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Sales of note for 9.16.24
- Nordstrom – Summer Sale, save up to 60%
- Ann Taylor – Extra 30% off sale
- Banana Republic Factory – 50% off everything + extra 20% off
- Boden – 15% off new styles
- Eloquii – Extra 50% off sale
- J.Crew – 30% off wear-now styles
- J.Crew Factory – (ends 9/16 PM): 40% off everything + extra 70% off sale with code
- Lo & Sons – Warehouse sale, up to 70% off
- M.M.LaFleur – Save 25% sitewide
- Spanx – Lots of workwear on sale, some up to 70% off
- Talbots – Extra 25% off all tops + markdowns
- Target – Car-seat trade-in event through 9/28 — bring in an old car seat to get a 20% discount on other baby/toddler stuff.
- White House Black Market – 40% off select styles
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- The oldest daughter is America's social safety net — change my mind…
- What have you lost your taste for as you've aged?
- Tell me about your favorite adventure travels…
Voyage123
Looking for travel tips for Norway–thinking of a fjord trip, and maybe combining this with another Scandinavian city e.g. Copenhagen. This is for August, planning a little late yes but will be going there from Paris. I’ve heard others on this site talk about how expensive Scandinavian countries are, so tips on how to do this affordably are welcome.
Anon
I’ve also been looking into a fjord trip. I would be traveling with my parents, and have been focused on cruise options cause of some mobility issues. I haven’t taken the trip yet, so can’t speak to that. But the cruise options are relatively cheap – like less than $2k for 2 weeks. Throwing that out there in case it is something you would be open to. And maybe someone has taken such a cruise, and can speak to it?
Fjord123
I’m the OP. I didn’t even think of cruise options. 2 weeks is too long, I don’t have that much time. If anyone knows options for less time e.g. 5 days or 7 days I can look at them. And yes the little research I have done has many warnings about the cost of eating out in Scandinavia.
Anon
I saw shorter options, but didn’t focus on them cause I was looking for something longer. Plus, I wasn’t looking for August. But a quick google search should turn up options.
Kelly
Look at Hurtigruten – they’re ferries and offer some “cruise” accommodations as well. We haven’t done one yet but have traveled with others who have and have enjoyed.
Anon
Hurtigruten cruises are luxury expedition cruises and super expensive. Not the right choice for an OP who is looking for a budget option.
Anon
People can be snobby about cruises, but they are a great way to Scandinavia affordably and a great way to see the fjords from the water. There may even be some that leave from Copenhagen, although the ones I know of leave from the UK and Amsterdam.
Fjord123
OP here: Which cruise options do you know?
Anon
We did a Holland America cruise out of Amsterdam that went to Geirangerfjord, Hardengerfjord, Eidfjord, Bergen and Alesund. It was 7 days. When I researched our trip, a lot of cruises seemed to leave from the UK, which I wanted to avoid (I had been to the UK multiple times and the UK cruise port isn’t London – it’s Southampton, which isn’t a very exciting place).
CruiseCritic (dot) com lets you search cruises by date/duration/destination/departure port.
Anon
I just looked there quickly and it looks like Royal Caribbean does 7 day Norway cruises out of Copenhagen.
Anon
Princess cruises does cruises in Norway, but I think they are from the UK. I would be surprised if any of the big cruise lines didn’t have cruises in the area.
anonshmanon
If you stay in Bergen, Hotel Park is the most charming B&B I’ve ever seen.
Anonymous
Took a 15 day Baltic cruise last year with Viking Ocean Cruises. Beautiful ship and a great way to see the Nordic countries and St. Petersburg. Passengers tended to be older, but was not a problem for us. Everything was expensive on land, so it was nice to have accommodation and most food covered in advance. The fjords in Norway were breathtaking.
Vicky Austin
I used to live in Sweden, and eating out in Scandinavia is super expensive. So is alcohol. So plan carefully around those things (doing a cruise may take care of that for you, but it’s something to keep in mind).
Anonymous
In Copenhagen, the Generator hostel near the city center is an affordable, classy hostel. I reserved a single room with private bath which cost $50 a night. The Sandeman’s walking tours are “free” (tip your tour guide) and I often met other solo women to meet later for meals or other tourist activities.
Anonymous
I did a cruise+rail tour called Norway in a Nutshell from Bergen to Oslo 10+ years ago with some extra time in the cities on either end. The cruise + rail was budget friendly for me, and 23 year old me was happy with the accommodations that were included in the tour. I do remember being shocked at how expensive food was in Oslo. My friends and I ended up buying some groceries to keep costs down
Anon
We did this route last year, on our own (we booked every piece ourselves). I would say it’s fairly crowded and touristy but may work out if you just want a quick overview of the Norwegian landscape. If I were doing the trip over again, I would take the Hurtigruten up along the western coastline and forget going east.
Ness
We did both. We used the tips from Norway in a Nutshell to organize our itinerary but then we booked everything in our own, included the Hurtigruten usgin the Fjord Pass discounts: https://www.visitnorway.com/plan-your-trip/getting-around/by-boat/fjord-tours/norway-in-a-nutshell/
We landed in Oslo, from there train to Alesund, there we took the boat to Geiranger and to Bergen, then express boat to Sognejford area (Norland company arriving to Balunstrand), from there to Flam (Flambasa train) and return by train to Oslo.
Regarding prices, yes, going out could be expensive if you drink alcohol, but food compared with London was more or less the same. There were acomodations for all the budgets and as someone pointed before the breakfast buffet in the hotels and boat is great.
Anonymous
Oslo is an underappreciated city with great restaurants (particularly if you like fish), interesting museums, easy public transportation, and friendly people. The Well, a spa complex with an amazing variety of pools and saunas, is among the best in Europe if you are not shy.
Norwegian hotels typically offer a copious buffet breakfast, so fill up there if you are looking to save money.
Anonymous
We used the Norway in a Nutshell tour that the 10:57 anon mentioned, but we did not book any accommodations and just used it to get from Oslo to Bergen. (It has you take one of the world’s most beautiful railways, plus you’ve got a short fjord cruise built in.) We spent ~3 days in Oslo, went to Bergen for three days or so, then back to Oslo for another day or two. The places we stayed in Oslo were just okay, but the hotel in Bergen (Grand Hotel Terminus) was gorgeous, centrally located, and cheap–and it had a world-class whiskey bar. I found the food in Norway less pricey than I feared (though I concur with the 11:44 anon who recommends going ham on the hotel breakfast!), though drinks were generally expensive and wine was absurd (this is a great trip to get into local beer). In Oslo, we especially liked Sentralen (a bank turned into a huge space with performance venues, a restaurant, and a cafe) and Vippa (a warehouse on the Oslofjord that houses a ton of food stalls–it’s designed as a way to integrate immigrants and entrepreneurs into the community). In Bergen, we loved Lysverket (Michelin-starred and worth it, housed in a former power company building that’s now part of a complex of art museums), Bare Vestland (small plates, interesting beer), and Pingvinen (quirky little gastropub). Be aware that a lot of restaurants take fairly lengthy summer holidays, so you may want to carefully check whether the places you’re interested in are open.
Oslo is an unbelievably amazing city for art–in addition to awesome museums (the Astrup Fearnley Museet in particular is not to be missed), there are several stunning sculpture parks (Frogner Park houses a huge number of sculptures by Gustav Vigeland, and Ekeberg Park on the eastern edge of the city holds a lot of more modern sculptures in a beautiful forest setting) which are free to visit and well worth your time. Enjoy your trip!
Anon
No advice on cruises to that region (though I agree that cruises are an affordable way to travel in general), but you’re smart to consider the food and activity costs. When I was in law school, my now-DH was in Copenhagen on an extended assignment and I went to visit him for a week. Even with our accommodations paid for, visiting the city felt like we were hemorrhaging money and couldn’t afford to do or eat anything. The cheapest meals we could find were at touristy Americanized restaurants that served $25 hamburgers, and we were so poor we felt like we couldn’t spend any money on museums or tours and it was winter so it was really unpleasant to just walk around. One day we went to Malmo, Sweden for the day and we running around celebrating like we’d won the lottery because the prices were so much more reasonable (though still expensive, to be sure). To this day, I’m the only person I’ve ever met who doesn’t LOVE Copenhagen, but I think it’s a really hard city to enjoy on a tight budget (maybe less so in August when the weather is nicer, though). All my friends who have been love it, but they also all ate at Noma (insanely famous and expensive restaurant, if you don’t know), soo…..
Anon
We took the ferry to Copenhagen on a bit of a whim while visiting Sweden after college (so still totally poor). We saw cars loaded up to the gills with beer and groceries on the ferry from Sweden to Denmark and thought it was so strange. We only stayed one night but we were also blown away by the cost and ended up doing what we saw the locals doing: getting a six pack and a dozen doughnuts from the 7-11 (they are everywhere and it is the weirdest thing because people seem to treat them as grocery stores). It was the most expensive six pack in my life but we managed to have “dinner” for about $30. It was beautiful and surreal. We promptly left the next day with a newfound understanding of the inbound ferry cargo.
Coco
I just got back from a 10 day trip – 3 days in Copenhagen and then 1 day in Oslo and then the reason for the trip — a 5 night polar expedition in the Arctic – Svalbard. We used Hurtigruten which uses a smallish ice ship.
It was amazing and beautiful – saw polar bears and reindeer and walruses etc. Hiking was amazing. Highly recommend.
Norway and Copenhagen are very expensive….
Anon
Some practical things:
Norwegians generally pay for things by card or vipps (a Norwegian banking app), you don’t need a lot of cash (markets, odd kiosks and shoe repair). Quite a few places will not accept American Express or Diners, though, VISA and Mastercard are standard.
If you pay somewhere where it’s custom to tip (very few places!), there will usually be an option to enter a sum total you want to pay before you enter your pin. You might see this in bars, restaurants and some taxis.
If you arrive at Oslo Airport and are going to Oslo, your cheapest option will be the regular train. It’s approximately half the price of the airport express, and takes 23 minutes to the city centre (instead of 21 for the express). Walking and public transport will get you anywhere a tourist would like to go in Oslo, a 24h pass for public transport will be about $13. For train tickets in general, advance purchase is key to get cheaper seats on longer stretches (think 4h+). For regular commuter style trains, there is no difference.
In August, you’ll have the opportunity to see one of the last exhibitions of the old Munch Museum (the new one is under construction). The new National Museum is also under construction, so you won’t be able to see those collections this year. For modern art, the Astrup Fearnley is the place to go.
As somebody mentioned above, there are two excellent sculpture parks, the Vigelandsparken (single artist) and the Ekebergparken (varied modern art with women as a theme).
You can always ask at the hotel or b&b if they do “matpakke” (packed lunch). Some places will make a packed lunch, or allow you to make a packed lunch from the breakfast buffet, for a fee. (Not something to ask for in the breakfast rush, ask the night before, and maybe not in the big cities, but somewhere you might go hiking in the mountains etc. that would be normal) That could typically be 3 or 4 slices of bread with cheese or cold cuts, maybe a fruit/yoghurt/boiled egg.
In August, there will be local fruits and vegetables available in grocery stores and markets, e.g. apples, plums, tomatoes and strawberries for picnics.
In Oslo there are three indoor food markets: Mathallen (the original food hall, with both ingredients and restaurants), the Street Food hall at Torggata, and Vippa out by the sea front.
What is this style/shape called?
I am super hourglass and trying to find more tops/dresses that nip in at the waist so I don’t end up looking wider than I am (a consistent fashion mistake I’ve made and am now trying to remedy). I’m just not sure how to search for that, what term(s) it’s called, etc. Ideas? I’ll post images as examples in a comment below. Thanks!
What is this style/shape called?
https://poshmark.com/listing/Michael-Kors-Womens-Medium-Top-Knot-Tie-Dye-5aa046da72ea88770e9f1b36
https://www.dyeworks2.com/204_500_csupload_67796660.jpg?u=3845092230
Anonymous
I’m confused. Neither of those nip in at the waist at all?
Anonymous
Also, why are those both tie dye?
Inspired by Hermione
I think it might have been mis-threaded, not necessarily an answer to this question.
Inspired by Hermione
Wait, I’m dumb. Ignore.
Lana Del Raygun
I would have said “fit and flare,” but your examples have their narrowest point higher than that. Is the knot/twist aspect important to you?
Anon
You might want to search for items with ruching at the the waist, based on your examples.
mascot
As an hourglass, I find that necklines make a difference as well. Try v-neck or scoop neck tops. Wrap tops can also be flattering.
Vicky Austin
I believe those pics are showing the old “binder clip the shirt behind the mannequin” trick.
anonymous
I am also super hourglass (like Christina Hendricks, and about her size when she was first on Mad Men) and I wear a lot of wrap tops and dresses. Tops are tough because if they fit my bust, the waist is usually too big (same with pants – if they fit my hips, the waist is huge). I’ve gotten some things tailored but it is expensive. Fabrics with some stretch where I can size down a little (not too much) work sometimes. Wraps or v-neck top that aren’t too boxy or long tend to work best for me.
Pale Girl Snorkeling
I’m the same shape and fit and flare dresses are my best fashion choices. Tops with ruching also work, as do ones with a v neck. I can’t wear wrap dresses – they never contain my cleavage without a cami and that’s not a look I like. Any fabric with stretch is your friend, especially tops, they will cling a bit more to your narrower parts but still fit around the wider ones. I’ve mostly given up on pants because of the waist to hip ratios. If I do wear pants I go for low rise that aren’t supposed to be on my waist and again, I try to always get pants with some stretch.
Anonattorney
Did Christina Hendricks’ size change during Mad Men?
Tailor
My only remedy has been to go to tailor. Not too expensive just to get something taken in at the waist. A bit of a pain but the results are great.
Anonymous
The two examples are both kind of an empire waist cut. If you’re looking for a t-shirt casual dress try these:
https://www.zappos.com/p/columbia-freezer-iii-dress-black/product/8245551/color/3
https://www.zappos.com/p/fresh-produce-sadie-dress-black/product/8695468/color/3
https://shop.nordstrom.com/s/tommy-bahama-arden-cotton-modal-sundress/4552551?origin=keywordsearch-personalizedsort&breadcrumb=Home%2FAll%20Results&color=seaport%20teal
Clothing/Fashion Cost
Just for funsies…
What’s the most expensive piece of clothing you’ve owned and was it worth the price? (I suppose wedding attire counts but am also/more wondering about non-one-time-only items, so if your answer is wedding, share that plus a more frequently wearable item with us, please!)
Anon
Wedding dress, $960 plus $90 of alterations.
Non-wedding dress: $250 silk blazer, worth every cent. Gorgeous, classic, goes with a lot.
Anon
If shoes count, I have the Penelope Chilvers long tassel boots that the Duchess of Cambridge (aka Kate) wears. I’d wanted them for so long, and they were my gift to myself when I made partner last year. They are even better than I hoped. They are slim calf, which I need, tall, which I need, absolutely gorgeous, and also extremely comfortable. I could wear them all day. No break-in period. They were 475 pounds, so roughly $600 at the time. It was a lot for me, and I’m so glad they worked out – they even just look better over time! Totally worth the price. I guess my wedding dress is maybe no. 1 at $1,500, though.
Anon
A Burberry trench coat. I don’t remember the exact price but it was over $1000 (more than my wedding dress, which was around $800). I feel like the answer should be yes, it was worth it, because it’s such a staple item, but it was too beautiful and I was too afraid of damaging it, so I think I’ve worn it twice. And now it’s way too splashy for my lifestyle (in-house at a public university in the Midwest). I guess I will give it to my daughter some day?
Anon
When and where does one wear a Burberry trench coat (or a trench coat period)? I’ve always been puzzled because they seem too warm or not warm enough, too nice to get rained on. Is it supposed to be a late fall early winter thing? Are all trench coats as thin as the one I’m picturing in my mind (a la 70’s secret agent as I’ve literally never seen someone wearing one in real life – albeit I live in the deep south).
Anon
Mine can be pretty light or very warm (it came with a removable heavy liner) so it works on all but the coldest winter days (I don’t live in the coldest parts of the Midwest and days where the high is below 20F are fairly rare). I think it’s intended mostly for rain, but yes, I felt like it was way too nice to get rained on!
Cat
I wear it pretty much non-stop late Oct/Nov and March/April. Perfect for highs that are in the 50’s, rainy or not. Why do you think it’s too nice to be rained on? That is the purpose for which it was designed and which it handles quite well!
Anon
Everywhere! Mine goes with everything and it’s actually not splashy. It just looks very classic and goes well with everything. I wear it in Vegas in the winter, Paris in spring etc. I used to wear it to work too but I have other coats that I can wear to work and keep the Burberry for trips.
SFAttorney
In San Francisco, most of the year, except when you want to look “summery” despite non-summer weather.
Ms B
Burberry also, mine made to order, so semi-custom. Midwest lawyer here and I had the trench sized to fit over a suit even with the wool liner buttoned in, so I wear it without the liner all spring and fall and then with the liner through the winter as long as it is over 50 degrees or so. Water is not a problem outside of the worst downpours because I had mine made of a technical fabric (instead of the usual waxed) and water just beads on it.
About $1100 all in over ten years ago (and I plan to get a cashmere liner this year when I get to a Burberry outlet, which will up the total), but only pennies on the “per wear” basis, especially because it has years of good wear left in it.
Cat
Most expensive – my Burberry trench was an ~$800 “oof” in 2010 but it still looks fantastic after heavy use — daily commutes, business travel where it’s shoved in a suitcase for the place — 9 years later.
cbackson
I got a Cartier Tank watch when I made partner. It was about $2500. I wear it to work every day and fairly often on the weekends as well. Beyond that, I have a couple of Ferragamo bags that were $1700ish dollars – similarly, I carry them almost daily.
Anon
I bought a pair of black leather leggings from J Brand for $700. They look fantastic in the fall/winter for dinner and nights out.
Anon
Wedding dress, $275 and then like $150 worth of alterations in a HCOL city.
Non-wedding, probably my ski jacket? Somewhere between $200-300, not top of the line.
Anon
I bought a ~$600 BCBG dress in 2006 for a dinner at the U.S. Ambassador’s residence in Paris. I wish I still fit into it. It was beautiful and worth every penny.
Portia
Most the cocktail dresses I own cost more than my wedding dress (which was $99 plus about $75 in alterations). The nicest ones (Kate Spade, Brooks Brothers) were between $200 and $250. They’re beautiful but I wore them each maybe twice and they don’t fit anymore, so in retrospect I probably should have focused more on saving for home improvements instead.
Calico
My leather jacket. It was hundreds of dollars and I balked at the time, but ten years later, it’s still a go-to that makes me feel great. Now I use that as a benchmark for any purchase. Would I have wanted this item 10 years ago? (i.e. not trendy) And can I imagine still wanting to wear it in 10 years?
Rainbow Hair
YAY LJ!
Calico
Haha! Glad you saw this. Know you’re a fan.
CountC
I have a floor length gown that was about $600. I bought it for a gala when I worked at a law firm, and just recently wore it to a wedding. It’s lovely, but of course I only have so many places I can wear it. Luckily, it still fits after 10 years!
Regular poster anon for this
Armani skirt suit, $1400. Cartier handbag, $2000. Bottega Venetta handbag (for my mom, so technically I don’t own it), $3000. All were purchases that my mom made me make when I got my first biglaw paycheck at 26 years old (I come from a culture where parents demand these things when kids get their first paycheck. To be fair I didn’t have any student loans due to getting full scholarships to both college and law school, and living with parents, as well as some parental support for living expenses). I declared financial (and living situation) independence shortly thereafter.
She is into designer brands (as are all her friends), I am so not. The handbag has held up well over 7 years over light use (to weddings etc where people tend to deck out in designer wear in my culture) and is the only “designer” bag I bought, teaching me that I don’t have much use for them, so I’m calling it even. The suit is beautifully and interestingly cut but has come apart between stitchings despite minimal use, and the material is jersey, unlined and looking worn, so not worth it at all.
Never too many shoes...
Hmmm, wedding dress was just over $2K. In regular clothing, long wool winter dress coat and a Canadian made down puffer, both around $800 each and each totally worth it.
My big splurge items are bags including a Fendi, a Burberry Prorsum and an LV Alma in check (around $2K each) and an LV Artsy ($3K and worth every penny). Before the commentary, I know that LV is a love it or hate it brand…
Small Firm IP Litigator
A Givency evening dress (mid-calf length). Originally over 8k retail, paid about 2k. I love it and use it for basically every formal event I have. It is a style that will never go out of style and appropriate for women of any age due to the conservative cut.
Legally Brunette
AGL black heels for $325. I had had such a hard time finding comfortable heels that when the Nordstrom stylist showed them to me, I bought them full price. Now I know that AGL does go on sale and I would not buy them full price again. With that said, they are still going strong 6 years later.
In general, I have found that I don’t tend to wear my most expensive items very much. For me, clothes in the $100 range (skirts, dresses) get the most use.
Anon
A black Ferragamo handbag (I think it was about $1,300 but AmEx was doing a promo that gave you back a $200 credit for large purchases at Ferragamo, so it worked out to be $1,100-ish?). I wanted it for months and bought when I reached a professional milestone and received a large bonus that year. It’s been a few years now but I still use it regularly and it still makes me smile to think of how I earned that bag. My husband offered kept offering to buy it for me for Christmas or my birthday but I love that I bought it with “my” money.
Anonymous
I went spinning for the first time on Saturday and am so unbelievably sore. It feels like somebody punched me between the legs. Is this normal? Before my first class I bought a pack of classes but it’s hard to imagine ever going back with how sore I feel. Somebody please tell me it gets better.
anon
It gets better. Buy some padded bike shorts.
Anon
That was also my experience. If you want to use the rest of your class pack, you can get padded shorts – they aren’t too expensive and help quite a bit.
Anon
That was also my experience. If you want to use the rest of your class pack, you can get padded shorts – they aren’t too expensive and help quite a bit.
Irish Midori
I bought a gel seat cushion for my bike seat and it helped tremendously. I suppose people who ride a lot get used to it, but I must not ride enough.
cbackson
In addition to getting bike shorts, check the position of the saddle on the spin bike and your position on it. Your weight, when seated, should be evenly balanced between your sit bones and your p*bic arch. It sounds like you probably had all your weight on your p*bic arch or you had all your weight on the soft tissue (perineum, etc.). To get your weight balanced, you may need to slide your entire body further forward on the saddle (so your bottom isn’t resting right on the back edge). Once you’ve found the position on the saddle that lets you sit with your weight balanced, you may actually have to move the saddle as a whole back a bit.
Also check that the nose of the saddle isn’t tilted up; that will put pressure on your p*bic arch/soft tissue.
Sore OP
Thanks, this is helpful. It definitely feels like I had most of my weight on my p*ubic arch/soft tissue but I can’t figure out how sliding forward would balance me out. I already felt like I was about as far forward as I could go (and think I need to move the handles closer to me – they felt kind of far away).
Wanderlust
This is my problem with the Peloton. I have short arms, and even at the closest point between seat and handlebars, it’s still too far. Ouch.
cbackson
So I totally misspoke – if your weight is falling on the p*bic arch/soft tissue, you should probably slide *back* on the seat so that you can shift weight to your sit bones. Rounding your back a little bit can help too. You really want to feel like you’re squarely and solidly supported by both bony structures. Definitely do check whether the nose of the saddle is tilted up, though – you’ll want it to be flat.
In terms of distance to the bars, you definitely should not feel like you’re reaching for them – you want your hands to be able to rest on them with a soft bend (so you’re not having to lock out your elbows to reach them). Unfortunately, a lot will depend on how adjustable the spin bike is (I’m an outdoor bike person so I don’t know how much you can adjust the various parts of the spin bike).
Sore OP
Thanks so much. A few things to check out if I can ever convince myself to go back.
cbackson
Also, sitting on an ice pack can really help with the soreness. I had to do that after a bike fitter botched the fit on my time trial bike leaving me in serious pain. It feels embarrassing but you’ll get over it when you’re like…yes, this feels better.
Coach Laura
I would think you could go early and talk to the teacher or other staff to help you get the bike adjusted correctly. I only ride outdoors and at home on a stationary bike but I know that fit is really important.
Worry about yourself
It definitely gets better! I stopped feeling sore after I think my 3rd or 4th class, and I didn’t even need to get bike shorts to help, although that would’ve been a good idea.
Anon
Normal, and it does get better!
EM84
My bottom was sore for first 3-4 rides, then it was fine. I tend to sit far back on the saddle. Ask the instructor to set up your bike, just to be sure you are not sore due to misalignment. Personally, I do not like padded shorts, I would die in that heat.
MagicUnicorn
Yes, it gets better. For me, the first time was so bad I never wanted to go again. The second time was less awful, and the third time I noticed a distinct lack of pain from the seat. Now I don’t even think about it.
Andi
You’ll get used to it. I did get padded bike shorts but did not like them. Have the instructor fit you to the bike. There are like four things to adjust: seat height, handle bar height, seat in relationship to bars and how your legs bend. You shouldn’t have to adjust yourself as a new spinner.
Anonymous
I know we’ve talked a lot about parental support (current, future) in the past, but I’m curious about neuro-typical sibling support. I’m the oldest of three, and 38 with a husband and 3 kids/nice house/two good jobs etc.
My sister is twice divorced (both very short marriages) at 35, no kids. She’s bipolar, a recovering alcoholic, and has tons of anxiety issues, but has a mainstream life (she’s a physical therapist and has a dog, lives in an apartment and while she hasn’t done much to save for retirement, she’s got it on her radar now that she’s in her 30s. Every fee years or so for the past 15 years she’s had a major relapse on the medical side- either breaking sobriety and having all kinds of fallout, or going into a hospital-level depressive episode. My parents are her emergency contacts. Her ex husband is I think vaguely still in the picture (they live in the same town) and would do something like drive her to or from hospital if/as needed.
My brother is 33 and has spent the 15 years since he (barely) graduated high school working as a waiter, a dog walker, etc. he currently works under the table at a local surf shop, lives at a very reduced rent in one of my dad’s apartment buildings, and spends many many hours a day surfing. I was visiting with him recently and as it happened to be relevant to the conversation (about our parents) I mentioned that all his under the table work would impact his social security payout (haha like anyone is getting anything- but that wasn’t my point anyway). He told me “by my 60s I’ll be dead or in the middle of the ocean on a boat never coming back.” Idk even what that means, but he has no plans to put together any sort of larger life plan than “surf bum”.
I know none of this is my problem…but it’s just so sad! Like, after my parents are out of the picture, what’s going to happen to these yahoos, one of which relies on my parents to be her medical support (heck, my dad does her taxes still!) and the other who has no plan other than “smoke weed and surf til I die.”
Anon 2
Their lives are different, not sad. You don’t have to be married or have kids or buy a house to be happy. Let them be.
Anon
This is a nice thought but in the real world, at 60, those medically fragile or “never amounted to much” siblings are going to go directly to her as the most stable close relative (assuming OP’s life continues in a positive stable manner as it is now – here’s hoping). OP’s thought pattern is not, I don’t think, in any way judging her siblings lifestyles but is really a long term thought process regarding familial support. If you have a family dynamic where you think you might have to support relatives, it is prudent to decide now whether or not you will accept that burden and, if so, plan for it now.
Even as newly married spouses, my husband and I had those conversations already about how much family support we can give and if and under what conditions we’ll allow our parents to live with us – and our family shows no sign of needing abnormal support as they age.
OP, I think it’s actually a good idea to talk with your spouse about your expectations on this matter and maybe with your parents (in a casual off the record sort of way). You aren’t obligated to support any family member other than your husband and minor children, but you may want to and it’s good to think about it now. For example, you say your brother lives in “one of your Dad’s apartment buildings”, so your parents are fairly well off. Do you parents plan on your siblings inheriting any properties so they at least have housing? Will they inherit an amount of money that allows them not to think about retirement? These are things to consider.
Anon 2
Again, their lives are not sad. Just different.
Anon
I have a friend whose uncle was like this (or at least similar to OP’s concern). He and his wife lived in a house with mom even after she was in a nursing home. He thought he was going to inherit the property after she died. She apparently was so angry at him for being a freeloader (and hated the wife) that she gave the house to a more stable relative but gave him a life estate to the property so that he would not be homeless. So, he got a place to live, but he was not able to sell the house and profit. It does not sound like your parents are upset with your brother, but it may be worth talking to them about setting up some sort of similar arrangement for your brother so that he is provided for after they’re gone.
anon
Brother – I wouldn’t worry about him if he’s able bodied. He’s made his own choices and will need to handle them. If something happens to your parents, or after your parents are gone, and he comes knocking on your door for favors/help, you can decide what, IF ANYTHING, is reasonable to help him with.
Sister – you may want to consider talking to her about getting a power or attorney or medical directives in place so that if (again, after your parents are gone) you can rest assured she has coverage if/when she relapses or if something happens to her. Perhaps this a responsibility you can take on, perhaps the ex, perhaps a trusted friend. I pay someone to do my taxes, and finding someone else to do hers, to my mind, will be easy compared to making sure her health care needs are met if she’s not capable of making decisions herself.
Perhaps also talk to your parents about their estate plan (and encourage them to get one if they don’t have one) and what their desires are if they fall into bad health and need help. Knowing their plans is half the battle and may alleviate some of these worries you have.
Beyond that, live your life, and take care of yourself and your family.
Anonymous
I think the part that gets me is that while my brother is an absentee…member of society, he is an A+ uncle to my kids. He lives a plane ride away and makes it in person to major holidays we host, some birthday parties, etc. and when he’s not here in person, he FaceTimes/sends presents/comments on photos we post. So like, he’s trying. And my kids adore him.
anon
Sounds like your brother is happy with his life and it works well enough for him that he can show up to your events and be in your life. That’s pretty awesome and not something a lot of people can pull off.
Anon
You are being incredibly judgmental of your brother. Let him live his own life! Not everyone cares to be part of “society” as you’ve defined it. I don’t even understand why you posted this.
CountC
+1 Honestly, I wish I could be that carefree and surf all the time!!
Anon
I agree that it seems like your sister has major issues, but your brother is fine. Who cares if he’s a member of “society” as you view it? He is happy, by all accounts a good person (involved with your kids, etc.) and not asking you for money or other forms of support. Worry about yourself.
Anonymous
I think I didn’t explain this right, my concern is not for his current state. I was thinking more long-term like when both he and my sister need support due to medical issues etc. and my parents are no longer in the picture. From what you’re saying it sounds like the answer is not my problem.” I think I didn’t explain this right, my concern is not for his current state. I was thinking more long-term like when both he and my sister Mead support due to medical issues etc. and my parents are no longer in the picture. From what you’re saying it sounds like the answer is “not my problem”?
Anon
Does he have health insurance? If he does not, I think it’s fair to have a conversation with him where you make clear that you’re not going to be on the hook for tens or hundreds of thousands of dollars in medical costs if he gets in a serious surfing accident or gets cancer. If he doesn’t know, you could point out that a single day in the hospital without insurance can be like $75,000. But I think it’s one conversation and then you move on, it’s not something you keep nagging him about.
Monday
Yes–any judgments aside, I think the potential problem with brother is when he gets older and may have medical needs and/or not be able to support himself. Whatever we say about the present, people who refuse to put any thought into their own old age are setting themselves up to be at least a worry, and at most a huge burden, on their loved ones when that time comes. The attitude that it’s “not my problem” when someone lacks basic necessities or is suffering medically is just not feasible for most close family members. The reality is that most people in that situation will feel inclined, if not obligated, to help.
This is similar to the woman who posted about her husband who won’t save anything for retirement. I am friends with a couple where the husband is doing the same thing, and I really feel bad for his wife, who inevitably (as long as they’re still married) will end up supporting him because she is saving now while he is in denial.
Anon
Monday – I may agree with this if he was in his late 40s/50s. But he is in his early 30s. Despite what this board may make you think (and despite the very fiscally conservative lawyers that many of us hang out with), it is not all that unusually for someone to not worry about retirement at that point. He still has lots of time to mature and start to plan for his future
Anon
Plenty of people in their early 30s get cancer or in car accidents and he’s going to turn to OP when he accrues hundreds of thousands of medical debt he can’t pay. I think there are more urgent concerns than retirement here.
Anon
I agree with everyone saying that this may be the OP’s problem down the road, but need to point out that if you have $200k in medical debt, you talk to an attorney before bleeding your family dry to pay for it. Some states have Medicaid expansion that covers “medically needy” people, and disabled people have different qualifications.
Anon
But none of that means that you have to support him. Nor does it even appear that he is asking for that.
It also sounds like your parents have significant money, if they own more than 1 apartment building, so I wouldn’t be that worried about him. Maybe your parents leave him a building, which would be more than enough to support him based on his low cost life style. Or maybe they don’t, and he manages just like the vast majority of other Americans who don’t make $$$ do.
Anon
So what’s the problem? Are you worried you or your parents will have to support him in retirement or if something goes wrong medically between now and then?
Because the answer, of course, is don’t support him. At least not financially.
anon
I wouldn’t worry about him! He commits to things that matter to him– being an uncle, surfing, etc. While his priorities may be meaningfully different than yours, he seems to be kind and to be figuring things out. (Yes, he is likely to hit financial problems when he is older if his priorities don’t change, but sometimes priorities change over time, and he may eventually save a little)
Anon
You know that the sample here is skewed right? 95% of Americans don’t earn six figures in Big Law jobs or have a $5M nestegg for retirement. I think the median amount of retirement savings in the US is something like $100k at age 65, meaning half of people that age have less. Presumably your brother will get his act together and save something eventually and if he doesn’t, he will be like the tens of millions of Americans who rely on public assistance in their old age (or he’ll go sailing around the world and whatever happens, happens). Let him be.
Anon
I don’t think you really understand what happens to people that don’t have retirement savings. At least if OP is in the US, public assistance is generally not enough to live on, especially if you don’t pay into Social Security. There is no “I’m old and can’t work so please give me a place to live” uniform public assistance available – maybe in some states not in most. Even if we still have social security when OP’s brother is 65 – if he didn’t pay into it he doesn’t get it. And people don’t just “get public assistance” just because they need it (Medicaid/Medicare being one of the few relatively stable ones as the exception)
There is little money to give, politicians are trying to strip away more of that money and make it more burdensome to get – and it’s difficult and bureaucratic to apply in the first place. Many people are denied assistance on the first application almost as a matter of course. Do you know the “public assistance” that most Americans with underfunded retirements get? They get it from their families and charity. That’s how the system currently works. Children, mostly, but also aunts, uncles, brothers and sisters support family members that don’t have enough savings.
Be salty that you think OP is judging her brother, but don’t be ignorant and think that it’s not a valid concern. Unlike many of the puzzlingly unsympathetic towards their family members of people that post here (based on post history – search the “protect the nuclear” thread for example), supporting family as they age is a very normal thing, especially in lower income families where group support is how people survive and have nice lives.
Anon
I appreciate the condescension, but I actually understand perfectly. I’m not talking about Social Security, which he is not paying into and won’t receive. I’m suggesting he’ll run down his savings/whatever he inherits from her parents (which sounds like it may be sizeable fwiw) and then when he has no savings and is unable to work, he’ll go on Medicaid.
And fwiw, the most frugal person in the world can’t always save enough to avoid bankruptcy/needing public assistance. My grandmother retired with a net worth over $3M and still went bankrupt and ended up on Medicaid, due to many years of dementia care. It’s impossible for 99% of Americans to save enough to *guarantee* they won’t need public assistance, although I agree that saving as much as you can is a worthy goal.
Anonymous
It sounds like OP’s brother would be content to let himself surf himself dead in old age/in sickness (see, out to sea). Heck, I am saving for retirement and I still plan to find a way to end my life when it’s at the point where I am not enjoying it anymore.
Anonymous
“My grandmother retired with a net worth over $3M and still went bankrupt and ended up on Medicaid, due to many years of dementia care. It’s impossible for 99% of Americans to save enough to *guarantee* they won’t need public assistance, although I agree that saving as much as you can is a worthy goal.”
Right.
One of the things that bothers me about this board is that there are a lot of smug folks who think that if they have X amount of money in the bank, they are “safe.” You are never safe, regardless of how much money you have. Anyone who thinks that having $3 million in the bank – at retirement, or any time – is permanent insulation against future calamities is fooling themselves. But by all means, continue to live in your little bubbles if you like. Bottom line, no amount of money makes you “safe.” If you, your spouse, or child is in a car accident that is considered partially their fault and also gets gravely injured in the process, medical, long-term care and legal bills from that once incident can wipe you – or just about anyone – out completely.
OP, I have a similar situation with a brother who is capable of working but has an extremely spotty employment history, terrible credit, and no money saved. My parents partially support him now and hinted at one point that they would like me to “continue to help out” when they were gone. I point-blank told them to go ahead and leave him all their money, because once they are gone he will get no financial assistance from me. He is in terrible health (and doesn’t take care of himself) so I’ll be shocked if he outlives them, but anything is possible. Boundaries are really, really important here. My brother is emotionally stunted because of how he was raised by my parents (they indulged his every whim) and as a result is not a fully-functioning adult, even though he is capable of being one. That is their problem to deal with, not mine. Because those were their choices, not mine. Decide what your own boundaries are, communicate them, and stick to them. It’s the only way to protect your own future against attempted predations by your family.
Anon
“You are never safe, regardless of how much money you have. Anyone who thinks that having $3 million in the bank – at retirement, or any time – is permanent insulation against future calamities is fooling themselves.”
And there are people who smoke a pack a day who live until 95, and marathon erst who drop dead at 35. But that does not change the reality that we are all playing the odds, and the odds are much better for someone with $3 million in the bank than $50k in the bank.
Anonymous
You must be one of the smug folks I referenced in my post! Sorry if this was triggering for you. Oh wait. maybe I’m not. :-)
Anon
Anonymous at 5:51 pm, you need to look yourself in the mirror and fix the problems you see there. Your nastiness is a reflection on you, not me.
Anon
An absentee member of society?! Wow. Talk about him like that much more and I’d be willing to bet he becomes an absentee member of your life.
Anonny
By contrast I would say your life is sad. Your brother seems to live a really low stress fun life but you’ve bought into social norms hook line and sinker. Kids are a trap for life, and home ownership is so much work for really no good reason other than society tells you to do it.
Anon
Let’s not be mean to OP simply because you don’t agree with her lifestyle. Many people will not agree with your either – I mean you called kids, who are the joy of some people’s lives, a “trap for life”, so I think it’s just two sides of the same coin. Chill.
Anon
I *think* her point was that you can put a spin on anyone’s life to make them look sad and pathetic, and the OP’s life is no exception. But that doesn’t mean such spin is okay or healthy or a good idea.
Anonny
Ding ding ding! I’m glad you understood what I was going for.
Anon
I got it too Anonny.
Anon
Irony is my native language. :)
Anon
Do….none of you guys have relative like this? It’s all peachy in their 20s, 30s, and early 40s, but then it goes baddddddd. One medical issue, and this guy is toast.
Anon
First of all, that could happen to literally anybody. Second of all, it doesn’t sound like anybody is actually expecting OP to provide for them in that case and it really seems like OP is borrowing a heck of a lot of trouble. And judging her siblings pretty harshly because they don’t follow her view of what a successful life should look like.
Monday
I think this points to the middle ground. It’s true, most people would be “toast” in a bad enough medical situation, at any age–this is the cause of about half of US bankruptcies IIRC. I am a professional, though low-paid, and I save. However I would also be “toast,” likely accepting help from family if I had a crisis that exceeded my insurance or if I became disabled.
I still think it’s reasonable to have concern about a family member who shows no concern about their long-term future. It’s fair to hope for some effort there. I agree we can ditch any judgmental language though.
11:41
I’ll just speak from my own experience with a “surfer dude” sibling. Nobody expects you to pay for it, until they do. And not many people can look at their family in their most desperate hour and draw healthy boundaries with time or money. It’s a little different when it happens to responsible people because you understand that bad things happen. But when somebody fundamentally fails to plan, and they get into a major life scrape, the responsible family members are often on the hook.
Anonymous
I could have written this except my brother seems to be both of your siblings in one. Wonderful uncle but has drinking/mental health issues and lives in my dad’s apartment rent free. He also runs a family business with my mom. It never shows a profit but distributes most if its earning to my brother (more than twice my attorney salary) which he squanders.
From a practical standpoint it’s hard to plan for the future but my husband and I did recently work up the nerve to explain to my dad that any estate plan involving my brother and I owning property together would be unmanageable. He seemed to get it. My dad also shared that his estate features earmarks for me to correct for the inequities in how we’ve been treated for our adult lives. My husband and I both know that that’ll also go to my brother after he squanders everything he’s given. It’s just so strange that we had same parents and upbringing, but he’s a rich kid and I’m middle class.
Regarding how frustrating it is to watch him self-destruct? It’s just hard and I remind myself it’s his life.
anon for this...
My husband’s family is living out this nightmare 30 years down the road from the OP’s situation. Except parents have never had much money at all and MIL has been “helping out” 63 YO narcissistic BIL and his family for decades, now to the tune of what we believe is 30-50% of in-law’s meager pension income (like $40K/yr) annually. No disabilities other than an aversion to work and responsibility. MIL broke her hip a month ago and FIL is now in fulltime memory care. BIL is the only sibling who is local to in laws and does deserve “something” for the limited help he provides, but has taken huge advantage of this (multiple credit cards being run up, his manipulating man-child has stolen thousands from in laws and just totaled MIL’s car in a DUI crash this past weekend, it goes on and on). I am furious with MIL for creating this entitled monster and now my DH and his brother must clean up the messes, do all the assistance paperwork and are the “bad guys” for lowering the boom on their “poor sibling.”The only thing we know is that it is going to get worse before it gets better and I am so mad I can hardly see straight. The stress I see wearing on my DH as he deals with a situation we knew was bad but had no idea the real extent of it, and how these things play into his helping in-laws procure a safe and decent final few years (MIL is 89 and FIL is 86) makes my blood boil, not to mention the money we are spending dealing with the fallout (that we can afford, but still). Talk to your parents and deal with these things now OP.
anon for this...
To clarify, in-law’s annual income is 40K, BIL and his family have been helping themselves to 30-50% of this. We know MIL has been “helping” them out like this for decades.
Anemone
I have a very similar problem. Deadbeat sister-in-law, currently in her late forties and never left home or worked a day in her life. Parents refused to face reality and deal with her nonsense or their estate. Now Medicare has come calling since Mom is in memory care (which ate through the estate like lightning), and they are trying to take the house. SIL is facing homelessness, and my husband is trying to talk me into letting her drunk unemployed a$$ crash in our basement. No effing way.
I recommend making sure your parents have their ducks in a row regarding their estate and PoA. Make it crystal clear which of you three makes what decisions, and when. The last thing you need is a fight over something like a “do not resuscitate” order when your sister is mid-meltdown.
Anon
But don’t judge! You can’t judge! :/
Ginger
+1,000,000
Anonymous
I think people here are painting a rosier picture than reality for the brother since many people here ARE slogging away for those 200k+ jobs and the $3mil+ in retirement. So they see the allure of OP’s brother living this — who cares, I surf when I want and I have fun type of life. All well and good now. But all he needs is for a recession to hit, that surf shop going under, and turning 40 or 50+ where it’s harder to have an on your feet waiter job and life will look a whole lot different than — cool surf bro. And while everyone is saying so what he provides for himself and isn’t asking OP for money. He isn’t asking her NOW. He is a part of her life and her kids’ life. He isn’t insured. What happens if he suddenly needs 5k or 10k or more in medical care. Right now sounds like her parents can pay. What happens later — will she turn him away? This isn’t some estranged brother she hasn’t seen in 20 years. It’s something to think about and talk to your own husband about to make a plan re “family help.” Frankly she should talk to her parents too — are they planning some significant inheritance for these siblings and will that inheritance be someone “protected” so that they don’t blow it in a year on a sailing trip around the world and then turn to OP for cash?
Agreeing Anon
I agree with you. Do people not think it is sad that her brother expects to die before age 60 or put himself in peril so he will die then?
Anon
Stop borrowing trouble. I get having anxiety about the long-term and I deal with that as well, but you’re currently inventing future problems that don’t have anything to do with you. Your brother could be a millionaire right now and STILL end up bankrupt and in need of care, or he could keep doing what he’s doing and get hit by a bus tomorrow. It is not currently affecting your life and it isn’t your business.
Anon
You know, I used to worry like this about my sister. She graduated from college and then started having kids. She has a bunch. She put zero aside for their college educations. I always worried I would have to support them and pay for their college. Then as I got older the stark reality of saving for my own retirement and my own kids college set in and I realized that I couldn’t help them. If she’d had one kid I might have been able to, but she had six kids and I can’t.
They’re mostly college age now. One kid managed to graduate college after becoming old enough to qualify for financial aid on his own (because when he was 17 they took into account his parents income and he didn’t qualify, but they wouldn’t pay). He has a ton of loans but at least he did it. Two of her kids are young single parents who have been in and out of the welfare. One looks to be set to join the military. Two are too young for college still.
It kind of sucks but I try to remind myself that lots of people live like her kids and do ok but it also stresses me out that I couldn’t help them more. And it REALLY upsets me that she expects to be treated like mother of the year, because she really does identify as a super mom, which is so weird to me.
Anon
Why in god’s name would you have to pay for your nieces and nephews to go to college? Just say no! I’m one of the people here defending OP’s siblings and saying they get to choose their own lives and part of that means that OP (and you!) get to say no to funding their lifestyles.
Anon
I’m not! I didn’t! I couldn’t! But I love them and I feel bad for them and I have had to learn to live with those feelings. That was my advice to OP.
Anon
We are all one bad accident or serious illness away from bankruptcy. I have a full time job with health insurance – but if I lost my job I would also lose my insurance and if I could not work I would lose my job. Retirement savings are great – but the cold hard reality is that memory care/nursing home care is more expensive than almost anyone can fund from savings. Much of life is outside of our control and deciding that enjoying your youth is worth a less comfortable old age is hardly irrational or uncommon.
With respect to your brother, I would honestly stay out of it and try not to worry. He is relatively young and (at least as things stand) healthy. He has no health insurance – but you are not his spouse and his medical bills will not be your problem if he has an emergency. He could end up with massive bills he can never possibly pay, but that is hardly an uncommon problem. If he ends up disabled, he will be Medicare eligible. He could also end up with a minimum wage job well into his 70’s or living in a mobile home park in the back end of nowhere but again he is a grown-up who can make his own choices. Borrowing trouble by worrying about all the what-ifs that might happen 10-20-30 years down the road is just making you unhappy. You cannot plan for every contingency.
Your sister is more complicated because of her mental health issues. I would suggest your parents talk to a competent estate planning attorney about a trust (or even a special needs trust if she is formally disabled when they pass away). And you need to give some serious thought to how much help you are prepared to offer (financial, logistical) once your parents are unable to do so. Although, again, you may be borrowing trouble.
Tax Q
Regular poster, anon for this.
A friend told me over the weekend that she hasn’t paid taxes in years, that she’s scared and overwhelmed and needs help. She’s getting paid as a contractor, not getting a W2. Before that she was a freelancer. She wouldn’t tell me how many years it’s been, or maybe doesn’t know.
I said I would help her figure out how to fix this. I assume she’s going to owe penalties but maybe they can be negotiated, and a payment plan. She says she’s been saving some money in anticipation of having to deal with this but doesn’t think it’s going to be enough.
What kind of professional does she need – is this something a tax accountant can deal with or does she also need a lawyer?
Does anyone have any advice to pass along to her? Any recommendations for a reasonably priced professional for this in NYC?
Anon
I don’t have any recommendations, unfortunately, but she needs a tax attorney.
Anon
I am a tax attorney, and yep, she needs one of us. (I don’t practice in personal and don’t have any recs in NYC, unfortunately.)
The IRS will set up a payment plan with her, so that should help.
CPA Lady
CPAs deal with this kind of thing all the time. She may need an attorney as well depending on how bad it is, but I’ve handled this sort of thing for clients before.
Getting out of a situation like this will not be cheap, but the best thing she can do to keep costs low is to be as organized and complete as possible with the information she brings to the CPA. If a client brings me boxes of years worth of crumpled receipts, and only half their bank statements for any given year, their bill is going to be astronomical because it takes a lot of time to go through all that stuff, plus I have to go back and forth with them to get all their info. If they bring me an excel spreadsheet of their business income and expenses, broken out by category, as well as all their 1099s and bank statements, it will be a lot more straightforward to prepare their return.
AZCPA
Agreed – I’d start with a reputable CPA. They can review everything and likely take care of it. And will have a tax attorney recommendation if that step is needed.
Anon
Agreed with CPA lady. I am a tax lawyer (we don’t do personal tax though) and we always start with what the accountant has filed or prepared. Unless it’s contentious with the IRS, the accountant can probably do it. That’s where the friend should start.
Senior Attorney
There is a thing called an “enrolled agent,” which is somebody who is not a lawyer but is authorized to deal with the IRS on behalf of people like your friend. When my former husband decided to come clean in similar circumstances that’s the way he went and he got a pretty darned good deal, all things considered.
azcpa
An EA (enrolled agent) may or may not be qualified. That’s a tax-specific certification the IRS administers, but it doesn’t grant any special privileges or benefits. Basically, it’s like passing only the tax portion of the CPA exam.
Not that an EA wouldn’t be able to do this work, but it would depend on the specific person and their experience, just like hiring a CPA or tax attorney.
Tax Q
Thank you all. Looks like we’ll start with a CPA and consult a lawyer if needed. Fingers crossed!
Thanks.
You are a good friend. I have delayed paying my taxes this year, filing for an extension, and even this just completely legal solution is weighing on me! I can’t imagine how your friend feels. Well, I can imagine… and I hope she can approach this with an eye towards how good and free she will feel when it is over.
You are a good friend.
Women Influence and Power in Law
Has anyone heard of Women, Influence & Power In Law or participates in its initiatives? I’m suddenly getting weekly emails at my (non-US biglaw) work email account to attend conferences and nominate people for its awards, etc., and am trying to understand its relevance to my firm/me (or my firm/my relevance to the conference).
I don’t recall signing up for anything with my corporate account, but I’m trying to understand/decide whether involving my firm’s media team in putting some nomination or relationship team together in response (or signing up for something myself) is warranted. Thanks in advance for any insight!
Anonymous
I’ve been getting these emails unsolicited too. I’m in biglaw.
Anon
Based on my experiences, I think a lot of legal service providers and “award” programs just blind add all potentially relevant attorneys to their mailing lists since the emails are listed on the biglaw firm’s website. I just ignored them.
Fjord123
Looking for travel tips for Norway, thinking of going to see the fjords, with a stopover in Oslo. I have seen many travellers here comment on how expensive Scandinavia is so tips on how to do this affordably are welcome. Will be going there from Paris in the second week of August.
Lana Del Raygun
Any recommendations for brands or stores to find dresses with pockets, besides eShakti? (I’m not crazy about a lot of their styles, and when I’m looking for casual dresses I’d like something cheaper.)
Anon
Lots of Land’s End dresses have pockets, and they are not the horrible ones that just make your hips look wider (why do manufactures make such horrible pockets?). In fact, I think all of my dresses with pockets may be from land’s end.
anon8
I found some casual dresses with pockets at Wal-Mart.
anon a mouse
Boden has a lot of dresses with pockets, though you’ll have to catch a sale to compete with eShakti on price.
anon
can someone explain to me the appeal of dresses with pockets? don’t they look super bulky if you actually put stuff inside of them? and even with nothing in them, i feel like they just make the hips/waist area look bigger
Lana Del Raygun
There’s not a whole lot of bulk from what I want to put in them (phone, chapstick, keys, wallet sometimes). I don’t care very much if they make my hips look bigger, but moreover I’m trying to make a point of caring less — I realized that different kinds of clothing, in a way, implicitly prioritize different ways of being and acting in the world, so I’m trying to be more intentional about actually prioritizing what I want to prioritize instead of just buying what’s easiest to find, and when I’m prioritizing looks, to think more critically about what kind of look I’m choosing and why. (I’ve been ruminating a lot about how culturally determined “personal preferences” are and what the ramifications of that are/should be.)
None of this is to say that women who wear dresses without pockets aren’t being thoughtful! Just that I realized *I* wasn’t and this is the way I want to change that.
rosie
I don’t load them up, but I might keep a tissue in there (or use it to carry something to the bathroom…). If I’m walking down the hall to a meeting, I’ll put my phone in my pocket so I have my hands free for coffee, notebook, etc. It doesn’t look awesome, but it’s practical and it’s just for brief transport.
And I do think that some pockets look bulky even empty, but for me that’s more likely with pants pockets. The Lands End sheath dresses, for example, don’t gape or look bulky IMO.
Clementine
Yeah, the pockets totally do add bulk to my hips if they’re stuffed full of things.
But when I’m going to the bathroom at work (need ID badge) or running my kids into daycare (cellphone, keys) or grabbing a cup of coffee downstairs (wallet, personal cell, work cell, keys) I’m willing to make that concession. My alternative is shoving my cellphone and keys in my bra – not a flattering look either.
Anon
Because we have to carry stuff around in our offices, or don’t want to take a bag just to run out to grab lunch. I use them the save way I use pockets on jeans – to hold my phone and sometimes my keys.
A well done pocket doesn’t make the hips/waist look any bigger, unless you are way overloading it. In most of my dresses with pockets, you can’t even tell when I have my cell phone in my pocket. But most of the few dresses with pockets are done poorly. I tried on about a few dresses from gap earlier this summer, and the pockets were horrible but it was also clear that they didn’t put any effort in to them.
Anon
Some people don’t mind the pockets making hips a smidge wider for the convenience of being able to run to lunch or even to another building at work without carrying a purse. And those of us that need to carry more than one thing (ex. emergency medicine, phone, credit card and ID), it’s a must to be able to use our hands. A dress that has pockets that pooch out in a weird way is a poorly made dress. Unless you stick a weird shape, like a ball in your pocket, there should be space for things like a phone, keys, and slim profile wallet to fall in without obscuring the shape (although it may make the dress a little wider on the sides)
Anon
If the pockets are a little to the front instead of straight on the sides, they shouldn’t make the hips look wider. Those types of pockets are placed more where jeans pockets are. It’s the one’s that open straight from the side that tend to look horrible
Vicky Austin
I have a beautiful skirt from Uniqlo that has pockets – maybe there?
Anon
Donna Karan/DKNY often has pockets in their dresses — I have a dress from the brand that I didn’t realize actually had a real pocket for over a year, it was that well concealed. Their current fit and flare dresses definitely have pockets. I get mine at Saks usually but they carry DKNY at Macy’s as well — I think there is a lower priced line and a higher priced/higher quality line. The fabrics are synthetics, mostly, but I’ve been happy with the wear and quality of the ones I bought.
Anonymous
The Bobeau dress that was posted on this site ~ a week or so ago has pockets!! It is currently $59 at Nordstrom.
lydia
Zara often has pockets (in styles that are A-line or flared…not in the more body-con). I’m neutral on pockets but got some summer dresses with them that are also a nice linen/cotton blend. sizing is wacky but if you trust the “what size am I?” tool it usually works.
Kale
I am so excited to be getting a dog tomorrow! It is a small breed older puppy from a rescue organization. The foster parent will be bringing her for the home visit. Does anyone know what to expect from the visit? I’d like to get the foster volunteer some kind of gift of appreciation for caring for the dog for several days while it recovered from a multiday trip. What would be appropriate? Anyone have any puppy toy recommendations?
Em
I do home checks for two rescues and usually we just look to make sure the home is a safe place for that particular dog (assuming it is out of the puppy stage, that is a pretty low bar), and that the adopter isn’t like hoarding animals in their basement. I also foster and wouldn’t expect a gift from an adopter, but it is a nice thought. A donation to the rescue would be nice (things like puppy pads, collars, leashes, etc.). Also, send them updates on the dog if they want them. There is nothing I love more than knowing my foster dogs are living good lives in good homes.
CountC
+1 as a foster, I would rather you donate to the organization itself than give me anything.
Anonymous
My puppy loves toys with a squeaker that he can fit in his mouth so he can make the squeaker work. I get the ones without stuffing — some have a crinkle material on the inside. He doesn’t chew on plastic bones — nylabones, benebones — so don’t buy too many of those until you know what he likes. My puppy really only chews on bully sticks (get the no odour ones if he likes those).
My guy is asleep on the couch recovering from neutering surgery. A couple of more cone days to go.
Good luck and have fun!!
Anonymous
Congrats! When we got our cats from a foster we gave double the adoption fee and the fosterer was overwhelmed at the gesture (it really wasn’t a huge amount). I’d suggest giving them a donation to the rescue in lieu of a gift.
Anon
Kong toys will last their whole lives, even for an aggressive chewer. My pup loved a kong toy with the hole inside, I smeared sugar free peanut butter in the little hole, then froze it. Keeps them entertained for a long time. You can also fill it with spray cheese. (I gave it slightly before walking out the door to ease any burgeoning separation anxiety – they associated my getting ready with Kong time instead of me leaving and were distracted when I walked out the door).
Clementine
Just a quick note – I’m reading sugar free peanut butter to mean the type that’s just ground peanuts.
Always make sure to avoid xylitol (a common artificial sweetner) with dogs as it is toxic to them. So no artificially sweetened Peanut Butter.
Anon
Good point I didn’t clarify. Yes, meant pure peanut butter. There are some “natural” brands where it is just oil, peanuts, and salt, and many grocery stores have a peanut grinder right in the store.
puppylove
I put a banana in a kong and then freeze it. Just another option.
Kale
I looked at a kong at a store, and I don’t get how a small dog would be able to get food out of there – like her tongue is unlikely to be able to reach in that far and the kong itself is not that flexible… what am I not understanding here? Also, everything I’m reading says you should never leave the dog home with a toy unsupervised – is that just in the initial stages or do people really do that?
puppylove
I don’t watch my dog with his kong. Actually, the major use of kongs for us is when we leave the house – it give him a little project to work on (banana extraction) and seems to provide enough stimulation for him to keep him out of trouble for a few hours. As to small dogs – I have no experience there. I seem to remember that kongs came in different sizes, though.
cbackson
So my dog is small (16 lb) but his tongue is ridiculous long. Like, there must be some kind of tear in the fabric of space-time inside his mouth, because otherwise I don’t know how it fits.
CountC
My dogs are even smaller and they love pb stuffed kongs!
Kale
Thank you so much for your helpful responses!
Denist in DC
This is a long shot, but does anyone have any recommendations for dentists in the DC area? I’m looking either for someone downtown/Chinatown area or in close in Arlington with parking. Thanks for any recommendations.
Arlington!
Hello:
I’ve been pleased with Jansen Woo in Arlington, been going there a couple of years. Once I needed a root canal and they handed me off from their office to an excellent endodontist with the appointments about two hours apart; the receptionist even helped me get the right insurance info to the endodontist.
Anonymous
We go to Navy Yard Dental (small/new practice with only one dentist, the owner) and he has been very nice and helpful when my fiance was dealing with some severe issues (turned out to be a failed root canal from another practice the year prior) and pain, etc.
Before this I went to Dental Devotion in Ballston and was happy there too, I switched because of proximity to my home/office.
J
I’ve been going to the Drs. Gruntz in Crystal City for years. It’s a father/son practice located in the mall connected to the metro and hotels and there is free parking underground. I really appreciate how kind and non judgey/lecture-y they are about not flossing or going too long between visits. I definitely recommend.
Vj
Dr Terry Kristallis at Alpha Dental. Small personal office, honest and friendly. I was actually sad to leave this practice when relocating from DC. The online reviews speak for themselves if you need more info.
teeth
Dr. Elizabeth Klein, Apex Dental, Cherrydale area of Arlington (near Ballston)
Anonymous
Dlight Dental on 12th and New York Ave! Dr Valle is my favorite, but I haven’t had a bad experience with any of the dentists.
Anonymous
Thanks for the tip. I miss Classiques Entier suiting and just ordered the Lewit pant suit for a test drive.
Anon
I really love this blouse. I wish it came in Nordstrom’s extended sizing where it goes up to XXL because i would have bought it on the spot.
lsw
I picked up a Lewit blazer at Nordstrom Rack during Clear the Rack and I’m super impressed with the fit and quality.
PSA Found a great leather laptop backpack
Since this comes up frequently, I just got a great leather backpack from Poppy Barley — the model is “The Backpack.” It’s very professional looking, has the pockets I require both internal and external, the backpack straps tuck into the hidden back pocket which also can be used as a luggage handle sleeve, it’s got a top handle for grabbing quickly and an optional long strap. It’s about $300 USD which is pricy but I’m super fussy about pockets/being able to get to certain items quickly etc. This bag looks very swank. I got the pebble black, but my colleague has the black leather and nubuck which is really sharp but she got hers first so I couldn’t repeat. Like all leather backpacks, it’s heavier than nylon would be but I’m 5’4″ with a somewhat short torso and this is a comfortable fit for me both in length and weight (straps are quite adjustable). I really, really like it and my colleague loves hers also.
Shipping was a bit weird (UPS did something truly bizarre) but customer service was super responsive. Highly recommend! Link to follow. Not affiliated in anyway, but this has made me abandon my previously loved Knomo work bag because I really wanted a backpack for business travel and this really ticked all my boxes.
Anon
https://shop.poppybarley.com/collections/backpacks/products/the-backpack-black
Original Moonstone
Wow, that’s really good-looking.
Anon
Omg go away dude.
Anon
Lol now my post makes no sense because the original button down shirt troll post has been deleted…
Clementine
Alternately: blanket statement that applies to wayyy too much of my professional life.
Anon
Ding ding ding
Inspired By Hermione
Ha. Yes.
anon
Ladies, what is an alternate power of attorney? My parents (in their 70s) have drawn up Power of Attorney documents with their lawyer and designated each other as Power of Attorney. Then, they nominated me as alternate in the event that they are incapacitated or unable to perform duties, or deceased. Then they named my brother as an alternate. Their lawyer sent me and my brother paperwork that states that we are alternates and we need to get the paperwork notarized and signed. Is this typical? To have alternates named? And to have two siblings named? I am concerned that this could cause confusion. Would like your input please before I sign anything…just don’t know if this is the best setup – thanks in advance!
Anonymous
Yes, this is typical to have a contingency plan.
anon
So I do think this is common, however, my understanding is that it can be difficult if you are an alternate to prove that the people before you are incapacitated. To me (not legal advice/not financial advice/etc), it seems like it could make sense for your parents to name each other as primary, and then for you and your sibling to share POA (and be able to act individually, although you could do jointly I think) if both your parents are not able to act. That is only if you and your brother have a good relationship, obviously.
Anon
It is not recommended to have two powers of attorney at the same time. Even if they should be able to work independently, many places will not let them. So, it means that they both have to agree and have to be present. Assuming that parents’ set it up as each other, then if unavailable OP anon, and then if unavailable OP anon’s brother, that is common.
Ellen
Dad says it is like a “springing” power of attorney, which means it is only activated in case some contingency happens; such as the first power of attorney is no good, or the person named in the first power dies early.
Anon
I work in healthcare and see a lot of this. It is common to have an alternate named (and recommended tbh). What we see frequently happen is that the spouse that primarily handles the paperwork in the couple dies first. Remaining spouse either doesn’t think to get these updated because this wasn’t something they handled or they are in such poor health themselves that they don’t think to do it. So, for the surviving spouse, we often end up seeing that the contingent POA is the POA.
I do not frequently see that the POA is shared by siblings. I have seen that sometimes one parent has one sibling as POA and the other has the other sibling. Part of this is that siblings often are not on the same page about decisions for their parents. In addition, often, there is one sibling that makes more sense in the role than the other, e.g. one lives close to the parents but the other is out of state, one is a nurse/doctor/healthcare provider, one is a lawyer, etc. Also, in my state, we have both financial POAs and healthcare POAs. I frequently see families where one sibling is the financial POA and the other is healthcare POA.
anon
OP here – thank you all for your input – very helpful!
Anon
I think it’s valuable to have alternates, especially when the primary attorneys-in-fact are getting on in years.
Imagine a situation in which one dies in a car accident and the other is incapacitated (permanently or temporarily). Absent the provision for alternates, you would need a court order.
Having two at once is a terrible idea. Risk-averse financial institutions may prefer to have both agree than to allow only one to make the decision, regardless of what the paperwork says.
Anon
Best lightweight sun shirts for casual wear? I’d like something that protects the décolletage area in particular – I’ve seen a lot of sun shirts cut in a v-neck or similar that don’t offer much protection. I’d like something I can use for a long day walking around a new city or going to an amusement park so sporty is ok, but I’d prefer for it not to scream athleisure. I have an Athleta gift card so any recs from there would be especially appreciated.
Anon
I’m pretty sure Duluth Trading has a good number of them.
Anonymous
What about a shirt style. I have a couple of white ones from MEC that I use when I’m out in the sun walking around. Super light, sleeves can roll up, have a zippered pocket. Sometimes I wear over a T-shirt so I can take it off inside, in the car, etc. Rated at 50 spf I think.
Belle Boyd
Probably NOT the style you’re looking for, but check places like Cabela’s or Bass Pro Shops for fishing shirts with sun protection. My dad can’t be outside in the sun unless he’s wearing something with long sleeves (due to horrible sun poisoning) and found these shirts. He wears them constantly and I know they wash well. They’re a very lightweight shirt style. I don’t know for sure if they come in women’s sizes, but both stores do carry a wide variety of women’s apparel. If not, I know they carry the shirts in lighter colors (light blue, yellow, light green) that may work. Orvis is another company that may carry what you’re looking for, too. I’ve never dealt with them personally, but I’ve gotten their catalogs and they do carry a pretty nice line of women’s clothing. REI might have what you’re looking for, too.
Ms B
I like Columbia and Ex Officio button ups (short sleeve or button up sleeve) over an Eddie Bauer or Old Navy tank. My favorite is an Ex Officio waffle weave cotton with a real collar and a covered mesh back vent. On the plus side, they usually have good UPF ratings, wash and dry easily, and have lots pockets (and sometimes good vents and zips, a hook for sunglasses, etc.). On the negative side, these brands definitely run to the outdoorsy vibe, so YMMV.
pink nail polish
Suggestions for drugstore nail polish that will look like pale skin-tone (or any nice pale pink) when painted over dark background? I don’t mind needing multiple coats, but I dont want it to end up gray. Revlon Sheer Petal was terrible.
Not a racially charged, I promise. I just need to paint a unicorn with a human face, on a piece of rough metal, and I don’t have time to order real enamel paints…
Anon
Don’t you have a Michael’s or even a Target or Walmart you can run to? You are making this project sooo much harder trying to paint metal with nail polish.
anon
Only Walmart, and I won’t go there. No craft or art stores, sadly.
anon
And the nail polish has already worked great for the rest of the scene! So much glitter and shine :).
buffybot
this sounds….terrifying? but also intriguing. why does it have a human face?
anon
Transformed by an evil sorceress of course! But still plenty of shiny hair. So so shiny.
anon
If the face stays bluish-gray, terrifying is definitely the right word, but that’s not what I’m hoping for.
Minnie Beebe
Paint with white polish first, then the pale color over the top?
anon
Good idea!
Rainbow Hair
…it seems like we should be friends?
pink nail polish
:)
claws
Essie Fiji.
pink nail polish
Thanks
The featured shirt
The pattern on this shirt strikes me too much as “re-purposed hospital gown”. I’ll pass, the cut is cute though.
Vicky Austin
I can’t unsee it now that you’ve said it…
anon
hahahahahaha
Anon
It does look like the same blouse comes in some solid colors.
Anonymous
It’s a cut trim, so raised.
lsw
Laundry help! I must have sat on something in my beloved Eileen Fisher crepe pants and didn’t realize it until I took them out of the dryer (ugh). It is hardened and tacky, a bit like bubblegum, but very thin and the splatter pattern makes it look like it might have been liquid when I sat on it. Any advice for getting it out? The pants are red and the black stuff is…black.
Anon
Oh no! I’m going to suggest you google Jolie Kerr. I haven’t had this particular problem but every other laundry problem I’ve had had been fixed with her advice. She used to write the column Ask a Clean Person.
AnonInfinity
Jolie Kerr is a national treasure. I have gotten so many stains out and solved so many cleaning dilemmas with her help. And her podcast (Ask a Clean Person) is strangely addictive.
lsw
Thank you! I will check her out. I was having trouble g oo glin g because it’s not just a typical liquid stain like an ink stain.
AnonInfinity
I know she has one about getting slime out of kids’ clothing that talked about different types of 3-D stuff that might get on clothes that might be helpful.
Anonymous
No advice, unfortunately, but check out Ask A Clean Person (Jolie Kerr). She might have posted advice on a similar issue, or you could ask her directly.
Coach Laura
I have always had luck with De-solv-it, which gets out almost anything, including oils and grease that have gone through the dryer. You can get it online at amazon or in a hardware store or large grocery stores.
lsw
Will also try that, thanks!
A chair that is NOT a nursing glider
We got a nursing glider about a decade ago when we needed one. As it was supremely comfortable, we kept it . . . and still have it. It is obvious what it is and while I want to vote it off the island, I need to find some sort of chair/glider that is as comfy that is not related to lactation! And if it had a footstool / ottoman, that would be awesome.
Spouse / children would get some sort of barkalounger thingie or just keep the nursing glider or get a LazyBoy, but is there anything functionally similar that is not hideous?
Anon
I’m having a hard time imaging a glider that is clearly “not a nursing glider.” I think you have this weird hang-up about it because you know you bought it expressly for nursing and used it for that purpose, but other people don’t, and trust me know one cares. If the chair looks nice and is comfortable, just keep it.
Senior Attorney
+1
Also I still have the rocking chair my mom nursed me in, and I nursed my son in. It’s a treasured heirloom. So there’s that…
Anon
We bought ours from Pottery Barn Kids but it doesn’t look like a traditional nursing glider. I can’t wait for BFing to be over so we can add this to our family room seating area… it’s SO comfy. Search: Comfort Recliner Chenille Tweed Light Gray
Anonymous
faux-wrap or wrap, peplum, princess seam (or “seamed”), darts, belted, twist-front
Anonymous
Oops. That was for the search terms question, above.
Anon
That’s my favorite kind of glider!
Pompom
Some of the gliders/swiveler at PB Kids are very attractive and don’t scream “lactation zone!”
So much so that I almost bought one for my living room. I am and will forever be childfree, so no one was going to make the association, but there ya have it.
Anonymous
My mother just splurged on a Stressless lounge chair, which she proclaims to be the most comfortable chair in which she has ever sat. I don’t think it’s that attractive, but it does look much better than a glider and some people do like the look.
Anon
We got this as a nursing glider before our daughter was born, but she’s long since weaned and we still love it. It’s great for snuggling up and reading together. https://babyletto.com/products/kiwi-electronic-recliner-and-swivel-glider-with-usb-port?variant=2590855888933
Anon
Is it covered in b00bs or something? I don’t understand how it would be obvious it is a “nursing glider” . . . I’m pretty sure now that you’re not using it for that purpose, it’s just a regular glider.
Anon
Anyone who has had a baby knows what a nursing glider (and matching glider stool!) looks like. They’re obviously nursing gliders and ugly to boot.
Anon
Nope. I have kids, and myself and all my friends bought really nice, non-ugly gliders that look like the ones liked from PBKs or Babyletto to nurse their babies in. I think you can argue that all gliders sort of suggest nursing, but I don’t understand the argument that there are “non-nursing gliders” that are less ugly than “nursing gliders.”
Anonymous
We’re planning to just get a recliner for this purpose (I’m currently 12 weeks), and saw one yesterday at Costco that fits my bill: power, leather (or at least a wipeable material), and also rocks or glides. All 3 of these criteria in one chair seems to be beyond the reach of my local furniture stores. In my opinion, there is no such thing as a stylish recliner, but this one is liveably non-hideous for me. I think it’s called the Simon Li recliner. Note: it appears to be about $150 cheaper in store than online.
Anonymous
Generally, this is what we did. Leather La-Z-Boy recliner. The smallest one they sell, so it isn’t huge. It is SO comfy. Best chair in the house. And the recliner is SO WORTH IT when kiddo is sick and we spend long stretches in the room. Function really outweighed form for us on this one. And, like you said, wipe-able.
Keek
Ballard has a ton of swivel/gliders that are insanely comfortable.
Short Tall
over the weekend, I accidentally bought a tall blouse instead of regular fit. I started thinking about it- would a tall shirt also suit a person w long torso but 5’4 height?
Apart from a longer cut for torso and arms are there any other proportion differences? Thinking I could buy half sleeve tops and this would be a ‘hack’ of sorts?
Anonymous
I am 5’5″ with a very long torso and buy tall dresses whenever possible. Sometimes I have to hem the skirt and sleeves, but the waist hits at the right spot.
Not sure what you mean about half sleeves.
Anon
Women’s clothing is so inconsistent that there’s no sure thing. If that brand’s tall blouses work for you, go with it! I’m considerably taller, but oddly enough Talbot’s petite shirts usually fit me better than their regular.
Cat
I’m also long waisted and where “Tall” items fail me is the sleeves. Long waisted generally = shorter limbs, proportionally, so a Tall top may fit me well shoulder-hip, but require alterations so that the cuffs aren’t hitting my knuckles (or, in your example, an elbow-length design would actually hit me at the high forearm, but since the sleeve wasn’t designed to hit there, it’s oddly boxy).
So, if you budget it some sleeve alterations (most common for me are sleeves slimmed / cuffs moved) you can get a really great fit that way!
Anon
Often the shoulders are different. If you look at the tall size chart/guide at BR or Gap it’ll show you the different measurements.
Anon
Unfortunately, that’s what I’ve found. The tip of the bust dart is too low on tall shirts for me, even though the length is what I need (I have a short waist but very long rise to the point I need tall one-piece swimsuits despite being 5’1″).
Marriage counselor in Northern VA?
Another long shot, but can anyone recommend a marriage counselor in Northern Virginia? Thank you VERY much for your help!
Lily
Baby is 7 months old and we’re still firmly in puree world as far as solids. I tried to give her tiny pieces of scrambled eggs about a month ago and she didn’t know what to do with it. Ideas for the best way to transition to finger foods/actual pieces of food vs. purees? I’m starting to worry that she will never graduate from purees…
MagicUnicorn
Time? I don’t recall mine being in the finger food stage until closer to a year.
Em
Giving her things she can nom on can be helpful with this transition – strips of red pepper, banana slices, sliced avocado. Also, puffs, because they dissolve in their mouths.
AlexisFaye
Three kids, never gave any of them purees or baby food. Always table food. Closest would have been mashed food (banana or potatoes or something). I think the trick is don’t worry about her knowing what to do…let her play. Just start with stuff that won’t be unmanageable. Let her gum it. Let her spit it out, let her roll it around in her mouth. Don’t give her anything too big or too hard. They love to gnaw on drumsticks, too. Cleaned of the cartilage and stuff…Will help her get the idea.
Jennifer Williams
That is a great design for summer office wear! It is always a dilemma to choose summer clothing for work purpose. Thankfully, women and men are being allowed to get a little creative at workplaces in modern organizations. The key is to choose a fabric, that lets your skin breathe; like cottons and linens in white and cream.