I’m certainly better off. The work is fun and challenging, the bank is a big brand name, I don’t have to wine and dine in order to get paid. It’s great.

    • Ugh

      Do your research on the company, because atmosphere can vary. I am in-house at a large public company and my hours are still batsh!t crazy. I work nights and weekends regularly. My hourly compensation has taken a nosedive, and I actually miss billing time because at least then senior people *knew* how much I was working! My company has a burn rate of around 2 years as a result of the horrible environment. On the plus side I am getting great experience and hopefully can land one of the fantasy playhouse in-house gigs that other r’ettes have described.

  11. Anon

    A recruiter reached out to me via Linkedin asking if I’m interested in an opening at her company. I have no relationship with this recruiter or company beyond this inquiry. Can I ask the recruiter for the salary range given my experience as represented on my Linkedin profile? Frankly, if it’s not where I want/need it to be it won’t be worth my time or hers. I work in the same function now, but work for a large consulting firm. This would be in house so I really can’t judge if she would come close to where I am now or not.

    • ANON in CO

      Yes, recruiters expect this. I’d ask her for a copy of the job description and pay range for the position.

    • Niktaw

      Just make sure that you don’t give this recruiter access to your network of contacts. Many recruiters disguise their fishing expeditions as, well, recruiting.
      Limit yourself to messages initially, and only add this person to your contacts if she proves herself legit.

      • Anon

        I asked for the description and range, and got just the description. For the salary she just put it back on me, asking me what it is that I’m looking for. Didn’t she reach out to me first?? I completely understand the game we are each mutually attempting to play, but shouldn’t I be allowed to know all of the basic info, including salary range, for a job she approached me about? Maybe I am just grumpy on this dreary Monday.

        • XC

          This is probably too late in the day for you to see this

          As a recruiter, it is against my company’s policy to discuss rates via email and we are told to not disclose rates until a candidate tells us what they are making and what they are looking for.

          The only time I can freely discuss rates is if I’ve submitted that candidate to a role before.

          • Anon

            I appreciate your perspective, but I just don’t think that is a fair expectation of candidates, at least passive candidates. I do not want to give up what I am making right now. For starters, I don’t know you (not you, but “you” person who contacted me via LinkedIn) and telling you what I want to make is a fairly easy way to figure out what I do make currently. I hope you, recruiter, have pure intentions and think I’m a fit for this job, but I can’t prove that and you may just be trolling for market data that I’m not willing to freely provide you. Less cynically, however, my salary info and expectation is my “power,” so to speak. I won’t give that up. I want to know your baseline for the job then I’ll tell you, who sought me out, whether it works.

            I certainly see where the mandate to not release salary info until later in the process comes from (as that would be the recruiter’s “power”), but only if I was actively seeking the role. Recruiting a passive candidate is a different animal from active recruitment, in my opinion. If I am going to be approached by a recruiter, I should be able to know how the new company and role will make it “worth my while” to leave (or spend time to consider leaving) a job that I actually sort of like. I would consider leaving if stars aligned and every box was checked for this new gig, but it will and should take time (conversations, calls, in person meetings, etc.) to figure that out. That’s the subjective stuff. Objectively, I just want to know the number because if that isn’t right, then the subjective, important-but-time-consuming stuff, isn’t worth my time or the recruiter’s.

            Not long ago I was buying my husband a fine watch for a wedding present. I walked into a national retailer and asked how much the watch was, and (I kid you not) the response was, “What’s your budget?” …… that’s not the question I asked. Why is your price a function of my budget? I walked away from the watch, and I’m walking away from this recruiter, too.

  12. ANON in CO

    I realize this is totally a “mom” question but since there’s hardly any traffic on the Corporette Mom’s site I’m posting here. It’s a free internet world after all.

    It’s our first month TTC. My whole life I’ve had 29 day cycles (when I wasn’t on birth control). My first cycle off the pill was 29 days (last month) but we weren’t trying because I had a week trip to Vegas and figured it wouldn’t be healthy. Now this month I’m on day 31 and no period in sight. I didn’t ovulate until day 19 though so I guess that puts me at day 33 before I should expect my period. I’m wondering why my body suddenly decided that it would make my cycles longer…it’s like it knows we’re trying or something. Anyway, I’m beginning to get OCD about TTC. Any twinge of anything and I think it means something. Did you go through this? How did keep your mind from constantly focusing on it? I’m driving my husband crazy. I don’t want to take a test because I’m scared that it will be negative and I’ll be disappointed.

    • associate

      Just take a test :) At least then you can stop wondering one way or the other. Who knows, maybe you got lucky!

      • just Karen

        this was the best advice someone on this site gave me when we were trying (I’m now 24 weeks pg) – when you are driving yourself crazy thinking about , just do one of those cheap tests (Wondfo on amazon for example). It doesn’t put things out of your mind completely, but for me, it really helped.

    • Anne Shirley

      Stop “trying to conceive.” You aren’t trying to conceive. You are having lots of sex without using birth control. Unless you have a complicated fertility history, that’s all you need to do. You don’t need to be timing things right or counting days or worrying about drinking or planning around your travel schedule. The best way to not obsess about this is to stop thinking of it as a process you have any control over and start thinking of yourself, living life, with the sexing.

      • associate

        This is one way of looking at it, but there’s nothing wrong with “TTC.” The average time it takes to get pregnant of x months includes people who take the whenever willy nilly approach. Obviously, if you want to take a more targeted approach with timing, that can only help your chances of getting pregnant sooner. Some people like to have a plan and no amount of saying “don’t obsess about it” is going to change that.

        • Anne Shirley

          She’s driving her husband crazy. Lots of people can plan and take charge of their fertility and ready mommy blogs and have everything be wonderful. This poster, who likens her behaviors to OCD and who is driving her husband crazy after one month of trying, doesn’t sound like one.

          • ANON in CO

            I’m being a bit crazy about this because I am trying to time it. It would be ideal for my work busy season if I could get pregnant in the next 2 months. I won’t quit if it doesn’t happen but that’s why we’re trying.

          • ANON in CO

            I realize it isn’t that easy so if it doesn’t happen during the ideal time then it doesn’t. My employer might hate me but life will go on.

          • AnonInfinity

            I agree with Anne Shirley, here. It’s not really something you can plan to the exact month (I say this as a person who tried for a long time and was never successful). You have to get a little zen about it. And just test if you want to test. You can always test in a few days if you think you were too early. Just testing always put my mind at ease because then I didn’t feel like I needed to think about it anymore.

    • AnonLawMom

      Please buy the book “Taking Charge of Your Fertility.” It will answer most of your questions and you really should understand the basics in that book if you are TTC. Good luck!

      • Diana Barry

        +1, TCOYF is awesome. But also, there are tests on ebay for super cheap – I bought a bunch and then didn’t have to pay the $8 at cvs whenever I wanted to test but it was “too early” or whatever.

    • Spirograph

      Many, many women have irregular cycles after going off hormonal birth control. Mine were totally out of whack for at least 6 months, and I only ovulated twice in that time. I know it’s hard, but don’t obsess. It sounds like you’re charting and have done a bit of research on what to look for. If not, find a resource about fertility awareness/natural family planning (Taking Charge of Your Fertility has been recommended about a billion times on this s!te; I loved it) to learn a little more about your cycle. Trust your knowledge, and don’t bother with tests until you know you are actually late compared to ovulation rather than late compared to what you thought was normal.

      Yup, it’s definitely the “s!te” that got me in moderation the first time around. Just wow.

      • Diana Barry

        Also, +1 to this, for some people it takes a LONG time to regulate. Mine never regulated for 1+ years after going off the pill (I think I’ve said this before – I just never had a cycle) and so we needed help when TTC.

      • ANON in CO

        I’m using the Clear Blue Easy Advanced OPK. It gives smiley faces when it senses LH surge before ovulation and then it tests for another hormone (not sure what) to indicate that ovulation is coming in next 24 hours (on average).

        I had blinking smileys on day 13 thru morning of day 18. I had solid smiley on day 18 in the evening, so I’m guessing I ovulated on day 19 or at the latest day 20.

        • AnonLawMom

          Again – read TCOYF. OPKs are not totally reliable and you should do some research to understand why. Charting is much more accurate.

    • Burgher

      Take the test. Not knowing isn’t doing you any favors!

      A month into TTC is not the time to start freaking out… wait until after a year until you drive yourself completely insane. If it happens it happens, if it doesn’t it doesn’t. There isn’t much you can do to control it other than charting your days & taking care of yourself.

      • AIMS

        Also it’s a bit silly to not want to take the test because you don’t want to be disappointed. If you’re not pregnant, you’re going to be disappointed either if you take the test now or when you get your period a bit from now. It’s a matter of how long you want to drive yourself crazy before you get there. And, you could be pregnant – you never know.

        Incidentally, when I went off my BCP after having taking it for years, it took my period a few months to adjust. I was always within range of normal, but some months were longer than others as far as getting regular went. My advice is to assume this will be an adjustment period and try to not overthink things. If it happens right away, fantastic. If it doesn’t, save your anxiety for later.

    • anonymama

      It often takes a few months to return to a normal cycle after going off the pill… most recommendations I have seen say it can take 3-4 months, or even more, for your body to return to normal ovulation after taking the pill. But you’re going to drive yourself crazy, and everyone around you…. try to force yourself to think that the first few months are just for practicing, and that it probably won’t actually happen until, say, at least 6 months, which is the average. (Even if you are for sure ovulating and time everything right, I think your odds are something like 20-30% of getting pregnant each cycle).

      Also, trying to get pregnant is the first step in a long, long line of learning that parenting means you really can’t plan for everything, and there are so many things about kids that you have no control over, and that you just have to leave up to chance. Even if you do everything right, there are no guarantees. It’s completely frustrating, and completely unavoidable.

      In the meantime, buy a bunch of the early pregnancy tests online and test away. It is disappointing to get negatives, but it’s easier to know, and buying those pregnancy tests in bulk will almost certainly guarantee that you will get pregnant right away (Murphy’s law ;-)).

      • Anonymous

        Just take a test. Or just wait a few more days and then test. It took me exactly one month from going off the pill. Then I had a very early miscarriage and it took me exactly another month to get pregnant again. So, its possible.

    • Anon

      My cycles have done this since TTC, and I wasn’t using hormonal BC prior to that. Had my longest cycle ever (36days) the month of my first fertility clinic visit. Told the nurse it was day 36 with multiple negative pregnancy tests, and she said, oh honey it’s nerves, you’ll start first thing tomorrow. She was almost right – it happened two hours later.

      So, yes, I think that intent (TTC) can lengthen your cycles, and it does mess with your head constantly. I don’t have it all figured out yet, but one thing that helps is to continue to plan your life as normal, and focus on those things in the future instead of baby.

  13. Advice

    I work with someone on a daily basis who is in another dept but our areas overlap quite a bit. We work well together and had become friends. He approached me about creating my dream job in his dept about 1.5 years ago. Red tape has gotten in the way, etc. Now it is finally created but stalling on someone’s desk.

    In the interim, he has applied for and is a finalist to be my direct supervisor. I have to sit on the interview panel. (I wish I didn’t, but that is not negotiable at this stage.) For various reasons, the new position will likely die if he leaves. Any suggestions for getting through the panel and selection process?

    Additionally, I also know our relationship will change if he is hired… not only because he would be my supervisor, but also because I will have difficulty trusting him for leaving position A for position B (think Greenpeace to Big Oil) and for just the way the process has occurred. I get it now, everyone is out for themselves… but it’s a crappy lesson. For those who have moved on to supervise former friends or colleagues, is it a pretty natural transition to phase out the friendship aspect of your relationship?

    • Anonymous

      Recuse yourself from the panel. I don’t care what you say about it being non-negotiable. You have a major ethical conflict here and you should refuse, in those terms, as far up as you can. And if you get push back, call your in house counsel.

      Also I don’t understand how you, who wants to move from B to A, could possibly mistrust him for moving from A to B. Within the same company. Proof that you cannot separate your self interest from reality here.

      • Advice

        I can’t explain why B to A makes sense but A to B doesn’t without getting more specific than I care to.

        • Anonymous

          The new position is dead. It has been sitting around for 1.5 years. It isn’t real. And him moving to a job that’s best for him is not a crappy lesson, it’s a good lesson that you have to make changes that work for you. Don’t sit on this panel.

          • Jenny

            Agreed. I hate to say it but, this other position isn’t going to happen for you. I’d focus on finding something else that does.

  14. Anonymous

    I’m very bummed out today. I accidentally caught a glance at my personal trainer’s sheet of my measurements (I honestly try not to think very much about my weight and focus on strength, how I fit into my clothes, and how I feel). I weigh a good 10lb over what I want to weigh (and no, it’s definitely not because I’ve built muscle and my body composition has changed!) I know I’m on the right track and I know objectively 10lb isn’t *that* much to lose but I think seeing the number was pretty disheartening and has put a real damper on my day.

    • Anonymous

      If your focus is strength, why is your trainer weighing and measuring you? F the noise.

    • ANON in CO

      It’s not weight that really matters, it’s body composition. Has your trainer been taking your body fat measurements? That’s what you should be looking at. I weighed myself this morning and I’ve lost 3 pounds in the last 2 weeks but I wasn’t happy about it because I know it’s muscle that I’ve lost. Weight loss isn’t always good thing.

      • LawyrChk

        For the record, unless you are literally starving yourself to death, you didn’t lose 3 lbs of muscle in 2 weeks. Water weight mixed with fat and a bit of muscle, maybe. For the most part, your body intuitively burns fat before starting on muscle.

        • ANON in CO

          You’re right. It was probably a bit of dehydration since I worked in the yard all weekend in 85 degree heat and probably did not drink enough water.

    • AnonInfinity

      Are your measurements going down but your weight is going up? If so, you’re moving in the right direction, even if the number on the scale is higher than you’d like!

      If both are going up, I can understand why you’re disheartened, and I have totally been there. Whenever I feel like this, I give myself permission to be completely bummed out for a certain amount of time, then I have to stop wallowing in it. I’ll focus on my disappointment for the allotted time, then try to do something to occupy my mind after. Good luck! And I hope you’re making good strength gains!

    • Cara

      FYI, posts about weight — particularly ones that carry any inkling of a desire to lose a small amount of weight— are the new target of mockery and derision at STFU Corpor*tte. If you are already feeling bummed, watch out, because apparently the powers that be deem it very unhealthy/ unattractive/ wrong to have any opinions about your own body that are not in line with their views about how you should feel.

      • associate

        I understand this is a sensitive subject, but random people on the internet who spend their free time on a webs!te making fun of strangers on the internet aren’t exactly what I would call the “powers that be.” Save yourself the mental angst and don’t even think about what other people are thinking!

      • Anonymous

        You do realize that STFUCorpor**** has no actual power over you, right?

        • AnonInfinity

          Precisely. The folks here can talk about what they want. The folks at STFUCorp… can talk about what they want. There’s plenty of room on these internets for both.

      • Anonymous

        Whoever runs that STFU site is just a plain old miserable person who likes to complain about everything and anything. According to “her/him” everyone is completely blinded by their own privilege and posting about things that are important to you is somehow insulting to anyone who is not you.

        To the OP, if you are not happy with the weight (or seeing the weight) tell your trainer that you prefer not to know the actual number, but that you’d love to focus on exercises that will lead to weight loss. Then figure out how much you are eating and how you can eat less. Do both things in tandem and by Halloween (or sooner), you’ll be down those 10 lbs.

    • nutella

      Think back to the context – you are already working with a trainer, making a positive and proactive effort to achieve your goals. If you’re comfortable with it, say you stepped on the scale and feel discouraged. Knowing that could help you work harder in sessions with him/her and work together to achieve your goals. Don’t give up – I understand why you are discouraged, but keep at it! And be proud of what you have already accomplished and the steps you have taken to do more.

    • Anon

      Patience, grasshopper. You’re moving in the right direction, you just have to keep doing what you’re doing.

    • Jordan

      Is there something you have done that you shouldn’t have? It sounds like you need to either cut out the habit that’s causing you guilt for not getting to the number you want OR cut yourself a break because you’ve been doing everything you should be doing.

      The most important thing is that you’ve made a huge effort to having a healthy lifestyle. Celebrate the changes in your habits!

      PS I ate oreo cake last night. Oopsy.

  15. Pinky

    I would wear the hell out of this blazer (in Silicon Valley tech), but I’d like it better without the ties in the front. I’m reasonably well-endowed, but I think as long as my choices for wearing underneath were appropriate this would be much more of a CrossFit-pecs show than a cleavage show. I dunno. Sadly, I can’t imagine a size 6 $1200 blazer fitting across my back.

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