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Weekend Open Thread

Something on your mind? Chat about it here.

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Happy weekend, everyone!

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166 Comments

  1. My cousin/best friend is getting induced tonight (41 weeks+2). We’ve been best friends our entire lives and I’m just really hoping for a smooth labor and delivery after this hellish year. Can’t help being superstitious and nervous about it just with how many things have gone wrong, though…

    In any case, I’m posting because I’d like to send over a gift for my cousin to aid in recovery. Their budget is a little tight and I thought this could be the perfect opportunity to send some kind of item for her that she wouldn’t buy herself (like a great nursing tank or something). Any tips on postpartum recovery favorites? We’re extremely close and it would be 100% fine/expected for me to send a huge box of Depends if that’s what’s recommended :)

    1. I’m not up on that kind of thing any more, but I just want to send my best wishes to yoiu and to her! :)

    2. Gift cards for Seamless/door dash/caviar or whatever food delivery service is best in her area would be wonderful.

    3. Food. Dinner, snacks, breakfast, hearty, no-prep, one-handed eating friendly, nutritious, food.

      Oh, and nipple gel pads. (medela and/or lanisoh).

      But mostly food.

    4. Food is always good! I got a nursing hoodie for my sister and she LOVED it. It was the Smallshow brand on Am@zon. I think most maternity stores carry them too.

      1. How’s the sizing on that sweatshirt? I think that would be the perfect gift. Cousin is plus-size (16-ish) and has gained a relatively small amount in pregnancy. Definitely don’t want to send something too small during this time…

        1. Good question! I got a medium and it ran TTS. There are some buyer pics in the reviews that might be helpful.

    5. Honestly, a food delivery giftcard, and if they are amazon or target shoppers, I would get them an amazon or target gift card. There are soooo many things you all of the sudden realize would make your life easier in the first 2 weeks of having a baby. For me, it was having slow flow bottle nipples, a third crib sheet and another four burp cloths so we weren’t doing laundry so often, and having one of the super long iphone charging cables designated for the outlet next to the chair in the nursery. Didn’t contemplate or fully understand how much time I’d be spending in that chair nursing, so it was nice to not have my phone plugge din to listen to music/podcasts or scroll instagram while sitting there. And while I had sheets, burp cloths, and bottle nipples, it made my life much easier once I had more of those.

    7. The most helpful thing anyone gave me was a box of foods you can eat with one hand (bananas, granola bars, barkthins, etc). I also second gift cards for stuff you realize you need once baby arrived, and food delivery. Other ideas: a fancy water bottle, a cute notebook to record feeding/sleep time and later cute stuff baby does each day. Best wishes to them and you!

    8. I loved the Frida mom box. It had these witch hazel pad liners that were sooo nice for soothing my undercarriage post-delivery, and these…vajayjay ice pack things that were also fantastic. I have a bidet so I didn’t need this, but you could also add the Fridet peri bottle, which I know some women really like.

      1. The problem with this is what if induction ends in a c-section.

        I would also stay away from anything “nursing specific”. Got a bunch of these and BF did not work out for me and they just reminded me of that.

        1. Yes. I think it’s presumptuous to give a new mother anything nursing-related (unless she has specifically requested it). There are too many people pushing that agenda on them, and it’s a very personal and private decision.

      2. The hospital gave me all those things (less fancy but totally functional) so a gift like this would have been a waste for me even though I had a V delivery.

    9. You are so sweet, and food, oh my gosh, food. Also, a good book or something to do with one hand while holding/feeding the baby with the other. I read Thomas Piketty’s Capital during #2’s first few months on earth. (I’m an economist IRL. It’s not that weird for me.) IME postpartum cravings are a thing, so if it’s not too much trouble for her to tell you something she really wants, you could ask her and send that.

    10. Food really is the best. Delicious fruits and cut up vegetables is hugely helpful – you are really constipated and dehydrated after childbirth, and if you nurse, continue to need a huge amount of liquids for awhile. Foods people can eat with one hand are very helpful like granola bars, muffins, frozen dumplings or empanadas. A big water bottle with a straw so you don’t spill all over baby. Target gift card for all the random things you didn’t realize you needed or diapers.

      And truly, just regularly calling, texting, or writing letters that ask first “how are YOU” and then “how is baby.” It seems like our culture is obsessed with parents but it’s pretty isolating to be a new mom in general and can’t even imagine what it is like in these COVID times.

    11. I sent one of my good friends a soft robe for when she would be up at night with the baby and for around the house recovering, and she told me she used it so much and basically lived in it for the first month postpartum. That is now my go-to gift for new moms. I have given this gift to 3 other new moms since, with all good feedback.

    12. Really nice diaper pail and lansinoh nipple pads were the best gifts my friends sent me.

  2. My company is having a zoom meeting on racial issues. They have been very forward about advocating for diversity etc. We have been told the meeting will be interactive. One of the handouts indicates one of the activities will involve a facilitated discussion with a minority in the group and a non-minority. As one of the few minorities in the group, I may get called on. I am terrible with public speaking and answering questions on the spot. I will often freeze up and feel like I am not that articulate to begin with. To make things worse, I feel like I don’t have a lot of insightful things to say or stories to share on this. Since this is my work environment, I also am wary of saying the wrong thing. So I want to develop some talking points on race, diversity in the workplace etc. Does anyone have any helpful thoughts on this or articles you would recommend etc?

    1. No advice but commiseration/following. We’re going through issues at work where the boss is 100% displaying tons of white fragility and shutting down conversations when they’ve barely even started. I’ll be following to see if anyone has good resources.

      1. OMG I agree with this — this is just awful and tone deaf. Good lord. I’m so sorry.

      2. I completely agree, as a person of color. Why are you expected to facilitate this conversation? If you had volunteered, fine…but giving you a “pop quiz”? Not cool.

      3. Anne – thank you for sharing that article. This paragraph really resonated with me:
        “Day after day, year after year, one swallows the taste of bile over seemingly minor incidents that cannot be discussed lest one be regarded as rude. Then suddenly there is a need to talk, to know how one feels and have things explained? No can do.”

        Also I appreciate all of the responses! So helpful and I am so grateful to have this place to talk about this.

      4. This reminds me of one of the first episodes of The Office, which is available on TV on Demand, where Steve Carrell (the boss) acts like a complete doosh on the topic of diversity, and the diversity expert (a person of color) comes in from Corporate to figure out that Steve Carrell (the manager) is the root of the problem. I am surprised they keep showing this b/c it is not PC in light of BLM.

    3. I’m sorry you are in this position.

      I think you could share just what you have shared here – you knew that as one of the few minorities in the group, you may be put on the spot, but this isn’t something you are very comfortable talking about in this context. You could add something like, “I appreciate that everyone is interested in my perspective, but I am sure you don’t want me to feel like it is my job as a minority to figure this out for the company.” So assuming good intentions to avoid making massive waves, but also pointedly reminding white people that they shouldn’t be asking you to take on this labor for them. And encouraging them to try to imagine what it must feel like to always have to prepare to navigate situations like this.

      1. This is a great response, IMO (not a minority) “I appreciate that everyone is interested in my perspective, but I am sure you don’t want me to feel like it is my job as a minority to figure this out for the company.” I don’t think it’s confrontational, though there are people who could take offense to almost anything.

    5. Don’t participate in this. It’s such BS. You don’t have the responsibility of teaching white people how to behave. The burden isn’t on you.

      1. As a white person, this. There’s so many times when I’m tempted to ask my Black friends about something and then I just… google it. Because it’s Not Their Job To Educate Me.

    6. My company had a series of these types of talks over the summer. I’m Black and did not attend. When my boss asked if I had sat in on a session, I said no, I wasn’t interested. He then moved the discussion on to other topics.

    7. You’d be well within your rights to say “My consulting rate is $x. Where should I send the invoice?”
      I’m really sorry you’re being put in this position, OP. Unfortunately you’re far from alone – I’ve heard about a lot of companies pulling crap like this. It’s infuriating.

    8. So I’m a well intentioned white lady who serves on several D&I committees for my professional association. I serve because it’s important, not because I have all the answers.

      I think what your company is doing is tone-deaf for sure. However, if you just bow out, they will never change. I’m not saying you should lead the charge yourself as a one-woman minority crusader. But if you feel up to it, please share your concerns with a trusted ally who can take the bullets for you. Many of us would be happy to do so.

      1. Not OP, but I’m also white and I was the one who posted last week about my boss pitting the cost of a DEI consultant against our Christmas bonuses. I’ve talked to a few POC coworkers about that whole sh*tstorm and one thing I’m taking away is that they are very grateful that a white person is bothering to step up and be an ally. I didn’t realize before just how tuned out most white people in my office were and how much a tiny gesture on my part (protesting the Christmas bonus situation) would be perceived as helpful so it’s not JUST POC “complaining” and “making it an issue.”

    9. This is probably not helpful, but I had to participate in one of these recently (I’m white). My team is pretty diverse but when the POC tried to share their views, they got talked over by a white guy trying to prove how woke he is. I think it’s well within your rights to say “I don’t have anything to add. I’d be happy to talk one on one.” or something to that effect. But also, maybe you’ll get steamrolled by some rich young white brah who clearly understands your struggle. /end sarcasm

      1. This will out me but : a white bro manager at my work explained on our thousand person diversity zoom meeting that being Black in America is like being a left handed golfer. Because all your clubs need to be different. And that “white privilege” didn’t mean that white people didn’t earn their success. Because white people earned it, just so everyone knows, no one is saying they didn’t.

        This went on for like a half hour, during which time his female boss said “you need to stop talking now” at least twice. But he didn’t of course. I still can’t believe that happened.

      1. Get over it. I’m white, it’s not that hard, it’s necessary, and it’s not too much to ask.

        2. I admit to a certain level of sympathy here. ESPECIALLY because most of these things are totally useless. The POC in my office (understandably) do not want to give us specific examples of what we are doing wrong So what we are left with is a white person who read White Fragility trying to summarize it for us and telling us things we all already know. (That racist joke is not cool? Who knew?!) The last one I went to unfortunately ended up impressing upon all the white people in the office that we should just never talk to our non-white colleagues except about strictly work topics to avoid offending them which was not particularly helpful. Even sports was declared off-limits because it somehow implies that Black people are better at sports (???).

          It does not help that one of my Black friends hates White Fragility with a fiery burning passion and I was treated to his lengthy diatribe about it (which I actually enjoyed and taught me more than any work seminar I have ever been to). Or that all of these in-services are currently remote, which means that the overwhelming majority of people are actually tuned out and just attending because it is mandatory.

    11. This will out me, but I was put in charge of leading discussions about racism for my team. Our manager is black, I am asian. He put together a team of 7 people (out of 40) to meet and brainstorm ideas to continue this discussion. We watched some of the clips from https://projects.seattletimes.com/2016/under-our-skin/# and had an internal speaker come talk to our larger group about microaggressions and what it means to be an ally. Then we had breakout rooms a week after to discuss what we learned, and the minority members shared personal examples.
      It can be very uncomfortable and difficult to navigate, but I think it’s important. Feel free to drop a burner if you’d like to chat more.

    12. To respond to your actual request – I follow Lori Nishiura Mackenzie from Stamford on LinkedIn. She is a workplace diversity equity and inclusion expert. She is super thoughtful and also posts great articles. I bet you will find good material there for talking points.
      Good luck.

      1. Thank you, I will check this out now! I definitely appreciation those who have commiserated! Unfortunately I am too reluctant to stir the pot and I don’t want to offend anyone either. I am kind of a private person and don’t feel comfortable sharing things in general – even with my friends, I don’t open up as much and am more of a listener. Wish me luck y’all!

  3. What are small (or big) things around the house you’ve bought to cheer yourself up? (Just me?) I just bought a pretty blue acrylic pitcher from the Neiman Marcus sale, and am considering some table runners at the big Williams Sonoma sale…

    1. I finally got around to framing the print we picked up at the Paris bouquinistes (an old sketch that actually shows the apartment we stayed in) – delighted it’s finally on the wall!

    2. Not pretty but so very useful: power strips so we can place electronics in convenient locations rather than balanced precariously near an open outlet.

    3. I got a new salt cellar and I love it! https://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/store/product/round-bamboo-salt-box/1017386093?keyword=salt-box

      Also I bought this for making pastry and it turns out it is just the thing for collecting chopped veggies and transferring them to a bowl. Who knew? https://www.bedbathandbeyond.com/store/product/oxo-good-grips-reg-scraper-chopper/1011079121?keyword=pastry-scraper

      On a bigger scale, we bought a new outdoor sofa and it’s been great (even though it is kind of covered with ashes right now …).

    4. I went to the big supermarket last weekend for the first time since January (I live in the city centre and would normally go to a ‘big’ supermarket – big enough to have homeware and clothes- every couple of months) and it was SO empty I had a very happy time strolling around the clothes and homeware and picked out a really cute little mug to have my evening tea in. I’ve got into the habit of making chamomile tea every night and this mug is stoneware and pot bellied and it just makes me happy.

      On a bigger scale, I’ve mentioned my bathroom spend before – pale pink towels, new colourblocked shower curtains, bath mat. Lovely.

    5. Flowers! It’s so nice to have color and cheer around. I’ve even been getting them often enough that I can have several bouquets spread around the house (usually after pulling some dead ones out of the first bouquet).

      Fresh herbs in pots. So nice to be able to cut whatever herb from the garden without worrying about spending an extra $3 at the grocery for a tiny clamshell and having half of that go bad by the end of the week.

      1. I get flowers every 7-10 days from the roadside stands here (usually run by Hmong families). It brightens my place and the business is probably sorely needed without weddings, funerals and office demand for flowers.

    7. We replaced our mattress after more than a decade (gross, I know) and the new one is SO. NICE. Holy moly.
      For a smaller thing – we put up a couple hanging plant holders in our bedroom and they’re lovely. The room is really coming together and feels like a nice retreat.

      1. I don’t think a decade is gross. I think that’s the expected lifespan of a mattress. Glad you’re enjoying the new one!

    8. We’ve been doing some deferred maintenance stuff. My husband just refinished our dining room table (top only) and it looks like a new table.

      On the smaller front, I’ve been organizing to cut down on clutter. There’s nothing I could bring into my home that would make as much of a difference as taking things out of it!

    9. This is more on the practical side, but I bought a shelf to put between my desk and the wall. The top is about 10″ taller than my desk, which makes it like a built in monitor stand, and setting the second shelf to be even with my desktop gives me a spot to put all the random peripherals from work (headset, docking station, phone, etc.). Adding the shelf and a nice big desk mat have made my little writing desk so much more comfortable and functional for wfh.

    11. A lovely electric fireplace for our bedroom! Using it just for the faux fire light right now, but it has a built in heater for the winter too.

    12. Fancy hand soap given all of the hand washing. (Love Aesop resurrection). Have loved so much now lotions and body washes, too. Makes me feel happier. In before times, I’d just grab some Dial at the supermarket and call it a day.

    1. Honestly, this kind of look is very popular among the well-to-do SAHM yoga-and-pilates set. Worn with a long black workout top, it’s not a lot of look — or, it’s not as much of a lot of look as it appears here.

    2. I like animal prints, but snakeskin kind of creeps me out. I couldn’t wear these on my legs.

    3. These are the type of thing that would look ok or maybe even *good* on a stylish person who but could easily read as trashy/gaudy on someone whose everyday wear is less conventionally stylish. It’s unfair…regardless, I’m not a fan of these.

  5. I’d like some help on telling my longest friend I am pregnant. We are the kind of friends-since-third-grade where we sometimes don’t talk for a while bc life gets busy but when we do, we pick up right where we left off. Neither of us knew the other had been struggling with fertility issues until this summer when. I am the only person she told and she is one of a handful of people I opened up to. Both of us had cycles canceled midway in March due to COVID and we talked about that. She had a few failed IVF rounds and decided to wait until fall for her transfer to give herself a break. We were able to do an IUI that was successful. I know she will be happy for us but also know that it’s just tough to hear that news when you are going through it – we’ve talked about it, in fact as we are among the last of our friends to have kids. I think the best way is through text so she isn’t on the spot to respond, right? I am thinking about her and praying for her success. There isn’t really a time limit on it – it’s not like we are announcing on social media or anything that I will want to get out in front of but I also don’t want to wait so long because I know that feels like you are being excluded when you really are happy for your friends. I just want to be sensitive as I’m the only person she told.

    1. I am currently struggling with infertility, and I applaud you for wanting to handle this delicately. I think a text is perfectly fine (assuming you won’t see her in person any time soon). Just be honest with her: you want to share this news because she’s your friend! I think you could even say what you said here that you’re thinking about her and praying for her success. And let her know that you love her and her feelings are valid. She’s probably going to be jealous of you (it’s taken me years to admit that I’m jealous so don’t expect her to come right out and say it), but that doesn’t mean she doesn’t love you or isn’t happy for you. There’s room for both. Also, congratulations!

      1. Thank you and oh my dear my thoughts are with you too. Big, big hugs. It sucks and to be honest, I think even on ‘this side’ of it I still carry some ptsd of the last ~18 months that probably won’t go away until who knows when. I know what you mean about simultaneously feeling joy and jealousy. It always reminded me of that scene in Julie & Julia when Meryl Streep reads the letter that her sister is pregnant and says “I’m so happy!” as she cries in Stanley Tucci’s shoulder while he hugs her. It’s such a brief scene and yet conveys so much. Anyway, thank you and so very much love and comfort to you.

    2. Congratulations! I’m currently doing an IUI cycle and have a friend (since fourth grade!) in the same boat as well. My friend texted me the other week that she was pregnant, she loved me, and she knew it would be hard for me to hear and that she understood if I needed space. I confess to having some angry thoughts in the moment (not about her at all, just about how much infertility sucks), but it was absolutely the best way for me to hear about it. I was actually the first friend she told, which I think made me feel much better than finding out later than everyone else. Sadly, she lost the pregnancy about a week later.

      I have been so, so grateful we’ve been able to be there for each other in a way that’s really helpful, but I know it’s going to feel like one of us gets “left behind” when the other gets pregnant… It’s all hard.

    3. I’m going to offer a different perspective, but you obviously know your friend best. I too am struggling with infertility and I find it infuriating to get the advance pregnancy announcement text. I seem to be in the minority on this one but I basically feel like I’m being treated like a child who can’t manage their emotions. I can still be happy for others!

      I also feel like the texts come off smug – no matter how nicely they are worded, it’s a text where the overall message is essentially I’m thrilled I got pregnant and I pity you because you may never be pregnant.

      I much prefer to be told in the regular way – whatever that means for you/your friend.

  6. Just commiserating: My family has decided that we will not send our pre-schooler back to daycare this fall, and forfeited his spot at the center, since we deem it unlikely that we’ll send him in the spring. Kid starts school next year (kindergarten), so for us it wasn’t worth paying ~1K a month to hold a spot we’re likely not going to use.

    While this is the right choice for us and doable (spouse and I are both working remotely on flexible schedules), I am so sad. Kid was with that daycare since 6 months old, and it’s an excellent center. It feels that a huge part of our lives is just ending in such an anti-climactic way without a proper good-bye.

    Now I have to arrange for picking up his folder and other small things, which makes me tear up.
    Also, I just want to hug his teachers.

    Ugh.

    1. So sorry. My daughter just found out her college will be continuing remote instruction through spring semester (Cal State University.) While she knows it’s the right thing to do, she is still bummed to be missing her sophomore year of college from a social perspective.

      As her mom, I really appreciate the CSU’s leadership on this. I have friends whose children are in college on campus right now, and it has been a complete clusterf—-on most of their campuses. One friend’s daughter was trying to stay fairly isolated in her four person, two bedroom suite, but her immediate roommate had a party over all the roommate’s objections, and now most of them, including the party girl, have tested positive. Despite the college requiring all of them to quarantine for 14 days, so no live classes for the, party girl continues to go into town to have her nails and waxing done. There is no enforcement.

    2. If it’s any consolation, I have found that most parents feel that way about the end of preschool. So many milestones and big changes happen in those years … our preschool community was a huge part of our lives at that time and it was very emotional to leave it. So good news (bad news?) is you’d likely be feeling this way even under “normal” circumstances (and even if you had the “moving up” program and celebration). Treasure the memories, celebrate the chapter. Speaking of which, we donated one my daughter’s favorite books to the school and put a little bookplate dedication in the front of it. Just one book, so not like a significant bequest or anything really important, but it made the both of us feel better about it all.

    3. I could have written this myself except we haven’t pulled the trigger on un-enrolling our pre-k son. Our youngest is 2 and will probably go back there at some point, so we will at least have that (if the daycare is still open by then) but it’s really tearing me apart because we loved that community and my son would really love to be back in school. But we are in an area with a climbing/already higher than I’d like rate, and I’m not willing to risk it yet. Anyway, these feelings are legit, and you have my commiseration and sympathy.

    4. We also won’t be sending our kid to preschool this year. We teamed up with another family and hired a teacher part-time. Maybe you can try something like that?

      It is very sad. My kid could really benefit from seeing more than 1 other kid on a regular basis, but this is the best compromise we could come up with.

  7. OMG follow up on yesterday’s post when I got mansplained to (from Wikipedia) on a subject that the man asked me to advise him on because I am the company’s SME on the topic.
    I had the call with the customer, it went great and they were very appreciative of the guidance. I sent an email to my boss just to let him know about the interaction and what was discussed, and HE SENT ME BACK AN ATTACHMENT WITH A BULLET POINT SYNOPSIS of the topic I just spent an hour talking about.
    Is everyone losing their f-ing minds? I teach seminars on this subject! That’s one of the reasons they hired me for this job.
    I’m going to go home and eat nachos. This is too much.

    3. Nachos. But also think of a way you can correct your boss on this. You might make corrections to his synopsis, for instance. You might drop “in my experience working/speaking on this particular situation, —— is not accurate. Instead, ——-“ then a please let me know if I can provide further assistance.

      What I’m saying, maybe clumsily, is to reframe the conversation to your point of view as the expert, and regard this needless input as people coming to you as the expert with questions.

      2. I wouldn’t say “in my experience” in such a tentative way. I’m confused in this story about whether the boss or someone else is mansplaining, but I’d be much more direct with something like “I don’t need this synopsis since this is my area of expertise, but perhaps you or John can use it to follow along while I’m speaking next time” or something.

        1. Agreed, I’m a bit confused. Was he trying to point out that this is the format he would have liked to receive a recap in?

          1. agree. Can you play dumb and respond with “is this the attachment that you meant to send?”?
            TGIF.

    4. I am sorry you are going through this. I am sure it is infuriating. Maybe you need to send around an email or host a lunch-and-learn informing people of yourself as an internal resource they should be taking advantage of. In that process, you can demonstrate your expertise. I don’t know if that would work in your company culture, or if there is someone (other than your boss, obvi) who would sort of sponsor this for you. When I worked at a large law firm, occasionally we would have these kinds of communications — like, “Hey, you should bring an appellate specialist in before trial, not after. Here is what we can do for you trial lawyers.” Or “We are the lobbying arm of the firm. We can both tell your clients what might be coming down the pike for them (based on deep insider knowledge you litigators busy trying cases in Kansas City don’t have) and help them lobby for/against it. Don’t forget we’re here.”

  8. The west coast is not okay. I need to stop doomscrolling but it’s just absolutely unbelievable. Climate change is real and action is essential now. We can’t go back to normal life the way it was before the pandemic and resume the incredible carbon emissions that we grew accustomed to. We simply can’t.

    1. Confirming from California that we are not okay. We’re all dealing with this pandemic but the toll of the stress from the bad air and the wildfires is worse, to say nothing of the challenges those who have lost family members and homes are facing. If you can, please give money to the Red Cross. Please donate blood.

      1. Also, I’ve decided that we need to completely ban fireworks and other pyrotechnic devices in the west. People can’t be trusted with them and they have started literally thousands of fires over the years. It’s not worth it just to see pretty lights for 2 minutes.

        1. And while we’re at it let’s ban gender reveals altogether. They’re stupid and I don’t care that much about your baby’s junk.

        2. I will never understand why these are legal for personal use. When and where I grew up, we could only legally have sparklers and those little poppers you throw on the ground. Now, there are fireworks several times a week in some random yards in my neighborhood and it really makes me crazy. I so prefer fireworks to be saved for professional displays at advertised times and locations on specific occasions. (Caveat that I really enjoyed seeing shift change fireworks one night early in shelter-in-place, but they were in midtown ATL, not in a sea of green yards, and appeared to be professional.)

        3. They should be banned for laymen on a federal level, and should require training and certification to use. They’re dangerous, they use up a huge chunk of small-town budgets to set off (or firefight when sh*t goes wrong), and they worsen PTSD on the exact days that veterans deserve comfort.

    2. This is true. I’m sitting here on the east coast and so sad and scared for all of you, and for all of us.

    3. We need N95s to go outside safely. We can’t get them due to the pandemic. We need to stay home, but we need to be ready to leave at a moment’s notice. We are expected to work productively and handle all of normal life too. It’s crazy.

      1. Honestly it’s all been nuts. First it was stay home for corona. But you can spent time outdoors if distanced. Now it’s stay home but only in your house. Over the weekend, we’re going to make it 100 degrees but don’t open your windows. Be prepared to leave but don’t go outside.

        1. Don’t forget the bonus “it’s 110 degrees and you have to stay inside and the power might go out for two days but we can’t confirm anything, kthanxbye”

    4. Another Californian (with an environmental science PhD) chiming in to say that climate change is here and it’s just horrible as we were imagining. It’s not okay, we’re not okay, and ignoring it is unacceptable. We need to demand action from politicians for large scale changes, but also take responsibility for individual actions to do what we can immediately and signal demand for those large scale changes. Some of the largest impact actions are reducing beef and dairy consumption, reducing vehicle and air travel (easy right now), and reducing energy use in buildings (skip the clothes dryer, adjust the thermostat, etc- admittedly this works better when appliance and building efficiency standards improve, which is why government is really important).

      1. +1. It pains me to see people saying “the second the pandemic is over, I’m taking ALL THE FLIGHTS!” It’s time to act like you give a sh*t. We 100% need strong government and regulatory action, but we’re dealing with Trump – you’re going to have to do a lot on your own too and convince your networks to do the same.

        1. Agreed. It’s tempting to wish for things to go back to pre-pandemic “normal,” but we are in the midst of not only a pandemic that has killed over 60x the number of 9/11 dead (and counting, for the rest of 2020 at the very least), but a crisis for our democracy, a climate change disaster and desperate need for changes for racial justice. We shouldn’t just “get back to normal” and our “Before Times” lives of shopping, leisure time and vacations, even if the elections turn out favorably. Planning for vacations in 2021 “or whenever things get back to normal” is some kind of privilege bubble. Yes, I am privileged and yes, I know this is a shopping site.

        2. Individual emissions are nothing compared to corporate emissions and even for an individual the single biggest factor in the size of your carbon footprint is how many kids you have. I have one kid and am vegetarian, so sorry not sorry I will resume flying guilt free as soon as it’s safe. There are many people who fly less than me who do far more harm to the environment, and I’m not really interested in shaming those individuals because the real change needs to come at a much higher level. Telling people they have to not to eat meat or fly so much is like asking someone to prepare a bath by spitting into a tub.

          2. I knew someone would make this argument. We are all in this and saying “not my problem because I’m just an individual, so I can do x guilt-free”, multiplied by millions, is the mindset that has gotten us here. Yes, corporations do more damage and yes, there will always be people who pollute more than you, but we can all do our part. If fewer people flew, bought plastic water bottles and fast fashion, ordered takeout regularly with massive amounts of plastic and styrofoam waste, etc., corporations would emit less. At the very least we have an obligation to be thoughtful about our choices and feel some responsibility (or guilt) about choices we make rather than thinking “I’m doing enough already, so sorry not sorry about doing X guilt-free.”

          3. Where do you think those corporate emissions are coming from? It’s Exxon selling you gas and Delta flying you to Europe. I 100% agree that real movement away from fossil fuels has to come at higher levels and and the change any individual makes is small and sometimes difficult. But when every individual makes those changes, they add up, and a lot of them are things that can easily happen right now. Just saying you’re going to sit around and not do anything because we need bigger changes that aren’t happening because we have an irresponsible government simply isn’t good enough anymore.

            I don’t believe in shaming people either, and I know everyone’s life is different and there are different actions that make sense for them to take, but I also think we need to normalize thinking about climate impact of our actions and making clear that we support the really major changes that need to happen ASAP (really, decades ago- at this point we’ve already locked in significant warming and the costs associated with it and now it’s a matter of not making things even worse). Dealing with climate change is going to require more than just easy tech fixes- it’s also going to require some real thinking about changing the way we live, but if we’re smart about it, it doesn’t have to leave us worse off.

          4. By that logic, you’re not doing enough because you have 1 kid instead of no kids, but that doesn’t really matter. What matters is an attitude of doing all you can, “doing until it hurts.” We can ALL do more.

          5. “By that logic, you’re not doing enough because you have 1 kid instead of no kids, but that doesn’t really matter. What matters is an attitude of doing all you can, “doing until it hurts.” We can ALL do more.”

            This why you and the other environmental extremists keep failing to persuade anyone and actually just inspire contrarian behavior. Very few people are going to “do it until it hurts” because people, in general, do not like pain and will not voluntarily put themselves in pain. You and other activists would benefit hugely from reading one (just one, I’m begging you, JUST ONE) book about human behavior and the general failure of humans, at any point in history, to voluntarily act for the collective good. It doesn’t happen without rules and legislation being put in place to compel compliance. It does not matter how many times I reuse a plastic fork if the guy down the street from me can put “coal rolling” equipment on his gigantic truck and skirt emissions requirements because he registers the vehicle in another county with lax regulations. We need regulation on a national level that forces people to change their behavior to get carbon emissions down. Carbon taxes are the way forward that I see – people can do what they want but you will pay for the impact on the environment; for average people once the taxes hit a certain level it forces responsible decision-making. I am getting increasingly frustrated because that discussion keeps getting derailed by wifty idealistic ascetics like you who think that shaming people over having a child or driving a car is going to solve anything. If you, and those like you, put half the energy towards advocating for carbon taxes that you do toward shaming people you don’t know on the Internet for doing very reasonable things, that discussion might actually be advancing. Instead we’re left with people like you, who sit in your house freezing with the lights off feeling sanctimonious because you’re “really making a difference” (p.s., you are not); people like my neighbor with the coal-rolling dually F-350 and the Trump 2020 sticker; and people like me in the middle who try to do our best, who are trying to get the right politicians in place who will pass the right laws we need to fight this crisis (which is the best thing we can do at this point to try to fix this), and are getting sick of everyone else.

            I realize you get a lot of pleasure out of being sanctimonious and shaming people (otherwise you wouldn’t do it repeatedly) but I hope you realize that just like the people who attempted to quarantine-shame people here, you are A. talking to the wrong audience on this blog – perhaps consider aiming your ire at people who are not alarmed at all about climate change and not educated in the least about how to reduce their carbon footprint – and B., not inspiring anyone to do better but just inspiring disgust, frustration and a certain amount of “welp, since apparently what I do is never ‘right’ or ‘enough’ I might as well do whatever I want.” Also consider that in bringing the discussion down to the idea that somehow, we can bootstrap ourselves out of this if everyone individually will just “do better,” you’re letting the world’s biggest polluters off the hook, because bottom line: normal people with real lives and jobs (and I don’t necessarily think you fall into that category) only have so much attention to pay to any one issue and if they’re focused on themselves, it’s very possible they’ll lose sight of the big picture. Very few members of the population have the ability to become professional activists, which I believe is the path some people here have chosen. The navel-gazing you are doing, and that you are exhorting everyone else to do, will actually result in very, very little positive change in favor of the climate. But hey, it sure feels good, doesn’t it? That’s what you’re really prioritizing. How you feel and what feels good to you. Please don’t get it twisted.

          6. It’s not controversial to say we can all do more — that’s true for all of us. But clearly you’re insecure about it or you wouldn’t have gone off on this crazy long rant.

          7. Yeah, this isn’t about me. You need to deal with your own insecurity since being asked to do more struck a nerve for you.

          8. No one has said that industrial polluters should be let off the hook and no one is arguing against carbon taxes, etc. We support those too. All your rant is showing is your belief that “it’s not my problem so I can do what I want” and your defensiveness about owning your choices. As voters, we can elect politicians who want to enact policies that cause systemic change. As consumers, we can affect the demand for industrial polluters.

      2. sooo true. Just informed DH that he can put on long pants and a sweatshirt BEFORE turning up the space heater. Everything around us is on fire.

      3. My heart goes out to all of you on the west coast dealing with this. There is a part of me that wants to scream “yes, every mommy needed to have her giant Denali or what-have-you to haul the kids to soccer practice, and this is the consequence.”

      4. Not sure why you would tackle individual flights instead of the insanity of a global supply chain that brings vast quantities of plastic consumer goods and polyester clothing to the US made in countries with little emission controls.

        1. They’re not mutually exclusive – as every climate change activist has repeatedly said. We need a million different improvements and we can all play a part.

    5. I am also on the West Coast, and I am having a hard time interacting with my older Boomer parents as things get worse and worse. They shake their heads and express dismay. They say all the right things. They believe in climate change.

      Yet THEY are the reason that the West is burning. They are two retired people in a 5,000 sf house, drive a ridiculous gas guzzler, own a large gas guzzling boat, run multiple plug-in heaters in their house when it is too cold, run multiple large standing fans in their house when it is too warm, constantly waste food, eat way too much meat, etc. It is nauseating.

      I hope my and other generations can do better. And I pray that I don’t strangle my folks.

      1. I have been thinking over your comment all day, and as someone who has lost one beloved parent and is nursing the other, I find your comment rather immature and ungrateful. I’m interested to learn what stage you are in life. Do you have any gratitude for what your parents have done for you? Your comments make me envision my daughter, as an adult, choosing not to cherish the life lessons and experiences I’ve provided her and rather turn negative attention to my chosen lifestyle. It just seems ungrateful and illogical, to turn your angst about the state of the world on your parents.

        2. Alternatively you could have actual principles and not let your a-hole parents off the hook just because you share DNA. If you want your kids to remember you as a good person, then you need to actually be/do good.

      2. M y folks are Boomers and they don’t care at all because they think that the people in Western states (especially CA) should have been nicer to Trump, because if they had, none of this would ever have happened. That’s not how fires work, but anyway…Bonus, they do believe in global warming, they just don’t care because “we’ll be dead before it gets really bad.”

        I think it’s natural to grow up and be critical of your parents’ politics, but as someone who hasn’t agreed with her parents’ positions on most issues since about 1995, I’m here to say it’s a long road and you get to decide how much you want to interact with them over the long term.

  9. My job is moving me to NYC at the end of the year or the start of the new year. I am researching apartments and am finding that the ones that seem to be in smaller buildings (less risk of noisy neighbors when there are fewer neighbors), more updated appliances, etc., lowest pricing, all seem to be considered illegal.

    Is this just common there and nothing to worry about? (If so, how do people find them since I guess they aren’t on the same websites or with real estate agents?) I don’t know if this is standard and no big deal or a huge ethics issue or something else since I do not know the area.

    Thoughts? Experiences? Opinions?

    2. What? No. You won’t have legal protections if you’re renting illegally, so no I would not do this.

      You are finding this is common, but you don’t know how to find them … I don’t understand this question.

      What are you looking for & where in NYC? Outer boroughs?

    3. What do you mean by illegal? Like not zoned as multifamily dwellings? Illegally subdivided space? That may be common in some neighborhoods but I’ve never knowingly lived somewhere that was in my 16 years here. (How can you tell?) I don’t think a smaller building necessarily means less neighbor trouble – it is the people immediately adjacent to your unit that may bug you, not distant floors. New York City has strong tenant protections; I wouldn’t trade that for new appliances. And I do know of at least one building where the city discovered illegal rentals and everyone had to find a new place to live overnight. Right now it is a buyer’s market here – people are leaving the city – and you may have better luck finding a sublet in Craigslist or something. Admittedly I have not looked for a rental in 10 years so I’m probably out of date. But there are certainly plenty of legal apartment buildings in NYC. What neighborhood are you looking in?

    4. Ive lived in NYC my entire life and have no idea what you mean. The only “illegal” apartments I’ve ever encountered are subdivided basements and the like, and that doesn’t sound like what you mean. I live in a large-ish building and have no neighbor issues. Also you’re going to have the same number of neighbors regardless of the size of building (top and bottom and each side). Try to see the apartment during a time when people are more likely to be home to gauge noise, otherwise you take your chances. I lucked out and my neighbor plays beautiful jazz piano every evening from about 6 to 7; it’s cocktail hour in a piano bar in my pajamas over here!

    5. Can you clarify what it is you’re finding and how? Is it a scam? As a previous poster noted, illegal apartments are usually subdivided housing that’s not zoned for multiple residences and the like—definitely not an entire complex of units with good appliances.

    6. Also slightly confused about the illegal apartment situation but here are some thoughts…

      If you are getting your own apartment, you will likely want to use a broker since you are new to the city and brokers have access to more listings than you would. If you are looking for roommates, craigslist is truly the way to go. It is supposedly a renter’s market: my brother was able to negotiate $150/month off of his rent. YMMV.

      There are mainly a few types of housing situations in NYC: 1) modern high rises, 2) pre-war buildings (walk-up or elevator), 3) brownstones (townhomes that have been converted to multifamily units), 4) non-brownstone multifamily dwellings (generally in the outer boroughs), 5) not quite “modern” but newer than pre-war buildings.

      People may be able to give you a bit more help/thoughts on general noise levels if you give us a price range and area you are looking to rent in.

    7. There are a lot of problems with accepting an illegal rental. You don’t have a valid lease, so what’s going to stop your landlord from suddenly raising your rent, entering your apartment without any notice, or evicting you without proper notice? I know a person who did this who ended up with no heat for most of the winter (a legitimate landlord has obligations to fix it in NY, but you can’t exactly hold an illegal one to that). Your neighbors in an illegal rental are not going to be quiet. They’re most likely going to be the desperate types who have no choice but to accept these conditions (impoverished, many people in a small space, credit too poor for a regular rental, etc). Not to insult renters who are in a bad situation, but illegal renting is not a choice that people who have options generally make. Maybe there are some unicorn places if you have connections and if you can vet them in person, but it’s risky.

      Unfortunately, you might be finding that your budget is too low … I hate to say this, and when I moved here I did not quite believe that you couldn’t find a decent place for less than X. But the cost of living out here is truly high. There aren’t really moderate/low priced places available even if you do make compromises (and they’re certainly not better).

      I don’t say this to discourage you. If you tell us the area you’re looking in or where in NYC your office is located, you will probably get more tailored examples of apartments/reasonable commutes, etc. And if you’re the same person who posted your budget before, you might consider sharing a 2 bed/2 bath apartment with a roommate — that should be doable in a good neighborhood with decent amenities and a commute under an hour.

  10. I just feel like total utter garbage and don’t know what to do. Had a huge fight with my husband. He left Thursday morning for a camping trip with his friends. Our 9 month old baby was sick but I didn’t want him to miss it, so he went and I stayed home from work, dealt with the poor baby, stayed up late working trying to catch up on stuff I had missed from the day when I was with the baby. He came home an hour late this morning while I was trying to do a zoom meeting (camera off) with a squirming baby on my lap. I muted the meeting and he asked me “how’s it going?” and I said “I’m just so busy and now I’ve missed 1.5 days of work”. I guess this was the wrong answer. As soon as the zoom meeting was done, I went to find him and give him a hug and catch him on all the sick baby issues, but he totally rebuffed me and said “well, you should just go to work”. He was mad that I had rough time while he was gone, and he was ticked that I “sounded mad at him” (I am tired and was annoyed he was late, but it seemed fairly minor. I was also in the middle of a meeting! of course I sounded curt). And I totally lost my mind. I reacted so badly and just started screaming at him. In front of the baby (which is awful, I can’t believe I did that). Anyway, was it too much to expect that he would just say “thank you for doing that, what can I do to help now that I’m home?” I guess so. And now I am the bad guy because of my horrible reaction. I did go into work and texted him a long and sincere apology. He texted me back saying the baby was eating fine. I’m just so sad.

    1. I’m sorry. This is 98% your husband’s fault and you deserve an apology. Yeah, it kind of sucks to come home from something fun and hear a complaint first thing – but it’s so minor! He has no right to be actually mad about that. Hugs.

    2. Ugh, I’m so sorry. It sounds like he’s accepting your apology so… onward. And I agree you should NOT take on the role of the bad guy here. Things are tough for everybody and there is more than enough blame to go around.

    4. It really sucks when communication misses happen. Each of you is entitled to your feelings on how you perceived each other. When I’m in this situation, I usually try to move past it without making it A Thing.

      Maybe order your favorite takeout for supper and address the situation with “The baby was sick, it was stressful and I burned the candle at both ends. I’m happy you’re home, because it’s definitely easier to handle when there are two of us.”

    5. You overreacted but this is standard marriage fare in my experience (sample size 1). I don’t think you need to feel bad about it. I think you need to let go of the idea that conflicts are one person’s fault or the other. Usually both parties contribute, and it’s just not that productive to assign blame that way. You both had expectations that the other person failed to live up to. It doesn’t mean you are horrible people or that your marriage is broken, you just got mad at each other. It’s okay. It will happen again. You can get past it.

      1. yep, here too. Everyone has bad days (especially with sick kids!) but we’ve been married for 15 yrs now because we know that some days are bad days.

      2. Add me to that sample set. I read the OP’s story and was like MAN have we been there. We routinely had very bad fights when our son was that little because trying to take care of a baby, manage a household, work a job, keep friends in your life, AND work on your relationship is just.so.hard. I lost it at times and so did my husband. Our kid is a teenager now and we are still married and still in love with each other, OP, so it will be OK.
        Having a baby is hard. Having a sick baby is harder. Having a sick baby and having to work while caring for the sick baby is extra hard. And having a sick baby you have to take care of by yourself while work is double extra super mega hard. So OP, cut yourself some slack. Did you react and communicate in the way we all objectively “should,” even when we are stressed out? No. But your reaction is understandable and there are times where it is just not the right time to try to talk/work something out. It happens. Big hugs and try to get some rest and some time alone (like really alone, not “the baby is napping so I’ll try to take a shower” alone).

    6. I also think it’s common for new parents to be so exhausted they yell in front of the baby, despite trying very hard not to? (No kids yet here, but everyone else seems to be having one.) You’re both likely working harder than you ever have in your lives. Plus, Baby needs to know people get totally upset sometimes and say or do things that embarrass them, that grownups know how to make up afterwards, and relationships survive and get stronger. You’ve got this. Hugs to you. Being a new working parent in a pandemic is its own special trial.

    7. Hugs. In my marriage / universe an overnight trip with friends was a HUGE favor from the other spouse when our son was little. Your husband got a fun night with adult friends and came in late and saw you were stressed and got snippy . In my opinion, he should have mouthed “so sorry” while whisking the baby off of your lap and tending to her until you could talk. I really wouldn’t feel too bad about losing your cool; he’s not blameless here. Anyway, if he’s a decent guy and partner you’ll get through this. Most of our epic fights were about similar situations and we eventually figured out how to support each other as parents and were the better for it. It’s a learning curve that’s harder given the world right now. Hang in there.

    8. “He was mad that I had rough time while he was gone, and he was ticked that I “sounded mad at him””
      He came back from vacation while you were handling a sick baby on your own and working, and he was mad at you for not being friendly enough when he was trying to talk to you during a zoom meeting with the baby on your lap?
      No, you were justified in being annoyed at him and he was a d!ck for being mad at you. I would have lost my mind too. You are NOT the bad guy. Chin up, you’ll get through this. Hugs.

    9. I’m sorry to hear about this. I’ve had similar communication mishaps, often because my husband was feeling guilty and then taking it out on me!

    10. I’ve learned that I can’t encourage my husband to do something and then be mad at him for doing that thing. He probably came home to you mad and thought, why did she encourage me to go then?

      Also, how far away was the trip? Did you find out why he was late? Did he know about your work meeting? An hour late coming back from a camping or hiking trip sounds normal to me as I always underestimate how long and hard it is to break down my campsite.

      Last, were his friends camping through the weekend and he only stayed one night? If so he probably already feels like he was making a big sacrifice but it wasn’t good enough.

      I point all of these out NOT to make you the bad guy but to show how this was probably just a big miscommunication.

      1. But she wasn’t mad at him for going on the trip. She just gave an honest response to her husband’s question about how things were going and he took it way too personally. It was immature of him to pout about it instead of trying to help lighten the load.

  11. What is your favorite detox meal? I usually eat healthy, but I have been eating poorly in recent months. The last few weeks have been particularly bad and I feel unwell from it. Even just the thought of pasta, lean cuisine meals, or junk food makes me feel sick. I’m doing a big grocery trip in the morning and I’m looking for fresh meal ideas.

    1. When I feel like this, I make a huge pot of vegetable soup and eat it for a few meals. I do cabbage, beets, carrots, leeks, dill and white beans, but I think any kind of vegetable soup would work. I don’t really like salads but love soups!

    2. Salad with grapes and walnuts and blueberries and (optionally) chicken and a nice vinaigrette! Sometimes on its own, sometimes wrapped in a hummus-lined wrap. It’s so easy to throw together and so yum. You can get some nice seedy full grain bread to go with it on the side.

    5. Just raw fruit and veg, like a crudité plate. Maybe a couple of whole grain crackers too. Gentle, fresh foods, with no extreme acidity or spice.

    6. This is my family’s favorite soup and it is tasty, filling, and healthy. I make it using lean turkey kielbasa from the refrigerated case. https://www.tasteofhome.com/recipes/sausage-and-kale-soup/.

      I also like making salsa chicken, which I learned from this site! (dump 2 cans of black beans, a packet of taco seasoning and two chicken breasts in a slow cooker and pour a small jar of salsa over it. after it cooks (high 4-5 hours or low for 8-9 hours, shred the chicken and it sops up the liquid) and I serve it over chopped romaine lettuce (rice and cheese are extra) for an instant “burrito bowl.”

      A simple meal of baked salmon, roasted broccoli and brown rice is flavorful and low calorie (I add a small amount of olive oil to the broccoli, but not the salmon).

  12. I find myself spiraling down with my moods right now; I know I am not alone with this. The thought of 6-12 more months of hibernation, fury with the baby in the White House, fires, etc. just are becoming intolerable. I am on Zoloft (20 years, vitamin Z) and while I will talk to my doctor next week about increasing the dose, I am loathe to do this due to weight gain and s3xual side effects…so, my questions for the hive.

    Do you have a happy light/sunlamp that you have found easy to use and effective? I have bought them and not used them as the distance required, time required, etc. was awkward. Also, what about vitamin D?

    Exercise of course is important, and all the gratitude/friends/comedies etc.

    sigh…need help. Ready to listen.

    1. I religiously use a sun lamp and take Vitamin D daily (in addition to Celexa) and do yoga and avoid Facebook and I still lost a day of work this week (in a short week) to a bout of depressed anxious hating of the world. So. You are not alone…

      Social contact is the only thing that lifts it for me right now. We are allowed to see 5 people outside our household per week now (we do it outside, though now the smoke is making that impossible). When I do that I feel like a person instead of an angry ball of rage. It lasts a couple days.

      Good luck. It’s bleak right now.

        1. Not the OP, but I have a sun lamp by Day-light (it looks like they are known as Carex Day-Light now) from Amazon and it can be used as a desk lamp or sun therapy lamp and has worked well. I turn it on for about 15 mins while reading something.

    2. What about doing whatever you can to feel like you have a little more agency? Upset about politics? Volunteer to make calls or send postcards or work the polls. Upset about fires? Try working on climate change or fire policy, either in terms of personal actions like trying new vegan recipes, or advocating for better energy policy or building standards to help withstand fires, if that’s applicable to where you live. I know that takes energy and motivation which is hard if you’re depressed, but you already mentioned the easy things like exercise and feel good tv, so moving on to the next level… if you really feel like it’s the situation that’s getting you down, doing something about the situation might help and do others some good in the process. You’re not powerless!

      1. I literally can’t with the shaming inherent in this response. Get a grip on yourself. These kinds of statements make you feel good but are useless to anyone else.

    3. I use this one religiously in the fall/winter. FYI, fall can also be a very hard month due to the sudden loss of after dinner light. I find about an hour with my coffee, and an hour around 2/3 help dramatically. I keep this set up by my work laptop so it’s easy to use when I’m at my desk. I also particularly like being able to set the intensity/warmth of the light. Good luck – 2020 sucks.

      https://www.amazon.com/Verilux-HappyLight-Adjustable-Brightness-Countdown/dp/B07TBCFL6B?ref_=ast_sto_dp

    4. Can you have a health screening? I was vitamin D deficient and following doctor guidelines for treating it helped with my energy level.

  13. hi! Seeking advice/reassurance it will get better for a new puppy…

    DH and I got a puppy over Labor Day weekend. He’s 8.5 weeks old and is a Handful. Im WFH so with him all day, and we’re training him to sleep in a crate away from us at night and so he’s crying all night, and we’re barely sleeping. Honestly it’s really all consuming and I’m an exhausted mess. Just looking for reassurance that this will get better. He’s currently too little to really even go on walks or do much besides play bite us and sleep. I love him already, but I’m wiped.

    I know it’s not as much work as a baby, I know I should have thought of this before we got the puppy (I did think of it, a lot, I’m just struggling now as it’s a reality). Just looking for reassurance it’ll get better. He’s an Italian greyhound for what it’s worth.

    1. Italian greyhounds are high-strung and physically fragile dogs. My friend Natalie has a brother and sister, and the boy broke a leg just by jumping off the couch. Teach your puppy to stay low and not climb.

      If this is your first dog, you really made it hard on yourself by choosing that breed. So, on the bright side, future pets should be cake!

    2. Puppies are difficult. I am a dog lover, always have 2 or 3, grew up with dogs, and have volunteered with a pet rescue organization for over a decade, so I am very good with dogs. And, again, puppies are difficult, especially if you have never been responsible for one. It will get easier, but it will be a while. Just breathe and look at every minute you put into puppy care as time spent that will create a deep bond with your puppy that will last for many years. Dogs are so worth the time and effort.

    3. It gets better but you still have about 3 weeks of really hard. I highly, HIGHLY recommend taking a week off. He should stop crying all night in about 3-4 days but will still wake you up in other ways. Concur that Italian Greyhounds are hard and need lots of training – why did you choose this breed? Puppies sleep better when you feed them a bunch of carbs. So use some big cookies for “training” right before bed. Training can seriously be anything (“lick”) as long as you reinforce it consistently.

    4. OP Here-I grew up with the breed and that’s why I chose it. I did research before and I know it’ll be hard, fully aware that I brought this problem on myself. I can’t help it, I love them.

      Thanks. I hope it does get better soon, it’s really tough now. I love him but this is a lot!!

    5. We trained a puppy recently and those are a long couple of weeks. There is a heartbeat dog you can buy from Chewy or similar sites that she slept with every night for the first few months and we diffused lavender in our room. We also kept her crate in our bedroom so she could still see/smell us. A snack right before bed seemed to help. Also, because we slept nearby, we could hear when she started to stir for her middle of the night potty breaks. We would scoop her up and take her outside, no talking, no playing , low lighting. Then slip her back into the crate. I think it helped her stay sleepy instead of getting wound up and awake. Hang in there. This too shall pass

  14. Can anyone recommend an app or a subscription for at-home Barre and/or Pilates workouts? I am looking for instructors that emphasize correct form. I don’t think I want an animated instructor as some apps have. Looking to spend less than $50/mo.

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