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Weekend & Casual Workwear Hall of Fame: Faux Leather Drape Front Jacket

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July 2021 Update: Some versions of this jacket are included in the 2021 Nordstrom Half-Yearly Sale, with some colors and sizes as low as $46.

Nov. 2024 Update: The Nordstrom Anniversary Sale is over for the year, and we don't yet know when the 2025 Nordstrom Anniversary Sale will be. Stay tuned for their Half-Yearly Sale, which usually starts around Dec. 23. (Unfamiliar with the NAS? Check out this page for more info on why it's the best sale of the year.) Sign up for our newsletter to stay on top of all the major workwear sales, or check out our roundup of the latest sales on workwear!


Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

I tend to think of drapey leathery jackets like this as a weekend item, but in the right office, on the right woman, it could also work. (I'm seeing it with a black sheath dress and booties, but that's me.)

This one is extra nice because not only is it super affordable (at least until the big Nordstrom sale ends on Sunday!), it's faux leather, and “buttery soft.” Nice.

It's $58 today, with lots of sizes left (and there's a red version also with only lucky sizes left); after the sale ends the price will go back up to $88. BlankNYC Onto the Next Faux Leather Drape Front Jacket

This post contains affiliate links and Corporette® may earn commissions for purchases made through links in this post. For more details see here. Thank you so much for your support!

2019 Update: We're adding this jacket to our Workwear Hall of Fame because it's been around in various iterations for years, keeps coming out in new colors, and getting rave reviews. Nordstrom has the most options, but you can find it at a number of stores.

Sales of note for 12.5

And some of our latest threadjacks here at Corporette (reader questions and commentary) — see more here!

Some of our latest threadjacks include:

200 Comments

  1. Is there a minimum level of education that’s a dealbreaker when dating/getting serious in a relationship? Would love to hear folx levels of education and what their education dealbreaker level is… debating with friends whether this is judgy or if it’s just realistic for people to want someone similar to themselves in this way.

    1. I always thought I would end up with someone similar education-wise to me (MA) but my husband didn’t even graduate from college. He’s one of the smartest people I know and very successful – just not the school type. So I’d suggest keeping an open mind!

      1. Same here! For me, a sharp mind, common sense, a sense of humor, a good work ethic, sharing common or at least compatible values and life goals, and kindness were better threshold issues to consider than level of education completed. If my friends
        were the sort to have negative judgment on DH due to educational level, they wouldn’t be my friends. And professionally, DH is running circles around similarly situated people with degrees.

        1. Thirded. I have a graduate degree (MS) and my husband did not graduate college. Much like lsw’s partner, mine is just not the school type but is one of the most thoughtful, intelligent, kind, funny, curious, interesting people I know. Salary-wise, he makes above the US median wage and I am a-ok with being the six-figure-salary breadwinner. My degrees were a point of pride for me personally (and for him, too!), but I understand how school (and then more school) is not for everyone. Anyone who is a degree snob in our circle can go take a long walk off of a short pier.

      2. Same. My husband was in a trade union straight out of high school and worked his a** off to get an office position at his company that “required” a college degree and for which he had to compete with a dozen other people that had a degree. He has since been promoted 3 times. In addition to being one of the hardest working people I know, he’s funny, kind, and has good values. He’s more of an involved and equal parent than any of the men I know who went to college.

    2. Intellectual curiosity, common sense, and the ability to think logically is far more important to me than degrees.

      1. I have a friend who is a lawyer and wants to date only people who have a graduate or professional degree. After questioning her about this requirement more (since it eliminates a lot of men from the dating pool), it seems like what she actually wants is what Magical Unicorn describes – intellectual curiosity being chief among what she’s looking for. I just think that sometimes it’s hard to determine whether a person is intellectually curious, and it’s easy to default that “higher degree = they like school = they like learning = they are intellectually curious”. (However, I don’t always think that having a degree means you’re intellectually curious.)

        1. I work at an R1 university. Given the large sample size I encounter daily, degree definitely doesn’t always or even often equal broad intellectual curiosity. I think that’s rare, regardless of education level attained. A degree, particularly a terminal degree, demonstrates mastery of a certain, often very narrow field. Additionally, once a person is several years removed from those phD years, it’s often been a long time since they’ve actually had to be the learner. I’ve seen that curiosity ossify so many times it makes me sad to think about.

      3. Yeah I have 2 ivy degrees and am the furthest thing from intellectually curious you could find. The degrees to me were in very pragmatic things — finance and law — and were a means to an end.

        1. Same here. I have fancy degrees because they were necessary to enter my profession. I think I’m intelligent but would never call myself intellectually curious.

    3. Omg “folx” needs to die yesterday. “Folks” is already gender-neutral. As for education, I think I would be unlikely to date someone who didn’t graduate high school unless there were exceptional circumstances, but otherwise, I would be open to dating someone with less education as long as he was interesting and passionate about something.

      1. Haha, I just thought it was a typo, I’ve never heard of anyone doing this and I’m heavy in the gender parity culture. Is this really someone trying to bring the latinx to a gender neutral plural word? Or is it another Russian on social media trying to trigger folks?

        1. Who knows, maybe it started as a Russian thing, but it’s definitely used a lot today as a wokeness signal more than anything.

    4. For me this is heavily context driven:
      high school = cut off I will not ever date a HS drop out – unless multimillionaire with well managed finances, and even then we’re going to get his GED complete.
      No post-HS education but ambitious, hard working, and owns own business/freelancer = Will date
      Technical school and established in a well paying field (medical, electric, plumber, ac tech, etc) = Will date
      college graduate = standard
      graduate degree = preferred

      1. I’m curious about your GED statement. If someone dropped out, started a business, and has grown that business to be successful and sustaining, what is it about the piece of paper that is important to you? I know that sounds judgy, but I am genuinely curious.

        1. It’s a point of principle and, being honest, community respect. How can I tell my child that school is important when their father didn’t finish the most basic level of education? In addition, there is a level of respect that would be lacking in my education of college educated friends that also includes doctors and lawyers. Everyone can respect an entrepreneur, sure, but no matter how successful we would always be judged for him not having a high school degree or its equivalent. If something happened to this hypothetical husband’s business he couldn’t even get a job at a fast food restaurant. It’s nice to say “what they think doesn’t matter” but in real life, not principled internet life, your community’s respect for you matters a lot.

          1. I mean this as a genuine question and not to be snarky but how would your kids/circle even know? Is this as a child of one parent who barely finished high school and another who dropped out. They now both hold graduate degrees but didn’t graduate college until I was in middle school. Education was always emphasized in my household growing up and I hold two graduate degrees. As a mom I know kids can be snarky but I don’t really agree with the logic that you can’t possibly emphasize that education is important unless both parents hold degrees.

            On the community point I find this interesting, I travel in what I think to be a pretty snooty circle generally and I honestly have no idea where anyone beyond my immediate circle went to college or if they graduated.

      2. My husband and I both dropped out of high school. I’m a lawyer, and he has a BA (although his college was more like trade school). He makes so much more money than I do, loves his career far more than I do, and is far more intellectually curious than I am. I am glad I looked beyond pedigree.

        1. I briefly dated a guy who has his GED and no college, but has done a lot of targeted workshop type of schooling in his chosen career area (film). He is one of the most intellectually curious people I’ve met – we talked about Julian of Norwich on our first date!

        2. You still have a GED and further higher education. I’m talking about someone who did not finish HS or its equivalent who couldn’t even get a factory or fast food job without a GED. It’s about respect for my SO and stability.

          1. I’ve hired many people in my career who dropped out of high school and went on to develop technical trade skills that are in-demand and hard to find, and as a result these people are highly sought-after as employees. We have high school dropouts working for our company who are making more money than you, I can assure you, and who will never be without a job because not everyone can do the work they can do. Additionally, I’ve worked with many entrepreneurs and hired ex-entrepreneurs for salaried jobs. Entrepreneurial experience is another area where people learn things they can’t learn in school, and we are usually thrilled to talk to someone whose plumbing, electrical or other trades-related business got sold or was closed, because those people have a business skill set on top of their trade skills that we find very valuable. Your elitism is showing; it’s not a great look for you. Additionally, if you are single, I’ll just say that by setting incredibly high educational standards for partners, you’re cutting yourself off from an available pool of men who are hardworking, dedicated and would be good husbands. But hey – you do you.

          2. If you couldn’t respect a successful adult person without making them sit a test for sixteen year olds, the problem is you rather than them.

    5. I think it would be a dealbreaker for me – not because I think less educated people can’t be very smart or intellectually curious but because I think relationships are easier when you share a similar cultural background and education was/is a big part of my “culture.” DH and I both grew up in families that put education at the center of their lives and I think it would be hard to be married to (and certainly to have kids with) someone who wasn’t raised the same way and didn’t have the same expectations.

      1. This I can understand. I grew up in a family with an elementary schoolteacher mom and a dad who worked in educational admin. My mom has two master’s degrees; my dad went to school the entire time we were growing up and ended up with an Ed.D. On top of that, I have an uncle and a great-uncle who were school principals and then superintendents, and three of my cousins are teachers. Saying education was part of our culture growing up isn’t sufficient to explain the importance placed on education in our family. My husband is also a teacher’s kid and has a master’s degree. I would have been fine marrying him if he didn’t have degrees – to me, that doesn’t change who he is at his core – but I will say it might have been hard for my family to accept that, and for him to understand the culture (shared language, shared experience) of our family, which is so steeped in education.

    6. Age 50 and divorced. I went to a schmancy undergrad and schmancy law school. Married a guy from my shcmancy undergrad. He could not hold a job and was an addict. Dating a guy who didn’t go to college but is smart, successful, curious, handsome, sexy and decent. I feel like I have won the lottery.

      1. This is a fair comment. Degrees are an interesting consideration but should NOT be the detminanant of whether or not you can have a lasting relationship with a man. I think all of us can agree on that. I do think that some of the people who found great guys w/o academic degrees are the lucky ones. But who is not speaking up here, if we have any, are educated women who got latched to losers without academic degrees and are stuck with them now, for reasons ranging from economic (i.e., we need to have 2 incomes to support our lifestyle with kids) to social (I am stuck having stuck with this doosh of a guy and I have no other men looking at me now that I am older, fatter and 3 kids, etc).

        So for the women who have found great guys (regardless of academic pedigree) GREAT! We love it and wish we were in your shoes. But that is not the entire universe. There are plenty of smart women who got hooked with uneducated losers and really have no out now. By the same token, I am not discounting the many women who married academicly endowed men who also turned out to be zeros. In short, there is no magic formula.

        As Grandma Trudy tells me all the time, We should all hope to latch on to a winner (irrespective of eductional level) tho we won’t all will. But we all must keep on slogging through life hopeing for the best!!!!! YAY!!!!!

    7. I have dated across the education spectrum, but I actively prefer that someone regularly reads books and long form articles, and has nuanced opinions on things. I’ve found this quality in everyone from people with “some college” to PhDs, though admittedly it is more common higher up on the education scale. I have a professional degree.

    8. Education is not a dealbreaker to me. Intellectual curiosity, ability and desire to carry on discussions about various topics, and common sense are dealbreakers. But, since the vast majority of my first dates come from dating apps, I will admit to using education as a proxy for the personality traits I really care about. It is very rare that I will be interested in a guys profile who hasn’t gone to college. But if he wrote something of substance, I could be.

    10. Education is a rough proxy in my mind for things you need to get to the bottom of: raw intelligence, intellectual curiosity and ability to earn income, and it can be a rough proxy of these at best. You can be really unhappy if you aren’t well matched (whatever that is for each person) on raw intelligence/intellectual curiosity and income. Education level per se is something only a few people care about, and I’d put it on par with whether or not a woman expects a big diamond or not: Matters to only a few and for reasons usually based on expectations set in childhood by communities you grew up in.

    11. I have a lot of education (3 degrees) and I think that can be intimidating to guys dating me. That said, I was married to someone with a PhD who was an absolute mess, couldn’t hold a job, couldn’t figure out what he wanted to be when he grew up, and had no passion for what he did. I also dated a guy who was a brilliant mess with two undergrad degrees (ADD, mostly, was his problem). I was in a ten year relationship with a guy who didn’t graduate college (dropped out to get married), but who was very smart, very self-educated, successful in his career and passionate about his work. I personally prefer the latter. I’m looking for someone who is fun to talk to and intellectually curious and who matches me in passion for career, life, hobbies, etc.

    12. Well I have a GED (and a fancy JD fwiw) so I feel like I can’t judge. I don’t care about someone’s long-distant resume history, I care what they’ve been doing the past 5 or so years and where they are/are going.

      But I don’t like dating people with a chip on their shoulder about college. I dated one guy who had some serious rage about the fact that he didn’t go to college. He was a generally laid back guy but college was a really emotional open wound for him. At 35+ i kind of expect you to be over it if I’m going to date you.

    13. I came from a different upbringing than DH and it used to bring a lot of conflict.

      When we travel I want to see museums or go to plays or the opera. I’d like to be able to talk to him about books and I follow things like the Booker Prize. He wants to eat at restaurants he sees on TV shows and watch various sport things.

      It’s actually gotten much simpler now that we have a kid and can’t do any of that stuff anyway. We have found the things we like to do and can do with our kid (cooking), long walks, parks etc.

    14. My partner has two PhDs, and, frankly, that education has kept him from the sort of broader cultural awareness that you generally expect in an “educated” person. I mean, he’s smart as hell and at least seven kinds of wonderful, but there’s ten year gap in his knowledge of the world. He recently referred to Colin Powell as “that guy from Desert Storm.” It seems like there’s a point at which many educated people become less well-informed because of the hyperfocus on their topic and the demands that it puts on their time and intellectual energies. Academics aren’t the only ones who are prey to this: I know a number of lawyers and engineers who view the world only through those lenses and tend to think themselves better informed than they are in reality. (And by “I know” I mean “I have dated. Understanding how bridges work is not tantamount to understanding infrastructure policy, Steve.)

      On the other hand, I think there’s also a kind of intellectual rigor that’s really hard to get outside of formal education. I want to be with someone (and am, but you know) who isn’t merely curious but is good at ferreting out correct, well-researched answers to his questions. Don’t wonder about the world and then go to the Daily Caller to find out.

      I’d put my personal dating parameters somewhere between “some college” and “not an insufferable tool.”

    15. I never had education level as a deal breaker. In practice, I tended to date people with similar education levels to me, but it’s not a hard and fast rule. Probably more a function of meeting people through school or work, or through friends from school and work.

    16. I never really wanted to date anyone who didn’t have a graduate degree.I just never wanted to date down in that way. Education was very important in my family. I married a doctor and have a great life.

    17. I’m judgy about language skills – I realize there are lots of valid reasons (learning disabilities, English is a second language) why someone might not be able to read, write, and speak fluently but it’s something I need to be able to connect with someone. Formal education doesn’t matter to me, though. None of my serious romantic partners have had college degrees when we started dating. But neither do either of my parents, and my mom is one of the most well-read, intellectually curious people I know (and I know a *lot* of lawyers).

    18. I’ve never thought about it, but I probably wouldn’t date someone who never finished high school. No college might be fine if they’re otherwise doing well for themselves, like he went to trade school or coding bootcamp and established a steady career without college or is working on it. But if he dropped out of high school or failed out and never even bothered with a GED, and has no plans to do so, I think I’d have an issue with that.

    19. If you’re someone who cares deeply about status and prestige then minimum education as a dealbreaker is smart and effective.

      If you’re someone who is looking for values where education level can be used as a proxy (intelligence, drive, etc) then it’s probably a bad proxy. You’ll screen out a lot of great people and give too many chances to people you should have stopped wasting your time on much sooner.

    20. A deal breaker, or close, is people who murder the language. Folx is not a word, and I wouldn’t date anyone that used it.

      2. Wow, it seems like people really want to invest a lot of energy into talking about one word the OP used in her post, rather than talking about the question she proposed. Interesting.

        1. The question itself has been debated here before and is judgemental as heck, but “folx” is a new one to this board as far as I know so I’m not surprised a few people picked up on it.

          (Have dated people with many degrees and zero, and some of the least clever people I know bullsh*tted their way through Ivies or Oxbridge.)

    21. If I’m honest, a really solid early childhood education is probably my deal breaker for both friends and potential partners.

  2. Is it rude and wrong to recline or is this a feature you pay for and should enjoy if you want? Who gets the armrest between two seats? Are there certain foods that are wrong to eat on a plane? Would you switch seats if two people wanted to sit together and asked you to trade?

    1. 1) On red-eyes, reclining is unequivocally fine. If it’s a day flight and people are trying to eat and work on laptops, I think it’s kind of mean.

      2) Middle seat gets the armrests.

      3) Canned tuna fish. Anything else is probably fine.

      4) Yes, but I usually wouldn’t switch an aisle or window for a middle seat (I did once when a mom with a baby asked but I kind of resented it).

      1. This.

        And I’d like to pass along item #2 to the men I’ve sat between lately who took the armrests AND manspread their knees into my measly space as well. SO not cool.

        1. This has happened to me, I just woman spread back, literally pushing their knees back into their space. They usually get the message but if they don’t I won’t hesitate to say “please move your knees you are in my designated space and I’m uncomfortable” and if they claim they “need the space”, hitting them back with a “well then you need to readjust, surely your balls aren’t that big”. Embarrassment and shame are useful social tools.

        2. When this is happening, I usually arrange myself so that my book or something pointy is jabbing into whatever body part is intruding into my space. I regularly do this on the train too, where I also have use of my purse or gym bag.

          1. OK people, you need to use your words instead of passive aggressively poking people back. “Excuse me, can you please move your knees back into your own space?” Done.

          2. Adults should know to keep their body parts to themselves. It’s not my job to parent an adult stranger. I’m generally all about being direct and using my words, but sometimes the message can be gotten across in a way that doesn’t start a confrontation with a stranger, always a man larger than me, who might not take my polite verbal request in the spirit that it was intended. So I reclaim my space in a more subtle way. Also, this has always worked for me. Within 1-5 minutes, the person readjusts himself so that he is fully contained in his own seat.

          3. Uh if someone pokes themselves by intruding in your space you are not poking them.

      2. Re: no. 3, the founder of Whole30 recommends bring canned sardines on flights in order to stay Whole30 at all times. It’s one of the many, many reasons why I am opposed to that diet.

        1. I am so confused by this because there are so many Whole30 compliant things she could eat instead

      3. I don’t know, I think my list of prohibited foods would go beyond canned tuna. Thinking of a recent flight where the cabin smelled like stale McDonalds for hours.

        1. I figure if they sell it in the terminal, it’s fair game – and sadly, that usually includes McDonald’s. (But I also hate the smell of much of the food they sell on board.)

      6. This is so true! Men are generally receptive ONCE we speak up, but otherwise, a lot of them like to take physical liberties in the seat they are in and use it to nuzzle into my space. When I was on a flight to Pitsburg, the manageing partner sat next to me, but there was a guy in the aisle who pushed his right leg into my area (in the middle), and was rubbing his leg against mine. I did not want to have to move my legs into the manageing partner’s area b/c he was already cramped, and I did not like this slob’s forwardness at all. No one rubs legs regularly with anyone on a plane, even if you are otherwise in a relationship, as there is just NOT enough room for that. So I called the flight attendant and asked if there were any other open seats on the plane, and she said there was 2 open in the back, right by the toilet. I told her (right in front of this slob) that she should move him b/c he obviously needed more room for his legs and I was with my boss, who needed to sit by the window. She saw where this slob was improperly placing his leg, and told him to come with her to the back for re-seating!

        So it pays NOT to be shy, or these gross slobs will literally be all over you in the airplanes! FOOEY!

    2. Reclining is rude on short flights, but acceptable on long or overnight flights. Middle seat gets armrest priority. I’d switch seats, but only if I was keeping the same seat position (e.g. aisle-to-aisle).

    3. I never recline, but I don’t think it’s “rude” to as long as the feature exists. I would prefer it didn’t, but I’m not going to demonize someone for using it.

    4. 1) Overnight, completely fine. Day flight, case by case — the shorter the ruder, during meals it’s definitely rude, and if it’s a flight full of business people trying to get laptop work done, you’re bringing bad karma on yourself. In any event, peek behind you before reclining and do so slowly so you don’t slam your seat in the person’s face.
      2) Middle seat gets both armrests. It’s all they have.
      3) Food with a strong smell.
      4) I’ll do an even trade, which is typically the only time people ask anyway (honestly, if someone in a middle seat asked an aisle seat to trade, they’re the rude one!)

      1. As to #4, agree it’s rude but it doesn’t stop people from asking! I usually say “no thank you”

    5. Oooooh it’s about to get heated. IMO the reclining thing is one of the most polarizing things that is not politics related.

      1) I’m hardcore on the side that it is rude to recline, with the sole exception of red eyes. I travel for business and literally always work on every flight and am absolutely expected to use that time for work. The tray table and my ability to work on it is part of what I paid for. Admittedly, I recognize the problem is caused by airlines for selling the same space to two people, but there is absolutely a circle in h * l l reserved for recliners.
      2) Middle seat should always get the armrests and on most business flights this seems to be respected but many leisure travelers seem to not follow this rule.
      3) I’m sure yes… but haven’t actually seen them. Most of what’s for sale post-security I wouldn’t bat an eye at, and usually anything brought in pre-security won’t make it through. I guess just things that make a mess on people next to you should be avoided?
      4) I’ve never traded when I’ve been asked, but will consider it. In the cases I’ve been asked, I’ve been sitting near a colleague I had to work with, would be switching to a middle seat (lol not happening), or had paid to upgrade to an extra room seat. Other things that would factor in: whether I’m moving further forward or back on the plane, proximity to kids, perceived cleanliness/respectfulness of seat neighbors.

    6. My blood pressure goes from low to very low in the low pressure environment of the air cabin, so I generally try to recline. I wish it were a more comfortable space for everyone.

    7. I hate how common it is for people to be anti-recline. I paid for this seat. I paid for the ability to recline, so did the person behind me. Reclining is perfecting fine in all circumstances in my book.

      2. I totally agree. Likewise, I don’t get salty if the person in front of me reclines. The issue is the airlines cramming us into tiny seats (which is a function of people wanting to spend as little as possible), don’t hate the player. Also, I have herniated discs in my lower back, so unless its a super short flight, if I don’t recline I’m miserable. You need more legroom, pay for economy plus or don’t complain.

        1. The issue isn’t legroom; it’s the ability to work, which most of us are expected to do on flights.

          1. Right, but if you have an extra couple of inches between seats (i.e. legroom, which plenty of people do get up in arms about), you also have an extra couple of inches for laptop usage. And yes, I’ve worked on planes, and yes, I know it sucks, but again, the airlines are the ones that deserve the ire here.

          2. It takes up part of your tray table when people recline. The angle changes and you can’t open your laptop all the way. Have some consideration, people!

          3. The whole world cannot recline because your boss demands you work on a flight? That can’t be right. Sorry. I’m all for accommodating people, but this seems like a “you” problem. Isn’t this why they invented business class?

          4. No one said it was against the law. They asked if it was rude. You have a pretty clear consensus here that it is rude. Don’t be rude!

      3. Ah, i hate the recliners! You are moving into my space, and i find it so rude.

        1. Also, this is so not a case where the “hate” should fall on the airlines. The reality is, all planes are small now, this isn’t going to change, so within those conditions, we all need to figure out how to manage. And that means no reclining! It is just as bad as not tipping at a restaurant–seriously, do you guys not tip but say that the ire should fall on the restaurant? small space on planes is a given that we all have to deal with. and the right way to deal with it is to not recline.

      4. Totally agree. I nap better if I recline. And I don’t get annoyed if someone in front of me reclines. And to those who say you shouldn’t recline because you are working – how am I supposed to know someone behind me is working?? I am not going to twist all the way around to see what the person behind me is doing, particularly since I really don’t care what they are doing.

    8. 1 – okay with consideration for other people because of factors others have mentioned
      2 – Middle seat gets both armrests, aisle and window make do.
      3 – anything involving eggs, please
      4 – I’m happy to trade most of the time, since people don’t usually ask without an outright reason such as keeping families together. I’ll gladly sit middle if it means a parent can sit aisle and reach across to keep kids in line/happy. I was the kid in that scenario once (fortunately the seat we needed someone else to take was a window seat!).

      1. I’ve had people ask me to trade an aisle for a middle (on long flights) so they can sit together. Sorry, nope. That’s what advance booking and/or taking it up with the gate agent is for. I’m happy to trade like for like, but otherwise, not my problem.

        1. Also, to add to my comment, I would have traded in my youth because I didn’t want to seem “rude” and because as a woman, I’ve been socialized to be accommodating. It actually felt really nice to politely decline their request and take care of my own needs without guilt.

      2. I always trade if I am alone if it’s to keep others together. I am small and an aisle for a few hours or not isn’t going to have a big impact for me. But getting to sit with your kid or spouse on a flight does have a big impact. Plus, it’s nice. Being nice isn’t the same as being socialized to be accommodating.

    9. 1) fine on long flights, annoying on short. And if you’re going to recline, at least check and make sure the person behind you doesn’t have a laptop out and if they do, give them a heads up you’re going to recline so you don’t smack in to said laptop. Delta (and I think others) is actually started changing seats to ones that don’t recline as far on some planes, mainly for those used on shorter flights, which I think solves the problem for everyone.
      2) middle. That seat is miserable enough, at least give them the armrest
      3) Anything excessively smelly (so yea, tuna)
      4) Entirely depends on the circumstances.

      And if we’re on things that can be annoying about airline travel, if you have a personal item and the flight attendant says “we have limited overhead space, please reserve the overheads for roll-a-boards and place your personal item underneath the seat in front of you,” and you stick your purse or backpack in the overhead, I am going to think less of you. Also, if they’re boarding zone 1 and you’re in zone 4, just sit back down and stop crowding the gate.

      I fly a lot. I have many opinions on airports and planes.

      1. One time, my brother and I got on a small commuter jet and the guy across the aisle (in one of the single seat rows) had put his bag under the seats in front of us, cause it didn’t fit under the seat in front of him. No, dude, that’s not how it works. Also, one time this lady seated in the row in front of me got mad at me because I put my bag in “her” overhead space. Uhhhh….
        People that don’t wait for their zones make me nuts too. Airports 1000% bring out the worst in people.

    11. 1-2) like everyone else says above.
      3) no smelly food please – eggs, onions, garlic, fish are all horrible
      4) no trading unless it’s a necessary accommodation (kid, disabled person etc)

      Also, please don’t wear intense perfumes on long-haul flights.
      Don’t hold on to the seat in front of you when getting up – there are armrests for that.
      Don’t jump up while taxiing and stand with your crotch/behind in my face when I’m still sitting in the aisle seat.

      Follow @passengershaming on Insta to know what NOT to do.

    12. What’s really rude is smoking. I’ve sat next to smokers whose outerwear REEKS like stale, disgusting smoke and it makes me super angry. Honestly, it’s already an incredibly selfish addiction because of the negative impact on everyone else, but to smoke in the clothes that you are planning to wear on the flight is just cruel. Do smokers really get how nasty they smell? I have to think that if they did, they’d quit at higher rates. Yes, I understand that addiction is a disease and am well-versed in the history of the tobacco industry, but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s much more polite to wear clean clothes and use a nicotine patch on a travel day.

      1. Honestly, if I was sat next to a smoker that reeked, I’d complain to the flight attendant and request to be moved. Just because you suck on cancer sticks doesn’t mean the rest of us have to take in your third hand smoke and allergy/lung issue flare ups. I would actually liken it to someone smelling like extreme trash or B.O. It makes the person’s presence intolerable.

      2. On my 14 hour flight to Asia, I sat next to a guy who was dipping the ENTIRE flight. Full plastic water bottle full of his chaw/spit. I smelled it the entire time and felt so sick.

    13. You absolutely should not recline on a short flight. The feature is there in case there’s no one behind you or a person has a serious issue, not for use when there’s actually anyone behind you and/or you don’t have a serious, legitimate need. I can’t even fit a 13inch laptop on the table when folks recline, and I have the world’s greatest toddler, but she stays that way b/c she’s wanting to color and use that as a table, and I can’t tell you the number of people who would gladly brain a child with their seat.

      Like 90% of people don’t recline (and 100% of us want to) and that tells you all you need to know.

      1. Lol I don’t recline and don’t like when other people do, but literally everything in your post is not based in evidence. There is no “rule” that it’s only for “serious” cases and it’s definitely not true that 90% of people don’t recline. I get that it sucks and I wish that planes were designed differently too.

    14. Re #3 it would be very kind to avoid eating nuts on a flight. So many kids are deathly allergic, are stuck in the confined space, and could easily touch a surface you touched and then put their hand in their mouth. As a parent, I will be so stressed out about my kid’s safety during the flight regardless. If I see someone eating peanuts in at a public event we can just leave, but on a flight you’re stuck there for the duration.

      1. Why will you be so stressed about your kid’s safety regardless? I get being freaked about the allergies (my family has been through that and it sucked), but the plane is actually a really safe place for your kid to be.

        1. Just re allergies – not anything else. Not being able to get to a hospital while on a plane is just an inherently risky situation for a kid with anaphylaxis even if no one is eating nuts around us.

          1. Oh yeah, got it and I agree. This was a terrifying prospect for my family member who had to drop out of high school and get her GED instead because she could not stop having reactions at school. The nut-free table in the cafeteria didn’t do much when people were eating Snickers bars while using the computers in the computer lab. Flying was always super scary for someone with SUCH severe allergies, but fortunately, they’ve gotten a bit better as an adult. She’s still 100% allergic and carries an Epi-Pen, but hasn’t had a serious reaction in years despite traveling all over Europe for a year!

      2. I’ve been on flights where the attendants have announced that there were nut allergies onboard and to not eat nuts and they would also not be serving any. So maybe if you’re that allergic, make a note when booking your ticket and tell the gate agents so they can pass it along.

        1. Some airlines will do that (Delta), some won’t (United). My daughter had an anaphylactic reaction on a commuter train. We didn’t even know she was allergic to that particular allergen.

    15. 1. Seats recline. No big deal. I don’t get the ire on this topic. I’m slightly annoyed when people jam back the seat quickly without checking for something or someone in the space behind them; I’ve had my head bashed once when I was pulling my bag out from under the seat. Once the seat is back, I’m still just as (un)comfortable as before. I’ve used laptops and the tray table with no problem despite the seat in front of me being reclined. Also, I don’t get the appeal of reclining the seat. My legs still have no extra room, but now my back and neck are in a less comfortable position. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
      2. Middle seat gets the armrest. If there are only 2 seats, whoever gets it first can have it, but please keep your elbow out of my seat space.
      3. Whatever you might spill on me does not belong on a plane.
      4. I have switched for an even trade or trade up. I’m always willing to do that when travelling alone. I won’t trade down. When travelling with my spouse, I’m less inclined to trade to a seat farther away from him (sometimes we end up in aisle seats across from each other, or middle seats right in front/behind each other), but sometimes will depending.

    16. I agree that you shouldn’t recline your seat unless it’s an overnight flight or there’s some reason you need to get some rest, and even then I think you should probably ask the person behind you and be willing to explain that you need to do it.

      I got really salty on a flight once, because someone who’d been assigned to a seat a few rows ahead of me gets up, moves back a bit, sits in the seat directly in front of me and then reclines! I kinda figured it was so he wouldn’t be sleeping right next to someone and blocking them from getting up, fine, but the plane was pretty empty, if he wanted to move for his nap, he could’ve picked a seat NOT in front of someone.

      But no one in my family seemed to understand why I was annoyed when I told the story later.

    17. I just asked my friend if she would trade her aisle seat for someone else’s middle seat on their request and she said she would, that it’s “nbd” even on long flights, and that I’m “miserly” for saying I wouldn’t do it. What.

    18. 1. Team recline. Short flight, long flight, don’t care. I rarely recline my own seat but completely support my fellow passengers’ right to do so. I hate hate hate the sad sacks who cannot stand up from their seats without grabbing on to the seat in front of them, though.

      2. Middle seat gets armrests. I also try to make space for a passenger of size, so they don’t feel crammed in.

      3. All food on a plane is gross — airplane food smells horrid, as is the greasy pizza or mustard sandwich bought in the terminal. What do I care if someone brought anchovy pie from home? Enjoy. Please don’t do your nails on the plane, though — that is obnoxious.

      4. Would change seats for a caregiver and their charge, whether that is a parent and small child or elderly lady with dementia and person taking her from A to B.

    19. I’m a grinch about trading seats. I will only consider it if it’s a completely even trade (window seat, not moving to the last row in the airplane, not moving away from a premium seat I paid extra for) and even then I don’t like to do it. I don’t feel more sympathy for parents with kids. I fly with my kids a lot and you can always buy seats together – it just costs more. Someone not wanting to spend the money to get two seats together is not my problem. (I realize occasionally the airline messes with people’s pre-selected seats, but then the person needs to take it up with the airline, who should definitely fix it.)

    20. I recline my seat on every flight because I get motion sick, and the reclining helps with the dizziness and nausea. I also don’t care if the person in front of me reclines; it’s never interfered with my ability to use the tray table. I’ve never asked the person behind me if it’s okay, just as I’d certainly never expect the person in front of me to ask me. It’s your seat, it reclines.

  3. How many do you own? How many times do you wear one before washing? How do you wash yours? SO much differing advice and guidance online, looking forward to hearing the hive’s!

    1. I think I have 8 or 9, and I hand wash them in the sink with a no-rinse wash (Eucalan). I wear them probably 4 or 5 times each, or fewer if I am sweating in them. I pile them into my “to hand wash” bag until about half of them are in there, then do that bunch at one time. I drape them on a rail in the bathtub to dry. I also try to rotate so I never wear the same one two days in a row because I hear that is better for the elastic.

    2. I own 3-4 that are newer and work under all of my tops. I probably own another 6-7 that are older, more worn, bright colors/patterns, more visible under thin dressy shirts, etc. that I wear with t-shirts and sweaters on the weekend. I don’t wear the same one two days in a row and probably wash every month or two (so 5-10 wears?) in a lingerie bag in the washing machine and lay flat to dry. I have 3 sports bras that I just toss in with the wash and lay flat to dry after every use.

    3. I don’t own that many, but I wear bralettes or sports bras 99% of time. I wear sports bras for a workout only once before washing but will usually wear a bralette 2-3 times depending on how sweaty I am. I had breast cellulitis a few years ago (and I do not breastfeed) and have been fastidious about washing bras frequently ever since.

    4. I probably own six or seven, and I wash after a full day of wear. I sweat a lot, and I used to wash after three or four wears, but I started noticing a smell.
      I wash them in the washing machine on delicate and air dry.

      1. +1 I wash after a full day of wear (or a full day + night if I wear at night) and am fastidious about washing. I consider them underw3ar and I wash my underwear after a full day of wearing as well.

        It is a thing for me just like daily showers. And yes I miss washing it daily just about as much as I miss a daily shower (has occasionally happened when I was sick / had a newborn etc.).
        There’s still sweat, sloughed off skin cells and body odor even if not obviously visible and gross.

    5. Two nude and two black that can be worn at work or in other “dressed” environments, plus a nude strapless, and one of those silicone stick-on types. A black bralette and a dusty pink one that work under specific tops. A nude, and two black non-underwire worn at home or to take the dog out. A handful of sports bras (4 or 5?).

      Other than the sports bras (washed every wear), I hang them up on hooks in my closet between wears and wash them every couple of weeks or so. (Not often enough.) I’m lucky in that (because of breast cancer reconstructive surgery) I don’t really sweat on them much so they don’t tend to smell. I think my nerves must’ve been disrupted or something. The reconstruction is also why I have what I feel is sort of a slim stash (not many colors, lace, or other fun stuff). I just had to get my implants swapped a couple of years ago and my size changed.

    6. -3 (2 in every-other-day rotation, 1 for emergencies/fancy stuff)
      -whatever I’ve worn gets washed on the weekend with everything else
      -In the lingerie bag on the gentle cycle, hang dry

    7. I have 7 or 8 good ones, enough worn out misfits to get through another work week.

      I’m always astounded when I hear about people who don’t wash bras after every wear. I only keep mine on when I’m out of the house (usually 8-9 hours, for this hermit) and they’re still almost as smelly as my socks.

      I wash in a separate delicate load in the machine, (sometimes with silks blouses, etc) and the air dry. Recently I switched to hanging them on hangers by the shoulder straps to dry, which I think does help them last. You can tighten those if they stretch but can’t tighten the spaece between the cups (which I used to hang them by).

    8. I own 5 T-shirt underwire bras (2 nude, 1 each navy, black and grey) and 2 sports-bras. Sports bras get washed after every use with the general laundry.
      Underwire bras get hand-washed every 5-10 wears, 2-3 underwire bras at a time in the sink with lukewarm water and a splash of Woolite. I let them soak a bit first, then gently rub the fabric where it gets sweaty (by the wire and the straps/elastic hooks). Rinse twice with cold water, gently press out excess water and hang to dry on a rack in my bathtub. I buy new bras every 18-24 months.

    10. I have 4 regular bras that get worn constantly: nude, black, 2 fun colors. I actually need another nude-colored bra, though. I need to wash more frequently than I actually do. ;)

      I have 3 Coobie type bras for evenings/weekends/lounging. Depends entirely how and when I wear them. I’m not going to wash after an evening of lounging, but I will wash if I get even the tiniest bit sweaty.

      I have 7 sports bras. Those get washed after every wear.

    11. Because my size changed recently, I probably have 3-5. I had soooooo many in my old size and recently made a big donation to Soma, during their donation event. I have two that are kind of more push-up, two that sit a little lower, and a strapless.

    12. I have about 6 or 7 bras, not counting sports bras (I think I have four, plus two fitness crop tops) that I use regularly, and a fair few more that I rarely wear. I don’t think I have a hard and fast rule about washing after X wears, but I pay attention to how sweaty they are and will often toss one in the hamper when it gets really gross, or if I feel like I’ve just worn it a lot and figure it’s probably dirty. Sports bras go in the washer, “regular” bras get washed in Soak.

    13. 3 – 4 good ones. Machine wash in a lingerie bag on gentle cycle, tumble dry in same bag on low. Not ideal, but it’s what I’m up for. Wash weekly or so in winter and seemingly constantly during the humid h3ll on earth that is the south in the summer.

    14. I own 17 bras of which five are in constant rotation. All my bras are underwire, except for two non underworked sleep bras to wear around the house. I have another 10 or more that are older and I wear sometimes, but not often. I discovered bravissimo over ten years ago, and all my bras are purchased from there…I don’t live the uk, but visit there when I travel or order online. Some of the extras bras I have are a strapless that I don’t wear that often, and a few that may only work with specific outfits. I have a heavier bust and the bras don’t support me well after a while, but they are still in good shape, so I sometimes wear them on a road trip, as they are looser because they are old. I wash my bras by hand for the first six months or so, then move them to the delicate cycle when they get downgraded. I wear a bra about three times before washing, sometimes a bit more in winter and less in summer.

    15. I have like 25, but my weight has fluctuated. I only wear 6 of those regularly.

      I wash them after 2-3 wears. I have these great bra/delicate zippered circular holder things you can throw in the wash that have really incentivized me to wash them more often because I HATE hand washing.

    16. 5 nude bras and 2 black bras that I wear frequently for work. I wash them every 3-4 weeks (usually 1-2 per laundry day), or more frequently if I’m sweaty or if they smell (common in the summer; less so in the winter). I have several other regular bras that I don’t wear very often, all older, mostly push-up styles or bright colors that still fit but that are no longer what I buy and wear frequently. I also have about 20 sports bras in various bright colors that get washed almost every time I wear them. Occasionally, if I don’t sweat while teaching a yoga class, I’ll leave it out to be worn 1 more time before washing. Otherwise, always in the wash.

    17. I have five “good” ones that I wear to work or out on weekends: black, white, pink, and two beige.
      I have a couple of “old” ones I wear on weekends when I’m working around the house or in the yard.
      The “good” ones generally get washed after a wearing, sometimes two (max). I’m just wearing them in the office, so they’re not getting very dirty.

  4. How do you make it work when your chosen city is not a hub for your career field? I used to live in DC and HATED it, so I moved to Philly which I LOVE. However, my field is really based out of DC and I’m struggling because I don’t love my job in Philly. I’m pretty junior in my career, so I’m not in a position to negotiate for remote work for a DC based job, etc.

    1. Choose which you want more, an ideal city or a certain career path. I think it is much easier to redefine and carve a niche in a new career path as a junior than to force yourself to like a city. A big city like Philadelphia has more industry and is closer to other NE hubs, giving you lots of career opportunities. And tying yourself to a particular career in a city you hate may screw you over because a lot of people change fields sometimes multiple times over the course of their life, especially as a junior. Also, a great job in a city you hate will make you start hating the job.

    3. I have this problem, too! I would love to live in Asheville, NC, but all the great jobs in my field seem to be in major (and majorly expensive) cities like Boston, San Fran / Silicon Valley, Seattle, NYC. Plus, companies in major cities all seem to be throwing people into those horrible open office spaces where no one can think, too, because the real estate is so expensive.

  5. I have recently begun to see someone who is very much into s3xting. (Would that be called “texting about gardening” or something else?) I am surprised to find that I very much enjoy this type of communication. I am not sure whether this person will become a relationship but now I am wondering if this is very common in relationships, if there are websites or something for dating or just wanting someone to do this conversation type with, etc. What have I been missing all of these years??

    1. It’s pretty common I think, especially with the use of the apps. I’ve found it tends to arise pretty naturally in a lot of texting conversations, especially when one or both parties is looking for something more casual.

    2. I love it, but it’s been hit or miss in dating/relationships for me. Someone I am seeing now isn’t into it, so clearly that won’t be happening, but the last guy I dated was really into it. I just ask.

    3. Any guy who does this is definitely into $ex first, and relationship much later, if at all. I agree with the other OPs. If you just want a guy to have $ex with, that is what you are going to get. Just $ex. On the other hand, you can still get $ex with guys who do not put this into writing. I would lean toward those guys all other things being equal, if you want MORE then $ex, like most of us do. Just be carful, b/c men who start out up front leading with $exual things will, if you are receptive to them, be more likely to push the envelope, and try and do stuff with you that is beyond where you want them to, but you may become trapped by them into doing stuff b/c you have let them go to far. FOOEY! Be carful before giving ANY license to them, even in public places. FOOEY!

  6. I have a question that I’d like to get some perspective on. As a bit of a background, I’m a type A senior manager at a big4 firm. I’m terrible at asking for help when I have too much to do. My fallback is to always work more and take over the work of others when they are lagging so we can get meet deadlines
    This is obviously a tough pace to maintain. I’ve received pretty pointed feedback that I need to be more proactive in asking for help and build a better work/life balance.

    How do you ask for more resources for your projects? I’m planning on an awful August with not enough time to do anything well. On top of that, I have family junk that will arise as it’s a big anniversary of the death of my sister (it shouldn’t, but this always takes up significant headspace for me). How do you all ask for help by getting more staff/resources? Do you bring up the personal stuff at work? I’m managing the personal stuff by keeping therapist visits etc but know that it will impact my headspace and ability to handle stress at work.

    I’m completely out of my comfort zone on this.

    1. Are they not saying to push the work down? Dump more on your managers and tell them to dump more on staff and seniors. Do you not have enough people at lower levels in general or are you just guessing that they can’t get it done? Could you be proactive about expectations and work assignments before it gets crazy busy?

      1. Yes, pushing work down would be ideal. Unfortunately We’re short staffed office wide. And one of my current managers is not capable of doing the work that I need to push down.

        1. That person needs to get up to speed or be replaced, if that’s the case. I have a direct report similar to you (not law or Big4 though) who also needs to improve her worklife balance and has been getting that feedback. Ability to prioritize is huge. She also doesn’t fully trust her direct reports to do everything exactly the way she wants it so she handholds a lot – don’t know if you’re doing that as well.

        2. Think about how the work can be broken down into components, so the manager can take a portion if not all of the work. Do you have a staffing manager that you can speak to? They often know where there is capacity in the office. Also, make sure you consider that delegating work gives someone else the opportunity to learn. Set your staff up to be successful by spending enough time with them upfront and checking in frequently. I expect the people working for you are all bright and like to learn. I took way too long to learn how to effectively delegate — don’t be me (was a big4 partner for 15 years).

    2. You have received feedback on needing to ask for help. That means that your superiors are fully open to providing you with more resources but YOU have to identify those resources. You’re a manager, that’s your literal job to disperse resources more efficiently and manage your projects and team (I’m not trying to be snarky, just trying to re-align your thoughts that this is a part of your job duties so you can focus your Type A nature on that). You can Type A your way into better balance.
      I would make a catalogue of 1) Current projects and its needs, 2) current resources and their talents i.e. your direct reports and external consultants (ex. John has a PhD in Math and so is useful for a heavy numbers background on Y project ), 3) the roles of each direct report/team member/consultant on each of those projects, including yourself, and 4) see where there are inefficiencies on those projects and where you can re-assign pieces of your role to existing resources or where you need additional resources.

    3. Re: discussing personal stuff at work. I would choose one or two people at your level or higher who you are comfortable sharing this sort of thing with. Take advantage of their “How are you today” chit chat, and say something like “Well, the anniversary of [my sister/a close family member]’s death is coming up [next week, tomorrow, etc], which is always hard. I get through it, but it’s not my favorite time of year.” Use a matter of fact, even tone of voice, and say “thanks, I appreciate that” when they offer condolences.

      Re: asking for help. As others have said, it is your job to manage work flow in your channel. I’ve worked in public accounting doing tax, and getting managers to actually manage and not DIY the team’s workload can be a challenge. What gets you to management (quality of individual work) does not make you a good manager (growing and supporting your team and delivering quality product). I like the suggestion about leveraging your Type-A to get a better balance.

      Even though it is a busy season, you still need to grow your staff. That means giving them more challenging projects and sufficient feedback and support so they can tackle bigger projects. They will never get there if you do it all yourself. That management behavior literally holds staff people back and stagnates their careers.

      Delegate. Break projects down into smaller chunks for the folks who need more support. Ask for resources. Ask for something you don;t think you will get. Ask your staff how you can better support them.

      You need to trust other people to do the job. Type A can get stuck on doing work a particular way. If a method you don’t prefer gets to the right answer and leaves decipherable workpapers, it will do. You need to let go and refocus on improving your teams and your own performance.

  7. What credit card do you currently have and like? DH and I currently have the Citi Prestige as our joint credit card and are looking to get a different one, but are stuck as to what to get. When we got the Prestige, it was just about greatest credit card ever – lounge access to American Airlines lounges, could use points to book flights and got a bonus for booking AA flights, fourth night free at hotels, extended warranties on purchases, global entry credit, free rounds of golf, and some more that I don’t even remember. It was definitely worth the hefty $450 a year credit, especially because we live in Charlotte, which is an AA hub and 95% of the flights we take are AA. Basically, we got a “free” flight for wherever we booked our big vacation for the year and got either one or two nights free in a hotel with the fourth night free benefit. However, slowly over the years these benefits have been discontinued or devalued- no more lounge access, no more golf, etc. and they are raising the fee! We don’t travel for work, so we don’t necessarily benefit from getting an AA credit card, and those fees seem like a steep price to pay just to have lounge access a few times a year.
    I’ve read some card summaries on websites like The Points Guy, but we aren’t ever going to have multiple credit cards like some of those readers seem to. Doesn’t need to be a travel related card either. And, I’m curious as to what real people are out there using. TIA!

    1. Sapphire Reserve is the most useful Citi Presitage equivalent and the points can transfer to several travel partners (many different airlines, hotels, some cruise lines, etc) and I like that you can get point multiples through lots of common retailers by linking through their site first. It comes with travel credits, lounge membership, global entry reimbursement and a lot of other stuff.
      Sapphire Preferred is a much cheaper version of the Sapphire Reserve, without lounge access or travel credits, but lots of the same perks, including the same travel partners. I get at least two domestic flights out of it per year.
      On both, you can make your husband an authorized user and although you will have two separate cards, you can transfer and combine points.

    3. We just upgraded our Chase Sapphire Preferred to Chase Sapphire Reserve, and have been really happy with it so far. The annual fee is $450 (plus $75 annual second user fee), but we get a $300 travel credit annually, $100 credit towards TSA precheck/Global Entry every 4? years or so, and our CC points are worth 1.5c for every point – all of which more than make up for the cost. Just today we used our CC points (~53k, which is equal to $800 if booked through their site) to pay for half of the cost of our flights at Christmas. There’s also priority pass lounge access (which I haven’t been impressed with so far).

      1. Same here. Really like the Chase Sapphire Reserve. At Christmas I used our points to buy gift cards.

    4. 1. Chase Freedom (I believe no longer offered), no fee, rotating 5% cash back on different categories each quarter
      2. Chase Unlimited (Cancelling this one), no fee, opened to use for wedding because it was 1.5% cash back on everything
      3. Costco Citi, no fee ish – I don’t count the Costco membership as a fee, 4% back on gas, 3% back on restaurants and travel, 2% back on all Costco, no foreign transaction fee. Probably my favorite card, I got $400+ cash back last year
      4. My husband and I both have separate Platinum Delta Amex (our airport is a Delta hub),$195 fee per year, I got 60k miles for signing up, no foreign transaction fees, and we get a companion ticket each year – so we just booked tickets to SF and we paid for 1 ticket, and the other person will fly for free. Worth the fee for us, since the flight was $520.

    5. If you don’t travel for work, I’d check out the Capital One Venture. The fee is waived for the first year, so there’s not much risk (then it’s only $95). If you’re not traveling for work, I think it’s hard to get enough miles to really play the miles game, and the ‘purchase eraser’ benefit with Capital One is SO EASY. And even though the more expensive cards have better benefits, it can be hard to be able to remember to use them all.

      And since you called it your joint card, if you also have individual cards, I’d get the free Ventrure One card (1.5% rewards, instead of 2% with the regular Venture). That way you can pool points across all 3 cards. (I think you can also do this with Chase, although I’ve had more problems overall with Chase and am happier with Capital One).

    6. I just use no-fee cash back cards. Citi Doublecash for 2% back, Chase Freedom which has 5% on rotating categories (currently 5% back on gas), amazon and lowe’s specific cards for 5% those locations (the lowe’s is actually just a discount in the store, not even cash back). I’ve looked in to fee cards with points, but ultimately decided it’s just easier to get cash back and not have a fee than trying to game the points system to decide if the card is worth it’s fee. Nerdwallet.com has a lot on the various benefits and what they’re worth.

      1. Same, I use a regular Discover card and get actual money back without jumping through hoops. Plus, they’ve been amazing with identity theft issues (which crop up for me constantly, since I was part of the IRS hack).

    7. The manageing partner has issued AMERICAN EXPRESS Platinum Cards to all partners, and the bills go directly to the firm which means we do NOT have to put in for reimbursement when we take a cleint out to lunch or dinner or whatever, so that is a good thing. The firm (Frank) collects all of the benefits of the spending, so he gets all kinds of perks, which he justifies b/c he does NOT go out with the cleints like we have to. He is the firm’s accountant (he claims CFO), but this is his perk—to take the gifts and bonus points that we earned by taking out our cleints. I have my own credit card for personal use, but I have now gotten the manageing partner to let me use the Platinum card for select expenses — for example, when he specifically requests that I buy a certain outfit, I use the card, and get the clotheing without haveing to go thru Frank for PARTIAL reimbursement. Also, this way, I do not have Frank scrutinizing my reimbursement while stareing at my boobies b/f giving me back my 70%. FOOEY on him, b/c with the Platinum, he just has to pay the bill w/o being abel to stare at me or pinch my tuchus on the way out like he always does. That is kind of demeaning now that I am a partner. DOUBEL FOOEY on him!

    8. Citi card from Costco. We get several thousand back each year because we both put work (reimbursable) expenses on it. I love getting a big free check each February!

  8. Are ankle booties worth buying new? It seems to me retailers are pushing booties that come up several inches above the ankle. Are ankle booties going to look dated?

    1. Given where they are in the trend cycle (2-3+ years and they’ve penetrated as far as the Texas mommy blogging group) I imagine they’ll be on the wane vs other styles, but if you like the look, buy an inexpensive pair that you won’t mind moving on from in a year or two?

    2. I guess they might look dated. But they are much more comfortable than taller boots so I am hesitant to move on.

    3. I just bought one pair of ankle booties a couple years ago, and while I’ve warmed up to them with tights and black jeans, I still love my older boots from years ago that cover my ankles because my feet are always cold, so I’m pleased to hear taller boots are more available. Also, I couldn’t get through winter without taller boots and tights. In my mind, I view ankle booties as tall shoes, rather than boots. I realize that they are classified as “boots,” but I live on the rainy west coast and they function more as a shoe alternative to rainy weather( in terms of my own wardrobe)

    4. I have a couple of pairs that I will be wearing out, but I won’t be replacing them.

  9. Just want to say that I am currently wearing the featured jacket in the berry and it’s awesome! It’s my nod to being nearly in the fall semester, so I’m in black skinny jeans, a black tank, black wedges, and this jacket. It is buttery soft and quite attractive. The back is somewhat short, so I kind of wish I had a tank that was more fitted in the back. It does run small – I am pretty small across the shoulders and I could fit into a small other than the shoulders being so tight that I couldn’t move. I sent it back and got a medium and it’s perfect.

      1. It’s not orange red at all (I don’t wear that color). It’s a deep maroon/berry red. Really pretty! If you want to see a photo of me in it, send me an email at nolar e t t e at gmail.

    2. I’m so surprised by this review. I bought the black online and returning tomorrow. It looked so cheap. The sleeve cuff looked like it had been cut with scissors it was so cheaply finished. I own the similarly styled jacket in faux suede in several colors and love it. This was a big pass.

      1. It does have raw edge sleeves, but a lot of my faux leather jackets have raw edge. Mine is a straight edge and doesn’t look cut with scissors.

  10. I really like the cut of this! Anyone have something similar, but in real leather?

  11. Does this exist? I want something to cover one cushion of my couch where my dog loves to lay. we tend to put a towel down but would like something that stays put better.

    4. Look up on A M A Z O N OstepDecor Multi-Size Pet Dog Couch Rectangular Soft Quilted Furniture Protectors Covers for Sofa. I only got the seat portion and it’s great. Make sure to get a size a few inches longer and wider than you need to have room to tuck in.

  12. I made a reservation for a drinks/mom’s night out for 12 at a local restaurant. It’s at 8pm so will largely be drinks and apps. I reserved the “lounge couches” on the outdoor patio.

    These people aren’t good friends of mine, they are people I’d like to get to know better (parents of my kids) and one or two bring-a-friend-along types that I don’t know at all.

    What’s typical re: ordering and paying? It’s not really a bar where everyone hs a separate tab…so we do the typical get the big bill and split it? Expect everyone to hand me cash/Venmo? Seems like…a lot for a group I don’t know. Any suggestions to make this go smoothly?

    My good friends and I either go out as couples and ask for 2 bills or we just settle up at the end- but that’s usually dinner. When we meet at a bar it’s usually everyone gets their own then we find a place to sit. This is sort of a hybrid.

    Thanks :-)

    1. I think literally any arrangement is fine, as long as you communicate it ahead of time. What’s worse than a split check when you’ve been nursing the same glass of chardonnay all night while everyone else is buying bottles? Nothing, nothing is worse.

      1. Worse is being a non-drinker who had zero drinks and then being surprised with the expectation of splitting the bill evenly amongst those drinking many and those who nursed one… or having to choose between doing that (when you know it means no grocery money the rest of the week or month or speaking up and being labeled for making a thing of something if everyone else is fine dividing it equally).

        No matter what, bill splitting in these cases stinks!

    2. Ask the restaurant. They may recommend that each person start a tab at the bar but then sit in the designated area. If they don’t, you could suggest this and then get group consensus on ordering apps and dividing that cost equally? Or use whatever tool used to organize this (fb group, group text, etc.) and ask what people prefer and then let others talk it through and go with that!

    3. I do this all the time (#momlife). The way it usually works is that the server delivers one bill at the end and everyone passes it around and throws in cash or splits the check. Usually – though not always – someone splits the whole thing evenly (e.g., $42 per person) and people can adjust up or down if they ordered a lot or a little. Having said that, these always go better when someone is willing to silently kick in extra to make it work out.

    4. I find with a group of moms I don’t know there can be a big variance in the number of drinks and food ordered (some ate with their kids, some didn’t, etc). So I wouldn’t split.

      There’s an app called Tab where you take a photo of the bill and assign the line items to people. It’s kind of clunky, but it does the job and makes sure people don’t forget about tax etc and stick you with a big bill.

    5. If I were organizing something like this I would let everyone know that I would be taking care of the first round of drinks and ordering some apps to get started with. Make sure the venue will let them do separate tabs after that. That way no-one has to spend the evening worrying they’re going to have to cover a big tab that isn’t theirs.

    6. Schitt’s Creek (my fave)
      Crazy Ex Girlfriend
      The Good Place
      Divorce
      Killing Eve
      Parks and Recreation
      30 Rock
      Boardwalk Empire

  13. Need some recommendations for favorite TV series to binge watch…just finished Damages, loved Goliath, Mrs Maisel, Succession and Big Little Lies, also Jack Ryan….what are your faves?

    2. Party Down, if you like laughing. Any of the BBC mysteries, Granchester, Endeavor, Poirot to name a few. I heard that The Sinner is good.

    4. Killing Eve
      MI6
      Call the Midwife
      The Bletchley Circle (original, not San Francisco)
      Alias
      Homeland
      30 Rock

      Google ‘if you liked ‘insert show of your choice]’ and there are lots of suggestions!

  14. Has anyone heard of the online fashion brand Sun-Imperial Fashion? Is it legit?

  15. I wear a lot of navy and usually pair with shoes that are black, grey, or nude/tan. Should I get some navy shoes? There’s a good deal on the navy version of a pump that I like. But something about navy shoes reads frumpy to me. What do others think?

    1. I can’t seem to find a dark navy….the navy shoes I’ve seen are light and that looks frumpy to me. But a dark navy suede with a block heel (I have a standing desk)? It’s my shoe unicorn.

    2. I like the navy suede pumps and block heels I bought last year. They got a lot of compliments.

    3. I love my navy shoes! I wear them a lot with navy and also more causal styles with jeans.

  16. After many months of dating a guy with whom I was starting to think I could see a future, I have discovered that I am “the other woman,” and that he is in a serious relationship with someone else. I feel so gross. I would never have knowingly gotten involved with someone who is in another relationship, and I mostly feel terrible for his actual girlfriend, who probably has no idea what a sleaze he is. Ugh. I’m not sure what I’m looking for here, maybe just sympathy.

    2. Hugs. So sorry.
      Please keep front and center of your mind: This is not your fault or failing, this is entirely on him. I repeat: This is entirely on him.
      Also: Keep your head up and walk away. You deserve much better!

  17. Has anyone had a custom suit made for them in NYC? (1) I hate how even high-end brands are moving to polyester or other synthetic fabrics. (2) I want to be able to pick an interesting subtle wool that is beyond the usual grey, black, and navy. And (3) I have narrow shoulders but long arms and a small waist but big hips so I have to have everything I buy heavily tailored anyway. I can’t find any good information online about women’s custom tailors. Recommendations? And for those that have done it, what did it cost? Worth it?

  18. Soo… I’ve been dipping my toe back into the dating world and am finding that I am drawn more to men who are, shall we say, the take-charge bordering on non-vanilla type with respect to gardening. This is pretty intriguing to me, but I’ve never really explored this in depth before. It makes sense in a certain regard; I’m an executive leading a global team at work and have a lot of decisions to make, so being able to hand off the decisions to someone else that I trust in my private life is really freeing.

    Any recommendations with regards to resources, webs!tes, etc to learn more about this? Or what I could be doing to filter for men who are more my type? Would not want to make this a full on lifestyle, mainly keeping it to gardening. Mid-30s cis hetero woman, not currently seeing anyone if that matters. In a major metro area.

    Stuck in mod so may have duplicates.

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