Weekend Open Thread

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

What’s your favorite red lip, ladies (whether a power red, an everyday red, or a holiday red?) I keep trying to find one that works with my colors, has a consistency I like, and stays put without fading — and I find myself drawn to this Lip Magnet Liquid Lipstick from Armani. It’s getting good reviews over at Nordstrom, and they note that it is “the first liquid lipcolor to offer unprecedented color concentration in the finest of textures, while perfectly fusing with the lips.” Interesting — so rich, nonbudging color without that horrible drying feeling? I’d pay for that if it’s true. A single tube is $38. Lip Magnet Liquid Lipstick

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  1. Anonymous :

    After reading about horrible office holiday traditions, I want to celebrate the end of my husband’s company party’s old traditions. They were the worst! A dirty santa game that took two hours because it’s 22 employees plus spouses and an annual quiz game of the year’s best selling products, in case you doubted the awfulness. No open bar is worth that.

    Last year, they finally ditched those traditions and hired a murder mystery dinner theater company. I am actually looking forward to tonight’s party.

    • um, what!?!? i am SO glad on your behalf that they’ve gotten rid of that. it sounds absurd!

  2. PSA: Rhumba boots are 75% off on Aquatalia’s website, today only. GOOD DEAL.

    • Amazing….

    • got the boots! :

      sale still going on. have to use the search feature to find. the larger sizes are available. paid 131 after promo code season30 took an extra 30% off. Thanks for the tip!

  3. What do you set your thermostat at? :

    Just out of curiosity, an informal poll: what do you set your thermostat at in the winter and in the summer? I’m most comfortable at 70 in the winter and 74 in the summer, with it set to 78 during the day while I’m at work.

    • 68 in the summer and usually don’t set the heat in the winter (I live in the south). But when I do need heat – 70 ish.

      • I am the same as ANON. Dad tho keeps the thermastat UP in the summer (to 80), and down in the winter (to 50). FOOEY! b/c who need’s to sweat in the summer and freeze in the winter! DOUBEL FOOEY!

        As for me, I perfer to be warm in the winter and cool in the summer. That translates to 70 in the summer and 74 in the winter. Sheketovits always wanted to warm me up in the winter, but I did NOT want his smelley body slobbering all over me with a singulear goal of haveing me part my l’egs for him! FOOEY!

    • Anonymous :

      When we’re at home, we set the thermostat to 68 in the winter and 78 in the summer.

    • I’ve been meaning to do a survey on this, too! I’m cold-natured, but I try to save where I can – in winter, usually between 70 and 72, but even at 72, I’m usually in multiple layers and shivering if I’m not up moving around.

      In summer, I’d go 78 or so, but my husband has (only recently) started to complain about that, and keeps knocking it down to 75, which makes me pull out a sweater (which I hate, if it’s 100 degrees out). We generally compromise around 77.

    • Anonymous :

      At home/away
      68 or 70/ 66 or below
      74 or 76/ 78 or 80

    • SEUS, now, but grew up in coastal NE.
      Winter now is 70, summer is 68. Winter when I was a kid? “Put another sweater on; the thermostat is only going to 68!” Summer? No AC.

      I like my life a lot more now.

      • Anonymous :

        I am curious—why set the thermostat warmer in the winter than in the summer? I set it several degrees cooler in the winter than in the summer because in the winter I am wearing warm clothes, whereas in the summer I am wearing shorts and a tank top.

    • Anonymous :

      In the winter we set it at 68 during the day (whether or not we’re at home because we have a small dog) and 64 at night. But I think our thermostat may be a little off. I’m comfortable in our home at 68, but when we go to other people’s homes I am usually very chilly if their thermostat is on 68. So I think our thermostat may read lower than it actually is. In the summer it varies a lot based on whether we’re cooking or exercising, but I’d say maybe 76-78 is average? We tend to spend a lot of time in the basement in the summer so we don’t need much AC.

    • Gail the Goldfish :

      When we’re home: 68 in the winter, and summer is a constant battle between SO and I. I prefer 76-78. He would like it to be 72-74. If we’re not home, usually 66 in the winter and 78/80 in the summer.

    • Winter: 58-60 for family, 66 or so if having guests – my ideal absent concerns about money and energy use would be about 64

      Summer: down to 72-74 in one or two rooms using window AC units

      Grew up and live now in New England with very stereotypical NE frugality (“of course you’re cold, you’re only wearing 1 sweater!” – my parents, every winter of my childhood)

    • Anonymous :

      SEUS (grew up outside NYC though); am always cold

      summer: set A/C to 78 (will cool to 74 for sleeping only)
      winter: prefer at least 74 when I’m awake; will go down to 70 for sleeping

    • Anon in NYC :

      In an ideal world, I’d set my thermostat to 73 degrees year round.

      I don’t control my heat (central steam heat), and NYC mandates only that if the temp is below 55 degrees that the temperature must be at least 68 degrees between 6am – 10pm. However, old building/radiators that need some repair = me bundling up in the winter.

      • Anonymous :

        Ugh, my old building with ancient radiators is the opposite. In the winter it’s about 100 degrees. I sleep in shorts and have my windows open all winter.

      • Yup. We have radiators turned off in 2 rooms and keep a couple windows cracked all winter, and it’s still 80 degrees in our apartment. I’m always shocked by how cold houses are when we travel in the winter! (What, you mean I can’t comfortably run around your place in a tank top?)

        Of course, summer means window air conditioners. I set to 72, but don’t trust that they keep the temp at 72. That’s just the magic number with our current a/cs that keeps us from sweating.

        If I had a real thermostat, I wouldn’t know what to do.

    • Puddlejumper :

      New York apartment= we haven’t turned our heat on once this year.

      If living in a place where I need to turn on the heat like in MN its 66 during the day when people are at work, 68 when people are actively home, 64 at night for sleep.

      I have never lived with AC.

    • I live in Houston.
      Heat (or AC usually) is set to 74 in winter (68 during the day).
      AC is set to 78 in summer (80 during the day).

      • Anonymous :

        I could live in your house. OMG my fingers would seize up and I’d be unable to type in these other houses.

        My internal thermostat is set to Lizard and I truly need an external heat source >70 regardless of time of year.

    • Anonymous :

      For the one month or so we have the heat on, it’s 70 when we’re home and 66 when we’re not. Occasionally I’ll shut it off so it doesn’t kick on in the morning right before I leave when the sun is going to warm the house up later anyway, since it gets into the 70s most days–it’s just cool overnight.

      The rest of the year, A/C is at 71 for sleeping and 73 other times. I’ve tried turning it up when we’re not home, but when it’s 100+ degrees out with 90% humidity, the A/C just cannot recover if I let it go up to 80, or 78, or even 76 during the day. We have a Nest so it’s supposed to be able to figure out when to turn on to “precool” to 73 by 5pm when SO gets home, but when we relied on that it was still 80 at 11pm in the summer. Now I keep the temp low all day so that the A/C ends up running about 22 hours a day just to have it be 76 when we get home with a chance of being reasonably cool at bedtime. IMO the a/c has issues, but that’s on SO’s task list and he’s the one paying the higher bill while he procrastinates on getting it looked at, so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.

    • biglawanon :

      We live in a very mild climate and rarely need to use heat and usually only use AC to cool the place down for sleeping. I like avoiding using it because it tends to be very dry where we live (often less than 20% humidity) so AC/heat dry out the place.

      Summer: 78 while home during the day, 72 to sleep. Always off when not at home.

      Winter: Heat isn’t on a thermostat. We have radiant heat with four thermostats (knobs without actual numbers on them) spread throughout our place. Probably use heat a dozen times a year. When it gets lower than 68, I turn the heat on in rooms where we are spending time and turn them off once it reaches about 72. Heat is always off at night and when we are not home.

    • Winter: 68 during the day and 64 at night

      Summer: varies; usually in the 72-75 range

      I work from home and am in the South.

    • New England. 64 in the winter when we are awake and in the house and otherwise 60. We supplement with a woodstove when we are all home and hanging out in the living area. I begin to feel hot when the inside temp hits 70. Then again, my kids’ bus driver was wearing shorts this morning, and it was -2 F. We have window AC units that we use in the summer and set to 62.

    • Its good to know I’m not alone. I sent out this survey to girlfriends recently, since I have gotten complaints from my partner (not a yankee).

      I’m a NNE, raised without central heat, def in the school of put another sweater on (actually it was “are you wearing your slippers?”).

      55 at night, 63 if we’re home during the day, 60 if we’re not.
      Air is window units used when necessary.

      Although after reading this (and replies of friends) maybe I’ll stop being such a heat grinch.

      • I’m in the upper Midwest, and also do 63 during the day when we’re home. Why turn up the heat when you can add an extra layer? Usually 59 at night, but I think I might start turning that even lower. I don’t have A/C so I turn off the thermostat in the summer, but it rarely ever gets over 78-80.

    • Anonymous :

      Hubby is warm, I am cold. We settled on 74 in the summer (but our AC can’t really keep up with that so it gets much hotter in the afternoon) and 68 in the winter. He wanted 66 in the winter, but I protested and after three nights of waking him up with ice block feet every time I woke up because I was cold, I won.

    • Heat: 68 degrees when we are home unless asleep, then it’s around 55. It goes into eco mode when we are away. I love my Nest.

      Cooling: N/A, no air conditioner. We live in Berkeley.

    • Boston. When we are home during the days, 70/71 in summer and 67 in winter. At night 70/71 summer 64/65 in winter. We have a large house that is $$$ tonheat. We have nice cozy blankets.

      • We used to be down in the 50s overnight when it was just me and dH, but we have young kids. If they get too cold they come wanting to sleep in our bed. No thanks!!

  4. Tata Harper :

    I want to treat myself to some luxury pampering products and I have my eye on Tata Harper. Any recommendations? I have sensitive skin that is both dry and blemish-prone.

    • try a tata harper facial at nordstrom spa or niemans to see what you might really like

    • biglawanon :

      I love Tata Harper’s tinted lip balm!

    • blatantlybianca :

      I have the same skin issues and the Tata Harper resurfacing mask followed by Drunk Elephant’s Lala Retro whipped cream moisturizer has done wonders. It has had a huge impact on my skin which is now so smooth! I bought the Drunk Elephant Hit It Off sample set which comes with the jelly cleanser. My regimen is to cleanse, use the mask, and then moisturize.

      I followed the reco to use the mask 2-3x the first week, 2x the 2nd week and then 1x week. The Drunk Elephant moisturizer has really worked wonders for me this winter. I’ve tried so many oils at all price points and this moisturizer is the best so far. I’m seeing a big difference in my skin also with breakouts with this regimen, a tiny bit of purging but overall way less breakouts. The Tata clarifying mask is on my to-try list as well.

  5. Recycling :

    I plan on researching my New Years resolution this weekend – reducing my use of plastic. Any good website recommendations? So far I’ve decided to switch to glass food containers and glass or metal reusable straws….this might be a dumb question but how do I responsibly dispose of the plastic containers I already have? The obvious reaction is to just put them in my apartment complex’s recycling bin with everything else but I really want to make sure they are recycled properly. Something feels off about disposing of all this plastic out of a decision to do more for the environment. I guess the broader issue here is that I don’t trust my area’s recycling practices. How do you all recycle? Do you take things directly to a facility yourself? Rely on the trash/recycle pick up?

    • Anonymous :

      Buying reusable straws so you stop using disposable ones makes sense, but throwing out your plastic (reusable) food containers seems counterproductive as far as the environment is concerned. Once you purchased them, your plastic food containers aren’t doing any ongoing damage to the environment (I realize health is a separate concern).

      • Recycling :

        This was my thinking too, the articles I’ve read in my early research always suggest switching food containers but I don’t want to be counterproductive. Mine are very old and will need replacing soon so that’s one reason, but these articles don’t give any further explanation

        • I have been slowly replacing plastic with glass. As the plastic ones get older they occasionally start to leak, and even crack, and when they do I toss them in the recycle bin. But I don’t toss them until they’re broken.

    • Why would you dispose of plastic you already own? Health reasons?

    • Anon in NYC :

      Check out Terracycle. They can recycle virtually anything, and will ship you cardboard boxes, you fill them up, and mail them back. They have one specifically for plastic storage containers. It’s not cheap, but they handle everything.

    • I had a bunch of cardboard to get rid of, and recently drove it all to one of my city’s recycling centers. It’s an interesting experience, and I’d recommend doing it in the winter because the smell is bad enough now!

    • I applaud you for wanting to do this! I tried to reduce our plastic use this year buy keeping in mind that every bit of plastic on the earth is here to stay, and that plastic can only be recycled *once*. (Something about it doesn’t stay stable during the recycling process, but it also doesn’t break down, so we end up with micro bits of plastic in our soil and water. It’s really frightening stuff!!!)

      I reduced the amount of drinks we buy out (coffee, soda, water) and either plan to take water bottles from home for everyone, or just say no to drinks. My mantra is, “No, you can make a cup of coffee when you get home. Just wait!” I buy the cardboard boxes of laundry powder instead of plastic jugs of liquid. I try to reuse and work the h*ll out of the plastic containers we currently own, because again, the suckers are here on this earth to stay.

      So instead of tossing the plastic and replacing with glass, maybe keep it and slowly replace with glass containers as they wear out?

      • Recycling :

        Thanks for the tip about laundry detergent! It’s little things like those that I want to be reminded of

        • Sure! If you can start to think “cheap” or even “How did my grandparents do this?” you can start to cut back on the plastics you consume. Examples:

          – bar soap (sold in little cardboard boxes) instead of plastic body wash

          – wash cloths instead of bath poofs

          – make drinks at home (iced tea, juice concentrate) and store in your own reusable container instead of buying soda or individual bottles

          – travel mugs and thermoses instead of coffee shops

          Plastics = convenience. The squirt of liquid soap. The ease of eating and then tossing the dishes, instead of lugging dirty dishes and glasses back home at the end of the day. So for me, avoid plastics has meant inviting MORE work into my day. I carry lunch sacks into work, and dirty dishes back out every day. It’s just habit now.

          • Recycling :

            Bar soap! Another good one. On that same topic, I recently discovered a charity called “Clean the World” which recycles discarded bar soaps from hotels (thrown away after one use) into a second life.

          • Recycling :

            What about plastic razors? Did you switch to electric?

          • Get a metal safety razor and blades. Better for the environment, and cheap after the upfront costs.

    • May I suggest silicone straws? Glass/metal sound great until you realize that they knock against your teeth and metal conducts heat really well which is not awesome for sipping.
      We’ve got glass lock containers and they do ultimately chip so they need to be replaced. I like my sodastream for cutting down on cans of fizzy water.

      • Recycling :

        Thanks for the suggestion. I’m going to hang onto my plastic straws that I reuse in my yeti cups until those give out. This may sound crazy but I prefer drinking out of a straw so I’m actually looking for one I can carry with me to use in restaurants and the like…that way I don’t use the plastic ones they provide.

    • Gail the Goldfish :

      Recycle through regular pickup, but I wouldn’t get rid of plastic I already have. I’m on a similar “reduce plastic” trend and so far I’ve got: no more straws (I need to buy some metal/glass ones), reusable water bottles (though I pretty much always used those anyway), switching from plastic to cardboard tampon applicators, shopping bags, tupperware instead of ziploc (which I realize is still plastic, but at least not one-use disposable plastic). Any other ideas for things to switch out?

      • Anonymous :

        Cut back on online shopping of small items. It takes a lot of packaging and more environmental impact to make multiple small orders from Amazon vs one monthly order. Sometimes you’ll need something right away but this is the biggest thing I’m going to cut back on next year by trying to be more organized.

    • I was just introduced to silicone sandwich and food storage baggies. I’m going to use these instead of plastic baggies. Just ordered them from amazon, so no report yet on how well they work. There is also bee’s wrap, which is like seal wrap that is reusable. I thought that was pretty cool too. Will order some of that when I run out of the wrap I have now.

    • Anonymous :

      I just don’t use straws, period. I find them unnecessary.

    • environmentalist :

      this is awesome,thanks on behalf of the planet. As an environmentalist,i was doing a bunch of this but just started replacing my plastic toothbrushes (u over the years sigh) and make up. really like lush for this.

  6. I’m wearing a black jumpsuit to my company Christmas party this weekend. It’s super comfortable and stretchy and I’m looking forward to being relaxed and chill, instead of yanking on Spanx and s*cking in my tummy all night.

    I’m a 16/18 and the thing looks fabulous. So if there are any ladies who think, “Ha! I could never wear that!” I challenge you to try one on. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised!

    • Rock on! : )

    • Mind sharing where it’s from? I might just have to try pushing my usual style boundaries for NYE a little, and that sounds pretty fabulous!

      • https://www.macys.com/shop/product/ny-collection-sleeveless-wide-leg-jumpsuit?ID=574618&cm_mmc=OpsEmail-_-264_multi_ship_confirmation-_-574618-_-MB&cm_lm_mo64=d2Fja3lqYWNpODg4OEB5YWhvby5jb20=

        I got it for $25 during Macy’s cyber week sale. I’m pairing it with a white blazer, then taking the blazer off when I’m seated at the table.

    • Rock it. I’m remembering how amazing Queen Latifah looked in her various jumpsuits in Girls Trip.

    • Anonymous :

      I also JUST discovered how awesome a jumpsuit can look on my apple-shaped size 14 bod! I always thought they were only for the very thin, but I just bought one a couple of months ago and wear it any chance I get.

  7. In-House Banking :

    Emergency pre-weekend questionnaire! I got an offer (hooray) for an entry-level counsel position at a big bank. The salary offer is for $100k plus bonus potential, benefits, etc. Can any of you speak to whether that salary seems reasonable for market? Anyone have specific numbers? Should I be negotiating this? TIA!

    • Where?

    • Flats Only :

      You may also want to ask where your salary falls in the range for your position. When I worked at a giant bank (the red and yellow one) every single job had a defined salary range by geographic area. They probably won’t release the document that has the the ranges defined, but I think they should be able to tell you if you’re in the bottom third, top 25% or something like that so you can tell how much wiggle room there is to negotiate.

    • Are there comparable salaries on Glassdoor you can check out?

  8. I’m shedding a lot more hair than normal these past few months. No particular reason why, as far as I can tell. I moved to a place in July that has hard water and around October I got a filter for my shower head which made my hair a lot softer. I also use a hard water shampoo about weekly. But I’m still shedding! I’m not observant enough to know if this is more than any other winter or if my hair is getting thinner. My tentative answers to the question are yes to the first and no to the 2nd. I’m 30, no other noticeable hormonal changes.

    • Anonymous :

      My dad swears that a person sheds more hair in a very hot shower. No idea if this is backed by science.

    • I started losing more hair around age 28 (I’m 32 now). I wash my hair every day, but I rarely blow dry it (because I’m lazy, not because I think it’s bad for my hair…which it probably is). I don’t think my hair is noticeably thinner than it used to be. It has changed texture though: it used to be pin straight but now it’s coarser and a tad wavy. It could also be that I moved somewhere more humid and stopped bleaching it.

    • Is it possible you have a nutritional deficiency? Inadequate protein can cause increased hair loss, for example.

    • Any chance you’ve been washing your hair less frequently? I thought I was shedding more when I went from washing my hair every other day to 2X/week, but then realized that I do most of my shedding when I wash my hair. It looks like more, but it isn’t. It’s just grouped into two big sheds/week instead of 3-4 smaller sheds.

    • Were you very stressed about three months before the shedding started?

      Any chance you could have a vitamin, mineral, or nutritional deficiency?

  9. Anonymous :

    The best red is MAC Ruby Woo but it’s matte and so drying!

    • lawsuited :

      The Patrick Starrr x MAC collection apparently includes a version of Ruby Woo (called “Patrick Woo”) with a less drying formula.

  10. just a rant but my officemate is completely sick and coughing and sneezing all over the place…I just wish she would stay home!

    • It’s so frustrating when people come to work obviously sick and contagious! The world is absolutely not going to fall apart without you; stay home!!!

      • Mineallmine :

        Must be nice to be in a job and/or have a boss that allows adequate sick leave for every cold that comes around. I mean that sincerely.

    • Anonymous :

      If you’re my officemate who was giving me death glares all day, I swear I’m not sick! Some weird pregnancy-induced allergies or something have me coughing and sneezing like crazy even though it’s not a normal time of year for people to have allergies. But I don’t feel sick at all and I really don’t think I’m contagious.

      • I had “rhinitis of pregnancy” from about 10 weeks to 40 weeks so for 30 weeks people thought I was sick.

        • Yes pregnancy induced rhinitis is a thing. I had it also, though in my case it was more of sneezing and wheezing (blocked nose).

  11. I think I’m just looking for commiseration and maybe some advice if you have it. It feels like all of my friends and family are moving on with their lives and I’m just getting left behind. Everyone is getting married, having kids, having successful careers, buying houses, being successful adults… People who used to be my best friends all seem to have other things in their lives now and are leaving me behind. I’ve been trying to keep these relationships up, but it’s hard to be the one always reaching out and never getting as meaningful responses as I am giving. I know this is just the natural progression of life and I’m grateful for everything that I do have but I just feel so lonely. I just needed to get this out somewhere.

    • Anon Lawyer :

      I used to feel this way. It was hard. For me, the cure was thinking long and hard about what I wanted in my life, which turned out to be different than what some of my friends wanted. So I’m taking some bold moves to align my life with those preferences instead of just wishing I could be normal.

    • Aw, honey. I am sorry–I am in the same position and I absolutely feel your pain. No advice (I suspect you’re going to get a lot of unhelpful, “get a hobby”/”try volunteering”/”live your life”/”put yourself out there”/”focus on being so lucky that you get to do whatever you want” posts from people who don’t understand how frustrating it is to hear those things when you feel like this, so I am preemptively just saying you can tune those right out). Sending big hugs!!

    • You’re talking about yourself as stagnant and your friends as moving forward without you. In what ways are YOU moving forward, maybe without them? If nothing comes to mind, in what ways would you like to be progressing?

    • Anonymous :

      I totally commiserate. I have 2 good friends who are still single and I see them the most because they don’t have husbands/kids to drag them down. Do you have someone in your life to lean on?

    • Anonymous :

      Age 37 and in the same boat, so don’t think that you’re the only one. It’s just that we are standing quietly in the back while the mommies who are gushing about their 4 year olds Christmas pageant or complaining about the holidays with the in laws are a lot louder so they take center stage, their lives are normalized and we’re the odd ones for not having what everyone else does. What i’m starting to realize is that while marriage and kids can be luck, theres no reason I can’t work towards career goals or buying a house because those things just require me.

    • Anonymous :

      Fake it until you make it. I work with all 30 something women and their favorite topic of conversations are childbirth, diapers and cooking dinner while also looking down on those of us who have been able to settle down. Even though I feel bad about myself, I never let on and am sure to roll my eyes at OB GYN discussions and let them know that I’m heading to nyc or London for a weekend just because.

      • Anonymous :

        Someone said this the other day, but who are all these women who enjoy discussing childbirth!? Kids, sure, and I can even understand a little venting about some of the grosser parts of parenting like diaper blowouts but I’m a mom and all my friends are moms and I don’t know anyone who would willingly have a conversation about birth, especially at work!

        • Anonymous :

          I’d discuss childbirth, but never explicitly. More like “OMG my mother never mentioned ANY of this stuff to me.”

          You know: leave some mystery.

        • Anonymous :

          That was me last week! IDK but there’s women at my work who have had babies in the last 1-2 years and others who are pregnant now. The ones who’ve had kids LOVE sharing their knowledge of pregnancy and delivery – the ones who are pregnant ask questions. And yes this is all at work in front of people who aren’t in either of those categories and they don’t care. I “joked” the other day to move the conversation along re – thought everyone says you don’t remember that stuff because if you did, there’d be no 2nd kids – and got a lecture about how they remember every second from pre labor to the nurse who was mean. Uh ok – I gotta go.

    • Anonymous :

      Sorry you feel lonely. I highly value my friendships with my single friends, especially those who don’t want to talk about kid stuff. Sometimes I really miss who I used to be before kids, even though I love where I am now overall.

      The friendships that have survived are those where we share a common interest – one single friend and I have been going to the same yoga studio since long before I had kids. We still go to the same class together every week. Another friend and I share a seasonal interest and she definitely bears the burden of our annual ski weekend planning simply because she has more time to get it done, but it’s been an important tradition that’s maintained our friendship even though we definitely see each other a lot less than we used to.

      Hope you can find the combination of new ways to maintain old friendships and also add new friendships that works best for you.

    • I’m with you – and I see that lots of other posters here are, too, so take comfort that you’re not alone in feeling this way.

      • January is right. Alot of us are unmarried, but that should NOT equeate to us being unHAPPY! When I was with my ex, Alan, I was NOT happy, even though he was a boyfreind. He was lazy and drunk and cared ONLY about his needs in bed.
        Now, I am much happier, tho I do NOT have any s-xeual life, as the men who have good jobs these days ONLY want for me give them s-x, but then they burp and pull their pant’s up and walk out.

        Well, Thank you but, NO, that is NOT for me! FOOEY! There is no benefit making me have to clean up my apartement and wash my great Egyptian Cotton sheets just b/c some schlub got access to me, but onley wants to do that.

        I want a guy who will treat me right, not just satisfy HIMSELF with s-x in my apartement then leave. DOUBEL FOOEY! You deserve better, and we ALL deserve better, especialy in this HOLIDAY season! There is a man out there for all of us!!! YAY!!!!!!!

  12. Anonymous :

    I tried this lipstick. The formula was seriously great, but the color was too bright for me — the second skin color was like a hot pink on me even though it looked nude in the swatches.

  13. You have something that your friends and family don’t…freedom! To move wherever you want, do whatever you want, go wherever you want. Having a spouse, kids and mortgage isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. Your friends and family are jealous of you, trust me.

    • Sorry, this was meant for Anon above.

    • This is true, but I think it also rings hollow a lot of the time to women who do want a spouse, mortgage and kids. The fact is that many single women would readily trade their “freedom” for those things, whereas almost nobody would give up their home or family for the ability to sleep late or apply for a job overseas.

      • Anonymous :

        Yes, this. Everyone has moments of envying people who have a very different life, but saying “your friends and family are jealous of you” is a false equivalency. A married homeowner could get a divorce and sell her home if she really wanted freedom more than she wanted her current life. The settled down folks may have moments where they envy their single friends, but they don’t REALLY want freedom, or they would take tangible steps to pursue it. A single person who really wants to be married and a homeowner can’t necessarily make those things happen on her own.

        • Anonymous :

          “they don’t REALLY want freedom, or they would take tangible steps to pursue it.”

          This isn’t true in my experience. Once you have kids, you can’t just take the tangible step of moving to Paris by yourself because you realize it would be emotionally damaging to your kids to abandon them. So you lean into parenting, do the best you can and look for the light at the end of the tunnel when they are independent and you can take tangible steps to live a ‘you’ centered life.

          • Anonymous :

            It’s perspective. I was having a boo hoo lonely moment once, no kids to pick up, no dinner to fix for someone, blah blah blah. Then I got a text to sub last minute in a tennis group, guess what. No kids to pick up, no dinner to fix! I was on the tennis court in 20 minutes and happy as a clam :)

    • Anonymous :

      Lol. Right except you have someone who loves you, someone to share happy times with or to lift you up when you’re worried, work is bad, whatever. A built in person to vacation with and spend holidays with. You don’t just have a house, you have a home. And maybe you personally aren’t like this but I don’t know any 35 yr old+ woman whose jealous of my freedom – over time I learn they are smug married mommies who feel sorry for me. Or take it back I know ONE such woman and she has told me she only had kids and moved to the suburbs because her high school sweetheart husband insisted and if it were up to her she’d be in nyc still chasing her career. So yeah a sample size of 1 out of dozens of women – not too convincing.

      • You can be single and still have a home (not just a house).

      • Senior Attorney :

        Yes, you do know them but they are putting on a front so you won’t know.

        Swear to God, when I left my first husband probably 50% of the moms at first-grade drop-off came up and whispered some version of “OMG I’m so jealous of you — I’d be doing this in a heartbeat if I could afford it” in my ear. I kid you not.

        The one thing I know for sure about marriage is that nobody knows what a marriage is really like except the two people in it.

        • Senior Attorney :

          Not trying to tell you you’re wrong for wanting a home and a family, BTW. I have been where you are and it sucks. But really — I swear on a stack of Bibles that not all those seemingly happy smug marrieds are all that happy.

    • The freedom can ring hollow when you don’t have as many people to share it with. For most, single in your 20s is different from single at 30+. At this point, I am strongly interested in the practical aspects of companionship, like daily hugs and other touch, moving furniture, having someone stand in line at a store because you just remembered something, and splitting errands and chores. How do people find balance? Is there a middle ground between being an exhausted married woman w/ kids or a single woman who feels lonely?

      • +1 to splitting errands and chores! It can be exhausting being solely responsible for everything!

      • That’s a great question, Alana. It does seem kind of binary. As someone who is single, maybe for good, I’d endorse a combination of keeping busy with people and things you like, and cultivating an enjoyment of solitude. I know the latter is much easier for introverts like me, though.

      • Anonymous :

        “Is there a middle ground between being an exhausted married woman w/ kids or a single woman who feels lonely?”

        If you find this magical middle ground can you tell us? I feel like it’s probably where the DINK people live.

        The highlight of my weekend last weekend was literally a trip to the grocery store by myself. I love my kids but trying to keep 3 kids under 7 from wandering away or adding all the cookies to the cart is a nightmare.

        • There’s no such thing as a magical middle ground for one subset of people based on relationship & parent status.

          We can all be lonely at times, whether in a relationship or not.

          We can all be exhausted, whether we are mothers or child-free.

          And we can all hear and support each other, even though our personal circumstances may be very different.

        • Honestly, as a DINK, I often think I’ve found that magical middle ground. I’m rarely exhausted in the way that parents are & get to genuinely just enjoy being in a stable, fun, committed relationship. Highly recommend the lifestyle, FWIW.

          • Anonymous :

            The smugness is really radiating off your comment. I’ll be very curious to know if you still feel that way a few decades from now. Nobody regrets being child-free in their 30s or 40s when they’re killing it at work and traveling the world with their partner, it’s in their 60s or beyond when they’re widowed, retired and much less active that loneliness and regret set in.

            There’s also a spectrum of what parenting is like – one kid is easier than two, parenting looks very different if you have active, healthy grandparents in the same town who are very involved versus if you have no family support, etc. Not all parents are the stereotypical “frazzled parents” in the movies who are always sleep-deprived and hate each other.

          • Anonymous :

            So you’re saying you had kids so you’re not lonely when you’re old?

          • Anonymous :

            Anonymous at 5:44, are you suggesting having kids just to hedge your bets in later life? That seems unfair as well as there are no guarantees what the family dynamic will be.

          • Anonymous :

            I think it’s a perfectly valid consideration to think about what you would like your family to look like later in life in deciding whether or not to have kids. Of course having children is not a guarantee you’ll have adult children who want to be involved in your life when you’re elderly, but not having children is a guarantee you won’t. When people ask questions here like “Should I have kids?” Or “How many kids should I have?” someone inevitably says something about thinking about what you’d like the Thanksgiving table to look like in your golden years. This is the same concept — not that you can guarantee a big, loving family by having kids, but recognizing that parenthood is a very long road and the very tough newborn/diapers/kids-needing-your-attention 24-7 phase is a relatively short part of it. It’s the same reason I’d hate for someone to miss out on parenthood just because they don’t adore babies, because in the big picture the baby stage is so short.
            And I think it’s a lot easier to be smug that DINK is the absolute best choice when you’re 40ish and all your friends are in the tough, exhausting parenting stages than when you’re 60ish and all your friends are reaping the benefits of that work and enjoying adult children and cute grandkids they can give back after a couple of hours.

          • OMG, get over yourself Anonymous at 5:44. Nothing was smug about Scarlett’s comment. What’s radiating here is your judgment and insecurity.

          • Scarlett’s comment was pretty dang judgy too…I’m not any more exhausted than I was before I became a mom and I also have a fun, committed, happy relationship with my spouse that we prioritize just as much as we prioritize caring for our young children. Let’s please not stereotype all parents as sleep-deprived robots who never have any adult fun any more.

          • Apologies, I didn’t intend to insult anyone. You have to admit though that parents tend to complain all the time about being exhausted, and kids are tiring. Of course not all parents are no fun – I’m friends with plenty of them and do adult activities with them all the time – but as an overall lifestyle, every single one of my friends with kids will tell you it’s exhausting, difficult, hard to balance, etc. so I didn’t think it would be all that controversial to state what seems pretty obvious. And I opted out of having kids in large part because that lifestyle was not appealing to me. There are plenty of great reasons to have kids, but I don’t think hedging for your old age is one of them, and I’ll take my chances.

    • I get the place where this advice comes from, but as somebody who could be on the receiving end it just sounds so incredibly condescending and patronizing.

    • Hmmm, I’m not jealous of it because I spent years feeling like the OP and have been overjoyed that I finally met my person. I think it minimizes the experience many people have to suggest that people in relationships are “secretly so jealous of the single gal.” The lonely thing/friends moving on thing is real & it can be really hard to deal with.

      What I did to mitigate was try to stay open to new friends & I spent a lot of time with the friends who were more open to hanging out despite being married/having kids/whatever else was pulling their attention. More often than not though, I was hanging out with other single people & people without kids. And I decided that was fine with me. I also actively dated a lot. Having a relationship was important to me & something I wanted so I spent a lot of time looking for it. I got super discouraged (often) because it is SO.HARD.AND.EXHAUSTING & there are no guarantees that it will work, even if you go out every single day. I don’t know that it helped the lonely feeling much, but at least I felt like I was doing something to move toward a place I wanted to be.

      All this is to say, OP, a lot of people feel like you do.

  14. So I’m 8 days late. I’ve taken several pregnancy tests and they’ve all been negative. I’ve never been more than a day or two late. Have any of you taken pregnancy tests that were negative and later you found out you were pregnant? Just not sure what I should do (and I did take some of them first thing in the morning because I know that’s recommended).

    • Anonymous :

      If you’ve tested at 8 days late and the test is still negative, the odds are like maybe one in a million that you’re pregnant. Any semi-functioning pregnancy test would detect a pregnancy that far along, regardless of what time of day you test (the early morning testing rule is for women who are trying to get a positive test before their period is due). There are tons of reasons your period could be way late (stress, travel, other health issues, etc.) I don’t think you do anything except relax and wait for your period to show up.

    • Not one but two negative tests, then OB confirmed I was pregnant one month later. Implausible, but does happen.

  15. Anonymous :

    I posted this morning about One Medical and appreciate the insight. I’m still on the fence. If anyone happens to know of a great doctor or medical practice in the DC metro area, I would love to hear! Bonus points if it’s accessible via public transit.

    • Anonymous :

      GW MFA – try a few providers or whoever is taking patients until one clicks with your personality. At the end of the day people complain bc it isn’t warm and fuzzy with pretty offices, but unlike One Med you have providers who are really experienced.

    • wildkitten :

      I love One Medical but I don’t mind seeing a mid-level practitioner (not an MD). I don’t have complex medical needs though.

  16. Linda from HR :

    Answering the question, I have to be very careful what I put on my lips because I have an allergic reaction to a lot of lip products (I’m suspecting beeswax and/or artificial flavoring ingredients), but I love my red lips! I wear Stila’s stay all say liquid lipstick in Beso, and NARS powermatte lip pigment in Starwoman. Beso’s a bright red I usually wear in the spring and summer, Starwoman’s a little darker and good for fall and winter.

    • Vicarious RTR Shopping Help Needed! :

      Okay so I have the Stila lipstick in Beso as well, and love it for fancy occasions…but I haaaaate the applicator. It never leaves a crisp, even edge. Do you use lip liner or just apply really carefully or what…?

    • I have a reaction to most lip products as well (my lips peel at the slightest thing and new lipsticks are ruled out a lot of the time). My best products are: Korres lip butter, and Bite beauty lipsticks. Korres is incredibly hydrating so I use it as my regular lip balm which adds a bit of color. Bite is more color rich and still a little more hydrating than most lipsticks – all ingredients are FDA approved which I love because I tend to lick off my lipsticks.

  17. Just tell me now :

    I’m going to have a baby. Like it is going to come out of me (hopefully not surgically).

    Is it like 100% certain that I will p0op if I wind up pushing the baby out? Or is this just maybe true sometime?

    I am a hearty woman and not really precious but this is just somehow throwing me (and will I get stage fright like “I’d like to push, but I’m afraid that I will push out the wrong thing.”).

    This is after reading books, sitting through a class, and watching too much birthing TV shows. Just tell me straightup.

    • biglawanon :

      I don’t know if you will, but I did not.

    • Anonymous :

      It’s a possibility but definitely not a sure thing. I didn’t and most of my close friends didn’t. Many women have diarrhea in early labor, so your pipes get completely cleaned out, and then once you’re in active labor you can’t eat anything except clear liquids so there’s usually not a lot in there that could come out. (Also – not to get too TMI – but even if you do poo, it will be really, really, really far down on the list of “gross things that happen in labor.” The nurses have seen it before and won’t be fazed.)

    • Anonymous :

      I p0oped a small bit in the toilet when I was laboring on the toilet. Laboring on the toilet can help move baby along in early stages because your body is used to relaxing in that position. I puked up most of my dinner so there wasn’t much left to ‘p0op’ out anyway.

      Wait to push until you feel a strong urge. I labored a long time on my first because my nurse told me I was dilated enough and could push when I was ready and felt the urge to push. I didn’t know what it would feel like so I just started pushing. Took forever. On baby #2 I waited until I felt I absolutely ‘had’ to push. It was a very clear feeling and labor was much shorter as a result.

    • Anonymous :

      Based on the very small amount of anecdata I have, more people throw up than p00p. And plenty of people do neither.

      • Former Retail :

        Welp, I did both. Glad there was no videographer . . . . .:)

        For the former, I had an epidural and probably would not even have known it happened, had my husband not freaked out. For our second baby, he stayed up by my head . . . .

    • Anonymous :

      It happens sometimes. The nurses are really good about wiping up spills, so to speak, during the process. My nurse told me to bear down like I was pooping to get the most effective pushing technique. I felt like maybe I did, my husband swears I didn’t. Ultimately, it didn’t matter.

    • Here is the real truth.

      When you are in labor, you should absolutely do your best to squeeze every last ounce of poop out of your body in the delivery room. GET IT ALL OUT. Because it’s going to be your last chance for the next 3-4 days. V or C delivery, it doesn’t matter, the postpartum constipation is horrible.

      • JinSeattle :

        This is hilarious. I never thought of it like that, but yes it’s better to get it out now then hold it in for later…

      • lawsuited :

        Amen. The first postpartum poop was worse than the delivery.

    • I didn’t, either, so it’s not 100%.

      And stage fright is not a worry – after you’re in labor for a while, you will pretty much lose your self-consciousness.

      You’ve got this.

    • Anonymous :

      I didn’t during any of my three deliveries. (Beforehand, yes. My body certainly cleaned itself out before!)

    • Anonymous :

      I couldn’t tell if I did (had an epidural, although it was wearing off) and no one showed me anything, but I will say the urge to push feels extremely similar to the urge to push out a massive bowel movement. Also, I could not have cared less at that point.

      • Anonymous :

        Yep, the two kinds of pushing feel the same. I actually paged the nurse and told her I needed help getting to the bathroom to poop and then they checked me and told me “Nope you’re 10 cm, that feeling is because you’re ready to push.”

    • I had this very same hang up. It was one of my primary concerns about labor. I did not believe the people who said that in the moment I wouldn’t care. But the truth is, when you’re in that much pain, you really do not care about anything other than getting the baby out. People are just staring at you and all modesty is gone, and you do not care. (I also have a feeling that most people who say they didn’t poop probably just don’t know it… )

      • I am pregnant and this is one of my many fears too. My best friend is a labor and delivery nurse. She told me that 99% of women have a BM and those nurses are so quick to get it out of there and put a clean pad thingy down that most women dont know if they did or did not. Either way I want my husband up top.

  18. Anonymous :

    This is more shallow than Just Tell Me Now’s post and other convos today but are handbags with tassels still “in”? This one: https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/botkier-leather-top-handle-satchel-nordstrom-exclusive/4594665?contextualcategoryid=2375500&origin=keywordsearch&keyword=botkier
    I like the structure of it – it’s formal yet edgy.

  19. biglawanon :

    I don’t know if you will, but I didn’t.

  20. Going to Denver this weekend, staying downtown near convention center. Where should we eat? What should we do? Recommendations appreciated! On Sunday will have a rental car, hope to drive to red rocks and do some hiking

  21. Ugh--but what about the menz! :

    My cube neighbor, with whom I usually enjoy talking politics, just started in about the men who’s lives are going to be destroyed by false accusations. When I argued back pretty hard, he agreed that maybe it hasn’t gone that far yet–but he’s betting it will! Because no one is asking for evidence–not sure he knew what I meant when I said they should start processing the warehouses full of evidence…a very euphemistic way to reference [email protected] kits, I know, but we are sitting in a cube farm.

    And this is why I’m worried I’m getting a reputation for being angry all the time…

    • My response to this has evolved to “ no one said smashing the patriarchy wouldn’t be messy.”

    • Anonymous :

      Challenge the notion that no one is asking for evidence. Sample script:

      “There was plenty of evidence against Harvey Weinstein – in fact, his contract even stipulated how sexual harassment claims would be paid out, and that he could not be fired for them. There was a photo of Al Franken groping the breasts of a woman who was asleep. Other people haven’t had such evidence, but there have been at least a half-dozen accusers who are all saying the same things. Heidi Bond had emails wherein she described what happened to her ‘back in the day,’ so she’s not making it up now. Can you name a single instance wherein one accuser made one unsubstantiated accusation and a man lost his career over it?”

      • Coffee Cup :

        Kevin Spacey. Honestly, he’s the one I feel really uneasy about. ALL the stories about him, even told in the most accusatory of tones, involve him coming on to someone and backing off immediately if told no. The fact that he was completely erased from a completed film seems worthy of Stalin.

  22. Sweater dress? :

    I know Kat is not generally a fan of sweater dresses, but they just look so warm and cozy! Does anyone have recs for a quality sweater dress for a petite, curvy woman? Or should I not even bother?

    • Don’t do it. It will look bad. Sweater dresses completely obscure a short waist and belts are no longer in.

    • Rainbow Hair :

      Huh, I’m curvy (though not petite) and i look adorable in my sweater dresses. I have one from Nine West that has seams to give it some shape, and i have a wrap one (i wanna say Michael Kors?) that enhances my whole hourglass thing and makes me feel pretty hot.

    • Hourglass petite here and I am very happy with this sweater dress from Talbots with princess seaming and a godet skirt. Substantial weight, cute, flattering, works with all the black sweaters already in my closet.

    • https://www.talbots.com/online/petites/dresses/sleeveless-berkeley-tweed-fit-flare-dress-prdi43380/N-10189?conceptDim=4294966556&selectedConcept=Petites&isConceptFirst=true

      This one. Comes in regular, petite and women’s ranges, plus 40% off today (50% off if you buy at least two items). Hangs very nicely and the princess seaming is very flattering.

    • Recs for tallish, hourglass? I want long enough to be office appropriate and loathe crewnecks.

    • Anonymous :

      I just bought a couple of sweater dresses – a turtleneck and a v-neck – from J. Crew Factory, on sale. They arrived Friday and I love them. I’m planning to wear them with thick tights (probably FLEECE TIGHTS) and boots. It’s cold here.

      • Anonymous :



  23. I love chocolate... :

    Stocking stuffer recommendations that work for adults / kids (tweens)?

    I am usually the Santa in our extended small family and fill the stockings. Everyone loves the stockings…. except an inlaw who is pre-diabetic and of a background that doesn’t eat many sweets. I admit that many of the items are usually sweet treats…. chocolates, homemade cookies, gum, each person’s favorite treat etc… as this is what my Mom put in them growing up and they are easy to buy (or I don’t mind baking).

    Last year I tried getting some nuts, dried fruit…. and that was almost more problematic as everyone has different preferences.

    Anyone have any favorite treats that could work, that hopefully I can buy at easy to access places? I also try to put in a few practical or fun gifts too, little toys etc..

    I’m still filling my own stocking with my favorites!!

    • Eos lip balms and lotions, videos, cute tissues with holiday patterns, fun hair accessories, gel pens, bottle opener, coffee cozies, bookmarks.

    • Cost Plus World Market has a bunch of sweet and savory edibles that are perfect for stockings.

  24. I just love this book. I’m not finished yet, but I highly recommend:


  25. I’m so ready for Christmas and the holidays and 2017 in general to be over. I am not feeling the Christmas spirit at all this year and am generally just exhausted and depressed. 2017 has been an awful awful year personally and I can’t help but feel like 2018 will be even worse.

    I’m so tired of having a shi**y life, putting in a TON of effort to change things, and nothing ever happening.


    • If you could magically have one thing in your life change for the better, what would that be?

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