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Updated: Nov 11, 2021 217 Comments · by

Weekend Open Thread

Weekend Open Thread |

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Comments

  1. Anonymous

    It’s going to be a rainy weekend and I could use some book recommendations (especially for historical fiction). What are you all reading lately? I’m reading The Secret River by Kate Grenville right now and enjoying it.

    • Kate

      The House Girl! Very cool, goes back and forth between historical and present and weaves together, the present main character is a lawyer too!

    • Jules

      The Patron Saint of Pregnant Girls is very good – takes place in the mid-to-late 19th century on an island off Germany, very rich characters from members of a traveling circus to the nuns who run a home for pregnant girls.

      • Fringe

        ^ Just read this one recently. Finished it in a day. It was very enjoyable and I’m glad I read it. There’s definitely some places where I felt it could have been better but overall I don’t think my minor critiques would’ve taken away from the enjoyment. Would definitely recommend.

        • Senior Attorney

          I felt like it started out a little slow but by the end I was just entranced. (Heh. No pun intended.)

      • anon

        I read this last year and also liked it. Wouldn’t call it amazing but it was a good light read.

    • Vicky Austin

      Not fiction, but I’m listening to A Woman of No Importance right now and man, Virginia Hall was amazing.

    • Anon

      I’m reading Gods of Jade and Shadow. Definitely not historical fiction, but I feel like I am learning about the historical period whenever I look something up!

    • Anon

      Love Kate Quinn for historical fiction. Loved both the Alice Network and the Huntress

      • Anonymous

        This looks great! I love Vienna and would like to read more books set in the city.

    • anne-on

      I just finished Anxious People and it was wonderful, would highly recommend (though it is, like his other books, a bit meandering at first). I also enjoyed the Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo.

    • Anonymous

      The Magnolia Sword by Sherry Thomas. It’s a YA retelling of the Ballad of Mulan, and this retelling hews much closer to historical reality than the fantastical Disney versions. I know ~500 AD China isn’t what most people think of when they talk about “historical fiction,” but I really love this retelling and I’m a Sherry Thomas fan in general. She’s more known for her Regency era romances and the Lady Sherlock series set in Victorian England, but she is ethnically Chinese. If anyone is interested, I’d recommend reading her author’s note about The Magnolia Sword on her website before actually reading the book to get a feel of the historical setting.

  2. Anonymous

    I think I need a good cry. I want to quit my job (anxiety over me supposedly getting a promotion – just need to stick it out two weeks and the sky is supposed to be blue), I’m getting kind and rave reviews from clients but am just so tired.

    • pugsnbourbon

      I’m sorry – are you able to take any time off, even a half-day?
      If you need to cry and can’t get started – A Secret Love on Netflix had me bawling.

      • Op

        Thank you for the Netflix rec – I think I’ll take a break and see if I can get the tears going.

        I am partway through the book burnout, which I found out about here, and am learning I do feel better after a good hard cry.

    • Anonymous

      It sounds like you need a nap too! Can you get some rest and then see how you feel? When I am really tired I just want to cry, and that is often Friday afternoons.

    • anne-on

      Any way you can do a good, really hard workout? I have full totally cried on the treadmill at OrangeTheory (in the before times, no gym now) and felt so much better afterwards. I can see a loud dance cardio class or a run (if you run) followed by a hot shower being very cathartic. If you’re looking for book/tv/movie recommendations Zooey’s Extraordinary playlist had me crying nearly every episode. Call the Midwife is also my go to ‘crying’ show.

    • Ellen

      My Dad says that you need to sleep and rest and stop thinking so much or you “will never get on to an even keel”. Once you do, you will feel batter and will not do something as dumb as quitting your job.

    • Anonymous

      Philomena wrecked me when I was in a similar headspace.

      If you can, also try to get a sold 9.5 hours in bed, even if you don’t sleep the whole time. I find that really helps!

    • Another anonymous judge

      I’m so sorry you are dealing with this. I am sending virtual hugs to amazing you. I can relate to your situation as I was in a very similar situation at the end of my career as a lawyer. It is SO stressful, even when you know you are doing a great job. I hope you got a great sleep last night and my reply comes when you are in a space where you know how fantastic you are and are feeling a bit of peace about your situation.

      However, if you (or anybody), still really wants a good cry, watch “Hello Goodbye” on CBC Gem or you can find individual clips on YouTube. It is interviews with people at Toronto’s main airport – either waiting for people they love to arrived, or getting ready to let each other go. 100% GUARANTEED for a cry even if you don’t know you need one, and helpful for reflecting on our own lives a bit.

      Hopes for a lovely weekend ahead for you, OP, and that what is ahead in your career is as fulfilling as you deserve.

  3. Senior Attorney

    Kitty update: I got a kitty cam and yesterday had a blast watching Felix and Oscar playing on their cat condo yesterday from work. Got home from work and installed a second one so I could also see their scratching post and food bowls.

    Well. Apparently the second kitty cam was a privacy-invading bridge too far because overnight they pulled its plug out of the wall, chewed through the cord, and left the plug in the hallway outside our bedroom.

    They are so hilarious!

  4. Anonymous

    Weird question, but: is there a way to practice racquet sports at home? Kind of like hitting a tennisball against the driveway but a bit fancier? Brainstorming gift ideas for my 9 yo. Thanks!

    • mascot

      Would a tennis trainer (ball on a string with a weighted base) work? Or a backboard?

    • Anonymous

      There was a gif floating around the internet a couple of weeks ago (I think- I have lost my feel for time) of a woman practicing tennis in the street- she had a ball which was tethered on an elastic to an anchor. Something like that?

    • Anonymous

      We used to hit a tennis ball off our wood garage door, Dad taped on a net-high stripe.

    • Anon

      Growing up we had a game that was like tetherall but was a tennis ball. It was tons of fun

  5. Anonymous

    I’m the commenter with bipolar disorder who was struggling hard recently. We ended up adjusting two of my medications and I’m doing much better. No more crying! I also have great news – I landed a pretty great sales role that is a fit for my experience and skill set! I like my CRO a lot and it is a huge weight off me to have benefits and a salary again. He also had no problem with me taking an hour a week to Zoom with my therapist (and didn’t even ask what the call was for, just knew I had a standing commitment! Yay!). I am so excited and motivated right now. Thank you to everyone here who supported me when I was struggling. Bipolar is a really shitty illness but it is just a part of me, not all of me.

  6. COVID knowledge points

    So far, my understanding of coronavirus comes from reading a bunch of things much earlier on:
    Erin Bromage thing on the internet
    Article re Maine wedding spread
    Article on Washington-area choir practice spread event
    Article on Asian woman who infected 1000+ people
    Article on two women who cut hair who had coronavirus and didn’t spread it due to masking.

    I feel frustrated that over the summer the mantra was to wear masks NOT for yourself but for OTHERS, which led to a lot of next-door shaming in my city that people not wearing masks were murderers and people basically being allowed to treat it as “OK, I don’t need to wear it for me.” Lately, the guidance has pivoted to say that you wear a mask to benefit YOURSELF, which feel like a day late and a dollar short (and makes the suspicious feel that official guidance is bad guidance, can’t make up its mind, etc.), but is basically right now that it is probably too late.

    Is there any new monumental thing to read out there (like the Erin Bromage one, which was so well done and I thought very helpful about staying outside, and helping me feel that I know what risk looks like for when I have to leave my home)? I feel like the answer is no, that we’re all just waiting for people to get the vaccine, and praying that Christmas visiting doesn’t wreck everything (FWIW, I am going nowhere due to WFH being so inefficient I couldn’t leave if I wanted to and had parents that wouldn’t bar the door to keep me out).

    • Covanon

      I read something recently that suggested that disposable medical-type masks are way better than cloth ones. So I am wearing that when am indoors for a sustained period of time around others (vs just getting takeout with being in one masked person’s presence momentarily, often via a takeout window or with items placed into the trunk of my car).

    • Anonymous

      This is how science works. We learn more as time goes on, including on how to effectively (or ineffectively) roll out new guidance.

      Also, I don’t like how you called how “Asian woman who infected 1000+ people.” I didn’t notice you identifying the race of any of the other spreaders in the very white states of Maine and Washington.

      • Anonymous

        OK, I don’t remember the story, but I assumed it was someone in Asia (like someone in Maine and someone in Washington)?

      • Anon

        I think that it was somewhere in Asia (South Korea)? I remember it, it was very early on. I can’t recall exactly where it was. Somewhere in Asia. I guess the woman would have likely been Asian as well, but people in area A aren’t always from that place.

      • Anon

        This is why I converted to surgical masks. Also why I am more comfortable in the grocery store (I don’t speak) than a restaurant (where I’d talk, eat, so would others; so I’m not going except to get takeout).

    • Ribena

      There was a NYTimes piece last week (?) about the relative performance of different kinds of mask – it confirmed what I had guessed about the fit of different masks being key, and as I’ve never found a disposable surgical mask that fits as well as my fabric ones I’m going to stick with them.

    • LaurenB

      When there has been outstanding coverage from the NYT, the WashPost, as well as many highly reputable medical/scientific sources, it’s a bit odd that just these articles have been your information sources.

    • AFT

      This Podcast Will Kill You (podcast) just did an update on corona and what we know about it. A lot it wasn’t new, but they succinctly and clearly summarized things I’ve heard elsewhere. The hosts are epidemiology grad students who distill the science down pretty clearly (it can be a little cutesy but overall worthwhile).
      All to say…. One point that was made is that covid is new and the mask findings “changing” are part of how science works, and we’ll continue to learn more as time goes on. They also point to ways get messaging in different countries did/didn’t work.

    • Microbiologist

      As a scientist, I think the biggest difference between the way I think about the pandemic and the way “normal people” look at it is that I see everything as a risk spectrum, whereas most people want an answer about whether something is safe or not. Any interaction with another person brings a chance of catching covid, but the chance increases depending on 1. the infection rate in the community (why it’s extra dangerous right now), 2. the amount of time you spend together, 3. whether you’re wearing masks, 4. air circulation… and then multiply that by the number of people you interact with. Policy makers then have to draw a line about what’s considered safe based on imperfect data, but it’s not like there’s something magical about 6 feet or 15 minutes. It’s POSSIBLE, though not very likely, to get covid interacting with one person for a short time outside with masks. In all cases, further away and less time is better, wearing masks and improving ventilation is even more important. Businesses or individuals might not want or be able to do those things, so we decide that the benefits aren’t worth the costs, but that doesn’t mean that it’s “safe” not to, just that it’s a cost we don’t want to pay (and that’s not necessarily unreasonable- we make decisions like this all the time, but the benefits of mask wearing SHOULD pretty clearly outweigh the costs).

      For an interesting example of spread in a Korean restaurant in just a few minutes between people seated 15-20 ft. away, see this article: https://www.washingtonpost.com/food/2020/12/11/korean-restaurant-coronavirus-airflow-study/

      • LaurenB

        Good discussion of risk. After all, there is no “100% safe” level of driving, but we put in structures (seat belts, air bags, stop signs, etc.) because we determine that the risk of driving to the grocery store is worth it.

  7. Anonymous

    I’ve been having Big Thoughts lately and wondered what you all think: even (especially?) with COVID, I haven’t heard much as a society about the idea of caring for others, doing good for others; ALL I hear, everywhere, from every possible source (shoe emails!), is “self-care,” “indulge yourself.” Self-care’s great and all, but I feel like we as a society DO need to think about others more than we do. I feel like maybe COVID wouldn’t be as bad, poverty wouldn’t be as bad, etc, if we gave half a thought to others. Has society always been this self-centered or is this moment in time particularly selfish?

    • anon

      I have concluded that people don’t give a sh!t about other people, beyond their own immediate circle of close family and friends. We saw that during the Trump era, we’re seeing it during the time of Covid. America has become such a selfish society; it makes me sick to my stomach.

      • Anon

        Same. How do we change that?? Because I don’t think our society will last very long if we don’t.

      • Anonymous

        I think America always was a selfish society, with pockets of exceptions to that rule — see Manifest Destiny, slavery, medical experimentation on non-white people.

        But I also think most societies have been like this as well — I was reading a great article about anthropology in this week’s New Yorker and thinking about how mass violence, death, and horrible disease was just so common for so much of human history (and I’m not sure that it’s any rarer now, though perhaps it is per capita?).

        • Anonymous

          Mass violence of all types has declined dramatically throughout history – I recommend Steven Pinker’s excellent book on the subject, The Better Angels of Our Nature. I actually found it quite encouraging.

          • Ellen

            I really don’t have time to read all of these books, but I have an apple app that lets me LISTEN to books. This way, I can do something else while listening. The manageing partner’s brother always wants me to borrow books from him, but I am afraid he will come over with a bottle of wine and try and get me tipsy and then grab me like he did a few years ago. He has women all the time so I don’t understand why he needs to grope at me. FOOEY on that! It will be all I can do to stay away from him in the manageing partner’s pool this summer. We missed out on an entire summer b/c of the pandemic. DOUBEL FOOEY!

        • Anon

          To me, the US is an outlier in history. Deliberately spreading small pox? Pioneering race theory and eugenics? How many civilizations in history had ugly laws? How many civilizations had a Trail of Tears? I’m aware that other civilizations have been bad too (I was just reading about the Cagots and wondering what was wrong with the French), but I feel like we style ourselves as “good guys” compared to “imperial Britain,” “Soviet Russia” and “actual Nazi Germany” without even trying to compare ourselves to relatively decent societies.

          • Anonymous

            I don’t think the U.S. is an outlier in history at all – other than perhaps being more powerful than any other civilization in history. However, I absolutely do not agree that we have a monopoly on atrocities and I think we also don’t give enough credit to the people here who save many lives through their work and wealth (especially people in science, medicine, and public health). We are complicated, just like every other nation on earth.

          • Anon

            It’s absolutely incredible to me that you can’t see the difference between the USA and entire civilizations that never attempted genocide of an Indigenous population and that never practiced chattel slavery.

          • Anonymous

            It’s equally incredible to me that you seem to think that the U.S. is the only civilization that committed/commits genocide against an indigenous population and that practiced/practices chattel slavery.

          • Anon

            I didn’t say that it’s the only one (although the scale in the case of the US can be truly horrifying). I was saying that the US likes to compare itself to worst case scenario societies so it looks good by comparison. We avoid comparing the US to other empires, civilizations, and societies when the comparison would make the US look bad in comparison. I’ve found it often looks bad in comparison even to other powerful empires.

          • Anonymous

            I don’t find that to be true either, at least not in my circles and in my industry. The people I know constantly compare the U.S. to Scandinavia, Japan, Germany, and other countries with advanced social welfare systems and commitments to human rights (as we should do – we should learn from countries that better the human condition in ways that the U.S. does not).

          • Shelle

            I’m fascinated that so many people overlook Sweden’s pioneering work in eugenics and forced sterilization. And Canada’s systemic racism against their own native populations. And Japan’s iintense xeonophobia and sexism. Are people just unaware of these things? I agree the US likes to paint itself as the hero of the world, but I’m surprised at how much of other countries is overlooked, like a reactive “the U.S. is not the hero, but X country is”.

    • Anonymous

      It is much more interesting to read about people doing bad things, and it makes people feel superior and good to do so. A story about someone having a meltdown over wearing a mask gets far more clicks than a story about the millions of people who walk into stores daily wearing a mask properly trying to keep your distance. An article about self-care, and buying something to do so makes money for someone. Social media is inherently self focused and driven to sell someone something.

      Out in the real world, people are helping each other all the time, and in many ways. I do think this forum leans towards “isn’t it awful” and how do I make myself feel better.

      • anon

        It’s not just about good vs bad, it’s about expected vs unexpected. People wearing masks aren’t newsworthy; they’re doing a very basic, necessary thing to protect public health. People refusing to wear masks, having meltdowns, and threatening store clerks with guns over mask mandates ARE newsworthy because those things are so far outside of normal behavior.

    • Anonymous

      It’s never been more self-centered IMO. Not only is everyone practicing “self-care” to the utmost, which to some includes bailing on friends at the last minute and neglecting their duties to others, but we emphasize one’s personal identity above all else and encourage people to navel-gaze constantly. We should be doing the exact opposite. If you’re having trouble figuring out who you are, go serve others and be useful to them. Don’t sit at home on Tumblr or talk about it with others constantly. Just be a good person and serve others and understand that your highly personal identity/worldview is neither important to others nor shared by them.

      • anon

        Everyone is practicing self-care to the utmost? Even the frontline workers? If all you see is people talking on Tumblr, maybe you’re the one who needs to get off the internet and interact with more people.

    • Anonymous

      Just like I feel like Trumpism helped expose the racism that was already there, I think COVID helped expose the self-centeredness that was already there.

    • cbackson

      I honestly thought COVID might be this thing where we saw Americans pull together and rediscover social solidarity. But that’s not what happened, to my great sorrow. I do think you saw a lot of voluntary behavior to protect others early in this – like, even though Georgia’s lockdown in the spring was largely toothless, people generally made the decision to stay home/close businesses/etc. (this was when we were still being told not to wear masks, so that wasn’t really a feature). The drop in miles driven and in business activity far exceeded what the letter of the law mandated.

      But as the year went on, it felt like all of that was drowned by a lot of politicized and toxic social media screaming, and it feels like many people are now only willing to make sacrifices if they’re legally forced to do so.

      I do think, though, that the social distancing mandated by the pandemic has made it worse in some respects, because people are physically isolated and their only means of connecting with a lot of the world is through the very media that are making this worse. (If all I knew about my neighbors was what I saw on Nextdoor, I would think they were irredeemably horrible people.) The activities and events and spaces where we used to gather and be united across ideological lines are not available now, and so there is an erosion of the sense of community and a drive toward toxic individualism.

    • Anon

      I think we are more self-centered. People are both tribal and encouraged to look inward to solve all their problems and I think it is making everything worse. We are also seeing the toxic side of American individualism.

    • anon

      It’s easy to believe that society hasn’t always been this self-centered, but then I think about all the historical atrocities white people were absolutely fine with (to name a few just the US–genocide of indigenous peoples, slavery, expansionist policies, Japanese internment, support of brutal authoritarian regimes in Central and South America). It’s possible that people’s expansion of who they should care for has shrunk from “a small community of individuals who look exactly like me” to “immediate family,” but there’s always been callousness and even cruelty to anyone outside our immediate circle.

      Also, people are complicated. I know doctors and nurses who feel like it’s their duty to continue treating patients despite Covid risks, and then they turn around and make selfish decisions that could (and in one instance I know of, have) spread Covid to their friends or family.

    • Anon

      I have a job that’s very bleeding heart, help the people and many people have made comments like “you went to a good school, why do you have a job like that” or “you’re too smart to be doing work like that” or “you’re so competent, you could totally have a corporate job and make so much more!”

      I don’t do my line if work because I couldn’t get a job!!! My field is actually extremely competitive! I do it because I want to not because I have to. So based on these comments, our society is totally selfish

      • Anonymous

        I get this all the time too! People wonder when I will move on to a “real” attorney job. I’ve been here for 12 years. It is my calling, my passion, my life’s work. It is my “real” job. UGH.

      • Anonymous

        People here comment like this all the time too, about a friend who could be making 4x more in the private sector but is wasting her life on some low paying job because it makes her feel good. It makes me so sad.

      • Anonymous

        This is because Americans mistakenly tie a person’s worth to a person’s salary and wealth. Salary and wealth are pretty shitty proxies for how hard someone works, their contribution to community and society, and their intrinsic value as a human being.

    • Anon

      I think it is your lens.

      Think historically: Jane Jacobs, Clara Barton, Joan of Arc, Mother Theresa, Louis Pasteur, etc. Plenty of people deliver for meals on wheels, shovel snow for elderly neighbors, donate blood, donate kidneys to strangers, call bingo at retirement homes, volunteer as people who help you not get lost in airports, bring therapy dogs to hospitals. Are we generally bad? Or do the bad guys get all of the press?

      • LaurenB

        The actions of North Dakota, South Dakota, Wyoming, Montana, etc. make me feel that there are a heck of a lot of bad actors in those states. Sorry, good people in those states.

          • LaurenB

            Sure, they suck too. There was a 250 person wedding in a Chicago suburb recently. Those people suck as well. Still, there is a marked difference in different parts of the country regarding compliance with mask-wearing and belief that Covid is a hoax vs real. We talk on this board about going to Target (etc). I can reasonably assume that if I go to my local Target, everyone will have a mask on. There are wide swathes of the country where I wouldn’t assume that at all, and people on here from those other areas sadly report that they *cannot* count on their fellow Target-goers (etc) not to be wearing masks. A friend of mine recently drove from Colorado to Missouri to attend her mother’s funeral and she reported that throughout her trip when she had to stop, no one wore masks in the rural areas, only in the cities. Why am I supposed to pretend not to notice it?

        • Walnut

          I know people on each of those states and they’re literally the most community focused, help your neighbor types. There’s not a ton going on in and people help each other out all the time. I guess it’s always easier to sh!t on the person you don’t know than the one you do.

    • anon

      I think climate change is a big example of exactly how selfish we are as a society. I know people are going to comment on this and say that “it’s not individual changes that will make the difference; it’s all about changes at the corporate level” but I don’t think that is entirely true.

      One big example I see a lot, at least before Covid and I know people are itching to get back to is the huge rise in travel. I’m not talking about once-a-year or even twice-a-year long trips. I’m talking about the once or twice a month weekend trips to wherever. A weekend in London or Cartagena or San Francisco or Istanbul. Those flights have huge carbon output, the airlines have expanded their offerings because there is more demand and the environmental cost of 10+ long-distance flights a year is absolutely massive. And no one thinks anything of it.

      • Anonymous

        I had been thinking about that a lot too — suddenly everyone got a very expensive, show off-y, carbon-hungry hobby all at the same time. Do it for the gram! I’m curious what will happen past Covid, but I’m afraid there will be a huge uptick in travel once people are vaccinated.

    • Vicky Austin

      On the one hand, yes, it’s a selfish moment in time because it’s a frightening enemy – a capricious disease that strikes the undeserving harshly and the careless not at all – and as evidenced by the many posts here about this exact issue, people get tired of caring about others when the others don’t care back.

      But also I don’t think the heroes of this time will emerge by name until we have a good few years’ distance and our 2020 (lol) hindsight glasses on. Right now, we’re all just (for lack of a better phrase) in the trenches. I work at a healthcare facility that has a nursing home (in a red state with horrible mask compliance), and the way our community has rallied to safely make the residents’ lives brighter has moved me to tears countless times since March, but I couldn’t tell you what half of those specific acts were because we all had to move on and keep surviving and dealing with the next thing. I don’t think it’s all bad. I think it’ll just be a while before anyone has the mental fortitude to view the good deeds as anything other than a lifeline that gets us through.

    • Anon

      I don’t know if societies across space and time are all equally selfish, but I do think that if you grow up in America you’re fed a lot of myths about your own superiority and uniqueness. These myths make it easy to assume that bad things like a pandemic or civil way or the rise of a dictator can happen in other places to other people, but not here in America, the greatest country in the world! I think that made it harder for the general public to recognize at an early stage how bad the pandemic could get in America. Then when it got to the stage where only public compliance with strict guidelines could contain the spread (i.e. people had to voluntarily give up some of their own freedom to protect society as a whole) we ran up against the American individualist ideals and it was too late.

    • Senior Attorney

      I read “Leave the World Behind” a while ago, which is about an unspecified apocalyptic event, and there’s a pretty amazing scene where the protagonists go for help to someone who literally just shuts the door in their faces. It rang really true to me.

  8. anon

    After an eight-month experiment on a BCP to help with menstrual migraines and PMDD, I decided to go off it. I don’t need it for contraception purposes. I was gaining weight steadily, and I was pretty sure it wasn’t *just* the Covid 15. In only three weeks, I am way less bloated and my s3x drive has returned. I really don’t want to be on BCP at all, but the PMDD was baaaad before I went on it and I was desperate. (My period hasn’t returned yet.) Birth control seems to be the OB-GYN’s go-to move for all hormonal problems, so I’d love to hear how others have dealt with it.

    • Anonymous

      Here is my experience.

      Sophomore year of college through marriage: 123 lbs
      Husband convinces me to try Pill #1: 138 lbs and starving all the time
      Pill #2: 128 lbs, no lifestyle changes
      Off the Pill to TTC: 115, no lifestyle changes
      9 months pregnant with 8-lb baby: 132 lbs, six pounds less than on Pill #1
      Post-baby: 113 lbs without dieting (thanks, demanding baby!)
      OB convinces me to try Mirena: 118 lbs
      Mirena #2: 122 lbs, maintained with difficulty
      Mirena #3: Constantly starving and exhausted. Barely functional. Struggled to stay under 130. Started counting calories and considered implementing two-a-day workouts. Realized this was unsustainable.
      Had Mirena removed: Quit counting calories. No other lifestyle changes. Effortlessly dropped to 117 within a few months.

      Conclusion: Hormonal BC was invented to benefit men at the expense of women. Let’s make it easy and consequence-free for men to “garden” whenever and with whomever they want, by filling women full of artificial hormones that will ruin their lives. No thank you.

      My very unscientific hypothesis is that hormonal BC makes my body convert every calorie I eat directly into body fat instead of using it to fuel my activities. If I limit calories on BC, I will be ravenous and exhausted and at the same time pile on weight. If I don’t count calories while on BC, I am still constantly ravenous and exhausted and pile on even more weight. When not on BC, I can eat whatever my body feels like it needs and maintain my weight.

      • Anonymous

        I don’t think that’s true that it’s meant to ruin women’s lives, but I will say, as someone going through menopause right now, hormones play WAY more role in our bodies than we think. It impacts everything (sleep, hair, nails, skin, weight, energy, digestion, thoughts, etc.). It’s crazy. And I will say, it makes me hate that I spent so long messing with my hormones with the pill. I wish non-hormonal methods were better.

        • Anonymous

          I don’t think the intention of hormonal BC was to ruin women’s lives. The intention was to make women more available for men’s convenience without consequences. But the fact that hormonal BC does wreck some women’s lives is just brushed off as the cost of that convenience, even by female doctors.

          • anon

            We need way more research on women’s health issues, but do you really think that men were the ones facing the “consequences” of sex without contraception? That burden has always been overwhelmingly borne by women, not men.

          • Anonymous

            Men like hormonal BC because it leaves women no excuse to say no. If you don’t want to take BC and/or don’t want to risk getting pregnant or catching an STD you are now “repressed” and “no fun.” In the name of “freedom,” women are expected to give in to whatever men want. I am not sure what kind of freedom that really is.

          • Anon

            Doctors don’t even acknowledge that there are issues with these pills. They say that you are depressed and anxious for mentioning them.

          • theguvnah

            this is wildly inaccurate and you clearly have a specific (and minority) point of view. But by all means, tell the woman in 1897 who died from carrying 13 pregnancies that the birth control wasn’t for her benefit.

          • Anonymous

            theguvnah (Governor Pence?), there are safe and effective forms of BC that do not involve hormones. They are just not so convenient for men.

      • Anon

        OMG, I am your metabolic twin! On BPC now to deal with erratic bleeding. Very eager to see what happens when I jump off of it. Hopefully easy weight loss (and no bleeding).

      • Anonymous

        Yeah BC is just men foisting the issue onto women as they for literally every problem throughout humanity. Of you ever read the trials for male BC they get cancelled for the exact same symptoms that women get and are expected to endure! It’s such BS and it makes me so mad. What’s even worse is that it’s basically impossible for women to seek sterilization so they’re often stuck with crummy BC.

      • anon

        It sucks that hormonal contraception is a poor fit for you, but that doesn’t mean it was designed to ruin women’s lives. We need more research and more options (hormonal and otherwise) so that everyone can find something that works for them.

        • Anon

          Hormonal contraception wasn’t designed to ruin women’s lives, but medicine and society historically were okay with birth control ruining women’s lives. Male birth control wasn’t brought to market because they felt the side effects would hurt productivity since men worked outside the home. It was considered okay to make women feel sick or unwell. (Doctors even prescribed hormones just to stop middle class women’s growth so that they would be shorter, which was more socially acceptable at the time!) They only learned the hard way that their experimentation would cause cancer, and we’re now admitting that our modern formulations have been causing strokes. Most women’s health conditions are under researched and lack on-label therapies. So off-label treatment with the birth control pill has become a way to just make symptoms go away without researching what’s causing them or finding better treatments. PCOS went from a rare to a common condition since I was diagnosed with it, and it’s still badly under researched with poor treatment options that leave the condition difficult to manage… especially if you want to feel well, as opposed to get pregnant.

          • anne-on

            Yep. I have PCOS and can’t take BC pills due to other medical conditions (migraines mostly plus the hideous side effects) and my doctor has basically thrown up his hands, like, whelp, sorry, I’ve tried nothing and I’m all out of ideas! It’s been a real fun trial and error of vitamins/diet/exercise and other medicines to treat the issues it causes.

      • LaurenB

        I personally found the opposite. Hormonal BC always caused me to have more ease in controlling my weight to where I wanted it to be, as it tamped down / eliminated the cravings that would send me face first into a pan of brownies or a tub of ice cream.

      • Ellen

        Hormonal Birth Control allows us to have guilt free s-x w/o worrying about getting pregnant. That works for both men and women. And yes, thrre are some consequences later on, as we do gain weight later on, but guess what, it happens to most of us even w/o birth control. My grandmas both weigh alot more then they did when they were young and neither were ever on birth control. They also told me that my Mom did not ever want to take the pill b/f I was born b/c she was not haveing s-x w/Dad before they got married. Afterward, they wanted kids, and wound up with me and Rosa, so it was not an issue for them.

      • Anon

        So true, OP.

        Why does this happen? Women are weak and stupid. Where are our gyns and endos when it comes to advocating for women’s health research?

        • Anon

          An older gynecologist told me that gynecology became politicized during the “culture wars” because of their support for abortion and because of their willingness to carry out surgical interventions for conditions like PCOS, endometriosis, and fibroids. Gynecologists were usually women and politically left leaning. They’re the lowest paid surgeons, but surgery still costs money. When there was backlash from endocrinologists who were typically male, politically and socially conservative, more respected and better paid, insurance companies sided with endocrinologists because hormonal therapies are cheap and contraception saves insurance companies money. RCTs that don’t involve surgery are also cheaper and easier to placebo control, so “evidence based medicine” favors endocrinological approaches. Now gynecological education isn’t what it used to be, and we’ve had scandals involving surgical approaches and devices like the mesh recalls.

          • Anon

            This makes no sense, as surgical interventions are typically overdone, and gyns often don’t even send pts to endos for VERY necessary testing and tx. It’s a mess.

          • Anon

            I think the idea wasn’t that patients see endos now, but that endos argued that synthetic hormonal medications were adequate treatment, and succeeded in shaping gynecological education going forward?

            I agree that many surgical interventions are overdone at this point, but it’s also true that they’re no longer really done for conditions like PCOS (they used to be). I don’t know who is right about that. I also think the advent of reproductive endocrinology and fertility as a subspecialty has changed things a lot since the 60s/70s. I completely agree that it’s all a huge mess.

    • Anon

      What pill are you using? You could try another kind or another method of birth control like an IUD.

      I’m lucky, going on the pill made my PMS and cramps disappear and cleared up my skin. It was a miracle drug for me.

      • anon

        OP here. This is probably the fourth kind of BCP I’ve tried during my s3xually active years. There was a good stretch of our marriage when we used c*ndoms because I couldn’t tolerate the various side effects. They have all been not great for me in one way or another. This was my last-ditch effort to try, try again, and hope that newer formulas are better than the ones I had in the early 2000s. They’re … not. I pretty much refuse to get an IUD — something that’s going to potentially mess with my hormones but I need a doctor to remove? Nope.

        • Nesprin

          There’s the copper IUDs- they’re hormone free and what worked for me after realizing hormonal BC was making me nuts. I’ve had mine for 11 yrs (needs to be changed at yr 12) and love that I haven’t had to think about BC for a decade.
          This won’t help with PMDD, but given that I’m allergic to latex, the adhesive in the BC patch, hated the ring and couldn’t tolerate the mood swings or manage to remember to take pills daily, it’s been pretty great.

    • Anon

      I strongly recommend Lara Briden’s Period Repair Manual for this. I cannot tolerate BCP and also cannot live with PMDD. I took recommendations from that book based on my symptoms, and I no longer get PMDD.

      • pnw anon

        I take a low dose of Lexapro for PMDD. It didn’t start out to be for PMDD but I tried to go off it once since original issue was addressed but then I got Major Crazy Insane PMS and jumped back on it asap, for the health and safety of everyone in my home.

    • Another Anon

      I have menstrual migraines (and migraines from other non-menstrual triggers), and my experience was that the BCP made them worse – I tried a few different types including progestin only. I ended up going with a Mirena IUD since I think it is lower hormone and it is more localized, and it hasn’t increased my migraines. I’ve had it for about 5 years and it has been great to stop cramps and kind of stopped my periods altogether.

    • Anonymous

      I was fine on hormonal oral contraceptives for a decade. No weight gain, clearer skin, it kept the menstrual migraines away and the depths of mood were shallower. But while the lows were less low, the highs, including s3x drive, were less high. I haven’t been on the pill since having my second kid a couple years ago. I have occasional bad hormonal acne and a migraine every other month, but at least their timing is completely predictable. If I could address those without the global mood impact of the pill, I would.

  9. Capsule wardrobes x 3

    I thought my kids would be at camp this summer; I thought wrong.
    I thought my kids would be at school at least some this fall; wrong.
    I thought they’d be back this winter; again, wrong.

    I have COVID-15. Each season, I have bought a few pieces so I’d have something to go back to work in (mainly pants and some hang-over-and-skim-the-tummy longer blouses and shirts). Each time, I never got to wear anything. All of these items had to be bought via guessing / doing some tape-measure measuring / religiously reading the comments about fit for people with generous seats / thighs / stomachs / etc. It is just exhausting. For now, I’m just getting some cold-weather Athleisure since it looks like I will never do anything for an extended while but trail walk with the kids + new puppy. [Seriously: I worn through my hiking socks; granted they were 5+ years old, but this year was the hill they died on.]

    I’m not ready to purge the old and the new, but more like taking a lap on my overflowing and yet useless closet situation until 2022 when I see if this temporary mess is permanent.

    • Anonymous

      Ok, no huge offense meant, but these things are not completely causative. You did not have to gain weight because your kids were out of school. Gaining weight at the beginning of Covid was one thing, but at some point the comfort eating needed to have stopped and you needed to get back on the wagon…

      • Anonymous

        Who cares about the weight? This poster is rightly going to take a break from shopping. It’s past time to embrace the athleisure. Good for her.

      • anon

        ??? You don’t know that she gained weight from comfort eating! Some people gain (or lose) weight from stress without changing their diet. Some people have medical conditions that impact their weight, and it has been terrible trying to get into a doctor for non-emergency services in much of the country this year. It’s a real ***hole move to just assume that this is a self control issue.

      • Anonymous

        Hahaha supervising zoom school ate any free time I had. In prior times, it didn’t take 12 hours to do 8 hours of work , be the lunch lady, tech support, and reteach math.

      • Anonymous

        Not OP & your mileage may vary, but my Dr told me I don’t have to lose my COVID-15. There’s no need to make assumptions, particularly when you clearly recognize they’re offensive.

    • Cat

      I think you need to embrace “order multiple sizes and return what doesn’t work” methodology. That is way too much stress over product reviews.

      • Anonymous

        For me, returning things is a trip to the mall or the post office, neither of which is appealing. So I stick with things that come in SML sizing. Punting for the win!

        • Trixie

          Public Service Announcement: The USPS will COME TO YOUR HOUSE to pick up a USPS return. for real. Of course, the service has to be available in your area. I am in a suburb near Boston. Order from Nordstrom, which uses USPS, and provides a return label. Put the merch back in the box, stick on label, and go to the USPS on-line to arrange a pick up. Honestly, this is making me only order from companies that use the USPS. Did I mention this is a free service? I suspect it depends on your neighborhood-the suburbs and rural areas are trafficed with trucks anyways. Cities? maybe not.

          They should advertise this!

    • Anonymous

      Just buy some sweats to wear with your warm coat and earflap cap while walking corona-pup. Don’t stress about the fact that the SATs were cancelled. And enjoy the new stove.

  10. Anon

    We got kind of a rude shock this morning when DH went in for his annual checkup and his blood pressure was 178/106. They took it again a few minutes later and it was still 170/100. He’s never had a reading over 130/85 before and it’s usually closer to 120/80. He was just at the dentist a month ago and it was 118/75. He will be 50 in April. His diet probably could be better (he generally does great with lower fat/lower salt/lower sugar and eating plenty of vegetables, but he does love a good cheeseburger) and his exercise routine is amazing – he rides his bike 20 miles once a week, goes to the gym two days for independent workouts, and then does a group fitness class another two days. He’s about 20 lbs overweight by the charts, but he lifts weights and is muscular, and has never been encouraged to lose weight. Our doctor (we go to the same guy) seemed nonplussed, according to my husband, and said he needs to take his BP at home for a few days to see what happens. But I am freaked out. I feel like there should have been a stronger reaction from our doctor. They didn’t even set a follow-up appointment to recheck his BP in a few days. Am I overreacting? I didn’t know someone’s BP could be that high and there be absolutely no symptoms; DH says he feels fine.

    • anon

      I would have your husband get his blood pressure re-checked tomorrow. You can do it at a pharmacy. There may have been something off at the doctor’s office. Otherwise, taking medication is an effective way to control blood pressure, and I don’t think his doctor needed to have a big reaction to take it seriously–prescribing medication is taking it seriously.

      • Jules

        It is my understanding that the automatic machines at the pharmacy are not very reliable. This was the advice from the doctors about 10 years ago when my teenage serious athlete kid developed high BP, so maybe they have improved since then, but I’d get a good home BP monitor.

        I also agree with the commenter below that it could be just a blip and not a sign of a serious problem.

      • Actual MD

        No, this is not the criterion for a hypertensive crisis. Please by more careful about giving medical advice.

    • Anonymous

      Considering that if systolic is higher than 180, that’s a hypertensive crisis, I’m very surprised the doctor didn’t do anything. I would call back and then potentially find a new doctor.

    • Someone Else

      But they did follow-up by telling him to take it at home and track it for a few days. Presumably, if it remains high, he is supposed to call them back. What did you want them to do?

      If it remains high, they may decide to start medications, but they really need more than 2 off base readings to start that.

    • Anon

      If his BP was normal a month ago I would say that might be a blip or anomaly.

      Is he nervous at the doctor? Some people experience white coat hypertension.

    • Anon

      Many, many doctors and nurses take blood pressure incorrectly (in a way that elevates readings), and it’s common to get blood pressure spikes at the doctor’s (whitecoat hypertension). The first thing I would do is get a second opinion reading to make sure this is even real. This may be what they’re looking for with the at-home readings. Look up all the rules (sit for long enough beforehand, no talking, make sure the arm is elevated, etc.) to try to get a reliable reading. I used to get high readings at my doctor’s office, and then they would have the “old nurse” come out and take it “by the book,” and that reading would be a lot less concerning. So they sort of knew the less experienced nurse was bad at it.

    • Anonymous

      You’re over reacting. Buy an at home blood pressure monitor. He should follow the instructs from his doctor. Take it regularly. Monitor it.

    • Anonymous

      OMRON has a bp cuff that syncs with your phone and records results. It was recommended to me by my dr when I needed to monitor my bp. Consider getting it and having your husband take his bp 2x a day for a little while to get some baseline measurements. That will be more useful than the pharmacy and give him something to actually talk about with his doctor. Also, read a few articles about how to properly take a bp: feet on the floor, no drinking or eating 30 min before, etc. Its worth doing these steps, they make a difference when getting measurements. I’ve found that doctors offices often don’t take bp’s properly. As a short woman, they often have your feet dangling off a examination table. Finally, if his bp is normal at home and not in the doctor’s office, there’s literally a term for that: white coat hypertension. Good luck!

    • Green tea

      That is concerningly high blood pressure.

      Many primary care doctors see it frequently, so are not going to “react strongly”. No reason for them to try to scare you about it, as it is generally very treatable, and the risks of it are generally long term and not immediate – especially if he is not symptomatic.

      But I still don’t like it that high at all and if it remains that high at home I would call the doctor very soon.

      And numbers this high are often the kind of high blood pressure that has strong genetic contributors, and is not likely to be fixed by diet/exercise alone.

      I agree that he should closely monitor his blood pressure at home and record the values. Make sure he follows the instructions about how to take it properly. Yes, blood pressure readings can vary dramatically from machine to machine and depending upon who is taking it. The best measurements are generally with the old fashioned cuff that the doctor uses in combination with a stethescope. That is what the doctor should be doing to check it in doctor visits until it gets stabilized. Follow up very soon with the doctor and get on meds. Don’t be surprised if it takes more than one medicine to get it down to a normal level.

      You can absolutely have blood pressure that high and not have symptoms. When I see it that high, I ask whether they have chest pain or headache. When they are asymptomatic it tells me that they have probably been walking around with high blood pressure for awhile and their body is “used to it”.

    • BelleRose

      Monitor for a few days at home; take BP while seated with feet on the floor. If your doctor has an electronic messaging system, send them the results, and the nurse should let the doctor know. If the doctor is concerned, they’ll schedule him for another appointment. Doctors always need a week or so of readings before putting someone on BP meds, because if it was a fluke or due to white coat hypertension (as someone else mentioned) it can cause dangerous low blood pressure. In the long run, high BP is dangerous, but it’s ok for the couple of weeks it will take to get this figured out.
      And you only get symptoms with reeeeaaaally high BP and sometimes not even then. Makes it hard sometimes to convince people they need BP meds when they feel fine!
      Also, doctors tend to like to know heart rate as well as BP because that informs what med they can use. So record that when you’re recording BPs.

  12. Anonymous

    I’m trying to get into short hikes more with my family — what kind of shoes do I need? Any other clothing beyond regular workout clothes?

    • Anon

      My husband owns half of an REI store. He’d start talking; 30 minute later he would still be going on.

      Unless you are encountering wet conditions, you can go in sneakers. If things are wet, get some GoreTex hiking boots or shoes (I like Keens). And some good wool/nylon socks.

      I’d consider a fanny pack or backpack for carrying snacks and supplies so that you can have your hands free. Pockets are never big enough for a water bottle even if they can fit a snack.

    • Anon

      If we could go a day without someone asking about gear for hiking and camping, I would be a happy woman. It’s getting weird.

      • Anon

        Why does it bother you?

        A lot of people are embracing outdoor activities for the first time. They’ve got questions, we’ve got answers.

        • anon

          +1 there are common topics on here I don’t enjoy, which is why the collapse button exists.

      • Anonymous

        I’m an outdoorsy person who loves camping and hiking and I agree it’s getting weird. Is NO ONE bothering to search the archives first?

        • anon

          Most people don’t search the archives, which is why in any given week, you can find multiple conversations on weight loss, intermittent fasting, Barefoot Dreams cardigans, kitchen renos, traveling during covid, visiting elderly relatives during covid, parents with no boundaries, heated blankets, and gift ideas for male SOs. Honestly, we have the same conversations all the time–why is camping and hiking weird? Especially in a year where that is one of only a few safe activities?

          • anonshmanon

            +1. Looking for a professional backpack, commuting shoes, is this cashmere brand any good, what should I serve at x event. It’s really not that crazy.

          • Anonymous

            Because all the posts are the same. I haven’t seen anyone asking for gear advice to do the Pacific Crest Trail – we’re seeing repeated posts asking for what kind (not brand) of shoes to wear on easy family hikes. Hiking is walking, people! Go to any store and find shoes marked “hiking” or “walking.”

          • LaurenB

            +1 to the above. All people are talking about is general, everyday walking – just a few miles. JWSAMO – Just wear sneakers and move on.

          • Anonymous

            Ha! I would love having the time to hike the PCT, maybe not this time of year though. I’m sure most readers here don’t have that sort of time. Day hikes? Who doesn’t have time for that, now that everything else is cancelled or too sketchy to do comfortably.

            Maybe Kat should do a weekend post on hiking gear?

          • anon

            Yeah, it’s not the most invigorating question ever, but please point me to the last Barefoot Dreams/Max and Mia cardigan conversation that had a new point. People ask questions about clothing here. This year there are more questions about outdoor clothing because we can’t safely spend as much time indoors. Why is this topic scrutinized more closely than every other run of the mill topic we see all the time?

          • LaurenB

            I don’t really care one way or the other, but it’s interesting how people are calling walking “hiking” and think they need special gear for it. To me, hiking is like … I’m climbing a mountain or doing something really off-the-beaten path where I’ve got to carry water, snacks, have special equipment, and it could be dangerous if I don’t have the right gear or I fall and something happens to me because I’ so far from civilization my cell phone won’t work. It seems like people are just talking about going for a long walk in a forest preserve or park or some such — nothing that is really any more complicated equipment-wise than walking the dog.

      • Anonymous

        This is a fashion blog and people are asking questions about clothing. It’s more relevant than most question/comments. IDK why you’re here if you have a problem with this.

      • Ellen

        It is fine. As the other OP’s have said, this is a fashion blog, not a Lexis Database or a courtroom evidence/litigation exercise. People want to get direct connection to other hivettes on their questions, now more then ever– even if technically, their questions have been “asked and answered” before.

        We more then ever, need to be more patent with each other, and that means not being snippy during these lockdowns. That is the one thing GOOD men can do for us. I know in my case when I can get a real good “O” from a s-xueal encounter with a GOOD man, I am calm for the rest of the day (or night). That is the only reason we need good men, as we can only get so much from our toys, as toys cannot keep us warm at night. Otherwise, we can rely on our toys, but then we need to get the vacine ASAP so we can go back to our normal routines ASAP this spring! YAY!!!!

    • Anon

      I have three pairs of hiking boots and 10(??) pairs of hiking pants and I still mostly hike in sneakers and athletic clothing!

      I’ll wear boots for anything that’s an actual hike (as opposed to a nature walk), but you certainly can do most hikes in sneakers. I only wear hiking clothes if I know it’s gonna be a technical hike or one with a lot of scrambling. Otherwise workout clothes are fine.

      I always wear wool hiking socks. I almost always wear a baseball cap. The backpack recommendation is good. You can use whatever you own, or buy a cheap hiking backpack- my daypack was $40 from LL Bean.

      If you’re not a big hiker just review some hiking etiquette (stay on the trail, don’t disrupt wildlife/plants, don’t play music, follow guidance from rangers/signage, pack out your trash, let faster hikers pass you, say hello to fellow hikers, etc) It’s been AWESOME how many more people are hiking now, but it’s important to respect the environment and your fellow hikers. I love how friendly hikers are and how everyone greets each other.

    • Anonymous

      I’ve been doing lots of short hikes recently and am loving wearing trail running shoes. They have a bit more traction and foot protection (in the toes when I kick roots, etc.) and stay more dry than my sneakers, but they’re sneaker sized and very light. I also don’t mind them getting muddy.
      I wear my normal running clothes and wool socks.

    • Anonymous

      I like Merrell trail runners for light hikes. I wear long sleeve Ts and joggers for light Fall weather.

    • anon

      I like trail runners (even the $50 ones you can get at a basic shoe store) better than sneakers because they usually have more grip and are a little bit sturdier, but you can just wear regular athletic shoes. You don’t need boots or REI-level trail shoes for short hikes. Regular workout clothes are fine; throw a rain jacket in your bag in case of bad weather. If you want to buy gear of some sort, I would recommend a basic hydration backpack (Walmart, Target, and Amazon all have them under $20) that you can keep first aid supplies, snacks, water, and your rain jacket in.

    • Anon

      You really don’t need any special gear for short family hikes. Just wear comfortable clothes and shoes that you already own and go for it.

      • Anonymous

        Sort of agree, especially with kiddos where you aren’t likely going long/far. As I’ve gotten older, I pay more attention to arch support. So make sure your sneakers are actual sneakers and not just Allbrids or Chucks or something. In winter when I’m on gravel trails at nearby parks, I prefer waterproof sneakers over boots, but that’s generally because they’re lighter and better arch support than boots but you give up some grip.

    • LaurenB

      Unless you are going up mountains, I don’t see why you couldn’t just wear your regular sneakers and workout clothes. I did two of the 60-miles breast cancer walks just wearing regular sneakers and workout clothes.

  14. alana

    Do you / what do you do to celebrate friends professional achievements? I’ve sent champagne or like a small cake for friends who were promoted or had a big job moment, especially now since we can’t go celebrate in a bar or something, but I’m curious about how common/weird this is.

    • Horse Crazy

      My BFF and I go out to dinner together when one of us has a professional achievement (the other one pays), but we live in the same city. We did socially distanced outdoor takeout for the last one. I don’t send things to other friends, and I don’t receive anything either.

  15. ANon

    I’m looking for a specific type of blanket, I think they’re wool. My friend got hers on a trip to Mexico where the tourist shops are, in all different colors, for maybe $15 each? I want to find one in that material or weave but all white or light colors so it can be hand dyed in a pattern by a dyer. Any guess where to find such?

    Thanks!

    • Someone Else

      Not wool, at least not for $15. But Mexican blankets are frequently sold as yoga blankets, so any of the yoga shops will have them, Yoga Outlet, Yoga Direct, Yoga Accessories, etc.

  16. Wardrobe Advice

    I’m revamping my work wardrobe to be more mature (I’m a 31 year old woman who looks like Im in high school), and I am thinking of wearing more sheath dresses. I’m looking at Hugo Boss, but don’t know my size…I’m 00 in Theory and 24 waist in jeans. Does anyone know what size I might in various brands that make good sheath dresses?

    • Anon

      I’m your size and would say order two sizes and return one, AND be ready to get a good tailor. If you’re spending money on investment pieces, don’t be disappointed if they don’t fit perfectly off the rack- or expect them to.

  17. LaurenB

    Ok chocoholics. I want to get the best, richest, most indulgent hot chocolate that there is. No more Nesquik or Hershey’s — I’ve just decided that this is going to be my winter 2020/2021 indulgence and the heck with the calories. Where do I go? Recommendations of mixes I can buy online? Open to most “sub-flavors” – caramel, peppermint, Mexican, etc.

    (I have to confess, years ago when Starbucks had Chantico, I inhaled that like it was going out of style. I like my hot chocolate / hot cocoa rich!)

    • Anon

      I am a nut for peppermint hot cocoa and have tried a zillion kinds, I’m super fussy. I hate the ones that taste sickly sweet, or that have more of a soapy spearmint flavor, or that taste artificial and syrupy. My favorite is Lake Champlain Holiday Peppermint Organic Hot Chocolate, which you can order online from a variety of sources (including the original maker in VT).

    • Walnut

      I use Swiss miss packets because I’m lazy, add a good splash of heavy whipping cream, top it off with boiling water and use a tiny whisk to combine it all. It’s been a low effort way to add some delight to my afternoons.

      Following for everyone else’s chocolate suggestions though.

    • Flats Only

      Home made using the Hershey’s cocoa box instructions. Use whole milk. Put in a slug of half-and-half at the end. Marshmallows are nice.

    • Anon

      I recommend Chocosol’s “drinking chocolates” though it’s been ages since I had them.

    • Hollis

      I like Godiva hot chocolate mix (in a canister), William Sonoma’s hot chocolate, and the chocolate powder from the Coffee Bean and Tea Leaf. I’m sure you can find all 3 online.

    • Neef

      I make mine from scratch. Find the best 70% dark chocolate bar (~10 oz.) you can find and chop it up. Put a coffee cup of whole milk in small saucepan, low flame (do not let it boil). Constantly whisk in the chopped up chocolate until it melts. You can add a teaspoon of brown sugar if choc is too bitter. Key is the good chocolate & whole milk. Whipped cream and there you go. :)

  18. Anonymous

    My dear friend adopted a dog earlier this year. The dog is not trained. Friend doesn’t believe in dog training. Friend lives in a high rise with long hallways. I do believe Friend takes dog outdoors regularly, but dog doesn’t “get” that it should only “go” outdoors. Results – dog poops everywhere, including carpeted and tiled hallways. Friend half heartedly wipes it with a plastic bag and then vents about neighbors being mad.

    This horrifies me. I need to work out a way where I can seriously talk to Friend about this, because it grosses me out. Ideas appreciated. Separately, I’ve been thinking about how I can give a gift for the holidays. I can’t give a dog training certificate (it won’t be used). BUT I am tempted to give my friend a “dog walk fanny pack” filled with bags, a small pack of wet wipes, those “stomp and set” carpet cleaning wipes, a mini pack of Kleenex, hand sanitizer. Thoughts?

    • Anon

      A friend gave me a dog walk fanny pack earlier this year and now I’m wondering if she was trying send to send me a message! But then again, my dog is fully trained and only goes potty outside. I think if you want to be helpful, you might suggest that she try crate training, pee pad training, and some Rocco & Roxie Stain Remover. Your friend will figure it out one way or another – I think you are a good friend to care about how your friend’s neighbors react to her.

    • Anon

      I don’t know if your friend owns or rents (and if she owns what’s the ownership setup etc.) but I rent in a high rise and one of my neighbors just basically got kicked out because of what her dog was doing in the hallways. It was almost daily puddles and poop smears and pretty aggressive barking. It took about 6 weeks in total since she got the dog. It wasn’t an actual formal eviction but my neighbor was verbally warned that the building was about to start working on eviction and she self-evicted before they filed.

    • Anonymous

      Honestly, if your friend is this inconsiderate, I’m not sure what a conversation or gift is going to do.

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