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Updated: Oct 30, 2018 207 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread |

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Something on your mind? Chat about it here. This flat by TOMS must have been around for a while now, but I don't think I've ever noticed it before. It's a bestseller at Zappos, and it has that perfect, casual, “not trying too hard but still stylish and put-together” look. I like the gently pointed toe, and the price is great as well — it's $75–$84, depending on color. It's also available at Amazon and Nordstrom. TOMS Jutti Flat Psst: Sephora's Beauty Insider Event starts today! Those with Insider status get 10% off with code YAYINSIDER; with VIB status, 15% off (YAYVIB); and with Rouge status, 15% off (YAYROUGE). The sale ends on April 23. This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

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Comments

  1. nope

    These are cute but I wish the lining was leather and not textile. My feet would stink to high heaven in these.

    • Ellen

      You are so right. Rosa’s feet always smell bad and that is the excuse she gives everyone when she take’s off her shoes. That mabye the onley thing I have over Rosa–feet that do NOT smell bad. She puts baby powder on her feet to keep down the smell, but it really does NOT work to well. Dad says when you look like her, who cares if your feet stink. I disagree. NO ONE wants their feet to stink. FOOEY!

    • EM84

      I buy slim perforated leather insoles in bulk and put them in all of my shoes, regardless of their original insole. It prolongs the life of all my shoes and I do not have to worry of occassional sweat. And yes – leather is so much better vs textile.

    • Min Donner

      These are my favorite flats — they fit right out of the box in my regular size with no breaking in time and are incredibly comfortable. I have them in 3 colors and they hold up pretty well. I didn’t use insoles in my first pair and the lining did get smelly, so now I use those thin insole/liners that absorb sweat and keep shoes fresher – just replacing as necessary and I’m happy with the fix.

  2. Vionic

    Yesterday’s post on Vionics went up really late so I missed it. I was wondering if anyone had opinions about Vionic shoes, especially people with “problem” feet? They look really good for orthotic shoes, but they’re more than I usually spend and rarely seem to go on sale (esp. in my size), so I wanted to hear honest pros/cons before taking the plunge!

    • Anonymous

      Something about them disagreed with my feet (the back of my heel was sliced and bled; blisters on the tops of my toes). But they were so well constructed and I know many people swear by them. Recommend in-store trying on if possible — hard to return a bloody shoe.

    • Senior Attorney

      I ordered some Vionic loafers a couple of weeks ago and they seemed very comfortable. I sent them back, though, because I decided they were just too old ladyish for this old lady.

    • Anonymous

      The run loose but not exactly in a way where I can really size down. Also the same style of shoe in different colors seems to be sized differently. I have the ballet flats in two colors and one is actually too big although they are both the same size.

      The pair of ballet flats that fits is heavenly. So comfortable and fits my orthotics. And their tennis shoes were nice too. But most of their styles do seem a bit frumpy.

      Amazon periodically has cheaper prices on certain styles/colors.

    • Anonymous

      I bought a Mary Jane-style several years ago and it is about the only shoe that I can wear for hours on my feet without waking up in pain the next day. They are better than athletic shoes for me. I have bought many pairs of that style and if I could find more on the market, I’d buy those, too. I’ve not tried other styles (except slippers, which I also liked), but I assume the footbed is the same. My particular foot issue is with the arch/instep.

    • MJ

      I have their flipflops (and a history of plantar fasciatis which means I am not supposed to wear shoes without arch support) and they are mad comfy (and I say this as a gal who grew up wearing Reefs and Rainbows everyday in a SoCal beach town).

    • Anon

      I have a pair of Vionic flats that I really like. I can’t walk ALL day in them but they are great for my purposes and have amazing arch support. And I have some serious problem feet— I have had tarsal tunnel surgery and have plantar fasciitis and a nerve compression.

  3. Senior Attorney

    I was so happy about my outfit today: Cute new striped J Crew Tippi sweater with a little cherry applique on it, with red pencil skirt and yellow pumps. Added a polka dot scarf on top, felt like I was totally rocking it.

    Until I realized that the scarf is black and the stripes on the sweater are navy…

    TGIF, man. TGIF.

    • Anonymous

      Nobody notices.

      I’m wearing a cute Tuckernuck outfit today, and I feel like I’m rocking it. They’re totally my vibe these days.

      • Senior Attorney

        Ooh, cute! I hadn’t seen that site before! They had me at the striped swing sweatshirt! #allthestripes

    • Anon

      Sometimes the colors are so close, it’s impossible to tell. I was trying to find an email order for one of my dresses so I could get another. Was so frustrated that nothing relevant was coming up in g mail for “navy + dress”. Finally found it and turns out that the dress I’ve been wearing for two years thinking it is navy – was listed as black!

  4. Anonymous

    How quickly do you tend to go from going on dates with someone 1x-2x times a week to seeing each other more than that? How often do you see someone you have been dating for a year?

    I know I should just do what feels right for my relationship, but I feel like I go from dating someone casually to seeing them 3x-4x a week too quickly than ‘normal’. All of my friends are either in committed relationships or have no interest in dating at all, so I feel like I can’t get a good idea on what ‘normal’ in the dating world looks like. Mid 20’s FWIW. I have been dating a guy for about a month and we this week we saw each other one workweek night and this weekend, we will probably spend two nights together.

    • Sassyfras

      I don’t think there’s any one answer to this. I’ve dated people where we consistently saw each other 1-2 nights a week for months because that was what fit into our schedule. Other people I jumped into hanging out all the time right off the bat. Every relationship and rhythm is different, just do what feels right to you and communicate with the person you’re dating to make sure it’s working for them too.

    • Anonymous

      I think it’s whatever works for you. Own who you are and what your needs are. I was never a casual dater, and even in college, I dated with a long-term eye on marriage. I weeded out the no’s pretty quickly and didn’t progress beyond a couple dates with the maybe’s if I didn’t think there could be a future there. But I knew very quickly with guys I thought there was potential with (I’m thinking of my long-term (years+) boyfriends in and after college), and we’d spend the weekend with each other within a month. When I met my husband, we just kept saying that it felt like we had known each other forever and yet in reality we’d only been together 4-5 weeks! When we met, we had 3 hours-long dates in 8 days and then settled into a pattern of Wednesday night together and either Friday/Saturday or Saturday/Sunday depending on what each of us had going on. We were engaged at the year mark.

    • Scarlett

      I”m much more black and white about this now than I was when I was dating. With most of my boyfriends I agonized over stuff like this & what it meant & was it right, etc. When I met my husband, it was an immediate click & we saw each other every day immediately. I don’t think this is 100% how it goes, but I do think it should feel easy and natural and not forced in any way. If you’re analyzing it, there’s probably something off that you’re not putting your finger on.

      • anon

        I’ve seen you give the advice before that if you’re wondering or analyzing something, that means something is probably off. I disagree with this and think it’s very unhelpful, and needlessly negative. It’s just ridiculous to say that if you’re thinking critically about your relationship, something is wrong. Some people, for better and for worse, are prone to analyze. Maybe OP isn’t worried, (it doesn’t actually sound like she is…) but something caused her to consider this. I’m super glad for you that you and you husband found each other and immediately worked without any worry or analysis on your part, apparently, but that’s not how it works for a lot of people who still wind up with successful relationships. This just reeks of #smugmarried.

        • Senior Attorney

          I think this is super harsh but I do think it doesn’t necessarily mean there’s a problem if you’re analyzing it. I was coming off a very bad marriage when I met my lovely husband, and I spent months analyzing everything to death before I was able to relax into our amazing relationship. Sometimes it takes a while to believe the magic is really happening!

        • Scarlett

          Look, if you knew me in person I’m the last person you’d call smug married. I came off of decades of messed up relationships when I finally met my husband. I learned a lot about what didn’t work from that experience and I’m just sharing what I wish I’d known or paid attention to. I wish I had listened to the “it should be easy and natural” advice. I didn’t. I analyzed, rationalized, excessively all the time while I was dating/in other relationships. So I totally get it and for ME, it was an absolute revelation to discover that was a big indicator of issues I was ignoring in the hopes of having a happy relationship. I share the advice because it’s what ended up working for me. Obviously YMMV.

        • Anonymous

          Yeah, I agree with this. I am marrying the love of my entire life this summer. But I met him right after I broke up with a really crappy boyfriend and I wasn’t sure what I wanted at all in the beginning. I’m so glad I didn’t give up on the happiest I’ve ever been because I wasn’t 100% certain that this was prince charming on Date 1.

          • January

            I think there’s a difference between “easy and natural” and “I knew he was The One right away.”

    • Torin

      “I feel like I go from dating someone casually to seeing them 3x-4x a week too quickly than ‘normal’.”

      Why do you think this?

      • anono

        Second this question! Does it feel too quick to you? Are you just worried about appearances?

        One of the great things about adulthood is you realize there is no “normal”. Which means, you need to go off of your own feelings here, and judge relationships on a case by case basis.

        • OP

          I think appearances have a lot to do with it. With the current guy, it doesn’t feel too quick, and I am not annoyed at my time being monopolized by one person (which has definitely been a thing with other guys, and I have definitely learned that is a really good sign to end things). I guess I feel judged from all of my friends, because the ones that are perpetually single think I spend too much time with guys I date, even when most of these people I see 1x-2x times month regardless of if I am dating someone or not, and the friends in relationships don’t understand why I can’t or don’t want to invite new guy to dinner at their house after two dates. It’s this super weird dichotomy between NO BOYS EVER and WHY AREN”T YOU ENGAGED AFTER THREE MONTHS.

          • anono

            In that case, just stay confident! Being in a relationship does require some shifting of time commitments, which is worth it but can be hard for friends. But also! Keep looking to expand your friend group because you can find friends who are excited and supportive (I was lucky enough to find some!).

    • Linda from HR

      It might depend on what you’re seeing each other for, I think. In the absence of events the two of you feel you must attend together (they’re showing a movie the two of you love but haven’t seen in a while at that charming indie theater, go go go!), you see each other twice, and make time for friends and yourself the other nights, I wouldn’t force it to go to 3 or 4 nights just for the sake of it. But sometimes, especially if you live in a city, there’s a lot of stuff going on you’re interested in, and if there’s 3 things that week that you really wanna do together, and you know you enjoy each other’s company, go for it and see how it goes!

    • anonshmanon

      You are of course aware that there is no “correct” answer for this, but you can have anecdata instead. For me, I’d typically meet a potential partner in a friendgroup, so we’d hang out casually and at some point it clicks and you are interested in each other romantically. From that point, especially in the beginning, we’d spend every waking minute either together or skyping, on the phone etc. So what you’re describing seems totally within reason to me. Surely, if you are seeing each other 3-4 times a week, it seems a priority for both of you to spend time together.

  5. Lyme disease?

    I saw a comment yesterday about Lyme disease is Acadia. Is this something that’s a real problem at the moment, or fear mongering? Are people avoiding the park because of ticks/Lyme?

    • Anon

      It’s fearmongering. There’s no tick problem specific to Acadia. In general, ticks are becoming an increasing problem everywhere and maybe especially in New England, but Acadia is much less wooded than a lot of NE. I was hiking there last summer with a toddler and dog and we’ll all be hiking again there this summer.

      • Anon

        I have also read and observed that ticks are becoming an increasing problem everywhere (including in suburban areas and towns in my experience). The species that spreads the most disease-carrying ticks is a mouse that flourishes at the borders of wooded areas, so I’m not sure that “less wooded” means “less ticks.”

    • Anon

      Acadia’s own website says ticks are an issue, and they link to the CDC page on tickborne diseases. So it’s probably a real issue. I was taught that Lyme disease takes a while to transmit, so the key is finding and removing the tick in time.

      • Anon

        It’s an issue all over the Midwestern and Eastern US. There’s nothing especially bad about Acadia. The park service talks about it on their page because they want people to be proactive and take the right precautions, like wearing long pants on hikes and checking themselves afterwards.

      • Anon

        There is an additional issue in the fact that the East Coast (esp places like Martha’s Vineyard) now has something called Borrelia Miyamotoi which is a lot like Lyme and there is no test for it yet. There is also something called Powassan which can be transmitted in 15 minutes and kill you. There is no treatment for that and those who live are left with severe neuro problems. A couple-few people in Saratoga, NY have died from that in recent years. The people went to the doc for a Lyme test and they were negative or treated with antibiotics and the virus doesn’t respond to that. There are other things also, but I consider those to be the worst.

        This is a photo of a larval tick, a nymph tick (the small ones out in the late Spring and Summer that no one sees and most people get Lyme from), and an adult tick. As you can see, they are very small.

        https://www.doh.wa.gov/CommunityandEnvironment/Pests/Ticks

        • Anon

          Eegh. I don’t think I could find a nymph tick on my scalp. And I know they numb their bite, so I wouldn’t feel it either. Maybe with the help of another human being and a flea comb…

    • Anonymous

      Lyme disease is a risk all over the northeast and elsewhere, so if you like the outdoors you’re probably going to be interested in going somewhere where it’s at least a moderate risk. Check yourself for ticks and you’ll be fine.

    • Anon

      The person was pregnant, I believe, and I know from experience that Amox isn’t always effective for Lyme…esp if you didn’t catch it right away. They usually give Doxy, which you can’t have while pregnant. I would worry that the inflammation from Lyme would affect the baby and that I wouldn’t be able to be properly treated, which would lead to further issues.

    • Betty

      I live in Maine. Yes, ticks are an issue here. Like so many other things, you cannot let fear control enjoying life, and Acadia really is worth the visit. It is stunningly beautiful. Take reasonable precautions: wear pants to hike — its Maine, you won’t be hot, do a thorough tick-check every night and morning, and deet will prevent ticks though it is controversial. If you find a tick, remove it and move on.

    • Anonymous

      My parents live in the northeast (not Maine though) still. I never saw a tick at home in my 20+ years of living there previously and last summer got 5 ticks on me in a heartbeat while walking in the woods. With no prior tick issues, I was wearing shorts. They were everwhere (in my long and not-tied-back hair even). I was doing the freaky-new-person-with-ticks dance that must have been amusing to watch. Fortunately my skin was so pasty white that I could spot them easily. Still: eeeewwwww

      • Anonymous

        +1 – I’ve gotten a tick from walking through my parents’ windbreak/garden in the middle of non-forested farmland. Just take the normal precautions.

      • Anon

        +1 I grew up spending every day in forests and fields. I had never even seen a tick until well into my twenties. Someone I know who still lives around the block from where I grew up had a serious case of Lyme disease. He isn’t the only one. It’s definitely gotten much worse in some areas, and people who didn’t grow up knowing the precautions have been caught unawares.

    • Anonymous

      My kids like having a little bit of a bunch of different things. So a typical lunch will include carrots/sugar snap peas/cherry tomatoes/or cucumber (whatever we have) and hummus, a fresh fruit of some kind, a string cheese or greek yogurt, and some kind of grain/carb–this is sometimes cereal, rice, crackers, leftover pasta from the night before. My older one will take leftovers more often so he will have a piece of chicken or ravioli or whatever we had at night. My youngest almost always just wants string cheese as her protein. I just try and make sure there is a protein and some vegetables, and then let them add in a fruit and a carby thing.

      • Anonymous

        More than anything else, this is what works for my son. Just having a lot of little bits of things. The other thing he does is take cereal in a bowl with a sealing lid, milk in a thermos, a banana or pear, and some string cheese. He then has raw broccoli for snack. I wouldn’t think cereal for lunch would be all that filling but it works for him. We get him Kashi cereals and they’re all pretty high-fiber; maybe that’s why.

    • biglawanon

      Depends on the kids. I have 6 y/o twins that I think are atypical with food – they will eat nearly anything. But if I give them typical kid food, they will eat it but will do with disdain. We eat mostly middle eastern and korean food at home. And steaks – they love steaks.

      For lunch, one of their favorites lately is what they call “picnic food” – deli meat or prosciutto, cheese (gouda is a fave), grapes or berries or apples, almond butter, honey, and crackers or pita. They also like cold steak salads and blue cheese. We do a lot of traditional Korean lunchboxes because it is healthy, easy, and they like it. They could eat their weight in kimchi. maangchi dot com has great ideas.

      My older kids pack their own lunches – they do some of the same, leftovers, sometimes a sandwich.

      • Anonymous

        my mom would marinate chicken thighs korean style and I would pop one in the toaster oven to cook it and take that with rice to middle school before everybody else was up. I was a weird kid that liked getting to school at the crack of dawn.

    • Anonymous

      I have enlisted my 6- and 12-year old in making their own lunches.

      For the 6-year old, she also needs a snack. My rule is pack 2 fruits, 2 veggies, a protein (pb is forbidden at her school, she doesn’t like meat so she takes edamame or string cheese or Baybel cheese mostly) and whole grain carb (crackers, whole grain bagel with cream cheese) plus 2 items from the snack selection in our pantry (applesauce pouch, veggie grain pouch, raisins, nuts, pre-bagged popcorn pack) or fridge (yogurt, another fruit or veggie)

      For 12-year old, he needs to pack a main (he’ll make a cheese quesadilla or microwave mac-n-cheese in a thermos) or sandwich plus a fruit, a veggie, a yogurt and a milk box. He is pickier and also doesn’t mind eating the same thing every day. When he wants something different he can buy his lunch at school.

      I wash and prep fruits and veggies at the beginning of the week so kids can pack them quickly. I was all berries with a splash of white vinegar and dry thoroughly on a clean kitchen towel before putting in one of those berry basket-type containers so even berries are ready to go.

  7. Anonymous

    Ever been to a concert at City Winery – specifically in Nashville – but if not, in any other location of theirs? What’s the venue like? Looking at the venue it looks small and like the type of place where you’re seated and food is served. In that case would it be weird to go to a concert alone? Like would I get a table to myself or would they put me with some other party that doesn’t want a stranger there? Going to be in Nashville on a business trip in June. It’s the type of city I like but my friends/family aren’t into it, so I’m considering showing up on Sunday just to walk around for a few hours and turns out there’s a band playing there that I’ve wanted to see – minor band from Ca. that only does a few shows a year so I haven’t seen them live in years.

    • Moonstone

      They may put you at a table with other folks, but that’s really common. I hope you go! I’m not familiar with the Nashville one but in general City Winery is a great venue. People are really there to hear the music.

      • Housecounsel

        I’ve attended a couple of concerts at City Winery in Chicago. I was completely smushed in with other people seemingly on top of me both times.

    • anon a mouse

      Go! I went to a show in Chicago with a friend. We were 2 at a 4-person table, but it wasn’t awkward. Everyone is there to hear the music.

      Bonus, if you are by yourself you may be able to snag a good seat.

    • Anonymous

      Nashvillian here – a Sunday night show will be a little less crowded than Th/F/S as there are generally fewer tourists in town. That said, you say it’s June – make sure it’s not CMT Fanfare weekend. That weekend is awful. Do not come here that weekend if you can help it. Everything is super crowded and the tourists are just awful. Otherwise, City Winery here is a nice venue. It’s new so it’s pretty sizeable. I’ve never felt smushed, but I’m not seeing the most popular bands there generally. Let us know if you want other suggestions.

      • Anonymous

        Thanks! Do you mean the CMA Music Festival – June 7-10, I wouldn’t be there that weekend.

    • Rainbow Hair

      My husband bought me tickets to see X play a few full albums in a row at City Winery, for my birthday, when I was pregnant. The food was bad, but they brought me nice lemonades, and I appreciated the opportunity to SIT (pregnant) even though it was kinda strange to see X in that context. But overall it was nice! Full but not unbearably so.

    • Lots to Learn

      At the City Winery in my town (not Nashville), in addition to the table seating, there is seating at the bar, which wouldn’t be awkward at all for a single person. Even the table seating is long tables with multiple parties sitting together, so again, it shouldn’t be awkward.

  8. Anonymous

    Ugh, I am trying to resist the Sephora sale because I do not need to be spending money right now.

    • cake batter

      I’m limiting myself to one Drunk Elephant purchase. My new favorite brand!

  9. stomper

    My boss thinks I’m stepping on her toes and I don’t know how to rectify this situation while also being responsive to my work.

    Example: We have a big event coming up with a major external partner. There are many lines of communication back and forth with many of our staff; the external partners don’t consistently communicate with any one person here. Internally, we have general spheres of focus and try to keep each other apprised; for instance, I am mostly working on the event logistics, and my boss is mostly working on the formal presentation.

    Yesterday, without prompting, the external partners sent the outline for the formal presentation to me and to another colleague who isn’t working on that element; I immediately forwarded it to my boss and her boss, who is speaking in the presentation. Her boss wanted to make a slight tweak to her portion of the presentation and asked me to communicate as much to the external partners. I sent an email with my boss and her boss cc’ed; a high-up person at the external partner called me to confirm; I sent another email to my boss and her boss to confirm the confirmation.

    My boss is dismayed that I communicated her boss’s request and then accepted a phone call from the external partner, given that she wanted to be the point of contact for the formal presentation. I appreciate that. I also don’t want to be non-responsive to her boss or to our partner. I feel stuck.

    My boss and I generally have a wonderful relationship and she has been very supportive as I have grown in my role, but this is an ongoing issue lately. She regularly praises me for my attention to our communication and for keeping her in the loop, but then every other week something like this happens where she clearly feels hurt and left out—it’s one step forward, two steps back, and I’m concerned about the cumulative effect.

    • Anon

      Hi client

      Thanks for sending this along. [boss’ name] (cc’d) is actually spearheading the presentation part of the event so she’ll take it from here.

      Thanks

        • Anon

          If she’s owning it then she can handle communicating with her boss. Alternatively you could cc both or send a separate email to both with “hey just wanted to make sure you both saw this timely”. I would go with the original email though unless you have reason to believe your boss can’t handle communicating with her boss. For all you know your boss has other presentation related matters to discuss with her boss and wants to organize them all together. Maybe big boss’ edit isn’t right based on other info middle boss has about the presentation and you aren’t as filled in because that’s not your role. You have more info than I do but from what you described when I have been in the middle role it’s usually a well intentioned (you get credit for that – I believe you’re coming from an honest place of wanting to help) staff inadvertently creating more work/making things more disorganized and that’s where the frustration comes from.

          Another tack to take would be to just talk to your boss “hey client emailed me – I’m forwarding to you but do you want me to loop big boss in at the same time?” Then she can direct you as makes sense based on situation and you can get a better sense of what she likes to see.

          • stomper

            Gosh this is so good. Thank you. I am grateful to you for taking the time to lay it all out so thoughtfully.

            Now I will think about ways to further internalize this kind of thoughtfulness and to make my boss feel better supported. Again, thank you!

          • stomper

            Client just emailed me again about the presentation! I used your script almost verbatim. Fingers crossed.

    • Anonymous

      Instead of “I immediately forwarded it to my boss and her boss, who is speaking in the presentation. ” Try forwarding to your boss only with a cc to the client “Please see below as you’re the formal presentation lead” OR reply to the client and cc your boss “Thanks. I’ll pass this along to Boss who is the lead contact on the formal presentation.” Let her get the feedback from Big Boss and then follow up with client.

      “Her boss wanted to make a slight tweak to her portion of the presentation and asked me to communicate as much to the external partners.” Why are you doing this? Let your boss respond to the client on this. If Big Boss emailed only you, then you reply to Big Boss “Thanks for this. I’ll leave it with Boss for reply to Client as she’s the lead on this aspect.”

      The client mistakenly contacted you. Just pass it on to your boss. Don’t insert yourself in the follow up aspects, that’s why she thinks you are stepping on her toes.

      • stomper

        Yeah, I like this. I hadn’t been thinking about redirecting Big Boss in the same way–it felt disrespectful somehow–but I appreciate your framing.

        • Anonymous

          Sometimes it’s hard to find a balance between showing initiative and not stepping on someone’s toes. Over time you’ll get a better sense of your boss’s boundaries on that.

        • anonshmanon

          Think of it this way: when you get a request that boss should be getting instead, you either forward it to boss or reply to the sender. The important thing is to CC the sender or boss, respectively and saying “Boss is the person of contact for the presentation, so I’m passing this to her”. This way, you correct the miscommunication (and hopefully prevent more in the future), but your boss gets the critical information at the same time, so you are not creating extra work for client/grandboss to contact boss separately. This is most efficient for all involved.

    • Rainbow Hair

      Cannot stop yawning. I’m sure I look like I’ve been bawling but it’s just yawntears. 4.5 hours until I can leave, 7 hours until I can take a long walk, 8 hours until BED. I can do this!

  11. Me Too?

    I switched jobs earlier this year, and I recently attended a party for my new company, at a nice restaurant. I was involuntarily seated next to an older man who, as it turns out, is a very important, powerful, senior guy at my company, and has had a storied career in his field for several decades now, in multiple environments; I get the sense he is well known not just at my company but in the business world.

    He was very friendly and chatty, and he immediately put his arm on the back of my chair as he asked me about my background. I felt pretty uncomfortable with that and ended up leaning forward for maybe 10 minutes while we talked so as not to have his arm touching my back. Then others took their seats and joined the conversation, and the meal started, so his arm went back to his seat eventually. At the end of the night, he spent a few minutes telling me that I should reach out to him if I ever need anything, and he sort of reached toward my arm, but I kept it by my side and stood a bit apart from him, so he didn’t actually touch me. There were also a few conversations with other people where he said things that were kind of uncomfortable, like telling a newly married employee that she should have a romantic getaway with her husband, and talking about the level of groping at Coachella.

    In short, there wasn’t anything easily articulable as wrong, but my interactions with him felt very uncomfortable. That said, I don’t think there’s much for me to do. We work in different offices, so this is hopefully not going to be a recurring issue. I feel like it is too wishy-washy to report to HR, and there is no one I’m close enough to yet within my company to go to on a more personal level, and I am still learning the politics and power players. Plus, I say to myself, maybe this is all in my head, and he is just a very friendly guy. He is originally Canadian, so maybe that’s the difference? Although none of the other Canadians I know professionally have made me uncomfortable in this way. I have never gotten this spidey sense before, and it kicked in with him immediately, which makes me think it isn’t all in my head….

    In any case, I’m curious to hear your views.

    • Anonymous

      Well, you should trust your instincts in that if you find him creepy, don’t spend time with him outside the presence of others. Which shouldn’t be a problem since he works in a different office.

      But it doesn’t sound like he did anything wrong, per se. People say weird and awkward things in conversation all the time. I personally don’t think this merits a report to HR.

    • anonanon

      I think you handled it well. I’d behave carefully with him in the future in case his body language is a sign that he wants to take things further. But nothing truly crossed the line, did it? Some people have different cultural backgrounds and norms, and I wouldn’t automatically take his behavior personally or assume the worst.

    • Rainbow Hair

      I deal with almost exactly this level of …whatever it is… all the time. They’re not men I work with directly, they’re kind of a big deal, and they don’t actually do anything complaint-worthy (usually), they’re just boundary pushing creeps.

      What I do — not sure I recommend it, but it’s what I do — is keep a list in my head of men I’m on High Alert around. I don’t take a seat at a table at [thing] until I’m sure [person] won’t be able to sit next to me; I watch where I stand at cocktail type events, or glue myself to an ally, so I don’t end up literally cornered by [person]; etc. At least, in my situation, they’re all old as dirt, so they won’t be around forever. After these events, I cry in therapy. That part I do recommend, to everyone.

    • Anonymous

      For this instance – there’s nothing here that’s really all that actionable, TBH. I would chalk it up to a not-great experience and keep moving forward. But he showed you who he is, so believe him. I would be very cautious in the future about invitations to coffee or lunch to “talk about your career.” Don’t be alone with him in the future – never, full stop. Since you work in different offices, hopefully it won’t be an ongoing issue.

      • Monday

        +1. I have had interactions like this too, and ultimately I think it is the man indicating that he’s open to an affair if you’re game. (Which is different from blatant harassment or assault.) It’s sleazy (coming from a professor or boss especially, which have both happened to me) but they’re coming on to you subtly enough that they can pretend they’re not. I think this sort of thing works for Big Deal men often enough that they think it’s worth trying.

        I respond by being ultra crisp and professional, more formal than I act with colleagues otherwise. Move away when he touches you, and yes, avoid being alone with him. Only laugh at G-rated jokes. Best case scenario: he gets the message that this is a no-go. Worst case: it escalates into something that is grounds for reporting, and you handle it accordingly.

    • Never too many shoes...

      OP, I say this as gently as I can (and not because I am Canadian although I am), but I think that recent events might be impacting the way that you are looking at this.

      There is not one thing in your story that would cause me to even blink, much less go to HR. Not every friendly interest on the part of a man is nefarious in intent. To me it sounds like he was actually paying attention to you while talking to you and made a point of coming back to chat to you at the end of the night and to tell you that you could reach out to a senior person. Perhaps there was something else that you have not included, or there was a lecherous vibe that your story did not convey, but on the face of what you said, I do not see anything to cause alarm.

      YMMV of course.

      • Anon

        Same. Sorry, I’m not insensitive to inappropriate behavior. I have been touched, propositioned and all kinds of awful things at work. But someone putting their hand on the back of my chair or reaching to touch my arm during a conversation is not anything I would react to, at all.

    • TO Lawyer

      FWIW, I don’t think it’s a Canadian thing (unless you meant Quebecois?)

      I agree with the other comments. I don’t think it’s actionable, I would just be cautious if you’re around him in the future.

    • AnonZ

      I agree with what everyone else said – nothing actionable here but definitely good to keep in the back of your mind.

      One other thing I would suggest is just to make some observations, next time you’re around him, about how he interacts with other people of all ages and genders. It might put your mind at ease a bit if you notice him interacting in a similar way with other people, or raise a further red flag if he only seems to be touchy-feely with a certain demographic. There’s definitely a type of man who is always back-slapping, shoulder-clapping, hugging, arm-grabbing – etc as a kind of bonhomie – I would be a bit less on my guard with this sort of person than someone, even though it can be annoying.

      • AnonZ

        Edit: meant to say “than someone who acted differently depending on who he’s talking to” in the last sentence.

    • Houda

      Grain of salt and all, because I’m from a different kissy touchy culture and I live in Europe where the French also tend to do “la bise” the kiss. You know your comfort level best so if it makes you feel safe to distance yourself or not extend your arm then go for it. If the behavior is common with everyone regardless of age and gender, I don’t bat an eye, not to everyone’s taste but I have seen this happen very often.
      There is a very powerful partner who cheek kisses everyone he trusts (in Europe) so I don’t feel awkward. There is also a very senior client who though he respects me professionally, tends to only cheek kiss me because I befriended his daughter and his other daughter’s friend, so it’s more paternal.
      On the other hand, I can’t do hugging. That is just something I can’t understand and I find very uncomfortable and tend to freeze, though I noticed many of my colleagues do it in US offices when they’re back from a training or want too congratulate someone.
      With some gulf acquaintances and jewish sub-groups I’d simply keep a 1 meter distance and never extend a hand because to them, me being very close (as opposite gender) was a major violation of their personal space.
      As you can see, we all have different boundaries and it’s very important for your mental health and sense of safety to enforce what is right for you but also be aware that some people have a different cultural background.

  12. lsw

    Places to shop for simple scarves – like one-two colors? Especially if they are cotton or natural fabrics. Looking for some revamping in my scarf wardrobe!

  13. Paging Kale

    Hi – it’s Scarlett, I saw your additional questions about in-house late & just went back into the morning thread to answer.

  14. Torin

    I’m wearing a pair of these Tom’s flats today! Super comfortable. I have the canvas ones with the gold thread. Be warned, they stain easily. They were easy to clean, and then I scotchguarded them (which I should’ve done first thing) so it was NBD, but for a day or so there I was afraid I had ruined them.

  15. Anon

    My best friend at work recently left for a new job in another state, and I’m feeling lonely. I’ve suddenly realized that I’m too senior for newcomers to the office to feel comfortable socializing with me (even if they don’t report to me). I’m friendly with people outside my department, but they work in another building and suddenly I’m aware of how many people are getting lunch together without me. My life outside of work is plenty social, but I miss being entry level and having lots of friends at work.

    Advice and commiseration are both welcome!

    • Anon

      Commiseration! I’m in pretty much your exact same position so I know exactly how you feel.

    • Anonymous

      I was at my last job for seven years and saw a fair amount of turnover in that time. Somewhere around year three, enough people and traditions had disappeared that I took it upon myself to Be The Change. I became the person who picked a day for potluck breakfasts, remembered birthdays, and became point person for the department’s holiday party. I know some people here will say that can be bad for your career, so take it for what it’s worth, but I worked in a department of women, so there was less of a “office wife” vibe associated with being the person who organized these things. I always got a lot of thanks for bringing everyone together, it was a good way to get to know people in the department better, and I always got to pick the caterer for the party, so it was a win-win for me.

      You say you’re not entry level, so if you don’t think you have the time to take on something like this yourself, you could at least gauge the interest of your colleagues and create a rotating planning calendar.

      Alternately, if your entry level remark means you would normally only have lunch with your peers, maybe consider friendly mentorship lunches with your reports? Or invite them all once in awhile?

      • Anon

        These are good tips. Part of the issue has been that as I got more senior, I started traveling a lot more (at my company, junior people usually stay in the office). This makes it hard to get to know newcomers, and also difficult to take on a lot of planning of events and such (though not impossible and I should try more).

        I guess I miss my early days at the company when my “cohort” would regularly go out after work and to concerts etc together (a pretty common dynamic in my field). I’m old enough to not want to stay out until all hours with coworkers, but I miss the camaraderie we all had when we were 23!

  16. Anon

    Eyeliner suggestions for the Sephora sale? Green eyes, strawberry blonde hair, kind of a newbie with makeup.

    • Lydia

      sephora’s waterproof eyeliner in matte moss. looks like a brown but makes green eyes pop. it’s $12.

      • Anonymous

        What is the deal with the scandal about her? Wasn’t she engaged to Jesse James after the whole Sandra Bullock ordeal and then she was later sued by a coworker for being anti-Semitic, or were those all just weird rumors?

        • K

          I haven’t really heard anything about those things! She had an issue where some of her lipsticks don’t have the most PC names, and had a falling out with fellow makeup brand owner Jeffrey Star (who has his own controversies) but I don’t really know anything the stuff you mentioned.

          • Anon

            I got a lipstick sample and I like the color but hate the name – Underage. Will not be buying!!

        • Rainbow Hair

          Yeah she’s on the record as at least being an antisemite and she dated a neonazi so… saves us some $ on makeup I guess.

  17. Anon

    Need gift ideas for a high school graduate. The mother of the grad works with H and we were invited to the grad party. Would like to spend around $20-$30.

        • Anon

          Gift card for something in or near her college (so she can have some fun spending money or buy books at the bookstore).

          Put your contact info (email, phone) somewhere and tell her you’re available for mentoring and questions if she wants. Well, if you are available to get coffee with a first-gen college kid. They often struggle a lot.

        • Anonymous

          I was given a very simple but high quality silver bangle bracelet when I graduated HS and I still wear it 16 years later!

        • cake batter

          +1000 that’s all anyone wants from anyone.

          I spent some time cleaning out my old stuff at my parents’ house last weekend, and I felt terrible at all the personalized graduation gifts that had been collecting dust for over a decade, never used (because that stuff is just not my taste, never has been). I had huge photo albums engraved with my name and HS grad date, engraved jewelry boxes, engraved figurines – my mom’s friends apparently went nuts at the time at Things Remembered. I felt bad but threw it all in the trash (can’t goodwill stuff with my unusual name on it…). *shrug*

        • Anon

          Yes, cash is usually the best gift. But somehow cash/gift card seems inapropriate to me in this situation. I don’t know, can’t quite explain it. Mother is H’s client.

          • K

            You could try to make it more personal like what Anon at 3:23 says about having a note in there about mentoring or questions. When I graduated high school, my godmother gave me a graduation cap Pandora charm that was cute, when Pandora bracelets were popular. Honestly I don’t remember what else I got from HS. When I graduated college, my aunt gave me $20 worth of lottery scratch-offs (I won $20, lol).

          • Anonymous

            I have a small tool kit (Phillips/flat screwdriver, pliers, wrench, hammer, box cutter) that I still have 15 years later. And use ALL the time.

          • Senior Attorney

            Write a check for 20 dollars and 18 cents and call it a day. I promise the kid wants cash.

    • Anonymous

      Amazon gift card, maybe with some token gift like fancy notebooks or pens?

    • D. Meagle

      Are they going away to college? Gift card to bed bath & beyond or target to outfit her dorm room.

    • SC

      Gift card. Target or Bed Bath and Beyond for dorm stuff. If the college bookstore is run by a national chain, then a gift card to that bookstore, or just Amazon. Or to a coffee shop or restaurant (particularly a fast-casual place).

    • CKB

      My go to grad gift for someone I know is moving away from home is a ‘College Kids Cookbook’ type of a book. Something with easy, cheap, tasty recipes for one or two servings and some basic cooking info like substitutions and how to stock a pantry. They’ve been well received.

      • LaurenB

        I don’t get what I’d do with such a cookbook as I, my husband, and our children all lived in dorms or Greek houses all 4 years of college. We didn’t cook once. We believed pretty strongly in the benefit of communal living/dining versus apartment living for college. Such a gift would have been well intended but completely useless for me and mine.

        • Anon

          Agree. I was given several cookbooks when I left for college but I never cooked once. I occasionally cooked at home in high school but in college I just wanted to eat with my friends in the dorms.

    • Anonymous

      Inviting your work colleagues to your child’s graduation party?

      What a blatant gift grab. The American way.

      I would bow out. Seriously.

  18. Anonymous

    How long do you feel comfortable leaving a deli sandwich out — like a turkey or roast beef (with cheese/mustard but no mayo). For those wondering why — will be in Philadelphia where I grew up but leaving around 9-10 am — a bit too early for lunch but would love to pick up a Wawa sandwich; it would be in my climate controlled car with me for 3-4 hrs but not refrigerated. Would you do it?

    • cake batter

      Yep, but I don’t have many qualms about un-refrigerated food. I’ve eaten leftovers after leaving them out overnight, and I normally leave leftover pizza out because it tastes better room temp than cold. I also recklessly eat raw cookie dough (and, ahem, cake/brownie batter).

    • anon

      I would do it but I am a complete animal. I routinely eat cheese that’s been left out for 8+ hours, yogurts that have been out all day, leave a deli sandwich on my desk for 3-4 hours and THEN refrigerate it and eat it the next day, left over sushi with raw fish the next morning…I’ve even been known to each chicken salad w/ mayo on it after leaving it out for 4+ hours, though I’m trying to be better than that.

      No issues. I call it cross training my stomach when my friends and colleagues look on, horrified.

    • Anonymous

      As long as it doesn’t have mayo or some other kind of creamy dressing – go for it. Safest thing would be to take along an insulated lunch bag with an ice pack in it, but – hey. I regularly don’t refrigerate my lunch and then end up eating it at 2 p.m. Maybe I just like to live on the edge, or something, but it’s worked out okay so far.

    • Anonymous

      Definitely would do…Wouldn’t even be worried about mayo if in A/C cooled car. Not sure how long I could las not eating it though…so kudos to your self discipline.

    • Anon

      Totally fine, food is good without refrigeration for much longer than you’d think

  19. Anon

    Best Paris guidebook? I’m taking a short trip there for business but will have a weekend to tool around. I’m also all about your suggestions for things to do, though I’m sure this has been covered. Staying at Park Hyatt Vendome.

    • IMMJ

      Rick Steves. He has a good walking tour and a good sense of how to spend your time if you have only a few days.

    • ALX emily

      I used Rick Steves (which was fine), don’t have a ton of suggestions that aren’t totally obvious, but the Park Hyatt is fabulous! We dream about going back there all the time. If you have Hyatt status to get a discount, or work is paying, breakfast is incredibly delicious.

      • Anon

        Work is not paying and I have no Hyatt status but am willing to splurge – worth it?

          • Anon

            Sorry, was unclear. Work is paying for the hotel, not breakfast over the weekend. Is breakfast worth the splurge?

        • ALX emily

          Nah – I was on the fence getting it for half price with Hyatt status, it is quite pricey (but I am also a big breakfast enthusiast so probably liked it more than most people)!

        • Houda

          My go to for breakfast at Hyatt is 2 croissants with one of their homemade jams, bread and soft eggs (they don’t make soldiers) and maybe a bit of smoked salmon but honestly, it’s very difficult to get bad bread and croissants in France. Any coffeeshop will do

    • EM84

      A friend of mine lived in Paris and found a website called Atlas Obscura helpful for finding interesting spots (if you are interested in more than the conventional touristic sights).

    • Anon

      Make sure you get crepes (yes two- get both a savory and a dessert crepe) at Cafe Breizh. I’ve spent a lot of time in Paris and I’m convinced they are the best. I like to have a late breakfast/early lunch there and beat the crowds. Enjoy!

  20. Ginger in Tech Support

    Anyone have advice on gradual self tanners? I am ready to ditch the tights soon and my pasty legs need some help.

    • Anon

      I buy the the Jergens Natural glow at the drugstore. I’m very pale so I buy the fair to medium, which does not lean orange. I usually apply two days in a row after shaving my legs, and then only have to reapply every 3 days or so to maintain.

      I put it on right out of the shower, then do my hair and makeup before getting dressed. I just wear my regular robe during this time. I’ve neber had any issues with the lotion transferring to clothing – it dries pretty quickly.

      • Anon

        I agree with the suggestion for Jergens, but I love their new wet skin one and I do it at night. If you’re not familiar with them, try it now before the weather gets too warm. That way any mistakes can be covered with pants without looking out of place. Don’t try it for the first time before a big event!!!

  21. Annony

    Get an italian hoagie (I’m not going to to insult you by specifying oil, no mayo). You’ll be fine!

  22. Havanah

    Can someone explain the idealization of Havana by Americans? I have been there a few times (as a non-American) and like it just fine, but it’s not a life changing experience like these American travel bloggers seem to portray it as.

    • Anonymous

      The same nostalgia that makes everyone think the 1950s were somehow an ideal?

    • Anonymous

      The music. The food (idealized…). An island. The culture.

      And yes, the forbidden….

    • Anon

      As an American who really really really wanted to go there and then did, yeah, it’s partly the forbidden fruit aspect. But it is pretty cool to go to a place that has been untouched by the American economy. I’ve been to 40 countries and I can’t think of any except Cuba where I never saw anything like Starbucks or McDonalds. Those chains serve a purpose and I personally find them very convenient but it’s also pretty amazing to go to a place without them. Also the ancient cars are really cool – it makes you feel sort of like you’re time traveling, or at least as close to it as you actually can. That said, I didn’t love the city and I have no desire to go back. For me it was a bucket list thing, not something I want to do again and again.

      • Anon

        Not “cool” for the people who live there. Do you feel strange/guilty for using those terms?

        • Anon

          She asked why so many Americans want to visit, and I answered honestly – lots of Americans, myself included, think the time-travel aspect of visiting Cuba is cool.
          I’ve visited lots of countries where the governments are oppressive in some ways or many people live in poverty. Cuba is not unique in that regard. And in some ways they are better off than we are in the US. The poorest Cubans have much better healthcare and educational opportunities than the poorest Americans.

          • Anon

            I’m not sure that EVERYONE in Cuba gets this wonderful healthcare, and we all know they don’t pay their doctors.

            Also not sure how great the health of people in a country can be when their relatives regularly have to send toilet paper and Tylenol, because it is just not available there. Or bring their own sheets and food to the hospital should they need to go there. Also bandages. And I guess you can get drugs prescribed to you…but try to find them at the pharmacy…Yay communism!

    • Anonymous

      I want to go partly because of the forbidden fruit aspect and partly because I am interested in the culture, history, economy, etc. of Cuba. I don’t feel like I have idealized it, but would like to go visit.

    • Aggie

      My grandfather sought refuge in the United States after escaping Castro’s regime – however he always intended on returning home. We maintained our Cuban heritage through food and a love of coffee. I grew up hearing of his life in Cuba and he promised to take me back to his boyhood home when it was safe. Unfortunately, he passed away before that was possible.

      I treated my time in Havana as more of a heritage trip than a vacation. We were there only for a day and I plan on returning soon for a week to truly explore the island. Perhaps I have a different view than most, but Cuban Americans have an intense sense of pride in their home and left out of need…not want. I believe this played a part in the idealized view of Havana.

    • Never too many shoes...

      I am Canadian and have visited Havana several times. I would not say it is idealized exactly. but it does have this kind of hot, sexy vibe to it, I think. Like Miami but less commercial. I am not sure that makes sense but it is hard to put into words.

  23. Anon for this

    I… ugh… think I have silverfish… I’ve found 2 in the past week in different areas of my bedroom carpet. I saw one this morning before work and I have been itchy all day. My leasing company (apt complex) is having someone come by on Monday.

    What should I know? I’m a generally clean person. Have a cat. In FL.

    I’ve never dealt with these before and I am so disgusted by them.

    • anonshmanon

      as far as I know, they like dark cracks to disappear into and humidity. It has nothing to do with your cleanliness and they are harmless. You can try to dehumidify or buy little sticky traps at the hardware store. But, like fruitflies, they are unavoidable to some extent. They just mostly stay out of your sight.

      • Anonymous

        +1

        These aren’t really considered pests. I would never call an exterminator, and they wont make you itchy.

        Sticky traps in the bathroom etc.. if at all. Might just be the time of year…

    • Yay Florida!

      Welcome to Florida? If that’s the most disgusting creepy-crawly you get, you’re doing well. Of course, that may just be my upbringing in the trailerhood talking. Seriously…. *everything* with 6+ legs thrives here. I’d hold off on worrying about exterminators until you get something more sinister.

  24. nutella

    PSA- the Gal Meets Glam bl0gger launched a whole slew of really pretty dresses today both on her w3bs!te and on N0rdstr0m and they are PRETTYYYY!!! Wonderful for spring and summer occasions for those who might need something for a wedding, graduation, vacation, or rehearsal dinner and they are sizes 0-20, which is pretty neat!

      • Anon

        I’m not Nutella but she’s a longtime regular commenter here. And Gal Meets Glam is a gazillionaire with literally one million Insta followers. She is one of – if not the – most popular fashion bl*ggers in the world. I’m sure she doesn’t need to come here (which has a much smaller readership than her page) to shill her stuff. Her clothing is not my style either but I’m 99.99% certain Nutella is not Julia Engel. Lol.

        • Anonymous

          WHAT?!?!

          She is the most popular fashion bl0gger in the world?

          Just…. wow…..

          So sorry Nutella. No offense meant.

      • Lilac

        I’d say probably not. Nutella is a regular here and she certainly has a day job. But you never know I guess she could be pulling a Clark Kent on us

        • nutella

          Haha, no, not me. I wish I made that much money traveling and taking beautiful photos!

          I mentioned it because I read women here wanting more plus-sized options and though I don’t know what the quality on these are, I thought they were pretty and worth sharing.

  25. A Lowly Student

    Has anyone used Rent the Runway Unlimited? I’m going to be a summer associate at a pretty dressy firm, and my closet won’t hold up to those demands particularly well as it stands. It looks like a great way to get some more variety without having to commit a bunch of money I don’t have right now to building out my closet. Plus it looks like an advantage when I’m not totally sure what the normal dress code at this firm is (so I don’t want to be buying in advance), and when I don’t know if I’m coming back to the same firm after finishing school (as I’ll be clerking for a couple of years before heading back to a firm). Would love to hear experiences/thoughts on that!

    • Scarlett

      I did and didn’t like it – I had a hard time finding things I liked, and when I did, they were out of them. That said, this was a few years ago when the service was new so maybe it’s gotten better.

  26. Kat in VA

    I’m going to a charity gala tonight and I’m v. v. nervous about it. The husband has a tux, and I have this dress:

    https://www.bloomingdales.com/shop/product/lauren-ralph-lauren-metallic-cowl-neck-gown?ID=2953242&CategoryID=2910&linkModule=1#fn=ppp%3D%26spp%3D19%26sp%3D1%26rid%3D131|BOOST%20ATTRIBUTE%26spc%3D345%26rsid%3Dundefined%26cm_kws%3Dralph%20lauren%20dresses%20%26pn%3D1|4|19|345%26smp%3DexactMultiMatch

    But it’s more like…what do you DO at these things? Sit around? Drink? Make small talk? It’s open bar, plated dinner, and dancing. I’m one of those people who likes to know what they’re getting into, and the internet is a little thin on actual activities during the event.

    • Isabella the She-Wolf

      No idea about galas, sorry. But that is the most gorgeous dress I’ve seen in quite awhile.

    • Bride

      Yes to all of the above. You might head to the bar, chat w friends, people watch, peruse the Silent Auction, and then sit down to dinner w a program that will seem to go on forever. Have fun! Take photos of you and DH!

  27. Anonymous

    anyone have a good foundation for large pores? I’ve used a mineral powder foundation for years but the other day when I wore the foundation it just seemed to settle in my pores. Ugh. Thanks in advance!

    • Anonymous

      No specific advice because I like lighter coverage, but I noticed that “mattifying” formulations make my big pores look bigger.

    • Anon

      Are you using primer under it? Urban decay has great tinted primers, but even a simple, cheap primer might keep it out of pores.

    • Anonymous

      I was never able to use mineral powder foundation partially because of this. Agree that a primer is helpful. But what has helped me the most was starting to use a topical retinoid. Pores are now much smaller, and I can manage without a foundation and use a BB cream instead, that includes some primer equivalent.

    • Anon

      Clinique Super City Block 40. It’s a non-acnegenic silicone primer and sunscreen in one. Let it dry for 15-20 minutes, then apply IT Celebration powder foundation. If it gets a little dry or oily during the day, use Evian spray and a Blotterazzi.

      • anon

        +1. I love City Block. Since it’s slightly tinted, I also get away with wearing slightly less foundation that would otherwise.

    • EM84

      I use MAC Studio Fix for coverage and I don’t think it makes my pores look worse. Truth be told, you will need to reach for products with silicone, if pores are your primary concern, as they create an occlusive, smooth layer over the pores. This creates an even surface over which you can apply pigmented products.
      Either look for a smoothing primer and then follow with foundation or look for a foundation with silicone.
      I have no specific product recommendations – I switched exclusively to MAC foundation and concealers some 10 years ago (I need my products to match my pale skintone, provide good coverage and to last all day and after trying everything available on the market a that time, this was the only brand to deliver and I never looked back).
      I would also recommend watching a few videos on how to make pores look smaller by Nadine Baggott on YouTube.

      • Kat in VA

        Cautionary note – if you use a silicone primer, be very very careful to thoroughly wash your makeup off at the end of the day. Signed, a person who uses primer and was lazy a few times and oh boy, the breakouts at age 47 were AMAZINGLY bad.

        • EM84

          Fully agree & I myself try to avoid silicones. However, if this is OP’s primary concern, this is (to my knowledge) the best option.

  28. Atty123

    Has anyone made the transition from partner at a law firm to in-house? I’m thinking about making the transition so am curious to hear from those who have done it, things to take into consideration, and any regrets?

      • Anonymous

        Thanks – guess it’s pretty common! I haven’t been on this site in a while so I need to catch up. I’ll do a search :)

  29. anon

    Vent alert: I’m at my in-laws in West Virginia. (That’s not the vent. WV is fine.) The vent is that while we’re out for the weekend, the airbnb guests are becoming more and more problematic. (4 guests instead of 2. Loud loud conversations at 1:30am so that I get emails from the neighbors, who we love and wouldn’t tell us unless something was really wrong. Setting the fire alarms off.) I’m dreading checking my email for the latest disaster. Our property management is on it, I trust them but oh, for crying out loud, people. Please just keep it together.

    • Anon

      Hmm – if the prop management is handling it, you should stay on top of them to do so but otherwise probably butt out? I work in property management and don’t like to have another party helping me solve the issue because now I have one more source of info and one more phone call to make. Empower your PM. Set up auto forward or just ask neighbors to call (better email) PM directly, and chill. Thankfully airbnb is temporary!

      • anon

        I forwarded the PM everything, sent a thousand apologies and are letting the PM handle it. I just need to realize this is the summer rental issue and we all know this is a possibility on every weekend rental.

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