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Weekend Open Thread

Felicity Coco Midi Sheath DressSomething on your mind? Chat about it here. This well-reviewed dress looked a bit va-va-va-voom for everyday office for me — but I could see it being a great desk to dinner dress, particularly on a date night. I like the exposed zipper in the back, the hourglass seaming, and the fact that it's partially lined and hand-washable. The price is also great: it's $118, available in four colors. FELICITY & COCO Midi Sheath Dress (Nordstrom Exclusive) ASOS has a ton of great plus-size desk-to-dinner sheath dresses; here's my favorite (but I've just pinned a bunch of others to our plus-size workwear Pinterest board). Don't forget, ladies — if you'd like more plus-size content from Corporette, please sign up for our new(ish) plus-size newsletter. Happy weekend, all! Update: We're still working on the video ad problem — I'm trying to go nuclear on the problem in an effort to solve it totally. If you see any video ads from this point forward, please email me with the URL of the ad (sometimes there is info in the URL that helps us determine what network the ad came from), where you saw the ad (the sidebar, by the comments, at the bottom of the page, etc) and, if possible, please send me a screenshot. Thank you guys so much! (L-3)

Sales of note for 12.2.24 (Happy Cyber Monday!! See our full sale listing here!)

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

215 Comments

  1. If I had the power, I would make exposed zippers — and peplums!!! — illegal. GAH.

    2. If I had the power, I would make invisible zippers illegal! Some are fine, but when they’re bad, they’re awful. I love the exposed zipper trend only because it means a real, functional zipper!

      1. 1. Invisible zippers don’t work well with heavier fabrics, or if you have a seam where lots of seams come together, so I agree they aren’t a cure all.

        2. I wouldn’t call this an exposed zipper. Visible, yes, but all you see are the teeth and no tape.

        3. The happy medium is a lapped zipper, where you have what would be an otherwise visible covered by a flap of cloth. The zipper on a pair of pants is an example, though the lap is usually thinner for a dress. It’s more work and craftsmanship to put a lapped zipper in well, than to do a visible zipper or invisible zipper.

        So, I guess the question is, which is worse than the others? It really depends on the style and fabric of the garment.

        1. Maybe we’re not looking at the same thing — I see different-color thick tape on each side of the zipper, which runs the entire length of the dress until it stops a foot above the hem.

          1. Maybe its the tape, maybe its a stitch detail and the tape isn’t actually exposed. But its the same color as the dress, which I think falls more on the visible vs the exposed since the tape doesn’t have the high contrast that the exposed zippers of the past few years were exhibiting.

            Now the fact that it goes the entire length of the back the dress is a whole other issue….

  2. Definitely not office appropriate. Like the neckline but as a short person, probably wouldn’t look good in that length.

      1. Ditto. The back is way to sexy and the front appears to be very low cut. I can’t imagine wearing this to the office (anywhere!).

    2. All I can think is, if it shows the top curve of the model’s small b00bs, just how much of a show would it be giving on my g cups??? *shudder* Now, if I were still working for tips, that would be a different thing, but… :P

      This looks like the kind of dress the 22 year old fresh out of college former party girl wears, before she gets told that it’s not right for work.

        1. The plus-size Favorite also does not seem esp. office-ready to me, and would look weird with a blazer over it because of the design on the waist.

  3. Video ad with sound for Greenies dog treats on the main front page on the top right under sponsors, then video ad with sound on this page for anyclip below the “Follow on Feedly” on the right – it was for a movie, then toothpaste and now a Audrey Hepburn movie (at least it’s mute-able).

    VERY ANNOYING, please make them go away! Screenshots sent

      1. Kat has been asking for information when video or audio ads play so she can stop them.

    2. I’m currently not seeing any ads in that space – might be a GEMA copyright restriction thing if they include music. The one time Germany’s strict copyright laws help…

  4. To everyone who had nice comments and suggestions yesterday in response to my post about social anxiety and the closing dinner last night – It actually went really well. I can’t say that I was a total success in terms of keeping my nerves down, but I tried to focus on my goal of getting to know the folks at this particular client better, to demonstrate my (half decent but improving) knowledge of their industry, and to express my interest in getting a tour of one of their operations. The client was incredibly gracious and appreciative of our work, and the food and venue were great. These things are always 10 x more enjoyable than I imagine them to be before-hand. Thanks again for the support and the strategies; I will definitely keep all of them in mind going forward.

    1. I’m glad it all went well. Try to write this feeling somewhere so next time you have the jitters, you can refer to your journal and know that nothing bad happened the last time.

      1. I’ll echo this. Maybe on a “post-it” note on your phone, or somewhere easily accessible, so you can bring it out.

        “Last time, I was also nervous, but I went and it was 10x better than what I expected beforehand.”

        1. Include in your memory of this, the strategies that helped, so you feel in control- it wasn’t just luck that it went well, it went well because of things you did. Congrats!

  5. I have a really beautiful cocktail dress I just bought (I’ve work work dresses to the last several weddings I went to and thought I should upgrade). Now there are no weddings in sight. I need a worthy occasion to wear this dress that doesn’t involve spending a ton of money. Ideas? Also, I do wear it around the house, and awesome as it is, I’d like to go somewhere where such an item of clothing might actually fit in.

    1. When I was dating my husband, I cooked him a meal wearing a c-tail dress and heels. I felt very Grown Up. Drinking was involved.

    2. Theatre? Symphony? Dinner at one of those restaurants on the top floor at the fanciest hotel in town?

      1. haha, way too poor for that. Hence the stuff that doesn’t cost much condition.

        1. Oh, missed that. Uhh…. charity galas where your company has bought a table and you get to go for free? (this is how I get to wear my fancy dresses). I also once held a party to watch the Oscars and encouraged fancy dresses, though it turned out only me and like 2 other people wore them. But we looked awesome.

    4. I wear my pretty dresses out to dinner.

      Also, how about hosting a dress-up cocktail party?

    5. Go out for just drinks at a fancy place. My BF and I like to walk down to one of the swanky beach hotels of an evening. They’ll have a jazz combo playing in the bar and we enjoy an overpriced cocktail and the sunset.

      3. Parfait, not sure exactly where you are but have you tried drinks on the veranda at the Georgian Hotel in Santa Monica? Very nice!

    6. Host a party! The tagline on my birthday party invites for next month (very casual, pizzas, chatting, and music) say ‘Just because it’s casual doesn’t mean you should be! Dust off your posh frocks, nice shirts, and party dresses’ – entirely because I have a beautiful dress I want to wear. It’s the Boden Jocelyn, in navy, incidentally.

  6. I’ve been reading Corporette for 6 years, and I’ve never read about anything quite like this, so any advice on how to deal would be greatly appreciated:

    Has anyone ever had to permanently share an office with an assistant? My office, which consists of my boss, a part-time (more on this later) assistant, and me, is moving.

    The boss is currently almost never in the office. He spends 30 minutes in the office per week on average. The assistant is in the office for 2-3 hours a few days per week, mostly not doing any work at all. (She does fax, etc. for me when she happens to be here, but I’m otherwise on my own.) The reason for most of this is that the two of them are having an affair and see each other during the day. (He’s married, and the affair is supposed to be a secret. They pretty much know that I know, but I’ve never confirmed it.)

    Anyway, the proposed new building will have only two offices (no reception area). My boss has proposed that either he or I will share an office with the assistant/his mistress. I 100% do not want to and will look for another job if I have to share with her.

    Thoughts on how to handle this (other than GTFO of this crazy place)?! Has anyone ever had to share an office with an assistant (mistress or not)? I swear that I’m not Ellen…

    1. Ugh, this sounds nuts. Is there a reason why you can’t share with your boss considering how little he is in the office?

    2. Just politely ask him if you can have an office dedicated solely to you since you’re there all the time. It’s a reasonable request.

      1. This sounds like a good answer.

        At my firm, one of the lawyers had to share an office with a paralegal because we were expanding, every office was in use (plus the reception area) and the attorney sharing worked only part-time, and part of that was from home. She didn’t like sharing (understandably), but it made the most sense overall for our office rather than giving her a private office that was empty much of the week. The paralegal that she shared with was the least senior paralegal. Some paralegals and other staff got their own offices while this one attorney didn’t (all the other attorneys had their own offices), but the paralegals were all full-time, never worked from home, and many of them had job responsibilities that included a lot of phone time.

    3. It sounds like he gave you the option of either of you sharing with her. He’s made it very easy to say that since you’re in the office the most, you should have the solo office and they should share.

      1. +1 He gave you the option to say you wanted him to share it with her. If he’s almost never there, it makes the most sense for them to share so that each of you can have your own work space. He proffered it, so tell him that’s the option you want.

  7. Heads up that there is a fantastic COS sale today (more upscale sibling of H&M). Just snagged a beautiful silk top for $51.

  8. Hi all — I know it’s been widely agreed around these parts that a full suit isn’t always necessary for interviews (or in other suit-appropriate occasions) when you’re visibly pregnant, but I have an interview for my DREAM JOB in two weeks and don’t want to leave anything to chance. It’s winter (temps ranging from the 20’s to the 40’s) where I live and while I could pair a black (short, sort of a-line) wool maternity blazer with some gray trousers and pumps, I’m wondering if you have any recs for an interview-appropriate maternity outfit where I would typically wear a suit. I’m freaking out a little bit internally — in the good way — that I’m even getting an interview, so I want to feel as though I look good going into the (LONG) big day in a few weeks. Plus I’m nervous that my pregnancy — and the fact that I plan to take maternity leave — might be a ding against me so I want to at least look the part as much as possible.

    1. If you have a solid color non-black sheath dress that you can pair with a black blazer, I think that might look slightly more pulled together. That’s admittedly my power outfit (maternity or not), but I think that wearing a black blazer & gray pants could look slightly more like mis-matched suit separates. I’d wear tights or hose on your legs, which should be fine for those temps.

      Good luck in your interview!

    2. I think a dark jacket with dark slacks sounds like it could be fine if you can’t find a full maternity suit (that looks nice that you feel great in) in a pinch. I feel with a maternity suit, you run the risk of it looking ill fitting and frumpy, and then you won’t feel very great either :(

      What about wearing what you propose but making sure the other elements of your outfit are 100% spot on? So, wear your best shoes, carry your best bag, wear a gorgeous high quality shell/blouse underneath. Conservative jewelry that is your best quality. Maybe even consider getting your hair blown out or styled and do your makeup carefully in the way you like best. Sometimes I think the other elements of an outfit can actually go further in making you look put together/the part as much as possible.

    4. I have a black blazer, and I have a maternity black skirt and maternity work pants that I have worn with it. The blacks are close enough that most people would not notice. I would pair that with a shirt that is flattering but doesn’t emphasis your stomach. Obviously you can’t help that you’re visibly pregnant, but I would avoid the shirts that put the bump front and center.

    5. I was on trial during my last pregnancy and ended up having to get maternity suits tailored to fit. It actually worked sort of brilliantly. I might buy a suit and get it tailored so it fits beautifully and isn’t frumpy. (Maternity suits are frequently frumpy.)

    6. I interviewed 8 months along.
      I wore black maternity pants (so, panel).
      Butten-down shirt with collar.
      A black cardigan thing, made out of suit material, that was not lined, not structured, but had a tie across the “waist” (empire/maternity waist, of course). I felt like I was wearing as much suit as could be expected.

      It was a business casual office. I got the job. At the time, I did bring up my, uh, condition. My line was “I’m not used to being the elephant in the room, but I am pregnant and I’m very interested in this job, but I’d like to discuss a timeline that would work out for both of us.”

    7. I was interviewing while pregnant last year, when I was between 6 to 8 months pregnant. Personally, I am most comfortable with interviewing in a suit, and was uncomfortable enough with interviewing while pregnant that I didn’t want to deviate from that.

      As others have mentioned, maternity suits are often ill-fitting, particularly the jackets. After trying on a dozen unacceptable jacket options, I gave up. I wound up wearing a pair of black maternity suiting pants with an unbuttoned non-maternity black Theory suit jacket that was perfectly tailored except for the belly, with a fitted but not bump-emphasizing top and a statement necklace to help draw attention away from my belly.

      If you go this open-jacket route, I think the shirt you wear underneath becomes a little more important — including checking how it looks with your maternity pants/skirt waistband, especially if it’s a full panel.

      Think about what options makes you feel most confident and professional and lets you focus on being substantively prepared for your interview.

  9. I’m starting to freak out over the bar exam. I’m taking a second state in February and I have no idea how I’m going to pass! I know everyone goes through this when they are studying and I’m trying to be realistic, but I’m feeling so overwhelmed with all I have going on and only another month to study! I’m having trouble focusing and just studying alone almost every day. Any words of wisdom or general encouragement?

    1. I have no words of wisdom, but I can commiserate. I’m right there with you, so you’re not alone! (Except this is my second go around with my state.) I’ll be sending good vibes your way!

    2. You don’t need to get an A, you just need a C-. This is what I told myself whenever it got overwhelming. And a month to study is plenty! I didn’t even begin studying seriously until after July 4th weekend for the summer bar when I took it – I think having the “month to go” freak-out is essential so you can buckle down and start really studying. You’re right on schedule!

      Also, is this your “second state” as in you already passed a first? If so, remind yourself that you’ve done this before and can do it again! And if it’s your second state because you passed this summer and you’re not taking the multistate, that means your passing MBE score is going to help, no?

      1. I had to take the multistate again when I took a second bar. Some states won’t let you use your old score. (And you also have to take the MPRE again if your score is more than 2 years old. Good times).

        But do you *have* to pass the second state? Like your job depends on it? If not, that also takes some of the pressure off, because even if you fail (which you won’t), you can take it again (obviously studying again would suck, but honestly it only sucks for like a month). And I wholeheartedly agree with AIMS-you just have to pass, not do amazing.

      2. +1. It’s a lot of material, but you don’t have to do very well. Even if you feel it didn’t go well afterwards, you’re likely to pass.

    3. take a whole weekend off, and just focus on taking care of you to get to the place where you can study. you are far enough out where if you just try to power through, you will burn out.

      if you can’t do the whole weekend, take one whole day.

    5. Thanks for the encouraging responses. I have to take the MBE, essay portion, and probably the MPRE again! I took off this morning. I’m just trying to stay calm and I got some positive feedback on my essays. Hopefully I can stay (mostly) calm for the next four weeks and pass!

  11. Does anyone have a system for filing or storing articles they read in magazines/newspapers or online for future reference? I would like to be able to do this for useful career-related articles I find. Right now all I can come up with is saving them in a folder on my laptop or an external hard drive. This is what I did as a student and after sometime it became a messy system, running out of space, can’t find something when I want to refer to it. A naming or ordering system so they are easy to find when I need to look something up?

    1. I use Pocket. It’s an app and a chrome extension. It keeps one list no matter which device I’m using it from. I don’t know if you can put things in folders in it, but it does have a “tag” function you could use to categorize.

    3. Evernote? Email them to your gmail account and tag them all with “career articles”?

    6. I second Pocket, or Evernote – get the web clipper. Clip straight from the browser, add all your tags (fashion, career advice, etc.) and stick them in a folder in the app itself. You can access on all platforms (mobile, desktop, tablet).

    7. Third the Pocket suggestion! One of the best things about pocket is that you can access the articles even if you are offline/don’t have internet access (e.g. great for flights).

    8. I use Pocket for articles I want to read on the loo that afternoon, and Evernote for articles I might want to read in the future, like for reference in 6 months.

  12. I need advice about one of my friends. To be completely honest, we have never been close, but she’s friends with two of my best friends so we end up hanging out together a fair bit. I’m not a huge fan of this girl – she’s cheap (to the point where she refuses to pay her fair share), self-absorbed and fairly socially inappropriate.

    Her birthday party is coming up and the idea of spending $100+ on this girl that I don’t like very much and who wouldn’t do the same for me is really bothering me (she mooched drinks off all my friends at my birthday and then went home with the guy I liked). But I feel like if I were to put my foot down, my close friends would be upset at me. This girl doesn’t have very many friends so it’s basically just my friend group that will be going to her birthday party. I also feel like my absence will be very noticeable since there will only be a few people there.

    Advice? Commiseration?

    TIA!

    2. I will tell you my school of thought on this, which is that drama does not belong in adult friendships. Tell them you have other plans and leave it at that – don’t let anyone get emotional, just (with polite apologies), decline.

      I’m also of the school of thought that, as an adult, your birthday party should be hosted by you. It sounds like what she is expecting is to be treated by friends (and not even necessarily by her closest friends)- that’s lovely when people voluntarily want to do it, but it should never be an expectation. Your absence may be noticeable, but if you have other plans, it’s perfectly explicable, and if it becomes a thing, that’s her problem (not yours).

      1. +1,000 As an adult, there are certainly things you have to do that you do not want to do. This is not one of them. You do not want to go and for good reason. Politely decline and let them be upset. They’ll likely get over it sooner rather than later if they are truly YOUR good friends.

    3. If you haven’t already accepted, this is where the words “prior commitment” come in very handy.

      “Oh, I’d love to go! But oh no, my underwater basket-weaving course meets that evening, and I really can’t skip this one, the mermaids are coming in from next door. Such a shame! You guys will just have to have a little extra fun for me!”

      I’ve had to pull this a few times – either someone I really don’t like but my friends do, or something I just do. not. have the money for but the people involved won’t take that as an excuse.

    4. OP here. you ladies are right. I tried declining initially because I did have other plans and one of my friends talked me into cancelling my other plans because it was this girl’s birthday and that should be more important.

      Now I’m mad at myself for being talked into moving plans around. I probably have to go now because I reluctantly agreed but next time, I’m going to have to be tougher.

      1. It’s ridiculous that your group of friends accepts her behavior, and I bet they are just as annoyed by it as you but no one wants to say anything. Have you actually talked to them about it? It might help to work on being more assertive about your own needs so you don’t feel taken advantage of. I can’t really imagine putting up with paying someone else’s bill (that I didn’t agree to pay), let alone keeping my mouth shut about it!

      2. You don’t HAVE to go. Literally, you just don’t.

        You could come down sick. Or you could have a work emergency. Both are annoying if it’s a restaurant that cares about reservations so I would just say at the appropriate time (since it sounds like they pressured you into it) –I can’t go anymore. Happy birthday!

        1. This. You certainly don’t HAVE to do anything of the sort in this regard. You can still say no. You are your own person. Say no and mean it.

      3. Also, do not let them talk you out of cancelling (if you do cancel). We generally allow children to treat their birthdays like special days. There is no obligation to do that with adults – you should treat her birthday as important only (i) if it is actually important TO YOU or (ii) she is someone you love (not the case) to whom birthdays are important.

        I don’t care about my birthday, but my best friend really cares about her birthday, so I always make a point of celebrating it. Because I love her and therefore it matters to me. But that is the exception, not the rule, for adults.

      4. This is when a “fake emergency” comes in handy. It doesn’t have to be a day of thing, but use work as an excuse. You have some huge thing that isn’t going to let you leave the office all week around that time or something like that. Make it something that they’d be uncomfortable asking you to skip, and make it credible. I avoid so many unwanted social/family gatherings this way; when I figured this out, I felt like a genius. I also get along better with all these people than I did before and generally have fewer negative emotions toward them.

    5. I truly believe that learning to say no is the biggest lesson of your twenties. (Apologies if you’re past your twenties, I’m definitely assuming here.) Once you can say no to anyone, with no drama and no excuses, you’re a grownup. It takes practice, and mistakes, but you sound ready.

      1. I agree. I have a “friend” like OP and this year was the first time I started saying no, and it feels great even if it means I lose sleep over it for days before and after.

      2. Explicitly offering a substitute often helps everything sound better. Eg ‘I won’t be able to make her party but I’ll wish her happy birthday next week when I see her at xyz’.

      3. +1 to this. No need for explanations. Don’t fake something or give some long excuse, just say, I’m sorry, I can’t make it, and leave it at that. If you are pressed, just say you have other plans and you can’t be there.

        Do you trust your close friends enough to tell them quietly that you really don’t care for this person? Like, “I know you guys love X and I can see why, but she’s just not my cup of tea and I really would rather keep my other plans than go to her birthday party.”

  13. Sigh. I wrote this all out twice already but apparently it disappeared when I hit “post.” I think maybe an extension in Chrome is stopping me from posting?

    Oh well, I need shopping help! Basically, I have an interview in a week that is heavy on client exposure (finance). I’m an introverted analyst type – that said, I think I can sell myself as being able to handle clients meetings but I’m missing the polished look that people usually have for these roles. I have one pant suit that is nice enough (although I’m not excited about it), but if they ask me to come in twice, pant suit #2 is wearable albeit bordering on frumpy.

    I’m too short for regular sizes but generally too tall for petites (5’2.5), and I lift weights so I need enough room in the thigh/butt area but without my waist getting lost, and enough room for my broad shoulders without it being too loose everywhere else. I know its probably too a tall an order to find something so quickly, but my best hope is probably a dress or skirt suit since it’s less likely to need tailoring (and skirts/dresses appear to be the norm for women at this firm anyways, we’re in a warm weather city). I don’t have the nicest legs but I’ll deal with that somehow. Anyone know of outfits that might work for this?? Needs to be pretty conservative but nice looking, probably size 2 but may be 0-4 depending on the brand. Don’t want to spend a ton of money but I guess if you account for the money I’d save on tailoring I can probably afford to spend a little more if it’s worth it. Really hoping someone similarly built has found something like this already that works for them. TIA!

    1. I have similar issues with sizing. I’m a little too tall for petites, but off the rack pants always need tailoring. Could you do a talbots ponte dress with a coordinating blazer? Or are you expected to wear a suit with matching pieces? I love these dresses. The material is thick and polished, definitely conservative.

      1. Do you have an example? I think if it looks like they are supposed to go together that can be fine (especially for the #2 outfit), but it really should be suit-like.

    2. I am short, but not tiny, so I need petite sizes just for the length. Have you tried department store Tahari line? Pretty conservative suits, but with some interesting details. And they aren’t expensive since Macy’s is always having a sale.

      1. I think I’ve only tried on pant suits but it’s been a while, but if I remember correctly they seemed to run a little big?

        1. Maybe slightly. They generally work on my busty hourglass. Still might be worth a stroll through the suiting department. I think the Calvin Klein suits are around that price too.

          1. Yeah, I think when I tried last time they only went down to size 4 and the suit jacket was laughably long on me. Will look again!

    3. Are you ‘evenly proportioned’ or longer in the body or legs? If so, it might be worth trying a petites jacket with a regular skirt, or vice versa.

    4. Banana Republic pants in the “short” inseam – I’m between 5’2″ and 5’3″, and they’re the perfect length off the rack, plus they’re lined, and the Jackson fit pants are kind to bigger hips/thighs. My BR suits are my favorites (at that price point, anyway).

  14. FYI, if you took advantage of the Jones New York sales on Wednesday and were a new customer or ordered a LOT of stuff check your order to see if it actually shipped. I got an email from them this morning and I needed to call to verify my credit card info and address. Of course, we completed this lovely exchange at 11:40, and their cutoff for orders to ship out was noon, if the credit card verification went through. Mine did not, so its not shipping until Monday. I paid extra for 2 day shipping, so expected to already have the package today or Monday, I’m frustrated that now I won’t. They did upgrade me to overnight shipping from 2 day, but I just got the confirmation that it won’t ship until Monday, so I’m really hoping it arrives Tuesday – and if it doesn’t, I’m definitely going to call back and try to get them to refund the extra for shipping or give me a free return for the items that don’t fit.

    I guess I’ve just gotten totally spoiled by Amazon Prime and Zappos, but if I pay for 2 day shipping, I don’t expect you to sit on my order for 2 days before even bothering to contact me. And I’m extra grumpy because items I ordered for work (from a separate company) and also paid extra for 2 day shipping haven’t shipped yet, and we received no notice on that either. So apparently 2 day shipping means nothing in my world.

    Grump grump grump. Good thing it’s Friday, I’m done with this week, and all its baloney.

    1. I’m having a similar problem with an ebay purchase, which is my very first one. I paid $15 extra for “expedited shipping.” Made the purchase on the 20th, got an email on the 21st saying it “shipped,” but I tracked it and the post office hasn’t even received it yet, only the label was created. I was expecting it to be here today! I am hoping I will be able to get a refund on shipping once it arrives late, has anyone had success with that on ebay? I’m SO done with this week too!

        1. If they say it will arrive in three business days from when I ordered it, it does.

      2. I would ask the seller for a refund of the shipping fee. In my experience, ebay is pretty buyer-friendly, and sellers know this, so they are usually willing to do a refund to avoid getting ebay involved (if you have a legit issue, which you in this case you do).

    2. I have had a similar problem with JNY in the past. I would up cancelling the order and have not reordered since, no matter how tempting the sales prices. It just wasn’t worth the aggravation.

  16. I’m just about 3 years out of law school and interviewing with a new firm, in a new practice area (not big law). This firm has a much larger caseload than what I have now and a huge support staff. Everything about this job differs from what I’m doing now (size of firm, types of cases, support staff, resources. Imagine I am leaving a private firm that functions like a non-profit doing civil litigation and going to a midsize firm with a national practice), except for the fact that I’m not switching sides in the court room. What questions do you expect attorneys with 2-3 years of experience to ask you during the interview, about the firm, etc? I already have a good handle/intel on what the firm does, how it gets cases, etc. What I don’t know is what other business oriented questions I ought to be asking as well. First round is with the hiring partner.

  17. I recently got a series of big promotions and I now find myself in a position where I’m leading a big department, giving company-wide presentations, and people will greet me by name in the hallway or connect with me on linkedIn and I have no idea who they are- because they report to a report of a report of a peer of mine. (1) what’s the right way to be friendly and approachable and NOT sound like That Executive Who Doesn’t Really Know My Name or What I Do and (2) do you accept linkedIN requests from people within your own company (and even in your general area of work) with whom you have never worked directly or even met (or so you think)?

    1. At least on the LinkedIn question, I do accept and seek out invites for everyone at my company (around 40 people). We’re small, but we have enough offices and enough poor communication that I don’t always meet or know new people.

    2. You can always simply respond with “Hello! How are you today?” and make general small talk. If you find that it is consistently the same person(s) saying hello, you should make an effort to find his/her name so that you can begin to use it.

    4. 1) I had a brilliant manager once tell me that,”a leader is an organization is the one that takes the initiative to introduce themselves and say hello to others, people should have to go to them.” I would walk down the hallways being ready to greet others.
      2) If you have opportunities during company wide event when you are presenting, set expectations for connecting on LinkedIn, i.e., let people know, “I’d love to keep in touch with all of you via Linkedin, but to mention this presentation / this project when you connect”.

  18. Quick baby shower question: my mom wants to send out save the dates for my baby shower, which is not for 4 months. The location and time have not been nailed down. This is insane, right? I’ve never received a save the date for a baby shower.

    1. yes- the invitation is more than enough notice. she can email the people she feels like she must let know about it

    4. I actually don’t think it’s insane. My schedule is crazy, and I appreciate having advance notice of these events. I might ask her to send an email rather than a formal save-the-date, but if I were on your guest list, I’d be grateful to have a gentle save the date in my email that I could tag onto my calendar. This is especially true for guests that may have to travel, arrange childcare, etc.

      1. True – I did suggest to her that she tell people of the date via word of mouth. If she wants to send emails to her side of the family, I’m fine with that! I just don’t want her spending the money on a formal save the date.

        1. She can send an email request for updated addresses and include a save-the-date in the email.

        2. Moms are relentless. At some point, you might just have to let her do it. It doesn’t reflect poorly on you, and maybe the battle isn’t always worth it with your mom (file under: things I learned during wedding planning)

    5. Yeah, that’s too much. If she wants to tell a handful of close friends/family the date so that they can plan, that’s fine. I’d just do it in a phone call / text / personal email. Sending save the dates to the entire invite list is way too much.

    6. Yeh that’s wacky. My MIL texted everyone to “save the date” for my SIL’s shower since we were still nailing down a date due to work schedules, but knew it would be within the next month or 6 weeks. I think that’s more than enough.

    7. are you inviting friends/family who have significant travel (i.e. they don’t live in your hometown), if so, I think that ti may make sense, but if not… she’s just a proud grandma. honestly?

    9. Meh, I’ve gotten one, it was fine. I’ve gotten them tastefully mailed, I’ve gotten one emailed, and I’ve gotten a ‘heads up- put this on your calendar’ phone call.

      I’d file this under ‘not worth the money or effort, calling is good, but if you really want to- go for it’ bank. Not the hill I want to die on.

    10. Yup, way too early. Maybe an email or text just to let people know what date was picked?

    11. Thanks, all. I spoke with a friend who is helping my mother plan, and she agrees that a formal save the date would be unusual. They’re having a planning session soon, and she’s going to suggest that my mom informally let people know of the date. Like others have said, not a hill I’m willing to die on, but I’m hopeful that this will be resolved soon.

    12. Your mom should not be hosting. Traditionally showers should not be hosted by a close family member of the parents-to-be, but instead by a friend or more distant relative, such as a cousin or an aunt. While etiquette has loosened up some, today anyone other than the mom-to-be or the mom-to-be’s mother can host.

      1. This is irrelevant to the post. OP was not looking for feedback on the appropriateness of the host for her baby shower. (I also disagree, but that’s neither here nor there.)

        1. She asked for guidance about her mom’s inappropriate behavior. I noted that that her mom should not even host. Not sure where you get off telling me I’m irrelevant. (I’ll add my own passive aggressive parenthetical for kicks: you’re irrelevant to the post.)

      2. It’s also not clear that mom is hosting. Often the mother is very involved in planning since it sounds like a lot of the guests are her friends/relatives, and she would be coordinating the guest list etc.

        And frankly, Emily Post always insisted that pointing out someone else’s etiquette mistakes was the ultimate in bad manners, so you are a pretty poor imitation.

        1. She asked a question about etiquette! I provided information. I should have known this board is simply for people to get their own opinion validated rather than to learn. Someone as involved as sending out save the dates sounds like a host.

      3. I think that standard has actually almost completely disappeared. In this day and age, people generally expect to do a bridal or baby shower and give gifts. I think it makes more sense for someone as close as a mother to be the host rather than make a friend go to that level of expense and trouble. The gift-grabbing thing is kind of irrelevant when most people expect that it’ll happen either way.

  19. I have a job interview coming up for an attorney position with a federal agency. The interview is a “structured interview,” where the questions and follow-ups are apparently set in stone. Does anyone have experience with this, or suggestions for how to handle? I’ve already reviewed OPM’s guidelines on structured interviews, which was moderately useful, and Ask A Manager does not have anything helpful.

    Also, if anyone here has experience with figuring out federal payscales, I would appreciate pointers. I cannot figure out my prospective salary at this agency at all. (It’s the “CN” scale with a locality pay adjustment.)

    1. It may be toward the end of the time people are reading it, but I’d suggest posting on AAMs open thread that is up today, as there are some fed employees that post there

    2. I work for a Federal agency, but not as lawyer. I had a structured interview, and in my case, there were three people, each took a turn asking me a question from a piece of paper, and the other two wrote down all of my answers. It was fairly stressful at the beginning, but after a round or so, I got a feel for it. I think my interview lasted right at an hour. If you have specific questions, I can try to do my best to answer them from my experience, but that’s pretty much all mine was in general.

      1. Do you remember what any specific questions were? Did you feel like you needed to do a lot of talking to hit key points? Normally I try to give a headline answer, then follow up in ordinary conversation, but it looks like I may need to give all of those follow-up details in the first answer.

        Thank you for the input!

        1. I also work for a federal agency but not as a lawyer. It went more or less as duchess said, and was not in the least bit stressful as I found the questions easy. I would prepare this way: make a list of desired skills/activities that you’d have to do as part of your job, and times when you demonstrated them. It’s really very straightforward and the questions are very intuitive/predictable and general. wrt your second question, I felt as though I was answering these questions in paragraph form. It was almost like taking a short answer written test, but in a conversation. In my last interview, they even suggested that I write down key parts of the questions because there were so many. You should probably err on the giving details in your first answer, but expect follow up questions. I got at least 3 or so for every question. Every federal interview I’ve had has been this way.

          Please, please remember that you should always negotiate. I find that a lot of people have this misconception that negotiating doesn’t really happen in govt bc grade/step are set in stone. This is false. Just make sure that going into the negotiating process, you’ve gathered a LOT of information as to how to go about doing it, as it’s a bit opaque for someone on the outside. Good luck!

        2. I’d say about a third to half were stereotypical interview questions. When did you experience a conflict at work? How did you resolve it? What are your strengths? Why do you want to work here? The rest (and if I recall, it was a little more than half of the questions [it’s been like 6.5 years since my interview so my memory may be off a bit]) were highly technical. I’m an engineer working at a very technical agency, so these questions got into the real nitty gritty of what I’d be working on on a daily basis. They wanted to make sure I knew my area.

          And I totally agree with anonymous — it did feel like I was answering short answer questions on a test. Everything was about a paragraph, maybe two. I can ramble a bit (as evidenced by this response…) so they had to write a lot on a couple, but it was pretty straightforward.

    3. I think you are interviewing at my agency. We hate the structured interviews too. Best advice I can give is to prepare as best as you can and give a lot of detail when you answer questions. When everyone compares notes after the fact, the candidates that give a lot of detail are the ones that stand out. Also the candidates that ask questions that show they understand the type of work we do, and the type of issues that they will be expected to work on, get bonus points. It’s not rocket science, except so many people are just mediocre in these interviews, so maybe it is?

      And on pay, we are a banded agency (by grade, no steps) so there is room to negotiate. Trust me that you want to negotiate as much as you can when you come in because raises are very small.

    4. I had one – and had to sign an NDA w/r/t the questions. I suppose it keeps things fair for all the candidates, and I doubt you’ll find too much information about specific questions online for that reason.

      I found it awkward because there was much less opportunity to build a connection with my interviewers/get a vibe for the office culture, etc.

    5. I have no idea about the pay scale, but I wouldn’t worry about the “structured” part. I work for a federal agency and used to work for a state agency. All structured meant was that we had to ask the same questions of every applicant and evenly weigh their responses (for “fairness”). However, I agree that details and examples are always great. It doesn’t mean you won’t get follow up questions, but at least the basic interview is the same.

      I actually once interviewed for two positions in the same interview and had to answer most of the same questions – but had to pretend that I didn’t just answer them for the previous interview. It was really weird, but I have to admit I may have taken advantage of it the second time around and given a better answer!

    6. I’ve done this kind of structured interviewing for federal positions (definitely not a lawyer). It can be a little awkward, but it’s really not a big deal, and can give you a good opportunity to demonstrate your fit for the position and the agency. In the agency I was with, it was called “performance based interviewing” or PBI. I think if you google that term you will find a .gov site that has more information and sample questions.

  20. Any suggestions on what to wear for a jury trial in a non-urban part of the West Coast? I’m looking to convey trustworthiness, authenticity, honesty, brilliance, reliability, and confidence. I will probably just wear variations on black and grey suits, but would love thoughts on things like color, a Coach stainless steel watch, shoes, jewelry, etc. I normally don’t wear a ton of accessories, but would add in something if it would help make me memorable without detracting from the authenticity.

    1. Yay! Open Thread’s! I love Open thread’s (and this dress, tho the hourglass nature of it make’s it a no-no for me until I can get my tuchus down to a size 0. Dad say’s I have all of my surplus body fat in my tuchus, and if he could invent a way to move that weight from my tuchus elsewhere, he could retire early! But he already is functionally retired b/c he is a teacher and a consultant, and he ONLEY doe’s gig’s when he want’s to or when it relates to the guy’s in the MILITARY and the CIA, where he worked in the cold war! YAY for him!

      As for the OP, yes, you can be all of the above, but there is one thing you ALWAY’s want to keep in mind with jurie’s. That is: Never show up anyone in the jury by being to pretty and dressing to expensively. In all likelihood, you will have some WOMEN on the jury who are in their 50’s and 60’s who are probabley pretty dowdy, so if you come in with a flashy red dress with red pump’s, and look good, they will RESENT you. The test is ENTIRELEY different if you have what is known as a BENCH trial, where there IS NO JURY but instead just a judge. There the opposite applies. Dress as provocatively as you can consistent with LOCAL taste’s and make the judge (if he’s a MAN) salivate over your leg’s and body. That is why am so sucesful with my caseload in Manhattan. The judge LOVES my clotheing and even tells me that, as well as how to stand and to turn around so he can see me from the side and the back.

      If you have a female judge, treat her like a female jury. Do NOT show her up, even tho she is weareing a robe. You alway’s want the judge to feel that they are the most important and notice’d person in the room, and that is not the case if you have a female judge who is dowdy (like most are). It is hard for women to do to well with women judge’s b/c they are generly catty. I do have a nice woman in Queen’s, who is Chinese, who does NOT discriminate against me. I think she thinks I am funny, so I usueally win my motion’s with her.

      Finally, go lite on the jewelery. No one want’s to see a lawyer looking like Cleaopatra with a bunch of accessories and jewelery. The less you stick out, the better you will look. Put your hair up in a bun so that you will NOT exude sexuaolity in front of the jury, unless you are lucky enough to get an all MALE jury, but that id NOT goieng to happen these day’s. I wish you all the best. You will do fine. YAY!!!!!

      1. Ellen, you need to snag a man soon–once you find a guy to keep you warm at night between the sheets, you will become a lot calmer and you will be able to forget about Allen and his shortcomings in the boudoir. But you must remember that it is better to give than to receive, so don’t fault the guy for nonperformance unless you’ve been incredibly donative below the belt, if you know what I mean.

    2. If you want to be “authentic,” wear what you usually wear. Creating a costume that you think looks like what the jury wants to see is the opposite of “authentic.”

      1. Not trying to create a costume, just trying to look my best and not make any rookie mistakes.

    3. I had heard somewhere that wearing blue makes you seem more trustworthy, but the place I heard it might also have been an old episode of Full House so take it with a grain of salt.

      1. I think this comes from a valid study somewhere (though I don’t remember where I heard it either). I think it’s why a lot of police wear blue uniforms – they’re trustworthy and approachable. Or something like that.

    4. I just read that blue is a trustworthy color – the darker blue the more trustworthy and white is the color of honesty. So a good combo is a navy suit with a white blouse and possibly pearls.

    5. Non-urban west coast is conservative. So, like with any trial, I would err on that side. Jury won’t be able to tell that your watch is Coach, so wear it if you wear a watch, don’t if you don’t.

  21. I was five weeks into my first pregnancy but miscarried this morning. I left work and am just home curled up in a ball… I called husband, who was very supportive, but is out of town for work until Sunday. Just asking for good vibes, please– thanks ladies.

    1. very sorry for your miscarriage! it will feel better. treat yourself this weekend – something delicious in takeout, cozy clothes, take a long bath and watch something light on netflix. i’m thinking of you in boston!

    2. I’m so sorry. Please take care of yourself this weekend. Have a good cry, eat some warm, comforting food, and just wallow.

    4. Deepest condolances for your loss. Definitely spend the weekend taking the best care of yourself. Sending you healing vibes and love.

    5. So sorry Sad Anon. Be kind to yourself and remember it’s ok to be upset and to cry. You have permission to not hold it together. When I was trying to recover, I actually watched a really cheeze tear-jerker just to get some of the emotion out.

    6. So sorry for your loss. Do you have a friend who could come over with wine and food?

    7. I’m so sorry! I prescribe Pajamas Weekend with lots of TV and yummy food! Sending all my best vibes your way!

    9. I’m really sorry to hear about your loss. I just went through this last week myself, also at almost exactly 5 weeks. Just try to go easy on yourself this weekend, and let yourself be sad. Only if you feel up to it, you could try a little distraction with friends, etc. Both wallowing and then later being with friends made me feel better. Sending you good thoughts.

    11. I’m so sorry for your loss. Be good to yourself and do whatever it takes to make yourself feel better. You’re entitled to mourn as long as you need to mourn and it may not seem like it now, but I promise that time will eventually heal this wound.

    12. Oh, how sad and disappointing for you! I am glad you reached out to us – we will all send you good thoughts. Please take good care of yourself and know that you will feel better, but undoubtedly not as soon as we would wish for you. I am so sorry for your loss.

  22. I know there’s a thread up the page on JNY screwing up shipping, but has anyone else been having issues with the Postal Service in general lately? Between taking two weeks to send a birthday card from GA to MA earlier this month, and now losing a Certified Mail package from my grandma to me, I’m getting seriously irritated!

    Between this nonsense and a very, VERY irritating day at work (seriously, can I please have fewer helpless spoiled children masquerading as functioning adults?) I am so very ready for the weekend.

    1. Yes. They recently took over a week and a half to deliver a birthday card from GA to NC, which normally takes about three days, and they’ve misdelivered three or four of my packages in recent months. I’m not sure what’s up, but usually they’re quite reliable.

    2. I ordered two Lo and Sons bags on Saturday: an OG and an OMG. Both were shipped (in separate boxes) on Tuesday. One arrived Wednesday. The other has not arrived, has no history past Tuesday on the USPS tracking website and according to L&S has been declared lost by the postal service. L&S is sending a free replacement.

    3. USPS lost my first paycheck from my new job (so, no direct deposit until next pay period) that was mailed over two weeks ago to my home address, which is exactly two miles from my office…

      Luckily I wasn’t depending on that paycheck for immediate bills, but I could have been.

    4. Yup. Tons of screw-ups over the holidays. Properly addressed mail returned as undeliverable (really, USPS, I know my childhood address where I lived for 15 years), but what took the cake was a package that supposedly was out for delivery for 3 days last week, and on the day they finally actually attempted to deliver, delivery failed because the “business was closed.” The delivery address was my house in a residential neighborhood with no businesses for 1.5 miles. Oh, and the stamps I ordered online took 2 weeks to be delivered.

      1. Ugh, good (or not so good!) to know it’s not just me. The “Out For Delivery” thing is getting on my nerves too – the package they lost was supposedly out for delivery on Tuesday. My roommate was home sick that day, and she said there was no sign of it. No sticky-note on the door saying “Come pick up your package” either, and the tracking number hasn’t been updated since Tuesday night, when it said “Delivery status not updated.” Thanks, usps, that’s really helpful. -.-

  23. Any advice for building a work-appropriate capsule wardrobe that doesn’t include pants? I hate pants and avoid them if at all possible, but this means I’m a little stuck as to how to create a sufficiently versatile/appropriate wardrobe. This is for a summer internship in Europe, to make matters worse. Any advice would be lovely.

    1. Um, I hate pants as well and my answer is skirts. Build a capsule out of skirts and dresses. I have several friends who do this across the business casual / casual / professional spectrum and I think we do this quite well.

      Summer just means you don’t have to wear tights/hose/leggings under them. :o)

      For actual tips – since you’re not wearing pants, you just get to have more skirts. I have several darker colored tropical wool and wool skirts and then some tweed and interesting skirts. In addition I have several generic/dark colored tropical sheaths (some the same material/season as the skirt) and then the coordinating blazer. The friends that are more casual just have more dresses since they can be washed/dried and picked up for $15 at target.

    2. Why is this hard? Substitute skirts for pants. Also, I would think dresses would be very versatile in a capsule wardrobe because they can be worn: 1) on their own; 2) with an open blazer or sweater over them; 3) with a shirt under them; and 4) as a skirt with a pullover over them.

    3. Haha Oh man I really phrased that vaguely. What I meant was I’m a little lost as to what kinds of skirts are appropriate for work; they aren’t a thing in my home country and I’m in grad school now, where nobody cares what you wear.

        1. This. Since you’re doing all skirts and dresses, you should start with the basics in your capsule base color (black, grey, etc.) and then you could throw in a few skirts/dresses in a conservative pattern (pin-stripes, glen plaid, maybe even polka dots) in the same color or some type of color blocking that includes the base color.

        2. I don’t know Europe, but find out if you have to wear suits every day or not, and check back in, and we can help you find the right clothes to get you through the summer. People here can make very specific recommendations – like the Halogen Seamed Pencil Skirt – to set you up.

          Our interns can repeat clothes as often as weekly and nobody would notice/bat an eye.

  24. Its funny to me that this is the same blog that thought you couldn’t wear bright nail polish to work. And now its recommending this ridiculously sexy dress that you “can take from day to night!” which is what Lucky would say when they are recommending something for work that is inappropriate.

  25. So my mom’s 60th birthday is coming up and I know she’s had her eye on this D&B satchel (http://bit.ly/1uDQoOc), which I would like to buy her since I know she probably never would buy it for herself. But here’s my question – does it ever go on sale or have promos? The Lord & Taylor 15% off everything coupons don’t seem to work on D&B and while I can afford to pay for this at full price, I just hate paying full price for anything. Can someone more familiar with this brand share any info? Also, I am not a fan of D&B bags myself but this one seems really cool & well-made, if anyone has it, how do you like it??

    2. I’m not normally a fancy bag girl, but that is super cute. I see D & B bags at the high end TJ Maxx near work all the time, that might be a place to check if you know of one and it’s convenient, but probably not worth going out of your way for the small chance.

    4. I’m in Canada and you can regularly get them at 25%-30% off in our major department store (the bay). So I’m thinking that they must go on sale other places too.

  26. Ok. I am trying for the 3rd time because I think this s!te hates me.

    Mom is turning 60. I want to get her the Dooney & Bourke Florentine satchel in the camel leather. Any idea if it ever goes on sale? Thanks!

  27. Words you do not want to ever hear from defense counsel: “Don’t worry, Your Honor. He wasn’t trying to show you his peni$ [when he pulled down his pants in court]. He was just trying to show you his colostomy bag.”

    Anybody else having a crazy Friday?

    1. Were you able to keep a straight face? If so – good for you! It’s not even a full moon…

      Honestly, you could not make up the stuff I see in my courtroom.

      1. I was not, alas. I, uh, may or may not have covered my eyes and shrieked “Pull your pants up!!”

        And then I took a recess and laughed my head off.

        1. Hahaha!!! It does illustrate the benefits of being able to say “Court is adjourned!” and run out the back door whenever you really need to.

    2. Thank you for sharing. This was awesome. Well, maybe at the time, but now you have a “that time, at work” story that trumps all work stories for awhile!

      1. He wanted a break on the fine because he’d had medical expenses. I was only going to charge him a token amount anyway but it totally worked: “Fine is suspended, fees are waived, pull up your pants and go home!!”

  28. I am looking for a financial advisor to help me handle my $150k in student loans. Has anyone had good experience with an advisor who deals with this situation frequently? TIA.

    1. What exactly do you need help with? Do you make more than you need to make minimum payments and want to know how to allocate extra money between loans, savings, and other financial goals? Or do you not make enough for minimum payments and want to find a repayment option that works for you?

      1. I make enough for minimum payments and want to learn how I should best allocate the rest of my money.

  29. May be too late in the weekend, but I was wondering if anyone had any recommendations for a men’s watch that would be suitable for an anniversary/wedding present. I’m not too familiar with watch brands (last ones I bought for my fiance were Fossil), but I’d like to get him something a little nicer. But not Rolex or something super expensive – we’re buying a house and paying for the wedding ourselves, so I need to keep it somewhat reasonable (maybe under $1k)!

    1. Sounds like a Movado is in your price range. A friend of mine owns this one: Movado Men’s Swiss Museum Stainless Steel Bracelet Watch 40mm, and it still looks great even after a few years of wear. I own a women’s Bela, and I love it: though the bracelet part has scratched a bit.

    2. I know you said you wanted a bit more upscale, but it might be worth having a look at Skagen? They’re at a similar price point to Fossil but a different aesthetic.

      (That said, there’s nothing wrong with a Fossil watch – my Dad has just replaced his 15-year-old no-name watch with a Fossil).

    3. I bought my husband a Hamilton-about $500, very classic, they have been around forever (he has an antique Hamilton too, still works!)

    4. If you are going to get a Movado or ESQ, make sure you check out the outlets. I was looking for a nice watch for myself 3 years ago and someone here suggested the outlets. I was able to get an ESQ that retailed double what I had originally been look at when I looked at regular store ESQ’s. The Outlets also have some periodic very impressive sales.

      1. Also check out Costco if you have one nearby. They have a(n admittedly rather random) nice selection of watches in that price range.

  30. I was so excited to see the career coaching post the other week as I think I would really benefit from coaching at this point in my life. However, I have no idea how to find one! I’m not looking for one who will help me be assertive, get a raise, etc. but rather someone who can help me discover what it is I really want to do. I’m not happy with my current career so I guess I’m basically looking for someone who can help me figure out how to make a career change. I’m very willing to do sessions via Skype but for reference am in the mid-Atlantic area (central MD). Any recs?

      1. I was wondering how K in transition was. It looks like she has her own site, thats great.

    2. I think my comment is going into nowhereland or something? One of the guest posters here was named Kryss Shane and I think she does this. Try looking her up to see if she is taking on new clients?

      I hope she is and that she helps you find the very best thing!

    4. I have not used her personally, but many friends have recommended Melissa Llarena. She has a website and her LinkedIn feed has great tips, so I think she is very professional and helpful, based on what I have seen and heard.

    2. What about the TT or the Brookline? I use the Brookline for my Dell and it fits just fine, but its also not large enough to double as a gym bag (which is fine for my purposes, I just wanted a not ugly laptop bag).

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