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Something on your mind? Chat about it here.
Here at Casa Griffin we're gearing up for spring travel in the next few weeks, so my mind has turned to poolside lounging with the kids. I've never really been a jumpsuit girl — in fact last year I rediscovered my love of easy weekend dresses for summer — but this jumpsuit/cover-up looks like it would be great for the pool as well as a put-together but comfortable look in general for weekends. Hooray for pockets and breezy fabrics, and the reviews are fantastic. It's $138 at Nordstrom, available in sizes XS-L. (I'm also eyeing this option from Madewell in sizes up to 3X.) Pictured.
P.S. I keep forgetting to note this — this week we hit 1 million approved comments. Amazing. Huge thanks to everyone for reading and commenting, as well as for helping create such a supportive community.
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Sales of note for 9.30.24
- Nordstrom – Beauty deals through September
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 50% off select styles
- J.Crew Factory – Up to 60% off everything + 50% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Neiman Marcus – Friends & Family 25% off
- Rag & Bone – Friends & Family 25% off sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Fall Cyber Monday sale, 40% off sitewide and $5 shipping
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!
Some of our latest threadjacks include:
- What to say to friends and family who threaten to not vote?
- What boots do you expect to wear this fall and winter?
- What beauty treatments do you do on a regular basis to look polished?
- Can I skip the annual family event my workplace holds, even if I'm a manager?
- What small steps can I take today to get myself a little more “together” and not feel so frazzled all of the time?
- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Anonymous
What’s an opinion of yours that you would never, ever share with your friends? Here is mine: I think using your husband’s last name s ucks you’re hetero, but it is awesome when gay couples have the same last name.
Please share your actual secret opinion and not thoughts on another person’s!
Anon
I will be legit extremely disappointed if I conceive a boy, I really only want girls.
Anon
same, it makes me afraid to have kids
Anon
Unpopular opinion, but you can have an abortion if you feel that strongly about it.
Anonymous
(raises hand) had 3 boys and still missing the daughter I’ll never have
Anon
I don’t have anything against boys, and I would have been happy with a boy and a girl if we’d wanted two kids, but we were always planning to be one and done and I desperately wanted a daughter. I did a lot of (probably totally unscientific) stuff that’s recommended online to get a girl and I got one. We knew sex pretty early due to genetic testing (10 weeks I think) and it did cross my mind that if I had a miscarriage, I’d feel extra sad about losing the baby because it was a girl and the next one might not be. That thought made me feel like a horrible person.
Anon
What unscientific things did you do? I’ve read online a bit but there are conflicting recommendations
Anon
1) gardening mostly in missionary (shallow p3netration is supposed to be more conducive to female swimmers), 2) gardening timing – doing it a lot in the days leading up to ovulation, but not gardening when you’re actually ovulating (female swimmers supposedly are slower but last longer inside your body), 3) diet – you can find a lot of things online you’re supposed to eat and avoid. I didn’t do any diet strictly, but I did try to eat a lot of dark leafy greens and drink more milk (calcium is supposed to be good for girls), and I don’t eat much salt to begin with but I did make an effort to eat less while TTC. We didn’t have to try for very long, I don’t know long I would have kept this up. I have no idea if any of this had any impact, since of course I had a 50/50 chance to begin with.
Anonymous
Total anecdata, but the timing thing worked for me – two girls.
Anonymous
More anecdata – timing did not work for me – two boys!
anon
more anecdata- got my girl first & boy 2nd doing it :)
Anonymous
I felt this way after I had my daughter and found out that I was expecting twin boys. But they are the funniest, cutest little guys.
Anon
Ok not to discredit your feelings as I felt exactly as you do, but I am fortunate enough to have had a daughter, then a son. When I got the dna of my son at 13 weeks gestation I actually was in a state of shock.
But now my kids are 18 and 16. My daughter is my best friend – I adore her – but my son? My son is the love of my life. I can’t explain it.
No matter what sex your children are, you will love them to the end of the earth. I promise.
Anon
*chromosomes, not DNA
I’m wine drunk (one glass) at lunch
Anonymous
If your son is the “love of your life,” I’d suggest marriage counseling. His future wife will thank you for not acting like his jilted ex when he marries.
Anon
I thought the same thing, this poster sounds like she will be a rough MIL for someone one day
Anon
Oh f%^* off. You have no idea.
Anonymous
Omg you’re not her therapist you don’t know her leave her alone.
Anon
It’s Friday afternoon and I’m out of my stash of work snacks. Can anyone share some popcorn for me to munch in while reading the replies?
Anon
Lol right? I can’t wait to see what OP will respond to the others with cause clearly they’re trying to stir the pot.
Anon
That it’s really tiresome to hear “I shave my legs for ME” or “It’s my choice to wear make-up” with zero acknowledgment of the fact that women who do not shave their legs or wear make-up will face professional and interpersonal consequences. This combined with the “anything is feminist if it’s my choice” attitude is getting really old, but my friends do not seem to share my sentiment.
Lana Del Raygun
I feel this so hard! What, none of your preference are at all influenced by society? You already hated leg hair when you sprang fully-formed from the head of Zeus? Give me break.
Anonymous
I do not like the “anything is feminist if it’s my choice” attitude, but I also do not like the “it’s anti-feminist to shave your legs” attitude. Choosing to shave my legs is not the same as “choosing” to be a $ex worker.
Lana, yes, I have always hated leg hair on both men and women.
Anon
Shaving your legs, yes, it’s kind of weird not to (although I wish it weren’t). But do you really think women are held back at work personally or professionally for not wearing make-up? I’ve literally never worn make-up in my life and have never had a problem getting promotions or dates, and while I’m not ugly, I’m definitely not naturally stunning. The majority of women I work with wear no make-up or make-up that’s so minimal you barely notice it. Bright red lipstick would look very out of place and I think not in a good way. And aren’t there a bunch of studies that men prefer women with light-to-no-makeup?
Curly
There’s a huge difference between looking like you’re not wearing makeup and actually not wearing makeup. I think most of those studies show that a light makeup look is what people respond positively to. So, not red lipstick, etc., but subtle eye make up and natural-looking lip gloss and a tiny bit of blush, etc.
I know very few women who don’t wear any makeup at all, but a lot (including me) who do the natural-looking routine that actually takes more time than just swiping on some red lipstick. I’m in the south, though.
Walnut
Hi! I’m a rare makeup-er. I only own mascara and an eyeliner pencil. I’ve used the mascara maybe twice this year? I used to also have chapstick, but my toddler walked off with it awhile ago.
Anon
I wear moisturizer with SPF daily and concealer if I have a pimple. I don’t own anything else. I had my make-up done professionally for my wedding, and hated it (and ended up removing a lot of it). None of my close female friends wear make-up except for special occasions, and my mom, MIL and SIL don’t wear it at all. We’re all in STEM/tech/academia though (but not all hiding in labs, there are some product managers, associate deans, etc.)
Curly
Oh yes, I know there are lots! Just not many in my area, it seems. I was just trying to say that sometimes it looks like women aren’t wearing makeup (i.e., me on the weekend at the farmer’s market), but they actually are.
Anon
Sometimes I sigh into the makeup mirror at the realization that I am literally painting my face, but then I keep going because I just feel ugly without it, and yes I know that is social conditioning.
anon
Also, I feel like this is inherently sexist & racist in so much as it’s often ok for slim, young, beautiful, white women to go without shaving… but less so if you don’t exude traditional femininity in other marked ways or have more than a certain amount of hair.
Signed,
A super hairy, mostly non-shaver, that does not always fit the traditional feminine mold.
I also don’t wear makeup because it makes my skin freak out and life is to short to have open sores in the name of being pretty.
Calianon
I think it’s really $hitty that my friend whose fiance netted more in a bonus last year that I will make combined in the next 10 years, won’t spring for dinner at their Friday night wedding this fall at a fancy museum. The wedding is at 6 p.m.
Also, I totally judge people who walk their dog who pulls in a collar and not a harness.
Gail the Goldfish
Wait, so what are they doing? If heavy hors d’oeuvres, I am of the opinion if you do enough of those, they can legit replace dinner and actually taste better most of the time than plated dinners anyway. But if they’re just doing light apps or not feeding you at all, I’m with you.
Anon
I hope they’re prepared for guests to leave early when they start getting hungry!
Anonymous
I drove to a predecessor of this wedding. And had a drink during what I thought was the cocktail hour. And then the reception ended. Me, stomach empty but for a very strong drink, frantically trying to find the # for a local cab company and how I could get from the Country Club of Virginia back to my hotel in downtown Richmond. No blood sugar left, just liquor.
Not cool.
Anon
Unless the bride has a serious plan to eat throughout the afternoon, joke will be on her – alcohol plus a long day plus not eating in eight hours… is not offset by a vegetable and cheese tray.
Calianon
Did I mention it’s an out of town wedding for everyone?
I am not sure what they are serving, I only got a peek at the STDs. Let’s hope for heavy h’od, but I still think it’s crazy to spend $60k on a wedding and not buy people dinner.
Anon
I got a lot of judgment for walking my (late) dog in a pinch collar rather than an chain, but the pinch collar was more humane for a dog who pulled. This was before dog halters were common.
Calianon
I understand that, these are not pinch collars, they are regular nylon collars that does nothing other than press against the dog’s trachea. I respect people who know enough about dog training to use pinch collars properly.
Anon
Thankfully my dog owning friends are working dog folks because I have no patience for the “pinch collars are evilllll” crowd. It’s a tool that can be used or misused and a pinch collar is actually pretty damn hard to screw up as compared to a lot of the things people inflict on dogs.
anon
Then don’t go? But I feel you… we have friends that are literally 2 time unicorn millionaires and they are the CHEAPEST (we are lawyers so do pretty ok, but not like them). They tip 10% or less whenever we go out with them & we always make it up on our check, they never get the bill (even though we often do), and they gave us a $25 off registry tjmaxx gift for our wedding even though we gave them a $250 check. They are my husband’s friends’ from college and they annoy the heck out of me because of this (I know it shouldn’t, but it does), but they make him happy so whatevs.
Calianon
I would love to not go, but my friend would be super duper upset and I don’t want to end the friendship over this. I would prefer to vent to the internet!
Anonymous
That it makes me sad when a woman goes to the best schools, works really hard for an amazing resume and career and then just decides to stay home and put all that energy into being a wife and mother.
anon
+1
Anonymous
OTOH, when my friend who went to the best schools got a job in HR at a tech startup and had enough in options to stop working at 34, I feel bad that people assume she is unemployed. Naw, she rich.
Anon
Same
Anonymous
This. Wife and mommy aren’t careers and certainly not careers one should pursue with a Wharton degree.
Anonymous
OTOH, would love a Wharton grad to help my kids with math homework. I have a feeling that if you don’t get that level of caregiving for free, you can’t afford to pay for it. Le sigh.
Anonymous
Well yeah because most Wharton grads I know would rather be in banking, law or c suite. That only leaves a few Wharton mommy types to tutor your kid in geometry.
Anon
I tutored on top of my normal, full-time job for a while; I have an engineering degree from a top school. If you were willing to shell out $75 or more per hour, I could get your kid to improve two letter grades in geometry or physics.
It was important to me to get to know the kids, build a rapport with them, support them in their academic and personal achievements, but that is in no way contrary to running my business like an actual business. Just because some people think of tutoring as “women’s work” does not obligate me to treat my time and my expertise as less valuable.
Anonymous
Yes. And same disappointment when women go from real careers to mommy track careers in law firm professional development/recruiting or HR — very common at my firm for female associates once they get pregnant. No the firm isn’t pushing this move — they leave the firm and get these jobs elsewhere.
Anon
I feel like if you want to stay at home or lean out or whatever, there are more structured and thoughtful ways to do it. Some women who have kids late semi-retire, but they had such a long run in their profession that it’s really an early retirement and not mommy-track. On the other side, I went to law school with a woman who had two kids and then went back to school, full-time, when the kids hit elementary school. She was in her early 30s and ready to just put it all into her career.
But… there are times when you look at what’s going on – woman who stays at home two years after getting her MBA or JD – and think, “Do you actually want to stay home with your kids, or do you want credit for being such a trailblazing feminist but found out you don’t actually like working?”
Anonymous
That’s usually what it is – they were smart, did well in school on testing so getting into law or b school wasn’t so hard. Mr. Right didn’t come around in college so they figured why not law school. Then 2 years after law school once they realize they were good at school but don’t actually want deadlines or long hours or demanding partners or clients and someone is willing to put a ring on it – it’s OMG I NEED to support my husbands career, when he makes partner it will be because of MY contributions and I NEED to be home so as not to miss a single second with my 5 month old – when he gets into med school, it’ll be because of ME.
Anon
Anon at 3:55.
Preach it.
There’s nothing particularly grueling about doing well in high school, getting an English degree from Mt. Holyoke, and then getting into law school. It’s not the same as having clients scream at you and people at the office throw you under the bus. Kudos to people who find happiness in their lives and don’t need to handle the stress, but when you ran away at the first opportunity, just stop with how intimidating and trailblazing and amazing you are.
Anonymous
Those are totally the women who go to law or business school to find husbands that are lawyers or in finance, not to actually work in the fields themselves. I definitely had some classmates like that.
Really?
Or…. you go to two Ivies and plan to make partner and then marry someone who makes literally two times most what most finance equity partners at AmLaw 10 firms make and sustaining that with kids is not possible (despite trying at the highest levels for 9 years) so you leave bc that is the most practical decision for your family? Please don’t assume that someone who has left the workforce never intended to stay and just wanted a Mrs. Sometimes it’s about maximizing family happiness.
S
Ah yes, the M.R.S. degree. So old fashioned, but I guess there are still plenty of women who do it. Makes me sad.
anon
Thanks Really?… or your dream job’s company goes bankrupt and it’s not as easy to find a job that makes as much and gives you as much flexibility… so you decide to stay home for a bit because you’d have to move cross country for a new job that pays less, see your kids less, and pay a ton for daycare. There’s a million internal reasons why people may decide to do what they do and it may not be evident on it’s face to outsiders.
Anon
I used to feel 1000% this way. Then I had a near-death experience and decided that in the grand scheme of things I gave zero effs about my career. That whole thing about no one’s on their death bed wishing they had worked more was completely true for me. I went from a really hard-charging career being the center of my universe to scaling way back and seeing a job as that thing I do M-F 9-5 to pay the bills. We don’t have kids yet, but when we do, if we can’t make the juggle work (my husband’s job involves international travel), I’ll happily step back even further and do the PTA thing.
Anon
I have no judgments on a woman who decides to be a SAHM. The way I see it, you have a career to support yourself, and be independent. I’d you get married and have kids, you can rely on your husbands paycheck and spend your time with your child if that’s something you’re comfortable with. I would never do that, but I don’t judge someone who does. I don’t really care about my career. I just want a good reputation and enough money to live comfortably.
Anon
Same. It bothers me that it’s totally ok for all the high-achieving women here to admit they’d quit tomorrow if they won the lottery, but they judge women who stay home with children. I understand being reluctant to be financially dependent on your spouse, and not wanting to stay home yourself for that reason. But in terms of judging people for opting out of the workforce and wasting your fancy degrees, there’s no difference.
IMMJ
+1. I especially resent it when they’re doctors, because places in med schools and residencies are so limited. Lawyers don’t bother me quite as much (I’m a lawyer).
Anon
I think it’s generally a lot easier for them to go back to work than it is for lawyers though. An MD who works from age 26-34, stays home with kids for a decade and then works from 44-65 or whatever has had a pretty long and worthwhile career as an MD, I think.
Anonymous
It may be easier, but it should come with a warning. I really do not want my care in the hands of a doctor who just skipped practicing for a decade and went back to work. There are probably a few specialty areas that could be exceptions.
Anonymous
Doctors are always having to take tests to stay up-to-date. A doctor returning to the field wouldn’t be exempt.
anon
Anon @ 2:12a, would you be as biased against the person in the first 10 yrs of their career, without that 2nd set of experience? This reeks of sexism.
Vicky Austin
I find the terms fur baby, fur mom, fur grandchild, etc. to be absolutely barf-inducing. I’m not saying that pets can’t or shouldn’t be equivalent in your love and your life to any real or hypothetical children. I just hate the use of “fur” as an adjective to denote that. It sounds gross.
Anonymous
My family is so hairy that this would be extended to people also.
anon
My mom does sometimes call me that. It suits.
anon
lok, it hir”suites”. My family too.
anon
I am grossed out by this too even though I’m totally a crazy dog lady!
Also I had strong opposition to the term “grandboss” and the use of “gift” as a verb (“they gifted it to me”), for no good reason.
AIMS
Yes, yes and adding “push present” to your list.
Vicky Austin
UGH, I hate the term push present too!
Anon
Ohhh I hate this one. “Push present” is a term used by those people who constantly post pics and send cards of their families in super staged/professional photographer sessions, which I also hate with a passion and judge super harshly. They also name their kids names that end with “iegh” and “ynn”.
Anon
I HATE “push present.”
It’s gross on so many levels. Like you deserve a diamond for pushing, and not because the 9 months before and the “fourth trimester” are rough on every aspect of your body and mind. I think it’s important to make a woman feel loved and cherished after a rough ordeal that she does to benefit everyone else, but “push present” demeans the tenderness that should be behind a gift.
Anon
I find “fur baby” gross, but I think it’s adorable that my parents call my dog their granddog.
Anonymous
It creeps me out whenever people make any analogy between my pets and children. My cats had their own mom, and they’re older than me at this point? I don’t think of them as children at all. I know some people do think that way or use it to express that their pets are part of the family or that they love them that much, but to me it’s just weird to think of them as children at all.
Anonymous
I won $$$ in the lottery and told no one. Luckily my husband just signs the tax returns and doesn’t actually read them.
Anon
How much??
Anonymous
Not so much that I feel like I could stop working. But dude cannot keep his mouth shut and every deadbeat relative we have would have cried it out of him by now if he did know.
Anon
Sounds like sort of a fun secret to have!
Anonymous
I’m not going to lie, why is keeping a windfall of money from your husband a fun secret to have this afternoon, but earlier today the spending of money behind the back of your wife grounds for divorce?
Original Moonstone
This story just gets better and better.
Cat
Anon at 4:27 I had the same reaction. If I found out my husband was doing this to me I would be beyond livid.
Anon
Well spending money and getting money are very, very different. But I suspect you know that already.
Anon
Let’s say you won $1 million and are taking it in installments. An extra $33k a year is not anything to change your lifestyle over – it’s basically a small promotion.
But you should really talk to your husband about this. Let him know that it’s not enough to support people on – this is $33,000 a year extra, before taxes. Tell him that if he wants to blab, he’s the one on the hook for turning down deadbeat relatives. Ask him if he would blab all over the place if you got a $33,000/year pay raise.
Wait WHAT
An extra $33,000 is….not a small promotion for like, 95% of the population. It would VASTLY change even most upper middle class lifestyles, much less middle class. Sometimes this board makes me so absolutely stunned at the amount of privilege.
Senior Attorney
I agree with Anonymous at 4:27. How is this not financial infidelity?
Anon
Why is this a problem??
Lot of couples handle their finances separately. Even in most cases where couple have joint finances, if the guy gets an inheritance, he chooses to keep most of the money in his name and blow a portion of it in his interests and uses a small portion for a family trip…
I don’t get why OP gets called out for financial infidelity!
Anonymous
H and I have separatish finances — it’s a second marriage with prior kids, so this just seemed fairer all around. And let more things be less-discoverable / more private with exes.
BUT while I keep our finances, I also don’t alert him for each quarterly statement and have found that lots of small accounts defeats a feeling of having enough $ to blow. So if our 401Ks are up, no need to announce. We won’t be old enough to spend the $ for a while. And if they are down, no reason to panic. The only thing I may ever comment on is what Zillow erroneously thinks our house is worth.
But H is a verbal-vomiter. If you say to H, “I got a bonus of $, don’t tell your failure-to-launch sibling,” he will blurt out that. And then she’d need a new transmission for her car . . .
Anon
I usually don’t tell my husband what my bonus is. I manage the finances in the home. If he trusts me to take care of literally everything money-related, why should it matter to him? This year, I did tell him because he got a new commuter job and I wanted to make sure he knew we can replace our old beater car if needed (something I’ve been saving for in our family fund already), which is what we ended up doing. I don’t really understand the “financial infidelity” of not discussing extra money if the money manager is aware. Financial goals may differ past certain basics (home/daycare/transportation/emergency fund), but if you’re not rich enough to get past the basics there is nothing to argue about.
Anonymous
Like.. how much? And what are you doing with it, just blowing it all on shoes? (Which I think would be awesome by the way)
Anon
Yes I need to know this too. I’m wine drunk on my last day of vacation and this is the most pressing issue on my mind right now.
CountC
I want to be friends with you.
Anonymous
I hired a cabana boy all last summer. And I don’t even have a pool.
Just kidding.
I’m a Virgo so I paid off our HELOC because interest rates were rising. And the rest may or may not be in a low fee mutual fund.
Anonymous
That’s very sensible… Good for you.
I’d like to think that there’s a pair of shoes somewhere in there though :)
Anon
This is what I’d have done too if I had such a husband.
If we had any consumer debt, Money would have gone to that first and then to investments… ETFs!!! Curious minds want to know what you did with it.
anon
I’m a young woman of color, and why inclusivity and equality is super super important to me, the way progressive people are talking about it now really just makes me feel like a token. I feel like we’ve lost most appreciation for an individual’s views/qualities, and even though that benefits me now (I’m planning a run for office soon), part of it makes me sad that people won’t ever see me-and others- for who we are as individuals and what we bring to the table besides gender, race, and other demographic markers.
My most woke friends have made me feel really uncomfortable and alone on this dimension, and I know they’re good people doing what they think is best. I just feel like I can’t say anything because I’ll be told that it’s the patriarchy talking or whatever and I don’t really mean it. *sigh*
Anon
+1. I agree with all of this. I’m really worried about its implications for the presidential election too – everything is all about whether something was okay to say based on candidate’s sex/skin color/income level rather than on the content of their words.
Anonymous
I feel like I end up being the token woman a lot on teams, and I honestly feel more like a guy than half the guys there.
Anonymous
Agree. I think for for purposes of diversity numbers, we open the doors but once they get in, they are unsupported and permitted to fail.
S
Yup, I’m a lifelong liberal who’s become pretty repulsed by the way liberals are now talking about these issues.
LaurenB
If the person who will beat Trump in 2020 is Whitey McWhiterson from Greenwich, CT, a Sons of the American Revolution member, with all the white / WASP privilege one can amass, I say bring him on. Don’t let the perfect be the enemy of the good. I, too, am repulsed by the tokenism and excessive woke performance of many liberals these days.
Abby
My dog isn’t good with kids and we are waiting 3-5 yrs before TTC, but I secretly hope my dog will be old enough to grow out of it if we wait longer. It stresses me out in the back of my mind constantly. She’s only 5 and her breed averages living til 16-18 yrs.
Anon
I had a dog who was terrible with everyone (kids/other dogs) but adored my baby. There is hope… But this is really tough.
anon
Prob unpopular opinion, but I would strongly consider re-homing your dog now while he is young and can find a nice older/childless couple… I have a 4 yo & newborn and know so many people in your predicament and they basically have to wall of the dog in a separate bedroom the rest of it’s life or end up giving it away anyway, which would be much more awful for an older dog.
Anonymous
I share your cousin’s opinion that it is tacky to have a cash bar at your wedding.
Is it Friday yet?
Ugh, yes, I also agree. Pick a cheaper venue, have limited options, serve only cheap beer and two buck Chuck, whatever – just don’t make your guests pay for it.
anon
Another probably unpopular wedding opinion- I don’t understand weddings that exclude kids. Kids are part of the life/society. Also, it’s not easy or possible to find a babysitter unless the wedding is local. If you exclude kids, I won’t have hard feelings, but I’ll probably send a check & my regards and hang out with you at another time (unless you are my sibling).
Also co-sign on free bar (we also paid the tips as a lump sum in advance so that guests wouldn’t have to, which I always think is confusing to people).
anon
That most of their husbands actually suck because they don’t come anywhere close to pulling their weight on household stuff and raising kids. These are people I’ve known since college. It is eye-opening to see how child-rearing has revealed issues that were there all along.
Anon
Definitely was the case in my marriage. I had genuinely no idea how useless my husband will be. The gigantic amount of privilege he grew up with instantly came to light upon baby’s arrival. My now-three-year-old provides a ton more household help than he does. It’s bonkers and I don’t know how I didn’t see it before we had kids. For household management, there was just so much less to do before kids and it was all on autopay and never needed to change, so even though I was “responsible” there was almost nothing to do. For chores, I guess we were just seriously dirty people who never cleaned up until it was a necessity, and then we did it together. You really can’t do that with kids. The amount of work doesn’t triple with baby, it goes from 10 min a month to like HOURS each day, and even after setting down it’s still like 5 hours a week with all the planning and picking extracurricular classes and playdates and figuring out food that kids will eat. I honestly just had no idea.
anon
90% of the gallery walls in suburban houses are tacky as $hit.
Anon
+1. If I never see a “Live, laugh, love” or “Keep calm and carry on” print again in my entire life, it will be too soon.
Is it Friday yet?
My favorite ever was “Love you to the Jersey Shore and back”. Setting the bar low there.
Anon
??????????
Vicky Austin
Right? Also I had some brief but formative training in graphic design, and it all generally sucks.
Anon
I am the wine drunk on vacation poster (stuck inside due to too much sun exposure). We were in one of those vacationy gift shops yesterday with those signs for your walls and I was just noticing how unfunny and unoriginal most of them are, when my husband said “have you noticed how it has become acceptable to have the f-word on a sign or on your shirt in the last couple of years?”
My husband is a master user of the f-word so maybe he just thought they were encroaching on his territory but he has a point. When did this happen and why?
Aunt Jamesina
I am HERE for hot takes like this!
LaurenB
What do you mean by a gallery wall? Are you talking personal photographs?
Anon
For my lifelong best friend: I’m getting really sad that the only time she’ll actually put effort into a conversation is if we’re talking about her diet or her problems at work. Everything else, including almost all updates from my life, gets a quick “oh that sucks” or “nice!” via text or a hurried conversation via phone. I’m sad that we’re growing apart, but when I compare those conversations with conversations I have with a newer friend with tons of common interests (politics! the outdoors! data science! travel!), it’s clear which friendship is better for my mental and physical health. I walk away feeling inspired and more positive and eager for our next outdoor adventure together. Still bummed that a truly lifelong friendship is fading (although I know it won’t go away entirely, which I suppose is nice), but I’m making an effort to focus on making new friends that I can talk about anything with.
Anon
My best friend from college is super boring now. I actively avoid picking up the phone when she calls, and I think she’s pretty mad at me right now. But, she’s not an intellectual and I don’t have anything to say to her.
Anon
That’s kinda the problem – this sounds snobby, but I swear my best friend is becoming less intellectual over time. We used to talk about politics and social issues really regularly, but now it’s like pulling teeth to ask for her opinion on Buttigieg or what the vibe is like in her state or whatever. “He’s cool!” and then silence is not conducive to a good conversation.
Also, I know I’m not a boring person (I may be many things, but not boring) and I don’t want to become one.
Anonymous
Maybe she just doesn’t care about politics and the 97 people running for President? Shocking but you can be smart without having interests in politics.
Anon
Sure, but she used to be interested in politics. I have a lot of intellectual interests that I recognize are not for everyone, but it was sad to lose this one area of common ground.
Eh
This is interesting to me because I wonder if I am becoming your friend in this scenario. I used to get so fired up for a political debate in college. Now at 32, I am just tired. I’m tired of arguing. I’m tired of caring so much. I’m tired of spending time and effort constructing a viable, fair worldview that will have no impact on the actual world. I’m tired of a conversation where I solve all the world’s problems and then oh just kidding stuff still kind of sucks. So now I’m into plants, painting, yoga, movies, running… I just don’t care anymore about Buttigieg or the democratic nominee field or really anything remotely controversial anymore. Any chance this is how your friend feels? (Not saying I haven’t become boring because I’m realizing basically I have, ha.)
Annonnnn
+1 Anon at 5:16
Anon
Anon at 5:40, you sound interesting! Plants, painting, and movies are all cool and fun to talk about with others. I just wish my friend had those interests (or any, really) that we could talk about together. There’s some stuff she likes that I don’t like (like talking about diets) and that’s her right, but I just mourn the good old days when we could chat for hours about all kinds of stuff.
Anonymous
It sounds like she’s genuinely stuck in a rut and could use a therapist. That’s not your problem, though it might be nice if she came back around later.
Anon
Oh yeah, she could 10000000% use a therapist. She just absolutely refuses to see one and gets furious if anyone suggests it. She also doesn’t seem to pick up on the fact that her friends don’t like being treated like free therapists.
anon
I think there are a lot of people who have kids wish they could go back and do things differently. Not to say they don’t love their kids or want anything bad to happen to them. But I think people have this idealized notion of having kids and how it will be all cute and fun, but the reality is much different. And it seems that having kids changes your marriage – not for the better. I don’t have kids, but just my observation of friends.
Anon
That’s my parents. They got married and had kids (later divorced) because…. that’s just what one did. They’ve never verbalized that, but over the years I’m 99.9% sure that’s how it went down.
Anon
I went into parenthood at 33 with a good understanding of requirements and a clear desire to be a parent, and I was still blindsided by how hard it actually is. The hardest part is the thing that my parents and husband’s parents didn’t have to worry about much – childcare. I grew up in a country with federal childcare and husband had family watch him and siblings. But we moved away from family for economic reasons and only have ourselves and our resources. At one point, daycare added an hour to each leg of our work commute and we were near suicidal at the end of each day. It took months (years?) to get into our closer daycare. No wonder the really fancy companies are providing on-site childcare, it’s such a huge brainwidth siphon.
Anon
My kid has been on the best daycare in our area for 2 years and can’t get in for probably at least another year. The place she’s at now sucks, comparatively, and I get weepy every time I get an email update from the best place telling us they still don’t have space for her. I wish they’d raise their rates so there’d be more space for people like us who are willing to pay whatever it takes to get into this place. Not very progressive of me, I know, but it’s how I feel.
Anon
*on the waitlist for the best daycare in our area
Anonymous
I want to quit and stay home b/c BigLaw is a sh*tshow. I wish I weren’t the majority wage-earner. I would like maybe a month where there is less of this overwhelming burden of being so, so responsible. I want someone to take care of me.
Anonymous
*Hugs* I’ve been there, and while many of the posters above seem not to understand this, I get you. And I hope the opportunity arises for you to step back if that’s what you choose to do.
Anonymous
I think my kids deserve a better mom than a schedule-crazed BigLaw mommy. Yeah, everyone thinks I am successful. But I’m frazzled and exhausted. I hate it. I hope my kids never go to law school.
Anon.
That dogs or cats are not like kids.
Anon
This, 1000 times this. Before I had a kid, I was that person who thought my dog was my kid. Now that I have a kid, I know that a dog is just a dog. They’re such an important part of a family and they’re certainly not possessions you can just pass along when you’re done with them, but they’re not like a child.
Anononon
+1 million. It’s crazy to me when someone has a baby and calls the dog a sister or brother. Like, nope. Not at all.
anonymous
No, having pets is not the same as having kids. That’s why I have cats and not kids.
Anonymous
Oh. Jinx. I hadn’t even scrolled down this far when I posted in the thread above.
Anonymama
Hah, I had a puppy first and then two kids and I have to say, while of course it’s not exactly the same, there have actually been quite a lot of similarities, in my particular experience. Although some of that is because my puppy and my kids all have had sort of similar straightforwardly smart, social, high-energy, food-motivated dispositions, so things like “feed on schedule, bring snacks and poop bags, take them outside for regular exercise and social interaction, be consistent with discipline” were basically the same. And the “I am completely responsible for taking care of another life” thing.
Anon
I tell people my dog is higher maintenance than my toddler, and I’m kind of kidding but kind of not. Obviously I spend way more time with my kid, and there’s way more stuff I have to do for her to keep her happy. But, even as a toddler, she’s a lot more obedient and easy to communicate with and she’s never gone to the bathroom on my floor (although we haven’t potty-trained yet).
Anon
I’m really not interested in talking to people who are Republicans. At all. I do it anyway and I fake being nice to friends whose facebook reveals their views to be diametrically opposite to mine, but I’m not feeling it.
Anon
I don’t even fake being nice. I have no close friends or family that are Republicans in the post Trump era, and I distanced myself from the people I know more casually who support him. Some might call it living in a bubble but I don’t want friends who support his hateful views, or are ok with his hateful views because the stock market is up. No regrets!
Anonymous
Eh — market is up, employment is good, and I’m not personally affected by his crazy, how much am I supposed to care really? I don’t get my liberal friends — I swear they’re giving themselves stress issues by hand wringing about Trump, Mueller etc all the time.
DCR
And this view is why I’m not friends with republicans. I consider it a moral failing to not care about or be bothered by hateful views just because you are not personally affected. Shocking, some of us care about things that don’t affect us
My Life Matters
Yep. “Sucks to be you, good to be me” is why I refuse to deal with any of you. If someone who is pro-Trump is my “friend,” or my family, then they should, allegedly care for me. If that’s the case, they should have issues with Trump and the entire Republican party, because they have made it clear my life does.not.matter. If you voted for them, support them, or even don’t actively try to get them out of office, you can f__k right off out of my life, and I hope the door hits you on the way out.
LaurenB
“Eh — market is up, employment is good, and I’m not personally affected by his crazy, how much am I supposed to care really?”
This is sort of the 2019 version of the 1940’s German “eh, they’re not rounding ME up and putting ME in concentration camps, so how much am I supposed to care really?” People of substance care.
Eh
Friendly reminder that not all Republicans support Trump.
Anon
Unless you are actively campaigning against him, you are supporting him because all of those republican congressional members that you voted for are doing nothing but support him
Anon
The “Republicans” I know who don’t support Trump no longer identify as members of the Republican party. Trump is the party, the party is Trump. They’ve become indistinguishable at this point. That doesn’t mean my conservative friends have become liberal. Most of them still hold politically conservative viewpoints and identify as independents or ex-Republicans, not Democrats. But yeah, sorry, dentifying as a Republican post-2016 is supporting Trump, even if you’re not wearing a MAGA hat.
Anon
I have a friend, or at least someone I thought was a friend, who just posted on Facebook that he agrees with 90% of what Ben Shapiro says, and I don’t even care if he’s reading this – Ryan, you can f%*^ right off.
Anonymous
I’m feeling this way about people posting Autism Speaks inspo on social media right now.
Sara
Yes, Ben Shapiro does not represent me as an Orthodox Jew and I will not stand by while people praise him.
Anonymous
I wish it were acceptable for me to leave behind my 2 ivy degrees, Law career etc and just open a business. I don’t mean a law firm, I mean like buying a gas station or UPS store that’ll gross a 100k for me or McDonalds (which cost in the millions but make hundreds of thousands for the owner). But in my east coast ivy echelon, everyone would look down on us and whisper – omg her law career must’ve fallen off a cliff. I may still do it after age 40, but I know I’ll have to spin it as — oh I made my money young, this is my financial independence/early retire project, I don’t NEED this.
Anon
Do it! Who cares what people think?
Anonymous
It wouldn’t occur to me to look down on that decision; to the contrary, I would have deep respect for the risk of it and envy you for having the gumption, funds, and freedom all at the same time. But I guess I don’t live in an “east coast ivy echelon.”
Hmm
This is a fascinating example of the prisons you Ivy people build yourselves. I went to a state school (a well-respected one, but obviously not an ivy), and I live in a city where I know people who went to all different levels of schools. BY FAR, the people who make the most money and have the most influence in my area are business owners. By. Far. Not even close. It is so much more respected to be a business owner around here than it is to be a paper pushing lawyer (and I say that as a paper pushing lawyer). It’s so sad to me that you’re bound to what people like you would think about you… when other people would quickly say that buying, building, and maintaining a high-yield business would be far more impressive.
Anon
That’s my plan in 3 years. I went to a state law school + tax LLM, but that is entirely my plan. I am literally keeping my law career only to meet some savings goals for the business.
S
FYI, there are a ton of franchisee conferences and they’re actually super fun and interesting to attend (like, flashy booths and free samples galore because they’re trying to court attendees). There are also franchise consultants that help people choose the best franchise to invest in. What on earth is the point of that fancy Biglaw money if not to cash out and do something fun with it? Start exploring!!
LaurenB
“But in my east coast ivy echelon, everyone would look down on us and whisper – omg her law career must’ve fallen off a cliff.”
So you run your life by what other people think? Who possibly cares?
Various Unpopular Opinions
Body positivity irks me. Being happy with yourself is one thing, but taken to the extreme it can encourage unhealthy lifestyles/being overweight and obese. Relatedly, the use of “real women” in this context is frustrating – all woman are real regardless of size (even size 0s).
I don’t understand why pet ownership is so popular. Having animals inside is just gross to me.
Weddings and associated events are a waste of money.
I only work for money. I don’t want to work at all, despite being having multiple advanced degrees and being in a high prestige/income profession.
I don’t want pockets in my dresses, skirts, or pants.
Rihanna > Beyonce
Anon
I could handle the rest but i will fight you on Beyoncé.
Anon
I agree with your #1. There are very fit people who aren’t super skinny, but there comes a point at which you’re just fat/obese, and that’s not healthy and it’s ridiculous to pretend it is.
Anon
So? Skinny people do unhealthy things and have unhealthy lifestyles all the time and don’t get crap for it. It says much more about you than it does about an obese person that you judge them so harshly.
Anon
Huh? Lots of skinny people have unhealthy habits that they get shamed for, like smoking. I’m not waking around telling fat people they’re unhealthy or anything. It’s not my business and I don’t care. But it’s ridiculous that we should have to celebrate morbidly obese people when smokers etc are (rightly) shamed.
Celia
I enjoyed the remark an obese woman once made to me about how unhealthy smoking was.
Anon
AGREED on last point. Love Rihanna and I’m so over Beyoncé. I’ll go ever further and say I liked Kelly Rowland the best out of Destiny’s Child.
Judgey
I totally agree with #1 and I judge people harshly when they’re morbidly obese and talk about how people can be “HEALTHY AT EVERY SIZE!” No, you’re not healthy. You just aren’t. You don’t get to say you’re healthy when you weigh twice what a woman your age and height should way.
lawsuited
I think “real women” in advertising campaigns means “not photoshopped”.
Anon
Sometimes, but it’s used as a euphemism for bigger, non-model type bodies as well.
LaurenB
Agree completely that body positivity has been taken too far, and we shouldn’t celebrate obesity under the guise of body positivity. Be obese, fine, I don’t care, and of course you should love yourself because we are all inherently worthwhile, but don’t pretend that you’re not doing damage to yourself.
Anonymous
There’s a difference between “obesity is doing damage to you” and “you are doing damage to yourself.” Many obese people have similar lifestyle habits to people at healthy weights. Some have grandmothers who were exposed to now banned pollutants that cause insulin resistance. Obesity can be caused by other medical conditions and is very often caused by medications. No one ever wants to admit when a public health problem has a iatrogenic component. And when industry played a role, we all sort of ignore that too.
Anonymous
People at ideal weights are healthier than obese people, but an individual obese person may not be healthier at her ideal weight (depending on what it would take to achieve that).
Anonymous
+1. There are a lot of medications that cause weight gain, as well as medical conditions that make it hard to exercise. The folks on this board dissing the overweight should consider a dose of compassion. In addition, I see a lot of suggestions on this board for how to adopt disordered eating to keep weight down. That’s neither sustainable nor healthy.
Anon
I agree with everything except I want pockets on almost everything! I get so jealous of my male colleagues when they can just put everything in their pockets when we get lunch or coffee. I’m always carrying something.
Also, as far as body positivity, I’m one of those rare Kate Moss body types. I look at super skinny models to feel more normal and I love it! All women are real women but not all women are healthy. I got grilled at the doctors office because I was a new patient and she was concerned about my weight even though I’ve always been this thin. An obese person is just not healthy. Obviously you don’t have to be model thin, but being overweight is generally unhealthy. If you’re overweight, eating fast food, and not working out, you’re unhealthy no matter what size you are.
Anonymous
Wish the Dems would gain some control of their party and only “let” a handful of winnable candidates run instead of 35 women, black women, Indian women, gay guys, socialists etc. Don’t care how credentialed they are, in 2019 in the Court of public opinion the only hope of winning is a middle of the road white man. It’s like the Dems including my friends don’t live in reality — a reality that has shown that people only want white men in the WH for now; instead they’re stuck on – that’s not how it SHOULD BE, this is who SHOULD win – and refuse to acknowledge how the world is.
Anon
I think the best person for the job should run, not just a mediocre white male who might be agreeable to some, but I agree that it’s going to hurt the Democrats to treat transgender, disability, income, or race status as qualifications rather than characteristics.
Judgey
Agreed. I don’t even f-ing care if we don’t choose the most diverse candidate. I JUST WANT SOMEONE SANE THAT ISN’T HIM. Choose the least offensive, most likable white guy this time.
Skipper
Ooh. I am SUPER secretly SUPER judgmental of people who send their kids to private schools when there are good public schools available.
Maudie Atkinson
I join you, except that I tend to be not-so-secretly judgmental about it.
Anon
Same
Anonymous
Meanwhile, one of my secret opinions is that most good public schools aren’t actually all that great. That may be regional though (“good for [region]”).
Anon
Not secret opinion – private school teachers aren’t better, the kids are just whiter.
Anonymous
This x1M.
I used to live next to Falls Church. They were all “we have the best schools in the state.” No, you have basically rich people who are native English speakers. Nonnative English speakers tend to have PhDs, etc.
IDK why you are remotely surprised. If your kids didn’t outscore everyone else, you should be concerned.
Anonymous
You mean high SES? It could well be that tutors matter more than classroom teachers, if that’s what you mean.
Seventh Sister
I judge them too, especially since often their idea of “good public school” is “the whitest public school they can find.”
Anonymous
+1
Walnut
My third baby is six weeks old and I’d already try for a fourth if daycare wasn’t $$$. The baby snuggles just melt me (and clearly my logic) into a puddle.
Seafinch
My fourth is six weeks old and I would try for a fifth if I wasn’t so afraid of Down’s due to my age. My marriage couldn’t handle it.
Anon
Isn’t Down’s really easy to diagnose at a point where you can still terminate?
Anonymous
Yes you can get tested as early as 10 weeks. I was also concerned about the risk of a chromosomal abnormality due to my age and though we shared our pregnancy news pretty early we waited until after the test came back all clear before we told anyone but the grandparents. My parents knew I would terminate if something came up and they supported that decision.
Anonymous
Based on the information that has come out to date, I have no problems whatsoever with Joe Biden’s treatment of women and I think that the media frenzy around his behavior is actively hurting women, the #metoo cause, feminism, and Democrats.
Anon
Same. I love him and the allegations so far have done nothing to change my mind.
Anonymous
+1
Judgey
Same. Sammmmmme. Who f-ing cares.
Anon
Lol
Anonymous
If you sent your kid to a private k-12 and they end up going to anything less than an ivy, MIT, Caltech, Stanford — yeah you wasted 50k/yr for 13 years. I’m rolling my eyes internally as you explain that Rutgers or Maryland or UVA or Emory is the best fit for them.
Anon
But it’s simple math that not all private school kids can go to a top 20 college, there’s just nowhere near that many spaces at top colleges. If you send your kid to private school thinking it’s a guarantee of going to an Ivy, it just seems like you need a reality check.
Anonymous
At some of the top private schools around the Bay Area, the guidance counselors do a big presentation in sophomore year to the parents explaining that the vast majority of their kids will not go to an Ivy, MIT, Caltech, or Stanford.
Anonymous
Of course not every kid can get in but some kids do manage to get in. If YOURS isn’t smart or competitive enough to get in, I think you just wasted 600k over 13 years on an average kid who could’ve gone to Rutgers out of public school.
Anon
But they gave their child the best education they could afford. Some of us still love our kids and value education…even if they end up going to Rutgers.
I would remind you that you are talking about kids. 16 or 17 year olds. Try not talk in terms of “not smart enough”. Just because somebody doesn’t secure an Ivy League spot doesn’t mean they aren’t worthy.
Anon
“I would remind you that you are talking about kids. 16 or 17 year olds. Try not talk in terms of “not smart enough”. Just because somebody doesn’t secure an Ivy League spot doesn’t mean they aren’t worthy.”
I agree with you up until you deliberately missed the point. If a kid is one standard deviation above the norm in brainpower, she’s not getting into Harvard unless she also runs a 4:45 mile or is the best softball pitcher in California. It’s not about “worthy;” it’s about the fact that her parents, being grown-a$$ adults, ought to understand that she just might not have what it takes to get that brass ring. Most people do not have what it takes to get those brass rings. Just be honest with yourself if your kid isn’t fast enough to get a track scholarship, smart enough to get into Harvard, or amazing enough to go for pro baseball.
Anon
That’s interesting to me. Most people I know who send their kids to private school did so because they thought they’d get a better education and be better prepared for wherever they went to college, whether that was Ivy, state school or small liberal arts college. I think in the Northeast there are some feeder prep schools for the Ivies where people see the school as a ticket to a particular college, but at least here in the Midwest your odds of getting into Harvard are just as good from a random public school than from a prep school. Probably better actually, because you have less competition so it’s easier to get take hard classes and get straight As. My husband had like a 3.6 GPA at a super competitive prep school and I had a 4.0 at a public high school. He got into good colleges, but I got into better ones (even though he’s smarter and was better prepared for college, thanks to his competitive high school).
Anon
That was me. I went to a private school and then WVU. I was so well prepared and did well because of it. And now I’m making baaaaank at a dream job with a good work-life balance.
Anon
Also me. My single mom sent me to private school K-12 because it had before and after school care options that she felt good sending me to, knowing I was taken care of in a small environment.
I went to state school for free, graduated in 3 years (AP’d/tested out of my freshman year entirely), and have a very comfortable life now.
Anonymous
I have a different perspective. If they truly went to a good private school, they can coast their way through a lot of college wherever they go, save money by graduating early, or go into a trade and still have a good education.
Anon
That’s a sad commentary on your own values and the values of the people around you. My sisters went to a private high school because it provided a better education than the public high school. They had class sizes of 12 students and teachers who ensured that every student had an extraordinarily solid foundation. One sister has a mild learning disability, so private school helped tremendously.
What drives me crazy are parents who don’t have any understanding that no amount of private school tuition is going to turn Sort of Smart Suzie into Miss Harvard. Just be honest with yourself about the limits of your child’s abilities – which is going to be better for everyone.
DCR
I agree with you. I know so many people who are all like “public school are just not good enough for my little Johny. He wasn’t challenged enough cause he is just SO SMART” Then, 10 years down the line after paying $600k+ for private school, little Johny is going to a mid-range state school. I have nothing against state schools; I went to a state school. But I judge the parents who were all against public schools because it wasn’t good enough for their smart kid
Anonymous
Maybe these parents were idiots who were sure Johnny was headed for greatness. But they were probably right about the public school not accommodating any precociousness he displayed as a child. And some kids develop at different rates, so it’s not surprising when things level out later. It doesn’t mean the kid wasn’t bored and wasting time in public school at the age of 8.
I’m not always sure women here appreciate how limited the qualifications of public school teachers can be (maybe they live in better school districts?). A good school teacher had a lot of better paying options. (How many women here seriously considered teaching?) If a kid has surpassed their grade school teachers academically, it doesn’t mean they’re some kind of genius. There’s a lot more going on there. Education degrees are a lot of work, but they really don’t compensate if a teacher didn’t have a great education to begin with.
Even in good school districts, if a kid is 2e, the schools will typically accommodate the deficit while failing to keep up with the area of advanced learning. (There’s also a tacit agreement where private schools will accommodate without using labels so parents can avoid ever admitting to the deficit, so, yeah those parents are awful.)
I don’t really get care if Johnny gets into a great college. But I do care if he’s sitting in a classroom losing his will to live because he ran out of books in the school library he hasn’t read yet.
DCR
Based on experiences with little Johnny, it wasn’t that he wasn’t sufficiently learning in public school. It’s that the parent wants to think that their kid is so smart and such a genius. I knew a lot of kids who seemed smarter than little Johnny (and probably weren’t being challenged in public school) who went to public schools, and are now going to great colleges.
Anonymous
But just because someone is now going to a great college doesn’t mean they haven’t been held back? It was noted above that a kid from a Falls Church public school is well prepared to get good grades in college. But the difference between an A student and a student who will be getting a strong recommendation letter is much greater than the difference between an A and a B.
Students from the best high schools can coast through much of college (they have literally studied the material before). This allows them to focus on building their network, securing good internships, and making outstanding accomplishments in their major. And they often know more about what they want to do with their lives because they know more in general. This is true of students from the best public schools as well. But it’s a difference (that often but of course not always tracks with SES) that isn’t reflected in grades or even admissions.
I do think that up until the point you run out of time, these things can level out. It doesn’t ultimately matter when you took linear algebra or achieved fluency in a second language, so long as it was before the moment of need. That’s why I feel more concerned about the quality of life that advanced learners experience when they already know what’s being taught in class and are being discouraged from working ahead. School can truly feel like a prison to students who are motivated to learn and who learn, for whatever reason, at a faster pace and at a younger age (even if they won’t be any brighter than their classmates by the time they’re all adults).
The original Scarlett
I will say sometimes it’s more about socialization than academics. Some kids get lost at big public schools, and the smaller classes and environment at private schools can help them. I don’t judge parents who pay attention to factors other than academic excellence in choosing schools for their kids if they have the means.
Anonymous
Aunt Becky, is that you?
PolyD
I hate that people want to bring their dogs everywhere and expect me to be charmed by this. I am allergic so I can’t touch them, or I’ll itch all day. Both cat and dog fur also affects my breathing.
I do not want to sit next to your dog at a restaurant, on a plane, or at the theater. I do not want to buy something at Loft or Anthropologie, two places I’ve seen dogs, and take home something impregnated with dog schmutz. It’s a freaking dog, I don’t think it needs to be there to help you pick out a sundress.
Even though they will also make me itch and sneeze, I don’t have a problem with real service dogs, like ones that are officially trained for the task. I understand that they can make life a lot better for people with disabilities. I hate that people seem to be able to easily label any old dog as “emotional support animal” and take them everywhere. People tell me to take allergy drugs to deal with other people’s dogs, I say take some anti-anxiety drugs so you can go out in public without your dog.
Anon
YES YES YES – I regularly watch people put their dogs on tables/counters. Thank you for swiping your dog’s behind where people eat.
Anononon
I’m not allergic but I totally agree with this. It’s such a selfish thing to do.
anon
LOL @ “People tell me to take allergy drugs to deal with other people’s dogs, I say take some anti-anxiety drugs so you can go out in public without your dog.” I’m not allergic and am not personally affected, but I agree with you.
Anon
+1
Anonymous
I love my dogs to pieces and they are my only nuclear family, but I find the “emotional support animal” business to be truly offensive because mostly it is a system created and manipulated by people who feel rules generally should not apply to them. I genuinely do not want to see anything but a true service animal in my mall. My clothes are eventually going to get dog hair on them, but I certainly don’t want to buy them with it already there.
Anon
Thank you! I love dogs, I really do, but they don’t belong everywhere. And they’re not happy there either. The (largely Millenial) obsession with dogs is over the top.
Horse Crazy
I was at an event where a woman was speaking about anti-human trafficking work she was doing in Vietnam – it was really inspiring until she mentioned how she takes her dog back and forth to Vietnam, and she registered him as an “emotional support animal” (she even used air quotes) so he could sit on a seat next to her. She lost a bunch of credibility for me after that.
Anonymous
Everyone who uses the “emotional support animal” loophole to fly with pets is terrible.
But it’s also terrible that so many airlines keep straight up killing pets and refuse to come up with solutions for flying with pets that don’t involve lying.
Anon
Eh, most emotional support animals are small dogs and cats. People aren’t using the loophole because they’re (justifiably) scared to put their pets in the cargo hold. They’re doing it because they don’t want to pay the airlines fees for pets, which are a lot – $250 round-trip, at least last time I flew with my dog. The airlines can’t charge a fee for the emotional support animals. If you’re a frequent flyer with your pet, you can save thousands per year by getting them designated as an emotional support animal.
definitely anon for this
AGREED. Fellow allergy sufferer here, I absolutely HATE how everyone now thinks their dog or cat (ESPECIALLY DOGS) are humans (aka kids) and should be given equal rights to be brought into a store, restaurant, work, everything. NO NO NO. Why do *I* have to take Claritin or some other allergy med to just be able to breathe while your stupid pet is apparently the cutest thing* around? Ugh. I hate that I can’t visit my friends’ houses anymore without being on meds beforehand (oh yeah did I even mention the mental energy that it requires for me to remember to take the meds first) because everyone has pets now, and if I go, when I leave their house I have to hack up half my lung first.
*actually, your pet isn’t cute. I think Shih-tzu dogs are ugly AF and yet for some reason people find hair-covered rat-dogs cute? “Pet parents” is a dumb term.
(You can tell I’m extremely mad about this with all the caps I’ve used)
Anonymous
I kind of feel this way about restaurants that serve gluten (Why should I have to drill the server on just how gluten-free the food is? Why should I have to risk a bad reaction if the restaurant makes a mistake, just so YOU ALL can eat gluten? Wasn’t the entire continent of North America ecologically superior before the introduction of wheat agriculture anyway?!). Our immune systems can make us crazy; what can I say.
Anon
This is a ridiculous comparison. Wheat was the staple crop in Europe, the Middle East and North Africa for thousands of years.
Anonymous
I live in North America. But I think you missed some sarcasm. (As well as the environmental impact of agriculture on Europe, the Middle East, and Africa?)
Anonymous
?? agree
Anonymous
What is wrong with dating a man who is shorter than you?
Anonymous
I was just looking at stats for how many women set a minimum height in dating apps (and how many men are excluded on a height criterion). I don’t know exactly how dating apps work, so maybe they’re just not adjusting a default, but I felt kind of ashamed by proxy.
anon
What’s wrong with the men who won’t date a woman taller than them?
Anon
I don’t know any men that won’t date taller women; I know lots of women that won’t date shorter men. Everyone is allowed to have their own dealbreakers, but generally height is much more of a hang-up for women than men.
Anonymous
OTOH, I’m on the slightly tall side (5’9, Asian country), and most of the men I’ve dated won’t date marginally taller women (= me) even though I’m willing to date someone marginally shorter. They’ve literally told me they don’t want to see me in anything but flats because they feel self conscious if the woman is taller (and I’ve subsequently told them I don’t want to see them, for reasons other than just the height).
The insecurity may be more than just about height, but they were also the vast majority, and most of them had perfectly good and fulfilling ives IMO…. and were fairly attractive people until they started comparing their school pedigree, job, salary, height to that of mine (I’m in Biglaw, cue the spiral of male insecurity).
Anonymous
I just prefer taller men, in the same I have a physical preference for African-American men or men with darker hair. I like feeling smaller than a man.
anon
For now at least, I’m fine with being fat.
ChristineF
I am seconding all the responses of those who want girl babies. I had mine before ultrasounds were a normal thing, and was pleasantly surprised twice. In fact, with the second one, I cried tears of relief in the recovery room for having a second girl. (I had no medication with that one, so I know it wasn’t a reaction to the drugs.)
Anon
I’m the first poster above who admitted it. I have questions if you’re up for it! I always thought I would wait until delivery to find out the sex (it’s the only surprise left in life according to my mom) but I’m worried it will just be added anxiety and might be easier to get a grip on my feelings beforehand if I know it’s a boy…versus finding out upon delivery that it’s a boy and having to figure out how to react. I’m not sure I want to lose the special moment at birth though. Do you think if you were in the same situation now, you would find out beforehand? Oh, and no medication on the second? Were you glad you did that?
Anonymous
The moment you find out it will be a surprise, regardless of whether that moment is at the birth, at a gender reveal party, or privately with only your partner (if you have one) and your medical providers present.
I only wanted one child and I wanted a girl. I found out at 10 weeks that we were having a son, and thankfully I found out privately because I burst into tears. I felt like the worst person in the world, but after taking some time to adjust to the news and googling lots of articles on gender disappointment, I came to terms with the fact that you don’t get to pick which baby you get and my baby was going to be a boy.
I’m extremely glad that I found out the way I did and when I did because it gave me the chance to really roll around in my discontent and own it and work through it and be done with it. Then when my healthy baby boy was born I was ready to focus all my energy on getting to know him and embarking upon this exciting new journey, instead of working through all of my “what the @#$%? you were supposed to be a girl!!!!” feelings.
Editor
YES I would find out beforehand! The suspense was killing me. And yes, if it had been a boy, I would have had a chance to accept it. I know mothers of sons have this special thing, but I doubt I would have. I am a few generations down from a tradition of mothers favoring their sons, thus dismissing their daughters, and I was NOT here for it. I firmly believe women are superior by the way. ANYWAY.
As for the medication: I had no choice. They did that thing where they tell you the epidural is on its way, on its way, just wait, it’s not time yet, then suddenly, “Oops, sorry, too late now LOL.” My first was induced three weeks late (which I resent to this day) at a very prestigious teaching hospital and had a few complications. My second was bare-bones at an ancient military hospital.
Also . . .this was the olden days. My girls are 38 and 35 : )
LaurenB
Gender reveal parties are about as self-absorbed as it gets. Nobody cares other than you and your partner. NOBODY.
Anonymous
Yeah, that’s just actually not true. I think they’re fun, and I care in the sense that it’s fun to find out what you can about the baby before they are born. For us, we did so much IVF to get pregnant and when we did finally get pregnant, it was so fraught with worry that we would miscarry (again) that I didn’t feel like I could enjoy it or be anything other than cautious when we told people that we were pregnant. Doing a small gender reveal party (just family) was fun because it gave us the chance to celebrate at a point where we finally felt comfortable in the pregnancy. How ’bout you just let people live the way they want to live?
Dog Expenses
Not so much as opinion as much as a fact I’d never tell our friends. We spend about 9% of our income on dog care. We are DINKs living in a MCOL city and have really long hours/commitments, so some of it comes from that. But we have lots of friends in public interest work and they would cringe if they saw the numbers for optional things that our dog doesn’t need, but we like giving the dog.
We love the dog so much and want to be responsible–even if we are busy–care takers, so the dog goes to day care at the best and accordingly, most expensive dog day care in our town, dog boards there too, gets several walks a day when not at day care. We have back up care on standby and we even have someone who will pick up from daycare on certain dogs and drop off at home. We also occasionally board dog–includes a day of day care though, so not cooped up–for the weekend if we are tired or just want to catch up on sleep/be “childless.” Dog also eats a really special–yes, vet approved–diet that is almost as expensive as our grocery budget to prevent/manage allergies, because we did not want to put dog on medication for the rest of his/her life.
I don’t really want kids, but have thought about how nice it would be to have a nanny at home so that dog can be dropped off and picked up more easily and have company all day. Basically, we treat the dog as our kid and if you you saw his/her eyes you’d totally understand.
Anon
I’m an animal lover too, but I do have to say that that sounds pretty tiring. Do you ever resent all the effort?
Anon
You do you, but there is no way that seeing your dog’s eyes would make me understand. I have pets, I love my pets, but I don’t spend huge amounts of money on them
Anonymous
I assure you you do not treat the dog as a child – you put it away for a weekend when you are tired!! You barely see that dog
Anon
I judge people whose careers are not focused on helping/serving the greater good
I personally can not fathom having my life’s work be for any purpose except for serving this world we all live in. Prioritizing money over service is hard for me to comprehend.
Many of my friends/family are in the private sector so obviously I don’t hold a grudge or anything, but my strongest held personal value is the importance of serving others above all else
Anonymous
I know the world doesn’t really work this way, but I often feel that, if people didn’t sell out, a lot of problems with the world would be fixed. I guess that’s why it’s set up so that most people have to sell out.
Anon
Yes! I didn’t go into my career for the money and I know what I was signing up for when I got into this line of work so I cannot complain.
But it kills me that my friends who are management consultants make 2-3x as much as I do (I work in humanitarian aid). It kills me that my teacher friends are leaving the profession to switch to the private sector to chase a paycheck. It kills me that so many friends hate their corporate jobs and only stay for the money and social pressure.
I love my day to day (despite the long hours, hard work, low pay, and heart wrenching assignments). I love that my organization cares about its employees and love love love that every day we are helping individuals.
I really hate how many corporations will put the bottom line above all else- above human rights, above environmental concerns, above employee happiness. It breaks my heart. I’m not anti business, I’m not anti capitalism, I just don’t see why corporations can’t value the above, do good, and make a profit. I also don’t understand how those execs can sleep at night prioritizing money over all else
Anon
My life is made vastly better by having reliable transportation, safe drinking water, a clean and well-built home, and fresh food.
Pray tell, dearie, what you think of truckers, construction companies, plumbers, mechanics, the nice people in Volvo’s engineering department, manufacturers of farm equipment, and the chemical engineers who put it all together.
Here’s a hot take: you’re not any better than them. You’re just nasty and full of yourself.
Anonymous
I guess I think they probably don’t feel like their lives are being wasted? Like they’re not just bureaucratic courtiers? They probably feel that, if they do their jobs well, they have a chance to leave something better than they found it? Like they’re not just skimming profit off someone else’s work?
Anon
My question was about what the OP thinks of those people. The workers themselves probably feel pretty good about what they do and don’t think they are “selling out” for not being in the “humanitarian” sector.
The “humanitarian” sector wouldn’t have anything to give away without a bunch of people who “sell out” funding them and building that nice stuff.
Anonymous
There are many non-service jobs that don’t benefit us all. I guess I was picturing her private sector friends and family as working in something more like marketing. Where would we be without pharmaceutical advertising? (Probably somewhere a lot better, right?)
Public interest all the way
I agree. I just don’t get it. What good does helping rich people get richer really make? And don’t say helping them be able to donate more because many rich people don’t donate a damned cent.
Anonymous
Guess you can put down your iPhone and hand weave a message to us next time you want to communicate? Real people work on your power lines, design electrical circuits, write complex programs, handle the regulatory compliance so your phone doesn’t explode in your hand, and do the programming to show this page to you.
Public interest all the way
Found the rich person.
EM84
+1000000. And as someone else wrote here – I work for money. I “save world” in my free time using that money and contacts my evil high-paying job is giving me.
Anonymous
Where does the money come from for your public service job? It’s either funded by the taxes we all pay or the donations of the wealthy. You might try not biting the hands that are literally feeding you.
Anonymous
It sounds like you need a more critical perspective on what you do. Is it possible that humanitarianism often gives people just enough to lose that they don’t demand a more equal society to begin with? What if, say, profit from increased automation were redistributed as universal basic income? While I obviously support humanitarian aid, I often feel suspicious of individuals in humanitarian work because at least some of them seem to want to wield their privilege into power over the lives of the disadvantaged. Keeping people alive in the meantime is important, but no one wants to be in that position to need charity in the first place, and dividing the world into “takers” and “givers” is good for no one.
Sell out
On the flip side, I just left a human interest job for a total sell out job and I am so happy I did. I love making enough money to live comfortably and having sweet perks at work. I was so worn out in my human services job because I worked my butt off and couldn’t afford to outsource anything that stressed me out at home. “Selling out” was the best thing I ever did!
Anon
I have real questions about this whole transgender thing. Absolutely, there are medical aberrations where there are real reasons to question gender. But for everybody else? I feel like if their parents had just loved them more or if they had more resilience when facing those tough situations we all face in life or if the bullies at school hadn’t been so mean to them or if they had stepped away from whatever internet hole they fell down, they could lead a normal, happy life. That said – please, use whatever bathroom you want, be whatever gender you want, identify however you want to – but it’s not normal and mainstream, and I don’t know that making something like that normal and mainstream is helping anyone. And for these reasons, I’m really not ok with trans people in our military. We can be accepting of every conceivable difference, but gender identity is so fundamental to being human that I don’t think your career should involve combat.
Anonymous
I’m curious why you think medical aberrations are rare. Hormone disruption is normal and mainstream in the 21st century.
I also don’t follow the part about the military. What does debate over what’s fundamentally human have to do with combat specifically?
LaurenB
I “get” trans and the idea that someone may have been born in the wrong body. I don’t get gender fluidity, because if I’m a woman and I want to wear a pink tutu and stilettos one day and Carhartts and army boots the next, I’m still a woman. I dislike how gender fluidity actually backs us into the belief that this set of behaviors is fundamentally female and that set isn’t. I can never wear a pink tutu and stilettos in my life and still be as female as can be.
Anon
Yeah, the explosive rise in transgender identities among kids with autism and kids who have been bullied for gender-non-conforming behavior should give us all serious pause. It’s really sad and screwed up that parents push hormones with permanent side effects, including infertility, on these young kids.
Anonymous
Yes, it’s not actually progressive to require medical sex change for gender non-conformism.
Anon
Agreed! Let your son wear dresses. Don’t try to convince him he’s really a girl just because he likes some “girly” things.
Anon
THANK YOU.
(Athletic, huge math nerd, and I scare mechanics with my knowledge of cars. Good thing I grew up long before someone decided that my ability to replace my own radiator means I might not really be a woman.)
S
I agree with this. I think being trans is real, but there are now far more people who ‘identify’ as trans because they’re overall confused and hurting, than people who legitimately have the condition.
Anon
Do you have any basis for this belief at all? Like, a scientific one? Because it sounds like total bs.
Anon
I hate hate hate when women use the word chick. Idk why but saying “this chick xyz” feels demeaning. I used to say it but idk something flipped in my head and I cannot stand it.
My most SJW friend days it all the time and it drives me up a wall. This friend thinks I’m less of a feminist because I’d rather not have a period/find periods inconvenient rather than empowering and yet calls other women chicks on a regular basis
Anonymous
Kids are a vanity project for many people. Like, I think so highly of myself and my partner that there should be a mini version of us.
Anonymous
I think they’re also competing (kids who are socialized a certain a way are probably the best class marker of all). It’s not as though couples like this never adopt. It can be a lot of pressure for the kids though.
DCR
I hate when people say that they “did” a travel destination or want to “do” a country. You have been to, visited, seen, or traveled to a country. You did or do an activity or job. You do not “do” a country! It always makes me think that the person is more interested in checking off a box then in the experience
Anon
It always sounds vaguely sexual to me! “I did Paris” makes you think you went to France and did a bunch of guys. But I agree that people who travel just to check boxes/count countries are the wooorst.
Anonymous
Maybe I did do Rome ;)
Anon
I think the human race is literally devolving because all the smart people with resources decide to either not have children or have very few. I think humans will have to get off this planet to survive as a species and I don’t think we’re producing enough intelligent specimens who have the “idle” time and resources to figure out how to do this before it’s too late. OTOH, maybe good riddance, after all.
Anonymous
Was sad my kid turned out looking white.
Anon
I work in a place with lots of casual and not so casual sexism (luckily no sexual harassment though!). It’s generally a male dominated field but previous places I’ve worked did not have this environment. I honestly do not feel as though I can/should report anything for various reasons, so at this time I’m not looking for advice suggesting that. I don’t even feel, at this time, that even really reacting on the spot to gross comments is a good idea. The closest I get is very sternly saying “I know that” when the mansplaining is constant.
My plan is to stay with this employer for a while but I’d hope to switch to a different division within the year (which seems to be way less hostile).
Does anyone have any tips on gritting it out through this year? It’s strange- I’m a huge feminist and normally pretty outspoken and a person who doesn’t take a lot of sh*t but due to various circumstances I have to grin and bear it for now…
Good luck
Do you have any allies? Once at a lunch where a bombastic new employee (old white male) was sucking up to the boss, and we two ladies with way better experience that the actual boss would actually be interested in, I did text my lady friend under the table. She agreed. I felt like we were in it together.
Good luck
nona
Can puzzlement be your friend/go-to reaction? The curious, instead of the indignant, “why would even say that”, or the “well of course I know that, I needed to know this other piece”.
Basically, radiate benign confusion about why they are so freaking out of the norm in their behavior?
Anon
I agree with this. Sometimes I have successfully used “how interesting” in a very flat affect / dead, dead eyes when sometime is very much the opposite of interesting.
Anon
Regardless of what you “plan” on doing, you need to document this. You may find yourself forced out (which happens in sexist environments); you may change your mind on reporting; leadership may change and they may want documentation about some of the worst offenders.
Make an Excel document or a Word document and note date, person, and what was said. Email it to yourself periodically, or use your personal phone to generate the list.
Anon
+1, I’ve been forced out before and sexism was a big part of it
OP
Thanks all for the advice. Very helpful but honestly it means a lot on a day when I’m just feeling burnout, beat down, and So. Effing. Over. It.
Nikki
Find an ally who you can vent together with. I’m in a very similar situation as you, and it’s frustrating to no end. But having another female who understands exactly what I’m going through helps a lot.
Anon
Sadly I don’t interact with any of my female coworkers during the work day so that means the other women in my office also don’t interact with the problem men… luckily I have some friends who work elsewhere who are willing to put up with my “wtf just happened” texts (and are kind enough to give me a gut check that yes this was inappropriate, no I’m not overreacting)
The rate that these dudes mansplain is mind blowing so I’m hesitant to ask “what do you mean by that” since they already think I’m an idiot…
Anon
Workout advice needed. A long bout of plantar fasciitis (ongoing but not currently in a major flare) has caused me to basically stop exercising. I have also gained a significant amount of weight. I now have knee issues on the same leg as the PF – it may be due to the weight gain, it may be due to the PF changing my gait, it may just be arthritis setting in.
I am seeing a podiatrist for the PF and have seen my PCP for the knee (he suggests losing weight, but also suggested the other causes above) and he suggested exercise that is not hard on the knee or foot. This is where I am at a loss. I do not like swimming, and realistically if I’m going to fit in regular exercise it’s going to be carved an hour at a time out of my work day at the gym in my building, which does not have a pool.
Any other forms of exercise that you recommend given my situation? I’m open to hiring a personal trainer to get started, but I don’t want to only work out with a personal trainer forever. My building gym has lots of exercise machine and the standard lineup of classes – are there any machines or classes you recommend?
Anon
Elliptical machines, rowing machines, exercise bikes, and lifting weights.
Anonymous
This. Elliptical and weights would be where I would start.
Anonymous
No no no on the elliptical. Gave me plantar fasciitis that stopped as soon as I switched to other forms of exercise.
OP
Yoga/pilates/barre. You may have to modify some poses due to your injuries. I would recommend going to a few classes, and telling the instructor about your injuries prior to class. They can then let you know what needs to be modified normally. In yoga in particular– you will stretch out a lot of the muscles/etc. that may be causing you pain in the foot and you will build muscles in areas like your glutes and core that will help prevent knee pain. I have done a lot of yoga and barre while recovering from ankle injuries.
Gail the Goldfish
I would see a sports medicine doctor or orthopedist for the knee pain–they’ll be better able to identify the actual cause than a PCP and give suggestions on stretches/exercises to help. I had IT band issues that caused knee pain and they gave me some good stretches/exercises for that, but it’s really specific to what’s causing the pain. If you don’t like swimming, then I agree with elliptical or yoga. Or maybe a water fitness class (like water aerobics, not swimming).
Not just for old ladies!
Junior Associate
+1 to seeing a sports medicine doctor — rehabilitative exercises have been a godsend for my PF and knee / IT band problems. Also if you haven’t already, Saucony’s Omni running shoes/stability shoes (if not, customized corrective insoles), because my flat arch and the resulting pronation was apparently what was triggering my PF and knee pain.
Lilly
Another +1 to a orthopedic doctor whose practice is focused on sports med. This is the doc who will address the base issue, and who will get you going at 100%, instead of just trying to alleviate symptoms. And if physical therapy is prescribed, go to who they recommend. They know which pt practices get their patients the best results.
Anonymous
I have knee pain and have found that biking helps a lot. I still need to get a steroid shot once or twice a year, but I feel that the biking extends time between injections. In the winter, I go to our community center and bike for 30-40 minutes. In the summer, I try to go on a half-hour ride around the neighborhood as many days as I can fit in.
Anonymous
Recumbent bike, elliptical. If you’re having knee pain, I also highly recommend doing corrective exercises to strengthen the muscles around the knee. I have terrible knees and do clams, kickbacks, quad lifts, bridges, and similar activities. It really, really helps.
NOLA
I have knee issues and I have used an adaptive motion trainer, which is like an elliptical but without a ramp – you make the motion with your own body/body weight. It burns more calories than an elliptical and has no impact on my knees. You do push against the front of your foot, but I don’t think it should bother plantar fasciitis. I also use weight machines for my legs (primarily for quads and hamstrings) to build up the muscles around my knees. I use them one leg at a time, so my good leg doesn’t compensate for the bad. I have also done an exercise where I somewhat squat/crouch, with my back straight, and pull cable weights forward. This also builds up those muscles. I haven’t had a shot in my knee since a year ago October. It’s like a miracle.
Anonymous
Hot yoga.
Techgirl
Strengthening the muscles above the knee helps mitigate knee pain for me. Years ago, my doctor gave me a referral to a physical therapist who specialized in sports injuries and we developed a routine that I still use today. Also, I do yoga for stretching, and bike and use the elliptical for aerobic activity.
Anon
Women-centric causes to volunteer with? I’m in Virginia if it matters.
Anon
I would focus on issues that only affect women (i.e. abortion, lack of scientific research on how drugs affect females, etc.), or issues that mostly affect women (male violence, parental leave) and then see if there are any specific organizations within those topics areas that have work you’d be interested in doing. I think volunteering on a local level is ideal if you can, although of course there are some great larger organizations as well.
Anon
Tahirih Justice Center: https://www.tahirih.org ?
anon a mouse
The bid for Virginia to ratify the ERA. It failed this year but they will try again next year!
https://varatifyera.org/
CR
Join your local Junior League.
Weird US laws
I have a kid now and all of these laws re parental consent are becoming interesting.
I can consent for her to get married before she is 18 (there is some minimum age, maybe 12 or 14, that varies by state; we live in State A but I can see State B from my window at work).
I can consent for her to get her ears pierced before she is 18.
I can consent for her to get shots and other medical care.
I do not think I can consent to FGM (I sincerely hope I cannot) done to her.
And while I think I can consent for her to get her ears pierced, I am not sure if that extends to tattooing.
This all generally handy and good (got her shots b/c otherwise no school and no fun summer camps). But the underage marriage thing is just so . . . odd that it’s still on the books. What else am I not thinking about (out of curiousity; not dying to marry off my 8 year old and she is not inclined to get her ears pierced at the moment)?
Anon
This probably varies by state, but I think at least where I live a minor can’t get a tattoo even if a parent were to give consent. And definitely any reputable tattoo shop wouldn’t let it happen to begin with.
Anonymous
Some info on child marriage laws in the US here: https://www.tahirih.org/what-we-do/policy-advocacy/child-marriage-policy/
Anon
And presumably shots because no/less risk of certain terrible and communicable diseases? So curious why you felt the need to caveat why you got her shots unless you’re an anti-vaxxer in disguise?
Anonymous
No no no — 100% not an anti-vaxxer. It’s more like I can consent to something medical that is painful to her and at 8 she can vocalize that she does not want it. I don’t know if it is per se neglect to not get her shots (maybe it would be if she needed fillings that I could afford but was just to cheap to pay for or she was oppositional with the dentist), but it was an example of how it could be seen as me agreeing to have something painful/unwanted done to her (not that it is bad; it is the right thing to do). But people pierce their baby’s ears before the kid knows what is going on (so if I got my non-consenting kid’s ears pierced b/c I have the power to consent and she does not, I see that as bad even if it is legal).
Anon
Understood now you were coming at it from the consent perspective – convincing her, you do this, you go to camp. I thought you meant that’s the only reason you did it. I retract and apologize my claws were out. FWIW 100% with you on the baby ear piercings.
Anonymous
I fought vaccines tooth and nail when I was a child. I remembered having painful reaction to them before, and the nurses didn’t try very hard to explain to me why it was a good idea to inject me with something that would make me sick. (So I guess I was a preschool anti-vaxxer? I promise I understand vaccines now!) I feel like, these days, they would spend more time explaining before just tackling a kid and pinning them down (the solution in the 80s).
Anon
Whoa there.
LHW
I’m in search of a comfortable pair of wedges or block heels for the Kentucky derby. My dress is navy so just looking for a light beige color. Need comfort. I’ll be bringing flats as well but plan on being in wedges the majority of the day.
Gail the Goldfish
Do you have tickets for actual seats or just the infield? If the infield, dispense with the wedges all together and just go for comfortable flats, and if there’s been any rain a few days prior or day of, something you don’t mind getting disgustingly muddy.
LHW
We’ll be in a suite so not too worried about field conditions.
Gail the Goldfish
In that case, I will third the recommendation for Cole Haan wedges.
Mpls
Cole Haan
Leatty
What about the Cole Haan Tali Grand Bow wedges? They are super comfortable.
coffee
Franco Sarto wedges from DSW
Laura
The Jcrew Factory block heel sandals are great.
anon
Anyone have any experience with UCLA or UCI’s Contract management certificates?
I’m working in junior contracts role and as a solo staffer here would like some education to help me think through best practices and round out my resume. Looking for something PT and with an online component (if not fully online). Cost isn’t an issue as my firm will underwrite most of it.
Thank you
Anon
Why wouldn’t you get one of the CM certificates offered through NCMA?
CountC
+1 do NCMA
Anonymous
I’m going through a midlife crisis (43) and trying to figure out who I want to be like when I grow up. Who are your middle age icons in terms of attitude, dress, life goals? So far I’ve got Tina Fey & Julia Louis-Dreyfus.
Anonymous
I am 42. When I grow up, I want to be my 70-something-year-old ballet teacher. She is regal and dignified, is in amazing shape, and still performs with the professional company in character roles (grandmother, wicked stepmother, queen, etc.).
Alternatively, I would like to grow up to be Michelle Yeoh.
tesyaa
Jamie Lee Curtis looks great and very natural. I am torn between the aesthetic where 70 year old women look 45 (like Jill Biden) and the natural look, but when I look at older pictures of my mom in her 50s with her naturally gray hair dyed dark black, it looks soooo fake. Not sure how to handle this in an ageist workplace which would penalize Jamie Lee and give Jill a promotion.
S
Just looked up recent images of Jamie Lee and I can’t imagine her getting penalized anywhere! She looks amazing!
Anonymous
Julianne Moore.
Anonymous
JLo. Queen Latifah. Amal Clooney. Nicole Ari Parker.
Anon
Allison Janney!
Anon
Arianna Huffington – no plastic surgery but an extremely strict diet and some makeup/hair stuff. But she has better DNA than I have to begin with.
Anonymous
Tina Fey?! The lady teaching the world how to run up more debt??!!
Anon
Lol what?
Anon
Yeah I don’t understand this at all. I’m not a huge Tina Fey fan but what does she have to do with debt!?
CountC
I’m guessing the credit card commercials?
Anonymous
She is a woman with 10s of millions of dollars who is currently most visible (and probably most highly paid) as the person selling entry-level AmEx cards and educating the users how to use them to charge more than they can pay in a month. Hardly a role model.
Anon
Lol
Miss
Helen Mirren! She always looks amazing. If I look half (even a third) as good as she does, I’ll be thrilled.
PineapplePrincess
Would love opinions here. Just had my first kid, and have been back at work for about 2 months now. Our nanny is…. great and super caring with our (luckily easy) baby. But she costs a lot, asked for a raise on my 3rd day back at work (which we gave her, we felt trapped), and is constantly asking us to get more and more things. For example, different cleaning products, new blender and new pots and pans to cook food for the baby, foods for her to have in the house, baby products, etc. It’s all ostensibly for the baby (or for her to eat), which is fine, but it’s just always SOMETHING. We have also had some language issues (non-native English speaker), and maybe the kicker is she started playing Christian religious music for the baby (we’re not Christian – i put a stop to that though). She came recommended from the night nurse we used. We knew she was higher priced than we were expecting (even before the raise), but we were under the assumption a good nanny was so hard to come by, so we jumped at locking her down. But now I have mom friends who have found great nannies on care.com, etc., for $5-$7/hour less than we pay, which adds up a lot at 50 hours a week. There’s a level of annoyance that keeps building. Would you look for someone new? I keep going back to the fact that her level of care does seem great. But maybe we’d get that with someone else?? What would you do? TIA!
Anonymous
Do they pay on the books? That may account for a lot of the difference if you do and they don’t.
Do you have a written contract with her re expectations?
I have yet to have a job where I asked for a raise on day 3.
Anon
I would look for a new nanny, knowing that I could keep the current one as long as needed. Therefore, you wait until you find one who is either less expensive or demands less stuff.
Also, stop giving into this. A newborn doesn’t need a fancy blender.
Anonymous
I’d be concerned that she is using these items for herself only instead of for your family’s benefit. We had a nanny who started doing that. . .
Anon
I agree to look for someone else but not fire her immediately. Also stop giving into her requests. Fwiw, the fact that she asked for a raise on the third day on the job and is demanding all these things sounds very unreasonable, but I think you’re overreacting about the Christian music. We’re Jewish and I have absolutely no problem with my baby hearing Christian lullabies or reading Christian books, especially at the age of ~6 months. At that age, hearing words and music is so much more significant than any underlying religious message. It does obviously become a concern as the kid gets older, but you have a lot of time.
anon
we have a nanny and i think this is all very strange. who asks for a raise so early on? why do you need new pots, pans, blender, etc. i agree that you should look for a new nanny, but not fire her quite yet until you find someone
Anonymous
Um what? Say no. Look around more
Anon
Absolutely look for someone new! As someone else mentioned, though, make sure to compare apples to apples when you are considering what the market rate is (on the books or not, average hourly rate over the week vs normal hourly rate plus OT, paid PTO/sick time, etc.). Unless you’re worried about your child’s safety, I’d keep your current nanny while you look for someone new.
I'm doing this wrong
I just bought a roll of small plastic bags – shipped via Amazon in a box on a plane, most likely – because I’m no longer getting plastic bags from the store for my groceries, which I used to use for dog poop and bathroom trash can lines. So….I just bought single use plastic to replace the single-use plastic that I would reuse. Obviously I’m totally doing this all wrong.
Also, I corrected my boss on an email and hit reply-all (when I could have just pointed it out to him more politely had I thought it through first), forgot my umbrella (so of course it poured when I need to grab something from the car), and was short with an excellent staff member who forgot to do something ..you know, because he’s human. (I apologized.)
I would like to start today all over again. Or skip to next week.
Anon
At least it’s Friday?
Anonymous
Here’s your free pass:
SKIP TO NEXT WEEK PASS
For: “I’m Doing this Wrong.”
Do not pass go. DO collect $200.
DO stop off on Friday night for a glass of wine.
DO bring in donuts on Monday.
Expires 4/7/2019
: )
Anon9
For a while when we were going through plastic bags faster than I could accumulate them (when kids were in diapers and I live in apt, so just bag the smelly diaper and throw down the shoot rather than a diaper genie set up), my dad would give me the extra ones he accumulates. Perhaps you can get extras from a close friend or relative who lives in an area where groceries still come in plastic bags?
Anon
I have to do the same for small plastic bags. I now buy poop bags for the dog and use diaper bags (from Arm & Hammer) for small trash can liners. They don’t quite fit but I use them for smelly trash anyways, so it’s okay that they get changed slightly more often.
Walnut
Buying dog poo bags is the bane of my existence. Especially on days where the freaking paper bag splits open.
AIMS
I get biodegradable poop bags on amazon. FYI. You can also use newspaper (not for everyone, but it’s an option).
Anon
No joke… I actually asked my bff (fellow dog person) for brand name Mutt Mitts one year for Christmas. That’s a splurge I can’t manage to justify, but when you have big dogs, those things are amazing. I have smaller dogs (60 lbs each) now, but when all I had were big guys and most pickup required 2 hands, those things were amazing. What can I say…. it’s the little things.
Pep
I use the plastic sleeve that the newspaper is delivered in for dog poop pickups. I get them from my retired parents, who still get a daily paper delivered and save them for me.
EM84
If you received a significant yearly bonus, what would your splurge for? I don’t need to worry about retirement or loans. No husband, no kids. I work long hours and tried to simplify all other house chores already – I live in a nice area close to my office, so my commute is 10min, have my meals delivered everyday during work week to my door, I have drycleaning and physio/massages around the corner of my place, I have groceries delivered and I recently bought a spin bike so I can work out whenever I want. I do not have a cleaning staff, as my place does not really get (visibly) dirty And i travel (for joy) a lot.
Anon
Flowers? Jewelry? A nice dinner out with friends (you could even treat them)? Clothes? A nice accessory (level up a purse or whatnot)? Fancy coffee machine?
Since it sounds like there’s nothing you’re dying to have, so maybe stash it somewhere easy to access and wait until there is something you really want? Doesn’t mean you won’t spend it on something fun, just not at this moment.
Equestrian attorney
A wardrobe refresh? A really nice bag? That’s what I would do.
Anonymous
Set up a internship or bursary at a school/institution/museum/gallery, in a niche that’s interesting/important to me. If it’s not enough; it could be a one off or set up as a perpetuity thing.
EM84
I like this idea! Where I live (even university) education is “free” but I will get in touch with a student organization at my University and ask them how I could help. Thanks!
Anon
I would take my girl friends out for a spa day and a nice dinner.
Small Firm IP Litigator
Stash it for retirement and enjoy that compound interest?
Anonymous
In that case, travel.
Walnut
Donate it?
Anon
+1. You don’t need it, giving it away will help others and make you feel good.
CountC
A fancy watch and the $3500 earrings at my local jewelry store I have been lusting over for a year.
anon a mouse
Do you have a nieces or nephews? I would start amping up experiences with them – theater tickets, trips, sporting events, etc. Basically make memories with the next generation.
If there’s nothing you feel like you really need, then I’d just invest it for the future. Maybe direct a portion of it toward microloans to help out others.
EM84
Nieces/nephews: They are too small but I am creating a fund now, which we will use later
Gail the Goldfish
I splurged and bought a horse with my bonus. So I’ll suggest something for your hobbies–nicer equipment, a trip related to your hobby, etc.
CountC
This is great!!
Is it Friday yet?
I was also 100% thinking horse, haha. Or pick up a new hobby that you’ve always wanted to do!
Is it Friday yet?
Offshoot of that, I’ve always wanted to learn to fly planes, but the expense (and time) is prohibitive.
Ses
I did this. It took years because of the expense and time, but it was worth it and brought me so much joy and sense of accomplishment. At least go for a discovery flight to see if you like it.
Is it Friday yet?
I swear I’ll do it one day – and I haven’t done a discovery flight per se, but I “flew” my uncle’s small plane years ago before he sold his share and I loved it! :) I’ve heard that you should do all of it in a shorter time period though, because it’s something that you fall out of practice with quickly (and then have to spend more for extra flight time). Did you find that to be an issue?
Ses
Yes, I had trouble with that… But I was doing it for fun, so I didn’t mind dragging it out a bit. If it had been a career goal it wouldn’t have worked out. I still have trouble, actually, because when I get really busy at work I stop flying. I think when I get back to it this summer I’ll need to pick back up with an instructor to knock the rust off (and to get signed off again to keep current).
Anon
Personally? A really nice handbag and/or jewelry. If I had the money, I’d totally spring for a Chanel or Hermes bag. I’d also really like to get a pair of sizable diamond stud earrings (minimum 1 ct for each ear).
This is assuming you’re already happy with your travel budget… If not, take a bucket list-type trip. Safari in Africa or staying in an over-water hut in Bora Bora spring to mind. I’ve already been to Antarctica (which was $$$$ but it was so incredible and totally worth it), so if you’d be interested in something like that, I’d highly recommend!
Northwest Islander
Do you own a home? I have finally started tackling some home improvement things and they make me SO happy! E.g. replaced old carpet with new bamboo floors, buying and hanging a fancy chandelier/other lights, a built-in desk. Next I am going to build out my dream closet:)
anon
Since you already travel, I’d upgrade my travel–better seats on the plane, more expensive hotel or the room with a good view, splurge on room service every morning, take a private tour or class, etc. Or pay for a family member or good friend to join you (if you want).
Anon
Donate it, since it sounds like you have all the creature comforts one could want anyway. If you have to think about things to spend money on, you have more than enough money.
Ses
I just received advice on this here. Someone suggested a personal trainer, so I started doing that once a week. It gets me out of work closer to on-time, and makes me move around during the week. I’m so happy I did it!
I also bought some blouses that I would normally consider ridiculously expensive (but love the feel of) and started planning a large (for me) annual gift to support some disadvantaged kids to participate in a particular event in my hometown.
Anon
Others.
From your description, you are one of the wealthiest people on the planet. You may not think of yourself that way since you’re not Bill Gates, but statistically speaking, you are. If there’s nothing you need and not even anything you want, this seems like the perfect opportunity to give to others. Pick whatever cause is meaningful to you – the environment, lawyers serving immigrants at the border, human trafficking, medical foundations… there are so many causes out there that need funding.
Anon
100% this.
EM84
Thank you all, these are all great tips! I will probably spend good amount of it on “experiences with others” (one of my best friends lives in Mexico – 24hr flight from me, so I may do an extra flight there this year and will plan a few family trips with my parents and sister). Rest, I will donate more My colleagues are wonderful and organize donations (money or clothing/stuff) nearly every month, so I will pick two, which will make the most sense to me and will donate the rest here. I guess givin a bug amount for one cause will have a bugger impact to the receiver (vs donating something to many causes).
Someone mentioned a horse – I love the idea, but the poor horse would die with my travel calendar. For same reason, I do not own my home – I move between cities and countries nearly every 2-3 years, so it would be hell to deal with it. Also – I have no idea where to buy a house. My dream is to buy an old stone house in the Scottish Highlands, with sheep and horses and turn it to an airbnb.
Anonymous
What about a condo or townhouse in a place you like to vacation or retire? That way you can have a place to retreat to, it’s low maintenance and you start building equity?
EM84
This is exactly what my sister suggested. I started looking for some property that I could use as an investment (renting out) and later retire to (sounds somstrange as I am 35) but realized I should spend more time on it if I am serious about it. I have a short holiday coming up, so I will meet up with a realtor. Does anyone have experience with buying property abroad?
Anonymous
A few searches should find you a site with expats giving advice on this. Try ‘how to retire in (country)’
Anon
You can invest in any hot market location in any of your fav country and rent it out now using property management company. If you don’t like it at the time you retire, you can always sell it and buy where you like.
Patty Mayonnaise
Do I need to tip if I’m having my makeup done? Makeup artist is coming to my house and is the business owner if that makes any difference…
Anon
Yes to tipping MUAs in general, but I don’t know about the owner situation . . .
Anon
I didn’t tip my hair and MUA at my wedding last year. I mean, her entire business is traveling to you with her stuff, so I assume she prices herself accordingly ($250 for 90 minutes is a pretty good gig IMO).
That said, the cable guy was hinting HARD yesterday that it was customary to give him a tip, and I didn’t – and it’s never even crossed my mind that that’s a thing – so maybe I’m just a stingy tipper.
Notero
Yes, always, always! I tipped my hair and makeup artist 25% for my wedding.
In-House in Houston
Does anyone have the Dyson hair dryer? Does it really work? Is it worth the investment?
Anonymous
Yes and yes.
Senior Attorney
My husband gave me one for Christmas and I love it. It’s quiet and I swear it does a better job than my old one, which I was very happy with because I didn’t know any better!
Senior Attorney
Also they aren’t discounted anywhere but if you buy it at Bed Bath & Beyond with a coupon they will give you a $50 gift card in lieu of a discount.
Anne-on
Sorry (for your budget) but yes, they really are fantastic. I have very thick wavy hair and I can do a passable blowout in 10-12 minutes, and a great one in 20. Best deals are on dyson’s website itself or during the Sephora sale with 20% off for vibs.
Laura
I’m one of the apparently few people who hated it – it made my hair feel like straw. I would buy it from a place you can return it if it doesn’t work out.
sharkBite
QVC has them (and vacuums) at decent prices.
Anonymous
Talked to my stylist about it. She bought one because clients kept asking and said it wasn’t much better than other driers, and particularly for my hair (straight, fine, lots of it) not worth it.
EM84
It is as good as any other professional hairdrier. I had luck with Babyliss Pro (Carusso I think). It gets my hair dry wihout damage, it is super fast and he “wind” power is amazing (even after several years of every-other-day usage).
Anonymous
I really love the jumpers and rompers look but they are not practical. I got a cute romper and was so pissed that I hadn’t realized how annoying it would be to go to the bathroom
Anon
Counterpoint: they’re hugely practical for me. Thick thighs = awful chafing. It’s especially annoying when you just want to take a nice walk along the beach when you’re in your swimsuit. So to me, a cover up involving pants is really great. Also, I primarily wear one pieces, so I have to pull the whole thing down anyways to use the bathroom, and I don’t find that to be too annoying.
Anonymous
+1 sitting practically naked in the bathroom stall at work multiple times in a day isn’t ideal
Anon
Who is wearing these to work???
sharkBite
With a blazer and choker/ scarf?
Anon
I bought a really beautiful jumpsuit that looks amazing on – it is a wrap so the front looks like a skirt – and so comfortable, and I almost wet myself trying to get out of the damn thing to pee. Note to self, do not wait until the last minute when wearing that thing, which also means don’t drink while wearing it.
Anon
I have worn jumpsuits on multiple occasions and never had a problem using the bathroom. It shouldn’t be that difficult if you are an otherwise able-bodied adult.
Birthday Present Help!
Help me figure out what I want for my birthday! My parents insist on getting me something even though I am about to turn 39 and I don’t buy into adult birthday presents. Especially adults who may a good salary and generally buy what they want.
/endsoapbox
Tidbits about me – I like the outdoors, but generally have all the gear I need right now, I am trying to learn how to be a better plant caretaker (I just bought myself a monthly The Sill subscription), I love reading but borrow from the library generally, I don’t need any gadgets, and I try not to be wasteful so I don’t like stuff unless it has a useful purpose.
Maybe a pair of vegan Birks? Or the counter-top composter I have been eyeing from Uncommon Goods? Some more stuff from a small woman-owned pottery business? Or try to convince my mother to donate money to an animal charity instead of getting me a thing?
Senior Attorney
How about an outing with them? A trip to the botanical garden or similar?
Birthday Present Help!
I am not close with my parents, so an outing with them is not a gift for me!
Anonny
I think you’re me except I’m 25. I’m an animal loving, zero waste, library fiend, vegan, who has enough money I routinely ask for donations as gifts. I find that consumables are good gifts though, fancy local jam, a good chocolate bar, or single origin bird friendly coffee have been recent hits.
Birthday Present Help!
I like you! :)
Do you have any unique eco-friendly items that you love?
Anon
Do you have any clothing you need to replace? A new pair of running shoes? A coat? A swimsuit? These are all things my mom has given me for birthdays. She has also gotten me a toaster oven when my old one broke for a present. My birthday is a few months away still, but I want to get some reusable zip-lock type bags and a new cookbook, so I think that’s what I’m asking for this year.
Birthday Present Help!
Too funny! I got reusable silicone slide-lock bags for Christmas, as well as a new cookbook!
I have waaaaay to many running shoes. . . :) And frankly, probably also have too many clothes. I may have to do a kitchen inventory though!
Anon
You can ask a gift of an experience you wanted to try … say certain lessons, or a consultation with a personal stylist or color analysts …or a spa certificate or amazon or starbucks whole foods gift card …
EM84
I am you. My parents still insist on them buying me a present for birthdays and Christmas.
They would not understand donations (how to do that and how this is a gift for me), but from what I have received from them ao far I like these the most: cookbooks (I love cooking), flower seeds/bulbs/whatever so that I can plant my own flowers for my balcony (I love that and their seeds always work), pyjamas, sportswatch (when I was a serious runner prior to injury), gift card for my favorite hotel chain, new addition to my coffee mug collection, my favorite mascara/cream.
I would ask for the composter you mentioned (as I would like to pick pottery pieces which I 150% like). Would a subscription to airport lounge make sense to you (do you travel often)? But in general, I feel your pain.
Anon
Not rocket science, but: any tips for turning down “help” from a salon owner? I’ve been to a new salon a couple times, and I really like the stylist I see, but the owner steps in every time and she’s not needed. She’s very nice, and I know she thinks she’s being helpful, but I don’t like the way she (the owner) tweaks my haircut and I really don’t like her styling tips (that take about 15 minutes every time).
I have curly hair, and I know just how I like it cut and my stylist gets it. The owner – trying to be very sweet and thinking that surely every woman with curly hair must need help working with it because it’s soooo difficult – comes over and talks about how X is the best way to cut curly hair and Y and Z are the BEST products. I know she’s proud of her studies and is just trying to share the gospel, but I’ve been living with my hair for 38 years. And when it’s freshly cut (the way I like it) and styled (by me), it’s really pretty fabulous. It’s not frizzy, the curls behave, life’s just kinda grand. But invariably she gives me a 15 minute spiel about how great blah blah blah is…and I walk out looking like some sort of poodle. (Does the owner really think I look good??) It all washes out fine when I get home and shower, but I just want her to leave me and the stylist to ourselves. Any magic words?
Anon
“Im fine, thanks” or “no thanks”
The owner gets the rent your stylist pays for her chair, plus a cut of the product sales. She doesn’t care about you. She wants you to buy her shit.
Sadie
I mean, the stylist may be an employee not a booth renter. Booth rent is actually illegal in about 10 states.
Regardless, YOU are the customer, and it is YOUR hair. ” No thank you, I prefer how stylist cuts it”. “I would prefer you didn’t style my hair today, but thank you for the offer”.
Frankly if she gets pushy and starts to do it anyway I would move away and say “I asked you not to touch me, thank you.”
If you don’t want to listen to her spiel, at this point “You’ve told me about your products before, I understand, thank you”. If she persists “As I said, you’ve told me before. I prefer to relax while I’m here, please stop telling me about this”.
You do not have to pay someone to do things you don’t want to do. That’s silly.
Anon
When you call for your next appointment, request the stylist but also request that the salon owner not participate in the process.
Anonymous
No?
Anon
No thanks or I’m running low on time.
But also, don’t all curly haired women hate how their hair looks when they leave the salon? I just thought that was part of the process, since my hair always looks nice after I wash it (but I’ve never had a haircut I liked when I walked out of the salon)
Dolce
I’m fat, and I usually dread summer. But This year, I’ve decided that I’m no longer going to wear pants and cardigans to hide my limbs. I went on a $1,000 shopping spree and got shorts and T-shirt’s and swimsuits.
I may be large, but at least I’ll have some cute things to wear and won’t sweat to death.
You have no idea how freeing this feels.
Panda Bear
Good for you! Be comfortable and enjoy the summer.
Anonymous
Good for you. I was at a high end tropical resort where a bunch of Masters of the Universe type guys were strutting around with absolutely no concern about their pot bellies. I decided it was a dreadful form of sexism that I felt like I had to hide my saddlebags. I have been buying swimsuits and fun coverups and have gotten back in the pool, which I love.
Anon
I do have an idea because I did the same thing after sweating through countless summers in black sweatshirts :) good for you!
Anon
Oh yeah!!! Go for it!!!
Surprisingly perfect date night outfit
I just have to share with internet strangers because I feel fabulous right now :) I bought this jersey jumpsuit that I was on the fence about, but my sister convinced me is super cute. Figured I’d rarely wear it. Turns out it’s the perfect date night outfit! Super comfy, I can dress it up a bit with strappy pink heels and bold earrings or down with a denim jacket and casual canvas wedges. It’s a true navy with a white trellis print, and it has pockets!
I’m sitting here with a fresh haircut and makeup done, waiting to surprise my husband when he comes in from the garage. Can’t wait to see his face because I look good and I’m going to drive him just a little bit crazy for the whole night!
Anonymous
Link?
Anon
I am travelling to NYC soon from India and I have given myself $1000 budget to but some stuff. I work in corp finance and deal with a lot of bankers and funds people. So I want to buy stuff which is quality, will last a long time hopefully, and is conservative. I am thinking 1 or 2 pantsuits, 1 or 2 dresses, 2 tops, one pair of shoes, and one handbag if budget permits or if I decide to go a little higher because it’s worth it. Suggestions? Brands? I am 5 feet nothing so looking for brands where I can find enough stuff in my size. A lot of big hand bag and shoe brands are present in India but they cost a lot more, so this is my chance to buy them at less price if I can find something I like.