Weekend Open Thread

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

This highly rated, much loved strappy camisole is on sale at Nordstrom, and looks like it would be great for date nights. The straps on the camisole are embroidered, I like the pleating in the front and back as a way to give you a sort of relaxed, comfortable vibe. It’s available in four colors and lucky sizes, and it’s marked from $69 down to $41. It’s also available in really lucky sizes and colors at Macy’s, Lord & Taylor’s, and Zappos. Happy weekend!

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!


  1. Anonymous :

    poll for the single ladies out there: when do you typically sleep with a new partner? does it vary? i’m pretty typically 3rd date but curious because of the earlier convo this week.

    • Anonymous :

      Any musts for 2 days in New Orleans?

    • For me it always varied based on feelings. Current SO, almost embarrassingly within the first 1.5 wks, but we had gone on four dates by then and were both smitten. Person before SO, went 5 dates over 2 months without any action, but the feelings were lukewarm.

    • Anonymous :

      I once slept with a guy before we even started dating. I usually wait a few dates/until I feel comfortable.

      • This is not me. I am very careful with men b/c they can be very deceptive and I do NOT want a man inside me until I am both comfortable with him as a person as well as have some assurance he is not carrying an STD, or will leave as soon has he has had his own s-xeual expereince leaveing me with nothing, as I had even with my ex, who cared ONLEY about his own gratification. FOOEY on that. I have no ground rules, but my experence of late is that NO one has made it into my bed b/c they were either 1) too anxius for me to take my clotheing off for them; 2) not a good match chemically — they were either lazy, stupid or too focused on my earning power; and/or 3) not interested at ALL in me (onley on themselves). In my book, I demand no less then focus and devotion. I do NOT demand they do anything to me in bed; only be gentel. I do NOT ask that they be expert gardeners either, nor do I like to do their gardening. It is not written anywhere that I know of that peeople can’t garden for themselves. Grandma Leyeh did NOT even know what gardening was until I told her and almost spit up on the spot! FOOEY on that, and I agree!

    • I’ve done it on the first date more often that not.

    • To All the Boys I Loved Before :

      6 months to a year or so. I always preferred to really get to know each other first and to develop deep feelings, before getting to that level of physical.

      • Anonymous :


      • I’m this way too. Google “demis*xual” – for me, a lot of it really describes how I am. TBH, I thought that most people were like me until I realized they weren’t.

        I’ve also realized that this has led to many of my struggles in dating, bc I don’t develop attraction for a really long time and (understandably) that doesn’t sync with most people’s timelines. I think that’s why my serious relationships have all started as friendships. Literally, until I have an emotional attachment to someone, I don’t have a desire to get physical, no matter how smokin’ said individual may be.

        • Anonymous :


        • @cbackson – me too! If I were 10 or 15 years younger, I’d probably be using that label for myself.

          (I understand that I still could use the label, I just choose not to, for the time being).

          • When I first realized that I wasn’t the norm I felt weird, and then I read this and was like, okay, I’m uncommon but not weird! This is an Actual Thing.

            And, like, we shouldn’t need permission from others to be who we are but it made me feel like less of an oddball.

        • +1

          I wouldn’t go so far as to call myself demisexual, but I definitely prefer to know someone and be friends with them first. I have no ethical or moral qualms with sleeping together after only a few dates, and have been known to partake, but in general I’d much prefer to wait longer. Usually when I sleep with someone within the first few dates, we’ve known each other or been friends for a while.

          It’s really frustrating because it doesn’t match up with a lot of men’s expectations now, and I always worry they’ll either think I’m not into them, playing games/wasting time/money (?? ain’t no body got time for that, I can buy my own dinner thx), or a prude. Which couldn’t be farther from the truth- I’m super s3x- positive and want lots of s3x once I start. I’ve started to absolutely dread 3rd and 4th dates with guys that I like but am still unsure about, knowing they’ll probably try to make a move.

        • Lawyerzilla :

          This is me, too, though reluctance to get physical until developing a deep emotional connection doesn’t equate to low libido at ALL (at least in my case). I just prefer to fall in love with all of a person before sleeping with them.

          Glad there are others like me out there.

      • For me, it’s not quite six months to a year, but it’s a good solid three months. Thank you to all the women who are offering this (common, but often not spoken) perspective. I find women who sleep together earlier are more willing to talk about that because it is more culturally accepted now.

      • Anonymous :

        Wow! Glad to hear that I’m not alone.

      • This is me as well, although I felt connected enough with my now-husband to do the deed after three months.

        • Anonymous :

          Wow, so interesting. If you identify as demisexual do you also feel like you have a low libido once you’re in a settled relationship?

          • Anonymous :

            It’s a misnomer. It just means you need an emotional connection. It doesn’t mean you’re “half sexual.”

          • For me (I’m one of the posters above) it doesn’t mean that I have a lower libido necessarily. My partner and I average every other day. It’s more that I need to feel an emotional connection to someone for me to want intimacy with them. If I’m fighting all the time with my partner, it disproportionately lowers my libido.

          • I’m anon at 4:01 and I wouldn’t say I have a “high” libido (not at all), but it’s been 11 years and we’re still having sex 1-2 times a week consistently. That’s enough for me.

          • They’re unrelated – personally I have a higher than average libido in the context of a relationship.

          • Same. I commented above, as not quite demis3xual but someone who takes a while to warm up. I have a very high libido. It’s totally unrelated. In fact, I wish I could enjoy casual gardening more. It’s just not for me, or at least it hasn’t been effective for me since my early/mid 20s.

    • Anonymous :

      I’ve only been with two men. First one I waited a couple months but I was a virgin. DH and I slept together on the second date.

    • Honestly most of the boys I’ve dated started with hooking up so…

    • Is it Friday yet? :

      Also usually third date, but that’s not a hard rule. If I haven’t by the third date, I’m probably not into them physically (barring some sort of scheduling constraint on date three like an early morning the next day).

      I also want to note that I’ve dated a few guys recently that I ended up not sleeping with even after a few dates, and neither of them seemed to have any kind of feeling that I was required to – even the one that I noped out of the situation after things started getting physical. So I think the poster the other day was full of FOOEY. I’m in NYC.

    • Anonymous :

      Usually within dates 2-4. Comparability in the bedroom is super important to me and I think you can tell a lot abt the person based on gardening attitudes and generosity

    • Often date 3-4, but not always. Sometime because I’m really in to him, sometimes just for the fun. I’ve also been on a lot of dates 3-4 where I never slept with the guy.

      Oddly enough, I waited longer with all of the guys that turned in to real relationships. So, I’m hoping its a good sign that the guy I’m currently seeing and I are waiting longer.

      • That’s not odd at all. It’s downright predictable. It makes sense that the guys you really got to know well first (and the ones who were obviously willing to wait) turned out to be better relationship material.

    • For me, the physical part of a relationship is so nice that I’m afraid I’ll want to continue that part even if the guy is not a good match for me in another ways. So I have tried to evaluate the rest of the relationship first and then after concluding we are compatible other ways, advance to the physical. Hasn’t worked perfectly but it’s still my approach for myself. No judgment about other women who can enjoy a physical relationship with no strings attached. That’s just not me (at least yet!).

    • Generally about a month, which usually translates to 6-10 dates.

    • First date if I thought he was hot and just a f**boy, third date otherwise. But I don’t have any hangups about omg am I a big old ho? It’s a fun thing to do with my body and it’s my choice.

    • Anonymous :

      Depends on whether or not I want to. I have waited six weeks and I have had sex right away

  2. I’m turning 30 this year and I’d really like to improve my all-around fitness. I’m outdoorsy and active, but I think I’ve gotten away with strength deficiencies and poor form in my youth in a way that I won’t be able to anymore (already dealing with one injury that is probably going to be chronic). The sports I like and want to be really fit for are rock climbing, skiing, and hiking. Running, which used to be my fitness/cardio go-to, is temporarily out due to my injury, as are many specific weight-lifting exercises like deadlifts and overhead presses. What should I be doing to ensure all-around fitness, especially when it comes to strength workouts? I’d love specific recommendations – is Pilates best? Barre? Crossfit? How about cardio – what’s the best substitute for running that still gives you a really solid workout? What have you found that works for you?

    • Anonymous :

      I love spinning for cardio and reformer pilates for core/strength.

    • For cardio, when I can’t run I bike. I vastly, vastly prefer to run, but I have a bike for general getting around purposes so if I have a running injury I use it to bike for exercise while I heal. It’s not a fancy road bike or anything.

      For general exercise, I like yoga personally. I have tried pilates and barre. I think any of those three are good for general flexibility, core, and bodyweight strength training, it’s just a question of personal preference which style of class you like best. Crossfit is a whole other animal and is not to my specific taste.

    • Anonymous :

      If you don’t have good form, I wouldn’t do crossfit. I did it for over a year, and while my box was actually pretty concerned about form, it was still very easy to get away with not doing things right and get caught up in the competitive aspect and get injured. I love crossfit and you should definitely consider it for the future (I don’t think there is a better “general fitness boosting” workout out there), but I’d nail your form fundamentals first. Is there a gym near you focused on small-group strength training?
      Alternatively, swimming is an outstanding workout for core, back, arms, and cardio, but that might be out depending on your injury.

      • pugsnbourbon :

        +1 to small-group strength training. There’s a reddit thread on bodyweight fitness that might be helpful too.

        Rowing for cardio. There are a few youtube videos out there that show good form.

    • I love megaformer Pilates and barre for this. I started both about 18 months ago and am so much stronger and fitter (and like you, I wasn’t a slouch before, just focused mainly on cardio fitness). The classes are huge for me because I can’t wimp out midway through. I’ve tried doing the same exercises at the gym while traveling and just can’t keep them at the same intensity and duration without the coach pushing me. I go to 3-4 classes a week, mostly mornings before work, and supplement with my usual activities such as running hiking and spin.

    • Anonymous :

      I like the book “Training for Climbing”.

    • Anonymous :

      Swimming is a great option for improving overall fitness

      • BigLaw Sr Assoc :

        Yes this. Gentle on the body but a great workout. I picked it up in my mid-thirties for similar reasons.

    • Anonymous :

      I have limited thoughts re: cardio, as it is my enemy.

      As far as strength, I’d suggest potentially doing a full body strength training program a few times a week (check reddit for recommendations). I’ve always been slim and active, but this made a huge difference for how I look and function. If you want something more “fun” and that will directly help with climbing, consider taking up aerial silks. I’m quite strong now, but silks continues to kick my ass. The grip/forearm/shoulder/back/core strength you develop is very similar to what rock climbers need.

    • Full of ideas :

      Swimming is a great running replacement and easy on the joints

  3. Letter from Bilbao :

    Talk to me about northern Spain! My partner and I are considering a trip to Bilbao in May. I’d like to spend some time in southwestern France as well. We like art, hikes, the ocean, and history. Any recommendations?

    • Anonymous :

      Café Irena was great!

    • Two words: San Sebastian. The most beautiful&elegant city in the country.
      Not sure how much time do you have? but If you like hikes you could do some of the stages of Santiago’s northen path. http://santiago-compostela.net/camino-del-norte/. Pays Basque, Cantabria, Asturias and Galicia are really pretty all of them with a lot of charming villages. For hiking I will go to Asturias, no doubt, where you have the amazing Picos de Europa and cities as Oviedo and Gijón.
      If you only have time to stay in Pay Basque you have there the Flysch Route in Zumaya. I have just did this last one in July staying in Zarauz. Crossing to the French part of the Basque country you have pretty charming towns too as Biarritz and San Juan de luz.

      • Letter from Bilbao :

        Thanks! We’re still in the planning stages, but probably 7-10 days.

        • This article give you a route in that area for the time that you have more or less, https://elviajero.elpais.com/elviajero/2017/02/22/actualidad/1487764823_115977.html
          (unfortunately I have not been able to find the english version of the article neither of that lonely planet guide)

  4. Yikes. On the Run II was incredible, but wow, functioning on 4 1/2 hours of sleep at work is not. Must get through the rest of the day! Looking forward to sleep tonight…

    • Anonymous :

      I feel ya! Saw them in Paris this summer on a Sunday night, worked the next day too

      • I think it took us two hours just to get out of the Superdome and get home. Longer than Beyonce and Jay-Z were onstage!

  5. Office Space :

    I’m just wondering after rewatching this movie, how long it would take BigLaw to sack you if you just started dialing it in a bit. Or like not killing yourself. Not being reachable on weekends.

    [Or how long it would take for you to get the talk of “you should start looking around . . . we’ll give you 3 months.”]

    I know someone starting at [a notorious BigLaw sweatshop] and I basically told him/her to start looking for the next job right away. Because there’s nothing like going to work on Wednesday and still being there on Saturday.

    • Anonymous :

      My friend gets away with 1600 had a biglaw sweatshop now. full bonus and everything.

    • Rainbow Hair :

      Took my friend 3 years to be encouraged to leave. He did work on weekends and stuff, but not to the extent/with the vigor that the rest of us did.

    • Anonymous :

      I did it for 3.5 years and left voluntarily. I knew I wouldn’t make partner but they didn’t seem close to firing me. I billed a lot though and always averaged ~2000 hours. I just did it on my terms.

    • It takes surprisingly long at most places.

    • As a junior/mid level associate, I think you can get away with it for 2-4 years, depending on the economy and overall state of the office. As a senior associate, probably 1-2 years – because they are evaluating the senior associates more often as they consider partnership prospects, you are more expensive, and (assuming you have been at the firm for years) they will notice the difference in your approach.

  6. Anyone else getting burnt out on @mazon? Their Subscribe & Save is generally more expensive than Target’s, you only get the “best” discount if you have more than five items, and last month they just didn’t ship three of my items with no explanation. And there seem to be so many shady sellers. I’ve gotten really tired of seeing the exact same item from sellers with five different names, and having to fakespot everything is exhausting. I get enough out of Prime that I’ll keep that going, but I definitely don’t find it as useful as I used to.

    • I only have Prime now for the tv offerings; i’m so squicked out by Amazon’s labour practices that it’s my last resort when i’m ordering something online now.

    • Anonymous :

      Yes, they didn’t send all of my S&S items last month either. They’ve also mixed up counterfeits with real product before “because it’s warehoused together” (it’s not good enough to say sorry and refund; counterfeits can be dangerous!). Their search features are terrible in so many ways. This past year, I was buying a cell phone case so I filtered by phone, and the “promoted” search results wouldn’t have fit my phone (I noticed at the last minute). Another time, I idly searched for some cat toys I like, and one of the search results was literally dead cats (for laboratory use). I really wanted to quit Pr1me this year, but couldn’t get the whole household on board. I do like that they carry so many products that are otherwise hard to find in the States, though you’re always just hoping that they’re real.

    • I am!! If you like podcasts, check out Reply All Episode #124 – The Magic Store. It explores the question “why does it seem like Amazon has suddenly gotten a lot sketchier?”


      • I love Reply All!

        Also — to Torin, in case you haven’t heard of it, try www.fakespot.com for evaluating Amazon reviews. It’s really useful. (We did a post on it: https://corporette.com/when-to-trust-online-reviews)

      • Rainbow Hair :

        Oh interesting! I’ve definitely noticed recently (1) a crop of fake reviews and (2) way more counterfeits making it through to look like real listings.

        I’ve also noticed that I’ll click on something with 348 positive reviews, only to read them and discover that they’re reviews for a different product! Like I’m looking at a dress and these are reviews for shoes!

      • here and now :

        I’m curious about this, but admittedly not enough to listen. Weird that their isn’t even a marketing blurb about the episode. Do they conclude that it’s been sketchy for a long time?

        • It changed about 18 months ago when Amazon opened up to direct shipping from non-U.S. shippers in order to compete with Ali Baba (I think). That’s when the counterfeits/fake reviews really picked up.

    • Their reviews are just so, so, so unreliable these days. I’ll buy something there if there’s a specific thing I want that I can’t find in a store (e.g. my grocery store stopped carrying husband’s favorite gluten-free mac and cheese), but it’s not a place to find something new and interesting for sure.

      • then and now :

        yikes, don’t buy food. see my comment on razor blades below if it escapes moderation.

    • I definitely prefer ordering household items from Target.

    • Anonymous :

      I cut Prime a couple years ago. The Red Card is wonderful and Target’s free two day shipping is a lot more reliable than Amazon in my area. And I feel good about the company I’m buying from. I love Target!

    • then and now :

      I quit Amazon several years ago due the sketchy nature of the items the sell. I ordered razor blades and got a beat-up box with a note to ignore the package as it had been in someone’s basement for several years. Do I look like I want to use dirty razor blades? There was no indication that they came from anywhere other than directly from Amazon when I placed my order, and I looked carefully as I was already suspicious of its ways. Frankly, I am amazed that people give Amazon any business.

      I also quit Whole Foods now that they are owned by Amazon, don’t sell grass-fed beef, sold me some rotten raspberries, and are obviously downgrading treatment of employees :(

      Also noted from posters last week that Prime members were seeing different prices and claims of Prime exclusivity on the same products when logged in under different accounts/not logged in. Heard that there’s an article out their about them toying with users, I guess referring to these practices? (Maybe someone has a link? I didn’t bother to take note since I don’t shop there anyway).

    • I am getting really tired of Amazon’s lack of quality control. There are so many random sellers and I am pretty sure that we were sent a used set of sheets by one of them (despite good reviews). We returned them but they really need to vet people a lot better. The search function is also impossible to use.

    • Anonymous :

      Ugh if I weren’t a mom of 3 under 5 I’d probably shop elsewhere. But I can get everything i need in a few clicks and be done with it. So I’m stuck with amazon for now!

  7. Invisible :

    I posted about a month ago about my “new” supervisor (it’s been almost 6 months) who avoids and ignores me and keeps forgetting about or rescheduling our meetings, but works closely with my counterpart.
    I finally had a 1-on-1 with my supervisor and it was both disappointing and confusing. She asked me to tell her what I was working on and explain why. I did, and she kept asking questions like “Is that something you usually do?” I basically ended up telling her my job description. More frustrating, she had no information to pass on to me about several projects I’m working on that I had specifically asked her about in emails prior to the meeting. The whole thing only took about 20 minutes, and we ended with “I’ll ask [director, my former boss] about that.”
    If everything she does has to go through the director anyway, why did they put her in place as my boss? It was simpler when everything went to one person instead of adding a layer of mid-level management BS in between.
    I feel like I’m getting pushed out and I don’t know what to do about it. If my manager doesn’t even know what my job is, how am I ever supposed to do well, grow, or even get a decent reference?

    • Been there :

      You won’t. You may not be getting pushed out by the Corporate Powers That Be, but if your manager won’t protect you, it could and will happen.
      Start looking for a new job.

    • Anonymous :

      What level are you? You should be building allies at your boss’s peer level and also looking for a new role.

  8. behind the times :

    This question was going around the Internet a while ago but I just discovered the Twitter thread (https://twitter.com/GHardstark/status/986998226287906817?ref_src=twsrc%5Etfw). It would be fun to talk about here, so:
    “What’s a weird thing your family did that you thought was normal till you moved out?”

    • Anonymous :

      Put Xs after calendar days had passed.

    • Anonymous :

      Hooo boy, has anyone seen the Reddit thread on that? There’s an iconic story on that one . . .

    • Vicky Austin :

      It’s mentioned on the Twitter thread, but PJ’s under your pillow!

      I also still do not know how often to change pajamas. I had a college friend who wore different ones each night. I usually end up changing them about every time I do laundry.

      • Anonymous :

        In my life that developed from college where you had to save your quarters for the laundry, PJs get changed weekly.

        My inlaws change theirs daily, which is just so, so different to me.

      • Anonymous :

        I still do this!

      • Anonymous :

        You mean stashing them under your pillow when you get dressed and make your bed in the morning? That actually sounds like a great idea! I’ve been laying them out on the bed for the next night.

        I typically wear each pair (or sleepshirt, or nightie) twice, and toss them in the hamper. I might wear a set once if I come home late and go straight to bed without showering, or sweat more than usual over the course of one night.

        I often toyed with bringing it up here, not because I wasn’t sure I was doing it right (it works for me and it’s not something I worry too much about) but I’ve been curious how others do it.

      • Anonymous :

        I totally do this and it confuses the heck out of the cleaning lady. I change them whenever I wash my hair, ever 4 days. That’s another weird one from childhood: we never ever used conditioner at my house. And my mom has curly hair, too! She shampoos it every day but no conditioner.

      • Wait, people don’t put their PJs under their pillow?!

        • Anonymous :

          I have never, ever put PJ’s under my pillow. They get hung up in the closet, with all the rest of my clothes.

        • I never knew there was any other place for them than under the pillow.

          • Same here. The closet never occurred to me for the set I’m currently wearing.

        • Anonymous :

          I neither put them under my pillow or hang them (??). They go in a pile wherever seems to be the cleanest, but I only sleep in a tank and boy shorts (the underwear goes in the hamper.

      • PJ routine :

        I had a childhood friend who put PJs under the pillow, but my mom taught me they had to air out so I hung them on a hook in my closet. I did and do change them roughly weekly.

    • Cookbooks :

      Using a fresh towel for every shower. It was in college that I learned that can reuse the towel 2-3 times before washing it. In fact, when I first moved in my freshman year, my mom was so adamant that I have sufficient towels that I ended up having more towels than I did pants.

    • “Cream rinse” and “channel changer”!

    • anon for this :

      My mom hung out in granny panties and a t-shirt all the time during super hot weather. We had AC, but she grew up without it, and it was just her default strategy for dealing with heat.

      Also we never drank water without lime or lemon juice in it; she and my dad both grew up in an area where the water had a bad taste and developed the habit to mask the flavor. I still hate drinking plain water.

      • Anonymous :

        Ha. My parents both liked to walk around semi undressed. My mom still does it. They were both liberal professor types. I am still surprised when people make a big deal about nudity now though I get that it’s not for everyone.

        Another really weird thing that they did was randomly hide cash around the house “just in case.” Sometimes they’d forget and my mom would act like it was a present from the universe to find a couple of hundreds in a book somewhere. It made downsizing a nightmare because they had to go through every single thing “just in case.” But I did inherit this habit and anytime I get a $100 bill I will just put it somewhere rather than use it. I like to think that I improved on their system by only having one or two spots but it’s not really true and sometimes I forget where I put it only to find it years later.

    • Anonymous :

      Using hotel shampoos instead of buying shampoo.

  9. Anonymous :

    I am tired of my below-the-shoulders hair and want a drastic cut. My problem is that I am extremely lazy with my hair (no product, never blow dry) and am not inclined to do much to change this. I would be willing to add quick product, but not to blow dry or do anything that requires much more time. Short hair styles are generally more maintenance to look nice, right? Unless you go the pixie route, which I don’t think I can pull off based on my face shape.
    Also would love suggestions for a DC/NOVA stylist that will look at my hair texture and face shape and identify a good style for me (while keeping my laziness in mind).

    • I’ve been using Bumble & Bumble’s “Don’t Blow It” which is a leave in, I really like it – I think whether you keep it longish or shorter, it might be worth a try. I like it because it doesn’t make anything crunchy, and it does seem to make my hair look a little softer and prettier as opposed to straw like or pasted to my head :)

    • Rainbow Hair :

      What texture is your hair? Do you think you could get away with a blunt, above-the-shoulders cut styled with just some sea salt spray?

      • Anonymous :

        I think my texture is a huge part of the problem. The front and sides are stick straight. The back is partly straight, but the underneath layers are kind of wavy. Not enough to be pretty, just enough to make my hair look unkempt when I don’t style it. With longer hair, I have enough weight that I can kind of drag down the wave and cover it up with the straight hairs— I worry it would be much more noticeable if I chopped everything.
        Sea salt sprays etc don’t do anything for the super straight hair.
        Either texture alone would be great. Having both makes it tough. My hair looks amazing when I take the time to curl it or to have someone straighten it, but I have a toddler and a baby and it’s just not happening.

        • Anonymous :

          Depending on how underneath the wavy layers are, you might want to consider an undercut. I have a gnarly cowlick at the nape of my neck that gave me problems for years, but now I just have my hairstylist shave the back of my head every few months. You can’t tell when I wear my hair down or in a low pony, only when I pull it up.

        • I have a similar hair texture. I am also lazy about doing my hair. My solution has been: above-the-shoulders blunt cut, wash in the shower every couple days, and use the Living Proof Perfect Hair Day in-shower styler. It works really well for me.

    • Might not be totally applicable to you as I have totally straight hair, but I went from down my back to just beyond shoulder, and now I have just above shoulder bob. I love the shorter hair. It’s actually much less maintenance (and less shampoo), I think. I just put a pomade-like product into it every morning to tame flyaways and brush. I do have to get haircuts more often, but I can easily go 6 weeks and be fine.

      • Anonymous :

        Thanks, that sounds like what I want! I was seated next to a woman at a conference this week that had that length and was admiring it constantly. It looked like she had blown it out, though.

  10. Recommendations for My 1st 5k :

    It’s my first one that’s real and timed (as opposed to walk/runs or untimed silly ones). It will be loud as it is very near an airport so I’m not sure if that means only earplugs or if I could block outside noise with ear buds and play music.

    Any advice or tips from those who have done this? I’m excited but nervous!

    • Relax. You’ll want to go fast to keep up with everyone else, but just try to go the speed you practice at and don’t push yourself too hard.
      I ran my last 5k with my boyfriend, and it was pouring rain. We didn’t play music because rain and wearing ponchos, but we talked the whole time. That was a good indicator of effort too, you should be able to hold a conversation while running or you’re pushing too hard.

  11. Anonymous :

    Thoughts on the latest Kavanaugh stuff?

    • He needs to f*ck off already. We don’t need yet another rapist in a power position.

    • Anonymous :

      I’m stumped. Something about it doesn’t ring true for me. On the other hand, who knows? I think it’s problematic that they are rushing this process for a lifetime appointment. But also why did DF wait to turn this over if she had it for a while?

      • Anonymous :

        This — why not do it at the prior confirmation hearing since it’s news that if true, is a couple of decades old? And it’s not like DF just got this. Dude already has a lifetime appointment.

        I wonder if any politicians do any dilligencing on this or just repeat stories at will if they will get the spotlight on them / support their positions?

        It just seems so shady.

        • It would not surprise me if new info comes out at a SC confirmation hearing. First, there is a limited pool of people who hear about/pay enough attention to know about a circuit court appointment; it just doesn’t make the same type of news. Second, the attention and reactions to this type of news is so different today then it was just a few years ago. I can see being willing to come forward now when I wouldn’t have ten-fifteen years ago.

      • Anonymous :

        DF has had the letter since . . . July? So what was she doing with it in the meantime? I have more questions for DF I think. If it’s the smoking gun, let’s see it.

      • He already has a lifetime appointment.

    • I just feel like nothing is going to happen with it. The right is gonna say that “he was just a kid” and “obviously he’s a good man now” and crap like that, and say something about the left for digging this up and doing everything they can do delay the vote.

      • Anonymous :

        I mean, why not dig this up and lead with it? Or maybe it doesn’t hold water / something doesn’t quite jibe? It’s not like people don’t do opposition research (and then research their sources). So why now? If it had any legs, this should have come up when he was up for the DC Circuit.

    • Anonymous :

      We are doomed.

    • Anonymous :

      Somewhat unfair to Kavanaugh it’s coming up at the 11th hour; disappointed Feinstein just sat on it since July.

      I’m struck and disturbed by the difference between Kavanaugh’s quoted denial (“I categorically and unequivocally deny this allegation. I did not do this back in high school or at any time.”) and the friend’s denial (“I have no recollection of that.”) Is anyone else reacting to that difference? The latter seems to leave open a big possibility that such an occurrence could have happened at that party or at some other party if even just the drinking was routine for them.

    • Um, to those commenters who are like “why didn’t it come up earlier,” have you heard of #metoo? The whole point was that women have never felt felt safe coming forward and that there is power in numbers. You don’t need to do a rapist’s dirty work of discrediting his accusers. There are plenty of men who will do that already.

      • there and now :

        +1. This. Also, unfortunately, I don’t think many in Congress want anyone to look too widely or closely at their own history of treating women in their personal lives/don’t concern themselves enough with the mistreatment of women (hence the delay/minimization/instant White House support since Trump also rampantly mistreats women).

      • Anonymous :

        DF had the letter in July. Why did she sit on it?

      • Why assume he’s a rapist? Last time I checked, this is an unproven, unsubstantiated allegation. It could be true, it could be false.

        • I mean, I for one am totally fine with someone who’s only MAYBE a rapist being a lifetime appointee on the highest court in the country. NOT.

          • That’s not a logical statement. What you’re saying is that anyone who has any accusation of rape levelled against him or her is not able to serve on the high court.

            Besides, she did not make an accusation of rape. She made an accusation of sexual assault.

            (It’s also downright disingenuous: Bill Clinton provably did far worse things.)

  12. Has anyone ever tried Faster Way to Fat Loss? It’s a program that looks like it uses intermittent fasting, counting macros, a specific workout plan over six weeks.

    I’m considering it (I follow the blog Putting Me Together, and she just posted about it recently) but it’s expensive, and not sure if I’m just throwing money down the drain and could figure out something similar myself.

    On a related note – any books you’ve read on IF, macros, etc that are a good resource? I’m also thinking maybe I could just do some reading and figure out what might work best for me.

  13. Let's Play A Game! :

    College football teams run out to the stadium with the school’s fight song playing. Individual baseball players choose a song to walk-up to the plate to.

    If you had to choose a song that would play when you entered a room (even if it’s something only others heard so you’d never get sick of it), what song would it be and why?

    • Bad Reputation- Joan Jett
      I strongly identify with Kat from 10 Things I Hate About You :)

    • Either Edith Piaf’s “Non je ne regrette rien” or Joni Mitchell’s “Cactus Tree,” because they both are very reflective of my personality.

      “There’s a lady in the city
      And she thinks she loves them all
      There’s the one who’s thinking of her
      There’s the one who sometimes calls
      There’s the one who writes her letters
      With his facts and figures scrawl
      She has brought them to her senses
      They have laughed inside her laughter
      Now she rallies her defenses
      For she fears that one will ask her
      For eternity
      And she’s so busy being free”

    • Hype Song :

      Sometimes I imagine “The Most Popular Girl” song from Teen Witch:


    • Flats Only :

      The theme they play when Darth Vader enters a room.

    • Anonymous :

      Is it weird that my answer is Sufragette City? Oh or if I’m feeling NPD “Never Met a Girl Like You Before”

    • Cookbooks :

      Fiona Apple’s Extraordinary Machine. I like that it’s a quirky little song about a woman who is doing her own thing.

    • Senior Attorney :

      Well this is a whole production number, but I’ve always been fond of “One” from A Chorus Line. (The finale version.)

    • Anonymous :

      “Maneater” (Nelly Furtado)

    • Woman by Kesha

    • Not that Anne, the other Anne :

      Not a Pretty Girl – Ani DiFranco

    • You Call Me A Bitch Like It’s A Bad Thing — Halestorm

      I’m a woman in tech.

    • Anonymous :

      Short Skirt/Long Jacket

    • Rage Against the Machine…. F*c* You I Won’t Do What You Tell Me.

    • Lady Be Good by Gershwin – an old standard obviously. Because I love Gershwin, and because I have a friend who used to head up a jazz trio that was the house band at a large steakhouse in the city, and whenever I walked in the door he’d stop whatever they were playing and launch into Lady Be Good. <- this is the closest I will ever come to living in a movie

  14. Outfit Help! :

    I thought this would be a fun vicarious shopping question for a Friday afternoon.

    I’m throwing myself a birthday party in a few weeks and I’m looking for a fun/trendy outfit. I’m in my early 30s, about a size 6 but I carry a lot of my weight in my tummy/hips. I’m not that worried about modesty – just looking for something fun and not necessarily something I would normally wear i.e. nothing that can double for a work blouse.

    Thanks all!

    • Anonymous :

      Ads for Sezanne keep popping up on social media for me. I’d like to buy an outfit from there if I had an occasion to treat myself!

    • Anonymous :

      what’s your style? how much are you looking to spend? this kind of thing came to mind right away:


      • Anonymous :

        My budget is flexible (but not astronomical – probably around $200-300). My style – I love a mix of edgy and fancy i.e. sequin dress + leather jacket. Generally pretty classic with a edgy/girly twist.

        Thanks I love this sweater but it’s probably too warm for my area right now!

        • Anonymous :

          Will it be warm enough for bare arms? Maybe a cute halter top like this?


          or an aggressively trendy piece like this


          or this


    • Senior Attorney :

      I’m having a birthday party for myself in a couple of weeks and I’m wearing this skirt with the top they show in the fourth photo down: https://www.whitehouseblackmarket.com/store/product/floralprint+satin+midi+skirt/570241178?color=1000&catId=search

      With red shoes!

      • My best friend wore this with a white top and black/white platforms for her bridal shower last week. She looked gorgeous as I’m sure you will too!

    • Anonymous :

      Jumpsuit? I got a sleeveless/crop one this summer that has a 70s vibe and have loved wearing it. Feels special.

    • Jumpsuit? I got a sleeveless/crop one with a 70s vibe this summer and have loved wearing it. Feels special. Happy Birthday!

  15. Hype Song :

    Sometimes I imagine “The Most Popular Girl” song from “Teen Witch”.

    Yes, I am Of a Certain Age


    • Best movie ever.

      My dad was a pretty serious movie buff and after seeing that movie as a young teen I remember telling him about how amazing it was in scene by scene detail. He listened very patiently and I think even watched with me and never said a bad word about any of it. It’s one of my favorite memories ever.

  16. Driving a manual car? :

    I have to learn how to drive a manual car after moving to Europe(France). Please give me tips, my previous attempts at this many years ago as a learner were not good. Later I learned to drive automatic and this is now what I am used to.

    • Ask a woman to teach you! After unsuccessful attempts to learn from a boyfriend, my best friend taught me in one afternoon.

    • It’s a lot of muscle memory, so make sure you give yourself plenty of behind the wheel practice time.

    • Full of ideas :

      Wear thin soles shoes so you can feel the clutch petal better – you’ll feel the vibrating and change in resistance in the clutch and gas petal that will help you identify the friction point. Good luck! You got this!

    • I learned in college when my parents bought me a Beetle so I could have a car to drive to work at Hersheypark with my friends. One of my friends told me that he’d teach me how to drive it if I’d drive him to work. We were on farm roads so that made it easier to learn. He had a really good approach of teaching me the basics first (nothing fancy, not a lot of downshifting), then graduating to a little more sophisticated driving with it. I liked it so much that I didn’t have an automatic until my current car. I feel like it makes you pay more attention to your driving.

    • Newer manual cars also have software on the dashboard that tells you to shift up or down which can be helpful if you’re new/not sure what gear you’re supposed to be in.

  17. Anonymous :

    I need tips on how to learn how to drive a manual car. I recently moved to Europe(France). When I first started learning how to drive it was on a stick shift and it didn’t go well. I later learned how to drive but it was on an automatic, this is what I am used to now.

    • Do you have someone who can teach you? It’s such a physical process I’m not sure it will make sense unless someone is showing you. Failing that, my default for anything I don’t know how to do is you tube.

    • I drove stick for years, by preference. One visualization I told a friend, when teaching her, is to think of the clutch and the gas pedals as needing to add up to 100% if the car is in gear – so if you’re not giving the car any gas (e.g. you’re sitting at a stoplight), the clutch needs to be 100% (all the way in). Then, as you start moving, you press a little on the gas and let off a little on the clutch, and keep adjusting more-gas/less-clutch until you’re giving it enough gas that it doesn’t “need” the clutch in at all. (Note this does not mean putting the gas pedal all the way to the floor LOL)

    • Equestrian Attorney :

      I honestly would recommend taking lessons (this is coming from someone who learned to drive in France – not sure where you are but Paris traffic is really stressful and the instructor will handle the pedals until you get to a quieter spot). Then lots of practice, preferably on quiet country roads. Each car is different about getting in gear so it helps to drive a lot of the same car.

    • Related question: Is it really still that heavily manual transmission in Europe? I thought it was shifting (no pun intended). I just bought a new German car where the model doesn’t even have a manual option, and it is definitely sold worldwide. I think Automatic is also better fuel efficiency so I’m surprised they’re not more popular in Europe.

      • Equestrian Attorney :

        Manual shift is still really common in Europe, although there are more and more automatic cars for sale as well. I think it’s mostly habit, the fact that they are slightly cheaper and that everyone learns to drive them anyway, and the belief that manual is more fuel efficient (really, older automatic cars were not very fuel efficient but more recent ones are much better, how fuel efficient a stick shift also depends on how good you are at driving it). As far as I know, you can’t get a license in France on an automatic car.

        • Aunt Jamesina :

          You can, but your license is restricted and you’re only licensed to use automatic transmission cars.

      • Anonymous :

        Eh – i don’t know about the fuel efficiency. I’m in the US, bought a Mazda CX-5 and the manual option was the most fuel efficient of the options. On the other hand, the Mazda sedans were more fuel efficient in the automatic versions.

  18. I need tips on how to learn how to drive a manual car. I recently moved to Europe(France). When I first started learning how to drive it was on a stick shift and it didn’t go well. I later learned how to drive but it was on an automatic, this is what I am used to now.

  19. Coach Laura :

    Every manual car is different, has different “feel” to the gears. My tip is to imagine in your head the spinning plates of the gear and the non-spinning flywheel/drive… your goal is to keep the spinning going as it contacts the drive. It’s really a feel thing -you have to feel the engagement and not give too little or too much when going into first gear. And then shifting into second gear, you’re listening for the engine’s revs and again, smoothly releasing the clutch while giving the accelerator gas. Once you’re moving and going into second gear it’s usually much easier.

    Probably not helpful but that’s how my engineer dad taught me. There are youtube videos about it as PP says that should help.

  20. Biglaw sabbatical :

    Has anyone just quit biglaw and taken time off? How did it work out? Did you have plans for that time, like volunteering or travel? Or was the whole point to take some unstructured time to yourself? Did you end up back in law? If not, how did your career path change? Would you recommend that route or do it again?

    I’m a mid/senior associate, major city, and burning out. I’m in my mid-30s and the crazy hours and lack of schedule (transactional, up until well into the wee hours last night working on several purchase agreements) are really taking a toll on my mental and physical health. I’ve been seriously looking for a non-firm job for about six months and will continue to do so, even if it means moving. But I dream about taking time off and getting my health and life back in check. I’m single, my only dependent is a dog, have fully paid off my debt, savings is going well, and my FU fund could float me for a couple years. So financially I’m in the very privileged position to actually be able to contemplate taking real time off. But being the standard Type-A biglaw personality, the idea of time off makes me anxious.

    I would love to hear advice and thoughts from others who were in a similar position and took the leap.

    • Everyone I know has taken two weeks to a month off between biglaw and starting a new job. That seems to be standard “refresher” for my group of colleagues. Most travel the whole time.

    • Anonymous :

      I took 3 months off in between jobs. I was managed-out as a 5th year and would up having two offers and needing to take a new bar. I said I’d start after the bar and ended at BigLaw A around May 1 and started at RegionalLaw B in August. It was heavenly. And then my firm merged into BigLaw C and here I am again (equity partner, branch office).

    • It sounds like you’re in the perfect position to do it! Go for it!

    • I did. I was a biglaw associate and got to the point where I was physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted all the time. I spent a year looking for a non-firm job in my niche field without any success. After a year of looking while I was still working, I felt like I just couldn’t do it anymore, so I quit. I gave the firm plenty of notice and wrapped things up responsibly. I went on a trip after I quit but nothing very extravagant. I gave myself three months to relax and do whatever I wanted – spend time with family, pursue hobbies, watch netflix, exercise, sleep, be a better friend, eat vegetables, whatever. I still did job searching things during this time but I told myself I wouldn’t stress out about finding a job until after this three months. When the three months ended, I was bored (which was kind of the goal) and wanted to be working again. I applied to a bunch of jobs and eventually got a great offer but the whole process (from when I quit to my first day at my new job) took almost a year, which is shocking to think about now because the time does just go by. While I think I did the right thing by leaving the firm and I think I am happy with where I ended up, it was a huge risk and there were definitely some dark days while I was looking for a new job. My suggestions are: (1) do what you can to stay at your firm until you get another offer, if you feel like you really can’t stay, consider pushing the boundaries a little and asking the firm for a month off (if their options are let you go for a month or let you go forever, they might be willing to give you the month), ask for a reduced hours schedule, ask to change your billables to do less client work and more business development, basically be creative because you don’t have much to lose (2) if you quit without a job, have a plan, even if that plan is to be lazy for awhile then aggressively pursue your passion for basketweaving, (3) try to continue doing some legal work after you leave the firm so that you have something to keep your mind going and something to talk about during interview, and (4) remember that the grass is often greener, so remember how hard it is to start over at a new job and think about whether you’re up for that. Also, appreciate how much money you’re making now because you may never make that much again. Ultimately though, if you need to get out, you should. These things work out for other people, so they will for you too.

    • I feel alot like you, but my next job I hope will be a MOM, and I can NOT control the timeing, tho it has to be soon. I am still in my mid 30’s, but know that my e’ggs are NOT getting any fresher. Men are NOT interested in marrying me, but still want to have s-x. I do NOT want one without the other. I have been hopeing that my brother in law will give me some of his sperm artifially so that the baby will look like Rosa’s. Does the HIVE think this is ethical? Dad is now goeing to bring this up with Ed and Rosa, and now I think it is good b/c I will not have s-x with him. We will get a birth specialist at NYU to do it at the clinic. I asked this question before but my p’ost got lost. Kat, can you please ask the moderator’s to let the HIVE vote on this? Thanks!

  21. I did! I miss the work and colleagues, but not the lifestyle. I had an independent project in mind and had a lot of family obligations coming up (baby + end of life care for a parent). No regrets leaving. Hope to go back to practice someday after the project, but not at a big firm, at least one that has lifestyle expectations like most biglaw firms.

    There’s so much more to life than providing great service on transactions for large companies. That said, if it’s important to you to go in-house, it’s probably better to tough it out because it’s so much easier to get a job if you have a job and in-house gigs at good in-house employers with reasonable hours are hard to get.

  22. Hello There EveryOne On The Inside. I Hope You Are Keeping Up On Your Fashion Tips!!!!

  23. Following this! :

    Oh man, I will be following this. Also a lawyer, not in Biglaw but in a legal sweatshop nonetheless. I am hoping to quit and take an extended sabbatical just before my 39th birthday. I am 37 now. I am just so tired, far beyond the point of being able to do anything other than lay in bed even on weekends where I don’t have to work.

    • Biglaw Sabbatical :

      OP here. I spend so many of my “free” weekend days sleeping! It’s unsustainable but I’ve somehow managed to do it for seven years.

  24. I’m restless at work, but I need to stay put. Talk me down!

    I’ve been in my current position for about five years. I have a fantastic boss, excellent work-life balance, and so-so pay. Finding a job with better money would mean losing a lot of free time to a more demanding job.

    I’m a caregiver for a parent who is only going to get more needy (and whose condition will probably escalate quickly) and once said parent passes, we plan to move across the country. I expect this to happen in two years at the absolute most.

    It is downright stupid for me to think about piling more on my plate, but I’ve run out of room to grow at this company until someone retires. (That will take about a decade.) Being able to do my job by rote and go home promptly is a blessing I should be appreciating, given my family situation. I wish I could punch my own brain!

    Remind me that I am dumb and need to cool my jets.

    • Anonymous :

      What does “restless” mean? Are you bored? Burned out? Lacking challenge? Can you ask to take on some new projects, even if there isn’t a promotion available?

      And, is it possible that life is looking a little grim right now, in general, and you’re longing for something fresh and different — something that’s more full of hope than a parent with needs, with death likely in the near future? That’s how I’d be feeling if I thought the next two years held lots more caretaking and decline, followed by the difficulty of a cross-country move.

      If so, freshness or a challenge doesn’t have to come from a new job. You could find other ways …an online class, a new hobby.

    • Anonymous :

      Could you work on the move plan now? It will be more challenging later when you’re dealing with the stress you are about to experience. Research where you want to move, research movers, do a closet clean out, etc.? Plan day trips and short vacations to see everything you want to see/visit everyone you want to visit with in your current locale?

    • Find a fulfilling side hustle, hobby, or volunteer gig. Stimulate your brain outside of work, on flexible terms, that enable you to be a caregiver.

    • Anon for this :

      Why not start a personal project instead of looking to work to fulfill you. It would out me to use my regular handle, but I’ve got a few side projects going all the time (currently doing a photography project, a newsletter, and designing a few friends homes). It’s all things I’m into, but why not look to do something for yourself. I always read these black and white questions where the only two options are job A or job B and wonder why people limit their thinking so much. You have a lot more power to design your own life. And you never know where doing things you love can lead.

  25. I am taking my high school senior to visit colleges in the Midwest (we are in silicon valley) — we are going to University of Illinois, Madison, and University of Minnesota — any suggestions for places to eat or things to do???

    • S in Chicago :

      In Champaign, you have to go to Nando Milano. Used to go there when my stepson was a student. The food is so, so good, from the home-made pastas to the semi-fredo. They opened one in Chicago now, too, and it’s become a favorite for us every time we head into the city for a night out. So much so we even went there for New Year’s dinner.

      • Anonymous :

        Oh wow, I went to Illinois for undergrad and law school and never heard of Nando Milano. I live in Wicker Park now and this is just a few blocks away, I must try it!

    • University of Minnesota – the Minneapolis campus, try Stub and Herbs or Sally’s (East Bank, Stadium village area). Or get on the Green line (runs through campus) and head towards St. Paul for Vietnamese food – Ngon Bistro is pretty good. There’s a large Hmong population in the Twin Cities, so the Vietnamese food tends to be pretty good.

      Uptown (south of downtown) Mpls is popular with the college and recent grad crowd. There’s a series of lakes (Lake of the Isles, Bde Mka Ska/Lake Calhoun, and Lake Harriet) that are good for a walk around. Several small/independent restaurants on Hennepin, Ave worth trying. Or there’s the MInnehaha Falls south of Lake Nokomis (other side of 35W from the previous 3 I named).

      Get a Juicy Lucy at one of the 2-3 places that claims to invent it – Matt’s Bar (it’s a dive, and there’s usually a little bit of a line), the 5-8 club (less dive-y than Matt’s b/c it has more windows).

      Go to the Bell Museum, on the St. Paul Campus. Natural history museum, just reopened. Mall of America (in Bloomington, by the airport, about 30 min south of campus) is always a wonder to behold. You’ll get your steps in and there are several (chain type) restaurants to choose from. And roller coasters.

    • Anonymous :

      Favorites in Champaign, will definitely depend on major being considered. Check out the college buildings associated with that major. Walk through the quad, go into the Illini Union. Most students spend lots of time in those places. Japan House at the arboretum is a nice spot. In the fall I always like going to the Curtis Apple Orchard, very close to campus. For food, Black Dog BBQ is a student favorite, as is Maize (Mexican restaurant), and Sakanaya for sushi.

    • In Madison, walk State Street! There are lots of shopping, restaurants, bars, etc. Just off campus is Bloom – lovely bakery/cafe. Daughter is a sophomore there and vegan so we’ve been a few vegan places. Can’t speak much to other restaurants. Also get ice cream – there are a few places on State Street.

  26. Which color? :

    What colour Kitchenaid Mixer should I get? White kitchen, not worried about colour coordination too much with other pots/appliances. Leaning towards boysenberry, pistachio, or cobalt blue (all Artisan model). What color do you all have?

    • Sunflower :

      Cobalt blue. Got it because that’s what my cooking hero, Julia Child, had.

    • I have a red one in a black and white kitchen and love it because it pops. My le creuset pieces are red too. (They don’t sit out. I have a cupboard for them)

    • Anonymous :

      I bought mine about 25 years ago, and didn’t really consider that I’d be having it out and visible for that long. I got white — boring at the time, but now I appreciate that I’m not tied to a color that I liked then but am tired of now (my tastes have changed in that time).

    • mixer colors :

      I like all the colors you listed and also blueberry.

    • Anonymous :

      I have pistachio and very happy with it. I spent way too much time thinking about what color to buy, but it was fun. I like all the colors you mention. The pistachio has been versatile even after a kitchen remodel and I also liked that it would look good during any holiday — it coordinates well for spring/summer, fall, holidays. Enjoy the choosing!

    • Oh thanks all! I had no idea Julia Child had a cobalt blue one but that makes me lean towards it (it was my favourite before knowing that too). I haven’t noticed the blueberry color but will check it out.

    • Elegant Giraffe :

      Bed Bath and Beyond sold me one of their leftovers from the previous year for a big discount because it was an outdated color. Since I intend to keep it for decades…I didn’t much care that it was “last year’s” color. It’s whatever their silver/chrome color was that year – figured that would always match at least one SS appliance in my kitchen.

  27. LittleBigLaw :

    Any recommendations for lightweight, i.e., all season, wool footed pajamas for infants? We had several zippered ones from Woolino with DD1 that I loved, but they were recalled for not meeting flame retardant standards. Not having much luck finding affordable alternatives.

    • MomAnon4This :

      I…. just bought cheap stuff at Target. It’s for an infant. They spit up and p00p and grow. Do not spend more than you have to.
      A Mom of 3
      P.S. Good luck!

      • LittleBigLaw :

        Fair enough. I’m definitely not getting rid of our cheap Target pjs (that we were lucky enough to get mostly secondhand) but I really like that the wool ones aren’t chemically treated. And it seemed like the ones I had before lasted forever, through a couple of sizes.

    • Wool pajamas are not normally treated with flame retardant, since wool is naturally flame resistant. Parents who lean toward using wool often dislike the idea of chemical flame treatments. Note that “superwash” wool is also a chemical treatment (http://woolful.com/fiber-conscious-superwash-wool), so if you are committed to wool, you will be hand-washing and line-drying lots of baby things.

      We used some hand-knit wool pajamas, but mostly relied on layers of fleece in cold weather–cotton in warm weather. We also tried wool diaper covers for cloth diapering and decided they were a hassle compared to the velcro style.

      I don’t mind hand-washing, but the sheer volume of laundry with babies makes wool a pretty heavy lift. Your mileage may vary.

  28. Honestly, I’d keep using them if they’re not loose. Fires are one of the least likely way for your baby to be injured, right? Your baby is probably not going to be around many flames on a regular basis, unless maybe you have a wood burning stove or fireplace in heavy rotation. Wool isn’t like the cheap rayon of yesteryear that parents would accidentally ignite via smoking cigarettes in the house.

    • LittleBigLaw :

      This is exactly what I should have done. The company was offering a full refund with the recall and I sent mine in without researching alternatives first. Oh well, certainly not the end of the world.

  29. Newly promoted impostor :

    Hello wise ladies,
    I am having a major impostor syndrome and a panic attack. I was recently promoted and feel like I am not up to this task. I am having difficulty justifying myself to be at this level, and feel like I am letting my managers down. Already working on better project organization and general focus on getting better at my job. How do you judge your own performance and know you are good enough? What else can I do to feel more confident? Thank you!

    • Anonymous :

      How long ago is “recently”?
      Have you worked at this level in a different company before, or is this your first time at this level?
      And…how old are you — how much work experience do you have?

      All those questions matter. I think you’re used to being an achiever and might be forgetting that at THIS job, you’re a beginner. Beginners don’t know how to do things, they have to learn, they feel awkward and uncomfortable.

      Oh…and deep breaths. Literally. When people get anxious they forget to breathe, and then they work themselves up into a worse state.

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