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Updated: Nov 20, 2020 231 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread

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I am such a sucker for these kinds of leggings — I love when the pattern changes mid-thigh. First, because it feels a bit scandalous, like you're exercising in thigh-high boots or something, but also because the pattern at the top is often the more flattering/darker color.

For someone like me who tends to wear a lot of black/navy/purple leggings, a business-on-top/party-on-the-bottom approach like this adds a lot of variety to my leggings wardrobe.

These fun ones are $59 from Zella, available in a gray/white pattern as well as a darker blue/gray pattern; they're available in sizes XS-L. (If you're looking for really warm leggings for outdoor exercise, these look amazing. Macy's has something similarly warm in plus sizes. Finally, I don't think these are super warm, but in case you're a Costco member, a reader wrote in to recommend these $17 leggings.)

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Sales of note for 9.30.24

Sales of note for 9.30.24

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Comments

  1. Anon

    This week has been terrible for my concentration / work ethic. I’ve barely gotten anything done.

    How do I get myself back on track next week?!

    • Anonymous

      Don’t beat yourself up. Next week is a short week, the pandemic is way beyond the “worst-case scenario” stage outlined last spring, Trump is refusing to cede the White House, and there is a lot going on. Do the bare minimum, take your days off, and try again the week after that. I always find time outside to be more restorative to my mental health than taking the weekend to binge on Netflix, too.

      • Anon

        Nesting fail

        Thanks. Unfortunately, due to the nature of my work (it’s covid related) doing the minimum isn’t cutting it.

        I also am only off on Thursday (no family to visit with), but maybe I’ll take dom time off before Christmas. This isn’t a burnout issue (been there, done that), just a lack in of motivation when wfh

    • Betsy

      Active relaxation this weekend. Go for a walk, read a book, do whatever hobby you enjoy, make some good balanced meals. Work from home motivation is really, really hard to keep up. Give yourself some really good rest this weekend and I’m sure you will feel a lot better by Monday.

    • Ses

      Sounds counterintuitive, and may not apply to your situation… but giving myself permission to do weekend work has removed some of my stress when I’ve had a really unproductive week. Sometimes I hit a Thursday afternoon and should be working on something that takes strategic thinking for the next week, and just… can’t.
      Once I decided – okay, I’m taking Thursday afternoon & evening “off,” watching TV and reading and getting nice takeout… normal Friday, then Saturday morning I’ll plug in when I’m fresh, well rested, nice coffee, and do the strategic project, and I actually enjoyed it. It felt great on Monday to start the week without that pressure.
      Not something I do a lot, because I do believe in the value of rest and I love my weekend projects, but letting myself do this once in a while can get me back on track, particularly with projects that take conceptual space.

  2. Anon

    Thanks. Unfortunately, due to the nature of my work (it’s covid related) doing the minimum isn’t cutting it.

    I also am only off on Thursday (no family to visit with), but maybe I’ll take dom time off before Christmas. This isn’t a burnout issue (been there, done that), just a lack in f motivation when wfh

  3. Anon

    I read this morning’s thread about Christmas movies and women being “punished” for having jobs and my god is that true, Hallmark movie or it. The plot is usually something like big city professional comes “home” for the holidays, her life goes to hell because all she knows how to do is work, then big strong country veterinarian has to pick up the pieces.

    Who writes this crap anyway?

    It’s like state TV/Cultural programming, Chinese TV showing how hard work and only one child make you a model citizen.

    Ugh.

    • Anonie

      So, I only get into these types of movies maybe every couple years at Christmastime, but I thought the plots moreso demonized “big city” workaholic guys. In the movies of this genre that I’ve seen, usually the starlet leaves her richer guy with the corporate gig for a small town guy with a farm or something like that.

      • Ellen

        This is complete BS. Why do women have to be punished for being professionals? I work very hard and deserve to be treated equally and with respect. Fortunately the manageing partner does so, b/c he already has a cute young wife and child, but others are generally very quick to punish me for being young and cute and successful, thinking that I am doing a man’s job, so I should give the job to a man. I reject that concept. Men should be equal to us, but should not take our jobs just b/c they are the breadwinners in their family. If I had a family I would of course be the breadwinner. The only way I will stop working is if I find a man willing and worthy enough to make money to support me and our children. I will then be in charge of all domestic duties while he works. FOOEY on men that won’t step up to the plate and marry me. They do not know what they are missing, Dad says, and he is right! YAY Dad!

    • Anonymous

      The worst part is people believe it! DH has family in North Carolina and they scoff at me for working a prestigious job, being the bread winner, and being more educated. It’s wild to visit and be among people who don’t see my accomplishments as good things.

      • Anonymous

        That’s so strange to me. I have conservative family members in different states and I’ve never even gotten a negative vibe from them about being a working woman with a fancy education. I get that these people are out there, but it’s pretty foreign to my experience.

        • Anonymous

          Ditto (writing from North Carolina). I am not sure my people understand what I do actually. What makes me sad is that they see me as some magical unicorn and don’t see the wildly mediocre people I see daily who have had much more material success than I have. They don’t see how their kids could be like me. And maybe it is gift that they aren’t really motivated by neighborhoods where it seems par for the course to have a low handicap, a mountain house, a beach house, and kids at fancy summer camps all summer or Woodberry or Miss Porter’s. I don’t personally care about those things, but I grew up without $ and was very motivated to have some.

        • Anon

          It’s strange to me, too. I’m the primary breadwinner and achieved my lifelong dream of having my husband stay home with the kids. I’ve never heard a negative word on it from either of our quite conservative families or anyone else in our very red state.

      • Anon

        My elderly aunt in the Midwest, once sent me a Christmas card and wrote in it, “your work has you traveling too much. It’s hard on your family, I’m sure. Can’t you quit? Oh well, Merry Christmas!”

        Never mind that my traveling was because I had a big job and I was traveling around the county to see people I managed and to do presentations and basically was at the apex of my career. Never mind that my husband was 100% on board and that he had the more flexible job for being the primary parent to our kids, never mind that my job represented 80% of our entire household income. Oh well, Merry Christmas.

        I’m sure she thought she was helping me!

      • Seventh Sister

        I get more the “why would you live in terrible, liberal, CALIFORNIA?!!!” Yes, it’s horrible, SO horrible, please don’t come visit me. It’ll break my heart, but it is terrible here.

    • Anon

      The fascination with small town slow life has always been weird to me on these movies. Like, sometimes women like the work that they do, the money they make, and the life they have in the city. In real life, no amount of love will make you leave a six figure job to rake hog crap in rural Wisconsin. The love stories are cute, but the general plot lines of “simple country living” and “anything other than a nice blue collar man” is pretty grinding considering the majority of the country lives in urban areas.

      • pugsnbourbon

        Those small towns don’t exist anymore in most of the country. The little shops on Main Street went under after the Walmart got built off the interstate, Uncle Mike’s farm got foreclosed on after that big hailstorm, and the last school levy failed so they had to cut football. Life is slow because you have to drive 40 minutes to the nearest grocery store.

        • Anonymous

          Yup. I keep reminding my husband of this when he pines for his childhood hometown. Dude, that place was already dying when you went off to college decades ago.

      • Seventh Sister

        Having grown up in a small town, I always find it so interesting that people in this kind of movies are so nice to outsiders. Outsiders were A Problem in my small town, because they hadn’t grown up here and didn’t do the same things we did and might have high-falutin’ ideas about stuff.

    • Anon

      I’d like to watch them in reverse. Woman tied down by a gaggle of orphans and a needy man finds freedom and excitement in a fulfilling big-city career.

        • The original Scarlett

          I’ve long thought Miss Hannigan was very misunderstood…

      • Anonymous

        His Girl Friday is my favourite career-positive movie.
        And Working girl isn’t too bad (no orphans, but the needy man is there).

        • Anonymous

          OMFG — Working Girl is the best. Also: 9-to-5.

          I also like the Nick and Nora movies (Nick married well; Nora has the $; they drink a lot, even after they have a kid and solve crimes).

        • Ellen

          Yes, I agree with Working Girl and Melanie Griffith! She was very sexy in the movie and had s-x with Harisson Ford–in the movie. Dad thinks I could have been in that movie if I were 30 years old back then when the movie was made instead of just 4! I never saw the movie until I was at GW, and when I told Dad about it, he told me about Melanie Griffith and her daughter, who is now even cuter then me!

    • Anonymous

      There are those ones but IDK I feel like I’ve equally seen a number of them where it’s a workaholic guy who often travels for work, ends up in some nothing town to restructure the big business in town or place a bid on a ski resort or whatever and finds love in that small town as he realizes his life is unfulfilled by work alone.

      • anonshmanon

        I think I just saw a trailer on Netflix that could be this. A California Christmas or similar title.

    • Anonymous

      Honestly, I see this in real life in my alumni magazines and bios of nonprofit board members in my large SEUS city.

      Fancy college for 4 years
      often law school after for 3 years
      [Work for awhile]
      Become: ornamental welder/artist, artisanal cheesemonger, interior decorator, potter (but only if no prior interest in art) [No one ever does hair or is a photographer (mainly b/c starting photographers often do weddings, which will wreck your weekend.]

      This week: lawyer (Harvard Law) turned designer (which must be shorthand for “I married well,” which is what I think must be the case for anyone without a trust fund explaining it)

      • Aunt Jamesina

        Yes, I think part of the reason we these film plots is because of old-fashioned views on women’s roles, but it’s also the fantasy of running away from the rat race to a simpler life (even though life isn’t really any simpler in the country. Just cheaper).

        • Aunt Jamesina

          part of the reason *these film plots exist*. I am SO DONE this week.

        • LaurenB

          Yeah, life ain’t simpler when you have to explain to your neighbors who are all up in your business that Covid is real and Biden did indeed win and could you please step back now, thanks. Nor is it simpler when you now need to drive 2 hours to the nearest hospital with openings.

      • Anonymous

        Yeah, I am the only woman from my law school class still in private practice.

    • Anon

      Gross. I don’t watch Hallmark movies but my conservative parents do every single day during the holidays.

      • Anonymous

        Interesting. My family is pretty conservative (think Ron Swanson or Jocelyn from Schitt’s Creek) and from a small town (no stoplights) and I cannot imagine that they would find this enjoyable. If there is a Law & Order rerun with Jerrry Orbach airing, that might be on the TV. Even my female relatives would not like this; they are PBS people (Antiques Roadshow, Keeping Up Appearances, murder mysteries where the murder is off-camera).

    • Cat

      Seriously… this is not only Hallmark movies. Like, Sweet Home Alabama. What’s wrong with staying in the big city with your lovely fiance. Even The Notebook annoys me on this point, even though it is 100% still my go-to I Need To Cry movie.

  4. Anon

    I’m looking at buying an expensive comforter from Bloomingdales. It’s the one I come back to over and over again, so I know I really want it. It’s on sale now, which will end next Wednesday. It’s still pricey though even with the sale. So the question is…order it now or see if it goes down even further for Black Friday/Cyber Monday? I’m not usually a BF shopper so I’m unfamiliar with how things go.

  5. Anon

    Does anybody have recommendations for good feminist websites/forums? Reddit is too male-dominated for my taste. I just want to be able to discuss hard topics in feminism with smart women (not really looking for self-care tips or other “soft” subjects) and I am sure there are places out there, but I’m having trouble finding one that isn’t dominated by tech bros.

    • Anonie

      Years back, I looked at Jezebel for this sort of thing. The quality of writing seemed like it was declining and I drifted away from regular reading (only posted a couple of times), but I’d recommend checking it out.

      • Anon

        I think when Gawker got sold their budget got cut and now they can only afford really young writers who are not very good (yet?). Jezebel’s quality has declined a lot since then.

    • Anon

      I once had a networking lunch with a very senior woman in my field. She told me how she and another very high ranking woman agreed to sponsor and out their names behind a women’s conference for just the kind of thing you’re talking about – sessions on how women could network with each other to get ahead, really work focused stuff. Not soft skills.

      The people focused on the day to day details ran with a bunch of stuff, and when she got there to do her keynote speech she was shocked to find that there were lessons on how to do makeup and goody bags that were pink and filled with girly items. She was disgusted. She said “why does everything have to be pink?”

      IDK I like makeup ok, but why when you’re trying to find a sponsor or a giveaway for anything woman related is it always makeup?

      • Anon

        I went to a women/small business owner thing with about a dozen women. I knew half of them from a volunteer organization. The whole thing was just an exercise in kum-ba-ya touchy feely stuff. I want hard examples, not “how did it make you feel.” Another time I was at a board meeting and we had a guest speaker on “how to navigate conflict.” She certainly gave me the tools to “discuss our relationship” with a boyfriend, but how to work with difficult co-workers or volunteers? Nope.

        Ugh.

      • Anon

        They used to, their comments have dropped off quite a bit in the last year or so? I think they overextended themselves trying to do too many things.

      • anonchicago

        Yes! I discovered APW before I was engaged and basically devoured the site for a year. I think it’s jumped the shark a bit in the past year and is a bit too feminist for me (womxn, flower boy?). Can’t believe I’m saying that but I have a hard time relating to some of the recent articles.

        • Anon

          It totally has. I’m pretty “woke,” but calling a woman who identifies as a woman a womxn drives me crazy. If you want to use that word, at least use it logically — when it’s not referring to a certain person. Using it for a real person who is a woman misgenders them.

          Also every single post is about Meg and every single photo is of her and she’s more annoying than she is interesting.

    • Anonymous

      There are a couple of newer forums popping up that are supposed to be feminist alternatives to Reddit. I’m not super familiar with the names/structure (I’m actually not a Reddit user myself), but I read about the trend somewhere and I think they are open forum style websites. Maybe Google “feminist Reddit alternatives” or something? If you find anything good, let us know. I have not been impressed with Jezebel personally and would be interested in finding new communities.

    • Anonymous

      While we’re at it, can someone explain “choice feminism” to me? I feel like there are so many terms for things here — genre fiction was an also for this week (but I think I get it: Serious Tomes; ones that you claim to have read but skimmed the review so that you could pass for having read it at your zoom book club while you guzzle wine and wonder if it is too early in the season for wassail — how’s that for an inner dialogue???).

      • Anonymous

        In a nutshell, it means that anything can be feminist as long as it was your choice. I personally reject this brand of feminism because it does not challenge the power structures and exploitation that drive women to “choose” occupations and pathways that harm their health and safety, but continue to benefit men. A more minor example is when women claim they shave their legs as a matter of choice, but ignore that women who don’t shave are considered gross and unprofessional. Rule of thumb, if your choices align perfectly with what p*rn-sick men want you to do, it probably wasn’t your choice and it’s probably not feminist.

      • Ellen

        Dad says labeling something as “Choice Feminism” is means you pick what you want (and do it) and don’t pick what you don’t want and don’t do it). You can be a choice feminist like me, cherishing my work status and winning cases over male lawyers, and at the same time remaining my femininity at the same time rejecting other requirements of same like shaving my legs and underarms during the pandemic b/c no one can see them and it is irritating to do so.

  6. Anonymous

    Sincerely curious: for those not working from home now, what kind of work do you do? Among my friends and professional circle, basically only healthcare workers and primary and private school teachers are going into their usual workplaces. Yes, I’m aware that people are working in supermarkets, drugstores and on the floor in retail stores, but I suspect the majority on this board are not in that group. No judgment here, just curious. Thanks.

    • Anonymous

      Not me, but my husband is in manufacturing and is still going in, as are all of his employees. Impossible to do at home.

      • anonnnn

        All of our manufacturing facilities have remained open except for some government ordered shut downs in non-U.S. countries (back open again). Our offices that are not also manufacturing facilities are also open, technically, since we are an essential business under the government order, but only a handful of us who hate WFH come into the office.

      • Anonymous

        My husband works in facility maintenance and he has to be onsite to repair the large industrial heating and cooling systems in the building.

    • Anon for this

      I work in our state court system. We have been open the whole time except for three days back in March. A lot of people worked from home for several months but now as far as I know everyone is back in person.

      • yep

        Same here. I’m an state appellate court clerk in a Midwestern state and we worked from home for a couple months in late spring/early summer, but since then, we’ve been back full-time in person. Despite the fact that my job is very easily done from home, the case numbers in our state are skyrocketing, and even our governor (who has done a terrible job managing the pandemic) has encouraged people to work from home if possible. **sigh**

      • Artemis

        I’m a civilian attorney in a county-level law enforcement office. Our courthous was closed for three months in the spring but we all continued to work, mixed WFH and in-office. The courthouse opened back up in June and we’ve all been in the office every day since then (except for normal vacation/sick/holidays). The law enforcement officers can’t work from home, and the civilian staff I supervise can’t either. I can work from home occasionally but do it less than once a month because I don’t think it’s ok for me to be at home when everyone else is in.

    • Anonymous

      I’m WFH but friends/friends significant others who aren’t — TSA officer at the local airport; an attorney who works in a national security space and is not allowed to WFH because of secure data/computers; an attorney who mostly WFHs but goes in once in a while because his bosses think this is overblown and NBD (and this is in Maryland not some place where people are acting like this is fake); and a guy who is a general manager of a boutique hotel. The hotel GM actually does work from home a few days a week because his daily job is more finance/planning/dealing with corporate HQ in Europe which he does from his office at the hotel anyway; but he goes in 3-4 days a week or sometimes 5 days a week but for a half day because he is the manager of all people who work at that hotel from cleaning to chefs to front desk. While the hotel is largely empty he doesn’t want to be an “absentee landlord” kind of boss who safely sits at home while his staff has to be on shift.

    • Anon

      My work relates to the criminal courts. I do a lot from home (95%), but I and many people who work in the court system (not just attorneys but clerks, stenographers, social workers, etc) do at least some work from the office or courthouse. A lot of proceedings are remote, but some are not, and for certain high stakes things I’m expected to do them from my office so that IT is on hand to help with technical issues.

      • Anonymous

        Same. I am an appellate public defender. I am mostly working from home, but for remote oral arguments with the appellate court, I go to the office. This is in large part because my kids are schooling from home too and I can’t risk an interruption. If I was home alone or just with my spouse, I would probably do court from home too.

    • Anon

      I’m a technical writer supporting construction products. There is literally no reason I can’t WFH, my company is run by dinosaurs. The Covid-related Glassdoor reviews are blistering.

    • Anon

      Not me, but my brother is a project manager for a construction company (for large commercial projects) and works from home part of the time, but does have to be on-site some days; they have a rotating schedule set up to minimize number of management folks present. My husband’s a lawyer and his firm is back in the office for the most part (completely unnecessarily for the most part, if you ask me).

    • Pompom

      DH is in research and medical safety. He should be able to wfh about 50% of the time when he’s just sitting at his desk, but the other 50% he’s in hospitals, labs, clinics, and other hands-on settings.

    • Anon

      My office is “re-open” meaning we have the option to go in. In practice, about 4 people in my floor out of 100 come in (and everyone masks and otherwise closes their door). Work in tech, live in a super small apartment and can walk to work. Going in is truly optional.

      • Ellen

        Me too. I could WFH, but am not as efficient. We are doing calendar calls for which we can call in but I like being there with the judge, so WFH or WFOffice are not good for that. I do like being able to WFH, which I do on Monday’s if I don’t have a calendar call, like this week, which will be Thanksgiving. The judge said most attorneys are turkeys b/c he is 70+ and he comes in via SUBWAY, not private car! Kudo’s to the Judge, who would have retired, but he has to pay for his kid’s College.

    • Anonymous

      Construction and construction-related engineering and PM. Professional staff were allowed to work mostly from home during March and April but by June it was encouraged to be back at the office to handle matters as they came up and be more available to field technicians. We’re probably going to transition back to mostly WFH soon, since covid cases are going up in our state, and we’re reportedly getting an office restroom reno in Dec as well.

    • Anon

      I’m in public safety and my roommate works for a lab that does covid testing.

      Most people I know who are in the office are either medical / medical adjacent or government / national security personnel

    • Anonymous

      Where my spouse works, they sell a thing (needed by governments, essential workers, etc.) and fix a thing. So they have been open since day 1 selling and fixing things.

      Other departments (accounting, payroll, receiving) have been remote or not, depending (you can’t do company receiving from your house, as the deliveries are not small and have to be put somewhere that is secure, as the things are valuable).

      Their buildings have very high ceilings, which is a plus, and even if much of it was fully-occupied, would not be all that crowded (vs say a meat-packing plant).

    • Anon

      Husband works at a community bank and has had to go in every day since the beginning.

    • Anonymous

      Telecommunications. Our services are considered critical essential by the Federal government. 90% of the company must work in person. The other 10% works in person at least 50% of the time because we deal with sensitive information and because the company doesn’t want all the field people working in person and management at home.

      I’m not always crazy about going in, but I’m also really proud to work for a company that delivers a service that literally keeps Americans connected.

    • Anon

      My husband worked in the office for most of the beginning of the pandemic, back when we were all wiping down groceries and toilet paper was sold out everywhere. He worked for a hospital in their IT department. He had no patient interaction and would have been able to do his job safely remotely, but the nurse’s union said it wasn’t “fair” that some people got to work from home and they didn’t. That is literally what happened. So they called themselves an essential employer and kept everyone in the office.

      Then the second set of orders came down (we are in CA) and it clarified that non essential workers of essential employers must be allowed to work from home. So the hospital group then had no choice but to let the IT (and other business functions) work from home. However, they were allowed to “voluntarily” work in the office, and my husband’s manager made it abundantly clear that anyone who was serious about their career there should volunteer to do so.

      My husband quit and has been doing contract work since.

    • NY CPA

      A family member is construction project management and her entire team has to work on site on a daily basis. They work primarily in an office, but sometimes have to walk the site, etc.

    • Anon

      I’m in-house counsel for a health system. We could work from home (though there are a few confidentiality-system based limitations to overcome), but leadership doesn’t want it to be unfair to the front-line employees who obviously can’t.
      I know you can think of reasons why that’s not a great plan, but I’m fine with it. I don’t know of any infections in the offices, and I’m not super-worried about it, personally. We wear masks and meet via Zoom.

    • CO Mountain Girl

      Healthcare finance. Getting our butts kicked for the last 8 weeks. Critical shortage of workers and beds. Everything you see on the news in real life. Looking hundreds of miles away to transfer non covid acute patients. We are tired, scared and frustrated.

    • Ribena

      One of my friends is an aerospace engineer and has to go into the lab.

      Another works a similar office job to me but has a much smaller apartment without space to WFH and as he has a ten minute walk to work is using one of the ‘wellbeing desks’ on offer to people who can’t WFH for some reason.

    • anon

      Attorney. Nothing about my job needs to be done in an office, but here I am. I am a regulatory and transactional attorney in a law firm. I never have court appearances or take depositions. I have not had an in-person client meeting since the pandemic started.

      Being back in the office is typical in my area, so switching firms wouldn’t help unless I were willing to move. DH has been a SAHD for about 3.5 years, so I need my job.

    • Anonymous

      Software qa, but for a very large medical device that cannot be brought home.

    • Anonymous

      Lawyer. I go in most days. There may have been a couple of separate weeks when I did not go in at all. Most of us are in most days.

    • Liz

      I run all the Quality of Life stuff on a US military base overseas — the cafeteria, base hotel, child care, post office, library, gym, all that. My country is currently in another lockdown but we still go in. I switch off WFH with my boss but end of going in most days because someone has to be a leadership presence — there have been some shenanigans by those employees (military and civilian) that are upset that they are not getting paid to sit at home. But they are most upset that they can’t party in London or go to Barcelona for the weekend.

      Our first nationwide lockdown lasted months and we lost a lot of ground — in morale, in momentum, in employee productivity — so we’ve relooked at it this second time. Now everyone comes in almost every day, because most jobs can’t be done from home. We’ve had about 5 cases on the base and all were mild. Everyone masks up and a lot of people have private areas anyway.

    • Dahlia

      Surgeon. Worked through the first wave, continuing to work now as the second wave takes off.

      As an interesting aside, we looked at rates of PTSD symptoms in providers at my safety-net inner city hospital after the first wave and, in my opinion, they were disturbingly high. The paper should be out soon and I can post it after.

      My husband works in food and beverage. He is actually in the C-suite, but when they had fewer front line workers available during the first wave, he said he didn’t feel comfortable asking the junior level employees to do something he wouldn’t do, and he manned a till on the weekends all through the first wave.

    • Dahlia

      Surgeon. I worked all through the first wave, and am continuing to work as the second wave takes off.

      My husband works in food and beverage in the C-suite. During the first wave, they lost some front line staff and he said he wouldn’t ask his junior employees to do something he wouldn’t do (especially as we are both healthy with no major risk factors) and so he manned a till on weekends all through the first wave.

    • Anon

      Criminal lawyer. My province shut down non-custody court in the spring but we’ve been back to in person, full schedule criminal court since June (with some venue changes due to size of facilities, etc in smaller communities.) We’re encouraged to WFH, but it’s been challenging because of our file volume and that the admin staff need access to the physical files to do their jobs.

    • Seventh. Sister

      I work for a court and the other attorney and I split the week in the office. We do have a phone line to answer and paper mail to receive, but we really go in for convenience/computer speed. Some of our administrative people go in every day, some are high-risk and teleworking full-time.

      I feel pretty safe – we all have private offices, except for one person in a cube (and she’s usually by herself in a huge cubicle. We do wear masks and use a lot of hand sanitizer.

  7. Laptop Purchasing Help

    My PC laptop is on its way out and I need help choosing a PC replacement. I tend to keep 20 tabs open in Firefox, I use Office constantly, I have music I play sometimes, and I stream videos. I plan to keep the laptop for as long as possible (current laptop is a 2012) so I want room to grow as tech changes. Due to my own familiarity, I started looking at HPs since that’s what I currently have and am currently thinking I would probably stick with HP with a backlit keyboard and headphone jack (who knew many come without those but both are must haves for me). Am hoping to find one with 2 physical buttons below the touchpad but I know that may not be possible. But how do I know how much memory, SSD, and HDD I need for now and the future versus what is more than necessary and a waste of money for me?

    I used New Egg to narrow down from their stock and am looking at “HP 15.6″ Thin and Light Touchscreen Customized Laptop” but don’t know what memory and SSD and HDD to choose or if there is something better than this option. I also don’t know what is good pricing and what is not, nor what insurance or protection is worth it and what is not.

    Am totally overwhelmed!

    • Anon

      I have an HP Envy and absolutely love it. I can’t help with the specs. I think the rate of bloat relative to hardware has slowed a bit in recent years; I haven’t had any issues, and I didn’t spring for all the upgrades when I got mine a few years ago. I don’t game or anything, so the base model has been fine for me.

    • Silly Valley

      Wirecutter has some great guides on ‘best laptops’ and ‘best cheap laptops’ etc.

      I’ve always been pleased with the ratio of cost to features you get with HP laptops.

    • Ellen

      I talked to my Dad; he said that you are kind of a power user so it is worth it for you, if you have the extra cash, to spend an extra $350 or so and get a decent laptop with an Intel i7 Chip; at least 16 GB of Ramm, and an SSD with at least 512 Giggabites of Storage. You won’t regret it he says b/c the time you save will make it up to you. He said this stuff is off the shelf, so if you get HP, Dell or Lenovo, it won’t be too much different. He has Lenovo, which he said was IBM before they gave up on that busness.

    • Anonymous

      I’m in the same situation,
      what I am doing is searching like “equivalent to Pavilion dv6” (that is my old one) to compare the specs and reading old dv6 reviews to knwo what it is now in the same level.
      BTW, last year my laptop (2010) seems it was dying and the local repair store tunned it and it has been working fine a whole more year.

    • Anonymous

      I have had good luck with HP laptops. I have to have both an HP and a Dell (contract requirements), and my HPs don’t prematurely crater their hard drives like my Dells do. I have also never had to repair my HP keyboard but one of the Dells needed service.

  8. Cornellian

    Just wanted to poke my head in and say hi. I posted here pretty religiously from 2009 to about 2015 or 2016, and have been reading again recently. I remember a few of you (CPA Lady, Senior Attorney, Ellen of course) but so many new/anonymous handles.

    • Ses

      Hiya! Lots of us still around from thata period – many under anon handles after catching a little too much trolly attention.

    • Betty D.

      Oh hi, welcome back. Has it been that long?? Come grab a cup of tea and sit by me.

      • Cornellian

        Hi! Glad some folks are still here. I wonder if the average age of readers has shifted as we’ve aged, or if it’s a lot of younger folks (as a late 80s millenial myself)

    • Ellen

      Hi, Cornellian! I remember you I think, as the rest of the HIVE, if you went to Cornell! Where were you for the last 3 years! We missed you! Welcome back to the HIVE! YAY!!!

    • Anonymous

      Hi, a fellow Cornellian here, and still in Ithaca! I found this board in about 2015.

        • Cornellian

          Hi there! Every fall i dream about going back to Ithaca. I’ve only been back once, and it was literally 95 in September in some weird fluke. I do miss autumn there.

  9. Anon

    I got into my preferred MBA program (and second and third if I’m bragging). This is the best next step for my career and I’m so excited!

  10. All saints leather jackets

    Has anyone bought from All Saints, and can speak to their fit?

    I have been eyeing their leather coats for awhile and am planning to buy one now that they are 30% off.

    I am a high waisted pear… XS/small (2-4) on top, medium/6-8 on the bottom.

    Thanks!

    • Anonymous

      I love their things. I’ve never bought anything but purses, a dress, and jeans, so I’m not 100%, but I feel that as a pear who is a SP top at Banana / solid 8 bottoms, I wear an 8 dress at All Saints and a 10 in pants. But their leather jackets seem to be cropped, so IDK. You can often buy at Nordstrom which has a great return policy and often price-matches.

      • All saints leather jackets

        Great idea about ordering from Nordstrom. I will try to do this!

    • Anonymous

      re all saints. I think you should get a size 4. I’m a size 4-6 on top, size 6 on bottom and am happy with my size 6. It was tight at first, but now I can get a light sweater underneath and still zip it. I’ve had mine for three years and still love it.

      • All saints leather jackets

        Oohh… many thanks! So you have the leather moto? Wonderful.

        Curious – did you spray anything on it to protect it? How careful are you when wearing it to keep it dry etc…

        • Anonymous

          I didn’t spray anything on it and I’m not very careful. I have the Bales style with the buckled collar – I think it may not be one of the current styles. Still love it and feel very bad___ when I wear it.

    • Anon

      ExtraPetite has a review that compares two AllSaints leather jackets. Even if you are not extra petite, I think the information could be useful.

    • Anon

      Yes I have 2 leather jackets from them – love! Runs whole size small in my opinion. I’m a size 4/6 on bottom and size 6 (small or medium) on top and my All Saints are both US8/UK12. I can wear a light sweater under them and just barely zip close (which is how I like leather jackets). If you want it more oversized, I’d go up 2 full sizes.

  11. MacBook Pro vs MacBook Air

    Inspired by the above, I’m deciding between a 13″ MacBook Pro or 13″ MacBook Air. Similar stats otherwise in terms of memory, storage, etc. It will be my personal laptop only. Lots of internet browsing, Netflix, Microsoft Office stuff, some photo editing (maybe). Does anyone have opinions about which is a better option, and why? Unfortunately, I can’t just go into a store to check them out as I have a high risk family member.

    • Ribena

      I had a similar dilemma 4 years ago and chose the Pro on the basis that it would probably run for longer before becoming obsolescent. It’s still going strong.

    • Anon

      This probably isn’t very helpful because I don’t really have opinions on comparing the two, but I got a 13″ Macbook Air a few months ago, and I really like it. I use is just for personal stuff. Typing, volunteer stuff, shopping online, research, etc. and I really like it. I wanted something very portable, and it really is – it’s very light! I also make photobooks online and have done a couple since I got it and haven’t had any issues with its performance for that purpose.

    • Anon

      Not helpful in your dilemma, but I’m typing this on my 2013 MacBook Air that I use for personal stuff and also for the last 9 months has been in daily use for WFH. It runs like new, I’ve never had a single issue with it (*knock on wood*).

      I just looked both up and it looks like the only difference is the battery life? I would go for the Air but consider an upgrade to 16GB RAM — that’s often been the limiting factors in older computers in my experience (although mine has 4GB and that seems like plenty, so I’m not sure if that’s true anymore).

    • Ses

      I got the Pro and am happy I did. I find it sturdy, lightweight, and it has been up to the demands of all my extra-curricular activities like coding and such. To save some cash, I got the previous years’ model, refurb, and have had no issues. I love it.
      That said, if you don’t think you’ll get into anything that takes a lot of resources (video editing, photo editing, coding with intensive processes or running simulators, heavy Excel or other models with large data sets…) it may be overkill.

      • Ribena

        Oh yeah, I also got the previous year’s model – I bought the 2015 model in 2016, so I didn’t have to pay for the Touch Bar.

    • anon

      I chose a Pro over a regular MacBook in 2011 (I don’t think they had Airs yet) for the same type of usage and mine is still going strong.

      • OP

        That’s interesting to hear. I bought a Pro in 2010 and it was great for 5 years and then hobbled along another 1-2 years but now is virtually useless. But I also used it constantly for those 5 years as I was a student so maybe I just wore it out early…

        • anon

          same anon as 5:36

          I used mine basically constantly for 3 years of that time during law school but i’m not carrying it around much anymore. it pretty much lives on my coffee table these days and I will say it basically has no battery life these days. probably two hours or so on a full charge

  12. Thanksgiving Day Apps

    Hi All:

    Looking for some inspiration for Thanksgiving day apps. It is a tradition in my family to have a variety of appetizers for lunch on Thanksgiving and then the full dinner at a normal time. So far, the list is: a harvest type salad, shrimp cocktail, stuffed mushrooms, and spinach artichoke dip. I am looking for one more option. What are your favorites?

  13. Anon

    I’m looking for something to put in my guest bathroom (where the litter box is) that will absorb odors, but DOESN’T give off an odor itself. Any recommendations?

    • Senior Attorney

      Have you tried crystal cat litter? It does a great job of preventing odor.

    • Lydia

      Try a bowl of baking soda or a bowl of vodka. Or the charcoal air fresheners on Amazon work well (it’s like a cloth bag filled with… Activated charcoal?)

      • Anonymous

        Wouldn’t the cats drink the vodka?

        I highly recommend the Hamilton Beach TrueAir plug-mounted charcoal filter. I have one in my stinky dog’s favorite room, one in my stinky teenager’s bedroom, and one in my stinky husband’s bathroom.

  14. Anonymous

    Jumping off the comment the other day about the Dems sucking at the ‘media war’…

    I am scared and feel hopeless because of how we got here to where so many people feverishly believe Trump/Guiliani’s shenanigans. I think us on the Left do not fully realize how sophisticated the Right Wing media strategy is. We think of the crazy uncle posting on FB and discount them/leave them alone rather than trying to combat it. Giving them an echo chamber via Parler will only add fuel to the fire.

    They have fully developed systems/networks to broadcast their daily messages to targeted groups. And translated into other languages! They’re able to reach and captivate large groups of non-native English speakers who do not engage in traditional English-based news sources. There are non-English YouTube channels with 100K+ subscribers posting hours of professional-looking news videos regurgitating Trump’s daily talking points, press conference, and photos/screenshots.

    I say this because I’m at my wits end with a Relative who is a retired immigrant. Relative holds a science advanced degree and is not religious. Their English is decent, but native language is much easier. They have basically been brainwashed in the last 10 months by the GOP/Trump’s media strategy via YouTube in their native language.  

    My Relative subscribes to a dozen or so YouTube native language news channels and watches dozens of videos daily totaling hours and hours of consumed content every day.

    These channels used to be focused on stories from their native country (to be frank, they could have been sensational/conspiracy based as well…I did not pay attention) . Around May, there was more focus on the US protests; by mid-summer, the tone turned anti-Biden/Harris (because the audience is too smart to buy into Trump’s crap). By the end of summer, the pace and tone were frantically anti-Biden with the conspiracy du jour thrown in (Hunter Biden last month and currently the attempts to discredit the election). I’ve seen parts of these videos, they range from legit-looking news broadcasts with professional editing/effects to screenshots of News Max stories and Tweets with translations/commentary to a lady speaking earnestly into the camera ‘helping’ the non-English speakers understand US politics.

    It’s absolutely terrifying how quickly these YouTube channels with established  immigrant community audiences pivoted to be pro-Trump. I do not know what to do about the Relative–they are in our bubble and we interact frequently.

    • Anon

      I’m curious what your relative’s native language/country is. My grandmother lived her whole live in a communist country and still has trouble with any critical though when it comes to anything on TV — she says “but how can they be allowed to put it on TV if it’s not true?”

      • Anonymous

        OP here—Mandarin Chinese. Relative is very anti-Chinese communist party like a lot of the viewers on those YouTube channels. They use the viewers’ distrust and fear of the CCP to discredit legitimate US news sources and have been doing so for months: ie “NTY/WaPo/etc hired reporters who were in mainland china so they’re actually in Chinese government’s pocket. And the newspaper did not report on/is critical of China’s XYZ actions—so you can’t trust that newspaper to tell the truth; they’re a mouthpiece for the CCP. But we report on the CCP so you can trust us to tell you the truth”
        When these Chinese-speaking channels pivoted to shilling right wing conspiracies recently (Hunter Biden, election tampering), people like my my Relative are captive audiences chugging the koolaid; and does not believe when I bring legitimate American news sources.

        Some of YT videos are low tech—a person looking in the camera regurgitating that day’s GOP talking points and badmouthing legit media (including Fox News!) in Chinese. I asked my Relative why they are listening and trusting these people (YT videos are a lot of work, why are these people doing this/don’t they have jobs or is this their job? Aka they’re getting paid to say this) Relative’s reply? Because the YouTubers are “Patriots” trying to help America by sharing the “truth” (aka what the media is trying to hide/won’t report on) to other Chinese speakers like them; the YouTuber are volunteers and viewers can donate or make contributions. F-ING SHADY STUFF.

        Scarily, Relative mentioned that there are Cuban American “Patriots” YouTube too—guess they’re all part of the same sophisticated Right Wing network.

    • Anonymous

      I am concerned about this as well. We wrote off Trump as a clown and entertainer and look where that got us. In reality, he’s a skilled authoritarian who managed to pull off the win in 2016 and rally up the masses in 2020. We need to not act like Parler is some crazy fringe thing or that immigrants are a Democratic monolith.

    • Emma

      Ugh, yes. I’m originally from a European country where we seem to be getting all kinds of wacky conspiracy theory media and our very own right-wing trolls in the native language all over regular media threads. I don’t remember this being a thing a few years ago.

    • Anon

      My church had a seminarian from Tanzania from a while and one of his relatives friended me when he went back home. Just today that relative commented on a Trump post, and the comment showed up in my feed with the relative in broken English praying for Trump to defeat the satanic candidate and remain president ? The idea of Trump’s brand making it all the way to Tanzania and people who’ve never been to America is wild.

    • Anon

      Omg I could have written this word for work but for my parents, who are Chinese. They studied math in college. I always considered them independent thinkers and way more intelligent than me. But they showed me some of their YouTube videos about Hunter Biden doing drugs in China with Malia Obama’s credit card and they believe it!

      • Anonymous

        OP here—Yup my Relative is mainland Chinese. Sounds like they’re watching the videos as your parents! UGH

    • Anon

      Very concerned about this too and not sure how to affect change. If I were in charge I would put AOC and other tech savvy D’s on a special DNC council to start systematic, intersectional messaging across all media. Focus on different groups. Spread the message via different languages. Don’t stop. It seems D’s loose when they spend their time fending off or defending their positions, so it’s time to really update the D narrative and go.
      I’d make legislation to regulate social media and even TV. At least put heavy disclaimers that the contents of the posts or shows are entertainment and not based on facts or reality. Or something similar.
      I don’t know that our current powers that be have the appetite or fortitude to make the changes necessary to combat the republican propaganda machine. I think that lack of will, will hurt the nation going forward. I hope I am wrong.
      That being said: how would Dems do better in their messaging? How should they best broadcast their platforms to the wide variety of people (with similar and differing interests given the topic) to reach out to voters? I know messaging that works for AOC’s electorate wouldn’t necessarily work for rural area of the country. But there may be economic issues that both of those groups of people might agree on.
      I am hearing more about the D messaging issue, I am not yet reading many solution ideas. Hopefully I am just missing something.

    • Anon

      This is totally true and I’m glad you mentioned it because I thought it was specific to my parents and my in-laws (they are Immigrants from Korea) and was getting super annoyed that the Trump folks were able to basically brain wash them and their generation. Right before the election, my sad sent me a YouTube video for purportedly reporting on Biden’s corruption and Hunter getting millions of dollars, etc and it looked like a legit news source. I had to point out to them several examples of Trump’s corruption to counter their lies but they still voted for Trump!

      • Anonymous

        OP here—ugh the Hunter Biden stories!! And this week is all about how the election was stolen.

        The distribution speed and coordination of the propaganda messages is nuts. My Relative was spewing off Giuliani’s talking points in Chinese the night after his press conference—with videos of “backup evidence” to support the baseless claims

    • Anonymous

      Urge your representatives to amend the CDA protection for online platforms. Basically, platforms don’t have to adhere to the same standards as news organizations, due to the CDA. If you made them all publishers they would all have the same liability for libel and need to take action.

    • Anon

      I have extended family in India who have fallen prey to messages over Whatsapp along the same lines as you described. Further, they believe Trump is still the more India-friendly candidate which has an underlying node of truth (potentially better able to control China/Pakistan) so they root for him despite the idiocy.

  15. Cat

    Can anyone point me back to the “WFH office chair roundup” we had lately? My company is now staying home until summer and my back is not going to enjoy another 9 months of Dining Room Chair + Throw Pillow.

    • Anonymous

      I got an amazing cushion for my dining room chair and other than wheels, it is now as good as my office chair at work. Just something to consider if you have limited space.

    • Anon

      Hi Cat if you are still reading, a colleague recommended the Staples Hyken Mesh chair for her WFH chair —she said she liked it better than her office Aeron. So I just bought one for the WFH “second location” for when for some reason (usually street noise related) I can’t work in my usual spot. It’s comfortable so far, was easy to put together, was reasonably priced and shipped in a day but it’s biggest advantage for me is that it is easier to move — my steelcase leap is a great chair but it is way too heavy to get it up and down a staircase safely. I’ve just moved the hyken to be my “jigsaw puzzle chair at the dining room table” solitary thanksgiving holiday chair, and I would not have been able to do that with the leap.

  16. should I ruin thanksgiving?

    Y’all are generally COVID risk adverse, so I’m coming to you for the Thanksgiving insights. My family (two siblings, their spouses, nephews, elderly parents, my husband, and me) has reserved cabins for the Thanksgiving weekend. We’ll each stay with the people we live with, wear masks, and socialize outside and six feet apart only. Here’s the deal, though: I have to drive through three states with no mask orders to arrive in a state with one of the nation’s worst COVID rates. We’re going to drive straight through, eat in the car, and minimize stops. But, still, yikes. Here’s another thing: my brother is kind of a COVIDiot. His wife had COVID in October. They’ve hosted three parties since all this started, and I’m pretty sure that they’re not taking many precautions. The rest of my family is more careful, but they’re not, you know, careful enough by my standards.

    I know there’s this pervasive “stay home this thanksgiving to ensure you celebrate next one” narrative, but I keep thinking about the likelihood that this is the last holiday with my whole family living. WWYD?

    • Anonymous

      I would stay home and beg your parents to do the same. You don’t want your COVIDiot brother killing them.

    • Senior Attorney

      I wouldn’t go. Every person who goes, contributes to the likelihood it’s your last holiday with everybody living. The scientists are telling us not to travel and not to gather with people outside our households, and I think that’s what we should do.

      • Another anonymous judge

        Senior Attorney – the voice of reason.

        For the love of God, people, stop trying to find loopholes and STAY HOME.

        • Another anonymous judge

          I’m sorry, on a re-read this sounds snippy and it is clear that you are really only trying to do what is best for your family, all of whom you love. So snippy is not helpful to you. However, I agree with Senior Attorney that the best way to accomplish keeping your family safe is to follow the science and stay home.

        • anon

          For real. Just stop. Whatever it is you’re doing, you’re playing with fire and the rest of us will pay for it

    • Nan

      Ohh that’s a hard one in my opinion. If you’re really only gathering outdoors and keeping distance, it seems fairly low risk to me. I think the problem is whether people actually follow thru with what they intend to do once everyone is together, or whether all of the precautions go out the window and people end up gathered inside or closely together without masks.

      Why is this the last thanksgiving with everyone there, is someone ill? Our family is planning a spring/summer/fall makeup thanksgiving once it’s safe(r).

    • Anonymous

      I definitely wouldn’t go specifically because your brother is there. You can also use the tracker from Georgia Tech to give you a risk estimate. If you are in certain counties in South Dakota, the risk that there will be at least one person with COVID at a gathering of 10 people is 99%. Depending on where you are, you likely WILL get COVID from this trip.

      • Anonymous

        I don’t think the tracker works when all of the 10 people are from.somewhere else.

      • anon

        Genuine tangential question, how is this calculated? Just using number of people seems like a weird metric. For example one household of nine plus one other person surely is less likely to have a positive person than four two person households gathering even though the site would say the ten person/two household is more likely to have someone positive…

    • Cat

      I’m not sure why you think this would necessarily be the last one with everyone alive (most people do in fact recover although obviously the extreme cases are scary!). Are your parents in poor health or just aging? I’d skip.

      • Anonymous

        And if they are high risk or aging, they could well come away with Covid from this one get together. People, stop believing that your families are immune to this virus because you know them, or you like them, or their family, or they wouldn’t do that…

    • Anonymous

      how many states would your parents need to move through to get there? can you all skip thanksgiving, and plan a separate more safe trip to see your parents specifically? i worry about the risks of even going through covid-rampant states because you will have to stop for food, gas, bathrooms etc. i think fresh on my mind too is a friend who recently had a baby in minnesota whos parents had to drive through montana and SD where covid is rampant to reach her. they have been extremely careful at home pre baby’s arrival so that they could meet baby, but tested positive in minnesota upon arrival. unclear where they got it but it is suspected on one of the trip stops despite being masked and trying to minimize contact.

    • Anonymous

      I mean, maybe some people won’t be around next year but … do you want them to potentially catch Covid in an area in which hospitals are past capacity? Maybe they will suffer terribly without proper medical care, in which case it definitely will not have been “worth it” to see them one last time … or at least it won’t have been worth it to them as they lay dying. Why take that particular chance?

    • Anonymous

      Stay home. The CDC is literally expressly telling people not to travel. If the CDC issued a recall on contaminated lettuce you would not debate if you should make a salad with it. Do not travel.

    • Anonymous

      We have a cabin in a rural area where we were spending most of our WFH time. However, that rural county has a massive case spike created by incoming recruits to a local base, and the local hospital is transferring cases to a regional hospital that is treating patients in overflow tents in the parking lot. We are going to stay home for the holidays and until the county, which is taking new precautions, is able to get the spike under control. I would cancel and also take a look at the local healthcare system conditions and if they are similarly bad try to convince others in my family not to take this risk at this time.

  17. Anonymous

    Wise internet friends, please help me reframe my thinking. For the last couple years, I have been working for a well meaning but poorly run company that’s plagued by a lack of clear communication and direction. I work with some coworkers who have spent their whole careers here, and it shows in their lack of clear thinking and loose adherence to professional norms. These are peers that I need to work with to get my job done, and their deficits negatively impact my efficiency and productivity. For example, they send me half-baked ideas, arrive unprepared to meetings they scheduled, and favor ad hoc solutions over systematic processes.

    On good days, I tell myself they have different work styles/thought processes and remind myself to be patient. On bad days, my inside voice is cursing at them. Yesterday, I got into another (internal) cursing loop when upon reflection they didn’t actually do anything wrong. I want to reframe my own thinking rather than spending emotional energy to say anything (I’m not even sure what I can say given they are my peers). I am looking for a new job but know it may take a long time, and in the meantime, I cannot afford to quit. Help!

    • Anonymous

      You might want to read Gretchen Rubin’s Four Tendencies. It provides a neat, systematic approach to indexing the flaws of those who are different from and inferior to you and then categorizing them into groups based on their shared deficiencies.

    • Miss

      You recognize that you need to your expectations. You can’t change them and you know what to expect, so all you can control is your reaction. Stop expecting them to think things through or plan ahead. Your company is inefficient, doesn’t communicate, and doesn’t have clear direction. You, as one employee, especially as a newer employee, will not change that, so work to roll with the punches. Can you ask questions to dig out the gold nuggets in their half baked ideas? Or to move them along in the planning? Can you have your own agenda for meetings (even if you didn’t plan them) and advance the items that need to be discussed and clarify action items and responsibilities (“so what I’m hearing, Greg, is that you’re still doing research to find out X, which we need to know before we decide Y. Will you have that ready by Tuesday? Great, let’s pick it up then”). If so, that’s something proactive you can do. But if not you just need to emotionally divorce yourself from it (“I’m doing my best and X isn’t in my control”).

  18. Anon

    What are you looking at buying online for Black Friday/Cyber Monday, if anything? Where do you plan to (virtually) browse? As for me, I really need some furniture. I have let my “this’ll do” pieces sit for years, and I’m looking to have a more sophisticated apartment now that I’m here all the time. Specifically, a TV stand (replacement), nightstand (replacement), bookcase (new item) and entryway table/cabinet (new item).

    • Anon

      I’m waiting for fitbits to go on sale. I like my Alta HR a lot, but the screen is almost totally dead now, so I need a replacement. I have very small wrists and don’t really have any need/desire for a smartwatch, just basic fitness tracking (steps and heart rate), so planning on going with the Inspire 2, but if anyone has feedback I’m open to it.

    • Anon

      So, Wayfair will have crazy sales on Black Friday and if I were buying that many pieces that aren’t heavy-use items (like a sofa, or a desk I’ll be working at every day, etc.) I would look there. We’ve bought some pieces from Wayfair I’ve been really happy with, both in regards to how they look and how they’ve held up. We’ve also bought some that were duds – cheap and not durable. Reading the reviews is key.

    • Anonymous

      i’m definitely being very targeted in shopping this year. im buying christmas presents for DH and my in laws from a local clothing company thats doing a 30% off sale for baseball caps and sweatshirts, a ruggable rug for our living room which is 20% off. i haven’t seen too many other things that i had earmarked.

    • Anonymous

      For case goods like this, I buy designer quality pieces online second hand. I get really well made and stylish pieces that have barely been used for the same price as poorly made mall quality furniture. If you are not familiar with the high end brands, I would suggest reading some of the high end design magazines.

  19. J crew factory sweater

    Long shot, but has anyone purchased the j crew factory Wool-blend tunic sweater?
    Is it like their teddie sweater but in tunic form? Looks very enticing for wfh wardrobe and on Black Friday sale!

  20. Nose job?

    Has anyone ever had a nose job? Are you happy with it? Do you regret it? I’ve recently become fixated on the idea of fixing a small hump on my nose – maybe all of these long hours staring at myself on zoom these last few months?? – and have even met with two plastic surgeons. The surgeon I met with most recently agreed that it’s a subtle change but that he thinks I would be excited with the results. He’s done previous work on me that turned out amazing and I trust him. But I’m a little scared of the swelling, bruising, and just of any accidents that would cause it to be worse than it is now.

    Husband (of many years) says he thinks I’m beautiful as is but is also supportive if I want to do it. There are no issues with the money/cost.

    What would you do?

  21. Donnyandbuster

    Question… I’ve been eyeballing MM Lafleur, which is one of my workplace clothing crushes, for a while. They have had a LOT of sales, which of course at this time is highly inconvenient/unnecessary.

    Some thoughts running in my brain:
    1) Are they… ok? Or are they about to go under?
    2) should I bite the bullet and buy a couple of items? “For the future”…

    • Anonymous

      ive been mulling over the same question. the sales are very tempting but my company has made it clear we wont go into the office until at least late summer 2021 (a yay from me) so i dont know if i can justify dresses etc. i am considering some of the cashmere sweaters for winter wear. i dont think they’re necessarily going under, but i bet they manufactured a ton more stuff for 2020 than they have sold. there’s also still a lot buzzing around posh m ark and the like. if you find something you love and will wear in the near term, i could see that as a reason for buying. if youre buying for thigns in the far future maybe just wait until you will wear it because styles, sizes etc everything could change

    • Anonymous

      I think every work wear company has been having unprecedented sales. From my favorite brands (not MMLF) that were running crazy sales, I picked up a dress, a skirt, some dressy Ts, and some sweaters and swackets that could be worn either for business casual or casual, but I have not bought sheath dresses, blazers, or tailored pants.

  22. OMFG

    Y’all:

    Someone in my city is having a rehearsal dinner. And people are going to it. 20-somethings (so parents are . . . 50ish? Old enough to know better for sure.). Our indoor gathering limit is supposed to be TEN PEOPLE.

    I am just shaking my head. And if people are doing it, you’d hope it would be not mentioned and very much on the down-low, not the sort of thing being played up and on insta. [Major SEUS city that is has been mask compliant but is full of Young Invincibles.]

    • LaurenB

      Can you anonymously report this to the public health department? If nothing else, shouldn’t the venue get in trouble for hosting this many people?

  23. Anonymous

    Looking for some job hunting advice for a mid level attorney. What’s the best way handle/spin the fact that you left your last employer on bad terms? Especially considering previous employer was my first real attorney job.

    Some background- I left that job for current job. Between putting in notice and leaving previous job, some unfounded drama arose that caused my departure there to be on bad terms. I know I’m biased but truly, the drama was not my fault. Unfortunately former employer took the other party’s side.

    Now looking to leave current job but already nervous for how to handle reference requests and requests to contact previous employers. Any advice for how to spin this or discuss this, while being honest and professional, would be greatly appreciated.

    • Shelle

      I would try to build on how I framed it for the current employer during the previous job search. They were after all receptive to your reasoning on why you were leaving. And is there no one at the previous job who can vouch for you as a good teammate or on a particular unrelated project? Since you mentioned it came down to a difference of opinion by management. Maybe if you reached out to a colleague who was there at the time and ask if they’d be able to speak positivey about your time there. Hopefully since time has passed, any of the more negative thoughts or feelings have eased.

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