Weekend Open Thread

130 Comments

1. I have very wavy hair, to the point where it can even form some curls if I let it. I am used to straightening and then recurling it when I want it to look predictably nice or else I just let it dry in a pony and it looks okayish.

   It is not frizzy but if I sleep with it wet at all, it looks and feels weirdly fluffy and yucky/no shape.

   Because I’ve been frying my hair for so long using heat, I would like to go back to wearing it with my natural waves/curls like I did all throughout high school. Except I tried using the same styling products (gel plus mousse mixed together) and it just didn’t work – my hair used to be incredibly thick and needed major frizz control which it no longer needs. I guess what I’m really looking for is a cream consistency, just to run through my hair to make it look smoother and hold my waves a little (gel on its own is too much hold, mousse on its own make my hair achieve way too much volume).

   The few times I used to wear it natural in college, I loved how Tresseme’s curl activator cream worked but they no longer making it and anyways I don’t want something to make my hair curlier, just to hold my waves.

   So help? Trying to just find a go to product that is oil free (stuff like coconut oil in hair products will break out my normally clear but sensitive skin), creamy, and not too stinky.

   1. Try DevaCurl’s Wave Maker – use less than you think you need at first! It’s a light/medium hold cream that activates your curls/waves so they’re a bit more defined but doesn’t have a ton of hold (i layer it under a gel, since i’m super frizzy).

      1. Counterpoint – I have similar hair as you describe and I hated all the DevaCurl products. I find them too heavy and sticky.

         1. Yes, sorry, should have mentioned I’ve tried Deva in the past and hated all products because of the stickiness factor.

            1. Were you using it on wet hair? I use the styling cream and have also used the curl cream that smells like coconut on damp hair. Both just make my hair less frizzy. In fact, I actually prefer to use the styler and then use a hair dryer shaped like a round brush to get my shoulder-length hair straight with a bit of bounce at the ends. Sometimes I’ll use a straighter after and other times it’s good to go as is. If I want to wear it wavy, then I just scrunch and air dry. I’d never put it on dry hair though or you’ll get a sticky goo.

            2. Yes, definitely applied while wet. Multiple times before I gave up.

   2. First, you may want to look into the Curly Girl Method. Some people go crazy with it but I am low-maintenance and have my own routine that isn’t that involved.

      Gel is going to give you the best hold, though. I also like curl creams but use them more in winter. It sounds like our hair types are somewhat similar, so here are some recommendations: Miss Jessie’s Pillowsoft Curls (smells like a dryer sheet, I love it, some hate it), Morocconoil Curl Defining Cream, Ouidad Climate Control Anti Humidty Gel. The first two are not curly girl approved if you decide to try that route. If you do use a gel, remember to try scrunching out the crunch after it dries, maybe that will help give you the level of hold you’re looking for. Good luck!

      1. Thanks! I’ll chexn out the Miss Jessie’s and Ouidad products, the morroconoil would have oil which I can’t use.

         I’m not super concerned about the hold (my hair doesn’t need major hold), more about the smoothing and defining.

         1. I seriously 100% recommend trying the curly girl method. I also have wavy borderline curly hair, and it is just more consistently good looking on a day to day basis when I am using the method.

            If you aren’t going to go Curly Girl, at one point in time I really liked the Redkin curl lotion at one point in time.

            1. Thanks. I’ll check it out. Most curly hair resources I have looked at it in the past (including reddit) focus on trying to get more curl out the hair and I really don’t want that (and my hair will wave/curl a TON when I try even minimally)

            2. None of these methods worked for me, mostly because my hair did not look as nice as it does styled.

               I bought a curling wand and use it everyday–you get good at it really quickly, so it takes very little time–and offset by using heat protectors and get regular haircuts/trims, especially to add more layers in so it can curl better and more easily.

   3. I’ll put in my vote for JessiCurl products. I use the gentle shampoo, the daily conditioner, the gel & the deep conditioner. I get highlights every 5 to 7 weeks, and the products don’t affect the vibrancy of the color, which is a big plus for me.

      I have wavy-to-curly hair that goes straight if it gets to much weight, so the lightless & lack of stickines of the Jessi products is another selling point. I wash my hair on Mondays, Wednesdays & Fridays, with a spray bottle wet-down on Tuesdays, Thursdays & Saturdays. On Sundays, I do a deep clean with deep conditioning.

      1. Awesome, I’ll try it, thanks! I also only wash my hair 3x/week.

         1. I have about exactly the same hair as you, though as I’ve worn it natural more it makes way more curls. I love Ouidad’s Moisture Lock leave in conditioner (although I’ve also heard their climate control is amazing, and I’m buying that next. I put it on upside down, shake lose (or finger shake just at the scalp) and let it air dry. (unlike you, I find sleeping on it allows my curls to form better–no gravity). I also let it dry while pinning a section back around my face. This way I can add a little volume so it doesn’t dry flat. I do nothing else, and it’s like magic.

            1. Thanks, I’ll check it out! I think if I had actual curls, sleeping on it wet would work but any curls I get is really just a result of some major waves going on and aren’t actual ringlets. I used to do the pinning back trick too all the time! Such a simple step that makes a huge difference.

   4. Bumble and Bumble air dry creme

   5. Sounds very similar to my hair. I use LivingProof’s in shower styler. Put it on after i condition, scrunch my hair as it air dries and go.

      1. I don’t even need to condition these days. Also don’t even want to scrunch because that’ll make it too curly :)

         I’ve tried several LP products in the past and found them pretty sticky, have they changed since then or are they at all sticky?

         1. I don’t find them especially sticky (I’m pretty loyal to LP at this point), but the in-shower styler does give it some texture.

   6. garnier buttercream curl cream!!! love this stuff and smells so good

   7. I have fairly curly hair (3B I think is the designation) but will share my experience in case it helps. I used TIGI CurlsRock for many years but i found it very thick – not crunchy and it has really good hold so my curls looked awesome but it would build up in my hair even with regular thorough shampoo/conditioning so that ultimately my hair was just too heavy and oily. I then tried Jessi’s gel and liked that quite a bit, but I was still using regular shampoo/conditioner (whatever was on sale at grocery store) so my hair was still pretty dry and so needed to use a lot of the product to have well formed curls. My recent breakthrough was trying the LUS line, which was my first experience with sulfate free products and it has been a game changer. The shampoo is very gentle and I only use it maybe once a week and condition 2-3 times per week. Every time I shower though I thoroughly wet my hair and use the styling gel, and my hair dries into very nice curls, no crunch and no thick gel. Not sure if it specifically the LUS products or just trying sulfate-free for the first time, but LUS has different lines for different level of curls so you might want to give their wavy line a try! Hope it helps, it’s such a trial and error process!

   8. I’ve got thick, fine hair with some wave (it curls more when it’s shorter). Creams were too heavy, so my stylist suggested using a salt spray. Gives the curls/wave some structure.

   9. I’ve tried a million things and ultimately, what has worked best is relatively cheap conditioner smoothed through when my hair is soaking wet, scrunch with a microfiber towel, and then use Garnier medium hold curl control mousse. That mousse is the ONLY thing I’ve found that doesn’t weigh down my hair, doesn’t cause stickiness, and doesn’t create crunch. And it’s cheap.

      1. I’ve have good luck with a combination of Aveda Curl Controller on wet hair, and when dry, a blob of Bumble and Bumble Brillantine.

   10. I like Bumble and Bumble leave in products, they don’t irritate my sensitive skin. There’s a leave in for coarse hair.

2. Any suggestions for for a candle (or spray maybe?) for freshening up my kitchen after cooking? I came in from an early morning run yesterday and I noticed my kitchen still smelled a bit like broccoli from dinner. Yuck. I had the mrs. meyers basil but just didn’t like the smell enough to remember to light it. Dipthique baises (sp?) is my favorite but seems too flowery for the kitchen.

   1. I light a candle almost every night after cooking for this reason, and honestly since I’m burning them for about 60-90 minutes every single night I go for cheaper ones – the Target Chesapeake bay brand are my go to – cashmere plum for a generic nice ‘floral’ smell, and tobacco cedar for a warmer winter smell are my two favorites.
      My ‘nice’ candles which I burn to cheer myself up or in the gloomy winter nights are generally a mix of Sydney Hale Co., Jo Malone, Nest, and Boy Smells. I highly recommend Sydney Hale though if you don’t mind paying roughly $30/candle – their throw is great, and their room sprays are fantastic too.

   2. Capri Blue Volcano? My all-time favorite. I think since it is slightly citrus-y it works in the kitchen.

   3. You need this. I have one and it works well. I just light it while I’m cooking. It doesn’t have a scent. Not sure how it actually works. https://www.vermontcountrystore.com/kitchen-candle/product/19232

      1. Oooh, nice! What else do you get at Vermont Country Store? Will I end up with a thousand catalogs and magazines if I order from them?

         1. Stuff that old people love. It’s not necessarily a bad thing, but the demographics skew to people in their 80s. I bought some nice teaspoons from that site, and if you like housecoats, turbans, or hard to find foods from the 70s, this is the place for you. Seriously, my kids used to loooove looking at that catalog.

   4. A small bowl of white vinegar set out in the kitchen seems to help eliminate cooking smells, instead of covering them up with more smells (Broccoli Smoking a Cigar in a Field of Flowers?).

      1. Hahaha!

      2. Yep, this is what I do.

      3. Sometimes I use apple cider vinegar and throw in some spices – cinnamon bark, whole cloves, orange peels, whatever smells good. I simmer it at a low temp for a little bit (set your timer or alarm! It’s easy to forget about it!) and the vinegar absorbs the bad smells and the spices and flotsam and jetsam make new good smells. I’m not sure if I’m cheap or ingenious.

   5. You need a lampe berge which is supposed to output a smell and clear the air of existing smells.
      Also, Bamboo Charcoal Air Purifying Bags (from A M A Z O N) works really well. I was super skeptical at first but I put them in my “dog’s room” and it has not smelled doggy since.

   6. Lysol – it only smells “clean” for a short while, but gets rid of the broccoli or other cooking odors.

3. Maybe the Curls Rock product by Tigi?

4. I have this exact bag from a Mom and Pop shop off Amazon – $30 real bamboo as well.

   1. I always think “Mom and Pop shop on Amazon” = produced by children in a factory

      1. No, it’s a business based in California, I checked. I always check my Amazon vendors.

         1. Ma and Pa in California probably just bought it from a factory using child labor, though.

            1. Exactly.

   2. I had this exact bag — what? 40 years ago? So funny to see things come back around!

   3. I do not get this bag at all. Also, it seems that every insta-famous fashion blogger was carrying it last year. If you’re so fashion conscious as to want to carry a completely non-functional bag, you probably should have done it last summer.

      1. Yep, this bag was last years flash trend

         1. +1000

5. Did anyone see the post on the Ask a Manager Friday thread about the AmLaw 100 partner who is having 1Ls plan her wedding in lieu of any law firm related work? If it’s true than it is a really messed up situation and I feel bad for the 1Ls and the admin who have had their careers threatened for speaking up about it.

   1. Uh no but looking it up ASAP

   2. At what Big Law firm do partners monopolize summer associates like that? Junior associates, yes, but I’ve never heard of a firm that didn’t want summers to work with lots of different partners. And there’s usually someone keeping tabs of the work summers are doing and distributing work to summers who are light, so I find it hard to believe that these summers are doing zero substantive work and no one cares.

      1. +1, firms have central assignment systems. Something is fishy with the OP of the thread.

         1. I think you’re assuming that a lot of big firms are organized to have all this. I definitely clerked at a big firm only a few years ago whose assignment system was “partner likes summer associate and gives him work directly” or “partner calls recruiting and asks for a non busy summer associate, recruiting emails summer associates and asks for a volunteer”. Seriously, these firms aren’t tracking as well as you think they are. Especially if it’s not the main office.

      2. The admin who posted that has replied to some of the responses and indicated the partner is not the only partner the summers are working with and that she has instructed the summers to lie if asked about what work they are doing for her. So it looks like they are working with others besides her and their work is being asked about.

   3. Looked it up. I wonder if it’s a fake question. What Biglaw firm has multiple 1L summer associates??

      1. I left Big Law in 2015 so perhaps this info is out of date, but my AmLaw 50 firm hired 1Ls. Not tons, and they usually had something pretty special to distinguish them (eg a PhD or a connection to an important partner), but it definitely happened.

      2. The only thing I can think of is a firm with a robust diversity 1L associate program–but then that significantly narrows down the field of possible firms. Do biglaw firms in smaller markets have more 1L summers? I only really know NYC.

         1. We have 2-3 out of a class of 22-25, and they’re exclusively hired through affinity group job fairs (e.g. Lavender Law) or as part of partnerships with clients’ diversity programs. ATL.

      3. It was extremely common at least 5 yrs ago when I was clerking. There were usually at least 5 to 8 1Ls in a class of 25 or more. Not that many but enough to be alarmed that something like this is happening. They usually get requested back the next summer.

      4. It’s pretty common although there are usually only a few, especially recruits from T14 schools – it generally locks the best 1L candidates into a 2L clerkship. When I clerked (only a few years ago) there were about 10 to 20% 1L law clerks (ex. 3 to 5 out of 25 clerks).

      5. A very few people at my law school had 1L summer associate positions at big firms in summer 2011, but not many. My firm had a centralized summer associate assignment system, but partners would sometimes ask for work from summers outside of that, even though they weren’t supposed to. A follow up from OP said that the summers were instructed to lie (???) so I guess there’s a chance its possible this was an “off the book” assignment, but I still find it weird that this would work because the coordinators in charge of assignments would assume that those summers were light on actual assignments and try to load them up more.

         1. PS this was in Boston, but AFAIK, the people who had them were not visually diverse and were straight.

      6. when i was in law school (HYS) 15 years ago, many of my classmates were at firms for 1L summers. Not top 10 vault level firms, but biglaw nonetheless.

   4. Yes, it is a mess. The poster, a legal administrative assistant, was asking for advice on how to report it because the 1L had pushed back and got smacked down by the partner. I’ve never worked in a place that would be acceptable (several big law firms), even by a rainmaker partner. Mostly because the law clerks are being paid big money to have good output to evaluate at the end of the summer. A wedding planner would cost less than the value of their time – the partner is being incredibly cheap, she probably spends that amount on purses.

   5. Maybe I’m naïve, but I just don’t see how that would work. Am My firm, all partners could see all associate hours. Any associate who didn’t have client billable hours of a decent amount, would get assigned new work. Unless she’s faking a Billing number, how do other partners not realize that these associates are doing no billable work

      1. Oh just realized it was summer associates, and not junior associates. That seems even weirder, because attorneys are always asking summer associates what they’re working on and there’s generally somebody assigned to make sure that they’re getting interesting work.

         1. Exactly. I feel like at every summer associate social event you have to discuss with other attorneys and summers what cases you’re working on. What would they say? How could they possibly hide this? Also, you have to bill hours as a summer associate. Even if they are recording this under a non-billable code, the summer coordinator would see they haven’t billed any hours to actual client work, and would ask them what’s up. And obviously if they’re billing it to a client account that would get the supervising attorney disbarred or even jailed. This has to be fake.

            1. Seriously, what a weird question to troll about!

      2. The question was about summer associates, not associates. At my firm (and many other biglaw firms), a lot of their billing codes are going to be “business development” or “summer associate work.” My firm had certain billing codes only for summers to use, because they didn’t want the summers’ hours to even get on the bill for review.

         1. +1 on this, I don’t think I recorded a single hour to an actual client. I produced work product, which was reviewed by attorneys, to confirm I was worthy of an offer, but summer time is typically just one giant write-off.

            I’m not saying 1Ls as summer associates in Biglaw is unheard of. But it’s typically 1-2 people per office, not some widespread wedding-planning team as the AAM OP implied.

            At a firm described as “one of the biggest in the country” by the AAM OP, there would simply be WAY too much visibility into this — because of summer associate management bureaucracy, which means summers have partner mentors, associate mentors, there is a recruiting committee, people who monitor how assignments are doled out, people who review work product to determine if a summer needs to produce more, routine after-hours events, etc etc — the fact that this is happening in secret makes NO sense.

            1. Huh that’s interesting. I billed tons of client hours as a summer. I’m sure it was all written off. But it was made clear to us that we should billing for every hour we worked, and the non-billable codes were reserved for social events or things where we were very obviously just learning, not working, like observing an attorney in court. Of course, summers don’t bill (or even work) 40 hours/week. But I think it would raise eyebrows at my firm if our summers didn’t have ~20 hours/week of client work.

            2. I didn’t read it as a whole team of summers, by the way. She used the plural, but from the question it sounded like it could be just a couple 1Ls in this situation.

            3. Interesting, Anon at 4:04 — when I was a summer, years and years ago, it seemed like a lot of associates had saved up all their non-billable research projects for summers to assist (article research, treatise updates, case summaries for upcoming business development events), etc. I had some genuine client work, but lots and lots of it was non-billable or pro bono.

            4. @anon, I summered pre-recession, when things were a little less … intense … for summers :) I did “bill” time but it was to summer-specific matters. So there was a general “work product” matter and “summer event” matter. We experienced the joy of “billing” and there was therefore a general pool for attorneys to see that we were doing SOME work, but we all knew it wasn’t real billable hours.

               But from my old colleagues, the level of oversight and committees etc. seems the same.

      3. The poster says they are getting work from other partners and that the wedding partner has told them to lie about the work she’s giving them. It could explain things.

         1. I’m wondering if it was more like the partner telling the summer associates to schedule her meetings with the wedding vendors around the other matters on her schedule. Like a student is working with her on a discovery and she has him move the meeting with the florist because it now conflicts? Or calling multiple vendors to see who’s available to meet on her schedule based on associate knowing the work schedule for a certain week because they are working on a specific matter? Still clearly TOTALLY TOTALLY inappropriate, but makes more sense in terms of why this would fly under the radar of other partners. I don’t see how multiple 1Ls doing wedding research is flying under the radar of the other lawyers.

            1. It just seems SO weird for a partner, who’s worked with an assistant presumably for her entire career, if not the current one then another assistant(s), wouldn’t just make the assistant do that…There must be another explanation beyond asking summers to do that dirty work for her…

            2. But the assistant was the one posting so maybe the assistant refused to do the personal rescheduling stuff?

   6. I’m struggling to imagine that this is entirely real for the reasons others have mentioned – most large firms have multiple people involved in managing the summer program, such that it would be hard for this to be ignored. Every one of our summers has a partner mentor and an associate mentor, and each assignment is assigned by the partner mentor and discussed after the fact with the partner mentor (and the assigning partner has to do an evaluation). We also have a partner whose only job is running attorney personnel matters, which means during the summer she’s completely focused on the summer program. She’s assisted by two staff who are SUPER hands on. And then we have a partner who manages the logistics of the summer program as well. I cannot imagine someone being able to conceal something like this in a system like ours. My prior firm was fairly similar, and my first firm, which was way less organized, still monitored everything we were assigned and how we spent our time.

      I wonder if there’s a grain of truth here (like a partner was chatting about these plans with a summer associate who’d recently been married and who offered to send over venue listings? or something like that?) and the OP of that post spun a story out of that? It just really stretches credulity for me.

      1. My theory is that the partner is actually asking the assistant to do the wedding planning research (still inappropriate but less so, and way easier to conceal) and the assistant changed it to summer associates to give herself some anonymity.

         1. That I could totally see. We definitely have some partners who are way over the line with asking assistants to do personal stuff. Meanwhile, I die a thousand deaths of shame if I ask mine to bring me a glass of water during a 4-hour conference call.

   7. In a maybe this is real, I worked with a faculty department chair at a major public university who would have her assistant buy and mail Christmas gifts for her (and this was at multiple physical stores – not like a quick Amazon order). It was totally inappropriate. I could see her having others (like young graduate students) do similarly inappropriate work.

      1. See, that I totally believe. Faculty control grad students in a way partners do not control summer associates, except at a solo practice.

   8. I believe it because people in power do wildly inappropriate things. In my days as a junior staff I had to deal with my boss’s medical issues… multiple times, it was so cringey but I didn’t know I could push back.

6. Fun question from one of my FB groups: If you could pick two celebrities to be your next door neighbors, who would they be? I’d go for George Clooney (no wild parties, probably not home much, but occasional sightings) and Tim Gunn.

   1. If it’s George Clooney can I live in Lake Como!? I can definitely see George and Amal throwing some ragers though.

   2. Reese Witherspoon – you know she has her sh!t together and her trash cans would be put AWAY. But she wouldn’t judge you if she saw you gardening in old shorts. And she likes her privacy, when she calls the paps it’s always when she wants to be seen by her office.

      Same, now that I think about it, of Kate Middleton.

      1. She would definitely judge my unkempt lawn though! I agree about Kate and the Cambridges (or Sussexes!)

   3. Sam Neill. We’d hang out together at his winery in NZ with his pig and ducks and horses and take hilarious videos for instagram. If you don’t follow him on twitter and insta, you should, he’s amazing.

   4. Jennifer Garner. She seems so weird and I want to hang out with the chickens!

      1. Omg I meant sweet! She seems so sweet. Bad autocorrect.

   5. Huh. Jeff Bridges is pretty chill and has been married to the same woman forever, so I’d dig him as a neighbor.
      And also Shonda Rhimes – she has a kid or 2 and has great connections and I feel like she wouldn’t throw parties but would throw chill dinner parties or fire pits or porch hang-outs and all her star friends would stop by? Maybe?

7. Has anyone tried the Love Lash magnetic lashes, currently at Costco? Thanks!

   1. I don’t have experience with that brand but I have tried magnetic lashes and have had zero success. I’m pretty savvy when it comes to makeup and I could not get them to sit right. I’ll stick with glue on lashes for special occasions (or when I’m feeling sassy).

   2. Haven’t tried that brand but spend more than $50 on another and it was totally worthless. Impossible to sit right and quickly bent when I tried to adjust. I’ve only warn glue on a few times, but it was way easier to work with. Biggest waste of money. FWIW, I got an Rx for Latisse from CVS’s minute clinic. The stuff is AMAZING. I have light blue eyes and they have stayed that way–and if you do reading on line, you’ll see the brown eye thing is actually very little risk (and also isn’t instant). I’ve been using for about 2 months now and my lashes have never looked better. I only use it every other night now and they’ve maintained well.

   3. Yes, I really liked them the first time I used them but have never been able to replicate the experience. They are hard to put on well and close enough to your lash line while still on straight and then once you get them in place, they slide down your lashes. Too much hassle for too little reward. I thought they’d be an easy fix so I could use them on the weekends when I leave the house instead of putting on mascara, but it just isn’t worth it.

8. I’m considering a career opportunity that will involve a major relocation, and wondering if anyone has done so and has any thoughts/advice. I’m currently in the Pacific NW and have lived and worked here all my life, and the move would be to the Miami area, a place I have never been and honestly never had any real interest in.

   An in person interview is on the horizon so obviously that will give me a lot more information to go on. The job itself is a big exciting opportunity that I would definitely take if offered here, so the only question is really if I would be able to make what seems like a pretty big cultural transition. It would just be me and my spouse making the move. I would be moving away from my adult kids and most of my extended family.

   What is it like to live and work in South Florida? I don’t mind heat but haven’t ever dealt with real humidity, and my beach experience is generally of walking in a storm along the Oregon coast. I’m really flying blind here.

   1. A rather conservative (and white) friend and her husband and 2 young kids recently moved from Miami to…. here and although they searched for the opportunity and made it happen, a reason she gave for being ready to move from South Florida was because she and her family do not speak Spanish and felt that the people and culture that were so Spanish-heavy was making life difficult for her in terms of child care, at least, not sure what else.

   2. Um. You are in for quite a shock with heat/humidity.

      Something to consider– do you speak Spanish? This would be dependent on the industry, but a friend at one point considered moving there for a boyfriend and realized that it would be hugely difficult for her to find a job (and would hamper her career) if she did not speak Spanish.

      1. That’s a good point. For my role I wouldn’t need Spanish, but I wondered if the social side of things would be more interesting if I learned it.

         For background, my husband is not American and the increased diversity is something we would enjoy.

         1. Is your husband from Latin America? I don’t see Miami’s diversity as better for immigrants than a major city in the Pacific NW unless they’re Latin American.
            Signed,
            My Miami relatives keep taking guesses about which country my partner (who obviously has Asian heritage) is from. I’ve been correcting them for more than a decade.

            1. You can’t just tell them? Why make it weird

            2. I’ve told them multiple times. I still get asked if my partner’s family was affected by xyz in Japan (he’s not from Japan).

   3. I’m sure you will hear from people with a different opinion, but I did not like living in Miami (I do however love visiting). Yes, the heat and humidity will be a shock. The beaches are gorgeous but most people who live there don’t take advantage of them that much. Living on the beach is of course very different than vacationing on the beach, but my sense is that Hawaiians and Californians take advantage of their natural surroundings much more than people in Miami do. A very large percentage of the people there are Latinx, which has its upsides (wonderful food!) but can be a culture shock if you did not grow up with that culture. Almost everyone (Latinx and not) speaks Spanish, and yes I think it would be an impediment to not speak at least a little bit, if not necessarily fluently. You frequently need to use Spanish in every day life, and if you don’t speak it, there will be a lot of pointing and gesturing, almost the way there would be in a place like Puerto Rico where Spanish is the native language. The city is more money and status-obsessed than any other one I’ve been to in the US, except perhaps LA. You’ll see Maseratis, etc on the street all the time and most people flaunt their designer labels, talk about how much things cost, etc. Most large US cities are very liberal, but Miami is pretty conservative because there are so many Cuban-Americans who are committed Republicans. There is a large international airport so travel is very easy and of course the Caribbean and South American are right there. The public schools are also pretty terrible and the private school culture is very toxic, but that’s not something you’d have to worry about.

      Culturally, it’s honestly hard for me to think of a place in the US that would be more different than the Pacific Northwest. That said, if your kids are grown and your spouse’s career is flexible enough, I don’t see much downside to moving for a great job opportunity for you, even if you only intend to use it is a springboard to the next thing and don’t plan to stay there more than a few years.

   4. I’ve never lived in Florida, but spent several years in the SEUS. One of the reasons I left is because I hated dealing with heat and humidity for so much of the year. I moved back to the west coast and am so happy to have milder weather and be outside all year round. Some people don’t care because they don’t go outside, and some people actually like the heat, but this really made a huge quality of life difference for me.

   5. Do you like the Pacific NW culturally? If so, Miami is likely to be a bad fit.

      Rich people aren’t quietly eating organic kale and donating to NPR, they’re buying (and showing off) luxury consumer goods. Also, there’s more pressure to look and dress a certain way.

      There is really good food from Latin America, though.

      1. I love your description of PNW rich people; it’s so true! :)

   6. Born & raised in Seattle, and moved to Florida for 10 years. Miami is vastly different from PNW in just about every way imaginable – but that’s what I was looking to experience. I had to completely change my hairstyle to accommodate the humidity. But you’ll be surprised how quickly your blood thins. Travelling back to PNW for a visit is expensive and takes all day. Extend your interview trip so you and your husband can explore the city. Good luck!

   7. I lived in Miami for a few years for my spouses job with no prior connection. It was very fun but also hard at first. In general, I found the superficial stereotype to ring true — people really cared much more about clothes, cars, car being clean, and fitness/bodies then other places I have lived (including New York). There is a pretty narrow idea of what is considered beautiful for women. At first, I found people to be pretty disinterested in ideas, politics, and the community BUT through getting involved with a women’s organization I met some neat people with more similar values as my own. Also most people I met through work or the neighborhood were from there or had family there so it was a little hard to break in and I definitely felt like an outsider. To the extent you can, I’d try to ferret out whether the job and local work culture are macho – I felt that more than other places I have lived.

      On the plus side, it was incredible to live in such a diverse place. I speak some Spanish, not fluent, but did not find that to be a barrier. The beach is amazing. It’s also a great place to bicycle, fish, and boat, but terrible for hiking and obviously no mountains. It is an extremely easy flight to many great places in Central America and the SE US.
      If you are looking for a fun adventure for 2-3 years, could be great, but may be a harder long-term option.

   8. Miami lawyer here. It’ll be a culture shock for sure! And the humidity is brutal. But, like anything, there are ways to cope. Miami is huge with many different communities. Some are heavily Hispanic, others Haitian, and some more traditional American. It can vary from street to street. Spanish is spoken everywhere and makes trying to communicate with service industry people challenging if you don’t have some rudimentary skills. I live 2 blocks from Biscayne Bay so my mornings consist of walking the dog to Starbucks and then strolling along the marinas in the breeze. Weekends are all about the water – in it or on it. I park my car Friday night and don’t get back into it until Monday morning because I can walk to Fresh Market, restaurants and bars, and I can ride my bike to other neighborhoods or the beach. Outdoor activities are everywhere, all year round, and we have many large groups who swim, bike, run, kayak, paddleboard, mountain bike, sail, kiteboard etc. so making friends is easy if you are an active person. The Opera, Symphony and Theatre scene is OK but often you have to drive to Ft. Lauderdale for options. Local music and art is vibrant and growing. Getting out of Miami is easy if you fly, but the options are limited driving simply due to the location. I love the Keys so that’s a huge plus, but there’s also the west coast and space coast within a few hours. And the Mouse – Orlando is only 250 miles max so it’s an option if you like that kind of thing. We have a really great food scene – not hugely diverse but good quality. It’s true that the wealth can be obscene. Every other car is a Porsche and the some of the neighborhoods have mega-mansions. Our public transportation is really poor, basically because it doesn’t go where you want to go so you still need a car. In spite of the negatives, I’ve tried moving away several times since graduating HS and always found myself back here so now I’ve grown roots and love it. I can give you names of neighborhoods to look into if you’re interested in more details.

      1. I agree with all of this. Personally, I do not like south Florida; my great uncle lived there in the 1980s when I was little, and even then Dad said it was much worse then it was 20 years earlier. He said it is very crowded and the roads are a mess. Old people driving 20 miles an hour and young people doing 80, and alot of people from South America with money and then Haitians and Dominicans with no money. Lots of pan handelers, and hot and sticky from April to November.

         But, with the right job and being married and all, you do NOT have to face most of theise issues. I say go for it and if it doesn’t pan out after 1 year, just leave and return to your job. YAY!

   9. What is your relationship like with your adult children? I had a parent make a similar shift, and though I was an adult, it still stung a little. Certainly not a reason *not* to move, but maybe consider how and when you’ll tell them? My parent “suprised” me with their Florida move, thinking there was no reason to tell me until they were surely moving, since surely I would love visiting them on the beach. But they didn’t take into account that now it’s basically a day of travel and an expensive plane ticket for me to get to see them, and it’s now much more difficulty for them to be involved in my day-to-day life (meeting up for dinner impromptu, seeing a show together on the weekend, etc.).

      1. My kids and I are close, and it is definitely a big consideration. We live on opposite sides of the state so the day to day impact wouldn’t be huge, but it does feel like I would be abandoning them, especially for the youngest who is still getting himself set up in the world. Right now it’s a four hour drive to see them and we text all the time, whereas this would be a 6 hour flight and we would text all the time. But the gulf seems bigger and I do worry about the impact on everyone.

         1. The time difference can make phone calls inconvenient— signed, pnw natuve who lives on the east coast for years, now back in pnw and all my east coast friends are asleep by the time I’m able to talk on the phone.

   10. Pros: Major international airport, great beaches, tons of delicious Latin American food, lots of shopping and businesses. No snow shoveling.

       Cons: Very superficial – cars, clothes, etc. If you don’t speak Spanish, you will struggle. The weather (high humidity, hot year round, hurricanes, flooding). Global warming is having a major impact on the city, and it isn’t prepared to deal with rising waters. Traffic. Cost of living. Unless you are going elsewhere in south/central Florida, you will need to fly. The city is more liberal than rural Florida, but plenty of people support 45 in that area. Politics in the state are awful.

   11. As a Miami native I can say it will be a culture shock for you but as long as you are open to trying new foods and learning minimal conversational Spanish you will be ok. The old school Cubans (myself and most people here) are very nice and welcoming and friendly, it is the newer arrivals that are standoffish and can be rude so you’ll see both just letting you know the difference. The food is amazing and the beaches are great during certain times of the year, locals will tell you when not to go to the beach, mainly spring break, we all skip the beach for a boat day or Bimini or vacation somewhere instead. Since its just you and your husband look for an apartment far from Brickell, unless that is where the office is then maybe look for a more established building, many millennials live and work in Brickell. Coral Gables is also a really nice area for you guys, Coconut Grove too and its being refurbished and growing big time! There is so much to do here and it can be a fun change of pace for you guys!

9. Trouser jeans–yay or nay? (Not sure if it matters, but I like the knee a couple of inches narrower than opening). I’m 43 and plus size and feel like they are super flattering.Love the idea for my casual office. But I also don’t know if that’s because they were one of my favorite things to wear in the 2000s. Will I look out of touch?

   1. If you found a great pair of trouser jeans recently, wear them! Don’t pull out jeans from 2005 and wear them though. Flares are coming back around so trouser jeans maybbe out there too.

   2. Definitely yay. Have been wearing mine from Ariat and gotten a ton of compliments. Comfortable! Stylish! Look great with pointed toes! Don’t hide your waist! I love them and they are way more flattering on me that skinnies could ever be.

10. Can anyone share details about how their company treats internal employee (compliance/ ethics) investigations? Long story short – one of my direct reports was accused of workplace bullying, internal investigation is complete, report was shared and I was shocked that the investigators did not cross-check what witnesses said in their statements. They prepared their report and recommendation using quotes from employee interviews without even checking whether the statements were true (some of them were lies), whether the statements are based on direct observations (I found many quotes which were just hearsay or referring to meetings/situations where the employees were not even present), they did not present any hard evidence. When I asked if they cross-checked those claims, they said it is not their role. They claim their role is to conduct interviews with a wide array of employees and ask them if they have examples of when the accused mistreated the victim. And then check whether any of those narratives fits into the allegations. I am frustrated as this does not seem fair, leaves us open to a potential lawsuit by the accused employee and in general I lost trust in the process. It just feels wrong – I could create a list of 20 fake examples or pull things out of context and destroy at least 5 careers.
    Is this the usual process in other companies? The employee obviously does not agree with the results of investigation and wants to sue the company.

    1. The process at your company is bizarre. Plenty of companies do very brief, not terribly thorough, investigations of small issues, but it makes no sense to interview a bunch of people, and write a report, without trying to ascertain the truth.

       Since she’s your direct report, I would assume you have some grounds to escalate your concern to someone who knows what they’re doing. Where litigation is a concern, investigations tend to be at the request of someone in the GC’s office.

    2. This comment is discoverable. Talk to your HR/ general counsel.

       1. No it is not. It is anonymous, so no one knows anything, and the hive may be protected speech, so do NOT worry.

    3. Sounds like a typical investigation. Surprised that your employer is not sufficiently protecting itself in this context. Are you trolling us?

       Otherwise, did your company employ one of the companies that specializes in these investigations, but has no lawyers in leadership nor on staff? My employer uses these kind of firms to investigate EEOC claims. The reports heavily tend towards minimizing the complaints of the employees and protecting the employer.

       I have seen a number of employees who are not the complainant use these investigations to advance their own careers. Lying is very common, though in my context, it is usually a coworker or leader smearing a complainant. Then that coworker or leader is recognized for their loyalty to the organization and is often given better assignments, better career opportunities, and public praise and awards to bolster their standing as a future “star” witness.

       Our investigators use the investigation to spread rumors about individuals and poison the work environment for a complainant. They are hired by the employer to protect the employer and make the complainant look bad. In one example, this has involved sending out dozens of the same question set to employees with and without work experience with a complainant, asking them if they heard the employee was dangerous, if they heard he was suicidal, if they were afraid of him, and more. This helps the employer to not only destroy the reputation of a complainant, but also to intimidate, frighten, and silence anyone else who may have a complaint. You have heard that when women complained about Nassar’s sexual abuse, leaders threatened the women and minimized their complaints? Imagine if they also created public smear campaigns for the girls and young women.

       As in your comment, in my workplace, the investigators report hearsay and statements from “witnesses” who were not present at specific meetings. Identified “star” witnesses include individuals who never worked with the complainant.

       So if your employer’s process is anything like mine, your employee may want to sue. But finding another job is probably a better strategy for her/his/their long term health. Litigation stretches on for years. It is not just the money spent, but the time, the extremely negative impact on one’s health, and all of the opportunities missed because the person was otherwise working on the litigation. Probably best to leave and lobby their state and federal reps to change the laws for how these kinds of allegations are investigated.

    4. Thank you, I just needed a reality-check.

11. Help – going to a casual 40th birthday party tonight for our friend, mom we met in our parenting group 4 years ago. Not best friends, but fairly close – we like them a lot. They just put this party together last week via Facebook invites and it’s going to be a casual backyard party.

    Do we bring a gift? Or is that a thing adults don’t do anymore? I don’t go to birthday parties for adults anymore!

    In car it helps — our families go out to dinner together (casual places), so was thinking of a gift card to one of those, maybe. She doesn’t like wine but will drink beer. She’s a bit crafty.

    1. I’d bring a six pack or two of nice beer – good party gift and birthday gift.

    2. If it is today, it is going to be hot and stinky, particularly near the porto potties. Bring some vinagerette for salad dressing and people will drink it. I would also find out what the 40 year old likes to eat. I would bring some of that, tho not more then 3 good steaks, but skirt steaks are acceptable.

    3. Small bouquet of flowers? A package of craft beer? (Though, if you don’t know her tastes, this may be ill-advised.) Even a card is fine.

12. I just read the front page NYTimes Story about E. Jean Carroll, a 75 year old woman who wrote a book where she said DJT s3xueally assaulted her in a fitting room at Bergdorf’s about 20+ years ago when she was modelling lingerie for him. It was awful and I believe her, but why in the world would you go alone into a fitting room modeling lingerie for HIM? I think we are way to trusting of men, and this is how men get to take advantage of us. It was more then groping. According to her, DJT pushed her against a wall in the closed dressing room pulled down her tights and put her peni$ inside her. There is a picture of her from the 1980s and she looks very pretty, kind of like Taylor Swift, so I really don’t buy DJT’s comment that “she’s was not my type”. Of course she was. And she was married for 10 years or so to a man of color, so perhaps she did NOT want to go public before with this.

13. Does anyone have an opinion about cult Gaia suing Steve Madden for making a similar bag?
    Since this type of bag is inspired by old Japanese picnic baskets, do they have grounds to sue?

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