Corporette.com

Updated: Oct 31, 2018 191 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread |

This post may contain affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. As an Amazon Associate, I earn from qualifying purchases.

Adrianna Papell Pleated Crepe Sheath Dress | CorporetteSomething on your mind? Chat about it here. OK: I kind of love this dress. And I really waaant to recommend it for work… but it's under the cocktail section. So methinks it may be more of a hot-mama dress. It's $98, and available in sizes 2-16. Adrianna Papell Pleated Crepe Sheath Dress (L-2)

Sales of note for 9.10.24

Some of our latest posts here at Corporette…

RSS Error: WP HTTP Error: cURL error 60: Issuer certificate is invalid.

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

About Kat

Kat Griffin is the founder, publisher, and editor-in-chief of Corporette. You can read more about her here.

Comments

  1. NYC recs?

    I’ll be in NYC next week for work (near 54th and 7th) – any good nearby restaurant recommendations for breakfast or dinner?

    • Ellen

      Yay! Open Thread’s! I love Open thread’s and this dress! I just wish I had the tuchus to wear this! FOOEY!

      As for the OP, go to Carnegie Deli! They have great corn beef and pastrami sammiches and pickel’s and potatoe salad! You are RIGHT THERE! I took my dad there and he loved it, but then told me my tuchus was to big to eat there to often. Ask anyone and they will show you, b/c it is on 7th right near 56th street I think. You can smell the deli 3 block’s away! YAY!!!!

    • Wanderlust

      Norma’s at Le Parker Meridien for breakfast or lunch. It’s a bit pricey, but sooooo good.

    • AIMS

      You’ll be near the time warner center, get some croissants at Bouchon bakery.
      There are also some good diners in the area – Cosmic, Stardust, Brooklyn – if you like diner food.
      Europa cafe is also not bad for a quick breakfast. Food can be hit or miss but it’s 3 short street blocks away on 7th and 57th in one of my favorite buildings in NY (the Osborne). It’s a nice place to have a casual bite and sit by the window to people watch.
      For dinner, there is a good greek place right on 7th and like 56th. Also Serafina on Broadway is good for some pasta (though not the greatest customer service). A bit further, Totto Ramen is great for a solo meal; Danji for sort of Korean small plates.

    • hells kitchen anon

      Toloache (50th b/w Bway and 8th), I second the rec for Danji (korean tapas) on 52nd b/w 8th and 9th . Landmarc in the time warner center opens at 7 and has good breakfast. Sarabeths on Central Park South for breakfast. If Totto Ramen is swamped, Ippudo is a few blocks away and has more seating!

      • Anonymity

        Danji! And Casalulla!

        Haven’t been there in a few years, but I really liked Quality Meats. Totto Ramen will be swamped, don’t bother unless you like waiting outside.

    • SC

      I’ve always liked Casallula at 52nd and 9th. It’s really more of a wine and cheese bar — but that’s a perfect dinner for me!

  2. Resisting Shopping temptation

    Hello ladies…I think I just want to rant.

    I embarked on a lofty goal of not shopping anything this year. I have been successful so far. However, I just want to go and shop something now..I really don’t need any new clothes, shoes and accessories. I don’t even know what I want. I just want to go to a mall and buy something. I think I am just bored and want to shop or may be it is spring and I want a change. How can I ward this off?

    • First Year Anon

      Are you a person that can go to a mall and shop but still not buy? maybe that will satisfy your urges

    • KinCA

      This might sound really strange, but when I get the urge to shop unnecessarily, I go to the grocery or drugstore (sometimes a specialty gourmet grocer if I’m feeling fancy). Just the act of physically buying things sometimes satisfies the shopping urge – even if it’s just paper towels and a $10 bottle of rose.

      • LAnon

        Thirding this! This is weird but I satisfy my shopping urges by going to the travel-size section (most Targets have a pretty big selection) and buying stuff from there, or also things like the $2 single use facial masks. It satisfies the urge of getting stuff but usually at very little impact to my wallet and I’ll use it up quickly.

    • CountC

      You could go to the mall but only take your driver’s license with you. That way you can look and window shop and not have the ability to purchase anything.

    • Jessie

      Why are you not shopping for a whole year? That sounds pretty extreme.

      I find that I am more likely to stick to my resolutions when I give myself a margin for error.

    • Maddie Ross

      When you say “not shopping,” how broad does it go? I’m not saying you should alter your goal, but if your goal allows for the purchase of a new springy lip gloss (I love the Maybelline Baby Lips ones if you want something cheap and drug store) or maybe fresh flowers for your home, that would satisfy the craving?

    • NYNY

      How about shopping your closet? Maybe spend some time this weekend cleaning and putting away your winter things, and try to put your spring clothes into new outfit combinations? It may help the doldrums you’re feeling, and you may identify gaps in your wardrobe that you might fill purposefully instead of mindlessly.

    • anonymous

      Think about something else that you really enjoy/find exciting/burns off negative energy. For me it’s going for a run or some other exercise. Or just find something else to get excited about.

    • Meg Murry

      Go to the public library and get a stack of books and DVDs? Sometimes that satisfies my “I want a new thing” urge.

      Otherwise – can you play closet and come up with some fresh new outfits?

      Did you do the shopping ban to save money or because you have too much stuff? Could you consider revising to allow yourself something smal, like $10 a month at Goodwill?

      Otherwise, like others have said – maybe go buy something “new” like a spice you don’t have for a new recipe, a fresh fruit or vegetable or a houseplant

    • Calibrachoa

      Any gifting occasions coming up? If the urge is not otherwise sated, you could redirect it into finding that perfect thing for someone else.

      • Resisting Shopping temptation

        Yes…it is my sister’s birthday next week. She lives on the other coast. So I decided to send a gift card..that too a visa card so that she can buy anything she wants to. Probably I can buy something for her instead of a gift card. Thank you for the idea.. :-)

        • Baconpancakes

          I definitely shop for other people to satisfy my urge to shop. It’s kind of a problem, actually. Last month I spent $150 on gifts for my mother, boyfriend, and roommate. There were no special occasions or birthdays, just things I saw that I wanted to buy for them.

    • Resisting Shopping temptation

      I came up with the idea of shopping ban when I realized I have too much stuff that I have not used. I just felt embarrassed seeing how much money I have spent on things that I have not used. I have enough clothes, I am not big on make up but I have enough, I have enough shoes, I have enough bags. So I decided to not shop this year so that I can use up everything that I have.

      I have not gone to a mall this year as I didn’t have to shop for anything. My husband had to temporarily relocate to another city last month for work, so I am alone on weekdays. Work is a bit slow so I come home by 5:30 PM and kind of feel lonely. I did buy some plants. I see them growing every day and I even did a harvest of greens last week. That gives me something to look forward to. But I truly need a change..any change to break this rut.

      • Maddie Ross

        If it’s not simply about saving money, and more about being less of a consumer, could you find an evening activity to join, even if it’s one that costs money? Yoga or barre classes? A cooking class? Or a free activity like some running group?

        • Wildkitten

          I made a list of things I can do without shopping, and I refer back to that list often (read a library book, go to the gym, etc). I think I feel like shopping is productive (look! I have an object to show for my time!) so doing other productive things instead is helpful.

          • la vie en bleu

            Me too! I have started keeping a list of free/cheap things I like to do. And found local websites that list activities in my area that are free or cheap, like the neighborhood art walk, or whatever, and I check that regularly and add to my list or calendar.

          • anon

            +1 this.

            Shopping gives us that instant gratification feeling because there’s a tangible reward for our efforts. I use it as an easy (read: lazy) way to make myself happy. If I can make myself refocus and do something that I love (art, read, hike, talk with a loved one) I get that fulfillment that I’m craving and my urge to shop usually goes away.

      • Anonymous

        FWIW, I’m kind of in the same boat as you. I came to this realization only a month ago. I got rid of a bunch of things that I wasn’t wearing and didn’t need and I’m trying not to buy anything new for a year (well, I’m starting in 3 month increments, but truly should go the whole year). I’ve done some shopping for my daughter, but I’m trying not to fall into the trap of buying her too many things she doesn’t need either!

        I like the suggestion of shopping your closet and trying to put together fun outfits for spring. Is it nice enough to take a long walk?

        Its only been a month, but honestly, the first few days were the hardest. The longer I’ve gone, the more incentive I have to keep my streak going. And I’m still nowhere even close to wearing all my stuff!

      • Anon

        Good for you!

        I am not sure if this will work for other people, but when I’m in a “shopping mood,” I go online and look at things and put them in a shopping cart, and basically do everything I would if I was going to buy new clothes. But then I just close out of the browser. And usually, by the next day, I couldn’t tell you what was in that cart.

        I also use this trick: Imagine that two people are in front of you. One of them is holding out the item you’re thinking about buying. The other person is holding out the cash that the item costs. Which would you rather have?

        I also made a commitment to myself a few years back that whenever I order stuff online, I will absolutely, without exception, return anything that I don’t love when it arrives. For a couple years, I was terrible about returning stuff. It was such a waste of money.

      • Anonymous

        There’s a wonderful book about this- have you read it? “Not buying it.” I feel inspired as I’m in the same boat as you. :-) too much stuff

        • a naan

          I liked this book! Second the recommendation.
          Also, I’ve been reading up on decluttering this year. One of the articles I read at some point talked about how the neat and clean organization of items in stores appeals to people’s sense of aesthetics (especially when compared with the disarray of their own homes) and can incite them to buy more things. You mentioned already having more than enough…could this maybe be your way of calming yourself? Maybe try doing some sort of clothing or item purge, or take a look at things you haven’t used and figure out a way to use them in the next month!

      • Fishie

        Sometimes I will shop on line and fill my virtual baskets with things that I don’t buy. After a while I forget about those things, reminding myself that I didn’t really need them in the first place, but I have the fun of browsing around and picking things out.

    • Wildkitten

      I add things to my amazon wish lists, or even my cart, but don’t check out. (I hold on to them and can eventually buy them, but don’t do it right away and the urge subsides.) I also request books on hold at the library, so I select them, put them on hold, and have to go pick them up, which satisfies as few different urges.

      • Baconpancakes

        I also find the internet helps – I actually like to create Pinterest or Polyvore boards with clothes, accessories, makeup, or even little doodads in the right color scheme of things I already own. Combining them in an attractive way makes me feel like they’re new and exciting again.

    • lawsuited

      This is why I only shop at places with good return policies. I often want to buy because I’m in the mood to shop, so I go ahead and do that, and then return later once logic sets back in and I realize I don’t need anything I bought and would prefer to use my hard-earned money in other ways.

  3. anon

    I’m thinking of going to law school at the age of 43 (I would be 43 when I start). I don’t want to do big law, I’m thinking probate or bankruptcy. I live in big southern city where the market is large and very good and there are three law schools that I could go to without moving. Only debt right now is my mortgage. I’m bookish and feel like I would be challenged but not overwhelmed by law.

    Am I crazy?

    • Senior Attorney

      Yes. Yes, you are.

      Honestly I wouldn’t advise anybody to go to law school now unless (a) they can do so without taking on debt; (b) they have a good idea of what lawyers actually do and they know they want to do it and have a plan for getting a job after graduation; or (c) money is no object and they are doing it for fun and the financial consequences are immaterial.

      • Ellen

        I think I have to agree with Senior Attorney. Without being to harsh, you are 43 now, which mean’s you will be 46 when you get out. Unfortunateley, you will be considered old by the law firm standard, and even if you are NOT goeing to big-law, you have to be able to strut your stuff, and this mean’s being more then book smart, which we ALL are by the time we pass the bar. You have to dress provocatively if you want to WIN your cases, and unless you look like Catherine Zeta Jones, no one is goeing to be interested in a 46 year old with sagging boobies and a big tuchus, even if you are book smart. I am NOT being prejudice either, b/c even men at age 46 are NOT head turners that are goeing to dazzel a judge. Besides, your manageing partner will not want to pay you a clotheing allowance b/c you may be to frumpy to spend much money on–our firm has Madeline, who is very musty but still smart. If she were to loose her job, I doubt any firm would pick her up, and she is also smart.

        I say if you have a nest egg, do NOT loose it becomeing a lawyer. It just is not worth the risk b/c at that age, you will also have great dificulty finding a man with MONEY to marry you b/c you will NOT be able to give him children. I am 12 year’s younger then you will be and no men are lining up to marry me. Yes, they all want to have sex with me, but that is NOT goeing to get you married off to a rich guy which will allow to live in the subburbb’s. FOOEY! Stay away, and marry a guy now if you can, b/c three year’s of law school could really turn you into a mess, especially if you are already 43, you could come out a sloppy looking house that no man will want to marry, or even have sex with. Then you will REALY regret goeing to law school. FOOEY!

        • anon

          I LOVE IT. AN ELLEN REPLY! OH MY WEEKEND IS MADE.

          Thank you Ellen, I have already found someone to spend my life with, even with my giant tuchus. But I do wonder what kind of impression a 46-year-old first year would make.

      • CountC

        This is exactly what I tell people about law school regardless of their age.

        • Anonymous

          Yup. Also, go only if it’s the ONLY thing you can imagine doing with your life. If there’s another career you can see yourself being happy in, even if it’s not as lucrative or not as prestigious or whatever, DO THAT. And I say this as someone who likes being a lawyer (most days).

    • Anonymous

      No, you are not crazy at all. Probate is a good area of the law and there are lots of options for flexible employment.

      • anon

        Would a 46 year old with good grades look like a fool applying for entry level jobs in probate law?

        • Lyssa

          I don’t think that you’d look like a fool for it, but it would be hard to find jobs. Of course it’s unfair and illegal, but many people hiring are going to prefer a younger candidate, and the job market is highly saturated.

          I would also look at it from just a “rest of working life” perspective. I hope this doesn’t sound harsh, but you’ll be 46, pushing 47, when you pass the bar. If you find a job right away (a big if, in this economy), you will still take several years to learn the ropes. If you can’t find a job right away, it make take you a few years to even do that (I had excellent grades, and, although I never was unemployed, it still took me 4 years to settle into a job that was really a good long-term prospect, and I still feel like a fish out of water more often then not. Things have improved somewhat since I graduated, but the market is going to be weak for the foreseeable future.) I, personally, would not want to spend that part of my life struggling like that. (If I had it to do over, I wouldn’t spend my 30’s doing it!)

          I basically agree with Senior Attorney. There are people who do it, and they are respected for it, but I don’t know how many of them actually can spin that into a successful career. Good luck to you, though – I really hope whatever you wind up deciding on works well for you.

        • MD anon

          43? 46? Go for it! Seriously. I am.

          Many people use the degree to build on an already successful career. I’m aware of a VP of HR who added a JD to her credentials after the kids were old enough, the guy who managed the Clerk’s Office in Baltimore City Court for at least the decade that I was filing pleadings and motions went for it when he was seriously gray. If you have an aptitude for accounting – bankruptcy and estates are good partners for those skills. If you mean something else with bookish – being a voracious reader is an asset for law school – do tell.

          I had a young child and an unreliable ex and became a paralegal, and now I do compliance, EEO and investigation work in-house, and mediation as a volunteer. I see a JD as a bridge to the next level.

          Frankly, I’m hearing about legislation that is HORRIBLE for women, and when I look at Justice Ginsberg (and my parents), I know I have decades ahead of me.

          We need good lawyers. some start later than others. Where do you want to be in 10 years?

    • Nashvillian

      Just guessing, but if you live in a big southern city “where the market is large” and you could go to three law schools without moving, could you be in Nashville? If so, DON’T GO. (a) the market is not as large and booming here as you think, (b) there is (fairly or unfairly) some prejudice as to older new associates that I have seen here at firms, regardless of size (maybe not solos though…). Our city is booming and people can have their pick, Moreover, if you do decide to go, DO NOT go to Nashville School of Law. Yes, that’s who will probably recruit you or people will steer you to. It’ll be a difficult row to how to get recognition here from the majority of the Bar if you do though. Honestly, maybe do not even go to Belmont. If you can get into Vandy, my opinion may change. A bit.

        • Nashvillian

          Ok, ouch. Since I accidentally typed “how” that’s clearly what I meant here. It’s an Internet message board, not a brief to the Supreme Court.

          • Alli

            It’s ok, Nashvillian. We knew what you meant. I think if I were going to criticize someone’s typographical errors, I would properly capitalize and punctuate “honestly, people” (sic) while doing so.

        • Kelly Andthenblog

          Someone asked the other day about why commenting has slowed.
          This is an example of one of the reasons. Snarky, rude, or otherwise overblown responses–like Anonymous here–don’t make commenters want to come back, and they don’t encourage readers to comment in the first place. It’s had me holding my comments back, I know.

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      Short answer? Yes.

      You’re not giving me any even halfway-decent reason why you’d want to rack up $75-150K in debt (plus another $100K+ in lost opportunity cost, assuming you’d be giving up an even-halfway decent full-time job to pursue this) to be a probate or bankruptcy lawyer. You shouldn’t be going to law school because you’re “bookish” and think it won’t be that hard, you should be going to law school because you have spent time working in a law office that practices the law of your choosing, understand what the actual day-to-day work entails, and based on that experience and understanding, have concluded that you want to practice law more than you want to do any other thing that you could otherwise be doing for your career.

      There are too many unhappy lawyers (self included, to be honest) who ended up in law school because we were smart and it didn’t seem that hard. I’m sure you’re smart, and I’m sure law school wouldn’t be that hard for you, but unless you have a compelling reason to want to be a lawyer, I’m going to bet there are other avenues to put your bookishness to use that would lead to happier outcomes for you (and that would cost you a heck of a lot less, to boot).

      • Anon

        ” $100K+ in lost opportunity cost, assuming you’d be giving up an even-halfway decent full-time job to pursue this” I’m in a HCOL area and make more than that and am younger than 43, but even I know that’s not a fair yardstick for “even half-way decent job.” It’s still a valid point, but just think we need to be a little more realistic about “middle class” income sometimes.

        • Zelda

          I’m pretty sure Killer Kitten Heels meant $100k+ over 3 years, not $100k per year, which is a reasonable assumption.

          • Killer Kitten Heels

            Yes, that’s correct Zelda, I meant $100K over three years (figuring a “halfway-decent job” to be paying high $30s/low $40s, given OP’s age and location).

    • Bee

      Education is like any other investment. If you go to law school, you’ll have education expenses (plus student loan interest, if applicable), living expenses, lost income, and lost investment opportunities. Are you likely to get your money back and then some before you’d like to retire? If not, are you prepared to take the hit for some non-monetary reason?

    • la vie en bleu

      IANAL and I Did Not Go To Law School, but is there a way to take an online class/audit a class/take a pre-law class through one of those schools near you while you are still working to see if you actually even like it? It seems like you maybe just want to learn something new and be more academically challenged? Are there other career paths that would accomplish a similar thing, as in an online or extension school advanced degree or certification you could do in your area in addition to work that would give you some of the same feelings?

      I honestly think that going back to school full-time (as in leaving a full-time job) for a completely different advanced degree for any career is pretty much not a good idea in this economy/these days. Even in my field lots of people do it for a different degree and I am not seeing it pay off in additional salary for almost any of them. (the only exception being if you actually want to move into academia) There are other ways to complete additional studies, get certifications, etc, part-time that are also respected but not as expensive and don’t entail completely starting over.

      • Just Gold

        If you try this, remember that lots of people love law school but not the practice of law… The two have very little in common.

        • CountC

          Truth. I loved law school, but I wish I had decided to pursue a different graduate degree because I don’t love the practice of law. I am active, but I don’t practice anymore. I work in a job where my law background is helpful, but not a requirement.

      • V

        The thing is, the question is not whether or not you like/can manage law school. The real questions is whether you will like/will be able to manage being a lawyer. I know people who excelled in law school – top of their class all three years – and are miserable as lawyers because law school is nothing like practicing law.

        I agree 100% with Killer Kitten Heels; if this is something you really want to do, then get a job in a law firm for a year first as a paralegal or an assistant – anything that will give you a front seat to what being a lawyer looks like. Then decide if you want to go to law school. At worst, you delayed a year and are going into the profession with your eyes open. If after the year at the firm you decide the law isn’t for you, you saved the additional two+ years it would have taken you to realize that, plus tuition and other opportunity costs. This is the advice I give to EVERYONE who asks me about law school.

        • la vie en bleu

          Ah yes, very good point. I stand corrected, your suggestion about actual work experience is much better.

          Strike that part of my comment above, but keep the part about some other certification. ;o)

      • HSAL

        I am sitting here cracking up because I’m a lawyer and I was definitely reading that as “I anal” and thinking “what on EARTH does anal have to do with anything?”

        But I agree – this sounds like something where taking a random class/certification would satisfy your academic thirst.

      • a.k.

        IANAL either, but I really wish that law schools offered something like this. Some intro classes for people who don’t intend to get a full law degree, but who want to broaden their understanding of law and the way it might apply in different areas. I would gladly pay to take one class at a time from my local law school just because I’m interested in it… but I have no reason to actually become a full-fledged law school.

        • sweetknee

          Our state bar offers “Law School for Non Lawyers”, which is a 7 week class that meets for 4 hours one night a week for 7 weeks. I teach the torts program. They cover torts, family/domestic, landlord/tenant, criminal, social security/worker’s comp, and a few other topics. See if your state has something similar.

        • S

          A pre-law class at a community college would probably meet this interested too.

    • LawDawg

      I don’t think you are crazy, but you need to take it one step at a time. I started law school at 40. I didn’t make the decision to go to law school all at once. I decided to take the LSAT. Then I decided to apply. College grades were mostly B’s so I wasn’t expecting much, but got competing scholarship offers (Yay for being non-traditional!). I negotiated those, talked with my husband, reviewed part-time possibilities with my current employer and only then did I decide to go to law school.

      I was working before in investment adviser compliance and I re-entered the same field post-law school. I didn’t take on any debt (see scholarships, above) and I continued to work part-time while going to law school full-time. There was still opportunity cost, but the law degree put me in a better place to find a job in my chosen profession.

      I loved law school, partly because I could do it without worrying about debt, whether I could get a job, etc. But it still wasn’t easy — kids were 1 & 4 when I started. Bottom line is that you should take the steps to find out if it’s even a possibility before rejecting it. Take the LSATs, apply, talk to people and make a bunch of small decisions to see if they lead to school or some other option.

      • anon

        I’m planning to take the LSAT for sure. What was your experience job hunting/ being a first year with a 4 in front of your age?

        • Anonypotamus

          I finished LS when I was 40. Practiced a few years, took a few years off to have DS, and just started a new law job at 45. My age has never been an issue. It is only an issue if you make it an issue.

        • LawDawg

          My experience may be different than yours because I was looking to get back in-house for an investment adviser, not to work as a first year at a firm. So my previous experience plus law degree was all a plus. I did have friends who were also older and went the more traditional legal route, and as long as you want to work as a first year, firms will view you that way.

          I agree that age is only an issue if you make it one. On the down side, a traditional first year job isn’t going to be any different for you than for others — which means that your previous work experience isn’t a factor. That (and work-life balance) is why I stayed in corporate.

        • MD anon

          During my construction law firm days, one of the law clerks was previously a plumber and did well in construction law/large tort litigation.

          I recall a former police officer or two.

          And evening classes will be full of professionals, many, many of them will be over 25, if not over 30, and you’d be younger than me, so you won’t be the oldest -AND- I had 2-3 people older than me in my LSAT prep!

    • Pippit

      I’m guessing that you have built up a certain amount of experience and respect in whatever is your current field. When you start in a new field, you frequently have to pay a whole new set of dues. Do you really want to start all over again on the bottom? I know some second-career lawyers, and their previous professional experience didn’t get them any respect. It was tough for them to handle being treated the way new lawyers frequently are.

    • January

      I know someone who went to law school when she was about 40. She’s well-employed now, but graduated in the recession (like so many of us), and I believe finding permanent employment was a struggle for her. I think age discrimination is still a concern, and you can’t predict what the job market is going to be like 4 years from now. It’s a huge investment – do you really want to be a lawyer?

    • ATL

      I am assuming you are in ATL (I practice T&E at a mid-sized firm here). If not, then disregard.

      I would only consider going if you can get into Emory or Georgia State. John Marshall is not very well respected (at least, by the larger firms – not trying to be snobby). I would only suggest Emory if you are able to get a scholarship, as it is quite expensive. Georgia State is known for being one of the most affordable law schools, but it still a big hit to not have income for several years as others have noted.

      With regard to probate/T&E in Atlanta, you would likely end up on your own or in a very small practice. A lot of the larger firms no longer have a T&E practice, and those that do are very small (usually no more than 5 attorneys) and have very low turnover. Would you want to work on your own, or in a small office?

      I am glad to discuss the market further.

    • It can be done

      I was 43 when I started, found law school to be a chore, but LOVE being a lawyer. My small firm is every bit my dream job & my only regret is not having done it sooner. Significant debt, but worth every penny. Depending on what you did before, some skills may be transferable. Kids today often don’t know how to conduct themselves professionally — make a phone call, write a letter, know when to shut up. These things count and often mean you can progress faster in career 2.

      • anon

        Thanks very much for sharing your experience. Did you find your age was an issue when you were job searching or were people mainly chill about it? I know they can’t openly make an issue of it, but was it awkward? I’m not afraid of it per se, but I’d like to have some idea about what to expect.

        What area of law did you go into if you don’t mind me asking? (Wondering if maturity would be more acceptable in some areas than others.)

    • elib1971

      You are absolutely NOT crazy. I taught legal practice for 7 years before becoming the director of a legal aid clinic. A number of things: I had quite a few older and outstanding students. One of the best criminal lawyers I know went back to school at 42 after deciding that her career in IT was not fulfilling. A friend of mine just finished law school at 44 and will be going to work in a government position which pays well and has decent hours. This is totally do-able. And it is possible to find work which is not back breaking if you are not hell-bent on high powered work which will make you a mint. If you want interesting work at a decent wage, there are jobs out there. Often a prior career will be helpful. Another student of mine got a job at a firm specializing in health law in part because she had a background in health care.

      That said, the concerns which others raised are very valid. It is extremely expensive. You need to know that you can weather the cost, including a period of time after school when you are looking for work. You also need to know what you are getting into. Many law students don’t go on to practice law because it is not what they were hoping for. You should talk to a lot of people doing what you think you want to do to make sure it really is for you.

      Good luck!

    • Insight

      I do not think you are crazy, and YMMV, but I find this to be a very risk-averse group and not particularly encouraging about things like this. If you are dying to go to law school, don’t not go because a bunch of internet commenters discouraged you.

      If you can do well on the LSATs (check the median credentials of the schools you are applying to-should be on their websites), you may be able to get a scholarship to help cover the cost of school. Also consider the cost of lost salary, assuming you work full time now and are planning not to while you are in school. And look at the scholarship retention policies at the school. All of this is standard disclosure information that should be on their website.

      With regard to the job market, you should talk to the schools and ask their Career Service people about probate jobs in the area. Sounds like you want to stay there, so ask them what their connections are to the employers in that area. Do graduates stick around? Do they go somewhere else? Do they find jobs in that market? Are the kinds of jobs you are interested in hard to come by? Also talk to practitioners in the area. Thinking about going to law school is a great reason to set up an informational interview and build your network.

      As for age, I’d think that a firm might have some hesitation about a recent law grad with experience from the perspective of whether you would be difficult to manage since you’ll be back at the bottom of the totem pole. But as an older student you can offer maturity, professional experience, confidence, and world experience.

      Good luck to you!

  4. anonymous

    Where do you buy nice business casual pants? I’m hourglassy but otherwise a fairly tiny person. Machine washable is important, and I generally prefer natural fabrics/cotton.

  6. anon

    Rant: My sister’s wedding is coming up and there is constant drama with her and my mom. They don’t communicate well, so everything goes through me, and it’s driving me crazy. I just needed to vent. I know this is supposed to be a fun, exciting time, but there is so much annoying family drama involved that I just wish it were over already!

    #rantover

    • Killer Kitten Heels

      Stop enabling them and step the heck out of the middle of this.

      You are not the mom-to-sister translator. You are not the guardian of their relationship, or the promoter of peaceful relations, or any other thing that would require you to be channeling all communications through you. They can either communicate with each other, or not, and it really has no bearing on you. Really, it doesn’t. I know, I know – “but if I don’t talk to Mom for Sis then Mom won’t know what color the flowers are because Sis will try to tell her but Mom won’t listen and, and, and….” STOP. IT. These are grown-@ss adults who need to figure this out amongst themselves. If getting information to Mom is important to Sis – or vice-versa – then Sis needs to figure out how to convey that information to Mom (and vice-versa). Unless the information is “Please be at X place at X time” or “Mom, your hair is on fire!” there’s almost nothing that “needs” to be communicated between them, so stop playing go-between and let them get on with it. You are doing them – and more importantly, yourself! – no favors by playing mediator, and frankly, go-betweens tend to create more drama than they solve by passing messages back and forth between people who don’t get along.

  7. homebody

    This seems so obvious and silly, but how do you get into the habit of putting on body lotion? My skin is so dry and flaky after this winter, and while I apply lotion occasionally and am religious about using face lotion, I can’t seem to regularly apply it to my body every day. When do you put it on? After the shower, it makes me feel kind of sticky and unclean – especially when I go to put my clothes back on. When I put it on before bed, I hate the feeling of it against the sheets. Maybe I need a fast-drying brand?

    • Anon

      I put it on after my shower and then put on a robe and do other things (hair, makeup, check email, whatever). By the time I’m ready to get dressed, it’s all soaked in.

      • CountC

        This is what I do. I have a light cotton robe for the summer and a thicker, warmer one for when it’s colder. I get dressed at the very last minute as there is cat hair everywhere and I try to avoid leaving with half a cat attached to me!

      • Sparrow

        Same here. I dry off and apply lotion while I’m still in the shower stall.

        I have to deal with cat hair too. I keep lint brushes everywhere!

    • Maddie Ross

      I’m a religious after shower body lotioner, but I have jsut started using hte Nivea in-shower lotion and am decently happy with it. It’s not as moisturizing as say, Eucerin body lotion or something, but it’s definitely better than nothing and I don’t think it feels sticky. You rinse it off too so that might help with perception of stickiness.

      • LilyS

        I have used this in the past – and I’ve started noticing a couple of supermarket own brand variants too, one of which I’m currently using. It’s great!

    • anyanony

      Try some different ones and look for one that says fast-absorbing or non-greasy. Or you could try Neutrogena’s Body Oil which is put on when damp from a shower and absorbs quickly.

    • Emily

      I like keeping my tub of the cetaphil cream at the office so I can use it on my legs/elbows if I notice they’re dry. I’m too much in a hurry to do it after the shower or just shower at the gym so the office is I put it on (but I also have a door that I can shut).

    • mascot

      Immediately after the shower when my skin is still slightly damp. I use Cera Ve and hang out in a robe for a bit prior to getting dressed. That seems to help with the sticky feeling. Bonus, it keeps my skin in good enough shape that I can skip the step if I need to get dressed immediately, like at the gym or something.

    • Calibrachoa

      I am bad about it, too D: I tend to do it after a shower when I have enough time to, ah, just sit around on my towel for a while and let things air dry for a while. (/TMI) bcause cltohes don’t come on for a bit, the lotion has time to dry.

    • Sunshine

      I’ve been using Nivea in-shower lotion for very dry skin. I didn’t think it would work at all but surprisingly it does help. It’s not nearly as good as my CeraVe cream, but it’s so much better than not applying any lotion.

      Another option is a dry body oil; it dries much faster than a lotion or cream. I actually like the mango body oil from The Body Shop.

  8. Online decorators?

    Has anyone tried an online decorator — any reviews, good or bad? I don’t read a ton of design blogs, but randomly stumbled on Mix and Chic (http://www.mixandchic.com/p/design-services_20.html) where she’ll do a full room for you for $390, and am considering doing it. Does anyone know of other bloggers or interior designers who do this? Have you used any of them — any tips? TIA!

  9. business travel

    Lay it on me. I’ve never traveled by myself for anything let alone business. It’s been 3 years since I’ve flown, and I’m comfortable with airports…I know I’m doing carry-on only. Not exactly sure about some of the nuances of packing though…

    Tips & tricks please? What would you pack (vancouver)? Business casual, no need for a suit.

    • Emily

      How long are you going for? where are you coming from? when are you traveling?

    • la vie en bleu

      Do you mean you will now be traveling often? Or is this just a one-off trip?

      If the former, I don’t know if I will beat Wildkitten to this suggestion, but *Packing Lists*. I have a pad that I purchased off the internet, but you can also find samples online and make your own in a spreadsheet and then print out copies. It makes packing go so much faster when I have my list that I use every time, and I just quickly go through it and check things off.. and it means I never forget anything anymore, which is huge when traveling for work and I just don’t have time to run to the drugstore.

      • Wildkitten

        Haha – I don’t think that’s one of my tricks but I like getting credit anyway :-)

        • la vie en bleu

          ha!! damn, i was sure that was you… sorry if there is someone else I forgot to give credit to! ;)

          • Anonymous

            Was that Orangerie? She had a wardrobe spreadsheet – not necessarily for packing.

    • business travel

      coming from east coast. 5 day trip, just a one-off. week after next.

      thanks for the ideas

      • Gail the Goldfish

        If you’re trying to fit 5 days worth of clothes into a carry-on, be brutally honest about how many clothes you actually need or they may not all fit. E.g.-I used to pack workout clothes every trip. I realized I was never going to workout while traveling and stopped trying. Also, even if you’re doing carry on, put important things you absolutely can’t live without for more than a day (glasses, contacts, etc) in a purse or laptop bag. Half the time if I have a carry-on bag (that’s a rolling suitcase), it ends up getting checked anyway because they run out of overhead bin space before they’re done boarding zone 1.

      • Emily

        Check the weather vs your home climate and what you’re comfortable with.

        I think you can definitely fit 5 days worth into a carry-on. I fit my 3 day moot court + 3 days of sightseeing into a carry on. I like suit separates for this as you can re-use the blazer, bring 2-3 different nice tops + the bottoms + the dress and a coordinating cardigan.

        As for workout clothes – I like to bring at least two workout leggings – for sleeping and for plane travel. If I get to work out, it’s a bonus. Likewise for the top.

        • business travel

          brilliant about traveling in leggings. I hadn’t thought about that!

    • Bonnie

      Shoes take up the most space so limit those. Also stick to one color palette (e.g. navy or black) so you can mix and match items and can minimize accessories.

    • TO Lawyer

      I would make sure you have an umbrella with you and possibly a rain jacket.

      I tend to wear my heaviest items on the plane (jeans + blazer) and try to mix and match as much as possible. For a work trip, I would also suggest bringing casual clothes – maybe even just a pair of jeans you can wear with the blouse you wore that day.

    • Basics

      In no particular order:

      – Pack any Rx medication in your carry on in case your suitcase gets lost.
      – Pack computer and anything valuable in your carryon (since 9/11)
      – You can only carry on if you don’t need more than 3 ounces of any liquid (check the TSA website for details), so think carefully about your toiletries. Frankly, for 5 days, I would check a small bag.
      – Any and all bags should either have wheels or be a backpack. (Stash your empty purse inside your suitcase to use when you arrive.) — not everyone agrees with this.
      – How are you with flying/ears? Bring candy to suck or gum to chew (different things work for different people) and whatever nasal openers (benzedrex inhaler or afrin spray or whatever) you need and time their use according to takeoff and landing.
      – Wear a watch. As soon as you get on the plane and while you wait for takeoff, set it to the time at your destination.
      – Bring something to read on the plane. If you have sinus issues, don’t bring anything that will make you cry and clog up your sinuses at altitude.
      – Use the bathroom at the airport. Try not to use the bathroom on the plane. This from an MD (not me, one I consulted). If you must use it, don’t touch anything.
      – Wear close-toed shoes (see above). Also wear something that is comfortable to sit in for 5 hours and layers (t shirt plus light sweater plus scarf).
      – After you go through security, buy a bottle of water. Nothing worse than sitting on a plane that has no water. Except maybe sitting on a plane that is decades old and drinking water that has been inside its tanks.
      – Try to select an aisle seat. Stretch during the flight.
      – Food onboard: if you are not flying first class, consider bringing food you like (not smelly!) with you. Your food bag: (1) does not count as a carryon, and (2) may not contain any liquids (soup counts as a liquid).
      – Never pass up a clean bathroom while you are out and about.
      – Do you need an extension cord to plug in computer or phone during meetings? I travel with one.
      – At the end of the trip, pack your bags and prop the door to your hotel room open with them. Then carefully go through the hotel room, ESPECIALLY outlets, and look for anything you may have left behind. Likely culprits: cleanser in shower, random item hanging in closet, papers on desktop, phone cord in outlet. Only leave the room when you are sure you have everything.
      – If you need a coat to leave the airport on arrival, pack it in your suitcase at the very top, so that when you land you can easily get it, but you don’t have to deal with where to put it on the plane.

      • Basics

        And since none of what I wrote was actually about packing, which was your question:

        – Make your bed so you have space to work.
        – Put out your 5 days worth of outfits L to R (MTWThF). Include shoes, undergarments, jewelry, etc. Include what you will wear on plane. Include workout clothes (and shoes and hat and running watch or whatever you need to exercise). Include puttering in hotel room/sleeping clothes. Include walking around town after the conference at the end of the day clothes.
        – You shouldn’t need more than 2 pairs of shoes. Everything should mix and match with everything else (ie., have one base color and then other colors that work with it and with each other).
        – Exception is if you have a special event that needs unique clothes (beach picnic, black tie, whatever). Then you can take one-off pieces just for that event.
        – Prune and count and mix and match while it is all still on the bed. Then see which suitcase it fits in with toiletries and all else.
        – Do not underestimate how much space you will need in your carryon for things that can’t be packed because they are valuable ($) or valuable (health – Rx etc).
        – Pack a plastic bag to use as a laundry bag for undergarments and socks each night.

        • Wildkitten

          This is fantastic advice. You should have a blog, just to showcase these tips if nothing else.

    • Maddie Ross

      If you’re traveling alone and there’s not a financial constraint, why not check? I do tend to carry-on for quick (3 days or less) work trips or when I’m traveling with others, but if I’m alone? Pshaw. All bets are off. Mostly just because I don’t want to schlepp everything around with me, even if it all fits in a carry-on. (And on the way home? Forget it. Checked luggage city.) If carrying on is important to you though, I echo the sentiments above. Be brutally honest about what you need and take things that do double or triple duty. If you don’t need suits, I favor wrap dresses. Wear with heels all day; change into flats to go to dinner. And they take up no space. Wear the same color palette all week so you only need one pair of heels and one pair of flats. I also tned to pack workout clothes when I travel for work (I’ve got a LO – this is my best chance to get a 30 minute run in). I bought Nike Frees that weigh less for this purpose. Only bring one pair of running clothes and hang to dry in the shower.

    • CKB

      I’m an accountant, which may explain why I make a spreadsheet of what I’m going to wear when. I always re-wear bottoms and usually my cardigans, but pack a different shirts each day. I also make sure all my outfits work with the same pair of shoes so I can fit my workout clothes in. If I’m going for more than 3 days I will grab some Tide sink packs so I can wash workout clothes (or whatever) in the bathroom sink if necessary. Wear your bulkiest items on the plane. If I’m taking jeans I always wear them because they take up so much room. I like to pack a small powerbar for charging electronics.

      Have a good trip!

    • Unexpected delays

      Always prepare for unexpected delays.

      For the flight, that means water (more than you think you’ll need) and some snacks.

      For the trip itself, pack an extra top layer that doesn’t take up too much room (thin shirt), extra underwear/socks, and an extra sleep shirt. You’ll be very happy to have these when your flight gets cancelled and you end up in the airport hotel overnight!

    • FYI Kat

      I’ve had three flights in the last six months, and I’ve gotten pretty good at carry-on-only packing, I think. :P

      -If possible, choose clothes you can either wash or rewear. The fewer pieces to pack, the better. For a 6-day trip last month, I packed two tops, one pair slacks, one pair jeans. One dress for a fancy dinner, one pair sneakers, one pair heels for said dinner. Jammies, bras, underwear, etc. Wore jeans, top, knit blazer and flat boots on the plane. Everything was washable.
      -Roll your clothes instead of folding them! It makes everything much more compact.
      -Socks and underwear go inside shoes, shoes go inside plastic bags, plastic bags go on top of or next to rolled clothes.
      -You can’t take liquids through security, but I take an empty water bottle in my purse and fill it at the water fountain in the airport before I get on the plane. It may not be the tastiest water, but it’s free and you can get one that’s larger than the teeny bottles of water you can buy at the airport.
      -Related to the above: Small Tupperware container with fresh fruit of your choice. I usually pack grapes and strawberries, stuff I can eat without a fork or spoon.
      -Pack your liquids bag and your laptop right by the zipper of the carryon. Ease of access makes security go a lot faster.
      -I keep all electronics-related things (chargers, cords, etc) in a gallon ziplock. Makes it easier to go “OK, do I have all the cords?” at the end of the trip.
      -Bring a little packet of Kleenex in your purse, and if you can fit a travel-size thing of hand santizer in your liquids bag, DO SO! Airport crud is the worst crud, and it feels like it takes forever to get over.

    • rosie

      Have you flown since the liquids restrictions were imposed? Might want to check the TSA website for a refresher, but the basics is all liquids in your carry on have to be in 3 oz or less containers and fit in a quart ziploc. No drinks or food liquids, but you can bring an empty water bottle and fill it up once you are through security.

  10. Capsule Wardrobe for Internship

    I’ve been asked to help a college student put together a wardrobe for a 8 week summer internship at a hospital in a research position. Thinking it will be business casual but have no actual information. Best buys? How many pieces? She’ll have access to additional shopping and to laundry facilities during the internship (in fact the hospital is next to a mall) but has a limited budget. She’s just not sure what to have on hand to start, and knows her normal wardrobe of leggings and long shirts is not appropriate.

    She’s googling as well, but I told her I would ask here for info.

  11. Capsule Wardrobe for Internship

    Suggestions for a starter wardrobe of a college student with an 8 week internship at a hospital in a research position. Wardrobe guidance has not been given, but think it’s business casual. Obviously, not a lot of money to spend.

  12. Anon For This

    I just turned down an offer at a really great government agency to stay at my BigLaw firm. I was 100% confident that I was doing the right thing (for many reasons, including that I can’t actually afford to live in my VHCOL cityon a government salary!), but this morning, I feel a little bit sick. Not “I should have made a different decision” sick, but more “Wow, that was a big decision and I have so much to do to make BigLaw work for me” sick. My DH is unhelpful (he’s always been convinced that BigLaw is the best fit for me and doesn’t get the anxiety). I would love encouragement, support, or cheerleading – especially from folks (cbackson, are you out there?) who unabashedly love BigLaw and are happy in their practices.

    • TBK

      Why were you looking to leave, and why did you stay? I am completely thrilled to be out of biglaw, but I loved it while I was there. I loved the high stakes cases, the wickedly smart colleagues, the crazy amount of resources, the money, being at the forefront of legal issues, the hard work (really). I even loved a lot of the late nights/all nighters/insane 350+hr months. I didn’t have the commitment to it in the end, though. I had other things I liked doing, and then I met Mr. TBK and just wasn’t into 80 hr weeks. But if the hours work for you, and you love the work itself, it can be an amazing place to practice.

      • Anon For This

        I wasn’t looking to leave. This was an opportunity that crossed my desk – a friend encouraged me to apply – and I thought it was worth an application. And in fact, I’ve been really happy in BigLaw – I am on a schedule that really works for me and my family, I love my colleagues, and I’m getting really great experience running cases, going to trial, etc. I think this is less about the loss of this particular job and more about the fact that it’s hard to close doors. This morning, I was thinking, “Hey, maybe I could work two jobs!” Crazy, obviously.

      • Maudie Atkinson

        This is a (very) late response, but @TBK, thanks for reminding me of all the things I love about my BigLaw job.

    • Anon

      I can’t help you with BigLaw cheerleading (since I’m now ready to leave), but I did have a similar situation. Two years ago I turned down a great job opportunity to stay here. It was 100% the right decision at the time, and I did not and do not regret it. The additional two years have been incredibly helpful to my career development & even more so to my financial situation. However, after I turned the job down I had the same exact sick feeling that you did (and even cried a bit). Making a huge life decision like that is incredibly stressful. Even when you know it’s the right one. You’ll feel better about it in a week or two. There still are some times when I have a moment of thinking that I should have made a different choice… especially now that I’m searching for basically the same opportunity I had two years ago…but I always end up settling back on knowing it was the right choice. You know what’s right for you.

      • Anon For This

        Thanks so much. I think this is the feeling – just the stress of a huge life decision. This is really helpful.

    • You go girl...

      Hey, why not, if you love it?

      But I have no idea if you do, since you didn’t say you do, or why you applied for this job. You must be having doubts. If so, it stinks your DH is not more aware and supportive.

      But what worries me more is how you are married – so I’m assuming a two income couple with at least you in Big Law – and say you cannot keep up your standard of living without working in Big Law. What the heck… you need to work on your finances then, because you are living WAY beyond your means. Quality of life and sanity and time with loved ones is much more important than…. whatever the heck you guys are spending all your money on.

      But if you love Big Law… why not?

      • Anon For This

        Deleted, because there’s no point in having this conversation with strangers on the internet. Oh well.

        • MD anon

          I admire the deletion. I applied for a job at a non-profit that I was passionate about – and the people that ran the search were coy with salary information, and while it was a MUCH better commute – the salary was a setback when I was offered the position. I would’ve needed a second job, or to take in a boarder (the crazy-thoughts). It was more about the payscale for the outskirts area, and I kept working downtown. Even though I don’t work there any more, my friends rely on me for the skinny on the city, and they are my go to for that county.

          Two weeks. Celebrate that they LOVED you, and they’ll get a good fit, and you fit where you are. Ponder what you were looking forward to if they met your demand – different work? More proximity to a friend? The END OF TIMESHEETS? and see how you can scratch some of that itch with what’s on the horizon.

  13. SUPER ANON

    Sorry for the long post but I need advice before I drive myself crazy. My husband works very closely with a female coworker. I’m now getting the feeling that they are closer than what I’m comfortable with. They text each other a lot even outside of work about non-work related topics. My husband’s not being secretive about it so I have’t been too concerned about it. A couple of weeks ago, husband’s office was closed for a day, and husband offered to run some errands for me at a place close to a park where we would go together all the time for weekend outings. One of our favorite restaurant is located in the park. A couple days ago, I was going through our credit card statement, and noticed a charge for parking at this park on husband’s day off. I asked him about it and he said since he was running errands in the neighborhood, he went there to get food. His excuse for not telling me is that he didn’t want me to feel bad about not having the day off. I’m having a really hard time believing him because no. 1 – we always tease each other about this kind of things, e.g. if I went to his favorite burger joint without him, I’d send him pictures to gloat, and vice versa, no. 2 – the day after he went there, we drove by the park and he did not say anything about having gone there the day before, and no. 3 – during his day off, we were texting each other back and forth the entire day except for a 2 hour gap during the time he was at the park. I have a nagging suspicion that he met up with his coworker there and it’s been driving me crazy. We have a really good relationship and I feel like I’m being paranoid. I don’t know how to bring it up with him because I don’t want him to think that I don’t trust him. Any words of wisdom from the Hive would be appreciated…

    • Cora

      If it were me, I would say, “I’m having this weird paranoia that you met coworker for lunch at X restaurant on your day off and that you don’t want to tell me for some reason.” And then see what he says. If he did meet her and there is something going on between them then obviously he might lie–but that’s a separate issue and I think the first step is to try to have a real conversation about your concern. I think everyone has occasional crazy or paranoid moments–and if my husband was having weird paranoia about something and it was within my power to reassure him, I would absolutely want him to say something so that I could.

      Of course, if this is indicative of broader issues in your relationship or you feel like this stems from trust issues on your part, then ultimately it might be a symptom suggesting that couples or individual counseling is in order.

      • SUPER ANON OP

        Thanks for this, Cora. I like the way you framed the question. Now that I’ve asked that question in my head, I think another reason that I’m wary of this conversation is what to do with his answers. I’m just thinking out loud here, if he denies it, would I believe him and drop it, or continue to drive myself crazy? Or worse, if he admits that something is going on, what then? I’m really afraid that the outcome would be the latter. Husband has worked in a very female-centric industry for a long time and this is the first time I’ve gotten this feeling. I’m just venting now but thanks for your input.

        • People Lie. You Live.

          I have been in this exact situation. He lied. A few years later, I found out he’d been having an affair. I asked him to leave immediately and never second-guessed my decision. Yes, it was hard. For a few years. Not financially or socially. But because I came to the conclusion that I was a moron who couldn’t tell when my own husband was lying to me. But you just keep waking up every morning and getting dressed and going to work and living life. Eventually, you get past it (not over it). And then eventually you figure out that you can trust yourself (and that you actually may be a better judge of character now that you’ve been burned).

          All of which is to say that if your worst fear (he is seeing her, whether you learn about it now or much later) materializes, you will be OK. I promise.

          • Cora

            I agree with this. When I suggest counseling here and below, I’m not saying you should unequivocally accept what he says–but find a way to live with the uncertainty and hopefully get an objective third party perspective.

          • SUPER ANON OP

            You’ve voiced the thoughts that I’ve been dodging. Thank you for sharing and for the reassurance.

    • AIMS

      I don’t believe in driving myself crazy for too long. I would either decide that I trust him and make a conscious decision to let it go, or I’d just be honest. Wait for a normal moment when you’re eating dinner or something and say what Cora said.

      i think if you say this in a calm voice without accusation, he’d be more likely to be honest. But if he says there’s nothing, you should accept it until you have further evidence to the contrary.

      • SUPER ANON OP

        AIMS – I just replied to Cora before reading your comment and you kind of responded to my follow-up thoughts. This is what I need to hear. Thank you.

        • Cora

          I agree with AIMS that it doesn’t have to be a big deal if you decide you need to ask him–just pick a normal moment and bring it up calmly. If he says he didn’t meet her/nothing is going on and you still can’t let it go, then I would strongly suggest individual counseling where you explain to the counselor that your husband told you this and you want to believe him but are struggling. The counselor should be able to help you work through it and can probably advise you based on your own meeting whether in your situation, couples counseling would be more helpful.

          If he tells you that there is something going on, then better to know than not know. You can’t work through it unless you know. But try not to burden yourself with what-ifs at this point.

          • SUPER ANON OP

            Thanks Cora. This is really helpful. My immediate challenge is probably to figure out how to bring it up to him without getting overly emotional.

      • Anon100

        Even then, they could have had separate checks… I’d probably just ask him straight up if he met with the coworker on their day off since wife knows husband is close with the coworker.

        ETA: to Super Anon – I think you should also let your husband know that you’re getting uncomfortable with his closeness with the coworker in general and maybe discuss boundaries?

      • SUPER ANON OP

        The charge that showed up was only for parking, not for food. Husband said he paid cash for food.

        And to Anon100 below, that’s definitely a conversation that I’m contemplating separately aside from all this.

        • CPA Lady

          If you don’t want to “go there” by having the conversation about whether he met her that specific day, which I totally understand, I would definitely have a conversation about your discomfort in general. If it were me, I would honestly rather not know and try to forget it and move on if the conversation about general discomfort went well. If he met her and doesn’t want to tell you, maybe it means he feels guilty about it or recognizes it was wrong.

          It’s really easy to go down the path of getting caught up in a new and exciting friendship with “innocent” flirting, and start crossing some lines without going into full fledged infidelity. I think that happens from time to time in a lot of peoples marriages, and sometimes a calm conversation is all it takes to be a wake up call to set more appropriate boundaries.

  14. Anonyc

    I would totally wear this dress to work; I work in a business casual office where there is a wide range of attire and this would be fine. It would also go with my largely monochromatic wardrobe–the other day I was thinking I should just always wear black to make life easier after seeing another “I wear the same thing everyday” article.

  16. Lorelai Gilmore

    Anybody know anything about a company called “Isagenix” and various weight loss programs they sell? Looks like a standard weight loss pyramid scheme company (just like BeachBody), but I’m curious to know if anyone has direct experience.

    • ace

      It is similar to Beachbody, though focused on supplements/shakes (possibly exclusively?) Someone I know just lost 24 lbs in 6 weeks on it — she has a shake 2x a day plus a meal of chicken/fish, brown rice and broccoli for dinner. So the usual criticisms apply — it’s expensive, a quick fix versus a lifestyle change, etc. — but having spoken with her about it, it seems to have worked for her to make pretty significant progress in a short time.

    • CKB

      My aunt is the queen of health related mlm. Not that she’s ever made much money (or possibly any money) but she’s always selling something. She was into isagenix for a while and my mom bought some to support her. My mom didn’t need to lose weight, but she said she felt healthier & slept better when taking it. But it was expensive.

  17. Wildkitten

    I need a purple jewel toned top to wear with a suit. Anyone have ideas? I should have bought 10 when this was a trend in like 2010…

  18. Conflicted

    I’m probably overthinking this. I’m a senior associate at a law firm, and I love my firm. The people are great most of the time. I’ve got a fantastic mentor who will go to bat for me and who has given me tremendous opportunities.

    I do primarily defense work, but I enjoy the plaintiffs’ work I do, and I’m good at it. I also want more trial experience than I’m getting. A good plaintiff firm in my area called me and asked me to come by and meet them bc they’re looking for new people. A big part of me wants to just go see what it’s all about and get information. Part of me also feels anxious that my current partners (esp my mentor) will find out and be angry or regret what they’ve done for me. I might be making it all too personal.

    The chance of me leaving my firm without a giant raise is 0. With a raise I think I’d consider it.

    • Wildkitten

      You’re making it too personal. Go to the meeting and find out more. Congrats on being recruited!

    • Maggie

      All my clothes are from Ann Taylor and the Loft and they are all different sizes. Does that help? lol!

  20. Maggie

    If it weren’t for Ann Taylor, I wouldn’t have any clothes. Seriously, that is the only store where I can find clothes that fit that aren’t too young or too old on my almost 50 little pudgy belly but flat chested body. Are there any other stores that are similar quality and fit?

  21. elib1971

    I am looking for pants that don’t seem to exist but should: Narrow but not cropped. Wondering if anyone has any ideas.

    All dress pants look funny on me. I don’t want suck-tight skinny because I am a lawyer and need to look like one. But trousers are so wide and floppy. Lots of designers make narrow trousers but they are all cropped. I would like a narrow trouser which is full length. They seem to have such things at Hugo Boss and other high end places, but who has the money for that?

    Any ideas.

    In a related question, I am really happiest in my jeans. Medium height to the waist and straight or “skinny-straight”. Most of my friends are also happiest in their jeans. Why are there no dress pants that fit like jeans? You would think this would be a no-brainer.

    • Marie

      I also like narrow but full-length trousers. Banana Republic makes a couple of “straight leg” styles that are pretty good. I bought a pair of Martin Fit straight leg wool pants that did good service this winter.

      I wish there were more straight leg jeans styles! I have runner’s calves, and “skinny” jeans are soooo tight on me.

      • Anonymous

        Adriano goldschmied has a style called the Premiere or the Aubrey (same style they just changed the name) which are awesome. Expensive, but once you know your size you can get them cheaper on eBay. Also try Seven for all Mankind which has a style called the Tailored Straight or the Modern Straight (same style). See above re expensive, but eBay has them when you have your size.

    • BB

      On the very low end cost wise, I just accidently bought a pair of Pixies at Old Navy that are full length (I thought they were all cropped). They’re maybe not as dressy as you’re looking for, but the price is right

  22. elib1971

    OK. This is very weird. Having posted the question above, I have just noticed advertisements for the “Columnist” pant from Express which appear to be exactly what I am looking for. Is that a coincidence or are web advertisers really able to interpret our comments that well?? A bit troubling no?

    Also, that was me above with the AG jeans recommendation. I somehow came out as anonymous.

  23. justnml

    PSA – if you purchased anything from the Jones New York sale over the past few weeks, check your email. I just got an email for an additional 60% off the crazy-low sale prices. Tonight only.

  24. justnml

    PSA – if you purchased anything from the Jones New York sale over the past few weeks, check your email. I just got an email for an additional 60% off the crazy-low sale prices. Tonight only!

  25. Gina

    I need help! My iPad fell on my toe over the weekend and I lost my big toe toenail.. Given that I can’t bear any pressure on the toe right now, what shoes do you guys suggest? Also some background- I’ve been on maternity leave for three months and it will be my first day back at a very conservative office. I’m sure they will be understanding about the whole thing but I don’t want to have to explain why I’m wearing my open toe Birkenstocks all day long. I’m so stressed about everything !

Back to Top

About

Work with Corporette®

Serious Stuff

work fashion blog press mentions